- 6/11/2025
Original Broadcast Date: July 26th 2017
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00Tonight, what it means to be an Australian with a foreign head of state, an Australian
00:07presenter heading off to a foreign country because of a statement, and when being a foreigner
00:11and representing a state of Australia comes to a head.
00:14You're as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore.
00:30Now, unlike a lot of my ABC colleagues,
00:57I don't buy into the leftist groupthink, let's do whatever the Labour Party tells us to do mentality.
01:02And the powers that be can make life pretty difficult for you here if you don't play ball.
01:06I remember when I first started working here, I was just a boy really,
01:10I met Lee Sales in the car park, and she asked me whether I thought the concept of social ownership
01:15and distribution based on contribution would lead to a classless, stateless and humane society
01:20based on common ownership.
01:22I said I didn't know what she was talking about, gave her my keys and told her to make sure
01:26she didn't park my car on the roof because it would dry out my leather seats.
01:30Anyway, after work, this is what I found.
01:35So, I'm my own man politically, but when it comes to the Republic,
01:39I am totally on board with having an Australian head of state.
01:42That's why I was with the shadow Attorney General when he criticised the Prime Minister
01:46for failing to press the issue of Australia becoming a Republic during his audience with the Queen.
01:51Damn straight, the man who only last year said that,
01:55I do not believe Australians would welcome, let alone support, another Republic referendum during her reign.
02:02Last week had the perfect opportunity to end it.
02:05I mean, look how close he was to her.
02:08Closer than Cromwell was to Charles I in 1649, just before he stopped being the King.
02:13Now, I'm not saying that Malcolm should have murdered the Queen there and then, obviously.
02:18I mean, there are protocols and conventions at the Palace.
02:21Let's face it, the press would have had a field day.
02:24But I think that here, where she offered him that chair,
02:26he could have kicked it over and said,
02:28No, Liz, I'd rather stand on my own two feet
02:31just to drive home the point the shadow Attorney General was making
02:34that we're sick to death of her lording it over us like she's lady bloody muck.
02:39Because, let's face it, the next chance to get an Australian that close to Her Majesty
02:43is probably going to be at the end of the year
02:45when Tony Abbott replaces Alexander Downer as High Commissioner.
02:48And by then, word will be out and she'll have taken precautions.
02:55Mind you, that'll be a win-win for both countries.
02:58Still, I'm not sure I buy all this stuff about Malcolm being an Elizabethan.
03:02Compare his cursory nod to Her Majesty here
03:05with what can only be described as John Howard's forward somersault here.
03:12Now, that is an Elizabethan.
03:15Either that or Her Majesty's just pointed out his fly's undone.
03:19But the big problem for Malcolm was not so much what he didn't say to the Queen
03:23while he was over there as what he did say about the Liberal Party.
03:25He admitted he wasn't exactly sure what his party stood for,
03:29although he knew it was one of two things.
03:31The Liberal Party stands for freedom or it stands for nothing.
03:35So, at least he's narrowed it down.
03:38But having considered the considerable legacies left by predecessors
03:42like Menzies, Downer and Nelson, he came to this conclusion.
03:47The sensible centre, to use my predecessor Tony Abbott's phrase,
03:52was the place to be.
03:53A place that Sir Robert Menzies clearly wasn't occupying at this point.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:59So, what is it to be a Liberal Party supporter these days?
04:04The current leader of the Liberal Party, Malcolm, says
04:06the original leader, Robert, says it was never about being Conservatives,
04:11whereas the immediate previous leader to Malcolm, Tony, says...
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15..it is.
04:16And another previous leader to Tony and Malcolm, John,
04:19says...
04:20LAUGHTER
04:21..that even if it isn't, they're still welcome anyway.
04:24It's a thorny topic that requires a bit of plain-speaking.
04:27LAUGHTER
04:27So, what is it to be a Conservative?
04:33Is it to embody the principles of late 19th-century classical liberalism
04:37as espoused by Enlightenment figures like John Stuart Mill,
04:40who believed in opposing state power, slavery, the church
04:43and other barriers to liberty?
