- 6/13/2025
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00:00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:00:03Exactly what is it you hired me to do?
00:00:04Someone sent that note to my wife, and I need to know who.
00:00:07Some secrets were discovered.
00:00:09After my mom died, I started remembering what happened to Dana.
00:00:11Who's Dana?
00:00:12What are you doing here?
00:00:13Some secrets were uncovered.
00:00:15It could be any one of these guys she's having an affair with.
00:00:17Don't worry about it.
00:00:18I'm not letting her out of my sight.
00:00:19And some secrets...
00:00:21Where Dana Geist manages to get her work done.
00:00:23How do you cream it all in?
00:00:24We're shared.
00:00:25It's ADD medication.
00:00:30It means different things to different people.
00:00:39In suburbia, it means keeping up with the Joneses.
00:00:42On Wisteria Lane, that means keeping up with Brie Vandekamp.
00:00:47Everyone knew Brie had the nicest lawn in the neighborhood.
00:00:51And no one begrudged her this.
00:00:53No one, that is.
00:00:54Except Martha Huber.
00:00:56Her, whose own lawn paled in comparison.
00:01:01No matter how carefully she trimmed.
00:01:04Or how lovingly she watered.
00:01:08Or how generously she fertilized.
00:01:12The grass was always greener on the other side of the fence.
00:01:21Hello, Victor.
00:01:22How are you today?
00:01:24Out jogging again?
00:01:25Would you like a slurp from my hose?
00:01:35Victor?
00:01:37Victor?
00:01:40Don't worry.
00:01:41I'm going to get an ambulance.
00:01:45Then one day,
00:01:47Mrs. Hooper finally got the chance
00:01:49to mow down the competition.
00:01:51Help!
00:02:05Somebody help!
00:02:10What happened?
00:02:12He collapsed on your hydrangeas.
00:02:14Call 911.
00:02:14Yes, Mrs. Hooper understood the first rule of competition.
00:02:35In order to win,
00:02:36you have to want it more.
00:02:38Then one day,
00:02:39you have to want it more.
00:02:40I'm going to get an ambulance.
00:02:40Bye.
00:02:41Bye!
00:02:41Bye!
00:02:41Bye!
00:02:41Bye!
00:02:41Bye!
00:02:42Bye!
00:02:43Bye!
00:02:43Bye!
00:03:06Bye!
00:03:06Bye!
00:03:06Bye!
00:03:06Bye!
00:03:07Bye!
00:03:07Bye!
00:03:08When I was alive, my friends and I came together once a month for a meeting of the Wisteria
00:03:23Lane book club.
00:03:25We found the problems of literary characters so absorbing.
00:03:30The way they dealt with adversity, conducted illicit affairs, endured domestic dramas, and
00:03:39planned romantic conquests, but since my death, my friends had lost their interest in fiction.
00:03:47So, what did everybody think?
00:03:51Their own problems had become absorbing enough.
00:03:53I thought the character of Madame Bovary was very inspirational.
00:03:58She poisons herself with arsenic.
00:04:02Really?
00:04:03You didn't read until the end?
00:04:05I stopped after page 50.
00:04:07Am I the only one who read the book?
00:04:09I saw the movie.
00:04:10It was really good.
00:04:11Ladies, I'm sorry, but what is the point of having a book club if we don't read the book?
00:04:17More wine?
00:04:19So, Reba, Emma, and Lori, why don't you girls come to the kitchen and help me with the snacks?
00:04:25Sure.
00:04:26I will be right in.
00:04:29God, I couldn't wait to get rid of them.
00:04:33Okay.
00:04:34So, Lynette said that you found Zach.
00:04:36He's at a rehabilitation center, and Julie snuck in and actually talked to him.
00:04:40Did he say anything about his mother's suicide?
00:04:42There wasn't enough time, but he did say one thing that was kind of mysterious.
00:04:45He said something happened to someone named Dana, and that he could never ever talk about it.
00:04:49Who the hell's Dana?
00:04:50What's the mystery part?
00:04:51I figured Dana has something to do with what Mary Alice was trying to hide.
00:04:56So, somebody found out Mary Alice's secret and sent the note.
00:04:59So, who the hell is that?
00:05:03The stationery is partial number 17, 100% cotton.
00:05:07It's made by Cypress Office Products.
00:05:10They have stores in 12 cities, including yours.
00:05:13Let me trace that postmark back to your local post office.
00:05:16Meaning?
00:05:17Meaning that the blackmailer is probably someone you know.
00:05:21A neighbor?
00:05:22Milkman?
00:05:23Pool boy?
00:05:24Soccer mom?
00:05:26Soccer mom?
00:05:27Mr. Young, sometimes evil drives a minivan.
00:05:32I had this gig once.
00:05:34Tracking down this PTA mom who was hell-bent on landing her daughter a spot on a parade float.
00:05:40Fed antifreeze to half the homecoming committee.
00:05:45Did you catch her?
00:05:47Mr. Young.
00:05:50The people who hired me didn't hire me to catch her.
00:05:59Wow, honey, this place looks spotless.
00:06:02Thanks.
00:06:04Hey, so listen.
00:06:05I have come up with this killer idea for the spotless scrub campaign.
00:06:09Great, you want to run it by me?
00:06:11No, I'm good. But thanks.
00:06:14Okay.
00:06:15Well, that's the thing. You know how whenever I pitch in the boardroom, O'Rourke and Hennessy always tear my ideas down in front of the partners?
00:06:20Yeah?
00:06:21I invited the partners and their wives over so I could pitch to them here.
00:06:25And I thought maybe we could make a formal dinner for six, we could sit, we could...
00:06:27And when exactly would this formal dinner take place?
00:06:30Um, day after tomorrow.
00:06:32Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. It's short notice. I just...
00:06:34You think? How am I supposed to pull off a formal dinner with no warning?
00:06:37I don't know. Brie Bandicamp does this kind of thing all the time. I...
00:06:42And what did you say?
00:06:43Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. That's... You know what? Forget it. I'll call and I'll cancel. Just don't worry about it.
00:06:48No, no. Let's... Let's do it.
00:06:52Really?
00:06:55Yeah. It's good for your career. I'll pull it off.
00:06:59Yes. Honey, thank you so much. You know what? I promise. I land this account and I'm gonna buy you something awful pretty.
00:07:05Luckily for Tom, Lynette had a recipe for success.
00:07:19Unfortunately for her, she was missing the secret ingredient.
00:07:36Yeah?
00:07:37It's me. Don't turn around. My mother-in-law can see you.
00:07:41I hate that she's always watching us.
00:07:43So meet me at the motel in an hour?
00:07:46Done.
00:07:48I've got plans.
00:07:50So cancel.
00:07:51They're with Danielle. We're going to the movies.
00:07:54That sounds like a date.
00:07:56Yeah.
00:07:57Well, I have a problem with you seeing other girls.
00:08:00Well, I have a problem with you having a husband.
00:08:02I guess we'll both have to learn to deal.
00:08:05Don't even try to make it up to me by talking dirty.
00:08:30Hello?
00:08:35Mr. and Mrs. Van Kemp.
00:08:36So, your son decided to entertain some of his friends yesterday by shoving a freshman's head into a locker.
00:08:41This was the Johnson boy?
00:08:42Yes. He broke the boy's nose.
00:08:44Because of our no-tolerance policy, your son may face expulsion.
00:08:45You're going to ruin his whole future over a little roughhousing?
00:08:46Rex, this was practically assault.
00:08:47Uh, Mrs. Stark, what Andrew did was clearly wrong, but in his defense, his mother and I are going through severe marital problems.
00:08:51Oh, is that relevant?
00:08:52Our marriage is disintegrating. Of course Andrew was acting out. He has every right to be angry.
00:08:54If Andrew is acting out, he has every right to be angry.
00:08:55If Andrew is angry about you moving out of the house, then perhaps he should shove your head into a locker.
00:08:59All I'm saying is that we need to take some of the responsibility here.
00:09:03So, does Andrew, blaming his actions on our problems, which are not so serious,
00:09:10to be angry about you moving out of the house?
00:09:12If Andrew is angry about you moving out of the house, then perhaps he should shove your head into a locker.
00:09:17All I'm saying is that we need to take some of the responsibility here.
00:09:20So, does Andrew? Blaming his actions on our problems, which are not so serious,
00:09:24does Andrew not even blame his actions on our problems?
00:09:27What is Andrew?
00:09:29That's true. Blaming his actions on our problems, which are not so serious, does not help him.
