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00:00Are you reeling in the years? Stowing away the time? Are you gathering at the tears? Have you had enough of mine?
00:19Stowing away the time!
00:21Hello and welcome to Annually Retentive. I'm Rob Brydon and I'm your host for this brand new comedy panel show
00:28in which we travel back through time to look at the news, the views, the people, the places
00:33and the landmark events that made the headlines in a particular year gone by.
00:40I have real misgivings about doing a panel show. Why?
00:44Why? Because it looks like the end of the line?
00:47Because the panel show is the kind of thing that people do when the career is over,
00:50when the phone stops ringing, when the scripts stop coming through the door,
00:53when your friends start ignoring you, you know, when they've lost respect, when your integrity is gone.
00:59All right, all right. It's not that bad.
01:02Let's look to our Annually Retentive Random Generator to find out which year we'll be revisiting tonight.
01:09So I'm going to be booking all the guests for Annually Retentive, so I've thought of a few names.
01:15It's always best to go for people who are in the press at the moment as well, I think, newsworthy people.
01:20And Heather Mills, I thought might be a bit of a coup if she'd do it.
01:25How much do we pay?
01:27Somewhere between $1,000 and $1,500.
01:29I think Heather's rate is about $137,000 a day, so...
01:33Sorry.
01:38Um, they tell me about you.
01:43It's not the one about the Niels booker.
01:45They tell me about the impressions. They're good.
01:48Oh, 1997. That's a shock from memory.
01:54Uh, it was the year that we sadly said goodbye to Princess Diana and Mother Teresa.
02:00We said hello to the wobbly pictures and wobbling body parts on Channel 5 and said hello to the Teletubbies.
02:07Who are you thinking of the team captains?
02:10Uh, well, we have...
02:12Comedian. King of the Google Whack.
02:14Dave Gorman.
02:17The Internet Geek.
02:18Mm-hmm.
02:23For the Tony Blairs, on my left, our captain is author, broadcaster, columnist and English Rose.
02:29Jane Moore.
02:30What the... the tabloid act?
02:32Oh, whoopee-doo.
02:35J's Spin Doctors tonight, a stand-up comedian and winner of Test the Nation, no less, it's Lucy Porter.
02:44She's not really... Lucy Porter.
02:46She's a stand-up.
02:47Who?
02:47Lucy Porter.
02:49Who?
02:50Lucy Porter.
02:51She's a comedian, Rob.
02:52She's a comedian.
02:52You might have heard of her.
02:53She was on Test the Nation.
02:55What?
02:56Anne Robinson's show, Test the Nation.
02:57Yes, I know Anne Robinson. Is she on our show?
02:59Yeah, she's on Jane's team, Lucy Porter.
03:02No, is Anne Robinson on our show?
03:03Oh, no, no.
03:04Right, who is on Jane's team?
03:05Lucy Porter.
03:06Who?
03:07Lucy Porter.
03:08Who?
03:09She's a comedian, Rob.
03:10Who?
03:11Her name's Lucy Porter.
03:12Who?
03:12Help anyone else.
03:13Who is she?
03:14I don't...
03:14Outside her immediate family, is there anybody watching it who's going to go,
03:17Oh, look who it is.
03:19Oh, it's just the Porter girl.
03:23And comedy writer, actor and thinking woman's crumpet.
03:27Chris Tarrant.
03:27No.
03:27And Denise Van Outen.
03:30No.
03:31David Mitchell.
03:34I think it'd be great.
03:36She's attractive.
03:37I wonder what she's thinking about me as she looks at me now.
03:41Gosh, shall I go and look in her diary or perhaps peer into her emails unofficially?
03:47Oh, why do I feel so guilty?
03:49Now, Dave Gorman's frontbenchers are Lad Mag Puppet, TV presenter and no relation to Lucy, it's Gail Porter.
04:00Someone on the show with less hair than me.
04:03I don't think that's funny.
04:05It's a coup, really, because you haven't seen her on TV for ages.
04:08I haven't seen her hair on TV for ages.
04:10Gail Porter.
04:11Rob, that's a bit ropey.
04:12The woman's not well.
04:13She's got a medical condition.
04:14Yeah, this is a medical condition.
04:16Yeah, yours is just called ageing.
04:18Hers is...
04:18No, it's not.
04:19It's a male fat and baldness.
04:20She woke up and had no hair on her head, did she?
