- 2 days ago
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00:00Michael. Michael, Mike. What is it now?
00:07Come here. This is your lucky night. How's that for a portable computer, eh? Look at that.
00:15It's got 64K, it's got UHF output, it's got a megabyte disk drive, it's got ROM, it's got RAM,
00:23it's got them little red and green lights, it's got everything.
00:26That's all I want with a computer, Dale. What does he want with a computer? Everyone's
00:30got a computer these days. Have you got one? Have I got one? He's got 25.
00:38Yes, thank you, Rodney. Thank you very much. Listen, listen to me. Now, listen. Now,
00:42this particular model normally retails at £399 of the realm. I'm giving it to you at £150.
00:52I'm going to throw in the free joystick. This thing, it processes all your data.
00:57Oh, yeah, yeah. And what exactly does that mean? What does that mean? What do you mean? Are you
01:01dim or something? Tell him what it means, Rodney. No, no, no. You see, he did a course in this
01:07and he came top of the class, didn't you? Come on, come on, Dale. Well, it's, er...
01:10in layman's terms, right? Well, you can record all your business deals on it. Oh, great. Look,
01:21I spend half my life trying to hide my business deals. The last thing I need is to have them all
01:25recorded on a floppy bloody desk. I'm not interested. Why don't you ask Trigger, eh? Trigger?
01:31With a computer? With a computer? Do me a favour, he's still struggling with light switches.
01:36No, dear.
01:41Here, try that, Albert.
01:45Last time I tasted something like that was when I was in Egypt. Yeah? What was it? A local brew?
01:50No, I fell in the Nile. Here, Mike, I ordered beer. Don't try to be funny with me, Trigg. I'll tell
01:58you this much. I've had certificates for my beer. Yeah, I've had a few days off work with it and all.
02:04You know what I mean? Stone me. I don't know. These bloody computers. I bought 30 of them. I've only sold
02:09five. Well, it's not too bad, Dale. Not too bad. Not too bad. I've had them a year and a half.
02:15Our sales campaign suffered badly when a local officer of Fair Trading announced to the press that
02:20they don't work. They do work, Rodney. They just need a bit of fiddling about with, that's all.
02:25They don't work properly. Do you know about this sort of thing then, Dave? Well, yeah, as it happens,
02:30I do. Recently, I took a computer course at the Adult Education Centre. And failed.
02:36I did not fail. What, you passed? I didn't strictly pass either. The man in charge, right,
02:43he said, not in so many words, I should concentrate more on the theoretical side rather than the actual
02:48keyboard area. What he actually said was, keep your bloody hands off my machine. Thank you for being so
02:54encouraging, Dale, right? But I tell you, if I could pass that course and get my diploma,
02:58I might be able to get a real job working as a real company employee instead of hanging around
03:03with a deadly duo. You and that suitcase. Well, just watch it. Do you know what he's had me doing today?
03:09Look, this is one of them infrared massages, right? Cures rheumatics and all that sort of
03:13going, he's had me hobbling through the market like I've got bad lumbago, right? And then Healing
03:19Hands Trotter spots me and cures me in front of all the painters. He used to be a cowboy,
03:25now he's a medicine man. Oh, shut up, you tart. You're just not because you had a hole in your vest.
03:32Anyway, listen, I can't hang about here. Here. Do you remember that Chop Suey house down by the station,
03:38the one that we decorated? Yeah. It's gone bust. And they're auctioning all their gear tonight,
03:42so I'm going to have a sniff round, all right? See you later. Yeah, all right.
03:46Oh, my God. Mr. Trotter. Um, oh, Mr. Jahan. What a pleasant surprise. What brings you in?
03:52That computer has sold me last month. Still not working.
03:58Of course, there must be some simple explanation. Why don't we sit down and discuss it over a drink? Now,
04:02listen, what can I get you? Okay, something non-alcoholic. Non-alcoholic.
04:07Michael, point to your best bitter, please.
04:11I have a business to run, Mr. Trotter. When I bought the computer at your suggestion,
04:17in order to streamline my business, so far your computer has managed to destroy my accounts,
04:23my stock records, and set fire to my curtains. Must be pressing the wrong button, Mr. Jahan.
04:30We are talking out-of-limits high tech here. I mean, that computer was used in the American Space Shuttle.
04:36But it blew up.
04:39Yes, I don't mean it was the same computer, although that would explain why it isn't working too well.
04:46No, no, no, no. Just trust me, Mr. Jahan. Give it a bit of time, and I guarantee to you,
04:50in a few days' time, you'll wonder how you ever managed without it.
04:54All right. I'll give it one week, then I'll be back to see you.
04:56That's the spirit, Mr. Jahan. You know it makes sense. Ah, thank you, Michael. I'll see you later.
05:02Anyway, I thought that that young fellow you had working for you was a bit of a computer boffin.
05:07Oh, he has resigned. Said the work, did not agree with him.
05:11I don't know. Half of them, they don't know they're born these days, do they?
05:13I have placed ads in the local paper and at the job centre, but all to no avail.
05:18It's not a difficult job, and I pay good wages.
05:21Yeah, that's going to be difficult for you, Mr. Jahan. I mean, you're looking for a young man with drive and enthusiasm, aren't you?
05:32No, not really. I mean, a couple of GCEs wouldn't go, Mr., would they?
05:37There's no necessity for all this. All what I'm looking for is somebody who can walk.
05:42So, I mean, you're talking top notch. Most people of that collider have gone off with the brain drain.
05:48No, no, it's going to be a difficult one. Not, Mr. Jahan, I can tell you.
05:52Oh, but wait a minute. Oh, potpourri. Potpourri!
05:58This must be your lucky night, Mr. Jahan. I may have the very person you're looking for.
06:02Really? Who? Only my younger brother.
06:05No, he's enthusiastic and he's got GCEs in maths and art.
06:10Well, since he came back from Cambridge, he's been wheeling and dealing in the commodities market.
06:14And all the headhunters have been after him, you know. Right from the Bank of England, right down to ICI.
06:20But he fancies something a bit more local.
06:22Can he walk?
06:23Walk? Yeah, he dashes about all over the place.
06:25Are you going to have to discuss it with me, then?
06:26No, no, I'll discuss it with you. How much are you offering?
06:29A hundred. The old boy's got something going over there.
06:32Oh, I mean, somebody's going to suffer.
06:38Talking of suffering, my niece is getting married next Saturday.
06:41Well, you remember little Lisa, don't you? She came up last year.
06:46She was the one who arranged for Del Boy to have a go on a hang glider.
06:49Oh, yeah.
06:53I liked her.
06:57Well, she's invited you all down to Hampshire for the wedding.
