- 24/07/2025
Category
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh, Jeff.
00:30What a pleasant little chamber.
00:55I confess I've never in all my life been up here.
01:00Oh, I should much prefer to stay in my own room.
01:03Your labour agonies would disturb Master Edmund.
01:07But I'm not due for some 12 weeks.
01:10What is that?
01:16Most likely moths, ma'am, preparing their supper.
01:20I do hope you will not take offence at every little sound, ma'am.
01:24Or perhaps you would have me personally silence every insect in the land.
01:27Could perhaps do with a clean, shall we?
01:31Throw out these rags?
01:33Tis a bonnet I knitted for the newborn, sir.
01:36A bonnet?
01:38It would cover the face.
01:41No one wants to look at a newborn, sir, except perhaps the mother.
01:44And often she would rather eat it.
01:47My old rompy, for bound to do his stretches.
01:51And I have knitted baby a riding suit.
01:55Will it be riding straight away?
01:57All being well, sir.
01:58Oh.
02:10Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John
02:13Went to bed with his trousers on
02:16One shoe off and one shoe on
02:18Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John
02:21It is just like old times, sir
02:29Just yourself and myself
02:32And should, God forbid,
02:37Mr. Céline pass away during childbirth
02:39I would be willing to bring baby up as my own
02:43Is she likely to perish?
02:47Sometimes, when a woman tears
02:49It does not stop at the belly
02:52And splits right up to the face
02:53Until she
02:54Breaks in two like a ladybird
02:57Oh, my goodness
02:58Bubbly milk top-up, sir
03:01Yes, please
03:02You may recall, sir
03:06Your mother's will stated that
03:09Mistress Helene birthed a child within the year
03:12And that date is nigh
03:16She's but six months gone
03:18What of it?
03:21Well, it would seem
03:23Mistress Helene might be best off birthing early, sir
03:27Oh, just pray for such a timely deliverance
03:32Or
03:33Encourage it
03:35There are ways of
03:38Persuading the womb to splay, sir
03:40Please
03:41Spare me the details of my wife's glossy prolems
03:46Oh, God
03:58Oh, God
04:00Oh, God
04:00Jesus
04:03Oh, God
04:04Oh, God
04:08Oh, God
04:09Dear Brother Edmund
04:21Holy greetings from the tropics
04:23Please accept my gift
04:25A small token of Fijian friendship
04:27He answers to
04:29Ned
04:30Ned?
04:31Perhaps he will fill the void left by Jeff's
04:35Sudden execution
04:37Warmest regards, Brother Joseph
04:39Oh
04:41Oh
04:43Oh
04:45Oh
04:47Oh
04:49Oh
04:51Oh
04:53Oh
04:55Oh
04:57Oh
04:59Oh
05:09Yes
05:09I was just mopping
05:11The bureau
05:13I spilled some
05:15Juice
05:16Are you mopping with my bockers or sniffing them?
05:19Yes, sorry
05:21I wondered whether they needed a wash
05:24Oh, God
05:31These are Mistress Elaine's
05:35Are they?
05:36Really?
05:37Goodness
05:38Well, they must have fallen into my case when last I examined her
05:44How careless I shall return them at once
05:46That would not be possible
05:48No
05:49Of course
05:50But she has gone to Fiji
05:52No
05:53No
05:54By all accounts Mistress Elaine has let herself go of late and she is now too fat to travel
05:58Too fat to travel
05:59Or receive visitors
06:00Too fat to receive visitors
06:01Graham
06:02Please
06:03Throw them on the fire
06:07Throw them on the fire
06:17You want me to
06:19Toss the bockers
06:22Yes
06:37Fennel
06:38There we are
06:39Have you the anus funnel?
