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BSTVSHOWS
  • 6/25/2025
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Transcript
00:00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:02Gabby discovered a secret
00:00:04Your stomach just kicked me
00:00:06I want you to run the Miami office
00:00:07So Carlos played hardball
00:00:09You can't fire me for being pregnant
00:00:10I'm offering you a promotion
00:00:12If you choose to turn it down and quit instead
00:00:14I can't stop you
00:00:14Catherine broke down
00:00:16Man, I love chose you
00:00:18Why has this been so hard on me?
00:00:21You loved him
00:00:21I found a way to spring you from this marriage
00:00:24Carl had a plan
00:00:25If he violates parole by associating with a known felon
00:00:28They can revoke it
00:00:29All we need to do is get some ex-con in a room with Orson
00:00:32Take some pictures
00:00:32And it's bye-bye Orson
00:00:34That's perfect
00:00:34And then he'll have to let me go
00:00:36Nick made a call
00:00:38Agent Padilla
00:00:39I'm thinking about coming in
00:00:41And Evil
00:00:43Did you forget something?
00:00:44Returned to the neighborhood
00:00:45What are you doing?
00:00:50Her name was Emily Portsmouth
00:00:55And word of her death
00:00:57Spread quickly
00:00:59Spread quickly
00:00:59You see, everyone in town knew Emily
00:01:04Her family was well known and respected
00:01:08She'd been popular in school
00:01:13And her customers at the coffee shop adored her
00:01:19People were shocked to hear she'd been murdered
00:01:23Mostly because another young woman had been attacked just a few weeks before
00:01:30Yes, everyone in Fairview now knew
00:01:36A killer was walking among them
00:01:39And they would soon learn
00:01:44He wasn't finished
00:01:48The next day, the women of Wisteria Lane got together for their weekly poker game
00:02:07But as it turned out, no one was in the mood to gamble
00:02:12The girl at the coffee shop was strangled and Julie was attacked the same way
00:02:15There was obviously a madman on the loose
00:02:17I'm afraid to leave my house at night
00:02:19At least now you have a boyfriend to protect you
00:02:20Roy, the man threw out his back peeling an orange
00:02:23I'm on my own here
00:02:24So what do we do to protect ourselves?
00:02:27Down at the hospital where I work, they offer a self-defense class
00:02:30Maybe we should consider taking that
00:02:32That's a good idea
00:02:33I guess we could, but you know my motto
00:02:3538 special is a girl's best friend
00:02:38Oh, I love the pearl handle
00:02:40It would look so good with my white suit
00:02:42Susan, you should feel it
00:02:44It's so light
00:02:45I don't touch guns anymore
00:02:46Not since I accidentally grazed Catherine
00:02:49Oh, still going with accidentally, are we?
00:02:54Oh, hey, honey
00:02:55We're all going to take a self-defense class
00:02:56You want to come with us?
00:02:57Yeah, it might make you feel safer
00:02:59Well, I was taking out the trash when I was attacked
00:03:04He came out of nowhere
00:03:05And I blacked out before I knew it was happening
00:03:08If someone really wants to get you
00:03:12They can get you
00:03:25I'm off
00:03:25Oh, you're sewing Penny's costume?
00:03:28Yeah
00:03:28But I'm reading the sports page while doing it
00:03:31So they kind of cancel each other out
00:03:33Oh, I got you this
00:03:37Pricey bourbon
00:03:38It's 8.45 in the morning and I'm pregnant
00:03:40I think I'll pass
00:03:41For Carlos
00:03:43It's a sorry I lied about being pregnant gift
00:03:46I don't need that
00:03:47I know Carlos
00:03:48He loses his temper
00:03:49Then he calms down and thinks rationally
00:03:51Goodbye
00:03:51I'd still bring the booze
00:03:53I'm telling you
00:03:54I'm too valuable right where I am
00:03:56And there's no way he's going to try and send me to Florida
00:03:58Bon voyage
00:04:01What's going on?
00:04:04Carlos told us about the promotion in Florida
00:04:05Congratulations
00:04:06You are going to be so missed around here
00:04:12Lynette, where are you going?
00:04:17Rita wrote you a goodbye Paul
00:04:18Can I see you in my office please?
00:04:25What do you think you're doing?
00:04:26You know I'm not moving to Florida
00:04:27Okay, so then we just changed the banner to read
00:04:30Good luck and so long
00:04:30No, it needs to read
00:04:32I told you I'm not leaving
00:04:33Someone get me a bagel
00:04:34Lynette, what can I tell you?
00:04:37We have an opening for you in our Florida branch
00:04:38But here, your job's already been given to Tim
00:04:40Well, tell Tim you made a mistake
00:04:43I can't do that
00:04:44So I guess this leaves you no choice but to quit
00:04:46Look, I know what you are doing
00:04:49And I am not going for it
00:04:50You want me gone
00:04:51You're going to have to fire me
00:04:53And open myself up to a lawsuit by firing a pregnant woman?
00:04:55I don't think so
00:04:57Then if you don't mind, I have work to do
00:05:00Hey, these aren't my kids
00:05:04No, those are Tim's kids
00:05:07This is his office now
00:05:09So, what office will I be using?
00:05:19Are you kidding me?
00:05:21These twins have a bigger office
00:05:23Enjoy
00:05:25How you doing?
00:05:33I'm okay
00:05:34Everybody seems to think whoever killed Emily was probably the same person who attacked me
00:05:39Yeah, that's what the police are saying
00:05:41And I think that we should do everything we can to help them
00:05:49Meaning what?
00:05:52Maybe now is the time to tell them about the married man you were seeing
00:05:56He had nothing to do with it
00:05:57You don't know that
00:05:58Men who cheat sometimes have more than one girlfriend
00:06:01Mom, listen
00:06:02There is no way he could ever hurt someone
00:06:04Much less kill them
00:06:05Okay
00:06:09If you're sure
00:06:12I am
00:06:13I am
00:06:13I mean, why would he attack me and then want to get back together?
00:06:18Wait
00:06:19Have you started seeing him again?
00:06:21No
00:06:22Julie
00:06:22Even if I did, it is my life
00:06:24Right?
00:06:28That's right
00:06:29It is your life
00:06:31Is it just me or was life much less complicated when you were seven?
00:06:40Sorry I grew up
00:06:41Me too
00:06:44Police are concerned that the strangling of Portsmouth is connected to a similar attack
00:06:55On a Fairview woman earlier this year
00:06:58Anyone with information is being asked to call
00:07:01Just think
00:07:02If the cops hadn't wasted so much time on Danny
00:07:05They might have caught this guy before he did this again
00:07:06Right?
00:07:10What?
00:07:11I was there
00:07:13You were where?
00:07:15At the coffee shop
00:07:16I got there right when that girl was closing up
00:07:19Oh please be kidding
00:07:21No, I wish I was
00:07:22But I'm pretty sure I was her last customer
00:07:24Look, did anybody see you?
00:07:28No, I don't think so
00:07:29But that doesn't mean the cops won't figure out that I was there
00:07:32And if they do
00:07:32Yeah, they're going to want to come and talk to you again
00:07:34And maybe run your prints
00:07:35Yeah
00:07:36That's what I was thinking
00:07:37I was also thinking that maybe we shouldn't wait around for that to happen
00:07:43No
00:07:45I'm not moving again
00:07:47Not this time
00:07:48Angie, just let me finish
00:07:49I like this place
00:07:50I have friends
00:07:51I have a job
00:07:51I feel like a real person here again
00:07:54After 18 years of being a ghost
00:07:56I don't want to give that up
00:07:58Fine
00:08:02All right, maybe we'll get lucky
00:08:05And the cops just won't come
00:08:06But honestly
00:08:08I don't know how much more luck we got left
00:08:10Hello
00:08:36Are you Lamar Benjamin?
00:08:39You got a warrant?
00:08:40Oh, no, I'm not with the police
00:08:41My name is Bree Hodge
00:08:43You know my husband Orson from the state penitentiary
00:08:46Do you have a moment?
00:08:49I got nothing but moments
00:08:51So you were Mrs. Hodge?
00:09:03Damn
00:09:04Flossie did okay for his self
00:09:06Flossie?
00:09:07That's what we call Orson
00:09:09Because he got us all dental floss
00:09:11And then nagged us to use it after every meal
00:09:12I see
00:09:14Pain in the ass
00:09:15I was glad when somebody used it to strangle a guard
00:09:17And they took it all away
00:09:18So how's Orson doing?
00:09:22Well, to be honest Lamar
00:09:25Life on the outside's been a little hard for him
00:09:28People can be so judgmental about men who have served time
00:09:32And if you're a repeat offender, you can forget it
00:09:34Yes, well, I've heard Orson speak very fondly of his prison friends, especially you
00:09:43Really?
