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BSTVSHOWS
  • 6/21/2025
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Transcript
00:00:00You are keeping my grandchildren from me.
00:00:27The odd-looking boxes were delivered to the home of Bob Hunter and Lee McDermott early on a Tuesday morning.
00:00:50It wasn't long before Workman had opened them and begun assembling the various parts and pieces.
00:00:57Happily, it only took three hours to turn the contents into a finished work of art.
00:01:05Sadly, it only took 15 minutes for the residents of Wisteria Lane...
00:01:10What the hell is it?
00:01:12...to become art critics.
00:01:15I think it's a sculpture.
00:01:17I think it's crap.
00:01:18Of all the gay men in the world, we have to get the two without taste.
00:01:21What are we gonna do about this?
00:01:23I say we keep smiling and look for the hidden cameras.
00:01:25I think we're about to get pumped.
00:01:26I don't think there's anything we can do.
00:01:28It's not our lawn.
00:01:29It's our neighborhood.
00:01:30We have rules against this sort of thing.
00:01:32Or at least we did when I used to live here.
00:01:34Who's running the homeowners association?
00:01:36Well, it was Mary Alice, but as you may have heard...
00:01:38Yes.
00:01:39Very tragic.
00:01:40So we haven't had a president in four years?
00:01:42No one would volunteer.
00:01:43It's a pain in the ass job.
00:01:44I'll volunteer.
00:01:45We can hold an election in the next couple of days.
00:01:47I can get rid of this tin foil atrocity by the weekend.
00:01:50Okay, before we become an ugly mob, why doesn't one of us go talk to the guys?
00:01:53But not me.
00:01:54They hate me.
00:01:55Bree, you talk to them.
00:01:57You can relate to them.
00:01:58Why would you say that?
00:02:00You got a kid who came flying out of the closet and the husband had been looking for the doorknob.
00:02:06But you've met him.
00:02:07Oh, they're coming.
00:02:13Morning, ladies.
00:02:14Hi.
00:02:15We were just talking about your sculpture.
00:02:17That's what I love about art, the way it provokes discussion.
00:02:20Although it would have been nice if you had discussed it with us.
00:02:23But you don't like it?
00:02:25Well, we're not saying that.
00:02:27It's just a little...
00:02:30It's an eyesore.
00:02:32Really?
00:02:33Mm-hmm.
00:02:34You hear that, Bob?
00:02:35We flew to Finland and paid $24,000 to commission an eyesore.
00:02:38I don't mind it.
00:02:39Not to brag, but I went to art school.
00:02:41Community college.
00:02:42And they taught us that art is subjective.
00:02:47Thank you, Susan.
00:02:48Susan's need for approval aside, this clearly is not appropriate for the street.
00:02:53Mysterio Lane has a traditional look.
00:02:56Well, maybe you'd like it better if we covered it with a gingham throw.
00:03:00Ladies.
00:03:02I'm sorry.
00:03:03We honestly thought that people would like it.
00:03:05But even if you disapprove, we hope that you will respect our right to decorate as we see fit.
00:03:15Have a nice day, Philistines.
00:03:17Yes.
00:03:18Art came to Wisteria Lane on a Tuesday morning.
00:03:21And by Tuesday afternoon...
00:03:23I think it's time to reconvene the homeowners association.
00:03:26All in favor?
00:03:28Aye.
00:03:29Aye.
00:03:30War had come as well.
00:03:32As word of the sculpture spread, Bob and Lee began to wonder if any of their neighbors would be supportive.
00:03:50But when the sculpture's true function was unveiled the next day, whatever support they did have...
00:04:01...was quickly washed away.
00:04:03Come on.
00:04:04It's 6 a.m.
00:04:05What is this?
00:04:06I don't know, but make it stop.
00:04:07Oh, my God.
00:04:08Wow!
00:04:09It's a fountain too!
00:04:10We would have mentioned that yesterday, but your friends were a little uptight.
00:04:13Yeah, they could get like that too.
00:04:14Do you think that you could just turn it off for a second?
00:04:38What's up?
00:04:39I was just wondering, um, do you think you could move it to your backyard?
00:04:46Why, I thought you liked it.
00:04:49Remember you said art is subjective?
00:04:51Yes!
00:04:52Quiet art is subjective.
00:04:54But you see, Mike is working really long hours lately and he can't sleep with all that noise.
00:04:58We're not going to turn it off, because we need it to drown out all the stuff we hear coming from your house.
00:05:03Like what?
00:05:04Let's see, you yakking to your mom on the phone, you grunting through your Pilates DVDs, you in the shower butchering the score to Brigadoon.
00:05:10I have a lovely voice.
00:05:12Whoever told you that is not your friend.
00:05:15He's a little cranky.
00:05:17I think someone needs his french toast.
00:05:19Come on, Lee.
00:05:20No, no, no, no.
00:05:21No, no, we're not done here.
00:05:23As your neighbor, I have a right to be heard, and I say that simple human decency dictates that you turn off that fountain right now!
00:05:30Hey guys!
00:05:31Hello!
00:05:32Hey guys, I got your snack.
00:05:33Whatcha playing?
00:05:34Action figures.
00:05:35Wanna play, Mom?
00:05:36She does awesome alien voices.
00:05:37Thanks, sweetheart.
00:05:38Hello.
00:05:39Oh, yeah.
00:05:40Hi, Dr. Schiller.
00:05:41Okay, that's my white blood count.
00:05:43Uh-huh, but as long as it's higher than 4.0, that means I don't have neutropenia.
00:05:47Right?
00:05:48Well, that's great.
00:05:49Thanks for calling.
00:05:50Yeah, you too.
00:05:51Bye.
00:05:52What?
00:05:53You can't talk about doctors up here.
00:05:54Or about being sick.
00:05:55If you do.
00:05:56If you do.
00:05:57Okay.
00:05:58Okay.
00:05:59Okay.
00:06:00Okay.
00:06:01Okay.
00:06:02Okay.
00:06:03Okay.
00:06:04Okay.
00:06:05Okay.
00:06:06Okay.
00:06:07Okay.
00:06:08Okay.
00:06:09Okay.
00:06:10Okay.
00:06:11Okay.
00:06:12Okay.
00:06:13Okay.
00:06:14Okay.
00:06:15Okay.
00:06:16If you do, you have to go.
00:06:18That's the rule.
00:06:20Well, that's a good rule.
00:06:23Although it wasn't bad news.
00:06:25It was actually...
00:06:26Doesn't matter.
00:06:27We voted.
00:06:28It's a rule.
00:06:30Got it.
00:06:31Sick talk done.
00:06:32Okay?
00:06:33You guys have fun.
00:06:37Do over Parker.
00:06:38That guy doesn't have freezing powers.
00:06:40If his guy can fly, my guy can freeze.
00:06:43Okay.
00:06:44Hi.
00:06:45It's Mrs. Hodge.
00:06:46May I speak with Danielle?
00:06:47Mmm.
00:06:48Muffins.
00:06:49Hands off.
00:06:50We're bringing these to Danielle for her birthday.
00:06:52What do you mean she's gone?
00:06:55And you believed her?
00:06:57You idiot!
00:06:58I should sue your irresponsible ass off for this.
00:07:00Yeah?
00:07:01Well, good day to you too, Reverend Mother.
00:07:03What happened?
00:07:04The stupid nuns at the convent let Danielle's grandmother kidnap her.
00:07:07She claimed I'd given her permission for a weekend visit.
00:07:12Phyllis!
00:07:13It's me!
00:07:14You can screen your calls all you want to, but trust me, old woman, you are in a world of trouble.
00:07:18I know where you live, and I am coming for you.
00:07:21Shouldn't we be worried?
00:07:22No, I think we're ready for her.
00:07:24Now, show me again how you kill the zombies.
00:07:27Why can't I go?
00:07:31I play golf.
00:07:34And I'd love to meet your college buddies.
00:07:37Edie, me and the guys have only two rules for these weekends.
00:07:41No plaid pants and no women.
00:07:43Fine.
00:07:44Be that way.
00:07:46And to think I got you a gift.
00:07:53Hey, golf balls.
00:07:55They're monogrammed.
00:07:56Wait, these are your initials.
00:07:59Exactly.
00:08:00While you're out there playing, I want everyone to know who your balls belong to.
00:08:15Good work, boys, but I have to head out in a few minutes, so make sure you put all this stuff back in the garage.
