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00:00:00TV World Goal 3
00:00:22Hello and welcome to TV World Goal 3 featuring more of my favourite bits from the series
00:00:28First up breakdancing flies on Grime Fighters
00:00:39Man Gets Inside Rhino on Michaela's Zoo Babies
00:00:42Let me just check you out. Let's see what you're doing
00:00:45David's poise for the last leg of Natombi's 16 month long pregnancy
00:00:54Sally's surprise at Kevin's Piles on Coronation Street
00:00:57Kevin, I've been married to you for over 20 years
00:01:00Those were not your knees running behind that big pair of tomatoes
00:01:05And Bollywood wardrobe on the family
00:01:08Who?
00:01:20Oh
00:01:42It seems to me that Dermot was a little bit confused what show he was presenting
00:01:46The apps all have friends family and supporters here in the audience tonight
00:01:50But if you can hear them
00:01:51But particularly the 11 Romani housemates
00:01:54It's time
00:01:55Housemates?
00:01:58Wrong show Dermot
00:01:59You don't do that one anymore
00:02:00You bailed out at the right time didn't you
00:02:03And before we do anything
00:02:06We've got a product recall announcement
00:02:08There's a batch of black TK Maxx trousers
00:02:10Which haven't been properly sewn up down the sides
00:02:13And if worn
00:02:14May cause embarrassment
00:02:16Right
00:02:17It was great to see Sheryl Cole launch her solo career on Sunday's X Factor
00:02:21Stop
00:02:22What you look like
00:02:23Yes, those TK Maxx trousers
00:02:33I bought a pair too
00:02:34And isn't it funny how some things trigger off a thought
00:02:55Lloyd's performance seemed to remind Simon that he hadn't turned the gas off
00:02:59And the night has come
00:03:03And the land is dark
00:03:06And the moon is the only light we'll see
00:03:12I think I left the gas on
00:03:14Hold me now
00:03:17And I did feel sorry for Mr Fielding
00:03:19Poor bloke
00:03:20He'd had to have a tube inserted into his chest
00:03:22Well I can see you have everything under control here
00:03:25So I'll leave you to finish up
00:03:26Right
00:03:30That's the first part done
00:03:32I feel a bit like a bagpipe
00:03:35Let's hope no one blows the other end, shall we
00:03:38Hang on a minute
00:04:03Where's that envelope I had?
00:04:06I met up with a local Jane Monk
00:04:08Who told me that his connect with TK Maxx is based on the right of all beings to exist deeply
00:04:16Of course not
00:04:17No, this was The Three Lives of Gandhi
00:04:20The bald, bespectacled founder of modern India
00:04:23I like Gandhi
00:04:24I don't know what it is about him
00:04:26Yeah, well we all like Gandhi, don't we?
00:04:34I mean, what's not to like?
00:04:36I particularly liked the film he was in
00:04:37Gandhi
00:04:38So was Gandhi some sort of saint?
00:04:42Not according to this show
00:04:43You know, in his early days
00:04:46He was a very bad boy
00:04:48He had taken meat, he had taken wine
00:04:51He had taken womanizing
00:04:53I want candy
00:05:13I want candy
00:05:17Isn't it a shame when you've worked hard to gain the respect and admiration of an entire nation
00:05:31But there's still a few outposts where people don't seem to appreciate just who you are
00:05:36My name is Paul Burrell
00:05:38And I used to be back to the Queen of England and Princess Diana
00:05:42Are we bothered?
00:05:46Yes, it's Australian princess
00:05:48And let's waste no time in catching up with everyone's favourite Aussie princess
00:05:53Kylie
00:05:54Boobie
00:05:57Boobie
00:05:58Paul said that of our next girl, the lights are on and nobody's home
00:06:03But our judges all agreed that she did very well at the press conference
00:06:07And delivered her speech from the heart
00:06:09Kylie, congratulations
00:06:13But who really cares if somebody's home or not?
00:06:17Like, it's no big issue
00:06:19You go to someone's house and they're not there
00:06:20You just go to someone else's house
00:06:22Yeah
00:06:22What's the problem if the lights are on but nobody's home?
00:06:27Just go next door, right?
00:06:30What if I am as thick as two short planks?
00:06:32I'd just like buy two more planks and attach them to the other two with wood glue
00:06:36What's the problem?
00:06:39But it's all about manners and etiquette for Paul
00:06:43I think maybe he's been away from butlering for too long
00:06:46I'm not sure he can remember the correct way to lay a table
00:06:49Yeah, Paul, I'm not sure
00:07:04I'm not sure which knife to start with
00:07:07I don't think I need that fish knife
00:07:09Because I'm only having the sausage and chips
00:07:11It was almost as if he was malfunctioning
00:07:14She chose lots of this
00:07:16And this beef is tender
00:07:20Almost as if he was some sort of Dalek
00:07:24Clean the silver
00:07:26Clean it
00:07:28Now
00:07:29Clean it
00:07:30Clean it
00:07:33It's the Paul Burrell Dalek
00:07:36Clean it
00:07:37Clean it
00:07:38Where is the Brasso?
00:07:40Clean it
00:07:41It's the midnight
00:07:42I think the Brasso's in the kitchen
00:07:45And there's some Mr Muscle under the sink
00:07:46Thank you
00:07:48The Paul Burrell Dalek there
00:07:51Restaurant in our living room now
00:07:58Where Peter and Duncan were planning a specially African themed evening
00:08:02So, let's have a look at the food
00:08:03I found something in my food
00:08:05I don't know what it is
00:08:06But it's
00:08:06It's meant to be a vegetarian pancake
00:08:09And it's kind of hard
00:08:11And
00:08:11It's like a tooth
00:08:12It looks like a tooth or some bone
00:08:13But I'm not actually sure what it is
00:08:15Put it under your pillow
00:08:16And by morning time
00:08:17You'll have paid for your dinner
00:08:18So, there was a tooth in your dinner
00:08:21At least pudding was nice
00:08:22Ice cream
00:08:23I have no idea
00:08:24What's that one?
