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Honky Kong
  • 6/4/2025
Original Broadcast Date: July 6th 2012

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00:00One, two, three!
00:30Thank you very much. Thank you. Well, well, a lot to be happy about this week.
00:43Melinda Taylor finally got to leave Zintan and go home.
00:46It's reasonable.
00:48You know, this whole misunderstanding would never have occurred under the old regime.
00:51I'll be honest, and I hope this doesn't sound offensive, but I miss Muammar Gaddafi.
00:56I mean, you knew where you stood with him.
00:58Great uniform and that slightly insane look made for a command and authority
01:02that I think the new government over there severely lacks.
01:05In fact, the only place you'll see that look these days is in the Flight Centre ad.
01:12Also out this week are the ABS unemployment figures.
01:16But the good news is they're only out by about 30,000 to 35,000.
01:19So not too much to worry about.
01:21And, of course, the other really good news is that the carbon tax came into effect on Sunday.
01:25And I've got to tell you that for the last seven days, I have felt a lot cooler.
01:30I don't have any science to back me up.
01:32That's just a feeling I have.
01:33But I think that if we got a giant thermometer and put it under the Earth's arm,
01:37we would see that it's no longer running a temperature.
01:39And while this is great news for our planet's viability and its continued ability to sustain
01:44life, what about us?
01:46Those who have to pay the tax.
01:48Because if there's one thing that burns me up about global warming, it's that somehow
01:51it's our responsibility.
01:57Now, I should tell you before we begin that some of the interviews tonight may get a little
02:01dangerous.
02:01They get a bit heavy.
02:02So would you please welcome the newest member of the Mad as Hell team, St John Ambulance
02:06volunteer, Sophie Mirabella.
02:12Fantastic.
02:13OK, the Minister for Climate Change, Greg Combe's associate spokesperson joins me now
02:17from his Canberra office.
02:19Puffy Kardashian, isn't paying the carbon tax a bit like buying the big issue?
02:24It makes us feel better for doing it, but ultimately we don't bother reading it.
02:27And the vendor is still there the next time we try and leave coals.
02:31I think that's a very cynical attitude, Sean.
02:34Yes, throwing money at this problem discharges our sense of obligation, but we don't want
02:39people to think they no longer have to individually do anything about reducing their CO2 emissions.
02:44Although it is true we now simply pay for the right to emit as much as we want.
02:49So how will the carbon tax help reduce CO2 emissions?
02:52Well, it's market driven.
02:53Not everyone can afford to emit the maximum level.
02:56If you can't afford the increased price because of the tax, you'll choose a product that hasn't
03:00attracted the tax, a greener, more environmentally friendly product.
03:04That sends a message to the makers of the less green product to reduce its CO2 so it doesn't
03:08attract the tax.
03:09It becomes a cheaper product as a result and, hey presto, greenhouse gases overall reduce.
03:15All right, so why are you giving out household assistance packages?
03:18Well, that's to compensate voters for the effect of the tax.
03:21Yeah, but you said the tax is about providing a financial disincentive to people to buy non-green
03:27products.
03:28Yes.
03:29So aren't you undoing that disincentive by subsidising them?
03:33In other words, aren't you just making the products more expensive and then giving people
03:38more money so they don't seem so expensive?
03:40In fact, as I understand it, you're overcompensating a lot of people.
03:47And also you're letting off mining companies at exports, so they're not even paying the
03:50tax.
03:55This interview is terminated.
03:58Thank you, Puffy.
03:59But the federal opposition has vowed to repeal the carbon tax should it get into office next
04:17year.
04:18Would they also repeal the household assistance package?
04:20Press officer for Greg Hunt, Sizzou and Banner.
04:25That's a very cynical attitude, Sean.
04:28What's important, what is essential, what is vital, is that the carbon tax be got rid
04:34of.
04:34Australians don't like it, they don't want it, and they can do without it.
04:39Well, how then do you tackle climate change?
04:42Climate change, if it exists, isn't about political solutions, Sean.
04:46It's about what's right.
04:47It isn't about rhetoric.
