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  • 6/19/2025
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Transcript
00:00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:03Prior to implantation, your embryo was accidentally switched with another client's.
00:00:07Carlos and Gabby didn't get what they expected.
00:00:10I'm Austin, Edie Britt's nephew.
00:00:12You're not that hot.
00:00:13Julie met her new neighbor.
00:00:15God, I love seeing you laugh.
00:00:16Oh, well, it's been a long time since I've been in the mood, too. Thank you.
00:00:19Persistence paid off for Susan's new friend.
00:00:22You're gonna leave me out here in the middle of nowhere?
00:00:24And Bree began to regret what she had done.
00:00:29Orson Hodge dreamed of the perfect honeymoon.
00:00:33Indeed, he'd begun planning it the moment Bree Vandekamp agreed to marry him.
00:00:38They'd start by flying first class to an exclusive five-star hotel
00:00:44where they'd spend their days by the pool and their nights making love.
00:00:50And when they returned home, their perfect honeymoon would continue forever.
00:00:57Mrs. Hodge?
00:01:00Yes, Mr. Hodge?
00:01:03Do you have any idea how happy we're going to be?
00:01:06I don't need to be any happier than I am already at this very second.
00:01:12Oh, my goodness, there's only 15 minutes before our plane.
00:01:18If you want that latte, you should go now.
00:01:19That's a good idea.
00:01:21The population of homeless teenagers continues to climb.
00:01:25This is Andrew. Andrew, what is it like to live on the streets?
00:01:29It's not so bad. I mean, you know, sometimes people give you food.
00:01:32You can find a lot in dumpsters.
00:01:34I mean, just last night I found almost a whole bucket of chicken and hardly been touched.
00:01:39Andrew told me his heart-wrenching story.
00:01:42An alcoholic mother, a father murdered by the woman's boyfriend,
00:01:46and a child who'd shattered the day his mother abandoned him on the side of the road.
00:01:52I'll tell you one thing.
00:01:54Some people just should never be allowed to have children.
00:02:01Darling, I got an extra one just in case.
00:02:03Bree, what's the matter?
00:02:04A reporter just did a story on homeless teens and my son was one of them.
00:02:08Oh, my God.
00:02:09Well, we'll call child welfare the minute we get to the resort.
00:02:12Oh, Orson, you can't imagine that we're still going.
00:02:14Darling, the tickets are non-refundable.
00:02:16My son is eating out of dumpsters.
00:02:18Yes, but think how much better you'll be able to deal with this crisis after a nice, relaxing...
00:02:22Orson! My child is in trouble.
00:02:25Don't make me choose between the two of you because, believe me, you will lose.
00:02:29Now, please, get your ass in gear.
00:02:32It was at this moment that Orson realized the honeymoon was over.
00:02:40In more ways than one.
00:03:02It was a holiday weekend on Wisteria Lane.
00:03:27And everyone was packing their bags.
00:03:30Hoping to get away from it all.
00:03:33Oh, no, no.
00:03:34It's so unfair.
00:03:36No, no.
00:03:37What's unfair is that we're slowly running out of money and you barely even look for a job.
00:03:40You can have a good time, all right?
00:03:42I love you.
00:03:43All right.
00:03:44Lynette was getting away from growing tension in her marriage.
00:03:47You can call that blackmail Carlos, but the court calls it spousal support.
00:03:50So unless I get a check on Monday, your shower buddies from jail will be throwing you a welcome back party.
00:03:56Gabrielle was getting away from an increasingly bitter divorce.
00:04:00Hi.
00:04:01I'm ready.
00:04:03So that's my number in case there's any change in Mike's condition.
00:04:06I'm going to the mountains with a friend.
00:04:08And, uh, just in case you were wondering, it's strictly platonic.
00:04:13He wasn't wondering.
00:04:14Susan was getting away from mounting guilt.
00:04:17So you can't tell me anything about my son's whereabouts?
00:04:21And then there was Bree, who had just learned there are some problems you can't run away from.
00:04:27Some reporter.
00:04:28All she could tell me was what neighborhood they found him in.
00:04:30They don't have any contact information, no phone number, no address.
00:04:34Oh, dear.
00:04:35If he had an address, he wouldn't be homeless.
00:04:37This really blows.
00:04:38I am this close to becoming homecoming queen.
00:04:41And now I'm going to be that creepy girl whose brother's a pathetic street junkie.
00:04:45You know, you could show a little compassion.
00:04:47Your brother is out there on the streets struggling to survive.
00:04:50And whose fault is that?
00:04:59Oh, she's right. This is all my fault.
00:05:01You can't blame yourself.
00:05:03No parent can stop a child who's determined to run away.
00:05:08He didn't run away.
00:05:11I kicked him out.
00:05:13You what?
00:05:15I left him on the roadside with some money in his clothes.
00:05:20I didn't tell you because I was afraid of what you'd think of me.
00:05:26You did what you had to do.
00:05:29I just wish you'd said something sooner.
00:05:33There's nothing you can't tell me.
00:05:37I don't want there to be any secrets between us.
00:05:40There won't be. Not anymore.
00:05:45You know, Andrew is not the only one having a rough year.
00:05:47I'm the one whose boyfriend got shot right in front of her.
00:05:53We'll talk in the car.
00:05:54Don't you would love this?
00:06:03Oh, God bless Tom for taking the kids camping this weekend.
00:06:07Uh-huh. This is exactly what we needed.
00:06:10Especially after everything I've been through lately.
00:06:11I am all about relaxing and rejuvenating.
00:06:14Gabby.
00:06:15Yeah.
00:06:16Could you be all about shutting up?
00:06:18Oh, I'm sorry.
00:06:19Thanks.
00:06:21Please don't tell me you brought your cell phone.
00:06:23I'm sorry. It's just...
00:06:24I'm waiting for Carlos' lawyer to call.
00:06:26It's supposed to also support things gotten ugly.
00:06:29Hello?
00:06:31Oh, hi Tom.
00:06:32No. No, no, no.
00:06:33Yeah.
00:06:34Yeah, she's right here.
00:06:35Hang on.
00:06:36Did you see something?
00:06:40Hey.
00:06:41Honey, I know it is your weekend away, but it's my damn back.
00:06:45I threw it out again.
00:06:48So?
00:06:49So I can barely sit up.
00:06:50The kids are running wild.
00:06:52I need you to come up here.
00:06:54Well, why don't you take a muscle relaxant?
00:06:56I've already taken two.
00:06:57They're not making a dent.
00:06:59Well, why don't you give them to the kids?
00:07:00Ah, Lynette.
00:07:01Please don't.
00:07:02Please don't do this to me.
00:07:04Parker!
00:07:05For the last time, you went down the damn back!
00:07:09Oh, all right.
00:07:11Yeah, yeah.
00:07:12I will be there as soon as I can.
00:07:16God, I hate my life.
00:07:17I know.
00:07:18I wouldn't trade with you for anything.
00:07:24Oh, wow.
00:07:25Look at the view.
00:07:27Oh.
00:07:28Don't you just love when the leaves change color?
00:07:31Well, that's why I suggested this.
00:07:33So we could hang out for the weekend and enjoy the scenery.
00:07:40Yep.
00:07:41Scenery is great.
00:07:44So, um, maybe I should unpack.
00:07:48Where should I do that?
00:07:50Well, there are two bedrooms.
00:07:54One is mine.
00:07:57And there's a guest room.
00:07:59Oh!
00:08:01A guest room.
00:08:02That's handy.
00:08:03Yeah.
00:08:05Unless, of course, you'd like to sleep in my room.
00:08:10In which case, I would take the guest room.
00:08:12Oh.
00:08:14Uh, no.
00:08:15No.
00:08:16I should take the guest room because I am the guest.
00:08:19Yeah.
00:08:20Well, it's up the stairs and at the end of the hall.
00:08:22Okay.
00:08:23Uh, Susan, I, um, I think I have your suitcase.
00:08:33Yeah.
00:08:34And I think I have yours.
00:08:35So, did you, um, did you happen to see the, um...
00:08:36Yeah.
00:08:37And did you notice...
00:08:38Hard to miss.
00:08:40Well, I'm just going to, um...
00:08:41Hide pathetically in your room.
00:08:42Uh-huh.
00:08:43Me too.
00:08:44Uh-huh.
00:08:45Me too.
00:08:47Hey, Lynette, what do you think?
00:08:48Hello, Lynette, you have your suitcase?
00:08:49I have your suitcase.
00:08:50Yeah.
00:08:51And I think I have yours.
00:08:53So, did you, um, did you happen to see the, um...
00:08:54Yeah.
