- 6/11/2025
Original Broadcast Date: August 30th 2017
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00GUNTE GLIEBEN GLAUCHEN FOR
00:30OK, OK. Now, let me get this straight, all right?
00:37Now, our politicians, many of whom have too much citizenship,
00:41want to make it harder for people to get citizenship.
00:44It's funny for a politician to turn up to work drunk,
00:46but serious for people to not work if they're abusing drugs and alcohol.
00:50And we can't have politicians banning people
00:52from wearing what they want because of the Koran,
00:54but it's OK for some of them to tell people
00:56they can't marry who they want because of the Bible.
00:58That's right, isn't it? Is that right?
01:00OK, good, great. I'm glad we got that sorted out.
01:03Of course, you don't get to these sorts of double standards overnight.
01:07You've got to work at it.
01:08This whole dual citizenship thing, for example, started back in 1901.
01:12So thank God the High Court finally dealt with this crisis
01:15as only a judicial system can.
01:18By adjourning it for two months.
01:21And the timing is perfect because Parliament is sitting again next week
01:24and exactly the same problems that prevented them
01:26from dealing with the big issues that affect all of us,
01:28like how the ABC treats Pauline Hanson,
01:31get put on hold while they accuse each other
01:33of not being Australian enough to sit in Parliament in the first place.
01:36Personally, I think they should suspend any more payments to them
01:39and make them go out into the community and fend for themselves.
01:42Who's with me?
01:43Even Bill Shorten is being accused of un-Australian-ness.
01:48Bill, a man who can scull a beer in 16 seconds,
01:52eat a sausage sandwich like this, this or this,
01:56and take to our national sport like this.
02:00How can he be anything other than Aussie?
02:04Yet the rumours persist that because...
02:06Yeah, the rumours persist that because Bill's father was a pom,
02:15so is he.
02:16But he's dealt with all of this using the traditional Aussie humour,
02:19which typifies our and Bill's larrikin spirit.
02:22If they can't put me in jail,
02:24then they're saying that I'm an agent of New Zealand last week,
02:27and now this week they're trying to say I'm some sort of British agent.
02:30Not that I'll ever get to play 007 before you go there.
02:37And when I say traditional Aussie humour,
02:39I mean in the sense that it's shithouse.
02:42So anyway, Bill's resisted calls to release documents
02:45to prove he's renounced any dual citizenship,
02:47and this has prompted our Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull,
02:50to say that transparency is not Bill's strong suit.
02:53Let's be frank.
02:54In fact, let's be really frank,
02:56even suits aren't Bill's strong suit.
02:59Nevertheless, our special Minister of State, Matthias Cormann,
03:02says he doesn't think Bill is a dual citizen.
03:05So presumably they've realised the only poll the government wins anymore
03:08is Malcolm Turnbull as preferred Prime Minister,
03:10and it's in their interest if Bill stays where he is.
03:13Mind you, it hasn't stopped Matthias of accusing Bill's policies
03:16are coming from places like Eastern Europe,
03:18or Bill turning us into Cuba.
03:21Now, obviously, I'm from the ABC,
03:22and I think that'd be fantastic.
03:24Actual journalist Sam Maiden from Sky News, though,
03:27thought Matthias might be bunging it on a bit.
03:30Now, of course, you once described the Labor leader
03:32as an economic girly man,
03:35but your criticism seems to have taken a darker term
03:38with the suggestion that he's a snake oil salesman
03:40slithering his way to the lodge.
03:43Um, what's going on here?
03:44Have you swallowed a dictionary,
03:45or you just think he's a serious danger to Australia?
03:49A question I might well put to spokesboard
03:51for Matthias Cormann, Darius Horsham.
03:53Sean McAuliffe, you son of a bitch.
03:56Now, does Sam have a point,
03:58Darius, snake oil salesman,
03:59slithering his way into the lodge?
04:01Sam Maiden doesn't know what the hell she's talking about, Sean.
