- 24/07/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Thus I, Mathilde, Suffer Finch of Hunderby, leave my estate in its entirety to my only son, Edmund, Suffer Finch of Hunderby,
00:21on the sole condition that a child be born to him within a year of my death.
00:27If no heir to Hunderby is born within this year, the estate shall be sold up and the proceeds lavished on an underwater monument to the drowned dead of the Bethany Rose.
00:43Am I not remembered? Dorothy, Dorothy Mellis.
00:53No.
00:57O God of the wise, in lighting access, he'll be from our eyes.
01:20Most blessed, most glorious, the ancient of days.
01:29Almighty, glorious, thy great name we raise.
01:42Now, our goodly sisters Dorothy and Betty would have me remind you that this month's healing ring is to be held here today.
01:50At noon, at noon.
01:54And finally, we do humbly ask our Father God that myself and my wife be blessed with a child before the year is through.
02:06Praise God.
02:08We pray for the guidance of our Lord's gentle fist.
02:13For every child is born a filthy savage, smeared.
02:18In Satan's feces.
02:33Come, come now, tortoise mouth.
02:36There is work to be done.
02:37Sorry.
02:39These bores are quite big.
02:42I shall, um, prepare myself upstairs.
03:02Biddy was up three nights rendering that beef.
03:04Perhaps mistress does not want a child so very much.
03:08I do.
03:09Perhaps mistress wishes us all to be cast from under...
03:11No, no.
03:14Helen!
03:16Helen!
03:24Helen!
03:25Helen!
03:34Ed... Edmund!
03:37Edmund!
03:37Edmund?
03:39What?
03:40Tis not in.
03:41Now.
03:58Edmund is on my leg.
04:04Bubbly milk, sir.
04:09Which?
04:11Unfortunate amongst us is first that seeketh succour, you again.
04:29We do beseech thee, Father God, to unleash from Paul David the evil ones that have eaten all of his hair.
04:41We humbly ask thee to fill each and every hole of poor David's demon-dented scalp with a bounty of your holy fur.
04:59Heal him! Heal him! Heal him! Heal him! Heal him!
05:19Still nothing.
05:21How's Ruth?
05:30Not well.
05:31There's much clumping here. Perhaps you've been burdened of late.
05:42I must confess the contents of my mother's will were most unexpected.
05:47Ah, yes. How goes the creation of your son and heir?
05:51May I speak plainly?
05:56Of course.
05:57I fear my wife may be, um, abnormal below.
06:14In what way, brother?
06:16I have noted within her haired canoe a kind of growth. Not unlike a dangling bell.
06:24Ah, yes. My wife Ruth has often mentioned this.
06:28It is said to send women mad.
06:30Ah.
06:31You may recall the Smithers' sisters?
06:35The balding spinsters of Puddybutt Lane?
06:37Yes, sir. Both were said to have these, ahem, bells below,
06:43and were quite unable to leave theirs alone. May God rest their souls.
06:48They would itch at them like mice at a wall,
06:51squealing and whooping as if Satan himself were riding their lungs.
06:56Yes.
06:58Perhaps their murder was a blessing in disguise.
07:01Well, bell or no bell, too often do my attempts at Congress with Helen
07:06leave me with a flopping flute.
07:10With Ruth I oft-times place a pillow gently over her face,
07:15conjure up a more stimulating scene.
07:17Something else?
07:21Or someone.
07:27Ah, there's no harm in it, dear brother.
07:33For marriage is lengthy.
07:36Yes.
07:37Yes.
07:38Clean her chimney of Satan's foot
07:43So the babe grows hand and foot
07:48Make him large and give thee room
07:52Strong and fat
07:55Ready to boom, boom, boom from her thighs
07:59Boom, boom, tears in her eyes
08:18Ah, it's just Helene.
08:20Oh, Hester, excuse me.
08:23I too was teary after my first time in Dorothy's ring.
