Skip to playerSkip to main contentSkip to footer
BS
  • 5 days ago
Follow us for more episodes!
Transcript
00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives, Susan showed a certain flair for her new job.
00:00:06There you go. You know, you're getting good at this.
00:00:09Renee rented a house.
00:00:11Wow, that is so wonderful. Close.
00:00:15There's something I have to tell you.
00:00:16Gabby learned the truth about her daughter being switched at birth.
00:00:21Paul Young continued to surprise everyone.
00:00:24Well, I see you've all met my wife.
00:00:26And Tom came home with a mysterious affliction.
00:00:30I'm not feeling well.
00:00:32Again?
00:00:33I'm just going to lie on the couch and watch some TV.
00:00:41Tom Scavo was depressed.
00:00:45And his wife had done everything she could to cheer him up.
00:00:51She had made his favorite meals.
00:00:56She had told her funniest jokes.
00:01:00She'd even worn her sexiest lingerie.
00:01:06But nothing worked.
00:01:10Finally, Lynette insisted her husband go to the doctor.
00:01:15Unfortunately, what he came home with was a prescription for trouble.
00:01:23Anti-anxiety medication?
00:01:24This is what he gave you?
00:01:26Dr. Weiler says it will help.
00:01:28He spent 20 minutes with you.
00:01:30Lynette.
00:01:30And let me guess, did he write this with a pen that has the drug company's name on it?
00:01:33I need this medicine.
00:01:36Then take it.
00:01:37But I gotta tell you, those drugs scare the crap out of me.
00:01:40I gotta do something.
00:01:41I'm so tired of feeling this way.
00:01:43But you've gone through rough patches before.
00:01:45You could come out of it.
00:01:46So, wait around to get better?
00:01:49That's your answer?
00:01:50You don't know what it's like inside my head?
00:01:52Okay, you're right.
00:01:53I'm sorry.
00:01:54Hey, hey.
00:01:56Remember when Susan kept having all those headaches?
00:02:00Who was that guy that she went to?
00:02:01Dr. Ross.
00:02:03How is he going to be any different?
00:02:05He's holistic.
00:02:06He tries to stay away from heavy meds.
00:02:08Susan loved him.
00:02:09And if he says I should be on this?
00:02:11Then you have a second opinion.
00:02:13Whatever he says, I'll go with it.
00:02:15Well, I saw Dr. Ross.
00:02:28Oh, I'm so glad.
00:02:31Did you like him?
00:02:34Loved him.
00:02:35And you were right.
00:02:36He doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals.
00:02:38He only prescribes stuff that's totally herbal and natural.
00:02:41That is fantastic.
00:02:43So, what did he suggest?
00:02:46Medical marijuana.
00:02:50Yes.
00:02:51Tom Scavo had been battling depression.
00:02:54But he was now facing a much bigger battle with his wife.
00:02:59Happiness.
00:03:14It's something we all want.
00:03:18And so, we search for it.
00:03:22Little girls find it in the taste of chocolate.
00:03:25Well-dressed men discover it at their local mall.
00:03:33Teenage boys experience it when talking to a pretty girl.
00:03:40And then, there are housewives,
00:03:43who simply can't be happy until they've learned everything they can
00:03:47about the newest neighbor on the block.
00:03:53Hello.
00:03:54Hi.
00:03:55So sorry to interrupt.
00:03:57This will just take a second.
00:03:58We wanted to officially welcome you to the neighborhood.
00:04:01Oh.
00:04:02This is my friend Lynette and Susan.
00:04:04And I was telling them about you.
00:04:05And we just had to meet you.
00:04:07Immediately.
00:04:08That's so sweet.
00:04:10You're my landlady, right?
00:04:12Yes, but I really want you to think of me as a friend.
00:04:15Are those pictures hung on the wall with nails?
00:04:17We wanted to invite you to our weekly poker game.
00:04:20Shoot.
00:04:21I don't know how to play poker.
00:04:22Oh, don't worry.
00:04:23We'll teach you.
00:04:25Does that ficus tree have a saucer underneath?
00:04:26Because those are hardwood floors.
00:04:27And while you're learning all about Texas Hold'em, we'll learn all about you.
00:04:31Aw.
00:04:32That sounds fun.
00:04:34Okay, well, uh...
00:04:40We should be going.
00:04:40We'll see you later.
00:04:41Okay.
00:04:42Bye.
00:04:43Bye.
00:04:43Bye.
00:04:43What did those women want?
00:04:50They invited me to play cards with them.
00:04:53They were just being friendly.
00:04:54On this street, never confuse being nosy with being friendly.
00:04:59They were digging for dirt.
00:05:02So, do you not want me to go?
00:05:05No, no.
00:05:06You will go.
00:05:07Give them all sorts of meaningless information.
00:05:09And hopefully, they'll start to think of you as a friend.
00:05:13But if you don't like them, why do you want me to be friends with them?
00:05:18In time.
00:05:20It will be useful.
00:05:20Where's the pen?
00:05:31Don't you want to read it first?
00:05:33Why?
00:05:34Did a nurse get drunk and swap it with a different document?
00:05:36By signing this, Mr. Solis, you are agreeing not to bring any legal action against this hospital.
00:05:41Do you understand?
00:05:43And in return, you'll stop searching for the other family.
00:05:45Do you understand?
00:05:46Do you understand?
00:05:50Don, Gabby.
00:05:58Babe, we talked about this.
00:06:00We don't know how this other family will react, and we need to protect Juanita.
00:06:04I am sorry, Gabrielle.
00:06:06I can only imagine how you must feel.
00:06:11You can't begin to imagine how I feel.
00:06:14The only person who could is the woman who has my daughter.
00:06:17If signing can spare her this pain, then I will do it.
00:06:32I love it.
00:06:35So now I get the feeling you don't love it.
00:06:38Okay, I don't love it.
00:06:39It's just so yellow.
00:06:41Trust me, this will be great.
00:06:44Besides, when you're in the room, nobody's looking at the walls anyway.
00:06:48Well, you certainly know how to sell yellow.
00:06:53Excuse me.
00:06:57I hear you're getting divorced.
00:07:00And good morning to you.
00:07:03I'm getting divorced, too.
00:07:05So we both need guys.
00:07:06I'm thinking we should hang.
00:07:08I don't know how much Lynette has told you about me, but I'm really not one for hanging.
00:07:12Look, one woman at a bar is just sad.
00:07:14But two, and it's girls' night out.
00:07:16So what do you say?
00:07:17You up for a little stud hunting?
00:07:19That's a lovely offer, but I think I'm going to pass.
00:07:22Oh, come on.
00:07:24We've got to get back in the game.
00:07:25Cut loose.
00:07:26Let our hair down.
00:07:28That hair does come down, doesn't it?
00:07:32Really, Renee?
00:07:32That is just not how I like to meet men.
00:07:34Well, how else are you going to meet them?
00:07:36Sitting around your house?
00:07:41You'd be surprised.
00:07:42You met someone already?
00:07:45Maybe.
00:07:47Wow.
00:07:48A beautiful, classy woman who can get a man without leaving the house.
00:07:54I don't see us being friends.
00:07:55I don't know how everything gets so dirty in here.
00:08:06Uh-oh.
00:08:08Is that a piece of lint?
00:08:12Oh, no.
00:08:14It got my apron.
00:08:15I better sign off before I'm completely naked.
00:08:21See you tomorrow, boys.
00:08:26I'm busy.
00:08:28Honey, it's Maxine.
00:08:30Oh.
00:08:34A star is born.
00:08:36Did you watch?
00:08:38Oh, not only did I watch, I quelled.
00:08:40I have to admit, I am sort of getting into it.
00:08:43That whole thing with the vacuum just came to me.
00:08:44Well, that's how it happens with the great ones.
00:08:47Oops.
00:08:48Here's a bonus for you.
00:08:51Whoa.
00:08:52What's this for?
00:08:53Well, it's a little something I do for the girl who gets the most hits in a month.
00:08:57You just unseated Stacey Strauss, and with the caboose on her, that's not easy.
00:09:02Oh, Maxine, you're so good to me.
00:09:05You know what?
00:09:06Mike and I are finally starting to save some money.
00:09:08Well, don't save at all.
00:09:09Buy yourself something nice.
