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  • 6/18/2025
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00:00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:04If you try to come between me and my husband, I will take you down.
00:00:07Bring it on.
00:00:08Gabrielle threatened a nun.
00:00:10You're good to go.
00:00:11Susan hit on her doctor.
00:00:12So you came to ask me out?
00:00:14Because I'll say yes.
00:00:15And Bree's daughter let her intentions be known.
00:00:20It's amazing how far we're willing to go.
00:00:22Andrew.
00:00:23Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call the police.
00:00:25Because I'm your son.
00:00:26All in the name of love.
00:00:30If there was one thing Edie Britt understood, it was the nature of war.
00:00:37After two failed marriages and countless rocky romances,
00:00:41she had learned that love was a battlefield.
00:00:44And the easiest way to survive the carnage was total surrender.
00:00:50Now I was thinking a vacation to Rome would be so romantic.
00:00:55Vegas is cheaper.
00:00:58Oh.
00:00:58Could you put your underwear in the hamper?
00:01:03Can you do it?
00:01:04You're standing right there.
00:01:08I've got a hankering for Chinese food tonight.
00:01:12I'm so over rice.
00:01:15Let's do pizza.
00:01:15But the day comes for every soldier when she must take a stand.
00:01:23What do you think you're doing?
00:01:24And fight.
00:01:25It's time for my game.
00:01:27I want to watch my movie.
00:01:29Edie.
00:01:31This is important to me.
00:01:35Fine.
00:01:35I have stuff to do anyway.
00:01:37You see, when it came to men, Edie had a battle plan.
00:01:44All her own.
00:01:48Ahem.
00:01:50Got five minutes for Edie?
00:01:52That's some knot you tied.
00:02:00Yeah?
00:02:01Well, it's no fun if it's not tight.
00:02:04You know what would be hot?
00:02:08Whipped crane.
00:02:09Oh, you are so bad.
00:02:13Oh, you have no idea.
00:02:20Yes, Edie Brick understood the nature of war.
00:02:26Edie, it's been ten minutes.
00:02:29Where's the damn whipped cream?
00:02:30She also knew that to the victor...
00:02:35Edie!
00:02:37Edie!
00:02:38...go the spoils.
00:02:45The guest bedroom on the second floor of the Apple White House
00:02:49had the best view in all of Wisteria Lane.
00:02:52From its windows, one could see from Mike Delfino's house
00:02:55on one end of the street,
00:02:57all the way to the old Hoover place on the other.
00:03:00But unfortunately for the room's newest guest,
00:03:03the view was about to change.
00:03:07Dramatically.
00:03:17What on earth is he doing out?
00:03:19Caleb, go up to your room.
00:03:21Mom and I gotta have a talk now.
00:03:23His room? Have you lost your mind?
00:03:25Relax. I've taped newspapers to the windows people can't see in.
00:03:28Caleb, get back down here.
00:03:29No, no, no. We had a talk. It's fine.
00:03:30He understands what's gonna happen if he's discovered.
00:03:32For five seconds, he understands, and then he forgets.
00:03:34You know that.
00:03:35We can protect him without treating him like an animal.
00:03:37I am keeping him safe.
00:03:39From the police, from the fosters, from himself.
00:03:42He is not going back downstairs!
00:03:44Since when do you talk to me like that?
00:03:49Since I share the risk.
00:03:56I have a few announcements.
00:03:58I'd like to acknowledge Mrs. Herbert for spearheading the potluck dinner.
00:04:02Her hard work and tuna melt...
00:04:04She's adorable, isn't she?
00:04:07She's okay.
00:04:09Next Saturday, the women's ministry bar will be gorgeous.
00:04:12Knock it off.
00:04:13Knock what off?
00:04:13Babies, babies, babies.
00:04:15You sound like a broken record.
00:04:16I just had a miscarriage.
00:04:18It's gonna take some time before I'm ready to get pregnant again.
00:04:21Any idea when you'll be ready?
00:04:23You know ballpark?
00:04:23Stop it.
00:04:25Just enjoy the here and now.
00:04:28We're together.
00:04:28Our marriage is back on track.
00:04:30Life is good.
00:04:31Before we wrap up,
00:04:33we have a dear friend back from her missionary trip
00:04:35to tell us about her experiences.
00:04:37Sister Mary Bernard.
00:04:39Son of a bitch!
00:04:47Shh!
00:04:51Honey, are you in there?
00:05:08I'm doing homework.
00:05:09Really?
00:05:10Because I'm holding your backpack with all your school books.
00:05:12Hold on.
00:05:16Thanks, Mom.
00:05:17I was just doing a little research online.
00:05:19Oh, while I'm here,
00:05:20I must have to grab some of your laundry.
00:05:21No, please.
00:05:21Not right now.
00:05:22Honey, stop complaining.
00:05:24One day,
00:05:25you'll wish that someone were offering to do your laundry.
00:05:40Danielle, question.
00:05:42Is there a black man hiding under your bed?
00:05:44What's going on?
00:05:52I just thought you should know that I came home to find your son hiding underneath my daughter's bed.
00:05:57And it just seems to me that...
00:05:58Inside.
00:06:01Right now.
00:06:06I apologize for my son's behavior.
00:06:08It won't happen again.
00:06:09I put the house up for sale, and we're moving.
00:06:13Now, if you'll excuse me.
00:06:20How's it going?
00:06:20Oh, not good.
00:06:23I'm trying to salvage the pitch from the Black's frozen yogurt campaign.
00:06:27You know what kills me?
00:06:28Yeah?
00:06:29Here we are at...
00:06:30T minus nine hours and eleven minutes from the biggest pitch in our company's history,
00:06:35and I have nothing, even vaguely presentable.
00:06:39I'll get the coffee.
00:06:44So, you want to go over it and toss some ideas around?
00:06:48No, that's okay.
00:06:49I know you're exhausted.
00:06:50You should go to bed.
00:06:53Come on, honey.
00:06:54Let's do this.
00:06:55Let's nail this sucker.
00:06:56What do we got?
00:06:58We've got nothing.
00:07:00Okay.
00:07:01Okay.
00:07:02Black's frozen yogurt.
00:07:05Let your taste buds come in from the cold.
00:07:07Okay.
00:07:09You know, whatever.
00:07:10I'm just knocking the rust off.
00:07:11I can do better now.
00:07:11I can do better now.
00:07:13Black's the fro-yo that makes you go, whoa.
00:07:17Come on.
00:07:18I'm sorry.
00:07:19I just really need to focus here.
00:07:20Okay.
00:07:21Black's frozen yogurt because our cows are better.
00:07:23Or, no.
00:07:23Or, or, or fro-gert.
00:07:25Fro-gert.
00:07:25It's fun to eat.
00:07:26Fun to say.
00:07:27That's actually good.
00:07:29Really?
00:07:30No.
00:07:30The cow part.
00:07:31That could work.
00:07:32We'll, we'll make them into characters.
00:07:35We'll humanize them.
00:07:37Oh!
00:07:37I know.
00:07:38I know.
00:07:39Celebrity cow spokespeople.
00:07:42Yes.
00:07:43Yes.
00:07:43That's exactly what I was thinking.
00:07:45You know, like, make them, like, into, like, famous characters.
00:07:48Like, uh, Reverend Mooney.
00:07:51What do you, what do you think of that?
00:07:54They can't all be gems.
00:08:02I had a fabulous time.
00:08:03Me too.
00:08:06Well, I guess I better get going.
00:08:08Oh, um, oh, uh, Julie's staying at her father's house, and, um, I'm all alone here.
00:08:14Oh.
00:08:15Oh.
00:08:16Yeah.
00:08:17Sometimes it actually makes me a little nervous.
00:08:20You turn the TV on.
00:08:21That's what I do.
00:08:22Oh, that's a good idea.
00:08:23I forgot.
00:08:27I have a bottle of wine.
00:08:29It's already chilled right in the refrigerator, and that'll just really relax me.
00:08:34That's good.
00:08:34So, um, we're still good for Thursday?
00:08:41Uh, yeah.
00:08:42Yeah, Thursday's great.
00:08:45So, um...
00:08:46Come on.
00:08:51Do I just repulse you?
00:08:53No.
00:08:54Why?
00:08:55You know, we've been on three dates, and you just keep acting like a perfect gentleman, and, uh...
00:09:01It's getting a little old.
00:09:03Okay, Susan, make no mistake.
00:09:04I'm, like, inches away from ripping off all your clothes right now.
00:09:07And you're stopping yourself.
00:09:08Why?
00:09:09Well, I'm still your doctor, and it's not quite ethical yet.
00:09:13Oh.
00:09:14So why are we dating?
00:09:15Look, it's only temporary.
00:09:16Once you're well, and I'm done treating you, all bets are off.
00:09:20Okay.
00:09:22Hmm.
00:09:25Oh, what the hell?
00:09:27Oh.
00:09:27Hmm.
00:09:32Okay.
00:09:32Hey, that sort of felt unethical.
00:09:36Hmm.
00:09:38Hmm.
00:09:40Oh.
00:09:40Oh.
00:09:47Thank you for meeting with me.
00:09:48Sure.
