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  • 6/18/2025
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00:00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:04Until the adoption is legally finalized
00:00:06The birth mother can still change her mind
00:00:08And she has
00:00:09Warrants were issued
00:00:10I'm gonna fire Tom
00:00:11If you just fire him, he'll sue you
00:00:13And I'll back him up
00:00:14You need cause
00:00:15Well, I guess I'll have to find cause
00:00:16Decisions were made
00:00:18I'm gonna do something so awful
00:00:19It's going to rock her world
00:00:22Threats were spoken
00:00:23So what the hell are we gonna do?
00:00:25And plans?
00:00:28Fiend a barber's home?
00:00:29It's time to give your brother the peace he deserves
00:00:31Were put into action
00:00:33The most successful private investigator in Fairview
00:00:39Was a man named Oliver Weston
00:00:41Try though he might
00:00:43Oliver couldn't remember the exact moment he stopped
00:00:46Believing in love
00:00:47Was it the night he caught an executive
00:00:50Cheating with his secretary?
00:00:53Or was it the day he saw a housewife
00:00:55Cheating with her delivery boy?
00:00:59Or was it the time he caught the girl next door?
00:01:02Cheating with the couple
00:01:03Who lived across the street?
00:01:06Whenever the moment
00:01:07Oliver Weston was now officially a cynic
00:01:10Who only believed in betrayal and suspicion
00:01:14Luckily for Oliver
00:01:16That's what paid his bills
00:01:18Okay, you forgot to find him
00:01:19What are you doing?
00:01:22That's my job
00:01:23Oh, sorry man
00:01:24Are these you bushes?
00:01:26I'll clean that all up when I'm done
00:01:27It'll be like I was not here
00:01:28You're done now
00:01:30Oh easy, big fella
00:01:31I'm just a PI doing a domestic surveillance job
00:01:33For who?
00:01:35The blonde lady at the end of the street
00:01:36Edie Britt?
00:01:38Yeah
00:01:38That's her fiance
00:01:39Apparently he dumped her for another woman
00:01:41I just figured out who
00:01:43Susan?
00:01:45There's nothing going on there
00:01:46They used to be married
00:01:48She's only talking to them because they have a kid together
00:01:50From what I heard
00:01:50They're on their way to kid number two
00:01:52Well, you don't know what you're talking about
00:01:53And you don't know these soccer moms like I do
00:01:55By day they bake cookies and carpool
00:01:57But dim the lights and bam
00:01:59They turn into total pigs
00:02:00She's not like that
00:02:02Oh, please
00:02:03Look at her
00:02:04That woman clearly knows her way around the mattress
00:02:07Yes
00:02:11Oliver Weston had become a cynic
00:02:14Which is why he couldn't recognize
00:02:16A man who is still in love
00:02:19Every family has a way of hiding what it doesn't want seen
00:02:30Whether it's with a picture that covers a stain on the wall
00:02:35Or with a closet door
00:02:39That conceals the chaos inside
00:02:41Or with artificial smiles
00:02:45That mask years of pain and heartache
00:02:47Every family goes to great lengths
00:02:51To hide ugly truths
00:02:52Some, of course
00:02:54Go further than others
00:02:56So you're going to do this tonight?
00:03:06No
00:03:06The ice cream is for tomorrow
00:03:08I'm taking Caleb on a picnic to Rockwater Lake
00:03:12I'm preparing all of his favorite foods
00:03:15So when you're done
00:03:16You're just going to
00:03:17Leave him lying there?
00:03:22No
00:03:23I'll call 911 anonymously
00:03:28But I will be watching from a distance
00:03:31To make sure
00:03:32That they pick up his body
00:03:35No, Mom, you don't have to do this
00:03:40I won't let him hurt another girl
00:03:42And I will not turn him over
00:03:44To people who will mock and abuse him
00:03:46I just won't
00:03:47This last day on this earth
00:03:54Is going to be a perfect one
00:03:57Oh, no thanks, Xiaomi
00:04:04Poor thing
00:04:06She was so attached to Lily
00:04:07Where'd all this food come from?
00:04:09The people from Carlos' church
00:04:11So you think you and Carlos will try for another adoption?
00:04:14I don't think I could go through that pain again
00:04:16I did freeze some of my eggs
00:04:18So we might do the surrogacy thing
00:04:20But I don't know
00:04:21Honey, you've got to eat something
00:04:22I don't have an appetite
00:04:23In fact, this is all going to go to waste
00:04:26You guys should take something
00:04:27No, no, you should keep it
00:04:28I'll take a couple
00:04:29What?
00:04:34Carl dumped me so I'm alone
00:04:35Food fills the void
00:04:37Xiaomi, I appreciate your grief
00:04:42But really, you're bringing everybody down
00:04:43Will you pull it together?
00:04:44This is so nice
00:04:46I don't understand
00:04:50It's from the government
00:04:51Gabby, she's being deported
00:04:56Xiaomi, is this the first letter like this you've received?
00:05:06This can't be happening
00:05:07I can't go home
00:05:08My uncle will sell me again
00:05:11Oh, no, no, Xiaomi, you're not going anywhere
00:05:13You're much too important to Carlos and me
00:05:15We're going to fight this and we're going to win
00:05:17Gabby, you can't promise her that
00:05:19You heard what she said
00:05:21I can't let this poor kid go back to China
00:05:23And become someone's slave
00:05:24Thank you
00:05:26All right
00:05:29Look, my friends want to take some of this to go
00:05:31So pack it up
00:05:31And we're a little low on coffee
00:05:32You're actually going to let me eat this?
00:05:42You've been working so hard
00:05:43Off on business trips all the time
00:05:45Tonight we throw caution and cholesterol to the wind
00:05:49You deserve a little comfort food
00:05:51Oh, no, you're pregnant
00:05:54God, your mind goes to dark places
00:05:57Honey, you just served me a plate of full-fat Gouda
00:06:01What's up?
00:06:02Okay
00:06:03Well
00:06:04Remember I was helping Ed spark up his love life?
00:06:09Yeah, you sent his wife those sexy I.M.s
00:06:11Why?
00:06:12Well
00:06:12Fran found out that Ed didn't send them
00:06:14And she blew her top
00:06:16She wants the responsible party fired
00:06:18And Ed lied and told her
00:06:21That you sent them
00:06:23But it wasn't me, it was you
00:06:25I know
00:06:26Oh, oh, but Ed couldn't possibly lose you
00:06:29No, no, no
00:06:30I'm the expendable one
00:06:31Look, I know it's ridiculous
00:06:33But Ed is not a rational person
00:06:36Fran has him whipped
00:06:37And a whipped husband is someone we must take very seriously
00:06:40Okay
00:06:43How do we handle this?
00:06:47You're under contract
00:06:48Ed can't fire you unless he has just cause
00:06:50So until this blows over
00:06:52You have to be a model employee
00:06:54Show up on time
00:06:55No more three martini lunches
00:06:57And above all
00:06:57Have ready all your presentations
00:06:59Can't believe I'm being victimized like this
00:07:02Well, honey, in all fairness
00:07:04Those are all things you should be doing anyway
00:07:06Fine
00:07:08Andrew
00:07:19I am having Peter over for dinner tomorrow night
00:07:22And I was wondering if you would like to invite Justin
00:07:24Yeah, uh, thanks
00:07:26I'll call him tonight
00:07:28Since you two are having your boyfriends over
00:07:30Can I invite Matthew?
00:07:31Out of the question
00:07:32So let me get this straight
00:07:33You can date a lush
00:07:35And he can bring over his gay lover
00:07:36But God forbid I date a hot black guy
00:07:38Until they lock Caleb up
00:07:39I don't want you anywhere near that family
00:07:41His brother tried to rape you
00:07:43And his mother keeps the guy locked up in a basement
00:07:45I mean, let's face it, Danielle
00:07:47Even you could do better
00:07:48Since when do you take Mom's side over mine?
00:07:51Your brother and I had a talk
00:07:52And we've come to a detente of sorts
00:07:54Really?
00:07:55Even after she screwed you out of your trust fund?
00:07:57Well, he did falsely accuse me of child abuse
00:08:00I would say we're even
00:08:01Wouldn't you, Andrew?
00:08:03Sure, Mom
00:08:03We're even
00:08:04You can stop smiling now
00:08:10I know your face is tired
00:08:11What?
00:08:12I'm not stupid
00:08:13I know you hate her now as much as ever
00:08:16Mom and I are in a good place right now
00:08:17Why can't you believe that?