00:08:56And did you notice...
00:08:57Hard to miss.
00:09:04Well, I'm just going to, um...
00:09:05Hide pathetically in your room.
00:09:06Uh-huh.
00:09:07Me too.
00:09:08Hey, Lynette.
00:09:17What are you doing here?
00:09:18Kayla called, and she told me about Tom's back,
00:09:20and my car got impounded again,
00:09:21so I thought that I'd hitch a ride with you.
00:09:23Hitch?
00:09:25You mean, like, we're going to be driving in the car together?
00:09:28Well, you could strap me to the front bumper,
00:09:31but, uh, yeah, I'd be more comfortable inside.
00:09:33Uh, it's like an eight-hour drive.
00:09:36So?
00:09:37Um, how far is the impound lot?
00:09:40Because, you know, I would just drive you over there and...
00:09:42What's your problem, Lynette?
00:09:45I don't have a problem.
00:09:47I just don't think we both need to go up there.
00:09:49I can grab Kayla and bring her back.
00:09:50Oh, I see your plan.
00:09:52You just want to go charging up there on your white horse
00:09:54and save everyone,
00:09:56and then I get to be the rotten mother
00:09:58who didn't give a rat's ass and stayed home eating bonbons.
00:10:02No.
00:10:03Due to Lynette's sudden departure,
00:10:13Gabrielle was forced to spend the last night of her spa vacation alone.
00:10:18But she didn't mind.
00:10:21In fact, she looked forward to a quiet dinner alone with her thoughts.
00:10:25Right.
00:10:26Unfortunately for Gabrielle,
00:10:29her thoughts quickly turned to her impending divorce
00:10:32and the empty house she'd soon return to.
00:10:36And she began to resent the happy couple she was seeing...
00:10:40everywhere.
00:10:41What is this?
00:10:44Freaking Noah's Ark?
00:10:46Wow.
00:10:47I guess it really is a small world.
00:10:50Who's there?
00:10:51I can't see you.
00:10:54See me now?
00:11:08Excuse me, ma'am.
00:11:09I mean...
00:11:13Miss, I'm looking for someone.
00:11:15His name is Andrew.
00:11:16Have you seen him?
00:11:17Hard to say, boo.
00:11:18I see a lot of lost boys this age.
00:11:19Good-looking one, though.
00:11:21Someone special?
00:11:22Yes, very, and I'm worried sick about him.
00:11:25You might try the soup kitchen at St. Malachi's on 3rd.
00:11:27Oh, thank you, miss.
00:11:28Gates.
00:11:29Pearly Gates.
00:11:30Because you can't get to heaven without going through me.
00:11:34How very saucy.
00:11:35Okay.
00:11:39Great piano.
00:11:44Do you play?
00:11:45Oh, no, I'm a bit rusty.
00:11:46Jane loved to sing, so I'd play for her, but since the accident...
00:11:49Right.
00:11:50So, brandy, roaring fire, what could be more romantic?
00:12:04Well, I can think of something.
00:12:09Well, my heart is pounding.
00:12:11Is that a bad thing?
00:12:12Consider the alternative.
00:12:13Your heart is beating even faster than mine.
00:12:17I guess I'm excited.
00:12:18It has been a while.
00:12:20Me, too.
00:12:30So, was that okay?
00:12:33It was bloody fantastic.
00:12:35Of course, it's a bit different than what I'm used to.
00:12:38Different?
00:12:39Well, I was with the same woman for a long time.
00:12:42Oh, yeah.
00:12:44But, I mean, you kissed other girls before that, right?
00:12:46Sure, but most of them were 12.
00:12:49As was I.
00:12:50I met Jane at a school dance, and after we started dating, well, I...
00:12:54I never looked at anyone else.
00:12:57Are you saying that Jane is the only woman you ever...
00:12:59Oh, God, I so didn't want to tell you that.
00:13:01Why not?
00:13:02I think that's adorable.
00:13:04Well, I don't want to be adorable.
00:13:05Well, I want to be dashing and worldly.
00:13:08Ian, it's okay.
00:13:11Some people have a lot of lovers, and some just a few.
00:13:15It doesn't matter.
00:13:17Well, seeing as it doesn't matter, where do you fall on that spectrum?
00:13:22Huh?
00:13:23You know, how many men have you been with?
00:13:26Ian.
00:13:26Oh, I'm sorry.
00:13:27That was rude.
00:13:28I withdraw the question.
00:13:29It's not that it's rude.
00:13:30It's just immaterial.
00:13:32I mean, it's just a number.
00:13:33It doesn't mean anything.
00:13:33It's just seeing as it doesn't mean anything.
00:13:36Ian.
00:13:37Well, you know my number.
00:13:37It's only fair.
00:13:38Is it more than three?
00:13:41Nine.
00:13:43Please tell me you're answering in German.
00:13:45Nine lovers is not a lot.
00:13:47Nine lovers does not make me a slut.
00:13:49Why are you getting upset?
00:13:50Because it was really 11, and I knocked off two, and you're still judging me.
00:13:53I'm not judging you.
00:13:54It's just that you work in the recording industry.
00:13:56Okay, just so you know, 11 is not a lot for a woman my age.
00:14:00How old are you?
00:14:01What is this?
00:14:02The Gallop Hall?
00:14:03Where are you going?
00:14:04To bed, alone.
00:14:06You know, it's something that I've always wanted to try, but I've just never gotten around to.
00:14:12So, they like the landscaping I did here so much that they hired my company to do the whole Sinclair hotel chain.
00:14:19Your company?
00:14:20You have a company now?
00:14:21Oh, my gosh.
00:14:22When I met you, all you had was Mike.
00:14:24Well, not only that, the gardening channels approached me about hosting my own show.
00:14:28I mean, we're still in the talking stages, but...
00:14:32What?
00:14:33Nothing.
00:14:34I just, I can't get over how mature and confident you are.
00:14:38You've really changed.
00:14:40Thanks.
00:14:41I was hoping you'd notice.
00:14:44So, I guess there's no chance of getting you over to the house to pick the dead leaves off my ficus?
00:14:48Yeah, you know, I'm kind of past that.
00:14:53Besides, I don't think Mr. Solis would approve.
00:14:57Actually, we're getting a divorce.
00:15:00Wow.
00:15:01Um, I'm really sorry to hear that.
00:15:05Really?
00:15:05Then why are you smiling?
00:15:07I don't know.
00:15:08Why are you?
00:15:10Gabrielle.
00:15:11Gabrielle.
00:15:13It's really great to see you.
00:15:16Gabrielle.
00:15:16I think that's the first time you've ever called me that.
00:15:23Well, um, I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay.
00:15:28I intend to.
00:15:46Your coffee thing is full.
00:15:49Do you mind if I put this in your glove compartment?
00:15:51Yeah, I do mind.
00:15:52I mind deeply.
00:15:53Jeez, it's a maroonie.
00:15:55I'll just get rid of it.
00:16:00Oh, that's delightful.
00:16:02What's delightful?
00:16:03Maybe it'll just soak up the cream soda you spilled.
00:16:05Oh, why do you always pick on me?
00:16:09It's like your new favorite game is Finding Fault with Nora.
00:16:11No.
00:16:12My favorite game is counting all the things I'm dying to say to you.
00:16:17But I don't.
00:16:18Like, pipe down, you annoying nutjob.
00:16:22I'd never say that.
00:16:24You think I'm crazy?
00:16:25No.
00:16:25You're colorful.
00:16:29Colorful in a way that might respond to medication.
00:16:33Well, you know, there's levels of crazy, Lynette.
00:16:37I mean, there are people like me who just have a big personality.
00:16:41And there are kind of people who do things like this.
00:16:43Oh, my God, I'm going to help you.
00:16:48What is wrong with you?
00:16:49What the hell do you think you're doing?
00:16:51Oh, lighten up.
00:16:52Come on, with a joke.
00:16:53No, well, it wasn't funny.
00:16:55If you want to kill yourself, fine.
00:16:56But don't take me with you.
00:16:57Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
00:16:59You'd really like that if I killed myself.
00:17:02That is not what I'm saying.
00:17:06But if you did, I'd find a way to carry on.
00:17:13Pull over.
00:17:16Oh, lighten up.
00:17:16It's a joke.
00:17:17Pull over.
00:17:18Nora.
00:17:19Pull in over!
00:17:21Pull over or I will jump.
00:17:22All right, all right, all right, all right.
00:17:23I'm pulling over.
00:17:24Jeez, what the hell are you doing?
00:17:27Hitching my way to the campsite.
00:17:32Nora, you can't be serious.