00:09:44Because he seemed kind of mad after I used him as a shield in that yard fight
00:09:47Lamar, he just tells that story now and laughs and laughs
00:09:52Anyway, he's been feeling a little blue and I was hoping you would pay him a visit and cheer him up
00:09:59Sorry, I'd be breaking my parole
00:10:02They catch me hanging out with other ex-cons, they can send me back to jail
00:10:06Really? Well, that's a silly rule
00:10:08Don't worry though, our house is on the end of a very quiet cul-de-sac
00:10:12No one would even know you stopped by
00:10:14And of course, I would compensate you
00:10:19For your time
00:10:22And another three when you come
00:10:30What the hell?
00:10:34No harm in a little social call
00:10:36But you can't tell anybody I came
00:10:40When you get to know me better, Lamar
00:10:42You'll find I have no trouble keeping secrets
00:10:45Hey! What are you doing here?
00:10:55Your mom told me you were upset
00:10:56I told her I knew how to make you feel better
00:10:58A new chocolate chip?
00:11:01Thanks, Daddy
00:11:02I know this one's going to take a lot more than ice cream
00:11:04I keep thinking about him
00:11:06He's out there and maybe he's thinking about me
00:11:11Honey, honey, he's not
00:11:13He knows where I live, he knows what kind of car I drive
00:11:16I've been wanting to go to the library, but I'm afraid he's going to follow me
00:11:19Look, if you're worried about your car, why don't we switch for a while?
00:11:23Seriously?
00:11:24I drive your fancy car and you drive my tiny little compact?
00:11:27Hey, there's nothing I would not do for my little...
00:11:30You have air conditioning, right?
00:11:32Yeah
00:11:34There's nothing I wouldn't do for my little girl
00:11:36Are you okay?
00:11:51I'm just having a bad day
00:11:52My life has gotten sort of complicated
00:11:56Why?
00:11:59Oh, it's grown-up relationship stuff
00:12:02You wouldn't understand
00:12:03Okay
00:12:05But...
00:12:09Since you asked
00:12:11So I think you're really going to have fun at Brandon's party
00:12:16I heard there's going to be a pony
00:12:19Hey, you okay?
00:12:22I'm worried about Mrs. Mayfair
00:12:24Why?
00:12:26She's not getting any younger
00:12:28And it's really hard to meet guys in this town
00:12:31Where did you hear that?
00:12:34She told me
00:12:35She also said
00:12:38Mommy stole you from her
00:12:40And that makes Mommy a bad person
00:12:42Buddy
00:12:46Your Mommy is a great person
00:12:49Why don't you sign Brandon's card, okay?
00:12:52And I'll be right back
00:12:54Mike, watch it
00:13:03Did you actually tell my six-year-old son that his mother's a bad person?
00:13:07Well, I would have used more colorful language
00:13:14But like you said, he's only six
00:13:16You've never really seen me get angry
00:13:19But if you want to
00:13:21Just talk to my son one more time
00:13:24Then you'll know what I'm capable of
00:13:28Mike
00:13:32I love MJ
00:13:34I would never do anything to hurt him
00:13:36One more time
00:13:38Oh, Julie
00:13:54No
00:13:56Hello
00:14:05Hi
00:14:05It's your mother
00:14:06Am I interrupting anything?
00:14:09Nope
00:14:09I'm just at the library
00:14:10Oh, really?
00:14:13The library
00:14:14Yeah
00:14:14I thought I'd dive into an old favorite
00:14:16And vice versa, I'm sure
00:14:18Huh?
00:14:20Honey
00:14:20I don't blame you
00:14:21You've gone back to that place
00:14:23Because it seems
00:14:24Safe and comforting
00:14:25Am I right?
00:14:26I guess
00:14:29But trust me
00:14:30It's a bad idea
00:14:32Can we talk about this later?
00:14:33I only have an hour
00:14:34And I really want to finish
00:14:35Okay
00:14:36I want you out of there right now
00:14:39Mom
00:14:39I'll see you soon
00:14:40You bet you will
00:14:43You've been a busy girl
00:14:48Got the ex-con booked
00:14:49Getting cameras all set up
00:14:51Come Friday night
00:14:54Showtime
00:14:55So what's the matter
00:14:59We should be celebrating
00:15:01We should be celebrating
00:15:01I just hope we're both clear
00:15:03That these photos
00:15:04Are strictly for blackmail
00:15:06Of course
00:15:07We're not actually
00:15:07Going to send to prison
00:15:08Unless
00:15:09I mean, we have to
00:15:11No, Carl
00:15:11Even if he calls our bluff
00:15:12We are not going to turn him in
00:15:14Excuse me
00:15:19Excuse me
00:15:19Um, I'm looking for the person
00:15:21That belongs to the little blue car
00:15:22She's a redhead
00:15:23With a man?
00:15:24Yeah, she's with a man
00:15:25The redhead's my daughter
00:15:27Your daughter?
00:15:29Damn
00:15:30You look good
00:15:32Thank you
00:15:32So, can you tell me
00:15:34What room they're in?
00:15:38I may not love him anymore
00:15:39But I'm not going to win my freedom
00:15:40By taking away his
00:15:41Now you're angry
00:15:45Brie, when you tell me
00:15:48You could never hurt a man
00:15:49You're used to love
00:15:49That doesn't make me angry
00:15:51It just reminds me
00:15:54Why I love you so much
00:15:55Don't you worry
00:15:57No one's going to get hurt
00:15:59Oh
00:16:03Oh my god
00:16:06Oh my god
00:16:08Hey, Eric
00:16:13Can you tell Carlos
00:16:14I'm here for lunch
00:16:15I'm going to run to the ladies' room
00:16:16I'll tell him
00:16:17Hi, Lynette
00:16:27Hi, Gabby
00:16:29I'd ask you in
00:16:30But I don't think there's enough oxygen in here
00:16:32For the both of us
00:16:32No, it's, uh
00:16:34Comfy
00:16:35Hey
00:16:39I get that Carlos is trying to punish me
00:16:44But enough is enough
00:16:45You've got to talk to him
00:16:46Lynette, you never even came to me
00:16:47To tell me you were pregnant
00:16:48I think this is between you and Carlos
00:16:50Okay, I know you're upset
00:16:51But me keeping my pregnancy secret
00:16:52Wasn't personal
00:16:53Wasn't it?
00:16:54No, listen to me
00:16:55Tom and I are still in debt
00:16:57I needed this promotion
00:16:58And Carlos had already passed over
00:17:00A co-worker because she was pregnant
00:17:02I couldn't risk you telling him
00:17:04Oh, because you thought
00:17:05I'd tell Carlos and he'd fire you
00:17:06Yes
00:17:07So clearly I wasn't enough
00:17:09Of a friend for you to trust me
00:17:10No
00:17:11But now I'm such a good friend
00:17:13I'm the only one who can fix it for you
00:17:14I'm guessing you're not going to talk to Carlos
00:17:17Good guess
00:17:18I can't believe she's dead
00:17:36I know
00:17:37I just saw her a few days ago
00:17:39We talked about going to the mall
00:17:41Who found her?
00:17:43Assistant manager
00:17:44I was late yesterday
00:17:46I mean, thank God
00:17:47It would have freaked me out
00:17:48Hey
00:17:50Hey
00:17:51We were just talking about Emily
00:17:53Yeah, I didn't really know her
00:17:55But I guess we're sort of connected now
00:17:58You would have liked her
00:17:59She was super nice
00:18:00I gotta go home
00:18:02My mom's so freaked out
00:18:03That this could have been me
00:18:04She wants me around
00:18:05I'll give you a ride
00:18:06We should go too, Danny
00:18:10Uh, no, you go ahead
00:18:11But don't you need a ride?
00:18:15No, I'll walk
00:18:15I just want to talk to Julie
00:18:19Thanks
00:18:21So you want to get something to eat?
00:18:31Thanks, but I'm not hungry
00:18:32Well, maybe you want to go to Emily's funeral together
00:18:36Everybody's going
00:18:37Danny
00:18:38I know you like me
00:18:40But I can't hang out with you
00:18:43Why not?
00:18:45I just can't
00:18:46It's complicated
00:18:48It's because you slept with my dad, isn't it?
00:18:54Who told you that?
00:18:55Figured it out a while ago
00:18:56If you know that, then why in the world would you
00:18:59Because I like you
00:19:01A lot
00:19:04Do you not see how weird that is?
00:19:09No, it's okay
00:19:10Because I've forgiven you
00:19:11That's nice
00:19:14But it's still weird
00:19:17Julie
00:19:19Please, I want to be with you
00:19:22Danny, I'm so sorry
00:19:23But that is never going to happen
00:19:44Come on, they're going to come
00:19:59They're going to come
00:20:00I feel like I spent my entire life looking out windows
00:20:03Maybe it's time we stop
00:20:11What are you saying?
00:20:13I'm saying maybe it's time we thought about coming in
00:20:16Please tell me you didn't talk to them
00:20:20Oh my God
00:20:23All right, calm down, all right?
00:20:24I'm not an idiot
00:20:25I used a prepaid and the call lasted less than a minute
00:20:27There's no way they're ever going to find us
00:20:28But still, they know we're alive
00:20:29Don't you want to know if they're ready to make a deal?
