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00:00To the right, please.
00:01Good evening, madam.
00:02It's to the right.
00:04The others got taken to Nobu last night by the captain.
00:06To the right, please.
00:07Nobu?
00:07How 2005.
00:09Evening.
00:09To the right.
00:10It was wild.
00:12Hi, Mum.
00:13Yeah.
00:14Yeah, everything's fine.
00:15I'm fine.
00:16Yes, I've done a toilet.
00:19Is he likely to do this whole journey?
00:23To the right, please, madam.
00:25Why aren't you on the WhatsApp group, Rhett?
00:26I'm too cool for WhatsApp, Sandra.
00:29Too cool?
00:30Or too old?
00:31Or too fucking unpopular?
00:33It's all good.
00:34Seems all right to me.
00:36Thank you, Mr. Jennings.
00:4044C.
00:41To the right, sir.
00:47Well, dear God, we pray for a safe passage.
00:52But not for the Muslims and homosexuals.
00:55Amen.
00:55We're losing, we're crying.
01:09You'd be a fifth, aren't we?
01:11When we get off this island, I'm going to make a formal complaint about you.
01:13We landed in a paradigm.
01:15He's escaping on our raft!
01:18Hello!
01:19Look!
01:20Pick me.
01:20Quick as you can, Douglas.
01:36Chop, chop.
01:37Come on.
01:37Just because we're maroon doesn't mean we can't be grammatically correct.
01:40S, full stop.
01:42O, full stop.
01:43S, full stop.
01:44Right.
01:45Right.
01:45Good.
01:46Oh, no, is it coconut?
01:48Third and final time, aren't it?
01:50He's not coconut.
01:52What's wrong with you?
01:54Harriet!
01:55It's your turn!
01:56No, I've told you, I'm not interested in playing your stupid eye spy game.
01:59Is it a cow?
02:01It has to be something you can actually see.
02:03Unless by cow, you are in fact referring to Harriet.
02:07Ah, Harriet's not a cow.
02:09No.
02:10I can't think of another C word for her, though.
02:12Move it all up!
02:14Seriously?
02:14Well, the tide's coming in.
02:15We're going to move it all up.
02:17Can you three come and help, please?
02:18We're going to have to move it all up the beach.
02:19I found some baby oil, Douglas.
02:30I can rub you down later.
02:31Oh!
02:32We still have quite a few packs of these mini pretzels left, Douglas.
02:36They taste very cheesy and ever so chivey.
02:38Well, we can't live off mini pretzels forever.
02:41We need to think further than the next few days.
02:43As democratically elected king of the island,
02:46I think it's about time we sorted out a real cool kick-ass shelter.
02:50I mean, look at this shit, everyone.
02:51I mean, this is on Instagram.
02:52It would get, like, no likes.
02:54We need a plan, Brett.
02:56We need to find food.
02:57We need water.
02:58There's so much of this island we haven't explored yet.
03:00Well, you can do that, Brown Al.
03:02Fill your knickers.
03:03But I've been around this island for a few days now,
03:05and I've found a whole fat heap of diddly squat.
03:08Well, I'd really like to help with the shelter.
03:11You could be, like, our interior designer.
03:13Do, like, I don't know, a mural or something on a feature wall.
03:15We don't have any walls, Brett.
03:18We need to survive here, not design.
03:21Harriet's right.
03:23Douglas?
03:24Yeah.
03:24Fine.
03:25Leave the youth to design.
03:27We can have this place lit by the time you get back.
03:30We're going to build a hotel.
03:31Bye.
03:32Don't be shy.
03:33Give me a bunk.
03:34Yep.
03:34OK, high five.
03:35Let's go.
03:38Just get it all over there.
03:39Come on.
03:43OK, can you pat the sand down, please, quickly?
03:45Come on.
03:47This is going to be great, guys.
03:48You need to get rid of all the footprint.
03:50And turn.
03:52Great.
03:55Come on, Douglas.