00:17:35Shut up.
00:17:35Just get out of my face.
00:17:37I'm not talking to you.
00:17:40All right, now, look.
00:17:41You've gone from crazy to stupid.
00:17:43This guy could be dangerous.
00:17:44Well, then it's your lucky day.
00:17:46Huh, Lynette?
00:17:48Shut up!
00:17:49See, this is what you do.
00:17:51You just manipulate.
00:17:53You wormed your way into my family.
00:17:56You conned your way into coming on this trip with me.
00:17:59And now you want to force me into saving you.
00:18:02Well, forget it.
00:18:03You want to go, go.
00:18:06Nora!
00:18:13No, I've tried that.
00:18:28It wasn't enough power.
00:18:30Yeah, I'm way ahead of you.
00:18:32All right, here it goes.
00:18:36Ah, it worked!
00:18:37I'm a genius.
00:18:45Oh, hi.
00:18:46I'm looking for Edie.
00:18:48She's out.
00:18:49Oh, God, where is everyone tonight?
00:18:51Anything I can do?
00:18:52No.
00:18:53Not unless you can fix a fuse box.
00:18:55My science fair project blew the power out.
00:18:57Oh, what's your project?
00:18:59Oh, it's complicated.
00:19:01You think I'm too dumb to understand your little science project?
00:19:03It's not little.
00:19:04I finished third in the state twice.
00:19:06Now, can you fix the fuse box or not?
00:19:09Most houses built after 1990 are wired through a circuit breaker.
00:19:12You didn't blow a fuse, you tripped a breaker.
00:19:14Not to challenge a two-time state science fair almost champion or anything.
00:19:20Let me grab a flashlight.
00:19:21Maybe you can also grab a shirt.
00:19:23And some pants.
00:19:25Pants would be nice.
00:19:29Susan, can I come in?
00:19:31I'm with a client.
00:19:32Take a number.
00:19:33Susan, please.
00:19:39Everything I said came out of my own insecurity and fear that I might disappoint you.
00:19:46I was going to stay mad at you another hour, but your damn accent gets me every time.
00:19:51Blimey, you don't say.
00:19:53Don't push it.
00:19:54I don't want to break the flow.
00:20:18But I just, um, look, I know that I'm only your second lover ever.
00:20:23And I know that means a lot.
00:20:25And I just don't want it to mean too much.
00:20:28I'm not following you.
00:20:29What do you want it to mean?
00:20:30I mean, the last time you did this, it turned into a lifetime commitment.
00:20:34And I just, I'm not ready for that.
00:20:35You think I am?
00:20:37Well, I assure you, I'm as capable of having meaningless sex as you are.
00:20:42I have never had meaningless sex.
00:20:45So you were passionately in love and deeply committed to all 11 of your conquests?
00:20:50Don't judge me, Mr. Virgin.
00:20:52Plus one.
00:20:53Okay, okay.
00:20:54We seem to have gone off in the wrong foot again.
00:20:56Susan.
00:20:58Cheerio.
00:20:59Bob's your uncle.
00:21:01Get out.
00:21:04I can't really at least talk.
00:21:06Why?
00:21:06You know, every time we do, we just get angry.
00:21:08Well, we're still getting to know each other, and that's good.
00:21:10You've learned I'm a tad insecure, and I've learned, well, you're just a wee bit touchy.
00:21:14Okay, Ian, you know what?
00:21:15This is not happening.
00:21:17I'm just going to sleep, and you can just drive me home in the morning.
00:21:29Uh, excuse me.
00:21:30I'm looking for my son.
00:21:31Have you seen him?
00:21:33Have you seen him?
00:21:36Excuse me, young man.
00:21:37Have you seen this boy?
00:21:41Andrew.
00:21:42My God, my God.
00:21:44What are you doing here?
00:21:45Looking for you?
00:21:46Andrew, how did you get that bruise?
00:21:47It's not out of your business.
00:21:48Andrew, please.
00:21:50Look, shouldn't you be at home taking care of your new husband?
00:21:52How did you find out that-
00:21:53I read it in the paper.
00:21:55You know, the one I sleep under.
00:21:56Andrew, you have every right to be angry with me.
00:21:59But if you knew how sorry I am-
00:22:00If you came here sucking after forgiveness, you came to the wrong place.
00:22:03Andrew, please, can't we just talk about this?
00:22:05I'm your mother.
00:22:06For God's sake, you're my son.
00:22:07No, you dumped your son at a gas station seven months ago.
00:22:10I'm somebody else now.
00:22:13Andrew.
00:22:17Andrew!
00:22:18Andrew, please!
00:22:22Andrew!
00:22:40What happened to your ride?
00:22:43The guy grabbed my boob, so I hit him over the head with his bong and I got out.
00:22:52Look, I'm sorry I freaked out there before.
00:22:53It's just when you made that crack about suicide, it just kind of hit home.
00:22:57Oh, my God.
00:22:59No, I-
00:23:00Did you actually-
00:23:02Mom, I'm very sorry.
00:23:06I had no idea.
00:23:12But your life is better now, right?
00:23:14You have a beautiful daughter and you have that fun job at the pancake house.
00:23:21Oh, yeah, my life's better.
00:23:22But it's not your life.
00:23:25Your life's perfect.
00:23:28Excuse me?
00:23:29Did you smoke that bong before you beat the guy with it?
00:23:32It's just you have it all.
00:23:33You have the kids, you have the career, you have the husband, you're super mom.
00:23:39And you think that's easy?
00:23:41Okay, I have a good life?
00:23:42Yes, yes, I am very lucky, but I work 12 hours a day and then I come home to what seems like
00:23:4733 children and a husband who refuses to get a job.
00:23:50And believe me, there was not a super mom out there who wouldn't trade in her cake for
00:23:54a chance to read a book and get a massage by a man who has the decency to leave when
00:23:58it's over.
00:23:59Okay.
00:24:00Sorry I brought it up.
00:24:05I'm sorry I said that about Tom.
00:24:06He's doing his best to find a job.
00:24:08Well, you know, maybe he'd try a little harder if he didn't hate advertising so much.
00:24:12He doesn't hate advertising.
00:24:13Last week when he came to pick up Kayla, and he'd just come from some crappy interview.
00:24:19He said that he'd hated the ad game for like freaking ever and would like to bag the whole
00:24:25thing.
00:24:26He said that to you?
00:24:30He's never told me that.
00:24:31He's probably afraid to.
00:24:34Why would he be afraid?
00:24:35Probably because you're the kind of woman who when someone says they want to kill themselves,
00:24:40you say go ahead.
00:24:48You sure you don't want to come in?
00:24:50No, I'm good.
00:24:50Uh, you really should see what I'm doing.
00:24:55You know, for next time.
00:25:02Okay, here's the trip switch.
00:25:05So, first, you move to off to reset.
00:25:08Then you press it to on.
00:25:11That's it?
00:25:12Yeah.
00:25:13You didn't have to come all the way over here to do that.
00:25:16You could have just explained it to me.
00:25:17Yeah, I guess I could have.
00:25:21Well.
00:25:22Hello there.
00:25:23Edie, hi.
00:25:24Oh, sorry.
00:25:25Uh, he was just, he was helping me get the lights back on.
00:25:27I, I overloaded my circuits.
00:25:29I can see that.
00:25:32Yeah, so she's doing some big science project and she needed me to explain how electricity
00:25:35works.
00:25:36I think that's called irony.
00:25:39Julie, where's your mom?
00:25:41She's on a trip.
00:25:42Do you need something?
00:25:42Yeah.
00:25:43Back when I could stand her, I loaned her my CD player.
00:25:46I need it.
00:25:47Oh, she took her to the hospital for Mike.
00:25:49Oh, God.
00:25:50This Florence Nightingale act is really chapping my ass.
00:25:54Hey, science guy, I have an experiment for you.
00:25:57Go home, mix two ounces of gin, a splash of vermouth, and see if it improves my mood
00:26:03when I drink it.
00:26:08Julie.
00:26:08Sweetie, you're a good girl.
00:26:12Do yourself a favor and stay away from my nephew.
00:26:14Oh, trust me.
00:26:15I have no interest in swaggering, muscle-bound juvenile delinquents.
00:26:19Honey.
00:26:19That's what every good girl says just before she becomes a bad girl.
00:26:25Trust me.
00:26:26I know.
00:26:31Just like old times, huh?
00:26:32Mm-hmm.
00:26:33Except now when we're done, I don't have to proofread your essay on Ethan Frost.
00:26:36And I don't have to jump out of a window.
00:26:38That's a nice change.
00:26:39Yeah.
