Original Broadcast Date: April 24th 2013
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TVTranscript
00:00Here he comes.
00:08Please.
00:10Well, lads, this mission, in a few short days' time, will be, it goes without saying, the
00:18most important day in the war thus far.
00:21You must be so very, very brave.
00:25But it might help you to find this courage if you keep in mind precisely while we are
00:30mounting this audacious attack on April the 25th.
00:35It is, of course, the day when we remember and honour the valour of our Australian rules
00:42footballers.
00:44These courageous young men, week in, week out every year, risk their bodies on the sporting
00:50field so that we may be entertained.
00:53They throw themselves on the ball, get knocked down and fall on the grass, run deep into defence
01:02when they're tired, just to give their team mates the option to spot up.
01:07These are the qualities we must emulate if we are to be successful.
01:13For to do any less, to show anything but fearlessness in the battlefield would be to dishonour what
01:21these footballers do every year for our enjoyment.
01:27Sir?
01:28Well, eh?
01:29Isn't it slightly offensive to equate what we're doing with the achievements of elite
01:34footballers?
01:35We're just soldiers.
01:38Footballers are high-performance athletes.
01:40Yeah.
01:40They're uniquely skilled, sir.
01:43Those men are well-paid, successful household names doing something we'd love to do if we
01:49were able.
01:50Well, to be mentioned in the same breath as them seems, well...
01:55A little obscene.
01:56Yes, all right.
01:57All right.
02:00Political bloody correctness.
02:04Makes me mad as hell.
02:05I don't know.
02:35Thank you very much.
02:42Well, folks, what a week it's been in news events this week.
02:45Great news for Italy.
02:47They finally have a new president.
02:49It's actually the old president, and I do mean old.
02:5187-year-old Giorgio Napolitano.
02:54Congratulations.
02:5587 is the current retirement age for a pope over there,
02:58but this year it's the minimum age for the presidency.
03:01And it's just a seven-year term, so he'll only be 94.
03:05At the end of it.
03:06And that's great, because the 2020 Olympics will be on,
03:09and he'll be free to represent Italy in wakeboarding.
03:14Even greater news, though, are the whispers that,
03:16should the coalition get in in September,
03:19that our own 73-year-old John Howe will become...
03:23John Howe.
03:28Will become our next governor-general.
03:31Now, the press are behind us, and Tony Abbott's very keen.
03:35But it's a bit hard getting the official word on it.
03:37If only the Liberals' director of policy, Dr Mark Roberts,
03:40was still available to make comments.
03:42But...
03:43Unfortunately, he's been demoted for leaking policy plans
03:47for the National Indigenous Education Foundation.
03:49Sky News' Peter van Onselen was there for the announcement.
03:52I don't think I'm being unfair in any way
03:54to suggest that he'd had a fair bit to drink.
03:56And the reference was made to slitting the throat of the organisation.
04:01OK.
04:01Now, apparently, this isn't the way the opposition
04:03wants to get its message out there to voters.
04:07Though it's actually proved quite effective.
04:08A lot of people know about it.
04:10Mr Abbott offered a diagnosis of Dr Roberts' behaviour.
04:14Well, look, he had a brain snap.
04:16There's no doubt about that.
04:18He had a complete brain snap.
04:19What is a brain snap, Professor Ian Orbspider?
04:24Well, it is in the nexus that connects the Broca nucleus
04:28in the frontal cortex with the Wernicke nucleus
04:31in the temporal cortex that we find the ability of humans,
04:35of which I believe Dr Roberts is one,
04:37to form speech.
04:40However, if the arcuate fasciculus,
04:42which connects the Broca and Wernicke nuclei,
04:45is compromised in any way,
04:47then the power of speech,
04:49or more importantly,
04:50in Dr Roberts' case,
04:52the power not to speak,
04:53can also be severely compromised.
04:56All right.
04:56And what could cause this nexal compromise?
04:59Well, I think Dr Piers Ackerman sums it up best.
05:03The guy was...
05:04shit-faced.
05:09I know this is controversial,
05:11but if only we could restrict the supply of alcohol
05:13to the white-collar community.
05:15My, my, my, my, my, my, buttocks are hurting.
05:22Thank you, Professor Ian.
05:24Well, Julia Gillard played host at a coag dinner
05:27at the Lodge last week,
05:29on the eve of talks with state and territory leaders
05:31about the proposed Gonski reforms.