04:48It isn't about soundbites.
04:51It's about the Australian people telling the government that they're fed up and they're
04:55sick and tired.
04:58And the sooner they do that, the better it'll be for all Australians.
05:02Sizzou, I couldn't help notice that you have a small aerial sticking out of your ear.
05:09Are you receiving signals from somebody as to how to answer these questions?
05:13He is on to you.
05:14Get out of the interview.
05:16but it seems everyone has an opinion on this topic here's fellow newsman alan jones
05:36the once proud labor party is becoming nothing other than a divisive cult
05:41hmm a divisive cult i think i've heard a lot of people say almost the same thing about him
05:46ultimately though do you like that one sophie ultimately though climate change is about
05:55science and facts not politics or lobby groups chief science-ographer from fortescue metals
06:00dr barney tremolo sure and i don't think there's any doubt that the temperature of the earth is
06:05changing now you're probably surprised to hear that from somebody working for the mining industry
06:08i am typical abc left-leaning cynicism what is in doubt though is the way we fix it now yes we
06:15could all reduce our co2 emissions and i think we've all dipped our toe in the rising water of
06:19reducing our carbon footprint but the problem is it's too much trouble whether you're a mining
06:24magnate who pays my salary or a tree hugger living in the back of a combi we simply can't be bothered
06:29turning off our air conditioner when we go off on holiday oh sure during earth hour we might power
06:34down our grandmother's respirator but that's not going to stop the himalayas from melting is it i guess
06:38not now one of the good things to come out of 9 11 was that during the embargo on air travel that
06:43followed we realized that the reduced jet exhaust meant fewer particles of pollution in the air and
06:47this meant more sunlight got through it actually got warmer what we need to do is increase the
06:54particles in the air to reflect back the sun's rays and stop them from getting down here and being
06:58trapped by all of the co2 being breathed out at night by our so-called rain forests all right all right so you're
07:05advocating more pollution rather than less pollution exactly aerosols incinerators leaded fuel coal furnaces
07:12bushfires and of course good old-fashioned free-range open-air iron ore smelting do you have any
07:20any identification
07:26not going to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go
07:56Oh, my God.
08:26Oh, my God.
08:56Oh, my God.
09:26Oh, my God.
09:57Daubed the message on papyrus and hurled it into the Dead Sea.
10:01Holding a mirror up to the mouth of the print media to see if it's still breathing is Xanthi Kalamazoo.
10:06Well, they said Hosni Mubarak was dead and they were wrong.
10:12Perhaps newspapers will prove to be just as not dead.
10:16Caitlin Brainiac.
10:18Good thing, Xanthi.
10:19There's life in the old girl yet.
10:22In the olden days, when pirates had gangrene, they'd saw their leg off so they didn't die.
10:27And it's exactly what Rupert Murdoch's done by hacking off print from the more lucrative entertainment section of News Corp.
10:34Does equating print with a gangrenous leg that needs to be removed suggests much hope for the medium?
10:40Well, depends how you look at it, Xanthi.
10:43News Corp might have hacked that leg off from its other arms, but Fairfax continues to embrace print with theirs, breathing new life into that leg by changing its shape.
10:51And not just a tabloid either, Hattie here, can be seen reading a rhomboid-shaped newspaper, which is great for columnists with an unusual angle.
11:03But will it be enough?
11:05And if it isn't, how will it affect those who come to rely on their daily newspaper?
11:11Desiree Fulton.
11:12Ella Crispy is the CEO of Papier Maché Solutions.
11:16Her business began 20 years ago in a suburban kitchen with just a newspaper, a pot of glue and a balloon.
11:24This week, Ella made the difficult decision to wind up the business she had worked so hard to build up.
11:30It's a tragedy.
11:31I mean, there's a great demand out there for Papier Maché, but unfortunately, the writing's on the wall.
11:35And I'm not prepared to go through a paywall to read it, because I already know what that writing on the wall says.
11:39And it says, Ella, your business is f***ed.
11:42At Captain Scallop's ye olde fish and chippery, the story, like a column in a News Limited paper in Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth, Sydney and Melbourne, is exactly the same.
