- 2 days ago
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00:01Ooh, lots of hard work here, Kat.
00:04Feels hefty. Feels like very hefty art.
00:06I've been really inspired lately.
00:08New paintings, new collage work.
00:10Is that sticking things down?
00:11It's so much more than sticking things down, Jan.
00:13It is sticking things down.
00:15I need to make two grand from selling my art.
00:17Finally going travelling.
00:19Two months away. Just gonna do it.
00:20Great.
00:21Fuck you.
00:22What?
00:23You don't believe I'll go, do you?
00:24You never believe I'll go travelling.
00:25Your disbelief has been this kind of cosmic lasso keeping me here for years.
00:29It is your fault that I've never travelled.
00:31I haven't got a cosmic lasso.
00:33You've been saying for 20 years you'll go travelling and you've never been travelling, so...
00:37I'm not scared, if that's what you think.
00:39Andrew thinks I'm a natural traveller.
00:41He says we're all basically nomads.
00:43If you ignore the last 12,000 years of human history,
00:46he makes a powerful point.
00:47Haven't you got itchy feet?
00:49Literally, yes, but I don't want to travel.
00:51Although Mum will want me to do the sup-vis this week.
00:54Go on the road and glad hand our suppliers like Dad used to.
00:57All right, Neil Armstrong.
00:58Cass, you've spent time with Andrew recently, haven't you?
01:01Is he definitely the same guy we fostered 30 years ago?
01:04Yeah, maybe.
01:05Does it matter?
01:06It's who you are now that's important.
01:08Oasis and I think Jesus both said that.
01:10I was saying to Alison that I think he might be the devil wanting to steal my life.
01:15No offence, Stephen, but who the fuck would want to steal your life?
01:29This was his itinerary for the last supplier visit.
01:32Brewers, farmers, vineyards, places he stayed.
01:35I'm honoured to keep the tradition going and to pass on the sad news about Dad to those who don't know.
01:41Oh, I've asked Andrew to do the sup-vis.
01:43Right.
01:44So the face of the business is now his face.
01:47Great.
01:48Thanks.
01:49Well, one of you has to stay and run the pub.
01:51I'm helping Julian with the church's drug outreach.
01:53Geoff could run the pub.
01:54Geoff?
01:55He's done it before.
01:56In the old days.
01:57Oh, he did a grand job.
01:58He's a natural publican.
01:59A lot like, you know, your dad.
02:08So, share the driving?
02:10I can only drive an automatic.
02:11Who only drives an automatic?
02:13Modern people.
02:14You think it's a less manly kind of car?
02:16You think pulling a gear stick makes you isambard Kingdom Brunel?
02:19Never mind.
02:20I went coast to coast to USA in an RV one summer,
02:23so I think a round trip to Hunstanton should be fine.
02:25Is there anything you haven't done?
02:27I mean, anything in the whole fucking world?
02:29Uh...
02:30Never done a parachute jump.
02:31Wow!
02:32Good God!
02:33We've finally found something that great Andrew...
02:35No!
02:36Actually, I have.
02:37I forgot.
02:38I raised £3,000 for Barnardo's.
02:44What can I do you for?
02:47The usual?
02:48I don't know what that is.
02:49Is it beer?
02:50Don't worry.
02:51If the wife rings, I'll say you're not here.
02:53But you've probably got a mobile.
02:54Just popping out for a fag.
02:55Oh, light up in here, mate.
02:57A pub needs smoke.
02:58You shouldn't be able to see the hand in front of your face
03:00or smell the rank stench of the guy next to you.
03:02No offence, Colin.
03:03What about the smoke alarms?
03:05Well, take the batteries out.
03:06We're not in the EU now, Jan.
03:08Anyway, how many people used to actually die from second-hand smoking pubs?
03:12About 600 a year.
03:13OK, well, that is a lot.
03:14But this is only for a few days.
03:16Think of it as an olden days theme pub.
03:19Smoking, cheese and pickle rolls and a collection for the lifeboat men.
03:24My first patron?
03:25Oh, the stampede begins.
03:27Just got a text from Stephen.
03:29Pissed off Andrew's on his sup-vis safari.