05:33Lars Polgrain, you were there that night.
05:35What was the mood like?
05:37F***ing awful, Julia.
05:39This was the worst coag dinner I've seen at the Lodge
05:42since John Howard went through his Tex-Mex phase.
05:44What went wrong this time?
05:46Well, everyone sits down to dinner
05:48and immediately Colin Barnett starts complaining.
05:51He won't even look at the menu.
05:52He asks for the vegetarian option.
05:54Reckons he's watching his figure.
05:55Right.
05:56Appetiser is served.
05:58Tasmanian oysters.
05:59Lara Giddings takes one look at them
06:01and runs screaming for the toilet
06:02and he's never seen again.
06:03Entree is next.
06:05French onion soup.
06:07Everybody loves it.
06:08Except for Campbell Newman
06:09who picks it up and starts sniffing at it.
06:12Reckons it's off.
06:13Barry O'Farrell, meanwhile,
06:15is looking around the table
06:16whinging that everyone else has got more
06:18in their bowls than he has.
06:19Mind you, he's still left with a doggy bag.
06:21Alright.
06:22How was the main course received?
06:23Lots of complaints about the small serve, Sean.
06:26But as Lady Gillard pointed out,
06:27the serving size is indexed at a 4.7% growth rate
06:30across future COAG dinners.
06:32Alright.
06:32And what was the main course, by the way?
06:34The Labor premiers got a delightfully rustic cocker van.
06:38Ah, chicken.
06:39Very nice.
06:39Yeah, although the way that the meal was arranged,
06:42they were expected to provide the cock
06:43and the van themselves.
06:45Yeah, fair enough, though.
06:47And the Liberal premiers all got poisson.
06:49Ah, fish.
06:50Lovely.
06:50Very nice.
06:51Not actually fish, Sean.
06:52No, it was this brownish liquid
06:55that smelt of burnt almonds.
06:56It said quite some on the menu,
06:58but I think it may have been misspelled.
06:59I see.
07:00I understand.
07:01It doesn't matter.
07:01Nobody ate it anyway.
07:03Even though Lady Gillard said
07:04that she was willing to offer them
07:05two teaspoons of the stuff
07:06for every one teaspoon they could keep down.
07:09And did everyone get their just desserts?
07:12No.
07:12Everyone went home feeling pretty much empty, Sean.
07:15Yeah.
07:16Rude bunch of bastards, too.
07:17Jay Weatherill's the only one
07:19who offered to stay back
07:19and help with the washing up.
07:21Alright, thanks, Lars.
07:23Jesus Christ!
07:24Jane, how are we supposed to get back to surplus
07:27if you break all the plates?
07:29Incidentally, Treasurer Wayne Swan
07:31has also weighed into...
07:33Wayne Swan...
07:36..has also weighed into the education reform debate.
07:44Nothing, absolutely nothing,
07:46is more important to the future of our country
07:48than having our young people well-educated.
07:51Up to Year 12, anyway.
07:53Opposition leader Tony Abbott
07:56refused to commit a future coalition government either way.
07:59And his comments are brought to you by
08:01Amgen, Cadbury, Shimano, Dimex, Medibank,
08:04Pfizer, DHO, Visi, Roche,
08:06and the Church of Jesus Christ
08:07and the Latter-day Saints.
08:09The charity bike ride he's on
08:11also gives the Lycra-clad opposition leader
08:13a chance to not only put voters off their food,
08:15but onto some of his policies
08:17in anticipation of a marathon 79-day election campaign.
08:22And on that, I think the future Prime Minister spoke for all of us
08:25when he said,
08:26Oh, mate, my bum is sore.
08:28Well, what about Labor?
08:33Where is its peloton?
08:34Backbencher policy advisor,
08:35Vagery Bellchamber.
08:36Oh, don't you worry, Sean.
08:38Team Crean will be out and about
08:40in bicycle lanes all over Australia
08:42as part of its national whispering campaign,
08:45telling everyone that Julia has a tin ear
08:47and is engaged in a class war.
08:49Isn't that the Libs strategy, though?
08:51Well, there's cross-chamber support for this message, it's true,
08:54but Simon did think of it first,
08:55and unlike the Coalition,
08:56he's prepared to keep saying it
08:58long after it's necessary.
09:00Well, who are your sponsors?
09:02Oh, all the big names, Sean.