00:08:21Hello?
00:08:22Hey, on my way.
00:08:24Meet you at the hotel, okay?
00:08:25I'm leaving in five minutes.
00:08:35Uh, Brett?
00:08:36Could you come here a second?
00:08:39How long has that van been parked over there?
00:08:41A couple hours.
00:08:42Hours?
00:08:43Are you serious?
00:08:44Oh, my God.
00:08:45I think he's just waiting for someone to come home.
00:08:49Brett, when's the last time a cable guy waited for anyone?
00:08:53I see a lot of lawn mowing in your future.
00:08:57Hey, it's me again.
00:08:58I'm not gonna believe this.
00:09:00Before Victor left on his business trip, he hired someone to tail me.
00:09:03Oh, man.
00:09:04Should we call this off?
00:09:05No way.
00:09:06It's gonna take more than a guy with mini binoculars and a bag of donuts to keep me under lock and key.
00:09:11I'll be there as soon as I can.
00:09:13I'm so sorry.
00:09:14Hey, I'll be there.
00:09:15Come on.
00:09:16Come on, Eddie.
00:09:17Come on, Eddie.
00:09:18Come on.
00:09:19Come on.
00:09:20Come on.
00:09:21Come on, Eddie.
00:09:22Come on.
00:09:23They're all right.
00:09:24I'm back here.
00:09:26As soon as we get around the corner, we're going to have to adjust this horn.
00:09:56Gabrielle.
00:10:03Hey.
00:10:06Hi.
00:10:09Look at you.
00:10:10What a surprise.
00:10:13This is Gabby.
00:10:15Tammy, this is Gabrielle.
00:10:17Wow.
00:10:18Look at you.
00:10:19Congratulations.
00:10:20Thanks.
00:10:21It wasn't planned.
00:10:24Okay.
00:10:25So, are you guys staying here?
00:10:28No.
00:10:29We just came for some lunch.
00:10:30Daddy owns this place.
00:10:31That's right.
00:10:32You're a hotel heiress.
00:10:33Yeah.
00:10:34But not one of the skanky ones.
00:10:36How do you two know each other?
00:10:39I used to be Gabrielle's gardener.
00:10:41Oh.
00:10:42Well, as you can see, he's certainly married up.
00:10:45Lawn boy.
00:10:46Tammy.
00:10:47Look at it.
00:10:49So, I heard you married the mayor.
00:10:52You're married to Victor Lang?
00:10:54He and Daddy go hunting together.
00:10:56I tell John if he would just be nicer to Daddy, he could hang out with people like the mayor
00:11:00and make important contacts.
00:11:02And I keep telling you that I don't need to kiss your father's ass to have a career.
00:11:06Uh, yeah.
00:11:07So, I married the mayor.
00:11:08Kooky, huh?
00:11:09So, um, is he here with you?
00:11:13Uh, no.
00:11:14He's away at a conference.
00:11:16So, I decided to treat myself to his fall weekend.
00:11:19Ooh.
00:11:20You should definitely get the full body massage.
00:11:23Oh, I plan to.
00:11:26Good to see you.
00:11:27You too, Gabby.
00:11:29Sorry about that.
00:11:32A complete shock.
00:11:34I mean, of all people to run into.
00:11:36Who were they?
00:11:40Just an old friend and his idiot wife.
00:11:43Come on, let's go.
00:11:47Ray.
00:11:48How lovely to see you.
00:11:50Cram it, Phyllis.
00:11:51You got a lot of nerves stealing Danielle from a convent we prepaid for?
00:11:55She didn't steal me.
00:11:57I'm a mature person capable of making my own decisions.
00:12:00Well, good.
00:12:01You can decide to pack because we are taking you back to the convent.
00:12:03Mm-mm.
00:12:04I'm turning 18 this weekend so you can't boss me around anymore.
00:12:07I'm staying with grandma and I'm going to have my baby delivered here.
00:12:10We have an excellent medical staff.
00:12:12It's a retirement village.
00:12:13All these doctors know how to deliver is bad news.
00:12:15I don't care.
00:12:16I'm staying.
00:12:17And I'm going to raise the baby here too.
00:12:19What?
00:12:20Entirely her idea.
00:12:22A baby is God's most precious gift.
00:12:24I will not have mine raised by a cold, emotionally unavailable woman like you.
00:12:28Emotionally unavailable.
00:12:29Gosh, I wonder where she picked up that little phrase.
00:12:33Like I'm too dumb to think of it myself?
00:12:35You're always mean to me, just like you were to dad.
00:12:38You emasculated him.
00:12:40Well, you're not going to emasculate me.
00:12:42You don't even know what that means, you petulant sock puppets.
00:12:46Who cares?
00:12:48I'm going to the store.
00:12:53Buy a dictionary.
00:12:56So that's all settled.
00:12:59Would you like some iced tea?
00:13:01You aren't joining the lynch mob?
00:13:12Uh, me and Katherine's homeowner's thingy.
00:13:14I think I'll sit this one out.
00:13:16No, no, no, you can't do that.
00:13:17You've got to pick a side.
00:13:18Art or mindless conformity.
00:13:22See, this is one of the upsides of having cancer.
00:13:24You get to excuse yourself from petty neighborhood squabbles.
00:13:27You won't think they're so petty when she comes after you.
00:13:29Me? Why would you do that?
00:13:32Because the homeowner's association approve everything in your yard?
00:13:34The fence?
00:13:35That swing?
00:13:37The treehouse?
00:13:39I don't think Katherine will bother herself over a treehouse.
00:13:41First they came for the fountains.
00:13:43And I did not speak out because I had no fountain.
00:13:46What?
00:13:47Then they came for the lawn gnomes.
00:13:48And I did not speak out because I had no gnome.
00:13:50You're comparing Katherine to a Nazi?
00:13:52Then they came for my treehouse.
00:13:54And there was no one left to speak out for me.
00:14:00Thank you, ladies. I so appreciate your input.
00:14:03And I think we can all agree that the fountain has no place on our street.
00:14:08Yeah, we've got to show those gays we mean business.
00:14:13Ida, again the issue is not Bob and Lee being gay. It's the fountain.
00:14:18Well, can't it be both?
00:14:22Anyway, if you elect me president, my first act will be to eliminate this so-called work of art.
00:14:30Hear, hear.
00:14:32Yes, Lynette.
00:14:33After you get rid of this fountain, that's it, right?
00:14:36I don't follow.
00:14:38I mean, you're not going to start checking everyone's yards for things that don't fit in?
00:14:42Of course not. As long as those things meet the association's guidelines.
00:14:48Uh-huh. And what if they don't?
00:14:51Are you referring to something in particular?
00:14:53My kid's treehouse. Can you promise you'll leave it alone?
00:14:56Well, it's not up to me. That's the whole point. There are rules.
00:15:00That sounds like a no.
00:15:02If I make an exception for you, then I have to make one for everyone.
00:15:05And surely you realize that the whole neighborhood can't revolve around your little treehouse.
00:15:09Now, since I am running unopposed, I just need someone to second my nomination.
00:15:18Oh, thank you, Lynette.
00:15:21No. Actually, I'm nominating myself. I am now running for president.
00:15:26Against you.
00:15:27You know, running for president in your condition? I don't think it's a good idea.
00:15:40Tom, I don't want your opinion. Just your vote.
00:15:43If you want to save the treehouse, why don't you let me run instead?
00:15:46Because you'd never win. Bossy women rule this street. You know that.
00:15:49No one rules my life.
00:15:52I'm sorry. I didn't catch that.
00:15:54Nothing.
00:15:56Look, this is not just about a treehouse or a fountain.
00:15:58This is about what kind of neighborhood we want to live in.
00:16:01Do we get to make our own choices or do we let the Tasty police make them for us?
00:16:06Ah, now I get it. This is about you wanting to take on Catherine.
00:16:09No. This is about personal freedom. Specifically, my personal freedom to take down that jack-booted house frown.
00:16:17Honey, if you're looking for something to fight, how about your cancer?
00:16:20Hey, a tumor is a tumor, whether it's in your body or living across the street.
00:16:29I don't know why you buy those things. They just end up on the floor.
00:16:33Because I want to feel pretty and feminine.
00:16:35Ooh, my chili cheese fries. Just a second!
00:16:40Gabrielle? It's me, John.