06:40Oh yes
06:41Lovely
06:42I bought my own big one
06:43Oh
06:44Need a wipe
06:58And
07:01Thread and needle for sewing up torn and others
07:06My girls always seem to split from belly to back when I force them out early
07:11Probably best I've got in her first
07:14Oh
07:15Yes
07:16Now the time has come for Bab
07:34To burst your sack and off his cap
07:38A boom babby babby boom babby he's broken your keg
07:42A boom babby babby boom babby his face tween your legs
07:48Now
07:51This binding will prevent you from punching Baby in the face when he first appears
07:56Oh
07:57But I would not
07:58Once taken this draft will push Babby out in a day or sooner
08:02No
08:03Please
08:04I beg you tis not time
08:05Sometimes nature needs a helping hand mistress
08:07Yes
08:08Please
08:09Drink up mistress
08:10No
08:11Drink up
08:12わわわわわ All it's in
08:16Mrs
08:32very good
08:34very good
08:36Very good.
08:39Very good.
08:45Excuse me.
08:52Dinner is mixed tardy tonight.
08:56Thursday's partridge.
08:58Crispy parties.
09:01Do you like that?
09:05Little thing.
09:07Crispy.
09:14It won't burn, Graham.
09:17Why won't they burn?
09:19I saw wife.
09:21I said hey-ho.
09:31Oh, Hester.
09:39Forgive me.
09:41Forgive me.
09:43I make unto you a new and heartfelt vow to be among you.
09:47A most pure and devoted husband.
09:51Oh, Graham.
09:53I was a blind fool.
09:55Stumbling through the darkness.
09:57But like a finger of sun doth your love poke my fog.
10:01And now I do see anew.
10:03Oh, Hester.
10:07Oh, Hester.
10:09Oh, Hester.
10:11Oh.
10:13Oh.
10:15Oh, Hester.
10:17Oh.
10:19Oh.
10:21Oh, Hester.
10:23Oh.
10:25Oh.
10:27Oh.
10:29Oh.
10:35Let us begin again.
10:37Oh, Graham.
10:39Oh, I'm lovely.
10:41And I'm...
10:43Sorry, sir.
10:44But Mistress Helene, she's having your baby, sir.
10:51Well, I've never seen that happen before.
10:53Oh, she's foaming, Piddy.
10:55I can only think I overdone the Wormwood.
10:57Well, can it be undone?
10:59Uh, not really.
11:05Ah, you are here.
11:07Yes, sir.
11:11Is there something you require?
11:13Well, yes, my dear.
11:14At what time exactly will it be served?
11:15Um, eight o'clock, sir.
11:17Quarter after.
11:18My stomach is growling like a bassoon.
11:20Is it partridge and potties?
11:22Yes, sir.
11:24Do we have any coconuts, please?
11:26I think not, sir.
11:28Is that my wife, Dorothy?
11:30Uh, yes.
11:31We are just now engaged in delivering the child, sir.
11:34Oh, indeed.
11:36Should the mother not be rather more awake?
11:38She preferred to sleep through it, sir.
11:46She appears to be bubbly.
11:48It is just the birthing foam.
11:50As the womb explodes,
11:52it sends forth a juice that, um,
11:54washes the entire length of a woman's insides
11:56and then, um, cleans her teeth.
11:58What's that?
12:00It's just foxes, sir.
12:02They do dance when they're angry.
12:06I think we might want to fetch the doctor.
12:08There's no need.
12:10But we had best to attend the birth, sir.
12:12I would urge you, please, to leave.
12:13Supper will be straight after.
12:14It's partridge and potties.
12:15It's partridge and potties.
12:16And a big boozy trifle.
12:17It is partridge and potties.
12:19It's partridge and potties, sir.
12:20Well, if I'm not dead of famine,
12:21please give word when the child is out and, um, innocent.
12:24Oh, I'll try your potties, potties.
12:54Would you like some cheese to tide you over? Hmm?
13:02Do you like that sort of thing?
13:07Cheesy?
13:24I would ask that you hand me that key.
13:27You'll have to come and get it first, sir.
13:33Oh, dear God.
13:34Oh, dear God.
13:53How came you by this monk?
13:55I have it from birth.
13:57Wait.
14:04Oh, dear God, what have you done to it?