03:55Keep up.
03:56Right.
03:57So this is where the cars are going to drive in,
03:59and then I'm thinking a spa retreat here,
04:02maybe cinema room here.
04:04I mean, this is obviously the ground floor.
04:06We'll do the first floor, second floor, third floor.
04:08Once we get some sort of bamboo lift-type structure.
04:15Don't do it, Dally Douglas.
04:18Yep.
04:18Look.
04:18We're not even in the way.
04:22I know how you want to sing it.
04:25Hoping on a little blow.
04:28I think a half that told me where it ends up until the foam.
04:33See it's got until it's time.
04:36All the birds of love you love me.
04:39How's the feet shine and reach where it's going to strike you?
04:41Christ! Do you think that's the one the wild chap escaped on? Do you think he made it?
04:59Oh, of course.
05:01As?
05:02Erm, no, I'm not sure.
05:03Shall we take the diggy back to camp?
05:05What? And let Brett decide our fate?
05:07No, thank you.
05:08No, no, this could be our one chance to escape this island, Douglas.
05:11What about the others?
05:12No, no, no, no, don't tell the others.
05:14No, no, no, there's only room for two in here.
05:16Now, we'll probably, erm, we'll send help for them later.
05:19Oh, I think we're being a bit rash, Harriet.
05:22I mean, we're doing OK on the island.
05:24I mean, out there, who knows?
05:26I certainly think it's something to chew over, but I...
05:28Do you want to be a hero or not, Douglas?
05:30A real man.
05:32This could be your chance to save us all.
05:34I mean, think of your children's faces when they hear what you've done.
05:37Daddy!
05:38Daddy!
05:39You know, wife will be...
05:40We'll be straight back with you, Douglas.
05:41Yes, OK, let's do it.
05:42But we have to keep it a secret from Brett.
05:43I mean, I dread to think what he'd do.
05:46Tonight, we'll wait till the others are asleep, and then we will...
05:50escape.
05:51Yeah?
05:52Very sneaky, Harriet.
05:54We've done this before.
05:56Of course not!
05:57Right, we need to keep this thingy hidden.
05:59This must remain our secret.
06:02Yes, our secret.
06:04And remember, fortune favours the bold.
06:08Right.
06:09Team Dugget.
06:10What?
06:11Douglas and Harriet.
06:12You're starting to sound like Brett!
06:13Hey, Susan!
06:14How about we have a little shelter warming tonight?
06:16I mean, it won't be finished, but you know, some aperitives, keep all of them.
06:29Yeah, I'm almost done.
06:31Just have to finish the beak.
06:34That's really gorgeous, Susan.
06:39What is it?
06:40It's a mother owl, and a baby owl, and she's feeding it.
06:45And there's a plant holder, too.
06:47See?
06:48Yeah, it's a tiny little owl, isn't it?
06:51Feeding from its mother's teeth.
06:53That's a really rare and unusual talent you have there, Susan.
06:58You need to cherish that.
06:59Can you see the fox?
07:02Yes, I can see the fox, and what a happy little fox he is.
07:12She's crying.
07:13Oh, yes, yeah.
07:14She is crying, isn't he?
07:16I thought they were tears of happiness at first glance.
07:19It's because I've got the sun in my eyes.
07:21Listen, is there any medication or anything you should be taking?
07:24Oh, I don't think so.
07:26I don't think you have any medication.
07:29I'm probably fine.
07:31What's up, Dougie?
07:54Nothing, just tidying.
07:56What are you tidying?
07:58It's a surprise.
07:59Oh, a secret birthday surprise?
08:00Yeah.
08:01Whose?
08:02Yeah, that's right.
08:03Come on, let's get back to camp.
08:04The others will be getting worried about us, yeah?
08:05Well, who have you got a dinghy for their birthday?
08:07Dinghy?
08:08What dinghy?
08:09That one.
08:10The one you're hiding.
08:12Shit.
08:14Um...
