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00:00He has come to walk among us.
00:10This is your chance to witness the head-turning talents of psychic medium Shirley Ghostman.
00:17Prepare to believe.
00:30You're famous and dead. Do you understand? Shirley is your vessel. Yeah, you're high spirits, friend.
00:39High spirits.
00:47Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. God bless. No, stop it. You're embarrassing me now.
00:53Thank you. Thank you. Dimmer down. Dimmer down. Dimmer down.
00:57Hello, my name's Shirley Ghostman, and welcome to High Spirits with Shirley Ghostman.
01:02Mortals and spirits, thank you very much for being here tonight.
01:06And I'd like you to join me now as we try and bring the three worlds just that little bit closer together.
01:15Okay.
01:16Tonight is very exciting for me, ladies and gentlemen, because it's my first ever time on television.
01:24Okay, actually, that's not true.
01:26There was that one time I stood on top of it to get the budgie off the curtain rail.
01:31She knows what I'm talking about.
01:33Now, I'm a very special medium, because some of the spirits I contact are quite literally dead famous.
01:39The only other person who can contact as many dead celebrities as me is the guest booker on Des and Mel.
01:45She knows what I'm talking about, don't you?
01:49As always, I'll be assisted by my sidekick sidekick on the spirit side.
01:54Please, put your parts together for none other than Sheba!
01:57What's she thinking, eh?
02:05What's she thinking?
02:06Can you see a ghost, don't you?
02:07Can you see a ghost?
02:08Okay.
02:11All right.
02:12Where are we going, Sheba?
02:14Where are we going, sweetheart?
02:15Right.
02:16Right.
02:17Okay.
02:18I'm getting a man, and he's either really tall, okay, or he's stood on a chair, or a box of some sort.
02:27Oh, and they're laying on me a reason for passing, which is here, because I feel it, because they lay it on me, and it's cardiovascular, or aneurysm, okay?
02:37Or he might have been charged by a hippo, because it's a blow.
02:43It's that sort of impact you get.
02:46Can anybody understand that?
02:49Does anybody understand a tall man what was charged by a hippo?
02:56Okay.
02:58All right.
02:59We'll put that to one side.
03:04Shirley Gosman's mission in life is to share his gifts, and having a dog as a spirit guide means he can talk to all of God's creatures.
03:13Is she going to the litter tray?
03:14Is she going outside?
03:15She's still in the litter tray, because I'm not out of spade it yet.
03:18She wants to know why you're not doing it.
03:19I think what she'd really appreciate is if you could do it in the litter tray once, just to show her how it's done.
03:31He's seen your danglers.
03:32Has he?
03:32Do you ever walk around without anything on?
03:36No.
03:36Ever?
03:37No.
03:38I don't understand.
03:39Well, then he's not about pants.
03:40Yeah.
03:40Has he seen pants?
03:41Yeah, he's seen pants.
03:42I don't know if he can do it with an elastic band and a hanky or something, but he would love a pair of pants.
03:47All right.
03:47Do you understand Blamehound?
03:49No.
03:50He's fed up with taking the stick when there's a stink, right?
03:54He's just saying someone will push air through poo and blame it on him.
03:58Right, okay.
03:59And he's fed up with it, because it's just like, oh, yeah, the dog's done one, the dog's done one.
04:02Dog hasn't.
04:04You and your partner need to go to the toilet.
04:07Okay, what he's saying is he's got an hickling for you.
04:09Slip your fingers.
04:11He knows you don't mind, but sometimes when you pick him up, you just tend to rub his privates.
04:15Okay, so just be a little bit wary when you are lifting him, but you're not going up, okay?
04:23Is he having problems weeing?
04:25Yeah.
04:26Right, okay.
04:27He likes water sports.
04:30Likes water sports?
04:31Yeah.
04:31Right.
04:32Have you got a husband?
04:34Um, no, well, actually, it's my daughter's dog, but there is a husband there, yeah.
04:37Do they like water sports?
04:40Yeah, they go to the swimming pool regularly, yeah.
04:42Yeah, but you know what I'm saying.
04:43Do you understand?
