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Honky Kong
  • 6/10/2025
Original Broadcast Date: May 18th 2016

Category

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TV
Transcript
00:00Has anyone seen the infinity tablet?
00:05The twins are watching the entire sixth series of Dexter on it.
00:09Have they done their homework?
00:11They don't do homework in primary school anymore.
00:14It stresses them out.
00:16I want to read the online news.
00:18Your iPhone's going off.
00:21Probably another meme from your sister.
00:23It's the door.
00:25What?
00:26There's someone at the door.
00:29Emailing, you mean?
00:31No!
00:32Someone's physically at the door to our house.
00:35It's probably three light bulbs.
00:40Yes?
00:41Yes, hello, I'm collecting for the ABC.
00:46It's a bit late, isn't it?
00:47Well, probably, yes, but the lost causes are the ones worth fighting for, aren't they?
00:52We don't want any light bulbs.
00:54No, no, no, the ABC makes quality television and radio programming.
00:59We already subscribe to Netflix, Stan, Foxtel and Crackle, so thank you.
01:04No, but this is free, sir.
01:05Well, if I give you any money, it isn't.
01:07Well, normally it's free, sir, but I'm sure you've heard of the recent disaster.
01:13The triennial funding thing?
01:15Yes, yes, $20 million cut.
01:17The biggest threat is to our news department, sir.
01:20We don't need any news, we're already signed up with News Corp.
01:23No, no, but what about the people who can't afford subscription providers, sir?
01:28What?
01:29The ABC is accessible to everybody.
01:31Look, if I go to a restaurant, I want to order from the menu, not line up at the buffet with a bowl with everyone else.
01:39Yes, but the quality of our buffet is excellent, sir.
01:43Look at our menu.
01:45What sort of programs are we talking about?
01:48What's Q&A?
01:49Well, that's a group of people sitting around talking about politics.
01:54Gruen.
01:55That's a group of people sitting around talking about advertising.
01:59QI.
02:00People sitting around talking about things of interest.
02:04Agony of life.
02:06Sitting around talking about nothing of interest at all.
02:10Well, I like non-sitting programs where people actually do something.
02:13Drama.
02:14Yes.
02:15Oh, well, then you'll love this.
02:16What about this?
02:17Dr. Blake's Mysteries.
02:19It's about a man with a beard.
02:22Who returns home from the war to run his father's medical practice.
02:27Well, what's the mystery apart from how it got commissioned in the first place?
02:31Look, you're competing with Game of Thrones, man.
02:33Where's the permissive borderline pornography we expect when we pay for moving images on our screen these days?
02:39Janet King's a lesbian.
02:43I'm listening.
02:44And she fronts a royal commission into the gun culture.
02:49Oh, for God's sake.
02:50It's exactly this sort of right on lefty worthiness which is turning people away from you in droves to epic fail YouTube clips in the football.
02:58Where's your subversive thinking outside the triangle topical news satire?
03:03I'd pay to see that.
03:04We do have mad as hell.
03:07What's that?
03:08Well, it's like a comedy version of the weekly.
03:11One, two, three, four.
03:12Oh, it's like a comedy version.
03:13Yeah, it's like a comedy version of the square in three years.
03:15Do have to look too far.
03:16I'll have to decide for breaking the navigating other characters at the square in 12.
03:17There's going to be a fantasy version of the square.
03:19But Jenny would have been about four.
03:20Ready, Krishna?
03:21I'll be in the background.
03:22I'll be in the background.
03:23Bye-bye.
03:24I'll be in the background.
03:25muFox Express though nape.
03:26I'll be here for that.
03:36Melody Goodie Bill Kelly turned out합니다.
03:39Well, it's well and truly started, hasn't it?
03:53The tribulation is at hand, for it is foretold in the prophecy that when the Daily Telegraph
03:58lieth down with the shadow minister for transport and the earth gives up its dead, there will
04:03be a battle between good and evil at the Windsor RSL in Western Sydney, and lo, there will
04:09be a great time of dullness across the land for 45 days and nights until the great decisioning.
04:16Incidentally, how many people here watch the debate on Sky News?
04:19Everybody, great.