11:54We used to wrap all our fish and chips in newspaper.
11:56Then the health department closed us down because of the ink poisoning thing.
11:59Six months later, we opened, using butcher's paper on the inside and newspaper on the outside, still keeping with the old-fashioned theme.
12:06But now, and now when the primary source of news is digital, it's the end of an era.
12:12Number 27.
12:13Here, start.
12:17Chicken salt?
12:18Uh, no.
12:20Oh, OK.
12:21Good for you.
12:24Enjoy.
12:26Careful, it's slippery.
12:27Meanwhile, at the Happy Paws pet shop, owner Jenny Troll is confident her business can survive in this changing media landscape.
12:35Yeah, look, it is expensive with all the iPhones, and cleaning them can be a bit of a problem, but I'm on a pretty good plan, and I also get free apps with my phone.
12:43What about the free craps on your phone?
12:47What do you mean?
12:49There's no doubt it's a sad day.
12:52Not just for journalism, but for other joints I've spoken to the owners of when I did it before.
12:58But the future is now.
13:02Newspapers as we know it aren't just resting.
13:05They've expired.
13:07Gone to meet their maker.
13:09They're pushing up the daisies.
13:11Shuffled off this mortal coil to join the choir in Visibule, and are bereft of life.
13:19They are an ex-medium.
13:22Sean?
13:23Thanks, Anthony.
13:25But what's the view like from the top of the Vox Pops?
13:27No while I wipe out there on my TV.
13:48No while I wipe out there on my TV.
13:51Well, no, I don't think you should let any more librarians in, because then you'd have to build more libraries.
13:55And we've got plenty of librarians of our own, as it is.
14:02Liberians.
14:03Oh, I see.
14:05Well, it depends if they're qualified or not.
14:08The thing I think I love about Christopher Pyne is the way he smiles.
14:12He sort of moves his mouth away from his teeth and stretches his lips apart and turns them up, so he can see his teeth.
14:19It sort of makes me feel gooey at the knees.
14:25Aung San Suu Kyi, Mother Teresa, Princess Di, and Mahatma Gandhi.
14:32You know, I invited them all, but none of them have been RSVP'd.
14:36The worst 21st I've ever had.
14:40Just me.
14:41And the police.
14:42Coming up following the break.
14:47After a tough week in Parliament, Bob Catter lightens the mood.
14:51Spain to waste no time in melting down Euro 2012 trophy for its silver.
14:56And man critical after being hit by car.
14:59The boy from Oz was rubbish.
15:01Jersey Boys was awful.
15:02And he was unwatchable.
15:04Moonshadow.
15:05This Friday, on an all-new Miss Fisher murder mystery.
15:15I'm afraid it's satire, Miss Fisher.
15:18My God.
15:19It looks like it's been bludgeoned to death by someone who has no idea what they were doing.
15:23Yeah, it's very heavy-handed, Mum.
15:24I haven't seen anything this bad since Full Frontal.
15:28Assemble the staff.
15:30It's time we had some exaggerated comedy, character acting and cheap innuendo to cover the lack of content.
15:36But Miss Fisher, aren't you...
15:37Watch your tongue, Constable.
15:40Or you may find it down my throat.
15:47Miss Fisher murder mysteries, Friday night, 8.30.
15:57Thank you very much.
15:58The Liberal Party's annual conference at the weekend also marked the debat of their new slogan.
16:03They put a lot of thought into this one, too.
16:05Hope, a very positive, optimistic word.
16:08Reward, suggesting it's good for the hip pocket as well.
16:11Opportunity, everybody gets a chance.
16:12Carefully chosen words, no negative connotations or interpretations.
16:16Smart, good one, Tony.
16:18Particularly when you compare it with Labour's slogan from their national conference last December.
16:22Right?
16:22Jobs, that means human waste.
16:25Growth, that could be a tumour.
16:26Fairness could mean the colour of your skin.
16:29A bit exclusionary, I think.
16:31But what's missing is the subliminal message.