00:09:11You deserve it.
00:09:13Oh, by the way, have you decided what you're going to do for tomorrow's show?
00:09:17I'm in a damp mop in bikini briefs.
00:09:19Oh, are you trying to make me cry?
00:09:22Bye, doll.
00:09:26This is a great sandwich.
00:09:28What's in it?
00:09:30Oh, it's nothing.
00:09:31Just a little parma ham cured by Italian monks and some cave-aged gruyere.
00:09:36And, of course, I make my own thick mustard.
00:09:37Cooking is a passion of mine.
00:09:40Of course, it's not much fun cooking for one, so if you're free this weekend...
00:09:45Babe, you've got to try this sandwich.
00:09:47It rocks.
00:09:48This is my boss, Mrs. Vandekamp.
00:09:50This is Stephanie, my girlfriend.
00:09:51You have a girlfriend?
00:09:53You have a girlfriend?
00:09:53Of course, you have a girlfriend who's young and pretty.
00:10:00Nice to meet you.
00:10:02I'm sorry, Brie.
00:10:02What were you about to ask me?
00:10:04Oh, it wasn't important.
00:10:07You enjoy your sandwich.
00:10:09Let the stud hunt begin.
00:10:30Come on, come on.
00:10:30We're going to get started.
00:10:33You okay?
00:10:33Oh, yeah.
00:10:36Yeah.
00:10:37That's my cards.
00:10:39When I was eight, Daddy left Mama and were pretty much alone.
00:10:42Most of my friends were either stuffed or plastic.
00:10:45Of course, they were always Mama's boyfriends, but as soon as I'd learn their names, Mama would
00:10:48kick them out and there'd be a new toothbrush in the bathroom.
00:10:52Let me know if I'm sharing too much.
00:10:54No, not at all.
00:10:57Keep pouring the chardonnay.
00:10:58She's cracking like an egg.
00:11:00Okay, quarter ante.
00:11:01So, Beth, how did you and Paul meet anyway?
00:11:05Oh, I don't want to bore you.
00:11:07We won't be bored.
00:11:08More chardonnay?
00:11:09Mm.
00:11:11Well, I saw his picture in the paper during his trial and there was just something about
00:11:16those eyes that spoke to me.
00:11:19What about the headline?
00:11:20Arrested for murder.
00:11:21That didn't speak to you?
00:11:23I'll admit, that gave me pause.
00:11:25But then we started corresponding and I discovered what a wonderful man Paul really is.
00:11:30Brie, let's forget about hitting the clubs tomorrow night.
00:11:33Clearly all the best guys are on death row.
00:11:35But hey, you can't help who you fall in love with, right?
00:11:39Paul's a real lady killer.
00:11:43We always fogged up the plexiglass with that one.
00:11:48Well, it's good that you can laugh about it.
00:11:50The thing is, in my heart, I always knew he was innocent.
00:11:55And I was right.
00:12:02Well, he is.
00:12:04Yeah, so let's play cards.
00:12:06What are you doing?
00:12:20Preparing to take my medicine.
00:12:22I've heard that an increase in appetite is a possible side effect, so I'm taking the necessary
00:12:26precautions.
00:12:28Necessary precautions being your own weight in cheese doodles?
00:12:30I've never smoked pot before, so I want to be prepared.
00:12:35Headphones?
00:12:36Pink Floyd.
00:12:37Apparently it complements the medicinal properties of, uh, blueberry bliss.
00:12:42Listen to you.
00:12:43You are loving this.
00:12:46Tom, the college nerd, gets to finally smoke pot and be cool?
00:12:49Hey, I was plenty cool in college.
00:12:52The only reason I didn't smoke back then was because I signed the abstinence pledge with
00:12:55my Dungeons and Dragons club.
00:12:56So, what do you say?
00:13:02Care to join me out back behind the garage for a little doobage?
00:13:06Doobage?
00:13:08That's what you're calling your medicine now?
00:13:10Come on.
00:13:10You need to take this seriously.
00:13:12I am.
00:13:14Really?
00:13:15Because I'm pretty sure I've never asked you to join me behind the garage to split a
00:13:18mite all.
00:13:19Isn't it?
00:13:20You said you would go with this.
00:13:22I know, but how is it going to look to the kids?
00:13:24I don't want them seeing their dad stoned.
00:13:27Oh, you don't have to worry about them seeing me stoned.
00:13:30Look, they'll never know.
00:13:37Hey, then.
00:13:38So, what do you want to do Saturday night?
00:14:02Well, I was thinking that we could go to Shea Naomi.
00:14:08Isn't our price range more Shea Chicken Hut?
00:14:11Mike, it's our anniversary.
00:14:13Besides, we've been working really hard.
00:14:15We deserve it.
00:14:17Okay, but bring your big purse because we're taking the dinner rolls home.
00:14:20So, Shea Naomi, huh?
00:14:27Expensive place.
00:14:29Yeah.
00:14:30Yeah, I guess it is.
00:14:31Must be nice.
00:14:34Um, have we met?
00:14:36I'm in 1B.
00:14:37Susan Delfino.
00:14:38Oh, I know who you are.
00:14:40I'm 1F.
00:14:42Stacy Strauss.
00:14:43Oh, you're one of Maxine's.
00:14:47Yeah.
00:14:48Oh, it's nice to meet you.
00:14:50Guess we kind of do the same thing.
00:14:54Oh, sometimes we do exactly the same thing.
00:14:57What does that mean?
00:14:58I keep an eye on the competition.
00:15:00You lifted one of my moves.
00:15:02No, I didn't.
00:15:03You expect me to believe you just woke up one day
00:15:05and decided to put a feather duster in your mouth?
00:15:07You do that?
00:15:09It's my signature bit.
00:15:11And you stole it.
00:15:12I swear, I don't watch the other girls perform.
00:15:17Okay, so I guess it's just a coincidence.
00:15:19Well, here's another coincidence.
00:15:21You're getting the big bonus check and I'm not.
00:15:24That's not really what you'd call a coincidence.
00:15:27That's really more...
00:15:28All right, college.
00:15:29Just keep the duster out of your mouth.
00:15:34And watch your back.
00:15:42Everything okay?
00:15:45Oh, yeah.
00:15:48I am wasted.
00:15:53Really?
00:15:54I am Lucy in the sky high.
00:15:59Wow.
00:16:01So, this must be pretty intense for you.
00:16:07Whoa.
00:16:08And don't forget, tomorrow we have to trombone 3D banana patch.
00:16:13Remember?
00:16:13Man, this is really strong stuff.
00:16:17Snow shovel.
00:16:21Exactly.
00:16:23You know, I was just upstairs watching Paige sleep
00:16:27with her little fingers and her little toes.
00:16:30I must have watched her for like an hour.
00:16:35She is just so perfect.
00:16:36And I am so lucky.
00:16:40I couldn't feel happier than I do right now.
00:16:42Oh.
00:16:44I'm just so happy it's working.
00:16:46Yeah.
00:16:51What do you think?
00:16:52Does it say happy anniversary, Mike?
00:16:54I'll love you forever?
00:16:54No.
00:16:55I think it says credit card declined.
00:16:57Aren't you and Mike on a budget?
00:16:58Yeah.
00:17:00But things are starting to turn around lately.
00:17:02I've been selling a lot of my jewelry.
00:17:04Get out.
00:17:06Out there and keep selling.
00:17:10Oh, hello, Silk.
00:17:13Oh, how I've missed your soft touch.
00:17:17I'm going to the dressing room.
00:17:18You two have fun.
00:17:20Mommy?
00:17:22Oh, you're not my mommy.
00:17:24Are you lost, sweetie?
00:17:25What's your name?
00:17:26Kiki?
00:17:27You scared me.
00:17:28I couldn't find you.
00:17:29I have a little girl, too.
00:17:31Sometimes they get distracted and wander off.
00:17:34Let's go.
00:17:37Wait!
00:17:41How old is she?
00:17:42Eight.
00:17:43My daughter's eight.
00:17:46When's your birthday?
00:17:47We've really got to go.
00:17:49Okay, but what hospital was she born in?
00:17:51Was it for every memorial?
00:17:54Standing there in the mall, it just hit me.
00:18:09I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if every little girl I see is my daughter.
