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BSTVSHOWS
  • 6/28/2025
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Transcript
00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives, Bree's affair with her contractor broke new ground.
00:00:06Perhaps we could make you dinner, like a date.
00:00:08Can't wait till I grow up so I can have beautiful things.
00:00:11Gabby doted on her biological daughter, Grace.
00:00:14Look who's missing your big sister.
00:00:16Lynette had too much on her hands.
00:00:19Get me a nanny.
00:00:20Susan found that keeping her new job a secret.
00:00:23My partner's not going to eat the cost.
00:00:25$9,000.
00:00:27Was going to be expensive.
00:00:30But her secret had already been discovered.
00:00:38Emma Graham was an ordinary woman.
00:00:42And like most ordinary women, she had an extraordinary dream.
00:00:47She wanted her husband to know she was more than just a wife.
00:00:52She wanted her daughter to know she was more than just a mother.
00:00:56She wanted her neighbors to know she was more than just the woman who lived next door.
00:01:03So Emma made a decision to turn her dream into reality.
00:01:08I want to do a cabaret show.
00:01:10I'll need a band, orchestrations, and sound equipment.
00:01:12And you're going to pay for all of it.
00:01:13And that is how Emma Graham's friends and neighbors came to gather at the Smokehouse Lounge two weeks later.
00:01:29They would soon learn Emma Graham wasn't so ordinary after all.
00:01:34Take a step back, turn around, look at the world that you've let down.
00:01:48My life's such a disgrace.
00:01:51The damage was done.
00:01:52You can't replace it.
00:01:54These are the things your mind will tell you.
00:01:57These are the things your heart will say.
00:02:01These are the thoughts that leave you hopeless.
00:02:04These are the times you say.
00:02:06There is no way, no way, no way.
00:02:13But as long as you are breathing.
00:02:17You can start all over again.
00:02:21If your heart's beating.
00:02:24You can start all over again.
00:02:27Goodbye, sorrow.
00:02:31Yes, Emma's dream of sharing her talent had finally come true.
00:02:36Unfortunately, the high note that ended the evening...
00:02:39Ah!
00:02:43...did not come from Emma.
00:02:46I'm going to kill you!
00:02:47You are!
00:02:49Ladies, please!
00:02:50My nose!
00:02:55My nose!
00:02:56My nose!
00:02:56My nose!
00:02:57Ah!
00:03:14She knew what she was doing was wrong.
00:03:17She knew it was very dangerous.
00:03:21She knew the risks if people found out.
00:03:26But Susan Delfino was determined to get back to Wisteria Lane.
00:03:31And that is how her world began to fall apart.
00:03:35Hi, I'm Tonya.
00:03:38Thank you for choosing to spend time with me.
00:03:42I'm all yours for the next hour.
00:03:45How about we start by getting to know each other a little better?
00:03:49Show me your jugs.
00:03:50Aren't you a frisky little, ooh, I see some dirt under the coffee table.
00:03:59Would you like me to vacuum?
00:04:02Sure.
00:04:03Right after you take out those tuts and shake them.
00:04:05Okay, slow down.
00:04:08We've got, um, fifty-nine more minutes together.
00:04:13And, uh, isn't it sexier to warm each other up with some naughty talk first?
00:04:22I have to listen to my old lady's blah, blah, blah all day long.
00:04:26Lose the top so I can see those money makers.
00:04:29What are you reading from a boob thesaurus?
00:04:32Come on.
00:04:34Isn't there some romantic fantasy you'd like to share with me?
00:04:39Okay.
00:04:41Are you lactating?
00:04:43Oh, pig!
00:04:44You never do that.
00:04:47You never pull the plug on a session.
00:04:49The guy was a total perv who clearly had serious mother issues.
00:04:53You cost us a major client.
00:04:55And God forbid he starts talking about this at work,
00:04:58we could lose the whole city council!
00:05:02I'm sorry.
00:05:04I lost my nerve.
00:05:05Susan, I can't keep giving you chances like this.
00:05:09Vah, vah, vah, broom!
00:05:16Oh, you want a private session with Tanya?
00:05:18I'm sorry, that's not going to happen.
00:05:21She doesn't work for me anymore.
00:05:26Oh, once again, I am so sorry.
00:05:29I forgot that French restaurant was so formal.
00:05:34Next time, I will pick a place with fewer forks.
00:05:37Yeah, thanks again for helping me out with that.
00:05:39Well, I had a lot of fun.
00:05:43Good night.
00:05:47Keith?
00:05:49Did you really have a lot of fun?
00:05:51Yeah.
00:05:52Why didn't you ask?
00:05:53Well, because it's our third date
00:05:55and you just kissed me like you were saying goodnight to your aunt.
00:05:58I'm trying to treat you like a lady.
00:06:01Oh, that's sweet.
00:06:04Now knock it off.
00:06:05Shh.
00:06:06Hmm.
00:06:09Three times?
00:06:12In one night.
00:06:13Oh, my God.
00:06:14Three times was my entire September.
00:06:17I just had the nicest chat with Grace.
00:06:20She said the cutest thing.
00:06:21Bree had sex three times last night.
00:06:23Oh, screw my story.
00:06:24Tell me everything.
00:06:25The sex was amazing.
00:06:29It was like, oh, how to describe it?
00:06:32An opera.
00:06:34You fell asleep during it?
00:06:36I'm telling you, making love to a man in his 30s, it's like, oh, the sun shines brighter,
00:06:41the grass looks greener, food tastes better.
00:06:44Okay, we get it.
00:06:44You had sex three times.
00:06:46Three!
00:06:47Oh, hey, look.
00:06:49Renee's back from New York.
00:06:51Oh, God.
00:06:52You invited her.
00:06:53What now?
00:06:53You don't like Renee?
00:06:54I know she's your friend, but isn't she kind of a self-absorbed, narcissistic diva?
00:07:00Good point.
00:07:01We already have one of those.
00:07:02Drop the drugstore champagne, ladies, and make way for the real stuff.
00:07:08We are celebrating.
00:07:10What's the occasion?
00:07:11Ah, my divorce settlement.
00:07:12I just soaked my ex for, well, I have a lot of these.
00:07:16I thought there was a prenup.
00:07:18Yep, there was.
00:07:19But no prenup is a match for the legal team of Grindem, Scroom, and Rothenberg.
00:07:23That was iced tea.
00:07:24Well, I just made it fun.
00:07:26Now, I want to have you all over for dinner tonight.
00:07:28I've got two more cases of champagne, a truckload of caviar.
00:07:31And a pile of money to roll around naked in.
00:07:35What do you say?
00:07:37If there's more of this, I am definitely there.
00:07:39Great.
00:07:40How about you, Bree?
00:07:41Oh, I wish I could, but I have a date I need to carbo-load.
00:07:43I've got a pass, too.
00:07:45We still haven't found a nanny, and so Tom's working late, so I have to go.
00:07:48Yawn, Susan.
00:07:49I would, but it's macaroni and coupon-clipping night at my house.
00:07:52Yawn and sad.
00:07:54Well, I guess it's just you and me.
00:07:58Gab's and May.
00:07:59That is great.
00:08:00We were just talking about how much you two have in common.
00:08:03Weren't we, Gabs?
00:08:07Thanks so much.
00:08:08Your baby's really cute.
00:08:10It's nice meeting you.
00:08:11We'll let you know.
00:08:12Thanks.
00:08:13Well, any luck finding a nanny?
00:08:16No.
00:08:16I've interviewed eight girls.
00:08:18They're all either too inexperienced or too expensive.
00:08:21Hmm.
00:08:22What about the one with the boobs?
00:08:23And that's why we're not hiring her.
00:08:27Well, don't give up yet, because I found us one more applicant.
00:08:31You did?
00:08:33You took the initiative?
00:08:35Why so surprised?
00:08:36Our Christmas lights are still up from last year.
00:08:38And not only is she punctual, she's early.
00:08:43Who is it?
00:08:44Um, let me put it this way, Lynette.
00:08:47Remember how you always used to hate yams?
00:08:50But then you gave them a second chance and they weren't so bad.
00:08:52And over time you realized, I like yams.
00:08:55Yams are great.
00:08:57Well, sometimes, Lynette, people are like yams.
00:09:00What did you do?
00:09:04Are you insane?
00:09:07I was talking to her last night.