00:08:29There's a really dark one there
00:08:30I'm kidding
00:08:32Oh, that's gross
00:08:33I just found several hairs in my dessert
00:08:36Sort of quite dubious hairs as well
00:08:39No, let's not jump to any conclusions
00:08:42Those hairs could have come from anywhere
00:08:45A hair in their mangoes
00:08:46Oh, it might be a bit of
00:08:47Wouldn't be a bit of coconut, would it?
00:08:49Oh, it could be a coconut, yeah
00:08:50Which is why I always shave my coconuts
00:08:52Before using my skin
00:08:53The food wasn't much cop
00:09:00Let's see if they can salvage the night
00:09:01With the African themed entertainment
00:09:03Someone spray it, Lord
00:09:08Kumbaya
00:09:09Someone spray it, Lord
00:09:15Kumbaya
00:09:16Someone spray it, Lord
00:09:22Kumbaya
00:09:24Oh, Lord
00:09:30Kumbaya
00:09:31I'm afraid it's a no from me
00:09:35Across town in Bristol
00:09:39Wayne and Tess are toiled to present a restaurant in their living room
00:09:42And they have an ingenious solution to their lack of tables
00:09:45Fortunately, they do have permission to take the door
00:09:49It's been discarded by a neighbour who's doing a bit of refurbishment
00:09:52Who would think of making a table out of a door that's outside somebody's house on the street
00:09:58It's mad
00:09:59That's a cool idea, that front door is a table
00:10:03The beauty of it is you've got a spy hole there so you can see your feet
00:10:09Which brings us to someone at the door
00:10:16Someone's praying, Lord
00:10:22Kumbaya
00:10:23I had a hair in my ice cream
00:10:27Kumbaya
00:10:28There was a tooth in my pancake
00:10:32Kumbaya
00:10:34Oh, Lord
00:10:36Kumbaya
00:10:37Not today, thank you
00:10:38Yes
00:10:39Thank you
00:10:39Which brings us to our most insincere reaction of the week
00:10:46So what is it you guys do then?
00:10:54Um, I'm a nanny, yeah
00:10:56I wonder what Dean Gaffney's been up to since he appeared on TV burp
00:11:08Hello?
00:11:11Hello?
00:11:15Hello?
00:11:15It's good to be back
00:11:17Good to be back
00:11:19Hello?
00:11:20Hello?
00:11:20Yes, this was ghost hunting with I'm a Celebrity
00:11:23Which featured the stars
00:11:24And I used the term lightly
00:11:26Of I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here
00:11:30And Dean was good value because he was so easily frightened
00:11:34I wouldn't mind but he's filming himself screaming
00:11:51Then it was time for the ghosts to talk to us
00:11:55Please, Jack, if this is you, can you perhaps give us your initials?
00:12:03Yeah, let's have a go with it, shall we?
00:12:16Yeah, let's see if any ghosts can talk to us
00:12:18Oh, he's pulling over there, Mr. Ghost
00:12:21Oh, he's pulling over there
00:12:22Oh, he's coming back towards me
00:12:24Oh, I'm the way
00:12:25And down
00:12:26Oh, and the ghost is going round
00:12:28Oh, what's that, Mr. Ghost?
00:12:29Oh, it's all right
00:12:30Oh, I'm back there
00:12:31Oh, yeah
00:12:32Yeah
00:12:33Oh, it's another, another J
00:12:35It's got J on the brain, that ghost
00:12:40Animal Heroes, the pig that called for help now over on Five
00:12:45Where else?
00:12:49Which told the story of Lulu, the pig who called for help when her owner Joanne had a heart attack
00:12:54So, how did Lulu come to be living with Joanne?
00:12:57We gave her to Jackie, our oldest daughter, on her 40th birthday
00:13:02About 10 days after she had the pig, she brought her with all her paraphernalia
00:13:10And said, I'm going whale watching for my birthday, would you watch Lulu?
00:13:15And history was rote
00:13:16Their daughter never came back to pick Lulu up
00:13:19Yeah, well, we've all had presents like that
00:13:2115 years ago, my mum bought me a mock terracotta strawberry planter
00:13:26That you had to erect yourself
00:13:27It took 12 strawberry plants at 3 quid a time
00:13:30Add to that, the cost of the compost
00:13:31I was 50 quid down before I started
00:13:33Just as the strawberries started coming, I went on holiday for two weeks
00:13:38When I got back, the compost had dried out and the plants had died
00:13:40I had nowhere to dispose of the compost
00:13:42Let alone the mock terracotta planter
00:13:44And ended up leaving it in the loft when I moved house
00:13:47The fact is, although I like strawberries
00:13:49I would never have wanted them in the quantity that the planter promised
00:13:52But failed to deliver
00:13:53So, Mrs. Joanne Altman has a heart attack
00:14:04And Lulu the pig sets off to try and flag down a car
00:14:06Now, pigs are very clever animals
00:14:09She could do just about anything
00:14:11The first time, a couple of times
00:14:14I couldn't figure out who turned the television on
00:14:16And she would press the buttons until she got the same channel every day
00:14:22Oh, not this again, you've hit the brightness
00:14:26Yeah, there we are
00:14:31Good night, you've changed channel
00:14:34The worst moment on The Apprentice for me was, um, obviously getting fired
00:14:39Can you stop that pig from fiddling with the flippin' colour console?
