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  • 6/18/2025
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00:00:00Desperate Housewives
00:00:30Desperate Housewives
00:01:00Desperate Housewives
00:01:02Desperate Housewives
00:01:04Desperate Housewives
00:01:06Desperate Housewives
00:01:08Desperate Housewives
00:01:10Desperate Housewives
00:01:12Desperate Housewives
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00:01:16Desperate Housewives
00:01:18Desperate Housewives
00:01:20Desperate Housewives
00:01:22Desperate Housewives
00:01:24Desperate Housewives
00:01:26Desperate Housewives
00:01:28Desperate Housewives
00:02:00Desperate Housewives
00:02:02Desperate Housewives
00:02:04Desperate Housewives
00:02:06Desperate Housewives
00:02:07Desperate Housewives
00:02:08Desperate Housewives
00:02:09Desperate Housewives
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00:02:11Desperate Housewives
00:02:12Desperate Housewives
00:02:13Desperate Housewives
00:02:14Desperate Housewives
00:02:15what's appropriate and what isn't of course i will talk to him i'll talk to him until i'm blue
00:02:20in the face i promise take care yes louisa pate believed in the power of shame she also believed
00:02:28when someone has that power so mrs peoples you'll never guess what your daughter is willing to do
00:02:34for a ginger snap it's a shame not to use it
00:02:45so
00:02:52so
00:02:55so
00:03:00so
00:03:04so
00:03:10It had been six weeks since Andrew Vandekamp had declared war on his mother, Brie.
00:03:25The final battle was about to be waged at the Fairview County Courthouse.
00:03:30Brie knew it was about to get bloody.
00:03:33What she didn't know was...
00:03:36The Calvary was on its way.
00:03:38Brie?
00:03:39Whether she wanted them there or not.
00:03:42Eleanor!
00:03:42Oh, thank God I found you. This place is a maze.
00:03:46What are you doing here?
00:03:47Well, your father and I got a call last night from Danielle, and she said that Andrew was taking you to court.
00:03:53I mean, to say that we were shocked would be an understatement.
00:03:57Hello, I'm Eleanor Mason, Brie's stepmother. You're the lawyer. We should talk.
00:04:01Uh, no, I'm not her lawyer.
00:04:03Good. The hair had me worried.
00:04:05Peter is Mom's sponsor from AA.
00:04:07Oh, sweetie. Oh, since when are you in AA?
00:04:11It's a recent development. Where's dad?
00:04:14In chambers with the judge.
00:04:16What? Why?
00:04:17Everything is fine. The judge agreed to a postponement.
00:04:21Oh, thank God.
00:04:22Luckily, he remembered me. I spoke once in his law school.
00:04:25Pardon me, sir. I'm your daughter's lawyer.
00:04:27Just so you know, we've been waiting for this hearing for weeks.
00:04:31Son, I've been an attorney for 45 years. You and I both know how these cases can turn into public spectacles.
00:04:37Our family is perfectly capable of handling this in-house.
00:04:42Dad, you don't understand. This has gotten really ugly.
00:04:44That's why we're here. We're going to put this family back together.
00:04:48Whatever it takes.
00:04:55And that's when Mr. and Mrs. Solis, fearing for the welfare of this helpless child, fled the hospital.
00:05:02You mean they kidnapped her?
00:05:05Well, technically that's true, but given the situation that led up to the rescue...
00:05:09Kidnapping?
00:05:09Your Honor, yes. In retrospect, the plan was a little bit rash, not entirely well thought out.
00:05:17Idiotic.
00:05:18Can we object to that?
00:05:20But the child is safe, Your Honor.
00:05:22And all we ask the court is to allow baby Lily a lifetime of the care and love she has been receiving from the Solis.
00:05:34As much as your story tugs at my heart, there is the issue of parental rights.
00:05:38Yes. What does the state have to say about this?
00:05:40We have located the biological father, Mr. Dale Helm.
00:05:45Unfortunately, circumstances require that he be out of town. He's in Fort Lauderdale today.
00:05:49On business?
00:05:51Spring break, actually. Mr. Helm is a high school student.
00:05:55Charming. In between keg stands, did the father happen to mention if he plans to waive parental rights?
00:06:00I've left a number of voicemails, but the only response I've gotten is a text message that says,
00:06:06This blows his mind, and he's extremely bummed out.
00:06:15All right. Mr. and Mrs. Solis, since you actually want Lily, it seems you're the lesser of two evils.
00:06:23I'm granting you temporary custody until we can get a straight answer from the birth father.
00:06:28Thank you, Your Honor.
00:06:30In the meantime, try not to steal any more babies.
00:06:33Oh, we just needed the one.
00:06:42Sweetie?
00:06:44Um, could you put the crayons down for a second? We need to talk.
00:06:47So, I spoke to your teacher today, and she told me about the cookie deal you made with Cindy Lou.
00:06:56Oh. Are you mad?
00:06:58No. Not exactly. I'm just... I'm trying to understand why you did that.
00:07:05Tommy Keenan told me babies come from down there. It doesn't sound right to me.
00:07:09Well, actually, he's kind of right. He's got the concept down.
00:07:14That's weird. How's a baby getting there?
00:07:24Daddy will be home from his business trip in a few days. Why don't you wait for him?
00:07:28Okay.
00:07:30Okay.
00:07:32For him, I can ask Tommy's brother. He's 14, and he knows everything.
00:07:36Okay.
00:07:39And then the mommy and the daddy, because they love each other so much, they hug real tight.
00:07:47And a seed is magically implanted.
00:07:50And nine months later, a baby is born.
00:07:54Here.
00:07:55What kind of seed?
00:07:56Oh, that's not important.
00:07:59I don't believe you.
00:08:02Parker, I'm your mother.
00:08:03Mothers don't lie to their sons.
00:08:06Now, go wash your hands, or Santa's not going to bring you anything for Christmas.
00:08:09I just saw Edie drive off. How long is she going to be gone?
00:08:18I don't know. She just went to show her house.
00:08:20Move.
00:08:23What's the problem?
00:08:24You mauled me in Edie's bed last night. I think that deserves a conversation.
00:08:29What's there to talk about? I'm just a fool in love.
00:08:31Oh, no. You don't mean that.
00:08:34Yes, I do.
00:08:36Look, I realize my timing's a little off.
00:08:37A little.
00:08:40The helium hasn't even gone out of the balloons from your engagement party.
00:08:44Okay, when are you going to tell Edie?
00:08:47Tell her what?
00:08:47That the wedding's off.
00:08:48Is it?
00:08:49Well, isn't it?
00:08:49It's up to you.
00:08:51Are you saying that you're going to go through with this wedding unless I tell you not to?
00:08:56Just give me a commitment, Susie Q, and I'll put a bullet in Edie.
00:09:00This is insane.
00:09:02Come on.
00:09:04All this can be yours again.
00:09:06Just say the word, and I let go.
00:09:09Oh, no. Don't you dare.
00:09:12You know you want me to.
00:09:13Just say it, Susie Q.
00:09:15You're sick.
00:09:18Zach, I'm going to the drugstore.
00:09:23I'll be back in 20 minutes.
00:09:27Whoa!
00:09:27Oh!
00:09:28Oh!
00:09:28Oh!
00:09:28Oh!
00:09:29Oh!
00:09:30Oh!
00:09:31Oh!
00:09:32Oh!
00:09:33Oh!
00:09:34Oh!
00:09:35Oh!
00:09:36Oh!
00:09:37Oh!
00:09:38Oh!
00:09:39Oh!
00:09:40Oh!
00:09:41Oh!
00:09:42Oh!
00:09:44I was making cookies and I heard the most sickening thought.
00:09:48Are you okay?
00:09:50There's shortening on my doorstep.
00:09:53Shortening.
00:09:54That's the last thing you'd want on your front porch.
00:09:57It's meant for baking.
00:10:00She's so adorable, and I just love the name Lily.
00:10:14It was my grandmother's name.
00:10:15So how are you holding up?
00:10:16You must be exhausted.
00:10:17You know, I'm a little tired, but it's not too bad.
00:10:20Oh, wait a couple months.
00:10:21You'll start sleeping through the night.
00:10:22No, honey, please.
00:10:23Do I look like a masochist?
00:10:24First thing tomorrow, I'm hiring a nanny and a night nurse.
00:10:27No, we're not.
00:10:27My husband, the comedian.
00:10:31I'm serious.
00:10:32I don't want some stranger raising our baby.
00:10:35Well, you guys are busy.
00:10:36We should go.
00:10:37No, it's okay.
00:10:38I'll win this battle later.
00:10:39We are not going to be some yuppie couple pawning off our kid on other people.
00:10:43End of discussion.
00:10:45Yeah, you should go.
00:10:46Okay.
00:10:47Good luck.
00:10:53Put down the burrito.
00:10:54What does all this crap about me not getting help?