00:09:09I mentioned we might need help, and she volunteered.
00:09:12You get it.
00:09:19Tommy.
00:09:19Mom.
00:09:23Why couldn't she have been a yam?
00:09:24Okay, so this Tina, was that the first time he cheated on you?
00:09:33Uh, I don't know.
00:09:35You hear stories.
00:09:37There was this thing during the All-Star Game.
00:09:39Pictures of Doug and the tabloids with the cocktail waitress.
00:09:43But then he came back with that Bulgari bracelet, so we never talked about it.
00:09:48God, being married to a pro athlete, it must be a nightmare.
00:09:53Well, it sounds like you are well rid of him.
00:09:54Oh, you know, I feel like you get me, Gabby.
00:10:02And you know why?
00:10:04Because we're both extremely beautiful.
00:10:09God bless you for having the courage to say that.
00:10:11Only someone who looks like us can understand what a burden it can be.
00:10:16Actually, it's pretty awesome.
00:10:17You know, sometimes I drive fast on purpose just to see if I can flirt my way out of a ticket.
00:10:25Amateur hour.
00:10:26I got a bank manager to shave a point off our mortgage by bending over to pick up a pencil.
00:10:31To this day, Carlos calls me my million-dollar ass.
00:10:34Wait, I can top that.
00:10:36Yesterday, these babies earned me a cool eight million.
00:10:40What do you mean?
00:10:41Well, I wore a low-cut dress to my settlement hearing, and afterwards, Doug's lawyer came to my hotel to renegotiate.
00:10:50You slept with him?
00:10:52You're awful!
00:10:53You know?
00:10:55I shouldn't have told you that.
00:10:58Keep it to yourself.
00:11:00Oh, honey, I won't tell anyone.
00:11:01Um, I don't know you well enough.
00:11:06You've got to give me some dirt on you.
00:11:10Hmm.
00:11:12Huh.
00:11:15I can't think of anything.
00:11:17Really?
00:11:18Nothing?
00:11:20Like, say, plastic surgery?
00:11:23What?
00:11:24Honey, a scalpel has never touched this body.
00:11:27Maybe not the body, but that nose is a Dr. Bronski.
00:11:32I'd know his work anywhere.
00:11:33How dare you?
00:11:35I am insulted.
00:11:39Okay, fine.
00:11:40I was 19.
00:11:40It was just a little bump.
00:11:42That's what they all say.
00:11:43Did you have a deviated septum, too?
00:11:45Don't tell anyone.
00:11:47Carlos knows, but if the girls find out, I'd never hear the end of it.
00:11:51Of course you can trust me.
00:11:53I'm beautiful.
00:11:55It's true.
00:11:58Good morning!
00:12:01Good morning, sweetheart.
00:12:04Still not speaking to you.
00:12:08Your breakfast will be ready in a minute.
00:12:12You want coffee?
00:12:14I'll get it.
00:12:17Your scrambled eggs are ready.
00:12:18Oh, Mom, I was hoping for your French toast.
00:12:21She made your eggs, Tom.
00:12:22Eat them.
00:12:24Oh, no, it's no problem.
00:12:25You read your paper, and I'll fix it right up, Rodney.
00:12:29Tommy, Mom.
00:12:30Oh, didn't I say that?
00:12:31Oh, it's just that you look so much like your father.
00:12:35Oh, gosh.
00:12:36What now?
00:12:38Oh, let me get her.
00:12:39It's what I'm here for.
00:12:42Would you look at that?
00:12:43My mother is on top of it.
00:12:45And you, to sit and have coffee with the man that you kicked three times in your sleep last night.
00:12:52Look, I can take your mother in small doses, but her living here every day?
00:12:56You know, I never got what this thing is you have with her.
00:12:59I mean, you say you love her.
00:13:01She's great with the kids.
00:13:02What's your beef?
00:13:03Okay, you really want to know that?
00:13:04Yeah.
00:13:05Okay.
00:13:06I can't stand the person she turns you into.
00:13:08You become this Neanderthal while she's tripping over her apron strings to serve you.
00:13:13So she likes to dote on me, and I don't mind the attention.
00:13:15What's the big deal?
00:13:17False alarm.
00:13:18She's fine.
00:13:20Oh, and by the way.
00:13:22More coffee.
00:13:23Yes.
00:13:23Right away.
00:13:26Just know if you ever hold your coffee cup up to me, you will be tapping it with a stump.
00:13:33Mike, I was going to call you.
00:13:39I was talking to Paul Young.
00:13:40He and the new missus are really enjoying the house.
00:13:43Are they?
00:13:44Yeah, and Paul was wondering if he would be interested in selling the place.
00:13:47He's willing to make a very generous offer.
00:13:51Lee, I never kicked your ass for renting our house to that guy because you didn't know our history.
00:13:56But now you do.
00:13:58So I got to wonder, are you an idiot?
00:14:00I'm sorry, Paul wanted me to ask.
00:14:03Susan and I are working really hard to save money.
00:14:05You tell Paul that the day his lease is up, we're moving home.
00:14:12Hello?
00:14:12Hey, it's me.
00:14:14I just ran into Mike.
00:14:15Did you ask him about the house?
00:14:16Yeah, he wasn't interested.
00:14:18Did you tell him I'm willing to pay above market value?
00:14:21I could have, but I didn't want to get punched.
00:14:23You disappoint me, Lee.
00:14:25There are other houses, Paul.
00:14:27No, I need this one.
00:14:30Fortunately, I have another way to handle this.
00:14:35Your deposit should clear Monday and this will be your balance.
00:14:38Wait, this isn't right.
00:14:44We should have a lot more money in here.
00:14:48Yes, the silver bracelet that you cleaned last year that belonged to my grandmother.
00:14:52Father, what do you think it's worth?
00:15:00Okay, um, yeah, I'll come by tomorrow.
00:15:02Oh, hey.
00:15:13Hey.
00:15:14Hey.
00:15:14Here's that gold necklace you lent me.
00:15:16What do you need it for?
00:15:17Are you guys going on a fancy date?
00:15:19No, I just, uh, just needed it back.
00:15:23You okay?
00:15:25Uh-huh.
00:15:25Susan, you want to talk about something?
00:15:29I can't.
00:15:30Oh.
00:15:31Oh.
00:15:33Um, I'm gonna, I'm gonna find you a tissue.
00:15:42Susan, I was just at the bank.
00:15:43We're missing $9,000 from our checking account.
00:15:46You went to the bank?
00:15:47What the hell is going on?
00:15:49Did you take that money out?
00:15:50Yes.
00:15:52Susan?
00:15:54Susan, what happened to that money?
00:15:55She lent it to me.
00:15:58We had some bills from Paige's birth that weren't covered by insurance, and Susan very kindly offered to help us out.
00:16:06That's right.
00:16:07And she's gonna pay it back by, by Friday.
00:16:11With interest.
00:16:13Or not, because, I mean, we're friends, so why would you charge us interest?
00:16:22I gotta get back to work.
00:16:23In case any of our other friends need money.
00:16:31Thank you so much.
00:16:32You're so welcome.
00:16:33Anything you want to tell me?
00:16:39Yeah.
00:16:41But promise you won't yell?
00:16:43You did porn on the internet?
00:16:45No, it was just cleaning.
00:16:47In lingerie.
00:16:48I, there, I was never naked.
00:16:50There was no sex.
00:16:51Well, unless the guys were watching for cleaning tips, it's porn.
00:16:54Susan, how could you do this?
00:16:56Look, I feel bad enough already.
00:16:59Well, you should.
00:17:00What if Mike finds out, or your kids?
00:17:02Hey, it is really easy for you to come down here from your five-bedroom house in the suburbs and criticize me.
00:17:08I am not on Wisteria Lane anymore.
00:17:10Look at what Mike and I are trying to climb out of.
00:17:14We can't even afford hot lunches for MJ at school.
00:17:16So just think about that next time you want to judge me.
00:17:25Okay.
00:17:27Done judging.
00:17:28Back to being a friend.
00:17:32I'm sorry you had to do that.
00:17:34Me too.
00:17:47Doug, what are you doing here?
00:17:49I had to see you.
00:17:51Well, I'd invite you in, but it's late and I hate you.
00:17:54Maybe I flew all this way.
00:17:56At least hear me out.
00:18:01It's about the settlement.
00:18:03You're wasting your breath.