08:16Look, Arnab, I need to know if you can keep a secret.
08:18A surprise birthday secret?
08:19No, much more serious than that.
08:21You cannot breathe a word of this to anyone.
08:23Especially not Brett or Harriet, but definitely not Brett.
08:26I know you two are close, but if he finds out about this...
08:29About what?
08:30About the raft.
08:31What raft?
08:32The dinghy, Arnab.
08:33Dinghy?
08:34What dinghy?
08:35Oh, right.
08:36I don't see what you're doing.
08:37No, it's very good.
08:38And what do I get in return for my silence?
08:40Stay strong.
08:41You get to be a hero.
08:42Hero?
08:43Yeah.
08:44But...
08:45Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:46After we escape, you know, um, you can fly back in a helicopter and you can rescue Susan,
08:50yeah?
08:51Helicopter.
08:52I've always thought I could be a hero.
08:55Kind of like it's my destiny.
08:56I need to know you can keep a secret.
09:02So, you finish hiding the boat, and then when they're all asleep, you're gonna sneak
09:06out and escape, yeah?
09:07Yeah.
09:08And remember, fortune favours the bold, Arnab.
09:11Okay, I'll try and remember that, but the weed plays havoc with my short-term memory.
09:14Fortune favours the bold.
09:16Exactly.
09:17Okay.
09:18Fortune favours the bold.
09:20Fortune flavours the bold.
09:22Fortune flavours the bold.
09:24Fortune flavours the bold.
09:26Fortune favours the bold.
09:38Such?
09:39Douglas?
09:40Harriet?
09:41While you've been wasting your time, we have come up with you.
09:45So, this is the lazy space, you know, it's where Douglas and I can kind of sort of hang
09:51Sort of hang out, chill out on beanbags, you know, have a spliff, shoot the shit.
09:56This is perfect, Brett.
09:57I love it.
09:58Come through.
09:59Help yourself do a chocolata.
10:02This is what dreams are made of.
10:04Ferreros share?
10:05No, nuts bung me up.
10:07Open sesame.
10:08This is insane.
10:09Well, hats off to you, Brett.
10:10You did it.
10:11The magic never ends.
10:12Harriet, Aunt Abby is going to give you a full body wax.
10:15Ah.
10:15And I am going to concentrate on leasing up Doug.
10:18Shall I take everything off, Brett?
10:20It's up to you.
10:21I mean, some people like to leave their pants on.
10:23Oh, I'd rather go stump-bottled naked if you don't mind.
10:29Brett?
10:31Brett?
10:33Brett!
10:35I doubted you could build a shelter, Brett, but these four sticks in the sand have totally
10:39changed my mind.
10:41That's just the ground floor, Harriet.
10:43They're like three or four floors above that.
10:44Hey, everyone, who wants to see Susan?
10:47Sexy new look.
10:48I call it Sexy Fissy.
10:52Oh, it's, uh, it's different.
10:55Nice.
10:56Brett, mate, I'm really upset that I won't be able to come to your hostel.
10:59It's not a hostel, aren't it?
11:01It's a hotel.
11:02A boutique hotel, isn't it, Susan?
11:04Oh, yeah, it's a boutique hotel for a boutique in.
11:07Sometimes you can boutique about in it.
11:11Do you actually know what boutique means?
11:13Yeah.
11:14Listen, Brett's the mate.
11:16If you don't get around to building all five rooms, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it,
11:20you know?
11:20It doesn't matter, after all, does it?
11:21Of course it matters, Arnett.
11:23There are five of us, after all.
11:24Yeah, for now, but you never know.
11:27Some of us might disappear.
11:30Boom, under the clock of nightfall.
11:34Fantastic, look at this.
11:35Look at the, uh...
11:36It's an owl.
11:38Yeah, look at the expression around the beak, Harry.
11:41It's brilliant.
11:42Well, I'm no art critic, but this looks nothing like an owl.
11:45Looks more like a pair of hemorrhoids.