00:08:22Hi
00:08:22I got your message
00:08:24What's up?
00:08:25Come on in
00:08:25This is Oliver Weston
00:08:28He's a P.I.
00:08:30Edie hired
00:08:31Edie hired a P.I.?
00:08:34Yeah, he's been spying on you and Carl
00:08:35How you doing?
00:08:37He thinks you two have been having an affair
00:08:38Me and Carl?
00:08:41Why would you think that?
00:08:42Come on, Suze
00:08:45You know we're meant to be together
00:08:47Carl, just stop
00:08:48Well
00:08:49That is Carl
00:08:52Being nostalgic
00:08:54You said yourself
00:08:55The sex last week was the best you ever had
00:08:58Okay, um
00:09:00First of all
00:09:03It was not the best sex I ever had
00:09:05I just said that to make him feel better
00:09:07Obviously you were the best sex I ever had
00:09:09That explains the punch in the face
00:09:10I'm going to hit you again if you don't shut up
00:09:12I know that this looks bad
00:09:14You were actually fooling around with Carl
00:09:16Behind Edie's back
00:09:17No, no, no, no
00:09:18Carl lied to me
00:09:19He told me that he and Edie had split up before
00:09:21You know what?
00:09:21I don't even care
00:09:22Mike
00:09:23Are you waiting on here?
00:09:24Yeah
00:09:24Good night, Suze
00:09:27Hey
00:09:28Hey, you
00:09:31Wait, wait, wait
00:09:32Okay
00:09:33You cannot tell Edie about this
00:09:36Whatever she's paying you
00:09:37I'll pay you double
00:09:38She paid a two grand retainer plus expenses
00:09:40$2,000?
00:09:42Jeez
00:09:43I gotta get into real estate
00:09:44Okay
00:09:45I don't have that kind of cash
00:09:47Well then I guess I take the tape to Miss Britt
00:09:49I have a copy
00:09:54Okay, let's try this another way
00:10:04You are about to unleash a nuclear explosion
00:10:08Lives are going to be ruined
00:10:10I'll tell you what
00:10:12I'll hold off till Monday to report to Miss Britt
00:10:14Yes
00:10:15Then I'll give you some time to scrape together a little cash
00:10:17What if I can't?
00:10:18I'm sorry
00:10:32But Xiao Mei missed all of her appeal deadlines
00:10:34So that's it?
00:10:37You're just going to send her back to China?
00:10:38My hands are tied
00:10:39If your maid were married to an American citizen
00:10:42Or had a child who was an American citizen
00:10:45Or if she were a well-known entertainer
00:10:47Uh
00:10:47What if she was pregnant with an American citizen?
00:10:56Uh, Xiao Mei?
00:10:58We spoke to Homeland Security
00:11:01And we have good news
00:11:02I can stay?
00:11:04Mm-hmm
00:11:05Oh, thank you
00:11:07Oh, okay
00:11:07Thank you
00:11:08Uh, well, there's just one little thing
00:11:11Um, the immigration laws have gotten really tough in this country
00:11:15So we're a little behind the eight ball going in
00:11:17But we pledged your case
00:11:19And we fought tooth and nail
00:11:20And the law says you can stay
00:11:22But only if you have our baby
00:11:25Hmm
00:11:25What?
00:11:27The agent said that if you were pregnant
00:11:29With an American citizen
00:11:31Then they couldn't deport you
00:11:34So we thought
00:11:35You need a baby in your belly
00:11:37We need a surrogate
00:11:38Win, win, win
00:11:40Surrogate?
00:11:44Oh, well, it would be our baby
00:11:46It would just be growing inside of you
00:11:48Okay, uh, well
00:11:53Oh, okay
00:11:54It's like this
00:11:55The three of us are making your famous Sheshwan dumplings
00:11:58And I'm the dough
00:12:00And Carlos is the pork
00:12:03And you're the oven
00:12:05I have baby
00:12:10Okay, we take care of everything
00:12:12You know, uh, hospital bills
00:12:13And maternity clothes
00:12:15And Lamaze classes
00:12:16And, of course, you wouldn't have to do any work
00:12:19Well, uh, maybe just a little light dusting
00:12:22Nothing major
00:12:22No!
00:12:25No, Chame, you don't have a choice
00:12:26It's either this or go back to China
00:12:28No to baby!
00:12:30No!
00:12:37You had to push the dusting, didn't you?
00:12:42Peter, I don't think I'm being unreasonable here
00:12:44It's not like I'm gonna advertise my addiction history
00:12:47But if your kids ask a direct question
00:12:49I'm not gonna lie to them
00:12:50Right, uh-huh
00:12:52Good point
00:12:53Listen, I don't expect you to lie about the alcoholism
00:12:59I mean, they know that's how we met
00:13:00It's just, you know, the other thing
00:13:02Oh!
00:13:03The other thing
00:13:04They're just getting to know you
00:13:06And so I want them to focus on your good qualities
00:13:08I just don't know how they'll react
00:13:09If they find out that you're a sex addict
00:13:12What are you so happy about?
00:13:18You know how you were mad at Mom
00:13:19About not letting Matthew come to dinner?
00:13:21Yeah
00:13:22I just figured out the funniest way
00:13:24For you to get back at her
00:13:25Okay, what's on the schedule for today?
00:13:30I have got the Boston toy presentation ready to go
00:13:32Actually, I don't have time for a full pitch
00:13:34So just give me the gist
00:13:35Excuse me?
00:13:38You know, boil it down
00:13:40Give me one line
00:13:41Okay, basically, it's toys are fun
00:13:46I hate it
00:13:47How can you hate it?
00:13:49I only gave you three words
00:13:50It's three words I hate
00:13:51Okay, I'm going to take over the Boston toy company account
00:13:54No, you cannot take over
00:13:55In the meantime, you should all be aware
00:13:57I don't like the way you people have been filing your expense reports
00:14:00There's been a lot of padding
00:14:02Meanwhile, this company is hemorrhaging money
00:14:04I'm going to put a stop to it
00:14:06So, I have hired a forensic accountant
00:14:09It's going to go through them, make sure everything's kosher
00:14:11I find one receipt, one bar tab that's fishy
00:14:15And it's grounds for dismissal
00:14:16Scavo, I'm just going to start with you
00:14:21I can't believe that son of a bitch hired a forensic accountant
00:14:26It's more whipped than I thought
00:14:28Well, he's tragically underestimated us
00:14:31The gloves are coming off
00:14:32You know, maybe I should just quit
00:14:34What?
00:14:35Yesterday you were up in arms
00:14:36Now, now you're ready to cave?
00:14:37If Ed is determined to get me, sooner or later he's going to get me
00:14:40It's just a matter of time
00:14:41No, no, we are not backing down
00:14:43I'm going to walk over to Ed's office right now
00:14:45And I'm going to make very clear
00:14:46That if you're out the door, I'm right behind you
00:14:48We can't both be unemployed
00:14:49Oh, it'll never happen
00:14:51He knows this place will go down like a house of cards without me
00:14:53Honey, wait, just wait
00:14:56What? What?
00:14:58I'm not going to hide behind my wife's skirt
00:15:00We're a team, I'm just lending support
00:15:02That's not the way it's going to look to everybody else out there
00:15:04Look, let me talk to him
00:15:07Man to man
00:15:08If my way doesn't work, then we'll do it your way
00:15:10Okay, go get him
00:15:14Okay
00:15:15Go get him
00:15:18All right, Paul, I'll put it first
00:15:19All right, I got a gun
00:15:25I got a gun
00:15:25I got a gun
00:15:27Ah!
00:15:40Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What happened?
00:15:46I think I gave him just cause.
00:15:58Susan knew she couldn't afford to keep the P.I. from revealing her affair with Carl.
00:16:03And since Edie would learn the truth anyway, Susan felt it would be better if it came from her.
00:16:10Which is how she came to write a letter begging Edie for forgiveness.
00:16:15Her words were so sincere and heartfelt, from the moment she mailed it, Susan knew she was a dead woman.
00:16:29You know, Caleb, since the day you were born, I've always thought of you as a blessing.
00:16:38You do know that, right?
00:16:40I guess.
00:16:46How come Maddie's not here?
00:16:49Because this is our special day.
00:16:52Just you and me.
00:16:55Is he mad at me?
00:16:57Because of Danielle?
00:16:58No.
00:16:59He knows that you didn't mean to scare her.