04:04Matthias' use of alliteration
04:05has got nothing to do with him eating a dictionary.
04:08Matthias is just a great wordsmith and public speaker.
04:12And I think we have footage of Matthias
04:13being a great wordsmith and public speaker.
04:15The wibble-wobble, wibble-wobble jelly will look like it.
04:19You see?
04:20Yes.
04:20Matthias has no problem
04:21using his own citizenship test-level English
04:24to run a scare campaign against Labour
04:26using bizarre and largely unrelated word pictures.
04:29The real problem here is Bill Shorten,
04:32because Bill Shorten is an East German snake
04:34coiling around the neck of the aspirational Aussies
04:37and squeezing the life out of them
04:39until they become Cuban.
04:41Socialism doesn't work,
04:42and Bill Shorten has forgotten to remember that.
04:44Well, but capitalism doesn't work either
04:46unless you socialise loss.
04:47Why not socialise some of the profit as well?
04:50Sean, don't bullshit on my leg
04:52and tell me it's a brown kitten.
04:54Bill Shorten is being deliberate and cynical
04:56as opposed to the bumbling, wide-eyed innocence
04:59with which the Coalition formulates its policies.
05:02Bill Shorten is using...
05:03The divisive language of haves and have-nots.
05:06Whereas we are using the true language
05:09of the mildly aware and they don't give a ruts.
05:11But I...
05:12Bill Shorten is treating the Australian public
05:14like that scene in Red Heat
05:15when the naked men crash through the window
05:17and tumble down the snow-covered mountain
05:19wrestling with each other.
05:21Well, sure, it's fun while it lasts,
05:23but eventually, when you pull off the fake leg
05:25and empty out all the cocaine,
05:27the party's over.
05:30Thank you, Darius.
05:31Fantastic.
05:32And it's increasingly looking like it may well be over
05:35for not only the Liberal Party,
05:36but the National Party as well.
05:38These last few weeks haven't been the best for the government.
05:40It's as if Malcolm Turnbull drove under a ladder
05:42and ran over a cat playing with a mirror.
05:45Hence sommelier to the government back then,
05:47Strabbella Burt.
05:48In the last few weeks,
05:49the government has seemed hopelessly divided,
05:51with Malcolm telling us to vote yes on same-sex marriage,
05:54Tony telling us to vote no,
05:55George Brandis telling us he was voting yes
05:57and not to be tricked by Tony,
05:59Tony telling us not to listen to George
06:01and that we should vote no
06:02if we didn't like the direction our country is headed.
06:05So great.
06:06So now same-sex marriage is about continental drift.
06:08Tony also told Sydney Radio and those listening to it...
06:11There are lots and lots of implications here
06:14and we've got to think them through
06:16before we take this big leap
06:18into what I think is the dark.
06:20Yeah, well, maybe it wouldn't be a leap into the dark
06:22if people could afford to keep their lights on.
06:24Wasn't it Tony who said power prices
06:26would drop by 9% once the carbon tax was scrapped?
06:28Hey, if he can make the same-sex marriage debate
06:31about political correctness,
06:32I can make it about power prices.
06:33And then Christopher Pyne says he's voting yes
06:35and Tony's muddying the waters with red herrings.
06:38I mean, how is that even possible?
06:40Are you dumb?
06:42Yes.
06:42I mean, the government seems hopelessly divided.
06:44That's my point.
06:44Yeah, well, what you call division,
06:46I would call having broad appeal.
06:48If you are for same-sex marriage, so are we.
06:51If you're against it, so are we.
06:53If you're against Manus Island refugees resettling here,
06:56so are we.
06:56If you are for it, so is Russell Broadbent.
06:58If you don't like higher taxes, neither do we.
07:01If you do, we're trying to raise the Medicare levy for you.
07:03If you want Malcolm Turnbull to remain leader, so do we.
07:06And if you want Tony Abbott back as leader, so do we.
07:08Every case is catered for under the one roof.
07:11We are the Bunnings of Australian politics.