00:18:14Not knowing where she is, it's like my heart living outside of my body.
00:18:19I have to find her.
00:18:23Well, there's a private detective I work with, but Sanchez is a pretty common name.
00:18:27It's not surprising the hospital couldn't find him.
00:18:28But I know something the hospital doesn't.
00:18:31When I was in labor, the other woman's mother came into my room by mistake and we got to talking.
00:18:35She lived in El Paso, and she was so excited to have her granddaughter baptized at Santa Maria's church.
00:18:41That's going to help.
00:18:45So you think you can find her?
00:18:47We'll do our best.
00:18:49Carlos is on board with this, right?
00:18:50Absolutely.
00:18:58Okay, then give me ten porterhouse.
00:19:02Hey, I just came by to pick up my envelope for the week.
00:19:04Okay, inside.
00:19:06And don't listen to this conversation.
00:19:08It's about your Christmas gift.
00:19:10I'm buying all my girls' steaks.
00:19:12You got a preference?
00:19:14Whatever meat you put in my stocking will be fine.
00:19:17Ooh, that sounds dirty.
00:19:18Use that.
00:19:19I'm back.
00:19:22What else have you got for me?
00:19:24Ribbon?
00:19:25I like it.
00:19:32Oh, is that a piece of lint?
00:19:36Ooh!
00:19:38That's my bit.
00:19:39Maxine!
00:19:40What?
00:19:41I'm on with the meat guy.
00:19:43Yeah, but Stacy Strauss is stealing my vacuum bit.
00:19:47Oh, my God.
00:19:49Well, if she's going to do that, at least teach her how to use the nozzle.
00:19:56Wow.
00:19:56Hey there, I'm ready to party.
00:20:14Are you?
00:20:15Because you look like you're ready to tour the Reagan Library.
00:20:18This is a cocktail cardigan.
00:20:20Look closely.
00:20:20The buttons are shiny.
00:20:22Where's your closet?
00:20:25I have never seen so many sweater sets.
00:20:28Are you sure this is a closet and not a portal to the 1950s?
00:20:31There is nothing wrong with my clothing.
00:20:34Bree, you're going to a hot young club full of hot young people.
00:20:37You need to dress the part.
00:20:38Well, I happen to find it distasteful when mutton is dressed as lamb.
00:20:43Look, when women go out clubbing, there's two ways they can pair up.
00:20:46Pretty girl pretty girl or pretty girl grenade.
00:20:49Which do you want to be?
00:20:51Fine.
00:20:51Now we're getting somewhere.
00:20:57Love the plunging neckline.
00:20:59That's the back.
00:21:00Ugh, this place is dead.
00:21:09Really?
00:21:10I forgot we were in the sticks.
00:21:13Clearly everyone hooked up early so they could be home in time for a nightline.
00:21:16Actually, tonight's nightline sounds very interesting.
00:21:18It's about the genocide and we're...
00:21:20Hold on.
00:21:21Fresh talent at the end of the bar.
00:21:26Oh, that's my contractor.
00:21:28Well, call me a fixer-upper.
00:21:31Oh, don't bother.
00:21:33He's got a girlfriend.
00:21:34If I don't see her, she doesn't exist.
00:21:47What's so funny?
00:21:48My girlfriend's about to make a fool of herself.
00:21:50She's hitting on that guy and I happen to know he has a very beautiful, very young girlfriend.
00:21:55Talking about Keith?
00:21:56You know him?
00:21:57Yeah, and Stephanie dumped him this afternoon, which is why he's here, drowning his sorrows.
00:22:02Thanks.
00:22:23Bree!
00:22:24Wow!
00:22:25I didn't recognize you.
00:22:27Hey, what a lovely surprise.
00:22:29I didn't know you were here.
00:22:30Yeah, but I'm bagging.
00:22:33I got to work tomorrow.
00:22:35Boss is pretty strict.
00:22:38Good.
00:22:38I mean, yes, I'm very strict.
00:22:42See you in the morning.
00:22:47There you go.
00:22:49That's how you bait the hook.
00:22:50Oh, I won't need a ride.
00:22:52I'm going home with Keith.
00:22:53Oh, I don't think so.
00:22:54He just left.
00:22:55Oh, he's pulling the claw around.
00:22:56I think I should play the I hate going into a dark house alone card
00:23:00or the more blatant I'm not wearing underwear.
00:23:03Because I'm not.
00:23:04Okay, before you do anything hasty,
00:23:06he just broke up with his girlfriend.
00:23:08He's very fragile.
00:23:09Oh, I'll be careful when I unwrap him.
00:23:14Renee, wait.
00:23:14Please don't go home with Keith.
00:23:16Why?
00:23:18Oh, he's the one you like, isn't he?
00:23:21No, I am thinking about you.
00:23:23You don't want to come off like a slut.
00:23:25What?
00:23:26Gee, then Chip won't ask me to the prom.
00:23:29Renee, wait.
00:23:30What about me?
00:23:31Oh, it's getting late.
00:23:32Stay in the dim light and don't play hard to get.
00:23:34Keith, hi, it's Bree.
00:23:43I don't know if you're in bed yet, but I'm having a bit of an emergency.
00:23:59Oh, thank you.
00:24:02That's lovely.
00:24:15Why would somebody do something like this?
00:24:23Far be it for me to understand the minds of hooligans.
00:24:29I'm so sorry to call you over here at this hour.
00:24:32That's okay.
00:24:33I wasn't doing anything special.
00:24:35Good.
00:24:38I would love to show my appreciation.
00:24:41I was wondering if perhaps one night this week I could make you dinner.
00:24:44Oh, you mean like a date?
00:24:49Well, we don't have to put a label on it.
00:24:51Just two adults eating food together.
00:24:54Calling it a date is quicker.
00:25:00Well, I see no reason to argue.
00:25:02Shall we say 8 p.m. on Thursday?
00:25:24Hi.
00:25:42Mrs. McCluskey, right?
00:25:44Yeah.
00:25:45I was hoping I might see you at the girls' poker game.
00:25:49Not anymore.
00:25:50You get caught with a couple of aces in your bra and you're banned for life.
00:25:54I couldn't help but notice they don't seem to like my husband very much.
00:25:59Do you know why that is?
00:26:01Nope.
00:26:02Nobody tells me anything.
00:26:04Mrs. McCluskey, I really need to know.
00:26:08Okay, fine.
00:26:09They think he's a murderer.
00:26:11But he was exonerated.
00:26:13Felicia Tillman framed him.
00:26:14Yeah, for that crime.
00:26:17What do you mean?
00:26:18Before Felicia showed up around here, her sister Martha was murdered.
00:26:21And all due respect, you're shacking up with suspect number one.
00:26:26Does everybody think that?
00:26:29Felicia may be a few fingers short of a high five, but if she's crazy, we all are.
00:26:34Well, that's enough dusting for today, boys.
00:26:46I guess all that's left is a little vacuuming.
00:26:50Oh, yay!
00:26:52Get the vacuum.
00:26:53Uh-oh.
00:26:54I think I got some schmutz on my apron.
00:26:56Oh, get that off.
00:26:59Oh, I love this show.
00:27:13Hello, boys.
00:27:15For those of you who might be switching over from other channels, welcome.
00:27:20I have a very dirty apartment.
00:27:28Open up!
00:27:30Uh, a little busy.
00:27:32Hey.
00:27:36I know you did it.
00:27:38Did what?
00:27:40I don't know what you're talking about.
00:27:41Oh, so you're not just a thief.
00:27:42You're a liar.
00:27:43Be careful how you talk to me, you gigantic freak.
00:27:48Oh, I am about to slap that cheap blush right off your face.
00:27:52Is that supposed to scare me, man hands?
00:27:55I'm going to show you a whole new place to stick that feather duster.
00:27:58Well, I'm sure wherever it is, you copied the idea from watching me.
00:28:02Oh!
00:28:03Oh!
00:28:04Oh!
00:28:05Oh!
00:28:05Oh!
00:28:05Oh!
00:28:06Oh!
00:28:06Oh!
00:28:06Oh!
00:28:07Oh!
00:28:07Oh!
00:28:07Oh!
00:28:09Oh!
00:28:09Oh!
00:28:10I need those bonus checks!
00:28:14So do I!