04:20Now, unfortunately, I couldn't be there because I had a thing, but we do have someone in our
04:25audience who was.
04:26Can you make yourself know?
04:27Here I am, Sean, over here, with the beautiful wife of Adney.
04:30And what was the atmosphere there like at the Windsor RSL on Friday?
04:34Couldn't tell you, Sean.
04:35We were out in the back playing the pokies.
04:38Couldn't hear over the bloody music.
04:40What a pity.
04:41Have Adney won $12 in half-price drinks vouchers?
04:45Excellent.
04:46Anyway, according to all reliable accounts and even unreliable accounts like 9news.com,
04:52Bill Shorten won.
04:53And I think I know why.
04:55He's been in training in the lead-up to the debate, talking at town halls all over the
04:59country, to make sure that his message is short, sharp and to the point.
05:03It's great for Chloe and I to be here at my 22nd town hall meeting.
05:07See?
05:08He's got an entire town hall meeting down to 20 seconds.
05:13Perfect for our lack of attention span when we're watching the news, particularly on Sky.
05:17Though it does beg the question, how does Bill fit the Labor Party's 100 policies into
05:2020 seconds?
05:21Obviously, he has to pad them out a bit.
05:23But I think the real reason that Bill did so well is that he's a man of the people.
05:28He uses, to employ the vernacular of the Vox Papuli, plain speaking.
05:36Here's Bill telling it like it is.
05:38No zingers, no highfalutin book-learning word talkage.
05:41Just a simple, easy-to-understand answer to why our manufacturing is moving offshore.
05:48Before the Liberals got elected, there were 20 countries in the world who could build a
05:52car from woe to go.
05:54Now, you might ask yourself, how do you build a car from woe to go?
05:59From the moment you stop building it to the moment you start building it.
06:03Well, that's Bill's point, you see.
06:04Getting it arsed about was exactly the problem with our car industry in the first place.
06:07Now, some cynics out there might suggest that Bill just got the expression wrong.
06:11I mean, whoever runs Malcolm's website helpfully put the transcript up and raised this very
06:16point, that in order not to look too pedantic and elitist, misspelled the word woe, which
06:21was very generous of him.
06:23Not that Labor are encouraging us all to speak like idiots.
06:26Labor's major campaign theme is education, after all.
06:29And this address by Bill to a group of teachers emphasises its importance.
06:33You are the people to whom the parents trust our children to leave when they leave, when
06:39they first have their days of school.
06:45I believe he was kept back after that for some remedial study, which makes him very relatable.
06:50And this has been the case with Bill from day one.
06:53He was out there at the beginning of the campaign being very egalitarian.
06:57While Malcolm went to Yarralumla and hobnobbed it with Sir Peter, Bill went to the pub for
07:02a beer.
07:02And this plays well with the public, doesn't it?
07:05Extraordinarily average voter, Spore Clut.
07:07Oh, yeah, good thanks, Sean.
07:10And what does the imagery of Bill at the pub say to you?
07:13Um, he drinks beer, I drink beer, he's like me.
07:19I like me, I like him, I'll go for him.
07:23Well, you can't argue with those focus groups.
07:26Still, because of Bill coming across like an everyman, a lot of people say he's a bit
07:30dull on this campaign.
07:31I'm not so sure.
07:32Will this country be a country that ensures that the fair go is for everyone, or that
07:38the fair go is just limited to the fortunate few?
07:41What do you think?
07:42Oh, I think it's only dull if you listen to the way he's talking.
07:47Quite a grease spore.
07:48If you listen to what he's saying, he's actually quite exciting.
07:51I will fight this election to help create a vibrant economy, growing jobs with reasonable
07:58conditions.
08:00See, he's not over-promising, not jobs with great conditions or even good conditions.
08:05What we want in our jobs are reasonable conditions.
08:09Sorry, Bill, I interrupted.
08:09Please go on.
08:10It was very interesting.
08:11I will fight this election for health, hospitals and Medicare.
08:15I will fight this election for real action on climate change.
08:21Mmm.
08:22Mmm.
08:23Yeah, I like the smile at the end there on climate change.
08:25Like it's an old friend and not something that's going to kill us.
08:28It's a nice touch, very humanish.
08:31The message is clear.