00:09:34Our problems are serious.
00:09:35Mrs. Stark, you handle this however you see fit.
00:09:37Bree, I've gone to an attorney. You're gonna be served with divorce papers later today.
00:09:42You went to an attorney?
00:09:44Yeah. And a good one, too.
00:09:48Well, he better be good, because when I'm finished with you, you won't have a cent to your name.
00:09:53Bring it on.
00:09:55Perhaps detention is the way to go.
00:09:57Mom, you're getting too dressed up.
00:10:00I know, but I want to look really sexy.
00:10:02I told Micah I expect him to have you home by 11.
00:10:04Hmm. How about midnight?
00:10:06Alright, but no later. You know how I worry.
00:10:09So, you got protection?
00:10:11Oh, my God. We are so not having this conversation.
00:10:15We are, because I enjoy being an only child.
00:10:18Are you finished?
00:10:19Almost.
00:10:20You know, I always assumed I'd have sex for the first time before you had it again.
00:10:24Okay, you can leave now.
00:10:26Yeah.
00:10:27What do you think? Trying too hard?
00:10:32Yeah, well, what do you know? 30 degrees outside and you're wearing fur.
00:10:37Hey, Mike.
00:10:47Hey, Edie.
00:10:50Wow.
00:10:51Got a load of you. You look so pretty. I hardly recognize you.
00:10:53Oh, this? Well, I have a date. Right now. With Mike. We kissed. FYI.
00:10:57We kissed.
00:10:58FYI.
00:10:59Okay.
00:11:00Okay.
00:11:01Hey, Edie.
00:11:05Wow.
00:11:06Got a load of you.
00:11:08You look so pretty.
00:11:10I hardly recognize you.
00:11:11Oh, yes?
00:11:13Well, I have a date.
00:11:15Right now.
00:11:16With mine.
00:11:18We kissed.
00:11:20FYI.
00:11:30Ooh, love the jacket.
00:11:31Good choice.
00:11:32Um, look, Susan, I'm really sorry, but I've got to cancel.
00:11:36I have an unexpected house guest.
00:11:40Coming through.
00:11:41Oh, sorry.
00:11:42Hi, I'm Kendra.
00:11:43Susan, I'm going to run to the car and get my stuff.
00:11:50I know how this looks, but there's nothing between us.
00:11:53Kendra's just an old friend.
00:11:55Old friend?
00:11:56Yeah, you know.
00:11:57Yeah, yeah.
00:11:59No, actually, no.
00:12:00I don't know.
00:12:00So, by old friend, you mean college pal, bowling buddy, saved you from drowning?
00:12:04It's hard to explain.
00:12:06Could you give it a shot?
00:12:09Mike, I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower.
00:12:11Look, I promise I'll make this up to you.
00:12:19And you look amazing.
00:12:22Mike, where are the towels?
00:12:28Thanks.
00:12:29Mike, how was your big date?
00:12:36Mike had to reschedule.
00:12:40Oh, because of the hot girl with the suitcase over there?
00:12:46Gosh, how devastating for you.
00:12:47Look, I just want to move this place fast.
00:12:59I'll do whatever we have to do.
00:13:00Well, that's good to know.
00:13:02You do realize that you're going to have to disclose the fact that your wife killed herself in the house.
00:13:06I am?
00:13:08Oh, yeah.
00:13:09Legal crap.
00:13:10And people get really freaked out by suicides.
00:13:13You can't blame them.
00:13:14Hell, I get that Willie's just standing here.
00:13:17Is there any way to get around it?
00:13:20Off the record?
00:13:22You could say that she shot herself in the living room and then crawled out back to die.
00:13:29Well, I'm just saying.
00:13:30Oh, I got to go.
00:13:34I'll call you tomorrow.
00:13:41Edie, wait.
00:13:51Paul had always known Edie Britt was capable of doing anything to close a deal.
00:13:56But now he realized she was capable of so much more.
00:14:06Hey, Danielle.
00:14:07Hey, Mrs. Solis.
00:14:10Oh, Danielle.
00:14:13Remember when you said you wanted to be a model?
00:14:15You remember that?
00:14:16That was like last summer.
00:14:17Well, as it turns out, Project Modeling Academy has an opening for their summer program.
00:14:21Would you like me to sponsor you?
00:14:22Would I?
00:14:23Oh, my God.
00:14:23That's like one of the best schools in the country.
00:14:25You would do that for me?
00:14:26I sure would.
00:14:27I would so love to go to New York.
00:14:29Oh, and I would so love to help you get there.
00:14:40Hey, Jordana.
00:14:41Hey, Linda.
00:14:42How are you?
00:14:44I look a little tired.
00:14:46Is everything okay?
00:14:47Actually, I'm getting ready for a dinner party tomorrow night.
00:14:49Six people.
00:14:50Sounds fun.
00:14:51Big fun.
00:14:52Say, you wouldn't have any of your kids' ADD medication that you could spare.
00:14:56It's just to get me over to home.
00:14:58Tina!
00:14:59Don't push your sister.
00:15:02Gosh, Lynette.
00:15:03I'm really running low.
00:15:05I need all my energy I can get.
00:15:07My sister Elaine and her kids are flying in town for a week.
00:15:11Yeah, that's exciting.
00:15:12I wish my sister would visit more often.
00:15:14Yeah, sisters are great.
00:15:15Yeah, just three or four pills.
00:15:17I'm really hitting a wall here.
00:15:19Yeah, the calm down can be a real bitch.
00:15:22I wish I could help.
00:15:25I'm not going to forget about this, Jordana.
00:15:27What's that supposed to mean?
00:15:29It means come to World Scout cookie time.
00:15:30Don't bother bringing an elevator with Tina because we won't be home.
00:15:33What's all this about?
00:15:42You both know that your mother and I have been unhappy for quite a while.
00:15:45After a lot of soul searching, we've decided that it would be better if we got divorced.
00:15:49But whatever problems your father and I may have, it doesn't change the fact that we love you very, very much.
00:15:55I've got a question.
00:15:56Go ahead, sweetheart.
00:15:57Ask whatever you want.
00:15:59Can I live with Dan?
00:16:01I mean, come on, Mom.
00:16:02Let's face it.
00:16:02We drive each other crazy.
00:16:11Is that what you would prefer, Danielle, to live with your father?
00:16:14I don't really care as long as I have my own bathroom.
00:16:20Um, all this, um, wine has given me a headache.
00:16:32Six weeks in the suburban jungle and this is all you got?
00:16:42Look, there are over 300 families in this subdivision.
00:16:45It'll take time to check them all out.
00:16:46Dad said last time he saw you, you were ready to quit.
00:16:49Man, well, I changed my mind.
00:16:51Well, this is a gigantic waste of your time and my father's money.
00:16:54Are you afraid of the old man burning through your inheritance?
00:16:57That's not funny.
00:16:59Mike, here's the thing.
00:17:01What?
00:17:03Dad can't chase ghosts alone.
00:17:05If you stop, he'll have to accept it's over.
00:17:08Let me have my father back.
00:17:10If I quit, he'll just hire somebody else.
00:17:12Not if you tell him there's nothing here to find.
00:17:14Well, I can't do that.
00:17:21What happens when your girlfriend finds out you're not just this sweet, neighborly plumber?
00:17:30You're lying to her, Mike.
00:17:37Oh, here it is.
00:17:39Great.
00:17:41This will keep the crab dip warm.
00:17:42It took forever to shell the little buggers, but it'll be worth it.
00:17:44You shelled your own crabs?
00:17:47Okay, I don't want to bet in, but are you doing too much?
00:17:49Because you look exhausted.
00:17:50Oh, I'm fine.
00:17:51I just need some coffee.
00:17:55Oh, my God.
00:17:57Look at this embroidery.
00:18:00Dana.
00:18:02Where did this come from?
00:18:04Paul Young's garage sale.
00:18:11Dana.
00:18:12Dana was a baby.
00:18:24Surprise.
00:18:26No way.
00:18:26Yep.
00:18:27No way.
00:18:28No, it's all yours.
00:18:28Here are the keys.
00:18:30Rex, what's this about?
00:18:32I went and splurged a little.
00:18:34Oh, Danielle.
00:18:35Here's your present.
00:18:37Luggage?
00:18:37Yeah.
00:18:38It's to take with you to the Perchick Modeling Academy.
00:18:40I'm footing the entire bill.
00:18:42You mean that I can really go to New York?
00:18:43Wait, wait a minute.
00:18:44What's all this about a modeling academy?