00:28:15You don't get it.
00:28:15I am trying to get out of this business.
00:28:16Oh, and you think I want to spend the rest of my life dusting in my underwear?
00:28:20Hey, hey, hey!
00:28:22You're off camera.
00:28:24Roll left.
00:28:25Oh, Maxine.
00:28:27I'm so glad you're here.
00:28:29What are you doing?
00:28:30She attacked me.
00:28:32That's because she broke into my apartment.
00:28:34Hang on.
00:28:35This isn't a bit?
00:28:36No.
00:28:37I was in the middle of doing my show and she burst in here
00:28:40and started hitting me.
00:28:41Did you do that?
00:28:43Yeah, but...
00:28:43You know the rules, Strauss.
00:28:45You never, ever interrupt a show.
00:28:48Now go to your room.
00:28:49But I...
00:28:49I said go.
00:28:53You all right, honey?
00:28:55Yeah.
00:28:56All right, good.
00:28:58I gotta call tech support.
00:28:59You girls had so many hits, it fried my router.
00:29:02So, a roving gang of hooligans destroyed your sprinklers?
00:29:14Shameful, isn't it?
00:29:15You know what I think?
00:29:16I think this is the handiwork of a lonely, desperate woman.
00:29:20You left out resourceful.
00:29:23Nobody steals a man out of my bed.
00:29:25But you know what?
00:29:28I've been looking for a new hobby and taking you down is as good as any.
00:29:32I think you'd be wise to stick to your original hobby of foregoing undergarments.
00:29:39Be seeing you, Brie.
00:29:40Looking forward to it.
00:29:42Maxine says I can't go back online until I apologize to you.
00:29:58So, I apologize.
00:30:02Wow.
00:30:03And I thought your acting was bad on the website.
00:30:07Fine.
00:30:08I am sorry, okay?
00:30:09I shouldn't have stolen your bit.
00:30:10What was going through your mind?
00:30:13I freaked out when I didn't get that bonus check.
00:30:16See, my family's in Virginia and I'm saving up to move back home.
00:30:22Yeah, well, I know what that's like.
00:30:24And even with that extra money, I always feel like I'm living week to week.
00:30:28Really?
00:30:30Because when I broke into your apartment, I noticed that you had some awfully nice stuff.
00:30:34Flat screen TV.
00:30:36Closet full of new clothes.
00:30:38I know.
00:30:38Probably shouldn't have bought all that.
00:30:42But you know how it is.
00:30:43Every once in a while, you want a little splurge.
00:30:47Yeah, I get that.
00:30:50But definitely, by the end of the year, I'm going to be out of here.
00:30:54Me too.
00:30:57Hey.
00:30:57How long have you been doing this?
00:31:01Um, gosh.
00:31:03I guess I'm going on six years.
00:31:04Hey, um, would you mind if we just stayed home and ordered Chinese for our anniversary?
00:31:23Wait, no suit?
00:31:26No tie?
00:31:28No pretentious Euro waiter listing specials that I can't understand?
00:31:31Dang it, Susan, why?
00:31:35Seriously.
00:31:37Why'd you change your mind?
00:31:38I thought you wanted a little treat.
00:31:39Oh, I think we should save that money and stay focused on what we're trying to do.
00:31:46And we can have a fancy dinner and celebrate when we move back home.
00:31:50I had a lovely time at the poker game the other day.
00:32:04Really?
00:32:06What's the neighborhood saying about me?
00:32:09Well, for starters, a lot of people seem to think you killed...
00:32:15What's her name?
00:32:16Martha something?
00:32:18Foober.
00:32:20I guess Felicia Tillman spread her poison pretty wide.
00:32:23I guess she did.
00:32:25I'm not a murderer, you know.
00:32:27I know.
00:32:31But I fell in love with you before I knew that, so even if you were, I'm always going to be on your side.
00:32:40Remember that.
00:32:49Hey.
00:32:50Everything okay?
00:32:53You look a little...
00:32:55And it's been an intense couple weeks.
00:32:57I'm sorry, buddy.
00:33:03What if I told you I could ease some of that stress?
00:33:07You're not going to offer me a back rub, are you?
00:33:11Nope.
00:33:12A mind rub.
00:33:17So you got this from a doctor?
00:33:19So you got this from a doctor?
00:33:23Really cool doctor.
00:33:25Now, I've got to warn you, this stuff is chronic.
00:33:29I got totally baked up this morning.
00:33:31I did not have you baked as a stoner.
00:33:33I did not have you baked as a stoner.
00:33:34Dude, there is a lot that you don't know about me.
00:33:39Tom?
00:33:40Tom?
00:33:41Yeah?
00:33:42I hate to break this to you, but this isn't pot.
00:33:46Tell me that in five minutes when we are soaring past the rings of Saturn.
00:33:51There.
00:33:52Trust me, Cheech.
00:33:53This is oregano.
00:33:54No way.
00:33:55I bought it at a legit dispensary.
00:33:57Then somebody must have switched it on you, because the only thing getting baked with
00:34:00that herb is lasagna.
00:34:01Who would do that?
00:34:02You.
00:34:03Oh, jeez.
00:34:04You scared me.
00:34:05I know what you did.
00:34:06Whatever do you mean?
00:34:07Oh, yeah.
00:34:08That was me.
00:34:09This isn't funny, Lynette.
00:34:10Tom, you thought you were getting stoned on a pizza topping.
00:34:24It's a little funny.
00:34:25My sense of betrayal is huge at this moment.
00:34:28Well, why don't you snort some baking powder?
00:34:30You'll feel better.
00:34:31I'm glad you're enjoying this.
00:34:33I'm glad you enjoy making a fool of me.
00:34:36That was not my intention.
00:34:39I only threw out the pot because I didn't think you needed it.
00:34:44And you know, I was right.
00:34:45You got happy all on your own.
00:34:47Don't try to justify what you did by making it seem like some sort of master plan.
00:34:51It wasn't a master plan.
00:34:53I lucked out because for some reason, while you were high on oregano, you made a decision
00:34:59to live in the moment.
00:35:00You stood over our daughter's crib and you let go of the stress and the fear.
00:35:05And you focused on the good in your life.
00:35:08But I am sorry I tricked you.
00:35:15You're evil.
00:35:17I should have expected it.
00:35:19Where are you going?
00:35:24To look at our beautiful daughter.
00:35:27Then I gotta turn that bong I made back into a lamp.
00:35:42Anything?
00:35:43We found them.
00:35:44Oh my God, what'd they say?
00:35:46I haven't called them yet.
00:35:47Are you sure you still want to do this?
00:35:49What?
00:35:50Yes, of course.
00:35:51Gabby, you need to realize, once we call these people and they know what's happened,
00:35:55it'll change your family forever.
00:36:01Call them.
00:36:02Juanita, come in here.
00:36:14I didn't do it.
00:36:17I know.
00:36:18I was putting on some makeup.
00:36:20Thought you might like some.
00:36:22Can you put the big fake eyelashes on me?
00:36:24Of course.
00:36:26And big rosy cheeks.
00:36:30Look how grown up you are.
00:36:33Before you know it, you're going to be going to college, have boyfriends, get married.
00:36:40I'm not getting married.
00:36:42I don't want to leave you and daddy.
00:36:45Ever.
00:36:47Juanita, do you know how much I love you?
00:36:53To the moon and back.
00:36:55That's right.
00:36:57No matter what happens, I will always love you to the moon and back.
00:37:10Carlos, I need to sit down with you and Gabby.
00:37:14Why?
00:37:15I just called the family.
00:37:17It got pretty intense.
00:37:20What are you talking about?
00:37:24And now, in a selection from Dior's full line, the world's newest supermodel, Juanita.
00:37:31Hold the world in contempt.
00:37:35That's it.
00:37:36Now you look like a model.
00:37:38Oh, hi, Daddy.
00:37:39Hey, Carlos.
00:37:40What's wrong?
00:37:41I just spoke to Bob.
00:37:42Sadie, why don't you go to your own?
00:37:43I'll be there in a sec.
00:37:44How could you have done this?
00:37:45Carlos.
00:37:46We talked about this.
00:37:47We agreed.
00:37:48No, you agreed.
00:37:49You rushed me into signing that piece of paper without giving me a chance to think about
00:37:51what I was doing.