04:44No.
04:46I know, as a mum, you probably wouldn't know, but do you think they're that kind of open-minded,
04:51youthful...
04:52Well, poopy, I suppose, yeah.
04:54Right, you might want to just sit them down and say to them, knock off the water spots.
04:58Okay.
04:58Okay, it's going to be a tough one, all right?
05:00Oh, that, I don't like that.
05:03Sheba, are you sure about this?
05:05I'm getting a sock.
05:07Someone's putting a sock on her head and watching her bump into stuff and just laughing.
05:10Not in our house, love.
05:13Are you sure about this?
05:14Well, positive, unless my husband's been doing mean things whilst I've not been around.
05:18Well, I think you need to sit down with him and just say, let's get all this out in the
05:22open, all right?
05:22We need to move on from this.
05:24Just say, you know, any little games you're doing, okay, leave them.
05:28Right, okay, you've had his...
05:33Yeah.
05:34Yeah.
05:34He's saying he misses the taste of his salty balls.
05:39Okay.
05:40Okay.
05:40Have you got a partner?
05:41Yes.
05:43I don't know, some people see that as like a, ooh, don't even go there, but he might appreciate
05:48a little dick of his balls.
05:51Okay.
05:52All right, okay, I'm wanting to be bought over here.
06:02I feel your pain, I feel your shame, but you're not to blame.
06:07You deserve that holiday.
06:09How are you supposed to know dogs couldn't feed themselves?
06:13Okay, all right, come on.
06:15This is Spirit Academy.
06:21Shirley Gosman's search for the UK's next psychic superstar.
06:26It is the first round of national auditions, and thousands of hopefuls are competing for
06:43the opportunity to be tutored by the master himself.
06:48Day one.
06:50And there is already a wealth of psychic talent on display.
06:54I can predict certain things.
06:58I know something's actually going to be on a news item on the TV, and I sort of think,
07:02ooh, I dreamt that last night.
07:03If the phone rings, I already know who it is.
07:05My great-grandfather was a witch back in Africa.
07:07I think that I'm possibly reincarnated.
07:18Hello.
07:19Hello.
07:20How are you?
07:20Just stand yourself on the star.
07:21Okay.
07:22Sabrina Fancy.
07:23Yes.
07:23That's a lovely name.
07:24Where do you get it from?
07:25I'm half English, half Pakistani.
07:27I think they're probably going to give me a series of tests, guessing what shape or circle
07:31or number that they're thinking about to test my abilities.
07:34Who's on your face?
07:40Brian.
07:41Close.
07:43Well, it's not that close.
07:44Not sure at all.
07:45I'm just going to give you a little clue.
07:46It's got a little puppet called in you.
07:47Right, okay.
07:48Is it Jimi Hendrix?
07:50Elvis Presley?
07:51Frank Sinatra.
07:53Uh-huh.
07:54Paul?
07:54Bernie.
07:55I don't know who he is.
08:00You don't know who Rod Hulley is?
08:01No, I don't.
08:02Oh, my God.
08:03I'm feeling really, really, really nervous.
08:05I mean, I don't know what's in store for me.
08:09Why don't you try looking at me, sweetheart?
08:11One way.
08:12Okay.
08:12Not good stuff.
08:13What do you think it's used for?
08:15A television show.
08:16It was an ornament in a house quite recently.
08:21Um...
08:22Just so you've got reaction, what's it used for?
08:24Somewhere important.
08:26Right, but what was it used for?
08:27It was used to advertise something.
08:29What was it used for?
08:31Making coffee.
08:32You're very close, okay, but it involves tea leaves.
08:37What are you thinking?
08:38Um, I'm thinking this is more difficult than I thought it was going to be.
08:42Okay, no, you're not.
08:43What are you thinking now?
08:44I'm thinking I'm hungry.
08:45Swimming.
08:46Swimming, am I?
08:48Is that what you're thinking about?
08:49Swimming.
08:50Yeah, there's a bit of it, yeah.
08:51Okay, all right, fantastic.
08:53What are you thinking?
08:55What are you thinking of?
08:57Just say what you're thinking of.