00:09:49I'd have invited you to the house, but the place is a real pigsty.
00:09:53Carlos, I'm a nun, not a moron.
00:09:54I know Gabrielle despises me.
00:09:58She's just jealous of you, that's all.
00:10:00Of me?
00:10:02Well, isn't that silly?
00:10:03She refuses to believe that I can connect with anyone on a spiritual level.
00:10:07We do have an amazing connection.
00:10:10That's why I wanted to talk to you.
00:10:12When I saw you at church, I could tell instantly you were unhappy.
00:10:15Okay.
00:10:19Maybe I've been a little down lately.
00:10:23Tell me.
00:10:25It's the whole having kids thing again.
00:10:27Sister Mary, I just, I want them so bad.
00:10:31But Gabrielle still refuses to give them to you?
00:10:33To be fair, she did have a miscarriage recently.
00:10:37What if she decides against kids?
00:10:40I wonder if this is just a stall tactic.
00:10:42Then I'm screwed.
00:10:44Sorry, sorry.
00:10:46Well, you're right.
00:10:47You're screwed.
00:10:50Unless...
00:10:52Unless what?
00:10:53American Catholic's Guide to Enormance.
00:11:05Sister Mary, what exactly are you saying here?
00:11:07I'm saying, God helps those who help themselves.
00:11:17Hey, I got great news.
00:11:19We just landed the Black's Frozen Yogurt account.
00:11:21Really?
00:11:22They love the pitch?
00:11:23The talking cows rock their world.
00:11:25Hey, how did they like my President Bull Clinton idea?
00:11:28Ah, well, I rewrote some of the stuff we worked on,
00:11:32but, you know, essentially it's the same,
00:11:34and they ate it up.
00:11:35Oh, that is fantastic.
00:11:38Yeah, and Ed said we can finally afford
00:11:40to hire another executive.
00:11:41Terrific.
00:11:42Tell me, did they like the promotional plan
00:11:44sponsoring the cow tipping contest?
00:11:45Ah, well, the pitch was running long,
00:11:48so we cut a few things.
00:11:49I'm just glad they love my idea.
00:11:51Well, to be fair...
00:11:52Do they like the Hugh Heffer and the Plague House?
00:11:56They're calling me in for a meeting.
00:11:57I gotta go.
00:11:58Love you, bye.
00:11:58So, this is your spleen.
00:12:06Normally, it'd be over here,
00:12:09but because you're missing ligament structure,
00:12:10it has wandered over there right next to your liver.
00:12:13Now, we discussed it at the staff meeting.
00:12:14Everyone thinks you should have it removed immediately.
00:12:16Oh, well, okay.
00:12:20I mean, I guess you guys probably have
00:12:22all sorts of new, exciting techniques
00:12:24where you don't even cut open the body.
00:12:26No, not really.
00:12:28No?
00:12:29So, we're talking surgery?
00:12:34Yeah, well, I guess I can handle that.
00:12:37People get cut open every day.
00:12:39So, I'm assuming you're good with me
00:12:40doing the surgery, right?
00:12:42You?
00:12:42I mean, if it seems natural,
00:12:43I know the most about your case.
00:12:45I promise you'll be in very good hands.
00:12:47Oh, well, um...
00:12:50What?
00:12:55The first time you'll see me naked,
00:12:57I'll be on an operating table.
00:12:58Well, I promise I'll be a perfect gentleman.
00:13:01My eyes will be strictly on the spleen.
00:13:02Doctor, Mrs. Baker's here for her follow-up.
00:13:05Right.
00:13:06We need to schedule Susan for a splenectomy with me.
00:13:10Oh, congratulations!
00:13:12So, I will call you later?
00:13:14Oh, I am so happy for him.
00:13:16Such a doll.
00:13:18I'm curious.
00:13:19Um, why are you so congratulatory?
00:13:23Oh, the spleen surgery.
00:13:24It'll be his first.
00:13:28Hey, honey.
00:13:34Can we talk about something?
00:13:36Sure.
00:13:39So, I've been thinking about the whole baby thing,
00:13:42and however long it takes for you to feel ready,
00:13:45I am fine with.
00:13:47Okay.
00:13:48But here's the deal.
00:13:51I need to know that this isn't a maybe.
00:13:54I want to promise that we will have children.
00:13:58I'm sorry.
00:13:59I can't promise that.
00:14:02Why not?
00:14:03Because.
00:14:04I can't say that I'm going to wake up tomorrow
00:14:06and suddenly want to do something
00:14:07that I swore my entire life I would never do.
00:14:10Maybe is a very big step for me.
00:14:11Yeah, well, it isn't big enough for me.
00:14:13Well, I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to accept it.
00:14:15There's nothing else you can do.
00:14:16That isn't necessarily true.
00:14:18Excuse me.
00:14:18Excuse me.
00:14:18You are threatening me with an annulment?
00:14:28That conniving little bitch put you up to this, didn't she?
00:14:31Didn't she?
00:14:32This fight could be over right now
00:14:33if you'd just make me a promise.
00:14:35The only promise I am making you
00:14:36is that this is so not over.
00:14:37How's the search coming for the new ad exec?
00:14:49Any luck?
00:14:50Oh, the pickings are slim.
00:14:53So far, none of my top choices are available.
00:14:57Hey, do you have someone from your old company
00:14:59that you could, you know, maybe recommend?
00:15:01Daddy!
00:15:02I can't find my toothbrush.
00:15:04I'll be up in a second, buddy.
00:15:06Hi.
00:15:08As a matter of fact,
00:15:09there's this one guy who would be perfect.
00:15:11Yeah?
00:15:12Yeah, hardworking, smart as a whip, total package.
00:15:15Really?
00:15:16What's his name?
00:15:17Tom.
00:15:18Tom.
00:15:19Tom what?
00:15:20Tom Scabo.
00:15:21Oh!
00:15:24No, no.
00:15:25I do not think that that is a good idea.
00:15:28Come on, honey.
00:15:29I mean, the other night doing those pitches,
00:15:30it just got the old juices flowing,
00:15:31and I remembered how much I miss having a real job.
00:15:33You have a real job right here,
00:15:36staying home with the kids.
00:15:37With two incomes,
00:15:38we could afford a top-notch nanny.
00:15:40What about Penny?
00:15:41You're the one who fought for office daycare.
00:15:43Let's use it.
00:15:44What about the two of us working and living together?
00:15:46I think that could be a recipe for disaster.
00:15:49Why?
00:15:49The last time that we worked together,
00:15:53we fell in love.
00:15:55Oh, it's just...
00:15:57I'm...
00:15:58I'm not sure that you would find this job that satisfying.
00:16:05You don't think I'm good enough, do you?
00:16:06I'm not saying that.
00:16:08Daddy!
00:16:08I still can't find my toothbrush!
00:16:12Okay.
00:16:12I got it.
00:16:14Come on, buddy.
00:16:15Let's hunt it down.
00:16:16So who won the fight?
00:16:19We weren't fighting.
00:16:20I was just letting Daddy know where he stands.
00:16:22Oh!
00:16:22Hey!
00:16:24Hey!
00:16:28Thanks for coming in, Mr. Ganey.
00:16:29We'll be in touch.
00:16:32Bye.
00:16:34What'd you think?
00:16:34Well, honestly, I wasn't blown away.
00:16:36I know the pickings are slim,
00:16:37but we can't hold out much longer.
00:16:39We need to hire someone this week.
00:16:40I know.
00:16:40I know.
00:16:41I know.
00:16:42So, who's up next?
00:16:44Tom Cavos.
00:16:44You ever heard of him?
00:16:45Mm-mm.
00:16:47What do you...
00:16:48Could you excuse me for just a minute?
00:16:54Sure.
00:16:58Tom Cavos.
00:16:59It's an anagram.
00:17:00It's deceptively simple, don't you think?
00:17:01What do you think you're doing?
00:17:03I'm going over your head.
00:17:04I mean, you might not think I'm good enough,
00:17:05but maybe Ed'll be a little more open-minded,
00:17:07since, you know, he's not constantly competing with me.
00:17:11You want the truth, Tom?
00:17:12I think you're good.
00:17:14You have moments of brilliance,
00:17:16but I also think sometimes you coast.
00:17:18And I think if I were your boss
00:17:19and had to ride your ass every day,
00:17:21you would come home seething with resentment.
00:17:24Come on.
00:17:25It's hard enough keeping a marriage together.
00:17:27If you're at all concerned about saving our marriage,
00:17:29you better let me take my shot.
00:17:32What does that mean?
00:17:32It means that a little part of me
00:17:34has been hating you
00:17:36ever since you tanked my promotion at Peterson.
00:17:38Tom...
00:17:39But I can let it all go
00:17:40if you'll give me this one thing.
00:17:43Excuse me.
00:17:44Ed's waiting for you guys.
00:17:45Great!
00:17:46Great!
00:17:47Just let my resume speak for itself.
00:17:51Just let your resume speak for itself.
00:17:55Okay.
00:17:55You work the Ponser Cheese accounts?
00:17:59Those angry mouspots?
00:18:00They were hilarious!
00:18:01I was on that from the beginning.
