- 6/11/2025
Original Broadcast Date: June 28th 2017
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:001
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00:26Thank you very much.
00:37Well, after sitting for eight days over the last fortnight,
00:40our parliamentarians are now on a much-deserved six-week break.
00:43And who could begrudge them some downtime
00:45after what they've been through?
00:47Be they the Prime Minister himself,
00:48right on through to the humblest opposition backbencher.
00:52Now, Malcolm, I imagine,
00:54will no doubt be spending time with Lucy
00:56at their holiday shack in Coffs Harbour.
00:58Tony will be having dinner with friends,
01:01training with the SAS,
01:02and catching up on some work back at the office.
01:08Members of the Labour Party, too,
01:09get to enjoy their global warming
01:11at their usual free-love hippie freak-out in Rosebud.
01:15While the Greens' Lee Rhiannon will be guest of honour
01:18at her party's federal council meeting.
01:20The Nationals' Barnaby Joyce is going OS
01:23to establish a trading relationship with Europe.
01:25They haven't got any money,
01:27but that's OK, because we don't make anything.
01:29Presumably, we'll sell them our food,
01:31and no doubt that'll work out just as well
01:33as when we sold our gas overseas recently.
01:35Still, I have every confidence in Barnaby.
01:37He's a bit like Marco Polo, isn't he?
01:41Wears a funny hat and can barely speak English.
01:44Now, the Liberal Party celebrated the end of term
01:46by throwing its own federal council meeting.
01:48Scott Morrison stepped up to the dais
01:50and really impressed the audience.
01:57And after he tailed himself off, he added this.
02:01Australians have collectively reached for the remote
02:03and turned down the volume on Canberra's noise.
02:09Mind you, I think ScoMo's being too hard on himself.
02:12I find him endlessly fascinating.
02:14Who's with me?
02:16Now, everyone who was anyone was there,
02:21and several who weren't.
02:23Greg Hunt, Alan Tudge and Michael Sukkar
02:25sent their apologies, and not to the meeting,
02:27but to the Victorian Supreme Court
02:29for accusing them of being light on terrorism.
02:32The trio withdrew their comments in a special hearing,
02:35which occurred after another hearing half an hour earlier,
02:37in which the court found the sentences
02:38for the two terrorists they've been referring to
02:40were indeed light and increase them.
02:43So, the system works.
02:45Although, Chief Justice, if you're watching,
02:47I apologise and withdraw what I just said then.
02:50Although, how can comments made publicly be withdrawn?
02:54In-house paralegal who works at the ABC Wednesday's Katie Dumpf.
02:57Hi, Sean.
02:57Hi, Katie.
02:58It makes sense if you're in court or it's during proceedings
03:01and you can retract the comments
03:03and they're stricken from the record,
03:04but if they're published, how can they be withdrawn?
03:06Um, Sean, I think what's key here is the apology.
03:10That's what makes the contempt charge disappear.
03:13An unqualified apology offered to the court by proxy
03:16a week after they refused to give one
03:17is crucial in this case.
03:19It's like any crime.
03:21Murder, for example.
03:22If I commit a murder and I apologise for doing it,
03:25then there is no murder and it goes away.
03:28How is that possible, Katie?
03:30Because law, Sean.
03:31Because they've still said the things that they've said
03:35and those things are still in contempt of court,
03:37so I don't understand how...
03:38No, but they've withdrawn what they've said, Sean.
03:40So it's like they never said them.
03:42And even if they have still said them,
03:44they've apologised or had someone apologised
03:46on their behalf completely and unreservedly
03:48and unqualifiedly and eventually for saying them
03:51and standing by them at the previous hearing.
03:53Hmm.
03:54Thanks, Katie.
03:55But whatever our politicians are doing
03:58or not doing over the break,
04:00they deserve to be doing or not doing it
04:02because it's been one hell of a two weeks.
04:04So we've had Gonski.
04:10Their own pay rise.
04:11No, that was automatic, wasn't it?
04:13Gay marriage.
04:14No, they withdrew that.
04:16What was in the papers?
04:18That's right.