06:59Well, it's very nice of her trick. You tell her I'll be delighted.
07:02You two are coming. Del's accepted for you.
07:04He's accept...
07:05He is something else, isn't he?
07:07Eh? Hold on, I thought Lisa was getting married last year.
07:11Yeah, she was.
07:11And then she found out that...
07:16She wasn't.
07:23What?
07:26I've got a pencil and a bit of paper, Mike.
07:27At home.
07:30Yeah.
07:31Well, now she's found out she is again.
07:34Should be good, though.
07:35Day down by the coast.
07:36Nice little drink afterwards.
07:37Talking of drinks.
07:38I'll get these in.
07:39Oh, yeah.
07:43Rodney.
07:44This must be your lucky night.
07:46I've only been and got you a job.
07:48I don't want it.
07:48What do you mean you don't want it?
07:50You only just said you'd like to get a job.
07:52Yeah, not from him.
07:54I've had some of his little jobs in the past.
07:56I'm here to tell you he is no Brook Street Bureau.
07:59Oh, that's charming, that, isn't it?
08:01That is charming, Dad.
08:03That is all the thanks I get after all the work and effort I've done.
08:07That is the thanks I get.
08:08Well, anyway, it wasn't just the job.
08:10It was a career move.
08:12Well, I haven't got a career.
08:13No, but you would have had one and it would have been moving.
08:16Besides that, we've had some wages coming in the flat.
08:18We're brassic at the moment.
08:19Yeah, I notice some of your novel money-saving devices are in evidence again.
08:24So what's this job then?
08:26You're not interested, Rodney, are you?
08:27So it's purely epidemic, isn't it, eh?
08:32What sort of job was it, Dale?
08:34He would have been a trainee computer programmer, eventually.
08:40And it was mentioned that the successful candidate would, with endeavour, attain executive status.
08:48Well, hold on, I thought it was going to be, you know, umping boxes around stuff like that.
08:54I didn't know I was going to be a trainee executive.
08:58He mentioned your CV.
09:00How bad's that, eh?
09:01Nice little Citroen.
09:02I think you might have been referring to my curriculum vitae.
09:10Well, that's no problem.
09:12He's no heavy lifting involved.
09:15I know.
09:15You'd have to start at the bottom, though.
09:17Well, yeah, of course.
09:18But doing what?
09:20Well, it's sort of delivering.
09:22Delivering, yeah, so basically.
09:23Just to start with.
09:24And it's 90 quid, cash in hand, no tax, no nonsense.
09:28Now, hold on.
09:28If I'm working cash in hand, I'm not a real employee.
09:31Yes, you will be, because that's only temporary.
09:33That, eh?
09:34What do you say?
09:35Come on.
09:36Well, where would I be working?
09:38Well, you know that big new office block down in Wilmot Road?
09:41The one with the smoke glass and the leery cars?
09:43Where all them young birds come out of at lunchtime?
09:46Yeah, that's the one.
09:47Yeah, I know it.
09:49Well, right opposite here is an alley.
09:53An alley?
09:54Yes.
09:55Between the Undertakers and the Light of Nepal restaurant.
09:59So you go down that alley, right, then you find a yard.
10:01Now, you pop your head in there on Monday morning,
10:03and you ask for a Mr. Jahan,
10:05he will give you your duties and your uniform.
10:07And good lord, is that the time I've got to get down the jinkies?
10:09I'll see you later.
10:11Thanks for all the drinks, drink.
10:12Good night.
10:14Why would a trainee computer programmer need a uniform?
10:17I don't know.
10:23You're laughing at, honk.
10:25Oh, you see what this means?
10:27You've just been promoted to the geezer in the market with a bad back.
10:33I don't know.
10:41Hello.
10:41Hello.
10:41Hello.
10:42Congratulations, Lisa.
10:44Thanks.
10:44And to you too, Andrew.
10:46My very best wishes for many years of happiness.
10:49And who knows, in a year or two from now,
10:50we could be back in the church celebrating the christening of your firstborn.
10:55Actually, my mother wants to have a word with you about that.
10:57Oh.
10:59Oh.
11:01I see.
11:05Oh, excuse me.
11:05Vicar.
11:06Vic.
11:07Vic.
11:09Oh, Mr. Trotter, how nice.
11:11Thank you once again for your lift.
11:12Oh, Bain-Marie.
11:14Bain-Marie.
11:14It was the least that I can do.
11:16Oh, sorry it was a bit bumpy, but at least we didn't have far to go, did we?
11:19Oh, that reminds me.
11:21You know the computer I was talking about?
11:23I left it for you in your vestry.
11:24You left it in my vestry?
11:26Yeah, yeah.
11:27It's all right.
11:27I had to take it out the back of the van anyway to get you in, didn't I?
11:31Listen.
11:33Just in case the old bishop asks, right?
11:35Now, they normally retail at £3.99, but you can have it at one and a half.
11:40And a pony off for cash.
11:41Pony.
11:43All right, then.
11:44Thirty quid.
11:46I can't say fairer than that.
11:48I'll let you have it on two weeks' approval.
11:50I mean, if I can't trust you, can I trust, eh?
11:54I mean, ask and it shall be given.
11:56You know, that is my motto.
11:58Would I...
11:58Oh, excuse me.
12:00Here, here.
12:01Darling, you're one of the bridesmaids, aren't you?
12:07Oh, thanks, Ronnie.
12:09What are you doing over here on your own, then?
12:12I was just reminiscing.
12:14This used to be my old stamping ground.
12:17Portsmouth's just a couple of miles out of the road there, you know?
12:21Wish you had some laughs round here, eh?
12:23Not all.
12:24The warning used to go out.
12:26Not like me a daughter's trotters back in, pork.
12:31Congratulations, blinds.
12:33You remember Mike, don't you?
12:34He's the water diviner from the Nag's Head.
12:37Oh, of course I do.
12:38Hello, Mike.
12:39It's lovely to see you again.
12:41Oh, this is Andy, my husband.
12:43Congratulations, son.
12:44You'll never regret what you did today.
12:46I should know.
12:47I've been married 18 years.
12:49Oh, thanks a lot.
12:50Is your wife here?
12:51Er, no.
12:52We broke up back in 73.
12:54Oh, for the skipper said, I know.
12:59We'll try and hide in one of the fields, see?
13:01Now, I think I may have heard this story before.
13:06Did you sink?
13:07Yeah.
13:09I've heard it.
13:16I don't know.
13:16Why do you bother to listen to him?
13:18I don't know.
13:19A moment of weakness, I suppose.
13:21It's all a bit upmarket, isn't it, Dale?
