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00:00:00Hello and welcome to TV Burp Gold, featuring all of my favourite moments from the series.
00:00:24First up, Cliff Richard buys new tour bus.
00:00:30Hard handshake makes hairband come off on Marbella Bells.
00:00:36Nice to meet you.
00:00:37Nice to meet you.
00:00:38Don't worry, don't worry about it.
00:00:42Down in the world, they've found a cure for Viagra overdose.
00:00:49Betty Werewolf on Emmerdale.
00:00:54And Jim Carver reveals real reason he split up with June Ackland on the bill.
00:00:58So, with a bit of luck, we can turn him over and I can have him up the M6.
00:01:07Well, I was very pleased to see Hugh Fernie Whittingstall back on the box last week.
00:01:13Hi there, how are you doing? Can I interest you in my chicken game?
00:01:17Yeah, alright, I'll play a chicken game too.
00:01:19Imagine this is a section of a metre square of a huge chicken farm where they're rearing standard birds for Tesco or any other supermarket.
00:01:29How many birds would you be happy to see in this indoor space?
00:01:32Yeah, you got any other games?
00:01:34I'm not sure I like the chicken game.
00:01:39This, of course, was Hugh's Chicken Run and his attempt to change our eating habits.
00:01:45You've been watching Jamie.
00:01:48His first move was to reduce the number of intensive chicken farms.
00:01:52So, what's next?
00:01:53What if I set up my own intensive chicken farm?
00:01:57Yeah, you set up your own intensive chicken farm.
00:02:00What?
00:02:01How does that work?
00:02:02Surely that means you've increased the number of intensive chicken farms.
00:02:05Now, it's an experiment, see?
00:02:08One half intensive, the other free range.
00:02:11Ah, and before you know it, he's got 3,000 baby chicks turning up and they're such fun baby chicks, aren't they?
00:02:19There was plenty of room for them as just hatch chicks, but it wouldn't be long before this was a densely packed house.
00:02:28Over on the free range side...
00:02:30No!
00:02:35No!
00:02:36No!
00:02:37Baby chicks.
00:02:38Great fun!
00:02:40They're not real, alright.
00:02:42But big things from little acorns grow and before long the chicks have become chickens and it's getting a little uncomfortable in the barn.
00:02:50What animal of any kind would want to live in here?
00:02:55A fox.
00:02:56Two boxes
00:03:02Poor Hugh
00:03:05Poor Hugh, part of the intensive farming method
00:03:08Is the cull
00:03:09I really don't want to kill another bird this morning
00:03:17Well don't then
00:03:19It's your farm, open a tin of ham instead
00:03:22Fish fingers are nice
00:03:25Now, for those of you who don't watch Coronation Street
00:03:30Here's Steve McDonald to fill you in with what's been going on
00:03:33I got Tracy Barlow pregnant who's stalked me
00:03:36And then cancelled my wedding behind my back
00:03:37I've got a baby daughter nobody knows about
00:03:39That's being looked after by the croppers
00:03:40Roy thinks he's the father and so does his transsexual partner
00:03:43Now, here's Deidre's mum Blanche
00:03:48With a slightly simpler version
00:03:50They've already been told they can't adopt, haven't they?
00:03:53Because he's a loony and she's a man
00:03:56Have you ever noticed that Blanche's legs rattle when she stops walking?
00:04:11Or have you indeed ever wondered what Norris keeps in that shoulder bag?
00:04:15Oh, good morning
00:04:18Morning
00:04:19Sickness and diarrhoea
00:04:22Most people prefer a bucket
00:04:26It's been quite a week for the Barlow family
00:04:30Naughty Tracy cropped her boyfriend over the head and killed him
00:04:34And amongst all these shenanigans
00:04:36The murder, the police investigation
00:04:38Who keeps his head whilst all around are losing theirs?
00:04:41Ken
00:04:42He's just so cool, Ken, isn't he?
00:04:44This is largely because he is, in fact, a ventriloquist's dummy
00:04:48Usually operated by Deidre
00:04:50Large is life
00:04:51And it's wonderful
00:04:52They call this morning
00:04:54But every now and then
00:04:59She lets someone else have a go
00:05:00Well, last week we revealed
00:05:15How they've got the sound effects for Wild at Heart
00:05:17Basically, they get Dev to do the elephant
00:05:19Steve McDonnell to do the pigs
00:05:24Now, if they need a dolphin, it's straight to the royal today
00:05:29They've got a sheep there, too
00:05:33And a dog
00:05:36So, it's...
00:05:40Here and a...
00:05:45There...
00:05:46Here...
00:05:47There...
00:05:49Everywhere...
00:05:51With a...
00:05:53Here and a...
00:05:55There...
00:05:56Here...
00:05:58Everywhere...
00:06:01With a...
00:06:03Here and a...
00:06:05There...
00:06:06Here...
00:06:07There...
00:06:08Everywhere...
00:06:09With a
00:06:11Bear
00:06:13Bear
00:06:15Bear
00:06:17Bear
00:06:19Everywhere
00:06:21With a
00:06:23Bear
00:06:25Bear
00:06:27Bear
00:06:29Everywhere
00:06:31With a
00:06:33Bear
00:06:35Bear
00:06:37Bear
00:06:39Bear
00:06:41Bear
00:06:43Everywhere
00:06:45Steve Mcdonald
00:06:59Who's been watching Big Brother Celebrity Hijack?
00:07:01Yeah, it's a new
00:07:03It's a new format to replace Celebrity Big Brother and I know a lot of you are thinking why tinker with the format at all?
00:07:11It was after all perfect
00:07:13Bermot O'Leary is the new host and you know when you're worried that something's not gonna be that good you try and convince yourself
00:07:21Don't you by telling yourself over and over again that it is
00:07:25This is
00:07:27Brilliant
00:07:29I love it we're on a roll
00:07:31It is brilliant
00:07:33It's brilliant and it can only get brilliant up
00:07:35Yeah, keep talking
00:07:37So let's meet some of the contestants all of whom have got a special talent
00:07:41First up there's Calista whose special talent is music she's a songwriter
00:07:45She's actually written a song that's made big waves on the funky house circuit
00:07:51I've got some funky house tracks out at the moment and there's a song called bongo jam which is taking over the funky house scene
00:07:57I love to play my bongo in the morning
00:08:01I love to play my bongos in the morning
00:08:04I love to play my bongos in the morning
00:08:07I love to play my bongos in the morning
00:08:11I love to play my bongos in the morning
00:08:14Everybody
00:08:15I love to play my bongos in the morning
00:08:18Yeah, as I say, it's shaking up the funky house scene.
00:08:26So, who else is there?