07:14Yes, and I believe we have some shots of the sausage sizzle at the front.
07:18The PM there trying to look like one of us.
07:21Christopher Pyne oversourcing, as usual.
07:23Mr. Joyce trying to look Australian.
07:26The foreign minister there and there.
07:29Matt Canavan, another foreign minister.
07:32There, that's three foreign ministers now.
07:34And, oh, my God.
07:37Oh, God.
07:39You can't unsee that, Dremella.
07:41Well, thank you very much for coming in, Dremella,
07:43and for talking to us tonight.
07:44Please accept with our compliments this extra-large turkey
07:47from NBN Poultry Supplies,
07:49perfect for slow cooking.
07:51In fact, a lot slower than you might have expected.
07:54Oh, and it's already stuffed.
07:56Yes, it certainly is.
07:59Meanwhile, there's the broader citizenship question
08:02out in the community that affects us, or potential us-ers.
08:05As you know, the federal government has started stripping local councils
08:07of the power to hold citizenship ceremonies
08:10after Melbourne's Darabin Council and Yarra Council
08:13voted to no longer refer to January 26th as Australia Day.
08:17The Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, said...
08:19The Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, said...
08:25They are seeking to take a day which unites Australia
08:29and turn it into one which divides us.
08:32And it's true.
08:33Whether you're celebrating Australia Day
08:34or acknowledging Invasion Day,
08:36all Australians are united on January 26th
08:39in the doing of something.
08:41Unless, like most of us, you're having the day off
08:43and not doing anything at all.
08:44But even doing nothing is kind of something.
08:46What's important is that we're doing it, or not doing it, together.
08:50And it's a long-held tradition, since, according to Wikipedia, 1988,
08:54that it happens on the 26th of January.
08:57Thanks to this decision, though,
08:59prospective citizens in the Yarra and Darabin councils
09:01will now be sent to ceremonies in other councils
09:04or hosted by the Department of Immigration and Border Protection.
09:07A ceremony which, I assume, takes place over four years
09:10in an offshore detention centre.
09:13Now, one of the values that we prize here in Australia
09:16and that you have to know to pass your citizenship test
09:18is freedom of speech.
09:20Obviously, that speech needs to be in advanced English,
09:23a standard that, I assume, has been met here
09:25on this statue of Captain Cook.
09:27The penmanship's a bit wonky,
09:29but the spelling and grammar certainly seems to be in order.
09:32And it's a subject that I think could benefit
09:34from a little bit of plain speaking.
09:36Now, there's been some debate this week over this statue.
09:44Some, like Stan Grant, saying that it represented
09:47the damaging myth that Captain Cook discovered Australia.
09:50And others, like Tony Abbott, saying that the problem
09:52with this sort of free speech is...
09:54There will be political correctness on steroids.
09:57You can just imagine all the statues of Captain Cook being taken down.
10:00Now, obviously, we don't want to take these statues down
10:03because, as some others, like David Lionhelm say,
10:06their removal is a waste of taxpayers' money
10:08and parks without public art are boring.
10:11And he's right.
10:13I mean, I can't tell you the number of times
10:14that I've hiked through the Grampians and thought,
10:17you know, this place could really do with a giant pineapple.
10:21But, on the other hand,
10:22it's true that Captain Cook didn't really discover Australia
10:25if the first Australians were already here 65,000 years earlier.
10:28It's not exactly a photo finish, is it?
10:31Then again, Captain Cook was the one who called it,
10:33so technically it is his.
10:35The thing about history, though, is that if we don't learn from it,
10:38we are doomed to repeat it.
10:39And my worry is that if we take down these statues,
10:42then someone else is going to come along and discover Australia.
10:44And I think we could all do without that.
10:48Anyway, I think I have a compromise that will please everybody,
10:51including you, the taxpayer,
10:53because it's not going to cost much,
10:55it's more permanent than graffiti,
10:56and not as revisionist as a new plaque.