03:31I'm concerned at how obsessed Stephen's become with him.
03:34He is totally obsessed with Andrew.
03:36Oh.
03:37This one's, er, good.
03:40You know, dolphins are actually more intelligent than humans.
03:43It's just they haven't got any hands, so that sort of fucked them.
03:46Is that Andrew?
03:47I suppose it looks a bit like him. I hadn't thought.
03:50And is that Andrew?
03:51No, that's a little old lady.
03:53Her face looks quite a lot like Andrew's face.
03:56Seems like someone else is a bit obsessed with Andrew.
03:58Yes.
03:59Don't worry.
04:00I won't tell Tom.
04:03So, immediately before you came to us, you were...?
04:06With my dad.
04:07My actual dad.
04:08Briefly and horribly.
04:10But before that, I was in care for quite a while.
04:12And after us was...?
04:13Care.
04:14Mum.
04:15Fostered in Stoke with Chaotix.
04:17Dad again.
04:18Care.
04:19Fostered with some quite nice boring people.
04:21Then care.
04:22Then done.
04:23Wide world.
04:24Got you.
04:25So, care, fostered mum.
04:27No.
04:28Care, mum.
04:29Is this a test?
04:30No.
04:31Just interested.
04:32Must have been tough.
04:33No-one has an easy life, Stephen.
04:34We all have a cross.
04:35Yeah?
04:36What's mine?
04:37That you're still in love with your ex-wife?
04:39Alison's with Tom.
04:40She's moving away.
04:41You need to move on, but you can't.
04:43We need to find someone for you while we're on tour.
04:45We're not on tour.
04:47Jimmy Page didn't visit pork scratchings factories.
04:50Not at his peak, anyway.
04:52So this is Sunnyvale Farm Foods.
04:59I was expecting a farmhouse.
05:01I thought we might get a cream tea.
05:03Hi.
05:04Looking for Kevin Patterson?
05:05Yeah, that's me.
05:06We're from the John Barleycorn in Stroud.
05:08I have some bad news.
05:10Laurie passed away a few weeks ago.
05:13We've come in his place to carry on the tradition.
05:15I'm his son, Stephen, and this is Andrew.
05:20Laurie passed away.
05:21I know.
05:22It's very sad.
05:23Very sudden.
05:25Who's Laurie?
05:27Laurie Nicholls.
05:28From the John Barleycorn.
05:29In Stroud, Laurie visited you every year at about this time.
05:33Every year?
05:34He'd do a little tour, visiting his suppliers.
05:36The sup-biz.
05:37Why?
05:38No-one else does that, do they?
05:40So, you obviously stock our snacks in your pub?
05:44The pork scratchings?
05:45They're great scratchings.
05:46Texture, fat ratio, seasoning.
05:48Excellent.
05:49You want to come and see how we make them,
05:50so it's not a wasted journey?
05:52Sure.
05:53Good to know the links in the supply chain.
05:54Oh, Jesus!
05:55Good God.
05:56We have to stop selling them.
05:57We can't be involved with that.
05:59They really do scratch the shit out of those pigs.
06:03Three Jagerbombs, please.
06:05Hi, Dee.
06:06What, was this taken ten years in the future
06:08just after you had a head transplant?
06:10Come on, hop it.
06:11Give the lads a drink.
06:12They're underage.
06:13Chill ex, Jan.
06:15Lads need to learn to drink in pubs.
06:17The alternative, staying at home not drinking,
06:20can lead often to jihad.
06:22Just keep yourself to yourselves.
06:24What if I said free drinks or I'd grass you up?
06:26I would fucking blind you.
06:31Jeff, this is a kind of anarchy.
06:33If a copper comes in here now,
06:34that's our licence right up the pictures.
06:36I'm just bringing a taste of the 70s back, like BBC Four.
06:39But if it was a different era back then, like all the sex cases say.
06:43As a boy, I'd watch bare knuckle fights down at the wreck.
06:46Two fit young gypsy men, not necessarily gypsies, that's racist,
06:51but they were always gypsies, stripped to the waist,
06:53punching some of them and shades of shit out of each other.