00:08:28Well, there's Nathan, who's very keen to win.
00:08:30People say it's taking part that counts.
00:08:33But I mean, if you think about it, which losers do you really remember?
00:08:38Hitler.
00:08:41Judas.
00:08:43Gareth Gates, they make sure.
00:08:46So, that's him.
00:08:48Then there was my favourite circus act, Victor and Amelia.
00:08:53All the food pushes her blood to the head.
00:08:56And sometimes when I go too fast, it bleeds out of her eyes.
00:09:04Sorry.
00:09:05Your eye, love.
00:09:06Which brings us to our Big Brother Celebrity Hijack Highlight of the Week.
00:09:21Big Brother Celebrity Hijack Highlight of the Week.
00:09:26I don't want to give anyone any reason to want to, like, nominate me.
00:09:32Because at the moment everyone's getting on so well, and they might say something disgusting.
00:09:36It's going to be fine.
00:09:38It's going to be fine because I'm having quite nice things.
00:09:40I don't want to give anyone a reason.
00:09:42Are you OK, Jade?
00:09:46I'm fine.
00:09:47Don't you hate it when your top lip sticks to your teeth, though, eh?
00:09:58It was obviously a total fruit loop.
00:10:00It's going to be fine.
00:10:02It's going to be fine.
00:10:04It's ITV1's hit new show, Eleventh Hour, with Jean-Luc Picard playing chief scientist Ian Hood,
00:10:11investigating the effects of global warming on some of the major cities in the world.
00:10:18Sydney, Bombay, Helsinki, Rotterdam, Copenhagen, Barcelona, Lagos, New York, Rio de Janeiro, Los Angeles.
00:10:32Oh, God.
00:10:34And Norwich.
00:10:43How would the world cope without Norwich?
00:10:47The nerve centre of the key cutting and shoe repair industry.
00:10:51Imagine a world without Norwich.
00:10:53Where would we go for our puppet entertainment if there was no Norwich Puppet Theatre?
00:10:58And where could we purchase the same wide range of mustards available at the mustard shop?
00:11:04This being the arcade Norwich.
00:11:06If Norwich itself was destroyed.
00:11:09Go! Go, Ozone! Go! Go on! Clear off!
00:11:13I'm kidding.
00:11:14I love Norwich.
00:11:16Who do you have on speed dial on your phone?
00:11:20Probably kept the numbers on the speed dial.
00:11:23Try four.
00:11:24Five, four.
00:11:25Work, ex-wife, kids mobile, second job.
00:11:28Try five, Patrick.
00:11:36Try five.
00:11:37Isn't it annoying, though, when you're eating a cream bun and you have to take a phone call?
00:11:48Hood was also looking into a mysterious suicide.
00:11:57I wonder when he created this file.
00:12:00Maybe he's still alive.
00:12:02It was 9.30 this morning.
00:12:06Hey, he's gone, Hood.
00:12:10He must have done this before he killed himself.
00:12:13Yeah, he must have sent the email before he killed himself.
00:12:18Not necessarily.
00:12:19Sorry.
00:12:43It's The Apprentice.
00:12:54Hooray!
00:12:56With Sir Alan Sugar, or as I prefer to call him, Sid James.
00:13:02You're fired.
00:13:07Once again, it was two teams competing.
00:13:09One of girls and one of boys.
00:13:11And first, there was a little bit of bonding between the two groups.
00:13:14Dune and Alexa certainly seemed to hit it off.
00:13:17All in all, a good bunch of people.
00:13:19Yeah, we can have some fun.
00:13:20They'll work our play out, don't they?
00:13:22Yeah.
00:13:27Yeah, I've just seen someone over there I don't know.
00:13:30Their first task was to come up with a name for their team.
00:13:33Here's the boys' efforts.
00:13:35Has anyone got a name at the moment?
00:13:36I have.
00:13:37Go for it.
00:13:38The A-Team.
00:13:41Yeah, the A-Team, yeah.
00:13:43It's not a bad pun.
00:13:44Name your business after a 1980s TV show.
00:13:47Any other ideas, Saeed?
00:13:49Just a quick explanation on the A-Team.
00:13:50With the A-Team, the reason why I mention the A-Team is because whatever task they take, they are winners.
00:13:55I do have another suggestion, winners.
00:14:04Yeah, that's fine.
00:14:05But what if you don't win?
00:14:07Might just rub it in.
00:14:08What's the name of the team?
00:14:09The winners.
00:14:10Did you win?
00:14:11No, we lost.
00:14:12Now, how are the girls getting on?
00:14:16In the beginning, what did we want to say?
00:14:17We wanted something that was successful, dynamic.
00:14:20Winning.
00:14:20That's stick.
00:14:21That actually says it.
00:14:22Have we got our name?
00:14:24Velocity.
00:14:25I can see how she might start to get a bit annoying.
00:14:31But hey, she's just excited.
00:14:33Oh my God!
00:14:34Oh my God!
00:14:36Oh my God!
00:14:37What's so annoying?
00:14:39Of 35, Joe Cameron is one of the older candidates.
00:14:43No, wait, stop.
00:14:45After being made redundant at MG Rover.
00:14:47For being annoying.
00:14:49The teams are taken to top ad agency, Saatchi and Saatchi, and start brainstorming.
00:15:10Yeah, well, someone must have an idea.
00:15:13Try a little blue sky thinking.
00:15:15How about you, Saeed?
00:15:16Golf course.
00:15:18An actual jet.
00:15:19On the golf course, wrapped around in this sort of colours.
00:15:22Actual jet on the golf course, with this in the bottom, you know.
00:15:29How about an actual jet on a golf course, with the A-team running about playing golf?
00:15:34How about Camilla Parker Bowles dancing a jig whilst Barry Manilow milks a sheep for its cheese?
00:15:41Get real!
00:15:42What about the other team?
00:15:44The other half of Ruth's team have been told to make the concierge idea work
00:15:48for the billboard poster.
00:15:49Now, to me, that looks like a polar bear being poked in the eye by a stick man.
00:15:55Every now and then, you meet an actor who's just perfect for a role.
00:16:00Who is the human embodiment of Amzir?
00:16:02They've found that in little-known actor, Jasbir.
00:16:06So, you're going to be about here...
00:16:07An actor called Jasbir is the star.
00:16:10The team have decided to call him Max.
00:16:13We're just trying to line the shopping now, Max.
00:16:15So, let's see some of his work.
00:16:17This is his first scene.
00:16:19He has to look at his watch and then walk as the plane comes over.
00:16:23Michelle and Saeed look at the rush.
00:16:24Not yet, Jasbir. Not yet.
00:16:27Not yet, Jasbir.