08:32Bill is fighting this election.
08:34The question is, though, can he defeat it?
08:36And shouldn't he perhaps be fighting the government instead?
08:38And what happens if he defeats the government, not the election?
08:41Send your entries to, don't bother doing a graphic for this, it's not a real, oh, you've
08:45already done it, care of the ABC.
08:47But what about Malcolm?
08:49Or as some people like to call him?
08:51Who are you?
08:52I'm not very very conductive on the train, just to say.
08:55Who are you?
08:55It's a very existential question, isn't it?
08:58Others, like Peter Credlin here, see him not so much as Mr. Who are you as?
09:02Mr. Harverside Mansion.
09:05Peter Credlin, as you might remember, though, is very good friends with Mr. No-Fixed-Abode.
09:10But Malcolm's had a tough week.
09:14He's had to deal not only with how he's perceived, but also all this business about whether his
09:18name in the Panama Papers means anything, whether the government's proposed superannuation changes
09:22are retrospective, and Labor's claim that productivity immediately lifts by 2.8% when
09:27you boost education funding.
09:29And the Libs counterclaim that it would take place in 80 years' time.
09:32Campaign spokesperson of Finance Minister Matthias Korman has dealt with most of these for Malcolm,
09:37and on the last one, he got for him very, very riled up.
09:40In fact, I've never seen him so angry.
09:42Bill Shorten either doesn't understand how the economy works, he doesn't know how to read
09:49economic analysis, or he deliberately set out to mislead the Australian people.
09:55Spokesperson for Matthias Korman, Darius Horsham, why do we have to wait until 2095 to see
10:07the benefits of education funding?
10:09Sean, the OECD data is very clear.
10:12By the year 2095, even the T3000 will be obsolete.
10:17Education will be a thing of the past, no more asking the teacher, oh, I want to go to
10:21the bathroom, there is no bathroom, or teacher.
10:25What about your proposed superannuation changes, do they go back to 2007?
10:29Sean, I'm not going to bullshit on your leg and tell you it's a brown kitten.
10:34Time displacement will not be possible until the year 2029, so it's nothing to worry about
10:40now.
10:40Jobs and growth is what you need to remember this election, and when I say jobs, I'm also including
10:45unpaid internships.
10:46Yes, yes, you're paying businesses a subsidy to employ people that they're not paying a
10:51wage to.
10:51Surely the fact that the workers are free would be incentive enough to...
10:54The top 1% is to provide the Cyberdyne system for economic growth in this country, which
10:59these free labour units will build on their behalf.
11:02We've already had a lot of interest from businesses about being able to legally hire labour that costs
11:08them nothing.
11:08What businesses?
11:10Mainly 7-11.
11:11But what about the so-called Google tax for those mentioned in the Panama Papers who aren't
11:23Malcolm Turnbull?
11:24For example, the Wilson Group, who run Wilson Security, who run the detention centres on
11:28Nauru, and receive $400 million worth of contracts from the Australian Government.
11:33Should they be allowed to pay only 1% tax on their income in the Virgin Islands, disgraced
11:37businessman and mad as hell tax expert Davy Plum?
11:39Fair enough, I say.
11:41You get a company to look after your offshore detention centre, it's only fair they get
11:45to look after their money in an offshore tax haven.
11:47You know, I've never really understood this.
11:49What's the difference between tax evasion and tax avoidance?
11:51Sean, tax evasion is a bit like the way I'm going to be evading your question now, but
11:56if I wanted to avoid it, I just wouldn't have turned up for the interview in the first
11:58place.
12:01Darius, can you give me a straight answer on this?
12:03Davy is absolutely right, Sean.
12:05That tax evasion is like when I am chasing you through the sewers on a motorcycle with
12:09a shotgun, whereas tax avoidance is when I'm hunting you down in a mental facility and
12:14shooting holes in the wall while you're somewhere hiding under a desk like a crybaby pussy economic
12:20girly man.
12:21Thank you very much indeed, Darius.
12:25Fantastic.
12:26Still to come, later in the week...
12:29Is it hard to get...
12:31The federal government has a mandate to investigate things the police are already doing.
12:38We want you to run the revised Australian Building and Construction Commission.