00:26:39Hey, how about I order up a bottle of Dom?
00:26:43Ooh, I like Rich John.
00:26:45Hello?
00:26:51Oh, uh, hi.
00:26:53Nothing, uh, you know, just, uh, room service and a movie.
00:26:57Huh?
00:27:00Really?
00:27:00You're, you're kidding.
00:27:02No, I'm, I'm, I'm thrilled.
00:27:05It's, uh, room 424.
00:27:08Me too.
00:27:09Bye.
00:27:10You gotta get out of here.
00:27:11What?
00:27:12My fiancé's on her way up.
00:27:13Your fiancé?
00:27:14She was supposed to come tomorrow.
00:27:15She decided to surprise me.
00:27:17Get dressed.
00:27:19You're engaged?
00:27:20Who?
00:27:20Her name's Tammy.
00:27:22Where's your other shoe?
00:27:23How could you do this to me?
00:27:24I would never have let you seduce me if I knew you were getting married.
00:27:27Boy, you didn't have any problems sleeping with me when you were married.
00:27:28You knew about Carlos.
00:27:30My cheating was upfront and honest.
00:27:31Look, Gabby, we don't have time for this.
00:27:34Get moving.
00:27:35No, I'm not going anywhere.
00:27:36In fact, I want to meet the blushing bride.
00:27:38Listen to me.
00:27:39Okay, her name is Tammy Sinclair.
00:27:41As in Sinclair Hotels.
00:27:42As in her father owns this whole damn chain.
00:27:44So if she catches you in here, I am totally screwed.
00:27:46Look at you, surprising me.
00:27:58I missed you.
00:27:59I missed you too.
00:28:02Oh, this room blows.
00:28:05Daddy was supposed to hook us up with a suite.
00:28:06You know, you're right.
00:28:08Why don't we go down to the front desk and demand one?
00:28:10Come on.
00:28:10Oh, no.
00:28:11They're all booked.
00:28:16They call us a closet?
00:28:18Where am I supposed to put all my stuff?
00:28:20You know, I could really use a drink.
00:28:22Why don't we go down to the bar?
00:28:24I'm wiped.
00:28:25I just want to stay in.
00:28:28Did you unpack it?
00:28:31No.
00:28:32Actually, the zipper is stuck.
00:28:34But they have a guy at the hotel that can fix it.
00:28:37You know, I should probably go ahead and take it down to the lobby.
00:28:41Now?
00:28:43I'm horny.
00:28:45So am I.
00:28:47But I will be a lot hornier once I get rid of this suitcase.
00:28:57Oodle?
00:28:59Where did the Steinman watch come from?
00:29:02Shoot.
00:29:05That's what you get for surprising me.
00:29:07I didn't get a chance to wrap it.
00:29:11You like it?
00:29:14I love it.
00:29:16I'm never taking it off.
00:29:18Son of a bitch.
00:29:21Come here, you.
00:29:29John?
00:29:30John, where are you?
00:29:41Damn it.
00:29:42Don't laugh at me.
00:29:58Saved a bundle on airfare.
00:29:59Susan, I'm so...
00:30:26Shhh.
00:30:28Keep playing.
00:30:28Keep playing.
00:30:28Your azaleas are breathtaking.
00:30:58You should be very proud of them.
00:31:00Yeah, it's nice to know that I can raise some things correctly.
00:31:04Darling, be patient.
00:31:08Andrew will come around.
00:31:10No, I don't think you will.
00:31:14I failed him.
00:31:16I think you're being too hard on yourself.
00:31:17And you're not being hard enough.
00:31:19Stop saying that what I did was understandable.
00:31:22I'm a mother who abandoned her child.
00:31:24It's unnatural.
00:31:26It's hot.
00:31:26You're tired.
00:31:27Why don't you come inside?
00:31:28Because there's a bottle of Chardonnay in the refrigerator.
00:31:31And right now, this little chore is the only thing that's keeping me from going inside and drinking the whole damn thing.
00:31:44Azalea's really hard, lovely.
00:31:45Yes, they were, they.
00:31:54Yes, they were, they.
00:31:54Hi.
00:32:10Look, I'm sorry.
00:32:19Here's your watch.
00:32:22I guess I'll just buy Tammy a new one.
00:32:23Don't you mean her daddy will buy her a new one and just launder the money through you?
00:32:27I don't blame you for being angry.
00:32:29All right, I should have told you the truth from the start.
00:32:31But when I saw you, there in the moonlight, it took me right back to when we were together.
00:32:39Me too.
00:32:42You want to sit down?
00:32:47I know you're pretty hard to stay mad at.
00:32:49Good.
00:32:51I really didn't want this to end badly.
00:32:54He says it has to end.
00:32:58What are you talking about?
00:33:00Well, I'm single now, and I thought we could maybe...
00:33:02Gabby, I'm getting married.
00:33:05Sure, and I was married when we got together.
00:33:09Right, but that is not how I'm going to be married.
00:33:13Well, that's what I thought, but trust me, marriage is hard.
00:33:16I know that, but I love Tammy, and I don't want to screw it up.
00:33:23Because enough of those screw-ups, and you just end up alone.
00:33:26Yeah, that can happen.
00:33:42Bye, Gabriela.
00:33:43Hey, mister, could you spare a buck or two?
00:34:00I'm really hungry.
00:34:05Hey, thanks.
00:34:06I'll give you 50 more, you'll let me buy you lunch.
00:34:10A prize and a large root beer.
00:34:11What am I going to have to do to earn this?
00:34:17I told you, I just want to talk to you.
00:34:19You another reporter?
00:34:21No.
00:34:22You a youth pastor?
00:34:23You trying to save my soul?
00:34:26You make it sound like a challenge.
00:34:27No, I just want to understand you, Andrew.
00:34:31Hey, how did you know my name?
00:34:36You're him, aren't you?
00:34:37You're a new husband.
00:34:41Orson.
00:34:41You know, if I went and talked to her, it would make her think I'll listen to you.
00:34:47Mother doesn't know I'm here.
00:34:50All right, Dad.
00:34:52What do you want to talk about, Dad?
00:34:54I want to know how you survive out here.
00:34:55What do you do for money?
00:34:58I ask.
00:34:59People give it to me.
00:35:02That's it?
00:35:02What do you want to know?
00:35:03What do you want to know?
00:35:07Have I done stuff for money that I'm not proud of?
00:35:11Yeah, sure.
00:35:12But you figured that out as soon as I asked you what the 50 was for.
00:35:16But, uh, don't tell my mom.
00:35:19Or, you know what?
00:35:21Dude, who cares?
00:35:23Well, I think part of you wants me to tell her because you know how much you would hurt her.
00:35:26I mean, that's why you're at her, isn't it?
00:35:29To punish her.
00:35:30When will you have punished her enough, Andrew?
00:35:33When you turn to drugs to numb the pain or you catch a disease you'll never be rid of?
00:35:38Don't pretend to care about me, all right?
00:35:40I do care about you because Brie cares about you, because we're more alike than you think.
00:35:47I know about rage.
00:35:49I know it eats you up.
00:35:51But rage goes away, and when it does, you're just left with a mess you made.
00:35:59Thanks for lunch.
00:36:01Change your mind.
00:36:03You know where to find us.
00:36:10How's your back?
00:36:21If I don't breathe, great.
00:36:24God, it has been so long since my back has acted up.
00:36:27Then, wham, out of the blue, I'm crying by a tree stone.
00:36:30Well, you're under a lot of stress.
00:36:32You got a new kid in the family, your job hunting.
00:36:36Are we going to fight about that again?
00:36:37Because if so, I'm going to need those last four muscle relaxants.
00:36:40No, I don't want to fight.
00:36:42In fact, I was thinking, if you can't find something you like in advertising, maybe you
00:36:48should cast a wider net.
00:36:50Meaning what?
00:36:52They're bright guys.
00:36:54Isn't there anything else you might want to do?
00:36:58Let's play bass for Aerosmith.
00:37:00Okay, let's call that the backup plan.
00:37:02But seriously, don't you have some road not taken, some dream you never got around to?
00:37:10I don't know, maybe.
00:37:13Maybe?
00:37:14I don't know, you get married, you have kids, and lose track of that stuff.
00:37:22Well, think about it, okay?
00:37:23Because whatever you want to do, I'm in your corner.
00:37:27Man, did I luck out burying you.
00:37:31Tell me something I don't know.
00:37:43Hi, Mike.
00:37:46It's Edie.
00:37:49I'm sorry that I haven't come by to visit.
00:37:51Pretty rough luck, huh?
00:38:00Anyway, I'm here to pick up my CD player.