00:16:28Not yet, Jasbir.
00:16:30Now, Jasbir, now!
00:16:33Pure gold!
00:16:34Unfortunately, the scenes of Jasbir on the plane
00:16:39make him look like he's enjoying himself a little too much,
00:16:42if you know what I mean.
00:16:44No hidden charges.
00:16:45No commitment to flying.
00:16:48Dirty boy!
00:16:51The Jane Austen season continued with persuasion.
00:16:55Not to be confused with the Roger Moore-Tony Curtis vehicle,
00:16:59The Persuadeurs.
00:17:00And I spotted a huge finger with green nail varnish on it.
00:17:08It could be you.
00:17:11Like all the period dramas,
00:17:14persuasion showed us the habits and customs of olden times,
00:17:17such as the now long-forgotten role of the ink maid.
00:17:21Yeah, you were writing a letter and wanted to fill your pen.
00:17:23Always, there was the ink maid.
00:17:30And you know when you're not sure
00:17:37whether to bite someone or kiss them?
00:17:39I'll kiss you.
00:17:43I'll bite you.
00:17:45I'll kiss you.
00:17:47Bye.
00:17:47I'll kiss you.
00:17:50Bye.
00:17:51Bye.
00:17:53Bye.
00:17:53Kiss.
00:17:54Kiss.
00:17:55Bye.
00:17:55Bye.
00:17:56Bye.
00:17:58Bye.
00:17:59Cies.
00:18:00Bye.
00:18:01Ties.
00:18:02Bye.
00:18:03Bye.
00:18:04Ke.
00:18:05But kiss.
00:18:06Come on.
00:18:06ê°€ck.
00:18:06Well, I must say I have been enjoying monster moves on Five, in which large things are moved.
00:18:18This week, they were attempting to transport a German aircraft from the Second World War,
00:18:22which was a little frustrating for them, but there's no need for bad language.
00:18:27Pat has assembled a team of friends and keen amateurs to help him realise his dream,
00:18:32including his wife, Annette Spaulding, who shares his obsession for this aircraft.
00:18:36They've been coming every summer for seven years in a row.
00:18:40They even spent their honeymoon searching for the Fokker.
00:18:45It's a type of aircraft.
00:18:49Chant.
00:18:50Then they showed us how you transport tube trains around.
00:18:54I haven't made this up, this is an actual show.
00:18:58So I'm sure you're thinking, how do they make sure they get the trains in the right order?
00:19:02What's the easy way of working out the numbers?
00:19:05Because obviously, you've got to make sure you get the right one in the right place.
00:19:07The numbers must mean something.
00:19:08Well, first of all, six, five is the motor car number.
00:19:13O3s is the unit number.
00:19:15But also, if you take this six, five, and go down to the next carriage,
00:19:19it's six, seven, which is the one that runs, it's its stable mate.
00:19:23And they must all stay together.
00:19:24Three and fours go together, then fives and six.
00:19:27Right the way up to ten.
00:19:28It's got ten units.
00:19:29Bingo!
00:19:30Bingo!
00:19:33Yeah.
00:19:38We use a five-digit numbering system.
00:19:40What could be simpler?
00:19:42There's number six, and I believe that's the seventh unit up there, which is tens.
00:19:47So the first one down would be six, five, then six, no, six, five, then six, seven, and then seven, nine, eight, seven, let's try again, get it right.
00:19:58Six, five, seven, oh, five, seven, seven, oh, five, six, eight, six, five, all right, six, seven, oh, six, seven.
00:20:09Surely, as long as you've got the engine on the front, what does it matter?
00:20:12Which brings us to a TV highlight of the week.
00:20:17TV highlight of the week.
00:20:42Football is wise now, and Shannon has had a nose job.
00:20:57What do you reckon?
00:20:59I don't know, maybe it's a bit early to say.
00:21:02She's got that big H on her face.
00:21:04She went out the other day, and a helicopter landed on it.
00:21:06Now, with Tanya, it's not just football that she likes.
00:21:10Watch your eyes, as she enjoys a game of tiny elf tennis.
00:21:14Sell the club, Frank.
00:21:16Sell the club, whatever you can get.
00:21:20If you listen really closely, sometimes you can hear the ball.
00:21:31Club manager Frank's not been too well.
00:21:33Have I missed a bit?
00:21:39Eh?
00:21:43Have I missed a bit?
00:21:47What?
00:21:53Have I missed a bit?
00:21:54Oh, I don't need any hand.
00:21:57I'm not surprised he's not making sense.
00:21:59Look at this front room.
00:22:01Where does he live?
00:22:02Headache mansions.
00:22:05Yeah, I've got a migraine coming on.
00:22:08I just can't have a lie down in the front room.
00:22:12By the pricking of my thumbs, something evil this way comes.
00:22:19He's passed out.
00:22:21Quick, get his shoes and socks off and tickle his feet to bring him round.
00:22:25Of course, this was Living TV's Derek Okora's Ghost Towns.
00:22:32Yes, Supernatural Sleuth Derek Okora and Daniella Westbrook off EastEnders
00:22:38travel around in a van hunting for ghosts.
00:22:46You never really feel quite alone in that.
00:22:50Wait a minute, travelling around in a van hunting for ghosts?
00:22:54I've seen that before somewhere.
00:22:56Hey, Derek, where are you?
00:23:03Over here.
00:23:05Yes, Derek and Shaggy, sorry, Daniella Westbrook off EastEnders,
00:23:10find themselves in Shrewsbury in an old haunted hotel.
00:23:14Oh, something's blown in the back of my neck.
00:23:17OK.
00:23:17So she's going round there.
00:23:19It's OK.
00:23:20It's fine.
00:23:21Just keep breathing.
00:23:22Keep concentrating.
00:23:24What are you feeling going to be?
00:23:26It's just tickling.
00:23:27As if someone's just stood behind me.
00:23:30Yeah, it's the cameraman, love.
00:23:31But when they travel to the attic of an old bookshop,
00:23:35things really start to hot up.
00:23:37I'm aware of a woman, a woman of nasty intent, horrible.
00:23:45She used to...
00:23:46What was she?
00:23:49What was this woman?
00:23:51She was Sam Mitchell.
00:23:53It's Daniella Westbrook off EastEnders, you fool.
00:23:56You haven't forgotten her already, have you, Derek?
00:23:57Later on, their relationship really hits the rocks.
00:24:01Why are you here?
00:24:02Why are you bullying this park?
00:24:03No way, slut!
00:24:07Come on, Derek.
00:24:08We've all got to work together.
00:24:11At least sort out your differences off camera.
00:24:15Meanwhile, Derek feels he's getting close to catching the ghost.