04:19Larissa Waters breastfeeding while addressing the Senate.
04:22A first, apparently.
04:23And isn't it great that in 2017
04:25we still regard a woman with a child
04:26doing her job as some sort of novelty?
04:29Although I don't think it's the first time
04:32a nursing mother has been on the parliamentary floor.
04:34If they'd done their research,
04:35they would have come across, as I did,
04:37this photo of Bronwyn Bishop...
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40..suckling her young back in 2015.
04:44But I don't want to take anything away
04:46from the Senate passing the Gonski school funding reform
04:48because it has been a very difficult thing
04:51for the government to do.
04:52So, like the passing of a large kidney stone,
04:55there was much pain on both sides,
04:57bit of yelling as the legislation made its way
04:59through the Senate urinary tract
05:01before the relief of being discharged
05:04through the House of Rep's penis.
05:05LAUGHTER
05:06But is it a $22 billion cut, as Labor contends,
05:10or, as the Coalition maintains,
05:12an $18.6 billion increase?
05:14Well, it's neither.
05:15And yet both.
05:16Confusing, isn't it?
05:18Fortunately, we have our Deputy PM to explain things.
05:20It's like me saying to you,
05:22Barry, I'm going to give you $50,
05:24and you say, oh, yeah, but Myrtle promised me $100,
05:26therefore it's a cut of $50.
05:27You say, no, mate, I'm actually giving you $50,
05:30and Myrtle doesn't have $100,
05:31so you're never going to get anything from her.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:34But whether Myrtle had the money or not,
05:38she's won another news poll
05:39with a lead of 53 to 47, two-party preferred.
05:43You can also see that the figure of 53
05:44is up from 49.6 during the last election,
05:47meaning that more people are happy to say
05:49they would vote Myrtle
05:50as long as there's no actual prospect of electing her.
05:53LAUGHTER
05:53And the good news for Myrtle was shared by Pauline.
05:57Yes, Pauline Hanson...
05:58LAUGHTER
05:58..from Pauline Hanson's One...
06:00LAUGHTER
06:00LAUGHTER
06:01..
06:02Pauline Hanson's One Nation
06:06has increased its primary vote from 9% to 11%.
06:10How is this possible, One Nation strategist Willie Zanzibar
06:13and speechwriter to Pauline Hanson-Grunn?
06:15Well, Pauline and James
06:17are clearly giving the people what they want, Sean.
06:19Oh, embarrassing leaked recordings
06:20and formal inquiries into their funding activities?
06:23Ah, that's only part of it, Sean.
06:24The people out there are sick and tired
06:26of your smooth-talking pollies
06:28with their lardy-dar ability to string a sentence together.
06:31What they want is someone like them,
06:32someone who's sick to death of smooth-talking pollies like they are
06:35and who aren't afraid to get up there
06:36and say what we've all been thinking.
06:38That we're fed up with a lot of them
06:39and it's about time they had someone up there
06:41to say what we're thinking for a change
06:42instead of your smooth-talking lardy-dar types
06:45who think just because they can string together a sentence
06:47they don't have to speak on our behalf.
06:49People have had enough, Sean,
06:50and they are sick and tired to death
06:52of being fed up about it.
06:53Oh, right.
06:53Oh, right.
06:53Oh, right.
06:54Oh, right.
06:54Oh, right.
06:54Oh, right.
06:54Oh, right.
06:54Oh, right.
06:54Oh, right.
06:55Oh, right.
06:55Oh, right.
06:57Yes, well, that's a good point, Grunt.
06:59What about her...
07:00What about her comments about kids with autism?
07:05No, no, no, no.
07:06She apologised for that.
07:08No, no, no.
07:08But they should be put into their own classrooms
07:09for the sake of other children.
07:14Sean, Sean, Sean, as Pauline herself has said,
07:18her comments have...
07:19Been taken completely out of context.
07:22All right, well, I think we have footage
07:25of her words in context.
07:26But if there is a number of them,
07:28these children should actually go into a special classroom,
07:31looked after and given that special attention
07:33because most of the time,
07:35the teacher spends so much time on them,
07:37they forget about the child who was reigning at the...