04:21For a woman, that's a shocker.
04:24But especially a good-looking girl, isn't it?
04:25She's still a beautiful woman, I think.
04:27Not as beautiful as she was.
04:29Not without her hair.
04:30What about that woman in Star Trek?
04:32She was beautiful.
04:33Yeah, she was beautiful.
04:34She shaved it.
04:35She had the hair still there.
04:36Star Wars.
04:36Star Wars.
04:37Oh, right.
04:38She's thinking of Persis Kambara.
04:40Star Trek.
04:40I was in Star Trek.
04:41Star Trek.
04:41She was gorgeous.
04:43Yeah.
04:43Was she bald?
04:44Was Gail Porter in Star Trek?
04:46No, no.
04:46If you sprayed Gail Porter Green or something,
04:48I think she...
04:49Do you know what I mean?
04:50Paint her green.
04:51Mm.
04:52That's a good suggestion.
04:53Somebody should write that down.
04:54Let's paint Gail Porter Green.
04:56I just think if you gave her...
04:56Now who is being cruel?
04:58Now you're saying paint the bald women.
04:59And a man of many hats, he's a DJ, a film critic, and how many of us can say he's an ex-Blue
05:09Peter presenter, Richard Bacon!
05:13I don't want Richard Bacon on the show.
05:15He's low rent.
05:17I don't think he's...
05:17And everybody thinks about that.
05:19They don't.
05:20Say hello to my little friend.
05:21He's actually better known now for insulting those fat people on top of the pops.
05:29Who's that here?
05:29Yeah.
05:31Have him on.
05:32Welcome to Tree Wall.
05:34So who's writing this landmark in British television?
05:38Don't worry about the writers.
05:39We've got some really good people.
05:41Yeah?
05:41Really good people.
05:43Now, teens, before we rush headlong into our year, 1997...
05:48This is just another stupid panel show, isn't it?
05:52This is not what I was promised.
05:54I was told it had really good people coming up with the ideas.
05:58Really good people.
06:00And what we've got is people.
06:02I'm going to just get you into the 97 groove by showing you a photograph from that year, okay?
06:07And then I'm going to give you the whole of the show to come up with a good caption for it.
06:11Now, Jane, David, and Lucy, here's your photo from 1997.
06:16No prizes for guessing who that is.
06:19Have a little think about that.
06:21Dave, Gail, and Richard, here's your photo from 1997.
06:25This is a complete steal from Have I Got News For You.
06:28It's not.
06:29It's a small borrow.
06:30It's similar.
06:31It's not a small borrow.
06:32It's a steal.
06:33We may as well have masks on, stripy shirts, and a bag on our back,
06:38and be spotted on CC television cameras,
06:41leaving the Have I Got News For You studio,
06:44while Ian Hisslop, Paul Merton, and that big Irish idiot
06:47are lying on the floor with black eyes going,
06:50what the hell happened?
06:51Let's kick off with a round we call headlines.
06:54I'm going to show the team's genuine newspaper headlines from tonight's year, 1997.
06:57We've blanked out key words, okay?
07:00And the teams have to fill in the blanks.
07:02This is just for the dimmer viewer, then,
07:04who has missed the fact that we've already stolen from Have I Got News For You.
07:08And this is for those viewers, if you're too thick to notice it with the first round,
07:13well, don't worry, because here's another steal from the same show.
07:18Again, I would just say it's like we've put a spin on it,
07:20because in Viper News For You, I don't...
07:21No, you don't put a spin, you put it in a new show.
07:23That's all you've done to it.
07:24That's the spin.
07:27Blair struggles to sell two Bristol flats.
07:32Oh, very good.
07:33Yes, yes, yes, very good.
07:34Let's not think of it as stealing.
07:35What should we think of it as?
07:37Think of it as something else.
07:40Pilfering.
07:40Inventing.
07:41Creating.
07:42All right, this is a nice technique.
07:44So it's not terrible, it's brilliant.
07:46No, just put a different word in it.
07:47That's good.
07:47Just put a different word.
07:49That'll work.
07:49That'll work for me.
07:50That's going to help me in life, actually.
07:52So I'm actually very, very happy.
07:54Yes.
07:54I'm not feeling clinically depressed.
07:56Blair struggles to sell party downriver.
08:01What I'm doing there is I'm satirising some people's view of new labour, in some way.