00:20:31I killed a man
00:20:32They'll be ready to make a deal
00:20:33When I got a needle in my arm
00:20:35And my eyes are rolled back in my head
00:20:36You don't know that
00:20:37You're never talking to them again
00:20:39Do you hear me?
00:20:44I still can't get that image of Lynette out of my head
00:20:47The only thing missing in that cramped little office
00:20:49Was a hamster wheel and wood chips
00:20:51Yeah, I figure a couple more days of this
00:20:54She'll be ready to pack her things
00:20:55She does deserve this, right?
00:21:03She lied when she took the promotion
00:21:04What if her doctor had put her on bed rest?
00:21:07What if I needed her to fly somewhere?
00:21:10She could have put the whole company in jeopardy
00:21:11Yeah, but that never happened
00:21:13And you said she was doing a good job
00:21:15And now you're doing all these mean things to her
00:21:18Me? This was your idea
00:21:19You wanted to put snakes in her office
00:21:21Rubber snakes
00:21:22We are completely justified here
00:21:25You're right
00:21:28You're right, which is why we have the opportunity
00:21:31To do something we never do, Carlos
00:21:33Forgive
00:21:34Seriously?
00:21:38Tom and Lynette have been our friends for 15 years
00:21:40They gave us sausage of the month last Christmas
00:21:42Those were good sausages
00:21:45I know, Lynette
00:21:47She would never set out to intentionally hurt us
00:21:50I gotta admit
00:21:51I do sort of miss those guys
00:21:53You should have seen her when I was leaving her office
00:21:56She had this look in her eyes
00:21:58She was so defeated
00:21:59You should have seen this look in her eyes
00:22:01It was like, screw you, Lynette
00:22:02I win
00:22:03So that's when you called the lawyer?
00:22:05Hell yes
00:22:05They're not getting away with this
00:22:06They are not gonna harass me
00:22:07I am gonna sue their ass
00:22:08And Carlos is being served papers tomorrow
00:22:10Wow
00:22:11You're really getting worked up here
00:22:13We are not having angry sex
00:22:16Just thought I'd ask
00:22:18What did I tell you about putting away those clothes?
00:22:29I'm serious
00:22:30Nap time's over
00:22:31Fanny?
00:22:37Fanny?
00:22:38No, no, no
00:22:38No, no, no, no, no, no
00:22:39Nick!
00:22:43Any woman can be the victim of a violent crime
00:22:45That is why it's necessary to learn how to defend yourself
00:22:48A parking lot, a park, your own driveway
00:22:51An attack can happen anywhere
00:22:52It only takes a few seconds
00:22:53Sorry I'm late
00:22:55I had three parties to prep for
00:22:57How tiring that must be for you
00:22:59Juggling all those affairs
00:23:00Okay, everyone, team up
00:23:02I want an attacker and a victim
00:23:03Hey, Gabby
00:23:05You wanna attack me?
00:23:06Miss McCluskey, I don't wanna hurt you
00:23:08Oh, please
00:23:09I've eaten burgers bigger than you are
00:23:10Bring it on
00:23:10Alright, Granny
00:23:12Prepare to break a hip
00:23:13So, uh, looks like we're partners
00:23:17Do you wanna attack me?
00:23:19I could be persuaded
00:23:20Now, attackers, I want you to approach your victim
00:23:23Oh, hey
00:23:26Freakishly strong old lady here
00:23:29I credit the brand
00:23:32That's very impressive
00:23:35But the rest of you
00:23:36Approach your victim from behind
00:23:38Place her in a chokehold
00:23:39Now, victim, your impulse will be to pull away
00:23:42Wrong
00:23:43You'll just choke harder
00:23:44Instead, I want you to push back on your attacker
00:23:46Using your weight to push him off balance
00:23:48Susan, pull a little tight
00:23:50Oh, I'm sorry
00:23:52Ouch
00:23:53It feels bad, huh?
00:23:55Being betrayed by someone you trusted not to hurt you
00:23:58What are you talking about?
00:23:59I know about you and Carl
00:24:01Oh, no
00:24:02Oh, yeah
00:24:03Traitor
00:24:04Stop it
00:24:06Uh, you can't talk your way out of an attack
00:24:09Jab with your elbows
00:24:10I am sorry
00:24:10You
00:24:11How could you
00:24:14You know
00:24:15How Carl treated me
00:24:16Susan, I'm sorry
00:24:17If you'll let me explain
00:24:19Okay now
00:24:20Attacker and victim switch
00:24:21You heard him switch
00:24:22I am not letting you get behind me
00:24:24You've already stabbed me in the back
00:24:26Mrs. Delfino, release your victim
00:24:28Oh, she is not the victim here
00:24:30What about Orson?
00:24:33How could you do this to him?
00:24:35You know nothing about my marriage divorce
00:24:38And Orson has put me through hell this year
00:24:39Susan, I know you're angry
00:24:41But Carl means more to me than just a fling
00:24:43And I am not giving him up
00:24:44So if that means our friendship is over
00:24:46Then that's your decision, not mine
00:24:48You're going?
00:24:53We just, uh, got started
00:24:54I know, but I think I've defended myself enough for one day
00:24:56Hey
00:25:04Hey
00:25:05I just got a call from the lawyer
00:25:07They're going to be serving Carlos any minute
00:25:09Wow, you're really going through this, huh?
00:25:11Yeah
00:25:11We're not bad people, are we, Tom?
00:25:14What Carlos is doing to you is totally unfair and illegal
00:25:18No, we're good people
00:25:19Right, he started it
00:25:20Screw him
00:25:21Hey
00:25:26What's all this?
00:25:30Uh, candy, flowers, baby gift
00:25:32Sort of my way of saying I'm sorry
00:25:35And here's some crap to prove it
00:25:36Really?
00:25:38Yeah, I don't want to fight anymore
00:25:39And neither does Carlos
00:25:40I was hoping we could talk
00:25:42Oh, Gabby
00:25:44I am so happy
00:25:45Aw
00:25:46Here, take it
00:25:47It's getting heavy
00:25:47Aw
00:25:48I missed you
00:25:50Um, Lynette?
00:25:55Honey, we're having a moment here
00:25:56Please don't spoil it
00:25:57I'm not what's going to spoil it
00:26:00Oh, could you
00:26:04Hold on a second
00:26:05I'm just
00:26:06I'm going to make a quick phone call
00:26:07You know what, guys
00:26:08I don't care what happens
00:26:09Let's not let anything interfere with our friendship ever again
00:26:12Remember you said that
00:26:15It's the phone
00:26:16It's the phone
00:26:16What?
00:26:28Ah, it's Carlos
00:26:30I wonder what he wants
00:26:31Gabby
00:26:32You know what you said about our friendship before?
00:26:35Ugh, let's just make a pact
00:26:37Hey, babe, what's up?
00:26:44I will never be giving you for this
00:26:46Gabby, please
00:26:46What about our pact?
00:26:47We never made a pact
00:26:48Here, MJ, catch
00:26:50You have to understand
00:26:51I was just protecting myself
00:26:53Hello, ladies
00:26:54What's new?
00:26:55Lynette's suing Carlos
00:26:56Here
00:26:56Once you apologized
00:26:58I tried to call the guy off
00:27:00Lynette, you wanted to sue us
00:27:02That proves that you are not my friend
00:27:03Hey, Karen
00:27:04Here's some candy
00:27:05Trying to cut down
00:27:06Really, at your age
00:27:07Why bother?
00:27:09Please
00:27:10I need to talk to you
00:27:11No
00:27:12You need to talk to my lawyer
00:27:13Hey, Lynette
00:27:28Got a project for you
00:27:30Okay
00:27:30Who's this?
00:27:33Steve Matthews from Legal
00:27:34You know, since we all seem to be
00:27:35Lawyering up around here
00:27:37Look, I was just trying to protect myself
00:27:39No, it's just business
00:27:40This is the department's purchases and expenses
00:27:44From the last fiscal year
00:27:45I'm going to need all of that itemized
00:27:48Done
00:27:49By tomorrow morning, 9am
00:27:50I hate it when I'm the only one laughing
00:27:56This, uh
00:27:58This is at least two days' work
00:28:00Not if you work tonight
00:28:01Penny's Christmas pageant is tonight
00:28:05You know that
00:28:05You go every year
00:28:07Lynette, are you telling me
00:28:09That you're unable to...
00:28:10What was it again?
00:28:11Unable to perform the assigned task
00:28:13In a timely manner
00:28:14Yeah, that's it
00:28:15No
00:28:17Tell your undertaker friend
00:28:18That I will get the assignment done
00:28:20In a timely manner
00:28:22Great
00:28:22And will you tell Penny
00:28:24Gabby and I
00:28:25Are going to have to miss her pageant this year
00:28:26And we are so sorry
00:28:27Thank you both for coming
00:28:38Before we get started
00:28:39Can I get you anything?