00:17:02Because he said it was okay for me to kiss her.
00:17:03What did you say?
00:17:07He said Danielle liked me and that she wouldn't fight me if I gave her a kiss.
00:17:13Your brother told you that?
00:17:15Maddie said that she was waiting for me and that she wanted a really big kiss.
00:17:19What else did your brother tell you?
00:17:30Shammy?
00:17:33Made you some hot cocoa.
00:17:34I guess the baby thing didn't really appeal to you, huh?
00:17:42I know it's a lot to ask.
00:17:43It's just Carlos and I think of you as family.
00:17:46Don't you think of us as family?
00:17:47Oh, yes.
00:17:50You are like mother to me.
00:17:54Mm-hmm.
00:17:55Well, if we are so freaking close, what's the big deal?
00:17:59It's nine months out of your life.
00:18:01I will be ruined.
00:18:04Ruined?
00:18:07Down there.
00:18:08Wait.
00:18:12Are you a virgin?
00:18:16Wow.
00:18:17If I have baby, I will be shamed.
00:18:21Are you kidding?
00:18:22No one cares about virginity in this country.
00:18:25It went out of style in the 50s and trust me, honey, it ain't making a comeback.
00:18:30Seriously, no one cares.
00:18:33Husband would care.
00:18:35No man want me if I ruined.
00:18:36I want a husband so much.
00:18:42Well, what kind of husband do you want?
00:18:45Do you want a rich husband?
00:18:47Well then, rich men don't marry virgins for the same reasons they don't hire chauffeurs who can't drive.
00:18:52They value experience.
00:18:55Really.
00:18:57Would I lie to family?
00:19:03Here are the numbers you wanted.
00:19:05Lynette, wait.
00:19:06Have you heard from Tom?
00:19:09He's not answering his cell phone, but you don't have to worry, okay?
00:19:12You got what you wanted.
00:19:13He's out of the building.
00:19:14Come in here and close the door.
00:19:16You sure?
00:19:17I might punch you too.
00:19:19I'll take my chances.
00:19:19If this is where you want me to apologize for my husband, I'm not going to do it.
00:19:27Maybe he shouldn't have hit you, but you provoked him.
00:19:29Now, wait a minute.
00:19:29No.
00:19:30I'm sorry.
00:19:31Tom gets punished because you can't deal with your screwed up marriage.
00:19:35It is pathetic, Ed.
00:19:36If you had stood up to your wife in the first place, none of this what?
00:19:39I love it.
00:19:40You're giving me crap about my marriage.
00:19:43You know what?
00:19:44Here.
00:19:45The forensic accountant found some interesting stuff in Tom's expense reports.
00:19:49And it seems on his last three trips east, he cashed in his first class ticket and took
00:19:53a detour to Atlantic City.
00:19:55That can't be right.
00:19:56It's all there.
00:19:57Hotels, bar tabs.
00:19:59Oh, and on this page, two tickets to a show.
00:20:06And flowers.
00:20:10That doesn't make any sense.
00:20:12There's got to be some kind of an explanation for this.
00:20:15Before you pass judgment on someone else's marriage, I'd clean up my own aisles first.
00:20:26Sorry, I don't know what's taking Danielle so long to get dressed.
00:20:29Just give her a break, Mom.
00:20:30I'm sure she's just trying to look nice for our company.
00:20:33Well, I hope she doesn't get too dressed up.
00:20:34I'd like people to be comfortable.
00:20:36Oh, I'm comfortable.
00:20:40Honey, what are you wearing?
00:20:42You got me this for Christmas.
00:20:43Don't you remember?
00:20:44Yeah, I just am worried you might be a little cold.
00:20:46I think it's plenty warm in here.
00:20:49Don't you, Mr. McMillan?
00:20:52Uh...
00:20:52Sure.
00:20:56Well, uh, we should probably start eating.
00:20:58We don't want our frittatas to get cold.
00:21:00Right.
00:21:01Good.
00:21:01Um, sorry.
00:21:02Everybody dig in.
00:21:06Wow.
00:21:07Does anybody else think this sauce is a little too spicy?
00:21:11I always say, the hotter, the better.
00:21:18So, Mr. McMillan, I hear you went to Perkins College.
00:21:21I'm thinking about going there after I graduate.
00:21:24Uh, Perkins, huh?
00:21:26I was there.
00:21:27I made it to every party, and I went to classes in my spare time.
00:21:32No, actually, it's a great college.
00:21:33I think you'd like it.
00:21:36Isn't this wonderful?
00:21:37Good food, pleasant conversation.
00:21:40This really is a very special night.
00:21:44I feel the same way.
00:21:45So, Peter, is it growing?
00:21:56What?
00:21:57The campus.
00:21:58Has it grown at all since you've been there?
00:22:01Uh...
00:22:01Yeah, it's, uh, it's grown considerably.
00:22:06I would just love to get my hands on a brochure.
00:22:11The Alumni Association is always sending me stuff.
00:22:15You know, I'll get you something.
00:22:16Oh, my God.
00:22:18Are you okay?
00:22:23I just remembered, you know, this guy I'm sponsoring, he said he needed to see me tonight, so I should go to him.
00:22:27Well, I guess that's important, so...
00:22:29Yeah, so I should go.
00:22:30No need to show me out.
00:22:37What a shame.
00:22:38I really wanted him to have a chance to get to know you guys.
00:22:42Don't worry.
00:22:42I...
00:22:43I think we made an impression.
00:22:51Hey.
00:22:52Hey.
00:22:54I didn't know if you were coming back.
00:22:57I waited until the parking lot cleared.
00:22:59So, um...
00:23:01What happened?
00:23:04You said you were just going to go in there and talk to him.
00:23:05I know.
00:23:06I know.
00:23:06I know I shouldn't have hit him.
00:23:08But what's done is done.
00:23:13Anything else going on?
00:23:15Like what?
00:23:16I don't know.
00:23:18Anything you want to talk about?
00:23:20Because there's nothing you couldn't tell me.
00:23:22I would understand.
00:23:23No, I feel good about this.
00:23:25It's okay, because I didn't fit in around here anyway.
00:23:27I'm going to get another job someplace else.
00:23:28Everything's good.
00:23:30And you...
00:23:31I love.
00:23:32I love you too.
00:23:37You know what's weird?
00:23:39No.
00:23:40What?
00:23:41In all the years we have been married, I have never seen you lead with your fists.
00:23:50Well...
00:23:50Maybe I still got some surprises in me.
00:23:56Maybe you do.
00:23:57Is it done?
00:24:05Mm-hmm.
00:24:09We can warn your brother later.
00:24:11Right now there are things that still need to be done.
00:24:14We need to get rid of everything.
00:24:17Mattress, clothes, all of it.
00:24:19Mom, the door's locked.
00:24:33I know.
00:24:36Mom, you need to open this door right now.
00:24:42Mom!
00:24:42Honey, why aren't you dressed yet?
00:25:04We have to be at the fertility clinic in 40 minutes.
00:25:07Oh, shoot, is that today?
00:25:09And, uh, give Shawn May a kick in the pants.
00:25:11I haven't seen her all morning.
00:25:16Hey.
00:25:18Today's the, uh, big day.
00:25:20You ready to, uh, make a baby?
00:25:25Ready.
00:25:26Please.
00:25:39Be gentle.
00:25:48Honey, come on.
00:25:49I'm gonna be late.
00:25:54Uh...
00:25:56I think she's confused as to how we're gonna make this baby happen.
00:26:01And were you planning on setting her straight?
00:26:05Next thing out of my mouth.
00:26:11Come on, the guy's ready to explode.
00:26:13I don't care. I'm not sleeping with Mom's boyfriend.
00:26:15You can't back out now. You were great the other night.
00:26:17You got Peter on the hook. He's primed.
00:26:19I was just messing with his head to get back at Mom, that's all.
00:26:21Yeah, but why stop there?
00:26:23She's keeping you from Matthew. Now, come on.
00:26:24She deserves this.
00:26:25I am not that stupid.
00:26:27Go grind your own ass.
00:26:29That's him. I don't have time for this crap.
00:26:30Now, strip down your bra and panties now.
00:26:32Get out of my room, you psycho.
00:26:37My mom will be back for a while, so you probably don't want to wait around.
00:26:41Well, that's okay. I just wanted to make sure you got the Perkins catalog.
00:26:44Uh, your mom told me that you're going on a tour there tomorrow.
00:26:46Yeah.