13:24Yeah.
13:25It's all a surprise to see you here.
13:28I'm at home in any walk of life.
13:30How are you, sweetheart?
13:35Don't believe it.
13:36Would you behave yourselves?
13:38We are only an hyphen or two away from a society wedding here,
13:42and you're behaving as if you're on a charabang trip to the lights.
13:45Don't shut up.
13:46He's not being good.
13:49I'm merely trying to conduct myself with a little decorum.
13:54Oh, dear.
13:56I assume this bundle is from you.
14:00That is our present, yes.
14:03Good God.
14:04It looks as though the bomb squad's had a go, isn't it?
14:06What have you bought the unlucky couple?
14:10A 13-piece dinner service.
14:13We've bought them a dinner service as well.
14:15Oh, I shouldn't worry, Marlene.
14:18There'll be no comparison.
14:20We got ours from Royal Dalton.
14:23Most probably got theirs from Dalton's Weekly.
14:29He's good, isn't he, boys?
14:30Yeah.
14:30He's got more front and south end, look.
14:34No, but it is a lovely dinner service, Dale.
14:37He's got a hand-painted pattern depicting the changing seasons of the English countryside.
14:43He's probably given them that old crockery bought at the Chinese auction.
14:48How dare you?
14:50What sort of bloke do you think I am?
14:52Well, I wouldn't put it past you.
14:54Come along, Marlene.
14:56Shall we circulate?
14:59Bloody hell, boy.
15:00See, we've already been around more times than a breakdown, sir.
15:05Did our dinner service come from the bankrupt chinkies?
15:08No, it did not.
15:10I swear on my life.
15:12Well, them plates had an awful lot of pandas and pagodas on them.
15:15That did come from the Chinese takeaway.
15:18No, look, we've been really strapped for money recently.
15:21Anyway, I thought they looked like rather nice pagodas, Michelle.
15:25No, they ain't.
15:26They look more like a prisoner of war camp.
15:28How's it going to make us look, eh?
15:30Boise and Marlene service depict the changing seasons.
15:34Ours contain scenes from Tenko.
15:38I suppose you're right.
15:46Hang about, mate.
15:46Here, hold on to this.
15:48Here, hold on to this.
15:50Ah, it's all right.
15:52Oh, dear.
15:55He who dares wins.
16:08It's all right.
16:09It's all right.
16:12It's all right.
16:13It's all right.
16:13It's all right.
16:16Come on.
16:16Come on.
16:17Come on.
16:18Come on.
16:22Maureen?
16:23Do you want a drink?
16:24I'll have a port and lemon.
16:26Better make it a small one.
16:28because I've had orders from young Lisa that I mustn't get all of a twist in
16:32front of his family I don't know who she thinks they are big acts and no drawers
16:37most of years are faced from the past
16:43I don't believe it hello weenie girl how you going I thought you went down with
16:49the Lusitania
16:52they tried but they couldn't get me how long have you been living out this way
16:57oh I moved from Peckham in 1965 I couldn't stand that estate any longer
17:02it's nice and peaceful out here and I don't have to save up to get to the
17:06seaside you must be retired now
17:10oh I'm living back with a family Joni's kids
17:13tell boy he's not here is he he's in there having a dance he'd be out soon he
17:19ain't had a drink for four minutes
17:22little Rodney's here as well
17:24oh my
17:25Rodney's here oh the little now
17:29yes in there
17:31the last time I saw you you was in your breath
17:37who bloody hell is this
17:42I'm Rodney
17:45you're little Rodney
17:48oh ain't you got big
17:52you don't remember me do you darling
17:57no
17:57this is Tricky's Aunt Reanie she used to be your mum's best friend
18:01oh yeah me and Joni the terrible twins
18:06do you remember when your mum has that cleaning job down at the town hall
18:11no
18:11no
18:12oh I used to look after you while she was at work
18:16bath you and everything
18:18remember when I took you shopping that day in Woolworths
18:25no
18:26because I was pushing you round
18:28you was picking up things off the counter and I didn't know
18:31well when I got you home and took you out the pram
18:33I found three bottles of scent
18:35a packet of weights and a Helen Shapiro record
18:38so next day I took you up Selfridges
18:45I reckon the rumours were right
18:51Joni was never 100% sure
18:53you can see the likeness don't you
18:55do you fancy a dance ring
19:00I'll still cut a rug with the best of them
19:02keep your hands to yourself though
19:04what's all that about?
19:11god knows
19:13no I remember her from years ago
19:15she's never been the full temple
19:17oi that's my auntie you were talking about
19:19must be a family trait the naturey
19:21I don't wanna set them down
19:36oh no, Albert don't get me there
19:38oh, Marlene's pulling all the bloke's shirt tails out now
19:42Err... Irini? It ain't reenie, she's reenie turpin!
19:46Ah! Remember me, do you?
19:50Remember you? Remember you? I'm still having nightmares about you, darling.
19:56How are you, sweetheart? You keeping well?
19:58I'm smashing, Dil. I say you're looking very prosperous.
20:03Oh, well, you know, life's been pretty good to us, hasn't it, Albert, eh?
20:07Yeah. Nonstop Mardi Gras.
20:09You look great, you really do. Come on, let's go and sit down.
20:14I'm feeling really cream-cracking off of that, don't.
20:19She used to be a right little rave in her younger days.
20:22Yeah.
20:24They reckon that during the war, she had more yanks than Eisenhower.
20:30I heard that a Normandy landed started from Earth's gallery.
20:36Who are you talking about?
20:38It triggers, aren't they?
20:48When was it the last time that I saw you?
20:50Well, I moved from Peckham in 1965, so that's nearly 23 years.
20:55God.
20:56You promised you'd come and see me.
20:58Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, it's Reen, you know, I've got to be tied up with, you know, business and what have you.
21:05He seems a nice kid, young Rodney.
21:08Hmm?
21:09Oh, yeah.
21:10He's...
21:11Do you know he's got a diamond where other blokes have got a heart?
21:14He's a clever kid and all.
21:15He's got GCEs, everything.
21:17Well, he's had you behind him to guide him, Del.
21:20He wouldn't be in the position he's in today if it hadn't have been for you.
21:24I just tried to do my best by him.
21:26Hmm.
21:27Can't have promised to Mum.
21:30She'd have been so proud of you two boys.
21:37I reckon that's why I moved down here.
21:40The old place changed when your mum went.
21:43I lost the best friend I ever had.
21:47Yeah, she was a lovely lady, wasn't she?
21:49Oh.
21:50If things had worked out a bit better, you and Rodney could have been millionaires by now.
21:55Yeah.