14:27Oh, Graham.
14:29You came for me.
14:30Hush a hole, my love.
14:34Hush a hole.
14:40I love thee.
14:42Dirty birds.
14:44I have seen this mark on another.
14:47Only once before.
14:50On a baby boy I birthed some 30 year ago.
14:53You? A mother?
14:55You were raped?
14:56Yes.
14:58How did she know?
14:59Well...
15:01The assault left me with child, twin childs.
15:03A boy and a girl.
15:05The boy was settled with a well-to-do couple and the girl abandoned to an orphanage.
15:11And the blackguard who assaulted you?
15:12Did he hang?
15:14He did not.
15:17This is the blackguard.
15:18His mother brought me to him as a plaything to stoke his desires for she feared his proclivities.
15:26This is Dorothy Melis.
15:31Pleased to make your acquaintance, sir.
15:33Your dear, dead mother introduced some form of aphrodisiac to your drink.
15:48Perhaps the dose was wrong, but you ravished me pitilessly.
15:51Too low-born to carry the Suffolk Finch name.
15:57A sum was paid to my family to placate them.
16:00I entered Mistress Mathilde's employer's housekeeper.
16:04And my children were given away.
16:06Mother gave them a chance at happiness.
16:09The Digby Chasers were a fine family.
16:11Did you just say Digby Chasers?
16:13Most respectable professionals, all doctors.
16:16But that was my...
16:18My mother was widowed.
16:20And remarried a Fogarty.
16:22But before that her name was...
16:26Father.
16:28Son?
16:30Mother.
16:32Wait, wait.
16:33You said the girl child she went to an orphanage?
16:36Yes.
16:37Tell me it was not Priory Manor.
16:39It was.
16:42Brother.
16:44Sister.
16:48Daughter.
16:50And wife.
16:52But no, no.
16:53It cannot be, for the girl child had the vestige of a tail.
16:59A tail, you say?
17:01Did it?
17:02Poke from her spine.
17:04About yea long.
17:06And waggle.
17:08As would an angry finger.
17:11Yes, Dad.
17:12Yes, Dad.
17:13Show them your tail.
17:15Yes, Dad.
17:16Yes, Dad.
17:19Show them your tail.
17:20I am?
17:21Yes.
17:22Yeah.
17:23Oh!
17:24Oh!
17:26Oh!
17:27Oh!
17:28Oh!
17:29Oh!
17:30Hmm.
17:31But is the very image...
17:37We must send word to the notary immediately
17:39that a child has been born and in the allotted time.
17:42Something is not right here.
17:45Is this my son or no?
17:46Or is this my son?
17:47Or is this my son's son and thus my grandson?
17:49Confound this mess!
17:51I don't wonder, Dorothy, that you've chosen this moment
17:53to let discretion slip.
17:54Oh, he's hungry, poor little mite.
17:58Come here, come here.
17:59Let Dory feed him.
18:00That's it, I shall feed him.
18:03No, no, please!
18:04There we are.
18:06I'm happy, that's it.
18:08I've always oozed a snowy broth.
18:10Happy to let the little fellow sup.
18:12Surely that is a condition.
18:14Since birthing my twins, my breasts have never ceased
18:16pumping their creamy brew.
18:18You know how you've always enjoyed your bubbly milk.
18:22Ye dash!
18:27What is that noise?
18:28Most likely baboons caught in the chimneys.
18:31I think it not baboons.
18:32Oh, my lord!
18:47Tis mistress Annabelle!
18:48She was barren.
18:55Unable to provide an heir, Mother Mathilde had me say she had passed
18:58and lock her away.
19:00I have tended to her these past three years.
19:04She's eaten nothing but eggs.
19:08She's not quite as I imagined.
19:11She's not quite as I imagined.
19:18Craig!
19:21His condition is grave.
19:26Oh, my God!
19:28Oh, my God!
19:30Oh, my God!
19:31Oh, my God!
19:52Oh, my God!
19:53Oh, my God!
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