11:47Well, you'd know, Harriet.
11:48You're the one shoving them back at your bum hole every 15 minutes.
11:51I thought we were getting changed the other day.
11:52I'll go.
11:53Look like a massive nest of bats hanging out of her arsehole.
12:01Hey, Susan, wait!
12:02Wait, it's OK, it's OK.
12:04It's OK.
12:06Come on.
12:07Susan, look, it's going to be OK.
12:09Why do they all have to be so horrible?
12:14I can't take this anymore.
12:16Oh.
12:19Don't worry, it's going to be OK.
12:22I want to go home.
12:25Yeah, we all want to go home.
12:26I want to see my wife and kids.
12:28Would you stroke my hair?
12:30That's what my mom used to do.
12:32I'm like, I didn't sleep at night.
12:35OK.
12:36Yeah.
12:38Oh, it's a bit matted.
12:39Oh, I'm really strong.
12:43You kind of remind me of her.
12:46Oh, no.
12:51No, don't cry.
12:53Oh, look, please.
12:55Oh, no, look, please.
12:56Look, I know we all want to go home.
12:58It's all right.
12:59Look, I know something that will cheer you up, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.
13:06Yeah?
13:06This has to be our little secret.
13:09Oh, is this about the boat that you found?
13:12What?
13:14Did Arnab tell you?
13:15I can't say.
13:19Well, look, tell me who didn't tell you, and I'll work it out from there.
13:21OK.
13:22Well, you're very close.
13:24It wasn't Harriet.
13:27And it wasn't Brett.
13:29Arnab?
13:29I can't say.
13:32Arnab.
13:33I think I trusted him.
13:35Well, no more.
13:37There's two spaces on that dinghy, Susan, and one of them's yours.
13:41Tonight, when they're all asleep, we're going to escape.
13:45Together?
13:46Together.
13:46What are you doing?
13:54I'm old enough to be your dad.
13:56You're not.
13:58Oh, well, I'm old enough to be your teacher.
14:00I'm old enough to be your teacher.
14:02Wait, you teach me.
14:04Um, so wrong.
14:07So right.
14:08It feels really nice.
14:16Douglas, we need to talk.
14:33What?
14:35I know what's going on.
14:37What do you mean, Brett?
14:38There's nothing going on.
14:39Oh, don't act all innocent with me, DJ.
14:41Might work with this lot, but we're BFFs, remember?
14:45We're better than these dicks.
14:46We can't hear you, Brett.
14:48No, it's best just to ignore him.
14:50Sorry I wasn't even listening.
14:52I was just trying to remember some deep shit that someone once told me.
14:55Fortune fakers are old.
14:59Look, Douglas, I know you're hurting.
15:02And I know we haven't exactly seen eye to eye since you shouted in my face
15:05because you didn't believe the pygmies that assaulted me.
15:07But, uh, I want to let bargains be bargains.
15:10I want to wipe the slate clean.
15:12Right.
15:13Clean the slate.
15:14So close your eyes and no peeping.
15:16Why?
15:17What are you going to do?
15:18It's a surprise.
15:19Well, I don't like surprises, Brett.
15:20I'll just hush up and close your eyes.
15:21I don't want to close my eyes until you tell me what you're going to do
15:24because last time you tried to kiss me...
15:25Okay, fine.
15:26Don't close your eyes.
15:26I've been slaving away all day for you, Douglas, which, incidentally, is why we didn't make
15:32as much progress as we would have liked with the hotel.
15:35Well, I made you this cake.
15:39It's an anniversary cake.
15:44It's to celebrate Douglas and I having been on the island for five days.
15:47Aww.
15:48I made it out of all your favourite things, Douglas.
15:51There's, uh, Tim Tams around the outsides and little muffins when I saw you nibbling on
15:55and in the middle of it, your very favourite, a Ferrero Rocher.
16:00Thanks, Brett.
16:02Um, I don't know what to say.
16:05We're BFFs.