00:28:41Given what you're about to do to us
00:28:43I'll take a cigarette and a blindfold
00:28:44No, no, no
00:28:45I have decided
00:28:46To put aside my rage and sense of betrayal
00:28:49I am here to help you
00:28:51Really?
00:28:53Not you
00:28:53If you are actually considering
00:28:58Having a serious relationship with this man
00:29:00Then I want to make sure that you have all the facts
00:29:02What kind of facts?
00:29:05Carl facts
00:29:05Carl
00:29:07Tell Bree
00:29:09What you got me for my 30th birthday
00:29:11Who can remember it was so long ago?
00:29:13Nothing
00:29:14He got me nothing
00:29:15Because he forgot my birthday
00:29:17And it wasn't that long ago
00:29:18I don't see the point of it
00:29:19Now tell her where you spent
00:29:21Our 10th anniversary
00:29:22Something
00:29:25I'm sorry, what was that?
00:29:27Strip club
00:29:28Carl
00:29:30That's nothing
00:29:31Now tell her what you wanted for your 35th birthday
00:29:34Come on
00:29:36He wanted me to ask a friend
00:29:39To join us in the bedroom
00:29:40You kept saying I was hard to shop for
00:29:44There he is, Bree
00:29:47That is the man you say you want to be with
00:29:50Susan, I went into this with my eyes wide open
00:29:53I know who Carl was
00:29:55And who he sometimes still is
00:29:57But I believe him when he says he wants to change
00:29:59And isn't that what you're supposed to do
00:30:01When you love someone?
00:30:05Did you say love?
00:30:08I think I did
00:30:14Bree, I have to ask you one question
00:30:17Are you drinking again?
00:30:19No!
00:30:20Okay, okay
00:30:21I was just checking
00:30:22Well
00:30:24If that's really the way you feel
00:30:27Then you should be with him
00:30:29And you have
00:30:31My blessing
00:30:32Really? You can forgive me just like that?
00:30:36You know, I was doing a lot of thinking since
00:30:38Tenured yesterday
00:30:39And I realized that
00:30:41It's hard to find
00:30:45Love
00:30:47And when you do
00:30:48You should grab it
00:30:49And who cares what anybody thinks
00:30:51And I really do want you to be as happy as I am with Mike
00:30:56Thank you, Susan
00:30:59Don't worry, Susie Q
00:31:04I am going to do right by her
00:31:07You really think you can change?
00:31:10It's easy when you find a woman worth changing for
00:31:12I didn't mean
00:31:15I
00:31:15Learned that in self-defense class
00:31:20Bye, Mom
00:31:24Bye, Mom
00:31:25Bye, bye
00:31:25We're taking off
00:31:26Okay
00:31:27Wish you a little angel luck
00:31:28Oh, good luck, sweetie
00:31:29Now remember, your dad's going to videotape your pageant
00:31:31And we're all going to watch it tomorrow
00:31:32Sweetie, I'm sorry
00:31:35You know I'd be there, but
00:31:37You have to work
00:31:38It's okay
00:31:39Hey, guys
00:31:50Wait up
00:31:51The doctor's putting him under observation for 72 hours
00:31:57It's standard procedure for
00:32:00A suicide attempt
00:32:03It's okay, Mona
00:32:04Thanks for everything
00:32:06My baby
00:32:12What were you thinking, huh?
00:32:26I'm sorry I called the fids
00:32:27I was just trying to make your life easier
00:32:32After all the things I've done to make it harder
00:32:34Look what I've done to this kid
00:32:38November 10th, 1991
00:32:45Rained all day, remember?
00:32:48Mm-hmm
00:32:48We went to the diner before we went to meet up with the others
00:32:52I had pumpkin pancakes
00:32:56You didn't have anything
00:32:58I had coffee
00:33:00I forgot my umbrella in the booth
00:33:03And then 80 hours later, neither of us existed anymore
00:33:07I had to run
00:33:15But you didn't
00:33:16You gave up a hell of a lot just so I wouldn't be alone
00:33:19I'd do it again
00:33:22I'd do anything for you guys
00:33:25I hope you know that
00:33:27I do
00:33:29Good morning, Lynette
00:33:48It's 9 o'clock
00:33:50Got my reports?
00:33:51Almost
00:33:52So are you telling me you're not done?
00:33:55I just need one more hour
00:33:57Oh, Lynette
00:33:59If only I needed them by 10
00:34:01Unfortunately, I told you that I needed them by 9
00:34:05Was I not clear?
00:34:07You were crystal clear
00:34:07It was impossible to get all this work done in a night, Carlos
00:34:10You knew that when you gave it to me
00:34:11Well, it wouldn't have been impossible
00:34:14If you'd skipped your daughter's pageant
00:34:16I know you went
00:34:18Anyway, this is very painful for me
00:34:23But I have no other choice but to terminate your employment
00:34:25You're really going to do this?
00:34:29I believe I'm within my legal rights
00:34:31You need to clear out your personal belongings within the hour, Mrs. Scabo
00:34:34I was up all night on this
00:34:43That's a shame
00:34:44So Mr. Matthews has some paperwork for you to sign
00:34:47You're going to regret this
00:34:49I'm not going to go quietly
00:34:50I don't care how you go
00:34:57I just want you gone
00:35:04Oh, good, you're up
00:35:12I'm Mona Clark
00:35:13I live down the street from you and your folks
00:35:15I told them I would take real good care of you
00:35:17Would you like some juice, Danny?
00:35:20Tyler
00:35:20What?
00:35:24It's not Danny
00:35:25My name's Tyler
00:35:34Bye, girl, thanks for coming
00:35:36Mike, what are you doing here?
00:35:40I'm here to pick up MJ
00:35:41But she said you couldn't make it
00:35:43She was picking him up for you
00:35:44Who, Susan?
00:35:46No, your neighbor, Catherine
00:35:47What?
00:35:51Did I do something wrong?
00:36:04MJ
00:36:07Hi, Daddy
00:36:09I drove by Eileen's
00:36:11And I saw my little buddy standing out there
00:36:13He looked so forlorn
00:36:14MJ, go home
00:36:20I figured you were late at some job
00:36:22So I thought I'd do you a favor
00:36:23Now
00:36:34What did I tell you?
00:36:39I needed to talk to him, Mike
00:36:41He deserves to know the truth
00:36:43His mother lies to him
00:36:45He needs to know that what you and I had was real
00:36:47You and I had nothing
00:36:51How can you say that?
00:36:55It's true
00:36:55The whole time I was with you
00:36:58All I thought about was Susan
00:37:01Every time I held you
00:37:03Every time I kissed you
00:37:05All I was thinking was
00:37:08God, I wish you were Susan
00:37:10If you mean it
00:37:25Then please kill me
00:37:27It would be less painful
00:37:33I don't care enough about you to kill you
00:37:39The world is a dangerous place
00:37:53And we must learn to defend ourselves from those who want to hurt us
00:37:58That stranger without a name
00:38:04An employer who holds a grudge
00:38:12The husband who won't let go
00:38:18Yes, we all try to defend ourselves so we won't get hurt
00:38:24Yes
00:38:26I need an ambulance right away
00:38:294356 Wisteria Lane
00:38:31Please hurry
00:38:31I'm losing a lot of blood
00:38:33Until we realize our pain
00:38:41Can hurt someone else
00:38:46Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:38:55Orson's blackmailing me to stay with him
00:38:57To escape her marriage
00:38:59Lamar Benjamin
00:38:59You know my husband Orson from the state penitentiary
00:39:02Bree arranged her own blackmail
00:39:05I don't want to fight anymore
00:39:06While a friendship
00:39:07Oh
00:39:08Hit the rocks
00:39:09Lynette, you wanted to sue us
00:39:10That proves that you are not my friend
00:39:12Oh my god
00:39:13Alright, calm down
00:39:13Alright, I'm not an idiot
00:39:14I used a prepaid and there's no way they're ever going to find it
00:39:16I killed a man
00:39:17A desperate act
00:39:19Danny, no, no, no, no, no
00:39:20Led to a revelation
00:39:22Would you like some juice, Danny?
00:39:24My name's Tyler
00:39:25The whole time I was with you
00:39:29All I thought about was Susan
00:39:30And a revelation
00:39:31If you mean it, then please kill me
00:39:33I don't care enough about you to kill you
00:39:36Led to a desperate act
00:39:38I need a damn ambulance right away
00:39:39I'm losing a lot of blood
00:39:41Daphne Bix was an unhappy woman
00:39:51And no one knew this better than her husband
00:39:55That's why he hired her to work with him
00:39:59He thought it might cheer her up
00:40:01But sadly, Jeff Bix soon discovered
00:40:05That it would take a lot more than a job
00:40:08This coffee's cold
00:40:09To keep his wife from complaining
00:40:12She complained from the moment they got up in the morning
00:40:17Well, another sleepless night, thanks to your snoring
00:40:19Till they were on their way home at the end of the day
00:40:22You want to see if you can hit all the red lights?