16:34And that's what the libs have got.
16:36Have a look at this.
16:38You see?
16:38Now, on a subconscious level, it reminds us all of the good old days.
16:45But it's not all going the opposition's way.
16:48Clive Palmer, Queensland's voice of reason, has finally come out and said what we've all been thinking for many years now.
16:54The Liberal Party is Stalinist.
16:56The multi-millionaire mining company and unlicensed soccer club owner failed to convince the libs that lobbyists not hold official party positions.
17:04Spokesman for Clive Palmer, Ian Smoothie, was at the Liberal Party annual conference when all this went down.
17:09Ian, if Clive wants to get this chance through, what can he do?
17:12Well, I think he needs to find sympathetic party officials who are prepared to band together and put his view to those in charge on his behalf.
17:20You don't think putting together a lobby group to argue against lobby groups might be counterproductive?
17:24No, don't leave, don't leave.
17:30Don't leave.
17:31Tell us about Clive Palmer.
17:32What does he want?
17:33I listen to him and I can't make any sense of it.
17:36Well, you know, as Clive himself would say,
17:39I'm just a man, an individual with human feelings.
17:42I'm a person.
17:43The people of Australia want transparency.
17:46My aunt served in the war.
17:47I'm a citizen of this country.
17:49A normal human man.
17:51I've been a grassroots supporter for 40 years.
17:53I've always said that.
17:55I always will.
17:56I'm like any other man.
17:57I like to sit down and watch the Croatian news on SBS with a crimping iron and a pile of post-it notes.
18:03But transparency is very important.
18:05My second cousin was in the Army Reserve and I'm only a normal party member,
18:09a normal billionaire like any other after all.
18:12And I'm concerned.
18:13And I think all Australians, no matter what their sexual preference, are concerned.
18:17Because we're all citizens of this country.
18:19We're all homo sapiens, despite what Wayne Swan says.
18:23And I certainly think the ordinary Australian human homo sapiens people want transparency.
18:29I was in the cadets at school.
18:30I collected spiders.
18:31I preserved fruit.
18:32I hid in cemeteries.
18:34I ate my own hair.
18:36I did all those things.
18:37So that the Australian bipedal primate people are concerned when vested interests pay people to push their agenda.
18:42It's about transparency, Sean.
18:52Thank you very much, Verity.
18:54Still to come.
18:56Seven-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong denies drug-taking, but drinking while cycling okay.
19:04Turkey scrambles jets and comes up with jest.
19:08And Liberal Party hardman Downer shows he can still talk the talk.
19:13Well, excuse me.
19:17What a guy.
19:19You know, one thing that really raises my eye is lack of respect for tradition.
19:25Tradition is as old and revered as its very self.
19:27But what sort of future does it have when our Prime Minister thinks this?
19:31Whilst our 100-year-old copper telephone network has served us well,
19:36it cannot deliver the broadband we need for the future.
19:40What ever happened to loyalty?
19:43A hundred years of service forgotten in the blink of an optical fibre.
19:47What do we throw on the scrap heap next simply because it's celebrated its 100th birthday?
19:51Our Constitution?
19:52The Anzac spirit?
19:53Dame Elizabeth Murdoch?
19:56Tell you what, you throw a bale of copper wiring on the scrap heap
19:58and it'll be stolen quick smart by people who appreciate its true value.
20:01The Chinese.
20:03If I were the Queen, I'd send a telegram to our copper wiring congratulating it
20:08and I'm sure you'd appreciate the irony of receiving a message sent to it via itself.
20:13But the bigger question is, why is our Prime Minister doing it?
20:17I do not want to see nations around the world like Korea
20:20have the benefit of a broadband network
20:23and to see Australia fall behind the standards of the world.
20:27Yeah, that'd be right.
20:28Envy!
20:29Envy!
20:30Pure and simple.
20:31Korea has something we don't have and our Prime Minister wants it.
20:34And you notice she doesn't specify which Korea.
20:38Because there's at least two that we know of.
20:41So, let's analyse this further.