09:03Martin Ferguson, Chris Bowen,
09:06Kim Carr, Joel Fitzgibbon,
09:08and more recently, Bill Kelty.
09:10That's it.
09:12Thanks, Vagery.
09:14Will words, as Sky News senior autocue interpreter Helen Daly
09:17proves almost every night she reads them,
09:19can paint such evocative pictures.
09:22The Gillard government is being forced
09:23to redo its sums on the carbon tax,
09:26which is burning a big black hole in the budget.
09:29OK, greenhouse gas comes from the burning of carbon-based fuel,
09:32which sounds a bit like chlorofluorocarbons,
09:34which once created a hole in the ozone layer.
09:36Helen uses the key elements
09:38of these otherwise unrelated scientific facts,
09:40carbon, burning and hole,
09:43to refer to the budget,
09:44which apparently has not only a hole in it,
09:46but a big hole.
09:49In fact, it has a big black hole.
09:52Thus conjuring up another unrelated
09:54but powerful scientific phenomenon.
09:56But mere words can only editorialise so much.
09:59In television news, images are everything.
10:01An unfashionable look in an unfortunate setting.
10:04The Treasurer's visit to a mushroom factory
10:07was a gift for the opposition.
10:09Wayne Swan is treating the Australian people like mushrooms.
10:12Keeping us in the dark
10:13on what the collapse in Europe's carbon price will cost the budget.
10:17Labor media manager Tanya Tonkatoy,
10:19in retrospect,
10:20was the choice of a mushroom farm for Wayne Swan's photo op
10:23an ill-considered blunder?
10:25Well, it depends which way you look at it, Sean.
10:27I mean, obviously, we were all hoping
10:29that Joe Hockey was going to go for the fun guy option,
10:32you know, as in mushrooms.
10:34Yeah, yeah, no, I understand.
10:35But he didn't.
10:36He went the opposite.
10:36He went negative on it.
10:37Yeah.
10:37And it can be very hard to predict.
10:40And, you know,
10:40because the Libs have some pretty sharp customers
10:43in their ranks,
10:44so they can take a minor bumble from us
10:47and turn it into a real zinger.
10:49Sure.
10:49And it's not just Joe Hockey,
10:51Christopher Pyne,
10:51Erica Betts.
10:52They're a pretty witty bunch.
10:54Sure.
10:55And Sophie Mirabella?
10:57Uh, not so much.
10:58No.
10:59Anyway, what we've done is
11:00we've rejigged the whole of this week's media schedule
11:02so that it is zinger-proof.
11:03OK.
11:04Well, what's happening?
11:05Oh, OK.
11:05Let's see.
11:06OK.
11:06Tomorrow at 11.30,
11:08the Minister for Climate Change,
11:09Greg Combe,
11:10he'll be addressing the volatility
11:11of the European price on carbon
11:13and its effect on the May budget.
11:15And that will be from the Sydney Speedway,
11:16where there's a demolition derby.
11:19Greg's standing there,
11:20surrounded by car wreckage.
11:22That will look amazing.
11:23Sure.
11:24Oh, Friday at midday,
11:26we've got a bit more Wayne Swan action.
11:27We've got him visiting
11:28a butcher's hardware supply in Western Sydney.
11:31Mm-hm.
11:32So they manufacture chopping blocks,
11:34axes, scythe, that sort of thing.
11:37I think there'll be some pretty good vision there,
11:39probably, maybe,
11:40of Wayne with his head on a chopping block,
11:42pretending to be scared,
11:44saying,
11:45help me, someone, please help me.
11:47I think that would really help to humanise him.
11:50And on Saturday,
11:51I've arranged a photo op
11:53at a warehouse full of sieves
11:54for Immigration Minister Brendan O'Connor.
11:57Well, thank you very much, Tanya.
12:00Of course, the question remains,
12:01why does what's happening in Europe
12:03regarding carbon pricing
12:04affect our budget figures here in Australia?
12:06To answer that question,
12:07here's Jennifer Stolls
12:08with Eckenmoren.
12:12Omics.
12:14Jennifer.
12:16Thanks, Sean.
12:17Well, it's pretty simple, really.
12:19The carbon trading scheme
12:20is designed to give tax concessions
12:22to polluters for every tonne of carbon
12:24they don't emit
12:25compared to what they usually emit,
12:27thereby encouraging them
12:28with the carrot of money
12:29to produce less and less emissions
12:31and thus save our planet.