04:44Or is it the more modern concept of just being an arsehole?
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48This paradigm was explored recently
04:50by Conservative commentator Prue McSween and Chris Smith
04:54on radio station 2GB
04:55when discussing former ABC presenter Yasmin Abdel-Mageed,
04:59who had just left Australia for London
05:01after saying that she felt she was
05:02the most publicly hated Muslim in Australia.
05:05She says she's betrayed by Australia
05:07and she didn't feel safe in her own country.
05:10Well, actually, she might have been right there,
05:12cos if I'd seen, I would have been tempted to run her over, mate.
05:15LAUGHTER
05:15Yes, the reactionary left reacted leftily to Prue,
05:20prompting her to tweet,
05:22to all you festering human-less Twitter ferals,
05:25go tell someone who cares.
05:26Last time I looked, this was a country of free speech.
05:29Get a life.
05:30And defend her comments as satirical,
05:33saying it's tragic that many in Australia
05:35have lost their sense of humour.
05:36We used to be a country where we could take the mickey out of people.
05:39Blogger vomitoria catchment,
05:41can Conservatives be funny?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:42Very funny, Sean.
05:45The left doesn't have an oligopoly on lols.
05:48Would you prove every week
05:50with your little undergraduate law review here?
05:53And I'll tell you this just quietly, Sean.
05:55Yes?
05:56Prue's bit was a fuckload funnier
05:58than boo-hoo blue Yasmin's
06:00chuckle-free Zone Anzac Day tweet.
06:03Yes, well, I'm not sure Yasmin was trying to be funny.
06:05Look, it's like Prue says,
06:06we've lost the ability to laugh at ourselves in this country.
06:09Whatever happened to the larrikin Aussie spirit?
06:12Well, that's a question I may well put to.
06:13Larrikin Aussie Ray Tedious.
06:15We're still here, Sean.
06:19Alive and well and living in the hinterland of the Australian psyche.
06:22Telling it like it is.
06:24Cutting through all the bullshit niceties
06:25and civility and politeness
06:27and crap like a piss whippersnipper on a Saturday night.
06:30Prue didn't mean she'd literally run over Yasmin if she saw her.
06:33She was making a joke about us loathing Yasmin so much
06:35because of her views
06:36that we'd all like to drive our car into her body and hurt her.
06:39That's actually a very inclusive joke.
06:42Yes, and so with the Liberal Party
06:45going through something of an identity crisis.
06:58Where do the disenchanted Conservative voters go?
07:02Well, essentially, they've got two choices.
07:13And...
07:14Now, Pauline Hanson's One Nation's Pauline Hanson
07:23claims that Mr Turnbull's claim that the Liberal Party
07:25was never a party for Conservatives
07:27is a declaration that One Nation is the country's largest Conservative Party.
07:31Although the fact that she's put the closed quotation marks
07:35at the start of her quote...
07:37LAUGHTER
07:37..and the open quotation marks at the end
07:41suggests that not only did Malcolm Turnbull not say that,
07:44she didn't either.
07:46LAUGHTER
07:46Corey Bernardi, though, is talking directly to disgruntled libs
07:50and according to his own Common Sense Lives Here website,
07:53as many as 38, 55, 56, 59 Australians
07:58across the country are responding.
08:01LAUGHTER
08:02Common sense may live there,
08:03but I don't think it's going to get its bond back.
08:05LAUGHTER
08:06But Corey's heart's in the right place.
08:09A bell jar on top of Christopher Pyne's wardrobe.
08:11LAUGHTER
08:12He's most recently tried to win over people
08:14by going after fellow Senator Sarah Hanson-Young
08:17after she hit back at...
08:19..some grumpy old white men
08:20who have been deciding, you know,
08:22what is best for my family.
08:24Yes, apparently some grumpy old white men, not me,
08:27LAUGHTER
08:28..had criticised her
08:29for taking her sick daughter whale-watching
08:31as part of a perfectly-within-the-rules
08:32$4,000 taxpayer-funded trip.
08:35Corey took exception to Sarah's defence of herself,
08:37accusing her of playing the race, age and gender card.