00:10:59Look, a brand new baby needs to bond with its mother.
00:11:02The church knows it.
00:11:03Science knows it.
00:11:03Nature knows it.
00:11:04We have the money.
00:11:05What is wrong with getting a little help?
00:11:07Then I'll be able to relax once in a while, and I'll be able to be a better mother.
00:11:10You want to be a better mother?
00:11:12Do what my mama did.
00:11:13Make sacrifices.
00:11:14My mama worked her fingers to the bone for me.
00:11:16That's what put her in an early grave.
00:11:18Look, I don't know why you want to be emancipated, and I don't know what you've been doing to drive him crazy.
00:11:36Bottom line, it's over.
00:11:38It's now time for you two to kiss and make up.
00:11:43And just how are we supposed to do that?
00:11:47Here's a thought.
00:11:48Just look each other in the eye and say, I forgive you.
00:11:55That's your solution?
00:11:57It's actually a technique invented by this Dutch therapist.
00:12:00I saw him on TV.
00:12:01He says if you verbalize forgiveness, the brain can trick the heart into letting go of resentment.
00:12:07It really works.
00:12:08I did it with our cleaning lady.
00:12:11I'm sorry, Dad, but I think my relationship with Andrew is just a bit more complicated than...
00:12:15Would it kill you to at least try?
00:12:18I'll do it.
00:12:20For you, Grandpa.
00:12:21That's my boy.
00:12:23Brie.
00:12:26Fine.
00:12:28Yes.
00:12:29So, who goes first?
00:12:32Either or.
00:12:32Doesn't matter.
00:12:36Mom, I forgive you.
00:12:39Andrew, I forgive you.
00:12:44That wasn't so hard, was it?
00:12:46Now, don't expect to feel differently right away.
00:12:48It takes a while.
00:12:50It took me a week to forgive Esperanza.
00:12:52But now she's like family again.
00:12:54Family who stole from us.
00:12:55So, let's get back to the way we were and forget all this nonsense about emancipation.
00:13:05Well, Grandpa, I'm still going to need my trust fund.
00:13:10You see, I can't live in a place where I don't feel safe.
00:13:13What are you talking about?
00:13:17Could you live with a woman who hits you?
00:13:21Brie!
00:13:21I slapped him once and he deserved it.
00:13:24I just asked her to stop drinking.
00:13:26You were drinking?
00:13:27She's an AA.
00:13:28Her sponsor has long hair.
00:13:29Andrew, I find your concern ironic given how tanked you were when you ran over our neighbor's mother with your car.
00:13:36Is she okay?
00:13:36She's dead.
00:13:39Well, Mom watched as her boyfriend committed suicide.
00:13:43And he was the same guy who killed Dad.
00:13:45Andrew falsely accused me of molestation.
00:13:48In a mall.
00:13:50You know, the technique works best if you don't talk right away.
00:14:01Okay, let's go.
00:14:02I don't want to be late for the movie.
00:14:04Oh, those are pretty.
00:14:05Who sent those?
00:14:08What?
00:14:09Say the word and I'm yours.
00:14:11Love, Carl.
00:14:11Mom, I knew this would happen when you started hanging around together.
00:14:15All of your old feelings resurfacing.
00:14:16No, his feelings.
00:14:17He's the one with the feelings, not me.
00:14:20Uh-huh.
00:14:21Okay, don't uh-huh me.
00:14:22You're not old enough to do that.
00:14:24Oh, no?
00:14:25Well, how do you like this?
00:14:25I'm not going to go to the movies with you.
00:14:27You're going to make me go by myself?
00:14:29Well, you could always ask Dad to go.
00:14:30In fact, if you love him so much, why do you marry him?
00:14:32Oh, wait.
00:14:33You already did.
00:14:34Twice.
00:14:34Twice.
00:14:34You know, I think we're going to need some napkins with this.
00:15:04Oh, okay.
00:15:05I'll go back.
00:15:06Thanks.
00:15:07My ex-boyfriend's here.
00:15:08If he sees me alone, I'll die.
00:15:09I'm begging you, please act like you know me.
00:15:12Susan?
00:15:13Hey.
00:15:14Mike, hi.
00:15:15What a surprise.
00:15:16How are you?
00:15:17Good.
00:15:20Oh, God.
00:15:21I'm being so rude.
00:15:22Mike, I want you to meet...
00:15:26Orson Hodge.
00:15:29Nice to meet you, Mike.
00:15:30Wow, can't believe I'm finally seeing the man himself in the flesh.
00:15:36So, how'd you two meet?
00:15:40Go.
00:15:41I've been a dentist for years.
00:15:43But last week, I was looking in her mouth and decided to stick my tongue in it.
00:15:47I'll see you soon.
00:15:56Thank you so much for helping me out.
00:15:58Hey.
00:15:59I'm great in a crisis.
00:16:00Well, I definitely picked the right person to sit next to.
00:16:05Actually, is this seat taken?
00:16:08No.
00:16:09Okay.
00:16:09You can share my popcorn.
00:16:10I'll just wait till the lights go out, and then I'll...
00:16:24While I get this going, can you bring out the buns?
00:16:32What the hell?
00:16:39You all right?
00:16:45This isn't lighter fluid.
00:16:46It's gasoline.
00:16:47What?
00:16:48How'd that get in there?
00:16:51How do you think?
00:16:56Something smells good over there.
00:17:01I don't understand.
00:17:02Is she trying to kill you?
00:17:04No, she's trying to piss me off.
00:17:06Why?
00:17:07I'm not sure yet.
00:17:09You know I'm not going to play along.
00:17:12You've got plenty of burgers if you want to pop over.
00:17:15And bring your appetite.
00:17:26Got me, baby.
00:17:30No, I got up twice already.
00:17:31It's your turn.
00:17:32Gabby, I have several job interviews tomorrow.
00:17:35I need my sleep.
00:17:37What about my sleep?
00:17:42You sleep when the baby sleeps.
00:17:45Every 40 minutes?
00:17:46When am I supposed to have a life?
00:17:48What are you whining about?
00:17:50Hey, Xiaomei does all the housework around here.
00:17:52All you have to do is take care of the baby.
00:17:54Fine.
00:17:54Fine!
00:17:55Fine!
00:17:55Mr.
00:17:59Psst!
00:18:01Jamee.
00:18:02Psst!
00:18:03Wake up!
00:18:04Mr. Suisse?
00:18:06Something wrong?
00:18:07The baby won't stop crying, and I haven't slept for two days.
00:18:10Will you please take Lily for a while?
00:18:12Uh...
00:18:13Oh, come on.
00:18:13I won't make you do windows tomorrow.
00:18:14Okay. What do I do?
00:18:18Well, she's a baby. You hold her.
00:18:21Bounce her and, I don't know, maybe sing a little something.
00:18:25Oh, and Xiaomei, Mr. Solis does not need to know about this, okay?
00:18:31Okay. Okay.
00:18:39Yeah, honey, can you take that downstairs? Thank you.
00:18:44Eleanor, I thought you'd gone to bed.
00:18:51Oh, no, not yet. I had to do my hair now.
00:18:54There's never enough time in the morning.
00:18:56Now, sit. There's something I have to discuss with you.
00:19:00Your father and I have decided to take Andrew back to Rhode Island with us.
00:19:05Really? And whose idea was that?
00:19:08Andrew's.
00:19:10But Henry and I feel it's the right thing to do.
00:19:13Absolutely not.
00:19:20If we leave him here, the two of you will wind up in court, and I'm not going to allow that.
00:19:25Do you really think that I am enjoying airing my dirty laundry in public?
00:19:30This whole situation is mortifying.
00:19:33But I can't back down because he is my son, and I need more time to get through to him.
00:19:37You never give up.
00:19:39I've always admired that about you.
00:19:44When you were a kid, you used to make these peanut butter cookies that were god-awful.
00:19:49But you kept baking them, and you kept forcing everyone to eat them.
00:19:54You were so determined to get them right.
00:19:57My mother didn't think they were awful.
00:20:00When I made those same cookies for her, she loved them.
00:20:04Well, some people praise children even when they don't deserve it.
00:20:08Oh, but not you.
00:20:10With you, I had to work for every kind word I ever got.
00:20:13Well, you always resented me because of my high standards.
00:20:16No.
00:20:17I resented you because those were kick-ass peanut butter cookies.
00:20:24We're taking Andrew.
00:20:26Eleanor, please.
00:20:28He hates you, Bree.
00:20:30Your own son.
00:20:33You know, part of being an adult is admitting that you failed, and then moving on.
00:20:40With Grace.
00:20:41Do you really think that I'm a failure as a parent?
00:20:48Well, I'd love to lie and say something supportive, but as you pointed out, that was more your mother's thing.
00:21:06Chaumet?
00:21:08I'm so sorry. I just... take a break.