12:32Unfortunately, things are so bad in Europe
12:38that factories aren't making anything
12:40so the emissions are low anyway
12:41and that means there's totally an oversupply
12:43of lack of emissions
12:44compared with demand
12:45which means that the price per unit
12:47drops and stuff.
12:48All right.
12:48But isn't that good for Australia?
12:50Won't that encourage overseas investment?
12:51Foreign companies will come here
12:53to not produce carbon emissions
12:54because it's more lucrative.
12:56The overheads would be low too.
12:57You probably wouldn't even need a factory.
12:59Yeah.
13:00But the value is in the ability
13:02to trade carbon credits.
13:03Let's say I emit less carbon
13:05than I would normally, right?
13:06I can then sell you the right
13:08to emit more carbon
13:09than you would normally.
13:11I benefit from your uncontrolled emissions
13:13and you benefit from the fact
13:14that I've kept my emissions in check.
13:17Right.
13:18But if I was French, say,
13:19and you could come over
13:20and get my emissions more cheaply
13:22then you'd be like,
13:23duh, not to take advantage of that,
13:24wouldn't you?
13:26Yeah, I guess so, yeah.
13:27Well, that's the market at work.
13:29Yeah, yeah, but hang on, hang on.
13:30Isn't the market
13:31and the need for economies
13:32to continue growing generally
13:34the problem?
13:35If the whole point of the exercise
13:36is to reduce carbon emissions
13:37and save the planet,
13:39surely it's in everyone's interest
13:40for the financial crisis
13:41in Europe to continue,
13:42that no one makes anything,
13:43that factories keep closing,
13:45then it doesn't matter
13:46what you're charging
13:47for me to use your emissions.
13:50Yeah.
13:52That's my mum.
13:53It's my dead ball tonight.
14:00And that's economics.
14:07Well, words again,
14:09and here at Mad As,
14:09we're all about accountability
14:11and when we're not,
14:13it's hardly our fault.
14:15We listen to what our politicians say
14:17and put it to the test.
14:18For example,
14:19Australians need food to eat.
14:21People in Adelaide need water to drink.
14:25Now,
14:25now our researchers
14:28checked out that statement
14:29and we were unable
14:31to find a single scientist
14:32or physician
14:33prepared to dispute
14:34Mr Abbott's claim.
14:35So that's one for him.
14:36But what about this
14:37more recent statement
14:38by Christopher Pyne
14:39about our Prime Minister,
14:40Julia Gillard?
14:41She's like Fonzie
14:42in Happy Days.
14:44OK.
14:47OK, now let's test that,
14:49shall we?
14:50Fonzie was always reluctant
14:51to alter his hairstyle,
14:53wasn't he?
14:53What about Julia Gillard?
15:00OK.
15:01So that's strike one
15:03for the Pine Meister.
15:06Now,
15:06Fonzie was also
15:07unable to ever say
15:08that he was wrong.
15:09I was ruling.
15:13OK, now,
15:13by the same token,
15:14what we've been,
15:14I've looked,
15:15we've been unable
15:15to find any vision
15:16at all of Julia Gillard
15:18saying that she was wrong.
15:19The closest thing
15:20we could get
15:20was her saying this
15:21about the carbon tax.
15:23This is really complicated.
15:25Will I ever understand
15:27how carbon pricing works?
15:30OK, so...
15:30So that's one
15:33for Mr Pyne.
15:34Definitely a similarity
15:35to the Fonz there.
15:36Alleged similarity three.
15:38Fonzie was in Happy Days,
15:40but what about Julia Gillard?
15:42The member for Dobell
15:44has been charged...
15:45Disgraced former
15:46Labor power broker
15:47Eddie O.B.
15:48Something needs to be done
15:49to break this deadlock.
15:51Nielsen has Labor's support
15:52falling further.
15:55Yeah, not so much.
15:57And lastly,
15:58Fonzie was extremely
16:00popular with women.
16:01As for Julia Gillard...
16:03It wasn't quite
16:04the warm welcome
16:05the PM was after.
16:06Yeah, stop with me!
16:09Sorry, Christopher.
16:10That's, uh...
16:11That's three to one
16:12against Mr Pyne.
16:13On those results,
16:14I'm afraid that Mr Pyne
16:15is wrong in saying
16:15Julia Gillard
16:16is like the Fonz.