08:42Spokesmodel for Corey Bernardi, Gert-Mont-Golfier,
08:44is Corey a grumpy old white man?
08:47Grumpy, yes.
08:49Who wouldn't be at seeing hard-earned taxpayer dollars
08:51flushed down the toilet and into the ocean
08:53as Sarah Hanson-Young has done?
08:55An old, well, who wouldn't feel that way
08:57at hearing the same old excuses time and time again
09:00from our mainstream politicians like Sarah Hanson-Young?
09:03And white, well, who among us wouldn't be white-hot
09:06with rage at the thought of so-called mother,
09:09Sarah Hanson-Young,
09:10taking her sick child out in a boat
09:12and bouncing around so close
09:14to such a dangerous creature as a whale?
09:16Right. And what about being a man?
09:18The whale?
09:19No, no, Corey.
09:20Oh, well, let me tell you this.
09:23Corey is more of a man
09:25than Sarah Hanson-Young would ever or could be.
09:28And if she was married to Corey
09:31in a perfectly normal heterosexual relationship
09:35without a hyphenated surname,
09:37she would be at home looking after her sick children
09:39in front of a fire fuelled by gas and oil
09:42from the Great Australian Bight
09:43and looking at pictures of whales in a book
09:45approved of by Corey and the Opus Dei censors
09:48and not out,
09:49gallivanting around in the ocean
09:51at taxpayer's expense
09:53where man doesn't belong anyway
09:54unless he's running a drilling platform there.
09:56Yes, well, thanks, Greg.
09:57What do you think?
09:57She's pretty good, isn't she?
10:00Incidentally, Bill Shorten's been a bit quiet lately, hasn't he?
10:03No zingers,
10:04no awkward halting press briefings, nothing.
10:07Now, we scoured all the news footage from last week
10:09and this was the only thing we came across.
10:12An unverified sighting
10:13and you have to watch very, very carefully
10:14because it's very quick.
10:19Now...
10:20APPLAUSE
10:21Now, according to focus groups,
10:27that's all he has to do to win the next election.
10:31Now, the Greens are having trouble with their senators.
10:34They can't get rid of the one they're having trouble with
10:36and the ones they actually like have resigned.
10:39Scott Ludlam, the co-deputy leader of the Greens,
10:41is apparently a citizen of both New Zealand and Australia.
10:44Larissa Waters is a citizen of both Canada and Australia.
10:47And according to this bloody bit of red tape
10:49I borrowed from the National Library,
10:51they can't sit in the Senate seat they've been sitting in.
10:55Yes, I know.
10:58But lots of people are born in other countries
11:00and still get to sit in the Senate, don't they?
11:02Spokesborg for Senator Matthias Cormandarius Horsham.
11:04Your clothes, give them to me.
11:07I mean, you can't hold where you're born, can you?
11:09It's a congenital thing.
11:11Sean, I don't know what you're talking about.
11:13I'm as Australian as the next man.
11:15Assuming the next man isn't Eric Abetz.
11:18The founding fathers wisely put that prohibition into the Constitution
11:21in case someone from an enemy country like New Zealand
11:24wanted to infiltrate our parliament.
11:26The same thing applies to those from rogue states like Canada.
11:30Yeah, but what about Eric Abetz?
11:32The Tasmania is not a rogue state, Sean.
11:35It's just a little backward, that's all.
11:37But Eric renounced his German citizenship
11:40just by taking the oath when he became an Australian citizen.
11:42Why isn't that sufficient for Larissa?
11:44And Scott came over here when he was three.
11:46Sean, this is New Zealand we are talking about.
11:49Scott Ludlam is not some TV program from there
11:51that we can acclaim as Australian content.
11:54He's a human being, like me and like Eric
11:56and like the Penny Wongs and the Sam Dastyaris
11:59and the Michaelia Caches.
12:01Michaelia Cache was born in Australia, though, surely?
12:04Really?
12:06The way she talks, I thought she was from the planet Neptune.
12:08But Darius, Darius, are we in a situation like I have in America
12:13where someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger, for example,
12:15could never become president
12:16because of where he was born
12:17rather than how bad he'd be in the job?