00:38:05So.
00:38:13Well, I hope you feel better soon.
00:38:15I hope you feel better soon.
00:38:21I hope you feel better soon.
00:38:51Do you have to miss something with us?
00:38:54Of course, it's nice if we travel with someone who can help lighten the load.
00:39:02But usually, it's easier to just drop what we've been carrying.
00:39:07So we can get home that much sooner.
00:39:14Assuming of course, there will be someone there to greet us when we arrive.
00:39:18why do we clutch at this baggage even when we're desperate to move on
00:39:27because we all know there's a chance we might let go too soon
00:39:36previously on desperate housewives reporter just did a story on homeless teens and my son was one
00:39:47of them oh my god Orson found Andrew have I done stuff for money that I'm not proud of yeah sure
00:39:54and the prodigal son returned Mike fell into a coma it could be more romantic I could think of
00:40:03something and Susan fell into the arms of another man a bit too soon the day Mike Delfino woke from
00:40:13his coma Edie Britt was the first to know once she was sure he was responsive Edie decided to share
00:40:29the good news with others and that is how word began to spread Mike's physician dr. Craig was
00:40:40busy with a patient when he first heard the news not long after he called his aunt Ida who
00:40:47was busy knitting a sweater she told Lynette Scavo who was busy watering her lawn and she told her
00:40:55husband Tom who was busy playing a computer game he then emailed his friend Carlos who is busy plotting
00:41:01strategy with his divorce lawyer and Carlos called his soon-to-be ex-wife Gabrielle who was busy doing
00:41:09the same with hers yes word of Mike's miraculous recovery spread quickly throughout Wisteria Lane and
00:41:17stop cold everyone's busy busy life everyone that is except for Susan Meyer who was busy doing something she
00:41:30would soon wish she hadn't
00:42:00so
00:42:09Edward Deepley was the beloved founder of the town of fairview prior to that he was best known as a bootlegger a
00:42:22a womanizer and a horse thief of course no one remembers those parts of edward's past
00:42:31luckily for him history is designed to be rewritten and no one knew this better than brie hodge so
00:42:40you're just gonna lie to people oh i'm not talking about a lie just a polite fiction to explain to
00:42:45everybody where you've been i mean we can't possibly tell them that you've been living on
00:42:49skid roast sleeping in a cardboard box so why do i have to go to this history fair anyway i mean it's
00:42:54just some dumb school contest we all know danielle's not gonna win she never wins anything is it weird
00:42:58eating off plates because if you were more comfortable you could just eat straight out
00:43:01of the garbage this is a family event and we're all gonna enjoy it together now danielle stop sniping
00:43:07and start thinking of an alibi for your brother i know we could say he joined a cult and we had to
00:43:11kidnap and deprogram him well that would certainly spare the family some embarrassment why not throw
00:43:16in a killing spree too well here's a thought we say he was at drama camp it reflects andrew's
00:43:22interest in the performing arts while giving us a private joke to savor about the drama of his
00:43:27estrangement uh yeah he is always like that uh guys why can't we just tell the truth
00:43:35i i got out of line you kicked me out i lived on the street i came back home
00:43:40we'll need a name for this drama camp
00:43:44we've got ties here people sign and ties two for dollar
00:43:49oh do you like those barbells make me an offer i'm feeling generous
00:43:55here's the customer i've been waiting for
00:44:00i see you got my flyer you're having a garage sale featuring menswear and sporting equipment
00:44:07i need cash and you don't expect me to sell my stuff do you those are my good cufflinks
00:44:12those are my cds oh my god this is my baby blanket my mama knitted this
00:44:17and it pains me to sell it it's just that my lawyer told me what you're offering for spousal support
00:44:23and i can't get by on that i am doing the best that i can i've got a few deals in the pipeline
00:44:27but i'm not making near as much as i used to
00:44:29so i should be punished attention shoppers for the next 20 minutes
00:44:33free golf club with every purchase
00:44:35gabby i'm trying to be civil
00:44:37if you don't knock it off right now i swear the gloves are coming off
00:44:41oh honey the gloves aren't just off
00:44:43they're 70% off
00:44:45get your cashmere gloves
00:44:47hey parker where's your uniform you got your game in an hour
00:44:55no i don't i quit
00:44:57what i hate baseball
00:44:59daddy said i don't want to play it anymore
00:45:01well daddy should have checked with mommy so she could have a chance to tell him why he's wrong
00:45:06hey you're playing
00:45:07but mom i suck
00:45:10everybody says so
00:45:11that's why they made up a fake position for me
00:45:13it is not fake there is not a team i know that could get along without their backup far right fielder
00:45:19okay come on let's go practice
00:45:22all right let's try it again nice and easy watch the ball hit the bat you ready you can do it here we go
00:45:31okay parker keep telling you you got to keep your eyes open how are you going to hit the ball when you're doing this
00:45:37you threw it too fast throw slower
00:45:39if i threw any slower we would be bowling
00:45:41hey hey what you guys doing
00:45:44i'll tell you what we're not doing quitting
00:45:46oh hey buddy did you change your mind
00:45:49no
00:45:49lynette i told him that he didn't have to play anymore
00:45:52he's got five more games of the season he made a commitment he's going to see it through
00:45:55but lynette he doesn't like it
00:45:58and if you haven't noticed he kind of sucks
00:46:00yeah well that's not the point
00:46:01what kind of message are we sending if we let him quit whenever they're going gets rough
00:46:04honey it is kids baseball it's a way to kill three hours before they eat pizza
00:46:07why are you being such a hard ass
00:46:08well it's called parenting tom watch and learn
00:46:11okay petal this is a curveball
00:46:19ow
00:46:21again opening the eyes can't stress it enough
00:46:25are you sure it's okay if we stay another day
00:46:31well let's see what excuse did we use for when we had this conversation yesterday
00:46:34that we work hard and we deserve to relax
00:46:37no i believe that was last thursday's rationale
00:46:39fresh air is good for us
00:46:40uh tuesday
00:46:41okay here's one
00:46:42julie needs to spend more time bonding with her father
00:46:44brilliant
00:46:45if we keep this up we can stay here till christmas
00:46:49you know sometimes when you smile like that it really makes me think that
00:46:55what what were you going to say
00:46:58well it makes me think that i could love you
00:47:00i don't mean love in the swooning schoolboy sense
00:47:06you know fireworks exploding bells ringing to me it's it's about this uh a mundane task
00:47:13that there's suddenly a joy because of who you're doing it with that's love to me
00:47:17someone to fluff while you fold someone to whisper to at a boring party someone to to
00:47:22shh do you mind you're kind of drowning out the pills
00:47:26so i am
00:47:29i think i can feed myself you know
00:47:39you said that yesterday and i wound up with a cleavage full of pudding
00:47:42you heard the therapist it's going to be weeks before you're up and running
00:47:46i just want to get home unpack
00:47:51you just let home come to you okay
00:47:54the whole street's dying to see you
00:47:57brie is even baking you a peach pie
00:48:00she's a redhead right
00:48:03right
00:48:04husband's a doctor
00:48:07rex
00:48:09rex is dead
00:48:12really when did that happen
00:48:16about a year and a half ago
00:48:18what
00:48:19yeah you were at his funeral
00:48:21you're talking about this not possible
00:48:24i just met him right before my accident
00:48:25mike
00:48:29what year is it
00:48:312004
00:48:34why
00:48:35it's called retrograde memory loss
00:48:40it's caused by the swelling of frontal lobe damage
00:48:43you say he's lost two whole years
00:48:46yeah is that unusual
00:48:48patients more typically lose
00:48:50several weeks
00:48:52the damage may be more severe than we thought
00:48:55but do you think he'll get his memory back
00:48:57he might
00:48:58at least partially
00:48:59you could be some assistance with that
00:49:02how
00:49:03bring him some personal belongings
00:49:05photos
00:49:05letters
00:49:06he's gonna need some help to remember what he can't
00:49:09well i'm sure i could fill in a few blanks
00:49:14he's gonna need some help tocept
00:49:15reading
00:49:20finally
00:49:22okay
00:49:26good
00:49:27hey
00:49:29did i tell you that uh... proxim fox is looking for a new creative director
00:49:30iraq
00:49:31what makes you think i want to work for a pr firm
00:49:33easy hours
00:49:35Access to great parties.
00:49:37Yeah, what was I thinking?
00:49:38Johnny, we agreed that I would chase my dreams.
00:49:41That ain't it.
00:49:43Look, I was just making conversation.
00:49:45Ratter up!
00:49:46Is he up?
00:49:50Come on, Parker!