21:57I remember going to visit her in the hospital and her saying to me,
22:02if only I knew where he didn't it, Reen, my boys would be set for life.
22:12In what?
22:14For the gold.
22:19Gold?
22:20What gold?
22:21His gold.
22:22His?
22:23He?
22:24Who's he?
22:25Freddy the Frog.
22:26Freddy the Frog?
22:27Who's Freddy the Frog?
22:29Your Mum never told you?
22:30No, no.
22:32Oh, my God, me and my mouth.
22:34Forget I said anything, Del.
22:36Forget it?
22:37How can I forget it?
22:38Eno, come on.
22:39Come on, Reen.
22:40You've got to tell me now.
22:41Come on.
22:42Otherwise, I'll only find out somewhere else.
22:45It all happened a long time ago.
22:47She met him in about 1959.
22:52Who?
22:53Who?
22:54Freddy Robdall.
22:57Who's Freddy Robdall?
22:59That was Freddy the Frog's real name.
23:02Oh.
23:03He was a villain from Rotheraith.
23:05Oh, not a nasty one.
23:06I mean, no guns or violence.
23:08He was a gentleman thief.
23:12A bit of a dandy was Freddy.
23:14He used to love French wine and paintings and what have you.
23:19He had a little holiday chalet down this way.
23:21They reckon, when the police broke in, the walls was covered in Monets and other originals.
23:33What's this got to do with my mum?
23:36Well, she sort of befriended him.
23:42Yeah, she would.
23:43She was a very friendly lady.
23:44I mean, she'd help anyone out.
23:48Yes.
23:50Well, she used to help Freddy the Frog.
23:53Anyway, one day in August 1963, Freddy and a little gang broke into the vaults of a bank up in the city.
24:08They got away with over a quarter of a million pounds in gold bullion.
24:15The rest of the gang got caught, but Freddy and the gold got away.
24:25Well, a short time afterwards, Freddy, while still on the run, was tragically killed in a freak accident.
24:36And when they opened his will, he'd left everything he owned to your mum.
24:42What do you mean?
24:45Ordered Monets and the originals and all that.
24:48Oh, no.
24:49They had to be returned to the original owners.
24:53The same went for the gold.
24:55Except, of course, that nobody knew where Freddy had eaten it.
25:01Then your mum left all her worldly possessions to you, including the lost gold.
25:07So, if that gold was worth a quarter of a million in 1963, it must be worth, well, a million now, or maybe two.
25:22And it's mine.
25:24Yours and Rodney's.
25:25Yeah, on the same feet.
25:28I'm a millionaire.
25:30I know.
25:32Bloody shame no-one knows where it's in it.
25:36Yeah, he's a bit of a choker, that, isn't he?
25:39I'll get us a refill.
25:42I'll get us a refill.
25:51Oh, Rodney.
25:53I know you may find this hard to believe.
25:57And it may even come as a bit of a shock to you.
26:03We are millionaires.
26:04Oh, good.
26:06Perhaps we can take that magnet off the electricity, mate, and then...
26:08There we go.
26:10Now, listen to me.
26:11Do you remember in the past, right, when you had trouble with your cellar?
26:12The old cellar black, right?
26:13What did you do?
26:14You used the stagger down to the quacks, didn't you, are you?
26:16And you popped in there, you paid £2.50 for a prescription,
26:19you popped that into the chemist,
26:21and here he'll give you...
26:22a free bobtube of algae band.
26:23Well, thank goodness those days are over.
26:25They're over thanks to this revolutionary new device,
26:28the InfraMax Deep Penetration Massager.
26:32Oi!
26:34You two, you two girls, you're miles off now.
26:37I'm warning you.
26:39Have you nothing to do with that?
26:41No, no, no, no.
26:43No, no, no, no.
26:45No, no, no, no, no.
26:47No, no, no, no, no.
26:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
26:49You two girls, you're miles off.
26:50They're warning you.
26:52Has nothing to do with it.
26:53This is an osteopaedic device,
26:55which emits infrared rays
26:58that penetrate deep into the muscles,
27:00soothing the pain away,
27:01giving you permanent and instant relief.
27:04Seriously, listen to me.
27:06How much would you expect to pay?
27:08How much would you expect to pay if you went up Marley Street?
27:10How much would you expect to pay for that?
27:11Don't touch it, unfortunately.
27:13You'd expect to pay £70 to £80 for one of these.
27:15No, absolutely straight.
27:16But thank goodness,
27:17thanks to bulk buying free enterprise
27:19and a mate of mine who does a bit of smuggling,
27:21I can let you have one of these for a mere £15.
27:24That's all it is.
27:25What do you mean?
27:26I'll let you have this for the same amount of money that I paid for it,
27:28and that is £14.
27:30Come on, it's £40.
27:32Yeah.
27:33Snatch it off me, come on.
27:34You won't get a better...
27:36Do you mind moving on, sir,
27:37because I'm trying to do a bit of business here, sir?
27:38Sure, sir.
27:39That's all right.
27:40Now, listen,
27:41I don't care whether you've got ear ache, neck ache, back ache,
27:44or even any other sort of ache.
27:47This little device will cure it.
27:49Try it on him, then.
27:50Do what, ladies?
27:51Try it on the old fella.
27:53No, no, no, no, no, no.
27:54Look, I don't want to do my batteries up, do I? No.
27:58Anyway, that's probably not back ache,
27:59that's body language.
28:00I think you're trying to tell you something, darling, right?
28:02No, no.
28:04It's rheumatic, son.
28:05Self hasn't worked for years.
28:07Try your massager on him.
28:08All right.
28:12All right.
28:14All right.
28:15I will.
28:18That soppy little thing won't do me no good.
28:21My back's been under expert,
28:22compounded the medical world, my back has.
28:26Well, at least let me try.
28:27It can't do any harm, can it, sir, eh?
28:29Give me a try.
28:30Come on, slip your coat off.
28:31Just slip your coat off now.
28:32That's it, and we'll see what you can...
28:33Oh, I see you're a naval war hero, sir.
28:35Forty years before the mass, fighting for king and country.
28:38Well, that's...
28:42Groan, groan.
28:43Oh, God, be back!
28:44That's it, sir.
28:45Right.
28:46Remember, no sudden movements.
28:48Not until I've applied the healing rays of the Inframax deep penetration massager.
28:53Right, here we go.
28:54Here it is.
28:55Can you feel that, sir?
28:56Can you feel that, sir?
28:57Can you feel the relaxing warmth, soothing the pain and tension away in your lumbar region?
29:02Hmm?
29:03Yeah.
29:04That's very furipooty, that is.
29:06I ain't never had this stunt of me before.