06:57Magic.
06:59I've only ever had weed, so I can't relate directly to your situation,
07:03but know that you are loved by God and by those who believe in him.
07:08The outreach team are here to do exactly that, reach out.
07:13So not exactly that, but you understand.
07:15You've never had acid a little?
07:17No, just weed. Never succumbed.
07:20Oh, the restaurant's Thai.
07:37Fantastic.
07:38Yeah, I'm not great with chilli and so on.
07:41Intermittent IBS.
07:43Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's sort of mayhem.
07:46Don't worry, I'll choose for you.
07:47Thai food isn't about heat.
07:49It's about complex flavours.
07:50Presumably you've been to Thailand.
07:52Who hasn't been to Thailand?
07:53Oh, God, now I come to think of it, you're right.
07:56No one.
07:57Do you want to find someone else?
07:59No, it's fine.
08:01We don't want to be stuck on the moors in a storm.
08:03Might get fucked by bears or something.
08:06Sorry, I'm sure you've been fucked by bears in a yurt in Istanbul,
08:09and it was magical.
08:16Oh, Jesus.
08:19You, er...
08:22Let's not even mention it.
08:23Have some rice, maybe?
08:29Shall I ask for a spoon?
08:31It's fine, really.
08:32I don't like any of it, so not being able to pick it up is actually an advantage.
08:37What wine is that?
08:39Screwtop.
08:40I'm sorry you don't like your food.
08:42You used to love spicy knick-knacks.
08:43You ate those all the time when we played Clunk Splash.
08:46What was Clunk Splash?
08:48The game we played on the waste ground down by the canal.
08:52Bad luck.
08:53Clunk but no splash.
08:54Clunk Splash!
08:56Do you not remember?
08:57It was you, me and Smelly Ellis.
08:58Smelly Ellis?
08:59You don't remember Smelly Ellis.
09:00Dark hair looked a bit like Harris.
09:02Thingy Harris.
09:03Rolf Harris.
09:04No, the other one.
09:05Keith Harris.
09:06But without Orville.
09:07Remember?
09:08I think so.
09:09Quite smelly.
09:10Very.
09:11Smelled like damp biscuits with a bit of shit on them.
09:13And then he just disappeared.
09:15How is everything?
09:16A perfect level of Gratchi.
09:17And the prawn crackers with the naan preak shouldn't work, but so does.
09:19More wine?
09:20Yes, please.
09:21We're on the second cheapest red.
09:22How do you mean Smelly Ellis disappeared?
09:24He just wasn't there.
09:25One day, no Smelly Ellis.
09:26I guess his family moved to the house.
09:27No, he's not.
09:28He's not.
09:29He's not.
09:30He's not.
09:31He's not.
09:32He's not.
09:33He's not.
09:34He's not.
09:35He's not.
09:36He's not.
09:37He's not.
09:38He's not.
09:39He's not.
09:40He's not.
09:41He's not.
09:42He's not.
09:43He's not.
09:44I guess his family moved away really suddenly with no warning.
09:48And so we stopped going to the waste ground by the canal.
09:52Right.
09:53Would you like to taste it?
09:55I'd drink you so quickly the tongue doesn't really get involved.
10:02Andrew.
10:05We didn't.
10:06What?
10:07Did we kill Smelly Ellis and dump him in the canal?
10:11No.
10:12People don't just disappear.
10:13Sometimes children kill other children.
10:16Lord of the Flies.
10:18Not Bugsie Malone.
10:20But we didn't kill Smelly Ellis.
10:22His overnight disappearance can be explained away, I'm sure.
10:27I'm really scared we killed him.
10:29I didn't kill Smelly Ellis.
10:31But...
10:32Did I kill Smelly Ellis?
10:34Do you remember killing Smelly Ellis?
10:41I'm not doing this!
10:43This didn't actually happen!
10:48I genuinely don't know.
10:50What's it say in your diary?
10:52I did look this up earlier and there is an entry saying that you and Smelly Ellis went to the waste ground without me because I had to have my Veruca frozen.
11:02Fuck!
11:03Do you think...
11:04But my diary isn't gospel.
11:05Maybe he said goodbye and we forgot.
