- 24/07/2025
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FunTranscript
00:00Good-bye, Elizabeth Whiffin.
00:11Good-morning, Mistress Helene.
00:30Oh, good-morrow, sir.
00:34Forgive me if I do not doff my hat.
00:38My fingers are thick with placenta.
00:40I was bound for the gypsy encampment out yonder
00:44to tend to an outbreak of cradle cap amongst the babes
00:47when I found this bitch struggling to birth her young.
00:51Oh, poor creature.
00:54Yes, but I managed to pierce her birth sack with a twig,
01:01and she has thus far passed eight healthy newborns
01:05and a rather dry run.
01:08Oh.
01:10Goodness, you are a veterinary surgeon as well as a doctor.
01:15Nay, nay.
01:17But any man would, I'm sure, help her.
01:20Suffering bitch.
01:23But alas, though I'm sure I can house the pups,
01:28fear the mother, may be deemed useless, battered over the skull and drowned if no one shall take her.
01:35No.
01:36My humble cottage is a menagerie of animal waves.
01:41Folk always want the pretties.
01:43Who will want this tired old...
01:45Please.
01:46I do.
01:47I do.
01:48I do.
01:49I do.
01:50I do.
01:51I do.
01:52I do.
01:53I do.
01:54I do.
01:55I do.
01:56I do.
01:57I do.
01:57You stink.
02:15Oh, how desolate our home without the merry chirrups of late Bert Raymond.
02:21Yes, Dorothy.
02:22Yes, Dorothy.
02:23I must confess, his murder leaves me bleak as soup.
02:28It is no surprise, mistress Helene has made herself scarce to distract us from his accidental strangulation.
02:36Dorothy, if Helene swears she did not slaughter Bert Raymond, though we found him stiff and crooked in her pocket,
02:44then I must take her word for it and I ask whenever I speak of it again.
02:54Ah, here she is, the avian executioner.
02:58What a beautiful day.
03:02I hate it.
03:03Perhaps the fresh air might clear...
03:05Every breath of wind is like a knife slashing my skin.
03:10If you only knew what stripes of pain gallop across my trunk.
03:17But all you want is to send me to my grave without an heir.
03:21I'm sure we will have a chance.
03:24Have a chance.
03:25Oh, dead woman.
03:26Surely you will not scramble for intercourse here.
03:29Seems I've wed a rabbit.
03:31How can you bring me a grandchild if you keep separate chambers?
03:36The Lord will find a way.
03:40Walls are no barrier to Christ.
03:42Christ?
03:43Christ never gave his mother a grandson.
03:45Edmund?
03:46Husband?
03:47I...
03:48I...
03:49I know I've displeased you much of late, but...
03:52I've found something this day that I think might please you.
03:57Oh.
03:58A tinker's carpet bag.
04:00You really are quite the cure, are you, Helen?
04:02No.
04:03Inside.
04:08Is this a jest?
04:10Oh.
04:12Ah!
04:13But...
04:14I thought since you miss Raymond, Edmund, that...
04:18You would replace Bert Raymond with God's lowest creature?
04:22A beast whose member pops forth from his belly like a pole of sticky hand?
04:29But...
04:30Edmund is a girl.
04:31And had I not saved her, she would have been battered over the skull and drowned.
04:36What imagination.
04:37Enough, woman.
04:39Cease your hysteria.
04:41We shall, of course, keep her.
04:45It will calm you to sit around all day fondling some hairy old runt.
04:52Her name is Susan.
04:54Oh, Dorothy.
04:55Do you mind looking after Mathilde just for a while whilst I play with Susan?
05:04Just remember.
05:05It is a beast that eats its own spear.
05:11I hope you agree I've been a most devoted servant these last thirty years, ma'am.
05:25Yes, yes.
05:26I'm sure you will be rewarded.
05:28I live to serve you.
05:30I live for Hunderby and the secret of the tower.
05:34Such sacrifice deserves reward indeed, though I...
05:39I might like to know in what way.
06:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:39Oh, oh, oh.
06:46Off with his egg.
06:52My egg is dry as a drum, Helene.
06:55I cannot dip my soldiers.
06:58Oh, sorry, shall I call Dorothy?
07:01Too late.
07:03I suppose I shall be obliged to rupture my sausage plait.