00:24:19I'm feeling cold right behind.
00:24:20Are you?
00:24:21OK, well, that's good.
00:24:22Can you feel that, ladies?
00:24:23I can feel it right behind me.
00:24:25It's ice cold right behind me.
00:24:28Really cold, yeah.
00:24:29If any of you spirit energies are listening and watching...
00:24:33That's cold, yeah.
00:24:33...we would like you to step forward and come close to the ladies.
00:24:37LAUGHTER
00:24:38LAUGHTER
00:24:39LAUGHTER
00:24:40LAUGHTER
00:24:41LAUGHTER
00:24:42Yeah, I would have got away with it
00:24:45if it wasn't for you meddling idiots.
00:24:48LAUGHTER
00:24:49APPLAUSE
00:24:50And isn't it weird
00:24:54how some people end up looking like they're cookers, though, eh?
00:24:57Struggling to understand is why you went up to Home Farm in the first...
00:24:59Hello!
00:25:00LAUGHTER
00:25:01Hiya!
00:25:04Yes, it's the jewel in the soap crown, Emmerdale.
00:25:07Hooray!
00:25:09It was the week of the Big Dingle Party.
00:25:11Do you ever have that thing where you're halfway through saying something
00:25:14and then the ferret down your trousers wakes up?
00:25:17We've got to lay on a party here that people will talk about for years to come!
00:25:22LAUGHTER
00:25:23LAUGHTER
00:25:24We've got to lay on a party here that people will talk about for years to come!
00:25:29LAUGHTER
00:25:30Here, what's the international sign language for waitressing?
00:25:36Yeah, one minute she's asking me to have a word with her the next.
00:25:39I walk in there, find a waitress in!
00:25:40LAUGHTER
00:25:41Ooh, yeah!
00:25:42LAUGHTER
00:25:43Meanwhile, chastity was getting confused.
00:25:46I am missing dinner with my niece for this!
00:25:49Can we have less acting and more serving, please?
00:25:52Yeah, less acting and more...
00:25:54LAUGHTER
00:25:55Hang on, less acting on Emmerdale?
00:25:58LAUGHTER
00:25:59How is that possible?
00:26:00LAUGHTER
00:26:01Take a look at this.
00:26:02You're carrying some important papers when...
00:26:05I don't know how you've made the time to help him.
00:26:07I'll probably love them.
00:26:09That's what it is.
00:26:10LAUGHTER
00:26:11Oh, dear, you throw them onto the floor.
00:26:15LAUGHTER
00:26:16That's what it is.
00:26:17LAUGHTER
00:26:18I'm going to drop them, I'm going to drop them on!
00:26:21LAUGHTER
00:26:22Oh, dear.
00:26:23Oh, I hope I have better luck with the pans.
00:26:25LAUGHTER
00:26:27Oh, he's knocked the pan off!
00:26:30LAUGHTER
00:26:32Try not to knock the pan off.
00:26:34Oh!
00:26:35Oh, I've knocked it off!
00:26:36Look, oh!
00:26:37I've managed to pick up my papers and...
00:26:40Oh!
00:26:41Oh, I've knocked the pans off as well!
00:26:44Oh, I'm so clumsy!
00:26:46LAUGHTER
00:26:47To be fair, some of them are pulling their weight in the acting stakes.
00:26:51Marlon!
00:26:53Lanky Marlon!
00:26:55Daylight come, man, I wanna go home!
00:26:59Marlon!
00:27:01Lanky Marlon!
00:27:03Daylight come, man, I wanna go home!
00:27:07LAUGHTER
00:27:08But a big excitement was the ballroom dancing competition.
00:27:12And there was a special guest judge.
00:27:14Your mother's got cataracts!
00:27:16She needs an operation!
00:27:18She feels old and embarrassed!
00:27:19I haven't!
00:27:20I don't!
00:27:21Cataracts!
00:27:22Cataracts!
00:27:23Are you sure you're the eldest sister?
00:27:25Valerie?
00:27:27Cataracts!
00:27:28Cataracts!
00:27:29Cataracts!
00:27:30Cataracts!
00:27:31Cataracts!
00:27:32Cataracts!
00:27:33Cataracts!
00:27:34Cataracts!
00:27:35Cataracts!
00:27:36Cataracts!
00:27:37Cataracts!
00:27:38Cataracts!
00:27:39Cataracts!
00:27:40Cataracts!
00:27:41Cataracts!
00:27:42Cataracts!
00:27:43Cataracts!
00:27:44Cataracts!
00:27:45Cataracts!
00:27:46Cataracts!
00:27:47Cataracts!
00:27:48Cataracts!
00:27:49Cataracts!
00:27:54Cataracts!
00:27:55Here, cataracts!
00:27:57Which brings us to a TV high voice of the week
00:28:12What do you think you're doing you opportunistic squeegee I'm not paying you
00:28:17Channel five have got another shot program
00:28:30Yes presented by Johnny rotten, you know from I'm a celebrity get me out of here
00:28:34He has a highly individual presenting style sharks born free unlike me. They're tax-free leave them alone
00:28:41I will all I'm doing is swimming with them you too can
00:28:47Here's a bit of him off duty. I'm on mr. Rotten time for your medication
00:28:56The thing is if you're as weird as Johnny rotten, how do you make yourself look normal hang around with someone weirder than you
00:29:06There's something I learned from Johnny last year
00:29:10791 people were killed by defective
00:29:12effective toasters
00:29:14Only for by sharks
00:29:18Now I don't see no great rush to exterminate 100 million
00:29:24toasters
00:29:26Then we wouldn't be able to make any toast
00:29:28I mean I like sharks but the advantage of a toaster over a shark
00:29:36Obviously a toaster takes up a lot less room on your worktop
00:29:38But which is better a toaster or a shark
00:29:43There's only one way to find out
00:29:45It's
00:29:45Fire!
00:29:46Fire!
00:29:47Fire!
00:29:48Fire!
00:29:49Fire!
00:29:50Fire!
00:29:51Fire!
00:29:52Fire!
00:29:53Fire!
00:29:54Fire!
00:29:55Fire!
00:29:56Fire!
00:29:57Fire!
00:29:58Fire!
00:29:59Fire!
00:30:00Fire!
00:30:01Fire!
00:30:02Fire!
00:30:03Fire!
00:30:04Fire!
00:30:05Fire!
00:30:06Fire!
00:30:07Fire!
00:30:08Fire!
00:30:09Fire!
00:30:10Fire!
00:30:11You can tell them when you go back to Bristol they say what was it like?
00:30:14You know
00:30:15What was it like?