16:17Alternatively,
16:18we've been too literal
16:19in our interpretation
16:20of what he said,
16:21and he was actually
16:21making a joke.
16:22As we know,
16:22he's very famous
16:23for his sense of humour.
16:25This is a
16:26conski,
16:27not a gonski.
16:29Well, it's
16:30Anzac Day tomorrow,
16:31and for hundreds
16:32of Australians,
16:32it's time for remembering
16:33those who fell
16:34in the Great War,
16:35and the not-so-great
16:36ones that have followed.
16:38For many others,
16:39though,
16:39it's an awkward
16:40public holiday
16:41that doesn't blend
16:41conveniently into
16:42a long weekend,
16:43so you really
16:43can't do anything.
16:44And it's exactly
16:45those sorts of people
16:46that the Australian
16:47War Memorial
16:47is so keen to attract.
16:49This year's
16:50Anzac Day celebration,
16:51Zach Frisbee.
16:52Yeah,
16:52That's right,
16:54Sean.
16:54Look,
16:54there'll be guns
16:55and military vehicles
16:56for the kids
16:57to play on,
16:58face painting.
17:00People can dress up
17:00as their favourite
17:01great-grandparent
17:02in their medals
17:03and hats
17:03and march along
17:04in the parade
17:05or sit in the minibus
17:06as their ancestors
17:07would have done.
17:09There's Ferris wheels,
17:10jumping castles,
17:11skateboard ramps,
17:12a shiatsu massage tent
17:14and Simpson
17:15and his donkey rides.
17:17We just sort of
17:17lie over the donkey.
17:20Plus,
17:21a great entertainment
17:22from Powderfinger.
17:23All right,
17:23what do you say
17:25to people who say
17:26that we've forgotten
17:27the true meaning
17:27of Anzac Day,
17:28that celebrating it
17:29as we do
17:29diminishes it
17:30in some way?
17:31Well,
17:31Sean,
17:32we've got a 3D experience
17:34in the shrine
17:34that will really bring home
17:37just what those diggers
17:38went through.
17:39Plus,
17:40in the Hall of Memory,
17:41families can play
17:42laser tag
17:42on the Tomb
17:43of the Unknown Soldier.
17:45But I think
17:46the secret in these things,
17:47Sean,
17:47is to get the balance right.
17:49For example,
17:49we said no
17:51to a slip-and-slide mat
17:52running down
17:53the roof of the shrine
17:54because we were worried
17:56that the splashing
17:56might put out
17:57the eternal flame.
17:59That would be
18:00borderline disrespectful.
18:02But, you know,
18:03Sean,
18:03Anzac Day is really
18:04about what it is
18:05to be an Australian
18:06and that's why
18:07we've got a special
18:08appearance from Adam Scott
18:09riding black caviar.
18:11Zach Frisby,
18:12thank you very much.
18:13He's going to burst out
18:14of a papier-mâché pinata
18:15made out of
18:16Paul Hogan's tax returns.
18:17Thank you very much,
18:19Zach.
18:21Well,
18:22you know,
18:24it's not just words
18:25that are powerful,
18:26it's the order
18:27in which you place them.
18:30Christopher Pyne
18:31used an interesting
18:32combination just last week
18:33when he said this
18:34of our Prime Minister.
18:35She's obviously unhinged.
18:38Now,
18:39Tony Abbott
18:40has always been
18:40of the view that
18:41people should be polite
18:43to the Prime Minister.
18:45In fact,
18:45he recently rebuked
18:46a member of the audience
18:47at one of his rallies
18:48for labelling the Prime Minister
18:49a horrible woman.
18:51And I think that's pretty much
18:52a two-way street,
18:53don't you?
18:53Julia Gillard
18:54responded to his
18:55cross-chamber support
18:56by referring to Mr Abbott
18:57as an economic simpleton.
18:59And it's not just me
19:02that thinks that sort
19:02of personal abuse
19:03has no place
19:04in political discourse.
19:05Fellow broadcaster
19:06and good friend,
19:07Alan Jones,
19:08also shares my views.
19:10Australians don't respond
19:12to that kind of
19:12personal stuff.
19:13Yes, yes,
19:14and Alan knows
19:15what he's talking about.
19:16Here he is,
19:17just last year,
19:18raising the bar
19:18on the discussion
19:19and analysis
19:20of those who hold
19:21public office.
19:22Every person
19:23in the caucus
19:24of the Labour Party
19:24knows that Julia
19:25can ask a lie.