09:01The beach.
09:02Well, sort of, but close, but not actually the beach.
09:04Were you thinking of a donkey ride on a beach?
09:07Yeah, I was thinking of a donkey.
09:08You're through to the second round.
09:10Thank you, okay, go through.
09:12I knew it, I knew I was right, I knew it.
09:14I was thinking of being on this donkey, and he said to me,
09:17I know what you're thinking.
09:20Look at me, and sleep.
09:23When I wake you up, okay, from your trance,
09:26you will know what is inside the box, all right?
09:29BELL RINGS
09:32Fantastic.
09:35And come back to us.
09:37Okay, what's in the box?
09:39Um, I'd say trying.
09:42I'm trying.
09:43Fantastic.
09:44I might just want to just try and unlock some of that, um,
09:46psychopotential in you.
09:47Just get, move to one side.
09:48Just lay down on me, on your back.
09:51What was it used for?
09:53I can feel something hot.
09:54What's it used for?
09:56Have a little touch of it, and a feel of it.
09:59My thumb's burning on it.
10:00I feel like doing that with it.
10:01Because I can definitely feel heat on my thumb.
10:04Yeah, I'm feeling very hot, too.
10:08It's used for drying people when they come out of the shower.
10:12You're through to the second round.
10:14I'm just going to try and open up your chakra.
10:18Okay.
10:20Can we bring on the big, um, wardrobe?
10:22I'm going to leave the room, okay?
10:24Close your eyes, count to ten, and tell me what's inside the wardrobe.
10:30One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
10:42You need to count to ten.
10:43All right, okay.
10:45I think Shirley's in the wardrobe.
10:47Open your eyes.
10:48How did you know that?
10:49You're through to the second round.
10:51You're through to the second round.
10:52Oh, I am!
10:53You're going through to the next round.
10:54Okay.
10:55You're through to the next round.
10:56Oh, thank you.
10:57All right.
10:57Next week, the remaining contestants channel the spirits of dead celebrities.
11:03Bob, is that you?
11:04Hey, it's me.
11:07The actor what played Tosh from the bill?
11:08Are you there?
11:09Oh, um, yeah, all right.
11:11All right.
11:12Just look at me, darling.
11:13Ben, you're going through to Spirit Academy.
11:20Are you psychic?
11:22Oh, look, it's Richard Wilson.
11:25And he's going shopping.
11:26Oh, my God.
11:31Unbelievable.
11:33He's not going to believe this.
11:34What do you think his reaction will be?
11:37Concentrate.
11:39Oh, dear.
11:41I really don't think he's going to believe this.
11:43Okay, use all your psychic powers.
11:46What's he going to say?
11:47I don't believe it.
11:49Well, are you psychic?
11:57Right, I've got a young woman, all right.
12:00Is it you, sweetheart?
12:02Okay.
12:03What they're showing me, all right, is a door.
12:07Okay.
12:08Would you understand a door?
12:10Because they're showing me there's a little box.
12:14What, letters go through?
12:16Yes?
12:16Okay.
12:17And when you're inside, okay, you can hear other people outside, all right,
12:23some sort of knocking device or ringing device on the door.
12:27Right.
12:27Now, they're letting me in there, and I'm going into some sort of chamber area
12:31with other doors coming off of that.
12:34Would you understand that?
12:35Okay.
12:35And have you got fire?
12:37No.
12:38Okay.
12:39Radiator?
12:40Yes.
12:41Okay.
12:41All right.
12:42Is there a picture on the wall?
12:45Okay.
12:45A photograph, I'm thinking.
12:47Right.
12:47Okay.
12:48Who's the ugly one?
12:51I'm seeing a picture of an ugly little piss hole in the snow.
12:56And a piggy sort of face.
12:58It could be me with my husband.
12:59Has he got little eyes?
13:01Okay.
13:02All I would say is beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
13:06Okay.
13:07God bless.
13:07Love and light.
13:08Would you understand?
13:09God bless.
13:10Okay.
13:11Come on.
13:13High Spirits presents The Paranormalists.
13:20Ian Jackson is Shirley's special apprentice.