10:59On the plinth of the statue of Captain Cook,
11:01we weld on a pair of inverted commas
11:03around the word discovered, like this,
11:06so that it can be read ironically.
11:08What do you think?
11:09Although maybe what Tony Abbott has to say
11:17shouldn't be dismissed too quickly,
11:19given that he is someone who has had a statue erected in his honour.
11:22I think that he's probably qualified to speak on the issue.
11:26Perhaps erect isn't quite the right word.
11:29Anyway, Tony has had something to say
11:31about the black armband teaching of Indigenous history in schools.
11:34He says the last thing we need
11:36is propaganda being taught to kids as fact.
11:39Now, putting aside the word propaganda for one moment,
11:41I'm interested in the phrase, the last thing we need,
11:44because Tony has also said of Corey Bernardi's Conservative Party
11:47that the last thing we need is more fringe parties on the right.
11:51He's also said,
11:52the last thing we need is a clean energy target
11:54grafted onto a renewable energy target.
11:57The last thing we need is a revolving door Prime Ministership.
12:00The last thing we want to do
12:01is let electricity bill shorten off the hook.
12:04The last thing former members of his staff deserve
12:06is to have their reputations blackened.
12:08The last thing we should be doing
12:10is closing 20%-plus of Victoria's baseload power supply.
12:13The last thing we want
12:14is to have more political cannibalism inside our government.
12:17And finally, the last thing he wants to be is difficult.
12:22He really should prioritise, I think.
12:26Well, is your phone haunted?
12:27Fibre to the node?
12:34Ah, yeah, yeah, just over there.
12:37Waiting quite some time for that to...
12:39Well, is your phone haunted?
12:50No, of course it isn't.
12:51But...
12:52Right now, it's time for...
12:56Well, I'd like to know what's scary to cross promotion.
13:01Yes, I'd like to know what's scary to cross promotion.
13:04Well, fans of the catering show will be delighted to learn
13:12that the two Cates responsible
13:13have cooked up another feast of entertainment.
13:15It's called Two Broken Girls,
13:17and I assume it's a bit like Two Broke Girls.
13:20What do you mean?
13:22Because of the title.
13:23I just assumed it was a parody or a send-up
13:26of the original show.
13:29Un-fucking-believable.
13:31We don't write parody shows.
13:32We make original, groundbreaking content shows.
13:35Yeah, it's called Two Broken Girls
13:37because we're women and we're broken.
13:39Yeah, the girls is ironic, fuckhead.
13:41We're 37 years old.
13:42Yeah, I've been pregnant.
13:44She's been pregnant.
13:45Twice?
13:47Twice-ish.
13:48Twice-ish.
13:49You know what?
13:50Fuck you, McAuliffe, sitting there in your ivory tower,
13:53plaiting your snowy white hair
13:54and waiting for your friends to crawl up into your arse.
13:56Well, not me!
13:57Not me!
13:58I didn't mean anything.
13:59No!
14:00You enjoy this little Dickensian shit show of yours
14:03while you still can
14:04because the future is a mirror
14:06and it sees right through you.
14:08I don't know what that means.
14:09Neither do we, Grandad!
14:11I don't know.
14:12I'm just kidding.
14:13Well, I'd like to know what's getting past the motion.
14:17Yes, I'd like to know what's getting past the motion.
14:25The six on the team, including the goalkeeper,
14:28there's seven of you.
14:29You do the math.
14:30It means one of you is going home.
14:34Come on, it's not rocket science
14:36and it's not brain surgery.
14:38It's ice hockey and we're playing it.
14:41There's no me in team.
14:43Says who?
14:45Fucking dictionary.
14:46Is this a dramedy, sir?
14:50Do I look like I know what I'm doing?
14:51Do you think I'd be acting this loud?
14:52I wasn't a little bit scared.
14:54The deal was that you play together,
14:59live together, run together, train together,
15:01eat together, sleep together,
15:02get to know each other,
15:03plant each other's hair.
15:04I don't care.
15:05What I do care about is winning
15:07and that's what I care about.