00:16:43John? John who?
00:16:48Uh, okay. You know that old friend I ran into in the lobby?
00:16:52It might have been John Rowland.
00:16:54Maybe. I'm not sure.
00:16:57Gabrielle?
00:16:59Just to be safe, you may want to hide in the carpet.
00:17:01What? I'm not hiding from that guy.
00:17:03Really? Because his father-in-law goes hunting with Victor.
00:17:06You know, the guy who hired someone to tail us and possibly kill us.
00:17:10John! What are you doing here?
00:17:12When I ran into you last fall, you wanted to start off our affair again and I wasn't ready.
00:17:25Well, I'm ready.
00:17:27Hey, listen, I promised Tom I would knock myself out campaigning for this homeowner's thing.
00:17:31So, I was hoping you could help me, you know, ring some bells, talk me up, that sort of thing.
00:17:37I would love to, but...
00:17:38But what?
00:17:40This is awkward. I told Catherine I'd vote for her.
00:17:43You're picking her over me?
00:17:44It's not like I'm pro-Catherine. I'm just anti-Fountain.
00:17:46Well, don't give me that look. I made her promise.
00:17:47Yes, but that was before your best friend threw her scarf in the ring.
00:17:52Okay, if I vote for you, do you promise to get rid of that fountain?
00:17:53See, that's awkward for me. This is about personal freedom, you know?
00:17:56I'm running a group of people.
00:17:57I'm not sure how you're going to vote for her.
00:17:59But I don't need to vote for them.
00:18:00You're not sure how you vote for them.
00:18:01You're not sure how you vote for me.
00:18:02I'm just anti-Fountain.
00:18:05Well, don't give me that look. I made her promise.
00:18:07Yes, but that was before your best friend threw her scarf in the ring.
00:18:12Okay. If I vote for you, do you promise to get rid of that fountain?
00:18:17See, that's awkward for me. This is about personal freedom, you know?
00:18:21You know, I'm running as a libertarian.
00:18:24Well, I'm voting as a light sleeper.
00:18:25It's right outside our bedroom window.
00:18:27Seriously, Lynette, it's like living next to Splash Mountain.
00:18:30But it's my kids' treehouse. They really need it.
00:18:32Well, we need our sleep.
00:18:33Why don't you get earplugs?
00:18:35Why don't you get treehouse plugs?
00:18:38What? That doesn't even make sense.
00:18:40Yeah, I'm sorry. You know, tired people aren't witty.
00:18:46Seriously, John, you've got to get out of here.
00:18:48No, please. I need to be with you.
00:18:50What about your wife?
00:18:51You met her. She's dumb, demanding, totally self-centered.
00:18:55Especially in bed. I mean, she's awful.
00:18:57Awfully pregnant.
00:18:58I know. I'm completely trapped.
00:19:01Just like you were with Mr. Solis.
00:19:02What? I wasn't trapped.
00:19:06What do you mean?
00:19:07All you'd ever talk about was what a selfish piggy was.
00:19:10Well, I think you're paraphrasing.
00:19:12Okay, seriously, you have to go.
00:19:13Come on. You know it would be hard.
00:19:16Just like old times.
00:19:18Remember how great our sex was?
00:19:19Oh, I don't think we need to get into that.
00:19:21What about the time we were doing it in the shower?
00:19:25Mr. Solis drove up?
00:19:26Uh, does not ring a bell.
00:19:28Come on. And I hid in the closet.
00:19:30You look so hot.
00:19:31Mr. Solis pulled you down on the bed.
00:19:34You had to fake an orgasm just so he wouldn't catch on.
00:19:37Yeah, good times.
00:19:41Anyways, uh, that's a negatory on the affair.
00:19:44And I will see you later.
00:19:46Come on. We're so good together.
00:19:48Gab...
00:19:48Boy, that was a close one, huh?
00:19:55You faked it with me while that wax job was hiding in the closet?
00:20:03Yes, I had an affair.
00:20:04Old news. Move on.
00:20:06Where's that room service?
00:20:07So you're not going to apologize for humiliating me in my own bed?
00:20:11You deserved it.
00:20:12All you cared about back then was work.
00:20:14Hey, I was not that bad of a husband.
00:20:16And somebody had to support your Italian shoe addiction.
00:20:18I shopped because I was bored and lonely.
00:20:21Same reason I had an affair.
00:20:22Yeah, with our teenage gardener.
00:20:23I should have snapped that kid's neck two years ago.
00:20:26Oh, let it go.
00:20:27John Roland didn't do anything to you that you're not doing to Victor.
00:20:30You can't even compare the two.
00:20:32It's completely different.
00:20:33Is it, Mr. Man in the Closet?
00:20:37Yeah, you heard me.
00:20:38Who's John Roland now?
00:20:49Catherine, what are you up to?
00:20:51Just visiting a friend.
00:20:52Liar.
00:20:53You're campaigning.
00:20:55Cookies.
00:20:56Nice touch.
00:20:58I thought I wanted a scarf.
00:21:03Edie, you got a moment?
00:21:05I am running for president of the Homeowners Association,
00:21:08and I want to talk to you about that horrible fountain.
00:21:11Screw the fountain.
00:21:12You want my support?
00:21:13Make Ida Greenberg ditch that screen door.
00:21:16That rusty old tetanus bucket.
00:21:18Looks fine to me.
00:21:19It's hardly ripped at all.
00:21:20In fact, if you give me your support,
00:21:22I'll make Mrs. Paquette prune those roses.
00:21:25It's a garden, not a jungle, and you shouldn't have to.
00:21:28Pay for a fence you don't even want?
00:21:30That's not how you make good neighbors.
00:21:31And I don't care if...
00:21:32The Mastafists don't celebrate Christmas.
00:21:35You're asking them to hang a few lights, not convert.
00:21:38But I'm president.
00:21:38I promise.
00:21:39You can keep that satellite dish.
00:21:41In fact, this is practically a First Amendment issue.
00:21:44The way I see it,
00:21:45the entire neighborhood should be a testament to symmetry and beauty.
00:21:49So, have I got your vote?
00:21:52I'm not sure yet.
00:21:53Keep rubbing.
00:22:06Brie, I know you're upset, but you've got to eat.
00:22:09I'm just so mad at myself.
00:22:11I should have realized that the maternal instinct is so strong
00:22:14that even Danielle would develop it.
00:22:20What's so funny?
00:22:21You know those animals who eat their young?
00:22:24Even they have more maternal instinct than Danielle.
00:22:26Then why would she want the child?
00:22:28You've known her how long,
00:22:29and you've still haven't figured out how that lentil she calls a brain works?
00:22:32There's no need to insult your sister.
00:22:34Let him talk.
00:22:34All right.
00:22:35Danielle cares about three things.
00:22:38Danielle, fun, and, uh...
00:22:41Wait, I was wrong.
00:22:43It's just two.
00:22:44And a retirement village is fun?
00:22:47Compared to what you're offering her.
00:22:48A crappy job and community college.
00:22:51You think Grandma's going to make her do any of that?
00:22:53So Danielle's only doing this because Phyllis is offering her a cushy life?
00:22:56Yep.
00:22:57If you want that baby,
00:22:58you're going to have to outbid Grandma.
00:23:04What are you doing here?
00:23:13Hi, John.
00:23:15I wanted to talk to you.
00:23:17It'll be very friendly.
00:23:19No hitting.
00:23:26What's up?
00:23:27This is going to sound weird,
00:23:29but I've been doing some thinking lately.
00:23:30And, well,
00:23:32I've decided that it's time for me to forgive you.
00:23:39For sleeping with my wife.
00:23:43You know, I didn't just sleep with Gabby.
00:23:46I fell in love with her.
00:23:51I forgive you for that, too.
00:23:55Why are you doing this?
00:23:57You're in some kind of 12-step program?
00:23:58Let's just say I recently learned
00:24:03how loving someone makes you forget
00:24:04the difference between right and wrong.
00:24:12Anyway, that's pretty much it.
00:24:13I should go.
00:24:15Hey.
00:24:17You still talk to Gabrielle?
00:24:20Occasionally.
00:24:21Why?
00:24:22I just wanted to know if she was happy.
00:24:24I think she is.
00:24:30Well.
00:24:33Good for her.
00:24:41All right.
00:24:42Before we vote,
00:24:43are there any more questions for the candidates?