07:41You know, wants to go ahead and leap some bounds
07:44in their education, but are held back by those.
07:50Pauline took those words completely out of her own context
07:54as she was speaking.
07:58What Pauline means is that it should be
08:00like her experience in the Senate.
08:01We have a special chamber for certain members of Parliament
08:04to be looked after because most of the time,
08:07the government spends so much time on them,
08:08they forget about the people they should be serving
08:10who are reigning and, you know,
08:12and want to get ahead in leaps and bounds
08:15but are being held back.
08:17A single-origin deconstructed frappe latte dropio
08:21with an egg-minced muffin and an espresso con panna.
08:24Oh, that's us.
08:25Urgh.
08:27Eat.
08:28Not that it was all about the Senate last week.
08:31Something very...
08:32..rare and unusual also took place
08:37in the House of Representatives.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:40I'm so sorry, that's the wrong clip.
08:46Although, that would be a very interesting change
08:49to one of the older parliamentary traditions.
08:51Division required. Ring the bells.
08:53Yeah, I like it.
08:58I'll be writing to my local member.
09:01But first, I want to talk about something else
09:03that went on involving Nationals MP George Christensen.
09:06He crossed the floor last week
09:08to vote with Labor against cuts to penalty rats.
09:10Now, this is a massive thing to do.
09:12It'd be like Margaret Court going on Ellen.
09:15LAUGHTER
09:16Must have been a relief for George, though,
09:19to get away for a while from the bitter divisions
09:21and infighting of the Coalition
09:22and experience a party agreed on who their leader should be.
09:28LAUGHTER
09:28LAUGHTER
09:29I don't even know who that is.
09:38LAUGHTER
09:39Now, you might remember Labor nearly got George
09:43to cross the floor previously
09:45to vote for a commission of inquiry into the major banks,
09:47but in the end, George changed his mind,
09:49and prompting Bill Shorten to label him...
09:51A lion in Mackay and a mouse in Canberra.
09:56Yes!
09:56And if he is some sort of lion-mouse hybrid,
10:00a louse, I suppose,
10:02that would explain his ability
10:03to play a game of cat and mouse with himself.
10:05No doubt Mr Christensen will face recriminations for this,
10:08but I would say to his colleagues,
10:10if you're going to form government
10:11on the back of swinging voters,
10:12you can't really complain if your MPs turn into one.
10:15LAUGHTER
10:16Of course, like a prawn slipped into a curtain rod
10:19by a vindictive ex-lover,
10:20our elected representatives have left us
10:23with a little surprise
10:24that we'll only start noticing at the end of this month,
10:27and about which we can do very little.
10:29From July the 1st,
10:30if you're a single parent in love,
10:32then watch out,
10:33you could find yourself jailed for up to a year
10:35for receiving a single parent's benefit
10:37when you're not physically and emotionally
10:39separated from your partner.
10:41Claire Bonkers, you find yourself
10:42in something of a cleft stick, don't you?
10:44How do you mean?
10:45Well, your husband left you for another woman.
10:47Yeah, he's physically and emotionally separated from me,
10:50that's right.
10:50Yeah, but you are still in love with him.
10:52Yeah, I am.
10:53I'm always driving past his house and that,
10:55and I'm trying to ring him.
10:55All right, and because you're not physically
10:57and emotionally separated from him,
10:59you can't get the single parent's benefit.
11:00No, I cannot swear to Centrelink
11:02as to my emotional separation, that's right.
11:05Which means poor Stacey goes without.
11:07Right, and Stacey is your daughter.
11:08Stacey is my cat.
11:10An Abyssinian shorthair.
11:12You have a daughter, though.
11:13Rubella, yeah.
11:14I sent her to live with her father
11:16because I can't get the single parent's benefit.
11:18But he ticks the box in terms of emotional separation
11:21because he can't stand me,
11:23particularly as I sent Rubella to live with him.
11:25But he can't get the single parent's benefit, can he?
11:27Because he's living with this other woman.