00:18:02Oh, warning!
00:18:03Do not eat the cheese!
00:18:04The cheese is evil!
00:18:05I love that!
00:18:07Oh, you've got a great resume.
00:18:09Yeah, gosh, it is.
00:18:10It's quite impressive.
00:18:11Oh, wow, I see you worked for Belfort and Barrasso.
00:18:14That's a great job.
00:18:16Yeah, I put my time in.
00:18:17Uh-huh.
00:18:17And when were you there?
00:18:18Because you forgot to list your dates of employment for that one.
00:18:23Um, that was a few years back.
00:18:25Uh-huh.
00:18:26And how long did you stay?
00:18:28Just about five months, actually.
00:18:30What?
00:18:30Did you get recruited by another firm?
00:18:32Did somebody cherry-pick you?
00:18:34No, I was fired.
00:18:35Oh.
00:18:36Yeah, but honestly,
00:18:37I was happy to leave because they didn't get my sense of humor.
00:18:39I actually pitched a version of the Cheese is Evil there first.
00:18:42They hated it.
00:18:44Idiots!
00:18:44Well, they're lost, right?
00:18:45Yeah.
00:18:45Oh, and I see you won a Cleo for the Thompson Saladressies bottle.
00:18:48That was very cool.
00:18:49So, did you do that solo?
00:18:52Actually, no.
00:18:53My wife helped me on that one.
00:18:54Um, she's in advertising, too.
00:18:56But if you were to ask her,
00:18:57I'm sure she'd tell you she did the whole thing all by herself.
00:19:01Credit hog, huh?
00:19:02I know the type.
00:19:04You know what, Tom?
00:19:06I like you.
00:19:08Ed.
00:19:08And I'm not usually one for hiring in the room.
00:19:11No, no, no, no, no.
00:19:11We never hire in the room.
00:19:12But we're in a time crunch, and we need someone now.
00:19:15I think you're the guy.
00:19:17Lynette, you got any issues?
00:19:19Well, um, let me just call in a few references before we make anything official.
00:19:25Sure, sure.
00:19:26You know what?
00:19:26We'll be in touch, okay?
00:19:27Jesus, he's evil!
00:19:29Oh, God, I love that.
00:19:30Oh.
00:19:31Oh, um, I'm looking for Father Crowley.
00:19:40Do you know where he is?
00:19:41Um, he's in the confessional.
00:19:45How long has it been since your last confession?
00:19:48Who cares?
00:19:50Father, it's me.
00:19:52Gabrielle?
00:19:53Yeah.
00:19:54Look, I need you to do something for me.
00:19:55I need you to get rid of Sister Mary Bernard.
00:19:59What?
00:19:59Why?
00:20:00Because she's ruining my marriage.
00:20:02Sister Mary?
00:20:03Yes.
00:20:04First, it started with the love letters while he was in prison.
00:20:06And the next thing I know, they're spending day and night together.
00:20:09Sneaking off to private Bible study and one-on-one spiritual consultation.
00:20:15Gabrielle.
00:20:15Yeah, and if that wasn't enough, he is saying her name in his sleep.
00:20:19Hold me, Sister Mary.
00:20:21Hold me.
00:20:22It's disgusting.
00:20:23He's like a lovesick puppy.
00:20:25Do you have reason to believe that your husband and Sister Mary are having sex?
00:20:36Speak from the heart, Gabrielle.
00:20:37This is just between me, you, and God.
00:20:48Yeah.
00:20:50Yep, they're having sex.
00:20:51Carlos confessed everything right before he asked for an annulment.
00:21:16Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:21:18How long since your last confession?
00:21:22Not that long ago.
00:21:23Look, I sort of told a fib, so how many Hail Marys is that going to send me back?
00:21:39Go away!
00:21:40Oh, honey, what happened wasn't my fault.
00:21:44There's no way I could have predicted how Betty would react.
00:21:47Oh, please, you knew something bad would happen.
00:21:50You wanted all this to blow up in my face.
00:21:52Why?
00:21:53Why would I want that?
00:21:55Because you're jealous that my life's just getting started and yours is over.
00:22:00Danielle, that's ridiculous, sweetheart.
00:22:02Daddy's dead.
00:22:04You drove your boyfriend to suicide.
00:22:06You're getting older by the minute, and soon you'll be so dried up and bitter that no man
00:22:10will ever want to touch you ever again.
00:22:12Danielle.
00:22:13I know you're determined to ruin my life, so I have to stay with you here to keep you
00:22:17company while you turn into an old fossil.
00:22:19All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.
00:22:24Don't just want it.
00:22:25Make it happen.
00:22:40Danielle, I don't feel much like cooking tonight.
00:22:43I'm thinking of ordering a pizza.
00:22:45I want Canadian bacon.
00:22:47Please.
00:22:48All right.
00:22:49He's mad at you because you hit him.
00:23:04Well, I feel bad about that.
00:23:07But when I consider the risks he was taking...
00:23:10It's a shame he can't see that girl.
00:23:13She's so pretty.
00:23:16What did you say about Danielle?
00:23:18I said that she...
00:23:21You know I don't want you thinking about things like that.
00:23:29I'm sorry.
00:23:30I didn't.
00:23:31I'm sorry.
00:23:32It's okay.
00:23:33It's okay.
00:23:35Go on and run up to your room.
00:23:37Read the comics I got you.
00:23:39And Caleb.
00:23:40But if I ever catch you looking at that Vandekamp girl, I'll hit you twice as hard as I hit your brother.
00:23:48And I won't feel bad about it.
00:23:50Okay?
00:23:53Okay.
00:23:53So this whole splenectomy thing, you feel good about it, huh?
00:24:10Yeah, yeah.
00:24:10I told you.
00:24:11It's a routine surgery.
00:24:12You're going to be fine.
00:24:13Right, right.
00:24:14Actually, I sort of meant, um, do you personally feel confident?
00:24:23What do you mean?
00:24:25Well, you know, you're going to be hacking into me and I just wanted to make sure that you feel ready.
00:24:34I've never taken out a spleen before.
00:24:37But believe me, it's no big deal.
00:24:39Spleen, gallbladder, it's all the same.
00:24:40Okay, red flag.
00:24:41See, I didn't go to medical school, but I'm thinking, not all the same.
00:24:44Susan, I know what I'm doing.
00:24:45You're going to have to trust me, okay?
00:24:47I would like to.
00:24:48But I've got to be honest, the fact that you can't even cut that steak isn't helping.
00:24:51That's not fair.
00:24:52You overcooked it.
00:24:52And frankly, it's not the freshest meat.
00:24:54Well, neither am I.
00:24:55I've got 35 years on that cow.
00:24:57Wait, Susan, are you saying you don't want me to be your surgeon?
00:25:04I'm sorry.
00:25:05I don't mean this to sound the wrong way.
00:25:07I just, I would be more comfortable with an experienced surgeon.
00:25:12It's okay.
00:25:14I understand.
00:25:17I should really be going.
00:25:20What?
00:25:23I didn't even serve dessert yet, but you said you understood.
00:25:26No, I do.
00:25:27I do.
00:25:27I respect your decision to see another doctor, but you know what?
00:25:29You need to respect that my feelings are hurt.
00:25:30What?
00:25:31You want me to put my life on the line to service your ego?
00:25:35I save lives every day.
00:25:37I cut, I save, I cut, I save.
00:25:38That's what I do.
00:25:39And if that gives me an out-of-control ego, well, maybe I need that.
00:25:41It's a cut to another human being.
00:25:45Check.
00:25:53Hey.
00:25:54Hey.
00:25:55Dinner's ready.
00:25:57Oh.
00:25:57I said you'd call around, check out my references.
00:26:02I told Ed you were my husband, and he was cool with that.
00:26:06He really wants to hire you.
00:26:08So, who am I to stand in the way?
00:26:12Really?
00:26:12So I got the job?
00:26:14On one condition.
00:26:15If you take this job, you are never allowed to bring up what happened before with your promotion.
00:26:26That's it?
00:26:26Deal.
00:26:27No, it's not a deal.
00:26:28I need a solemn vow that you will never throw that in my face ever again.
00:26:32Because if you do, you will unleash demons that you do not want to meet.
00:26:37I get it.
00:26:38And what I really need from you is to be forgiven.
00:26:49Actually, I already had.
00:26:50This dinner is really good.
00:27:20Hi, Betty.
00:27:34Hello.
00:27:35I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day with the kids.
00:27:39I told you we will be moving soon.
00:27:41There's nothing to worry about.
00:27:43Well, my fear is that if we keep them apart, they'll try that much harder to be together.
00:27:48I mean, you know how teenagers can be, and, well, a lot can happen in a couple of weeks.
00:27:53I'll make a deal with you.
00:27:54If you control yours, I will control mine.
00:27:59How about some old-fashioned chaperoning?
00:28:01That way, they can, um, still see each other, and we won't have to be the villains.
00:28:06When it comes to my son's best interest, I'm not afraid of being the villain.
00:28:10I assume that you would feel the same way, Brie.
00:28:12Now that you mention it, I guess I do.
00:28:17I have to go.
00:28:18I have some, um, muffins in the oven.