19:26Everybody.
19:27I'll cover that in a moment.
19:28I'll never see you.
19:29It was now a shame
19:30to think that
19:31your daughter
19:32can't apply
19:32to the election of the time.
19:34Now,
19:35now I'm not sure
19:37what Alan's politics are.
19:38He, he rarely,
19:39he rarely discusses
19:43them publicly,
19:44but, you know,
19:45he knew
19:46as soon as everybody
19:47told him he'd done wrong
19:48that he'd done wrong.
19:49And Alan apologised
19:51as only someone
19:52like Alan Jones can
19:53by saying,
19:54a person like me
19:55shouldn't have made
19:56that comment anywhere.
19:57A person like him.
20:00Not actually him,
20:01but just a person like him.
20:03Because Australians
20:04just don't like
20:05that sort of personal stuff.
20:07Darren Hinch,
20:07in particular,
20:08no fan of personal abuse,
20:10described Alan as
20:11a vicious,
20:12nasty old queen.
20:15Anyway,
20:16that was,
20:16that was a year ago
20:17and Alan has mellowed.
20:19He's working foot in mouth
20:20with Darren at 2GB
20:21and he's,
20:22he's far more careful
20:23what he says
20:24over the airwaves
20:24these days.
20:25Here he is
20:25on rival light
20:26entertainment show
20:27Sunrise,
20:28helping the FBI
20:29with their investigation
20:30on the morning
20:31of the Boston
20:32Marathon bombings.
20:33I wouldn't be surprised
20:34if this was a conspiracy
20:35amongst students,
20:38left-wing radical students
20:39in Boston.
20:40And I think
20:41we have to think
20:42also very seriously
20:43here about
20:44our own student numbers.
20:46We're very keen
20:46to have foreign students
20:48pay the way
20:49of universities
20:50in this country
20:50without a lot
20:51of discernment
20:52about who comes in.
20:55Now,
20:56a lot of people
20:56might think
20:57that to speculate
20:57on the politics
20:58of bomb makers
20:59in another country
21:00with no evidence
21:01at all
21:01and then yoke it
21:02onto an argument
21:03against accepting
21:03foreign students
21:04into this country,
21:05particularly in the lead
21:06up to an election,
21:07is wrong-headed,
21:08stupid and irresponsible
21:09and not the sort of thing
21:10we should expect
21:11from a professional broadcaster.
21:12Well,
21:13these people need
21:14to be reminded
21:14that Alan Jones
21:15is not actually
21:16a professional broadcaster.
21:19He's someone like
21:20a professional broadcaster.
21:26Sure.
21:29And, Alan,
21:30if you're watching,
21:31a Colotto ham
21:32is on its way
21:33to you in the post.
21:34Colotto,
21:35a great taste of ham.
21:38Still,
21:38enough about us
21:39talking about somewhere else.
21:40Time now for news
21:41about countries
21:42other than Australia.
21:48Well,
21:48in the US,
21:49there's been quite
21:49a lot going on.
21:50It's been revealed
21:51that the man charged
21:52with sending
21:52a rice and lace letter
21:53to President Obama
21:54works as an Elvis impersonator.
21:57This just highlights
21:58how bad
21:59most Elvis impersonators are.
22:02Elvis never sent
22:03a letter laced with poison
22:04to an American president.
22:05In fact,
22:06he sent a very nice letter
22:07to President Nixon
22:08and subsequently
22:09met with him.
22:10And, as you know,
22:11if ever there was
22:12a US president
22:13you could be excused
22:14for wanting to murder horribly,
22:16it was Richard Nixon.
22:19And maybe
22:20Rutherford Hayes.
22:21And if he was
22:22any sort of Elvis impersonator,
22:24he would have
22:24had return to sender
22:26written on it.
22:37Closer to home now
22:38and New Zealand
22:39have done it.
22:40They've trumped the rest
22:41of the Asia-Pacific region
22:42by being the first country
22:43in that region
22:44to legalise
22:45same-sex marriage.
22:46And that makes me
22:46as mad as hell.
22:47Because it means
22:49that New Zealand
22:49looks so much
22:50more progressive
22:51than Australia.
22:52And that's not fair
22:53because New Zealand
22:54is two hours
22:54ahead of Australia.
22:57So, I mean,
22:57I don't think
22:58we could get this legislation
22:59up and through
22:59both houses of parliament
23:00by 10 o'clock tonight,
23:01could we?