11:29Yeah, well, hopefully the constant presence
11:31of our daughter, who is very difficult to live with,
11:33will soon put an end to that relationship.
11:35How old is Rubella?
11:37In cat years?
11:38No, human years.
11:39Oh, that's a bit of a brain teaser.
11:41Because I'm just wondering for how long
11:43you'll be in this limbo of not being entitled
11:45to payments for Rubella
11:46because you cannot prove that you are not in love.
11:48Oh, look at that couple there.
11:50Look at them.
11:51He's so young and so sad and him no shoes.
11:54Yeah, well, don't worry.
11:54Never mind.
11:56Sean, my hope is that Rubella's presence
11:58having destroyed her father's current relationship,
12:01my soulmate will be returned to me
12:03and we will be a family once again.
12:06Then, of course, neither of you will be entitled
12:07to the single parent's benefit.
12:10Oh, yeah.
12:11I didn't fucking think about that.
12:14Chris Lorax, picture picker for the Daily Telly.
12:17Surely the couple depicted in the article
12:19are not physically separated enough
12:21to illustrate the chief point of the piece.
12:23It was a stock photo, Sean.
12:25I just typed sad, bogan and dole bludger
12:27into the search engine.
12:29In fact, it comes up as predictive text
12:30on the work computer and that's what came up.
12:32Remember, you've got to make these editorial decisions
12:35on the hop.
12:35There's really no time to think.
12:37Yeah, well, they're a bit young to be parents, though, aren't they?
12:39Yeah, perhaps they're their children.
12:41Is that why they've got no shoes?
12:43Because his parents don't have that extra $264.50 a fortnight?
12:47He's got to go around barefoot
12:48and he's got to cut his own hair
12:50and she has to earn her living as a go-go dancer?
12:53I don't know what it means.
12:54We just needed a rectangular picture
12:55with a girl in it showing her legs
12:57and a guy with a mullet looking ashamed of themselves.
12:59Standard editorial policy
13:00when we do a story about welfare cheats.
13:02As a journalist, though,
13:04doesn't it bother you
13:05that the images you promulgate
13:06don't accurately represent
13:07the people you're writing about?
13:09What do you mean, writing?
13:12My rebella's got boots like that.
13:14Oh, shut up, both of you.
13:17Still to come later in the week.
13:20The Treasurer wants you to run
13:21the Productivity Commission inquiry
13:23into competition in the Australian financial system.
13:25One lesbian.
13:26Where do I sell?
13:28Her ethnically diverse staff.
13:30Is it the brain fever again?
13:31I think we should have another bath.
13:33And a whole new world of pain.
13:34No, it's the banks.
13:36I've just realised that taxpayers
13:38have been subsidising them since 2008
13:40with federal government guarantees
13:42and access to a low-interest
13:43$180 billion debt facility
13:46which gives them an unfair advantage in the market.
13:48Daring to go where no royal commission would bother
13:51and with a lot less resources.
13:53What you don't understand
13:54is that ScoMo, already dangerously on edge,
13:57even while asleep,
13:58will shit a gasket sideways when he sees this.
14:01A show that dares to do
14:02what so many others have done before.
14:04You sure you don't want to reconsider
14:05passing on that levy to your customers?
14:07It's how we absorb the cost of government regulation.
14:12You've been doing it for years.
14:13Don't you believe in a free market?
14:18You abandoned the free market during the GFC
14:20when you lobbied for a Commonwealth guarantee on deposits.
14:23But does anyone really want to know the answers?
14:26Did I mention I was a lesbian?
14:28We've got obligations to our shareholders.
14:30An obligation to privatise our profits
14:33and socialise our loss.
14:34It's the capitalist way.
14:36That's agrarian socialism, you son of a...
14:39Enid Swink, returning soon.
14:47Liberal delegate Sophie York
14:49has told the party's Federal Council
14:50that how-to-vote pamphlets
14:52should continue to be distributed at polling booths.
14:54For people with low IQ,
14:56they don't all vote for Labor.
15:01Labor Party campaign strategist Engelbertha Steyn.