00:21:10Oh, no, Chaumet, that's okay. That's okay. I know you were up all night with the baby, and I really appreciate it.
00:21:16You know, I'm very grateful for everything you've been doing for Lily.
00:21:19So, to thank you, I bought you a gift certificate to my spa, and you can take a whole day off and just really pamper yourself.
00:21:26Really?
00:21:30Oh, you're welcome.
00:21:31All right, Lily needs to be bathed and put to bed.
00:21:33I don't want to miss my yoga class.
00:21:35Hi.
00:21:36Hi, pretty girl.
00:21:37Oh, yes. Mommy has to go. Mommy has to go so she can stay pretty and thin, and you can be proud of her.
00:21:46Motherhood is such a blessing. I hope you get to experience it one day.
00:21:50Because it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal, okay. It's not that far away. It's not that far away.
00:22:02Whatever, okay?
00:22:03You didn't even care to tell me, but...
00:22:04Fine.
00:22:05Justin, what happened?
00:22:06Andrew just told me he's moving in with his grandparents. They live so far away, I'm never going to see them anymore.
00:22:18I'm so sorry. I know that you're good friends.
00:22:22We're more than friends, Mrs. Vanderkamp. I love him.
00:22:28Oh.
00:22:32Why?
00:22:33Why?
00:22:34Yes, I'd be curious to know just what it is you see in him.
00:22:40Well, when my parents first heard I was gay, they kicked me out.
00:22:43They said I had debased the entire family, and that they couldn't love me anymore until I changed.
00:22:49But Andrew, he said that I should be ashamed of them, because they were too stupid to know how great I was.
00:22:57That's the thing about Andrew. It doesn't take crap from anyone. How can you not love someone like that?
00:23:05You know, it never ceases to amaze me how people can turn their backs on their own family. I mean, but it happens every day, doesn't it?
00:23:12Yes.
00:23:14You know, Justin, if you would be willing to help, I'm pretty sure that I could find a way to keep Andrew from moving.
00:23:21What do you say?
00:23:28I'm home.
00:23:29Oh, hi.
00:23:30Hey, Mrs. McCluskey.
00:23:32So, how did everything go?
00:23:34Fine. Penny fussed a bit. I think her motors are coming in.
00:23:38Oh.
00:23:39The twins fought over the remote. There's nothing new there.
00:23:41No.
00:23:43Here's the big news. Parker offered me a fudgicle if I would show him my vagina.
00:23:51Oh, good God, Lynette. Relax. I didn't do it. I just got this out of the freezer a second ago.
00:23:55Yeah, of course. No, sorry.
00:23:57Apparently, Parker wanted to put a sunflower seed inside me and see if a baby would grow.
00:24:01Where do kids get this stuff?
00:24:02Oh, that was me. He was asking about the birds and the bees and I fudged a few of the details.
00:24:10Well, he's only seven years old. I don't think he needs to know everything yet. I don't want to rob him of his innocence.
00:24:17Well, now that's where you're wrong. You get them when they're young. Give them all the gory details. And then when they're good and disgusted, you shame them.
00:24:27Excuse me?
00:24:29You tell them sex is dirty and wrong and he shouldn't talk about it. And if he does, he's going straight to hell.
00:24:35That is ridiculous. You've spoken like a true liberal idiot.
00:24:39No. I'm not going to shame my son. Hmm? I'm telling you, it works. It keeps people in their place. It keeps parents from being humiliated. And it keeps me from having to spend the afternoon talking about my woo-woo.
00:24:52In your haste to duck out before the credits roll, you...
00:25:04Oh, my God. Oh, thank you so much.
00:25:08I stuck a card in there just in case you ever wanted to purposely sit next to me at a movie.
00:25:13Orson, I'm flattered. Really. You don't want to date me. I mean, my love life is just so complicated right now.
00:25:21Well, you know, I won't bore you with the details.
00:25:25So the ex-boyfriend has no idea you're secretly married to the ex-husband who still loves you.
00:25:29But unless you give him a reason not to, is going to marry the neighborhood slut.
00:25:34Did I call Edie a slut? Well, that's overstating it. Edie's not a slut. She's just popular with indiscriminate men.
00:25:41Anyway, yes, those are the relevant players.
00:25:43Okay.
00:25:44Now, I'm absolutely horrified that I'm about to say what I'm about to say.
00:25:46But there's nobody else I can talk to who won't judge me.
00:25:48And since you're a complete stranger, I'll probably never see you again unless I randomly run into you on the street.
00:25:52In which case you'll ignore me because you know how crazy I am.
00:25:56So here goes.
00:25:59I'm having feelings for Carl again.
00:26:03Does that make me a terrible person?
00:26:06You want my unvarnished opinion?
00:26:09Lay it on me.
00:26:10It doesn't make you a terrible person, but it does make you a, well, a sucker.
00:26:17This Carl's a coward.
00:26:19He wants you to be the heavy and take all the responsibility.
00:26:21If you're having feelings for a guy like that, I'd say run far, far away.
00:26:25He lives three houses down.
00:26:27Hm. Well, good luck to you then.
00:26:29Hm.
00:26:33But like I said, if you're interested in a tooth whitening, my card's still in your wallet.
00:26:44Chaomé?
00:26:47Chaomé?
00:26:49I'm late to meet Mrs. Vandekamp.
00:26:51I'll be back in a little while.
00:26:52No!
00:27:00Marie.
00:27:01I'm so sorry I'm late.
00:27:02Oh, honey, it's all right.
00:27:03I mean, with the new baby at home, I'm surprised you made it at all.
00:27:06Oh, I'll have a drink. Anything with an umbrella.
00:27:12So tell me, how are you doing?
00:27:13I mean, your entire world must be turned upside down.
00:27:16I must be exhausted.
00:27:18You know, it's been challenging, but I soldier on.
00:27:21So what about you? You look so rested.
00:27:23I just got a massage at Misty Spring.
00:27:25Things have been a little tense at home and I needed an hour to relax.
00:27:29Not for you.
00:27:30I love that spa.
00:27:31Mm.
00:27:32Um, oh, by the way, while I was there, I saw your, uh, your housekeeper.
00:27:36Chaomé?
00:27:37Oh, no.
00:27:38You must be mistaken. I just left her. She's at home working.
00:27:42Are you sure? I was talking to her in the steam room for about 20 minutes.
00:27:45What?
00:27:46Yeah, apparently you gave her a gift certificate.
00:27:51Oh, thank God.
00:27:52Oh, honey, I'm so sorry, Misty.
00:27:53I'm never gonna leave you again.
00:27:54Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.
00:27:55Come home.
00:27:56My interview got canceled.
00:27:57Oh, that's my little girl. You're shocked we're lining up nice for Mommy?
00:27:58That's my girl.
00:27:59Hey, let me take her off your chest so you can see me.
00:28:00Oh, my God.
00:28:01Oh, my God.
00:28:02Oh, my God.
00:28:03Oh, my God.
00:28:04Oh, my God.
00:28:05Oh, my God.
00:28:06Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.
00:28:07Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.
00:28:08Come home.
00:28:09My interview got canceled.
00:28:10Oh, that's my little girl.
00:28:11You're shocked we're lining up nice for Mommy?
00:28:12That's my girl.
00:28:13Hey, let me take her off your chest so you can do your yoga.
00:28:14No. No, no, no. We're doing just fine. Aren't we?
00:28:43Right, Zilla's got me auditioning wedding bands,
00:28:49and I'm clueless about Edie's taste in music.
00:28:52What do you think of these guys?
00:28:53That's why you brought me down here?
00:28:55Carl, you made it sound like it was an emergency.
00:28:57It is.
00:28:58I need to have somebody to dance with
00:28:59so I can see if these guys have the power
00:29:01to help me get my groove on.
00:29:03Carl.
00:29:06Oh, that's right.
00:29:07You like it laid back and romantic, don't you?
00:29:09Guys, can we play something mellow?
00:29:11No, don't bother, because I'm going.
00:29:13See you.
00:29:18That was not a coincidence.
00:29:24This was playing the night we first kissed.
00:29:26It's our song.
00:29:28Remember?
00:29:28I remember.
00:29:30I also remember that you were planning on marrying someone else.
00:29:33Not if you don't want me to.
00:29:35Come on, Susie Q.
00:29:37I can see you still have feelings for me,
00:29:39and I know I have never stopped loving you.
00:29:42Okay, you want the truth?
00:29:43I don't know how I feel about you,
00:29:45but I keep looking at you,
00:29:46trying to see if you've changed,
00:29:48if you've grown up.
00:29:49You know what I see?
00:29:51I see the same weak coward
00:29:52that walked out on me three years ago.
00:29:55Of course I've changed.
00:29:57I don't think so.
00:29:58So I think you should probably stay with Edie.
00:30:07And the band is good.
00:30:09You should hire them.
00:30:10Can't you see?