00:14:54Now you've got the menu up again
00:14:58Yeah, thanks chicken
00:15:02Which brings us to, uh, TV Burp Poetry Corner
00:15:07TV Burp Poetry Corner
00:15:11Well, I'd be interested to know what lies Natasha's feeding us
00:15:16And this Sharn has no reason to mislead us
00:15:18TV Burp Poetry Corner
00:15:22I must say I am enjoying the new series of Time Team
00:15:27The show in which they dig up fields to try and find old things
00:15:30This week they were up in Cobbley in Gloucestershire
00:15:32And the geophysics looked very promising
00:15:34Now, on the earlier geophysics
00:15:36What we thought we had was a range of rooms going across here
00:15:39And perhaps a wing coming up here and a wing coming up here
00:15:42So that's where Phil's mosaic is
00:15:44And that's where Bridges' back wall is
00:15:46But this in colour here
00:15:48This is John's new resistivity
00:15:50And can you see these big anomalies here?
00:15:53What are you talking about?
00:15:57Just looks like your printer's run out of ink
00:15:59I sometimes wonder whether the Time Team has been infiltrated
00:16:04By people pretending to be experts
00:16:06Whoa
00:16:07One single out there
00:16:13Looks like a turkey twizzler
00:16:16Can I see your qualifications, please?
00:16:19He's off his rocker
00:16:21I expect my experts to be a bit more upper class
00:16:24Any finds?
00:16:26Well, yep, we've got some really nice
00:16:28Wow, look at that beautiful piece of moulded terracotta
00:16:32What on earth is it, though?
00:16:34A beak off a giant terracotta parrot?
00:16:36Um, well, it's probably part of an acrateria
00:16:41Yeah, I was going to say that
00:16:42I thought it was a bit beaky
00:16:45And, er, if you look at the geophys
00:16:48There's several areas here
00:16:50If you join them up
00:16:52Er, that looks like that
00:16:57You bring that up along there
00:16:58Er, looks a bit like a parrot
00:17:04That's why I said it
00:17:10I think Tony Robinson summed it up best
00:17:12In terms of chronology
00:17:14What we need to find out is
00:17:15You know, when was the building constructed?
00:17:17How long did it stay in use?
00:17:19When was it demolished?
00:17:20You know, those are really important questions
00:17:22That's very comprehensive and really cogent
00:17:24But I have to admit
00:17:25There's a tiny little bit of me
00:17:27That's thinking, so what?
00:17:28Yeah, so what?
00:17:32Casualty now
00:17:32And how do you know
00:17:33When you've got your patient upside down?
00:17:35Let's get him out of here
00:17:36Do they smell of faeces?
00:17:39These burps?
00:17:40Um, actually they do
00:17:42Yeah, he's upside down enough
00:17:44Hence the rather broad green and goatey beard
00:17:49But the highlight for me
00:17:55Was a guest appearance from Russ Abbott
00:17:57Although in a straight role
00:17:58Once a comic, always a comic
00:18:00You should have seen his heart attack
00:18:02Yeah, bring back the madhouse, I say
00:18:18It's Russ Abbott
00:18:30How's the heart, Russ?
00:18:34Oh, much better, thanks
00:18:35Hang on, I'm having a twinge
00:18:37I'm having one too
00:18:54It's okay, I'm feeling better
00:19:04Me too
00:19:06Thanks, Russ
00:19:07Cheers
00:19:08Elsewhere in holding
00:19:10What?
00:19:12It was in the top ten
00:19:19My heart attack was funnier than yours
00:19:23I wonder how my two brothers
00:19:26Gary and Barry Hill
00:19:27Who work for Thames Water
00:19:28Are getting on
00:19:29Yeah, working hard
00:19:38This was Grime Fighters
00:19:40Which is the same as the BBC's Life of Grime
00:19:43Only with ad breaks
00:19:44It's a heady mix of sewage work and infestation
00:19:49Like this rat problem faced by verminator Dave in Gloucester
00:19:52We'll pop some traps in
00:19:54So we've given them a little bit of
00:19:56A little bit of an entolishment
00:19:59What do you put on there?
00:20:00What's that?
00:20:01It's chocolate
00:20:04Chocolate spread
00:20:05I'd do anything for a dollop of chocolate spread
00:20:12This week the Grime Fighters were round at a fish and chip shop
00:20:16Where a murder had been committed in the salad drawer of the fridge
00:20:19Okay, so that's the big concern
00:20:21And it looks like we've kind of got some dried
00:20:23Potentially dried blood
00:20:24Now, rather alarmingly
00:20:26There's a cucumber
00:20:27Yes, it's wrapped
00:20:28Sort of lying in the blood
00:20:31Dead cucumber lying in a pool of blood
00:20:33Might not have been a murder
00:20:35That cucumber might have had some sort of clotting disorder
00:20:38Where the slightest rough handling might cause it to bleed
00:20:42But it's not good for the restaurant, is it?
00:20:44Cucumber in a pool of blood
00:20:45In the fridge
00:20:46Not good hygiene
00:20:47So I imagine the Grime Fighters would come down on that pretty hard
00:20:51So, what's the penalty?
00:20:52Slap on a fine
00:20:53Close it down for a while
00:20:54Because it's quite a major cause of food poisoning
00:20:57And because of the risk there
00:20:59I'm actually going to ask them to chuck that in the bin
00:21:01Chuck me in the bin
00:21:05What a waste
00:21:07Let's have a look
00:21:09Where's that cucumber?