00:18:46It's my new career.
00:18:46Mrs. Solis is sponsoring me.
00:18:48Who is she now?
00:18:49And when were you planning on telling me?
00:18:50She told me, and I think it's a great idea.
00:18:52Don't you two see what he's doing?
00:18:54He's trying to get you on his side.
00:18:55He's trying to buy your love.
00:18:56For God's sake, don't be paranoid.
00:18:58A car?
00:18:58A modeling academy?
00:19:00You should have discussed these gifts with me first.
00:19:02I'm sorry, kids, but we cannot accept them.
00:19:05Dad, you can't let her do this.
00:19:07Bree, we just told the kids we're getting divorced.
00:19:09Isn't it time to spoil them a little?
00:19:10I said no.
00:19:12You know what?
00:19:14They're my kids, too, and I can give them anything I want.
00:19:18There you go.
00:19:19Thank you, Daddy.
00:19:20Did you offer to help Danielle get into modeling school?
00:19:48What?
00:19:48Uh, yes.
00:19:50No, um, is that how she heard it?
00:19:53Yes!
00:19:54Gabrielle, did you or did you not offer to sponsor her?
00:19:57I just wanted to help out.
00:19:59It's in New York, for God's sakes.
00:20:00Why on earth would you suggest that?
00:20:03It's her dream.
00:20:05And don't you want her to be happy?
00:20:06No.
00:20:07And in the future, I would appreciate you keeping your ridiculous ideas to yourself.
00:20:12Bree!
00:20:18John.
00:20:24John!
00:20:25You're so jealous of Danielle, you try to ship her off to New York?
00:20:27I'm not jealous.
00:20:28I just don't like to share.
00:20:30Well, you know what?
00:20:31I quit.
00:20:32The yard, us, everything.
00:20:34Oh, don't be that way.
00:20:35What's the point if we can never be together?
00:20:37You know, an hour here, an hour there?
00:20:39I don't want us to end on a bad note.
00:20:43Carlos has this black tie thing tonight.
00:20:45I could slip it off.
00:20:45Miss Solis.
00:20:46John, please.
00:20:49All we had was so special.
00:20:53I think it deserves a proper goodbye.
00:20:56We'd, um, we'd still be over, though.
00:20:59Of course.
00:21:00I knew this play date was a good idea.
00:21:15Oh, yeah.
00:21:16Thank you for suggesting it.
00:21:17Your boys are the only ones I know who could tire out Timmy.
00:21:22Yep.
00:21:23He's a feisty one.
00:21:25Hey, word on the street is, um, you've been medicating Timmy?
00:21:28Oh, yeah.
00:21:28For his ADD.
00:21:29The pills have been a godsend.
00:21:32I bet.
00:21:35Can I use your bathroom?
00:21:54As Lynette swallowed the stolen medication of an eight-year-old child,
00:21:58she vowed she'd never again sink to such depths.
00:22:06Any time soon.
00:22:08Well, it looks like you've got your blackmailer.
00:22:21Is it time to bring in the police?
00:22:24That's not really an option for me.
00:22:25Before my wife shot herself, we lived a life that I was proud of.
00:22:33We loved each other.
00:22:34We had value as we went to church.
00:22:37We gave to charity.
00:22:38We were good people, Mr. Shaw.
00:22:39Well, I believe you.
00:22:43That's why it's so incomprehensible to me that Edie Britt would try to destroy us.
00:22:49Well, you've suffered a great loss.
00:22:51Before your pain healed, that's going to take some time.
00:22:53For five grand, she's hurt.
00:23:05For five grand, she's hurt.
00:23:06Ten grand, she's gone.
00:23:07Mom, what's going on?
00:23:27Oh, I'm throwing you out.
00:23:28I've separated all your things into two sides.
00:23:31This side is yours, Danielle, and the other one is Andrew's.
00:23:34Okay, you've lost it.
00:23:36Where are we supposed to live?
00:23:37Darned if I know.
00:23:38Danielle, everything in the north quadrant of your side is clothes and books and such,
00:23:42and the south side are miscellaneous items.
00:23:44Mom, this isn't going to work.
00:23:46Okay, I'm not giving up my car.
00:23:47That's a smart idea, because you're probably going to have to sleep in it for a while.
00:23:52Mom, you can't stop us from going back inside the house.
00:23:55Oh, no?
00:23:56That's up, Mr. Conlon, the locksmith.
00:23:58He's been very helpful today.
00:24:00Of course, I could give you the new keys,
00:24:02which would mean you'd have to adhere to my rules,
00:24:03which include giving back your father's gifts.
00:24:06Okay, fine.
00:24:13You win.
00:24:13I won't go to New York.
00:24:19I'm out of here.
00:24:20Oh, hello.
00:24:26Welcome.
00:24:27I'm Edie.
00:24:29The open house in the suburbs?
00:24:31This is beyond kitsch.
00:24:32Just behave yourself.
00:24:33It's one of the houses on the street I've had a hard time getting into.
00:24:35God, I wish you would let this go.
00:24:37I'm taking you out for drinks tonight.
00:24:39There's this cowboy bar called the Saddle Ranch.
00:24:40You need to see.
00:24:41Why?
00:24:41It's the last place anybody ever saw your sister.
00:24:48Susan.
00:24:50What brings you here?
00:24:52I just wanted to say goodbye to Mary Alice's house before somebody else moved in.
00:24:56Oh, that sounds almost plausible.
00:25:00I beg your pardon?
00:25:02Oh, come on.
00:25:04We both know why you're here.
00:25:06And the answer is yes, they are having sex.
00:25:09No question.
00:25:10You know what you're talking about?
00:25:11They're just friends.
00:25:13Think so?
00:25:13I overheard them say that they're going to Saddle Ranch tonight for drinks and dancing.
00:25:19So friends can do that?
00:25:22Oh, my God.
00:25:23I just want to slap and shake you.
00:25:30Where did you say they were going tonight?
00:25:31I don't know why I let you talk me into coming here.
00:25:43There is obviously nothing going on between them.
00:25:46Where are you going?
00:25:47I'm going to the bathroom and I'm going home.
00:25:49I don't want Mike to catch me here.
00:25:50It's only been ten minutes.
00:25:52She could be weaning to make her moves.
00:25:57Oh, come on.
00:25:58You're not going to beat a girl like that by knocking off early.
00:26:00No, it's not a competition.
00:26:02The hell it isn't.
00:26:04Good night, Edie.
00:26:06Suit yourself.
00:26:08But for the record, I was rooting for you to land him.
00:26:12And why would you root for me?
00:26:14Well, I figured it would be easier for me to steal Mike from you than her.
00:26:18She seems like fun.
00:26:23Just take some antacid.
00:26:25It's not those kind of cramps.
00:26:26This is a business dinner.
00:26:29It's important.
00:26:30Relax.
00:26:34You and I can go alone.
00:26:35Gabriel can stay here and get better.
00:26:39Fine.
00:26:40See you in a couple of hours.
00:26:42Okay.
00:26:43Take good care of Carlos.
00:26:45Oh, I always do.
00:26:46Oh, God.
00:27:09Whoa!
00:27:10Whoa!
00:27:11Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:27:14Mike!
00:27:18What a small, small world.
00:27:22Yeah, it sure is.
00:27:23I caught Edie hiding in the back.
00:27:25No kidding. Is she here?
00:27:27Yeah. Yeah, she said, um, the jig is up,
00:27:32and then she went to ride the bull.
00:27:34Oh, and she said you two came together.
00:27:36Oh, well, yeah, we did.
00:27:38Uh, I just thought she left.
00:27:40Are you following me?
00:27:42What?
00:27:43Now I just came here, you know, with Edie.
00:27:47We just love to ride that bull.
00:27:50You ride the bull?
00:27:52Yeah, yeah, it's a real rush.
00:27:54Come on, Susan, give me a break.
00:27:56Yeah, you know, you give me a break.
00:27:58I did not follow you here, and even if I had followed you here,
00:28:00it's just because you've been so secretive about Kendra.
00:28:02Kendra and I are friends.
00:28:04And I came here to ride the bull.
00:28:05Woo!
00:28:07We got another way to ride the bull!
00:28:09Woo!
00:28:10Woo!
00:28:11Woo!
00:28:12Woo!
00:28:13Woo!
00:28:14Woo!
00:28:15Okay, little dog.
00:28:16You're up.
00:28:17Oh, fine.
00:28:18I'm a doggie.
00:28:20She's a hot dog!