00:18:05I miss you.
00:18:07Well, how does Tina feel about that?
00:18:08That was a stupid mistake and it's over.
00:18:13I know I screwed up big this time, but give me another chance.
00:18:20I'm sorry, Doug, but I'm actually happy here.
00:18:24I'm getting a fresh start, making new friends.
00:18:27Come on.
00:18:28You can't be happy here in Mayberry.
00:18:30You were made for Manhattan.
00:18:32Oh, by the way, Cartier called.
00:18:36They miss you too.
00:18:38Oh, Doug, don't do this to me.
00:18:40Think about everything we had together.
00:18:43I want it back.
00:18:45Don't you?
00:18:46Oh, I can't stop thinking about that play.
00:18:53What do you think the angel represented when he flew down in the middle of the night?
00:18:58I don't know.
00:18:59I was too busy looking for the wires.
00:19:00So, are you, uh, in the mood for some dessert?
00:19:07Totally.
00:19:08I think the angel symbolized hope.
00:19:14Or, uh, a second chance at redemption, perhaps.
00:19:18Of course, another interpretation, I suppose, could be...
00:19:23Oh, my.
00:19:27When you said dessert, I just assumed.
00:19:32Well, there's no two ways to interpret that.
00:19:39Oh!
00:19:40That was incredible.
00:19:41Where did you learn to do that and why the hell am I asking?
00:19:43Don't tell me.
00:19:46Let's just say you inspire me.
00:19:48Well, that'll teach me to let you walk behind me up the stairs.
00:19:58What is that?
00:20:02I guess inspiration struck again.
00:20:08Hi.
00:20:11Please tell me you're here to stab me.
00:20:14What?
00:20:16Honey, come on in.
00:20:18What's that?
00:20:29Coup d'etée.
00:20:31Are they supposed to be sliced and peeled?
00:20:33I'm too tired.
00:20:35Please get that away from me.
00:20:37I guess someone was with Keith last night.
00:20:40Were you once, twice, three times not a lady?
00:20:43It's not funny.
00:20:45Six hours we had sex.
00:20:47I feel like the Holland Tunnel.
00:20:49Honey, why don't you just tell him you need a little break?
00:20:51Because he's young.
00:20:52If I turn down a roll in the hay, he's gonna think I'm an old woman.
00:20:55You just said roll in the hay.
00:20:56I think that ship has sailed.
00:20:58Oh, well, I better figure out how to slow him down before this John Wayne walk becomes permanent.
00:21:04Coming!
00:21:08Hi.
00:21:08Hey.
00:21:09Come in.
00:21:10Hey, girls.
00:21:11Hey.
00:21:12Hey.
00:21:12You were just in time.
00:21:14I mixed up a signature drink in honor of your divorce.
00:21:16I wouldn't pour that just yet.
00:21:19I'm starting to rethink this whole divorce thing.
00:21:23Doug showed up last night.
00:21:24He flew in from New York?
00:21:26I know.
00:21:27He said it's over with Tina.
00:21:29He wants me back.
00:21:30And he gave me this.
00:21:35Oh, Doug screws up a lot, but his apologies are always the 4th of July.
00:21:40Wow.
00:21:41Tom's apologies are more like Arbor Day.
00:21:43But he cheated on you.
00:21:45Okay.
00:21:45A guy who has women throwing themselves at him in every city?
00:21:48Meanwhile, we had 10 great years, and he loved me and cared for me, and I think I should
00:21:54give him another chance.
00:21:56Am I crazy?
00:21:58Well, you have invested 10 years in the marriage.
00:22:01No one goes that long without a few bumps in the road.
00:22:03Okay, then.
00:22:04I'm doing it.
00:22:06Are you insane?
00:22:07The man dumped you for another woman.
00:22:09Well, he apologized.
00:22:10Can't I forgive him?
00:22:11Why?
00:22:12Because he gave you a stupid ring?
00:22:14He's buying you off again.
00:22:15Open your eyes.
00:22:17Hey, it's my marriage anyway.
00:22:20Why don't you just keep your fake nose out of it?
00:22:29What does she mean, fake?
00:22:31Gabrielle Solis, did you have a nose job?
00:22:34Hello?
00:22:35We're talking about Trampy McDrinket.
00:22:37After all these years of you bragging about your natural beauty?
00:22:41I never brag.
00:22:42You once called your face proof of God's existence.
00:22:45You said I was a fraud for wearing a padded swimsuit.
00:22:47And now we find out you've had plastic surgery.
00:22:51Ooh, that changes everything.
00:22:53No, it doesn't.
00:22:55It wasn't plastic surgery.
00:22:56It was corrective rhinoplasty for deviated...
00:22:59You will regret this.
00:23:04Oh, Gabby, come on.
00:23:06We're kidding.
00:23:07Don't get your nose out of joint.
00:23:08Brie Vandekamp had a problem.
00:23:19Her boyfriend's sexual appetite was proving to be exhausting.
00:23:24And then, out of the blue, Brie came up with a solution.
00:23:29Since Keith's demands were overwhelming her,
00:23:32why not make some overwhelming demands of her own?
00:23:37Wow.
00:23:38A lot of work here.
00:23:40I guess I could get it done by Friday.
00:23:42Oh, no.
00:23:43I'm going to need it sooner than that.
00:23:44Certainly by tonight.
00:23:46Hey, Allison made you your favorite cookies for your trip.
00:23:57Macarons?
00:23:58Oatmeal raisin.
00:23:59Oh, these were my dad's favorites.
00:24:01Maybe you can trade them with the boy next to you on the plane for his snack.
00:24:05Make fun, but you have to admit she's been great with the baby.
00:24:08She has been great.
00:24:10You were right.
00:24:10I was wrong.
00:24:11Oh, if only these were macarons, this would be the best day of my life.
00:24:17Oh, call me when you land.
00:24:19See you later.
00:24:23So, can I help with the lasagna?
00:24:25Actually, the boys said they wanted meatloaf, so I switch the menu now.
00:24:28Sit.
00:24:29All right.
00:24:30So, Tom was telling me about you going back to work.
00:24:34I must say, I don't understand that.
00:24:37Well, that's okay.
00:24:41What are you doing?
00:24:46I'm out of milk.
00:24:46Well, your grandmother's not here to serve you.
00:24:48I don't mind, dear.
00:24:50See if she wants to.
00:24:52Sodagram, make it two.
00:24:55Boys?
00:24:56Penny, I have to get the meat, so you get the sodas.
00:25:00Oh, why?
00:25:02Why?
00:25:03We have to take care of our men.
00:25:06Penny, sit.
00:25:08You boys want a drink.
00:25:09Get up and get it.
00:25:09They have such a long day.
00:25:11Classes and then their after-school sports.
00:25:14Allison, in this house, the women don't wait on the men.
00:25:17The men get off their asses and help themselves.
00:25:20When did it become a sin to take care of your family?
00:25:23You modern women, you just plop out a baby and then you can't wait to get back to your silly careers.
00:25:28I took care of my boys.
00:25:31When my husband came home, there was a hot meal waiting for him on the table.
00:25:35He never wanted for anything.
00:25:37Yeah, and how did that work out for you?
00:25:39He had an affair and left.
00:25:40I didn't realize you were still here.
00:26:08Have you been working this whole time?
00:26:10You said to get it all done today.
00:26:13So if there is nothing else, I would like to go home and slip into a coma.
00:26:18Why don't you spend the night here?
00:26:20I'd hate to see you out there driving when you're so exhausted.
00:26:24You are exhausted, right?
00:26:27Totally.
00:26:28Every part of my body hurts.
00:26:30Then stay.
00:26:31Sleep here.
00:26:33In the morning, I will make you Belgian waffles.
00:26:39That will be my special thank you for all your hard work.
00:26:42What are you doing?
00:26:59I thought of another way you could thank me.
00:27:02You said every part of your body was sore.
00:27:06One part's doing okay.
00:27:07Okay.
00:27:08That's it.
00:27:12What's wrong?
00:27:12Can't do it.
00:27:13I can no longer keep up with you and your Woody Woodpecker sex drive.
00:27:17What?
00:27:18I'm just going to say it, okay?
00:27:19I'm older than you.
00:27:20I don't have your stamina and I can't keep up.
00:27:22You?
00:27:23You can't keep up.