11:08That's far more likely than you killing him.
11:11But what if I got a red mist and lost control like Kenneth Noy or Naomi Campbell or the Hulk?
11:18Can we Google Smelly Ellis?
11:19Do you know his first name?
11:21Or maybe Ellis is his first name?
11:23In which case, do you know his surname?
11:25No.
11:26Let's get some sleep.
11:30Do you want to sleep in here?
11:41Yeah, I met Laurie once at a tasting when I first opened the vineyard.
11:46And I spoke to him on the phone, but he didn't come here every year.
11:49Yeah, we're hearing this a lot.
11:51So, red is absolutely an option in England right now.
11:54Needs to be lighter stuff.
11:56This is a Dornfelder.
12:02Medium tannins, so there's a very rich mouthfeel.
12:04But some acidity, which is good.
12:07Oh, there we go.
12:09A lovely glimpse of a floral note.
12:12It's tasty.
12:13Fruity.
12:14I like it.
12:15It is incredibly fruity.
12:17And tasty is exactly the word I'd use.
12:19Is it quite strong?
12:2014.
12:21Nice.
12:22Not really worth bothering with anything below a 14, is it?
12:25Absolutely.
12:26Below 14, it's a mixer.
12:28Do you like a dry wipe?
12:30As I am one.
12:31Yes, I do.
12:32That's when I decided to be as happy as possible, as often as possible.
12:42Jesus, please tell me how you do that.
12:44I've never been happy.
12:45What does it feel like?
12:47This?
12:48Stephen, really, you've never been happy?
12:51I have moments, you know, but not for longer than a few minutes.
12:55A couple of times a year.
12:57I imagine you're happy much of the time, Andrew.
13:00Does that make me shallow and simple?
13:02No, I can tell you're far from that.
13:04Looks like we need another bottle of happiness.
13:06Fuck me.
13:07She's perfect.
13:08She likes you.
13:09No, she doesn't.
13:10Does she?
13:11She is definitely into you.
13:12I want to stay here forever.
13:13It's idyllic.
13:14I'll marry Annie and there'll be no more worry, other than the worry about which delicious wine
13:29to drink next.
13:30Ta-da!
13:31We should be getting a cab to a B&B or something.
13:34Stay here.
13:35I've got a spare bedroom with two beds already made up, but is anyone else getting chilly?
13:39Shall we go inside?
13:40Er, I think I'll be turning in, actually, if that's not too boring.
13:44Oh.
13:45You'll stay up, won't you, Stephen, for a nightcap?
13:48Thanks, I will.
13:49Pop a jaunty little cap on the night.
13:58My blood alcohol must never drop below a certain level, like in speed.
14:03Ha-ha-ha.
14:04You're funny.
14:05So are you.
14:06They say that's key to being attracted to someone.
14:09Oh.
14:10Do they say that?
14:11They do say that.
14:12Whoever they are.
14:14Ha-ha-ha-ha.
14:15Ha-ha-ha-ha.
14:16This is a new bottle.
14:17What are you getting?
14:23Plums.
14:24Mmm.
14:26Big, full plums.
14:30Yeah, I'm getting that too.
14:32Big, full, bursting plums.
14:36I think Annie's an alcoholic.
14:37Possibly.
14:38I don't like to judge.
14:39You should keep in touch.
14:40She could help you to get over, Alison.
14:41I'm totally over it.
14:42I don't like to judge.
14:43You should keep in touch.
14:44She could help you to get over, Alison.
14:45I'm totally over, Alison.
14:46It's you who needs to get over the fact that I'm over her.
14:49Do you think you might also have an issue with drink?
14:50No.
15:03I mean, no.
15:05I'm totally over, Alison.
15:08It's you who needs to get over her.
15:18I mean sure I could never actually stop that would be terrifying but but I functioned just fine
15:23It's like my medicine like a tasty insulin. Oh
15:28I found an entry in my diary with smelly Ellis's first name fuck
15:32Okay, it was Harry, but the Welsh form with an I know why so easier to find him on Google. Yes
15:40Did you Google him I did?