12:20Sean, I am nothing like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
12:24And while he may not be able to succeed Donald Trump as president,
12:27he was certainly able to as host of The Apprentice.
12:29But what about Larissa?
12:31Sean, you're being a geographic girly man.
12:34Over here, you just have to remember
12:36to send a letter to where you was born
12:37saying, I don't want to be whatever I am anymore.
12:40And if Scott and Larissa forgot,
12:42then maybe they should wear a country of origin label
12:44on the back of the necks.
12:46Something that Peter Dutton's thinking of bringing in, by the way.
12:49All right, thank you very much, Darius.
12:51Fantastic.
12:53Still, it's all bad news for the Greens.
12:55They've made peace with rogue Senator Lee Rhiannon.
12:58They've reversed a decision to exclude her
13:00from contentious party room debates
13:01on the basis that the terms of their original decree
13:04were confusing.
13:05Later on, I talked to a Greens Party spokesperson
13:08who says it really wasn't all that confusing at all.
13:10All that's happened is that Senator Rhiannon
13:12is excluded from party room discussions
13:14about contentious government issues.
13:15Yeah, well, who decides what's a contentious government issue?
13:18The party room.
13:19All right, is Senator Rhiannon allowed
13:20in the party room for that decision?
13:22So that would depend on whether the decision
13:23to allow Ms Rhiannon into the party room
13:25to help decide what is a contentious government issue
13:26and therefore whether or not she is allowed in the party room
13:29is itself a contentious government issue,
13:31thereby precluding her from being in the party room.
13:33If it is, then she isn't.
13:34If it isn't, then she is.
13:35And she will be allowed in the party room
13:36to help decide whether or not
13:37she should be allowed in the party room.
13:40Right, right, could you explain that again?
13:42I don't believe so.
13:45Well, back in 2015,
13:47when I first heard Charlie Pickering
13:48was going to do the weekly,
13:49I thought, great, it's about time
13:51we had a weekly half-hour satirical news programme
13:53at 8.30 on Wednesday.
13:59Now, sure, I enjoy the weekly, I enjoy Charlie,
14:04but one thing it does do that we don't
14:07is have real interviews instead of fake ones,
14:09usually with people flogging something.
14:11And that's a good idea because you don't have to write them
14:13and the people come in for free,
14:15plus the money saved can be spent on other things
14:16here at the ABC,
14:17which are just as important as content,
14:19middle management and unisex toilets.
14:22Now, we're big enough here at Mad as Hell
14:24to steal a good idea when we see it,
14:26so welcome to Cross Promotion Corner.
14:29Well, I'd like to know what's getting cross promotion.
14:33Yes, I'd like to know what's getting cross promotion.
14:41Tell the Osteopath is a new primetime
14:44entertainment extravaganza from auntie.
14:45Dr. Jimbo, you are co-presenting
14:47Are You a Real Osteopath?
14:49As real as an osteopath can be, Sean.
14:52And each week, you and your fellow professionals...
14:54Yes, homeopathy professor Anne
14:56and rolfing expert Commodore Mark Pules
14:59present a light-hearted look at disease and illness.
15:02And, Jill, you're involved in the show in some way?
15:04No, I'm from publicity.
15:05And what's the show about?
15:07Half an hour.
15:08All right, well, let's have a look.
15:12Dandruff's a big problem in today's busy lifestyle.
15:14You've got dandruff.
15:17But I take supplements.
15:19My wife's right.
15:20I've got dandruff, and nothing seems to shake it.
15:27So it's off to a licensed bioresonance therapist
15:30who knows all about it.
15:31Oh, wow.
15:49Oh, Jimbo, I presume.
16:03Come here, come here, come here, come here.
16:05Take a seat.
16:07Oh, I knew you'd choose that one.
16:09Now, what seems to be the problem?
16:11My wife seems to say I have dandruff.
16:13Oh, that sounds more rough than dandy.
16:16What can I do, though?
16:17As I was saying to my wife, it's a problem despite our levity
16:21and almost a serious thing.