00:24:46Anybody besides Lee?
00:24:48It's not a question.
00:24:48I just want to remind everyone
00:24:50that a vote for Catherine
00:24:51is a vote for fascism.
00:24:53What is it with you gay people and clothes?
00:24:58Fascism, Ida.
00:24:58Not fashion.
00:25:00Though, if you ever do want to talk fashion,
00:25:03we're here for you.
00:25:05All right.
00:25:05Debate's over.
00:25:06Let's kick this pig.
00:25:08All in favor of Lynette.
00:25:09Lynette.
00:25:09Okay, and those for Catherine?
00:25:25That's 14 for Lynette and 14 for Catherine.
00:25:28So, what do we do?
00:25:29It's a tie.
00:25:30Ah, no, it's not.
00:25:32Susan voted twice.
00:25:37Did I?
00:25:38Well, that's obviously wrong.
00:25:42You only get one vote, sweet cheeks.
00:25:43Who's it going to be?
00:25:58Susan, we're waiting.
00:26:00It's up to you, hon.
00:26:06Catherine.
00:26:07Okay, it's official.
00:26:10Catherine is our new president.
00:26:16Thank you, everyone.
00:26:17And I promise to do my best for this neighborhood.
00:26:20And Bob, Lee, Mr. Mustafa,
00:26:22I'll be in touch regarding your various infractions.
00:26:24Oh, and you too, Lynette.
00:26:30Meeting adjourned.
00:26:30You know, Phyllis, we cannot thank you enough for accepting our apology.
00:26:55Well, I think we should try to stay on good terms for Danielle's sake.
00:27:02I'm glad you suggested that we eat out here.
00:27:05I never think to do this.
00:27:06Oh, darn.
00:27:07I forgot the napkins.
00:27:09No problem.
00:27:10I'll go get some.
00:27:11So, now that we have a moment alone, your mother and I would like to say how proud we are of you.
00:27:20Yeah, right.
00:27:21Seriously.
00:27:22We hadn't realized you'd matured enough to take on the burden of motherhood all by yourself.
00:27:27Well, Grandma's going to help.
00:27:29She'll do what she can, but you mustn't overtax her.
00:27:31Her heart is not very strong.
00:27:34She seems fine to me.
00:27:36Well, knock wood.
00:27:37We'd hate to see you forced to take care of a baby and a sick old woman.
00:27:42Whoa.
00:27:43Mahjong.
00:27:43Don't see that much anymore.
00:27:47Hey.
00:27:51Danielle, you should introduce yourself.
00:27:53These people are your new friends.
00:27:55And you're going to learn more from their experience and wisdom than you ever could have learned at that college in Florida.
00:28:01Wait.
00:28:01I thought I couldn't go there.
00:28:03You said it was just a party school.
00:28:04Well, actually, we checked into the curriculum, and it's very strong.
00:28:06But no matter.
00:28:07You'll be happier here.
00:28:08Yes, and with a grandmother's unconditional love, who needs frat boys who only like you for your convertible?
00:28:14Whoa.
00:28:15When did I get a convertible?
00:28:16Well, we were going to surprise you with one for your birthday, but since you're keeping the baby, you'll want a more practical gift.
00:28:21We're thinking a diaper service.
00:28:24Oh, look.
00:28:25They have water aerobics.
00:28:30You should sign up.
00:28:35You know, maybe I should go to college.
00:28:38I mean, for the baby's sake.
00:28:41How can I support it without a degree?
00:28:42But you can't raise this child in a Miami dorm room.
00:28:47You'll need to leave it with someone you can trust to take care of it properly.
00:28:54Sorry.
00:28:55The elevator's out.
00:28:58I'm going to catch my breath.
00:29:07Grandma?
00:29:08We need to talk.
00:29:20What's this?
00:29:21I thought we might toast my victory.
00:29:24Kind of in the middle of something here.
00:29:26Oh.
00:29:26So, you haven't congratulated me yet.
00:29:32I know.
00:29:35Would you like to tell me what's bothering you?
00:29:37I just want you to think about what you've been doing for the past few days.
00:29:40You've mounted a crusade against a metal thing that shoots out water.
00:29:44I'm trying to keep the neighborhood beautiful.
00:29:47I love this street.
00:29:48Yeah, you keep saying that.
00:29:49How happy you used to be here.
00:29:51But ever since we've moved back, all I've seen is an unhappy woman who needs to control everything.
00:29:56Well, we've both learned what happens when you lose control.
00:30:02Ah, Chicago again.
00:30:05Tell you something else we learned there.
00:30:07When the chips are down, it helps to have friends.
00:30:10And you certainly haven't made us any lately.
00:30:13Congratulations.
00:30:24Bye, Grandma.
00:30:25Goodbye, dear.
00:30:28Tell your stepfather I'll be right out.
00:30:35Oh, please, Phyllis.
00:30:37Even you have to agree that a girl who'd trade her baby for a convertible isn't ready for motherhood.
00:30:42She'd have changed once the baby came.
00:30:46She's her father's daughter.
00:30:52That's a nice picture of Rex.
00:30:54I have a lot of pictures.
00:30:57All of the women here do.
00:31:00They're what we have left of the things time has taken from us.
00:31:07Youth, homes, and husbands.
00:31:12And for the unluckiest children.
00:31:16I thought I was getting back a part of Rex.
00:31:20But no.
00:31:25I know you're lonely, Phyllis.
00:31:26But I can't give up this child just to make you feel better.
00:31:30You should go.
00:31:32Your family is waiting for you.
00:31:33Orson and I go to our club almost every Saturday night if you're interested in babysitting.
00:31:49You mean it?
00:31:53How will you explain me to your friends?
00:31:56I'll say that you're broke and needed the money.
00:31:57Can't you just say that you like having me around?
00:32:03I need something that will fly, Phyllis.
00:32:05Hey, what's going on?
00:32:18We need to talk.
00:32:21So here's the deal.
00:32:22I think it's time for us to do the right thing.
00:32:26I think I like where this is going.
00:32:28We have to end this affair.
00:32:30Are you serious?
00:32:31All this sneaking around, wearing disguises, hiding in closets.
00:32:36Is this wrong?
00:32:38We're better than this.
00:32:39So what are you suggesting?
00:32:40We stay with Victor and Edie?
00:32:42No, we break up with them.
00:32:44Look, it'll hurt, but at least it's honest.
00:32:47And then when enough time has gone by and they've moved on, we can be together.
00:32:51How long are we talking about?
00:32:53I don't know, six months?
00:32:55Six months?
00:32:56Nobody takes that long to heal anymore.
00:32:58It's a breakup, not a facelift.
00:33:00Hey, look, I want us to be together too, but I also want to feel good about it.
00:33:05Don't you?
00:33:09Yeah, I do.
00:33:13You're such a good guy, Carlos.
00:33:15I really hate that about you.
00:33:18I know.
00:33:21So, I guess this is it.
00:33:27This kiss has to last six months.
00:33:30You better make it good.
00:33:45This guy can fly.
00:33:50My guy can fly.
00:33:55Hey, Lynette.
00:33:57Hey, Judas.
00:33:59Okay, fine.
00:34:00You're still angry, but I'm going to make it up to you.
00:34:02When they come after that treehouse, they're going to find one Susan Meyer chained to it.
00:34:06Don't do that.
00:34:07I want to be sad when they knock it down.
00:34:09Lynette?
00:34:10What?
00:34:10You think you can just walk over here and cute your way out of what you did?
00:34:14We're supposed to be friends.
00:34:15Exactly.
00:34:16And friends don't put friends in this kind of position.
00:34:18I love you, but you can't ask me to put your kids ahead of my husband.
00:34:25You're right.
00:34:26I shouldn't have done that.
00:34:26But that treehouse is the one place my kids can go and not hear about body scans and white blood cell counts.
00:34:37It is their getaway from this horrible thing that I brought into the house.
00:34:43Brought?
00:34:44Sweetie, it's not your fault that you're sick.
00:34:47I know that.
00:34:48Here.
00:34:49But here?
00:34:51It feels like I've ruined their childhood.
00:34:53Okay, if anybody needs me, I'll be at the hardware store buying chains.
00:34:59Jeez, get over here.
00:35:02Hello there.
00:35:05Oh, look, it's our new queen, Catherine of Arrogance.