00:30:16Up in the TV Birch Studio
00:30:19And erm
00:30:21You can tell them that this bit lifts up
00:30:30They won't believe you but
00:30:34We all know
00:30:43Welcome back to TV Birch Gold
00:30:45After appearing in Eleventh Hour Patrick Stewart comes clean
00:30:49I think I'm an idiot
00:30:51Man goes nerdy at the end of a sentence on Monster Moves
00:30:55Whether that'll come home to the UK or not we'll have to wait and see
00:30:59Fred Elliott comes up with a new treatment for PMT
00:31:02After all Violet she's taking things easy all morning
00:31:05What's up with you?
00:31:06Oh women's things
00:31:07Yeah alright I'll go and get the chicken and mushrooms
00:31:11Derek Okora first casualty of relaxed licensing laws
00:31:14Come to rally
00:31:15Come forward
00:31:16I'm staying
00:31:19And Paul Burrell in embarrassing mix up on Australian Princess
00:31:23It was an ox tongue
00:31:25Not a vagina
00:31:29Easy mistake to make
00:31:33Yes it's Australian Princess
00:31:36And what's the cardinal sin of tea time etiquette
00:31:40Amy committed the cardinal sin of tea time etiquette
00:31:46You put the milk in first
00:31:49You put the milk in first
00:31:52In the tea
00:31:54See I thought the cardinal sin of tea time etiquette
00:31:57Was whilst the princess is having a tea
00:31:59Backing the removal van up to Kensington Palace
00:32:00And loading it up with all her stuff
00:32:03Eh?
00:32:08So come on then Paulie
00:32:10How do you make a cup of tea?
00:32:12This is how it's done
00:32:13Tea cups are always on the right hand side
00:32:15Don't forget the tea spoon
00:32:17Handles at five o'clock
00:32:19Sugar and milk are always on the right hand side
00:32:21Sugar tongues, slop basin, teapot, tea strainer
00:32:25Everything has a place
00:32:27You do begin with a warm teapot
00:32:29You add one teaspoonful of loose tea per person
00:32:34And one for the pot
00:32:36Add boiling water
00:32:37Stir the tea
00:32:38Leave it for two to three minutes
00:32:40Tea strainer
00:32:42On the cup
00:32:43Pour the tea
00:32:44Always add the milk to taste
00:32:46If you take sugar
00:32:48The sugar goes in before the milk
00:32:50That's how to make a perfect cup of tea
00:32:51I've changed my mind
00:32:52I'll have a coffee
00:32:57That's Paul Burrell
00:32:59He never goes for long without dropping a royal name does he?
00:33:03Every morning at 8am
00:33:04Her Majesty the Queen
00:33:06Is awoken with a cup of tea
00:33:08And a small digestive biscuit
00:33:10Whilst Prince Philip is woken with a Twix
00:33:12And a carton of Mbongo
00:33:17And of course with Paul Burrell involved
00:33:18There were some tender memories of Lady Di
00:33:24She was an angel
00:33:26I don't know why she had to die like that
00:33:28When I heard about her death
00:33:29I was like she's not gone
00:33:31Just like Tupac
00:33:33Just like Tupac
00:33:34I sometimes wonder if she'd still be here if she hadn't hung out in the hood with Vicky Smalls
00:33:43Even though he no longer works for her
00:33:48You can tell he's still a bit wary of the Queen
00:33:51Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith
00:33:54The Queen
00:33:55The Queen
00:33:56God bless her
00:33:57She's not here is she?
00:34:02Jamie Oliver had some very sound advice for us this week from his kitchen
00:34:06Straight in there
00:34:07Be quite quick
00:34:09Always dip away from you and plop away from you
00:34:14I always try but it's not always that easy to control
00:34:17This week Jamie was concentrating on the brassicas
00:34:20For instance this cauliflower here, look at the colour of that
00:34:23Yeah, it's the wrong colour
00:34:26It's purple, the cauliflower's are white
00:34:29Although admittedly a purple one would be easier to spot in my mum's cheese sauce
00:34:34It seemed Jamie was going all eco-friendly
00:34:37Instead of actually cooking the food
00:34:39He was saving energy by just doing the sound effects
00:34:41And then the Italians have a version which they call rapi
00:34:45Which is fantastic
00:34:46And they'll cook it in a big pan of just a little bit of pork fat
00:34:49Maybe
00:34:51You know what you do? You get a little bit of good vinegar
00:34:53And you splash it in there
00:34:55I'll do the sound effects of my cooking from Tuesday night
00:34:59Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop
00:35:03Mm-mm.
00:35:04Mm-mm.
00:35:05Mm-mm.
00:35:11Mm-mm.
00:35:12Mm-mm.
00:35:15Mm-mm.
00:35:17Mm-mm.
00:35:18Mm-mm.
00:35:23Cold, cold, cold.
00:35:25Earthquake!
00:35:29Mm-mm.
00:35:30Those weren't the only sound effects Jamie was doing.
00:35:33It seemed to me he was practising up to be a rapper, like on the records.
00:35:37Smoky bacon, chunks of apple and raisins and sweets of red wine,
00:35:41vinegar and do that beautiful red cabbage dish.
00:35:43Yeah, yeah.
00:35:45We put together a little number for him that we call the Jamie Rap.
00:35:50Smoky bacon, chunks of apple and raisins and sweets of red wine,
00:35:54vinegar and do that beautiful red cabbage dish.
00:35:56I want to put it down, down, down.
00:35:59I want to put it down.
00:36:00Down, down, down.
00:36:02I want to put it down.
00:36:03Down, down, down.
00:36:06I want to put it down.
00:36:07Look, Jason.
00:36:11Banging.
00:36:12Yeah, yeah, the Jamie Rap.
00:36:14If the young folks get behind it, it could sweep the funky house scene.
00:36:18Well, with the celery season upon us,
00:36:20Jamie was getting very excited by a particular part of the celery.
00:36:24It's actually this part here.
00:36:25That is what anyone that knows and understands cooking gets excited about.
00:36:34That bit here.
00:36:36See, I get very excited about that bit.
00:36:41The real hero of this dish is the cabbages in the garden.
00:36:44So I want to go and pick some of those beautiful spring cabbages
00:36:47and then I'll come back and finish this whole dish off.
00:36:50OK, Jamie.
00:36:51Yeah.
00:36:52Just wait for him to come back.
00:36:58Actually, I'll...
00:36:59Right, it's a lovely cabbages.
00:37:24So what I'm going to do is trim this all up.
00:37:25And this spring cabbage here.
00:37:31Just cut the stalk off.
00:37:34Like that.
00:37:39Meanwhile, hard reps is back.
00:37:42Hooray!
00:37:44Yeah, or the mentally challenged on holiday.
00:37:48Here's the title sequence.