00:26:47You're going to love it. The campus is beautiful, the teachers are amazing, and the student body is such a great mix.
00:26:54You know, they're all about diversity.
00:26:56Whatever. All right. Well, I'll let my mom know you stopped by.
00:26:59Okay.
00:27:00Andrew, I also wanted to apologize for leaving so fast the other night.
00:27:09I started to get the feeling that your sister was coming on to me, which was upsetting because...
00:27:15You're a sex addict?
00:27:18Your mom told you about that?
00:27:19Let's just say the word's out.
00:27:21But, um, I'm curious. Back in the day, what kind of stuff were you into?
00:27:29I don't know that I want to talk about that.
00:27:30Well, I just want to make sure you're not into anything too freaky.
00:27:33You know, I mean, you are dating my mom, and I'm kind of protective of her.
00:27:36Well, you can relax. I mean, I wasn't some sort of pervert.
00:27:39You know, all I can say is, I went through a dark period, and I slept with a whole lot of people.
00:27:47People?
00:27:49What's wrong?
00:27:51No, it's just that when most guys discuss their conquest, they don't say people.
00:27:58Oh, well...
00:28:00No, it's okay.
00:28:02I appreciate the fact that you value diversity.
00:28:09Who is it?
00:28:14Mike!
00:28:19Susan?
00:28:20Hi. Sorry. I'm just on the lookout for Edie.
00:28:24Oh, well, you can relax. Edie won't be coming after you.
00:28:26Why?
00:28:27I talked to the P.I., and he's not going to tell her anything.
00:28:30What did you say?
00:28:32I paid him off. So it's over. I just thought you should know.
00:28:35Well, wait. Why would you do that?
00:28:40People just get hurt if it gets out. I didn't see the point.
00:28:44I did get hurt if he was.
00:28:46I didn't see it.
00:28:47All right.
00:28:48Let's get here.
00:28:49I'm going to have to go on the point.
00:28:52Okay, we have to talk about you and we're off now.
00:28:55Let's go on the line.
00:28:57Let's go on the line.
00:28:59I'm ready.
00:29:01Let's go on the line.
00:29:03Come on.
00:29:04Come on!
00:29:06Let's go on the line.
00:29:08No, I'm ready.
00:29:11How come on?
00:29:12Hey, there. You look thirsty.
00:29:19This is really nice of you, Mrs. Meyer.
00:29:22To be honest with you, I wasn't even sure that you liked me.
00:29:25And you know why? Because we're all so busy and detached from each other.
00:29:29You're at my house every day.
00:29:31In short, we wave and we say hello, but we barely even know each other.
00:29:35How long have you been delivering my mail, for God's sake?
00:29:38Three and a half weeks.
00:29:40Really?
00:29:42Seems like forever.
00:29:44Let me top you off.
00:29:45Oh, no, I couldn't. This is my third glass.
00:29:47Seriously, I'm sloshing.
00:29:50Well, you probably want to use the bathroom before you leave, huh?
00:29:53No, I'm good.
00:29:54Are you sure?
00:29:55I mean, you have such a long route, and that iced tea's going to go right through you.
00:29:59That's better here than Mrs. McCloskey's hydrangeas.
00:30:03Well, you know, maybe I will use your bathroom.
00:30:06Great!
00:30:07Oh, the one down here is broken. Why don't you use the one upstairs? It's right off my bedroom.
00:30:10Um, yeah.
00:30:14Okay.
00:30:16Got it.
00:30:17I still can't believe it.
00:30:31I mean, why don't Xiao Mei just offer herself up to me like that?
00:30:48Oh, honey, she's a virgin. Who knows why virgins do anything?
00:30:52She's a virgin? Are you serious?
00:30:56Yeah. I wouldn't just slam her for no reason.
00:31:02Mr. Solis, it's time to collect your DNA.
00:31:04Oh, okay, honey.
00:31:06Only good swimmers now.
00:31:11If you like, we have a variety of magazines and videos available.
00:31:18I think I'm good.
00:31:19Gus, are you okay up there?
00:31:36Gus!
00:31:37Uh, do you want me to keep the hat on?
00:31:39Gus, I know it's a fantasy for some women.
00:31:44Uh...
00:31:45Mom?
00:31:53Is the mailman here?
00:31:57That's my daughter.
00:31:58Get dressed!
00:32:00Mom?
00:32:02Yes, honey! Yes!
00:32:03The mailman is here!
00:32:05He's using the bathroom.
00:32:06He'll be down in a minute.
00:32:06Oh, darn it.
00:32:10Guess we'll have to take a rain check, huh?
00:32:13I can come back on Tuesday.
00:32:16Tuesday?
00:32:16No, no, no.
00:32:17Tuesday's not good,
00:32:18because Tuesday's the day I, um...
00:32:20become a lesbian.
00:32:36Andrew?
00:32:37Honey, where are you?
00:32:41I got your message.
00:32:42What's the emergency?
00:32:45Andrew?
00:32:47Andrew?
00:32:50Andrew?
00:32:52Honey, what are you doing in my bed?
00:32:55I see my pants on camera.
00:32:56Now, where are you then?
00:33:11Did you forget that we're supposed to take that tour of Perkins College today?
00:33:14Seriously?
00:33:18After last night,
00:33:19I didn't exactly think you'd be too keen on sitting next to me in a car for three hours.
00:33:23Consider me a cheerleader for anything that expedites me getting you out from under my roof.
00:33:30Glad we can come to an understanding.
00:33:31All right, why did we stop here?
00:33:52We have half a tank left.
00:33:54There's so many things I want to say to you, Andrew.
00:33:56But mostly, I just want you to know how sorry I am.
00:34:02Sorry for what?
00:34:04Every child deserves to be loved unconditionally.
00:34:08And I thought that was the kind of love that I had for you.
00:34:14Maybe if I had, it would have been different.
00:34:18Why do I suddenly get the feeling we're not going to make it out to Perkins College today?
00:34:26What are you doing?
00:34:31Packed up some of your things.
00:34:33There's also an envelope in here with some money,
00:34:36and that should tide you over until you get a job.
00:34:39What?
00:34:40You're going to leave me out here in the middle of nowhere?
00:34:44I noticed a bus stop about a mile back.
00:34:48You can go anywhere you want.
00:34:51Mama, mom, please don't do this.
00:34:52I have to.
00:34:58I can't be around you anymore.
00:34:59I'm just not strong enough.
00:35:06You know what the good news is?
00:35:08I win.
00:35:11You win?
00:35:14I remember the look in your eyes when I told you I was gay.
00:35:17And I knew that one day, you would stop loving me.
00:35:25So, here we are.
00:35:27I was all right.
00:35:29So, I...
00:35:30I win.
00:35:35We're good for you.
00:35:35We're good for you.
00:35:57We're good for you.
00:35:58We're good for you.
00:35:58Hi, I made you a thank you pie.
00:36:26And by made, I mean bought.
00:36:56So what exactly are you thanking me for?
00:37:10For keeping Edie from smashing my face in?
00:37:14That's the nicest thing anybody ever did for me.
00:37:16Just trying to keep peace on the lane, huh?
00:37:19Well, you keep telling yourself that.
00:37:22I know why you really paid that guy off.
00:37:26You still care about me.
00:37:28What?
00:37:31You're always worried about Julie and me.
00:37:34And you beat up my new boyfriend.
00:37:37And now you're protecting me from Edie.
00:37:40Do you know what all that means?
00:37:43That you're high maintenance?
00:37:45All right, you go ahead and be coy, fine.
00:37:52I'll be the one to break the ice.
00:37:56I've never stopped caring about you.
00:38:00Is that why you jumped in bed with Carl?
00:38:02I would have never even gone there if I had thought there was a chance with us.
00:38:07You just closed the door so completely.
00:38:10Can we just not talk about him?
00:38:15Have some more pie.
00:38:18I know you like pie.
00:38:22I know you like me.
00:38:26Listen.
00:38:29I'm not asking for us to get back together.
00:38:32I just want us to be friends.
00:38:36Soda.
00:38:37Yeah.
00:38:37Your house is on fire.
00:38:46My whole house is on fire.
00:38:49When the truth is ugly, people try to keep it hidden.
00:38:53Because they know if revealed, the damage it will do.
00:38:58So they conceal it within sturdy walls.
00:39:01Or they place it behind closed doors.
00:39:07Or they obscure it with clever disguises.
00:39:11But truth, no matter how ugly, always emerges.
00:39:15And someone we care about, always ends up getting hurt.