20:43Now, if it's South Korea she's talking about, right,
20:46then do we really have to take away the one thing they have over the rest of us?
20:49Let them be number one in broadband rollout if they want.
20:52And if it's North Korea, if that's what she means,
20:55then all the broadband's a waste of time because they haven't got the internet anyway.
20:59What North Korea does have over us, though,
21:02is a respect for tradition when things are a century old.
21:05To celebrate the 100th birthday of the eternal leader, Kim Il-sung, a couple of months back,
21:09his grandson, Kim Jong-un, was made first secretary of the Workers' Party,
21:14a university water slide was named after him in his honour,
21:17and in a symbolic display of their power,
21:20an $815 million missile satellite system was fired directly into the Yellow Sea.
21:25Now, I don't want to put words into our Prime Minister's mouth.
21:29I couldn't do the accent for a start.
21:31But I don't think when she says she doesn't want to be left behind Korea,
21:34she's talking about any national broadband rollout.
21:36When she says she doesn't want to be left behind Korea,
21:38she's talking about being allowed to drive a tank,
21:41or have her generals have better uniforms,
21:44or getting thousands of people to volunteer to do the dusting.
21:47All the cool stuff that Kim Jong-un gets to do.
21:52Well, let's send a message to our Prime Minister, OK?
21:55But make sure the file isn't too big,
21:57because if you're in regional Australia, it'll take f***ing forever to email.
22:02But any way you look at it,
22:03the national broadband rollout is not about Australians communicating with each other.
22:06It's about Australians accessing online casinos.
22:10But this is no surprise,
22:11because earlier this year, the government, like, totally reneged
22:14on proposed poker machine reforms.
22:16And Australia's anti-gambling lobby went bunter.
22:20But is self-regulation the answer?
22:22Trudy Prog Rock finds out.
22:25Magic unicorn amusements are keen to embrace the government's concern
22:28about addictive gaming machines.
22:29That's why this latest line have no flashing lights,
22:32there's no catchy tunes,
22:33they're designed to give absolutely no pleasure at all.
22:35They're not even plugged in.
22:37So there's not even a chance of a payout?
22:39None at all.
22:40But it's not the machines that are the problem.
22:44It's the chairs.
22:46Powerful electromagnets secreted inside the seating
22:49are especially calibrated to attract nickel zinc alloy.
22:54And this holds patrons in the betting position
22:56by not only the loose change in their pockets,
22:59but also the metallic security threads in their banknotes
23:02and the swipe strip on their credit cards.
23:05It's only by ridding themselves of these items,
23:08by feeding them into the magic unicorn machine,
23:11that patrons can make their escape.
23:14Magnetism is a naturally occurring phenomenon,
23:17like daylight or gravity,
23:19and I think it's pretty unreasonable to expect magic unicorn
23:21to change the laws of physics just to suit the anti-pokey lobby.
23:24But it's the extent of the magnetism, isn't it?
23:27Several people have had their fillings sucked out of their mouths.
23:30Well, there's a warning about that
23:31on the underside of every magic unicorn machine.
23:34The steel plate in this man's head
23:36was attached to a magic unicorn magneto chair for 12 hours.
23:41It was only when he unscrewed it
23:43and fed the plate into the slot that he could leave.
23:47Mr. Caramello was offered a voucher
23:50for a complimentary bowl of bar snacks.
23:52What would you say to those
23:53who have been sterilised by your machines?
24:00Sally, Sally, I haven't finished the...
24:05No!
24:06To world news now.
24:08No, don't switch off. It concerns us.
24:11Australia was paid a visit this week
24:13by the newly elected leader of the Tibetan government in exile,
24:16Dr. Lob Sang Sangoe.
24:17Fiona Xai Dong-hao from our Chinese affiliate has less.
24:21He is a terrorist spreading lies,
24:23yet you foolish Australians trust him.
24:26Look at him there,
24:27pretending to care but all the while
24:29concocting a plot to steal that tablecloth
24:31and wear it as a shirt.
24:33But when this traitor is given the facts
24:35about Tibetan-Chinese cooperation,
24:37even he must tell the truth.