00:35:08Hey, where's the wrecking ball?
00:35:10Actually, I came to tell you the treehouse can stay.
00:35:13Oh, my God, that's great.
00:35:15Yes.
00:35:15If anyone complains, we'll say it was grandfathered in under the previous administration.
00:35:20Wow, thanks.
00:35:24Why?
00:35:26Clearly it means a lot to you, and I want to be a good neighbor.
00:35:31Catherine.
00:35:34What's with you?
00:35:35Sometimes you act like an ice queen, and then you do something really nice.
00:35:39You are one complicated lady.
00:35:42Oh.
00:35:43I've had one complicated life.
00:35:50I've had a lot of men in my life, but I never let myself fall in love before.
00:35:57I thought it was because I didn't want to get hurt, but now I know the pain you feel isn't the worst part.
00:36:06It's the hate.
00:36:10Could you make it up to Cass?
00:36:11Hello, Catherine.
00:36:27You heard about the fountain?
00:36:29Yes, but don't worry.
00:36:30There's no strict deadline.
00:36:31You can have it removed at your earliest convenience.
00:36:35Yeah, I don't think it's going anywhere.
00:36:37Oh, boys, boys.
00:36:40The war's over.
00:36:43Yes, it is.
00:36:44We know all about Chicago.
00:36:47Come again?
00:36:48My ex is on the board of Chicago Memorial Hospital.
00:36:51Seems your husband made quite a stir there.
00:36:53Whole hospital still buzzing about what he did.
00:36:55Whatever you heard is a vicious lie.
00:36:59Every word of it.
00:37:00Still, it was enough to make you leave town, which begs the question, do you like living here?
00:37:13Oh, good.
00:37:14We're in agreement.
00:37:15The fountain stays.
00:37:18Thanks for stopping by, Catherine.
00:37:19It's the same for all of us.
00:37:29We try not to get too close to the people who live next door.
00:37:35It's easier to give them a polite nod than to ask what's wrong.
00:37:42It's safer to keep walking by than to get involved.
00:37:46True, we sometimes do get to know the people we share a fence with and end up lifelong friends.
00:37:55Thanks, Catherine.
00:37:57But mostly, we keep our distance because we'd rather our neighbors know nothing about us
00:38:10than know too much.
00:38:16I want us to be together too, but I also want to feel good about it.
00:38:46And Gabby and Carlos ended their affair.
00:38:51Too late.
00:38:53Could you make it up to Cass?
00:39:00As a little girl, Edie Britt was afraid of many things.
00:39:05And all the little boys in her neighborhood knew this.
00:39:08So they would wait for her with rubber snakes and croaking frogs and plastic spiders, hoping
00:39:17to make Edie scream.
00:39:23But once she was a big girl, Edie Britt was afraid of only one thing.
00:39:28That her lover might leave her for someone else.
00:39:34And Carlos Solis knew this.
00:39:36So when he decided to go, he tried to do it quickly.
00:39:40What the hell is this?
00:39:42Mostly, to avoid her screaming.
00:39:45It just hasn't been working for a long, long time.
00:39:48That's a lie.
00:39:49We were happy.
00:39:50Come on.
00:39:51Let's not argue.
00:39:52I want us to end this as friends.
00:39:54I bet you do, given all I know about your finances.
00:39:59That's true.
00:40:00You know some of my secrets.
00:40:02But I'm betting you still care enough about me to keep them.
00:40:05All right.
00:40:08I won't say anything to anyone about your money in the Grand Caymans.
00:40:12On one condition.
00:40:14You have to tell me the truth about why you're leaving.
00:40:18The truth?
00:40:20Is there someone else?
00:40:24No.
00:40:28Thank you, Carlos.
00:40:29You made this a lot easier.
00:40:35Yes, Edie Britt had been forced to face her worst fear.
00:40:41And she now felt it was only fair.
00:40:44Hi.
00:40:45Um, I know a guy who's got millions in an offshore bank account.
00:40:50Who would I talk to about that?
00:40:53That Carlos should face his.
00:40:55Yes, it was that time of year.
00:41:11Halloween had come once again to Wisteria Lane.
00:41:14And no one was more determined to celebrate its arrival
00:41:18than the gay couple who had just moved in.
00:41:22So which of the neighbors should we invite first?
00:41:23It doesn't matter.
00:41:24They all hate us.
00:41:25Oh, Lee, that's not true.
00:41:26They hate you.
00:41:27I'm the butch one they can feel comfortable around.
00:41:28You keep telling yourself that.
00:41:30Let's start with Bree.
00:41:31She's got a gay son.
00:41:32I bet she's homo-friendly.
00:41:33Why?
00:41:34My mother has one and she's not.
00:41:39Hi.
00:41:40Oh, hello.
00:41:41We're just dropping by to let you know we're having a Halloween party.
00:41:44We'd love for you to come.
00:41:45Oh.
00:41:46Well, thank you.
00:41:47Orson and I would be delighted.
00:41:48Well, you can bring your whole family if you like.
00:41:50Is that your daughter?
00:41:51Uh, no.
00:41:54My daughter is in Switzerland at boarding school.
00:41:57Who is that?
00:41:59My son.
00:42:01Trying on his costume.
00:42:03He's going to be Cher this year.
00:42:06Okay, he's definitely invited.
00:42:07How many times have I told you to stay away from the windows?
00:42:15I'm bored.
00:42:16You won't let me go outside.
00:42:17Can I at least look?
00:42:18What's that?
00:42:19Oh, we've been invited to Bob and Lee's for Halloween.
00:42:22A costume party.
00:42:23Cool.
00:42:24Can I go?
00:42:25Are you insane?
00:42:26It's Halloween.
00:42:27I'll go as a pumpkin.
00:42:29You are two in three weeks.
00:42:30Until then, no windows and no parties.
00:42:32So, this is going to be fun.
00:42:37Will you help me with a costume?
00:42:40Sure.
00:42:41How familiar are you with pop icons from the 70s?
00:42:49Victor, it's me.
00:42:50I got your message.
00:42:52I've got to be honest.
00:42:53I'm very annoyed that you're not coming home today like you promised.
00:42:56I told you I have something very important to tell you.
00:42:59I wanted to do it in person.
00:43:00But now you're not going to be home for another week.
00:43:02And I can't wait.
00:43:04Victor, I'm leaving you.
00:43:08I can't believe I'm ending my marriage on a hotel voicemail.
00:43:13This is very tacky.
00:43:14Forcing me to be tacky, Victor.
00:43:16I'm not a tacky person.
00:43:17I am very, very classy.
00:43:19Oh, hang on one second.
00:43:22Hello?
00:43:23Hey, Carlos.
00:43:24Yeah, I can't talk right now.
00:43:25I'm breaking up with Victor.
00:43:27No, he's not here.
00:43:28He's in Washington.
00:43:28Yeah, okay, I'll explain later.
00:43:32Sorry about that, Victor.
00:43:34Uh, anyway, it's over.
00:43:36Uh, we both know it wasn't working.
00:43:39Uh, good luck on everything.
00:43:41And you don't have to call me back.
00:43:43Okay, bye-bye.
00:43:45I was surprised that my doctor suggested genetic counseling.
00:43:53I didn't have to do that with my last baby.
00:43:56Well, you were 26 when you had your last child.
00:43:59Now you're...
00:44:00Careful.
00:44:02...old enough to benefit from this particular branch of medicine.
00:44:06Nice save.
00:44:07Now, can we just skip to the part where you tell me what's wrong with my baby?
00:44:10Well, we don't know if anything's wrong.
00:44:12So, we're just going over your family medical history, just... just to be on the safe side.
00:44:17Okay.
00:44:18My Aunt Ella has arthritis.
00:44:21I have two cousins with webbed feet.
00:44:23And there's a whole lot of third nipples on my dad's side.
00:44:27Apparently, I married into carny folk.
00:44:29Okay, Mike, what about your family?
00:44:33Everybody's pretty healthy.
00:44:35My grandmother has epilepsy.
00:44:37My father had high blood pressure, but he's on medication, so it's fine now.
00:44:42What do you mean, it's fine now? He's dead?
00:44:45No, he's not. What makes you think that?
00:44:47Because that's what you told me when we first started dating.
00:44:51Oh.
00:44:52Well, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression.
00:44:55It wasn't an impression.
00:44:56You said those words, my father's dead.