23:02We have to cop
23:03this one on the chin.
23:04We may have once
23:05beaten them
23:05with the underarm,
23:06but they've beaten us
23:07this week
23:08with the leg over.
23:12Incidentally,
23:12I thought Tony Abbott's
23:14stance on this
23:15was very interesting.
23:16What our policy is
23:17on this will be
23:18a matter for the
23:18post-election party room.
23:20A matter for the
23:21post-election party room?
23:22Does he mean the room
23:23where they hold
23:23the post-election party?
23:25Because you wouldn't
23:26want Bill Heffernan
23:27with a couple under
23:27his belt formulating
23:28policy on same-sex
23:30marriage, would you?
23:31Mind you,
23:31if Mr Abbott means
23:32it's a matter for the
23:33party post-election,
23:34then that's a pretty
23:34smart move.
23:35Because then if they
23:36win government,
23:37they can't be accused
23:37of changing their policy
23:38from before the election
23:39if they don't actually
23:40form it until after
23:41the election.
23:42And this did make me
23:43wonder, though,
23:44those 66 Sri Lankan
23:45asylum seekers who
23:46arrived in Geraldton
23:47last week,
23:48they were on their
23:48way to New Zealand.
23:50Could it have...
23:51Could it have been
23:55just some sort of
23:56Sri Lankan
23:56Mardi Gras love boat?
24:01Let's check the footage.
24:05How was the night?
24:06Yeah, I can never tell.
24:16Incidentally, respect to
24:18New South Wales Premier
24:20Barry O'Farrell, who has
24:22indicated his preparedness
24:23to support similar
24:25legislation over here to
24:26New Zealand's.
24:27Now, this news has been
24:28reported by sub-editors
24:29having a bit of fun as
24:30Mr O'Farrell coming out in
24:33favour of the new laws.
24:34OK, so it's just a
24:36harmless double entendre.
24:37It's only the Sydney
24:38Morning Herald not to be
24:39taken seriously.
24:41But, you know, when a
24:42highly respected and
24:43tumescent news organ like
24:44Sky News goes further
24:46and makes a slur on how
24:48Mr O'Farrell comports
24:49himself, then this
24:49correspondent takes great
24:50umbrage, sir.
24:52Great umbrage.
24:54Have a look at this
24:55disgraceful so-called
24:56journalism from the
24:58otherwise august Sky News
24:59website.
25:00New South Wales
25:02opposition backs
25:03Premier's gay stance.
25:06Now, um, now I'm a
25:08pretty open-minded guy.
25:09I believe speaking Latin
25:10should not be compulsory
25:12and that capital punishment
25:13has no place in schools.
25:15But the kind of stance that
25:17Mr O'Farrell chooses to
25:18assume, no matter how
25:19puffy, is his own
25:20business.
25:24Mind you, if it's
25:25something like this, then
25:26I would definitely be
25:27making fun of it.
25:28Coming up later in
25:32sport, the smell of
25:34burning rubber at
25:35Bahrain's Grand Prix.
25:36Not quite what we had in
25:37mind, claim organisers.
25:42The first sport with
25:43Maggie Bathysphere and
25:44her team live from their
25:45Fish Stadium commentary
25:46bunker.
25:47Maggie, what's been
25:47trending on Twitter
25:48sports-wise this week?
25:50Oh, definitely black
25:50caviar's retirement,
25:52Sean.
25:52The problem gambler's
25:53friend has chucked it
25:54in after 25 wins on
25:57the trot.
25:58Clearly bored to death
25:59with the lack of
26:00competition on offer.
26:01Okay, it's a relatively
26:02early retirement though,
26:03isn't it?
26:03She must have a terrific
26:04super package.
26:05Yeah, well she did.
26:06She did before the
26:07government decided to
26:07have a crack at it.
26:08Yeah, well, you know,
26:09that goes beyond class
26:10warfare, doesn't it?
26:11That's species warfare.
26:13Typical bloody labour.
26:14Yeah, I'll say.
26:15Why the great affection
26:16for her though, Maggie?
26:17Is it just that we love
26:18our horses over here?
26:19Don't know, Sean.
26:20I mean, they love them
26:21in Europe too, sometimes
26:22more than their beef.
26:23Maggie, do you reckon
26:27she'd be the highest
26:28profile mayor in the
26:29world right now?