24:39But the situation inside Tibet is so...
24:41Harmonious.
24:42That Tibetans are choosing to...
24:44Accept responsibility for the latest crackdown.
24:47So while the war criminal Dalai Lama
24:49seaps the blood of the workers
24:50with your imperial overlords,
24:52the Chinese government,
24:54which is most wise and just,
24:55is confident you would not risk the harmony
24:58of our relationship
24:59by letting so-called Dr. Senge meet
25:01with anyone in your government,
25:03no matter how lowly their status.
25:05I have no further plans
25:07to meet Tibetans this week.
25:09Fiona Xia Dong-hao for amazing flying mat as hell.
25:13Thanks, Fiona.
25:15And finally this week,
25:16Queen Elizabeth returned home
25:17after a visit to Northern Ireland
25:18as part of her apparently
25:19year-long diamond jubilee celebrations.
25:22Royal Watcher Gay March,
25:23I see you're wearing green to mark the occasion.
25:26Yes, Sean,
25:27just like Her Majesty.
25:31And didn't she look lovely, Sean?
25:34She looked lovely.
25:35Yeah, she was beautiful, wasn't she?
25:36And what a lovely gesture, Gay,
25:38to go and visit Occupied Ireland.
25:40Yes, Sean, wasn't it?
25:42And didn't they turn it on for her?
25:46But it's not the first time
25:48the Queen and Prince Philip
25:49have visited Northern Ireland,
25:50though this time it was to bring
25:52a message to the people
25:54that despite the troubles of the past,
25:57she still runs the country
25:58and they better not forget it.
26:01It was also the first time
26:03Her Majesty set foot
26:05in an Irish Catholic church.
26:08Inside, she found a Catholic priest
26:10and a Boy Scout leader.
26:12The two, of course,
26:13sharing a common interest.
26:16Community welfare, Sean.
26:18The theme of the visit
26:21was reconciliation
26:22and it was warmly embraced
26:24by the locals.
26:27The highlight of the visit, though,
26:29was a fairytale moment
26:31when Her Majesty shook hands
26:33with former IRA leader
26:35Martin McGuinness,
26:36who, though not a man of violence
26:38these days,
26:40can still scare the bejesus
26:41out of the Duke of Edinburgh.
26:43But it all ended happily
26:47with the Queen enjoying a ride
26:49on the Sinn Féin Mad Mouse
26:51and a display of bear fighting
26:53outside a local Hibernian society.
26:57A local magistrate calmed the bears down
27:00and Prince Philip got to go home
27:02with a new hat.
27:04And not coming up
27:05because we've run out of time.
27:07Border security intercepts
27:09Indonesian aeroplane people
27:10and relations between Beijing
27:13and Hong Kong,
27:14warm and cordial.
27:18And so ends a week
27:19which began with
27:20not only the carbon tax
27:21and the mining tax,
27:22but also all the world's
27:23atomic clocks
27:24being wound back one second
27:25to accommodate
27:26the slowing of the Earth's rotation.
27:28I only hope you use
27:29that extra second wisely this week,
27:31perhaps using it to think
27:33for a moment about others.
27:35As for me,
27:36I use it to sleep in.
27:38Here's tomorrow's talkback.
27:40Yeah, I just wanted to say
27:42I'm a massive fan of
27:44Mogadon and Stilnox
27:45and I've got all their albums.
27:47Yeah, I think it's wrong
27:48that Katie Holmes
27:49takes her daughter Suri
27:50out of Scientology school,
27:51mainly because, you know,
27:53the disruption it'll cause
27:54for the child.
27:55I mean, aren't they just about
27:56to have their mid-year brain probes?
27:57Good point.
27:58Oh, you mean South Korea?
27:59Yeah.
28:00If they're going to kill
28:00minky whales
28:01because they eat too many fish,
28:03does that mean they're going
28:04to kill my neighbour,
28:05Bert McDonough?
28:06Because he eats
28:06a shitload of the stuff.
28:09Giant baby.
28:10So what did you think
28:17of the show, Sophie?
28:18See?