13:25He's on a mission to uncover the mysteries of the dark arts.
13:28Hi, Ian.
13:37Hello, Sandra.
13:38I'm Ian Jackson.
13:39And I'm here to find out about it.
13:43It's gone.
13:45It's a bit of a bit.
13:46Ah, so difficult.
13:50So, Sandra, tell me a little bit about what you do.
13:54Rumpology, basically, is focusing on the bottom.
13:57So, you read people's futures by looking in their bums?
14:01Yes.
14:02Why is it not called bumology?
14:04It's because it's basically, it's an old, it goes way back, apparently.
14:09Can I ask you another question, please?
14:12Mm-hmm.
14:13That's not funny.
14:14Can I ask you another question?
14:20Right.
14:20Do you see it?
14:21Do you get it?
14:21I do get it, but go on.
14:23My teacher, Mr Jarvie, he done Rumpology on me, and he pulled down my pants, and then
14:30he predicted, he said, if you tell anyone about this, Ian, then there'll be big trouble
14:37for you.
14:38Right.
14:38But I actually told my nan, and it turned out that he was in big trouble with Inspector
14:46Jarrett.
14:46Right, okay.
14:49Can we have a look at someone's bum?
14:51Okay.
14:53I don't want to see that much.
15:03That'll do.
15:04Okay.
15:05Now, with Vera, on the right side, going here, she's got a lot of sorting out to do with her
15:17a life at the moment.
15:20And we're looking at this here, this sort of superficial line there.
15:24I can see it.
15:25To do with...
15:26That there.
15:27That's right.
15:28To do with, um, spirits, your family.
15:31Have you just moved house, or have you just not settled where you are at the moment?
15:34No, I've not moved house.
15:36Right, okay.
15:37Not any plans to.
15:38I couldn't pull a rabbit out of a hat.
15:41I could pull a hair out of a bum.
15:43Behave.
15:45That's not...
15:46Stop it.
15:49Look, this bit's just...
15:50Well, watch around July time, where you are actually...
15:54This bit's just gone in.
15:54You've, um...
15:55It's okay.
15:57This bit's just gone in.
15:58Look.
15:59It's okay.
16:00So, Ian, take it away.
16:02See what you pick up.
16:04Um, I can see...
16:07..a planet.
16:11Uranus.
16:15I think that you are going to go to the post office.
16:22There's a big queue.
16:24And then you hear,
16:25Cachier number seven, please.
16:27But it's a lady's voice saying Cachier number seven,
16:30but there's a man at the till.
16:31And then the queue goes down to 14.
16:35Cachier number six, please.
16:37Again, it's the lady's voice on the thing,
16:39but a man's voice, but a man in the booth.
16:41And then it goes down to eight.
16:43And then someone else goes to another cashier
16:46before the thing goes.
16:48And then Cachier number three, please.
16:51And then the queue goes down a little bit more.
16:54And you're still looking around the post office
16:57at all the forms and thinking about the fact
17:03you're going to be drawing some money out.
17:05Then there's three people in front of you
17:07and then the Cachier number nine, please.
17:09And then they go to Cachier number nine,
17:11but they're together.
17:14You then...
17:15It says, Cachier number eight, please.
17:16And you go to the Cachier number eight
17:19to get the money from your post office account.
17:23I never draw any money out at the post office.
17:25I only go to the post office to bear stamps.
17:35And that's all.
17:37And post letters.
17:41Yeah.
17:42I just wanted to say thanks very much
17:45for learning me about, um,
17:47mammology.
17:48OK.
17:49Thank you very much.
17:50Thank you. Take care.
17:52Bye-bye.
17:52High Spirits.
18:01Yeah.
18:03OK.
18:05You like a drink, don't you, sir?
18:08Yes. OK.
18:10What you're not going to like, OK,
18:12is waking up on the bathroom floor
18:13with a black eye and shit in your pants.
18:16OK?
18:17Don't shoot the messenger, all right?
18:19That's what they're saying to me.
18:21Would you understand?
18:22OK.
18:23God bless.