00:37:50It's early season, but already the pressure's on for...
00:37:52Even the cameraman's drunk.
00:37:54Area controller, actually.
00:37:55And the reps aren't much better.
00:37:57Here's Mickey.
00:37:58You're not cooking here.
00:37:59Yeah.
00:38:00I want to cook.
00:38:01What do you want to cook?
00:38:02Well, I'm going to cook a pot of noodles.
00:38:04Oh.
00:38:05I'm going to cook a pot of noodles.
00:38:08But it's not all fun, fun, fun.
00:38:10No.
00:38:10The reps have work to do.
00:38:12It's the day of the cheese rehearsal.
00:38:17Cheese rehearsal?
00:38:18What's a cheese rehearsal?
00:38:21What is there about cheese to rehearse?
00:38:24Right, Stilton, you go first.
00:38:27Be prepared to be cut up into wedges.
00:38:29Edam, take your red jacket off and let's look at some of your flesh.
00:38:33Cheddar, stay where you are, doing a great job.
00:38:35And Primula?
00:38:35Yes, boss?
00:38:36Get off my cheese board!
00:38:40No, but joking aside, it must be difficult for the reps to keep up that high level of entertainment.
00:38:45Get some, like, say, five volunteers and get them dressed up as the village people and do YMCA.
00:38:50Everyone knows the dance and it'd be very funny to get them dressed up.
00:38:53Yeah.
00:38:55Village people.
00:38:56That's always good for a laugh about 20 years ago.
00:38:58Still, they pulled it off.
00:39:01We all remember the village people.
00:39:03There was the Red Indian, the traffic cop and, er...
00:39:07The Millman.
00:39:08That's right.
00:39:08The Millman.
00:39:10Yeah.
00:39:11As for the punters, one of the charmers we're introduced to in this series is Baxter.
00:39:17I've never been on an 18 to 30 ever in my life.
00:39:20I'm having a time of my life.
00:39:22I'll do it every year now until I'm 83 year old, I'm telling you.
00:39:28Yeah.
00:39:29Let's have a look at that Baxter, shall we?
00:39:32You want to do 18 to 30 till you're 83.
00:39:34Um, you see why that doesn't quite work?
00:39:39Syritas had some difficulty making L plates for her night.
00:39:44I wanted some L plates.
00:39:46Nowhere has got any L plates.
00:39:47I don't know if maybe learner in Spanish means something else.
00:39:55Lerner means something else in Spanish.
00:39:58Yeah, the word for learner in Spanish means felt-tipped pen in the eye.
00:40:04I wonder what the Spanish word is for der brain.
00:40:07No, it probably means something else.
00:40:10Now, some people have difficulty spelling words.
00:40:14Fair enough.
00:40:15How many L plates are you doing?
00:40:17Um, four, but I did that one wrong.
00:40:21But letters?
00:40:22Can't spell letters?
00:40:23That's six years at Cheltenham Ladies College wasted.
00:40:31The Royal Today has really pepped up the daytime schedule,
00:40:35which was badly needing a new soap.
00:40:40And charge nurse Adam has a special system.
00:40:43For him, it's run, shout, pass wind.
00:40:46Ever, crash school.
00:40:47You may not know, but the Royal Today is the hospital of choice for Her Majesty the Queen.
00:40:56How's your health been, gentlemen?
00:40:57Not so bad.
00:40:59Once I think we'll need medication, please.
00:41:01Well, yes, I have something for heartburn,
00:41:04then something for constipation.
00:41:08Get well soon, ma'am.
00:41:10Let's hope Her Majesty fared slightly better than this man,
00:41:12who had a case of rather bad timing.
00:41:14At last.
00:41:18Can we go now?
00:41:22And do you ever ask someone out and realise you've made a mistake?
00:41:25Hey, can I have a go, if you like?
00:41:27I'll show you what to do.
00:41:28Oh, I'm not sure I should while I'm on duty.
00:41:32What time are you off duty, then?
00:41:35Well, since you asked.
00:41:36Oh, actually, I don't feel very well.
00:41:38It also admitted a magician by the name of, um...
00:41:47It's magic.
00:41:50It's more than magic.
00:41:52It's Mysterioso.
00:41:54Right.
00:41:55Well, let's take a look at you.
00:41:56I'll take this from you.
00:41:57Hey.
00:41:59Magic.
00:42:00That's more than magic.
00:42:02It's Mysterioso.
00:42:04Could I have some water?
00:42:07Hey, there's my card.
00:42:09How did you do that?
00:42:10It's magic.
00:42:11It's not magic.
00:42:14Mysterioso.
00:42:17Mysterioso, of course.
00:42:19Poor Mysterioso, though.
00:42:21Life hadn't always been that easy for him.
00:42:23Are you all right?
00:42:25I don't like hospitals.
00:42:27The last time I was in one, I lost my wife.
00:42:30Not what you'd call a magic moment.
00:42:32Not magic, no.
00:42:35Mysterioso.
00:42:35Then there was the tragic case of Charlie Thomason,
00:42:41who accidentally shot his grandson.
00:42:44All in the same week.
00:42:46I was amazed he was capable of shooting someone.
00:42:50He wasn't exactly quick off the mark.
00:42:52I think this gentleman would like to speak to you.
00:42:54On your marks.
00:42:55Get set, go.
00:42:57And he's off to a flying star.
00:43:02Don't bother trying to catch him.
00:43:03Fast as lightning.
00:43:08He's coming up to that corner a little too fast.
00:43:11Will he make it?
00:43:12He's going to have to slow down.
00:43:14Oh, he's just about done it.
00:43:17Yeah, he's a bit on the slow side.
00:43:19I sent him out for a Mars bar a week ago.
00:43:22I'm back.
00:43:33Come over here, then.
00:43:34Hang on a minute.
00:44:02What?
00:44:02It's past his cell by.
00:44:08In Waterford, when I bought it,
00:44:10you better take it back and change it.
00:44:11Medicine men go wild now on Channel 4.
00:44:28Which...
00:44:29Medicine men go wild now on Channel 4,
00:44:40which follows twin doctors Chris and Zand Van Tuleken
00:44:42as they investigate alternative therapies.
00:44:46This week, found them up the Amazon in Peru,
00:44:48where they met the Ashaninka tribe.
00:44:50And you know what it's like when you like one twin,
00:44:53but not the other.
00:44:54He makes the introductions.
00:44:55They were welcomed with the tribal drink,
00:45:05specially prepared by the womenfolk.
00:45:08A huge bowl of a surprisingly pink liquid
00:45:11is brought up to refresh us.
00:45:13Have a go.
00:45:15Try it yourself.