16:06And BFFs, they stay kind, they stay respectful, and they stay honest.
16:15Right.
16:20Maybe you'd like to say a little something about me?
16:22Uh, right, yeah, okay.
16:24Um, well, thanks, Brett, for the cake.
16:28Guess about it.
16:30No.
16:31And?
16:32And?
16:35Can I say something about our future together?
16:37Okay, well, maybe in the future, if we ever get off this ruddy island, then, um...
16:43Then...
16:43Uh, then, then, then we could have a coffee over our little, uh, breakfast bar
16:48in our state-of-the-art kitchenette.
16:49No.
16:50No, we can just have a coffee, just one coffee, in a Starbucks or a Costa's or a Gregg's.
16:55You can choose.
16:56Some are public, though.
16:57Uh, yeah, we'll just have a quick coffee, just a coffee,
16:58and we'll be in about six to eight months' time.
17:02Ooh!
17:04Bedtime!
17:05Ooh!
17:07Sorry, but why is everyone acting so weird?
17:10I'm not acting weird.
17:11No one's acting weird.
17:11Dingy, what dingy?
17:12Well, that's weird right there.
17:14What's that supposed to mean?
17:15Oh, I think you're just being paranoid, Brett.
17:16I think everyone's just really tired, and you're paranoid.
17:19I'm not being paranoid.
17:20You're being paranoid about me being paranoid.
17:22No, I haven't got anything to be paranoid about.
17:23Well, everyone knows anyone who says they're not being paranoid is being paranoid about being
17:27paranoid.
17:27That is the first rule of paranoia.
17:29So you are, in fact, being very paranoid, Douglas.
17:32Get you so paranoid.
17:34Look, I think we've all had a really long day, and I think we should just hit the hay.
17:38So I'm going to stay here and guard the fire, just in case there's a boat or a plane.
17:44I will stay and guard the fire with you, in case there's a boat or a plane.
17:48No, no, no.
17:48You go to sleep.
17:49You just said you were tired.
17:50So I will stay up with you, won't I, Douglas, and guard the fire in case there's a boat or
17:54a plane.
17:55No, Harry, you know what?
17:55It's completely fine.
17:57Me and Doug was already arranged to stay up and guard the fire in case of a zombie attack.
18:02Yeah, no, it's all right, guys.
18:03You just go to sleep, and if I need anyone, I will holler.
18:14Whoa.
18:44Frank, are you awake?
19:15I am, as it happens.
19:17But even if I hadn't been, I would be now, thanks to you, snaking your way over here.
19:21Your breath stinks, by the way.
19:22Just shut up and listen.
19:24Oh, what should I have to put up with that foul stench, Harriet?
19:27You haven't got a leg to stand on.
19:28I kept everyone on this island a complimentary mini toothbrush and toothpaste.
19:32The least you could do is use it.
19:34Unless, of course, it's a lady's mouth that stinks.
19:36Frank, just listen.
19:38There's something you should know.
19:40What?
19:41Douglas has found Raft.
19:42Raft?
19:43Yes, and he's planning to escape.
19:45Why?
19:46Well, we were going to do it together, but it seems I've been double-crossed.
19:48It's replaced me with a younger woman.
19:50Well, that I can understand.
19:52The dinghy is hidden behind the trees under some foliage.
19:55Thanks for bringing all this to my attention, Harriet.
19:59As king of the island, I will be processing it and getting back to you in due course.
20:03Brett, are you okay?
20:07Uh, yeah, I'm fine.
20:09It's just a little...
20:10Brett, are you okay?
20:13I'm, uh, I'm okay.
20:15The thing is, I just...
20:16And Bree is back on the island.
20:22Look, if we leave now, we can get the dinghy and get off this island.
20:26Look, I can't do it on my own, but I'm willing to give you this watch if you promise to escort me to safety.
20:31I don't want that tat.
20:32I want those earrings.
20:34It's antique art deco.