00:39:32And someone else will revel in their pain.
00:39:36And that's the ugliest truth of all.
00:39:40You're going to leave me out here in the middle of nowhere?
00:39:53You say it was okay for me to kiss him.
00:39:57What else did your brother tell you?
00:39:59Caleb revealed a secret.
00:40:02Susan made a first-class confession.
00:40:05You're going to leave me out here in the middle of nowhere?
00:40:07I can't be around you anymore.
00:40:09I'm just not strong enough.
00:40:10And Brie made the most difficult decision of her life.
00:40:19Susan Meyer had always believed the one good thing about hard times
00:40:24is that you get to find out who your friends really are.
00:40:28When her grandmother died, it was Brie who brought homemade cookies.
00:40:32When the critics panned her third book, it was Gabrielle who hired the handsome masseur.
00:40:39When her divorce became final, it was Lynette who poured the scotch.
00:40:46Sadly, Susan's life had been shattered once again.
00:40:50But as always, her friends had come to help pick up the pieces.
00:40:56Susan, we've all been talking.
00:40:58We've decided you and Julie should stay with Brie.
00:41:00Oh, thanks. No, that's okay. We'll stay in a motel.
00:41:04Absolutely not.
00:41:05Just give me an hour or two to straighten up Andrew's room,
00:41:07and then you can bring your...
00:41:08selves over.
00:41:11I don't deserve friends like you.
00:41:13We're aware of that.
00:41:16Susan, you're running low on trash bags.
00:41:19I'm going to run to the store.
00:41:20Thanks, Orson. Thanks for coming.
00:41:22You know, you didn't have to do this.
00:41:24Hey, it's my pleasure.
00:41:24Mrs. Meyer!
00:41:34Hi. Bud Penrod, Town and Country Insurance. The can-do people.
00:41:38Oh, it's nice to meet you.
00:41:40Yeah.
00:41:41Look at that.
00:41:43Well, that's no fun at all, is it?
00:41:45No. No, it isn't.
00:41:47So, when am I going to get the check?
00:41:48Because I have a lot of rebuilding to do. I need to get started.
00:41:51Yeah, well, I'm afraid that's going to be a while.
00:41:53You see, the fire department has ruled that this was arson.
00:41:58Arson?
00:41:58Yeah.
00:41:59So, we can't give you any money until we finish our investigation.
00:42:02Who would want to burn down my house?
00:42:04I don't know.
00:42:05Do you have any enemies?
00:42:07No.
00:42:08Oh, look at the whole neighborhood turned out to help.
00:42:12I'm very popular.
00:42:13And there's no one among them that wishes you ill?
00:42:17Oh, no. No.
00:42:18Everybody's been very helpful.
00:42:20Um, everybody likes me, absolutely.
00:42:26Everyone.
00:42:27Yes.
00:42:28Hard times were what Susan used to distinguish who was a friend and who wasn't.
00:42:34Not everyone enjoys being a small part of a large community.
00:42:46Indeed, some yearn to leave the stress and noise of constant companionship behind them.
00:42:52So, they strike out on their own, hoping their solitude will bring a little peace and quiet.
00:42:58It's only then they discover how dangerous it is to be alone in the world.
00:43:05All right.
00:43:06All right.
00:43:10All right.
00:43:12All right.
00:43:14Let's go.
00:43:15I'm sorry.
00:43:35Zach, did you get the trash?
00:43:39How'd you get in here?
00:43:40Hiya, Paul.
00:43:41I stood at the back door shouting and shouting.
00:43:43Were you in the little boy's room?
00:43:44I'm calling the police.
00:43:45No need.
00:43:46I just needed to borrow some flour.
00:43:47I'm a little bit psychic, and I predict
00:43:49fresh baked cookies in your future.
00:43:51Zachary.
00:43:53What'd she want?
00:43:54She was in the cupboard.
00:43:57Get a trash bag.
00:43:58We're throwing everything away.
00:43:59You think she was trying to poison us?
00:44:01All I know is we're eating out tonight.
00:44:10What do you want?
00:44:11Uh, this is a little awkward, and I apologize.
00:44:14I don't know if I was in advance for how this is going to sound, but, um...
00:44:19By any chance, did you burn down my house?
00:44:24Yes.
00:44:25What?
00:44:26Yes, I burned down your house, you sleazy little whore.
00:44:29Edie, why would you do that?
00:44:32Can you blame me after sending me that acid letter?
00:44:36Letter?
00:44:38What letter?
00:44:38The one where you admitted to stabbing me in the back by sleeping with Carl?
00:44:43You weren't supposed to get that.
00:44:44I stole that back from the mailman.
00:44:46So you were trying to hide the truth from me?
00:44:48This is not what we should focus on right now.
00:44:50The point is, you maliciously set fire to my house.
00:44:54Look, I admit I might have overreacted a tad.
00:44:57A tad?
00:44:58Edie, I have no roof.
00:45:00You can't just go around burning down people's homes.
00:45:03Why not?
00:45:04You burnt down my home.
00:45:05You stole a mic from me.
00:45:06You slept with my fiance.
00:45:07That's the trifecta.
00:45:08You're lucky I didn't torch your car.
00:45:10That's it.
00:45:11I'm going to the police and I'm telling them what you did.
00:45:14Did what?
00:45:15I didn't do anything.
00:45:17Well, you just confessed.
00:45:19No, I didn't.
00:45:20Did anyone else hear me confess?
00:45:23Hello?
00:45:24Hello?
00:45:26No witnesses.
00:45:28No evidence.
00:45:30No confession.
00:45:31I guess we're done here.
00:45:33You can go home now.
00:45:34Oh, wait.
00:45:35That's right.
00:45:36You don't have one.
00:45:47No, no, Chame.
00:45:48I've told you a million times.
00:45:49No red meat for Mr. Solis.
00:45:51My triglycerides are through the roof.
00:45:53Sweetie, I need some more cream.
00:46:01Yeah.
00:46:02Chame, what's wrong?
00:46:04She smells.
00:46:07Who smells?
00:46:08Gabby?
00:46:09Excuse me, what?
00:46:11Her perfume make me sick.
00:46:15Honey, it's a hundred bucks an ounce.
00:46:17That tends to make everyone a little nauseous.
00:46:19Chame, your boobs, are they tender?
00:46:22Mm-hmm.
00:46:23Carlos, my boobs are none of your business.
00:46:26Gabby, think.
00:46:27She's sensitive to smell, nauseous, and swollen breasts.
00:46:43Well, I just ran her blood work.
00:46:45Looks like the insemination was successful.
00:46:47Oh, my God.
00:46:48We're gonna have a baby.
00:46:50Now, you should know, since she's experiencing early symptoms,
00:46:54this might be a tough pregnancy for her.
00:46:56Not a problem.
00:46:57We are gonna treat her like a queen.
00:46:59Absolutely.
00:47:00You have nothing to worry about here.
00:47:04Oh, Mr. Solis, you smell.
00:47:06Oh, yeah.
00:47:07Oh, I'm sorry.
00:47:14I think it's gonna be a kick having Susan and Julie stay with us.
00:47:17It'll be like living in a sorority.
00:47:19We'll stay up late and we'll gossip and make s'mores.
00:47:22Doesn't that sound like fun?
00:47:25Why are you pretending to be happy?
00:47:28I heard you walking around your room all night long.
00:47:31Crying.
00:47:33I don't wanna talk about it.
00:47:35Look, I know why you're worried, but Andrew can take care of himself.
00:47:39And if he can't, he shouldn't run away in the first place.
00:47:41You know what?
00:47:42Maybe Andrew leaving will be good for us.
00:47:44You are all I have left and I am gonna be the best mother that I can be.
00:47:50There's definitely room for improvement.
00:47:54It's just...
00:47:57You kind of forgot my birthday.
00:48:00What?
00:48:01Yeah.
00:48:02It was six weeks ago.
00:48:05Oh, my God, Danielle.
00:48:06I am so sorry.
00:48:08It's okay.
00:48:09You had a lot going on.
00:48:10I mean, Andrew was suing you and you were pretty wasted that month.
00:48:14Honey, you've gotta let me make it up to you.
00:48:17I'm gonna throw you a birthday party with all your friends, okay?
00:48:21That could be cool.
00:48:22You know what else I'd like?
00:48:25Name it.
00:48:26It's yours.
00:48:28I want Andrew's room.
00:48:31You said he's probably not coming back and I could really use the extra closet space.