29:08Oh.
29:09Coming from an old sailor, that is saying something, isn't it, eh?
29:13It's nothing, that is.
29:15My back feels better already.
29:17There you are.
29:18Look at that.
29:19I could stand up straight.
29:21I ain't been able to stand up straight with years.
29:24Well, I...
29:38I can't believe him.
29:39I can't believe him.
29:40What is he doing to me?
29:41He's just a stooge.
29:43He's part of the act.
29:44No.
29:45No, no, he ain't.
29:46No, of course, we've never met before in our lives, have we, sir?
29:49No, dear.
29:50We haven't.
29:59Come.
30:00You told me to get better in front of a crowd.
30:03Yes, I know that, but I didn't ask you to do the third act from Singing in the Rain,
30:06did I, eh?
30:08You came round the corner looking like Old Father Times, with one rubbery massage,
30:11and you turned into Wayne Sleep.
30:13I'm not used to all this market speeding.
30:16Why are you getting Rodney to do it?
30:18Because Rodney started his new job today, ain't he, eh?
30:21Can't be in two places at the same time.
30:24Oh, come on.
30:25Clear all this lot up, will ya?
30:27Bloody fair, eh?
30:28I fought a war for the younger generation.
30:31Oh, yeah?
30:32What side were you on?
30:34Old boy.
30:35Albert.
30:38Good wedding, wasn't it?
30:39Oh, yeah, yeah.
30:40It was massive.
30:41Lisa and Andy were double pleased with that dinner service you bought on Dell.
30:44It must have cost a fortune.
30:45Nah, that's all right, Trig, you know.
30:47Anything for the young couple.
30:49Well, here comes money, look.
30:51Did you see the crappy present he bought, huh?
30:55No, no, no.
30:56I didn't catch that, Trig, no.
30:57Load of cheap old plates.
30:59The sort of thing you get in a bad Chinese restaurant.
31:02Well, that's typical of him, though, ain't it, eh?
31:06That's why he's so rich, you know, for being so tight.
31:08Yeah, he's tight, isn't he?
31:09Yeah.
31:12You know, he's the sort of bloke who buys a tin of baked beans on Tuesday,
31:15so he can have a bubble bath on Wednesday.
31:21Morning, gentlemen.
31:23Hey, Duboisy.
31:24All right.
31:25Another fine day in Gotham City.
31:27Well, Trigga, the wedding's seen a go off very well, all things considered.
31:32Yeah, it was all right, wasn't it?
31:34Did Lisa and what's-his-name find time to look at my present?
31:39Yeah, they looked at it.
31:41Not for long, though.
31:43And what about his little gift?
31:45Oh, God.
31:46Oh, they put Dell's present straight in their display cabinet.
31:51Peasants.
31:52Yeah, that reminds me, talking to the wedding,
31:54there's something I want to ask you two.
31:56Now, listen.
31:57Think back to the early 60s, right?
31:58Do you remember Freddy the Frog?
32:01Freddy the Frog?
32:02Hmm.
32:04No.
32:05Don't ring a bell.
32:06I remember Torchy, the battery boy.
32:09What about Twizzle?
32:12I don't believe you two.
32:13I just don't believe you.
32:16God, it's done.
32:17Hang up.
32:18That's off.
32:20Hello.
32:21Your minicab's arrived, Albert.
32:22Oh, my God.
32:23You see.
32:24Is that Dave?
32:30Yeah.
32:31Yeah?
32:45You git!
32:47You rotten git!
32:49You never told me my new job was a chief moaner!
32:53I've got this!
32:55Social respect!
32:57What are you doing?
32:59Just you wight, Bill!
33:01Just you wight!
33:17Why don't you take us down here, Roddy?
33:19It's no entry!
33:21Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Jahan.
33:23I was talking to my brother and I...
33:25Sorry.
33:27Um...
33:29Could you just back up a little bit, please?
33:33Just...
33:35Would you mind backing up a little bit, please?
33:39Because we...
33:41Oh, what's the trouble?
33:43I can't stand it any more.
33:47Oh, what a plonker!
33:49Excuse me, out of the way.
33:51Ali, Ali!
33:53Yes, I'm finding this rather upsetting, too.
33:57Do you know the bloke in the hearsay?
33:59No.
34:01Oh, I know the bloke in the cortina.
34:03I sold it to him last week.
34:07You're a liar, Bill!
34:09I swear to you, Rodney, I did not know what your duties would be, Mr. Jahan never told me!
34:13You didn't know my arse!
34:15You don't want to put some money into the flat!
34:17Yeah, well, every little helped, Rodney, every little helped!
34:21And anyway, I thought that black suit looked really good on you!
34:24No, it didn't!
34:25I saw a reflection of myself in a window!
34:27I looked like a wand!
34:31You told me I'd be a trainee computer programmer!
34:35And are you not programming his computer?
34:38Oh, yes, I am programming his computer.
34:41I am also an apprentice pallbearer,
34:43a fully-fledged chief mourner,
34:45and I have to go and get the sandwiches!
34:48Long as you've got job satisfaction, that's the main thing.
34:51Yes, well, I have not got job satisfaction, actually.
34:53Matter of fact, I am thinking of resigning.
34:56Well, you'd better hurry up before he sacks you.
34:58Look, that big traffic jam was not my fault.
35:00All right, you name one person who blamed me.
35:03Mr Jahan did.
35:05Grieving relatives did.
35:06The flying I did.
35:11Well, it wasn't my fault the differential on that Cortina seized up.
35:14Well, I called for the RAC, and they called for a tow truck,
35:17but it couldn't get through.
35:18Why?
35:19Well, because of the big traffic jam.
35:22Anyway, it all went off all right in the end.
35:24Oh, yeah, it went off all right in the end.
35:26I mean, you could have started a trend.
35:27Floodlit funerals could be all the rage.
35:33Anyway, I don't want to talk no more about it.
35:35I've got more important things on my mind.
35:37Oh, we're not getting back to Freddie the Bleeding Frog again, are we?
35:41Yes, we are.
35:43It's a million quid's worth of gold bullion out there, and it's mine.
35:46It's ours.
35:47You have something else you are.
35:49A drunken old woman spends you some cock and bull story,
35:52and you fall for it.
35:54Now, listen, Rodney, just because Reanie was a good time girl
35:57who liked the occasional tizer, that was all right.
35:59She was never a liar.
36:01Anyway, I've been out seeing a few faces this afternoon.
36:04I've got some information.
36:06They have confirmed it, right, about a robbery.
36:09The gold bullion never being found.
36:12The lot.
36:13How can you be sure it ain't been found?