26:30Other than Boris Johnson,
26:31yeah.
26:33So what lies ahead for
26:34the so-called Don Bradman
26:35of horse racing, Maggie?
26:36Lots of sex, Sean,
26:38involving studs from
26:39all over the world.
26:40Mmm.
26:40Well, the similarities
26:41with Bradman continue,
26:42don't they?
26:44How does that actually
26:44work though?
26:45It's not like there's
26:45an RSVP for horses,
26:47is there?
26:47No, her handlers will
26:48introduce her to a series
26:49of successful,
26:50internationally renowned,
26:51well-bred stallions.
26:52It's the same way
26:53Heidi Fleiss operates.
26:56So it's equine prostitution?
26:58Oh yeah.
26:59There's certainly
26:59no kissing on the lips.
27:02Why don't they do that
27:04with human athletes, Maggie?
27:05I mean, the AIS
27:06could run a stud farm
27:07at their campus
27:08and get, I don't know,
27:10Steve Waugh and Carrie Webb
27:11together, or Ian Thorpe
27:14and Yana Pittman,
27:15or Dawn Fraser
27:16and Shane Warne.
27:17We could create
27:21a super race
27:22of overachieving
27:23grammatically challenged
27:24sports stars
27:24without having to pump
27:26them full of pig's brain,
27:27goat's pancreas
27:28and eye of newt.
27:30Great idea, Sean.
27:31You know, I'm still
27:32disappointed Greg Norman
27:33didn't stick with Chrissie Evatt.
27:35Yeah, it's a terrible
27:35waste, isn't it?
27:36They could have produced
27:37a tennis player
27:38who could hit a forehand
27:39320 metres.
27:41Thanks, Maggie.
27:42No worries.
27:44Well, not coming up
27:45because I've got a murder
27:46to solve on Channel 10.
27:48I'm fit and ready
27:49to tour Australia
27:50with a comedy show,
27:51says Paul Hogan.
27:53Rolf Harris?
27:54Not so much.
27:57Well, finally,
27:59the $7.5 billion blow
28:01to the government's revenue
28:02means that on May 14th,
28:03Treasurer Wayne Swan
28:04will deliver his
28:05sixth straight deficit budget.
28:07I guess you could call him
28:08the black caviar
28:09of deficit-producing treasurers.
28:11But for the fact
28:12that in accounting terms,
28:13he's more a red caviar.
28:15Mr Swan says
28:16the new budget
28:17will be delivered
28:17in very challenging circumstances.
28:20Those challenging circumstances
28:21being that
28:22he's the one delivering it.
28:24Let's hope it goes better
28:25than the last time.
28:26I think we all remember
28:26how embarrassing
28:27it was for him
28:28when he'd ill-advisedly
28:29used the budget papers
28:30to make a flicker book.
28:31And I think the attitude
28:44of the coalition
28:45to all this
28:45is very interesting.
28:46After a couple of years
28:47of them boasting
28:48that they would produce
28:48a surplus in their first term,
28:50Mr Abbott
28:51has had second thoughts.
28:52In fact,
28:52if you listen very carefully,
28:53you can actually hear him
28:54backing away from the idea
28:55during this interview.
28:56All bets are off
28:58until we have seen
28:59what their fistful apple gives.
29:04Goodbye.
29:10Giants, baby.
29:16Happy birthday, 2013.
29:18Happy birthday, 2013.
29:20Happy birthday, 2013.
29:21Happy birthday, 2013.
29:22Happy birthday, 2013.
29:23Happy birthday, 2013.
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29:25Happy birthday, 2013.
29:26Happy birthday, 2013.
29:27Happy birthday, 2013.
29:28Happy birthday, 2013.
29:29Happy birthday, 2013.
29:30Happy birthday, 2013.
29:31Happy birthday, 2013.
29:32Happy birthday, 2013.
29:33Happy birthday, 2013.
29:34Happy birthday, 2013.
29:35Happy birthday, 2013.
29:36Happy birthday, 2013.
29:37Happy birthday, 2013.
29:38Happy birthday, 2013.
29:39Happy birthday, 2013.
29:40Happy birthday, 2013.
29:41Happy birthday, 2013.
29:42Happy birthday, 2013.
29:43Happy birthday, 2013.
29:44Happy birthday, 2013.
29:45Happy birthday, 2013.
29:46Happy birthday, 2013.
29:47Happy birthday, 2013.