15:08Bus is here, coach.
15:11That'll be right.
15:12I'm frightened, Giselle.
15:15First time in my life I'm frightened.
15:17I don't know what of,
15:19but I'm fucking frightened.
15:21What have you got to be frightened of?
15:23My mother was an alcoholic,
15:25dressed up as a bear once.
15:28Jumped out of a cupboard.
15:30She scared the shit out of me.
15:33I'm sorry.
15:34I didn't know.
15:35Don't you ever talk to me
15:37about being frightened again in your lifetime.
15:39Sissy Laproscopy told me
15:41she told you about being frightened.
15:43But I...
15:43Did it ever occur to you
15:44that as a refugee coming to this country
15:46from another one that didn't speak English
15:48or have our values or culture,
15:49she's got every right to be frightened?
15:51Sorry, coach.
15:52I didn't think.
15:53No, you didn't think.
15:56That was the problem.
15:58I can't decide.
16:00You're all too bloody good.
16:02A seven-member ice hockey team,
16:03including a goalkeeper.
16:05The Federation would never allow it.
16:06Where in the rules does it say
16:08we can't have an extra player
16:09on the ice?
16:09We're all one.
16:11We're doing it.
16:12Yes.
16:17Grab this month's
16:18Gardening Australia magazine
16:19for expert tips
16:21on how to rake up leaves,
16:23why fertiliser smells,
16:24and the best place in your backyard
16:26to bury a body.
16:27Plus, Jane paints an old shovel.
16:31You might know Roz Hammond
16:33as a comedian,
16:34but in her brand-new series,
16:36she's combining her love of people
16:37with her love of painting
16:39and uncovering some very personal revelations
16:42along the way.
16:43Yeah.
16:44When I was a kid,
16:45my uncle raised Greyhound.
16:47My favourite one was Jimmy.
16:50When Jimmy died,
16:51I was really sad.
16:54And there's always a surprise
16:55at the end.
16:57Are you ready?
16:58Oh, I'm a bit nervous, actually.
16:59OK.
17:00Have a look.
17:03Oh, wow.
17:04That's amazing.
17:06For an undercoat?
17:07Did you?
17:08I beg your pardon?
17:09Roz's Brush With Fame
17:11starts October 24.
17:13And I wanted the Eves done as well.
17:14Why didn't you run the Eves?
17:15The Eves?
17:15The drive-by shooting
17:18of a house
17:19in Melbourne's western suburbs
17:20overnight
17:20has terrified local residents.
17:22Bavina Jixwax
17:23is in the street
17:24where the incident occurred.
17:26Bavina,
17:26I'm a shallow grave.
17:27Fill me in.
17:28That's right, Sean.
17:29Well, one man
17:30who lives in a neighbouring property
17:31is Jeffy Weffy Scrubber.
17:34Mr Scrubber,
17:34when did the actual shooting occur?
17:36Well, I don't know
17:37what actual time it was,
17:38but, you know,
17:39this is way out of the ordinary.
17:40I mean, normally,
17:41this is a pretty quiet street,
17:42so it was very disconcerting.
17:44So you'd feel less upset
17:46if these drive-by shootings
17:47were more frequent
17:48in your street?
17:49No.
17:49Well, that's what you're saying.
17:51No.
17:52So you would like
17:53these drive-by shootings
17:54to be out of the ordinary?
17:56Well, yes.
17:57So instead of
17:57these drive-by shootings
17:59happening every night
17:59and you becoming used to them
18:01as you initially implied
18:02you'd prefer,
18:03you'd rather they were
18:03out of the ordinary
18:04so that you'd feel distressed,
18:06uneasy, confused
18:07and unable to get
18:08your story straight?
18:09No.
18:10What do you mean
18:11get my story straight?
18:12Well, where were you
18:12when the shots were fired?
18:13I was at home.
18:14But you said you didn't know
18:15when the shots were fired?
18:17Yes.
18:18So how could you know
18:18where you were then?