00:48:35But, sweetheart, this is... this is his room.
00:48:39Mom, you forgot my birthday.
00:48:41You're really in no position to negotiate.
00:48:44I mean, where am I gonna put all of his things?
00:48:46And, you know, he might come back at some point.
00:48:49He won't.
00:48:51Like you said, I'm all you have left.
00:48:58Atlantic City?
00:48:59Yeah, it's last minute.
00:49:00But Jerry got a great deal on a suite at one of the casinos.
00:49:03And a bunch of the old gang is coming in from New York.
00:49:05And, God, it's been forever since I have been.
00:49:07So, how can I turn that down?
00:49:09Yeah, how indeed?
00:49:12What?
00:49:13I didn't say anything.
00:49:14No, but you have that look.
00:49:17Is something wrong?
00:49:18No!
00:49:20Except that I know you've been to Atlantic City three times in the last month without telling me Ed found the receipts when he did the office audit.
00:49:29Other than that, no, nothing's wrong.
00:49:34Tom, it would be better for your general well-being if you did not laugh at this moment in time.
00:49:38Am I gonna have to ruin the surprise? Because it's a really good surprise.
00:49:41I'm thinking, yeah, I'll ruin it.
00:49:44I have been going to Atlantic City for business. I am up for a top spot with Jerry's firm, Huffington Promotions.
00:49:50And, if you don't believe me, you can call the CEO himself.
00:49:56I am so happy and I'm so relieved.
00:50:05Did you think I was cheating?
00:50:06No, absolutely not.
00:50:07Lynette?
00:50:08No!
00:50:09Okay, a little bit.
00:50:10I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:50:11Ed found receipts for flowers and theater tickets.
00:50:15I mean, by the way, did you...
00:50:17Jerry and I went to a show and the flowers were for Milt's wife.
00:50:20I knew that. You didn't have to tell me that. Why did you buy flowers for Milt's wife?
00:50:24Lynette...
00:50:25Sorry. Stop. Done. Talking. That's fantastic.
00:50:29I love you.
00:50:30I love you.
00:50:31I love you.
00:50:48Hello!
00:50:51What's going on?
00:50:54Yao Mei is feeling under the weather so I took up the vacuuming.
00:50:56Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:50:58So, uh, did you move my beauty products or not in the bathroom?
00:51:05Why in the hell?
00:51:07I forgot to tell you.
00:51:08Uh, you can't use that stuff anymore.
00:51:10It really triggers Xiao Mei's morning sickness.
00:51:12All of it?
00:51:13Even my hair pomade?
00:51:16It gives me stomach ache.
00:51:18Yeah, well, it gives me volume, so I guess we both could have a problem.
00:51:21Do you have to be so high maintenance?
00:51:23You married a model, Carlos. Maintenance is my only skill.
00:51:25Please.
00:51:26No fight.
00:51:27No fight.
00:51:28If Mrs. Solis smell bad, I'll be okay.
00:51:36Fine. I'll learn to live without product.
00:51:38But when my hair starts smelling like hair, I don't want to hear a word.
00:51:47Surprise!
00:51:48What the hell is that?
00:51:50Isn't it darling?
00:51:51I made it for your party.
00:51:52It's a big one and a big seven for 17.
00:51:56Were you up all night making that thing?
00:51:58Yeah, I just wasn't tired.
00:51:59Oh, I want to show you what else I've planned.
00:52:03I think you're going to love it.
00:52:05You've got a fajita bar and a juggler?
00:52:07Relax, he's a very hip juggler.
00:52:08He only performs to Beatles songs.
00:52:10And I saw the video and it's absolutely thrilling.
00:52:12Mom, I don't want any of this stuff.
00:52:14It's not even my real birthday.
00:52:15Danielle, I just want you to have the best party you have ever had in your entire life.
00:52:21I just want a few friends to come over and hang out.
00:52:23You can make a cake, but giant balloon numbers?
00:52:26I mean, come on.
00:52:28They would all make fun of me.
00:52:31Oh.
00:52:34Okay.
00:52:43Is that really necessary?
00:52:44Honey, I can't possibly put it in the garbage as is.
00:52:47It's just another morning with Vandicamps.
00:52:54Oh, Susan, did I wait?
00:52:56Uh, no.
00:52:57No, I was up.
00:52:59Well, I'm sorry about the noise.
00:53:00It's just that Danielle doesn't want balloons and I'm going to press for time.
00:53:06Bree.
00:53:08Are you okay?
00:53:10She said she doesn't want balloons.
00:53:13I'm fine.
00:53:17Mom.
00:53:27Look, I know you're out there.
00:53:28Please just talk to me.
00:53:30Mom, I need something to drink.
00:53:31Just some water, some juice, something, anything, please.
00:53:36Mom!
00:53:43You want me to say I sent Caleb up?
00:53:44Yeah, I did it.
00:53:49I started thinking about all those years.
00:53:52Years that we had to take care of him.
00:53:53And I just thought maybe once he was gone, we could have a normal life.
00:54:00And I'm sorry.
00:54:03Mom, you have got to let me out of here now.
00:54:05You!
00:54:06You were willing to stand by and let me murder your brother without reason.
00:54:15That's an unforgivable betrayal.
00:54:18I am so consumed with rage.
00:54:20It's best you stay in there because if I let you out, I don't know what I might do to you.
00:54:24Hello?
00:54:36I need Edie to spill her guts.
00:54:38What do you know about wearing a wire?
00:54:41So you see the little red light?
00:54:43It's all voice activated.
00:54:44So if the light's on, you're recording.
00:54:46Let me show you how to tape it on.
00:54:48Oh, okay.
00:54:51Sorry if my hands are cold.
00:54:53No, that's okay. They're fine.
00:55:00So you sure you want to do this?
00:55:02Yeah, I'm sort of up against the wall.
00:55:04The insurance company needs proof fast.
00:55:05Things are sort of weird at Breeze. I don't want to overstay my welcome.
00:55:10Well, if things get tough, you can always stay here.
00:55:14Testing, testing.
00:55:16I'm sorry. Did you just invite me to move in with you?
00:55:20Well, you and Julie in the spare bedroom.
00:55:23You've been saying how you want to be friends again.
00:55:29And you're right.
00:55:31There's no reason we can't be friends.
00:55:32You sure that won't put a crimp in your, uh, dating life?
00:55:36You know, that girl you were at the movies with.
00:55:39No. That was a one-time thing.
00:55:42But what about that guy, Orson?
00:55:44Yeah, he just heard about the fire and came over to help with her friends.
00:55:48Oh.
00:55:50So, neither of us is dating anybody.
00:55:53Guess not.
00:55:59I got my boarding pass.
00:56:00Do what you need to do and don't worry about the kids so I'll keep my trouble.
00:56:04Is this crazy?
00:56:06Following Tom across the country just to spy on him?
00:56:09If he knew I was doing this...
00:56:11God, I don't think I can go through with this.
00:56:13No, look. There's probably nothing going on.
00:56:16But you need to know the truth.
00:56:18Do I? I'm happy. I mean, I was.
00:56:20Why don't I just look the other way and pretend nothing's wrong?
00:56:22Lots of women can do that.
00:56:23Well, we both know you're not one of them.
00:56:26And what if I say I'm with another woman?
00:56:29What then?
00:56:33I own a gun.
00:56:34I own a gun.
00:56:53You okay in here?
00:56:55Fine. Why?
00:56:56It's just people have been asking about the cake and you've been icing it for over an hour.
00:57:01I just keep messing it up. I don't know what's wrong with me.
00:57:04You're probably just tired.
00:57:06My mom and I heard you up all night.
00:57:08It just keeps coming out too thick.
00:57:10You know, people aren't going to care if the icing isn't perfect.
00:57:18People care about details.
00:57:21Someday, when Danielle looks back, I want her to remember just how perfect her cake looked and how hard her mother worked to make her happy.
00:57:29This cake is a symbol of my love.
00:57:35Well, it looks delicious.
00:57:40Happy birthday to you.
00:57:45Happy birthday to you.
00:57:49Happy birthday, dear Danielle.
00:57:53Stop!
00:57:55One of the candles went out.
00:57:57We're going to have to do this all over again.
00:57:59I'm sorry. I'll be right back.
00:58:00Mom, it's all right.
00:58:02Sweetheart, this is your special day.
00:58:03All of your candles should be lit.
00:58:05It'll just take me two seconds.
00:58:07Is she serious?
00:58:08Welcome to my own private hell.