08:05It's undermined the values of old labour, massively electorally unsuccessful though they were.
08:11I'm just glad you've said it out loud and we didn't have to read your thoughts.
08:13Oh.
08:17Are these the years?
08:18Yeah, these are the years we're covering.
08:2077, 80, 81, 85, 90, 97.
08:24Those are the only years we're doing?
08:26Yeah, we do one year a show.
08:27That's very recent.
08:28So 77 would be the first one.
08:30It's more like I love the 80s, isn't it?
08:33It's the demographic.
08:35The what?
08:36The demographic.
08:38What does that mean?
08:38What does a demographic actually mean?
08:45Do 77, 80, 81, 85, 90, 97, 6.
08:55You don't know what a demographic is, do you?
09:00Oh, no.
09:01Blair struggles to sell naked pictures of wife.
09:04Well.
09:05Is that me?
09:06Is that me?
09:06I mean, there's a market out there for them, surely?
09:09I don't think there's any reason to infer that that's because she's unattractive.
09:12He probably just doesn't know the marketplace for nude pictures.
09:15He hasn't got the contacts.
09:18Horn is a complex industry, you know, it's all about contacts.
09:21You've got to know which website to go to, Dave, haven't you?
09:23Yes.
09:24That's something I've learnt from you.
09:26You know, you can't just say, oh, it's the demographic, it's the demographic.
09:29It is the demographic.
09:30You can't because, you know, BBC Three has this demographic, we want to get this demographic.
09:33I can't stand up to anyone and go towards the demographic.
09:37It's actually, uh, Blair...
09:38Man struggles to sell arms to Iraq.
09:42Well, you know, you're getting closer there.
09:45The correct answer is, uh, Blair struggles to sell new IRA ceasefire.
09:51So I was closer in that Iraq has a queue on the end of IRA.
09:56Dave Gorman.
09:57That's it.
10:00Stopped short of Iraq.
10:01Iraq, yeah.
10:02You would have been there.
10:02And done it in capital letters.
10:04Yeah.
10:05So it's the whole of the 20th century, sort of, that's not for grabs.
10:10I'm just trying to get a, like, uh...
10:11We're doing, uh, 77, for the first years we're doing 77, 80, 81, 85, and 97.
10:19Uh, a very late 20th century.
10:21Yeah.
10:22That's a, that's a thing for the, for the audience, because of BBC Three's demographic.
10:25That's what we've been told.
10:26And what about the previous six decades?
10:28We did think about the six.
10:29I get it, it's just very passionate.
10:30I'm not very funny, though, but it's kind of dumbing down a bit to say...
10:33It's not, if anything, it's dumbing up.
10:34No, it's dumbing up.
10:35British blank, blank, blank, blank, Chinese.
10:38That's Chris Patton in the middle, isn't it?
10:39Yes.
10:40I was doing stand-up, and I had something about Chris Patton.
10:45Really?
10:45Yeah.
10:46Well, that'd be brilliant.
10:48Uh...
10:48Can you do a whole bit?
10:49No, it's not a bit, it's a one-line.
10:51Um, do you know what Chris Patton's middle name is?
10:55Do you know what his middle name is, Chris Patton?
10:57No.
10:58Cross.
10:59It's Chris Cross Patton.
11:01Chris Cross Patton.
11:02You're not too.
11:05It's absolutely true.
11:06That would be brilliant if you could do that.
11:07I'd just be warned, Rob isn't very kind of politically aware,
11:11so it wouldn't surprise me if he thought that was really Chris Patton's middle name.
11:14You'd have to be a complete idiot to actually think that his real name was Chris Cross Patton.
11:19Really?
11:19Uh, no, not really, Rob.
11:21You're making it up?
11:22Yes, I was making it up.
11:24British wisely keep Prince Philip away from the...
11:27LAUGHTER
11:28All right, here we go.
11:30British return Hong Kong to Chinese.
11:34And I think you...
11:35We've got that.
11:36Well done, well done.
11:37It's just fun, you know.
11:41It's meant to be light-hearted and fun, but at the same time, think QI.
11:48That's basically what I say to people, is, you know, that's the sort of template.
11:51It's not 8 out of 10, actually.
11:53They try to make it a bit...
11:54Intelligence?
11:55Yeah, which is why we've got people like yourselves on.
11:59Thanks very much.
12:00I do say that to everybody, but I think in your cases it does apply.