15:42Someone with that name our age is a shiropodist in Toronto
15:49So his family must have emigrated I guess it's the most plausible explanation
15:54And there's a photo does it look like him? Yeah, I think I mean, yeah, why not?
15:59I could certainly imagine it's him so we can say we can agree pretty conclusively that I didn't kill a little boy with a piece of metal
16:08Yeah, sure
16:12Just sent my telly off sold it on eBay
16:15I won't need a TV when I come back from Indonesia or wherever I go you've sold a lot of your stuff all my stuff feels like a detox
16:23Ridding myself of all my possessions how big is your travel fund now then two thousand pounds great?
16:29That's enough to go traveling then isn't it?
16:32Not quite. It's not really no. I thought you said that was the exact amount you needed. I mean, I'm tripping, but I think I remember
16:39Okay
16:40Yes
16:42Here I go then traveling
16:44Did you say you're tripping?
16:46That's why I'm here pastoral care
16:49Ellen's in the sky with diamonds
16:51She's fried on bongo as I believe they say
16:53I just want you to know Cass I can see inside your throat. I
16:57Thought you should know I can see that
16:59Feels in a way like Andrew and I might possibly have sort of bonded on this trip
17:08Kind of
17:08Has he brainwashed you?
17:09I don't think so
17:10In fact, he's been reassuring me that I didn't kill a child
17:13What?
17:14We thought I might have beaten a boy to death when I was 12
17:18But he worked out that I almost certainly didn't
17:21Of course you didn't kill a child. What are you talking about?
17:23No, right saying it out loud to someone else does make it seem a bit weird
17:29Do we still think Andrew might be the devil?
17:31Demon minimum
17:33How's the rest of the trip apart from him fucking your mind to hell?
17:36Well, I almost had sex last night with another person
17:39I'm chalking it up as a technical win. Go you
17:42Oh, sorry Steven phone. I'll catch you later
17:48Who's that Annie from the vineyard just checking in right
17:52Should we head home by the pasty suppliers sure let's go and collect some more baffled stairs
18:03Hi two steak pasties, please
18:06Well, you are my love hot
18:07Yes, please, but we do actually stop your pasties in our pub
18:11Oh, yeah, which one the John Barleycorn in Stroud
18:14Well, Laurie's place is he parking up?
18:17He's terrible at parking if the lead two foot to the curb he
18:20I'm afraid Laurie passed away
18:31Look look can I get you a
18:33It's just pasties. Sorry
18:36So Laurie was a friend
18:40Or just a very loyal pasty buyer
18:44He was my lover
18:47Shit the bed
18:49This would be the main time of year
18:52A week in the summer
18:53But he'd nip down for the odd weekend
18:56How long were you?
18:5822 years
18:59He loved me
19:00And I loved him
19:01We made the most of our time together
19:03We used to go salsa dancing
19:06We used to water ski
19:07Dad? Water skiing?
19:09Bit of scuba too
19:10I'm very sorry that we had to bring you such bad news
19:12I can't believe it
19:14I'll have to dig out the old videos of me and Laurie later
19:17Give them a watch
19:19Videos of Dad?
19:21Could I possibly...
19:22They're sex videos
19:23You're fine then
19:28I'm just saying she deserves to know
19:30It'll open a wound
19:32Which can heal and close
19:33He's dead so it won't close
19:35It'll remain open all the time
19:36Like Chicken Cottage
19:37We should tell her
19:38Tell who what?
19:39We found out Dad was having an affair
19:42Which one?
19:43What do you mean which one?
19:44There were a few over the years
19:45Who was like a dog with two dicks
19:46Was this Christine with a funny arm?
19:48Or old big tits?
19:49What was her name?
19:50Marion
19:51Dad had various mistresses
19:53Mum and I weren't sure that you had the emotional resources to handle it
19:56I'm not some emotional cripple
19:57I can handle emotion
19:58Stephen you just need to breathe
19:59Fuck off
20:00Just take a breath mate
20:01Fuck off
20:01One breath
20:03Thank you
20:04I can hear every word of this by the way
20:07Shit
20:08Julian came to sit with me because I'm tripping balls
20:13Is it acid?