00:30:13Can't you see?
00:30:14Can't you see?
00:30:18Can't you see?
00:30:19For God's sakes, what the hell are you doing in there?
00:30:47This is my house.
00:30:48What are you doing?
00:30:49We're tenting for termites.
00:30:50We've got a work order.
00:30:51Signed by who?
00:30:52I've never been so embarrassed in my whole life.
00:30:57They're supposed to be tenting my house.
00:30:59I must have written the address down wrong.
00:31:01Muchachos, mi casa esta aquí.
00:31:05You've taken it too far this time.
00:31:07These little mind games are going to stop.
00:31:09Right now.
00:31:10If they don't, what are you going to do?
00:31:13Blow out your brains like your wife did?
00:31:16Hey!
00:31:17Hey!
00:31:18You okay?
00:31:19Did you hear that?
00:31:21He assaulted me for an honest mistake.
00:31:24God knows what would have happened if you hadn't been here.
00:31:27I go.
00:31:28Dad, dad, dad.
00:31:29Come on.
00:31:30Come on.
00:31:31Come on.
00:31:32Okay?
00:31:38I talked to Mrs. McCluskey and for God's sakes, Parker, you can't ask people things like
00:31:43that.
00:31:44Why?
00:31:45Because it's rude.
00:31:47I said please.
00:31:49It doesn't matter.
00:31:51You've got to quit talking to people about their bodies and about where, you know, babies
00:31:56come from.
00:31:57Why?
00:31:58Because it's not an appropriate subject.
00:32:01Why?
00:32:02Because it's not.
00:32:04Why?
00:32:05Because it's dirty and wrong and I'll wash your mouth out with soap.
00:32:08That's why.
00:32:09In that moment, Lynette saw a look on her son's face she had never seen before.
00:32:17And she thought of the look he had on his face when he had become obsessed with dinosaurs,
00:32:22obsessed with baseball, and obsessed with trains.
00:32:26And it occurred to Lynette she didn't need to shame her son.
00:32:31All he needed was a brand new obsession.
00:32:34I thought you said we couldn't have a puppy.
00:32:37Well, turns out we really needed one.
00:32:41You can go and play.
00:32:43And though she didn't know it at the time, it would be another three years before Parker
00:32:48Scavo would ever ask about sex again.
00:32:51Pearl, what's going on?
00:32:56I'm on my way to a motel.
00:32:58I just want to let you know that the wedding is off.
00:33:01It is?
00:33:02I told Edie I wasn't in love with her.
00:33:04At least not the way that she deserves.
00:33:07Wow.
00:33:09Why did you change your mind?
00:33:12I mean, I hope it wasn't because of me because I told-
00:33:14It wasn't for you.
00:33:16No?
00:33:17You were right.
00:33:19I have been a coward.
00:33:22I was a coward three years ago when I walked out on the two most important people in my life.
00:33:26And I was being a coward with Edie.
00:33:29I need to even consider marrying her when I know what real passion and real love feels like.
00:33:39Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know.
00:33:42Carl.
00:33:48You look pretty beat up.
00:33:51Why don't you come in and we'll crack open a bottle of wine.
00:33:56Come on.
00:33:57All right.
00:33:58Here we go.
00:33:59This is the last of Andrew's things.
00:34:00Once we tape up these boxes, we can start loading the cart.
00:34:01I'm proud of you, Bree.
00:34:02You're being awfully big about this.
00:34:03Well, I have to admit I was a bit upset at first, but then it hit me.
00:34:04You're his grandparents.
00:34:05You should bond.
00:34:06Get to know the real Andrew.
00:34:07Oh, Dad, I forgot to warn you.
00:34:08These are some of Andrew's adult videos.
00:34:09I don't approve, but boys will be boys.
00:34:14Oh, Henry, stop looking at that filth.
00:34:17I don't get it.
00:34:18Where are the women?
00:34:19Oh, I'm sorry.
00:34:20I'm sorry.
00:34:21I'm sorry.
00:34:22I'm sorry.
00:34:23I'm sorry.
00:34:24I'm sorry.
00:34:25I'm sorry.
00:34:26I'm sorry.
00:34:27I'm sorry.
00:34:28I'm sorry.
00:34:29I'm sorry.
00:34:30I'm sorry.
00:34:31I'm sorry.
00:34:32I'm sorry.
00:34:33I'm sorry.
00:34:34I'm sorry.
00:34:35Where are the women?
00:34:37What are you talking about?
00:34:39This is all just a bunch of naked men.
00:34:42Sweet mother of God, what the hell are they doing?
00:34:45I don't know.
00:34:46I don't even know what I'm looking at.
00:34:48Henry?
00:34:49This is pornography for homosexuals.
00:34:51Oh, shoot.
00:34:52I wish you hadn't gone through that.
00:34:54Now we have to have an unpleasant conversation,
00:34:56and we were having such a nice time.
00:34:58Bree, is Andrew gay?
00:35:01Oh, Dad, Andrew hates labels.
00:35:04I'm sure it's just a phase.
00:35:05Excuse me, but he has a magazine titled Leather Daddy's In Love.
00:35:09That does not sound like a phase to me.
00:35:11Maybe not, but it's no longer my concern now that he'll be living with you.
00:35:18We have to have a serious talk.
00:35:21Let's don't freak out about this.
00:35:23The Dutch therapist said...
00:35:25Forget the Dutch therapist in the kitchen!
00:35:28Now!
00:35:34Hey, where's Grandma and Grandpa?
00:35:39I need to start loading up my stuff.
00:35:41Oh, they, uh, they already left.
00:35:43Wait, they left? Without me?
00:35:46Uh, yeah, they wrote you a letter.
00:35:53It seems they came across some personal items of yours that, um, upset them.
00:35:57They're taking away my trust fund?
00:36:00They can't do that.
00:36:01Well, actually they can.
00:36:02I mean, it's their money to dispense with as they see fit.
00:36:06I know it doesn't seem fair, but...
00:36:08No, it's really unfair. In fact, it sucks.
00:36:12What am I supposed to do now?
00:36:14Well, now that you can't afford to become emancipated,
00:36:16I guess you're gonna have to stay here with me.
00:36:18Andrew, we can make this work.
00:36:21We just have to let go of our anger.
00:36:26Oh.
00:36:31Oh, I, um, had a chance to have a nice chat with Justin the other day.
00:36:34He really seems very sweet.
00:36:36I've invited him over for dinner tonight.
00:36:38I hope you don't mind.
00:36:39Now I wish I hadn't torched our wedding photos.
00:36:54Who would have thought after everything that's happened
00:36:56that we would have ended up back here again?
00:36:58It's been one hell of a ride, huh?
00:37:00Yeah.
00:37:03So how do you feel now?
00:37:05About us?
00:37:06I feel good.
00:37:11I feel happy.
00:37:12You're not having second thoughts?
00:37:15I can't believe you actually want to talk about feelings.
00:37:18You really have changed.
00:37:19Hey, this is the new Carl, baby.
00:37:21He's not afraid to cry.
00:37:27Hello?
00:37:29Oh, hi, Edie.
00:37:31Uh, yeah, he's here.
00:37:34Hold on.
00:37:35How does she know you're here?
00:37:40Hi.
00:37:42Yeah, I just came by to help Julie with her civics homework.
00:37:46Uh-huh.
00:37:48Okay.
00:37:49I'll take care of her.
00:37:50What kind of juice do you want?
00:37:51Right.
00:37:52Bye.
00:37:53Bye.
00:37:54Are you getting juice for her?
00:37:55Yeah, just one carton.
00:37:56Okay.
00:37:57You ripped the woman's heart out.
00:37:58Why would she want juice from you?
00:38:00Okay.
00:38:02Don't freak out.
00:38:03But this breakup is sort of a work in progress.
00:38:06She doesn't know?
00:38:07Calm down.
00:38:08I can explain.
00:38:09So if Edie doesn't know, then that means that you just cheated on her.
00:38:12With me.
00:38:13You made me the other woman.
00:38:15Please don't be angry.
00:38:16I tried to break up with you, but because I wasn't sure you wanted me back, it just wouldn't
00:38:19come out of my mouth.
00:38:20Now that I know that you want me and love me again, it's a done deal.
00:38:25Get out of my house, you miserable son of a bitch!
00:38:28Can we talk about this?
00:38:29No!
00:38:30Just get out!
00:38:31Get out!
00:38:32Susie!
00:38:33Susie!
00:38:34Our marriage was garbage!
00:38:35Just a disgusting pile of garbage!
00:38:36Don't do this right now!
00:38:37Don't do this right now!
00:38:38I regret everything that came of it!
00:38:39Except you, honey.
00:38:40You're my rock.
00:38:41Get out!
00:38:44I promise you I'm going to break up with Edie and make this right.
00:38:47I'll call you when it's done.
00:38:48Don't bother.