18:19Would you mind coming
18:20with me, please, sir?
18:21Come on.
18:24Back to you, Sean.
18:26Thanks, Bavina.
18:27And coming up,
18:27I talked to a Department
18:28of Education spokesperson
18:30after students in New South Wales
18:32were accidentally taught
18:33Maths General 1
18:34instead of Maths General 2.
18:36So what's the difference
18:38between one and two?
18:41Um...
18:42I want to say three.
18:50Now, in the lead-up
18:52to the marriage law postal...
18:54Silly.
18:54..the Electoral Commission
18:56produced an ad
18:57encouraging Australians
18:58to enrol for the electoral roll.
19:00And what was curious about it
19:01was the choice of people
19:03they're suggesting in the ad
19:04will be interested in voting
19:05on the issue of same-sex marriage.
19:07There's boogie-boarders.
19:09Well, that's a given, I suppose.
19:10Runners, always up for a survey.
19:12Farmer.
19:13Walkers.
19:14Well, they're just tired runners, aren't they?
19:16Another farmer there.
19:17They're highly interested, obviously.
19:19More walkers and more runners.
19:20So it's a great effort, obviously,
19:22and clearly a lot of thought
19:23has gone into it.
19:24But I think the ad
19:25could be a lot more representative.
19:27I think a much broader
19:28cross-section of Australians
19:29doing more interesting things
19:31could be included, like this.
19:33The Australian Bureau of Statistics
19:35will be giving all eligible Australians
19:37the opportunity to express their view
19:39on whether Australian marriage laws
19:40should be changed
19:41to allow same-sex couples to marry.
19:43Survey forms will be sent
19:44to all eligible Australians
19:46on the Commonwealth electoral roll.
19:48Yeah, I think that covers everybody.
19:51Now, we've heard the opposing argument
19:53to Tony Abbott's no campaign
19:54from his own party,
19:55but what does Labor think?
19:57Well, Bill Shorten
19:58has not only poo-pooed any suggestion
19:59that religious freedoms are under attack,
20:01he's also given us that rarest of things,
20:04an unintentional zinger.
20:06This statistical survey
20:08changes nothing about your ability
20:09to go to church or religious freedom.
20:11Let's be straight about that.
20:16Still counts.
20:18Still counts.
20:21What national affairs correspondent,
20:23Lois Price,
20:23is in the Madness Helicopter.
20:25Lois, same-sex marriage, your view?
20:27Yeah, well, from my position,
20:28high in the sky,
20:29I can see both sides of the argument, Sean.
20:32Although my dad says marriage
20:34is for Adam and Eve,
20:35not Adam and Steve.
20:36Yeah, and did you point out to him
20:38that Adam and Eve
20:39weren't actually married?
20:42I mean, who was going to marry them?
20:45There was only the two of them there
20:46in the Garden of Eden,
20:47and as it was,
20:48Adam had to use one of his ribs
20:49to make Eve.
20:50Where does your dad expect
20:51the celebrant and the witnesses
20:52to come from?
20:53The man's only got so many ribs.
20:56Yeah, I'll probably just do
20:57whatever Tony Abbott says, Sean,
20:59because he's got a gay sister,
21:00so he'd know.
21:02OK, so you're a bit of a
21:04Tony Abbott fan, are you, Lois?
21:05Oh, he can pop his budgie smugglers
21:07in my front loader
21:08any time he likes.
21:11Well, Tony's going to vote no.
21:13Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure
21:14about that, Sean.
21:16Well, he said he would.
21:17Yeah, I think he might just get pissed
21:18and sleep through it again.
21:21Well, it goes for eight weeks.
21:23Yeah, if anyone can pull off
21:24a bender like that,
21:25it's Tony shitting yourself
21:26about a random terrorist attack
21:28on your home,
21:28get 20% off concrete bollards
21:30this week from
21:31Never Mind the Bollards,
21:32I'm Lois Price for Matters, Hal.
21:34Thank you, Lois.