00:37:52Don't you understand what could happen?
00:37:53She is our flesh and blood and she's out there.
00:37:54I need to know how she's doing.
00:37:55I need to know she's okay.
00:37:56Then what if they want Juanita back?
00:37:57They can take her from us.
00:37:58They can do that now.
00:38:01They're not going to want to give up their own daughter.
00:38:03We don't know that.
00:38:04We don't know that.
00:38:05So, we can do that now.
00:38:06They're not gonna want to give up their own daughter.
00:38:08We don't know that.
00:38:09If they're going to want it, we won't want that.
00:38:11We don't know that.
00:38:12And then back then you're going to do that.
00:38:15You're going to have to do that.
00:38:16Let me say it again, I'm just gonna have to go on the floor.
00:38:19Yeah, I'm just going to have to do that, dude.
00:38:20their own daughter we don't know that we don't know anything about them and you
00:38:25have no idea what you've started here coming sweetie if this ends badly I will
00:38:33never forgive you I mean it Gabrielle we're done
00:38:39happiness it's something everyone searches for some are sure they'll find it once they've moved back
00:38:58home some think they'll find it by making a new friend some hope to find it once they've
00:39:09defeated the competition then there are those who stop searching for happiness because they look
00:39:18up one day to discover it was right there in front of them all the time previously on Desperate Housewives
00:39:32Bri discovered she had a romantic rival and looking for a new hobby and taking you down is as good as
00:39:38any Susan got a bonus for the girl who gets the most hits in a month since the prison didn't allow
00:39:44conjugal visits this is our wedding night Paul's bride said no there are certain wifely duties that
00:39:50I don't want to rush into once we call these people it'll change your family forever and Gabby decided
00:39:55to meet her real daughter call them
00:40:01Carlos Solis loved his wife more than anything there's a woman on this planet with better skin I'd like to meet her
00:40:08even though she was vain we have to get money to the church every Sunday I mean it's always the same
00:40:16show selfish I told you to buy me couture I can't wear off the rack with these shoes and spoiled but in
00:40:31those moments when his wife was simply vulnerable you okay Carlos loved her just a little bit more
00:40:39this where we're meeting them I think so I don't know what I'm supposed to say start with hello and then
00:40:48what thanks for raising our daughter for the last eight years hope we didn't ruin yours it's gonna be
00:40:53fine mr. and mrs. Solis I'm Edgar Sanchez nice to meet you and please call us Carlos and Gabrielle
00:41:00thank you where is Juanita is at the swing set with her sister we thought we should talk a little
00:41:06first oh sure my wife is over here with our she's with Grace that's her name Grace yes
00:41:15so how are you and your wife handling all of this we're still in shock since your lawyer called us
00:41:26we haven't been able to sleep or eat this whole thing is so crazy we feel the same way they couldn't
00:41:33have switched our babies it's got to be a mistake maybe we should take a blood test mom I told you to
00:41:40bring the green jacket I can't wear red with these shoes yes Carlos Solis loved his wife I don't
00:41:48think we'll be needing that test and he knew her DNA when he saw it
00:41:56it's called a purse and as every woman knows it can hold just about anything from a personalized
00:42:16cell phone to a romance novel to much-needed medication whatever you find inside there's one
00:42:28thing you can be sure of every purse says something about the woman who owns it whether she knows it or
00:42:37or not Carlos and I feel like we shouldn't tell the girls you know about what happened what do you
00:42:45guys think we should protect them yes but since we want to get to know our biological daughters we
00:42:51were thinking maybe the families could get together every now and then maybe once a month that sounds
00:42:56reasonable what do you think Carla um I guess look at them yes I have a feeling that they will become
00:43:05very good friends I can't believe those are our daughters Grace looks just like me when I was her
00:43:10age and Juanita looks so much like my mother mommy can I have money for ice cream you just had lunch
00:43:18they have chocolate chip Grace I'll let her have some it's hot come on it'll be my treat your purse is
00:43:25beautiful I know would you like to hold it uh-huh it's so soft I bet it costs a lot right grace you
00:43:35don't ask about money I'm sorry that's okay sweetie just so you know it's Chanel you can have one of
00:43:44these by working very hard or by marrying a man who works very hard thank you what a polite little girl
00:43:54you have obviously done a wonderful job Mrs. Sanchez I mean we didn't know what to expect but I can see
00:43:58Grace couldn't have had a better mother you know what I mean you've done a wonderful job with Juanita
00:44:05thank you you know when I got pregnant I didn't know how I would handle the whole motherhood thing
00:44:10mom I think I turned out to be pretty good at it mom what I need money for ice cream what is the magic
00:44:18word I don't know hurry now come on Chuck's pulling away he's magic orders please fine please
00:44:26what we can't afford more than one scoop
00:44:31I'm sorry what was I saying you were talking about what a good mother you are
00:44:41say goodbye to your truckload can you believe it just two months ago we were up to our neck in
00:44:55debt now we're only up to our ass we keep this going we could reach flat broke in time for Christmas
00:45:00hello it's vaccine um uh I'm in here with Mike it's open hello Michael look at this
00:45:13punum oh Mike if I was 15 years younger I'd ride you like a hobo rides a box car
00:45:19thanks but you still have to fix the air conditioner yeah it was worth a shot
00:45:25I need to talk some business with you me too I just bought a fur trimmed teddy and some floor
00:45:34polish tomorrow is gonna be a heck of a show fantastic I think you should quit what the website's
00:45:43going through some changes I've taken on some partners who are pumping a lot of cash into the
00:45:48business and they're running the show now and they want a huge U.S. presence no no no you promised
00:45:55me that no one here would ever see me I did and that's why you need to get out now but Mike and I
00:46:00are just getting back on track yesterday we got our first water bill that didn't come with a threat
00:46:04honey I'm sorry well how long do I have till all this happens a couple of weeks a month tops
00:46:13okay I'll work right up until the last day give me double shifts extra shows I'll do anything
00:46:21you got it I'm gonna miss you honey no one will ever wear the rubber gloves and the fishnets like you do
00:46:32okay we get it you're unhappy we got it in every aisle at the market we got it four times during the
00:46:45night and we get it now put the groceries away oh no stop freeze do nothing no sudden movements
00:46:53the eyes are closing
00:46:57but we bought ice cream let it melt
00:47:00hello hello yes this is she
00:47:07oh of course I did thank you thank you I I will be back everything okay no I left my license at the
00:47:18store so I have to drag page back there which will lead to another two hours screaming fit if I
00:47:24didn't look so good in that photo I'd get a new one why don't you leave the baby with me oh honey I
00:47:29don't know mom you leave it with the boys and they don't change her diaper until it weighs as much as
00:47:34she does she woke up so I went with plan B you've traded her in for a quieter baby
00:47:51nope I changed her diaper now we're doing a little floor time oh you changed your diaper
00:47:57where'd you learn how to do that I've seen you do it a hundred times
00:48:02you're so good with her hey
00:48:09how would you feel about me taking a quick shower to wash some of this vomit out of my hair
00:48:16from yesterday why don't you take a bath light one of those scented candles
00:48:22whoever raised you did a brilliant job
00:48:26shoot I'm out of aspirin do you have a headache I don't know my back is a little sore
00:48:40you do realize darling that your back wouldn't hurt so much if you weren't sleeping on a couch every
00:48:44night no the couch is fine I just pulled a muscle hey there Lee congratulations you are the proud new
00:48:55owner of your old house you bought your old house actually leave when we talk later okay well here are
00:49:04your keys your complimentary endangered species calendar and a kitchen magnet with my face on it
00:49:08yes I know I look cross-eyed but they assure me they will correct that in the next batch enjoy
00:49:13why would you buy that house our release won't be up for a year I thought it was a good investment
00:49:28but why buy that one there are other homes for sale around that rose close Beth I see no point in
00:49:35discussing this further you won't discuss it I'm your wife isn't it convenient how during the day
00:49:43you're my wife but at night you turn back into a house guest