15:04If it's true that not everyone with a low IQ votes Labor,
15:08then when did this drift away from your party happen?
15:10Oh, Sean, I think it's pretty competitive out there right now
15:13for the low IQ vote.
15:15They're spoiled for choice in a way,
15:17with not just Labor but One Nation,
15:18the Jackie Lambie Network
15:19and Cory Bernardi's Australian Conservative.
15:22So we've just got to make sure
15:23that we put together an incoherent message
15:26that makes no sense.
15:28Ms York went on to say
15:29that we assume everyone is interested in politics.
15:32A lot of people have no interest.
15:34That's right.
15:35So it's vitally important
15:36we don't get our nonsensical message
15:38out to those uninterested people.
15:40Right.
15:40So your plan is an unintelligible
15:42and mindless set of policies
15:43targeted only at those of low intellect.
15:45Exactly.
15:46So business as usual?
15:47Oh, I would have thought so, Sean, yeah.
15:51Engelbertha Steyn, they're live from Melbourne
15:53where they really should put up some more of those bollards.
15:59Well, the federal government have asked police
16:01to investigate threats by the building union boss
16:03John Setka to hunt down and expose inspectors
16:06from the new Australian Building and Construction Commission.
16:09Threats very much like this.
16:10We're going to expose them all.
16:12We will love in their neighbourhoods.
16:14We will tell them who lives in that house
16:16and what he does for a living or she
16:18and we'll go to their local footy club,
16:20we'll go to their local shopping centre.
16:22They will not be able to show their faces anywhere.
16:25Their kids will be ashamed of who their parents are
16:27while we expose all these ABC inspectors.
16:29Yeah.
16:31Now, for a moment I was with him
16:32because he actually said ABC inspectors.
16:35But come on, hunting people down,
16:37harassing and humiliating them?
16:39Who the hell do the CFME you think they are?
16:41Centrelink?
16:43Anyway, Mr Setka has since apologised for his comments,
16:46so I guess legally that means
16:47he never made them in the first place.
16:51And looking ahead now to all the day's paleontology,
16:55Mattis Hell's geochronologist Bronte Purge.
16:57Big news coming out of Morocco, Bront.
16:58That's right, Sean.
17:00The discovery of 300,000-year-old remains
17:02of Stone Age humans in Morocco
17:04has shown that homo sapiens originated
17:06100,000 years earlier than previously thought.
17:09I'll be back with all the details later in paleontology.
17:12Er, yeah.
17:13You don't worry about it, Bront.
17:14I'll do it now.
17:15It's not that hard.
17:16The discovery comes as scientists unearthed teeth,
17:19bones and skulls belonging to three homo sapien adults,
17:22a teenager and a child.
17:24Police say the deaths are suspicious
17:25and have released this photo-fit image
17:28of an animal of interest in their enquiries.
17:31The individuals have been dated
17:32between 281,000 and 349,000 years old.
17:37So good innings, really.
17:39With a massive drain on the age pension.
17:41But at least it's some closure for their families.
17:44The discovery also suggests that homo sapiens
17:47were evolving across Africa at the same time.
17:51Neanderthals were emerging in Europe.
17:53And I think we have some vision
17:54of the Neanderthals emerging in Europe.
17:57There we go.
18:00Smyk Bye-Bies is the poster boy
18:02for the International Society of Paleontologists.
18:05Smyk, this discovery now shows
18:07our species started some 100,000 years earlier
18:10than scientists thought.
18:12That's quite a fuck-up.
18:14I mean, you guys have no idea, do you?
18:18You just make it up as you go along, don't you?
18:20If you let me speak for a minute...
18:21No, no, I won't let you speak for a minute
18:23because that could easily be 20,000 years.
18:25Well, there's been conditional support
18:29for the Chief Scientist's new low-emissions energy plan
18:32from current Labor leader Bill Shorten.
18:34Here he is, pledging to support
18:35the Turnbull government's clean energy push.
18:38I extended an olive branch.
18:40Mind you, if he left the branch on the tree,
18:42we'd have less carbon dioxide now.