21:38Of course, same-sex marriage
21:40affects more than just
21:41the same sex as getting married.
21:43If it becomes legal,
21:44what about the rights of those
21:45who still don't like the idea?
21:47How can they exercise
21:48their freedom to not recognise
21:49that they lost the argument?
21:52Australian Christian lobbyist
21:53Elizabeth Proctor.
21:55Sean, I know it's fashionable
21:57on shows like this
21:59to paint the ACL
22:00or indeed any grassroots
22:01conservative movement
22:02that protects tradition
22:03in this country
22:04as a bunch of
22:05out-of-touch whack jobs.
22:07Well, look at the way
22:08you're dressed.
22:10Exactly.
22:11But the ACL
22:12are all forgiving
22:13to homosexuals
22:14in a civil union
22:15all the same legal rights
22:17that a married couple
22:17would be entitled to.
22:19But if that's the case,
22:20what difference does it make
22:21if they can get married?
22:23Exactly.
22:23What difference does it make?
22:25Exactly.
22:26What difference does it make?
22:28Exactly.
22:28What difference does it make?
22:30Exactly.
22:30What difference does it make?
22:32Exactly.
22:35Well, it appears
22:35we agree on the basics,
22:36but as in most things,
22:37the devil is in the detail.
22:38We live in a pluralistic society
22:41where we should be tolerant
22:42of what people think and do,
22:43especially if those things
22:44don't involve us.
22:45But how do we enshrine
22:46in legislation our duty
22:48to tolerate the intolerance
22:49of others?
22:50The religious freedom,
22:51if you're a baker, for example,
22:52to say no to making a wedding cake
22:54for a same-sex marriage.
22:56Larry Sidebottom runs a bakery
22:57in the Adelaide suburb of Netley.
22:59Larry, you don't agree
23:00with same-sex marriage, do you?
23:01The wife and I have got
23:02nothing against homosexual love.
23:04Sean, let's face it,
23:06it's basically reverse cowgirl.
23:08But we believe marriage
23:10should be straight.
23:11So while we're quite happy
23:13to sell them biscuits, bread,
23:15bagels, muffin, finger buns,
23:16cream buns, kitchener buns,
23:18fruit buns, Othellos, jams, squares,
23:20caramel slices, brownies,
23:22cookies, custard scrolls,
23:24pasties, pastries, tarts,
23:25cheesecake, babka, strudel,
23:27donuts, lamingtons, pavs,
23:29viennoiseries, baguettes,
23:30brioche, chausson au pomme,
23:32mandle, brightened,
23:33cut-along story short,
23:34gingerbread men,
23:36we will not make them
23:37a wedding cake
23:38because it offends
23:38our religious sensibilities.
23:40Well, what about if a gay couple
23:42came in and wanted a cake
23:43to celebrate their civil union?
23:46Well, you see,
23:47you can't object to that, can you?
23:48Because it wouldn't legally
23:49be a marriage and you'd have
23:50no lawful basis to claim
23:51an exemption based on
23:52your religious beliefs.
23:53If you refuse to serve them,
23:55you'd be up for discriminating
23:56against them because
23:56of their sexuality.
23:58Well, I suppose
23:59a civil union cake
24:01would be all right,
24:02but I'm not putting
24:03two grooms on it
24:04or any lesbians!
24:09Yes, and it's an important thing
24:10for the No campaign
24:11to remember.
24:12If you want to be able
24:13to qualify for religious exemption
24:14when it comes to the weddings
24:15of gay people,
24:16you'll have to vote yes
24:17to same-sex marriage.
24:20But while the rest
24:21of the country argues
24:22about giving something
24:23to the gay community,
24:24Bob Catter wants to take
24:25something from them,
24:26telling the Australian
24:27that he wants the word
24:28gay back.
24:30Who knew it was his?
24:33Apparently, it was very helpful
24:34to him when he was at school.
24:35Gay is one of the most
24:36beautiful words
24:37in the English language.
