- 6/19/2025
Follow us for more episodes!
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives,
00:00:03Wisteria Lane's new hero
00:00:05Hello?
00:00:06Superhero houses are great!
00:00:07Turned out to be anything but.
00:00:11Orson's mother took up residence.
00:00:13I've decided to accept your wife's kind invitation.
00:00:15You wouldn't.
00:00:16And Mike couldn't remember.
00:00:17No memory, huh? It's convenient.
00:00:19Anything at all.
00:00:20Here's a search warrant.
00:00:21I couldn't find a toolbox.
00:00:23Oh, you might want to wash that wrench off and get something out of it.
00:00:27I'm just saying that we never spend the night at your house.
00:00:33Your place is so warm and cozy.
00:00:35Well, it's also a disaster area.
00:00:36I didn't get a chance to clean it today.
00:00:38Whoops.
00:00:39Oh, here. Let me.
00:00:41Susan Meyer had never thought of herself as Cinderella.
00:00:45But then one day, a prince showed up.
00:00:52Well, we can't have you sleeping in squalor, can we?
00:00:55My place it is.
00:00:57And Susan realized her life had become a fairy tale.
00:01:03And since her prince had welcomed her into his castle,
00:01:08she felt the least she could do was thank him.
00:01:13Again.
00:01:14And again.
00:01:15And again.
00:01:16And again.
00:01:17The next morning, however, Susan discovered castles
00:01:22don't run themselves.
00:01:23All right.
00:01:32Ah, but let's make it a quickie, because you are wasting water.
00:01:37No!
00:01:38Sorry.
00:01:39I didn't mean to startle you.
00:01:41Uh, who are you?
00:01:43I'm Rupert.
00:01:44I work for Mr. Hainsworth.
00:01:46That would be the man you slept with, in case names weren't exchanged.
00:01:50Oh, no.
00:01:51I'm your boss's girlfriend.
00:01:52Surely he mentioned me.
00:01:53Not that I recollect.
00:01:54Rupert.
00:01:55Good morning, boss.
00:01:56I thought you were off today.
00:01:57Isn't your sister in town?
00:01:58Uh, that's next weekend, sir.
00:01:59Oh.
00:02:00It's a good thing, too.
00:02:01Otherwise, I might not have had the pleasure of meeting your girlfriend.
00:02:15Susan.
00:02:16Yes, we met at the, um, at the hospital.
00:02:20Why don't I fetch you a robe?
00:02:22Loving that idea.
00:02:28Would you care for some breakfast?
00:02:32Omelette?
00:02:33Strawberry tart?
00:02:34Brioche?
00:02:35Oh, wow.
00:02:36Uh, yeah.
00:02:37That sounds great.
00:02:38Um, you pick.
00:02:39Yes, Susan's life had indeed become a fairy tale.
00:02:43You are aware there is a Mrs. Hainsworth?
00:02:46Well, of course.
00:02:48And what's a fairy tale?
00:02:51Tart it is.
00:02:54Without a dragon to slay.
00:02:58As a fairy tale.
00:03:02isoso.
00:03:03.
00:03:04Also,
00:03:06uh,
00:03:08is perceived as a fairy tale,
00:03:09heat it up.
00:03:11When the two ears tend to bear inmate,
00:03:12one of the waters on the street
00:03:14is held as a poorähän smitten spring.
00:03:16There's an unlikely tailor
00:03:23to avoid this dette tale.
00:03:26We know dangerous men walk among us.
00:03:40What we can't be sure of is who they are or where they hide.
00:03:44So the most we can offer any stranger is reasonable doubt.
00:03:48But once the doubt is gone, people are anything but reasonable.
00:03:53I am telling you, our neighbor is a pedophile, and I expect you to do something about it.
00:03:59Ms. Scalvo, he's not listed on any sex offender registry.
00:04:01He's never had so much as a traffic ticket.
00:04:03He's a single man with a basement full of toys.
00:04:05I understand your concern, but we can't book a guy on possession of toys.
00:04:09You don't get it. His house had this creepy vibe.
00:04:13Tell him, Tom.
00:04:14I never went down to the actual room.
00:04:15Okay, he wasn't there. He doesn't know.
00:04:17Look, he had a wall full of pictures of half-naked boys in swimsuits.
00:04:21Didn't you say he was a swim coach?
00:04:24What are you, his lawyer?
00:04:25You have to admit, it's odd.
00:04:27Here's what's odd.
00:04:28If your neighbor had something to hide, why'd he invite you in to see all of his stuff?
00:04:39He wasn't technically home when I went inside.
00:04:43So you broke in?
00:04:44The door was open.
00:04:47I was bringing him a cake.
00:04:50A cake?
00:04:50It was a thank you cake.
00:04:53He sort of saved my life.
00:04:56She didn't know that he was a pedophile when she baked the actual cake.
00:04:59He doesn't care about the cake, Tom.
00:05:00Well, why are you snapping at me?
00:05:01I'm not snapping at you.
00:05:02You're totally snapping at you.
00:05:03I am snapping because there is a monster across the street,
00:05:06and Bernie Fyfe here is making me sound like the bad guy.