00:45:15OK, thank you.
00:45:16Yeah.
00:45:16OK.
00:45:18OK.
00:45:18We'll make it.
00:45:19Charvenis.
00:45:22Thank you, I'll stop talking.
00:45:24Chris.
00:45:25Yeah.
00:45:26Mm, it's nice.
00:45:26It's got a funny yogurty almost.
00:45:30Yeah, it's nice.
00:45:31I wouldn't mind trying some of that to sell.
00:45:33Oh, thank you.
00:45:36Oh, I just have a...
00:45:37Mm.
00:45:39Yeah, it's a bit mm.
00:45:40A little bit yogurty.
00:45:41What's it made of doing?
00:45:44It's made of manioc,
00:45:46which is the staple food here.
00:45:48The women bring it in, boil it up,
00:45:49chew it, spit it into a big pot,
00:45:51beat it up.
00:45:52Has everything in this pot been chewed
00:45:54by someone else in Spain?
00:45:55Probably about several different women in this village.
00:45:59Oh, nice.
00:46:02The intrepid twins are welcome to the bosom of the tribe
00:46:07and are invited to taste some hallucinogenic plants,
00:46:10resulting in powerful visions.
00:46:12My visions become stronger and more vivid.
00:46:16The enjoyable, colourful, swirling patterns
00:46:18become a bizarre landscape full of small demons
00:46:21and people dying in hot lava
00:46:23that pours from between the thighs
00:46:24of giant, headless women
00:46:26squatting on the tops of ancient ziggurats.
00:46:29I'll get that dream.
00:46:34I'll get another one
00:46:35where I'm running across London Bridge
00:46:36only in a vest.
00:46:38Billy Piper of Doctor Who
00:46:40was back on TV this week
00:46:42in history drama Mansfield Park,
00:46:44written by new young writer Jane Austen.
00:46:47And things were a little less in your face in those days.
00:46:50A gentleman had to be a little more cryptic
00:46:52when complimenting a lady on her appearance.
00:46:55I like your Miss Bertrams exceedingly.
00:46:57They give themselves no air.
00:47:00Cheeky.
00:47:02I learnt so much
00:47:04about the lifestyle of years gone by.
00:47:08For instance, I didn't know
00:47:09that in the old days
00:47:10they used to play charades to music.
00:47:16It's a book.
00:47:18A film.
00:47:20An antiques roadshow.
00:47:23Dancing on Ice.
00:47:25Time Team.
00:47:28What is it?
00:47:30A song.
00:47:34Popeye.
00:47:37Scissor Sisters.
00:47:38Scissor Sisters.
00:47:39One of the great things about this show
00:47:42was the fact they'd employed
00:47:43a large number of one-legged people.
00:47:45Which was good,
00:47:47but it did lead to a fair amount of hopping.
00:47:49thing.
00:47:51LAUGHTER
00:47:51And think of that thing
00:48:06when you're playing a really long game of badminton
00:48:08and actually start to age.
00:48:12Only Edmund put himself out to secure...
00:48:14There she is.
00:48:14There's a little girl.
00:48:15He became my wife and friend.
00:48:18LAUGHTER
00:48:18And as the years pass...
00:48:24Oh, that was a long game of badminton.
00:48:35They cut it short there, in fact.
00:48:37The game continued.
00:48:38And as the years pass...
00:48:40LAUGHTER
00:48:40I claim to love him
00:48:42as more than a cousin.
00:48:42LAUGHTER
00:48:43That's the string.
00:49:03LAUGHTER
00:49:05On Real Extras, the story of our supporting artistes hungry for fame,
00:49:18we were transported back to the killing fields of the Middle East,
00:49:21and it was really quite chilling.
00:49:23Keep your hands up.
00:49:25I surrender, I surrender.
00:49:26What are you doing here?
00:49:28I'm an unarmed man.
00:49:30You came to ruin my country.
00:49:31I promise you I won't cause you no harm.
00:49:33I lied.
00:49:35Almost as if you were there.
00:49:41If ever someone comes up to you and attempts to glorify war, show them that.
00:49:47And perhaps if Tony Blair had seen it, things might have turned out very differently.
00:49:56Ah, whatever happened to Meryl Streep?
00:49:58Still busy at Christmas.
00:50:09Bears wasn't the only talent on show.
00:50:11There was Stephen, who was putting together a showreel.
00:50:14Just call him Mr Versatility.
00:50:16He acts...
00:50:16OK, punk.
00:50:19Stick them up.
00:50:2145 Magdon, the most powerful handgun in the world.
00:50:26Blow your head clean off.
00:50:30It's as if Clint Eastwood's in the room.
00:50:33And he can sing.
00:50:34You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
00:50:42You raise me up, so I can be more than I can be.
00:50:49Now again, a difficult song to sing if there's no musical backup or no microphone.
00:50:53Also, if you can't sing.
00:50:58What other skills has he got?
00:51:01Come on!
00:51:04Mind you, you have to wonder about some of the acting ability when they can't even spit out their own chewing gum.
00:51:10I don't need any music.
00:51:11Give me your chewing gum for us, please.
00:51:13Oh, sorry.
00:51:13Oh, forget it.
00:51:26I'll just leave it there.
00:51:28The other thing you can do...
00:51:30is copy your heroes.
00:51:33And me, I like the action heroes.
00:51:37Yeah, actors like Jane, uh...
00:51:40Jane, um...
00:51:41Jane Cloth, I'm down.
00:51:43Jane called Van Damme, yeah.
00:51:47Yeah.
00:51:48And, um...
00:51:50My other favourite, uh, Fester.
00:51:53Uh, Fester, um...
00:51:55Fester Sloane.
00:51:57Jane called Van Damme and Fester Stallone.
00:52:00That's right.
00:52:01Yeah, I think it's...
00:52:03Everdale now.
00:52:05And Val had a recurrence of her old trouble.
00:52:08I refuse to step back on that emotional rollercoaster for something so silly as a misunderstanding.
00:52:12Oh, it's a misunderstanding, is it?
00:52:16So, do my ears have cataracts, too?
00:52:19Ear cataracts?
00:52:20Ear cataracts.
00:52:31Ear cataracts.
00:52:33Ear cataracts.
00:52:34Ear cataracts.
00:52:36Ear cataracts.
00:52:37Ear cataracts.
00:52:39Ear cataracts.
00:52:40Ear cataracts.
00:52:41Ear cataracts.
00:53:11Ear cataracts.
00:53:13Ear cataracts.
00:53:15Ear cataracts.
00:53:17Ear cataracts.
00:53:19Ear cataracts.
00:53:21Ear cataracts.
00:53:23Ear cataracts.
00:53:25Oh.