08:28And have you been at all healed?
08:31No.
08:33But since God saw fit to mow me down on my wedding night
08:36and leave me numb from face to foot
08:38I must believe that I have been chosen as a continuous beacon of suffering.
08:43I'm sorry.
08:44Oh, but dear Helene
08:46I am certain your womb will ripen all the more for having Dorothy's holy hand upon it.
08:51Oh, thank you.
08:52I truly hope so.
08:53My husband's fortune depends on it.
08:58I should dearly love a child.
09:00Oh, so should I.
09:01But alas.
09:04Oh, tis no shame to be unwed.
09:08Oh, no.
09:09God blessed me with a most steadfast and saintly husband.
09:13Oh.
09:14I shall ne'er give him a child
09:16nor any
09:18haught in pleasure.
09:20Yet he tarries with me day on day, year on year
09:24and only death shall tear us asunder.
09:26Oh.
09:31Graham.
09:34Dr. Fogarty, is your...
09:36Yes.
09:38Come now, slug legs.
09:39This work to be done.
09:41Good day to crippled Hester.
09:45Oh, mistress Helene.
09:47Your kerchief.
09:52Oh, why?
09:53It is my husband's.
10:07Hester.
10:09Oh, Graham.
10:11Spurgeon.
10:13Brumrape.
10:15My favourites.
10:23Oh.
10:40I have taken the liberty of furnishing a nursery
10:44in readiness for an heir.
10:46Oh.
10:47Thank you, Dorothy.
10:59Baby should sleep in silence for 14 hours straight through.
11:04If he can be heard crying,
11:06tis because Satan's clambered into his cot
11:09and he's best left to fight it out.
11:11Well, you certainly have the woman's touch.
11:18Hmm.
11:22There we are, ma'am.
11:24Biddy's battered bone buns
11:27to toughen your nipples for suckling
11:29with a marrow fat ointment to grease your shoot.
11:47It's yours, ma'am.
11:52Yes.
11:55I must have dropped it.
12:00Lisbeth, ma'am.
12:03A middle name.
12:06Tis short for Elizabeth.
12:10And the...
12:12pregnant-backed gentleman?
12:17He...
12:18Oh, of course.
12:19He's my brother.
12:21He died...
12:23a leper.
12:25Hence...
12:26my mission to the leper colony.
12:27Oh.
12:32Well.
12:34Let us pray that this...
12:36family hump...
12:38does not surface in your own child like some great...
12:41unwelcome...
12:42whale.
12:52Ah, hello.
12:54Oh.
12:56Brother Joseph has suggested a...
12:58biblical scenario to enliven our somewhat fruitless conjunctions.
13:03You shall be playing...
13:05Job.
13:07The Hessian Wednesday sack and...
13:09tawny knickerbocker.
13:13Yes, if you dom those and then take up a...
13:16prayer position.
13:17I shall...
13:18join you presently as...
13:21Jehovah.
13:23Raining down punishments...
13:24from on high.
13:36Oh!
13:38Oh!
13:40Oh!
13:42Oh!
13:43Oh!
13:44Ow!
13:45Even as Job, you tell me to cushion.
13:55Now you are a true...
13:57gentleman's valet, Jeff.
14:00This livery suits your complexion very well.
14:03Coffee bean and...
14:06velvet custard.
14:07Oh, no, no, no, no.
14:09The silken stockings go on before the breeches, Jeff.
14:15A small part of...
14:16Then...
14:17We'll just be here...
14:18A small part of the light...
14:20A small part of the light...
14:21That's my, like...
14:22The gentle part...
14:23That...
14:25That's your...
14:26To your...
14:27To your...
14:29A small part...
14:30A big part of the light.
14:31The light?
14:33That...
14:35It...
14:37Mm.
14:38Dorothy, how is a man to enjoy his head with you, flapping a gory rag at his face?