00:21:16You see, look
00:21:17Just cut the end off
00:21:19Cut the bad bit off
00:21:20It'd be right as rain
00:21:21Just cut that off
00:21:22It's a bleed
00:21:25Forceps
00:21:25I got it
00:21:28I said there was a clotting disorder
00:21:30Cucumber
00:21:32Yeah
00:21:34Lovely blood
00:21:34Cucumber blood
00:21:36My favourite
00:21:37Yeah
00:21:38And every now and then
00:21:39Grime Fighters
00:21:40Presenters with a real
00:21:41Presenters with a real character
00:21:45Someone who unexpectedly charms
00:21:47Such a person is Lou from Wolverhampton
00:21:49Yes, it's TV Burps
00:21:51Stars of Tomorrow
00:21:52Today
00:21:53TV Burps
00:21:55Stars of Tomorrow
00:21:56Today
00:21:57It's unusual for me to be looking at fish
00:22:01Being as last year I was catching them
00:22:03And this year I don't seem to have had five minutes to go and do any fishing
00:22:07But I do appreciate how lovely they are
00:22:10It'd be nicer to sit out here on a lovely Sunday's day
00:22:13Watching the fish
00:22:14Having a glass of wine
00:22:16Or a cup of tea
00:22:17I'm a cream man myself
00:22:19But I like the odd bit of a
00:22:21Lambruski
00:22:22Anyway I've got to get on
00:22:25TV Burps
00:22:27Stars of Tomorrow
00:22:28Stars of Tomorrow
00:22:28Today
00:22:29Revisely on Grime Fighters
00:22:35I was surprised to see a sausage
00:22:36Trying to escape from a hot dog stand
00:22:38If you look down in here
00:22:40No refrigeration
00:22:43The sausages
00:22:45Escape sausage
00:22:49The old mummy caught you a sausage
00:23:04Emma Dale now
00:23:12And it was nice to see Prince Charles and a lady friend booking in for the night at the B&B
00:23:17Mr. and Mrs. Wicker, you're not leaving us already, are you?
00:23:20No
00:23:20In the cafe
00:23:22In the cafe
00:23:23You can tell Camilla
00:23:24Looks like he's up to his old tricks
00:23:26Only kidding
00:23:28Their marriage is strong
00:23:29Yeah
00:23:31I must say
00:23:32Terry has managed to keep his figure
00:23:35After having little TJ
00:23:36No mean feat
00:23:37Terry's kept that lovely hourglass figure
00:23:39Oh yeah
00:23:40No, don't explain, Eric
00:23:41It's just his dirty mind
00:23:43Fwoar
00:23:44Hey lads
00:23:47Hang on a minute
00:23:50Can you smoke burning?
00:23:53Ashley
00:23:53I don't think were you ringing that bell
00:23:57What's going on?
00:23:58The church is on fire
00:24:00The church is on fire
00:24:02Look at Ashley
00:24:03The church is on fire
00:24:05Don't panic
00:24:06The church is on fire
00:24:07It's on fire
00:24:10The church is on fire
00:24:13And yes, Laurel's trapped inside
00:24:15Which gave her a chance to do a Stan Laurel impression
00:24:18I'm coming in
00:24:21I'm sorry, Ollie
00:24:22I wonder where the knitted character has been this week
00:24:27Oh, hello
00:24:29What?
00:24:30Emmerdale?
00:24:32He went to Emmerdale
00:24:33But, but
00:24:34Ashley's in there
00:24:35The church is on fire
00:24:38The lads of character's in there
00:24:41Come, come, come
00:24:42I can't do the thing
00:24:44I'm sorry
00:24:44I'm sorry
00:24:45The lads of character
00:24:47Hurry
00:24:48Hurry
00:24:48I've got to help him
00:24:55But I don't want to get hurt
00:24:57Hold me back
00:24:58It's okay, H
00:25:00I'll send in my sausage
00:25:02Batch
00:25:04Hurry, Mr Sausage
00:25:10He might get hit by a piece of falling timber
00:25:13Sausage
00:25:20It looks like we've lost them
00:25:24If only you lot hadn't held me back
00:25:27I could have done something
00:25:28No wipe
00:25:28Look
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00:26:16This week
00:26:23Here's our next letters round Brian it's your choice a constant please Rachel. Thank you, Brian
00:26:29I
00:26:44Must say it was nice to see God pop up on telly last year
00:26:50Of course it wasn't God it was meetings with remarkable trees on BBC four and this episode featured a particularly
00:26:58Interesting Hedge I've been driving this road since 1971. I've probably driven past this Hedge
00:27:0516 or 17,000 times you want to get sat nav mate
00:27:13Isn't it funny when your vegetables start to look like you
00:27:15Yeah, it's River Cottage with everyone's favorite farmer Hugh Fernley Whitting store and I was interested to see that to keep track of his cows
00:27:34He makes them all carry a mobile phone my pedigree organic North Devon Ruby red cow number three six oh double oh six
00:27:41Here
00:27:43Six oh
00:27:45Six four hello. Is that Hugh's cow?
00:27:51Hugh was busy making dinner and I wonder what's for pudding?
00:27:56Oh, look at that. Hmm. Maybe I'll wait and see what you thinks first. I have to say
00:28:03I've rarely felt greedier
00:28:11Lovely
00:28:13Lovely
00:28:15Oh
00:28:17Well, good
00:28:19Oh
00:28:21Oh
00:28:23Oh
00:28:25Oh
00:28:27Oh
00:28:29Oh
00:28:31Oh
00:28:33Oh
00:28:35Oh
00:28:37Oh
00:28:39Oh
00:28:43Oh
00:28:45Oh
00:28:46Oh
00:28:47Oh
00:28:49Oh
00:28:52Oh
00:28:52Oh
00:28:53Oh
00:28:54Oh
00:28:55Oh
00:28:56Oh
00:28:57Oh
00:28:59semua
00:29:00Women
00:29:01Oh
00:29:04sure about the hat though. This was Jimmy's Food Factory, which relies on a simple premise.