00:44:59Oh, it's complicated.
00:45:02How can it be complicated? He's either dead or alive.
00:45:04Does it sound complicated for you, Michelle?
00:45:07Oh, um, well, I'm sorry.
00:45:09I've got an emergency plumbing call.
00:45:12I'm going to have to do this later.
00:45:13Don't wait.
00:45:19Okay, so, um, Mike's grandmother's epileptic?
00:45:23Yeah.
00:45:25But apparently his dad can rise from the dead.
00:45:27So, let's hope the baby gets that gene.
00:45:29Hey, how'd the pet scan go?
00:45:36She was a real trooper.
00:45:38Twenty minutes inside that tube.
00:45:39She didn't complain once.
00:45:40Uh-huh.
00:45:40In a couple of days, we'll know if you beat this son of a bitch.
00:45:43Hey, Dr. Rushton is very optimistic.
00:45:46Fantastic.
00:45:47He's the best.
00:45:47Hey, what do you say I ditch work and I take you to that tight place for lunch, Lynette?
00:45:52Is that a hole?
00:45:55What?
00:45:56In the garden there?
00:45:57Has something been digging in there?
00:45:59Oh, it might be a possum.
00:46:01I saw one the other day.
00:46:03You saw a possum and you didn't tell me?
00:46:06Didn't know it was front page news.
00:46:07Well, we've got to do something about this.
00:46:10And we will.
00:46:11So, do you want to bring the kids or would you prefer a gloriously romantic lunch with just
00:46:15me?
00:46:15I can't eat right now, Tom.
00:46:17I've got to go to the garden center and get some fencing.
00:46:20God, this is annoying.
00:46:22Can't believe you didn't tell me we have a possum.
00:46:23God, this is annoying.
00:46:53Oh, you're up.
00:47:00I was just going to try not to wake you.
00:47:02Did you really think I was going to let you crawl in bed next to me without an explanation
00:47:05for your bizarre behavior?
00:47:07Well, what good to dream if it's not a little unrealistic?
00:47:11I don't care what the issues are.
00:47:13You don't deny your own dad's existence.
00:47:16My father's in prison for murder.
00:47:18So, can you see why I might have wanted to lie about him on a first date?
00:47:25Oh, my God.
00:47:30He's in jail for murder?
00:47:32Yeah.
00:47:34He's doing life without parole.
00:47:40Do you see him?
00:47:41I mean, do you have a relationship with him?
00:47:43Yeah.
00:47:43I visit a few times a year.
00:47:49Well, I've got to meet him.
00:47:51No, I don't think that's such a good idea.
00:47:53Well, he's your father.
00:47:54I should know him.
00:47:55And besides, that genetic counselor said we should gather data about your family's history.
00:47:59Maybe your dad knows something you don't.
00:48:01I mean, I should meet him for the sake of our baby.
00:48:04No.
00:48:05Okay.
00:48:06Fine.
00:48:07We'll go see him.
00:48:17Mom!
00:48:18We're going to bake you a cake when the doctor says your cancer's gone.
00:48:21Great.
00:48:21Here.
00:48:22Grab this.
00:48:24What's this stuff for?
00:48:25You know that possum that's been ruining our garden?
00:48:29Yeah, me and Preston Daniel's gruffles.
00:48:30Don't give him a name.
00:48:31He's not going to be around much longer.
00:48:34You're not going to hurt him, are you?
00:48:36Honey, I put up a fence and he burrowed right under it.
00:48:39The man at the garden center said these are crafty creatures and there's only one way to stop them.
00:48:44Are you going to kill him?
00:48:46Sweetie, let me ask you something.
00:48:48If you had to choose between Mommy's beautiful garden and a gross, mean, dirty possum, what would you pick?
00:48:56Scruffles.
00:48:58Okay, we're done talking here.
00:49:00You're sending me back to the convent?
00:49:04Well, you certainly don't seem happy here.
00:49:06I thought maybe you were missing the nuns and the other girls.
00:49:09Oh, whoopee.
00:49:10Knocked up sluts and celibate freaks.
00:49:12Start the party.
00:49:14Whatever.
00:49:15I don't care.
00:49:15I just want this thing out of me.
00:49:16You know, Danielle, I just want you to be aware that giving up this baby might be harder than you think.
00:49:28It won't be a problem, trust me.
00:49:30Well, you say that now, but once you've held your child and felt that rush of love, it can change you.
00:49:37Please, I hate this baby.
00:49:39What has it done but make me fat and ruin an entire year of my life?
00:49:42I'm just saying, if I were you, I might be feeling...
00:49:46Stop.
00:49:47Who says I have to feel the same things you'd feel?
00:49:49I'm nothing like you.
00:49:51You always say that like it's something to be proud of.
00:49:54But the day I see even a glimmer of myself in you is the day that I realize you finally started to grow up.
00:50:01Well, don't hold your breath.
00:50:04No one's second thought.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:06Do.
00:50:07Do.
00:50:08Do.
00:50:10Do.
00:50:11Do.
00:50:11Do.
00:50:11Do.
00:50:13Hello, Gabrielle.
00:50:14Oh!
00:50:17Milton.
00:50:19You scared me.
00:50:19I thought you were in Washington with Victor.
00:50:22I was.
00:50:23I got to the messages first.
00:50:25Oh.
00:50:26You can't leave him, Gabrielle.
00:50:28Well, if he really wanted me to stay, he would have come here himself instead of sticking Daddy on me.
00:50:33Oh, Victor hasn't heard the message.
00:50:35I erased it.
00:50:36Oh, great.
00:50:37Now I have to break up with him all over again.
00:50:39You know, there's a lot of talk about Victor running for governor.
00:50:42A divorce on the eve of the campaign could be quite damaging.
00:50:47And you flew all the way here to twist my arm?
00:50:51No, I had something a little more subtle in mind.
00:50:55Milton, there is no amount of money that is wow.
00:50:59Yeah.
00:51:00You start tacking on those zeros, it gets hard to stop.
00:51:03Hold on.
00:51:05This check is dated for next year.
00:51:08Exactly.
00:51:09If you want this money, you're going to have to stay married to my son for the next 13 months.
00:51:13Huh.
00:51:14And isn't there an election around that time?
00:51:18My son is destined for greatness.
00:51:20He will be governor.
00:51:21He could be president.
00:51:22And you're going to make sure he goes straight to the top, aren't you?
00:51:27Sometimes greatness needs a little nudge.
00:51:31What do you mean there's nothing there?
00:51:36I'm sorry, Ms. Britt.
00:51:38I checked the number you gave me three times.
00:51:41That offshore account simply doesn't exist.
00:51:43Where is that ten million dollars?
00:51:50What ten million dollars?
00:51:52Give it a rest, Carlos.
00:51:53You moved that money.
00:51:55First of all, I deny having any illegal money, let alone moving it.
00:51:59Why are you talking like that?
00:52:01I don't know.
00:52:02I thought you might be wearing a wire.
00:52:04You're paranoid, you know that?
00:52:05Well, don't I have reason to be?
00:52:07Now, why would you care what the money is unless you were planning on using it against me?
00:52:10Oh, God.
00:52:12You think you are so clever.
00:52:14Well, you're not.
00:52:15In fact, you, you are the stupidest man I've ever met.
00:52:19You have no clue who you're dealing with.
00:52:21But believe me, you're going to pay for what you've done to me, Carlos.
00:52:25This game is not over.
00:52:27Actually, it kind of is.
00:52:29And if you hadn't noticed, I won.
00:52:34Bray.
00:52:35Annette, I was just thinking about you.
00:52:37Did you get your test results yet?
00:52:38Huh?
00:52:39Oh, the PET scan.
00:52:40No, not till tomorrow.
00:52:41Listen, I need your help.
00:52:42There's a possum in my garden.
00:52:43I hate possums.
00:52:44Not as much as me.
00:52:45I put out poison, but it ate around it.
00:52:46else yet? Huh? Oh, the PET scan. No, not till tomorrow. Listen, I need your help. There's
00:52:52a possum in my garden. I hate possums. Not as much as me. I put out poison, but it ate
00:52:58around it. I got one of those humane traps, but all I trapped was Penny. How can I help?
00:53:03I want a gun. Really? I thought you're one of those liberal gun haters. That was the
00:53:09old Lynette. The new Lynette kills the possums and lets God sort them out. Well, unfortunately,
00:53:14our bleeding heart town council forbids us from using live ammo in our own backyards.