00:53:27Nick Baker was back with these weird creatures, and this week he was searching for...
00:53:35Oh, you tell us, Nick.
00:53:37It's a fluffy, pink, fairy, armour-plated, odd mammal.
00:53:43Who are you calling a fairy?
00:53:46But Nick Baker certainly has a gentle way with the animals.
00:53:51Oh, whoa!
00:53:53Whoops!
00:53:55Maybe there's a reason for his clumsiness.
00:53:57I've become the victim of Argentinian hospitality, so I hate to admit it, but I'm slightly intoxicated.
00:54:06Off his head on booze, great.
00:54:09With no sign of the pink, fairy armadillo, he spotted one animal I think we're all familiar with.
00:54:14Oh, there's one here.
00:54:15Oh, there's one here.
00:54:16Look at that.
00:54:17Is that not a weird beast?
00:54:19It's basil brush.
00:54:21Boom, boom!
00:54:24Of course it's not basil brush.
00:54:27I don't know what that is, but our TV naturalist, Nick Baker, he'll know.
00:54:32These are the most charismatic little fluffy things I've ever seen.
00:54:37It's a fluffy thing.
00:54:38Yeah.
00:54:39That's right.
00:54:40They're fluffy things.
00:54:41Up there, they're feathery things.
00:54:43In the water, they're scaly things.
00:54:45That's all you need to know.
00:54:46All right.
00:54:47So, with no luck tracking one down, Nick decides to put out some traps.
00:54:5120 of them.
00:54:52He leaves them overnight and goes through them one by one.
00:54:56We join him at trap 20.
00:54:58Nice one.
00:54:59There we are, look.
00:55:00Just a bucket of sand.
00:55:02Get that down your builders, Merchant.
00:55:06And with that, last pitfall trap, and pretty much all the devices goes,
00:55:11are, I guess, our last hope on this trip of actually seeing a pink fairy armadillo.
00:55:17Great.
00:55:18No sign.
00:55:19I spent an hour watching that.
00:55:21If you said at the start you weren't going to find one, I might not have bothered.
00:55:25Have another look.
00:55:28I think we've pretty much done.
00:55:30What to teach you to waste my time.
00:55:33Don't you hate it, though, when you're trying to interrogate a suspect,
00:55:40and he's constantly distracted by a fly?
00:55:43He tell me I can pay him back by bringing jobs to the room.
00:55:48I take my passport.
00:55:50I've been working for him ever since.
00:55:52So you help arrange the couriers for him?
00:55:56After they arrive, I sit with them in the flat until they, uh...
00:56:01This was the bill.
00:56:05And they bought out a the bill computer game.
00:56:08Yeah, you have to run along and try and get up to the next level.
00:56:11Nate, he's above you. Above you.
00:56:18Oh, there was a lot of running on the bill this week.
00:56:23You're not going anywhere, Nate.
00:56:31Excuse me. I'm going to have to go and help.
00:56:38Yes.
00:56:39Yes.
00:56:40Thank you, man.
00:56:41Oh, there's a few more.
00:56:42Yes.
00:56:43That's a lot of help.
00:56:44Just make fun.
00:56:46Help.
00:56:47Yes.
00:56:48No.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:51Yes.
00:56:52Yes.
00:56:53No.
00:56:54Yes.
00:56:55No.
00:56:56Yes.
00:56:57No.
00:56:58Yes.
00:56:59No.
00:57:00Yes.
00:57:01No.
00:57:02Yes.
00:57:03No.
00:57:04No.
00:57:05No.
00:57:06No.
00:57:07Sorry, guys.
00:57:37What do you want?
00:57:44You drop this.
00:57:52Marbella Bells now, which follows the feckless lives of expats in Spain.
00:57:57First, we met Lisa Johnson, who seemed to have forgotten her son's name, Blue.
00:58:02Tell me about Blue.
00:58:04Blue.
00:58:05Blue who?
00:58:06Blue what?
00:58:07Colour?
00:58:08What?
00:58:09Blue?
00:58:10The baby.
00:58:11Oh, the baby!
00:58:13Oh, the baby!
00:58:16Lovely little thing named Blue!
00:58:20Named after Blue Water Shopping Centre, in fact.
00:58:23Poor Lisa.
00:58:25She doesn't seem to have entirely got the hang of this mother-in-law.
00:58:28Hello, chicken pie!
00:58:31Oh, thank you, love.
00:58:33We can't be doing too much.
00:58:35Oh, when he got heavy?
00:58:36Yes.
00:58:37Yeah, they do get bigger.
00:58:38But why so heavy now?
00:58:40Right.
00:58:41I think I put that under there.
00:58:43I changed his nappy.
00:58:44I think it was about a couple of months ago.
00:58:46That would be why.
00:58:49Yeah.
00:58:50What would she do without her nanny, Lin-Lin?
00:58:54Go to Lin-Lin.
00:58:56Oh.
00:58:57Oh.
00:58:58If I didn't have Lin-Lin, I think I'd do it.
00:59:03I think I'd do it.
00:59:05Well, no, I'd find another one.
00:59:07Or find another one, you know, one of the two.
00:59:12But the highlight of the week for anyone living in Marbella is, of course, the after-dinner
00:59:17entertainment.
00:59:18And it's surprising some of the talent on offer.
00:59:20I would take the santa off of you.
00:59:25Stop the rain from falling if you ask me to.
00:59:30I'll do anything for you.
00:59:32Your wish is my command.
00:59:35I can move the mountain when your hand is in my bed.
00:59:39I need to leave everything that's finished my bed.
00:59:43Say no, baby.
00:59:45No, baby.
00:59:46Oh, baby.
00:59:47Who's here?
00:59:49Don't hug if you don't like it.
00:59:59Do you want some more?
01:00:01Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from Marbella, it's Joe Alexandru.
01:00:08Oh, I would take the crowns out of the sky for you.
01:00:14Stop the rain from falling if you ask me to.
01:00:18Oh, I'd do anything for you.
01:00:21Oh, yes, my command.
01:00:23I can move the mountain when your head's in my head.
01:00:28Oh, baby.
01:00:29Oh, baby.
01:00:30And if you don't like it, you can go home.
01:00:32And if you don't like it, you can go home.
01:00:33Class girl is out of the sky.
01:00:34Oh, baby.
01:00:35Oh, baby.
01:00:36Oh, baby.
01:00:37Oh, baby.
01:00:38Oh, baby.
01:00:39Oh, baby.
01:00:40Oh, baby.
01:00:41Oh, baby.
01:00:42Oh, baby.
01:00:43Oh, baby.
01:00:44Baby, baby.
01:00:47And if you don't like it, you can go home.