00:28:37Mom, what's wrong?
00:28:38It's the Applewhite's.
00:28:39I don't want you to go near them.
00:28:40What?
00:28:40Do you remember the man they arrested?
00:28:42The one that broke into Gabrielle's and escaped from the mental hospital?
00:28:47He's there.
00:28:48I saw him in their window.
00:28:49They're hiding him.
00:28:50You're kidding.
00:28:51No, I'm not, and I forbid you to go over there.
00:28:54Lynette, hi.
00:28:55It's Brie.
00:28:56Uh, listen.
00:28:57Call me when you get this message, and please come to Poker tonight.
00:29:00I have some big news about the Applewhite's.
00:29:04All right.
00:29:04Bye.
00:29:06Who was that?
00:29:08Sister Mary.
00:29:08They just transferred her to a parish in Fairbanks, Alaska.
00:29:14You're kidding me.
00:29:14Why?
00:29:15She doesn't know.
00:29:17The diocese wouldn't even give her a reason.
00:29:20Ah, Vatican politics.
00:29:26What's wrong?
00:29:27I think I'm just coming down with a migraine.
00:29:30Well, maybe you should go lie down.
00:29:31I'm going to be out for a while.
00:29:43I'll see you there.
00:29:44Susan?
00:29:45What are you doing here?
00:29:46We need to talk.
00:29:48Okay.
00:29:48All right.
00:29:48But look, I just got out of surgery.
00:29:49I've been waiting for three hours.
00:29:51After you stormed out the other night, I started to doubt myself.
00:29:58I started to think, gee, you know, maybe I should just ignore my better instincts, and
00:30:02I should let Dr. Ron gut me like a fish.
00:30:04Susan.
00:30:04I mean, why not?
00:30:05Because all my life, I have jumped through hoops to keep men from leaving.
00:30:08But I'm not doing it anymore.
00:30:09So, tough luck, Pally.
00:30:11You just missed out on a good thing.
00:30:13Susan.
00:30:15You've been here for three hours?
00:30:17Yeah.
00:30:17Well, two hours ago, flowers, champagne, and an apology note were delivered to your doorstep.
00:30:22Really?
00:30:23Look, I put our relationship at risk, all right?
00:30:25And it was stupid.
00:30:28I haven't felt this way about somebody in a long time.
00:30:33Susan, I really like you.
00:30:36And because of that, I can't be your doctor, let alone your surgeon.
00:30:41I mean, there's a pretty good reason why they make those rules.
00:30:45Listen, I hope you forgive me, all right?
00:30:47Because I'll hate myself if I lose you.
00:30:50Wow.
00:30:54I wouldn't want you to hate yourself.
00:30:56No.
00:31:01I'm so sorry about that snap thing I was just trying to be theatrical.
00:31:06Got your note.
00:31:15What's going on?
00:31:16Are you hiding someone in your house?
00:31:20What?
00:31:20My mom saw someone in your second story window.
00:31:23She thinks it's the guy who broke into Mrs. Elysis.
00:31:25Damn it, Kayla.
00:31:26Is that his name?
00:31:28Has she told anybody else?
00:31:29She left messages on her friend's machines.
00:31:31They're coming over soon to get details.
00:31:33We're going to have to leave tonight.
00:31:34Mrs. Elysis.
00:31:34Why?
00:31:34What's going on?
00:31:35I would love to tell you.
00:31:36Believe me, I would.
00:31:38But I can't.
00:31:40If you trust me, I could help you.
00:31:44My family has secrets, too.
00:31:46What my brother did, it's bad.
00:31:48Last year, my brother did something really awful, and my parents covered it up for him.
00:31:54If anyone were to ever find out, Andrew and my mom could go to jail.
00:32:00So you don't have to worry about me judging you.
00:32:03Tell me your secrets.
00:32:04I'll understand.
00:32:04I can't.
00:32:12Okay.
00:32:15But you tell me yours first.
00:32:27What are you doing here?
00:32:28I heard you're being transferred, so I came to say goodbye.
00:32:32Come to gloat is more like it.
00:32:34No, we've had our differences, but it doesn't mean I'm happy to see you shipped off to Alaska.
00:32:41Burr.
00:32:43You had something to do with this, didn't you?
00:32:45Me?
00:32:46Oh, I'm just a humble sinner.
00:32:48You're the one with all the power around here.
00:32:50All the annulment mojo.
00:32:54Is that why you did it?
00:32:55Well, getting rid of me isn't going to change anything.
00:33:02Carlos will do what he wants.
00:33:04The problems in your marriage aren't going away.
00:33:06Maybe not.
00:33:09But you certainly are.
00:33:12You missed a spot.
00:33:17Ah!
00:33:19Oh!
00:33:21That was a mistake.
00:33:24Oh!
00:33:25Oh my God!
00:33:52Oh my God!
00:33:53Oh my God!
00:33:53No!
00:33:55No!
00:33:57No!
00:33:58No!
00:33:59No!
00:34:00Stop.
00:34:03Are you OK?
00:34:06Ah!
00:34:14Please!
00:34:15Stop fighting!
00:34:19Stop fighting!
00:34:22No!
00:34:23What the hell were you thinking?
00:34:34Uh, depends.
00:34:35What have you heard?
00:34:36I got a call from the church.
00:34:38They said you attacked Sister Mary.
00:34:40Yeah, that's about right.
00:34:42What are you thinking?
00:34:43I wasn't, but I was thinking about it on the way over here,
00:34:45and I realized the ass I should be kicking is yours.
00:34:48Mine?
00:34:48Yes.
00:34:49Sister Mary manipulated you into threatening me,
00:34:52but you're the idiot that fell for it.
00:34:54I was not threatening you.
00:34:56I was asking for a promise.
00:34:59You made me a promise, Carlos, a long time ago,
00:35:01till death do us part,
00:35:03and one day you just come home
00:35:04and start throwing words around like annulment.
00:35:07How do you think that makes me feel?
00:35:08Okay, I'm sorry about that.
00:35:16I need to have a child.
00:35:19And I need to know I'm the woman
00:35:20you want to spend the rest of your life with.
00:35:22Not just some uterus and high heels.
00:35:25Gabrielle, please.
00:35:26No, Carlos, I am sorry.
00:35:27I am not going to be blackmailed into giving birth.
00:35:33You have to choose.
00:35:35And I wish you would do it
00:35:36so I can move on with my life.
00:35:38Well, of course I choose you.
00:35:52I think that's the right decision.
00:36:01You know, I made a decision, too.
00:36:03The answer to your question earlier is yes.
00:36:10Yes.
00:36:12I want to have a baby.
00:36:18I want to have a baby with you.
00:36:20Betty.
00:36:43Betty.
00:36:43What a surprise.
00:36:46Can I talk to you for a moment?
00:36:47Uh, now is actually not a good time for me.
00:36:51I think it is.
00:36:53I wanted to chat with you before you did something foolish.
00:37:02I don't know what you mean.
00:37:06The person you saw at my house today is my other son.
00:37:10His name is Caleb.
00:37:12He didn't harm Gabrielle,
00:37:13and he didn't hurt the man in the car trunk.
00:37:15That's all you need to know.
00:37:17He's your son?
00:37:18He's my dear son, who happens to be slow.
00:37:22Sometimes he makes mistakes.
00:37:24But, Betty, the police are looking for him.
00:37:26He escaped from that facility they sent him to.
00:37:29He had help, trust me.
00:37:32I've always thought the maternal instinct
00:37:34is one of nature's most amazing gifts.
00:37:37I mean, the length that some mothers will go to
00:37:40to protect their children.
00:37:42It drives ordinary women to do extraordinary things.
00:37:44Women like me, Bree.
00:37:47And like you.
00:37:49What are you talking about?
00:37:51If you breathe one word of Caleb's existence to anyone,
00:37:55I will tell Carlos, Gabrielle, and the police
00:37:58that it was your son driving the car
00:38:00that killed Juanita Solis,
00:38:01and that you have been covering up his crime ever since.
00:38:04We're gonna be great friends, Bree.
00:38:10We have so much in common.
00:38:13So is that all she said?
00:38:16Yeah, something about the apple whites.
00:38:18A dime of curiosity.
00:38:23It's rude to keep people waiting.
00:38:26Hi. Come on in.
00:38:32So?
00:38:33Spill it.
00:38:34What's the scoop on the apple whites?
00:38:36Oh, about that.
00:38:37Um...
00:38:38Oh, Bree, come on. Dish already.
00:38:40Well, perhaps I got more excited than I should have,
00:38:43but I recently found out that Betty Applewhite
00:38:46is quite the poker player.
00:38:48And so I have, uh, invited her to join our weekly game.
00:38:53Hello, everybody.
00:38:55I hope you brought your checkbooks,
00:38:57because I am feeling lucky.
00:39:04Everyone understands the nature of war.
00:39:08I raise.
00:39:10We also understand that victory depends
00:39:12on the cards that we have been dealt.
00:39:14Some, when faced with a bloody battle,
00:39:17simply give in.
00:39:19But for some,
00:39:21surrender is unacceptable.
00:39:23Well, Bree,
00:39:25what are you gonna do?