20:14She has taken LSD
20:16Laurie didn't tell me about this Ruth
20:20So that means he loved her
20:23No
20:24No I really don't think so
20:25I mean we always told each other about our flings
20:29Each other?
20:30You had flings too?
20:31It was quite an open marriage
20:33No it wasn't
20:34Was it?
20:34This is the acid talking flings
20:37Reeve
20:37I took various lovers over the years
20:39Chris Brannigan
20:41Leslie Sadler
20:43Mike Dewar
20:44Hugh Clough
20:46Was it Clough?
20:46How many flings did you have mum?
20:48I don't know
20:49Eleven
20:51Eleven flings?
20:52Who are you Madonna?
20:53Calm down love
20:55I'm going to make some coffee
20:59Let me plunge the cafeteria
21:00Is she having a fling with him?
21:02A Christian fling?
21:03Is he the 12th like a dirty apostle?
21:06That's a bit of a double standard Stephen
21:08I mean how many partners have you had over 40 odd years?
21:10Three
21:11Four if you count just rubbing
21:13Andrew
21:15Could I have a quick word?
21:20This is very minimalist
21:22I sold everything to pay for my travelling
21:24But I can't go
21:25Because?
21:26I've fallen in love with you
21:27I realised all my paintings were of you
21:29Even the old ladies and the Buddha
21:31So although I want to go travelling obviously
21:34I can't because I'd have to leave you
21:35Come and sit down
21:36I sold my chairs to a man in Leicester
21:38On the floor
21:40You're an old soul
21:44With a capacity to heal and to love
21:46And you need to take that gift into the world
21:49You have to travel
21:50And not just for two months
21:52But for five, maybe six
21:54How could I afford that?
21:55You've got your shares in the business
21:58Yes, I could sell my shares in the business
22:01But let's not think about that now
22:03You've got a lot of love to give
22:05Loads
22:06And before you think about giving it to me or to
22:08Anyone else
22:10You need to learn to love yourself
22:12And that happens on the open road
22:15With your backpacks strapped on
22:16And your Gore-Tex boots full of dust
22:19It happens in a cafe in Istanbul
22:21As you sip thick black Turkish coffee
22:24Hit by the spice smells of the noon hot street stalls
22:27It happens as you make love with some other old soul
22:30On a beach at dusk in Cambodia
22:32It happens in Tuscany and Mozambique and Uzbekistan
22:36Among ancient temples and neon streets
22:39That's where you get to know yourself
22:41And what you're capable of
22:46You've got to search for the hero inside yourself
22:51Search for the secrets you hide
22:54You've got to search for the
22:57You've got to search for the hero inside yourself
22:59Until you find the kiddie alive
23:02Stephen, Jeff's texted to say the pub's on fire
23:06You're tripping mum, you're off your tits
23:09See, it is on fire
23:15It's on fire, isn't it?
23:17Was it electrical?
23:18We think it was a bunch of badly extinguished cigarettes
23:20Were people smoking in the pub?
23:22No way
23:23We've got CCTV
23:24Everyone was smoking in the pub
23:26Fucking hell, heartbreaking
23:28You're insured though
23:30Of course
23:31It renews automatically, I think
23:34I haven't renewed it since Dad died
23:36But I'm sure it does renew automatically
23:39Pretty sure
23:41Does it?
23:41I mean, they all do now, don't they?
23:43So ours will
23:44That's the standard, isn't it?
23:45Automatic renewal
23:46Andrew
23:48What shall we do?
23:50Oh, it'll be fine
23:53Trust me
24:01Must be the season of the witch
24:06Must be the season of the witch
24:11Must be the season of the witch
24:14Boy who takes you
24:17Need again
24:17Heating
24:18Which is the name of the witch
24:20Ooh
24:20andare
24:26And the sirens For Queen
24:32To be continued to be wonder
24:33поч
24:33Our future
24:34Can be found
24:35That was not true
24:36To be continued to be
24:36przep
24:37The season of the witch
24:38community
24:38We're rainbow
24:39Do not wait
24:40if it is
24:40A thing in the change
24:41The∞
24:41Does it have been
24:42To be Hogwarts
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