00:49:46no no no don't look at them yet they're not done this isn't about the shutters it's about our date
00:50:01Friday you still haven't told me what we're doing well I can't tell you yet but I've been working on
00:50:06something that I'm pretty stoked about well that sounds lovely I too am stoked
00:50:12wait
00:50:16what are you doing
00:50:24are you spying on Bree again why would he want her we can have me she's way too old for him
00:50:34you're the exact same age I am not I'm only 30 you don't lie about your age we were college roommates
00:50:40right damn it besides Bree's always looked young when she used to go out with her grandkid
00:50:46people would think he was her son wait Bree's a grandmother how did I not know this
00:50:53okay sweetie I am taking the baby over to Gabby's the girls are meeting for poker I'll be back in a
00:51:02few you're not staying no I'm really just doing a drive-by last week Paige spit up on Gabby's couch
00:51:08so now she's pretty much baby non grata why don't you just leave her with me then you can stay for your
00:51:13game but we usually play for a couple of hours give me a kiss so you'll be right next door if I need
00:51:19to oh don't toy with me I'm operating on two hours of sleep I'm vulnerable go we'll be fine I love
00:51:29watching my baby sister it's fun Penny Linscavo you are officially my favorite we are gonna leave
00:51:39everything to you in our will keep in mind we're poor so it's really more of a symbolic gesture
00:51:45listen guys uh before we start I've been keeping something from you but I'm gonna tell you because
00:52:00you're my dearest and oldest friends well I've only known you two weeks but I don't want to be rude and
00:52:06try to leave see this picture this is my daughter Grace oh my god Gabby I can't imagine what you're
00:52:19going through I'd be out of my mind how can you function well we were knocked sideways at first
00:52:24but since we met Grace it's been a blessing thank god the parents are lovely I mean this is the kind
00:52:29of thing you see on the news who else knows about this very few people and I need you guys to keep it
00:52:34that way well of course we'll be discreet definitely for Juanita's sake oh don't worry
00:52:43about me up until today I thought you were Juanita so tell us what it was like amazing I looked into
00:52:52her eyes and felt that pull well you carried her for nine months there's just one thing she did that
00:52:59was incredibly moving she came up to me and within two seconds of touching my bag she knew it was
00:53:06expensive now that is a hallmark moment you don't understand when I was a kid I used to sneak phobes
00:53:15out of my aunt's hair salon and make my own high fashion paper dolls I know what it's like to be
00:53:20that kid with her face pressed against the department store window grace is me at her age so I decided to do
00:53:30something for her her own little starter Chanel you are the best mother ever
00:53:45oh
00:53:57oh
00:54:01Paul
00:54:04Paul
00:54:04what are you doing please go home I just want to understand that's all are we going to move
00:54:14here no then why would you buy this house it must be filled with so many unpleasant memories
00:54:24I don't see any unpleasant memories I see the couch where my wife and I would sit and have our morning
00:54:34coffee I see the Christmas tree in the corner by the fireplace I see the chair
00:54:44where I would sit and read stories to my son
00:54:47I was loved in this house I had a real marriage here
00:54:54our marriage is real Paul it's just this is hard for me and you keeping things from me doesn't make it any easier
00:55:05you're right there should be no secrets between us
00:55:19secrets are why this house is empty right now
00:55:26sorry I'm late but I think you'll be happy when you hear why
00:55:37black eyed peas row 15 center how cool is that
00:55:42wow that's just
00:55:44wow
00:55:46you like them right
00:55:47of course
00:55:48you sound a little
00:55:51underwhelmed
00:55:52underwhelmed
00:55:52no
00:55:53not at all
00:55:54I live to rock
00:55:55you know I'm not as old as you might think
00:55:59grandma
00:56:02surprise
00:56:04what are you doing here
00:56:09visiting we're here all weekend
00:56:10um
00:56:12hello
00:56:13hi
00:56:13Keith this is my daughter Danielle and this is my her son Benjamin
00:56:18Danielle this is my um friend Keith we were just going out
00:56:24grandma grandma look what I bought you it's slippers
00:56:27my grandma has bad circulation don't you grandma
00:56:30please stop calling me that you precious child
00:56:34you know what you guys came all this way you should spend tonight together
00:56:39no no no no if if you guys had plans you should go we'll be fine
00:56:43brie there's there's nothing more important than family we'll go out another time
00:56:47you're very sweet
00:56:49nice meeting both of you
00:56:53uh thank you so much
00:56:55I guess I heard wrong
00:56:57you seem to be bouncing back just fine
00:57:00what are you talking about
00:57:02when your friend called she said you were having a hard time since orson left
00:57:06uh by any chance is this friend named Renee
00:57:12she sent us first class tickets
00:57:14I wish I had fun like that
00:57:15oh trust me you don't
00:57:18oh come on come on
00:57:29what the hell
00:57:33Maxine pick up
00:57:38they're already putting up a billboard
00:57:40you said they weren't going to start advertising for a couple of
00:57:43oh my god
00:57:44wait wait stop
00:57:51huh
00:57:52you can't put that up there
00:57:53that's me
00:57:54so
00:57:54so so people will see
00:57:56my friends will see
00:57:58lady with a body like that no one's even going to notice you have a head
00:58:01no no no no no see you can't
00:58:04no stop
00:58:04what the hell are you doing
00:58:08protecting my dignity
00:58:10oh
00:58:14hey there mrs. McCloskey
00:58:20nice day isn't it
00:58:22I've seen better
00:58:24what do you want
00:58:25you're direct
00:58:27I love that about you
00:58:28truth is
00:58:30I was wondering if you had any interest in selling your home
00:58:32well get ready to love me again
00:58:35no
00:58:35aren't you tired of caring for this place
00:58:38the big lawn and all these stairs
00:58:40yeah your concern is touching
00:58:42what's your game here
00:58:44I just love this neighborhood so much
00:58:47I'd hate to see this house fall into the wrong hands after you're gone
00:58:49I'm not going anywhere
00:58:51I hope you're right
00:58:53but the years do have a way of flying by
00:58:54and I thought you might want to unload this place
00:58:56while you still have the upper hand
00:58:58upper hand
00:59:00yes
00:59:01right now you're sharp as a tack
00:59:04one day your hip will break
00:59:06or you'll suffer a massive stroke
00:59:08and the doctors will say you can no longer live on your own
00:59:11and when that day comes
00:59:13potential buyers who don't care about you like I do
00:59:15will know that you're desperate
00:59:17they'll smell the blood in the water
00:59:19people will start smelling your blood if you don't get off my porch
00:59:24all right
00:59:25didn't mean to upset you
00:59:26my offer still stands
00:59:29as I said
00:59:31it all comes from my great love for this beautiful neighborhood
00:59:34careful on those stairs now
00:59:37look who's missing her big sister
00:59:45there you are really so good with her
00:59:50listen I'm going to take a quick jog
00:59:52be back in 20 minutes
00:59:53mom I've got a test today
00:59:55I cannot be late for the bus
00:59:56I hear you loud and clear
00:59:58I'll be back in 15
00:59:59you might want to smell her diaper
01:00:00I think she left you a little present
01:00:01hey Lynette
01:00:07um I need to talk to you
01:00:09sure
01:00:10oh you're talking again
01:00:13where's uh the baby
01:00:15ah Penny is watching her
01:00:18it is the most amazing thing
01:00:19only when you've spawned as much as I have
01:00:21do you learn the glorious truth
01:00:23the older ones can watch
01:00:25the younger ones
01:00:25babies having babies
01:00:27bad
01:00:28babies raising babies
01:00:29genius
01:00:30I'm happy for you
01:00:32yeah I look happy
01:00:34that's why we need to talk
01:00:36okay
01:00:37she flew them here first class
01:00:42that is vintage Renee
01:00:43yes
01:00:44a voracious libido
01:00:45and unlimited funds
01:00:46a deadly combination
01:00:47oh
01:00:48and now
01:00:51she's taking Keith to dinner
01:00:52tomorrow night
01:00:53how did you find that out
01:00:54well he called
01:00:55to make sure it was okay
01:00:56which of course it isn't
01:00:57but what can I say
01:00:58don't say anything
01:00:59wait till she's crossing the street
01:01:01and then run her over
01:01:02no I'm too fond of my car
01:01:03you have to fight back somehow
01:01:06it's the only thing Renee understands
01:01:08but how
01:01:08I mean you know her better than I do
01:01:10what could I do to humiliate her
01:01:12oh
01:01:13she once slept with a rodeo clown
01:01:16but he's a senator now
01:01:18uh
01:01:19oh she's got this really weird belly button
01:01:22but by the time he finds that out
01:01:24they're already getting it on
01:01:25uh
01:01:26she used to freak out
01:01:28whenever the Wizard of Oz
01:01:29was on TV
01:01:29why?