00:39:27Even though they know it will be a fight...
00:39:31I'll raise you.
00:39:35...to the death.
00:39:42Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:39:44Your spleen has wandered close to your heart.
00:39:45Are we gonna take it out?
00:39:46Get your insurance figured out by then, hmm?
00:39:48There was the bad news.
00:39:49There's a cop I want you to talk to.
00:39:50His name is Sullivan.
00:39:51The file, I know his daughter.
00:39:53The discomforting news.
00:39:54Thanks.
00:39:55Are you hiding someone in your house?
00:39:57Tell me your secrets.
00:39:58I'll understand.
00:39:59Okay.
00:40:00And the news no one should know.
00:40:03She told me yours first.
00:40:07Once a month,
00:40:08the creme de la creme of Fairview Society would attend a semi-formal luncheon at the home of Maxine Bennett.
00:40:16Everyone loved these elegant get-togethers.
00:40:19Everyone, that is.
00:40:20But a certain red-headed housewife who was convinced Maxine was a liar.
00:40:26You see, Maxine liked to brag that she did all her own cooking.
00:40:29And because each course was served promptly, presented with flair, and was positively mouth-watering, Brie knew Maxine had had some health.
00:40:44And sadly for Maxine, Brie intended to prove it.
00:40:50Maxine, once again, this entire lunch was just out of this world.
00:40:54I just have to get the number of your caterer.
00:40:56What a nice compliment.
00:40:58No, I'm afraid this is all my doing.
00:41:00It was a triumph, an absolute triumph.
00:41:02Oh, come on.
00:41:03Do you honestly expect us to believe that you had the time to prepare a six-course meal for ten women?
00:41:08Even I couldn't make this and have time to get ready for a party.
00:41:11Well, perhaps you're just not as organized.
00:41:13as I am.
00:41:16If you'll excuse me.
00:41:18Brie, what's gotten into you?
00:41:21I have the same recipe for English plum pudding.
00:41:24It takes six hours to prepare.
00:41:26How would you have time to make all of this and everything else that we ate today?
00:41:29This is not the pudding of an honest woman.
00:41:32FBI, open up!
00:41:34What on earth?
00:41:36Looking for a Maxine Bennett.
00:41:37I'm Maxine.
00:41:38We have a warrant to search the premises, ma'am.
00:41:39A warrant?
00:41:40I'm in the middle of a luncheon.
00:41:41Over here.
00:41:42Found her.
00:41:43What?
00:41:44Maxine Bennett, you're under arrest or voluntary servitude.
00:41:45Is this a woman who locked you up?
00:41:46Yeah.
00:41:47I just don't want to give a true cheetah.
00:41:49Beat you away.
00:41:50Beat you away!
00:41:51Beat you away!
00:41:52Beat you away!
00:41:53Beat you away!
00:41:54It's New York!
00:41:56What?
00:41:57Maxine Bennett, you're under arrest or voluntary servitude.
00:42:01Is this a woman who locked you up?
00:42:03Yes.
00:42:04She just wanted me to leave.
00:42:06Bitch, bitch! Bitch, bitch! Bitch, bitch!
00:42:10Bitch, bitch!
00:42:11You're...
00:42:15Brie, what's going on?
00:42:17Well, I'm not sure, but I think Maxine had a slave.
00:42:21I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.
00:42:25But Brie could.
00:42:27You see, for her,
00:42:29the proof was in the pudding.
00:42:39The world is filled with unlikely friendships.
00:42:43Odd pairings that to the casual observer
00:42:46make absolutely no sense at all.
00:42:50But if we look closer,
00:42:52we can see why these alliances form.
00:42:55After all,
00:42:56a shared purpose can give even mortal enemies
00:43:00common ground.
00:43:02Brie,
00:43:03we have a question for you.
00:43:04Oh, what is it?
00:43:05Well, we were just wondering.
00:43:06Actually, we were curious about, um...
00:43:08What the hell is going on with you and Betty Applewhite?
00:43:10Yeah, that.
00:43:13Excuse me?
00:43:14Well, from the day that dead body showed up,
00:43:16nobody was yelling,
00:43:17oh, the Applewhites are involved louder than you.
00:43:19And the next thing we know,
00:43:20you're having Betty over for poker?
00:43:21Well, what gives?
00:43:22She makes it sound like we're angry,
00:43:23and we're not angry.
00:43:24I'm a little angry.
00:43:25Can we talk about this later?
00:43:26I have ice cream in here.
00:43:28Brie, could this flip-flop have something to do
00:43:30with the fact that Danielle's dating Matthew?
00:43:32I knew that would get her.
00:43:35Oh, don't do that.
00:43:37Mrs. McCluskey.
00:43:38She saw them making out in the park.
00:43:39Edie?
00:43:40What?
00:43:41Can't you sugarcoat it a little?
00:43:42I did.
00:43:43He had his hand down her shirt.
00:43:46Brie,
00:43:47we know that you have a good reason
00:43:48for wanting Betty to hang out with us.
00:43:50We just wondered if you could clue us in a little.
00:43:53When it comes to Betty Applewhite,
00:43:55I know what I'm doing,
00:43:56and you two are just going to have to trust me.
00:43:58And if you can't do that,
00:43:59then perhaps I've overestimated the depth of our feet
00:44:01friendship.
00:44:02Now, if you'll excuse me.
00:44:05What a bitch.
00:44:06Edie, can you...
00:44:07I was sugarcoating it.
00:44:20Oh!
00:44:21None of that in here.
00:44:22Come on, maybe if we remind Ed
00:44:24that I'm shacking up with the senior VP,
00:44:26he'll stop killing all my pitches.
00:44:27You've only been here a week.
00:44:28Why don't you give yourself a break?
00:44:29You know the ad game,
00:44:30I've only got a certain amount of time
00:44:31to make my mark before he kicks me to the curb.
00:44:33Look, I'm just asking you,
00:44:35jump in every once in a while.
00:44:37Throw me some rope,
00:44:38you know when Ed's on the warpath.
00:44:39I can't protect you.
00:44:40You're going to have to find a way
00:44:41to click with Ed yourself.
00:44:42Then the pig, he rubs his stomach,
00:44:46and he goes,
00:44:47farm fresh bacon.
00:44:48I'll make a piggy out of you too.
00:44:50So, the pig actually eats the bacon?
00:45:00Uh-huh, yeah.
00:45:01I don't see the client doing a happy dance
00:45:03over the whole cannibalism theme.
00:45:08Well, Tom, why don't you pitch him the other idea
00:45:10he came up with last night?
00:45:11You know, the one where people love bacon so much
00:45:13they want to keep it a secret?
00:45:14What, like a secret underground society of bacon eaters?
00:45:17More like my college fraternity,
00:45:19where, you know, everybody wanted in,
00:45:20but we only took the coolest guys.
00:45:24You were Greek?
00:45:25Alpha, Tau, Omega.
00:45:26I was Phi Cap.
00:45:27You?
00:45:28You?
00:45:29And I don't remember you having to be that cool
00:45:30to pledge ATO.
00:45:31Look, if I had a nickel for every Phi Cap
00:45:33that I tied naked to a freeway sign.
00:45:35Scavo, if you were my pledge,
00:45:36I'd have made you my bitch.
00:45:37Oh, you think so?
00:45:39You know what?
00:45:40I'm liking this whole fraternity angle.
00:45:44Yeah?
00:45:45Well, let's talk about it over lunch.
00:45:47You're buying.
00:45:50Hi.
00:45:58Hello.
00:46:04What's going on?
00:46:05Gabrielle, I want you to meet someone.
00:46:07This is Xiaomei.
00:46:08She's the young lady who was forced to work for Maxine Bennett.
00:46:11Oh, the slave.
00:46:13Wow.
00:46:15Looks well fed.
00:46:16The church is making arrangements for her to return to China,
00:46:19but until then, she needs a place to stay.
00:46:21So I offered up our guest room.
00:46:24Really?
00:46:25Baby, can I talk to you for a second?
00:46:31Are you nuts?
00:46:32It's only for a couple of days.
00:46:34Oh, this time?
00:46:35You are quickly becoming Father Crowley's go-to guy for charity cases.
00:46:38And that's a bad thing.
00:46:39When he turns our house into a Catholic underground railroad, yes.
00:46:42You know who you are, Gabby?
00:46:44You're the kind of person who would have turned away Mary and Joseph from the inn.
00:46:47Well, they should have called ahead.
00:46:55Don't brush your hair at the table.
00:47:00Oh, you're talking to me?
00:47:02Does this mean you've finally forgiven me?
00:47:03Why should I?
00:47:04You betrayed this family and you're not even sorry.
00:47:06Don't be such a drama queen.
00:47:08If the Applewhites go to the police and tell them that your brother ran over Mrs. Solis,
00:47:13he could go to prison.
00:47:16How can you not understand that?
00:47:18They won't talk about Andrew as long as you don't go to the police about Caleb.
00:47:21What did this Caleb do exactly?
00:47:23And why on earth are they hiding him?
00:47:25Why don't you go to Mrs. Applewhite and tell her you really need to know what's going on?