00:38:49I won't pick up.
00:38:54We've all done something in our lives we're ashamed of.
00:39:03Some of us have fallen for the wrong man.
00:39:07Some have let go of the right woman.
00:39:12There are those who have humiliated their parents.
00:39:18And those who have failed their children.
00:39:22Yes, we've all made mistakes that diminish us and those we love.
00:39:28But there is redemption if we try to learn from those mistakes.
00:39:33And grow.
00:39:39Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:39:41I'm granting you temporary custody until we can get a straight answer from the birth father.
00:39:45Gabrielle got exactly what she wanted.
00:39:48If Edie doesn't know then that means that you just cheated on her.
00:39:51With me!
00:39:52Susan got fooled again.
00:39:54I'm also a member of SA.
00:39:56And Brie got too much...
00:39:58Sex Addicts Anonymous?
00:40:00...information.
00:40:01Carl Meyer didn't pray often.
00:40:06But when he did it was usually to ask for God's help in breaking up with a woman.
00:40:11And to spare him the nasty drama that usually accompanied such callous and unexpected departures.
00:40:17Over the years Carl had dumped dozens of women.
00:40:22And not one of them had ever seen it coming.
00:40:25Every retreat was always meticulously planned.
00:40:29Right down to the personalized stationery.
00:40:32Hence his record of successful getaways from women who did not want to see him go.
00:40:38So when he decided to break up with Edie Britt.
00:40:42Carl prayed to God yet again to help him avoid all the unnecessary drama.
00:40:47Unfortunately for Carl.
00:40:52God was in the mood.
00:40:54To be entertained.
00:41:08What the hell is this?
00:41:21Edie baby calm down.
00:41:23Let's be honest with ourselves Edie.
00:41:25We haven't been happy in a long time.
00:41:27Who are you to tell me I haven't been happy you miserable son of a bitch.
00:41:30I have been ecstatic.
00:41:32Okay.
00:41:33I'm the one who hasn't been happy then.
00:41:35Then why did you propose to me?
00:41:37I don't know.
00:41:39I have told every woman in this town that we are getting married.
00:41:41And all you have to say to me is I don't know.
00:41:44What else do you want me to say?
00:41:46I'm sorry.
00:41:47What's going on?
00:41:48Is there someone else?
00:41:55Oh my god.
00:42:05Oh crap.
00:42:06Oh crap.
00:42:07What's that?
00:42:16No!
00:42:17What's that?
00:42:20What's that?
00:42:21As he sat there, Carl couldn't help but wonder why God had forsaken him.
00:42:42It never occurred to him that God might be a woman.
00:42:51God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
00:43:00The members of the Fairview chapter of AA ended every meeting with a prayer.
00:43:06And while most were asking God for help in resisting temptation, Bree Vandekamp was busy thinking thoughts that were downright sinful.
00:43:16Amen. Keep coming back. It works if you work it. Amen.
00:43:21I think we'd love the opera. The music and the voices. It's just all so passionate.
00:43:28Yeah, 300-pound sopranos seducing balding tenors. That'd be hot.
00:43:33You're making fun of me. Huh?
00:43:35Bree.
00:43:36Yes?
00:43:38Maybe a little bit.
00:43:43What's going on here?
00:43:45Corn.
00:43:46We made plans, remember?
00:43:48I'm sorry. I was just about...
00:43:50Yeah, I saw what you were just about to do.
00:43:52I'm sorry, Peter, but who is this?
00:43:55This is Claude.
00:43:56He's my sponsor.
00:43:57Oh, your AA sponsor?
00:43:59No.
00:44:00I'm his other sponsor.
00:44:02For my sex addiction.
00:44:04Oh.
00:44:05Damn it, Peter.
00:44:06What did I tell you?
00:44:08Avoid lust triggers.
00:44:10And what is she?
00:44:11Come on. Don't do this, man.
00:44:12She's a lust trigger.
00:44:14A lust trigger.
00:44:16Um, excuse me.
00:44:17I don't know what that means, but could you please stop saying it?
00:44:20Where's your chip?
00:44:21Give it to me.
00:44:23Do you remember how low you'd sunk when we met?
00:44:25This represents 12 months of hard work.
00:44:29Not giving in to your urges.
00:44:30Now, if you want to blow all that on this woman,
00:44:33just tell me now so I can stop wasting my time working with you.
00:44:36I don't want to blow it.
00:44:51Good.
00:44:52And tell the pretty lady goodbye
00:44:54and that you can't socialize with her anymore.
00:44:58And do it quick.
00:45:00I'm hungry.
00:45:04Bad news.
00:45:06Ed wants us to push through tonight
00:45:08and finish the Edelstein Realty pitch.
00:45:10But we're not presenting for another two weeks.
00:45:12Why don't we start tomorrow?
00:45:13But how would that help Ed avoid his marital problems?
00:45:16What?
00:45:16Oh, he's right.
00:45:17I hear Ed fighting with Fran on the phone
00:45:19every day through the office walls.
00:45:20That would explain all our working hours.
00:45:22Yeah, but you lucked out, Scavo.
00:45:23Darlene talked him into cutting the people
00:45:25who have kids in daycare loose.
00:45:26Hey, great.
00:45:27Let's go before he changes his mind.
00:45:28But that doesn't include you, Miss Senior VP.
00:45:31Ed wants you in the conference room now.
00:45:32You're kidding.
00:45:33You're his security blanket, Lynette.
00:45:35He stays, you stay.
00:45:36Jerry, can you help me get the kids down in the car?
00:45:37Oh.
00:45:38Yeah.
00:45:39Thanks, Jerry.
00:45:39Sure.
00:45:43Lynette, get those mock-ups together, will you?
00:45:46Jerry, I didn't know you had a kid.
00:45:50Yeah.
00:45:51Um, out of wedlock.
00:45:52Oh.
00:45:53So, see you in the morning.
00:46:01I'm sorry I'm late.
00:46:05What's going on?
00:46:07Carl broke up with Edie.
00:46:08Oh, my God.
00:46:09Yeah, apparently he was seeing someone.
00:46:12Really?
00:46:13Did he say who it was?
00:46:15I know who she is.
00:46:16She's a man-eating, scum-sucking hoe bag.
00:46:20No, he did not say.
00:46:23You know, when Carl dumped you, I thought that it was all your fault.
00:46:26Yeah, I figured that you were a nag or bad in bed, but now I see that you were just a victim, too.
00:46:34We have a bond, Susan.
00:46:37Like, we're sisters.
00:46:40There's even a pretty one and an ugly one.
00:46:42Edie!
00:46:42Oh, I'm just saying that Carl screwed us both.
00:46:45Yes.
00:46:46Like you wouldn't believe.
00:46:47Guys, I'm all for bashing exes, but let's save a little of our hate for his partner in crime, the other woman.
00:46:52Yeah.
00:46:53You know, they're always coming up with these excuses to justify being a homewrecker.
00:46:57Exactly.
00:46:58Like, you wouldn't have been with me if he was getting it at home.
00:47:00Oh, honey, you're the love of my wife.
00:47:01She's just the runner-up.
00:47:02Oh, look, the baby's doing something really cute.
00:47:10She's sleeping.
00:47:11Like an angel.
00:47:13Look, I think we all know that Carl is a dog.
00:47:15I mean, but let's face it, if these tramps weren't laying out the buffet, he wouldn't be chowing down.
00:47:19Well, every situation is different, and it's hard to judge until we know all the details.
00:47:24Which, obviously, I don't know, because how would I know?
00:47:29She's a slutty, slutty whore, absolutely.
00:47:32Yeah.
00:47:38Are you sure she needs that?
00:47:39I just put sunscreen on her.
00:47:40Yes, she needs the bonnet.
00:47:41It completes the outfit.
00:47:43Oh, for God's sakes, Gabi.
00:47:45She's never too young to start accessorizing.
00:47:47Besides, all the neighbors are out today, and I want them to see how happy we are.
00:47:51Wish they were us.
00:47:52Hey.
00:48:00Uh, baby's a beauty.
00:48:01We think so, but we're a little biased.
00:48:04Oh, wow.
00:48:05She's got my eyes.
00:48:08Huh?
00:48:09I'm Dale.
00:48:11Dale Helm.
00:48:12I'm the baby's birth father.
00:48:13Oh, hi, Dale.
00:48:19Nice to meet you.
00:48:20A lot of people have been looking for you.
00:48:22Yeah, I know.
00:48:23Lawyers and stuff.
00:48:24I got kind of held up in Florida longer than I thought.
00:48:28Spring break, right?
00:48:29Yeah.
00:48:29Oh, man, we were wasted 24-7.
00:48:32And I got the message, and just thought my friends were messing with me.
00:48:35Those butt wads.
00:48:39Well, it's a good thing he's here.
00:48:41We can take him to the lawyer's office, and you can sign over full custody to us.