00:29:11Most of us don't really know what goes on inside a food factory. I do. My sister worked
00:29:17in one over the summer holidays and she told me what happens. This week Jimmy went to find
00:29:26out how they make ice cream, in particular the Wall's Viennetta. They're lovely for a
00:29:30special occasion like a christening or ruby wedding. I suppose the Viennetta is named after the Austrian
00:29:38capital Vienna. And watching all those Viennetas going along the conveyor belt in the factory
00:29:42reminded me a bit of German tanks rolling into Poland. They make 4 million male fortune ice creams
00:29:50here every day. But how do they make these fantastic shapes? Actually, I prefer a good old English 99.
00:30:00It's the Germans. It's jammed. Take that. It's no use. I need reinforcements.
00:30:23Fire!
00:30:36Thanks, Mr Funny Face. No, I'm talking to you, Mr Harry.
00:30:41Oh, feels like War's War II there for a moment.
00:30:44Right, War's War II.
00:30:45One thing I learned from this show is where milk comes from. And there's no putting one past Jimmy.
00:30:57Hey! That's not milk, is it?
00:31:01No. It's lemonade.
00:31:06And round the corner, chocolate's made.
00:31:08But you've got to be careful milking cows as Jimmy very nearly found out.
00:31:20Now, when you're getting the cow, you're plugging the cow into the milking machine, you forget how close you are to the other cow's backside.
00:31:28Because your head's in here. You look up, there's a bum right above you. So it's really easy to get a cow pat shampoo and then a cow wee rinse.
00:31:40Yeah, yeah. I like the idea of a cow pat shampoo, but then there's always the cow wee rinse.
00:31:47Which is better? There's only one way to find out.
00:31:50FIGHT!
00:31:58That's odd.
00:31:59FIGHT!
00:32:16See you after the break.
00:32:18Come on, cow wee rinse!
00:32:19Yeah, I make it come alive, don't I?
00:32:36All the time, just trying to get people to not turn over to watch Strictly come dancing.
00:32:41So that we will provide the maximum amount of audience for the X Factor.
00:32:50That is my job.
00:32:59Welcome back to TD Bird Go 3. Failed bikini wax on the bill.
00:33:04Are you the policeman from the park?
00:33:06Yeah, BC Nate Roberts.
00:33:07Sorry, I'm still a bit fuzzy.
00:33:12Useless Jockey on Countryfile.
00:33:15Well, you know, what you do, you see the horses at the sails and you see what...
00:33:24Woman in a deck chair gets turned on by car sponge on Taggart.
00:33:28FWOOR!
00:33:30Lady posts invisible letter on Corrie.
00:33:35In it goes.
00:33:39And rat catchers unfamiliar with what a rat looks like on the rat pack.
00:33:43Charlie smelt something behind the fridge.
00:33:45Nice.
00:33:49Yeah, I've got a dead rat.
00:33:51Alright, get him out.
00:33:52I'll touch it.
00:33:56That's a dog.
00:33:58Oh, has anyone seen my Action Man and Barbie?
00:34:02Yes, my Action Man and Barbie.
00:34:04I had them here earlier.
00:34:05I can't think where they've got you.
00:34:06I can't think where they've got you.
00:34:11We've yet to see...
00:34:12Oi, that's my Action Man and Barbie.
00:34:15Yes, Bear Grylls is back.
00:34:18And his first priority is to make a cup of tea.
00:34:21But this being Bear, it's no ordinary cuppa.
00:34:23You get more animals here.
00:34:25Things like the rock dassey, which is like a big guinea pig.
00:34:30And all of this stuff here is dassey droppings.
00:34:34The Bushmen actually used to take all this dassey poo and make tea.
00:34:40Yes, made from guinea pig droppings.
00:34:43Not so much tyfu as ty-poo.
00:34:46Still, let's give it a chance.
00:34:48Maybe the milk's off.
00:34:58So, that's the drink.
00:35:00What would go nicely with that?
00:35:02I'm not going to need to eat for a week after this.
00:35:06Cup of Thai poo tea and a maggot.
00:35:08I imagine it must be difficult to describe what a maggot tastes like.
00:35:12I mean, all you can do, surely, is just draw on your own personal experience.
00:35:15It's like if all your friends got all their bogeys together,
00:35:21squeezed them inside a sausage.
00:35:25You wouldn't put that in your mouth.
00:35:27Yeah, which public school did you go to again?
00:35:32At least he's getting nourishment.
00:35:35I'm beginning to think that that was one bug too many.
00:35:38And I'm soon feeling ill.
00:35:40Within hours, I've got diarrhoea.
00:35:42I knew that milk was off.
00:35:46But with diarrhoea, Bear has got to get some fresh water to avoid dehydration.
00:35:51Unfortunately, the only water around is all muddy.
00:35:54Don't worry, Bear's got a way of filtering the big bits out.
00:35:57One way I can clean the water is just to improvise something out of my rucksack.
00:36:02You know, I've used my socks before.
00:36:06Even underpants.
00:36:08Using your pants to sieve your drinking water.
00:36:12I think if you've got diarrhoea and you're drinking water that's been through your pants,
00:36:20that's pretty much the definition of a vicious circle.
00:36:25Right?
00:36:29Pants.
00:36:31Down here.
00:36:32Pants.
00:36:33Down here.
00:36:34Pants.
00:36:36Now what do you do if you're driving along and something goes wrong with one of your car doors?
00:36:39You take out the spare door, don't you?
00:36:44This was Natural Born Sellers.
00:36:49ITV1's answer to The Apprentice.
00:36:52If the question was, can you make a show that's not as good as The Apprentice?
00:36:56A group of salespeople competing for the chance not to work for Sir Alan Sugar.
00:37:02And every week, one of them is fired.
00:37:04This week, they were in Yorkshire.
00:37:08Not exactly Kent, is it?
00:37:12And their task this week was to sell a new kind of cleaning system.