00:28:22Woo!
00:28:24Woo!
00:28:25Woo!
00:28:26Woo!
00:28:27Woo!
00:28:28Woo!
00:28:29Woo!
00:28:30Woo!
00:28:31Woo!
00:28:32Woo!
00:28:33Woo!
00:28:34Woo!
00:28:35Woo!
00:28:36Woo!
00:28:37Woo!
00:28:38Woo!
00:28:39That's not a good thing.
00:28:40Oh, yeah.
00:28:41I'm here to ride this bull.
00:28:42Check it out.
00:28:43Woo!
00:28:44Okay, yeah!
00:28:50Woo!
00:28:52Woo!
00:28:53Woo!
00:28:54Woo!
00:28:55Woo!
00:28:56Woo!
00:28:59Get off Weiner.
00:29:00You promised you'd stay with your mother.
00:29:01That's why I gave you the car.
00:29:03Dad, she wants me out.
00:29:04She put all my stuff on the front lawn.
00:29:06This is ridiculous. I'm going to call her and I'm going to smooth all this out. You're going home.
00:29:10No, Dad, why? Now I can live with you without feeling guilty. It'll be perfect. It'll be like our own little bachelor pad.
00:29:19What?
00:29:20Son, that's not going to happen.
00:29:22Why not?
00:29:23Andrew, you know, these last few months have been incredibly difficult for me.
00:29:29There are a lot of things that I've got to work out for myself and I can't do it if you're living with me. I'm sorry.
00:29:35I don't care. I'm not going back there.
00:29:39I don't think you have a choice.
00:29:41But, Dad...
00:29:42Uh-uh.
00:29:49Oh, come on now, don't...
00:29:57Peace?
00:29:59Yeah, it's me. Do you still have your fake ID?
00:30:02Yeah, I've got to go home and kiss my mother's ass and I'm not going to do it sober.
00:30:14More than I needed to know.
00:30:17He was in shock. He was totally shocked.
00:30:19Congresswoman, this was a campaign and this was not the vote. You voted already.
00:30:23That's what it was.
00:30:25I love that one.
00:30:27Oh, the desserts look wonderful.
00:30:30Lynette, do you need any help?
00:30:31I got it covered, no problem.
00:30:33Okay, Scappo, you're up. Let's hear this genius idea of yours.
00:30:37Okay.
00:30:41Okay.
00:30:43The single greatest obstacle facing Spotless Scrub is a lack of visibility.
00:30:46We need to concentrate ad spending in places where women spend the majority of their time.
00:30:52For example, large chain grocery stores.
00:30:55Picture Spotless Scrub ads on the side of every mother's shopping cart.
00:31:01Interesting.
00:31:02Oh, you know what would be even better? Dry cleaning bags.
00:31:05What?
00:31:06No, really, hear me out.
00:31:07Put a big Spotless Scrub ad between a woman and her cashmere sweater.
00:31:10I guarantee you'll get her attention.
00:31:12Honey, honey, that's great. I'm in the middle of the thing here.
00:31:16She's got a point. I would notice that.
00:31:20And those dry cleaning bags hang in our closets forever.
00:31:22And so it is like constant advertising.
00:31:25Exactly.
00:31:26You know, maybe there's a way that we can work that in.
00:31:27You know, Lynette, this is kind of a fantastic idea.
00:31:30Can we go nationwide with this?
00:31:32Why not? Start by targeting the top chain, then branch out from there.
00:31:35Boom, boom, boom. Mass saturation.
00:31:37Oh, you know what else would be a great idea?
00:31:39Here's the thing.
00:31:40While Lynette was commanding everyone's attention.
00:31:42You know what I'm saying?
00:31:44Susan was trying to remain inconspicuous.
00:31:48Everybody's looking at me, aren't they?
00:31:50Just the slapstick fans.
00:31:52Oh, God, why couldn't I have just been knocked unconscious?
00:31:57Here?
00:31:58Absolutely.
00:32:02Oh.
00:32:03Ow.
00:32:05Ow, ow.
00:32:06Susan, this is Kendra.
00:32:11We've been introduced.
00:32:12No, this is Kendra.
00:32:13We've been friends for years.
00:32:14She's here on a visit.
00:32:15She's leaving tomorrow.
00:32:16That's it.
00:32:18It's true.
00:32:19I have no designs on this man whatsoever.
00:32:23I'll be right back.
00:32:26Sorry about the misunderstanding.
00:32:28Me too.
00:32:29So, how long have you two been seeing each other?
00:32:32Well, you sort of interrupted our first date.
00:32:35But up until then, smoking hot tension.
00:32:38Sounds pathetic, I know.
00:32:40No, I think it's good to take it slow.
00:32:43You'd be smart to be careful.
00:32:44Any particular reason?
00:32:45Look.
00:32:46Mike's a wonderful guy.
00:32:47Really.
00:32:48But you should ask him why he moved to Wisteria Lane.
00:32:52It's one hell of a story.
00:32:53All right.
00:32:54Here, I got some ice.
00:32:55Here you go.
00:32:56Thanks.
00:32:57Well, it's been fun.
00:32:58Thanks, guys.
00:32:59See you later.
00:33:00Ooh-wee.
00:33:01Good evening.
00:33:02Well, good evening.
00:33:03Have a seat.
00:33:04Bye.
00:33:05Bye.
00:33:06Bye.
00:33:07Bye.
00:33:08Bye.
00:33:09Bye.
00:33:10Bye.
00:33:11Bye.
00:33:12Bye.
00:33:13Bye.
00:33:14Bye.
00:33:15Bye.
00:33:16Bye.
00:33:17Bye.
00:33:18Bye.
00:33:19Bye.
00:33:20Bye.
00:33:21Bye.
00:33:22Bye.
00:33:23Bye.
00:33:24Bye.
00:33:25Bye.
00:33:26Bye.
00:33:27Bye.
00:33:28Bye.
00:33:31I can't use this whole closure thing.
00:33:33I love longer times.
00:33:38Bye.
00:33:45Wait around the corner.
00:33:46I'll be right back.
00:33:48Bye.
00:33:50Smile, Gabriela.
00:34:13Well, that's it, then.
00:34:14What are you doing?
00:34:21She had a camera.
00:34:22We've got to catch her.
00:34:25This is so nice.
00:34:26Your husband's going to kill us.
00:34:28Come on.
00:34:31Leave me alone.
00:34:33Give me that camera right now.
00:34:34Shut up.
00:34:35I'm not kidding, old woman.
00:34:36Stay away from me.
00:34:37Don't touch me.
00:34:44Don't touch me.
00:35:14No.
00:35:24No, you go home.
00:35:26I'll take care of this.
00:35:28And you will never hear.
00:35:30Go.
00:35:32Go.
00:35:38Did you see that?
00:35:39Guy came barreling around the corner and just hit her.
00:35:42Do you have a cell phone?
00:35:43Yeah.
00:35:44Call 911.
00:35:44Call 911.
00:35:53You're right.
00:35:53I'm sorry.
00:35:54I'm sorry.
00:35:55Come on.
00:35:55Go.
00:35:55Go.
00:36:08Go.
00:36:08Go.
00:36:09As Juanita teetered dangerously close to the white light,
00:36:25Lynette and Tom were headed into a black hole.
00:36:28I was just participating.
00:36:30Your participation was supposed to be limited to making dinner, not making my ideas look bad.
00:36:35Yeah, well, maybe you need better ideas.
00:36:37I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
00:36:40No, no, no, no, no. We both know that your career was going so much better than mine before we had kids.
00:36:45You never let me forget that.
00:36:46That is not fair.
00:36:48You are always competing with me, and judging by tonight, you know what? You still are.
00:36:51Tom, I am sorry about tonight, truly.
00:36:54But these days, if I'm competing with anyone, it's the Brie Vandicamps of the world,
00:36:57with their spotless kitchens and their perfect kids who throw fabulous parties where nothing ever goes wrong.
00:37:02I try so hard to keep up, but I can't.
00:37:04Lynette, that's not my expectation.
00:37:05And when you work on a picture, you bring the partners over, I am reminded of a world I left behind
00:37:10where I was the winner, and people tried to keep up with me.
00:37:13I can't go back. I can't win where I am.
00:37:16I am stuck in the middle, and it is really starting to get to me.
00:37:19Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:37:20For your information, I thought you threw an amazing dinner party tonight.
00:37:23I was thrilled.
00:37:25I don't know how you pulled it all together.
00:37:30Yeah, well...