00:05:12Look, I'm sorry.
00:05:13She's been under a lot of stress, hasn't slept well.
00:05:15You better not be apologizing for me.
00:05:18Gotta go.
00:05:25So, I've got some fabulous news.
00:05:27I hope it's more fabulous than this dress.
00:05:30It would look like something Ike Turner would hit.
00:05:32You're going to have to find yourself another personal shopper.
00:05:36Well, I slimed one dress and you quit on me?
00:05:38No, that's my news.
00:05:39I'm leaving the store and starting my own business.
00:05:43Beauty by Vern?
00:05:45You're opening up a salon?
00:05:47God, could you get any gayer?
00:05:48It's a consulting firm for beauty pageant contestants.
00:05:51And the answer is yes.
00:05:53This week, I'm coaching little girls for the Miss Snowflake pageant.
00:05:56It's very rewarding.
00:05:57Hey, you know what might be fun?
00:05:59If you come down and give a talk, you know, give the kids some pointers.
00:06:02Vern, I work the catwalks in Milan in Paris.
00:06:05I'm not going to give makeup tips to Little Miss Training Bra.
00:06:07You have been in rare bitch form.
00:06:09It's been months now, so don't blame it on your cycle.
00:06:12Don't call me a bitch and stop tracking my cycle.
00:06:14I told you, that freaks me out.
00:06:16I'm just saying, you've been very cranky today.
00:06:19What's going on?
00:06:23A divorce decree came through today.
00:06:25Carlos is officially out of my life.
00:06:28Oh, honey.
00:06:31The girls' ages range 8 to 12.
00:06:32We meet every Thursday in the rec room of the Elks Lodge.
00:06:35I'm not doing it.
00:06:37You need a project.
00:06:38That's your problem.
00:06:39You're bored.
00:06:40And you know what the cure for that is?
00:06:42Helping others.
00:06:44Fine.
00:06:45I'll do it.
00:06:47But I want this dress for free.
00:06:48Evil, you said you hated it.
00:06:50And I hate helping others too, but I'm doing that, aren't I?
00:06:58Is the coast clear?
00:07:00I don't want to flash the help again.
00:07:01Relax, he's making breakfast.
00:07:03But you're more than welcome to flash me.
00:07:05How long has Rupert worked for you?
00:07:10Oh, for years.
00:07:11He's practically family.
00:07:13So you're that close and you never told him about me?
00:07:16Yes, about that.
00:07:18Rupert was incredibly devoted to Jane.
00:07:21He's never seen me with another woman, let alone a frisky naked one.
00:07:25Well, that explains why he was a little cold to me this morning.
00:07:29Was he?
00:07:30I'll ever talk with him.
00:07:31Oh, no, don't do that.
00:07:32That'll just make it worse.
00:07:33I get it.
00:07:34He loved Jane.
00:07:35He doesn't know me.
00:07:37You know, I'll just have to charm him.
00:07:39Warm him up a little.
00:07:39Well, I'm, uh, I'm sure you'll find a way.
00:07:48Great.
00:07:49Nine o'clock in the morning and I have to put on a slinky black cocktail dress.
00:07:54Hey, here's an idea.
00:07:56You keep some things in a drawer of my house.
00:07:58Would it be okay if I had one here?
00:08:00A drawer?
00:08:02Do you think we'll be here that often?
00:08:04Your shower has six power nozzles.
00:08:06With or without you, I'll be back.
00:08:08Well, then, by all means, let's get you a drawer.
00:08:11I don't need much.
00:08:12One of those will do.
00:08:14Actually, that's not a good idea.
00:08:16Rupert arranges things meticulously.
00:08:18You'll never win them over if you mess with his system.
00:08:20Rupert?
00:08:22Wow.
00:08:23Your timing's perfect.
00:08:25Not always.
00:08:27Susan will be needing a drawer.
00:08:29A drawer, sir?
00:08:31Yes, for her things.
00:08:32She's going to be spending more time here.
00:08:34Yeah, Rupert.
00:08:35I hope we can be good friends,
00:08:36because you're going to be seeing lots more of me.
00:08:39Oh, madam, that hearty seems possible.
00:08:43Mother Hodge, your food will get cold.
00:08:49Why, please, is there a lock on the liquor cabinet?
00:08:52Because your doctor says people taking your medication shouldn't drink.
00:08:55A warning you've chosen to ignore if the lipstick on the vodka bottle is any indication.
00:09:02Poached fish again?
00:09:04I don't want this.
00:09:06I want what you're all having.
00:09:08Well, your doctor has you on a low-fat, low-sodium diet.
00:09:10Eight meals this week, eight times I've told you the same thing.
00:09:13So, who would like to say grace?
00:09:16Allow me.
00:09:20Dear Lord, I thank you for this bland, indifferently prepared meal
00:09:23and beseech you to ignite some spark of compassion in my cold-hearted daughter-in-law
00:09:27that she might show some shred of mercy to me, her wretched captive.
00:09:32Amen.
00:09:32Mother, may I remind you, you asked to come here?
00:09:41I didn't know I'd be trading one jail for another.