24:38In fact, I got an A
24:39in English Senior
24:41for quoting the rape
24:43of the lock of Alexander Pope.
24:45Well, then Belinda smiled
24:47and all the world was gay.
24:49And it conjured up
24:51a beautiful spectre.
24:52And nobody has the right
24:53to take that word office
24:54and that image office.
25:00Spectre?
25:01But Bob's point is well made.
25:03There's nothing worse
25:04than taking a word
25:04and giving it
25:05a completely different meaning.
25:07No wonder he's furious
25:08that homosexuals
25:09and lesbians
25:09had taken the word gay,
25:11which used to mean happy.
25:13Well, all right,
25:13well, have the word back, Bob,
25:14if that makes you gay.
25:18He sure looked pretty gay
25:19in this clip.
25:19I know
25:21and I hope you know it too.
25:24I can assure you
25:26Bob Catter Jr
25:27will do the best for you.
25:30I know
25:31and I hope you know it's true.
25:34I can assure you
25:36Bob Catter Jr
25:37will do the best
25:39for you.
25:42Yeah, we need to take
25:43several words off him,
25:44I think.
25:45But as we head
25:46into a postal vote campaign,
25:48though,
25:48Bill Shorten
25:48has asked the Prime Minister
25:50how the government
25:51will prevent
25:51the worst extremes
25:52of campaigning,
25:53like, you know,
25:54campaign buses
25:55and high-vis vests.
25:58To which the PM replied,
25:59we're not going to
26:00shut down debate
26:01because people here or there
26:02say outrageous things.
26:04We have a
26:04robust demon crazy.
26:06A demon crazy,
26:12of course,
26:13being a system
26:13where everyone
26:14is free to demonise
26:15everyone else
26:15like crazy.
26:17Fusty Candlewits
26:18filed this special report
26:19on how various
26:20interested organisations
26:21are preparing
26:22for what may well be
26:23the most important
26:24non-compulsory postal survey
26:26Australia has ever conducted,
26:27assuming the High Court
26:28challenge is unsuccessful.
26:29The Australian Bureau
26:32of Statistics
26:32says all is in readiness
26:34and their recent connection
26:35to the NBM
26:36means they've never
26:37been better equipped.
26:39Meanwhile,
26:39special interest groups
26:40like the Australian
26:41Christian Lobby
26:42are also reported
26:43to be well advanced
26:44in their preparations
26:45for any upcoming
26:46postal vote.
26:48Australian Christian
26:49lobbyists have been
26:50active in the community
26:51on this issue
26:52for many months
26:53and are set to have
26:54a loud voice
26:55if and when
26:56the postal vote campaign
26:57on same-sex marriage
26:58finally begins.
27:03And not coming up
27:04because Utopia's on next.
27:06Angle parking
27:07on narrow roadways
27:08not a good idea
27:09say irate motorists
27:11and British MP
27:12alarmed by drop-off
27:14in youth drug use.
27:15We've got to keep
27:16them bonging.
27:19And finally,
27:20with Britain preparing
27:21to get out of Europe,
27:22they now need
27:23some other countries
27:24whose affairs
27:24they can meddle in.
27:25Boris Johnson
27:26likes the look of Libya.
27:27Our role really
27:29is to get
27:30the other players,
27:31all the friends
27:32and partners of Libya
27:33who may have
27:34varying ideas
27:35about the future
27:36of this country
27:36and who should be in charge,
27:37get them to sing
27:39from the same song sheet.
27:40A task that won't be easy
27:41if their singing
27:42is accompanied
27:42by the Libyan military band.
27:44Yeah, I'm kind of regretting
28:00downloading that new season
28:01of Libya's Got Talent now.
28:03Goodbye.
28:04Jive, baby.
28:06Jive, baby.
28:13Lesbians!
28:14Lesbians!
28:15Lesbians!
28:16Jive, baby.
28:17Lesbians.
28:17Lesbians!
28:18Lesbians.
Recommended
28:25
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