00:37:31And whether you believe it or not, everyone who knows you thinks that you are a great wife and mother.
00:37:37No, they don't.
00:37:38Yes, they do.
00:37:40Especially me.
00:37:43Thanks.
00:37:47What's wrong with your eyes?
00:37:49Nothing. I'm tired.
00:37:53Turn around, Lynette. I want to look at you.
00:37:54I'm fine, really.
00:37:58What's going on outside?
00:37:59Oh, my God. Thank God you're here.
00:38:14Will you go take care of Gabrielle? I have to go home for a minute.
00:38:17All right.
00:38:21Oh, Andrew.
00:38:22Thank God you're back. I need your help, honey.
00:38:25There's been an accident.
00:38:26What happened?
00:38:28Andrew?
00:38:34Mama?
00:38:39Andrew?
00:38:44Rex, you need to come home.
00:38:47Something's happened and we need you.
00:38:56Competition.
00:38:56It means different things to different people.
00:39:03But whether it's a friendly rivalry or a fight to the death.
00:39:08Cheers.
00:39:09The end result is the same.
00:39:13There will be winners.
00:39:16And there will be losers.
00:39:18Of course, the trick is to know which battles to fight.
00:39:32You see, no victory comes without a price.
00:39:38Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:39:49I just want to move this place fast.
00:39:50I'll call you tomorrow.
00:39:51Edie, wait!
00:39:52It's so incomprehensible to me that Edie Britt would try to destroy us.
00:39:55Well, five grand she's hurt.
00:39:57Ten grand she's gone.
00:39:58Some neighbors hired help.
00:39:59How am I supposed to pull off a formal dinner with no warning?
00:40:02I don't know.
00:40:03And some helped themselves.
00:40:04I hate that she's always watching us.
00:40:06Some just couldn't stop.
00:40:08Smile, come in.
00:40:09And one...
00:40:11Didn't stop in time.
00:40:14Oh, Andrew.
00:40:15I need your help, honey.
00:40:16Mama?
00:40:21There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner.
00:40:25Of course, not everyone who reads this book feels guilt over the bad things they do.
00:40:30But Brie Vandekamp did.
00:40:32In fact, Brie had spent most of her life feeling guilty.
00:40:36As a child, she felt guilty about not getting straight A's.
00:40:41As a teenager, she felt guilty about letting her boyfriend go to second base.
00:40:45As a newlywed, she felt guilty about taking three weeks to get out her thank you cards.
00:40:53But she knew the transgressions of her past were nothing compared with the sin she was about to commit.
00:40:58Can't we just go to the police and tell them it was an accident?
00:41:01This wasn't some simple DUI.
00:41:04Not only was your brother drinking, Andrew left the scene of the crime.
00:41:07That makes it a hit and run.
00:41:08Well, maybe I could go to Canada.
00:41:10You know, until the statute of limitations is up.
00:41:12You think Mom and Dad are going to foot the bell while you go moose hunting for seven years?
00:41:15If Carlos' mother dies, there is no statute of limitations.
00:41:18Right, because then it's murder.
00:41:20Shut up!
00:41:20You shut up!
00:41:21How could it be murder?
00:41:22It was an accident.
00:41:26We have to get rid of the car.
00:41:34But we can't sell it.
00:41:36The police might find it and there could be DNA.
00:41:38We'll take the car to a bad part of town.
00:41:40We'll leave the keys in the ignition and the door's unlocked.
00:41:43If the police don't find it, we'll get the insurance money.
00:41:45And if they do, it wasn't in our possession.
00:41:50Anyone could have hit Mrs. Solis.
00:41:52That sounds good.
00:41:55Brie, are you sure?
00:41:57Our son could spend the rest of his life in jail.
00:41:59I won't allow that.
00:42:01Brie knew what she was about to do was wrong.
00:42:04But like most sinners, she would worry about her guilt tomorrow.
00:42:08Well, everybody should go wash up.
00:42:11We're having pancakes for breakfast.
00:42:45Not since my own suicide had violence intruded upon the serenity of life on Wisteria Lane
00:42:59in such a conspicuous fashion.
00:43:02Needless to say, my friends attacked the problem head on.
00:43:06Lynette brought the broom.
00:43:07Susan brought the trash bags.
00:43:09And Brie brought the industrial strength solvent.
00:43:12Woo!
00:43:13That stuff is strong.
00:43:15It has to be.
00:43:16I don't want Gabrielle and Carlos coming home to this ugly reminder in front of their house.
00:43:21So, has anyone been over there?
00:43:23Julie and I went over this morning.
00:43:25How's Juanita doing?
00:43:27She's been in a coma ever since she came out of ER.
00:43:29Nobody knows when or even if she'll wake up.
00:43:32This is awful.
00:43:32Carlos must be just devastated.
00:43:34I hope she wakes up soon.
00:43:35Maybe she can tell us it was driving that car.
00:43:37We can only hope.
00:43:40Slow down, you jerk!
00:43:42This is a residential neighborhood!
00:43:45Wow, that's quite a pitching arm you've got there.
00:43:48It pisses me off.
00:43:48I've got four kids, you know.
00:43:50I was up all night reading statistics online.
00:43:52One out of every four traffic accidents happens on residential streets.
00:43:55I hope whoever hit Juanita gets put away for life.
00:44:00Do you think that's a little bit extreme?
00:44:02An innocent woman gets hit by a car and the driver just takes off?
00:44:04I don't think it's extreme.
00:44:05You should go home and get some rest.
00:44:14Eat something.
00:44:15You have a ton of messages from work.
00:44:16Tanaka called.
00:44:17Said it was urgent.
00:44:18Carlos, I can stay here with your mother.
00:44:20I need to be here if she wakes up.
00:44:22You can't go on like this.
00:44:23You have to take care of yourself.
00:44:24What if she dies?
00:44:26People slip into comas all the time and never come out.
00:44:28Don't say that.
00:44:29We need to stay positive.
00:44:32Mr. and Mrs. Solis?
00:44:33Is it okay if I come in?
00:44:38Of course.
00:44:46Mr. Solis, I'm so sorry this happened.
00:44:50It means a lot that you came.
00:44:51Look, I think I'm going to go down to the chapel and pray.
00:45:06You want to come?
00:45:08Um, no.
00:45:09I think I will stay here with Mama.
00:45:15Is it all right if I come?
00:45:17Of course.
00:45:18We need all the prayers we can get.
00:45:19Mrs. Solis, it's time for a sponge bath.
00:45:34Come again?
00:45:35Sometimes family members prefer to administer sponge baths themselves.
00:45:41I think I'll pass.
00:45:42Martha.
00:45:51Where's your purse?
00:45:52Over there.
00:45:53Why?
00:45:59What are you doing?
00:46:00I am taking back the $40 that you stole out of my purse.
00:46:04E.D.?
00:46:04We both know you did it.
00:46:05Now hand it over.
00:46:07I have taken nothing from your purse.
00:46:08And if you're missing money, I'd ask one of those strange men you parade through here
00:46:12at all hours.
00:46:14I am not going to apologize for having a healthy sex life.
00:46:17Healthy?
00:46:18I'm going to have to burn every sheet you've touched.
00:46:20I want my money.
00:46:21And I want those nonfat peach yogurts.
00:46:24They didn't just walk out of that fridge by themselves.
00:46:26Well, you can deduct it from the $40 that you're going to give me now.
00:46:29You're my best friend.
00:46:31Why would I steal from you?
00:46:32It's no secret that you've been having financial problems.
00:46:35I hear you bitching on the phone to your bank.
00:46:37That's it.
00:46:38I can put up with your debauchery and your food theft, but I will not tolerate spying.
00:46:43I want you out.
00:46:44You don't mean that.
00:46:45Oh, yes, I do.
00:46:46I'm leaving tomorrow to visit my sister for a few days.
00:46:48I want you gone by the time I get back.
00:46:51I'll do you one better.
00:46:54I will leave today.
00:46:55I hope this works.
00:47:08My sleep cycle is totally out of whack.
00:47:10I'm up all night and then dozing off during the day.
00:47:13Trust me, this will do the trick.
00:47:15In fact, you should be feeling more relaxed already.
00:47:19I know you're right.
00:47:22Boys, I can hear you out there now.
00:47:24Be quiet.
00:47:24Just sit there and color.
00:47:27Now is not a good time to be moving.
00:47:29All right, sorry.
00:47:30Just block everything out and let it go.
00:47:35Imagine that you're in a forest.