00:27:25I'm dating a woman who talks to waiters in French
00:27:27and wants to discuss a place symbolism during halftime.
00:27:29Intermission.
00:27:30You see?
00:27:31You're ten times smarter than me.
00:27:33That's why I keep sexing you up.
00:27:34I'm trying to keep you interested.
00:27:43Make no mistake.
00:27:44I am interested.
00:27:47I love when I am prattling on about the meaning of the angel.
00:27:51You notice the wires.
00:27:52You have your own way of seeing the world
00:27:55and it's fun and down-to-earth
00:27:58and everything I'm not.
00:28:07So you're saying you like me how I am.
00:28:11Well, I hadn't thought of that.
00:28:17Yes.
00:28:19Very much.
00:28:20Very much.
00:28:22Now put that thing away and let's get some rest.
00:28:34Hi.
00:28:36Who are you?
00:28:37Oh, I'm Jenny.
00:28:38I'm the new nanny.
00:28:40Ah!
00:28:41Isn't it great?
00:28:43I offered her a little more money and she took the job.
00:28:47She's the one with the boobs, remember?
00:28:50Yeah.
00:28:50You're welcome.
00:28:52Lynette, can I talk to you upstairs for a minute?
00:28:56Okay.
00:29:00I'll be right up.
00:29:02Oh.
00:29:02Okay.
00:29:10So, great news about Jen, huh?
00:29:13Yeah.
00:29:14I just fired her.
00:29:15What?
00:29:16You had no right to do that.
00:29:18And you had no right to make my mother feel unwelcomed in my house.
00:29:23She just wanted to be a part of this family.
00:29:25Tom, I love your mother and if this were 1955, I would be so on board with her parenting techniques,
00:29:30but I will not let her raise our children and turn out like...
00:29:33Well, well, finish that sentence.
00:29:35Turn out like me.
00:29:36No, no, I didn't say that.
00:29:38I...
00:29:38But, wait, let's be honest.
00:29:41When we first met, you thought there were only two roles for women.
00:29:44Making a cake or jumping out of one.
00:29:46I'm sorry.
00:29:47I just don't want her here.
00:29:48For our entire marriage, you have been the one to make the decision.
00:29:50I'm going back to work.
00:29:52I'm hiring an aunt.
00:29:53This time, I am making the decision.
00:29:55She stays.
00:29:56Okay, boys and girls, gather up your supplies and put them away.
00:30:03See you tomorrow.
00:30:08Maxine, I can't talk now.
00:30:09I'm okay.
00:30:10Look, I know I fired you, but if you like, I'm willing to offer you another chance.
00:30:16Why?
00:30:17Well, this guy keeps calling.
00:30:18He really wants a private session with you, and he's starting to offer some serious money.
00:30:24Come on, what do you say?
00:30:26How serious are we talking?
00:30:32Thank you so much for coming.
00:30:33I cannot tell you what it means to me.
00:30:35Yeah, yeah.
00:30:36Are you going to be singing any songs about a woman who's a backstabbing bitch?
00:30:39We are really looking forward to it, Emma.
00:30:41Good luck.
00:30:42Thanks.
00:30:44Would you get over it already?
00:30:46Why don't we go sit down with our friends?
00:30:47No!
00:30:48Sick of Lynette making those Serrano de Bergerac jokes.
00:30:51Whoever she was.
00:30:52He and maybe they are just teasing you.
00:30:55Well, it's not funny.
00:30:56My thing was my natural beauty.
00:30:58Like, Susan's an artist.
00:31:00Lynette's a great businesswoman.
00:31:01Bree's a perfect homemaker.
00:31:02I was the beautiful one.
00:31:04Now I'm just the plastic one.
00:31:05And there's the woman who's to blame.
00:31:12Man, I'd love to smack that smile right off her face.
00:31:15Which, by the way, has been pulled so tight it would probably smack me back.
00:31:19I forgot what it was like walking into a room on your arm.
00:31:23I like it.
00:31:24Baby, I think you are the one they were staring at.
00:31:26Ah, well, this doesn't hurt.
00:31:33Hey, Gabby.
00:31:35I didn't know it should be here.
00:31:39Okay, I don't know what you heard, but it's all crap.
00:31:41Don't lie.
00:31:42That'll make it grow again.
00:31:43Tell Dr. Perry it's on the house.
00:31:53I'll do it.
00:32:04It's on the house.
00:32:06Oh, by the way, she slept with your lawyer.
00:32:08Enjoy the show.
00:32:09Is that true?
00:32:17Well, the thing about that is...
00:32:22Ladies and gentlemen, the Smokehouse Lounge is proud to present...
00:32:26Emma Graham.
00:32:29Woo, Emma!
00:32:34Come on, word.
00:32:36Hey, hey, hey, hey, get the claws off the Versace.
00:32:38Why the hell would you tell him that?
00:32:40Well, you know me and my big nose.
00:32:42This is my marriage we're talking about.
00:32:44This trumps your stupid nose.
00:32:46Oh, whatever, they're both fake.
00:32:47What do you know?
00:32:48You're nothing but a boring housewife.
00:32:49Shut up!
00:32:50Whose life is so pathetic, you've got a crap all over mine.
00:32:53I'm pathetic?
00:32:54Hey, what do you call a girl who sleeps with a guy for eight million dollars?
00:32:57I'm going to kill you!
00:33:08You are!
00:33:12Ladies, please!
00:33:15I will never forgive you for this.
00:33:17Sure you will.
00:33:18I'll just buy you a sapphire ring.
00:33:20Oh, you like my ring?
00:33:21Get ready to smell it!
00:33:22Oh, I know, I know, I know!
00:33:26I know, I know, I know!
00:33:27Ah!
00:33:28Ah!
00:33:42Didn't think I'd hear from you again.
00:33:44Look, I've been thinking about everything that's happened.
00:33:47You slept with someone, I slept with someone.
00:33:49And maybe we should just call it even.
00:33:54Really?
00:33:55Yeah.
00:33:56I mean, that's what we both want, right?
00:33:58Thank you, dear.
00:34:19I am so sorry for saying those things about your husband.
00:34:28I appreciate that.
00:34:30And I'm sorry if I crossed some sort of line.
00:34:34It just felt so nice to feel useful again.
00:34:38You are useful, and I really need you here, especially when I go back to work.
00:34:43You know, the kitchen is my favorite room in the house.
00:34:50The family sits together here.
00:34:53You get to cook for them and make them happy.
00:34:55And I just don't understand why you would ever want to give all that up to go out there.
00:35:07It's just who I am.
00:35:08Mom, the baby's crying.
00:35:16Oh, well, she's probably hungry.
00:35:25Oh, yummy.
00:35:29I'm so sorry.
00:35:30What's your name again?
00:35:33I'm Penny.
00:35:33And do you live here?
00:35:46Hi.
00:35:47Hi.
00:35:49I'm not really used to apologizing.
00:35:52But here are some chocolates.
00:35:54I haven't touched a carb since 1985, but thank you.
00:35:57Believe it or not, I was actually on my way over to apologize to you.
00:36:02I don't know what came over me.
00:36:06Look, I still feel you deserve better than that guy, but I had no right to screw with
00:36:10your marriage.
00:36:11It's your life.
00:36:12Doug called this morning.
00:36:14He said he still wants me back.
00:36:16Oh.
00:36:17Wow.
00:36:19And I said no.
00:36:21Seriously?
00:36:23He said we could pretend it never happened, and I thought of all the things I pretended
00:36:27never happened over the years.
00:36:28You're right, Gabby.
00:36:31I needed to open my eyes.
00:36:34Okay, well, before I take credit for this, are you sure this is what you want?
00:36:38Yes.
00:36:40And thank you.
00:36:41Out of all the women, you were the only one who had the guts to tell me the truth.
00:36:45You're a real friend.
00:36:47And I'll take that over a sapphire ring any day.
00:36:50Aw.
00:36:52You're keeping the ring, right?
00:36:54Oh, hell yeah.
00:36:54Yeah.
00:36:55Yeah.
00:36:55Yeah.
00:37:17Hello?
00:37:19Is anyone there?
00:37:20I don't know.
00:37:24Oh, hi.
00:37:27Are you shy too?
00:37:29Well, that's okay. So am I.
00:37:32Why don't you start with just telling me your name?
00:37:37I think you know my name.