12:04Like angry truckers blockading French ports, we lay siege to the next round, which is called
12:11Whose News Is It Anyway?
12:12And that's deliberate, that's ironic.
12:14So it's okay to steal.
12:16Yeah, and what it is, it's the round where, you know, Rob, it's the round where we actually
12:19physically get up behind the desks and we act out a news story.
12:22Ah, wait a minute, this is ringing some bells.
12:24Never mind the buzzcocks, and you're singing a song, you're going, then, then, then, then,
12:31then, then.
12:32Well, let's guess the intro is slightly different than this.
12:36Well, this is this, guess the news story.
12:37Yes.
12:38Very similar.
12:39And there's a popular part of buzzcocks.
12:40So again, we're looking at things at work.
12:43You're thieves, you know that?
12:44All of you, you are all thieves.
12:47And I am now cast as a sort of panel show fagin.
12:52I'm the head of your gang.
12:53My little pilfering kids going out to other shows.
12:57Well, let's take this, let's take that.
12:59And you all come back to me.
13:01Am I Nancy?
13:04Prostitute.
13:05David, you are an actor, so we are expecting really good things.
13:09And you will have to externalise it, okay?
13:11No just thinking what you're saying.
13:13I don't think he likes that kind of, I mean, if he does come on the show, just, I would avoid
13:17doing that.
13:18I think he thinks it's a bit unoriginal.
13:20I wonder how many times I can do that joke tonight.
13:23I'm sure you'll find out.
13:30Um, Jonathan Ross?
13:31Not only will I come on it, I will wear a Nazi uniform.
13:37Like the black SS one, not the desert campaign.
13:40The full black, well, maybe not the armband, maybe something else on the armband instead
13:43of the swastika.
13:44Maybe, uh, how about the pink ribbon, the breast cancer ribbon?
13:48So then a Nazi, but kind of a caring, like a charity Nazi.
13:51I mean, you know what I'm saying, though?
13:53To really get past people's initial repulsion of the concept.
13:57Do you want to come on as a subtle Nazi?
13:59Yes.
14:00I've asked him, it's a no.
14:02Oh, dear, oh, dear.
14:03The life of a scientist.
14:04Here I am in the lab.
14:06I'm in love with a woman, but I never speak about it at work.
14:09Anyway, on to the job.
14:11Let's have a look at the microscope.
14:12Ooh, there's a tiny thing there.
14:13Lucy Porter.
14:14What is it?
14:15Months later.
14:15I think it might be Dolly the Cloned Sheeper.
14:18Yeah!
14:19This is the right answer.
14:21Gordon Ramsay.
14:23Oh, yeah.
14:25Yeah, why don't we ask him to do the cake change?
14:26He's not going to do our show.
14:28Why not?
14:28Because he's rich.
14:30The best cook we're going to get on this is Ainsley Harriot.
14:32Do you want us to ask Ainsley?
14:33Yes, ask Ainsley.
14:35What about that?
14:36No, actually, we probably, Ainsley, Phil Vickery.
14:39Phil Vickery.
14:39The cooking wife of Fern Britton.
14:43It seems like a phenomenally pointless exercise, cloning a sheep, because all sheep look like
14:49one another in the first place.
14:50How would you know?
14:52Racist.
14:56A panel show, yeah, it's an up escalator for a smart-ass comedian.
15:01It's a down escalator for a respected actor.
15:04Well, don't worry about it.
15:05You're neither of those.
15:07The sheep themselves, you're saying, would be very much aware that this sheep's identical.
15:12So, while humans see sheep and they all look the same, the sheep recognise the differences between...
15:17So, the sheep are really freaked out.
15:19Sheep are bloody hell.
15:20By the two identical sheep.
15:22That's not twins.
15:22Spitting images.
15:23We're sheep anyway.
15:24We're scared, in general.
15:26And now we've seen two identical...
15:27We're seeing double.
15:28And once we're drunk.
15:30We have no concept of alcohol, and yet we know we're drunk.
15:33Eamon Holmes.
15:33Eamon Holmes.
15:3532, 42, 48, 54.
15:40Not the lottery, just my waist sizes.
15:43Yes.
15:44I like...
15:45I've met Eamon.
15:45He did the Keith Barrett show.
15:46Oh, yeah?
15:47Yes.
15:48Do you think you'll do it?
15:49I do.