01:01:31I think it was the Munchkins
01:01:33there's something about little people
01:01:35that gives her the heebie-jeebies
01:01:36oh crap
01:01:37Penny's gonna be late for school
01:01:38sorry I couldn't help
01:01:40oh no
01:01:43you helped
01:01:44Penny?
01:01:50I'm sorry
01:01:50I forgot my phone
01:01:52uh grab your stuff
01:01:53and I'll drive you
01:01:54where's my baby?
01:02:07stop breathing on my sister
01:02:08hi
01:02:13hi
01:02:14I'm Lynette Scavo
01:02:16I need to find my daughter Penny
01:02:17yeah
01:02:17we've been expecting you
01:02:19principal's office is in the back
01:02:21oh
01:02:22thank you
01:02:23you're in so much trouble
01:02:37so
01:02:42you left your two-month-old baby
01:02:45in the care of your
01:02:45eleven-year-old daughter
01:02:47what can I say
01:02:49I'm not one of those
01:02:50helicopter parents
01:02:52come on
01:02:57give me a break
01:02:58I am raising five kids
01:03:00you have no idea
01:03:02how hard that is
01:03:03eight
01:03:10well clearly you're very competitive
01:03:13I talked to Penny
01:03:16I think you should know
01:03:18she's helping you out
01:03:20more than you realize
01:03:21what do you mean?
01:03:22do you know Penny
01:03:23takes the baby monitor
01:03:24to bed with her
01:03:25so she can get up
01:03:26for the feedings?
01:03:28she does
01:03:29as a result
01:03:31the poor girl
01:03:32is exhausted
01:03:33she fell asleep
01:03:35in social studies yesterday
01:03:36I had no idea
01:03:38oh my gosh
01:03:40yes
01:03:41I will talk to Penny
01:03:43when she gets home
01:03:44and I will fix this
01:03:45yes
01:03:46that would be nice
01:03:47okay
01:03:49you know what
01:03:51enough with the
01:03:52judgmental tone
01:03:53come on
01:03:54who among us
01:03:55is a perfect mother
01:03:56Gabby
01:04:09is everything okay?
01:04:11yeah
01:04:11yeah
01:04:12everything's fine
01:04:13I was just hoping
01:04:13Grace would be home
01:04:14I thought we were
01:04:16supposed to call first
01:04:16if we wanted to see
01:04:17the kids
01:04:17I know
01:04:18I know
01:04:19but I was in the neighborhood
01:04:20uh
01:04:22is she here?
01:04:23no
01:04:23okay
01:04:25well
01:04:25could you give this
01:04:26to her for me?
01:04:32thank you
01:04:32but Grace already
01:04:33has it first
01:04:34really?
01:04:35is it Chanel?
01:04:36no
01:04:37we bought it
01:04:37at a flea market
01:04:38for two dollars
01:04:38and she's very happy
01:04:39with it
01:04:40I know
01:04:41but don't you think
01:04:42she'd like this one
01:04:42a little better?
01:04:43not if she never
01:04:44sees it
01:04:45don't you think
01:04:47I would like to
01:04:48get my children
01:04:48doing nice things
01:04:49we're not like you
01:04:50we can't afford
01:04:52luxuries
01:04:52we can barely afford
01:04:53the necessities
01:04:54look
01:04:55if you guys need help
01:04:56what we need
01:04:57is for you
01:04:58to let us be
01:04:59who we are
01:05:00not who you are
01:05:01goodbye Gabby
01:05:03please
01:05:04call next time
01:05:05you said
01:05:12I had a month
01:05:13I said
01:05:14I thought
01:05:14it was a month
01:05:15it's the internet
01:05:16everything moves
01:05:17very fast
01:05:18how many billboards
01:05:19are there
01:05:19they talked about
01:05:21a big ad campaign
01:05:22so I guess a lot
01:05:23you have got to
01:05:25call them
01:05:25get them to stop it
01:05:26or at least
01:05:27put some other girl
01:05:28up there
01:05:28something
01:05:29honey
01:05:30I tried to warn you
01:05:31it's beyond my
01:05:32control now
01:05:33please
01:05:34help me
01:05:35what if Mike
01:05:36sees me
01:05:36splayed across
01:05:37that billboard
01:05:38he's gonna recognize
01:05:40those panties
01:05:41he gave them to me
01:05:43for our anniversary
01:05:44I'll make a call
01:05:48sorry I took the baby to school
01:06:05I had a math test
01:06:07but I didn't want to be late
01:06:07hey sweetie
01:06:08hey
01:06:09hey
01:06:09you didn't do anything wrong
01:06:14I did
01:06:15come here
01:06:18sit down
01:06:18I understand you've been taking the baby monitor
01:06:29into your room at night
01:06:30just so you can sleep
01:06:32I appreciate that
01:06:36and I appreciate
01:06:38how often
01:06:39you have been looking
01:06:40after your little sister
01:06:41well
01:06:41I know how you like
01:06:43to go see your friends
01:06:44and go jogging
01:06:44and stuff
01:06:45yeah I do
01:06:47and
01:06:48you're different
01:06:49when you get to do those things
01:06:50you laugh more
01:06:52you're not as cranky
01:06:53you stay up late
01:06:55and play board games
01:06:56with us
01:06:56I like that mommy better
01:06:59I like that mommy better too
01:07:03but it's not your job
01:07:06to take care of me
01:07:07your job is to
01:07:10watch television
01:07:12and eat way too much candy
01:07:14and my job
01:07:15is to make sure
01:07:16that's all your job is
01:07:18okay
01:07:20off you go
01:07:25that
01:07:32was really sweet
01:07:34I know
01:07:35get me a nanny
01:07:37what
01:07:38I am drowning here
01:07:40you heard what Penny said
01:07:42I'm not myself anymore
01:07:43and when I'm not taking it out on the kids
01:07:45I'm taking advantage of them
01:07:47so I need help
01:07:48how about if I pitch in more
01:07:51oh
01:07:51Tom
01:07:53what a lovely
01:07:54hollow offer
01:07:55that you'll never back up
01:07:57get me a nanny
01:07:59you bought an 8 year old girl
01:08:03a $1400 purse
01:08:05lighten up
01:08:06it's not like I got her
01:08:06the matching wallet
01:08:07so what did Carmen say
01:08:09she went all grapes of wrath on me
01:08:11cause god forbid
01:08:12that woman let her daughter
01:08:13have nice things
01:08:14that woman is her mother
01:08:16and I'm with her on this
01:08:17you have no right
01:08:17to give Grace expensive gifts
01:08:19yes I do
01:08:19why
01:08:20because she was supposed to have all this stuff
01:08:23we were supposed to give it to her
01:08:24this is why I didn't want us to look for her
01:08:26because we had no idea what would happen once we found her
01:08:29but you looked
01:08:30and we met her
01:08:30and now we're falling in love with this girl
01:08:32and if you spook these people
01:08:34they can take her away from us
01:08:35forever
01:08:36morning Mrs. McCluskey
01:08:44how are you today
01:08:45I feel great
01:08:46sorry to disappoint you
01:08:47what
01:08:48just had my annual physical
01:08:51doc says I'm going to be around for years
01:08:53oh
01:08:53so you can tell that
01:08:55vulture husband of yours
01:08:56he'll have to pick at someone else's carcass
01:08:59what are you talking about
01:09:00something smells good
01:09:05I'm making stew
01:09:06so
01:09:08how was your day
01:09:10fine
01:09:11anything
01:09:13anything interesting happen
01:09:14no
01:09:16not really
01:09:17you didn't
01:09:20talk to anyone
01:09:23who would talk to me
01:09:26I'm going to go wash up
01:09:28you are going to love the sea urchin
01:09:48looks a little sketchy
01:09:54most of the fish I eat comes in a basket with fries
01:09:57you're funny
01:09:59and you eat out of a basket
01:10:02I like that
01:10:03everything okay?