12:42Loved.
12:43One woman.
12:45My mother was crushed by an RSJ on a corrupt building site and I still bear the scars for
12:51all to see.
12:53So don't you talk to me, exposition.
13:00Sixteen deputy commissioners.
13:02I don't want you to look at me like I'm a woman.
13:06I don't want you to look at me like I'm a man.
13:09I'm just like the rest of you.
13:12It doesn't matter.
13:13And so does this job.
13:17One hundred and fifty million dollars a year to fund.
13:21Orphanages like this one are likely to contain asbestos.
13:25Maybe my boys will be on a go slow before it's all removed in time.
13:30All depends on what you can corrupt me with.
13:34You'll find my wallet in my bra.
13:37She's wearing a godjam wire.
13:46Rego!
13:46I'll ring the ombudsman.
13:48Subpoena them, boys.
13:50There'll be plenty of time to go slow while they're giving evidence of the commission.
13:53Mr. Ombudsman, you've got a problem with nuns.
13:56Enid Swink, coming soon.
13:59Welcome back.
14:01We've been examining some very hot-button election issues this show, but let's try now to push
14:05the seized lever of offshore processing, which is currently receiving a lot of bipartisan
14:10this during the campaign.
14:12Labor's inertia monitor, Cluck Flatworth, how do you reconcile the party line with the fact
14:17that, what is it now, 16 members of your party disagree with it?
14:20Well, Sean, of course we disagree with offshore processing, but we don't want people risking
14:26their lives to get to this country, which is exactly what will happen if we say we're
14:30going to treat them humanely if they manage it.
14:33So, we pretend we'll be inhumane to them if they try and come here for their own safety.
14:40Obviously, if we get voted in, we'll be a lot less inhumane to them than the present
14:44government.
14:44All right.
14:44And you'll close Nauru and Manus Island?
14:47Ah, well, it's a bit hard to answer that genuinely, Sean, because of the message we might
14:52send.
14:53Well, MasterChef's probably running over, so no-one's watching.
14:57Well, yeah, well, they might be watching on iview later, so I'm afraid I'm going to have
15:02to go with the no on the question of closing down the centres.
15:06We remain firmly committed to offshore processing.
15:12Spokes being for the Immigration Minister, Peter Dutton-Merglin, you differ from Labor in
15:18that you actually believe in your policy, don't you?
15:20Oh, kind of, Sean.
15:22Obviously, Manus Island is illegal, and we'll have to close that after the election.
15:26And Nauru has problems we haven't even thought about solving yet.
15:29But until then, it's not so much pretending that we care about the safety of these people
15:33as it is about pretending that these people might pose a threat to national security.
15:38It's a far more effective campaign ploy.
15:40All right.
15:40So, despite all the posturing, you'll eventually treat the refugees humanely as well.
15:45Oh, yeah.
15:50Humanely.
15:52Thank you, Merglin.
15:53Of course, PNG's Supreme Court ruling that the Manus Island detention centre is illegal
15:57has led to neither Australia nor the PNG being willing to take responsibility for the asylum
16:01seeker.
16:02So, the ruling has rather left detainees feeling like people who couldn't get to a Coldplay concert,
16:06uncertain as to whether they're lucky or unlucky.
16:08But, Sebastian Munge from the Institute of Uncharted Accountants, you've come up with
16:13a potential solution.
16:15Yes, Sean.
16:16What I'm proposing is that we take back the 850 men from Manus Island and negative gear
16:23them against our annual refugee intake.
16:27And HTF, would that work?
16:28Well, Sean, what we'd do is we would borrow the asylum seekers from Manus Island and use
16:34them to set up an onshore processing facility in Australia.
16:38Now, the damage then done to our border protection policy would be greater than the humanitarian
16:45benefit derived from it, thus resulting in a net loss of political capital, which we could
16:52then claim as a deduction against our annual refugee intake.
16:57Isn't that refugee evasion?
17:00No, no, no.
17:01It's only refugee avoidance.
17:03Well, Sebastian raises a very, very interesting issue there.
17:07And, Sebastian, I hope you do stay with us as we examine it further in our Mad-As debate.
17:13Mad-As debate.
17:16The philosophical...