00:37:39Oh! Oh! Oh!
00:37:44I'm still here, Susan.
00:37:54I'm glad you put your robe on. I hate to see you debasing yourself.
00:38:07What do you want?
00:38:09I'd like your house, and I'm willing to pay a very fair price for it.
00:38:14Yeah, Mike told me about that. It's not for sale.
00:38:18Susan, it seems to me a lot of things are for sale.
00:38:22Your body, your honor, your reputation.
00:38:27The house would seem to be the smallest of those things.
00:38:31Were you threatening me?
00:38:33I'm simply saying it would be terribly unfortunate if anyone were to find out what I already know.
00:38:38I mean, I was shocked.
00:38:41I can only imagine what your husband and son would think.
00:38:45You son of a bitch.
00:38:47It's a lot to take in, I know.
00:38:50Why don't you take a couple of days to think about it?
00:38:53I'd hate for you to feel that I was pressuring you.
00:38:56He knew what he was doing was wrong.
00:39:07He knew it was very dangerous.
00:39:11He knew the risks if people found out.
00:39:14But Paul Young wanted to punish those who had betrayed him.
00:39:19So he had a plan that would set neighbor against neighbor and friend against friend.
00:39:26And it was a plan that was going to succeed.
00:39:30Previously on Desperate Housewives, Bree's romance warmed up.
00:39:38You have no right to give Bree's expensive gifts.
00:39:41Gabby grew closer to her biological daughter.
00:39:44I want you to have it. You deserve beautiful things.
00:39:47Lynette finally got a nanny.
00:39:49But there was a catch.
00:39:51Susan added to her teaching income a secret job that made her vulnerable.
00:39:58It would be unfortunate if anyone were to find out what I already know.
00:40:02To blackmail.
00:40:04Imagine what your husband would think.
00:40:05Paul Young was a frustrated man.
00:40:15He'd been living with his wife for over two months.
00:40:19But she still refused to sleep with him.
00:40:23He tried everything he could think of to put her in the mood.
00:40:29Expensive jewelry.
00:40:32Second glasses of wine.
00:40:36Instructional videos.
00:40:39But sadly, his wife's response was never what he'd hoped for.
00:40:46So Paul decided to get help from someone sure to sympathize with his situation.
00:40:53Hi, I'm Dr. Gable.
00:40:55Another man.
00:40:57Should we get this session started?
00:40:58So, when you married Paul, it didn't occur to you he might be released from prison someday?
00:41:07Not really.
00:41:09So you were content to marry a man you could never truly be with?
00:41:11I just wanted someone to care about me.
00:41:14I wasn't really interested in all that other stuff.
00:41:19Stuff?
00:41:21Meaning sex?
00:41:22Do you not like sex?
00:41:23Do you not like sex?
00:41:28I'm not sure exactly.
00:41:33I'm a virgin.
00:41:35Oh, come on.
00:41:37It's true.
00:41:38You're 30 years old.
00:41:40I was saving myself for marriage.
00:41:41Good news.
00:41:42You are married.
00:41:43Time to take the lid off the cookie jar.
00:41:45Stop calling it that.
00:41:46Give me a cookie and I will.
00:41:47Okay, okay, let's take a step back here.
00:41:50This is clearly an unusual situation.
00:41:53The two of you never got to know each other in any traditional sense.
00:41:57My suggestion, start dating.
00:42:01You want me to date my wife?
00:42:04Yes. Court her.
00:42:06Take Beth out to some nice restaurants.
00:42:08Give her a chance to know you so she can develop normal romantic feelings.
00:42:11In time, I'm sure she'll want nothing more than to share your bed.
00:42:13I wouldn't mind going to some nice restaurants.
00:42:21Fine.
00:42:23Yes, Paul Young was frustrated.
00:42:26But even frustrated men...
00:42:28FYI, until I get some action, it'll be Dutch treat.
00:42:33...have their pride.
00:42:43It was that time of year when people find out what they're afraid of.
00:42:55For some, it's the monster in the bushes.
00:42:59For others, it's the spider in their hair.
00:43:02For a few, it's the vampire in the driveway.
00:43:08Yes, Halloween had once again come to Wisteria Lane.
00:43:13And the only thing that frightened one woman was that she might not be the center of attention.
00:43:21I'm having a party and you all have to come.
00:43:24Did you knock?
00:43:26Doug and I have Halloween parties every year in New York.
00:43:29And I figured just because I'm in Fairview now doesn't mean I can't carry on the tradition.
00:43:34Even though the food's not as good and the company is far less interesting.
00:43:38Well, who can turn down an invitation like that?
00:43:41Well, Grace is sleeping over that night.
00:43:43But we can swing by after we're done trick-or-treating and show you their costumes.
00:43:47Juanita's going as a puppy this year. She's gonna look so cute.
00:43:50Yeah.
00:43:51See this?
00:43:53The tricycle with the line through it? What does that mean?
00:43:55No kids.
00:43:56They always get underfoot, they eat all the candy, and you can't swear in front of the little bastards.
00:44:01Well, I'll come if I can bring Keith.
00:44:04I guess one child will be okay.
00:44:08I'm sorry to interrupt. Lynette?
00:44:10Yeah?
00:44:11Did you buy me my China Pearl hand cream?
00:44:12I don't remember you asking me to, but I guess I could go after we're done eating.
00:44:16Oh, all right. It's just that my hands are so dry, they're starting to crack and bleed.
00:44:22Uh, okay. I'll go now. I'll see you guys later.
00:44:26Just make sure that you wake up Paige at three, because if she sleeps any longer, she'll be up all night.
00:44:31All right, dear.
00:44:33Okay.
00:44:34Oh, a party!
00:44:36No.
00:44:42As websites go, it's not that popular. Just in Asia and parts of Europe.
00:44:49And you can see that there's no nudity. I was just cleaning in my underwear.
00:44:54Oh, look, Mike, I know that you must be angry. If you want to yell, yell. Let me have it.
00:45:04Say something, please.
00:45:06I should have taken that job in Alaska.
00:45:09What?
00:45:10If I did a better job taking care of this family, you wouldn't have had to resort to this.
00:45:13No, no, this is not your fault. It was my stupid mistake. I thought I could make some easy money and no one would know. I'm so sorry.
00:45:20Why'd you decide to tell me? Did somebody see you?
00:45:26Paul Young.
00:45:28Oh, God.
00:45:29And he's sort of blackmailing me.
00:45:33He said that if we don't sell him our house, he was going to tell you.
00:45:37But I told you, so it doesn't matter. And what are you doing?
00:45:42What do you think?
00:45:44No, no, no. Don't be angry. This was good. I'm not lying to you now.
00:45:48When you think about it, Paul did us a favor.
00:45:51Look, no, no, look, look, look. We're closer than ever.
00:45:55Susan, get off me.
00:45:56Violence isn't the answer.
00:45:57We can't let him get away with this.
00:45:58We won't.
00:46:00I have an idea how to get him to back off.
00:46:04I'm listening.
00:46:05I can't wait to go trick-or-treating with you. This is what I'm going to use to hold on my candy.
00:46:13Uh, that's not going to cut in my neighborhood. Last year I filled up two pillowcases.
00:46:18Wow.
00:46:24Where'd you get this?
00:46:26Why?
00:46:27This is my mom's.
00:46:28No, it's not. This was a gift from my aunt.
00:46:31What?
00:46:34Oh.
00:46:35Okay.
00:46:36Girls, come on. Mrs. Solis is here.
00:46:47Hi, sweetie.
00:46:49You and Grace have a good time?
00:46:50It was okay.
00:46:52What are you smiling about?
00:46:54I found out something about Grace today.
00:46:57She's a thief.
00:46:58What?
00:47:01What are you doing with that?
00:47:02She stole your necklace, so I stole it back.
00:47:05No, no, no!
00:47:09I mean, that's very sweet of you, but Grace didn't steal this. I gave it to her as a present.
00:47:15Why?
00:47:17Because I felt sorry for her. You know, her family is poor and we have so much.
00:47:23And Rosie's poor and you always hide your jewelry box when she comes over.
00:47:27Yeah, well, Grace isn't a klepto with a meth habit.
00:47:31So do you want me to give it back?
00:47:33No, I'll take care of it.
00:47:36But now that I know you're good at getting things back, next time we're at Aunt Rosie's, I'm missing gold earrings.