36:15I mean, over the past few years,
36:17every policeman and underworld figure in the country
36:19must have been looking for that gold.
36:21Yeah, and what would they have done with it, eh?
36:24They'd either put it through a fence,
36:25which meant it becomes public knowledge, right?
36:28Or they smelt it down themselves, right?
36:30And if they do that, well,
36:32that amount of gold coming onto the market,
36:34Rodney calls his ripples, right?
36:35The sort of ripples that would be remembered for a long time.
36:39What if the police found it?
36:41I'm talking about the police.
36:43The chaps never found it either.
36:48I had a chat with the Driscoll brothers.
36:52You went and saw the Driscoll brothers?
36:54Why, what are they like?
36:55God, they're smashing blank sunk.
36:57It's like bumping into the two Ronnies.
36:59Biggs and Cray.
37:01They never sussed out why you was asking questions?
37:05No.
37:06I mean, you know what they're like, don't you?
37:09A couple of years ago, right,
37:12some guru reckoned the world would end within a month.
37:16And Danny Driscoll better grand that it would.
37:19And he's the brains of the earth.
37:24No, the only trouble was,
37:28I kept on having to refer to him as Freddy the Frog.
37:30I couldn't remember his real surname.
37:32It was, I don't know, Robson or something.
37:35Robdall.
37:36Robdall.
37:37That's what it was.
37:38Yeah.
37:39I've been trying to think of that all afternoon.
37:47Just a minute there.
37:48Did you know him?
37:50Yeah, vaguely.
37:51Well, why didn't you say?
37:55Well, first time I met him, he was just a kid.
37:58Eighteen, nineteen.
37:59Different age group from me.
38:01Then over the years,
38:02I used to bump into him every so often.
38:04Usually in one of the pubs down the, uh, down the docks.
38:08Yeah.
38:09He was a very likeable bloke.
38:10Very generous.
38:12He was, uh, very tall and handsome.
38:15Yeah.
38:16Everybody liked him, especially the women.
38:18They used to fall over themselves for him.
38:20Yes, yes, yes, yes.
38:21What about the gold bullion?
38:23Well, he robbed a bank in the city.
38:25Yeah, I mean, we know all that, don't we?
38:27What happened after the robbery?
38:30Well, about a week after,
38:33Freddie and, uh, an explosives expert called Jerry Kelly,
38:37they broke into a, into a post office, uh, in Plumstead.
38:42Yeah, that's right.
38:43And then, uh, apparently they set the wires of the explosives all right,
38:47everything going well, when, nobody knew why,
38:51Freddie the Frog sat on a detonator.
38:57They found him up on a roof.
39:00At a building across the road.
39:03All right.
39:04What happened to the other mush, Kelly the Jelly?
39:07Well, he was holding the nitroglycerine when Freddie sat down.
39:10So he didn't survive either?
39:14Well, if he did, he'd be no good in a Mexican way.
39:17I don't know.
39:27Wherever I go, it's the same story, ain't it?
39:30Freddie the Frog took the secret with him.
39:33Maybe he shipped the gold abroad.
39:35No, there wouldn't have been time.
39:37There was only a week between him doing the job and hitting the snooze button, wasn't there?
39:43Do you know, there's another thing that's confusing me and all.
39:45I mean, if that Freddie the Frog was going out with a married woman on this estate,
39:49why did he leave all his money to our mum?
39:52It's mystery, innit?
39:57I'll make some tea.
40:01And there's another thing.
40:03I was talking to one of them Driscoll Heavies
40:05and he reckoned that Freddie, he had a son by that woman.
40:12It's just a rumour, Del.
40:13I take no notice of rumours.
40:15No, no, no.
40:16I mean, if it was true, that boy would be in his mid-twenties by now, wouldn't he?
40:20Hmm.
40:23Still, the thing is, he don't know who his dad was,
40:26so he can't make a claim on the fortune, can he?
40:31Oh, look, look at this, Rod.
40:32Oh, there you are.
40:33Look at this, Rodney, look.
40:34Here we are, millionaires, and we're getting fretting letters from the milkman.
40:40This Freddie the Frog, did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
40:45Did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
40:47We're looking for his gold, not his rugged tennis racket.
40:50No, no, I just thought, you know, the more you find out about him,
40:53the more you know how his mind works.
40:56Oh, all right, yes.
40:57Good thinking, Rodney.
40:59Right, well, he was a bit of an artist or something, wasn't he, Albert?
41:03Yeah, a good artist, yeah.
41:05They reckon that if he hadn't have been a tea leaf,
41:07he could have made a very good forger.
41:09Well, that's got us a lot closer, ain't he, eh?
41:14Problem solved, that's it.
41:16I think I'm gonna go to bed, say goodnight to you two.
41:19Goodnight.
41:20Night.
41:25Albert.
41:26They're rumours, Rodney.
41:28That's all.
41:30Rumours.
41:32Goodnight, son.
41:33Goodnight, son.
41:41Rodney!
41:42Don't forget, you've got to be down a morgue by half nine.
41:47All right, come on.
41:49We'll just finish this and we'll pop down the market
41:51and do a bit with the massagers.
41:52And this time, when I've finished operating on you,
41:55no tap dancing.
41:57Just straighten up slowly like it's a miracle.
42:00Oh!
42:01Rodney!
42:02What's all that about?
42:03I don't know.
42:04Looks like peace in our time.
42:05What's all that about?
42:06What is that?
42:08This morning, Mr. Jahan asked me to transfer
42:10all his old paper files onto computer.
42:12On my computer?
42:13Yeah!
42:14Now, have a read of that.
42:15No, no, it's a summons.
42:16It's a summons, isn't it?
42:19It's one of Mr. Jahan's order forms from July 1963.
42:24Now, look who ordered one coffin to be specially made,
42:27one Frederick Rogdorff.
42:29But it was ordered five weeks before he did the robbery,
42:33six weeks before he blew himself up.
42:36But don't you see what it means?
42:37Yeah.
42:38He had a premonition.
42:39No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute.
42:48Look, look.
42:49This casket here was ordered by Mr. Frederick Robdorff,
42:52right, he paid for it,
42:53but it was made for a Mr. Alfred Broderick.
42:56Who's Alfred Broderick?
42:57Who's Alfred Broderick?
42:58No.
42:59Look at the two names closely.
43:02It's an anagram.
43:05Yeah, yeah, I can see that.
43:08But who was he?
43:09No.
43:10Oh, bloody hell.
43:11Look.
43:12If you transpose all the letters, right?
43:13Well, mix up.
43:14You mix up all the letters from Frederick Robdorff, right?
43:15It becomes Alfred Broderick.