07:06Dorothy, my egg is dry.
07:11Oh, sorry to hear that, sir.
07:13But I have had to call for Dr. Fogarty.
07:15Mistress Matilde's most unwell.
07:21Please wrap my plait forthwith.
07:24Her condition is grave.
07:39I am surprised at such a sudden deterioration in a woman whose only ailment was a lazy anus.
07:45She was left in the dump, doctor.
07:47The dump?
07:48Outside?
07:49Mistress Helene took her for a walk and then left her there all night.
07:52But I did ask you to look after her, Dorothy.
07:56Remember?
07:59Edmund, Edmund, when I gave you Susan.
08:03Edmund, please!
08:04Prithy!
08:04Do not smelly me with the stench of your wrongs.
08:09Mistress Mother, she will not last through the night.
08:14Her lungs are ballooned by twice.
08:16Nay, only by once.
08:17But a belly hath barrel by twainfold.
08:19You blind my staff.
08:20You kill my bird.
08:22Now this, this is how you repay me for saving your life?
08:25By inflating my mother?
08:27Hush!
08:27Ho!
08:28Please, do not distress yourselves around Mistress Matilde.
08:32Oh!
08:33Oh, Mother, I'm here.
08:35Doris, here.
08:36She may pass some black and mossy stools.
08:38Be sure to sweep them for a moment.
08:40Sir, I would gladly take them in my teeth.
08:45This draft should ease any suffering.
08:49It is a delicate measure, no more than a thimbleful.
08:52Too much can bring about most curious behaviours.
08:56Why don't you not take it now she's in such pain?
08:59Oh, sir.
09:00Oh, Arabelle, she, Dorothy.
09:04Oh, how she misses Edmund's wife.
09:06I know what you did.
09:08You leaving me out.
09:10She means you.
09:11You left me out.
09:13Oh, shush, shush, shush, save your thank yous.
09:15Save your last few breaths.
09:17I think them not her last few, ma.
09:21I shall leave the baby bellows, should she need them.
09:25Not now.
09:28Oh.
09:28Please, do not blame yourself.
09:51Her health before was steady.
09:52But, Doctor, I did not leave her out there.
09:55Hush, ho.
09:58I'm sure you speak the truth.
10:02No.
10:03No.
10:04No, I do but note.
10:06My hateful growth.
10:08Oh, Doctor, that you might slice it from me.
10:11Nay, nay.
10:11It is part of you and therefore perfect.
10:18Indeed, its height brings you even closer to God.
10:26Be not ashamed, mistress.
10:28I, too, have a small imperfection.
10:31Annie?
10:44Annie?
10:50Annie?
10:52Tom was just...
10:54Oh.
10:55Oh, I was just looking for a pan, ma'am.
11:02Well, I'd like to introduce you to my new friend, Susan.
11:08Susan? Susan, what have you got?
11:18It's a mole.
11:25Jeff? Annie, he knows who I am.
11:29Can't we keep him? He's got a lovely smile.
11:37Susan? Susan?
11:40Susan!
11:41Shh!
11:55Help!
11:56Help!
11:57Help!
11:58Help!
11:59Help!
12:00Help!
12:05Mistress Mathilde, it is me, Hélène.
12:11Hélène?
12:13You have lost weight.
12:17Draught.
12:18Draught.
12:20Oh, gosh.
12:37Take care.
12:39Do not go the way of Arabelle.
12:48Susan!
12:50One moment, Mother Mathilde.
12:54Jeff!
12:58Steer you what I've bet you some clothes.
13:00If you need anything, draw on this.
13:12Good girl.
13:14Stay there.
13:19Good girl.
13:22Peace.
13:23Peace, Mother.
13:25Peace.
13:32Hold me, Edmund.
13:35Of course, Mother.
13:36No, Mother.
13:37Please.
13:38No.
13:39Oh, God.
13:40No, Mother.
13:41Please.
13:42No.
13:43Oh, God.
13:44No, Mother.
13:45Eat your supper.
13:46Oh, no, Mother.
13:47Oh, no.
13:48Oh, God.
13:49No, Mother.
13:50Eat your supper.
13:51Oh, no, Mother.
13:54That's right.
13:55That's my boy.
13:57That's my baby.
14:00That's right.
14:02There you are.
14:04I have to.