00:53:19Wusses. I suggest you get an air rifle. It won't kill it, but it'll sting it enough to keep
00:53:25it away for good. Perfect. Where can I get one? Try, um, Gun City on Route 6 by the Baptist
00:53:31Church. Tell them I sent you, and they'll give you a nice discount.
00:53:34What's so urgent? Can't say hello to a girl? Yeah, but we had a deal. We weren't going to see
00:53:47each other for six months. Oh, uh, yeah, about that. What if we make it 13? Just go with me on this.
00:53:56What I'm about to propose will give us total financial freedom and help conniving billionaires
00:54:04dream come true. Whoa. What's this for? Milton Lang doesn't want me to leave Victor until after he
00:54:11runs for governor. Once the election's over, ka-ching. So basically, you're taking money to sleep
00:54:18with a man you don't love. Gee, if that were a job, what would you call it? I don't have to sleep with
00:54:24them. Just stay with them for political reasons. It's basically a modeling fee for a 13-month
00:54:31photo op. Absolutely not. Carlos, you're not working right now, and you know we'll never
00:54:39be happy if we're broke. We need this. What if we didn't? Huh? What if I had some money stashed
00:54:51away? Okay, remember a few years ago when I was in business with Tanaka? I was always
00:54:57afraid that he was going to double-cross me. Which he did. But before he did, I skimmed a little
00:55:04off the top. How much is a little? Ten million dollars. You embezzled ten million dollars?
00:55:17Actually, now it's only about 9.5. Cost me half a mil to hide it from the government and
00:55:22certain other people. Oh, wait, wait, wait. If this is Tanaka money, then you had it when
00:55:28we were married? Okay, I can sense where you're going with this. Which also means you had it
00:55:34when we got divorced. Look, if I told you about it, you'd take me to the cleaners. Carlos, we
00:55:39were married. I was entitled to half of everything you embezzled. Look, we're back together now.
00:55:44What does it matter? It matters that you lied to me. I can't trust you. Gabby! If I can't
00:55:51trust you, I don't think I can be with you. Oh, come on! I'm serious. After everything
00:55:55I have been through? No! No, get out! Gabby, you should be happy right now. I have millions
00:56:01of dollars and I want you to be with me. Oh, so you want me to sleep with you and take
00:56:05your money. Gee, if that were a job, what would they call it?
00:56:08Thanks, kid. Bear claw? Uh, no. Thank you, Nick. So, uh, Mike said you had some medical questions
00:56:31for me? Um, yes. The, uh, genetic counselor wanted to know a couple of things. Um, is there
00:56:44any cancer in your family? No. Great. Uh, diabetes? Mm-mm. Wonderful. Who did you kill? Couldn't
00:56:58cover this in the car? I thought she should hear it from you. I killed my boss. Huh? Okay.
00:57:13He wasn't my boss when I met him. He was just another guy on the loading dock, like me. The
00:57:18supervisor's job came up and, uh, we were both angling for it. And then Arnie, that was his name. He
00:57:26went to the head of the company and told him some lies about me and he got the job. So you killed
00:57:34him? No. I stood about it for a few weeks. I'd see Arnie walking around with that smirk and, uh,
00:57:41and that tie. And I thought to myself, you know, Arnie, you don't deserve that job. You don't deserve
00:57:47that tie. And you don't deserve to live. So you killed him? No. I confronted him. I said,
00:57:54Arnie, what you did wasn't right. He just laughed in my face and said, uh, what are you going to do
00:57:59about it? Then I killed him. Uh, uh, and how did you? With the tie. I thought it was a nice touch.
00:58:14Well, now you know.
00:58:44Hey, Adam, Catherine, Marsha Vester Frankenstein, and Marie Antoinette.
00:58:53Nice.
00:58:54You came as a self-important queen who lost all her power. Isn't that a bit on the nose?
00:59:01Lee making jokes about a queen is a little bit ironic.
00:59:04Frank. You two look adorable. And who are you supposed to be?
00:59:14Sure. The beloved pop diva.
00:59:16It was my mom's idea. You know, the woman who freaked when she found out I was gay.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:25Oh, my God. Is that Danielle?
00:59:29I expressly forbid her from coming tonight. Who does she think she is?
00:59:32Apparently, you.
00:59:38Danielle, you're back!
00:59:39I'm not Danielle. I am Brie Vandekamp-Hodge.
00:59:44Oh, no, no, no. No hugs, please. I'm uncomfortable with needless displays of emotion.
00:59:49Your costume looks great. It's so real.
00:59:52Oh, I could swear I felt a kick.
00:59:53You stop that, baby Hodge. We do not kick people unless they're servants.
00:59:59Why didn't you tell me she was home?
01:00:01Oh, it's just a quick visit. She's driving back tomorrow.
01:00:04To Switzerland?
01:00:07Let's go get some cake, dear.
01:00:13What do you think you're doing?
01:00:15Exactly what my mother wants. You did say to be more like you, right?
01:00:18That's not what I meant, and you know it.
01:00:20And as for your little imitation of me, I don't sound anything like that.
01:00:25Danielle?
01:00:25Who are you supposed to be?
01:00:29Really, Karen, I don't think our lord is amused when we make light of witchcraft, and you might use a coaster.
01:00:37Oh, I get it. She's you.
01:00:39I just don't see how he could not feel bad about it.
01:00:49I don't want to talk about this anymore.
01:00:50You know, I expected to meet a guy that was wracked with remorse, and instead, I'm looking across the table at this...
01:01:05Person. He's a person.
01:01:08Yeah. An evil person.
01:01:11No. He's a good guy who did an evil thing. There's a difference.
01:01:15Well, I don't see one.
01:01:16Look, he snapped. It happens. People snap. I did. I killed a guy.
01:01:21You killed a crooked cop who was coming after you. That's self-defense, and even so, you regret it, right?
01:01:26Yes, of course.
01:01:28Well, that's my point. When good people snap, they feel bad about it. Your dad doesn't.
01:01:33Susan, why are you getting so worked up over this?
01:01:35I don't know. It just bothers me.
01:01:38I mean, my God, Mike. He's your dad.
01:01:42Yeah, I know. And this conversation is exactly why I told you he was dead.
01:01:55Annette?
01:01:57Honey, are you out here?
01:01:59Is that for the possum?
01:02:04Yeah.
01:02:06Now he's playing mind games with me, but I laid out some Halloween candy.
01:02:11Pretty soon, he'll get hungry, and when he does, trick or treat.
01:02:18Annette.
01:02:18Do you hear that? He's making his move.
01:02:28Annette, I think you should come inside and lie down for a little while.
01:02:31No, really. He's here, Tom. I can tell.
01:02:36Okay. Now you're scaring me.
01:02:38Why?
01:02:39Look at yourself. You've declared jihad on a possum.
01:02:43This is not a joke, Tom. Something has attacked our home.
01:02:49And when that happens, you don't just stand by, you fight it.
01:02:52Screw this creature that has come into our lives, uninvited, and is trying to destroy us.
01:03:00It will not defeat me.
01:03:07Okay.
01:03:13You do what you need to do.
01:03:31So, Bree, have you, uh, picked a name for the baby yet?
01:03:33Not yet, but I'm thinking you're not good enough if it's a boy,
01:03:37and you'll always disappoint me if it's a girl.
01:03:40Okay, you made your point. Now go home.
01:03:48Are you kidding me? This is the most fun I've had in eight months.
01:03:50Do not test me, young lady, or I will drag you out of here myself.
01:03:53You make a scene? Ha! That's a laugh.
01:03:57What's wrong?
01:03:59I think my water just broke.
01:04:05Oh, dear heavenly Lord.
01:04:07Hey!
01:04:08What happened to my rug?
01:04:09Danielle, we agreed to say that to the end of the night.
01:04:15The best part of the costume is she pops the water balloon when people aren't even looking.
01:04:22Orson, Andrew.
01:04:27Do you think we can make it to the hospital?
01:04:30I don't think so. It's coming.
01:04:32Okay, everybody, in the house, now.
01:04:33I'm not on the couch. I just had it reupholstered.
01:04:43Andrew, take your sister into the kitchen.
01:04:45Get some towels, boil some water.
01:04:47Everything is going to be fine. I'm a doctor.