00:47:38There's a babbling brook nearby and the wind is just coming through the trees.
00:47:44Mommy?
00:47:45Parker!
00:47:46I don't know, ow, what you think you're doing, but put that back where it belongs.
00:47:52Sorry.
00:47:53Sorry.
00:47:54You're saying something about wind?
00:47:56I was just creating a soothing image.
00:48:00Oh, for the love of God.
00:48:05Knock it off, you little monsters.
00:48:07Mrs. Govel, please lie down.
00:48:12We need to finish this.
00:48:13Look, I'm on my last nerve, so I'm going to level with you here.
00:48:17I've screwed up my entire system by taking my kid's ADD medication.
00:48:22Yeah, that's right.
00:48:22You heard me.
00:48:23I plan to stop, but right now I need to sleep, and I need more than a few crappy needles.
00:48:28So what do you got?
00:48:29I'm not licensed to write prescriptions.
00:48:32I know you're not.
00:48:41This will put you right to sleep.
00:48:44It's a very powerful herbal remedy.
00:48:46Now promise me you're going to use it judiciously.
00:48:48Sure.
00:48:49Whatever.
00:48:52Knock, knock!
00:48:53Hey, come on in.
00:48:56You're a mess.
00:48:57Yeah, I'm tearing out these leaky pipes in the upstairs bathroom.
00:49:01Wall to wall, rotten wood.
00:49:03Sounds like a job.
00:49:05So, Julie said that you came by before?
00:49:08Um, yeah.
00:49:10Yeah, I was thinking about driving up to the Jumaane Vineyard tomorrow for this wine tasting,
00:49:14and, uh...
00:49:14What time do you want me to be ready?
00:49:16About six.
00:49:18Six is good.
00:49:20All right.
00:49:22I thought maybe afterwards we could have a little dinner, maybe some dancing.
00:49:26Sounds great.
00:49:28Um, you do know that it's like a two-hour drive up there,
00:49:31and isn't that kind of late to be coming back?
00:49:35Well, I thought if, you know, worse came to worse, we could grab a room.
00:49:38Oh?
00:49:39Like a hotel room?
00:49:40Yeah, as a last resort.
00:49:42Of course.
00:49:43Of course, yes.
00:49:44So maybe we should make a reservation, you know,
00:49:46just in case.
00:49:48Yeah, I found some hotels online.
00:49:49Let me get the printout.
00:49:53Hey, Bongo, come here.
00:49:55You want a treat?
00:49:56Hey, Mike, where do you keep the dog biscuits?
00:49:58I'm sorry, what?
00:49:59Oh, never mind.
00:50:00We just find them ourselves, huh?
00:50:02We go find them ourselves.
00:50:12I'm sorry, Susan, I couldn't hear you.
00:50:13What'd you say?
00:50:14Uh, nothing.
00:50:18It's not important.
00:50:21It's, uh, my Tyler guy here.
00:50:22Let's see what looks good.
00:50:24Hey, Phil.
00:50:26Um, no, no.
00:50:27Tomorrow morning I'm making a lumber rod.
00:50:29It's no good.
00:50:30Uh, no.
00:50:31I go on tomorrow night, too.
00:50:33I could let him in.
00:50:35Uh, no.
00:50:35That's okay.
00:50:36Thanks.
00:50:36No, it's fine.
00:50:38Just give me the key.
00:50:39I'll be around all day.
00:50:40All right, um, thanks.
00:50:43Phil, I'll give a key to my, uh, neighbor.
00:50:45She'll be here to lunch yet.
00:50:46Like every city, Fairview had a neighborhood that was less than desirable.
00:50:59It was an accepted fact.
00:51:00Anyone who lingered there after midnight was usually up to no good.
00:51:04Rex and Brie Vandekamp were no exception.
00:51:21I really think this is going to work.
00:51:24This is the most impoverished neighborhood in the city.
00:51:26Trust me, somebody will steal the car.
00:51:28How can you be so sure?
00:51:29Because I have faith in the poor.
00:51:34She's so beautiful.
00:51:36I shot this last year on her birthday.
00:51:42How are you going to do it?
00:51:43I made contact with her at a bar.
00:51:46She thinks I'm a real estate developer.
00:51:48Is she going to suffer?
00:51:50No.
00:51:51E. Britt will disappear and you'll go back to your life.
00:51:54Before you do it,
00:51:56do you think you could ask her why she sent this note to my wife?
00:52:00You can't think like that, Mr. Young.
00:52:01You can't give in to your curiosity.
00:52:04Curiosity leads to guilt.
00:52:06Guilt leads to talking.
00:52:08You still have questions?
00:52:11I want to be clear about something.
00:52:13I'll walk away with this cash.
00:52:14It's done.
00:52:15No refunds, no buyer's remorse.
00:52:17I get it.
00:52:19We won't talk again, so I'll ask one more time.
00:52:22Are you sure you want this?
00:52:25My wife is dead because I'm eating Britt.
00:52:27I absolutely want this.
00:52:36I've been awfully quiet.
00:52:41I've just been thinking about the kids.
00:52:44They sure grew up quickly, didn't they?
00:52:50They sure did.
00:52:54I remember telling them when they were babies
00:52:56that they weren't allowed to get any bigger
00:52:57because they were so adorable.
00:52:59And we were so happy.
00:53:03Yeah, well...
00:53:05They sure didn't turn out like we expected them to.
00:53:08No.
00:53:09They didn't.
00:53:10Oh.
00:53:12We could have been better parents.
00:53:13We weren't that bad.
00:53:14We still have so much to teach them.
00:53:17For starters, we need to get across to Andrew
00:53:19the enormity of what he's done.
00:53:20I suppose we could punish him.
00:53:23All right, well, what's the appropriate punishment
00:53:25for a child who drives over a woman?
00:53:26I don't know.
00:53:30You know, no matter how the kids turn out,
00:53:32I still love them.
00:53:33Of course you do.
00:53:34But I'll never forgive them for growing up so quickly.
00:53:43Hey, look.
00:53:58And then I opened the cabinet
00:53:59and there was all this money in it.
00:54:01I mean, there was lots of it.
00:54:02That's why you're freaking out.
00:54:03A few stacks of cash?
00:54:04Come on.
00:54:05Well, what?
00:54:05Realistically, I've known this guy a few weeks.
00:54:07I mean, he could be a hitman for the mob.
00:54:10If you really think that,
00:54:11why are you going on a trip with him?
00:54:12I never get out of the house.
00:54:13Mom, if you really need something to freak out about,
00:54:15just remember that you're going to spend the night
00:54:16with Mike in a hotel.
00:54:17No man has seen you naked in years.
00:54:19Except your doctor.
00:54:20Yeah, and he retired.
00:54:21I try not to take that personally.
00:54:23You look old in that.
00:54:24Oh.
00:54:25Maybe I am being silly.
00:54:27But going to a hotel with a man
00:54:29is a big deal to me.
00:54:31What if Mike is hiding something?
00:54:33Like what?
00:54:35I don't know.
00:54:37That's Dad.
00:54:38I gotta go.
00:54:39Now, listen to me.
00:54:41No more freaking out.
00:54:42I need this weekend to go well.
00:54:43Why do you care so much?
00:54:45Because I'm going to have a husband of my own someday,
00:54:47and I really don't want you living with us.
00:54:48Are the ladyfingers okay?
00:54:56Oh, they're terrific.
00:54:57We just appreciate you all stopping by.
00:54:59Oh, we just wanted you to know how much we care.
00:55:01So have the police come up with any leads?
00:55:05Not really.
00:55:06They'll be able to determine the make and model of the car,
00:55:08but without any eyewitnesses,
00:55:10no one seems very optimistic.
00:55:12Well, more importantly,
00:55:13is there any good news about Juanita?
00:55:14No change.
00:55:15All we can do is wait and hope for the best.
00:55:18We put her on our prayer list at church.
00:55:20Oh, that's very sweet, Danielle.
00:55:23Must really help during times like these.
00:55:26Having kids.
00:55:27Yeah, they're a blessing.
00:55:30Children make everything worthwhile.
00:55:34You guys are the future.
00:55:36Legacy.
00:55:38Thanks.
00:55:39After we're all dead,
00:55:40you'll be the only ones left to carry on.
00:55:43Gabrielle and I are about to start a family.
00:55:46Oh, hey, that's great.
00:55:48When did you decide this?
00:55:50It's a fairly recent development.
00:55:51I see.
00:55:56We'll talk about this later.
00:55:57Face it.