00:47:30I bet if you were really nice, she'd tell you the truth.
00:47:33Is that what you really think, Danielle?
00:47:35I should go to Mrs. Applewhite, be nice, and then she'll hand over all her secrets?
00:47:41Yeah.
00:47:43When I was young, my stepmother told me that I was very lucky.
00:47:47I possessed beauty, wit, cunning, and insight.
00:47:52These were weapons all women needed to survive in the world.
00:47:56So?
00:47:58So take good care of your looks, Danielle.
00:48:01You don't have any other weapons at your disposal.
00:48:10Hi.
00:48:11I need an operation on my spleen, and I just found out I don't have medical insurance.
00:48:14Is there anyone I can sue?
00:48:18After the embezzlement, Lonnie let the policy lapse.
00:48:21Now he's in jail, and I'm gonna die.
00:48:23Susie, you're not gonna die.
00:48:24I'll get into it with the insurance company.
00:48:26No, there isn't time for you to deal with the red tape.
00:48:29My spleen is going careening into my heart.
00:48:32I need that operation now.
00:48:33You know, I'd loan you the money myself,
00:48:35but Edie and I just plopped down our savings in a ski condo.
00:48:39I don't need a loan.
00:48:40I need coverage.
00:48:42I mean, what if there are complications?
00:48:44I don't have a safety net.
00:48:49What in the hell are you doing?
00:48:51I'm saying a little prayer.
00:48:52For puke's sake.
00:48:54Wait, what?
00:48:55I'm desperate here.
00:48:56Do you have any other ideas?
00:48:57As a matter of fact, I do.
00:48:59What you need is a husband.
00:49:01What?
00:49:02The only way to get a good health plan is to marry into one.
00:49:06Edie, come on.
00:49:07No, no.
00:49:08I think she's on to something.
00:49:10Yeah.
00:49:11If we find a guy with the right plan, you could have a sham wedding on a Monday night and be fully covered Tuesday morning.
00:49:17I can't believe you're actually considering this.
00:49:19The surgeon is slicing me open a week from tomorrow.
00:49:22What other choice do I have?
00:49:23All we have to do is find a guy who's willing to marry you.
00:49:26You know, come to think of it, a little prayer might not be such a bad idea after all.
00:49:39Pat, we're all here, so send the call in as soon as you get it.
00:49:49200 bucks says you can't do that three times in a row.
00:49:53Huh?
00:49:54You catch three of those, 200 bucks.
00:49:59What do you say there, Scavo?
00:50:01You're on.
00:50:02Here we go.
00:50:03Ah, ah, ah, ah!
00:50:05Thrown by me.
00:50:06I'm sorry.
00:50:07I thought we were here to talk about the Farm Fresh rollout.
00:50:09They gotta be catchable, big guy.
00:50:11Well, just let me worry about the shooting.
00:50:13Come on.
00:50:19That's one.
00:50:20Guys.
00:50:21Nice moves.
00:50:24One more, big guy.
00:50:26Guys, please.
00:50:27That's...
00:50:28All right.
00:50:30Ow!
00:50:31Ow!
00:50:32That wasn't even catchable!
00:50:36You know what, maybe not.
00:50:38It was totally worth the 200 bucks.
00:50:40Woof!
00:50:41All right, well, you got me.
00:50:43You little monkey man.
00:50:44Oh, I love this guy.
00:50:51Oh.
00:50:54Hi.
00:50:57Do you have to sit around all day?
00:50:58I mean, shouldn't you be out experiencing Western civilization while you have the chance?
00:51:05What are you doing?
00:51:07I fix...
00:51:08No, this is couture!
00:51:09This rip has to be fixed by an experienced tailor.
00:51:12You can't just...
00:51:13Holy crap!
00:51:14The stitching is perfect.
00:51:16Hungry?
00:51:17Did you make all of this?
00:51:28Oh!
00:51:29For me?
00:51:31Okay.
00:51:36Oh, my God.
00:51:38You like?
00:51:39I like a lot.
00:51:47You like that?
00:51:48Yeah, that's nice.
00:51:49Mm-hmm.
00:51:50So you know what you do to people in China who speak out against the government?
00:51:52Hmm?
00:51:53They put them in forced labor camps.
00:51:54Isn't that awful?
00:51:55Mm-hmm.
00:51:56I mean, it's such a repressive regime.
00:51:57Mm.
00:51:58We forget how good we have it.
00:51:59Yes, we do.
00:52:00Don't you think Xiao Mei would like it better here in America?
00:52:01Wow.
00:52:02Wow.
00:52:03I mean, it's such a repressive regime.
00:52:04Mm.
00:52:05We forget how good we have it.
00:52:06Yes, we do.
00:52:07Don't you think Xiao Mei would like it better here in America?
00:52:09Wow.
00:52:10Wow.
00:52:11Wow.
00:52:12Wow.
00:52:13I mean, where she could learn about freedom and democracy and stuff?
00:52:18Does this have anything to do with you making Xiao Mei do housework?
00:52:21What?
00:52:22I just came from downstairs and found her waxing the floor.
00:52:24She told me you asked her to put on two coats.
00:52:26Well, first of all, that was her idea.
00:52:28Second of all, I can't have this conversation until you've tasted her breath pops.
00:52:31Mm.
00:52:32Mm.
00:52:33Mm.
00:52:34Mm.
00:52:35Mm.
00:52:36Mm.
00:52:37Mm.
00:52:38Mm.
00:52:39Mm.
00:52:40Mm.
00:52:41Mm.
00:52:42Mm.
00:52:43She just got done being a slave and she wants to go back to China.
00:52:46Mm.
00:52:47We can't force her to stay here and be our maid.
00:52:48Well, who's forcing her?
00:52:49We'll pay her whatever she wants.
00:52:51And the best part is, with her resume, any wage will look good.
00:52:55Mm.
00:52:56No way, baby.
00:52:57Mm.
00:52:58Mm.
00:52:59Mm.
00:53:00What?
00:53:01What?
00:53:03What?
00:53:04So you don't get what you want?
00:53:07You just walk off in power?
00:53:08Oh, this isn't about me.
00:53:09This is about our great nation.
00:53:10This is about our great nation, and I have no intention of sexually satisfying a man
00:53:13who isn't willing to stand up for and help spread the ideals and values of the United
00:53:17States of America.
00:53:23Sometimes she is a little hard to stomach, which means well.
00:53:26That's, that's...
00:53:27Oh, here she is.
00:53:28I came as soon as I got your message.
00:53:30Is this...
00:53:31This is Gary Grantham, your future ex-husband.
00:53:33Wow.
00:53:34Nice to meet you.
00:53:35Listen, I've got to meet a client, I've got to go, so just talk amongst yourselves,
00:53:39you two make a very handsome couple.
00:53:43Yeah.
00:53:45Uh, hi.
00:53:46Hi.
00:53:47So, do you want to get married on Wednesday?
00:53:49Because Thursday and Friday I'm out of town.
00:53:51Oh.
00:53:52Oh, yeah.
00:53:53Sure, that's Wednesday's great.
00:53:54I'm...
00:53:55Well, I'm just curious, how did Edie convince you to do this so quickly?
00:53:59Well, she explained your situation to me.
00:54:01I'm sort of in need of a fake bride myself, so I figured, what the heck.
00:54:04Why would you need a fake bride?
00:54:06Uh, I'm gay, and I've never come out to my mother.
00:54:09Really?
00:54:10No.
00:54:11At first I just didn't want to upset her.
00:54:12Then she got older, she got emphysema and diverticulitis, and I started thinking if
00:54:16I just kept my mouth shut, then one day nature would take its course and we could avoid
00:54:20what it was sure to be a very ugly scene.
00:54:22So, what changed?
00:54:24She told me at her 81st birthday party last month that the only reason she's hanging on
00:54:28is to see me get married.
00:54:30Oh.
00:54:31Oh, so by marrying me...
00:54:33I'll get my inheritance that much sooner.
00:54:35No, but mostly I want to make sure she's happy.
00:54:39Well, you seem very nice, Susan.
00:54:43It will be a pleasure being married to you.
00:54:46Likewise.
00:54:47Mm-hmm.
00:54:48Make sure it's the friends.
00:54:49Mm-hmm.
00:54:50Here's your mail and your pills.
00:54:51Oh.
00:54:52More pills.
00:54:53Stillman.
00:54:54Mm-hmm.
00:54:55Where did this come from?
00:54:56I don't know.
00:54:57It was in with your other mail.
00:54:58Get me the phone.
00:54:59Hmm.
00:55:00Go ahead.
00:55:01How did this come from?
00:55:02What's the next step, Susan?
00:55:03What do you think?
00:55:04Out of here, Susan?
00:55:05What's the next step?
00:55:06How do you say?
00:55:07Here's your mail and your pills.
00:55:08Oh.
00:55:09More pills?
00:55:10Stillman?
00:55:11Who?
00:55:12Where did this come from?
00:55:13I don't know.
00:55:14It was in with your other mail.
00:55:15I don't know.
00:55:16It was in with your other mail.
00:55:18Get me the phone.
00:55:20Get me the phone.
00:55:33Sullivan, it's me.