18:45Now, 7.30 will have fuller details
18:47on reaction to Dr Finkel's plan tomorrow night at 7.30.
18:51And Four Corners takes a closer look on Monday night.
18:54But someone's bound to bring it up on Q&A.
18:56That's Monday night at 9.30.
18:59Sammy J makes a joke about it
19:01on Sammy J's Democratic Party tonight at 10.12.
19:04There's a reference to the weather
19:05in top Aussie drama Janet King tomorrow night at 8.30.
19:08Work on a spectacular new house is delayed by months
19:11due to unseasonal heavy rain in Grand Designs
19:15Friday at 6.10.
19:17And Planet America has the word planner in it
19:19also on Friday night.
19:21So that should keep promotions off my back
19:23for a while.
19:25But hopefully there won't be too much fighting
19:27about the clean energy target
19:28and in the end some sort of compromise can be reached
19:31within the government I'm talking about.
19:33Then they can start fighting with Labor about it.
19:36But I think there is some cause for optimism
19:37because I think, as you can see from this clip,
19:40there is newfound warmth and bonhomie
19:42between Malcolm Turnbull and Tony Abbott.
19:44How are you, mate?
19:45Great to see you.
19:46We're good.
19:46Good.
19:47How was Melbourne?
19:48Melbourne was terrific.
19:50The manufacturers are our mates.
19:51OK.
19:52All right.
19:53Good.
19:56Yeah, see, you can't fake that.
19:58That's from the heart.
20:00Well, very soon, those who are on a disability support pension
20:03will be offered if the sole basis of their disability
20:06is because they abuse drugs and alcohol.
20:09Now, there's nothing sinister about this.
20:11This is just so the government can send you off
20:13for an intense round of behavioural modification
20:15so your perceptions can be manipulated
20:17and your cravings conform with societal norms.
20:20Now, there are some of you out there who might say,
20:22well, that's nanny state thinking.
20:23Why not leave it up to market forces
20:25where the disabled can compete with each other
20:27on a level playing field
20:28for whatever limited pension money is available?
20:31Survival of the fittest.
20:32But that's not how this government thinks
20:34and therefore it's not how we should think.
20:37But does this type of social engineering go far enough?
20:40What other disabilities that are your fault
20:42can we not pay you for having?
20:44Department of Stock serves Beljar Binks.
20:47Look, I don't want to create the impression
20:48that this is all about slashing millions of dollars of payments
20:51off an already overstretched welfare system.
20:54This is about changing the way no-hopers think moving forward
20:59and confirming the way our voter base thinks at the moment.
21:02Right.
21:02What about people with diabetes, those suffering from lung cancer?
21:05You're not always their fault, Sean.
21:07Sometimes there can be family history involved
21:09or genetic predispositions.
21:11Yeah, well, so that's even more reason for them
21:12to watch their weight or the fact that they smoke, surely.
21:16Well, I don't know.
21:17I mean, I didn't force them to eat cream buns
21:19or shotgun tar into their lungs, did I?
21:21Why should I, as a taxpayer, have to pay for their excesses?
21:24Yeah, I mean, that is an interesting point.
21:26Brain damage, that's another one.
21:27Well, I mean, is the brain damage their fault, though?
21:28Well, it's not mine.
21:30Well, OK, well, put it this way.
21:32I think if they fell down a ladder or down some stairs
21:34and there was no-one else around when they sustained the injury,
21:36there might be an argument for eliminating the...
21:38Professional sports people who voluntarily assume risk
21:41and then hurt themselves.
21:42Yeah, well, no.
21:43I mean, anyone, really, who through their own life choices
21:45finds themselves disabled and can't work.
21:47Yeah, well, that is at the heart of the policy, yes,
21:48to help people.
21:49All right, so in the future we can expect, what,
21:51federal government to be hands-on in terms of helping people
21:54eat properly, give up smoking, have neurosurgery,
21:57orthopaedic reconstruction?
21:57No, no, no, let's not forget that substance abuse is illegal.
22:01Now, I don't know what you're talking about
22:02with those other sorts of things.
22:03Consumption of alcohol is illegal?