00:55:58We're shallow people.
00:56:00I mean, can our lives have any meaning
00:56:01if all we ever do is buy stuff?
00:56:02Well, that depends on what we buy.
00:56:04I want a child.
00:56:05In case you've forgotten,
00:56:06before we got married,
00:56:07we made a deal.
00:56:08No kids.
00:56:08Yeah, well, deals were meant to be renegotiated.
00:56:10Well, we're not negotiating my uterus.
00:56:12We should probably be going.
00:56:14Yeah.
00:56:16Thank you so much.
00:56:18That was weird.
00:56:20I feel awful for Carla.
00:56:22That talk about children
00:56:23is obviously coming from his grief.
00:56:25Whatever.
00:56:26I'm off the hook.
00:56:34A weary Lynette drank her potent tea
00:56:37in hopes of finally finding the sleep
00:56:40that had eluded her.
00:56:42Unfortunately for Lynette,
00:56:43there would be no rest for the weary.
00:56:47Go to hell.
00:56:50Go to hell.
00:56:50Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell.
00:56:51Go to hell, go to hell.
00:57:00Sorry, we're late.
00:57:01Kenny Lippman couldn't find his neck or chip.
00:57:02Come on, guys.
00:57:03All right, Jean.
00:57:04The scout meeting is today.
00:57:12Mommy!
00:57:12What?
00:57:13Oh, right.
00:57:14Okay, boys.
00:57:16This knot is called the bowline.
00:57:18It is a remarkably useful knot.
00:57:20Now, pick up your ropes.
00:57:21Okay.
00:57:21First, we cross this end over here,
00:57:24and then we make a loop,
00:57:26and then another loop,
00:57:27and then you sort of pull it through,
00:57:31I'm guessing,
00:57:32and then you just, ready?
00:57:33Yank it, Todd.
00:57:36Mommy, that doesn't look like the picture.
00:57:39You're never going to be a sailor.
00:57:41What do you care?
00:57:41Okay, everybody.
00:57:43Let's just take a break.
00:57:45Oh, thanks.
00:57:48Yeah!
00:57:49Yeah!
00:57:50Yeah!
00:57:52Yeah!
00:57:54Yeah!
00:58:01Okay.
00:58:02It's all up there.
00:58:03Can I get a signature?
00:58:04Oh, of course.
00:58:05Thank you very much.
00:58:08Here you go.
00:58:09Have a nice weekend.
00:58:10You too, lady.
00:58:35Hey, ma'am.
00:58:55You still here?
00:58:57I've got to give you a receipt.
00:58:59Ma'am?
00:59:00Oh, my God.
00:59:30I need help.
00:59:33I'm up here.
00:59:34I'm trapped in the floor.
00:59:35Hello?
00:59:38If you came in here to judge me,
00:59:40you can just leave.
00:59:42Wait.
00:59:43Wait.
00:59:43No.
00:59:44Wait.
00:59:44Don't go.
00:59:45Wait.
00:59:45I have an idea.
00:59:46Here.
00:59:46Here.
00:59:47Here.
00:59:48Here.
00:59:49Grab the towel, Bungo.
00:59:50Come on.
00:59:51Grab the other end.
00:59:52Good boy.
00:59:52That's it.
00:59:53Get the other end.
00:59:54Come on, Bungo.
00:59:55Pull the other end.
00:59:56Come on, Bungo.
00:59:57What are you doing?
00:59:58Bungo, over here.
00:59:59Bungo?
01:00:01Oh, no.
01:00:02Don't do that.
01:00:04Oh, Bungo.
01:00:05While Susan remained hopelessly stuck, Gabrielle was moving to confront the issue of her young
01:00:11lover's restless conscience.
01:00:12Nobody's home.
01:00:14I know.
01:00:14I've been watching.
01:00:15Came to talk to you.
01:00:16Although she would need to be discreet.
01:00:18Keep working.
01:00:18What were you thinking, showing up at the hospital?
01:00:23I had to see if she was okay.
01:00:25Need to keep a low profile right now.
01:00:28Look.
01:00:29You and I are finished.
01:00:31From now on, I'm sticking with Danielle.
01:00:33Why would you say that?
01:00:35I hate myself for what we did.
01:00:37Okay.
01:00:37I can't sleep at night.
01:00:38I've got to make a clean break.
01:00:39We weren't driving the car.
01:00:41We didn't chase Juanita into the street.
01:00:42Well, she wouldn't have been there if we weren't having an affair.
01:00:44Oh, for God's sakes, between you and Carlos, listen to me carefully.
01:00:48You didn't do anything wrong.
01:00:51Son of Father Crowley, thanks.
01:00:53What?
01:00:54I want the confession.
01:00:58Have you lost your mind?
01:01:00What did you tell him?
01:01:02Everything.
01:01:04Including in the alley, behind the truck stop?
01:01:08Everything.
01:01:09Oh, dear.
01:01:14What is wrong with you?
01:01:21Last you would have had a fire truck here by now.
01:01:24You stupid dog.
01:01:26Good boy, Bongo.
01:01:28Run, Bongo.
01:01:29Run.
01:01:29Go get help.
01:01:30Andrew, um, I know the last few days have been stressful, and, uh, you know, if you ever need to talk to anybody...
01:01:51I know, I know.
01:01:52You and Dad are here for me.
01:01:54Actually, I was thinking we could arrange for you to talk to a professional.
01:01:58A shrink?
01:01:58You think I'm crazy?
01:02:02Of course not.
01:02:03It's just that the accident probably stirred up a lot of emotions, and it would be normal for you to be feeling confused or depressed or...
01:02:11shamed.
01:02:12I'm cool.
01:02:14I'm really...
01:02:15Honey, you put a woman into a coma.
01:02:17Surely that arouses some kind of emotion.
01:02:19Yeah, well, it doesn't.
01:02:24Now, if you'll excuse me.
01:02:25No, I won't.
01:02:26Not until you tell me.
01:02:27Why do you care?
01:02:28Because I need to know that you're not a monster.
01:02:32You want to know how I feel?
01:02:34Yeah.
01:02:34Okay, here it goes.
01:02:35I feel bad that she got hurt.
01:02:37But I also feel bad that my car got dinged because somebody didn't have enough sense to look both ways before she crossed the street.
01:02:43And I also feel bad that now I'm gonna have to ride my bike to school.
01:02:46Andrew, you almost killed another human being.
01:02:52She's an old lady, okay?
01:02:54She's lived her life.
01:02:56I have my whole life ahead of me, and now it might be screwed up.
01:02:59That's what you should be worried about.
01:03:00What I'm worried about, Andrew, is that you don't seem to have a soul.
01:03:05Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call the police.
01:03:08Because I'm your son.
01:03:11That would make you the monster.
01:03:12Susan, is that you?
01:03:35Mike?
01:03:36I'm upstairs.
01:03:38Sort of.
01:03:38Hang on, I'll help you right out.
01:03:49What happened?
01:03:50Well, see, this bird, um, blew in your bathroom window, and I tried to save it, but, uh, it died.
01:04:00I don't think that's what happened.
01:04:02I don't think so, either.
01:04:05Come on.
01:04:06Oh, God.
01:04:15You have no idea what that was like.
01:04:20I'm going through my cabinets.
01:04:21What?
01:04:24Oh, I can explain that.
01:04:26Get out of my house.
01:04:27Mike.
01:04:29Get out.
01:04:30Get out.
01:04:30Get out.
01:04:30Get out.
01:04:36Get out.
01:04:58Get out.
01:04:59Hello, there.
01:05:00Good afternoon.
01:05:00oh well isn't this just as pretty as a picture book oh the plan is to put in a
01:05:08small condo you want to make some money or you want to put some foot around what
01:05:13do you suggest I'm thinking strip mall I've run some numbers
01:05:19nice stationery oh it's stolen what do you mean after my house burned down I was staying with
01:05:32his neighbor Martha Huber that is until the old troll threw me out anyway I'd steal her stuff
01:05:37she'd steal mine it's a circle of life so this paper is hers oh god yes
01:05:44no time you can't do this to me because I need you all boys stop it I am on the phone
01:06:02well yeah I realize it's not your fault that the meeting got postponed but you promised you'd be
01:06:08back tonight I gotta go the kids are yeah I know you're sorry just will you try and get back as
01:06:18soon as you can okay bye boys would you please please stop it really really mommy's got a headache okay
01:06:28I just uh
01:06:29turn that damn thing off what's the matter with you why will you live with me you want to
01:06:38you
01:06:38you
01:07:08You slow down, you move too fast
01:07:15You've got to make the morning last
01:07:18Just kicking down cobblestones
01:07:21Look at the fun and feelin' movie
01:07:38What?