00:47:43Ah, here you go.
00:47:44Your China pearl hand cream.
00:47:45Thank you, dear. I just used my last jar.
00:47:46You're welcome.
00:47:47So how did it go with the baby?
00:47:49And on a related note, where is the baby?
00:47:50Upstairs in the crib.
00:47:51Oh.
00:47:52What?
00:47:53She's still asleep?
00:47:54Yes, bless her heart.
00:47:55I had time to mend all of Rodney's old sweaters.
00:47:58Tom's sweaters.
00:47:59And I asked you and you said you would wake her at three.
00:48:01Oh, that's ridiculous. I would never agree to wake a sleeping baby.
00:48:04Oh, she's been down for almost four hours. Damn it. She's going to be up all night.
00:48:07You stop yelling at me.
00:48:08I'm not yelling at you.
00:48:09Yes, you are.
00:48:10You're angry and you're saying it's my fault and it isn't. You're a liar.
00:48:11Susan.
00:48:36Susan. Hello. What's this?
00:48:40What's this?
00:48:41A peace offering.
00:48:43A what?
00:48:43Paul, we need to move past the past.
00:48:48You have been a really good tenant, and I appreciate that.
00:48:52You never complain.
00:48:53You're never late with the rent check.
00:48:55In fact, you're usually early, and who does that?
00:48:57I'm just so lucky that...
00:48:59Oh, dear.
00:49:00What?
00:49:02Is that a thumbtack on the wall?
00:49:06Well, I tried willing the calendar to stay up, but it just wouldn't cooperate.
00:49:09Oh, but, Paul, that's a clear violation of your lease agreement,
00:49:13which I happen to have right here.
00:49:20See?
00:49:22Page two.
00:49:23Strictly no alterations.
00:49:26So, it appears that you have 60 days to vacate the premises.
00:49:31But good news, I think you'll be getting most of your deposit back.
00:49:34I'll just need to deduct the cost of repairing the thumbtack hole.
00:49:39Very clever, Susan.
00:49:40But do you really think you're in a position to be making such demands?
00:49:43Why don't we just agree to overlook this slight lease infraction before I call your husband
00:49:47and let him know about his wife's little cleaning fetish?
00:49:51He knows, Paul.
00:49:52I told him everything.
00:49:54Including the part where you tried to blackmail me.
00:49:58He wasn't happy.
00:50:01See this?
00:50:01This is what I had to pry out of his hand
00:50:05so you wouldn't need a paramedic to pry it out of your skull.
00:50:09Allow me to demonstrate.
00:50:13This is you.
00:50:17This is you if you tell anyone and Mike finds out.
00:50:21I understand.
00:50:27Don't forget.
00:50:2860 days.
00:50:32Oh!
00:50:32And enjoy those raisin muffins.
00:50:35At least I hope they're all raisins.
00:50:36My apartment has rats.
00:50:37I can't believe you're finally going to see my apartment.
00:50:46Me neither, but as you said, we need to get to know each other better, so...
00:50:52Here goes.
00:50:53Oh, my God.
00:50:58What's wrong?
00:50:59You have to understand, I had this whole frozen smile ready.
00:51:03I was expecting a bachelor pad, you know.
00:51:06Pizza boxes, dirty underwear, neon beer clock.
00:51:09But look at this place.
00:51:11It's tastefully decorated and smells...
00:51:14Oh, my.
00:51:15Is that potpourri?
00:51:18I just switched to the autumn blend.
00:51:21Take me, right now, on the table.
00:51:25Should I use a placemat?
00:51:26Hmm.
00:51:32Hello.
00:51:35That is Mimi, my roommate.
00:51:37See ya.
00:51:42Well, it looks like that frozen smile came in handy after all.
00:51:45I have to say, you do keep me on my toes.
00:51:52This is an unexpected spot for a first date.
00:51:55Well, I know it sounds corny, but you take a girl to a haunted house, and she'll probably want to grab onto you.
00:52:01Hey, that pumpkin bread looks pretty good.
00:52:03Why don't you give us a couple of slices?
00:52:05Sure.
00:52:05So, are you an Oak Ridge parent?
00:52:17Oh, yes.
00:52:17We love the school.
00:52:18Are you thinking of sending your child there?
00:52:20I don't think so.
00:52:22My family values are quite traditional.
00:52:25I happen to hear some information about the after-school activities of one of the teachers,
00:52:30and let's just say, it was troubling.
00:52:33What kind of information?
00:52:34Are you familiar with a, uh, Mrs. Delfina?
00:52:42Oh, go to sleep, go to sleep.
00:52:46This is all Grandma's fault.
00:52:50Go to sleep, go to sleep.
00:52:54Why can't she put her things away?
00:52:58You okay?
00:53:15What time is it?
00:53:164.12.
00:53:17I'm sorry to wake you up, but I am worried about your mom.
00:53:20I don't think she's all there.
00:53:22You woke me up at 4 a.m. to bitch about my mom.
00:53:27You couldn't do that during business hours.
00:53:29No, listen.
00:53:30She sent me out to buy hand cream when she already had ten jars.
00:53:33She forgot to wake up the baby.
00:53:35She's older.
00:53:36She forgets some things.
00:53:37No, she also has these intense mood swings.
00:53:42I mean, today, she almost took my hand off for no reason.
00:53:45And then she looked like she was going to burst into tears.
00:53:49She's away from home.
00:53:50She isn't used to all this chaos.
00:53:52Okay.
00:53:53I get it.
00:53:54She's your mom, and you love her,
00:53:56and you can look for an excuse for every one of these things,
00:53:59but I think there's more going on here
00:54:02than just her being a little forgetful.
00:54:04Come on.
00:54:05Your light's on.
00:54:22Hey, Mom.
00:54:25How you doing?
00:54:28You okay?
00:54:30Yes.
00:54:31Why do you ask?
00:54:32Is something wrong?
00:54:35You just seem a little scattered lately.
00:54:41Have you noticed that?
00:54:43There's my little worry wart.
00:54:47Remember when you were at Camp Kickapoo?
00:54:49You were sure Hurricane Belle had killed us all
00:54:52even though it was off the coast of Georgia.
00:54:54And that mean counselor, Bob,
00:54:57wouldn't let me call you.
00:54:58His name was Andy.
00:55:00My God, you're right.
00:55:01And you did call.
00:55:02You even made me put the dog on the phone.
00:55:05Which you did.
00:55:06No.
00:55:07I just barked a couple of times.
00:55:09Rawr, rawr.
00:55:11Sparky was asleep.
00:55:13Oh, I better go get dressed.
00:55:15I told Penny I'd help her with her costume.
00:55:20Okay.
00:55:21Did you see that?
00:55:23She's remembering things that I don't even remember.
00:55:25Yeah, but it's nine o'clock in the morning and...
00:55:29And what?
00:55:30I've been doing a little research
00:55:32and there is this thing called sundowning.
00:55:34A lot of people with dementia don't show signs in the day.
00:55:36It's only at night that they get confused.
00:55:38Did you not just hear her?
00:55:40My mother is not senile.
00:55:41Let's be honest.
00:55:43You've been trying to get her out of this house
00:55:44ever since she walked in.
00:55:46You think this is a tactic?
00:55:48The other day she made tea
00:55:49and then left the stove on for an hour.
00:55:51There has been a lot of stuff like that
00:55:53and I'm starting to get worried.
00:55:55Maybe we should take her to the doctor.
00:55:57No.
00:55:58Tom.
00:55:59No.
00:55:59Until we know what's going on,
00:56:01I don't feel comfortable with her watching the baby.
00:56:03There is nothing wrong with my mother, okay?
00:56:06So just drop it.
00:56:21Morning.
00:56:23Do you want something to eat or some tea?
00:56:24Oh, tea would be lovely.
00:56:26How do you take it?
00:56:28With an explanation.
00:56:30I'm sorry,
00:56:31Keith didn't tell me that he had a female roommate
00:56:33and yes, he said that you two never slept together.
00:56:35Well, except for those two times.
00:56:37What?
00:56:38We never had sex.
00:56:40That's really what he said.
00:56:41I just needed to see your reaction
00:56:43to know that it was true.
00:56:45Nicely done.
00:56:47By the way,
00:56:48you don't need to worry about other women.
00:56:49The guy never stops talking about you.
00:56:53Oh, that's good to hear.