15:50Eamon is a good guy.
15:51Eamon loves...
15:53money.
15:57Um...
15:57Sorry, that's not...
15:58I'll rephrase that.
15:59Eamon needs money.
16:00Like sheep, singular.
16:02But how...
16:02Which should be shoop.
16:05Like shoop.
16:06The clone sheep is like shoop.
16:08Sheep, in general, are just like sheep.
16:10So was Cher's song, the Shoop, shoop song, about two clone sheep?
16:13It's about the clone sheep.
16:14Yes.
16:14Yes.
16:15Yes.
16:16Was it, does he love me?
16:20Eamon, Dave, you are going to be reenacting a landmark news event from 1997 for Richard Bacon.
16:28Okay.
16:29Hello there, Rob.
16:31Dickie Bacon on the end of the counter.
16:33Um...
16:33I don't think he likes being called Dickie Bacon.
16:36I don't care if he likes being called Dickie Bacon.
16:37If it's my show, I'll call him bloody Richard Attenborough if I want to.
16:40So, if you'd like to, er...
16:43If you'd like to open your, er...
16:45Your envelope, there it is.
16:47I am allergic to bacon.
16:49Where Richard Bacon is concerned, I am a vegetarian.
16:52That's actually quite funny.
16:53Is it worth...
16:54See, is it worth...
16:55If I've got a funny line about someone I don't like,
16:58is it worth having them on just because I've got a funny line?
17:01Is it just the one line?
17:02No, I had two.
17:03I've got, I'm allergic to bacon, and where this bacon is concerned, I'm a vegetarian.
17:07Those are two...
17:08Kind of the same.
17:09Well, er, variations and a theme, I see what you're saying.
17:12Why don't you keep going to the point where you get to the DVD extra?
17:15Just keep a thing with me.
17:17Go on, Richard Bacon.
17:18It's not the story you're thinking of.
17:18Is it not?
17:19You're not in this story.
17:22Patrick...
17:23Patrick Keelty.
17:24Don't...
17:25You know, don't think about it.
17:27Think.
17:29No?
17:30Because we could get it, I think.
17:32What do you think?
17:32What do you think I'm going to say about Patrick Keelty?
17:37I...
17:37I know what you're going to say.
17:39I know that he was meant to be brilliant when he lived in Ireland,
17:40but there's only so many years people can say that about him for...
17:43Before they have to say, but you know what, you're right.
17:46Tyson bit the ear of Evander Holyfield.
17:49I didn't mistake it for.
17:49Is the right answer, yes!
17:51Why is Patrick Keelty not hosting this show?
17:56Because he's hosting...
17:57Because he's not good enough.
17:58Why is he not good enough?
18:01Because he's not witty.
18:02Why is he not witty?
18:04Because he's lost it.
18:05Did he ever have anything to lose in the first place?
18:07Well, I...
18:07We can't be sure.
18:08Where does he come from?
18:10Ireland.
18:11Why was he born in Ireland?
18:12Because his parents come from Ireland.
18:14Why are his parents coming from Ireland?
18:15What are you saying?
18:17Exactly.
18:18So think before you throw these names at me.
18:20Gosh, okay.
18:22Stephen Fry.
18:22Yes.
18:23He won't do it.
18:24Which boxer has made a fortune from his low-fat cooking device?
18:27Jane Moore.
18:28George Foreman.
18:29You're not on a commercial network, so just be careful about that.
18:32Don't go mentioning commercial products.
18:34Okay.
18:35Obviously.
18:36If you have a deal with Pepsi, keep it to yourself.
18:39Or in your case, Richard, Coke.
18:44I'm on my third George Foreman grill.
18:46They're all excellent, and I don't get any commission for this.
18:48It's just that he's slightly modified.
18:50I mean, they've always been hot.
18:51The problem with them, Rob, is they've always been hard to clean, and in the very latest
18:54one, the parts come off, and you can put it straight in the sink.
18:57Previously, you had to scrub the thing on your desktop, and it was unpleasant.
19:01Isn't it, Jane?
19:02Isn't that a good idea?
19:02Well, because I've got the old one.
19:03I didn't know it did that, so I will now be going out to buy a new one as well.
19:06Because I did think...
19:07That's so cynical, isn't it?
19:09It initially brings out basically a shit grill.
19:13It makes a tiny improvement, and all the idiots go out and buy a new one.