16:23Jimbo, your humours are out of alignment.
16:24As a registered osteopath, I know that.
16:27But for the audience, what can be done?
16:29Take two drops of valerian nasally
16:30and pop in the flotation tank and see what happens.
16:36After running Widdishins around a toadstool
16:39in Colonel Hannah's backyard for the rest of the afternoon,
16:41I'm ready to go home and repeat all this information to my wife.
16:47Mm, dry scalp, hey?
16:57I thought so.
17:03There's an awful lot of padding, isn't there?
17:05It's in the ABC charter, Sean.
17:07And when's it on, Jimbo?
17:08Not sure.
17:09Well, I'd like to know a scary cross promotion.
17:13Yes, I'd like to know a scary cross promotion.
17:19Ta-da!
17:21Hi!
17:22Oh, where's Teddy?
17:24Come on!
17:25As a busy mum with a full-time job,
17:28I've really been struggling to make it home by 3pm.
17:31My friend Nikki lives nearby,
17:32so she picks Jayden up from school.
17:34She does such a great job looking after him
17:36and I give her a bit of cash.
17:38Sure, it's not much money,
17:40but I just wasn't sure she was declaring it as taxable income.
17:43So I made the call.
17:44Ah!
17:45We've rolled down!
17:46We've rolled together!
17:46Thanks, Nikki.
17:48Mick gave me my first chance
17:49when I was first starting out as an apprentice.
17:51Ten years later,
17:52I still help him out with a few jobs sometimes.
17:55But lately, I've noticed a few problems with his records.
17:58He's getting old,
17:59so maybe they were honest mistakes.
18:00But I wasn't sure,
18:02so I made the call.
18:06The ATO were great.
18:07No being put on hold.
18:08They had Mick's audit scheduled within a few minutes.
18:11Best of all, it's completely anonymous,
18:13so Mick will never know it was me.
18:17I did it.
18:18I did it too.
18:20I dobbed in a mate.
18:22I dobbed in a mate.
18:23His life was like nothing anyone had ever witnessed.
18:30Dull.
18:31Now key insiders speak about the emotional Ferris wheel
18:35of Prince Edward's life.
18:36In the blink of an eye,
18:37it went from unremarkable to pedestrian.
18:40That left a nation ambivalent.
18:43The Queen had forgotten she'd had him
18:45and plunged the royal family into mild curiosity.
18:49Prince Edward, 53 years that no-one noticed.
18:54Saturday, 7.40.
18:56And coming up a little later on,
18:58Peter Dutton outlines his plans
18:59for the new Homeland Super Ministry.
19:01Tonight I've got a gun.
19:05You've got a gun.
19:09But right now...
19:12Science.
19:15Well, apparently,
19:16an Australian space agency is on the cards.
19:18And no doubt,
19:19this is apparently what will be written on that card.
19:26Well, it's hard to make copper wire reach into space, isn't it?
19:30No, but seriously,
19:31the federal government is exploring the possibility
19:33of creating an Australian space agency,
19:36meaning we could soon have our own rockets and that.
19:39Here's Nine News reporter Alan Rascal.
19:41And more helpfully,
19:48here's Science Minister Arthur Sinodinos.
19:50We are talking about an industry
19:52which in Australia at the moment
19:54in various ways employs 9,000 to 11,000 people.
19:57Yeah, somewhere between 9,000 and 11,000.
19:59Not sure exactly how many.
20:00And it's that level of precision
20:02that'll make us a leader in space technology.
20:05Most developed countries do now have a space agency.
20:07In fact, as Shadow Science Minister Kim Carr
20:09diplomatically pointed out...
20:11Even New Zealand has a space agency.
20:15Amazing.
20:16Even those dickheads have got one.
20:18And if we do end up by some miracle with a space agency,
20:21I look forward to colonising Mars.
20:23It'd be a great opportunity for those on-path internships
20:26because there's plenty of work out there
20:28with Elon Musk wanting to build his city.
20:30And with Mars rotating on its axis
20:32once every 24 and a half hours,
20:34at $4 an hour, that's an extra $2 a day.