17:17I've got to go.
17:18The parking metres are only 15 minutes around here.
17:24The philosophical tug of war between wealth and creation and access to luxuries like a roof
17:32over your head might prove to be the making point of this election.
17:35On the offhand, we have the hands-off approach to negative gearing, which makes the Australian
17:39dream of owning your own investment property a reality.
17:42Whereas, on the second hand, having to live within your means without a tax break means
17:45less property speculation, falling house prices and the fact that you might be able to afford
17:50to buy a home to actually live in.
17:52Fabiana Bastien, you're a Liberal voter and live in a rented flat, but service a loan on
17:58investment property by negative gearing.
18:00Yeah, I don't understand it either, Sean.
18:01All I know is that my eight-month-old daughter is a landlord.
18:05And if I couldn't afford to write off my losses through negative gearing, I wouldn't be able
18:09to lease the property I live in.
18:11Yes, but rent would be lower if house prices were lower, which is what will happen if they
18:15get rid of negative gearing.
18:16Really?
18:17Yeah.
18:17Oh, I'm voting for Labor then.
18:20Yes, it's an interesting point, isn't it, Caspar Jonquil?
18:22Never mind that.
18:23Why doesn't someone do something about my self-funded super?
18:26My investments in that BHP tailings down in Brazil have gone through the floor.
18:29My whole portfolio is like a Hollywood Botox clinic.
18:31Every day there's a new bottom.
18:33Yes, and why did Chris Bowen shave his beard off?
18:37Plus $15 million to infect European carp with herpes are ridiculous.
18:40I would have done it for nothing.
18:42Perhaps it didn't play well with the focus group.
18:44I told the Purana task force that I could arrange for the carp to sleep with the fishes,
18:47but they said, oh, it's got nothing to do with us.
18:49Yes, and it gave him the illusion of a chin.
18:50And what about Fox News?
18:52I watched it for 90 minutes last night.
18:53There wasn't one mention of a single fox.
18:55It's like that singer, Sia.
18:57She's called Sia, but you can't.
18:58Well, unfortunately, Peter, we have lost contact with Casper there.
19:09Still to come, right now, news from countries that aren't Australia.
19:14News from countries that aren't Australia.
19:16Brought to you by the Colour Me Canberra Colouring Book.
19:20The perfect way to unwind and melt away the stress while creating something wonderful.
19:27Available at the ABC shop online.
19:31Well, the world's oldest person, Susanna Mouchet-Jones, has died at the age of 116 in New York City, which means...
19:38The new oldest known person in the world is now Emma Morano-Martinuzzi, who's also 116 years old and lives in Italy.
19:46Ms. Martinuzzi said the secret to becoming the world's oldest person was the previous record holder dying.
19:57To the South Pole now, and a win this week in the international war on drugs,
20:02with the CSIRO announcing plans to close its ice lab in Antarctica.
20:05A wise move, in my opinion, move back to Australia where the distribution is cheaper,
20:10streamline the operation, cut out the middle penguin.
20:12And before you judge the CSIRO for selling crystal meth, ask yourself,
20:18what would you do if you faced the funding cuts that they've had to do?
20:21Anyway, it's not as if they haven't trafficked in illicit, soul-destroying substances before,
20:26as anyone who's eaten a bowl of barley macs will tell you.
20:32Revelations of Australian involvement in the Unioil scandal
20:34have rocked the federal government, primarily because no unionists appear to have been implicated.
20:40Overseas authorities have also heavily criticised ASIC and the Australian Federal Police
20:44for their failure to effectively fight foreign bribery.
20:48Commissioner Payne from the AFP,
20:50since the year 2000 you've launched approximately 36 of these sorts of investigations,
20:54and 34 of them have led to no prosecutions.
20:57WTF.
20:58Well, the reason for that, Sean, is of course our no-pursuit policy.
21:08I thought that only applied to high-speed car chasers.
21:11You know, no, the no-pursuit policy can apply in a range of circumstances.
21:16The Unioil case is a highly complex matter,
21:18and we considered there was an unacceptable risk
21:21that our officers would not be able to work out what the freak was going on.
21:25And under what other circumstances could the no-pursuit policy be invoked?