19:17It makes another tiny improvement.
19:1950 grills later, it'll be okay.
19:21When you say...
19:22What are you doing?
19:25What are you doing?
19:25Come on.
19:27Lighten up.
19:27Can you lighten up for me, please?
19:28I'm trying to lighten up.
19:30Goodbye.
19:43This is an absolute bloody disaster.
19:46What do you mean?
19:46It's a bloody car crash.
19:49What are you talking about?
19:50It's hilarious.
19:50You see, Mitchell is dominating.
19:53He's getting all the laughs.
19:54He's a fat guy.
19:55They're going to be laughing at the fat guy.
19:57What is Dave Gorman doing?
19:58He's playing some sort of Jedi mind trick on me.
20:00You know, undermine me all the time.
20:02Okay, you know what?
20:02He's gone.
20:03You don't want to work with him, you don't have to work with him.
20:05You know?
20:05We'll get rid of him.
20:06You're doing a great job out there.
20:07You're doing a great job.
20:09Huh?
20:11There we go.
20:13Fuck's sakes.
20:21Ho, ho, ho.
20:24Yeah, fine.
20:25Good.
20:25Can I mention a charity?
20:31Yeah, it's a charity for people with voices in their head.
20:35And you can certainly mention that one, yes.
20:37Yeah.
20:37So I'd be very pleased to hear that.
20:39Yeah.
20:40I mean, that would be a...
20:41What would that be?
20:42That would be a mental charity.
20:44That's what he's saying, isn't it?
20:45That's hilarious.
20:46Charity for people who are mental.
20:47As bigotage.
20:48Ha, ha.
20:48The other round we should talk about, Rob, is now in Venn.
20:52Never been done before on a Vagal News for you.
20:55And this is this 1997's one.
20:58I will say, I've never seen this on a TV panel show.
21:01There you go.
21:02However, should any of our viewers be familiar with The Guardian, a broadsheet newspaper, which
21:09I'm imagining is alien to most of you, you will discover it's in fact in that said newspaper.
21:16Because they have a Venn diagram with celebrities.
21:19So well done.
21:19You've now widened your crime ring to incorporate print.
21:25So these connecting stories, are the stories themselves from 1997?
21:28Forgive me for not being clear on the rules.
21:30Well, let me check.
21:32No, not necessarily, no.
21:35They're general facts.
21:37But it's to do with...
21:38The middle one is to do with the year, isn't it?
21:40So it's the election.
21:40All right, yeah.
21:41Tony Blair is in the middle because he had a big year.
21:43He was elected in May of 1997.
21:46What do they have in common?
21:47What about...
21:48Well, Tony Blair and Adam and Adam have both met the Spice Girls.
21:51Ah, now then, we are getting somewhere.
21:54Well...
21:55No, I haven't either.
21:56Well, Richard Bacon, do you want to bring up the deep fat fryer again?
21:59No.
22:01It's not a deep fat fryer.
22:02It's not a deep fat fryer.
22:06It's the opposite of that.
22:07He should bring out a deep fat fryer as well.
22:10The first one, obviously, just wouldn't plug in.
22:14Suddenly...
22:16The first one, the second one isn't earth.
22:18Yeah.
22:18It's you, you, you, you, you, you.
22:20What am I thinking?
22:21I wonder if I'm thinking about being on a panel show, or do stuff like that.
22:25Yeah, he actually, he asked, please, can we not do anything like that, actually, because
22:28he's a bit sensitive about that.
22:29So we've got a bald woman who doesn't want people to mention that she's bald, we've got
22:34an unknown woman who would like us not to mention that she's unknown, but a man who's primarily
22:38known for voicing the thoughts in his head, who wouldn't like us to mention voicing the
22:43thoughts in his head.
22:44Are we allowed to say that Jane Moore works for the Gutter Press?
22:47Would she rather we didn't mention that?
22:48Is Dave Gorman asking us not to mention that he looks like a lecturer, or goes on the internet
22:53a lot?
22:53The link between Anton Deck and Mr. Anthony Blair is Newcastle United.
22:58George's, Anton Deck, have been supporters of the club all their lives.
23:03I'm doing the accent now.
23:04Is everybody using this show as a chance to make a fresh start and go in a new direction?
23:09To a degree, yeah.
23:11We have to have something that people can say, oh, yes, I know what he does.