20:38The federal government is putting pressure
20:41on Google and Facebook
20:42not only to like the government's Facebook page,
20:44but to allow the government to decrypt encrypted messages.
20:47As the PM said...
20:48We need to ensure that the internet is not used
20:53as a dark place for bad people.
20:55Because that's the ABC's role.
20:58Head of Computer Studies for the elderly
21:00at Iron Knob Community Hall, Shazza Dioxide.
21:03What exactly is encryption?
21:08Encryption works by taking messages
21:10between people and scrambling them.
21:12All right, so how does this work?
21:14Let's say Pauline Hanson is sending messages
21:16to Barnaby Joyce.
21:17Oh, well, there'd be no need to scramble those messages, Sean.
21:19Encryption isn't going to make them any more unintelligible.
21:23Well, if Ms Hanson did encrypt
21:25one of her messages to Mr Joyce,
21:26is it possible that we might be able to work out
21:28what she was saying?
21:29Right, now it's mathematically almost impossible
21:33to decode that message.
21:35Yes, although the Prime Minister
21:37had something to say about that, didn't he?
21:39The laws of mathematics are very commendable,
21:43but the only law that applies in Australia
21:45is the law of Australia.
21:46So the laws of mathematics don't apply in Australia?
21:52Not anymore, no.
21:53How long has that been the case?
21:55Since Mr Hockey's last budget.
21:58Thanks a lot, Shazza.
21:59Well, the world of robotics continues to automate tasks
22:02that no-one else could be arsed doing,
22:04such as playing the xylophone.
22:06The real breakthrough, of course,
22:07would be designing a robot
22:08that wants to listen to a xylophone.
22:10But the threat of automation is not just to blue-collar
22:13or, in the case of xylophonists, black-tie jobs.
22:16In fact...
22:17All jobs that involve repetition are at risk.
22:19All jobs that involve repetition are at risk.
22:22All jobs that involve repetition are at risk.
22:26Turns to other camera.
22:29Oh, no.
22:31Well, I don't know what economists do all day,
22:34but they've finally come up with a dollar value
22:36for the Great Barrier Reef.
22:37Our estimate is that the Great Barrier Reef
22:40is worth $56 billion.
22:42And you thought house prices were bad in Sydney?
22:45$56 billion.
22:47I have difficulty even imagining that much money.
22:49Fortunately, the Sydney Morning Herald
22:51provides a helpful comparison,
22:52equating the $56 billion the reef is valued at
22:55as more than 12 Sydney opera houses.
22:59Ah, yeah, yeah, I can see it now.
23:01Yeah. Wow.
23:02Mind you, with prices like that,
23:04young crustaceans and sea worms
23:05will be lucky to have a reef over their head at all.
23:07LAUGHTER
23:08Mercifully, though, at last,
23:13someone in the government is being realistic about our future,
23:16with this promise from Chair of the Backbench Environment
23:19and Energy Committee, Craig Kelly.
23:21People will die this winter
23:23because of policies that we have
23:25to subsidise renewable energy.
23:28Mad as hell's environment reporter Lois Price
23:30is in the Mad as helicopter.
23:32Lois, this is a surprising development.
23:35Yeah, that's right, Sean.
23:36From my position high in the sky,
23:38it's only been a handful of times since Federation
23:41that a member of the Australian government
23:42has admitted they're killing people.
23:44LAUGHTER
23:44Do you think this honest and frank admission
23:48could be a vote-winner, though?
23:49Oh, probably not with the voters they're killing, Sean.
23:52LAUGHTER
23:53OK, well, what about the rest of us that they spare?
23:56Well, yeah, it could work for them, Sean,
23:58because we've seen how the people that Kim Jong-un doesn't kill
24:01absolutely love him.
24:03So what would your advice be to the government, Lois?
24:06Well, rather than kill people this winter
24:08by subsidising renewable energy, Sean,
24:10politically, I think they'd be better off
24:12supporting more coal-fired power
24:13and killing everyone off more slowly.