00:37:16And it's all based upon a specially formulated cleaning mitt.
00:37:20Very small amount of cold water.
00:37:22So, Danny!
00:37:24You knew it was coming.
00:37:26OK.
00:37:27Some butter on the surface.
00:37:29Perfect.
00:37:30Don't need to use too much.
00:37:31Oh, it's weird, isn't it?
00:37:34It's really nice.
00:37:35Can we go a bit deeper than weird?
00:37:37No, it's a really nice feeling.
00:37:38It's like a soft feel, isn't it?
00:37:39It's like...
00:37:40Can you feel it picking up, though?
00:37:41Yeah.
00:37:42You can feel it.
00:37:43It's a new man.
00:37:45It certainly works when trying to deal with that common problem of removing butter from a bin lid.
00:37:51Oh, yeah, my bin lid is constantly getting smeared with butter.
00:37:56What happens is, I go to throw the butter away, but forget to apply pressure to the pedal.
00:38:03The lid remains shut, and the butter ends up smeared all over the lid.
00:38:08In the past, I would get the big bits off with my Tesco reward card, and then use some...
00:38:15Some Sif and a Jaycoff.
00:38:17But now, with this new mitt-based system...
00:38:20Mmm!
00:38:22Yeah.
00:38:24Oh, yeah.
00:38:25It comes off lovely.
00:38:27The only problem then is, you've got the butter on the mitt.
00:38:30So, you leave the mitt out for the cat to lick off.
00:38:36Mmm.
00:38:37Yes.
00:38:38Mmm.
00:38:39It's a good mitt-based system, there.
00:38:40Mmm.
00:38:47To help sell it, there's a secret weapon.
00:38:51Yay!
00:38:53This is Mr G Love.
00:38:56Mr G Love.
00:38:57The G presumably stands for Jeff.
00:39:00Mmm.
00:39:01Jeff Love and his...and his orchestra.
00:39:03Yes.
00:39:05There are similar cleaning product-based characters for the rest of the range.
00:39:08As well as Mr G Love, there's Mrs J Cloth.
00:39:11And Master B Ogbrush.
00:39:16I was...
00:39:18I was a bit annoyed that salesperson Gavin kept getting Mr G Love's name wrong.
00:39:22LAUGHTER
00:39:26Hello, I'm Mr Glove.
00:39:28No, it's not Mr Glove, it's Mr G Love.
00:39:32Hello.
00:39:34I'm Mr Glove, how are you?
00:39:36Not Mr Glove, Mr G Love.
00:39:39Ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding.
00:39:41Hello.
00:39:43Hello, I'm Mr Glove.
00:39:45Not Mr Glove, Mr G Love.
00:39:47It's Mr G Love, you moron!
00:39:51LAUGHTER
00:39:53LAUGHTER
00:39:55LAUGHTER
00:39:57LAUGHTER
00:39:59LAUGHTER
00:40:01It's not Mr Glove, it's Mr G Love, you moron!
00:40:07LAUGHTER
00:40:09LAUGHTER
00:40:11Sorry, Mr H L.
00:40:13It's Mr H L.
00:40:14LAUGHTER
00:40:16APPLAUSE
00:40:18Well...
00:40:20It's not nice to get someone's name wrong, is it?
00:40:22LAUGHTER
00:40:24Time for a look at this week's...
00:40:26..Freaky Eaters!
00:40:28Chips!
00:40:29Pizza!
00:40:31Gossages!
00:40:32Chuckie Bud!
00:40:33Tasty Mac!
00:40:35The show that pokes fun of people who can't nosh proper like us.
00:40:39And this week, it was almost like a celebrity version of Freaky Eaters.
00:40:43Yes, with top DJ Christopher Hawkins.
00:40:46So, tell-do, what is Chris's freaky food hang-up?
00:40:50Chris's poor diet is the result of an embarrassing secret.
00:40:54He's terrified of fruit and vegetables.
00:40:58LAUGHTER
00:40:59He's terrified of fruit and veg!
00:41:01Carrot!
00:41:02Errgh!
00:41:03Sweet corn!
00:41:04Errgh!
00:41:05Your shepherd!
00:41:06Yeah, cool, then I'll have some, yeah, yeah.
00:41:08No, it sort of runs in the family, the whole phobia thing.
00:41:11I mean, his dad has his own hang-ups.
00:41:13What phobia did he have?
00:41:15My dad's phobia is of dead matches.
00:41:17LAUGHTER
00:41:19Well, get a lighter, then.
00:41:21Yeah, you can pretty much stop dead all the male side of the Hawkins family...
00:41:24..with that.
00:41:26LAUGHTER
00:41:28A grape.
00:41:30With a match in it.
00:41:32Errgh!
00:41:34Get back!
00:41:35Get back, Hawkins family!
00:41:37LAUGHTER
00:41:39What this show did do was create one of the most exciting bits of TV of the week.
00:41:44Real nail-biting stuff.
00:41:46Do you think you could pick one of those up?
00:41:48LAUGHTER
00:41:51Do what with that?
00:41:52Just hold it in your hand.
00:41:57LAUGHTER
00:41:58I've never...
00:42:00That's it.
00:42:01All we're doing right now is holding a sphere of asparagus.
00:42:04OK.
00:42:06So you're having to psych yourself up.
00:42:08That's exactly what I'm doing, yeah.
00:42:11LAUGHTER
00:42:12KAREN
00:42:22He held the asparagus!
00:42:23PH appreciates AND APPLAUSE
00:42:24He held the asparagus.
00:42:25He held the asparagus.
00:42:26He held the asparagus.
00:42:28He held the asparagus.
00:42:29He held the asparagus!
00:42:31He held the asparagus!
00:42:35H- antes weeks, often we got out for dinner.