21:30If we can't be arsed.
21:34And finally, Japan is set to build the world's first invisible train.
21:38The train will apparently, or not apparently,
21:40be covered with a semi-reflective surface,
21:43giving the locomotive a ghost train look, or non-look.
21:47It would be a great addition to the PM's Smart Cities plan
21:49to have a whole invisible train system, wouldn't you think?
21:52Mind you, I can't see it happening.
21:58Still to come.
22:00Boat to be used to transport five Australians to Indonesia
22:04to join Islamic State to be returned to Melbourne
22:06under federal government's tow-back policy.
22:09Bill Shorten's Labour bus in editing metaphor for election hopes.
22:16And the Christian Family Values Party spells out its election platform.
22:20So why do we need a national porn filter?
22:23Um, to get rid of the ads.
22:25I just want pure hardcore porn.
22:30Dad didn't remember things in great detail,
22:32but I do remember him saying it was pretty warm.
22:37About 170 degrees Celsius, I think,
22:40for 40 minutes.
22:42And then cool.
22:45The making of an Anzac.
22:47Sunday, 3.30.
22:50Welcome back.
22:51Well, police have commissioned a task force
22:53to target the criminal activities of a gang known as Apex.
22:56Now, for sure, they certainly seem to have been involved
22:58in some violence and public brawling and assaults
23:01and some carjackings.
23:02And you can focus on the negative aspects of Apex if you want.
23:05But what about the positive stuff?
23:06Helping the elderly.
23:08Medical research sponsorship.
23:10Outreach to the homeless.
23:12Sashing scissors.
23:12All I'm saying is, let's not forget about the good work
23:16that these people do when they're not juiced up.
23:20Well, to politics again,
23:22and they say that politics makes strange bedfellows.
23:24Well, who can forget Malcolm Fraser joining with the Greens
23:27or when Cheryl Curnow cosied up to Labor.
23:30Remember when Billy Hughes moved in with the Conservatives in 1916?
23:33And didn't tongues wag when John Howard became a card-carrying member
23:37of the Australian sex party?
23:39Anyway, the Greens are looking around for a coalition partner
23:42and have set their cap for Labor,
23:44who are typically playing hard to get.
23:46Tell them they're dreaming.
23:48But the Greens, who you'd think would know the meaning of the word no,
23:50still have a sort of bunny-boiling hope.
23:53Sometimes dreams come true.
23:55Matchmaker Dolly Levi, any chance these two can get together again?
23:58Why, Mr McKaylor, for you kidding?
24:01Labor and the Greens were made for each other and they know it.
24:04Didn't you see Bill Shorten's vacant expression when he was speaking?
24:07Well, he always looks like that.
24:08Oh, he's proud.
24:09He's all the Greens went off with the Liberals and he's hurt.
24:12Who wouldn't be? It's human nature.
24:13You got a little bit of schmutz there?
24:15Oh, I see.
24:15If your ex-fiancée went and voted with some guy to shelve the ABCC
24:19and then pushed Senate voting reforms through,
24:21wouldn't you be a little put-out?
24:22Put-out.
24:23Oh, Dolly, you're so incorrigible.
24:26Oh, God.
24:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
24:28But isn't it more serious than that?
24:31They're going after Anthony Albanese, Seton, Graindler.
24:34Oh, that old thing.
24:35Why, Mr McKaylor, as my late husband Ephraim Levi used to say,
24:38when a peacock tries to swallow a live monkey,
24:41he's only doing it for attention.
24:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
24:47But there's talk of a preference to it with the libs, isn't there?
24:49Oh, Mr McKaylor, if you filled that pretty little head of yours
24:52with the nonsense, people say you'd have no room for your own thoughts.
24:55Now, would you?
24:56So the Greens slept with the libs a few times.
24:59They've come back more experienced.
25:00What are labor afraid of?
25:02Apart from a dose of something, a few shots of penicillin can't take care of.
25:06Anyway, you think the relationship between the gnats and the libs is a better nails?
25:10Let me tell you.
25:11When that nice Mr What's-His-Name was in China, promising them everything except for the Kidman ranch
25:16and that deranged lunatic who was in charge of the country,
25:20you think there wasn't a little tension?