00:48:46Okay.
00:48:47Yeah, uh, the thing about that is, I'm gonna want the baby.
00:48:51Okay.
00:48:59Come on, you guys.
00:49:02We don't have to make this ugly.
00:49:03You're trying to take our baby.
00:49:04How is it not gonna be ugly?
00:49:06Just keep walking, Gabby.
00:49:07Don't engage him.
00:49:08Listen, Mr. Solis.
00:49:09No, you listen.
00:49:10We were granted custody.
00:49:11If you want her, you talk to the judge.
00:49:15What is the holdup?
00:49:16They told me I gotta talk to a judge.
00:49:18What the hell are you doing here, Frank?
00:49:19It's his baby.
00:49:20Give it to him.
00:49:21Like hell?
00:49:22Hey, Mrs. Solis.
00:49:22Can I see the baby?
00:49:23No.
00:49:24Dale, just do it already.
00:49:25We're not just gonna kidnap him.
00:49:27Why not?
00:49:27They did.
00:49:28It is your baby.
00:49:29Just take it.
00:49:33Try it.
00:49:35Frank.
00:49:38Get in, you moron.
00:49:40Anyways, it looks like you're doing a good job with her.
00:49:42Dumbass!
00:49:43She seems clean.
00:49:55And like I said, we have been very happy here, and I'm sure you will be too.
00:49:59Well, we just love it.
00:50:00Yeah.
00:50:00Once the stairs are repaired, I'll show you the basement.
00:50:05What's going on?
00:50:07The house just sold.
00:50:09Start packing.
00:50:09Why don't you just put Caleb in an institution?
00:50:13It's where he belongs anyway.
00:50:14My mom would never let strangers take care of him.
00:50:17Then why don't you call the police?
00:50:18Then it's not up to her.
00:50:19If I call the police, my mom and I go to jail with Caleb.
00:50:21We've been hiding a murderer.
00:50:24Now look, if we do move, I promise I will call you every day.
00:50:28I don't need a phone, buddy.
00:50:29I need a boyfriend.
00:50:30Would you calm down, please?
00:50:31Don't tell me what to do.
00:50:33You know, I could go to the police myself.
00:50:35Danielle.
00:50:35I just, I love you so much.
00:50:38I would do anything to keep you here.
00:50:41Yeah, I see that now.
00:50:44You can't leave me alone here.
00:50:45You have to think of something.
00:50:46Don't worry.
00:50:52I will.
00:50:53Don't worry.
00:51:16Don't worry.
00:51:46Hey, I'm so sorry, but obviously that was just meant for Tom's eyes only.
00:52:02Honest mistake.
00:52:03Don't even worry about it.
00:52:05Okay, thanks.
00:52:06Well, I'm going to go back in my office and continue to feel like a huge pervert.
00:52:11At least you and Tom have a love life.
00:52:13Well, we do the best we can, given the circumstances.
00:52:17Better than Fran and I.
00:52:18We're dead in that department.
00:52:20I don't want to bore you with the details.
00:52:22I appreciate that.
00:52:26You know, Ed, I don't want to pry into your personal business,
00:52:30but if you are having problems in that area, you don't have to be resigned to it.
00:52:36What are you suggesting?
00:52:38Hookers?
00:52:39No.
00:52:39Ed Ferrara doesn't pay for sex.
00:52:41I mean, you and Fran could spice it up a bit, you know?
00:52:46Get the old juices flowing again.
00:52:49I see.
00:52:50Kind of like, uh, I'd like to lick you from head to foot.
00:52:55Okay, well, that wasn't my best work, but you can't deny results.
00:52:59I am in works.
00:53:00When I go home tonight, Tom and I are going to...
00:53:05Okay, well, I'm going to be exhausted, so I'll probably just lay there.
00:53:08But, trust me, Tom is going to go to town.
00:53:13That's something to think about, Lord knows.
00:53:15You know what the sad truth is?
00:53:16I have been thinking about hookers.
00:53:18Okay, uh, well, I hope that helped.
00:53:23And I'm just going to go back and finish, so we can all get out of here.
00:53:29Let me guess, you're not here for a bear claw?
00:53:37No, I'm not.
00:53:38You're wasting your time.
00:53:40Look, you don't have to worry about Peter, not while he's with me.
00:53:44Yeah? Why is that?
00:53:45Because when it comes to sex, I have an unwavering moral compass.
00:53:50Truly, a man could beg and plead all day long, and it wouldn't make any difference.
00:53:55So since I have such strong self-control, there's really no reason for us to end our friendship.
00:54:00The guys are kicking bomb.
00:54:02You have no idea the kind of depravity that comes with this disease.
00:54:06Waking up in a stranger's bed every morning, cruising the park at night looking for somebody to get off with,
00:54:12compulsive masturbation every chance you get.
00:54:14For guys like Peter and me, there's no beating in the sex.
00:54:24It's an empty and ugly compulsion.
00:54:27Well, I am sorry, but the Peter I know has a little more se-
00:54:30Hold up.
00:54:36Clyde, I need some help.
00:54:38What are you doing here? Are you using?
00:54:39No, but I bought a bag.
00:54:42You're an embarrassment to me.
00:54:44Get...
00:54:44There's a meeting over on 10th Street.
00:54:50You go there.
00:54:51You call me after.
00:54:52I'm sorry.
00:54:54Get the hell out of my shop.
00:54:59I'm also a sponsor at Cocaine Anonymous.
00:55:01Well, aren't you the renaissance man?
00:55:04Are we done here, princess?
00:55:05Not yet.
00:55:06You obviously have an encyclopedic grasp of everything depraved,
00:55:09but clearly you don't have the slightest idea about the power of a loving relationship.
00:55:15This is all you are to Peter.
00:55:17Something to satisfy his addiction.
00:55:19Well, I think Peter is a better man than you do, and I am not going to let you keep us apart.
00:55:23Try and stop me.
00:55:25Peter does everything I tell him to do.
00:55:28That's the one thing you can depend on with addicts.
00:55:31They're weak.
00:55:43Excuse me.
00:55:45May I ask you something?
00:55:46Yes, ma'am.
00:55:47If a citizen, an ordinary citizen like myself, knew of someone holding a significant amount of drugs,
00:55:56what would my responsibilities be?
00:55:58You know, under the law.
00:56:12What's all this?
00:56:13And this one I ran out and got the day I found out Carl was doing it with his secretary.
00:56:17I think you'll find this particularly helpful.
00:56:19It's got a chapter called Revenge, You're Only Hurting Yourself.
00:56:22Yeah, you know, I'm just really not into the whole reading thing.
00:56:25Oh.
00:56:26Well, um, why don't we get you out of here?
00:56:28Let's go see a feel-good movie.
00:56:30Why are you being so nice to me?
00:56:32Well, I just want to help.
00:56:34So how about that movie?
00:56:36You know how I like to heal?
00:56:38I get hammered.
00:56:39Uh, well, um, then I should just go and let you get started with that.
00:56:45You really want to help me?
00:56:47Good.
00:56:48Because I'm going to need a designated driver.
00:56:49Oh, uh, okay.
00:56:55How could he be arrested for cocaine possession?
00:56:57Claude swore he was clean.
00:56:59It's just awful, isn't it?
00:57:01I mean, you never know what people are doing behind your back.
00:57:04Would you like some milk with your cookies?
00:57:07Thanks.
00:57:08It's just, you know, he was the best sponsor I've ever had, and I don't know what I'm going
00:57:12to do now.
00:57:13Well, I have been doing some thinking, and here's a thought.
00:57:18Why don't I be your sponsor?
00:57:21You've got to be kidding.
00:57:22You don't know some thought about sex addiction.
00:57:24Well, cravings are cravings, and all you really need is a friend to call when you start having
00:57:28inappropriate thoughts, and I can be that friend.
00:57:31Well, there's more to it than that.
00:57:33Claude rescued me from some pretty nasty scenes over the years.
00:57:38Well, if you were in trouble, I could handle it.
00:57:42How can you be so sure?
00:57:44Because I can be very strong for those people that I really care about.
00:57:53How can you have any feelings for me at all?
00:57:54I mean, you've only known me for a few weeks.
00:57:56Yes, and in that time, I've come to learn that you're good and kind and smart.
00:58:03And yes, you have a little problem that you need some help with, but I'm willing to be
00:58:07there for you.
00:58:09So what's the big deal?
00:58:13If you saw me at my worst, you might not like me so much.
00:58:17Peter, let me be your rock.
00:58:20Taking care of people is what I do best.
00:58:22Drink your milk.
00:58:38I asked for extra spicy.
00:58:41I'm pretty sure you said medium.
00:58:43Are you?
00:58:44Well, maybe if you'd written it down, you would have spared yourself the walk of shame back
00:58:48to the kitchen.
00:58:49Edie, why are you torturing that girl?
00:58:54That is her.