22:05I mean, how is too much of that any different
22:07from too much sugar or too much nicotine
22:09or too many concussions or being too far up the ladder?
22:12I mean, if you were serious about alcoholism in this country,
22:15we wouldn't be taxing wine like it was fucking cordial.
22:18Look, all we're trying to do,
22:20all we're trying to do is get people off ice and back to work
22:23and back to paying taxes and back to paying the Medicare levy
22:25and if it looks like that we're being too tough on the dole bludgers,
22:28well, we have to because otherwise the punners will think
22:30we've just adopted another Labour Party policy.
22:35All right, settle down.
22:38Monday on Q&A, join our diverse panel
22:41featuring Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un,
22:44official ISIS spokesman, Abul Hassan al-Mohajir,
22:47Filipino President, Rodrigo Duterte,
22:49and comedian Rodney Rood.
22:52Q&A, Monday 9.30.
22:56Well, confusing news this week.
22:58Unemployment in this country, Australia,
23:00is at 5.5%, dropping by 0.2% on the previous 5.7%.
23:06Whereas underemployment is at 8.8%, up 0.1% on the previous 8.7%.
23:11Now, if we assume that half of those previously unemployed
23:15are now gainfully underemployed,
23:17then that's still 0.1% unaccounted for.
23:19Coffee Boy, you were telling me off-air
23:21that you are underemployed in your cafe hutch.
23:25Yes, Sean.
23:26I work 34.5 hours per week in here
23:28instead of the ABS standard of 35 hours.
23:30But I was recently given an extra half hour
23:32as part of a Sunday shift,
23:34making me technically fully employed,
23:36but earning less money than I was
23:38because I don't get penalty rates anymore.
23:39But that's OK because it means that even though I'm working more,
23:42I'm still under the salary threshold
23:43and don't have to pay my hex back
23:45for that course I did at Barista College.
23:48Thank you, Coffee Boy.
23:50Wendell Vestibule, up until quite recently,
23:52you were part of Australia's Working Unemployed.
23:54How many hours a week were you working?
23:5659 minutes and 56 seconds per week, Sean.
23:59And according to the ABS,
24:00I need to be working over a full hour
24:01but less than 35 hours per week
24:03to qualify as underemployed.
24:05But you've had your hours recently increased, haven't you?
24:07Yes, yes.
24:08The bookshop where I work
24:09gave me an additional minute per week on Saturday,
24:11which made me officially underemployed
24:14but unfortunately, because of the drop
24:15in the national unemployment rate,
24:17the value of the Australian dollar
24:18went up to 76.30 cents,
24:20which meant more people were buying their books online
24:22from America
24:23and so Mr Garibaldi reduced my additional shift
24:25to just four seconds,
24:27which means I'm just under the hour per week again.
24:30By one second?
24:32Per week, yes.
24:33Well, talk us through this extra shift you do.
24:35Well, I go in over Saturday
24:36but as you'll appreciate, Sean,
24:38four seconds isn't much time
24:39to build rapport with my customers
24:41so it's very difficult
24:42to advance my career in any real sense.
24:44I was saying to Mr Garibaldi the other day
24:47that I'd really like...
24:48Oh, we've run out of footage.
24:49Yes, yes.
24:49OK.
24:50Cup of chocomocca cocoa?
24:52Oh, that's me.
24:56Welfare recipients.
24:58Can you think of anyone less deserving
24:59to waste your hard-earned taxpayer money on
25:01apart from the ABC,
25:02particularly if they take drugs?
25:04Now, as you know,
25:06the federal government
25:06will soon be taking a long, hard look at these people,
25:09specifically their urine,
25:10to determine just what drugs
25:12we've all been buying for them,
25:13how much they cost
25:14and how they can get them off those drugs
25:16and their arses
25:16and back to earning a taxable income of their own,
25:19the balance of which they can,
25:20like the rest of us,
25:21then blow on whatever illicit substances
25:23they want with imprimatur.
25:25Octavia Spaz.
25:26Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do?