23:15At the moment, we're going to have people watching this saying, I thought he was the fat
23:18one from Peep Show, but apparently not, because they haven't made a mention of it.
23:22I think he can say he's fat.
23:24You can say he's fat.
23:25I don't think you want to use that.
23:25Why don't you introduce him as that?
23:27No, you can say he's fat one.
23:29Well, I'm not going to say it.
23:30I don't want to imply it.
23:31Yeah.
23:31But I'm not even allowed to imply it.
23:33My implications are being limited.
23:34Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
23:35Well, you can imply it all you want.
23:37In fact, the poor addiction.
23:37Can I, Dave?
23:38Can I imply it?
23:38He's a bit sensitive about his weight, so.
23:40He's sensitive about his weight.
23:42It's only reason he makes a living.
23:44Totting up the scores at the end of the show.
23:45This week's defeated Tom Kites, it'll make sense, are Dave, Gale, and Richard.
23:50This week's victorious Tiger Woods are Jane, Lucy, and David.
23:57See, I worry that there's no integrity to it.
24:04Rob, it's a panel show.
24:06Leave your integrity at the door.
24:08I don't think I can.
24:09I don't think I can.
24:10I think I've got too solid a backbone.
24:12I think that I've got, I'm like Superman.
24:15I've got, I've got truth, honour, and justice shot through me, and I, I don't think I can
24:22fake it.
24:23Right.
24:24Do you want me to do an alternate version where the other side win?
24:27Relates to his dad.
24:30What?
24:31Who said integrity?
24:33You know, I'm going to go from being unknown for shows that I respected, to unknown for
24:42a show that I have utter contempt for.
24:46I prefer being unknown for good stuff.
24:48You don't know him from this show.
24:53Not, you don't know him from this show.
24:56Here's Rob Brydon.
24:57You don't know him from a piece of shit.
24:59That's awful.
25:00I'd much rather have used this little fella.
25:02No, you don't know him from a really good show.
25:04People used to point at me and say, look, it's the guy in the car.
25:06Where's your cab?
25:08No, they're going to say, look, it's the guy behind the desk.
25:11It doesn't do anything before 1977.
25:13If they even watch it.
25:17Because apparently they only watch it in the land of demographic.
25:21And what if I don't meet any demographs?
25:23There is just time to hear what captions the teams came up with.
25:29Jane, Lucy and David.
25:31This is the photo we gave to you.
25:33It's obviously Clinton.
25:34Bill and Hillary, the Clintons there.
25:36What have you got?
25:36It's Hillary saying, I know you're hiding a moniker under that blanket.
25:39I mean, we thought something like, if you do that again, I'll break the other leg, maybe.
25:45If you do it again, I'll break the other leg.
25:48President relaxes during hospital handjob.
25:56That's excellent.
25:57That's very believable, yeah.
25:59Do you have anything for that?
26:01No, I think we were going to go for something very similar on the wanking front, really.
26:05So you've already done it?
26:07Yeah.
26:07And in a superior version, and we salute you.
26:10All right.
26:12Dave, Gail and Richard, your photograph featured our lovely would-be monarch.
26:18What have you got for him?
26:19Dave, your team's got Prince Charles and Prince Harry from 97.
26:25And have you got any jokes for that?
26:29Well, I would have thought of something about parentage.
26:31That's his steps on Harry, yeah.
26:32One day, son, all this will be your brother's.
26:42I don't think we'll top that, but, Dickie?
26:45No.
26:45No.
26:46Look, a George Foreman grill.
26:51That's it.
26:52This week's show can officially be filed in the box marked history.
26:56Fern, Britain.
26:58Yes, yes, with bells on.
27:01You're a fan?
27:01No.
27:02I think she offers a light at the end of the tunnel for Britain's fat population.
27:08My ideal would be Fern, Britain, and Eamon Holmes, two giggling chubbies.
27:13Either side of Dave or Jane.
27:15Thanks at home for watching.
27:18I'm Rob Brydon and I am annually retentive.
27:21Good night.
27:21Thank you very much for coming.
27:44You've been a lovely, lovely audience, quite sincerely.
27:50I hope that when we're annually retentive comes onto our screens,
27:54there's a man there putting his coat on.
27:55You have to spoil it.
27:59Would it have killed you to wait 20 seconds longer?
28:02LAUGHTER
28:03LAUGHTER
28:04LAUGHTER
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28:55
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