00:58:55That is the one that Carl is in love with.
00:58:57We have been here a million times, and you should see the way that she flirts with him.
00:59:00And when she comes back here, I'm going to shove this picture in her perky little mug,
00:59:04and when she's...
00:59:04Let's not make a scene.
00:59:05It's not worth it.
00:59:06For the sake of argument, let's say that it's someone else.
00:59:10You know, probably it would be a vulnerable, lonely woman who Carl just took advantage of.
00:59:16And what if this poor, confused soul begged your forgiveness?
00:59:21What would you say?
00:59:25I'd say, too little, too late, bitch.
00:59:30And then I'd kick her.
00:59:33Oh.
00:59:33Yeah, but you don't have to worry about that, because I'm positive.
00:59:35It's right.
00:59:36Well, what could it be?
00:59:37Carl's office is all guys, and then the only women he sees are me, Julie, that lesbian that does his taxes, and you.
00:59:47You know what?
00:59:50It is her.
00:59:52Really?
00:59:53Why?
00:59:54She just spit in your wings.
00:59:59You got my back?
01:00:00Uh, sure.
01:00:03Here you go.
01:00:04Extra spicy.
01:00:05Ah!
01:00:05You did that on purpose.
01:00:13Ah!
01:00:14Ah!
01:00:15Ah!
01:00:16Ah!
01:00:17You!
01:00:18Ah!
01:00:18Ah!
01:00:20Ah!
01:00:22Get out of me, you quick!
01:00:24Get out!
01:00:24Fire!
01:00:25One!
01:00:26One!
01:00:27One!
01:00:27One!
01:00:27One!
01:00:27One!
01:00:27One!
01:00:27One!
01:00:28One!
01:00:28One!
01:00:29One!
01:00:29One!
01:00:29One!
01:00:30One!
01:00:35So, when we leave, what are you going to miss the most?
01:00:42I don't know.
01:00:44Yeah, you do.
01:00:46You say goodbye to her yet?
01:00:48No.
01:00:49Look, man, it's okay if you like her.
01:00:52You know, I think Danielle really likes you, too.
01:00:55Really?
01:00:56Yeah.
01:00:57She told me she'd be really sad if you left and didn't say goodbye.
01:01:02You know, I think that she might even want you to give her a little kiss.
01:01:06But Danielle doesn't even like me in her room.
01:01:09She gets mad.
01:01:13Yeah.
01:01:14I talked to her about that.
01:01:16She feels really bad.
01:01:18But you know what?
01:01:19She told me if you come in her room again, she won't get mad.
01:01:30Hey, Caleb.
01:01:31She's going to act like she doesn't want you to kiss her.
01:01:34But she does.
01:01:36Dale Helm, like all the students at Parsons Christian Academy, was taught that his future was safely in God's hands.
01:01:54What he didn't know was that Gabriel Solis was about to force a fumble.
01:02:01All right, guys.
01:02:02You all know next week, we're playing the Falcons.
01:02:03And we're going to buy a phone service for dinner.
01:02:04Because we're the Huskies.
01:02:05And who are the Huskies?
01:02:06Huskies!
01:02:07Huskies!
01:02:08Huskies!
01:02:09Huskies!
01:02:10Huskies!
01:02:11Huskies!
01:02:12Huskies!
01:02:13Huskies!
01:02:14Huskies!
01:02:15Huskies!
01:02:16Huskies!
01:02:17What are you doing?
01:02:18You can't be here.
01:02:19Let's talk turkey.
01:02:20What is it going to take for you to give up the baby?
01:02:21It's not going to happen, okay?
01:02:22I've got to get back.
01:02:23I'm the quarterback.
01:02:24It doesn't look right.
01:02:25Okay, no, no.
01:02:26Wait.
01:02:27What about a car?
01:02:28Or college?
01:02:29You're going to have a fire phone service for dinner.
01:02:30We're going to have a fire phone service for dinner.
01:02:31Because we're the Huskies.
01:02:32And who are the Huskies?
01:02:33Huskies!
01:02:34Huskies!
01:02:35Huskies!
01:02:36Huskies!
01:02:37Huskies!
01:02:38Huskies!
01:02:39What are you doing?
01:02:40You can't be here.
01:02:41Let's talk turkey.
01:02:42What is it going to take for you to give up the baby?
01:02:43It's not going to happen, okay?
01:02:44I've got to get back.
01:02:45I'm the quarterback.
01:02:46It doesn't look right.
01:02:47Okay, no, no.
01:02:48Wait.
01:02:49What about a car?
01:02:50Or college?
01:02:51Tuition's a killer these days.
01:02:52I could help you out.
01:02:53I don't need help.
01:02:54You hear those cheers?
01:02:56Those are for me.
01:02:57Last game, I threw 246 yards.
01:02:59With stats like that, I can get into the college of my choice.
01:03:02So why do you want to be a dad?
01:03:04These are your glory days.
01:03:05A baby would ruin your life.
01:03:07Oh, I know.
01:03:08But Frank said once I get the baby, he's going to take it off my hands.
01:03:10Then it's not even his.
01:03:12Libby dumped him.
01:03:13He thinks that if he has a baby and she sees him acting all mature, she'll take him back.
01:03:16No, no, no.
01:03:17I am not letting that idiot use my baby as a bargaining chip.
01:03:20Hey, it's out of my hands.
01:03:22No, it doesn't have to be.
01:03:23Hey, just do the right thing and sign the release form.
01:03:26Look, I'm really sorry.
01:03:28Before we adjourn today, let's take a moment to bow our heads.
01:03:58Hello, everyone.
01:03:59I'm Gabby Solis, class of 94.
01:04:00Woo-hoo!
01:04:01I just wanted to give God a big shout out for this amazing season.
01:04:18The man upstairs has definitely been on your side.
01:04:21And you want to know why?
01:04:23Because you boys live clean.
01:04:25You keep your noses up, you stay out of trouble, and you don't go around getting strippers pregnant.
01:04:30And that's a good thing.
01:04:32Because if one of you caused a scandal like that, not only would that guy get kicked off the team and lose all of his scholarships,
01:04:38but God would drop your school colors so fast it'd make your head spin.
01:04:42And then the football season would go to hell.
01:04:45No, pun intended.
01:04:48So my point is, do the right thing and no one gets hurt.
01:04:58Signed, sealed, delivered.
01:05:00Lily's ours.
01:05:01So what do you think?
01:05:04Are you staying late again or can I finally have dinner at home?
01:05:07With my wife.
01:05:08I don't know.
01:05:09I'm going to go check with Ed.
01:05:13Hey, any luck with that IMing thing?
01:05:15No, not really.
01:05:16I was online chatting with Fran a while ago, and I asked her what she was wearing, and she said a yellow blouse.
01:05:22Okay, that's good.
01:05:23Then what?
01:05:24Then?
01:05:25Yeah, that's it.
01:05:26I was kind of blocked.
01:05:27You blocked?
01:05:28Yeah, I don't know what else to say.
01:05:29You're an award-winning copywriter, Ed.
01:05:31You get paid to write.
01:05:32Yeah, jingles for oatmeal, not softcore porn.
01:05:35For God's sakes, it's not brain surgery.
01:05:37Is she still online?
01:05:38I don't think so.
01:05:43I love the way that blouse clings to your body.
01:05:53Nothing funny about those beautiful breasts.
01:05:57Yeah?
01:05:58What did you want to do to me?
01:06:02Uh...
01:06:04Ed.
01:06:05Your conference call's ready.
01:06:06Oh, God.
01:06:07I almost forgot about that.
01:06:08Okay, I gotta go take this.
01:06:09You keep going, because you're doing great.
01:06:10No, Fred, I'm not doing this for you.
01:06:12What?
01:06:13Uh...
01:06:33Touch every inch of you body until you're trembling.
01:06:39Oh, yeah. I'll fight you good.
01:06:52Oh, yeah. First, I want you to touch yourself.
01:07:01Oh, yeah.
01:07:09I'm on my way.
01:07:21Hello.
01:07:22Bree, it's Peter. And I'm in trouble.
01:07:26Hi. I'm looking for, um, Peter McMillan.
01:07:39I'm not sure I know him. You should ask my wife. She organized the party.
01:07:42Hey, Judy, get over here and act like a hostess.
01:07:45Come on in, come on, come on.
01:07:47Hey there. Things are just getting started. After you take off your clothes, feel free to jump right in.
01:08:02No, no, I'm good. I'm just, I'm here to pick up my friend Peter. He's locked himself in your bathroom and I'm here to take him home.
01:08:09Oh, yeah, that guy. We were wondering about him. The bathroom's over there.
01:08:13Hey, is that your natural color?
01:08:16Yes, it is.
01:08:18Beautiful. I wish mine would do that. This is out of a bottle.
01:08:23Yes, I'm aware of that.