14:59I thought you would wish to know that as time is trickling away, sir, Satan's jam hath once again burst her bristled bun.
15:05Good day, sir.
15:24Matt, I've got your cheek.
15:27It is bruised.
15:34She is most clumsy, just like living with a bull in skirts.
15:39A lard salve shall hold the purpling.
15:42It is not her face I wish you to examine, Doctor, but her womb.
15:46I'm sure my womb is well, sir.
15:49Then why does it weep, Ellen? Month upon month, it's vicious red tears.
15:54I insist, Doctor, that you investigate her uterus this steady minute.
15:58I believe my hand may be a little warmer than the pincer.
16:10Yes, please.
16:15If you could flop a whisper moor, as would a basking frog.
16:32I trust tis all as it ought, as other ladies might be?
16:42Indeed.
16:43I, er, had the honour of attending the last lady of Hunterby.
16:52Aunt Rappel?
16:53Yes.
16:54Her womb was quite flaccid and thin.
17:01Whereas yours, madam, is very firm and, oh, springy to the touch.
17:07With a moist neck and a withy canal.
17:17Oh.
17:18You were born a child already.
17:29I would be most appreciative if you would allow me to tell Edmund this in my own time.
17:36Of course, madam.
17:37He need never know, if that be your will.
17:41Though you are fit for many more.
17:43He may know that.
17:48The child was not a union of love, but of brutality.
17:53I was ravished by a humpback and did birth a head runt that died.
17:59It is a blessing, madam.
18:01But t'would surely have ended up a full-grown simpleton.
18:05You.
18:06Oh, hush a hoe.
18:09Let me stem these salty rivers from thine eyes.
18:14Madam, I...
18:17I, too, have a secret.
18:19Yes.
18:20It was I...
18:21It was I that crippled my wife, Hester.
18:28You.
18:29It was an accident, of course.
18:32The night before our wedding, I realized I did not love her, not truly.
18:37No.
18:38And so I sought to drown my fears in drink, the great seductress.
18:45I guzzled till dawn, and took off for the woods upon my horse Roland with half a mind to ride myself into a tree.
18:52Instead, I passed out.
18:55Green gilled atop his silken rump, and the faithful fellow to guide me home.
19:01But near my dwelling, I came to with such a jolt that I kicked poor Roland hard, and in his zest to transport me hence he saw not Hester coming out to greet me.
19:11No!
19:12I mowed the poor lass down.
19:15What?
19:17To this day she knows not to as I.
19:24Well, Fogarty, I am most revived at news of my wife's fecundity.
19:32Yes.
19:34Perhaps I already hear the echo of tiny footsteps in your meaty cavern.
19:38I know not, sir.
19:42If I may, I should like to examine you also, sir.
19:46To confirm that all is well with your seed.
19:49I am not at fault.
19:51Dr Fogarty.
19:53If I can be of any assistance, Dr Fogarty.
19:56Nor will I have you paddling about in my seed.
19:59Dorothy.
20:03I am to be found out!
20:05Annie.
20:07Annie.
20:08Annie.
20:09How now, miss?
20:11Dr Fogarty.
20:12He knows of my past.
20:13Of the child I brought John Wyff in.
20:15Hush, miss.
20:17It would not be the first queer child what's haunted these walls.
20:20I'm sure he will not tell.
20:22And what if he does?
20:24It's not as if you killed anyone.
20:25I know it'll cheer you up.
20:26Why don't you and I go and play with Susan?
20:28Yes.
20:30Yes.
20:33I know it'll cheer you up.
20:34Why don't you and I go and play with Susan?
20:37Yes.
20:59Well, all seems well.
21:29To be continued...
21:31To be continued.
Recommended
21:47
|
Up next
20:57
21:35
21:33
22:58
22:50
24:32
24:00
22:39
28:56
24:46
29:44
29:00
1:04:05
50:02
48:53
29:41
29:58
29:56
29:43
29:55