00:58:15That is some serious frosting.
00:58:17Alrighty!
00:58:18Who touched this?
00:58:19Mom, what does it matter? It's just a little frosting.
00:58:27Somebody ruined your cake and I want to know who could be that thoughtless.
00:58:28Was it you? Or you? Who was it?
00:58:29Mom, please, you're embarrassing me.
00:58:30You! You look like a girl who enjoys her frosting.
00:58:33No! No, I didn't touch it.
00:58:34It's just a cake for God's sakes. Will you please just cut it?
00:58:35Mrs. Vandekamp, open your mouth. I want to smell your breath.
00:58:36It wasn't me! It was Barbie!
00:58:37Barbie!
00:58:38Barbie!
00:58:39Barbie!
00:58:40Barbie!
00:58:41What the hell is wrong with you?
00:58:42No, it's ruined!
00:58:44Everything is ruined!
00:58:45something is ruined!
00:58:46It's ruined, girl!
00:58:47You!
00:58:48in the back it's not.
00:58:50oh no no, it's not too cute!
00:58:51You were a consent.
00:58:52Are you?
00:58:53Who was it?
00:58:54Mom, please!
00:58:55You're embarrassing me.
00:58:56You!
00:58:57You look like a girl who enjoys her frosting.
00:58:58No!
00:58:59No, I didn't touch it!
00:59:00It's just cake for God's sakes.
00:59:01Will you please just cut it?
00:59:02Mrs. Vandekamp –
00:59:03Open your mouth, I wanna smell your breath.
00:59:04It wasn't me!
00:59:05It was Barbie.
00:59:06Barbie!
00:59:07No, it's ruined! Everything is ruined!
00:59:19Um, you can just leave that there and I'll, um, clean it up later.
00:59:26Chalmé, what are you doing in our bed?
00:59:35I said she could sleep in there from now on. She's got the bathroom.
00:59:39You know, in case she gets sick in the middle of the night.
00:59:42What's wrong with the guest bathroom?
00:59:44It's too far away.
00:59:45It's right down the hall.
00:59:46Gabby, she needs a rest. And besides, that bed is much more comfortable than the one in the guest room.
00:59:51Yeah, I know. That's why I had the movers put it in here, where we sleep.
00:59:55Maybe I go to my bed.
01:00:00Yes, Chalmé, that would be good.
01:00:09Fine, you can use our toilet.
01:00:18Stop kicking me!
01:00:19I'm just trying to get comfortable.
01:00:20In a twin, good luck.
01:00:22I want my bed back.
01:00:26Well, go buy a nice big one tomorrow and put it in here, okay?
01:00:29That is not the point.
01:00:30We are a week into this pregnancy and you're already putting Chalmé's needs before mine.
01:00:34Well, she's the priority now. She's the mother of my child.
01:00:38Like hell she is. That is my egg.
01:00:41You know what I mean. She's the...
01:00:43Oven. Carlos, the oven. A well cared for, well paid oven.
01:00:47It came out wrong. I'm sorry. Okay, now can we just get some sleep?
01:00:56I'm sorry. I swear. I swear I didn't mean to. My leg just cramped up.
01:01:00Where are you going? That's my pillow.
01:01:02Good night.
01:01:04Good night.
01:01:10Matthew!
01:01:11Mom, come on.
01:01:29Oh my God, what are you doing in there?
01:01:32In your house, that you.
01:01:33My mom found out what we did to Caleb. She flipped out and locked me in here.
01:01:36Don't worry, I'll get you out.
01:01:37Be really careful, okay? Please, okay? I've never seen you like this before.
01:01:41She seriously lost it this time.
01:01:42I know a little something about psycho moms. Trust me, I'll be fine.
01:01:54Hey.
01:01:56Cleaning up after the big party?
01:01:59Yeah.
01:02:00You know, it's late. Why don't you, uh, go to bed and, you know, let Julie and I help you with that in the morning.
01:02:09Well, that's okay. I can't sleep anyway.
01:02:14Are you... okay?
01:02:16I take it you heard what happened.
01:02:18Yeah, when you flip out in front of the pep squad, word travels fast.
01:02:25It was the oddest sensation. I was... fine. I mean, everything was fine.
01:02:29And then suddenly I was on the outside of my body, watching a woman who looked like me, becoming a raving maniac.
01:02:37Brie, I'm worried about you. Do you think that you should see someone?
01:02:43No, no, I'm fine. I'm just tired, that's all. I just need a long rest and then I'm gonna be as good as new.
01:02:48Okay, well then, why don't you, um, stop and go to bed?
01:02:54Because, um, I can't sleep just yet. Why not?
01:02:58Because when I sleep I dream and when I dream I keep seeing Andrew's face in that rearview mirror.
01:03:03Okay, what are you talking about?
01:03:06Andrew, um, didn't run away.
01:03:13I, um, dropped him off in the middle of nowhere.
01:03:19Told him that I couldn't be around him anymore and then I drove off.
01:03:28So I just need a little time to forget what I've done and then I can sleep again.
01:03:38Hey.
01:03:44You know, I am not even tired.
01:03:47So, why don't I stay up and help you?
01:03:53That would be nice.
01:03:58What was happening in the middle of nowhere?
01:03:59I can't do anything.
01:04:00I know.
01:04:01I know.
01:04:10I can't do anything.
01:04:11What's happening.
01:04:13You don't see me.
01:04:15I can't do anything.
01:04:16I can't do anything.
01:04:17I can do anything.
01:04:18Ooh!
01:04:19That was fun.
01:04:21Alright, I can't do anything.
01:04:22Hello?
01:04:23I can't do anything.
01:04:24I can't do anything.
01:04:25Oh, you can do anything.
01:04:26I can't do something.
01:04:27Hey, you. How you doing?
01:04:29Hey. Great.
01:04:32Great. How's Atlantic City? Are you, um, winning some money?
01:04:35Oh, I'm about even.
01:04:37Actually, I'm heading back into the casino right now to try my luck again.
01:04:40Yeah? You're quite a gambler.
01:04:44Where's Jerry?
01:04:47Jerry? He's right here.
01:04:50Hey, honey, how are the kids?
01:04:52Great. Great. They're in the daycare room.
01:04:55Looking at him right now.
01:04:57Hey, why don't you walk in there and, um, put him on the phone with me so I can say hi.
01:05:01Okay. Sure.
01:05:03First, can I talk to Jerry?
01:05:05Why do you want to talk to Jerry?
01:05:07Well, just, you know, say hello. It's been a long time.
01:05:16Wow, man, that is weird.
01:05:18Can you hear, do you hear that car alarm?
01:05:21Ah, no.
01:05:24It's strange because I can hear it here and through the phone.
01:05:28Whoa, that's weird kind of feedback.
01:05:31You know, physics can be spooky that way.
01:05:33Listen, I gotta go, I gotta go.
01:05:34Ed is talking to me and, um, I'll call you back later?
01:05:37Um, okay.
01:05:39Okay, bye.
01:05:40Bye, honey.
01:05:429-1-1. Is this an emergency?
01:05:57I think so.
01:05:58My neighbor, Paul Young, has been threatening me.
01:06:01Is he there right now?
01:06:02No.
01:06:03Ma'am, until he actually does something, there's nothing we can do.
01:06:06Well, I won't live in fear anymore.
01:06:08If you people refuse to confront him, I guess I'll just have to do it myself.
01:06:12No, Edie, wait.
01:06:13Um, I don't want to fight.
01:06:15I know that we've had our differences, but, you know, we had a friendship going there,
01:06:22and I just think we owe it to ourselves to talk about what happened.
01:06:29What should I talk about?
01:06:30It happened.
01:06:31I walked down to your house.
01:06:32I had this watering can.
01:06:33What?
01:06:34And I was filled with gasoline.
01:06:35Mm.
01:06:36Mm.
01:06:37Mm.
01:06:38Mm.
01:06:39Mm.
01:06:40Mm.
01:06:41Mm.
01:06:42Mm.
01:06:43Mm.
01:06:44Mm.
01:06:45Mm.
01:06:46Mm.
01:06:47Mm.
01:06:48Mm.
01:06:49Mm.
01:06:50And boom,
01:06:52I laughed my ass off.
01:06:54OK, wait.
01:06:55Could you just swallow, because I couldn't really wait really say...
01:06:56Well, that was basically it.
01:07:00One of the best days of my life.
01:07:02Well, see you were chewing, and so I didn't really hear what you said.