00:49:51Keep you on the ball!
00:49:56Truck one!
00:49:58Hey, people.
00:50:00It's just a kid, OK?
00:50:01Come on.
00:50:02Truck two!
00:50:06Hey, hey.
00:50:07That is not helpful.
00:50:08Only takes one, Parker.
00:50:09Only takes one.
00:50:10It's not your son's fault.
00:50:12He's just up against the best pitcher in the league.
00:50:14Yeah, that guy's a machine.
00:50:15Who is that kid?
00:50:16Nicky Abbott.
00:50:17He's a neighbor of mine.
00:50:18The kid's got an arm like a 13-year-old.
00:50:23Truck three, you're out!
00:50:27I'm gonna go buy him an ice cream.
00:50:29You're right!
00:50:31It's OK, P-Dawg!
00:50:32You're gonna get him the next inning!
00:50:45So tell me, what else do you know about this Nicky kid?
00:50:51You short 50 cents.
00:50:52Please, that's all I got.
00:50:54Hey, give the kid what he wants.
00:50:56Thanks.
00:50:59Hey, aren't you, uh, Parker Stavo's mom?
00:51:01That's right.
00:51:03Come.
00:51:04Walk with me.
00:51:06So, money's a little tight, huh?
00:51:09A little.
00:51:10Yeah, I heard your old man's out of work.
00:51:12That's gotta be tough.
00:51:13Yeah, they, uh, cut my allowance.
00:51:15No.
00:51:16Kid's gotta have an allowance.
00:51:17How else you're gonna buy the things you want, right?
00:51:20Like that cotton candy.
00:51:23That's a little piece of heaven, huh?
00:51:26Hey, I got an idea.
00:51:28Maybe we could help each other out.
00:51:30My son's having a little trouble hitting the ball.
00:51:32Yeah, I saw that.
00:51:33Yeah.
00:51:36Ever seen one of these?
00:51:38Carlos, what are you doing here?
00:51:54I mean, besides lowering my property value?
00:51:56I had a little news and I wanted to see your face when I delivered it.
00:51:59Oh.
00:52:00I'm tired of fighting.
00:52:03So, I called my lawyer and told him to give in to your demands for spousal support.
00:52:07Really?
00:52:08Mm-hmm.
00:52:10Wow.
00:52:11Well, thank you.
00:52:13Okay, you've seen my face, now you can beat it.
00:52:16Wait, there's more.
00:52:17Since I'm gonna be giving you all that money, I have to cut back on some stuff.
00:52:23Like the rent on my apartment.
00:52:25But the good news is, according to my lawyer, I'm completely within my rights to do this.
00:52:30Honey, I'm home.
00:52:37Wait, you can't stay here.
00:52:41Now there's the face that I was looking for.
00:52:58Strike one!
00:53:00Wow, that was kind of slow.
00:53:01His arm must be getting tired.
00:53:03Yeah.
00:53:04Well, after all those fastballs...
00:53:06Come on, Parker!
00:53:07You can do it!
00:53:13Strike two!
00:53:14No!
00:53:25Hello, Gary!
00:53:31沒有!
00:53:33Aw!
00:54:05Mr. Filotti, I cannot thank you enough for getting Danielle interested in history.
00:54:12She has never worked so hard on a project before.
00:54:15Don't tell anyone, but she is my favorite student.
00:54:20Oh, and it's so good to see that Andrew's back.
00:54:22Where's he been all this time?
00:54:25Drama camp.
00:54:26A very prestigious drama camp.
00:54:35Do I know you?
00:54:45Yeah, you gave me a ride in your black sedan once.
00:54:49You know, the one with the declining seats.
00:54:54Excuse me.
00:54:55It's not Dr. Keck.
00:55:00You know him?
00:55:01Yeah.
00:55:02We had a drama camp.
00:55:04Oh, good Lord.
00:55:06You mean you?
00:55:07Yeah.
00:55:07I performed once.
00:55:11Are you all right?
00:55:12I'll be all right.
00:55:14I'm fine.
00:55:14Howard Keck?
00:55:16You sure?
00:55:17I mean, he's a very respected member of the community.
00:55:21They all were.
00:55:30What were you and Andrew talking about today at the fair?
00:55:34Uh, nothing.
00:55:37I was going to make some cocoa.
00:55:39Would you like some?
00:55:39Orson, I saw the two of you whispering right after Dr. Keck ran off.
00:55:43What happened?
00:55:50Look, Andrew asked me not to say anything, but I don't want there to be any secrets between
00:55:55us, so please don't let him know I told you.
00:55:58Well, of course not.
00:55:59What is it?
00:56:00How to put this?
00:56:01Uh, when Andrew was on the street, he, uh, he didn't just beg for money.
00:56:08At times he, well, he did things to earn it.
00:56:12Oh, good.
00:56:12I mean, I'd hate to think he had no work ethic at all.
00:56:16Uh, what I mean is men hired him, uh, to do things.
00:56:24Things he wasn't very proud of.
00:56:26Yard work?
00:56:28Afraid not.
00:56:30Was he, you're scaring me.
00:56:31Did he do something awful?
00:56:33No.
00:56:33No, not awful.
00:56:34I mean, people do it all the time.
00:56:36I do it with you.
00:56:38I just don't pay you for it.
00:56:39I think someone could use a cocoa.
00:56:50Look, we mustn't judge Andrew.
00:56:52He was desperate.
00:56:53I'll never forgive myself.
00:56:55It's all my fault for pushing him away.
00:56:56Bree, don't do that to yourself.
00:56:58The important thing now is that he's home and he's safe.
00:57:00How does this Dr. Keck fit into all this?
00:57:02I mean, is he treating Andrew for some awful disease?
00:57:05Actually, I think he was one of Andrew's clients.
00:57:09Howard Keck?
00:57:10Now that's ridiculous.
00:57:11He's got a wife and a daughter.
00:57:12He plays on Tom Scavo's bowling team.
00:57:14Well, it's clearly not the only team he plays for.
00:57:17This is a nightmare.
00:57:18An absolute nightmare.
00:57:21Please don't cut into that pie.
00:57:23I made it for Mike.
00:57:24Mike?
00:57:26Delfino?
00:57:27Yes, I left you two messages.
00:57:28Didn't you check your voicemail?
00:57:29He woke up from his coma.
00:57:38Who is it?
00:57:39Is it Sharla Banning?
00:57:39I'm not telling who it is.
00:57:41I'm just asking the question.
00:57:42If you know a husband has been unfaithful,
00:57:45do you tell the wife?
00:57:47Absolutely.
00:57:47If he's cheating, he could bring home a disease.
00:57:49Okay, that's what I was thinking.
00:57:50I mean, that's how Bunny Connors got chlamydia.
00:57:52She told me she got it from wearing someone else's bathing suit.
00:57:54No, that's how she got crabs.
00:57:55Oh, Bunny, it's always something.
00:57:59If it's not to clap, it's a botched face.
00:58:01Be that as it may,
00:58:03do we all agree that I should tell this man's wife?
00:58:05I wouldn't.
00:58:06Women always say they want to know if their husband's cheating,
00:58:08and they always resent the person who tells them.
00:58:10So if Tom was cheating, you wouldn't tell me?
00:58:12No, but I would hire someone to beat the crap out of him.
00:58:16You're sweet.
00:58:19Bree, I'm sorry.
00:58:20I think you've got to follow your heart on this one.
00:58:22Even if it isn't the easiest thing to do.
00:58:25Gabby, are you and Carlos getting back together?
00:58:31Why?
00:58:36Uh, would you excuse me?
00:58:41What are you doing?
00:58:43I told you I was having friends over.
00:58:44I'm thirsty.
00:58:46This is my kitchen too.
00:58:47Hey, ladies.
00:58:49Oh, God's sake, put some pants on.
00:58:51I wanted to, but somebody threw my laundry out of the dryer while it was still wet.
00:58:55Don't act like you didn't deserve that.
00:58:57What are you talking about?
00:58:58You peed in my shampoo.
00:59:00Admit it.
00:59:00What?
00:59:00Yeah, the cap was loose, and I know how your sick mind works.
00:59:03Oh, really?
00:59:03Well, in that case, you should know that if I was going to do something like that,
00:59:06I wouldn't do it to your shampoo.
00:59:07I would do it to your mouthwash, soup, and decaffeinated coffee.
00:59:11To answer your question, no, we are not getting back together.
00:59:25I love this music.
00:59:40What's it about?
00:59:42Making love, regret, cigarettes.
00:59:45Cigarettes?
00:59:46Well, I assume it's French.
00:59:48They write what they know.