00:56:55Well, I'm going to grab a shower.
00:56:57Here's your tea.
00:56:58Water will be ready in a minute.
00:57:00Oh, and when Keith wakes up,
00:57:01could you just give him his mail?
00:57:02Sure.
00:57:19I know you didn't come to deliver your RSVP in person.
00:57:29What's up?
00:57:30Well, I need to ask you something.
00:57:32In the time that you and Keith spend together,
00:57:35did you ever have the sense that he might be...
00:57:37into bony old white ladies?
00:57:39Definitely.
00:57:40No, what I was wondering is,
00:57:42have you ever gotten the vibe
00:57:43that he might be a little crazy?
00:57:45Oh, well, let me think.
00:57:47Our first date was cut short
00:57:49when you sabotaged your own sprinkler system.
00:57:51Our second was derailed
00:57:52when you terrorized me with a little person.
00:57:56Now, I think the vibe I picked up
00:57:58is you're crazy.
00:57:59Renee, you're not being very helpful.
00:58:01Fine.
00:58:02You want to tell me what this is about?
00:58:03I'm trying to find out if he's dangerous.
00:58:06I recently discovered
00:58:08that he is on probation for assault.
00:58:10Oh, that?
00:58:12You know about it?
00:58:13Yeah.
00:58:14It happened at the bar where I met him.
00:58:16About a year ago,
00:58:17he brought his girlfriend there.
00:58:18Some guys started hitting on her,
00:58:19so Keith flattened him.
00:58:21Keith told you that?
00:58:22No, the bartender did.
00:58:24I always check out the guys
00:58:25before I bring them home.
00:58:26Don't want to end up
00:58:27handcuffed to my bed for three days.
00:58:29Again.
00:58:31So Keith was defending his girlfriend.
00:58:34Well, it's nice to know
00:58:35that chivalry isn't dead.
00:58:37But there is another way
00:58:39to find out if he's violent.
00:58:41How?
00:58:41Well, start a fight with him.
00:58:43If he slugs you, he's violent.
00:58:47Whoever left you handcuffed
00:58:48to the bed for three days,
00:58:50he has my respect.
00:58:56Now, Grace,
00:58:56this is the first time
00:58:57I've made a costume,
00:58:58so if you hate it,
00:58:59just tell me.
00:59:00I love it.
00:59:01I've never had
00:59:02such a pretty costume before.
00:59:05You're the coolest mom ever.
00:59:09Look, Mommy.
00:59:10Woof, woof.
00:59:11You're adorable.
00:59:16Oh, Grace.
00:59:18You look beautiful.
00:59:19Like a real princess.
00:59:21I feel like one.
00:59:22Well, you know what
00:59:26every princess needs.
00:59:28Look, I can also
00:59:29wag my tail.
00:59:30Okay, hang on, sweetie.
00:59:31Now, once I put this on,
00:59:32I'm going to style
00:59:33your hair around it.
00:59:34Okay.
00:59:35Can you style my hair?
00:59:37But, sweetie,
00:59:38it doesn't even show.
00:59:39But I am going to go over you
00:59:41with a lint roller.
00:59:44I want to be a princess.
00:59:46What?
00:59:47All you've talked about
00:59:48for the last four months
00:59:49is how much you wanted
00:59:49to go as a dog.
00:59:50I changed my mind.
00:59:51Well, I'm sorry.
00:59:53You're either going as a dog
00:59:54or a little Mexican girl.
00:59:55In this neighborhood,
00:59:56we both know
00:59:56which one's getting more handy.
00:59:58Let's go to the mirror, sweetie.
00:59:59Okay.
01:00:00Good.
01:00:03So your pumpkin
01:00:04can have a happy face
01:00:05or a scary face?
01:00:08Miss Delfino?
01:00:10Principal Hobson
01:00:11would like to see you.
01:00:11He seems upset
01:00:12about something.
01:00:15There you are.
01:00:21Your son's been waiting
01:00:22four million years
01:00:23to go trick-or-treating.
01:00:24Let me walk in and eat.
01:00:26Ugh.
01:00:26Oh, okay, sweetie.
01:00:28Why don't you go
01:00:28get your tennis shoes on?
01:00:29We'll go.
01:00:30What's in the box?
01:00:34You okay?
01:00:37I got fired.
01:00:39What?
01:00:40They found out
01:00:41about the website.
01:00:44Paul.
01:00:45This time,
01:00:46I'm going to kill him
01:00:47and you're not stopping me.
01:00:48Mike, no.
01:00:48It wasn't him.
01:00:51One of the moms
01:00:52called the school.
01:00:53Probably got her husband
01:00:54watching it or something.
01:01:02So what are we going to do?
01:01:04We can't make it
01:01:05on what I'm bringing in.
01:01:06I'll find another job.
01:01:09I'll...
01:01:10You'll what?
01:01:11What?
01:01:11What?
01:01:11What?
01:01:11What?
01:01:11What?
01:01:11What?
01:01:11What?
01:01:13What?
01:01:15What are you doing?
01:01:19I'm calling Tommy Glenn
01:01:21in Alaska.
01:01:21He said whenever I was ready...
01:01:22No, Alaska.
01:01:24You've been gone three months.
01:01:25You can't do that to MJ.
01:01:26Do what?
01:01:27Make an honest living?
01:01:28How much thought
01:01:29did you give MJ
01:01:30when you were dancing around
01:01:31in your underwear?
01:01:31Please don't say that.
01:01:37And now one of the moms
01:01:38at the school knows.
01:01:39So there's a pretty good chance
01:01:40he's going to hear about it.
01:01:42No, Susan.
01:01:43You don't get to make the decisions
01:01:44about what's best
01:01:45for this family anymore.
01:01:46I do.
01:01:50Take MJ trick-or-treating.
01:01:51I'm going to make this phone call.
01:01:53I had a lovely time
01:02:01at dinner tonight.
01:02:01It was nice to hear
01:02:03all those stories
01:02:04about your childhood.
01:02:05It was nice telling them.
01:02:07Those were happy days.
01:02:09I liked remembering them.
01:02:11Can I give you
01:02:12an odd compliment?
01:02:14When you talk about the past,
01:02:16it changes how you look.
01:02:18You're not so...
01:02:20intimidating.
01:02:21Well, that is
01:02:24an odd compliment.
01:02:26But I appreciate it.
01:02:30What do you do?
01:02:32I was responding
01:02:33to what I thought
01:02:34was a signal from you.
01:02:35I wasn't signaling
01:02:35for you to try to jam
01:02:36your tongue down my throat.
01:02:38Beth, I'm not some kind
01:02:40of animal trying
01:02:40to satisfy its urges.
01:02:42If I was, I could have
01:02:42gone to a bar
01:02:43or any street corner
01:02:44weeks ago.
01:02:44Then what do you want?
01:02:45I want to connect with you,
01:02:46to have a real marriage.
01:02:48And yes, sex is part of that.
01:02:50But there's more.
01:02:53With what I've been through,
01:02:55I need a partner
01:02:55by my side.
01:02:57Someone that I can trust.
01:03:00I think you can be
01:03:00that person.
01:03:02The question is,
01:03:04to you.
01:03:05I want you gone
01:03:18by the end of the week.
01:03:18The question is,
01:03:32Chigger tree!
01:03:34Oh, here you go.
01:03:38Happy Halloween!