00:55:34I just got some news and I need to get you involved.
00:55:37Looks like Delfino's been holding out on me.
00:55:40The next morning, Bree came up with a plan to get to the truth she so desperately needed.
00:55:53As she watched the Applewhites leave their house,
00:55:56she thought of how much she had trusted the previous owners,
00:56:00and how much they had trusted her.
00:56:10Caleb, is that you?
00:56:30Hi.
00:56:32I'm Bree. I live down the street.
00:56:35I'm a friend of your mother's.
00:56:38She's not home.
00:56:40I know.
00:56:42I came to see you.
00:56:44Me?
00:56:45Yes.
00:56:46Your mother told me all about you,
00:56:48and I thought it might be nice if we had a little visit.
00:56:52I brought you some homemade cobbler.
00:56:56Hey, what's going on?
00:57:10Well, um, Ed bet Tom that he wouldn't eat a donut out of the toilet.
00:57:14Isn't it disgusting?
00:57:17Uh, it's got to be fully dumped.
00:57:22I don't want the glaze to repel the water.
00:57:25Whoa, slight delay, people.
00:57:26I'm requesting a scrub down.
00:57:27Does anybody know where they keep the toilet brush?
00:57:32Okay, just for one second.
00:57:33Hey, I never thought I'd have to ask you this,
00:57:35but are you about to eat a donut out of the toilet?
00:57:36Yeah, for the Galveston Jewelers account.
00:57:39I don't care. You're not going to do this.
00:57:41Lynette, you're the one who told me to find a way to click with Ed.
00:57:43Well, now we've got our thing.
00:57:45And it's paying off for me.
00:57:47That's because Ed gets off on humiliating you.
00:57:49Please, don't do this.
00:57:52We're waiting, Scavo.
00:57:58This is my moment.
00:58:04So, Kayla, besides your mother and brother,
00:58:07does anybody else know that you're here?
00:58:11No.
00:58:14You're pretty.
00:58:17That's very sweet.
00:58:19So, where have you been living this whole time?
00:58:21Upstairs?
00:58:23No.
00:58:25I just moved upstairs.
00:58:27My room's downstairs.
00:58:28Downstairs?
00:58:30In the basement.
00:58:33You want to see it?
00:58:34Caleb, have you been down here all these months?
00:59:01Yeah.
00:59:02Did your mother make you wear those?
00:59:07Most of the time.
00:59:08Oh, my God.
00:59:12Sweetheart, I don't understand.
00:59:15Why in the world would your mother treat you that way?
00:59:19I hurt a girl.
00:59:22A girl?
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23And then she died.
00:59:32Oh.
00:59:36Her name was Melanie.
00:59:38She was pretty.
00:59:43Just like you.
00:59:46Just like you.
00:59:54Hi.
00:59:59I thought you should know I'm getting married.
01:00:01To the doctor?
01:00:05No.
01:00:05No.
01:00:06No.
01:00:07No.
01:00:08To a gay guy.
01:00:10How did you know about the doctor?
01:00:11People talk.
01:00:12So, you're marrying a gay guy?
01:00:15I need health insurance.
01:00:16Because I've got this wandering spleen.
01:00:19And that sounds funny.
01:00:20Spleen.
01:00:21Wandering.
01:00:21But actually, it's not funny because it can bang into things.
01:00:25So, I need health insurance.
01:00:26So, I'm getting married tomorrow.
01:00:27And you probably think I'm crazy, right?
01:00:31Well, can I wait?
01:00:32I mean, the surgery.
01:00:34No.
01:00:35I can't wait.
01:00:38Because it's really not that crazy.
01:00:39How you doing, man?
01:00:44Susie, could you give me a minute?
01:00:46Oh, yeah.
01:00:46No, I'm sorry.
01:00:47I, that was really, it.
01:00:52What do you want?
01:00:53It's not what I want, Delfino.
01:00:55It's what Noah Taylor wants.
01:00:57Where's his grandkid?
01:00:59Well, let's skip the part where you don't know anything about anything.
01:01:03Mr. Taylor wants to chat.
01:01:05What if I say no?
01:01:06Then I've got to find the kid myself.
01:01:08And my guess is he or she is somewhere around here close.
01:01:13Your old girlfriend.
01:01:16She's got a daughter, right?
01:01:18Maybe I should start by paying her a visit.
01:01:21Her daughter's not the one.
01:01:23Yeah, well, given your track record, I might want to check that out for myself.
01:01:29Tell him I'll be there in the morning.
01:01:30Oh, so pretty.
01:01:43You like nice things?
01:01:46That's why I think you're stupid, for not wanting to stay here.
01:01:49You could be around my nice things all the time, taking care of them.
01:01:55How fun would that be?
01:01:58Well, I'm sure it's a lot more fun than you'd have in that tiny, godforsaken village of yours.
01:02:03You know, we're probably more alike than people would guess.
01:02:11I'm from a small town, too.
01:02:13My folks had nothing.
01:02:15That's why I love America.
01:02:17Anything is possible.
01:02:18You like that?
01:02:28No.
01:02:30Old, fat stockbroker gave this to me.
01:02:32It's not worth anything.
01:02:33You can have it.
01:02:41You're so good.
01:02:44It's fine.
01:02:46Okay, glad you like it.
01:02:48You can brush my hair.
01:03:06Hi.
01:03:06Hi.
01:03:08Hi.
01:03:09That's the best I could do on such short notice.
01:03:13Okay.
01:03:14Okay.
01:03:18Susan, this is my best man, Stephen.
01:03:23He's also my life partner.
01:03:24Oh, hi.
01:03:25It's nice to meet you.
01:03:28Baby, be nice.
01:03:29I'm sorry you have cancer.
01:03:35Cancer?
01:03:36Isn't that the point of this whole charade?
01:03:39Gary said you needed insurance.
01:03:41Oh, yes.
01:03:42No, no, I do need insurance.
01:03:43I just don't have cancer.
01:03:44I have a wandering spleen.
01:03:46I said it was like cancer.
01:03:51Is there a problem?
01:03:53No.
01:03:54No, everything's fine.
01:03:55Let's just go to the chapel.
01:03:56Chapel.
01:03:59I made a wedding cake.
01:04:01I hope you enjoy it.
01:04:02So, are we ready to get started?
01:04:11Oh, do you have a thing to play music?
01:04:13I had Stephen burn a little wedding mix for us.
01:04:15For ambiance.
01:04:16Sure.
01:04:17Just give me a sec.
01:04:20Do you have a problem?
01:04:25You said she was sick.
01:04:27She is.
01:04:28She has a wandering spleen.
01:04:30It sounds nothing like cancer.
01:04:31It doesn't even sound real.
01:04:32Well, it is.
01:04:33I could die.
01:04:34You look fine to me, honey.
01:04:36Don't do this.
01:04:37I have asked you six times to fly with me to Holland and get married,
01:04:41and you always have some lame excuse.
01:04:43But the second some chick with a silly disease comes along,
01:04:46you drop everything and head for a chapel.
01:04:48Oh, no, it's a serious illness.
01:04:50See, it just sounds silly because of the word spleen.
01:04:53What do you want from me?
01:04:54I want you to worry about my feelings half as much
01:04:57as you worry about your mother's.
01:04:58What is it going to take to make you happy?
01:04:59Not go through with the wedding?
01:05:01Is that what you're asking?
01:05:02Oh, no, no, no.
01:05:03Stop right there.
01:05:03Okay, I would love to see you two crazy kids get hitched in Holland
01:05:07more than anyone with the tulips and the clogs
01:05:09in front of a windmill, the whole shebang.
01:05:11But unless I get this surgery,
01:05:13my spleen is going to slam straight into my heart and explode.
01:05:17So, you know, seeing as I'm just a nice person
01:05:19and I always support gay rights, let's just do this.
01:05:22And then I'll have a husband and insurance
01:05:24and nobody gets hurt.
01:05:25Stephen, what?
01:05:32Oh, my God.
01:05:33Stephen!
01:05:35She's just...
01:05:36Yeah?
01:05:39I'm so sorry.
01:05:40My hands are tied.
01:05:41I'm really sorry.
01:05:46Stephen, wait.
01:05:48Stephen, where are you going?
01:05:49I finally got the sound system working.
01:05:57I finally got the sound system working.
01:05:57Where's the groom?
01:06:00Hey, Susie Q.
01:06:16What's wrong for newlywed?
01:06:17You don't have much spring in your stuff.
01:06:20I didn't get married.
01:06:21Really?
01:06:22I got to the altar, but the whole fake wedding thing sort of imploded.
01:06:29Wow.
01:06:31I'm sorry.
01:06:33I still don't have insurance.
01:06:35I need to get that operation.
01:06:36I'm...
01:06:37I'm really screwed.
01:06:41Well...
01:06:45Why don't I just marry you?
01:06:51What?
01:06:52I've got a fantastic health plan.
01:06:54You'd be covered instantly.
01:06:56But...
01:06:56We were actually married.
01:06:59Look, Susie, I've always felt awful about walking out on you the way I did,
01:07:04and I figure if we do this, I'd basically be saving your life.
01:07:11I figure I owe you one.