24:15Why spend thousands having the dangerous asbestos
24:18in your house removed professionally
24:19when Ricky's dug and a couple of his mates
24:21will do it for a few hundred?
24:23All asbestos is guaranteed dumped in another suburb,
24:26but if your house isn't left filthier than when they arrived,
24:28there's no charge.
24:29Call Ricky Scug and a couple of his mates
24:31unlicensed asbestos removal.
24:32They cough up so you don't have to.
24:35LAUGHTER
24:35Thanks very much, Lois.
24:37APPLAUSE
24:38Now, you may have heard that a massive iceberg
24:46has broken off the Larson Sea ice shelf in the Antarctic.
24:49The iceberg is twice the size of the Australian Capital Territory.
24:54But twice the size of the ACT, of course,
24:55means two Canberras.
24:57So you can see how appalling this could be for humanity.
24:59LAUGHTER
24:59But if you're still not exactly sure how big it is,
25:02News.com helpfully goes on to explain
25:04that it's four times the size of London
25:06and twice the size of Luxembourg.
25:09And if that doesn't help,
25:10it's more than one and a half times the size of Adelaide,
25:13a third of the size of Brisbane,
25:15and more than half the size of Melbourne.
25:17Still none the wiser?
25:18OK, it's bigger than Kangaroo Island, Cairns,
25:21and you could fit close to 21 versions
25:24of the Whitsunday Islands on it.
25:26Which might be a good idea
25:28in case we fuck up the one version we do have.
25:31What's more, the iceberg weighs more than a trillion tonnes,
25:34which is twice as heavy as Broken Hill
25:36and a third of the weight of Jakarta's CBD.
25:39And as much as a trillion one-tonne light commercial
25:42or medium-sized SUVs,
25:44that will be more expensive
25:45because of the new carbon tax
25:46Josh Frydenberg says isn't happening.
25:51In breaking news now,
25:53and police say an explosion in Melbourne's western suburbs
25:55about an hour ago
25:56was caused by an old World War II bomb.
25:59Vavina Jixquacks is on the spot.
26:01Vavina, what the fuck?
26:03That's right, Sean.
26:04The explosion occurred about an hour ago.
26:06There's been some minor property damage to these houses,
26:09but thankfully no injuries.
26:11Ian Dream is a resident here.
26:12Ian, tell us what happened.
26:14Well, I'd just turned the TV on,
26:16I was taking my trousers off
26:17and I heard this almighty explosion.
26:19It sounded like a bomb going off.
26:20A bomb had gone off?
26:22Yeah, no, I heard it.
26:23So it sounded exactly like what it was?
26:25Well, yeah, but I didn't know what had happened.
26:28Why wouldn't you have thought a bomb had gone off?
26:30Well, it sounded like a bomb had gone off,
26:32but I didn't know what actually happened.
26:33Why couldn't it have been a bomb going off?
26:36Well, it only sounded like a bomb going off.
26:38It could have been anything.
26:39What else could it have been,
26:40other than a bomb going off,
26:42that sounds more like a bomb going off
26:43than a bomb going off?
26:44I don't know, I've never heard a bomb go off.
26:47Yes, you have, about an hour ago.
26:48Yeah, yeah, but before that.
26:49But if you'd never heard a bomb go off,
26:51how did you know it sounded like a bomb going off?
26:55You couldn't have, could you?
26:57No.
26:58You're a liar, Mr Dream.
27:00What's my kind of a play place, sir?
27:04Back to you, Sean.
27:06Yes, thanks, Blavina.
27:07Well, we're not coming up because Utopia's on in a minute.
27:11Prime Minister happy with small bust.
27:14Home and away jumps the shark as Summer Bay invaded.
27:18And footballer puts own organ in storage.
27:21Yeah, you know, 10, 20 years down the track,
27:23I'll need my brain.
27:27And finally, in breaking news,
27:28New South Wales police have been negotiating
27:30with a 44-year-old man in a Western Sydney house,
27:32and after six hours,
27:34the man has agreed to sell it for $10,000 less than his return.
27:37So, good news for young police homebuyers there.
27:41Goodbye.
27:42Footloose.
27:44Footloose.
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