43:16In other words, Broderick never existed.
43:17He's just one of Freddie's aliases.
43:18He's right and all.
43:19So what you, what you're saying is that he put the bullion into the coffin
43:23and then got the co-op to hide it for him.
43:25Or in this case, Mr. Juharm.
43:26That's right.
43:27It was all legal above board.
43:28It was probably paraded through them streets.
43:29No.
43:30No.
43:31No.
43:32No.
43:33No.
43:34No.
43:35No.
43:36No.
43:37No.
43:38No.
43:39No.
43:40No.
43:41No.
43:42No.
43:43No.
43:44No.
43:45No.
43:46No.
43:47No.
43:48No.
43:49No.
43:51No.
43:52No.
43:53No.
43:54No.
43:55All Freddie had to do was bide his time and then come back for it.
43:58You two seem to be forgetting something.
44:00This isn't the family pet you talking about.
44:03If what you're suggesting is right, he'd have needed permission from the authorities and
44:07he'd have needed official documentation, and lots and lots of it.
44:12So where does he get all that?
44:13he always has to spoil things
44:17wait a minute
44:21wait a minute
44:22I think I've cracked it
44:24listen, way back in the early 60s
44:27when you was just a nipper
44:28mum got herself a job down a town hall
44:31as a secretary
44:32a secretary?
44:34yeah, yes
44:35one of her duties was hoovering out
44:37a registrar's department
44:38see what it means?
44:41so she could get her hands on all the documents
44:43that he needed and mark them
44:45with the official stamp
44:46what are you doing here?
44:50I thought you were supposed to be helping me with the embalming
44:53yeah, sorry Mr. Jan
44:54I took an early lunch
44:55please, just come and sit down for a minute
44:58because I'd just like to have a little chat with you
45:01look, Rodney found this in your files
45:04this is confidential material
45:07I know, it just shows you how keen he is
45:09he's bringing his homework to lunch with him
45:11listen, do you remember
45:12do you remember this man
45:13Mr. Frederick Robdell?
45:15Frederick
45:15yes, I remember him very well
45:18most charming man
45:19see, my father had just bought the business
45:22and Mr. Robdell was one of our first clients
45:24the other reason it sticks out in my mind
45:27is because Mr. Robdell
45:28ordered an extra large casket to be made
45:31hmm
45:32ah
45:33and I expect his mate
45:35Mr. Broderick
45:37was an extra large chap
45:39was he?
45:40no, I wouldn't know
45:41we didn't handle the funeral
45:42what?
45:46we simply supplied the casket
45:47Mr. Robdell came and collected it in a van one night
45:50you mean it was a takeaway?
45:54Mr. Robdell told us it was to be a very private affair
45:57we didn't question his decision
45:58we didn't want to intrude upon his grief
46:01and we needed the business
46:02wait a minute, wait a minute
46:04does that mean that you don't know where it's buried?
46:08as I said, I don't know
46:09it was a private affair
46:10I must go now
46:11Rodney, how long will you be?
46:13back soon, Mr. James
46:14we have a lot of work to be done
46:15yeah
46:15when I see end of that then
46:20we knew we'd find it now, son
46:21yes, we will
46:22Del
46:23the gold has been missing for 24 years
46:26and the last thing anyone saw of Freddy the Frog
46:28was on a radar screen
46:29so what chance are we going?
46:34listen to me
46:34he would have buried it somewhere local
46:37he would have stuck to an area that he knew well
46:40so listen, this is what we're going to do
46:42I'm going to go down and see the flower man down a market
46:45and get us a codgel of tulips on sale or return
46:48then you're going to go and visit every graveyard and cemetery in the district
46:52and you're going to read every name on every headstone
46:54and when you leave, you leave a flower as if you're one of the relatives
46:57but it's thousands of them
46:59well, all right, if anyone asks you
47:00say you come from a big family
47:02well, I want you to do the same in your travels
47:05a bit like a busman's holiday for you, isn't it, eh?
47:09in the meantime, I'm going to check their records
47:11down at town halls, stonemasons, churches, that sort of thing
47:15don't worry, brother, don't worry
47:16we'll find it, we will, we'll find it
47:19Del, I don't want to be the prophet of doom or nothing
47:22but I do get the feeling we are wasting our time
47:24that is time that could be spent more productively
47:27in earning some money and paying some bills
47:29we owe two months rent, we are drinking tea with no milk in it
47:33and the electricity ball keep calling round to see why their meter is running backwards
47:37there's food in the cupboard, isn't there?
47:40yeah, thanks to my pension and Rodney's wages
47:43it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to drive down to Hampshire
47:46and pick up that computer money off the vicar
47:48oh, leave it out
47:51that gold must be here, hidden somewhere
47:53I mean, it can't have disappeared
47:55this is Peckham, not the Bermuda Triangle
47:57and as for me, going all the way down to Hampshire
48:01to pick up a peddling 120 quid
48:03that's like admitting defeat
48:04a sign that I'd given up all hope of ever finding my birthright
48:08and that is not my style
48:11when Del Trotter says he's going to do something
48:15Del Trotter does it
48:18you see what I mean, Mr Trotter
48:23I've tried everything and it simply refuses to work
48:25has it received a whack of any kind?
48:30oh, no, I can assure you
48:32there you go, that's all it needed
48:36yes, of course I'm not technically minded like you, Mr Trotter
48:40no, well, somebody's high-tech advancements
48:42they need a bit of encouragement
48:44well, if you'll just give me my money, I'll bid you a fond farewell
48:47I'm afraid I shan't be needing the computer, Mr Trotter
48:49well, as I said to you at the wedding
48:52I couldn't honestly see what part a computer could play
48:55in the daily running of a small parish such as this
48:58and my words have been borne out
49:00yes, I know
49:00but if it had been working properly
49:02you hadn't seen the benefits
49:04I'm terribly sorry, Mr Trotter
49:06and I'm awfully grateful to you
49:07for giving me it for two weeks on approval
49:09but I simply have no need of it
49:11well, I can't take it back now
49:16it's been used
49:17I know, but you've taken it out of the protective wrapping
49:22and look at that there, look
49:25look, it's had a whack there, look there
49:26but you just did that
49:29yes, I know that
49:30but I'm not a technician, am I?
49:32I'm merely a salesman, that's all
49:34I mean, what am I going to tell my governor, eh?
49:36I'm going to have to go up
49:37and I'm going to have to tell him one or two things
49:38and I'm going to have to say to him
49:39you know, that you took it out of the protective wrapping
49:41you messed about with it
49:43you let an unqualified wally repair it
49:45and now you want to elbow it
49:46no, no, I'm sorry
49:48no, I mean, look
49:49that machine was in perfect condition
49:51when I loaned it to you
49:52and look at it now
49:52I mean, look at it
49:53well, it's second hand, isn't it?
49:55Mr Trotter, that is right
49:56as you are a man of the cloth
49:58and seeing that you're the one who gnaws it up
50:01I'll tell you what I'm going to do
50:02I'm going to let you have that
50:03for the second hand price
50:04so you give me 100 notes
50:06and we'll say no more, all right?
50:07I don't want the computer
50:09but this computer is the top of the range
50:11this is the silver cloud of computers
50:13I mean, to say there are thousands of people
50:15pouring out of London
50:17into the new housing estates in your parish
50:19your flock is increasing
50:20I mean, you're going to need one of these
50:22to keep a check on them all, aren't you?
50:23I only wish that were true
50:24unfortunately, few people seem to require
50:27the services of a church such as this
50:28it seems a pity to me
50:31that there aren't more people
50:32like our beautiful friend, Mr Robdell
50:34what?
50:38oh, I do apologise
50:39I couldn't help overhearing you and Mrs Turpin
50:42discussing Mr Robdell at the wedding
50:44you mean to say that you knew Freddie the Frog?
50:47I'm sorry?
50:47I mean, you knew...
50:49you knew Frederick Robdell?
50:51many years ago
50:52when I came to St. Barry's first
50:54he had a holiday home a few miles from here
50:56he always used to look in
50:58if he was down this way
50:59a charming and very generous man
51:01he donated the stained glass windows
51:03in fact, he loved this church so much
51:06his parents are buried here
51:07oh, that's nice
51:09and did you ever meet his friend
51:11Mr Broderick?
51:13Alfred Broderick?
51:13that's him?
51:14well, yes
51:15not to say meet in the conventional sense
51:17I had the sad duty of laying the poor man to rest
51:20he must have been rather a large man
51:22it took eight of us to carry him from the hearse
51:24yeah, well, he was an anagram
51:27could you tell me where you buried him?
51:32buried him
51:32I'd like to pay my last respects
51:34oh, yes, it'll be here in the records
51:36he must have been very close to Mr Robdell
51:40I've never forgotten the way that
51:42he kept patting the coffin
51:44and contained his grief behind a smile
51:47yeah, well, we were all a bit choked, you know
51:49oh, yes, here we are
51:50here we are
51:51now, about the computer
51:54hmm?
51:55well, don't worry about that
51:56give it to the jumble sale
51:57it's only a load of rubbish anyway
51:58what do you put in that thing?
52:03it's me own recipe
52:05Dutch tobacco
52:06navy shag
52:07and a spoonful of rum
52:08to keep it moist
52:09smell the salt, Rodney
52:14well, you put condiments in it as well
52:17I think about the ozone in the air
52:20it takes me back
52:22yeah, funny how a smell can start the mind turning
52:27yeah
52:28not to mention a stomach
52:30Rodney, I know where it's buried
52:39what?
52:46you mean
52:48here
52:49here
52:51come on
52:53Albert, bring that shovel
52:54Del
52:59Del, you cannot go digging up a grave in broad daylight
53:03I mean, I know there's nothing actually in it
53:06except for gold bullion
53:07but if anyone saw us doing it
53:09they might not understand
53:10come on
53:11come on, over here
53:13come on, over here
53:14this is it
53:20this is where he buried it
53:22where?
53:25there
53:25a burial at sea
53:30why?
53:33how did he ever hope to get the gold back?
53:36because there were one or two things that our dear uncle forgot to inform us of, Rodney
53:41like he told us that he met Freddy the Frog, right?
53:43but he didn't say where and how
53:45I met him when he was doing his national service in the Navy
53:49yes
53:49he was a sailor
53:51he also omitted to tell us how he got the nickname of Freddy the Frog
53:56now, we assumed it was because of his love of all things French
53:59no, it was because he was a frogman
54:01yes, it was because he was a frogman
54:04I know that now, I just got the full SB off the vicar
54:07why didn't you tell us?
54:10well, you know me, I never talk about my days at sea
54:13what?
54:15we knew that Freddy had a shalley down here at the coast
54:19if we'd also known he was an ex-sailor and a deep sea diver
54:23we may have been able to put two and two together
54:26yes
54:26and he might have saved us a fortnight of creeping round every cemetery and churchyard in South London
54:31well, if you knew he was buried at sea
54:33why'd you ask me to bring this shovel?
54:37so I could whack you on the bloody head with it
54:39well, he gives me the hump, Rodney
54:44he gives me the right steaming hump
54:47it was beautiful
54:53it was really beautiful
54:55he got all the authentic paperwork
54:58a pucker ceremony
54:59kosher vicar
55:01even got two off-duty policemen
55:03to help him carry the coffin to the boat
55:05all he had to do was wait for the dust to settle
55:09then come back with the frogman gear
55:11dive down and get it
55:12he must have known these waters well
55:15probably been diving them for years
55:17it's out there, Rodney
55:19it's out there
55:21our legacy
55:24nothing you can do about it now, Del
55:27I'm not leaving it there
55:30the sea shall not have it
55:34I shall bring it to the surface
55:37we can do it
55:39I have faith in you, Rodney
55:43how do you explain?
55:45me?
55:45what do you mean, you've got faith in me?
55:47listen, listen
55:48am I going to get you all the flippers
55:49you know, the goggles
55:50you're the only one in the family
55:52who can swim
55:52all I ever got was a 50-yard certificate at school
55:55well, you only need to swim 50 yards
55:58down
55:59on your bike
56:01you're going to start searching
56:04you're looking at 500 square miles of ocean
56:07it took them 70 years to find the Titanic
56:10so what chance we got with an out-sized coffin?
56:15got to do something
56:16he who dares wins
56:20it's a million quid's worth of gold out there, Rodney
56:25our gold
56:27we can't just say bonjour to it
56:30do I look like him?
56:39it was just a rumour, son
56:41do I look like him?
56:44a bit?
56:48I always felt as if I was a bit different
56:50from the rest of the family, you know
56:51a bit of a cuckoo
56:53just a rumour
56:55Freddy the Frog
56:59killed himself by sitting on someone else's detonator
57:04what a plonker
57:08come on
57:26let's talk about it over a pint, eh?
57:32yeah, I expect you're right, bruv
57:33but in the words of General MacArthur
57:39I will be back soon
57:41I'm not leaving our birthright
57:46down there in Davy Smith's locker
57:48no way
57:48I can't tell you, Rodders
57:51this time next year
57:53we will be millionaires
57:56thank you
57:57a lot
57:57thank you
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