00:40:27Things had gotten so bad
00:40:29Jeff Bix began to wonder when God would end his suffering
00:40:33Luckily for Jeff
00:40:35God had a plan
00:40:38You're unbelievable
00:40:41You're so cheap
00:40:42It's friggin' Christmas, for God's sake
00:40:44I'm not buying you a new car
00:40:45Tricia Reed's husband got her new car
00:40:47It isn't even a holiday
00:40:48He bought it for her because she beat cancer
00:40:51You beat cancer, I'll buy you a car
00:40:53Don't beat it, I'll buy you two
00:40:54Why are we even together?
00:40:57The hot sex
00:40:57You're cheap
00:40:59Rude
00:40:59You lack ambition
00:41:01I should just dump your sorry ass
00:41:03You want a gift?
00:41:04You want a gift?
00:41:05How about a divorce?
00:41:06Don't tempt me
00:41:07I'm serious
00:41:08I already got the name of a divorce attorney
00:41:10You want a divorce?
00:41:16You got it
00:41:17Yes, Virginia
00:41:17There is a Santa Claus and he's giving me my balls back
00:41:20Correction
00:41:20One of them
00:41:21I get half of everything
00:41:22But not the business
00:41:23I started that
00:41:24With my father's money
00:41:25So I get half and I'm selling it
00:41:28Wait a minute, let's talk about this
00:41:30Uh-oh, so now you're scared?
00:41:32You'd be that vindictive
00:41:33Destroy the one thing I love out of spite
00:41:35Hello
00:41:35Have we met?
00:41:37Of course I would
00:41:38And I'm not stopping there
00:41:39Bank accounts, pension funds
00:41:40Ooh
00:41:41I'm gonna ruin you
00:41:42Oh, what's the matter?
00:41:45I can't breathe
00:41:46Nice try, big faker
00:41:48No
00:41:49My chest hurts like hell
00:41:50Take the controls
00:41:51What?
00:41:53You gotta land the plane
00:41:54What?
00:41:57No
00:41:58You piece of crap
00:41:59You can't do this to me
00:42:01And that is how the unhappy marriage of Jeff and Daphne Bix ended
00:42:06In a plane
00:42:08Losing altitude
00:42:10Right above a cul-de-sac
00:42:12Hey, is it just me?
00:42:15Or is that plane flying really low?
00:42:17By the name of Wisteria Lane
00:42:20Dad, I think it's gonna crash
00:42:22The best Christmas ever
00:42:40That's what the residents of Wisteria Lane were dreaming of
00:42:44As they prepared for their annual Yuletide Festival
00:42:47So they hung up a banner
00:42:49Brought out their candy canes
00:42:53And put up Santa's workshop
00:42:56As eager as children for the holiday to begin
00:43:00Of course
00:43:01Some were more childish than others
00:43:05Look at this mess
00:43:06It's like Santa's colon
00:43:07That's funny
00:43:12Did you hear that?
00:43:13Hilarious
00:43:14Almost as funny as when Orson said it last year
00:43:16Okay
00:43:19How about some Christmas music?
00:43:22Parker, you got that sound system fixed?
00:43:25Almost
00:43:26Do we really want the kid working with electricity?
00:43:29He can't even get the newspaper on my porch
00:43:31You're clumping
00:43:36Hey, what is going on with you two?
00:43:42I don't want to get into it
00:43:43Well, whatever it is, you need to work it out
00:43:45We are caroling at the festival on Saturday
00:43:47And we can't have two of our jingle bells fighting
00:43:49You know, if you need a replacement
00:43:50I've been told that I have a dusky alto
00:43:52Don't wait
00:43:53Girls only were the jingle bells, not the jingle balls
00:43:56Shouldn't you be out stealing the last can of who hash?
00:44:01Want to see me go all Grinch on your ass?
00:44:04To be honest, Brie
00:44:05I don't think I'm going to be able to sing with Lynette
00:44:07After she would
00:44:08After she what?
00:44:08Are you about to trash me?
00:44:10I have way too much glass to trash you
00:44:11No matter how much you deserve it
00:44:13Merry Christmas to me
00:44:15What did she do?
00:44:17She's suing Carlos
00:44:18You're suing him?
00:44:20Because he fired me
00:44:21He fired her?
00:44:22Because she lied about being pregnant
00:44:23You're pregnant?
00:44:24With twins
00:44:25You knew?
00:44:26I told her to keep it quiet
00:44:27Congratulations
00:44:28Sure, take her side
00:44:30She's not
00:44:31Stop fighting
00:44:33I mean, with all we've been through lately
00:44:35Julie being attacked
00:44:36Danny Boland's overdose
00:44:37We really need some Christmas spirit around here
00:44:40Susan's right
00:44:42This is the time we should come together
00:44:44And celebrate peace on earth
00:44:47And goodwill towards men
00:44:49Oh crap
00:44:55Who's dead now?
00:44:59Yeah, what's going on?
00:45:01Something's happened to Catherine
00:45:02Oh my god
00:45:05I was just there five minutes ago
00:45:07Was she okay?
00:45:08She was really upset
00:45:09I hope she didn't do something to herself
00:45:11Hey, you're not going to believe this
00:45:15But I just heard the cops say
00:45:16That someone stabbed Catherine right in the gut
00:45:17What?
00:45:18Do that
00:45:19You've got to be kidding me
00:45:28Hey there
00:45:32How you feeling?
00:45:34A little hungry
00:45:35That's because they pumped your stomach
00:45:37But if you want, Tyler
00:45:40I can have them bring you some soup
00:45:41Why did you just call me that?
00:45:45You told me to
00:45:46Last night
00:45:46No, I didn't
00:45:47Yes, you did
00:45:48Twice
00:45:48You were still a little groggy
00:45:50But you definitely said your name was Tyler
00:45:51Maybe I was dreaming
00:45:53My name's Danny
00:45:57Okay
00:46:00Can I see my mom?
00:46:07Please
00:46:07I'm sorry
00:46:08Not while you're under observation
00:46:10I'll have someone bring you that soup
00:46:13Danny
00:46:14I don't get this
00:46:19We gave you a check to cover the ambulance
00:46:20And everything else so far
00:46:22I know
00:46:22But we still need your insurance information, Mr. Bowen
00:46:25It's hospital policy
00:46:26Like us not being able to see our kid
00:46:27So you have two stupid policies
00:46:29There could be some unforeseen expenses
00:46:31Tests we may have to run
00:46:33If you don't have insurance
00:46:34There are government programs
00:46:36If you could just give me your information
00:46:38No, we don't need a handout
00:46:39We have cash
00:46:41Thank you, though
00:46:42Gail
00:46:43Can I speak with the Bolans?
00:46:48I know what's going on
00:46:50What do you mean?
00:46:53I knew something was up the moment you moved onto the lane
00:46:56I mean
00:46:58You never talk about your past
00:47:00But we're private people
00:47:01Is there a law against that?
00:47:03Having no insurance
00:47:04Wanting to make cash for everything
00:47:05Having a son who can't remember if his name is Danny or Tyler
00:47:08Where are you going with all this, Mona?
00:47:15You're in the witness protection program, aren't you?
00:47:19Huh
00:47:20You are one short cookie
00:47:24How'd you figure it out?
00:47:28Honestly
00:47:29Once I noticed you were Italian
00:47:31I just kind of went from there
00:47:32No offense
00:47:34None taken
00:47:36I can't believe I'm right
00:47:38So
00:47:39What went down?
00:47:41You witness a hit?
00:47:43Did you rat on one of the five families?
00:47:44We, uh
00:47:45We can't talk about it, Mona
00:47:47And neither can you
00:47:49To anybody
00:47:51Of course not
00:47:52Because if you do say anything
00:47:54We're gonna have to have you whacked
00:47:58Hmm
00:48:00Any more news about Mike and Catherine?
00:48:20No
00:48:21But I'm sure he'll be exonerated
00:48:23Mike could never do something that awful
00:48:25That's my Brie
00:48:27Always seeing the good in people
00:48:29Yes
00:48:30Well, um
00:48:32Forgive me
00:48:35For starting your day on a sour note
00:48:37But I filed for divorce
00:48:39Here are the papers
00:48:40And if you try to stop me
00:48:42Your parole officer will see these
00:48:44Consorting with a known felon
00:48:48Is a parole violation
00:48:49If you send me to jail for fraud
00:48:51You're going with me
00:48:52It's over, Orson
00:48:54This must have been
00:48:59Quite a project for you
00:49:01Finding Lamar
00:49:03Setting up the camera
00:49:04Sorry to put you through so much needless trouble
00:49:06I would hardly say needless
00:49:09Without these you'd still have a gun to my head
00:49:11Do you really think I would send you to jail?
00:49:14It's what you've been threatening
00:49:16I was bluffing, Brie
00:49:17Right from the start
00:49:19I could never hurt you that badly
00:49:21No matter what
00:49:22You didn't need these
00:49:25You could have called my bluff
00:49:27And walked away any time
00:49:28Suppose the fact that you did believe me
00:49:34That you actually thought I'd destroy you
00:49:36Just out of spite
00:49:37That alone should have told me
00:49:38It was over
00:49:39I will pack after breakfast
00:49:44For what it's worth
00:49:49I'm sorry it had to end this way
00:49:51Me too
00:49:53These scones you made
00:49:59Are delicious
00:50:00I'll miss them
00:50:14Here's Catherine June
00:50:15Now, you might hear some screams for help in there
00:50:17Ignore them
00:50:18Is this what you meant by
00:50:19I'll behave calmly and rationally?
00:50:22That was just to get you to unlock the car door
00:50:23Susan, you gotta go in there
00:50:25And be Catherine Mayfair's best friend
00:50:26Because she could put Mike away for a very long time
00:50:28I know
00:50:29I know
00:50:30Might help if you give her these
00:50:33Good idea
00:50:34She pisses me off
00:50:36I can crack the vase over her head
00:50:44No, Dylan
00:50:46The police have everything under control
00:50:48There's no reason for you to fly out here
00:50:49Uh, honey
00:50:54I've got a visitor
00:50:55I gotta go
00:50:56Okay, talk to you later
00:50:58Susan
00:51:02Come in
00:51:03Hi, Catherine
00:51:05Oh
00:51:09What a sweet gift
00:51:11I didn't even think I'd see you here
00:51:14Well, I was
00:51:17Concerned about you, Catherine
00:51:19A lot of people are
00:51:21Actually, the one they should be concerned about is you
00:51:25Why is that?
00:51:29Because
00:51:29The man you just married turned out to be a maniac
00:51:31Yeah, um
00:51:33About that
00:51:36Uh
00:51:37We both know
00:51:43That Mike didn't do this
00:51:46Really?
00:51:52I've got seven stitches
00:51:54And a knife with Mike's fingerprints
00:51:56That say otherwise
00:51:57It doesn't make
00:52:05Any
00:52:07Sense
00:52:09Why would Mike
00:52:11Want to stab you?
00:52:17Well, if you must know
00:52:18I told him I was in love with someone else
00:52:21And he flew into a rage
00:52:22Will you stop lying?
00:52:28If you don't tell the truth soon
00:52:29You are sending an innocent man to jail
00:52:31You are taking a father
00:52:32Away from his son
00:52:34It's Mike's fault
00:52:36Not mine
00:52:36Catherine, please
00:52:38Even though I am so
00:52:40Angry with him
00:52:42When you think about it
00:52:44It's really kind of flattering
00:52:46To go this far
00:52:47To keep me from being with someone else
00:52:49So how did it go?
00:52:59I don't know anymore
00:53:00I can't tell if she's crazy
00:53:02Or just devious
00:53:03I think she's a little of both
00:53:05Okay
00:53:06So tell me how I got the crazy part committed
00:53:09Only a family member can commit somebody to an institution
00:53:12Really?
00:53:18Excuse me
00:53:19I was just with my friend Catherine in 607
00:53:22And she was talking to her daughter
00:53:23And she wanted me to follow up about something
00:53:26Do you have that number?
00:53:27Dylan Mayfair
00:53:29Yes
00:53:30Would you mind dialing that number?
00:53:32Certainly
00:53:32There you go
00:53:36Hello
00:53:41This is Dr. Brister calling from Fairview General
00:53:45I understand that you were just speaking with your mother
00:53:49Right
00:53:51But I do feel given her condition
00:53:55It is important for you to come here if you can
00:53:58Lovely
00:53:59See you soon
00:54:01Now that's devious
00:54:0550 cents off paper towels
00:54:11That's a great coupon
00:54:12This is fun
00:54:13Yeah it sure is
00:54:14And me doing my own roots is going to be fun
00:54:16And getting rid of cable is going to be fun
00:54:18We're going to be having so much fun around here
00:54:20Mommy
00:54:21Hmm?
00:54:22Are we poor?
00:54:23Oh
00:54:23Only financially
00:54:25Hey
00:54:29Don't forget that one
00:54:31Probably only in a can
00:54:32I like poor food
00:54:33What'd they say?
00:54:41I've attended classes for six weeks
00:54:43They won't refund any of my tuition
00:54:46Unbelievable
00:54:47Is there a sign over us that says crap here?
00:54:51It'll be okay
00:54:51I'm looking for a job
00:54:52And in the meantime
00:54:53We've got enough money to live on
00:54:54For the next four months
00:54:56So we'll run out
00:54:58Right before the babies are born
00:55:00Yes
00:55:01But remember kids
00:55:03Don't miss what they never had
00:55:04Ah
00:55:04My food
00:55:05Clothing
00:55:06Sober mother
00:55:06I am so sorry
00:55:13For what?
00:55:15For what I have done to this family
00:55:17You have to drop out of school
00:55:19Penny is clipping coupons
00:55:22I have really
00:55:24Really screwed this up
00:55:26Well
00:55:27We'll get some money
00:55:28If we win the lawsuit
00:55:29Yeah
00:55:30Won't that be great
00:55:32Living off the money we made
00:55:34Suing our best friends
00:55:36At least Gabby tried to apologize
00:55:39And stop this
00:55:41Well
00:55:43Maybe it's your turn
00:55:45Damn it
00:55:52Whatever it is I can explain
00:55:54That was the chairman of my board
00:55:56This Lynette thing is turning into a fiasco
00:55:58I thought that lawyer said
00:56:01You did everything by the book
00:56:02That we recovered
00:56:02It doesn't matter what the lawyer said
00:56:05Bottom line is
00:56:06It looks bad for Global Venture
00:56:08A big corporation
00:56:09Going after a pregnant woman
00:56:10So what's going to happen?
00:56:12If this suit goes to trial
00:56:13I'm done
00:56:17And even if it doesn't
00:56:18I might still lose my job
00:56:19I put everything into this company
00:56:22Carlos
00:56:24Carlos
00:56:26Hi
00:56:36I know I'm probably the last person
00:56:38You want to talk to
00:56:39You got that right
00:56:40It's done
00:56:46Carl Orson
00:56:47Sign the papers
00:56:48Yes
00:56:50I know
00:56:52I've never been happier
00:56:53I absolutely want to see you too
00:56:56Meet me at the motel
00:56:57And we'll
00:56:58Find a way to celebrate
00:56:59Till then my darling
00:57:02When you move on
00:57:06You don't waste any time
00:57:07I'm sorry
00:57:11I wanted to tell you this morning
00:57:13But I
00:57:13Felt I'd hurt you enough
00:57:16For one day
00:57:16Much better
00:57:19To parcel out the pain
00:57:20Is it someone I know?
00:57:23No
00:57:27Never mind
00:57:28I can't handle that right now
00:57:30Just tell me this
00:57:33Have you told your friends
00:57:35You're seeing anyone?
00:57:36Of course not
00:57:37Good
00:57:39Please don't
00:57:41Until I'm gone
00:57:42I'm saying goodbye
00:57:44To everyone at the party tomorrow
00:57:45I don't want it to turn into
00:57:46A pity fest
00:57:47For poor Orson
00:57:48I won't go public
00:57:52With my new relationship
00:57:53Until we're divorced
00:57:54And I'll say
00:57:58We started seeing each other
00:57:59After you and I
00:58:01Separated
00:58:02What a tasteful solution
00:58:05You must write an etiquette book
00:58:08For adulterers
00:58:09I don't blame you
00:58:14For being angry
00:58:14And I give you my word
00:58:16I will not let my affair
00:58:17Be an embarrassment to you
00:58:19So when the plane flies over
00:58:21The Christmas party
00:58:22I want it pulling
00:58:23A big ass banner
00:58:24That reads
00:58:25Will you marry me
00:58:26Bree?
00:58:28Love Carl
00:58:29Oh it's not romantic
00:58:30Glorious
00:58:31That'll be six hundred bucks
00:58:32I don't care
00:58:33Can't put a price on love
00:58:35He can
00:58:36Our anniversary
00:58:37Twenty dollar gift certificate
00:58:38To a rib joint
00:58:39Well you didn't have to cook that night
00:58:41So the gift was for both of us
00:58:43Good luck Mr. Meyer
00:58:45I hope this spree says yes
00:58:47Almost as much as I wish
00:58:49I'd said no
00:58:50For what it's worth
00:58:54I'm a divorce lawyer
00:58:55Oh God's sake Jeff
00:58:58Look at the mess in here
00:58:59Do you have a card?
00:59:02Do you have a card?
00:59:11Dylan?
00:59:12Dylan?
00:59:13I have nothing to say to you
00:59:15I know what your mother
00:59:16Must have told you
00:59:17It's what she told everyone
00:59:19But it's not true
00:59:19Do you really think
00:59:20I'm going to take your word
00:59:21Over hers?
00:59:22Please
00:59:22I am so worried
00:59:24About your mom
00:59:25I am not just thinking
00:59:26About mine
00:59:26What the hell you're not
00:59:27Get over him
00:59:28He's married to my mother
00:59:29What?
00:59:31You know
00:59:31It's bad enough
00:59:32That you make a scene
00:59:33At their wedding
00:59:34And you hound them
00:59:34Night and day
00:59:35And you stab her
00:59:36Because you can't have him
00:59:37Is that what she told you?
00:59:40I don't know why
00:59:41You're not locked up right now
00:59:42You're crazy
00:59:43Dylan
00:59:44We need to talk
00:59:47Oh my god
00:59:54I don't understand
01:00:01For months
01:00:02My mom has been telling me
01:00:03About her life with Mike
01:00:04The gifts that he's given her
01:00:06And trips that they've planned
01:00:07Your mom needs help
01:00:12And so does Mike
01:00:15What do you want me to do?
01:00:26Hey
01:00:27Good news
01:00:28Dr. Chang says
01:00:30I can give your parents
01:00:30An early Christmas present
01:00:32You're released
01:00:34Grab your stuff
01:00:35I'm taking you home
01:00:36Thanks for the ride
01:00:45Happy to help
01:00:46I can't imagine
01:00:49How tough it is
01:00:49For you guys
01:00:50To live this way
01:00:51In what way?
01:00:54Running all these years
01:00:55Always looking over your shoulder
01:00:56Relax Danny
01:01:02Your parents told me
01:01:03About your situation
01:01:04Well actually
01:01:06I figured it out
01:01:06Your mom just
01:01:08Filled in the details
01:01:08Why would she do that?
01:01:12Well frankly
01:01:14I think she was glad
01:01:15To finally find someone
01:01:16She could be honest with
01:01:17And that goes for you too
01:01:19If you ever need to talk
01:01:21You can trust me
01:01:22I hope so
01:01:25Because if you say anything
01:01:28They're going to throw
01:01:28My mom in jail
01:01:29No
01:01:30No
01:01:30It doesn't work that way
01:01:32Are you kidding?
01:01:38Ever since 9-11
01:01:40The feds are hardcore
01:01:41On any terrorist stuff
01:01:42Even the old cases
01:01:44If they find her
01:01:47She's dead
01:01:48What do you mean?
01:01:52Danny
01:01:59I thought we were
01:02:01Picking you up tomorrow
01:02:02Mom, I screwed up
01:02:03What are you talking about?
01:02:08I told you on everything
01:02:09Hey Mona
01:02:27Thanks for giving Danny a ride
01:02:31And I am so sorry
01:02:33He dragged you
01:02:33Into our family drama
01:02:34I mean you know
01:02:44Better than anyone
01:02:44What a bad headspace
01:02:45He's in right now
01:02:46He's so angry
01:02:48At me and his dad
01:02:48He just
01:02:49Must have hurt us
01:02:50Which would explain
01:02:52The wild story
01:02:52He just told you
01:02:53So
01:02:57You good?
01:03:00I hate my job
01:03:01All I do is deal
01:03:03With disturbed people
01:03:05Wipe their drool
01:03:07Strap them down
01:03:08I hate it
01:03:10Well
01:03:12Maybe you should
01:03:14Get a different job
01:03:15I wanted to
01:03:16Where they say
01:03:17You should have
01:03:18A year's worth
01:03:18Of living expenses
01:03:19And I didn't know
01:03:20Where I'd get the money
01:03:21$67,000
01:03:26That's what I've needed
01:03:28To cover my mortgage
01:03:29My car
01:03:30Everything for a year
01:03:32Monat
01:03:34$67,000
01:03:36If you could do that
01:03:38For me
01:03:39Then we'd all be free
01:03:41Hey mom
01:03:50Dylan
01:03:53What are you doing here?
01:03:56I asked you not to come
01:03:57I had to
01:03:58You're hurt
01:04:00Have you been to the house?
01:04:05Oh
01:04:06I'm so sorry
01:04:07Mike wasn't there
01:04:08To welcome you
01:04:09He's away in business
01:04:10No he's in jail
01:04:14You told the police
01:04:15He stabbed you
01:04:16I
01:04:19Never said that
01:04:20I told you
01:04:22Susan
01:04:22Attacked me
01:04:23Then why did the police
01:04:25Arrest Mike
01:04:26I don't know
01:04:29Maybe he
01:04:30Confessed
01:04:32To protect her
01:04:33Mom
01:04:35Susan's his wife
01:04:38That's ridiculous
01:04:41Who told you that
01:04:44Susan?
01:04:45No
01:04:45Mike
01:04:46They let me speak with him
01:04:50Well Mike
01:04:52Mike is in jail
01:04:52And that's not right
01:04:53If he didn't do anything
01:04:54Did you stab yourself?
01:05:07Mom did you?
01:05:11I asked you not to come
01:05:13You don't understand
01:05:18I just entrapped him
01:05:20Pulled aside from lies
01:05:22This is gonna save him
01:05:25He knows the way I did it
01:05:27He wants this
01:05:28What is she doing here?
01:05:36I wanna help you Catherine
01:05:37I have to get to Mike
01:05:45He's expecting me
01:05:47For
01:05:47I don't think so
01:05:49Please
01:05:49I have to go
01:05:50Mrs. Maysack
01:05:51Mom please
01:05:55Everything's gonna be wonderful
01:05:57I have to get to Mike
01:06:00We need some help
01:06:01Mrs. Maysack
01:06:02No
01:06:03Please Mrs. Maysack
01:06:07That we're trying to help you
01:06:09Okay
01:06:12It's okay
01:06:12Everything's gonna be okay
01:06:14I asked you not to come
01:06:20Hey wait up
01:06:29I wanna go with you
01:06:29Can I have one moment apiece?
01:06:31Our therapist said
01:06:31We need to do more stuff together
01:06:33I know
01:06:33That's why I don't go
01:06:34To the therapist with you
01:06:35Oh come on
01:06:35Would it kill you
01:06:36To spend some time
01:06:37With the woman you love?
01:06:38I don't know
01:06:38Would you be upset
01:06:39If I brought her?
01:06:40As long as she doesn't
01:06:41Deflate in the plane
01:06:42Gabby please talk to me
01:06:49I feel just awful
01:06:50You know why?
01:06:51Because you are awful
01:06:52You're an awful person
01:06:53Okay you have every right
01:06:54To be mad at me
01:06:55Thanks Lynette
01:06:56And you have every right
01:06:56To go to hell
01:06:57Stop talking to me
01:06:58Thank you all for coming out
01:07:02To our annual holiday festival
01:07:04And as it's been our tradition
01:07:06These last 12 years
01:07:07Please welcome back
01:07:09The jingle bells
01:07:11All right ladies
01:07:13Sparkle
01:07:14I can't believe they wouldn't
01:07:17Let you sing with them
01:07:18It's their group
01:07:18They can do whatever they want
01:07:19Whores
01:07:20Do you mind
01:07:28You're blocking me
01:07:29With your big fat head
01:07:30I thought we weren't talking
01:07:32You know I was trying
01:07:38To apologize
01:07:39Well it's too late
01:07:40Carlos is probably
01:07:41Going to lose his job
01:07:42Over the stuff
01:07:42You're putting him through
01:07:43Gee I wonder
01:07:44What that feels like
01:07:45By the way
01:07:50Because your husband
01:07:50Canned me
01:07:51Tom had to quit school
01:07:52Oh the 45 year old
01:07:53Freshman has to drop out
01:07:54Maybe he'll get a paper route
01:07:55Move
01:07:56No
01:07:57Fine
01:07:58Wanna be a jerk
01:07:59No
01:07:59Give me my hand
01:08:00No no
01:08:01Give me my hand
01:08:02Back
01:08:02Get that back to me
01:08:04Give me my hand back
01:08:05All is calm
01:08:06All is calm
01:08:07She's starting this
01:08:09She's being a bitch
01:08:10I don't remember the word
01:08:11Bitch being in the song
01:08:12Oh no
01:08:12It's always been this
01:08:13You are
01:08:15We are going to take
01:08:25A little break
01:08:27Mid-song
01:08:28And we will be right back
01:08:29Have a little punch
01:08:31I realize you two
01:08:37Are having a problem
01:08:37A giant problem
01:08:38And now half a fair few
01:08:39Does too
01:08:40So A
01:08:41You're fired
01:08:41And B
01:08:42Work it out
01:08:43Gabby I'm sorry
01:08:47About everything
01:08:48But you have no idea
01:08:49What losing my job
01:08:50Has done to my family
01:08:50Oh boo hoo you
01:08:52Why don't you slip
01:08:53Your cankles into my shoes
01:08:54And walk a mile
01:08:55You just don't care
01:08:56About anyone but yourself
01:08:58No I do
01:08:59I care about my friends
01:09:00Sorry you are no longer
01:09:01Part of that group
01:09:02I'm in
01:09:08It's a Christmas miracle
01:09:09We can't just let some stupid housewife
01:09:16Shake us down for 67 grand
01:09:18Nick what do you want from me
01:09:19We gotta try to make this go away
01:09:20We got the emergency 10 grand