01:07:44I just came over to say I'm sorry
01:07:46And I'll pay for all the damage
01:07:49Don't worry about it
01:07:50Well, so, in your mind, is the date off?
01:07:56Well, you snooped around my house, I went through my stuff
01:07:59Yeah, in my book, that's pretty much a deal-breaker
01:08:01Hold on a minute, now, I started snooping around
01:08:04Because I found all that money by accident
01:08:06And then I found a gun
01:08:08Are you a drug dealer or something?
01:08:10Is that what you think?
01:08:11Well, I wouldn't know because you never let me in
01:08:13You know, there's this whole part of your life that you keep completely walled off
01:08:16I have a gun for protection, I keep cash for emergencies
01:08:18I'm a good guy, Susan, and you should know that
01:08:21I'm not obligated to share every little detail of my life with you
01:08:24Well, every little detail is one thing
01:08:25You know, weird, creepy secrets, that's another
01:08:27You know what, I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't trust me
01:08:28Well, maybe we shouldn't be dating
01:08:29Maybe we shouldn't
01:08:30Do you mean that?
01:08:33Yeah
01:08:33Well, I hope that your, you know, little secret
01:08:37It keeps you warm at night
01:08:38Because you're throwing something really great away to protect it
01:08:41Oh, Susan
01:08:52You gotta take my kids for a while
01:08:54No, no, I'm sorry, but I can't do this
01:08:57It's too much
01:08:58Boys, you stay with your Aunt Susan
01:09:00Yay!
01:09:02Lynette!
01:09:04When are you coming back?
01:09:06Lynette!
01:09:12Lynette!
01:09:12There's Lynette's car, she's gotta be close
01:09:28I hope the kids aren't too much for Danielle to handle
01:09:31She'll be fine
01:09:32What do you think's happening with Lynette?
01:09:34I don't know, but I'm scared
01:09:36Something's very, very wrong
01:09:37Lynette?
01:09:52Honey?
01:09:53Are you okay?
01:10:00Father!
01:10:01I'm so glad you could come and pray for Mama
01:10:03Please, sit
01:10:04Thank you, Gabrielle
01:10:05Listen, since you're here
01:10:15There's something I've always wondered about
01:10:17That whole thing about priests
01:10:20Not being allowed to repeat what they hear in confessions
01:10:23Is that a hard rule or just a general guideline?
01:10:27Rest assured, everyone's secrets are safe
01:10:29It's good to hear
01:10:31I'll keep yours, too, if you want to talk
01:10:33No, me?
01:10:35No, no
01:10:36Confession's not really my thing
01:10:38It's a shame
01:10:39Okay, you can stop condemning me with your eyes
01:10:46Right now
01:10:49I know you know about the affair
01:10:54But you know nothing about my life
01:10:56Look, it's not even an issue anymore
01:11:00John and I are finished
01:11:01Gabrielle, the church is pretty clear on this
01:11:04If you commit a mortal sin
01:11:05And you die without repenting
01:11:07You go to hell
01:11:08Aren't you just a ball of fun?
01:11:15So, if I confess
01:11:16It'll clean the slate, right?
01:11:19Well, not only that
01:11:20If you want God's forgiveness
01:11:21You have to be truly sorry
01:11:22And you have to promise
01:11:23Not to commit the sin again
01:11:24So what happens if I repent later?
01:11:28Like, say, when I'm 75
01:11:30I wouldn't recommend waiting
01:11:32What if you die before then?
01:11:33Well, let's say I don't die
01:11:34I do yoga
01:11:36I eat well
01:11:36If I wait, does my repenting still count?
01:11:39If you mean it, yes
01:11:41Thank you, Father Crowley
01:11:43You have been a tremendous comfort
01:11:45Um, I will let you do your thing
01:11:50Gabrielle
01:11:51You know, we're all responsible
01:11:54For the choices we make
01:11:55Don't you want to be a good person?
01:11:59What I want is to be happy
01:12:01That's the answer of a selfish child
01:12:03I know
01:12:06And I started taking the pills
01:12:14Because they gave me energy
01:12:15But then I couldn't sleep at night
01:12:17And I was getting so tired in the daytime
01:12:19And it totally messed me up
01:12:22I love my kids so much
01:12:28I'm so sorry they have me as a mother
01:12:30Lynette
01:12:31You are a great mother
01:12:33No, I'm not
01:12:34I can't do it
01:12:36I'm so tired of feeling like a failure
01:12:39It's so humiliating
01:12:41No, it's not
01:12:43You know, so you got addicted
01:12:45To your kid's ADT medication
01:12:47You know, it happens
01:12:48You got four kids
01:12:49That's a lot of stress
01:12:50Honey, you just need some help
01:12:51That's what's so humiliating
01:12:54Other moms don't need help
01:12:56Other moms make it look so easy
01:12:58All I do is complain
01:13:00Yes, that's just not true
01:13:01When Julie was a baby
01:13:03I was out of my mind
01:13:04Almost every day
01:13:05I used to get so upset
01:13:06When Andrew and Danielle were little
01:13:08I used their nap times to cry
01:13:10Why didn't you ever tell me this?
01:13:17Oh, baby
01:13:18Nobody likes to admit
01:13:20That they can't handle the pressure
01:13:21I think it's just like we think
01:13:23You know, it's easier to keep it all in
01:13:27Oh, we shouldn't
01:13:28We should tell each other this stuff
01:13:31It helps, huh?
01:13:35Yeah
01:13:35It really does
01:13:38So it was Martha Hoover all along
01:13:52Seems so
01:13:53You didn't move in with Hoover
01:13:55Until after your wife received the blackmail note
01:13:57My God, we almost killed an innocent woman
01:13:59Like I said, I don't do refunds
01:14:02But if you like
01:14:03I'm willing to pay Mrs. Hoover, is it?
01:14:05No
01:14:05Just keep the money
01:14:07This whole thing's been tearing me up
01:14:09The nightmares, the guilt
01:14:11This isn't what Mary Alice would have wanted
01:14:14What would she have wanted?
01:14:20Answers
01:14:20Hello, Mrs. Hoover
01:14:27Oh
01:14:28Let me give you a hand
01:14:29That's really not necessary
01:14:31I insist
01:14:31I insist
01:15:01I insist
01:15:01I insist
01:15:19I insist
01:15:21I don't know
01:15:21You should probably
01:15:23Don't bother me
01:15:24ophers
01:15:25I'm
01:15:27Destined
01:15:27Three
01:15:29dance huh yes i've had a little infestation problem i wanted to take care of it before i
01:15:37left on my trip i've never had a problem with dance mary ellis and i had these little black
01:15:43flies once oh she was so funny about it she ran out and bought herself a can of poison something
01:15:48to spray them down so she's taking aim at one of the counter and she just uh stops puts the can
01:15:55down couldn't do it she told me later it felt too personal literally couldn't kill a fly that's how
01:16:03gentle she was then you must have lived with quite a few flies i'm going to have to say good night to
01:16:08you now paul what are you doing here i want to know why
01:16:20i know you've got a lot of questions and i also know i don't want to lose you
01:16:36so ask me anything you want you just told me everything i need to know
01:16:42all right my idiot husband died and left me with a worthless pension i was desperate for money
01:16:56and it's better to take it from a bad person than a good one how was i supposed to know she'd
01:17:00shoot herself she was a good person a good person who leaves her child motherless read the bible paul
01:17:06suicide's a big no-no don't you feel any remorse whatsoever why should i your wife didn't kill
01:17:12herself because i wrote a note she killed herself because of what she did to that poor baby
01:17:16but rest assured i'm praying for mary alice after what she did she'll need all of our prayers
01:17:24so
01:17:34oh
01:17:38oh
01:17:40oh
01:17:42oh
01:17:44oh
01:17:46oh
01:17:48oh
01:17:50oh
01:17:52There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner.
01:18:14Of course, not everyone feels guilt over the bad things they do.
01:18:24In contrast, there are those who assume more than their share of the blame.
01:18:31There are others who soothe their consciences with small acts of kindness.
01:18:39Or by telling themselves their sins were justified.
01:18:52Finally, there are the ones who simply vow to do better next time and pray for forgiveness.
01:19:00Sometimes, their prayers are answered.
01:19:13.
01:19:26.
01:19:27.
01:19:28.
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