01:03:39welcome welcome renee i love your costume who are you supposed to be uh happy birthday to you
01:03:56happy birthday to you happy birthday mr president michelle obama cool
01:04:04clearly he's come as one of hell's idiots
01:04:09oh it looks like we're gonna run out of candy i think i'd better head to the store no we are
01:04:17veterans of the candy game mom we got loads of backup in the cupboard plus i always keep a
01:04:22stash in my golf bag oh you and your sweet tune oh more customers don't forget to say thank you
01:04:31and cilia stop mooing you're a cat remember
01:04:33oh how precious you're tom's mother right i'm gabby we met the other day of course
01:04:44and this must be your beautiful little princess you're as pretty as your mommy aren't you
01:04:49no no my daughter's a dog the dog that dog
01:04:52oh it's cheaper than therapy
01:05:02oh dear we're running out of candy i should take a little walk to the store
01:05:13i think we have more somewhere don't you worry grandma's gonna take care of it
01:05:17happy birthday
01:05:27son of a bitch
01:05:31hey thanks for cheering for me at the big game today
01:05:41my pleasure go team and uh since i scored the winning touchdown don't i get a kiss or something
01:05:49oh i'm afraid not i'm already going to the prom with someone else
01:05:51oh so he doesn't have to know come on one kiss
01:05:55all right our little skit is over hey you're not getting rid of me that easy
01:06:00really keith could you come here for a second
01:06:06hey you guys look great together well i was actually just asking this gentleman to leave me alone
01:06:13but he doesn't seem to be getting it
01:06:15that true you bothering her
01:06:18no it's the costume thing we were just fooling around
01:06:25thank you that was very gallant not to mention sexy
01:06:32you know no one has ever defended me like that before
01:06:38orson once threw half a diet soda at a man but we were in a moving vehicle so i don't
01:06:43keith
01:06:45look like i said i was just having some fun by being a jackass
01:06:52you need to apologize to my girlfriend fine sorry apology accepted let's go hold on a second
01:06:58try that again and this time mean it or you'll do what
01:07:05please stay hey keith keith
01:07:15keith what happened in there an idiot pushed my buttons and i went off wasn't it obvious
01:07:19well why are you yelling at me because it's who i am i've been arrested for this before
01:07:25you know i kept trying to convince myself that it wasn't a problem until the second time
01:07:28that i got arrested then i realized it was so feel free to break up with me because you know you want
01:07:36to i don't want to break up with you you can't be with a guy like me not the way that you are with
01:07:41your controlled smile and your perfect house your perfect lawn you want to talk about my perfect
01:07:47lawn nine years ago my son found me face down drunk on it
01:07:54that's true he had to turn the sprinklers on to wake me up did you not know you were dating the
01:07:59biggest lush in fairview no i didn't we all have baggage and you and i reach that point where we get
01:08:09to see what the others been carrying around all these years anything else you've been hiding no
01:08:16you've pretty much seen me at my worst well i don't think i've seen anything that i can't handle
01:08:23how about you do you think you can deal with a control freak with a drinking problem
01:08:39oh and there goes the thumb so much for hitchhiking oh hey mom you got that grandma's not back yet
01:08:52back from where she walked to the store to get more candy what
01:08:58hey guys will you uh listen for the baby i will uh be back as soon as i can is grandma okay she's uh
01:09:05uh yes it's just a little late for her to be out by herself i'll be i'll be right back
01:09:19wow i can't believe i got so much candy you deserve every piece grace you work that sidewalk
01:09:40like a milan runway how did you get so much of this in your fur this is why cats do not chew gum
01:09:50here you said you liked peppermint oh that is so thoughtful thank you
01:09:57okay i've got to give celia a bath you two go easy on the candy
01:10:01oh gosh i can't get this out of my hair mrs salise oh that's all right we don't need her
01:10:14i'll take care of it
01:10:17okay let's try this one more time what does the cat say oink boy i really hope you're very well
01:10:24she's having a problem i fixed it
01:10:36really you're not just saying that you are a much prettier maryland than she is jfk would be all
01:10:41over that oh hang on oh hey carlos what's up oh okay i will be i will be right there shoot
01:10:54it's me lynette yeah oh thank god oh it's all right it's gonna be all right i was walking i i must
01:11:17have got turned around i made it up up to claire graham's place but the lights were out there is no
01:11:28claire graham on this street there most certainly is she lives oh let's just let's go home you let go
01:11:38of me you're doing this to me you're making me feel crazy oh i said let go
01:11:47i'm so sorry dear i don't know where my head is i've never done that before
01:12:02tell her tommy
01:12:06it's okay mom i'm here
01:12:09mama that is what he said i want you gone those were his exact words i am i i am trying to make it
01:12:25work i swear i do everything he asks of me
01:12:31maybe i should come home but yes i know i made a commitment but i am so unhappy
01:12:39it's okay
01:12:42of course i want you to be proud of me
01:12:46okay
01:12:50i i i i will
01:12:54i'll try
01:12:58bye mama
01:13:03susan hang on i need to talk to you
01:13:05ow ow ow solito heels why do you hate me what's up paul young wanted me to ask again if you had
01:13:11any interest in selling your place no he knows that in fact he's vacating our house in 60 days
01:13:17well he insisted i check again he said your circumstances had recently changed and wait
01:13:21when did he say that exactly this morning
01:13:32can you take mj to miss mccluskey's for me sure
01:13:35sweetie mommy's gonna hold that for you
01:13:40susan you bastard
01:13:42susan what the hell are you doing when you moved here i tried to give you the benefit of the doubt
01:13:51but you're evil
01:13:52the benefit of the doubt is over
01:14:01he's out of candy
01:14:04you know what i'm glad i didn't let mike do this because i'm really enjoying it get away from him
01:14:14beth you don't know what he's done i don't care
01:14:17he's my husband
01:14:25now get out of this house
01:14:31you
01:14:39you
01:14:41you
01:14:43you
01:14:45you
01:14:47you
01:14:51you
01:14:55Well, I hope you're happy.
01:15:03Mrs. Sanchez was furious when she saw what you did to Grace's hair.
01:15:07Fortunately, that sweet little girl saw I was in a jam and said it was her idea.
01:15:10Of course she did.
01:15:11Well, thank God.
01:15:12Otherwise, she wouldn't be able to come here and play anymore.
01:15:15Who cares?
01:15:16Honey, Grace is your friend.
01:15:19I didn't even know her until a month ago.
01:15:21But you love spending time with her.
01:15:22No, you do.
01:15:24You're always talking to her, kissing her, staring at her.
01:15:29You like her better than me.
01:15:31Oh, that's ridiculous.
01:15:32Then why did you give her that necklace?
01:15:34You didn't even let me touch your jewelry.
01:15:37What's so special about Grace?
01:15:43Whatever.
01:15:52This is bad.
01:15:54She knows something is up.
01:15:56I think we should pull back, stay away from Grace for a while.
01:15:59No.
01:15:59No way.
01:16:00No, no, no.
01:16:01I'll just be more careful.
01:16:03It'll be fine.
01:16:05Gabby, we have to protect our daughter.
01:16:07They're both our daughters.
01:16:08I really don't want you to go.
01:16:15I don't want to go either.
01:16:16But this will make us enough money to get Paul out of our house.
01:16:19And give us our lives back.
01:16:23Plus, if I stay, I'm afraid I'll kill him.
01:16:25Okay.
01:16:35Okay.
01:16:36Car's loaded.
01:16:39It's time to go.
01:16:41To the nursing home.
01:16:42Mom, again, it isn't a nursing home.
01:16:46It's assisted living.
01:16:48It's a beautiful facility with flower beds and activities and lots of other people.
01:16:53Just tell me this, Tommy.
01:16:55After I go there, when do I get to leave?
01:16:57When do I get to go home?
01:16:58Well, we'll have to see what the doctors say.
01:17:02Never that's when.
01:17:03I've seen my friends go into these places and they don't come back.
01:17:08Mom.
01:17:12I talked to Peter and Teresa and we all agree.
01:17:18You can't live by yourself anymore.
01:17:21If something bad were to happen to you, we would never forgive ourselves.
01:17:27The only thing bad happening here is what you're doing to me.
01:17:37Mom.
01:17:38I don't know what else to do.
01:17:42When you called me at that camp and you were scared, you kept saying,
01:17:48I want to come home, Mom.
01:17:51And I said, Tommy, if you mean that, I'll come get you.
01:18:01That's what you do.
01:18:02The time comes when we all must find out.
01:18:32Some of us fear, she may never forgive me.
01:18:42Others worry, she might learn the truth.
01:18:49A few wonder, could he send me away?
01:18:54Yes, the world is a scary place.
01:19:02It's even more terrifying if we have to face it alone.
01:19:11We're going home.
01:19:13Our love?
01:19:16Yes.
01:19:17It's almost right.
01:19:17We must have had things.
01:19:19We must have a profession.
01:19:20It's always other áreas.
01:19:20Talk to me about the angels and us.
01:19:21We're going now.
01:19:22We've done a few more.
01:19:22We're going now.
01:19:23We're going now.
01:19:24We're going now.
01:19:24Your papers are done.
01:19:26We're going now.
01:19:31We're going now.
01:19:33You're welcome.
01:19:34We're going now.
01:19:35We're going now.