25:22Trust me, if it means we're in power, labor and the Greens will be added like coked-up weasels
25:26before you can say political expediency.
25:28No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no please, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't, don't.
25:34Goodbye, Dolly.
25:36Coming up a bit later on from the Favelaazione in Rio, Maggie Bathysphere and team with the
25:40latest sports being trialled for the Games.
25:42Bareback skeet shooting, involuntary diving, capsicum spray dodging, witch hat hurling, the
25:50burning of infected uniforms and of course the 100-metre dysentery.
25:53Speaking of Rio, have a look at this
25:59It's appalling, isn't it? The quality of the effigy, I mean
26:02Looks nothing like ex-president Dilma Rousseff
26:05On the other hand, look at this one of hopefully non-president Donald Trump
26:09Fantastic, but compare it with this closer to home one of Christopher Pyne
26:20Because I'm happy
26:21See, no head exploding, they've got a squirt lighter fluid on it so it burns
26:26I mean, yes, they've managed to capture the two-dimensional quality he has
26:29But where's the craftsmanship? Hecuba Probable tries to find out
26:33So what I do is I paper mache this
26:37Then from there build the ground up
26:39So this starts as human and then we...
26:41I think it's very important that the effigy resemble the person as much as possible
26:45I mean, it's no good tying a bunch of rags together and saying, it's Barnaby Joyce
26:49Actually, that's a bad example
26:53Maureen Shostakovich has been making effigies of hated figures since her Whitlam-funded university days
26:59But she denies her work is political
27:02Well, I try to be as non-partisan as possible
27:04As you can see, I've also done Tony Abbott, John Howard, of course
27:09Kevin Andrews, Howard again
27:11Christopher Pyne and Albo there
27:14And Bill Heffernan, actually the EPA had to be called out for that one
27:19Howard again, George Christensen, Philip Ruddock and, of course, Clive Palmer
27:26Unlike real politics though, it's not all about the surface
27:30What's inside is just as important
27:33Well, combustibility is vital
27:35I try and stuff my work with the most flammable material I can find
27:39Soft toys from China, generally
27:41Eight to ten Kung Fu Panda knock-offs
27:43And you've got yourself a very incendiary torso
27:45And for the head, then, I just fill with toilet tissue and old newspaper
27:50Or both, in the case of the Herald Sun
27:53Maureen is at her busiest around election time
27:56And it's no surprise that she's working on a new commission
28:00She can't say too much about who it is
28:02Although from certain angles, it looks a lot like Warren Ench
28:06No, it isn't Warren Ench, he's less defined
28:09No, this is the battle for UN Secretary General
28:12I ask her if it's going to be Helen Clark
28:15She tells me off the record that it is
28:17And that Kevin Rudd is paying for it
28:19He and Therese are going to take it to New York
28:23And light it up on the Dahamastrog Plaza
28:25If the former New Zealand PM wins
28:27Have you ever done Kevin Rudd?
28:30I did, yes
28:31It was when he was PM
28:32And he backed down on climate change
28:34He's so fine
28:35He came in and sat for it himself
28:37And it actually turned out well
28:39In fact, so well
28:40That on the day, the organisers have set fire to Kevin himself
28:44Oh, there are a few red faces, let me tell you
28:47Mostly Kevin's
28:48And that was mostly due to the flames
28:50But no serious damage
28:52Because as we know, Kevin is quite a serious retardant
28:57We're not coming out because Eddie Perfect's odd in a minute
29:02Thermomix users advise to only use the explode setting
29:06When absolutely necessary
29:08Former politician Peter Garrett's solo single
29:12Not the first time a former federal minister
29:13Has transitioned into the world of music
29:15And President Obama
29:21Cops foul mouth spray from Queen
29:23Finally, a national study into childhood health suggests
29:3130,000 Australian children may now be severely obese
29:35It's disturbing news for those children and their families
29:37But obviously fantastic news for the producers of The Biggest Loser
29:40Who, by the way, I would like to defend against the politically correct brigade
29:44Who say they are humiliating overweight people for our entertainment
29:47Because if you've ever sat down and actually watched the programme
29:50You know that it's clearly not entertainment
29:51Goodbye
29:53Jive baby