01:07:04Could you just... say it again?
01:07:06Hm.
01:07:07I burnt your house down, it was great, what do you want?
01:07:09So you, then, admit burning down my house.
01:07:14On purpose.
01:07:20You're wearing a wire, aren't you?
01:07:25Huh?
01:07:26Open that blouse.
01:07:27What?
01:07:28No!
01:07:29Open that blouse!
01:07:32You can't outrun me, Meyer!
01:07:34I'm in the best shape of my life!
01:07:36I love guns!
01:07:37Then you'll be prime meat picking when you go to jail!
01:07:39You get spicy!
01:07:46No!
01:07:47Yes!
01:07:48No!
01:07:49Ow!
01:07:50Ow!
01:07:54Help?
01:07:59Help!
01:08:02Help!
01:08:03No!
01:08:04Ah!
01:08:19Flush!
01:08:20You trade everyday in Subscribe!
01:08:22They come right now!
01:08:23Hello!
01:08:32Yes!
01:08:33Here we go!
01:08:34Now what sort of Michael has left us out at the PERCAD?
01:08:36That's awesome.
01:09:38And she had decided she would not take it lying down.
01:09:42So she dipped into her supply of forbidden perfumes,
01:09:47determined that in this battle,
01:09:50she would be the one to come out smelling like a rose.
01:09:55I think I'd take a nap now.
01:09:59Yeah, sure.
01:10:00Knock yourself out.
01:10:01I think I'd take a nap now.
01:10:07I think I'd take a nap now.
01:10:09I think I'd take a nap now.
01:10:11Honey?
01:10:19Boys?
01:10:19Anybody home?
01:10:31Hey, Mrs. McCluskey, excuse me.
01:10:37You haven't seen Lynette around, have you?
01:10:39She's not at home.
01:10:40She's not answering her cell phone.
01:10:42She packed up the kids and the puppy and left.
01:10:45Packed them up?
01:10:45Why?
01:10:46She followed you to Atlantic City.
01:10:48She knows about your other woman.
01:10:50Boy, you're just lucky you're not my husband.
01:10:52Hi.
01:11:07Okay, first let me say I'm really sorry about the yellow jackets.
01:11:15And also, no matter how mad I am about what you did,
01:11:21I don't want to see you go to prison.
01:11:23So I came up with a solution.
01:11:26Why don't you just come forward and tell the police
01:11:28that you saw some vagrant lurking by my garage
01:11:32with a can of gasoline,
01:11:34and if you do that, then I'll destroy the tape.
01:11:39And then the insurance company will pay the claim.
01:11:41Nobody gets hurt.
01:11:43Does that sound good?
01:11:45Come closer.
01:11:48Oh.
01:11:48Oh.
01:11:56Take your stinking deal and shove it.
01:11:59Edie.
01:12:00Every time something bad happens to me,
01:12:02you're standing nearby.
01:12:04Well, I've had it.
01:12:06No more pretending to be friends.
01:12:08When I get out of here, I'm going to destroy you.
01:12:11Okay, I'm just going to think that
01:12:13this is the meds talking,
01:12:15and I'll come back tomorrow.
01:12:17Don't bother.
01:12:19Okay, Edie.
01:12:20I'm in trouble here.
01:12:21Oh, I'm sure you'll turn on the waterworks,
01:12:23and the whole neighborhood will come running.
01:12:26They always do.
01:12:27That's not true.
01:12:28Sure it is.
01:12:29You never miss an opportunity to play the victim.
01:12:32And you think just because everybody
01:12:34always comes to your rescue,
01:12:36it means that you're loved.
01:12:39No, it doesn't.
01:12:41It means that you're helpless.
01:12:44Now get out.
01:12:46Just get out.
01:12:48Hey there.
01:12:58Hi.
01:13:00So you, uh,
01:13:01you giving any thought to staying at my place?
01:13:04Oh, yeah, that.
01:13:05Um, look,
01:13:07I really appreciate the offer,
01:13:08but I think I'm going to have to pass.
01:13:11Really?
01:13:11Yeah.
01:13:12I think it's best.
01:13:13I don't want to get a rep around here
01:13:15for being a charity case.
01:13:16Well, I didn't mean it that way.
01:13:18Just, uh,
01:13:19one friend helping out another.
01:13:21I know,
01:13:22but I can figure this out on my own.
01:13:25At least I'm going to try.
01:13:28You know, I'm stronger than people give me credit for.
01:13:30I really am.
01:13:32Well, if there's anything I can do.
01:13:37You know what would be nice?
01:13:39Why don't you just
01:13:40stop over for coffee sometime?
01:13:43Okay.
01:13:44I mean, that is after I get
01:13:45running water
01:13:46and electricity again.
01:13:48And a coffee maker.
01:13:56I hope you're happy.
01:13:57That poor girl
01:13:58can hardly even come upstairs now
01:14:00because of you.
01:14:01Carlos, stop with the dance.
01:14:03It's already in the wallpaper.
01:14:04I swear,
01:14:05if anything happens to that kid
01:14:06because of you...
01:14:07Oh, it's perfume,
01:14:08not toxic gas.
01:14:09Why are you acting this way?
01:14:11Because I see the writing on the wall
01:14:13and it scares the hell out of me.
01:14:15Meaning what?
01:14:16From the second Xiao Mei got pregnant,
01:14:18you have found a million and one ways
01:14:19to tell me that that baby
01:14:20is more important to you than me.
01:14:22Oh, come on, Gabby.
01:14:23No.
01:14:24Men can't help it.
01:14:25When they become fathers,
01:14:25they become lousy husbands.
01:14:28And some wives don't mind,
01:14:29but you didn't marry one of those women.
01:14:31I don't think I can sleep in here tonight.
01:14:33The air is just a little too toxic.
01:14:44Did she kick you out, too?
01:14:47Marriage is complicated, Xiao Mei.
01:14:49You'll find that out someday.
01:14:51I feel like watching
01:14:52some trashy American TV.
01:14:57I make you a sandwich.
01:14:59Roast beef.
01:15:00Oh, Gabby's got me on this health kick thing
01:15:04where she'll kill me if I eat red meat.
01:15:07I will not tell.
01:15:17Tastes good?
01:15:20Real good.
01:15:24Matthew, wake up.
01:15:25I have your breakfast.
01:15:28I might be furious with you,
01:15:29but never let it be said
01:15:30that I'm cruel.
01:15:32I advise you not to charge this door
01:15:35because I am not in the mood
01:15:36for any unpleasantness.
01:15:40Matthew?
01:15:42Matthew!
01:15:51Jeez, Linya,
01:15:52I thought you were just going to steal the key.
01:15:54Just get out of here.
01:15:59Mother, Matthew and I are running away together
01:16:11and we're never coming back.
01:16:13If you want me to be happy,
01:16:15you won't try to find us.
01:16:17Living in that house with you
01:16:18was like being in a prison.
01:16:20You drove me to do this,
01:16:21so I hope you blame yourself.
01:16:23Have a nice life, Danielle.
01:16:24Hello.
01:16:32My name is Brie Van Decamp
01:16:34and I'd like to admit myself
01:16:36for psychiatric observation.
01:16:37All right, what seems to be the problem?
01:16:40I think I'm about to have
01:16:41a nervous breakdown.
01:16:43Damn it!
01:16:53What the hell?
01:17:05That psychotic bitch.
01:17:08Bitch.
01:17:08I don't know.
01:17:25I don't know.
01:17:34there was no confrontation felicia tillman's the one who made the call she's the anonymous tip
01:17:44let's just go over there right now i guarantee you the woman is having a cocktail lapping her
01:17:48ass off i'm not going anywhere yet sir
01:17:51yes i know there's blood everywhere she probably got it from a pig so she can vandalize everything
01:17:59i own sergeant what is it put your hands where i can see them
01:18:09man she's good
01:18:17it's a shocking moment for each of us that moment we realize we are all alone in this world
01:18:29the family we take for granted could one day abandon us
01:18:33the husband we trust so implicitly might betray us
01:18:41the daughter we love so deeply perhaps won't return to us
01:18:48and then we could end up all by ourselves
01:18:52of course some see great value in going it alone
01:18:59for example
01:19:01sorry about the dust mrs huber we don't get too many tourists this far up the mountain
01:19:07first notes come and this place is completely cut off
01:19:10dropping off the face of the earth now that's what i call a vacation
01:19:14i'm sorry sometimes i'm just all thumbs
01:19:22i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm