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  • 6/13/2025
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Transcript
00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:03The boys are in my class because I'm the only teacher who can handle them.
00:00:07We may no longer be able to accommodate them.
00:00:09Ultimatums were made.
00:00:11She used this to kill herself. Why would you keep it?
00:00:14Questions were asked.
00:00:15Are you okay?
00:00:17I think he's hiding something.
00:00:19And lots of evidence was uncovered.
00:00:22Exactly what is it you hired me to do?
00:00:24Someone sent that note to my wife, and I need to know who.
00:00:27Do you like Alfred Hitchcock?
00:00:29I found it in the ruins of Edie's home.
00:00:31I found it under a bed. It's not mine.
00:00:33Talk about dirty laundry.
00:00:41Every neighborhood has a woman like Alberta Fromm.
00:00:44And every woman like Mrs. Fromm has a cat.
00:00:48When she traveled, Mrs. Fromm would arrange for friends to look after her beloved pet.
00:00:54Thanks.
00:00:55This time, however, she was forced to ask her neighbor, Susan Meyer.
00:01:00Mrs. Fromm liked Susan, but it was common knowledge on Wisteria Lane where Susan Meyer went.
00:01:06Bad luck was sure to follow.
00:01:08Her misfortunes ranged from the commonplace, to the unusual, to the truly bizarre.
00:01:22As she waved goodbye, she worried Susan's streak of bad luck would continue.
00:01:28For that matter, so did her cat.
00:01:30Mr. Whiskers!
00:01:31Hey!
00:01:32Dinner time!
00:01:33Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
00:01:34That's weird.
00:01:35Cats can't open drawers, can they?
00:01:36Are you sure you didn't leave them open this morning?
00:01:37No way.
00:01:38Wow.
00:01:39Do you think somebody broke in?
00:01:40Mr. Whiskers!
00:01:41Mr. Whiskers!
00:01:42Mr. Whiskers!
00:01:43Mr. Whiskers!
00:01:44Mr. Whiskers!
00:01:45Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
00:01:47Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
00:01:49Shit, good kitty, kitty!
00:02:10Mr. Whiskers!
00:02:12Though she didn't know it at the time, Susan's luck had finally started to change.
00:02:42News that an intruder had breached the security of Wisteria Lane spread like wildfire.
00:03:04At a neighborhood watch meeting the next night, residents voiced their concerns over the increasing dangers their community faced.
00:03:12Mrs. Ida Greenberg announced someone was looking through her bathroom window whenever she took a shower.
00:03:17Bob Fisk warned those present that an unnamed government agency was listening in on their phone conversations.
00:03:24Helen Vail spoke of a ruthless local teenage gang that had egged her minivan.
00:03:30There are three factors that contribute to the...
00:03:32The evening concluded with Officer Thompson offering safety tips and a plan of action.
00:03:37An opportunity you have some control over.
00:03:39So you can sign up for either daily or nightly patrols.
00:03:43I know that might seem like overkill, but I guarantee regular surveillance will deter even the most determined criminal.
00:03:49So are there any other questions?
00:03:51All right then. Let's be careful out there.
00:03:57Actually, I do have a question. Do you have a second?
00:03:59Sure. How can I help?
00:04:00Um, I'm the one who discovered the break-in, and I think I found some evidence.
00:04:04Evidence?
00:04:04I think this is a screwdriver left behind by the burglar, and I didn't touch it.
00:04:10Well, why didn't you give this to the investigating officers?
00:04:12I tried, and they sort of laughed at me, because apparently nothing was taken from Mrs. Fromm's house.
00:04:17Well, I apologize for that. That was totally unprofessional.
00:04:21So you think it should be dusted for prints?
00:04:23Yes, and I'll make sure it gets done.
00:04:26Great.
00:04:29Bye.
00:04:29Boys, stop it. Go to bed.
00:04:39But we're not tired.
00:04:40Well, at least go upstairs.
00:04:42We want to play.
00:04:44Give me.
00:04:44Go, go, go.
00:04:45Give me.
00:04:47Go, go, go.
00:04:48Bye-bye.
00:04:50No, I want them.
00:04:51Give me them. Give me them. I want them.
00:04:54So why were you sitting with Mark tonight? I thought you two were becoming an item.
00:04:57I sort of thought so, too.
00:04:58I'm giving you a lot of mixed signals.
00:05:00I'll tell you who wasn't giving mixed signals was that sexy Officer Thompson.
00:05:04He was staring at you all night.
00:05:05Did you notice that?
00:05:06Honey, trust me. When they're not staring at me, I notice.
00:05:09I really do appreciate you guys staying and helping.
00:05:12Oh, please. I would have hosted it myself, but the kids are going to the mountains far,
00:05:16and there's camping equipment everywhere.
00:05:17It's nice of you, and since we're talking, there's something else nice that I'd like you to do.
00:05:22Your kids both went to Barcliffe Academy, didn't they?
00:05:24Yes.
00:05:25We need you to recommend Porter and Preston. We can't even get an interview.
00:05:28Oh, you, um, want me to recommend the twins?
00:05:31Yes. You can tell them how beautifully behaved the boys are.
00:05:34So you want me to lie?
00:05:36Yeah. I thought that was understood.
00:05:38Well, it's just that I'm very well-respected at Barcliffe, and, um, my word won't be good there anymore.
00:05:42Yes, but by the time they realize their mistake, we'll be in.
00:05:46You're not having any more kids. What do you care?
00:05:48Well, I had hoped someday to get my grandchildren into Barcliffe, but I suppose that doesn't matter to you, does it?
00:05:54It really doesn't.
00:06:02Paul and Zach are fighting again.
00:06:04That's the second time this week.
00:06:06They never used to fight like that when Mary Alice was alive.
00:06:08It's a shame they used to be such a happy family.
00:06:11Just because you didn't hear them fighting doesn't mean they were happy.
00:06:13The next day, as residents began to patrol Wisteria Lane in the hopes of foiling potential burglars,
00:06:29Gabrielle was about to experience a home invasion of her own.
00:06:37Mama Solis! What are you doing here?
00:06:41I came to visit my son and daughter-in-law.
00:06:43What does it look like?
00:06:44Does Carlos know you're coming?
00:06:46No, he likes to be surprised.
00:06:50Now, come.
00:06:52Gabrielle.
00:06:54Come.
00:06:57Families should always hug, regardless of how they feel about each other.
00:07:03Wow, uh, she's a beauty.
00:07:28A 30-footer?
00:07:2932.
00:07:31Sweet.
00:07:32I sail.
00:07:32I've got a flying scot.
00:07:34Well, we have several yachting enthusiasts here at Barcliffe Academy.
00:07:37I'd be happy to introduce them to you.
00:07:39Oh, that sounds great.
00:07:40If we decide to enroll your children.
00:07:42To be honest, Mr. and Mrs. Scavo, your children's educational background is a bit more common than we would prefer.
00:07:53But Mrs. Vandekamp mentioned that they were identical twins.
00:07:56Yes, completely identical.
00:07:58You can't tell them apart.
00:07:59They're like bookends.
00:08:00We do strive for diversity here at Barcliffe.
00:08:03Identical twins could make for an interesting addition.
00:08:05The boys are fascinating.
00:08:06They even have their own twin secret language, don't they, Tom?
00:08:09Yeah.
00:08:09Yeah, it's pretty scary.
00:08:11Well, it's not really so much scary as highly developed.
00:08:13Yeah, they bark and growl at each other.
00:08:16Sorry, Tom.
00:08:16Mr. Lentz was trying to say something.
00:08:18Sorry.
00:08:18Go ahead, Mr. Lentz.
00:08:20I'd love to meet these twins of yours.
00:08:22I tell you what, I'm going to put them on our must-meet list.
00:08:25Terrific.
00:08:26Thank you so much.
00:08:28What is a must-meet list?
00:08:30We bring them in for observation.
00:08:33Observation?
00:08:34To see how they play with the other children, how they respond to authority, that sort of thing.
00:08:40Great.
00:08:41That sounds wonderful.
00:08:48Hey.
00:08:49Hi.
00:08:50Kids ready?
00:08:51Almost.
00:08:51Thanks again for driving them to the bus.
00:08:53Happy to do it.
00:08:55I miss them.
00:09:01Did you hear there was a break-in at Mrs. Frome's the other night?
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04I heard they didn't take anything.
00:09:06Well, that doesn't make it any less frightening.
00:09:07I mean, he could have been a sexual predator.
00:09:09Oh, and he ended up at Mrs. Frome's?
00:09:12Boy, that would have been a lose-lose situation.
00:09:14Rex, that's not the point.
00:09:17The point is I don't feel safe, and I was wondering if you could spend the night.
00:09:20You're in the NRA.
00:09:22You own, like, four guns.
00:09:23If somebody broke in, I'd expect you to protect me.
00:09:28Rex, the truth is, with the kids gone, I'll be all by myself in this house for the first time in 17 years.
00:09:34Honey, I know it's hard to hear, but the marriage counseling might not work out.
00:09:38You need to get used to being alone.
00:09:39You're right, that was hard to hear.
00:09:49What are you doing?
00:09:50That is for the kids' trip.
00:09:52Oh, come on.
00:09:53I'm staying at a motel.
00:09:54I haven't had a decent meal in weeks.
00:09:56Honey, the marriage counseling might not work out.
00:09:58You need to get used to bad cooking.
00:10:00Hey.
00:10:07Screwdriver girl.
00:10:11I just came by to tell you that I took your evidence into the lab for fingerprints.
00:10:14Oh, really?
00:10:15That's great.
00:10:16So I'll call you if I hear something.
00:10:17Okay.
00:10:18Oh!
00:10:19Sorry.
00:10:20Thanks.
00:10:21Um, actually, I'd like to call you anyway, if that's okay.
00:10:25Oh!
00:10:27You seem like a really sweet guy and an interesting line of work, but I am not really available.
00:10:34Oh.
00:10:34Oh.
00:10:35You have a boyfriend?
00:10:36Yeah.
00:10:37Sort of.
00:10:38Sort of.
00:10:39It's hard to explain.
00:10:41Even to myself.
00:10:4510-4, I'm on my way.
00:10:47I gotta go.
00:10:47Apparently there's a hostage situation.
00:10:49Oh, wow.
00:10:51So you're really turning me down?
00:10:52And, boy, my self-esteem can't take this.
00:10:55I'm sorry.
00:10:56No, it's just now my ability to help those hostages has been compromised.
00:11:01Still, don't blame yourself for what might happen.
00:11:04Blame myself?
00:11:05Well, it's just hard to rescue folks when you don't feel good about yourself.
00:11:10Ah.
00:11:10Probably I'll die anyway.
00:11:12Okay, fine.
00:11:13I'll go out with you.
00:11:15Great.
00:11:16I'll call you.
00:11:16Now that you've gotten your date, you can tell me what that really means.
00:11:19That 907A.
00:11:20Someone's TV was playing too loud.
00:11:22Well, thank God for the thin blue line.
00:11:25I'll call you.
00:11:28Oh, oh.
00:11:34How's my aunt, Tanchita?
00:11:35She's on you.
00:11:36I'll be outside doing my yoga.
00:11:39Look, Mom, sit.
00:11:40I'll be right back.
00:11:40Do you have to do that now?
00:11:46My mother's here.
00:11:47Hey, I'm not going to stop my life just because she decides to show up unannounced, I might add.
00:11:50She's family.
00:11:51She doesn't need an invitation.
00:11:53Yeah, well, whatever.
00:11:53It's rude.
00:11:55Shh.
00:11:56It's real pretty, Mama.
00:12:01You were always good with your hands.
00:12:03So, mijo.
00:12:04I assume you didn't insist that I traveled 2,000 miles for a small town.
00:12:08So why am I here?
00:12:09She...
00:12:14Isn't happy.
00:12:19Oh?
00:12:20I've given her everything she ever wanted, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
00:12:24I feel her drifting further and further away.
00:12:28And lately I've started thinking that maybe...
00:12:31So you think she's cheating on you?
00:12:37I think so.
00:12:47We can talk about your problems, but I'm not going to have any of that.
00:12:51Olliste.
00:12:51Si.
00:12:55Do you have any proof?
00:12:57No, it's...
00:12:58It's just a feeling.
00:12:59I had that feeling with your father and that whore waitress.
00:13:02And I was right.
00:13:04Always trust your feelings.
00:13:06So what do I do?
00:13:07You don't do anything.
00:13:09I'll take care of it.
00:13:10Thank you, Mama.
00:13:11I'm sorry I had to hit you.
00:13:13But we're strong people.
00:13:15And we don't cry about our problems.
00:13:21We find ways to fix it.
00:13:29While the residents of Westeria Lane kept up their patrols in an effort to prevent future
00:13:34break-ins, Lynette hatched a plan to break her children into Barcliffe Academy.
00:13:40Boys?
00:13:41Wake up!
00:13:43Come on.
00:13:44We're going to have some fun today.
00:13:47Come on.
00:13:48Yeah.
00:13:50Hey.
00:13:50Hi.
00:13:51I can still see your head.
00:14:13The pool's not deep enough.
00:14:14Are your boys usually so docile?
00:14:21They're always a little shy at first.
00:14:25Look at that concentration.
00:14:28Porter loves his puzzles.
00:14:30Hmm.
00:14:30Mama, I'll be right back.
00:14:43I'm going to the store.
00:14:49Gabriel!
00:14:51I'm coming with you.
00:14:53I want to make some tamales for carers.
00:14:56No, no, Juanita, I'm not going to the supermarket.
00:14:58I'm going to the lingerie store.
00:14:59Good, I need some Ross.
00:15:01I'm going to be a while, and I might get a facial.
00:15:04I have a face.
00:15:09Hey, Mike.
00:15:10Hey, how's it going?
00:15:11Good, good.
00:15:12Just came by to say hello.
00:15:14Hello.
00:15:15So you remember the cop from the neighborhood watch meeting?
00:15:19He agreed to run a fingerprint check on the screwdriver I found at Mrs. Fromm's house.
00:15:24He did?
00:15:25Nothing was taken.
00:15:26Still, somebody broke in.
00:15:28It is a crime.
00:15:29So the weird thing is, the cop asked me out on a date.
00:15:34Oh?
00:15:35And I sort of said yes.
00:15:38I was just curious what you thought about that.
00:15:42You're asking my permission to go home in it?
00:15:45No.
00:15:46No, I just, uh, was wondering your opinion.
00:15:51I don't really have one.
00:15:52Okay.
00:15:55Great.
00:15:58Fine.
00:16:02Susan, wait.
00:16:03Wait, I...
00:16:04I'm sorry.
00:16:07My life is just really complicated right now.
00:16:12You don't have to explain.
00:16:14Susan...
00:16:14Susan...
00:16:14It's complicated.
00:16:16I get it.
00:16:16I get it.
00:16:26Paul?
00:16:28Paul?
00:16:30Oh!
00:16:31Hi, Zachary.
00:16:32I'm sorry.
00:16:32The door was open and...
00:16:33It's okay.
00:16:34You can come in.
00:16:36Is your, uh, father here?
00:16:38We were scheduled to do a patrol today.
00:16:40We had to go out of town.
00:16:41Again.
00:16:43Oh.
00:16:44Well, I guess I can do it by myself.
00:16:50Wow.
00:16:50This place is just immaculate.
00:16:55My mom liked things clean.
00:16:56Zach, she would be very proud of you.
00:16:59Oh!
00:17:00What happened to your varnish?
00:17:02That's where my mother died.
00:17:03I messed up the floor trying to get out the blood.
00:17:08Oh.
00:17:10I let my dad know that you stopped by.
00:17:12Okay.
00:17:16Zach, do you have plans for dinner?
00:17:20So you shop a lot, huh?
00:17:29Yeah, so?
00:17:31Most women that shop a lot is because they don't have anything better to do.
00:17:35What's your point?
00:17:36Well, if you had children...
00:17:38Here we go.
00:17:39I'm just saying that children give your life a purpose.
00:17:42You get so busy taking care of them that you don't have any time to wonder if you're happy.
00:17:46You know, Juanita, this is so like you.
00:17:48Well, I invite you on a nice shopping trip and you find ways to upset me.
00:17:52Oh, you didn't invite me.
00:17:53I invited myself.
00:17:55You keep looking at your watch.
00:17:58Is there someplace you have to be?
00:17:59No!
00:18:00You know, and for the record, I am not one of those women who has a hole in her heart that can only be filled by a baby.
00:18:04I like my life a lot.
00:18:06It's very fulfilling.
00:18:07Excuse my daughter-in-law.
00:18:10She's very fulfilled.
00:18:13So he just blew you off?
00:18:15I told him another man asked me out.
00:18:16It was a perfect opportunity for Mike to be jealous of nothing.
00:18:20Did you bat your eyes?
00:18:21You know, it doesn't work if you don't bat your eyes.
00:18:23Honey, I batted everything that wasn't nailed down.
00:18:25I'm telling you, nothing.
00:18:27Oh, thanks.
00:18:27So what's going on there?
00:18:29Mm.
00:18:32Go first.
00:18:33Wow.
00:18:35Listen, I'm sorry about Mike.
00:18:36I know how much you like him.
00:18:37Well, maybe it's my fault.
00:18:38Maybe I just imagined an entire relationship with this man that didn't exist.
00:18:42There has been flirting.
00:18:43I have seen it.
00:18:44Yeah, and the flirting made me think that he was kind and trustworthy and honest and hygienic.
00:18:51That's how it is with me.
00:18:52A guy just smiles at me three times and I'm picking out wedding china.
00:18:56I'm a mess.
00:18:57But to be fair, that's part of your charm.
00:18:59That's what happened with Carl.
00:19:00I only dated him a couple of months.
00:19:01I filled in the blanks.
00:19:02I married him.
00:19:03It was a disaster.
00:19:04You think Mike is a Carl in disguise?
00:19:06I don't know.
00:19:07What does that mean, anyway?
00:19:08My life is complicated.
00:19:13I wanted to sit around and wait for nothing.
00:19:19I could do it on the can.
00:19:21You're late.
00:19:23What's with the face?
00:19:24I screwed up.
00:19:25I broke into the from house and almost got caught.
00:19:27What's almost?
00:19:29I accidentally left something behind with my prints on it.
00:19:31Did you have a pair of gloves?
00:19:32It's the suburbs.
00:19:34I didn't think it'd matter.
00:19:36Anyway, the police are running a check and I'm in the system.
00:19:38I gotta pull up stakes before they come looking for me.
00:19:40That's a sweet sound.
00:19:46Laughter like that, huh?
00:19:48Pisses me off.
00:19:51If and when your cover is blown, you disappear.
00:19:53Until then, you keep fixing the neighbor's pipes.
00:19:58The more time I spend in this town, the more I think we're making a mistake.
00:20:00These are nice people.
00:20:01My money says one of them, is it?
00:20:04Oh!
00:20:07Thanks.
00:20:12No more screw-ups.
00:20:15I'm getting something to drink.
00:20:32Do you want something?
00:20:33Look, don't be mad.
00:20:53I waited at that motel for three hours for you.
00:20:55I had these a month's worth of lunch money to pay for that room.
00:20:59It's not my fault.
00:21:00Juanita hasn't let me out of her sight since she's gotten here.
00:21:03Really? Well, I don't see her now.
00:21:04She's watching her Mexican soap opera.
00:21:07The rebel's virgin daughter is about to be seduced by the escaped desperado.
00:21:11So until she puts out, Juanita won't even know that I'm gone.
00:21:18Come on, I said I was sorry.
00:21:20Yeah, just so you know, I've turned on half the pep squad for you.
00:21:24You can't be serious.
00:21:25Well, you know, I'm starting to think that maybe I should be with someone my own age.
00:21:30Well, I thought teenage girls bored you, John.
00:21:33I thought what we had was beyond that.
00:21:34So did I.
00:21:37So then why do you want to go back to something you don't want?
00:21:39I don't know.
00:21:40Maybe you're tired of me.
00:21:41No.
00:21:43I want to be with you.
00:21:44Then why are we arguing?
00:21:48Damn it.
00:21:49The virgin gave it up already?
00:21:50I want you so bad.
00:21:52When can I see you again?
00:21:54Tomorrow.
00:21:55Meet me at the front entrance of the mall after school.
00:21:56What about your mother-in-law?
00:21:58Don't worry.
00:21:58I'll think of something.
00:22:00Hi.
00:22:01Copy!
00:22:02Copy!
00:22:03Copy!
00:22:05A donation?
00:22:06Now Barcliffe wants a donation?
00:22:09Apparently, we're in competition with one other family.
00:22:11A generous donation will ensure our kids beat them out.
00:22:14How generous.
00:22:16Fifteen thousand.
00:22:17We don't have that.
00:22:18And that's what I told them.
00:22:19So what do we do?
00:22:22Public school is out unless we move to a new district.
00:22:25We're not moving.
00:22:29Maybe it's time that we look into homeschooling.
00:22:32I know you did not just say that.
00:22:35Honey, it's got its advantages.
00:22:37You know, kids in homeschool do better in their later years.
00:22:39They won't make it to their later years if I have to spend all day with them.
00:22:42Honey, sometimes you just, you've got to make the sacrifice.
00:22:46It's probably the best thing for the kids.
00:22:48Why don't I just put them back in me and cook them until they're civilized?
00:22:51You'd be cool with that?
00:22:56I've never had plum pudding before.
00:22:58I'm serving it this year for Christmas.
00:22:59I like to try out new recipes before the actual holiday.
00:23:03That way, if the cookbook's gotten it wrong, I can fix it.
00:23:07You must really like Christmas.
00:23:09You and Mr. Vandekamp always have the best decorations on your lawn.
00:23:12I adore the holidays.
00:23:14I never get depressed if there's a beautifully decorated tree to look at.
00:23:17My mom and I would always decorate our tree together.
00:23:21Christmas is gonna be weird.
00:23:23Oh, Zach.
00:23:25You know, my mother died when I was young.
00:23:28She was hit by a car.
00:23:30Oh.
00:23:31It was, um, right before Christmas, as a matter of fact.
00:23:35We were all singing carols and the dog was howling because everybody in my family sings off-key.
00:23:41Except for me.
00:23:42Anyway, it was just a terrible ruckus.
00:23:46So, well, no one noticed when my mother went across the street to give the neighbors a gift.
00:23:49And the next thing we heard were brakes screeching.
00:23:56Wow.
00:23:57Most of my family went to the hospital, but I stayed home because I was so young.
00:24:01When I looked out the window, I saw all of my mother's blood on the street and nobody was doing anything about it.
00:24:09So I got a hose and I washed it off.
00:24:12And once it was clean, I felt so much better.
00:24:20Never told anyone that story before.
00:24:23Those are the most interesting ones.
00:24:25The stories that we never tell anyone.
00:24:27Yeah, you're probably right.
00:24:30I have one.
00:24:32It's more of a secret, really.
00:24:34I know why my mom killed herself.
00:24:40You do?
00:24:41It was something I did.
00:24:44Something bad.
00:24:49What did you do, Zach?
00:24:52Zach!
00:24:53Sweetheart!
00:24:54No, I should...
00:24:55I better not.
00:24:56I shouldn't have said anything.
00:24:57I shouldn't...
00:24:57I shouldn't have done this.
00:24:59I'm sorry.
00:24:59If my dad found out...
00:25:00I won't tell your father.
00:25:00I can't get you...
00:25:02Zachary, it's all right!
00:25:04I can't believe Zach said that.
00:25:11What else did he tell you?
00:25:12That was it.
00:25:13It was that Mary Alice killed herself because of something that he had done.
00:25:16You couldn't get any more out of him?
00:25:17Oh, I tried, but he was so nervous.
00:25:19He actually started shaking and then he just left.
00:25:22Okay, this is getting really weird.
00:25:23I think we should go to the police.
00:25:24And tell them what?
00:25:25We don't even have the note anymore.
00:25:26We gave it to Paul.
00:25:27Then you're going to have to get Zach to tell you something so we have more to go on.
00:25:31Girls, you don't understand.
00:25:32This poor kid is scared out of his mind.
00:25:34Oh, for God's sake, Spree.
00:25:35You're a woman.
00:25:36Manipulate them.
00:25:36That's what we do.
00:25:37But how?
00:25:38I don't know.
00:25:39How did you usually manipulate Rex?
00:25:40Hello, Zachary.
00:25:47Are you free for dinner tonight?
00:25:49Sure.
00:25:50Oh, good, because last night you put me in such a holiday mood.
00:25:53So I'm going to make roast turkey and candied yams and eggnog.
00:25:58Have you ever had real old-fashioned eggnog?
00:26:01I don't think so.
00:26:02Oh, you are going to love it.
00:26:04It has quite a kick.
00:26:06Oh, me.
00:26:08It's more.
00:26:09Hey, Preston.
00:26:11Boris, could you stop?
00:26:12Ah!
00:26:13It's quarter.
00:26:17I'm quarter.
00:26:18Lynette was desperate to avoid homeschooling, but she saw no options on the horizon.
00:26:23And tell a solution sailed into view.
00:26:28Come in, please.
00:26:30You bought me enough things.
00:26:32You're the one that's supposed to be shopping.
00:26:33Well, Mama, you're in a rut.
00:26:35We need to spice up your wardrobe.
00:26:36Oh, yeah.
00:26:38Try this one on.
00:26:39Go on, try it on.
00:26:44Mama Solis, how you doing in there?
00:26:46Is it supposed to be so tight?
00:26:48Yes, it's form-fitting.
00:26:49You're going to look great.
00:26:50I don't think this dress is right to me.
00:26:53I can't breathe.
00:26:56Well, maybe I made a mistake.
00:26:59While you change, I'm going to make a quick run to the bookstore.
00:27:02Governor, wait.
00:27:03Wait, I'm coming with you.
00:27:05No, no, no.
00:27:05I'll just be a minute.
00:27:06Wait.
00:27:06Governor, I'm coming with you.
00:27:14Wait.
00:27:18Governor, wait.
00:27:20Ma'am?
00:27:22Ma'am?
00:27:23Sorry.