01:08:30Peter? Peter, are you in there?
01:08:36What are you doing here?
01:08:38I'm a sex addict. What do you think?
01:08:39You can't possibly be turned on by what's going on out there.
01:08:42Disgusting, isn't it?
01:08:43Yes. Why would you want to come to a place like this?
01:08:46I didn't. I wanted you to come.
01:08:49I can't make you not have feelings for me, but I can show you who I was, what my life was like.
01:08:54Well, that's not your life anymore.
01:08:56But it could be. If I slip again, this is exactly where you could find me or someplace worse.
01:09:01Then what would you think of me?
01:09:03Peter.
01:09:04Bree, it's dangerous to care about me. A lot of people have over the years, and they all end up getting hurt.
01:09:12Rick said he'd always be faithful. George said he'd never hurt me, and as it turned out, they were both liars.
01:09:17So as long as you're honest with me, you'd be amazed at what I can put up with.
01:09:26Now let's go home.
01:09:28Hey there. Did you have a late night? I hope.
01:09:43It's horrible. The whole thing blew up in my face.
01:09:47Why would you tell my wife to bite my nipple off?
01:09:51I didn't. I didn't. Why would she? Oh, the honeymoon thing.
01:09:57Yeah. And it hurt like hell then, too.
01:10:00It didn't take her long to figure out that I let a stranger seduce her online.
01:10:04Oh, God.
01:10:06She was so mad, she locked herself in the bathroom and called a divorce lawyer.
01:10:09You're getting divorced?
01:10:10I spent two hours pleading with her through the bathroom door, begging her not to leave me.
01:10:15And we finally managed to come to terms.
01:10:18What kind of terms?
01:10:20I promised her I would fire the person who did it.
01:10:23You're gonna fire me?
01:10:24No, of course not. You're too important here. I'm gonna fire Tom.
01:10:29I told her it was him that sent the IMs.
01:10:31What?
01:10:32I told her that he had a problem with boundaries. I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this, but my marriage was on the line.
01:10:39You can't make my husband your scapegoat. I won't let you.
01:10:43I don't have a damn choice. I can't be divorced, Lynette. I can't.
01:10:50He's under contract. If you just fire him, he'll sue you and I'll back him up. You need cause.
01:10:57Well, I guess I'll have to find cause.
01:11:01It shouldn't be too difficult if I look hard enough.
01:11:08Hey, how's the eye?
01:11:23Oh, it's still a little red, but I think I got all the hot sauce out.
01:11:26That's good. So, um, you know the other day when I said that thing about us being sisters?
01:11:33Well, when I said it, I really didn't mean it.
01:11:35Yeah, I kind of figured that.
01:11:37No, I mean, I really didn't mean it.
01:11:39But, um, now I do. Thank you. Thank you for having my back.
01:11:44So, do I have to worry about you attacking any more waitresses?
01:11:53Nah, my barber all the days were over.
01:11:56Oh, you know, I've got to go. I have a meeting.
01:12:03I'll talk to you later.
01:12:10Are you Oliver?
01:12:11You must be eating. Pleasure to meet you.
01:12:14Oh, likewise. I hear you're one of the best private detectives in town.
01:12:17I do what I can.
01:12:18Well, come on in. Let's talk.
01:12:20Um, basically, I just want you to trail my ex.
01:12:24He, uh, left me for another woman.
01:12:27And I want to nail that hoe to the wall.
01:12:30Caleb. Hey, come on, buddy. Wake up.
01:12:44Caleb. It's time.
01:13:00You're waiting for me.
01:13:10Get away from me.
01:13:12Get away from me.
01:13:24Get away from me.
01:13:26Danielle, I want you to pick up the phone and call the police.
01:13:34No.
01:13:35What?
01:13:36Matthew and his mother have been protecting Caleb.
01:13:38They're in as much trouble as he is.
01:13:40I don't care.
01:13:41Mom, please. I love him.
01:13:44Please.
01:13:45If I hadn't been in the house, he could have raped her.
01:13:52Or worse.
01:13:56He's locked in his room now, so...
01:13:58Needless to say, the agreement between us is off.
01:14:00Caleb is dangerous and I want him put away.
01:14:02If he is not gone by tomorrow, I am calling the police.
01:14:04He will be. I promise you.
01:14:06Can I go check on Danielle?
01:14:08Yes.
01:14:09Yes.
01:14:15Betty.
01:14:16I am serious.
01:14:17Either you do something, or I will.
01:14:24Bree, stop worrying.
01:14:26I understand what needs to happen now.
01:14:34Hello?
01:14:35Did it work?
01:14:47Perfectly.
01:14:49You did great.
01:14:58Um, so I got some rates in some mental hospitals around here,
01:15:00and, um, there's one called Silvercrest,
01:15:02which actually seems okay.
01:15:03Put this hand in the fridge, will ya?
01:15:05Make her make it for dinner.
01:15:08Uh, Mom, I know you don't want to talk about this,
01:15:10but we have to.
01:15:11Mrs. Vandekamp is gonna call the police.
01:15:12I promised myself I would never institutionalize you, brother.
01:15:15Mom!
01:15:16How long do you think he'd be before he'd act out?
01:15:18Have you even hurt somebody?
01:15:19A couple of days?
01:15:20A week?
01:15:22Then they throw him in a straitjacket
01:15:24and throw away what's left of his mind.
01:15:26Spend the rest of his life at the mercy of strangers.
01:15:28But if we don't send him to a hospital,
01:15:30he's gonna end up in prison.
01:15:31And don't you think that's worse?
01:15:32Yes, of course I do.
01:15:34So what the hell are we gonna do?
01:15:42Fienobarbital?
01:15:43It's easy.
01:15:45It's painless.
01:15:47It's just a few extra drops.
01:15:49He simply falls asleep.
01:15:51Caleb was meant for a better world than this, Matthew.
01:16:01It's time to give your brother the peace he deserves.
01:16:17Who's the pretty girl?
01:16:20Oh, looks like it's daddy's turn.
01:16:22Yes.
01:16:27Mrs. Solis?
01:16:28Yes?
01:16:29We have a court order to take the Collins baby into custody.
01:16:33No, no, no. That's a mistake.
01:16:35No, we have the paperwork.
01:16:36The birth father signed away his rights.
01:16:38It's the birth mother who's protesting.
01:16:40What?
01:16:41Until the adoption is legally finalized,
01:16:43the birth mother can still change her mind.
01:16:45And she has.
01:16:46No, no, no, no, no, no!
01:16:47Gabby, wait!
01:16:48You?
01:16:49You don't even wanna be a mother!
01:16:50What?
01:16:53What?
01:16:54What?
01:16:56What?
01:16:57No, no, no, no, no, no!
01:16:59Gabby, wait!
01:17:00You?
01:17:01You don't even wanna be a mother!
01:17:03What, look, Frank quit using,
01:17:06and he got a good job done at the plant.
01:17:09He's really stepped up.
01:17:10So?
01:17:12Well, so we're gonna give the whole family thing a shot.
01:17:15Maybe.
01:17:16Well, I'll totally give you all your money back.
01:17:17I don't want my money back,
01:17:19money back. I want my baby. Come on, let's go. Carlos! No! Carlos, what's happening? No, no, no, ma'am.
01:17:29You don't understand. You don't understand. This is our baby. No, we've been feeding her, and we've been
01:17:36bathing her, and we wake up in the middle of the night, and we rock her, which is crazy, because if
01:17:41you knew me, I don't do that. I don't do that. And my husband, my husband, he zings to her. He zings.
01:17:48So you can't take her away. It's too late. We've already fallen in love with her.
01:18:00Carlos, do something! Now you can't go. You can't take her. You can't take her. No. She's our baby!
01:18:12There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want
01:18:25to accept. The power of the prayer comes from its insight into human nature. We ask God to grant us
01:18:34the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Because so many of us rage against the hand
01:18:40that life has dealt us. The courage to change the things we can.
01:18:46Because so many of us are cowardly
01:18:48and afraid to stand up for what is right.
01:18:55And the wisdom to know the difference.
01:18:56Because so many of us give in to despair when faced with an impossible choice.
01:19:07The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer.
01:19:16The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.
01:19:22The bad news is that God wants you to deal with.
01:19:24The bad news feels like God is suffering from a kingdom.
01:19:25The bad news is that God wants you to die.
01:19:26The bad news is that God doesn't look powerful.
01:19:27The bad news is that God's of heaven is through the폰 world.
01:19:29So you love God don't get there.
01:19:30ですか?
01:19:31So you love God's door and you love God.
01:19:32Of God can't say no.
01:19:36God don'thour the internet to half.
01:19:39I find hate God's clinic.
01:19:41He says no.
01:19:43On the back to me where Dad's livesя o'm going on,
01:19:46There is no play?
01:19:48I wait.
01:19:49Oh.
01:19:50I'm sure.