01:07:15Cool.
01:07:18So what do you say?
01:07:20Will you marry me, Susie?
01:07:21Again?
01:07:28What the hell?
01:07:29Cool!
01:07:34What are we going to do about Edie?
01:07:39We can't tell her.
01:07:40She'd kill us both.
01:07:41It would be our little secret.
01:07:46We've really enjoyed having you as a guest, right, Gabby?
01:07:49Absolutely.
01:07:51Shemmy, you are a very special girl, so...
01:07:54So you take care, okay?
01:07:58Oh!
01:07:58Thanks for all your help, Carlos.
01:08:05My pleasure, brother.
01:08:11Mother.
01:08:12Ladies.
01:08:15Please don't tell me you're crying just because you can't have the maid you want.
01:08:18Carlos, she wouldn't have been just a maid.
01:08:21She would have been the best damn maid ever.
01:08:23God, you're pathetic.
01:08:25Shut up!
01:08:26Let's go.
01:08:30Hey, something's going on.
01:08:32Oh God, I've told you, I'm going to get it.
01:08:35I don't need you.
01:08:37Don't go.
01:08:37Don't go.
01:08:38Don't go.
01:08:39I don't need you.
01:08:40It's her problem.
01:08:41No.
01:08:41Xiao Mei doesn't want to go back to China.
01:08:43She wants to stay here and work for you.
01:08:45What?
01:08:46Why?
01:08:46She says Mrs. Solis treated her with more kindness than she's ever known.
01:08:57She now thinks of you two as family.
01:09:00Oh, really?
01:09:02Oh, of course you can stay.
01:09:10Gabby.
01:09:11Carlo, she thinks of us as family.
01:09:16I'm ready to hear those farm-fresh concepts, conference room in five.
01:09:23Toilet boy?
01:09:27You are so not allowed to complain to me.
01:09:28I know. You were right, okay?
01:09:30So now I'm known throughout the advertising world as toilet boy.
01:09:33Tell him you're done with the games. You don't want to play anymore.
01:09:36No, no, no. I can't. I can't.
01:09:37If I back down now, we'll see it as a sign of weakness.
01:09:39Look, this is the way that guys do business.
01:09:41What?
01:09:41So he called it. He made me his bench.
01:09:43Come on.
01:09:51You know, Ed, I've been thinking.
01:09:54We've had a lot of fun and games around here lately,
01:09:56but maybe it's time to set a slightly more professional tone in the office.
01:10:01Oh, I get it.
01:10:03Somebody went running to Mommy, didn't he?
01:10:05What?
01:10:05Tom loses a few beds, so he tries to get his wife to make me back off?
01:10:09Oh, this is so alpha-top.
01:10:12I am going to make him pay.
01:10:14No, no, you're not going to make him pay.
01:10:17You are going to stop this now.
01:10:19This is my company.
01:10:21If people want to work here, they play by my rules.
01:10:29Ed!
01:10:29What?
01:10:32I'm calling you out.
01:10:33Huh?
01:10:34Yes, you're right.
01:10:35This is your company, so I'll play by your rules.
01:10:37What do I have to do to get you to stop this frat boy crap?
01:10:40Shave my eyebrows, come to work naked.
01:10:43Name your steaks.
01:10:43I don't have time for this.
01:10:45Oh, what's wrong, Ed?
01:10:47You afraid a fly cap's going to get beaten by a girl?
01:10:49Come on, big man.
01:10:52Just a little bet.
01:10:53As you know, I think that making the workplace fun is good for morale,
01:11:03but Lynette here thinks that our shenanigans have gone a little out of hand.
01:11:08Hold on, hold on.
01:11:10I respect Lynette's work ethic.
01:11:12So, we've decided to settle the matter with a little test of intestinal fortitude.
01:11:18If she can eat one pound of our client's fine, farm-fresh pork product, raw,
01:11:27there'll be a moratorium on wagering in the office.
01:11:33I know you were doing this for me.
01:11:35You don't need to do this.
01:11:36I don't need you fighting my fights.
01:11:37I am not fighting your fights.
01:11:39This is my fight.
01:11:41It's how guys do business, right?
01:11:42Well, we're young.
01:11:58Shame and defeat, Lynette.
01:12:12Don't shame though.
01:12:42I can't believe that.
01:12:53This is too much.
01:13:02What? She took the bet?
01:13:06This is fun, people.
01:13:08One more.
01:13:31So, can this be a place of business again, Ed?
01:13:35No more games?
01:13:37Sure.
01:13:40Sucked all the fun on it anyway.
01:13:51That is really something.
01:13:55Thanks.
01:13:57Could you scrounge me up a bucket?
01:13:59T.
01:14:07Caleb said a nice red-haired lady came to visit him.
01:14:12Come on in, Betty.
01:14:16A treat you drink?
01:14:18Did you drink?
01:14:20This is not a social call, Bree.
01:14:22Did you or did you not break into my home
01:14:24and talk to my son?
01:14:25Caleb and I had a very lovely chat.
01:14:28Yes.
01:14:29If you ever come near him again,
01:14:30there will be hell to pay.
01:14:31Do you understand?
01:14:36Aren't you going to ask me what we talked about?
01:14:39The name, um, Melanie Foster came up.
01:14:43I'm going to pour you a drink now, Betty,
01:14:48because we're about to have a very honest discussion,
01:14:51and I think you're going to need a little help getting through it.
01:14:58His name's Zach Young.
01:15:00He lives with his father.
01:15:01Mother committed suicide about a year ago.
01:15:03How did he end up with these people?
01:15:06How do you think?
01:15:07Deirdre was strung out, Noah.
01:15:08She gave him up.
01:15:10I want to see this boy.
01:15:12He's got a new family now.
01:15:13I can't just snap my fingers and get him in here.
01:15:15Maybe not, but I can snap my fingers,
01:15:16and Detective Sullivan can make it happen.
01:15:18You don't want to do that?
01:15:19No?
01:15:20Is that really the way you want to meet him?
01:15:21Have that thug drag him in here so Grandpa can give him a hug?
01:15:26Fine.
01:15:27You bring him.
01:15:27I'll give you two days.
01:15:28As you know, I'm on a bit of a clock here.
01:15:38When Caleb was born and the doctors
01:15:40discovered that he was different, I didn't even cry.
01:15:48It was the most painful moment of my life.
01:15:52I didn't shed a single tear.
01:15:55I just thought to myself, what's the point?
01:15:58He is my son, and I have to raise him as best I can.
01:16:04But that's my job.
01:16:08In a lot of ways, I feel so blessed.
01:16:11Caleb is challenged, but he has such a sweet nature.
01:16:16I'm sure you noticed that when you came to visit.
01:16:19Yes, I did.
01:16:22I also noticed that you had him chained in the basement.
01:16:25That's because of Melanie Foster.
01:16:33Melanie was a girl that Matthew dated.
01:16:37She was a debutante.
01:16:39And like typical teenagers, their relationship was full of drama.
01:16:45They were always breaking up, getting back together, breaking up.
01:16:49One night after one of the big blow ups, Caleb somehow convinced Melanie to meet him down
01:16:55at our local lumber yard.
01:16:57I can only imagine that she thought he was bringing some kind of apology from Matthew, but he wasn't.
01:17:05Caleb told Melanie he was in love with her, and that if he was her boyfriend,
01:17:11he would never break up with her.
01:17:15And she laughed in his face.
01:17:18He tried to show her he was serious by kissing her, and she hit him.
01:17:27He doesn't remember a lot of what happened after that, but he does note that he got very,
01:17:33very angry, and that there was an axe lying on the ground nearby him.
01:17:41Yes, my Caleb killed Melanie, but I couldn't let him go to jail.
01:17:52Or worse, be put down, for what was really my crime.
01:17:58Your crime.
01:18:02It was my responsibility.
01:18:05I was supposed to protect him from himself.
01:18:08I am his mother.
01:18:11That was my job.
01:18:22The world is filled with unlikely friendships.
01:18:30How do they begin?
01:18:32With one person desperately in need, and another willing to lend a helping hand.
01:18:39When such kindness is offered, we're finally able to see the worth of those we had previously written off.
01:18:47And before we know it, a bond has formed.
01:18:54Regardless of whether others can understand it.
01:18:58Yes, unlikely friendships start up every day.
01:19:02No one understands this.
01:19:05More than the lonely.
01:19:08In fact, it's what they count on.
01:19:13The children.
01:19:14The children.
01:19:17Born of Michael Almanals.
01:19:18For the children.
01:19:19The children.
01:19:20Oh, that's it.
01:19:21Oh, that's it.
01:19:22One, too.
01:19:23Ein Hamburgijos.
01:19:24вони.
01:19:25One, too.
01:19:26veel Leib Engineers.
01:19:27Any who could learn it?
01:19:27The children.
01:19:28Movies.
01:19:29Yes.
01:19:30People.
01:19:31Are they going to get to guess?
01:19:32Wait a minute.
01:19:34The children.
01:19:35Are they going to smell the same?
01:19:37They're always going to den?
01:19:39Correct.
01:19:39Students.
01:19:40Peru.
01:19:41There are only very little blood.