00:27:24I'm going to need to look in your bags, please.
00:27:26Fine.
00:27:26Just hurry up.
00:27:32Right on time.
00:27:35I'm telling you, I don't know where that blouse came from.
00:27:38Security.
00:27:39All right.
00:27:39Keep your stupid blouse.
00:27:40I'm going to have to find my daughter in a...
00:27:42Don't touch me.
00:27:43Don't you dare touch me.
00:27:45Ma'am, you're going to have to come with us.
00:27:46Get your hands at me.
00:27:47Gabriel.
00:27:48Gabriel.
00:27:48Gabriel.
00:27:48Gabriel.
00:27:48Gabriel.
00:27:48Gabriel.
00:27:48Gabriel.
00:27:49Gabriel.
00:27:49Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:50Gabriel.
00:27:57Hello?
00:27:59Hey, it's me.
00:28:00Oh, hi, Rex.
00:28:01How are you?
00:28:02Is something wrong?
00:28:03Well, I was just about to grab dinner from the motel vending machine, and it occurred
00:28:07to me, what the heck, I'll go out.
00:28:10Would you like to have dinner with me?
00:28:16Mrs. Van de Camp.
00:28:19Guess what?
00:28:19I found all my mom's old Christmas stuff.
00:28:21Oh, sweetie, I was just coming over to talk to you.
00:28:24I am so sorry, but something really important came up, and I have to cancel.
00:28:29Really?
00:28:30We will do it again.
00:28:31We'll have our impromptu holiday dinner.
00:28:34I promise.
00:28:36Bye.
00:28:43I got one. Kelly Hallstatter.
00:28:46In eighth grade, she used to spit in my gym shoes.
00:28:49Kelly Hallstatter?
00:28:52Kelly Hallstatter.
00:28:53Hey, look.
00:28:54Two DUIs, one check kiting, and an open bench warrant.
00:28:58How tragic.
00:28:59By which I mean yay.
00:29:01Yeah, you've been a really good sport coming along on my shift with me.
00:29:04Well, time flies when you're on a stakeout in crackdown.
00:29:08So when does our official date begin?
00:29:10Well, taxpayers say 20 minutes, but I say no.
00:29:16They're down.
00:29:17Oh, thank you.
00:29:19Honey, you read up on homeschooling?
00:29:22Yeah.
00:29:22Gave me some good ideas.
00:29:24Well, one, anyway.
00:29:25Marie, what have you got?
00:29:27Well, you know how we both agree that one of us needs to stay home and parent the kids,
00:29:32and one of us needs to go off and make a living?
00:29:34Uh-huh.
00:29:34And then I suddenly remembered that when I was working, I made a little more than you.
00:29:38What are you doing?
00:29:40You tossed out that little sacrifice comment a while ago, and it occurred to me, I've made sacrifices over the past six years.
00:29:48I gave up my career.
00:29:49If another sacrifice has to be made, I think it's your turn on the mare and go round.
00:29:53Lynette?
00:29:54So if I went back to work, and you could stay home and take care of the kids.
00:29:58I can't be with the kids all day.
00:29:59I'd lose my mind.
00:30:00Uh-huh.
00:30:02Hey, okay, I get it.
00:30:03Hey, homeschooling is out.
00:30:05Out.
00:30:06How are we going to scrape together 15 grand for this endowment?
00:30:10How, how, how?
00:30:15Think.
00:30:16Think real hard.
00:30:20Oh, no.
00:30:22Why, I?
00:30:24So, the restaurant's run by this little old guy named Dara Nello.
00:30:26He will propose to you.
00:30:28Don't say yes, because he's dead serious.
00:30:30But what if I like him?
00:30:34Hey.
00:30:36I thought this went to the lab.
00:30:40All right, you got me.
00:30:43And that means what?
00:30:44Look, Susan, no one would authorize lab time or a computer search for a case like this.
00:30:49It's just not a priority.
00:30:50So why couldn't you just tell me that?
00:30:52Well, I thought we were clicking.
00:30:55Does this need to be a big deal?
00:30:56Well, if you'd only lied to me about it once, it wouldn't be.
00:31:00All right, I get it.
00:31:02You want me to beg?
00:31:03Okay, look at me.
00:31:04I'm begging.
00:31:06Come on, don't be such a girl about this.
00:31:10I know who you are.
00:31:12You're a Carl in disguise.
00:31:14I'm done with you.
00:31:16All of you.
00:31:17Oh, come on, drama queen.
00:31:19What are you doing?
00:31:22Where are you going?
00:31:23It's not safe.
00:31:24I'd rather take my chances on the street.
00:31:26Thank you very much.
00:31:27Oh, why do I always pick the psycho?
00:31:29Excuse me.
00:31:46Are you lost?
00:31:47Are you best to be lost?
00:31:49This here's my corner.
00:31:50Oh, yes, and a lovely corner it is, and I hate to bother you while you're working.
00:31:55I just was wondering if you could point me in the direction of a pay phone.
00:31:59Oh, and if you had some change for this five, preferably quarters.
00:32:04Honey, if I got paid in quarters, I'd be doing something very wrong.
00:32:07Right.
00:32:09Okay.
00:32:13Hey.
00:32:15You want to use my cell?
00:32:16I have weekend minutes.
00:32:17Oh, thank you so much.
00:32:19You're saving my life.
00:32:21Oh, excuse me, honey.
00:32:22Oh, yes, you do what you've got to do.
00:32:30Oh, please answer.
00:32:32Come on, pick up, Julie.
00:32:33Oh, thank God.
00:32:34Okay, don't ask any questions.
00:32:35Just get somebody down here to pick me up at the corner of 9th and Foster.
00:32:40Hey, babe.
00:32:41Thank you, no.
00:32:42I'm on a break.
00:32:44Hurry, please.
00:32:47Excuse me.
00:32:49We got a call?
00:32:50Something about a break-in?
00:32:51One of your neighbors reported seeing someone forcing his way into your home.
00:32:54We sent some guys out to investigate, and, uh...
00:32:57What is it?
00:32:58I got to tell you, ma'am.
00:32:59I thought I'd seen a lot on the job, but this is something else.
00:33:02All right, so let me get this straight.
00:33:31He chopped down on one of our pine trees?
00:33:34I'm afraid so.
00:33:39Zach, why did you do this?
00:33:42I don't know.
00:33:44Take off those handcuffs, please.
00:33:46Ma'am, he confessed to breaking in.
00:33:48This is not up for discussion.
00:33:51Go ahead.
00:33:52I need you to get free.
00:33:54Sir, we're kicked.
00:33:57Zach?
00:33:58Zach?
00:34:09You okay?
00:34:15Yeah.
00:34:15Then how much for a trip around the world?
00:34:19I cannot believe Julie sent you.
00:34:21She is soon going to be dead.
00:34:22Come on, get in.
00:34:28Wasn't that sent in for Prince?
00:34:30No.
00:34:31The cop lied to me.
00:34:33I don't want to talk about it.
00:34:34Just asking.
00:34:34Yes, apparently they found a blouse in her bag.
00:34:41Oh, I don't know, Carlos.
00:34:43At some point, older people started to get confused.
00:34:46She probably thought she paid for it.
00:34:48Oh, no charges.
00:34:50Everything's fine.
00:34:51Okay, I'll tell her.
00:34:53Bye.
00:34:56Mama Solis, Carlos is going to be late for dinner.
00:34:58It's just the two of us.
00:34:59What would you like to eat?
00:35:01Oh, I'm not hungry.
00:35:01Okay, suit yourself.
00:35:04Don't go yet.
00:35:06I need to talk to you.
00:35:11It's important.
00:35:12Please.
00:35:17I married Diego Solis when I was 16 years old.
00:35:21A few months into our marriage, he started to beat me.
00:35:25I was so young and stupid, I didn't know what to do.
00:35:28Juanita, I had no idea.
00:35:29He got so bad that I started praying to God to let me die.
00:35:34But God, in his infinite wisdom, gave me a reason to live.
00:35:39Carlos.
00:35:41Ah, he was a beautiful baby.
00:35:43But my husband wasn't much of a father.
00:35:45He never held him.
00:35:47He would yell and scream at him for no reason at all.
00:35:50One night, when Carlos was four,
00:35:52Diego Solis came home, drunk.
00:35:55And he beat my Carlos.
00:35:56Something inside me snapped.
00:36:00And at that moment, I found a way to be strong.
00:36:04So, I made sure that Diego Solis never hurt my son or me ever again.
00:36:12What'd you do?
00:36:14Well, if you pray hard enough.
00:36:16God gives you the tools to your salvation.
00:36:18Carlos said that his father left for a waitress in El Paso.
00:36:30Mm-hmm.
00:36:31That's what he was told.
00:36:33All mothers know they have to protect their children.
00:36:36But some of us take our job more seriously than others.
00:36:40I don't know why you're telling me this.
00:36:45I think you do.
00:36:46Okay, I know you're mad at me.
00:37:05And I'm sorry I didn't stop you from going out with that guy.
00:37:08I'm not mad at you.
00:37:09I mean, I'm not just mad at you.
00:37:11I'm mostly mad at myself.
00:37:12Okay.
00:37:13I'm mad that I like you so much without really knowing anything about you.
00:37:18Oh.
00:37:19What do you want to know?
00:37:22What's your favorite food?
00:37:24Mexican.
00:37:26What's your favorite sport?
00:37:27Football.
00:37:28Favorite band?
00:37:29Elvis Costello.
00:37:30That's a guy, not a band.
00:37:31It's a guy with a band.
00:37:36What do you think of me?
00:37:37What do you think of me?
00:37:41I'm sorry.
00:37:59Could you repeat that?
00:38:06Why?
00:38:07I don't want to talk about it.
00:38:08You realize how insane this looks?
00:38:09Did you even care about me at all?
00:38:10Did you even care about mom?
00:38:12I'm not talking about you.
00:38:12I think I just did.
00:38:21Mrs. Vandicamp.
00:38:23Hi, Zach.
00:38:24I just wanted to see if everything was all right.
00:38:27Everything's fine.
00:38:28Are you sure?
00:38:29Yes.
00:38:29Well, okay.
00:38:34I'll see you tomorrow, then.
00:38:36I'm sure that you will.
00:38:48People by their very nature are always on the lookout for intruders.
00:38:53What the...
00:38:54Trying to prevent those on the outside from getting in.
00:39:00But there will always be those who force their way into our lives, just as there will be those
00:39:06we invite in.
00:39:07Hi.
00:39:08Hi.
00:39:08Hi.
00:39:08But the most troubling of all will be the ones who stand on the outside looking in.
00:39:29The ones we never truly get to know.
00:39:32Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:39:47I know why my mom killed herself.
00:39:49Secrets were revealed.
00:39:50This is getting really weird.
00:39:52I think we should go to the police.
00:39:53Relationships got complicated.
00:39:55Mama Solis, what are you doing here?
00:39:56So you think she's cheating on you?
00:39:58I think so.
00:39:58I'll take care of it.
00:39:59We got a call.
00:40:00Something about a break-in.
00:40:01I thought I'd seen a lot on the job, but this is something else.
00:40:04And the mystery...
00:40:05Zach, why did you do this?
00:40:07I don't know.
00:40:08...deacon.
00:40:08Zach.
00:40:16Suburbia is a battleground.
00:40:18An arena for all forms of domestic combat.
00:40:21Husbands clash with wives.
00:40:23And parents cross swords with children.
00:40:25But the bloodiest battles often involved women and their mothers-in-law.
00:40:31The war for control of Carlos began the night he proposed.
00:40:34And Gabrielle had been losing ground to Juanita ever since.
00:40:38From the prenuptial agreement, which she reluctantly signed...
00:40:43To the selection of wedding music she despised.
00:40:51To the color of the house paint she hadn't wanted, Gabrielle had suffered one defeat after
00:40:58another.
00:40:59And now that Juanita suspected her daughter-in-law of having an affair, it had become increasingly
00:41:05apparent in this war...
00:41:07Mrs. Solis, I'll be at the market.
00:41:10...no prisoners would be taken.
00:41:12Thank you, Yaldin.
00:41:15I don't see why you have her.
00:41:18It's a big house.
00:41:19I need help.
00:41:21It's only called help when you do some of the work yourself.
00:41:25I supervise.
00:41:26You pay her $300 a week.
00:41:30Mm-hmm.
00:41:32That's $15,000 a year.
00:41:35Carlos, you always say how you're not putting away enough for retirement.
00:41:39You know, baby, it would be a good idea if we cut back on expenses.
00:41:41You expect me to take care of this place all by myself?
00:41:44Other women manage.
00:41:45That's nice.
00:42:09You like that?
00:42:11Oh, yeah.
00:42:13God, I'm gonna miss this, Carlos.
00:42:15What do you know?
00:42:18Well, since I'm gonna have to be doing the cooking and the cleaning and all the shopping like the other wives,
00:42:26I'm gonna be exhausted at night just like all of the other wives.
00:42:32Till I build up my stamina, of course.
00:42:35That might take a couple of years.
00:42:36Mm-hmm.
00:42:45Sadly for Juanita, she had ignored the first rule of war.
00:42:50Good morning, Carlos.
00:42:51The mate stays.
00:42:54Never underestimate your enemy.
00:42:56And let's finally make some money.
00:43:05Bye-bye.
00:43:13Bye-bye.
00:43:17Bye-bye.
00:43:19Of the many suburban rituals, none is quite so cherished as the neighborhood yard sale.
00:43:44The shoppers come to sift through the discarded belongings of someone they don't really know
00:43:48in hopes of finding bargains they don't really need.
00:43:53Each so determined to save a few pennies, they often miss hidden treasures.
00:44:01Hey, Paul.
00:44:03Hi, Susan.
00:44:05Gotta say, I was a little surprised to see Mary Alice's award for sale.
00:44:08She got it for doing charity work from the Chamber of Commerce.
00:44:11Zach and I are moving. We don't need to carry any more with us than is absolutely necessary.
00:44:14That makes sense. Still, I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to keep it for Zach.
00:44:19Something to remember his mother by.
00:44:21Zach doesn't need a piece of glass to remember his mother.
00:44:25I'm out of newspaper. Here.
00:44:28Let's call it ten bucks for everything.
00:44:30Great. Speaking of Zach, I haven't seen him around lately.
00:44:34He's been a bit depressed. I thought he could use a change of scenery, so I sent him to stay with relatives.
00:44:38Oh, which ones?
00:44:39You don't know them.
00:44:40So, how'd you get the fat lip?
00:44:44The usual way. Asking too many questions.
00:44:54Did you find out where Zach is?
00:44:55No, but I can tell you this much. He's not staying with relatives.
00:44:59It's driving me crazy, Mama.
00:45:01It could be any one of these guys she's having an affair with.
00:45:03Don't worry about it. I'm not letting her out of my sight.
00:45:06Now, now, who the hell is that?
00:45:07And look at the way she's touching him. You think that's the guy she's having an affair with?
00:45:11God, no, don't be stupid.
00:45:12A guy she talks to in public isn't someone you're going to worry about.
00:45:15So is someone that she doesn't talk to.
00:45:19What do I have to do? Beat up every guy in town?
00:45:21Marriage takes work.
00:45:24I'm not surprised he's playing it close to the vest.
00:45:27Paul knows we're onto him.
00:45:28Zach said Mary Alice killed herself because of something that he had done. Something bad.
00:45:33Is there anyone else who'd know what he was talking about?
00:45:34No. That's why we have to find him. It's the only way we'll know the truth.
00:45:38It just doesn't make any sense. Zach is such a sweet kid. I can't imagine him doing anything that terrible.
00:45:43Well, he did break into your house. I mean, the kid's obviously troubled in some way.
00:45:50Severe depression. Borderline personality disorder.
00:45:55Zach is a deeply troubled young man.
00:45:57I'm aware of that.
00:45:59What are you giving him?
00:46:00Some antidepressants and a mood stabilizer.
00:46:02Good.
00:46:04I'm also recommending extensive psychotherapy.
00:46:07Could help on Earth any other way.
00:46:08I don't think so.
00:46:12Mr. Young, I can't just medicate him indefinitely.
00:46:16Forget the Freud and stick with the drugs.
00:46:19No new treatments without my permission.
00:46:21I think this is going to be a great version of Little Red Riding Hood.
00:46:30And it is your involvement that make the plays here at Barcliffe Academy so special.
00:46:36And now, I would like to turn over the next part of our meeting to our parent coordinator, the amazing Maisie Gibbons.
00:46:47Thank you, Ms. Truesdale.
00:46:48Now, before everyone leaves, we have new copies of the script up here.
00:46:52Tilda and Frances and I went to the rehearsal yesterday, and we were a little troubled by the ending, Killing the Wolf.
00:47:01It sends the wrong message to our kids, and we believe that animals should only be euthanized as a last resort.
00:47:08Do you find something amusing?
00:47:15I'm sorry, I thought you were kidding.
00:47:17No.
00:47:19Oh, okay.
00:47:20So, in our version, the wolf is aggressive because he has a thorn in his paw.
00:47:25And the woodsman will take out the thorn and send Mr. Wolf on his way.
00:47:29I'm sorry, aren't we doing Little Red Riding Hood?
00:47:31Yes.
00:47:32So, then you are aware that the wolf is a bad guy?
00:47:34He eats Little Red's grandma?
00:47:36If you let him go, he's just going to chow down on other defense assault ladies.
00:47:41I'm sorry, and you are?
00:47:43I'm Lynette Scavo.
00:47:44My twins just joined.
00:47:45They're playing oak trees.
00:47:48Of course, Lynette.
00:47:49Let's see, you are signed up to take tickets the night of the show, is that right?
00:47:54Yeah.
00:47:55Well, with all due respect, let's leave the creative suggestions to the mothers who've assumed the heavy lifting.
00:48:02Shall we?
00:48:03Sure.
00:48:05Whatever.
00:48:06I must say, I'm jealous of how much time you two spend together.
00:48:11My mother-in-law would never want to hang out with me all day.
00:48:14She sounds nice.
00:48:16Hey.
00:48:17Oh.
00:48:18Hey there, you two.
00:48:20Hi, John.
00:48:23Mrs. Elise?
00:48:23I wasn't aware you two were friends.
00:48:28Yeah, we go to the same school.
00:48:31Of course you do.
00:48:32Mom, if you need anything, we'll be upstairs in my room studying.
00:48:35Have fun.
00:48:35Doesn't it make you nervous?
00:48:42A boy alone upstairs with Danielle?
00:48:45Oh, no, I don't worry about John.
00:48:47Both he and Danielle are in the abstinence club.
00:48:49Coffee's a little hot.
00:48:53Coffee's a little hot.
00:49:00Susan was infuriated by Paul's evasive answers.
00:49:04She was convinced he was deliberately hiding Zach and hiding the truth.
00:49:10She hoped that finding one would lead to the other.
00:49:17To succeed, Susan would have to be evasive herself.
00:49:25Susan, a long time no see.
00:49:28Mrs. Greenberg, do you remember those two eggs I let you borrow last Christmas?
00:49:33Susan, I need those back.
00:49:36Well, gosh, honey, I'm fresh out.
00:49:38But if you want, I could run to the store.
00:49:40Oh, forget about it.
00:49:41It's not that important.
00:49:43But since I'm here, do you still have that old hatchback sitting in your garage?
00:49:48Can I borrow it tomorrow?
00:49:49You want to borrow my car?
00:49:51Just for a couple of hours.
00:49:52Well, I'm not sure.
00:49:54Do you know how to drive a stick?
00:49:56Yes, I think so.
00:49:57I learned in college.
00:49:58It's like riding a bike, right?
00:50:01I'm not sure, dear.
00:50:02It's no big deal.
00:50:03It's just for a couple of hours.
00:50:04I let you borrow my eggs for a whole year.
00:50:08First off, I'm very pleased with the work we've done in our sessions thus far.
00:50:12We're making excellent progress.
00:50:14I feel really good about it.
00:50:16But there are a few areas of your marriage we haven't covered yet.
00:50:20Oh, really?
00:50:21Like what?
00:50:25Um, I've told Dr. Goldfein in our private sessions that I'm not happy with our sex life.
00:50:32And Rex feels that when the two of you have intercourse, you're not as connected as you could be.
00:50:43Connected?
00:50:44Well, yeah.
00:50:44It's like you're thinking about other things.
00:50:47Is your hair getting messed up?
00:50:48Did you remember to buy the toothpaste?
00:50:50You're just not there.
00:50:50Well, this kind of disconnect is often a symptom of a deeper problem.
00:50:55So, we were talking and the idea of a sexual surrogate came up.
00:50:59Well, this is a licensed professional who'd work with you as a couple on solving whatever sexual problems you may be having.
00:51:05I have an excellent referral.
00:51:06And what would this sexual surrogate person do?
00:51:11Well, she would coach us.
00:51:13She?
00:51:13She's very discreet.
00:51:15You'll hardly notice she's there.
00:51:17Oh.
00:51:18So, she would be in the room with us while we make love?
00:51:22Yes.
00:51:22Helping us to achieve maximum sexual potential.
00:51:25Do you have any questions?
00:51:29Just one.
00:51:31How much longer is your midlife crisis going to last because it is really starting to tick me off?
00:51:48All right.
00:51:49Everyone's down for nap.
00:51:51We've got no more than an hour.
00:51:52Let's get cracking.
00:51:54Five card drop.
00:51:55Nothing wild.
00:51:55So, how is it going with Mike, Susan?
00:52:01It's going, finally.
00:52:02We have our first official date next week.
00:52:03I think he's taking me to see a play or something.
00:52:06Might I suggest the Barcliff Academy production of Little Red Riding Hood?
00:52:09Oh, that's right.
00:52:11The twins' stage debut.
00:52:12Are they having fun?
00:52:13Sure.
00:52:14They get to play Oak Trees.
00:52:15I'm the one that has to deal with all the drama behind the scenes.
00:52:17Oh, I take it you've met Maisie Gibbons.
00:52:19She's a total nightmare.
00:52:21I guess I shouldn't have challenged her.
00:52:22Oh, dear.
00:52:23Because now no one on the play committee even wants to talk to her.
00:52:25Oh, Maisie does love to rule her little kingdom.
00:52:28It hasn't really changed since Girl Scouts.
00:52:30Girls smile at you to your face, and then behind your back they make fun of you because
00:52:33you're the only one not shaving your legs yet.
00:52:35That would have never happened in Boy Scouts.
00:52:37When I worked, mostly with men, I preferred the way they fought.
00:52:40A guy takes his opponent on face-to-face, and once he's won, he's top dog.
00:52:46It's primitive, but it's fair.
00:52:48And a lot less sneaky.
00:52:49Isn't it sexist of us to generalize like this?
00:52:52It's science, Gabrielle.
00:52:53Sociologists have documented this stuff.
00:52:55Well, who am I to argue with sociologists?
00:53:01Wow, this guacamole has got a kick.
00:53:05I'm going to run to the little girls' room.
00:53:06You guys go ahead.
00:53:07I might be a while.
00:53:08I hate playing three-handed poker.
00:53:11Let's take a break.
00:53:12I'll play.
00:53:14You play poker?
00:53:14I used to play a little with my grandfather.
00:53:16Pull up a chair.
00:53:18Oh, I noticed you were just playing for chips, huh?
00:53:20My grandfather used to say, it's always more fun to play for money.
00:53:24Why not?
00:53:24Fifty cents a bet?
00:53:25Make it a buck.
00:53:26Three raise limit, $20 buy-in.
00:53:38Mrs. Solis, what are you doing?
00:53:57Why haven't you returned any of my phone calls?
00:54:01I've been busy.
00:54:02Yeah, I've seen who you've been busy with.
00:54:04Danielle?
00:54:05Come on.
00:54:06I mean, she's just a friend.
00:54:07Well, before you get any friendlier, let me remind you.
00:54:10I can do things to you she can't even pronounce.
00:54:12Well, a lot of good it does me with your mother-in-law following you around all the time.
00:54:16Look, maybe we should just cool it for a while.
00:54:19Oh, no, John, please don't say that.
00:54:20I have everything under control.
00:54:27Now, give me a boost.
00:54:30Hey!
00:54:31So, what did I miss?
00:54:33Not much.
00:54:34Just a few friendly happy poker with the girls.
00:54:37Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
00:54:53As I'm sure you have all heard, Celia Bond broke her wrist playing tennis.
00:54:57Which means we are now in desperate need of someone to do the costumes.
00:55:01I'm keeping my fingers crossed here.
00:55:03Are there any volunteers?
00:55:05I'll do it.
00:55:06Really?
00:55:07That's a...
00:55:07Do you know how to sew?
00:55:09Absolutely.
00:55:11Well, uh, great.
00:55:12Thank you, Lynette.
00:55:14Okay, so now that I'm going to do some heavy lifting, I believe I have the right to talk about the changes made to the script.
00:55:27Um, ladies, we all grew up with Little Red Riding Hood, and we survived it, scary stuff and all.
00:55:40So I say to hell with political correctness, let our kids experience this classic like it was meant to be enjoyed.
00:55:47Let's kill the damn wolf and just put on the best show we can.
00:55:50Thank you, Lynette, for that impassioned speech, but I believe that ship has sailed.
00:56:01No, it hasn't.
00:56:03We still have time to change the ending back.
00:56:05And, you know, Maisie, it is just a fairy tale.
00:56:10I don't think it will upset the children.
00:56:12Well, I think you're wrong.
00:56:14Well, that's what's so great about being in a democracy.
00:56:16Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
00:56:19Also, everyone has a right to vote.
00:56:21So, all in favor of the woodsman going medieval on the big bad wolf's ass.
00:56:25I don't think it's a fairy tale.
00:56:55I don't think it's a fairy tale.
00:57:25Dr. Goldfein.
00:57:43Bree!
00:57:45You're dining alone?
00:57:46Actually, I am.
00:57:47What a coincidence.
00:57:48Oh, my.
00:57:50Seems a shame for us to eat by ourselves.
00:57:51Shall I pull up a chair?
00:57:53Bree, it's nothing personal, but I never socialize with clients.
00:57:58Oh.
00:58:00Oh, I get it.
00:58:01I'm so sorry.
00:58:01Of course, it's inappropriate.
00:58:05It's just that after what happened yesterday, there's so much I need to say because...
00:58:08I suppose it can wait.
00:58:14I suppose it can wait.
00:58:14I suppose it can wait.
00:58:14I'll have to make a mistake.
00:58:17I'll have to make a mistake.
00:58:20No, Lynette, I'm sorry.
00:58:41Juanita's taking a bath.
00:58:43Well, how much does she win from you?
00:58:46Jeez.
00:58:48Yeah, I guess she'll take a check.
00:58:50Okay.
00:58:51All right, bye.
00:58:53What was that about?
00:58:55Turns out your mother is quite the card shark.
00:58:57You let her play cards.
00:58:59How long did she play?
00:59:00Not that long. Why?
00:59:03What else? What is it?
00:59:08I never told you this, but my mother had a serious gambling problem.
00:59:14Was this before we were married?
00:59:17Yeah.
00:59:17It was bad.
00:59:20She went into debt.
00:59:22She dipped into her savings, started hawking jewelry.
00:59:25Honey, it was only a small neighborhood game.
00:59:27But it doesn't take much for her to fall off the wagon.
00:59:30I know she seems like a very strong woman, but...
00:59:33She has a major weakness.
00:59:37Honey.
00:59:37Oh, it's okay.
00:59:40You were right to tell me this.
00:59:44And you understand I have to treat this as a session.
00:59:48Of course, that's fine.
00:59:50Shall I include the meal?
00:59:52Oh, no.
00:59:52We'll split that.
00:59:54Okay.
00:59:54So, let's talk about yesterday.
01:00:01Do you think there might have been some truth in what Rex said?
01:00:04No, I don't.
01:00:06Brie, you know, it's not uncommon for people experiencing sexual repression to distance themselves during the act.
01:00:12Is that how you see me?
01:00:14As some sort of prude who just lays there like a cold fish?
01:00:18I love sex.
01:00:20All right.
01:00:21I love everything about it.
01:00:23The sensations, the smells.
01:00:26I especially love the feel of a man.
01:00:28All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body.
01:00:30And then, when you had friction.
01:00:34Mmm.
01:00:36The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently.
01:00:41And then there's the act itself.
01:00:43Two bodies becoming one and that final eruption of pleasure.
01:00:48To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum.
01:00:51I mean, obviously it has its practical applications, but I'm just not a fan.
01:00:56Can I get you something?
01:00:58Uh, just the check, please.
01:01:01So you haven't ordered yet?
01:01:04Oh.
01:01:08We're not shopping.
01:01:09Oh, I thought we'd stop here for lunch first.
01:01:11This place has the best buffet in town.
01:01:12All you can eat crab legs.
01:01:15Oh, no!
01:01:17What's wrong?
01:01:18Let's go.
01:01:19I didn't realize how late it was.
01:01:21They're only holding the suede mini for me until two.
01:01:23If we stay, I'll never make it.
01:01:25We'll just have lunch at the mall.
01:01:26Wait, uh, I'm really in the mood for crab legs.
01:01:29Why don't you just drop me off and you can come back?
01:01:32Well, if the mall's crowded, it might take over an hour.
01:01:34It's a buffet.
01:01:35There's no rush.
01:01:36Hi, John.
01:01:44Motel.
01:01:44Ten minutes.
01:01:45Be there.
01:01:46All right.
01:01:50Off you go.
01:01:51Thanks.
01:01:52Ooh, Lynette.
01:01:53I couldn't help but notice you forgot the coon skin on that Hunter's coon skin cap.
01:01:57Oh, yeah.
01:01:59That was a creative call.
01:02:00Look, I'm in the middle of a costume crisis, and if I don't take a few shortcuts, I'll
01:02:06never finish.
01:02:07Well, Jordana Geist manages to get her work done.
01:02:11She runs the concessions, paints the sets, and still has time to take care of her three
01:02:15kids and a husband.
01:02:16Now, we can't have the students suffer just because you don't understand the concept of
01:02:21time management.
01:02:21I hardly think the kids are going to suffer without a clump of fur on their heads.
01:02:26Okay.
01:02:27I'll make a creative call.
01:02:29We'll cut the oak trees.
01:02:31That forest is looking a little dense anyway.
01:02:35My boys are the oak trees.
01:02:38Are they?
01:02:39Well, I wouldn't worry.
01:02:40We'll find something for them to do backstage.
01:02:43It's where the real action is.
01:02:46I'll finish the costumes.
01:02:48Well, crisis averted.
01:02:51You have lost your mind.
01:02:58I checked up on this Silvercrest place.
01:03:00It's a treatment center for troubled kids.
01:03:02Who's going to notice one more?
01:03:03I create the distraction.
01:03:05You blend in and find Zach.
01:03:06How am I supposed to blend in with a bunch of messed up teenagers?
01:03:09I don't know, Julie.
01:03:11You pretend to be bulimic.
01:03:12Gag a little.
01:03:13Come on.
01:03:14Work with me here.
01:03:15Mom, when this is over, we need to talk about your parenting skills.
01:03:18Okay.
01:03:20Fine.
01:03:20You don't want to help me?
01:03:21I'm not going to force you.
01:03:22It's not that I don't want to.
01:03:23It's just...
01:03:25Why does this mean so much to you?
01:03:27Because Mary Alice was a wonderful person.
01:03:29And now all anybody thinks about her is that she went off the deep end and did this terrible, selfish thing.
01:03:34And I think there's more to it than that.
01:03:36She was my friend, Julie.
01:03:38And I owe it to her to find out the truth.
01:03:40Juanita, what's wrong?
01:04:03Juanita.
01:04:04I didn't go to the buffet.
01:04:08I went gambling instead and I lost.
01:04:10Well, how much did you have on you?
01:04:12That couldn't have been much.
01:04:13I used Carlos' credit card.
01:04:16Okay.
01:04:17Well, how much did you charge?
01:04:18I don't know.
01:04:19It stopped working.
01:04:20What do you mean it stopped working?
01:04:22This thing has like a $15,000 credit limit.
01:04:24Oh.
01:04:46The man at the desk said there were no vacant rooms.
01:04:49Mind if I bunk with you?
01:04:51Brie, what are you doing here?
01:04:52It's a little chilly out here.
01:04:55Do you mind if we discuss this inside?
01:04:59What?
01:05:07Sure is nice and toasty in here.
01:05:12You look amazing.
01:05:15Thanks.
01:05:16I was hoping you'd notice.
01:05:17Well, it certainly isn't the Ritz,
01:05:22but it has all the essentials.
01:05:31Hmm.
01:05:32I don't know what to say.
01:05:34Well, then perhaps you should say nothing.
01:05:36Oh, my God.
01:06:03Baby, I just need a minute.
01:06:11Just leave it, will you?
01:06:14Just leave it.
01:06:14Okay, okay.
01:06:31Okay, baby.
01:06:32Where were we?
01:06:34I told you to leave it.
01:06:36I'm sorry, I just...
01:06:39Oh, come on.
01:06:40Are you gonna make a big deal about this?
01:06:44You know...
01:06:46To tell you the truth...
01:06:49Now is not really a good time for me.
01:06:52Well, it's obvious you've never had to remove a cheese stain.
01:07:04I totally understand.
01:07:12Yeah, I already tried, Susan.
01:07:14And Gabby can't sew to save her life.
01:07:15Seriously, I'm gonna be fine.
01:07:17Yeah.
01:07:17Okay, thanks anyway.
01:07:19Bye-bye.
01:07:20Well, I'm a little ahead with my painting.
01:07:22If you need some help...
01:07:24Oh, Jordana, you are a lifesaver.
01:07:27Here, these pieces need trim.
01:07:29I'll help for as long as I can, but I have a lot on my plate tonight.
01:07:33I have to make 25 mini quiches for my book club.
01:07:36You're not human, are you?
01:07:37You were sent by aliens to make the human race feel inadequate.
01:07:39Seriously, how do you cram it all in?
01:07:46Can you keep a secret?
01:07:48Um, sure.
01:08:00It's ADD medication.
01:08:02Well, my kids take this, or they almost did.
01:08:04I thought it was supposed to calm me down.
01:08:06It has the opposite effect if you don't have attention deficit disorder.
01:08:09Ever chug a pot of Turkish coffee?
01:08:12Seriously?
01:08:13You're taking your kids' medication?
01:08:15Once in a while.
01:08:16Do you want a couple?
01:08:17Oh, that's very kind of you, but I just smoked some crackle a while ago, so I better not mix.
01:08:26This is what we'll do.
01:08:28I'll sell some old jewelry, pay off the credit card, and Carlos will never find out.
01:08:31You would do that for me?
01:08:33Of course I would.
01:08:34Why wouldn't I?
01:08:35Well, for starters, you hate me.
01:08:37Oh, that is overstating it.
01:08:38A little.
01:08:42The bottom line is, no matter how much I dislike you, I love Carlos more.
01:08:49If Carlos finds out about the money, he'll be devastated.
01:08:52I don't want to see him hurt.
01:08:53You don't have to believe I'm a good person, but at least believe I care about my husband.
01:09:00Fine.
01:09:01Tag with it.
01:09:02I'm not going to risk my neck to protect you.
01:09:04I'm calling Carlos.
01:09:07Juanita might have been the gambler of the family.
01:09:14Wait, I believe you.
01:09:16But Gabrielle was the one who knew how to bluff.
01:09:19Hi, I'm Susan Meyer.
01:09:28I have an appointment to see Dr. Sicker.
01:09:30Yes, yes.
01:09:30He's expecting you.
01:09:31Let me get him for you.
01:09:32Hi, I'm Dr. Sicker.
01:09:46Susan Meyer.
01:09:48So you're here doing research for a children's book.
01:09:50I sure am.
01:09:51Zach?
01:10:05Oh.
01:10:07Hi, Julie.
01:10:10What's wrong with you?
01:10:11It's just all these pills they make me take.
01:10:15They kind of make me sleepy.
01:10:18What are you doing here?
01:10:19I came to see how you were, and to ask you something.
01:10:23Look, I don't have much time.
01:10:26What is it?
01:10:27Last week, you told Mrs. Vandekamp that your mom killed herself because of something you did.
01:10:31Something bad.
01:10:32What were you talking about?
01:10:37After my mom died, I started remembering things that happened when I was little.
01:10:43What happened to Dana?
01:10:46Dana?
01:10:46Who's Dana?
01:10:47What are you doing here?
01:10:50I was just visiting my friend.
01:10:53This patient is not allowed visitors.
01:10:57I guess I have to go.
01:11:00I am so sorry, Zach.
01:11:02I don't want to disturb you.
01:11:18I don't want to disturb you.
01:11:23I just left some important papers here.
01:11:28What are you doing?
01:11:29I'm repairing a chipped mug.
01:11:32Why don't you just buy a new one?
01:11:34Because I think it's better to fix what you already have.
01:11:40Listen, um...
01:11:42About what happened today.
01:11:46You humiliated me, Rex.
01:11:48For no good reason.
01:11:51I'm sorry.
01:11:52I was there.
01:11:53I was willing.
01:11:55Normal men don't say no to that.
01:11:57You...
01:11:57You upset me.
01:11:59See, I don't think that's the reason.
01:12:02After I left the motel, I, um, did some thinking about us and our sex life, and I realized there has been a disconnect.
01:12:11But it's coming from you.
01:12:12That's ridiculous.
01:12:15How many years have we been making love when you've started to ask me something, but then you stop?
01:12:19I... I don't know what you're talking about.
01:12:20You are unhappy with our sex life, because you're not getting something from me, but you're simply too afraid to ask.
01:12:26My... my problem with our sex life is that you can't stop thinking about the housework.
01:12:30Well, if that's the case, then take me right here, right now.
01:12:32The house is spotless.
01:12:33There are no burritos lying around to pull my focus.
01:12:36I'm not in the mood.
01:12:37Why not?
01:12:40We haven't had sex for months, Rex.
01:12:41Most normal, red-blooded men would be climbing the walls by now.
01:12:45Please don't do this.
01:12:46Rex, whatever you want, I'll go there with you.
01:12:50I will go there with you.
01:12:51You just have to say it out loud.
01:12:53Tell me, what do you want?
01:12:55What do you need?
01:12:56I need for you to stop talking like this.
01:12:57Because you sound like a whore.
01:12:59No, I don't.
01:12:59I sound like a woman whose husband won't touch her.
01:13:09Rex, after Marielle has killed herself, it all hit me.
01:13:13We all have our secrets, and I think it's time for you to tell me yours.
01:13:29I'm going.
01:13:29That night, while most of Wisteria Lane dreamt the night away,
01:13:48Lynette was in the middle of her own personal nightmare.
01:13:52Determined her boys would not miss their fairytale debut,
01:13:57Lynette had stayed up 18 hours straight sewing.
01:14:02But she began to fear her story would not have a happy ending.
01:14:12Luckily for Lynette, she had a magic potion handy.
01:14:16And once she had taken it,
01:14:22the magic kept working.
01:14:31And working.
01:14:36And working.
01:14:37And working.
01:14:37It wasn't until noon that Lynette finally took a break,
01:14:45and the reality of what she had done began to sink in.
01:14:50My big eyes, man.
01:14:58Come on, Juanita.
01:14:59I'm going to the store.
01:14:59Do you need anything?
01:15:01I'm fine, thank you.
01:15:02So, what's been going on with her?
01:15:07Have you found anything out yet?
01:15:08Actually, Carlos, the more I watch her,
01:15:11the more I think she's probably not stepping out on you.
01:15:14Really?
01:15:15Yeah.
01:15:16She's not perfect.
01:15:17Lord knows.
01:15:19But she loves you.
01:15:20I can tell.
01:15:24Mama.
01:15:25Oh, you don't know what a relief it is to hear that.
01:15:30You know what's funny?
01:15:30I really think she loves you, too.
01:15:33Oh?
01:15:37I got concerned when I heard you played poker with her friends.
01:15:42So, I told her about your little problem.
01:15:47You told her about my gambling problem.
01:15:49Don't be mad, Mama.
01:15:51I just didn't want you slipping into old habits.
01:15:53And Gabrielle was very concerned about you.
01:15:56She knew.
01:16:00I don't get it.
01:16:03I've gone through all your yearbooks,
01:16:05and you and Zach never went to school with anybody named Dana.
01:16:07He didn't say it was somebody we went to school with.
01:16:09Well, did it sound like a relative?
01:16:11He said Dana.
01:16:12It sounded like Dana.
01:16:14Unless he was using a code, that's all I got.
01:16:16Okay.
01:16:17Give me a break here.
01:16:18I'm just grasping at straws.
01:16:20I'm sorry.
01:16:22I'm worried about Zach.
01:16:23It's really creepy in there.
01:16:26Can't we get him out?
01:16:28Honey, it's up to his father.
01:16:31Then I at least want to visit again.
01:16:32I don't think that's a good idea, either.
01:16:34Why?
01:16:38I just have a feeling.
01:16:40I don't know.
01:16:40Juanita was now more convinced than ever
01:16:53that her treacherous daughter-in-law was having an affair.
01:16:56But the question remained, with whom?
01:16:59Juanita remembered it wasn't the men Gabrielle talked to
01:17:19that she had to worry about.
01:17:24Thanks.
01:17:24That's for sure.
01:17:26Jordana, Maisie, here are the costumes.
01:17:29Right on time.
01:17:30Thank you, Lynette.
01:17:35This is a bit awkward.
01:17:37There has been an oversight with the programs.
01:17:40Celia Bond is still credited with costumes.
01:17:43They forgot to tell the printer.
01:17:46Uh-huh.
01:17:48Uh, incidentally, who is they?
01:17:51As in, they forgot to tell the printer.
01:17:54That would be me.
01:17:55I'm sorry, but I was just so overworked this week,
01:18:00but with all the script changes that you demanded.
01:18:02Uh-huh.
01:18:03Well, these things happen.
01:18:06Oh, I need to be right back.
01:18:10Would you do something with this?
01:18:11It looks like roadkill.
01:18:13Oh.
01:18:13Okay, lady, that's it.
01:18:20I beg your pardon?
01:18:21Maisie, we have kids the same age,
01:18:23which means there are years ahead of us having to deal with each other.
01:18:26So instead of playing all these petty games,
01:18:28why don't we put an end to this right now?
01:18:31What are you saying?
01:18:32Let's take it outside.
01:18:34Let's take what outside?
01:18:35Your sorry ass we're throwing down.
01:18:37You are crazy.
01:18:38Just being practical.
01:18:39Isn't it better to settle this once and for all
01:18:41rather than endure all this alpha mom crap
01:18:43until our kids graduate?
01:18:45Hmm?
01:18:46Come on.
01:18:47I'll even let you take the first shot.
01:18:58I don't have time for this.
01:19:00Yeah, I didn't think so.
01:19:01And just so you know,
01:19:03next spring when we do Bambi,
01:19:05his mother's going to take a slug to the heart
01:19:07and you're going to like it.
01:19:17The search for power begins when we're quite young.
01:19:21As children, we're taught that the power of good
01:19:24triumphs over the power of evil.
01:19:27But as we get older,
01:19:28we realize that nothing is ever that simple.
01:19:33Traces of evil always remain.
01:19:36Traces of evil,
01:19:38we're taught this game by the way of good
01:19:40to our planet.
01:19:41The decision always has changed byé—œet