18:29This is the other side of Shirley Ghostman,
18:32a rare insight into the private world
18:35of the celebrity psychic medium.
18:37Mr. Ghostman?
18:39Yes.
18:39Is that right?
18:39OK.
18:41Hello.
18:41Hello.
18:42I've got an appointment.
18:43Shirley.
18:44Yes.
18:44Have a seat.
18:45OK.
18:47So, sir, are you getting married?
18:49No, not at all.
18:50It's for, um, I'm doing a teleshow.
18:53Oh, great.
18:53And, um, I just want it to look, you know, fantastic.
18:57Because when I was nine, I lost my dad.
19:00Yeah.
19:00I ran into the garage, but, um, he couldn't hear me
19:02because the window of the car was only open a little bit
19:05for the hosepipe.
19:06And what with the engine running,
19:07he just couldn't hear a word I was saying.
19:08I was screaming and battering on that window.
19:10Dad, listen to me.
19:12Anyway, I lost him,
19:14and I was trying to contact him through spirit.
19:16And Sheba, his dog, Alsatian,
19:19was on the bed and looking at me as if to say,
19:22send me Shirley.
19:23Er, this is Nino, my brother.
19:25Hello.
19:25Hello, three times.
19:26We could do a flared cuff.
19:28That would look nice.
19:29Flared cuff.
19:29Yeah.
19:30OK.
19:31He's ever so nice, isn't he, your brother?
19:33He's getting married soon.
19:34Good vibes about him?
19:36Not really, no.
19:37I've got a lot of negativity there associated with him.
19:40She looked at me again as if to say,
19:42I can contact him, all right,
19:44but you need to release me of this earthly form.
19:46Right.
19:48And I don't know if you've ever had to kill a dog before.
19:50No.
19:51It's not as easy as you might think.
19:53Seriously.
19:54It's bloody difficult.
19:56So you get married, Nino?
19:57Er, hopefully within the year.
20:00How long have you been?
20:01Er, it'll be two years on Valentine's Day.
20:04Hmm.
20:05So I did it in the most humane way I could think of, OK?
20:09I wrapped clean film round her muzzle,
20:11and then I pushed all the pieces of buckaroo up a tiny bottom.
20:14Right.
20:15I think it was the muzzle that's on it.
20:20I don't know if I'd say something to him or not.
20:22She's not right for him.
20:24Really?
20:24Yeah.
20:24They're totally and utterly in love.
20:26I know.
20:26I mean, she left her career, her life in Italy.
20:29Two months, Valentine's Day.
20:29Two years, sorry.
20:30Isn't it?
20:31Oh, my God.
20:32Yeah.
20:32Two years.
20:33Oh, my God.
20:34And, er...
20:35I don't think she's right for him.
20:40She keeps saying that.
20:42She's a bit psychic, I think.
20:43Oh, thank you very much.
20:45It's all right, sweetheart, but we need to get rid of her.
20:47He's a lovely bloke.
20:48She says to me.
20:52When she went, I could hear her singing.
20:54They sort of, like...
20:55Song.
20:58Mm-hmm.
20:59I turned up the cassette player, just sort of drowned it out,
21:01and I've never been able to listen to Banana Armas since.
21:04Oh.
21:04You know that Robert De Niro's waiting?
21:07No.
21:08Talking Italian.
21:10You see, I...
21:11I'm not going, all right?
21:12You're not.
21:12Just so you know.
21:13I'm fine.
21:14OK, good luck.
21:15OK.
21:16You're going to need to do your best.
21:19It's a big responsibility, though.
21:21It is, yeah.
21:22OK.
21:22God bless.
21:23Thanks.
21:23See you soon.
21:24Ciao.
21:26My God.
21:27Sorry?
21:27What's that?
21:28No, nothing.
21:28You just said a few things that quite shocked me, actually.
21:32Ghost Man.
21:34Mediums use a technique called trance-channeling,
21:38allowing them to put their body under the influence of a spirit.
21:42Ladies and gentlemen,
21:44I would like shushy
21:46as I'm about to channel spirit.
21:49retrospective.
21:58Hello ladies and gentlemen, I am Lady Di.
22:27Amazing, tremendous, magnificent lady Di, what died.
22:34I am coming to you from the Neverworlds, what I rule, with my dear husband, Dodie Fayette.
22:45Hello.
22:48I've been summoned here by the great Shirley Gosman for a new exclusive telly show, what he was telling me about in the bath.
23:02I've been desperate to come through to thank you all for the lovely funeral what you've done on me.
23:10Although I must say, the journey to Westminster Abbey was a little bit slow.
23:16I felt like telling the coachman to put a move on, but then I realised that's how I got into this bloody mess to begin with.
23:26When Charlie bent over the coffin to pay his last respects, I could smell the ripe stench of Camilla's undercarriage on his breath.
23:36Chicy bloody Charlie, you've got to love him. Can't keep it in his flippin' trousers.
23:46He must feel like he's in a Bloomin' Godfather movie, waking up every morning with a horse's head on the pillow next to him.
23:54Ma-ha!
23:56Before I go, it's payback time for Queenie, what's ditched me up.
24:03I've got a few secrets about that wrinkly monkey that haven't been flogged by Paul Burrell yet.
24:10I accidentally barged in on her in the bathroom one day and caught her in the act, sucking her own tits.
24:20One of them was a lot longer than the other one.
24:23It sat draped across her chest like a deflated balloon.
24:27Nay, matter.
24:29She'll get what's coming to her for doing what she done to me.
24:34One last thing before I fade.
24:37Remember, despite what the press say, Shirley is not a gaylord, just a tad camp.
24:45Keep believing, and maybe one day I'll be back.
24:51Goodbye.
24:53Goodbye.
24:56Goodbye.
24:59Goodbye.
25:01High Spirits.
25:03A is for afterlife.
25:06The afterlife is the land where the dead spirits dwell in peace and harmony.
25:12Everyone there speaks the same language, English.
25:16The ancient Greeks called their afterlife the Elysian fields.
25:20It remains a popular holiday destination for spirits as the weather there is generally excellent.
25:25Sadly, in recent years, some British spirits have been accused of troublemaking by the Greek spirit authorities.
25:33People who are naughty in life go to hell, which is a bit like Borth in Wales.
25:38A heinous crime like murder guarantees you a place in hell, but it is worth noting that repeatedly committing a lesser crime, such as kicking a policeman up the bum, will as well.
25:48Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for joining me tonight.
25:58And please, try and keep your minds open.
26:02Alright?
26:03Not you, sir.
26:04Otherwise, I'll have the Vice Squad down here in a flash.
26:07He knows what I'm talking about.
26:10Okay.
26:11I'm going to leave you this evening with a new song from legendary Sir Roy Orbison, who channeled it through me last week.
26:18I'd like to say without prejudice that all of Mr. Orbison's new work is produced in good faith.
26:22And any similarity between this and previous work owned by the Roy Orbison estate is entirely coincidental to help me God.
26:26I give you lovely lady.
26:28And remember, if you don't believe, you'll die a long, lonely and painful death.
26:34Spook to you later.
26:35Oh, my house band.
26:37I've got Jimmy, Diana, Hitler and Gandhi on drums.
26:41Let's rock and roll.
26:42Lovely lady, running up the road.
26:49Lovely lady, her shoes are open and cold.
26:53Lovely lady, I don't believe you, they're not your shoes.
26:58Don't make me fight until you're lonely.
27:01Lose, taste it.
27:07Lovely lady, felt it right.
27:10Lovely lady, not your light.
27:14Lovely lady, give those shoes to me, please.
27:21Try what I need to.
27:24Try what I need to.
27:25Cause I need you.
27:26I like your time.
27:28Like your time.
27:29Come with me, lady.
27:31Come with me, lady.
27:33Don't make me fight.
27:36You, please.
27:39Lovely lady.
27:41I think he's wonderful.
27:49I think he's very accurate.
27:51Very good.
27:52Very good.
27:53I think Shirley's very good.
27:55Oh, he's a very interesting guy.
27:57It's an interesting mixture of flamboyance and sort of sensitivity.
28:02.
Recommended
29:00
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