25:28Random drug testing
25:30of those receiving unemployment benefits
25:32is being trialled here
25:33in the South Australian test suburb
25:35of Growns.
25:36Shut up, shut up!
25:37All right, up against the wall, all of you!
25:39And once against the wall,
25:40I want you all to relieve yourself.
25:42Into the cup, obviously.
25:44You too, Curly.
25:46I work here.
25:47Just shut up and fill the cup.
25:49Splash guard down, Carmichael.
25:51Officer in charge, Clovis Reams,
25:53has been with the Police Illicit Substances Squad
25:56since it started.
25:57Yeah, a very successful raid.
25:59Three positive for cannabis and ecstasy,
26:01two for methamphetamine,
26:02and one pregnancy.
26:03Chief.
26:04Others, like Coralie Vulgate,
26:06are recent additions to the squad.
26:08Here's your coffee.
26:09The random drug testing we do
26:10isn't always this targeted.
26:12Pull over.
26:12Pull over.
26:12I've got him.
26:13Pull over.
26:13Sometimes we just cruise the streets,
26:15and if we see someone suspicious,
26:16then we'll pull over
26:17and see what they've got in them.
26:19Good afternoon, sir.
26:20Can I ask why you're not at work at the moment?
26:22Oh, I've got an RDO.
26:24I'm going to need you to urinate into this cup.
26:26Oh, I went before I left home.
26:28We're going to have to get the catheter.
26:29No, no, no, no, no.
26:30I'll see what I can do.
26:32Good boy.
26:33I mean, we rarely have to use the catheter.
26:36Suspects are usually very cooperative,
26:37and there's no need for force.
26:39In the old days, of course,
26:41I suppose you'd just beat the shit out of them.
26:43Yes.
26:44Though I can't see that being of much help to us.
26:48RDO checks out.
26:50Here you go.
26:50Oh, thanks.
26:51Single origin?
26:52Yeah.
26:53Right.
26:54It's a big job,
26:55and the police illicit substance squad
26:57can't do it alone.
26:59They work hand in rubber glove
27:01with the urine reconnaissance department.
27:03It's my responsibility to go deep, deep undercover,
27:06under this manhole cover specifically,
27:08into our various sewer systems
27:10to test the tonnes of human waste they're in.
27:13High readings in certain suburbs
27:15mean we harass their unemployed
27:17instead of those in the nice suburbs.
27:18And how do you test the wastewater?
27:20Well, if this litmus paper goes brown, for example,
27:23I know that there is human waste present in the sewer,
27:26but I'll take it back to the lab
27:27and give it to someone who knows what they're talking about.
27:29Chiquita?
27:30No, I'm good, thanks.
27:32So, yourself?
27:33But should the reach of government
27:35extend into something as personal as our toilets?
27:37And can the resulting metadata,
27:40or messa data,
27:41be relied upon to harass the right sort of unemployed?
27:45Disgraced Lord Mayor of Grown's,
27:47Candice Spatula,
27:48conveniently being arrested just behind me,
27:50will face charges of tampering with the evidence.
27:53It's alleged that he arranged for the wastewater
27:55from Abbotsford Convent,
27:5635 kilometres away,
27:58replace that in his own council's sewer system.
28:02An unusually high PCP reading
28:04tipped off police that there was something amiss.
28:07Octavia Spaz,
28:08mad as.
28:11Well, not coming up
28:12because Ronnie Cheng's on in a minute.
28:15Air Force One,
28:16planet nil.
28:18And One Nation's financial backers
28:20revealed to be dwarves.
28:22Our donation suit comes from small people.
28:26And finally,
28:27investors in ride-sharing company Uber
28:29have forced its CEO,
28:30Travis Kalanac,
28:31to quit.
28:32The New York Times obtained a letter
28:34from five investors
28:35which called on the Uber boss
28:37to leave the firm.
28:38The new Uber boss is three minutes away
28:40and will cost several million dollars.
28:42Goodbye.
28:46Giant baby.
28:47Giant baby.
28:51Giant baby.
28:51Giant baby.
28:52Giant baby.
28:53Giant baby.
28:54Giant baby.
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