00:42:39HE MAKER
00:42:40He may have held the asparagus,
00:42:48but it doesn't bode well that Chris has washed his hands
00:42:51of Natalie's instructions to hold an orange.
00:42:55He held the orange. He held the orange.
00:42:58No! No, he didn't hold the orange!
00:43:01No, no, he didn't hold the orange.
00:43:03No, he held the asparagus, but he didn't hold the orange.
00:43:07He didn't hold the orange. He didn't hold the orange.
00:43:10He held me aside, yes, I think didn't hold me all in.
00:43:18Mm, that'd be clear, Dada.
00:43:21Yeah.
00:43:22He loved the orange.
00:43:24No, it's a bit unfair, because to us it's a bit of a laugh,
00:43:28Chris not being able to eat fruit and veg,
00:43:30but to Chris, of course, it's a big deal.
00:43:33People don't perceive a phobia of fruit and vegetables as a problem.
00:43:37Quite bizarrely, they just think,
00:43:39you're a faddy eater, and you're a bit fussy.
00:43:42I find that quite irritating.
00:43:44I find it irritating to the point of, like,
00:43:47wanting to punch someone in the face.
00:43:48Still, though, what a fussy, faddy eater.
00:43:56Yes, I hold the asparagus, but I also hold the orange.
00:44:02Ah, drink with dead maxillis!
00:44:05Which brings us to our most elaborate dog-wee of the week.
00:44:11Most elaborate dog-wee of the week.
00:44:17Most elaborate dog-wee of the week.
00:44:22Oh, I've rented out the room upstairs to a wedding party.
00:44:30Living is...
00:44:55Four Weddings, and, er...
00:45:04Oh!
00:45:06In which weddings compete to see which is best.
00:45:09And I know what you're thinking, not another one of those type of shows,
00:45:12and I quite agree, so I didn't watch any more of them.
00:45:16Coronation Street now, and poor Joe was in a terrible state.
00:45:19Well, you know what it's like when you can't find what you're looking for.
00:45:25It's all wet!
00:45:33Ah! It's all wet!
00:45:43Are you looking for these, Joe?
00:45:45Sorry, I borrowed them. I thought I'd have touched a swine flu.
00:45:48They are good, but do make your tongue go red.
00:45:56I was curious to see that Norris is able to communicate in Morse code.
00:46:01What say?
00:46:03Yeah.
00:46:04De-de-de-de...
00:46:06Dog.
00:46:06Dog-dot-dot-dot.
00:46:08D-de-de-de-doo.
00:46:09Dog-d-dot-dot-dot.
00:46:12Dog.
00:46:14Dog.
00:46:15Dog.
00:46:16Girl-de-de-dro.
00:46:18of course this was the year that derren brown predicted the lottery numbers but let's see if
00:46:29like derren brown i can predict the outcome of the betty turpin's handbag medication lottery
00:46:35right let me think yeah uh blood pressure uh cholesterol uh angina
00:46:52oh what's that one that's what i predicted hey look
00:46:57and if you're wondering how i did that here's how
00:47:05earlier in the year i watched coronation street and as betty withdrew the items from her handbag
00:47:13angina i wrote them down
00:47:15then whilst i played the clip to the viewers at home i quickly wrote down the words on the balls
00:47:24using a pen however in my haste i got one wrong and had to erase it
00:47:32then i spilt the tippex all over the desk
00:47:36quickly tried to wipe it off with some mr muscle in a cloth
00:47:41but it still left a slight mark so i substituted the desktop for a new one
00:47:47it was extremely tiring work so i stopped for a short break
00:48:02before carrying on and finishing the new table
00:48:11then when the clip finished i simply pretended nothing had happened
00:48:17yes that was what i predicted
00:48:20which brings us to our most casual turning on of a car indicator of the week
00:48:33we're going in just to get them and bring them back to the center
00:48:44it does make me angry
00:48:53right then let's find out what bbc3 have been up to hello there i'm george lamb we've been to every
00:49:02corner of the uk in search of young talented butchers
00:49:08sorry i thought you said butchers who will be crowned the first ever bbc young butcher of the year
00:49:19yeah it's young butcher of the year we haven't made it up it's a real show
00:49:25and an interesting career move it was presented by six music dj george lamb he's smart he knows you
00:49:31don't get anywhere in this business without a catchphrase five four three two one stop making sausages
00:49:44five four three two one stop making sausages it's not exactly
00:49:49but at least it's not so let's have a look at some of the hopefuls
00:50:02a few months ago our hunt to find britain's top young butchers got underway
00:50:06we've sorted through a mountain of applications hang on a minute go back a bit there was one i had
00:50:11the look off i've had to find britain's top young butchers got underway we've sorted through a mountain
00:50:19yeah i don't know what it is about candidate 1034 paul herbert but
00:50:23sadly sadly paul didn't get into the finals where do you think you went wrong paul i didn't have
00:50:39any confidence in my sausage let's have a look at a few of the finalists our second finalist from
00:50:49lincolnshire 23 year old jim sutcliffe i love experimenting with meat and coming up with new
00:50:54products yeah instead of a butcher more of a meat scientist so what new products has he come up with
00:51:05so out on the floor jim's removed the ribs and spine from the saddle of lamb
00:51:09and sewn up both ends to make an oblong shape with an aubergine stuck inside
00:51:13okay i'm not sure where this is going but i'm prepared to go with it jim's is getting weirder by
00:51:22the minute he's now stitched the lambs kidneys on top and pierce the ribs through the side a little
00:51:28bit odd but carry on now jim's placed a stick of celery in the aubergine and is attaching a cabbage
00:51:35leaf to it and now he's being detained under section two of the mental health act and it's my take on a
00:51:42viking longship here with the oars i've made a must out of a piece of celery to be able to put a sail
00:51:48on it just to finish it so jim's kicked off his window display with a viking longboat centerpiece
00:51:55of course i should have seen it coming it was a viking longship made of meat
00:52:01i worked on a meat version of an ancient form of boat yeah here it is it's my my mince galleon