01:10:12I just thought I saw
01:10:15never mind
01:10:18so
01:10:19anyway
01:10:20I thought after dinner
01:10:22we could go to a club
01:10:23what do you think of jazz?
01:10:25I think it's the
01:10:26sea urchin of music
01:10:28okay
01:10:33um
01:10:33did you see that?
01:10:35see what?
01:10:38it was probably nothing
01:10:39um
01:10:40I thought I saw
01:10:42okay
01:10:45you're
01:10:46you're just a kid
01:10:48what is the matter
01:10:51with you?
01:10:52I'm so sorry
01:10:53I don't want you to think
01:10:56I'm odd
01:10:57you see when
01:10:58I was a child
01:11:00there was this incident
01:11:01at the circus
01:11:02and ever since then
01:11:04I have always
01:11:05been
01:11:06terrified
01:11:07hey
01:11:08don't I know you?
01:11:13get him away
01:11:14get him away
01:11:14get him away
01:11:15what's wrong?
01:11:16is he there with his tiny hands?
01:11:18I can't look at his tiny hands
01:11:20I am so sorry
01:11:29I don't know what the hell
01:11:30she's doing
01:11:30it's okay
01:11:31obviously I
01:11:33made a mistake
01:11:34oh my god
01:11:38did he go?
01:11:38I can't look
01:11:38he's gone
01:11:40so come down
01:11:42everyone
01:11:44one is staring
01:11:45you should have seen
01:11:50the look on her face
01:11:51well I couldn't see her
01:11:52but I certainly heard her
01:11:54and it was
01:11:55magnificent
01:11:56happy to help out
01:11:58bye Brie
01:11:59see you in church
01:11:59nine thousand dollars
01:12:07hey
01:12:07my partner
01:12:08spent a lot of money
01:12:09printing those billboards
01:12:11and they'll agree
01:12:12not to put them up
01:12:13but they are not
01:12:13going to eat the cost
01:12:15honey
01:12:17I did the best
01:12:18I could
01:12:19I tucked them down
01:12:20from twelve
01:12:21it's still a huge hit
01:12:23I mean it puts us
01:12:25right back where we were
01:12:26before I started
01:12:26doing this stuff
01:12:27I know
01:12:28and what's Mike
01:12:29going to say
01:12:30when he notices
01:12:31the money is missing
01:12:32oh god
01:12:34I hadn't even
01:12:35thought of that
01:12:36maybe I should
01:12:39just let them
01:12:39put up the billboards
01:12:40at least then
01:12:41when he kills me
01:12:42I'll be famous
01:12:42you know
01:12:44there is another way
01:12:45what do you mean?
01:12:47well you could
01:12:47earn that money back
01:12:49and fast too
01:12:51but you'd have to
01:12:52never mind
01:12:55forget I said anything
01:12:56no no what
01:12:57what is it
01:12:57well there are
01:13:00other services
01:13:00our website provides
01:13:02things I've kept
01:13:02hidden from you
01:13:03because of the
01:13:04boundaries you've set
01:13:05but if you're willing
01:13:07to go beyond
01:13:08those boundaries
01:13:09are you talking
01:13:11about prostitution?
01:13:13god no
01:13:14nothing like that
01:13:16just private
01:13:18on screen
01:13:19interactions
01:13:20of a
01:13:21racier nature
01:13:23how racy
01:13:25how much money
01:13:27do you want to make
01:13:28how dare you
01:13:55good morning Renee
01:13:57how dare you exploit
01:13:59a traumatic childhood
01:14:00memory
01:14:00yes I heard you
01:14:01had some sort of
01:14:02episode with a
01:14:03little person
01:14:03oh look he
01:14:05followed you home
01:14:06very funny
01:14:13I wonder how Keith
01:14:14will react when I tell
01:14:15him it was you
01:14:15who ruined our date
01:14:16about the same as
01:14:17when he finds out
01:14:18you used my grandson
01:14:19to ruin ours
01:14:20oh here's Keith now
01:14:26why don't we ask him
01:14:27who he wants to be
01:14:28with
01:14:28we can't put him
01:14:31on the spot like
01:14:31that
01:14:32Bree you're getting
01:14:33all red
01:14:33is that a hot flash
01:14:34or are you just
01:14:35losing your nerve
01:14:36hey
01:14:39I was gonna finish
01:14:40up with those
01:14:41sconces
01:14:41everything okay
01:14:45here
01:14:46not exactly
01:14:48can we ask you
01:14:50something
01:14:50if you had to
01:14:52choose between
01:14:53forest green
01:14:55or brown
01:14:56for the trim
01:14:57which would you
01:14:58prefer
01:14:58forest green
01:15:02I guess
01:15:03great
01:15:04then why don't you
01:15:05run down to the
01:15:06hardware store
01:15:06and have them
01:15:07mix you up a batch
01:15:08scooped
01:15:09what's the matter
01:15:16Bree
01:15:16afraid you lose
01:15:18you know what
01:15:19I think I am
01:15:21he's all yours
01:15:23well that's not any fun
01:15:26I thought you liked him
01:15:27I do
01:15:28but
01:15:28I don't get his references
01:15:30I can't stay up late
01:15:31like he does
01:15:32I'm being silly
01:15:33I feel like one of those
01:15:34cliches
01:15:35people make fun of
01:15:36the desperate
01:15:37predatory
01:15:37divorcee
01:15:38you mean like me
01:15:41well
01:15:42yeah
01:15:42do you know why
01:15:44people make fun of us
01:15:45they're jealous
01:15:47because we still have
01:15:48the guts
01:15:49to go after
01:15:49what we want
01:15:50do you think
01:15:54he can make you happy
01:15:55I think so
01:15:57then go for it
01:16:07my gift to you
01:16:09why are you being so nice to me
01:16:13based on my dinner
01:16:15under the rainbow
01:16:15last night
01:16:16I'd rather have you
01:16:17as a friend
01:16:18than an enemy
01:16:19now go
01:16:20Keith
01:16:25hang on
01:16:26I think I'll join you
01:16:27really nice of you
01:16:37to have us over
01:16:38maybe next time
01:16:39you can come to our house
01:16:39absolutely
01:16:40you know
01:16:42I think it's great
01:16:42that out of this
01:16:43unfortunate situation
01:16:44we could all end up
01:16:45being friends
01:16:46yes
01:16:47we're very lucky people
01:16:49but you can't catch me
01:16:50but you can't catch me
01:16:51so now we pinch up
01:16:57a small piece of masa
01:16:58and you roll it into a bowl
01:17:00is this big enough?
01:17:03it's perfect
01:17:03I really love your house
01:17:09Mrs. Solis
01:17:10oh thank you honey
01:17:12would you like a tour?
01:17:15uh huh
01:17:16come on
01:17:16wow it's so big
01:17:23you have a TV
01:17:26in your bedroom?
01:17:28lucky
01:17:28yes we're very lucky
01:17:30is that a jewelry box?
01:17:35uh huh
01:17:36do you want to take a look?
01:17:38yeah
01:17:38it's so so pretty
01:17:42can't wait till I grow up
01:17:44so I can have
01:17:45beautiful things
01:17:46you like that?
01:17:53it's a gift I bought myself
01:17:54with my first
01:17:55big modeling check
01:17:56I want you to have it
01:18:01you deserve beautiful things
01:18:03I don't know
01:18:05my mom might get mad
01:18:06then we'll make it
01:18:09our little secret
01:18:09thank you
01:18:13I want a purse
01:18:16like that someday
01:18:17well then I'm gonna make sure
01:18:22you get it
01:18:22it's called a purse
01:18:28and as every woman knows
01:18:30it can hold
01:18:31it can hold
01:18:31just about anything
01:18:33from a bottle
01:18:35for a baby
01:18:36to a check
01:18:41for protection
01:18:42to a gift
01:18:46for a new friend
01:18:48whatever you find
01:18:51inside
01:18:52there's one thing
01:18:54you can be sure of
01:18:55every purse
01:18:58says something
01:18:59about the woman
01:19:00who owns it
01:19:01whether she knows
01:19:04it or not
01:19:05even if she knows
01:19:06there's one
01:19:07old thing
01:19:08either
01:19:08and if she knows
01:19:10she says something
01:19:11like that
01:19:26oh
01:19:29she just