00:59:50I'd love to go to France someday.
00:59:54Would you like to go next month?
00:59:57Are you serious?
00:59:58Yeah, I'm going on business.
00:59:59Come with me.
00:59:59Oh, Ian, I just took a week off.
01:00:01I couldn't possibly justify taking another day.
01:00:03Oh, you'll manage.
01:00:05We've already proven ourselves masters of the flimsy rationalization.
01:00:08Well, it's okay.
01:00:11You're going to promise me we'll actually leave the hotel room.
01:00:14It's Paris, dear.
01:00:16I'm going to pretty much make love anywhere.
01:00:19I thought you said you didn't get reception up here.
01:00:21Well, the occasional signal gets through.
01:00:23Please don't answer.
01:00:25Oh, surely I have to.
01:00:27Hello, what's up?
01:00:29Hey.
01:00:31I can't.
01:00:33Can you say that again?
01:00:35The signal's really bad.
01:00:38What?
01:00:40Oh, my God.
01:00:41There's something wrong.
01:00:42Mike woke up.
01:00:44Um, Julie, when did he...
01:00:45Julie?
01:00:46Julie!
01:00:47Oh, damn it.
01:00:49Oh, my God.
01:00:51Oh, my God.
01:00:53Um, uh, I...
01:00:55I have to go.
01:00:56Um, I've got to get out of here.
01:00:57Yes, of course.
01:01:00I think that you're sitting on my bra.
01:01:08What'd the coach say?
01:01:10What do you think he said?
01:01:11Parker's off the team.
01:01:12It's not fair.
01:01:13It's not his fault.
01:01:14It doesn't matter, because his mother bribed an eight-year-old pitcher, who also, by the
01:01:19way, was kicked off of his team.
01:01:21Not Nikki, too.
01:01:22What were you thinking?
01:01:25I was trying to repair my son's shattered self-esteem.
01:01:29With a 50?
01:01:31Yeah.
01:01:32I...
01:01:32Everything would have been fine if you just let Parker quit.
01:01:36Well, excuse me for not wanting my son to be a quitter.
01:01:40Yeah, because I guess having two in the family would be a bit much.
01:01:44Whoa, where'd that come from?
01:01:46You say that you support my decision to leave advertising, follow my dream, but it is obvious
01:01:50to me that you resent it.
01:01:51That is not true.
01:01:53Why do you keep dropping all these hints about the job at Burnham Fox, then, huh?
01:01:56I just figured since you're taking your time figuring out what your dream even is, you
01:02:00might want to make a few bucks in the meantime.
01:02:02I have a dream, too.
01:02:03It includes keeping this house.
01:02:04Oh, like I don't...
01:02:06Are you fighting?
01:02:10No.
01:02:11No.
01:02:13It was excitement, because we have just decided you don't have to play baseball anymore.
01:02:18Huh, isn't that great?
01:02:19But I can't stop now.
01:02:20Huh?
01:02:21Not when I'm finally getting good.
01:02:23You were right, Mom.
01:02:24I just need a little more practice.
01:02:25Come on, come on, let's go practice.
01:02:27See you outside.
01:02:31So, what's on the next page of your parenting handbook?
01:02:37Ian, can you please hurry?
01:02:38I am hurrying.
01:02:40I should have been on the road ten minutes ago.
01:02:42It's not like checking out of a hotel.
01:02:44There's doors to secure.
01:02:45I have to turn the gas valve off.
01:02:46Can't you do that stuff later?
01:02:47Well, after the place is overrun by raccoons.
01:02:49Of course, a joke will be on them when it blows up.
01:02:51Mike is awake.
01:02:52He's lying there, and he's wondering where I am.
01:02:54Yes, I get it.
01:02:54You're in a hurry.
01:02:55Just please give me a minute.
01:02:57I bet you'd move faster if Jane were awake.
01:02:59Oh, here's the picture that you took of me in my bikini at that pool party.
01:03:11You could have warned me I was showing a little nip.
01:03:14Oh, Susan Meyer.
01:03:17Remember her?
01:03:18Yeah.
01:03:19She's pretty.
01:03:21Yeah, she is sort of in this picture.
01:03:24Is there a date on this thing?
01:03:25The nurses said that she visited me a lot.
01:03:27We were close, huh?
01:03:29You have just come out of a coma.
01:03:31Can we not talk about Susan until you start to regain your strength?
01:03:35Why?
01:03:37Oh, God.
01:03:39I hate to be the one telling you this.
01:03:41Well, you don't want to.
01:03:43That tramp treated you like dirt.
01:03:45She strung you along.
01:03:46She slept with other guys.
01:03:47You broke up with her twice.
01:03:49Why did she keep visiting me when I was out of it?
01:03:52Well, she's a bit of a stalker.
01:03:54I was worried that she was going to come in here and disconnect one of the tubes or something.
01:03:58But don't worry.
01:04:00She's glommed on to some new guy and she's up in the mountains at his place with him right now.
01:04:06Wow.
01:04:07She told the nurses that she really loved me.
01:04:12That's the one thing about Susan that you must never forget.
01:04:16She is a liar.
01:04:17You waiting to see Mike Delfino?
01:04:30Uh, yes.
01:04:31I'm a neighbor.
01:04:33But he already has a visitor, so I'll come back later.
01:04:36Don't be surprised if he doesn't recognize you.
01:04:37He's suffered significant memory loss.
01:04:42Really?
01:04:44That's too bad.
01:04:45You sure you don't want to go in?
01:04:49This Brit's here all the time.
01:04:50She won't mind.
01:04:50No, I've waited this long.
01:04:52I can wait a bit longer.
01:05:12Gabby!
01:05:13Gabby!
01:05:15Hey, Carlos, what's up?
01:05:22My key won't work.
01:05:26That's probably because I had the locks changed.
01:05:29Gabby!
01:05:30Can't be too safe.
01:05:31You never know when someone might move in on you when you're not looking.
01:05:33Hello, 911?
01:05:34There's an intruder breaking into my home.
01:05:47Can you tell them to come armed?
01:05:52I think he's Mexican.
01:05:53I'm telling you.
01:05:56I'm her husband.
01:05:57I bought her this house.
01:05:58My name is on the deed.
01:05:59Ma'am, if you're married, it's a matter of public record.
01:06:01I can find out very quickly.
01:06:04Okay.
01:06:06All right.
01:06:08But we're going through a very messy divorce.
01:06:09And he moved back in on me.
01:06:11And everyone knows the wife keeps the house and the husband gets the crappy apartment.
01:06:14It's the American way.
01:06:15Call my lawyer.
01:06:17This is all totally legal and she knows it.
01:06:19She's just trying to get back at me.
01:06:22Don't hear that.
01:06:24You wouldn't believe the stuff my wife pulled when we split.
01:06:30Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:06:31You can't take sides.
01:06:32Police officers aren't allowed to take sides.
01:06:34I pay your salary.
01:06:37Ted, you see that?
01:06:38This lady just assaulted me.
01:06:40Oh, it was a swat.
01:06:43Ted, does this hurt?
01:06:43Get your hands off me.
01:06:50Police brutality!
01:07:01This is all my fault.
01:07:02Why punish Parker?
01:07:04Sorry, Mrs. Scavo.
01:07:05Rules are rules.
01:07:07I can't put him back on the team.
01:07:08Just one more game.
01:07:09He'll suck.
01:07:10The other kids will taunt him.
01:07:11He'll want to quit again.
01:07:12See, everybody wins.
01:07:14Wish I could help, but...
01:07:15Please, you can't bend the rules just once.
01:07:19Did you know the team could use new batting helmets?
01:07:23You asking for a bribe?
01:07:26You pretending you're above that?
01:07:28I got my checkbook.
01:07:29Hello, Vera.
01:07:33I made you some of those shortbread biscuits that you like so much.
01:07:37Oh, sweet.
01:07:38Can you stay for some tea?
01:07:40It's been so long.
01:07:41We have some catching up to do.
01:07:43Yes.
01:07:43Yes, we do.
01:07:44I know how painful this must be for you.
01:07:54It isn't easy for me either, considering Andrew's role in it.
01:07:59And why have you told me this?
01:08:01Because I thought you'd want to know.
01:08:02Why?
01:08:06So you could do something.
01:08:12Do you think I'm an idiot?
01:08:14That I know nothing about the man I've lived with for 27 years?
01:08:17I've always assumed Howard had some outlet.
01:08:23A friend tucked away somewhere.
01:08:25I didn't know.
01:08:27I didn't care to know.
01:08:29But thank you for painting so vivid, so indelible a picture of my husband's activities.
01:08:35I'm sorry.