14:05Something like Peter are a Zeloppy.
14:08Oh, God.
14:09There, that's not too easy.
14:10This is not too hard.
14:11糟 would have to work.
14:13You acredite at the ends of the...
14:16That would have to do more.
14:18Allыш Estate is like, okay, look.
14:19Oh, my God!
14:21Dorothy, please!
14:23Dorothy!
14:25Dorothy, please!
14:27Oh, my God!
14:29Dorothy, get off me!
14:31What are you doing?
14:33Get off the bed!
14:35Get off the bed!
14:37Oh!
14:39Help me!
14:41Oh!
14:43Help!
14:49She's gone.
15:01Your secret is safe.
15:03But it was not I.
15:05This is just the shock.
15:07Oh, Dorothy.
15:19That most shock did such a turn.
15:29You say you did find her, Edmund?
15:31Yes, I did.
15:32Into the room to administer her draught and...
15:35She lay there quite...
15:37Quite dark.
15:41There is an odour.
15:43The death stink.
15:45And tis a foul and...
15:47buttery pong.
15:52Yet I see no stools around her exit.
15:54No, nor I.
15:58Oh!
16:00Oh!
16:02She must have clambered from her bed to pass her toilet thus.
16:06How could she have made such a journey in her condition?
16:08Well, perhaps a fit of some sort.
16:10Dr. Fogarty.
16:11Here is another.
16:12Oh!
16:13Matilde.
16:14She finally went.
16:15There's grass in the stool.
16:16Well, she must have got hungry out in that rain all night.
16:19Her neck seems...
16:20It does look floppy.
16:21Edmund, you said the same.
16:22Well...
16:23I...
16:24suppose it does look a little...
16:25Perhaps a fit, Dr. Fogarty.
16:26Perhaps in her.
16:27A frenzied search to unleash her pregnant bowel.
16:28Her neck.
16:29Snaps!
16:30I neither said her neck was floppy nor snap.
16:31Unless her lungs bursted off.
16:32This is most peculiar.
16:33That she should be found here.
16:34In bed.
16:35Oh!
16:36Oh!
16:37Oh!
16:38Oh!
16:39Oh!
16:40Oh!
16:41Oh!
16:42Oh!
16:43Oh!
16:44Oh!
16:45Oh!
16:46Oh!
16:47Oh!
16:48Oh!
16:49Oh!
16:50Oh!
16:51Oh!
16:52Oh!
16:53Oh!
16:54Oh!
16:55Oh!
16:56Oh!
16:57Oh!
16:58Oh!
16:59Oh, her daughter has been dead...
17:00with a broken neck!
17:01Could it be...
17:02suicide?
17:03No.
17:04This is most suspicious.
17:09I should like to make a report...
17:10to a justice of the Peace.
17:11Why a Justice of the Peace?
17:13Well, consider it reported then...
17:15but still...
17:26well done
17:36Edmund
17:44I must confess
17:45I hope I'm not to blame
17:46but I'm afraid Susan was briefly in there
17:49and she did unload herself
17:52I told you
17:58I did not want that wretched beast
18:00inside my home
18:02give a dog
18:06more courtesy than your husband
18:07she's wounded
18:09I am wounded
18:10my mother is dead
18:13no
18:15Jeff go go go
18:21please
18:22please
18:24get off
18:40get off
18:42me
18:42who is he
18:50who is he
18:52where is he
18:53where is he
18:55was it a stroke doctor?
19:23I wouldn't be surprised.
19:24That black beast atop him.
19:27I caught him out there trying to eat the dog, Dr. Fogarty.
19:30The sooner he's clapped in irons and shipped back to Africa, the better.
19:35He says he's from Bristol.
19:39Tis not a stroke, sir.
19:42Tis little more than a plumped patella.
19:44This salve will shrink the plumping.
19:49I'll see to it that he's flogged, sir.
19:51Thank you, Dorothy. I will deal with his punishment.
19:59Dr. Fogarty.
20:07Good day, sir.
20:07No.
20:08No.
20:16No.
20:21Now the little lass has her very own calibre.
20:43But, madam, still your eyes drizzle.
20:49For joy, Doctor, and thanks.
20:54To please his pleasure itself.
20:57Here.
21:00Let me dab your tears.
21:19Let me dab your tears.
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