01:09:24But that is a long way from 67,000
01:09:26Maybe this will get us closer
01:09:34Oh you little
01:09:37Now don't be careful
01:09:38You little
01:09:39Punchkins
01:09:39Excuse me
01:09:43Carl
01:09:45What are you doing here
01:09:46I just thought I'd come by
01:09:47And give you an early Christmas present
01:09:48Stop it
01:09:49We can't be seen together
01:09:51It's the big deal
01:09:52Susan knows
01:09:53The cat's out of the bag
01:09:54Orson doesn't know
01:09:55You didn't tell him
01:09:56About the affair yes
01:09:57But he has no idea
01:09:58It's you
01:09:58Now Carl please go
01:10:00I promised him
01:10:00There'd be no scenes today
01:10:02Carl
01:10:02Oh lord
01:10:03Hey Orson
01:10:06Just came by
01:10:07To check on the decorations
01:10:08Great job
01:10:09Mrs. Hodge
01:10:10Save it
01:10:10Carl
01:10:11I'm not an idiot
01:10:12Orson please
01:10:13You obviously heard
01:10:15Bree and I are divorcing
01:10:16And vulture that you are
01:10:17You've swooped in
01:10:18To make a buck
01:10:19By representing Bree
01:10:20Hey a man's gotta eat
01:10:24Perhaps
01:10:25But soliciting business
01:10:27At a Christmas party
01:10:28That's tacky
01:10:29Even for you Carl
01:10:31If this is who you want
01:10:33Representing you
01:10:34That's your choice
01:10:34But frankly
01:10:35I thought you had
01:10:37Higher standards
01:10:37Remind me not to let him
01:10:43Make a toast at our wedding
01:10:45It's so funny
01:10:45Carl won't just go
01:10:46Before he figures it out
01:10:47Yeah about that
01:10:48You know that Christmas present
01:10:50I mentioned
01:10:51Don't you dare give me
01:10:51A present in front of
01:10:52All these people
01:10:53I'm not sure I can stop it
01:10:54It's being delivered
01:10:55By air
01:10:56Carl what did you do
01:10:59Just let me make
01:11:00One quick call
01:11:01Mayday
01:11:07Mayday
01:11:08God
01:11:08How do you turn this thing on
01:11:11Somebody help
01:11:12I don't know how to fly
01:11:13Okay
01:11:22I released the banner
01:11:23Now what
01:11:23Look for a place to land
01:11:25A field of a large parking lot
01:11:26All I see are neighborhoods
01:11:29The negative street landing
01:11:30Is too dangerous
01:11:31Well that's all there is
01:11:32What do you want from me
01:11:34Okay calm down
01:11:36Keep her steady
01:11:36Jeff it's Carl
01:11:40Are you there
01:11:40Hello
01:11:41Come on pick up
01:11:44Okay
01:11:45If you get this message
01:11:46Please please get this message
01:11:47You need to abort
01:11:48Do not
01:11:49Repeat
01:11:50Do not
01:11:51Fly over Wisteria Park
01:11:52With that banner
01:11:53What banner
01:11:53Call me
01:11:54Carl
01:11:55What banner
01:11:56You know how you're always saying to me
01:11:58I should be more romantic
01:11:59Well I thought
01:12:00What if I hire a plane
01:12:02To fly over Brie's street
01:12:03Carrying a banner
01:12:04With a heartfelt personal message
01:12:05Carl when you put a message
01:12:06On a banner
01:12:07It ceases to be personal
01:12:08What does it say
01:12:09Something like
01:12:11Brie will you marry me
01:12:13Love Carl
01:12:14Oh dear god
01:12:15I was trying to be romantic
01:12:16Carl when we began this affair
01:12:18We agreed to be discreet
01:12:19Do you know what discreet means
01:12:20No skywriting
01:12:22Oh god
01:12:25Poor Orson
01:12:26Do you know how humiliated he'll be
01:12:28I have to warn him
01:12:30Brie wait
01:12:31I made this mess
01:12:34I'll deal with it
01:12:35Orson deserves the truth
01:12:37And he should hear it from me
01:12:38Not a banner
01:12:39But I
01:12:40You got a minute
01:12:47I need to talk to you
01:12:48What here
01:12:49Can it wait
01:12:50Not really
01:12:52If this is about the settlement
01:13:00I told Brie
01:13:01There's very little I want
01:13:02That's not the problem
01:13:03It's what I want
01:13:05Brie
01:13:07You're too late
01:13:09She has a boyfriend
01:13:10You?
01:13:15Hey if I were a betting man
01:13:17I'd have lost the bundle
01:13:17On this too
01:13:18So
01:13:20Wait
01:13:21You were having sex
01:13:23With my wife
01:13:24The point is
01:13:26We don't want to make this
01:13:27Any harder for you
01:13:28Than it has to be
01:13:29I just wanted to warn you
01:13:31That in a few minutes
01:13:32Okay
01:13:35You're the husband
01:13:36I'll give you that one
01:13:37I'm trying to spare your feelings
01:13:40Which is why
01:13:41That's it
01:13:45The hell with your feelings
01:13:47I'm proposing to Brie today
01:13:50With an airplane banner
01:13:51And trust me
01:13:52That will be the highlight
01:13:53Of your day
01:13:54One moment please
01:13:59Hi
01:14:07Hi
01:14:07Have you been to see Santa yet?
01:14:10Uh uh
01:14:10Do you want me to take you?
01:14:12Yeah?
01:14:12Okay
01:14:12Come on
01:14:16I will take you to see Santa
01:14:18Hey
01:14:26Oh
01:14:28We're going to do this
01:14:29Right here
01:14:30Just like that?
01:14:33This seems like
01:14:34A pretty small envelope
01:14:35For such a big secret
01:14:36It's ten grand
01:14:39And my wedding ring
01:14:40It was my grandmother's
01:14:41It's all we have right now
01:14:44But
01:14:44I gave notice
01:14:47At the hospital
01:14:47I can't go back there
01:14:49I don't know
01:14:50That's the best we can do
01:14:51I have a job at Brie's
01:14:55I can pay the rest
01:14:55As I make it
01:14:56Sure
01:14:57Until you disappear
01:14:58Into thin air
01:14:59Just because I have lawn gnomes
01:15:02Doesn't mean I'm stupid
01:15:03You don't know the whole story
01:15:06I know
01:15:07You killed someone
01:15:08And walked away scot-free
01:15:09Scot-free?
01:15:13Does this look scot-free?
01:15:17I don't think Danny told you
01:15:18The whole story
01:15:19But maybe
01:15:20You should hear it
01:15:21Four miles
01:15:23I ran today
01:15:24And now I'm drinking eggnog
01:15:25It's like
01:15:26Mayonnaise
01:15:27With rum in it
01:15:28Excuse me
01:15:35What are you doing?
01:15:53Stop it!
01:15:54This is ridiculous, please!
01:15:56Oh, for God's sake!
01:15:57Stop it!
01:15:59And that was 18 years ago
01:16:00And we've been looking over our shoulders
01:16:01Ever since
01:16:01That sounds like a very reasonable story
01:16:04So reasonable
01:16:05That I don't understand
01:16:06Why you couldn't just
01:16:07Call the police right now
01:16:08And explain it to them
01:16:09Someone's dead
01:16:11You know I can't do that
01:16:13What I know is
01:16:14You've got till tomorrow
01:16:15To come up with the rest of the money
01:16:16Or I go to the police
01:16:17Capisce?
01:16:18Is it just me?
01:16:23Or is that plane flying really low?
01:16:28Mona
01:16:29Can we talk about this?
01:16:30Look, don't do this
01:16:31You are screwing with people's lives here
01:16:33This could blow up in your face
01:16:3467,000 by tomorrow
01:16:38What?
01:16:39I call the police
01:16:40House
01:16:47House
01:16:47House
01:16:48Hey, we're not done here
01:16:54You can run
01:16:55But you can't hide
01:16:56Amelia
01:17:10Run
01:17:26The best Christmas ever.
01:17:32That's what everyone had wanted.
01:17:35But something went wrong.
01:17:39Horribly wrong.
01:17:42For those who survived,
01:17:44it would be a day they would try to forget.
01:17:49For those who didn't,
01:17:50this Christmas would simply be their last.
01:17:56At the end,
01:17:57it would be a day they would try to make sure.
01:18:00I would like to forget.
01:18:01The rest of the world wrote the book.
01:18:0495 percent in the lyrics.
01:18:05The best of the story reaches out to us.
01:18:07Speaking of the book,
01:18:08the first book is written.
01:18:10This will be a way to write a book.
01:18:13I used to write a book.
01:18:15The book is written.
01:18:16I wrote a book.
01:18:17This is the book.
01:18:18The book is written.
01:18:19This is the book.
01:18:20I wrote a book.
01:18:22I wrote a book.
01:18:23It is the book is written.