01:08:36I just felt that if it were me, I...
01:08:38You'd want to know.
01:08:39Yes, absolutely.
01:08:41Then I owe you an apology.
01:08:43Because I've been sitting on a little secret about your family.
01:08:47Oh?
01:08:48Actually, it's not much of a secret.
01:08:50My daughter tells me it's common knowledge among the cheerleaders.
01:08:53What is?
01:08:54The fact that Danielle is sleeping with her history teacher.
01:09:00But where are my manners?
01:09:03I should have brought some biscuits with that.
01:09:10Better up!
01:09:14Well, aren't we just the parents of the year?
01:09:16We're sitting in the stands waiting for our son to fail so we can weasel out of a bribery scandal.
01:09:21Two bribery scandals.
01:09:22Gotta count the batting helmets.
01:09:27Strike one!
01:09:28You know, for what it's worth, I don't think you're a quitter.
01:09:31Good.
01:09:33And you don't resent me?
01:09:34No.
01:09:36Fall on!
01:09:36Okay, well, maybe a little.
01:09:39Why?
01:09:39You get to chase your dream while I get to spend the rest of my life in advertising.
01:09:44Strike two!
01:09:45Maybe I'd like to write a book or, you know, start my own magazine.
01:09:48And then I think, no, I can't.
01:09:49I have a family to support.
01:09:51And I am okay with that.
01:09:53Fall on!
01:09:53Most of the time.
01:09:55You know what?
01:09:57I'm going to look into that job at Vernon Fox.
01:09:59Don't you dare.
01:10:00You are going to chase your dream and I am going to support you 99% of the time.
01:10:06That's all I could really ask for.
01:10:07Oh!
01:10:16How the hell did he do that?
01:10:20Crap, they're cheering for him.
01:10:24Come on.
01:10:25We're going to quit now.
01:10:27What are we going to say to him?
01:10:33Oh!
01:10:35Ow!
01:10:35Ow!
01:10:37I don't know, buddy.
01:10:42It looks like a pretty bad sprain.
01:10:45Probably going to be out the rest of the season.
01:10:49Damn.
01:10:51Hey, but you know what?
01:10:52That was one heck of a hit.
01:10:55Sure was.
01:10:57You posted your bail.
01:11:03We can go.
01:11:17Gabby.
01:11:23Don't talk to me.
01:11:24Oh, lighten up.
01:11:26You were in there for maybe an hour.
01:11:28The whole thing is funny and you know it.
01:11:32Come on, Gabby.
01:11:34We've been going at each other for months now.
01:11:35Can we just stop?
01:11:36You know as well as I do, we're going to end up back together.
01:11:40Wow.
01:11:40You are crazy.
01:11:41No, what's crazy is throwing away the past three years.
01:11:44I mean, why can't we just say what we really feel for a change?
01:11:51Fine.
01:11:51I'll get the ball rolling.
01:11:53I still love you.
01:11:54That's too bad because I don't love you.
01:11:56Yeah, right.
01:11:57I don't.
01:12:00And I haven't for a very long time.
01:12:04That's a lie.
01:12:05You're just saying that to hurt me.
01:12:06No, if I wanted to hurt you, I would tell you about last weekend.
01:12:10When I slept with John Rowland.
01:12:11Carlos, what are you doing?
01:12:23Carlos!
01:12:26Carlos!
01:12:28Carlos!
01:12:28You're in the middle.
01:12:29You're down there.
01:12:31Ah!
01:12:33Carlos!
01:12:34Carlos!
01:12:34Carlos!
01:12:34Carlos!
01:12:41Daniel, Daniel, he is your history teacher and he is 35 years old.
01:13:00Robert says age is just a number.
01:13:02Don't you dare leave this house.
01:13:03You can't break us up.
01:13:04I love him and he loves me.
01:13:11Come on, Mom.
01:13:18I am so tired of feeling like the worst mother who ever lived.
01:13:23You're not.
01:13:25There's Grandma.
01:13:30I've tried so hard to set a good example.
01:13:32I've done the best I could to teach you kids right from wrong.
01:13:36Why isn't it taking?
01:13:38It took.
01:13:39I mean, we know the difference between right and wrong.
01:13:42We just chose wrong.
01:13:45Why?
01:13:46Sometimes when you push a kid really hard to go one way, the other way starts to look more
01:13:50entertaining.
01:13:52You're awful.
01:13:54I know.
01:13:55I blame shoddy parenting.
01:14:01You know, we never discussed what it was like for you while you were away.
01:14:06I just want you to know if you ever want to talk about it, there's nothing you can't tell
01:14:12me.
01:14:16Thanks.
01:14:19All right now.
01:14:21Okay?
01:14:21I'll pick up my bag for you.
01:14:33Not my fault you weren't there.
01:14:35What?
01:14:36It's not.
01:14:38I know what you're feeling.
01:14:39How could you possibly know what I was feeling?
01:14:41For six months, I have prayed every day for that man to wake up, and you made me give up
01:14:44on him.
01:14:45I did not make you.
01:14:46Okay, not on purpose, but you did.
01:14:48You were sweet and charming and English, and that's why when my prayers were answered,
01:14:51I was a hundred miles away naked in someone else's arms.
01:14:53This should never have happened.
01:14:55You can say what you want about this.
01:14:57Say that you feel guilty.
01:14:58Say that it was bad timing.
01:14:59But don't you say that this should never have happened.
01:15:05Because you're the best thing that's happened to me in years.
01:15:08You know, I'm sorry.
01:15:16I know how you feel.
01:15:18It's Mike.
01:15:20It's my Mike.
01:15:27You should go.
01:15:38Oh, my God.
01:15:53You are awake.
01:15:56Hi, Susan.
01:15:57Oh, God.
01:15:59It's so wonderful to hear your voice again.
01:16:02You say you've been here a lot.
01:16:04Yes.
01:16:05Yes, I have almost every day.
01:16:07I can't tell you how much I'm kicking myself for not being here when you woke up.
01:16:11Where were you?
01:16:15I was in the country.
01:16:18But I'm back now.
01:16:21Okay.
01:16:26Something wrong?
01:16:26You don't seem happy to see me.
01:16:28To be honest, I don't remember you.
01:16:37What?
01:16:38I remember moving to Fairview and meeting people.
01:16:42After that, nothing.
01:16:43The doctors say it's the head trauma.
01:16:45But you're going to be all right.
01:16:52I'm going to help you remember.
01:16:54If you don't mind, I'm kind of tired now.
01:16:57Oh.
01:16:59Okay.
01:17:02Good.
01:17:04Right.
01:17:04You sleep.
01:17:07I'll come back tomorrow.
01:17:08I'd rather you didn't.
01:17:15Well, I've got therapy.
01:17:18Maybe next week.
01:17:26Okay.
01:17:27Okay.
01:17:27I'll be right back.
01:17:57We all have our reasons for rewriting history.
01:18:09Sometimes we need to provide ourselves alibis.
01:18:12Drama camp was awesome.
01:18:14We're talking zero superstitions.
01:18:17Sometimes we want to hurt someone who has hurt us.
01:18:20You can tell Carlos that he can have the photo album.
01:18:24She says that they hold no southern middle-class firm.
01:18:28And then there are times we just want to spare ourselves embarrassment.
01:18:32I don't know how these rumors get started.
01:18:34No, Parker only quit the team because he hurt his ankle.
01:18:39Of course, there are some who feel that to rewrite history is just another way to lie.
01:18:45And poor Howard has to work late again tonight.
01:18:49Of course, he does it all for the family.
01:18:53But what is history anyway?
01:18:56You say I dated Susan for a long time.
01:19:01Do you think I was in love with her?
01:19:03But a set of lies agreed upon.
01:19:07I don't.
01:19:09I really...
01:19:09I really don't.
01:19:12I was angry after her.
01:19:16I really didn't.
01:19:21I was like, oh, I Lord.
01:19:21Because of my words long enough.
01:19:22I was like, oh, I don't know if I were a girl.
01:19:23And I'm like, oh, you are my girlfriend.
01:19:25I'm like, oh.
01:19:25I'm so sorry.
01:19:26I'm so sorry.
01:19:27So I'm like, oh, I love you.
01:19:27I really don't.
01:19:28I'm Wort !!
01:19:29I want you to hold zurück.
01:19:31I'm so sorry.
01:19:32I'm like, oh.
01:19:33You can now want you to try stuff.
01:19:34So I wanna keep in space pajamas.
01:19:34I'm just.
01:19:35I...
01:19:36I'm like, oh.
01:19:36I really know what you got to do once
01:19:38okayeli liability.