00:52:06oh it's the meat viking longboat oh and that showed him the meat scallion i wonder who's driving it
00:52:24it's the funny face ice cream hello hello glad to help
00:52:27well i was thrilled for the finalist chris he produced his first sausage just two weeks ago
00:52:37must be all that meat you're 18. despite being a relative rookie in the sausage making steaks chris
00:52:43found himself in the final two to what did he attribute his success you worried there chris
00:52:49yeah yeah you had me for a second but i have confidence in my sausage you've got to have
00:52:57confidence in your sausage that's where i went wrong
00:53:00so it all came it all came down to the tasting well sausage o'clock guys it's sausage o'clock
00:53:18is it well the big sausage is on the 12 the little sausage is on the nine so that's
00:53:30sausage is on the 12 the little sausage no i believe it you've got your own sausage
00:53:46taking advantage like that which brings us to her most unconvincing signature of the week
00:53:53who's the convincing signature of the week it's my pleasure
00:54:13oh yes of course the bowl of soup i ordered you must excuse me i missed my lunch and wait a minute
00:54:19wait what's that in my soup wait a there's a fry in my soup
00:54:39this was last chance to see where stephen fry and another bloke go around the world
00:54:44seeing animals that are almost extinct due to people going around the world drawing attention to them
00:54:50first they were after the komodo dragon but of course there were lots of other animals to meet
00:54:55along the way such as the pangolin with its powerful claws there we go there you are they find it hard
00:55:01to walk because of those big claws of course they have to walk with the claws oh look at that wow
00:55:07that's where the claws come in handy as well with its powerful claws but then then we were treated to
00:55:15every naturalist's favorite sequence the late night ritual of the turtle laying its eggs on the beach
00:55:21oh look there they are actually the ranger has to get the rest of the eggs out of this nest
00:55:26so where is it there he comes
00:55:29that's extraordinary isn't it it's another example of how the act of conservation is almost exactly the
00:55:37same as the after poaching isn't it what what we're doing here for good is used to be done
00:55:43by people to take the eggs to steal them for food yes absolutely
00:55:47this week he was after one of
00:56:05the rarest birds in the world the kakapo so what does a kakapo look like it ought to be impossible
00:56:11to describe a creature as looking old-fashioned but that's exactly how sirocco looks with his big
00:56:18sideburns and his victorian gentleman's face yeah the big sideburns and the victorian gentleman yeah
00:56:25actually it reminded me that my great-granddad was victorian i was just looking through some old
00:56:30some old family photos of my ancestors and uh yeah who's that uh who's that old guy on the left that
00:56:42i think that's uh that's uncle kakapo i think yeah he's uh yeah he's extinct now
00:56:48as steven pointed out there aren't many kakapo's left and so naturally the ones that are around are
00:56:53pretty lonely and frustrated they'll pretty much mate with anything that looks a bit like a kakapo
00:56:58do you think it is a um he's actually attempting a sort of mating
00:57:13which brings us to our tv highlight of the week
00:57:34oh dear hello
00:57:37it'll be dark see oh that's a bit ouch oh i see oh dear excuse me
00:57:56but may i now propose a toast to the university of libya to the libyan university
00:58:03i propose a toast to libya and university yeah libyan university
00:58:11the libyan university yeah they've owned a branch on albert square
00:58:15and presumably that's why colonel gaddafi himself dropped into the caf
00:58:19how about that colonel gaddafi in the cafe
00:58:28yes poor stacy had gone completely off the rails largely because she hadn't been taking her tablets
00:58:33even though a denim jacket has magic pockets which can keep all sorts of stuff in
00:58:47okay yeah they are deep those pockets yeah there's uh here we are there's another another packet of
00:59:02tablets in there and uh of course if you there's the bumper pack as well you can get that in
00:59:08uh that's in there of course you can get that same stuff in liquid form uh there's the the 50 mils or
00:59:15there's the uh there's the 200 there's the 250 mils but of course if you're feeling really fit up you
00:59:23might want to not yet uh you think you might want the catering size bottle which is uh let go let go
00:59:36i thought sorry for poor tamwa like any teenage boy he has urges and embarrassingly was caught
00:59:53out by his mum and his brother using his laptop hmm so what was he looking at pretty girls in bikinis
00:59:59or something stronger what's on the computer nothing just sights have you got something to hide
01:00:06of course not have you been looking at pictures of girls no pictures of boys no show us the computer
01:00:18he thinks you
01:00:29i felt sorry for poor billy mitchell his constipation finally came to a head
01:00:37yes all right put the bag over it and pull it loose
01:00:42then seal it up and bring it down here
01:00:46not really no he was he was trying to dislodge a wasp's nest my mistake
01:00:51patrick seemed to be turned on by a woman's knees
01:00:58oh
01:00:58i'm so ready to try
01:01:12i wouldn't mind you couldn't even see denise
01:01:15i suppose it was just the thought of denise that got him going
01:01:18patrick yeah yeah yeah look have you seen the time sausage o'clock
01:01:32i think that clock might need a little attention
01:01:43in 2009 we saw britain's got talent the show that gave us susan boyle or subo as they call her
01:01:49actually i fancy a bit of subo wrestling
01:02:03and heather
01:02:15and heather
01:02:28those two would they'd make a good double act
01:02:41what a show let me go
01:02:43a muffler style yeah
01:02:49crazy horses are the kind of thing you and i
01:02:53crazy horses
01:03:20well if that's not entertainment
01:03:21i don't know what is
01:03:51that's not entertainment
01:03:53that's what it is
01:03:59you