20:36They're mine, it's what they are.
20:38Not until you get me to safety, they're not.
20:40Okay, you got yourself a deal, Harriet.
20:43I don't want to shake your hand.
20:45Just give me the earrings.
20:46Right, you get one now.
20:48And the other one, you get me to safety.
20:54Wow.
20:55Just get on with it.
20:58Brett.
20:58Okay.
21:00Not you as well.
21:09You're not Douglas.
21:10Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
21:12What have you done with Douglas?
21:13Have you done a murder on him?
21:15It was the zombies.
21:16Oh, fucking hell, I knew it.
21:18You know what I mean?
21:19I've been talking about the zombies since I got here.
21:20Zombies are real and they're going to kill us all off by one more month.
21:22It's going to be zombie apocalypse, mate.
21:23Arnhem!
21:24Zombies are not real, okay?
21:27Pygmies, yes.
21:28Betrayers, yes.
21:30Zombies?
21:31Yes.
21:31No.
21:33Now, Douglas told me to come up here and tell you the escape plans are off.
21:37What escape plan?
21:38I wasn't escaping.
21:39I don't know what you're doing, Arnhem.
21:41Harriet's told me about everything.
21:43I think it's best if you just go back to camp, get a bit of shut-eye and we can talk about
21:47this as adults in the morning.
21:48Brother Brett, I'm so sorry, mate.
21:50I betrayed you.
21:52I just thought it might be my chance to become a hero.
21:56I've never been a hero before and I thought it might make Susie all horny for me and shit.
22:00The things we do for you.
22:02One straight man to another, you know it, man.
22:04I guess it's like they always say, Flauch and Ravens get sold.
22:09I'm really sorry, mate.
22:12Please accept this peace offering and have this cake.
22:15It's my cake.
22:16Sorry, mate.
22:17See you later.
22:18I'll give him one coffee in six to eight miles a time.
22:36Quick, we've got to get going.
22:37What's going on?
22:42Who are you?
22:45Shit.
22:45Brett!
22:47Brett!
22:47Over here, Harriet.
22:50Hey, guys.
22:52Guess what?
22:53I found this fantastic plastic sheeting washed up on the beach.
22:56I've slashed it into shape and it'll keep us dry and shelter us from the storm.
23:01What do you think, Douglas?
23:05You're fucking nuts!
23:08Right.
23:09Who's for a slice of six-day anniversary cake?
23:14I've got to eat, guys.
23:15Yeah, this green Thai curry is definitely on the turn.
23:17It's orange juice, aren't it?
23:19Can I be of assistance, me?
23:21Oh, very sexy.
23:24Team brother!
23:25Shh!
23:26Definitely Susan.
23:27We're living the dream, right?
23:29That is not the work of a retired head teacher.
23:32She is not who she says she is.
23:34Is she dead?
23:35Be careful.
23:36She could change at any moment.
23:40Is it a bird?
23:41Is it a plane?
23:42Nope, but it is a first for Channel 4.
23:44Hugh Jackman and Taron Egerton star in Eddie the Eagle, an insuppressible wannabe Olympian,
23:49Sunday from 9.
23:50First date next tonight, Cupid's Arrow.
23:53More hit than miss?
23:54More hit than miss?
23:55More hit than miss?
23:56More hit than miss?
23:57More hit than miss?
23:58More hit than miss?
23:59More hit than miss?
24:00More hit than miss?
24:01More hit than miss?
24:02More hit than miss?
24:03More hit than miss?
24:04More hit than miss?
24:05More hit than miss?
24:06More hit than miss?
24:07More hit than miss?
24:08More hit than miss?
24:09More hit than miss?
24:10More hit than miss?
24:11More hit than miss?
24:12More hit than miss?
24:13More hit than miss?
24:14More hit than miss?
24:15More hit than miss?
24:16More hit than miss?
24:17More hit than miss?
24:18More hit than miss?
24:19More hit than miss?
24:20More hit than miss?
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