01:04:49You're a dentist.
01:04:51What if there are complications?
01:04:52Should an emergency arise, we will simply call an amulet.
01:04:55A what?
01:04:57Ambulance.
01:04:58How many rum punches did you have?
01:05:00There was punch in that rum?
01:05:02I'm going back to get Adam.
01:05:06Bree. Bree, what's wrong?
01:05:08I need your services as a doctor.
01:05:10But before I tell you what's going on, I need you to promise that what you're about to learn will be kept in strictest confidence.
01:05:15Does this have anything to do with the pregnancy you've been faking?
01:05:21Okay, you're almost there.
01:05:25Danielle, you're doing great.
01:05:27Where's your baby?
01:05:32Are they home?
01:05:36The lights are on.
01:05:38Here it comes.
01:05:42If they're not home, then what's that?
01:05:44Probably just a tape they put on to scare us.
01:05:47Well, you know the rule.
01:05:48If we don't get our treat, they get a trick.
01:05:51Come on.
01:05:59Okay?
01:06:04She's a baby.
01:06:05How are you feeling?
01:06:28Tired.
01:06:29Did Adam leave?
01:06:33Uh, yeah.
01:06:34And he promised that no one would ever know what happened here tonight.
01:06:40That's good, I guess.
01:06:45Is he okay?
01:06:49He's perfect.
01:06:50He's, um, he's all cleaned up now, if you, if you want to hold him.
01:06:58You know what he wants.
01:06:59I mean, he's okay.
01:07:15I can't believe he's perfect.
01:07:16I mean, he's okay.
01:07:17I can't believe he's perfect.
01:07:17I mean, he's very warm.
01:07:19He's perfect.
01:07:19I'm not gonna do this anytime soon.
01:07:20He's perfect.
01:07:21I'm still singing.
01:07:21I'm not gonna do this.
01:07:22You're not gonna do this.
01:07:23I'm feeling good.
01:07:24He's so tiny.
01:07:43He looks just like you, Dad.
01:07:47Do you want to be alone with him?
01:07:58Do you want me to go?
01:08:01What should I do?
01:08:06You should take him.
01:08:10Are you sure?
01:08:11Sweetheart, do you feel like you're making a mistake?
01:08:26No, it's the right thing to do for everyone, especially him.
01:08:33But you're right.
01:08:49It's awful.
01:08:50I'm going to sleep now.
01:09:03I'm OK, baby.
01:09:11OK?
01:09:12OK.
01:09:13It's OK.
01:09:14I'm here.
01:09:19Here we go.
01:09:20Yes, you're welcome.
01:09:21It's just so cute.
01:09:27Susan, hey, it's me.
01:09:32Hey, it's me.
01:09:34Sorry to leave this message on your machine,
01:09:37but can you tell the other girls
01:09:39I'm going to be by myself for a while?
01:09:42I just going through some stuff and need to think.
01:09:49Oh, God, that's my car ready to take me to the airport,
01:09:52so I'll tell you everything when I get back, okay?
01:09:55Love you, bye.
01:09:59This is nice.
01:10:00I didn't order a stretch, but I'll take it.
01:10:02Victor.
01:10:07I tried reaching you at the house,
01:10:08but the maid said you'd moved out.
01:10:10I took the next flight home.
01:10:11What's going on?
01:10:13Well, I'm sort of leaving you.
01:10:17Well, I guess sort of is better than definitely.
01:10:20What do I have to do to make it absolutely not?
01:10:22I'll do anything.
01:10:22Just tell me.
01:10:24Victor, it's not that simple.
01:10:25We've made your problems, and you never
01:10:27have time to talk about them, let alone fix them.
01:10:29Well, I guess I better make some time.
01:10:32Let's see.
01:10:34There's this weekend.
01:10:37There's next week.
01:10:39The week after.
01:10:40Look at that.
01:10:41I've got a whole month.
01:10:43You busy?
01:10:43Victor, I know you're only doing this because a divorce would hurt your run for governor.
01:10:47What if I don't run?
01:10:50You mean that?
01:10:51The governor's mansion is my father's dream.
01:10:53You know what my dream is?
01:10:55You.
01:10:56Don't run away, Gabby.
01:10:57If you do, please take me with you.
01:11:01You.
01:11:02Don't run away, Gabby.
01:11:04If you do, please take me with you.
01:11:08If you do, please take me with you.
01:11:10If you do, please take me with you.
01:11:13If you do, please take me with you.
01:11:16So, where's Mike?
01:11:21At the motel.
01:11:22I slept out without waking him.
01:11:26I've been up all night thinking, and I have something to say to you.
01:11:32Oh.
01:11:35I don't believe you.
01:11:37I don't believe that you could kill a man and not regret it.
01:11:43Why do you care?
01:11:45Because I am carrying a baby that has your genes.
01:11:48If my doctor told me that there was something wrong with this baby,
01:11:51something physical, I could handle that.
01:11:53I would probably even love it more.
01:11:56But if my baby was born without a conscience, without a soul,
01:12:01I don't know what I would do.
01:12:04You think I don't have a soul?
01:12:07If you can't feel the tiniest bit of remorse overtaking a human life,
01:12:12no, I don't think you do.
01:12:17If I were to think about what I did, really, think about it.
01:12:21I lay awake nights, trying to remember the look on that guy's face when I strangled the life out of him.
01:12:31Pretty soon I'd go crazy.
01:12:32You know what I do regret?
01:12:40What I did to Mike.
01:12:43What did you do?
01:12:46He was a real popular kid.
01:12:49Everybody liked Mikey.
01:12:50Then, when I got sent away, suddenly, the whole town just thinks of him as the son of a murderer.
01:13:00Got some pretty serious demons as a result.
01:13:04I'm not sure that kind of darkness ever truly goes away.
01:13:12Well, you're wrong.
01:13:13He's happy.
01:13:15He's got a good job and a wife who loves him and a baby on the way.
01:13:19I had a lot going for me, too, before I threw it all away.
01:13:22Just keep an eye on him.
01:13:47Edie, if you're looking for Gabby, she just left for her yoga class.
01:13:50Yoga, is that what she told you?
01:14:06I'm sorry.
01:14:07I know how angry and humiliated you must feel.
01:14:10But don't take it all out on Gabby.
01:14:13Carla seduced her.
01:14:14He hated you for taking his wife, so he decided to make a fool out of you.
01:14:20I think he deserves whatever is coming to him, don't you?
01:14:33Hey, hey, hey, quiet.
01:14:36She's napping.
01:14:37Finally.
01:14:38How'd you get her to do that?
01:14:39Oh, I made her a margarita.
01:14:41The tequila did the rest.
01:14:43It's Dr. Rushton.
01:14:50Her oncologist?
01:14:56Hey.
01:14:57Hey, Dr. Rushton.
01:14:59What are you doing here?
01:15:01Well, so much of my job is delivering bad news that I really wanted to tell you this in person.
01:15:07Lynette, I got the test results back.
01:15:08You're clean.
01:15:09Are you sure?
01:15:12Lift notes are completely clear.
01:15:14Congratulations.
01:15:15I knew it.
01:15:16I knew it.
01:15:17Did you hear that?
01:15:18Did you hear that?
01:15:19This is so amazing.
01:15:21I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:22Hey, Doc, you look like you need a margarita.
01:15:25And even if you don't, I ain't drinking alone.
01:15:27I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:28I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:29I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:30I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:31I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:32I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:33I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:34I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:35I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:36I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:37I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:38I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:39I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:40I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:41I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:42I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:43I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:44I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:45I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:46I'm going to go get the kids.
01:15:47I don't know.
01:16:17I'm sorry.
01:16:36No.
01:16:40No.
01:16:47There is much to be afraid of in this world, but what we fear has nothing to do with gruesome
01:17:01masks or plastic spiders or lifelike monsters.
01:17:07No, it's the thoughts in our head that terrify us the most.
01:17:18What if she comes to regret her decision?
01:17:22What if he really is unhappy?
01:17:27What if the chance for love has passed forever?
01:17:31How do we conquer these terrifying thoughts?
01:17:37We start by reminding ourselves what does not kill us just makes us stronger.
01:17:45We start by branding Daniels.
01:17:54And I know that he who will beOU apa , but if I hear The Games of death …
01:17:57właśnie to get…
01:18:01I know…
01:18:02I know…