00:09:44At least at the home, you could bribe the orderlies to smuggle things in.
00:09:48But here, nothing gets past the commandant.
00:09:52I have done everything I can to make you happy and comfortable.
00:09:56What do you want from us?
00:09:57I want my freedom.
00:09:58I want out of this perky little gulag and into a house I can call my own.
00:10:05And you're going to buy it for me.
00:10:07I can't afford to buy you a house.
00:10:10You can't afford not to.
00:10:16I know a house won't be easy to swing,
00:10:18but how many more of these Edward Albee dinners do you want to sit through?
00:10:21What did she mean by you can't afford not to?
00:10:24Was she threatening you with something?
00:10:25Yes, she was threatening to make us miserable till we cave.
00:10:28Look, at least see if Edie has any cheap listings.
00:10:31We'll be happier.
00:10:32My mother will be happier.
00:10:33Yeah, and she'll take terrible care of herself and be dead in a year.
00:10:36You just stole my next argument.
00:10:42Okay, you've got enough money to pay either the phone or the cable bill,
00:10:46but not both.
00:10:49Hello?
00:10:51Mike.
00:10:52I'm trying to help you here.
00:10:53No, I'm sorry.
00:10:56Just do whatever you want.
00:11:00Fine.
00:11:00Cable it is.
00:11:02Nobody calls you anyway.
00:11:03What do you want?
00:11:15My toilet's clogged.
00:11:16I thought maybe you could fix it.
00:11:18Oh, wait.
00:11:19You can't, can you?
00:11:20Because you don't have any tools.
00:11:22Must be tough being a plumber without tools.
00:11:25Why don't you people leave me the hell alone?
00:11:27Jeez.
00:11:27You sure are hostile for a guy who makes his living in the service industry.
00:11:45You know, it just occurred to me there's no point in paying the cable bill
00:11:48if you're not going to have electricity.
00:11:49So, I'm thinking if you'd like to use me in front of you and say,
00:11:55okay, that's it.
00:12:11Where have you been?
00:12:12They're all waiting for you.
00:12:13I'm here to teach fashion, so I'm fashionably late.
00:12:15Cute.
00:12:16Now remember, these mothers have refinanced their trailers in order to pay for this,
00:12:19so when you make your entrance, for God's sakes, sparkle.
00:12:24Now, in addition to her three Vogue covers,
00:12:26you may remember her as the face of La Roque Cosmetics,
00:12:29please welcome Miss Gabrielle Marquez.
00:12:43Burn?
00:12:44A moment.
00:12:49Is there a problem?
00:12:51Yes.
00:12:52What am I supposed to do with that petting zoo out there?
00:12:54Not everyone wins the genetic lottery like you did.
00:12:56These girls need help finding the promised land of beauty and style.
00:13:00Thanks, Gabrielle.
00:13:01Be there, Moses.
00:13:04Good comparison,
00:13:05because it's going to take a miracle
00:13:06to turn these mutts into show talks.
00:13:08Hey, girls.
00:13:12Let's talk beauty.
00:13:20What's up, brother?
00:13:24I'm sorry.
00:13:25You are...
00:13:26Carlos from down the street.
00:13:27We're only best friends, dude.
00:13:34Oh, uh, well, things have been a little fuzzy since the accident.
00:13:38I'm sorry that I, uh, I hadn't come by sooner,
00:13:41but my divorce has been kicking my ass.
00:13:43I'm sorry to hear that.
00:13:45Anyway, I got a new condo, but it's getting renovated.
00:13:48So I was thinking maybe I could crash here.
00:13:52Here?
00:13:53Yeah.
00:13:53I can help you out around the house
00:13:55and free you up to focus on job one.
00:13:58Getting better.
00:14:00Because you're tossing it to Edie now, right?
00:14:02That's a real relationship killer.
00:14:05Me and your lady, they'll hoist you off the can.
00:14:09How long are we talking?
00:14:10A couple months.
00:14:11Three at the most.
00:14:13And, of course, I can kick in for half utilities and rent.
00:14:20Well, how can I say no to my best friend?
00:14:22Hmm.
00:14:30What are the Blake kids doing all the way over here?
00:14:33I need to keep a closer eye on them.
00:14:35Will you please come away from that window?
00:14:37You barely slept last night.
00:14:38Come on, take a nap.
00:14:40I'm fine.
00:14:40I'm fine.
00:14:43Whoa.
00:14:44Hold on.
00:14:44Hey, what's up?
00:14:54I've been meaning to get this back to you and to thank you.
00:14:58Rebecca and I really enjoyed the cake.
00:15:00Oh, good.
00:15:03So, bye.
00:15:07So, what did you think of our place?
00:15:10Sorry?
00:15:11I heard you were good friends with the young family.
00:15:13It must have been weird being in there with all the new furniture.
00:15:16I didn't notice.
00:15:18Well, how about the kitchen?
00:15:20Rebecca likes the color, but I'm not so sure.
00:15:22Oh, sorry.
00:15:23Never made it past the living room.
00:15:25What?
00:15:26Come on.
00:15:27You're in an empty house, curious about your new neighbors.
00:15:30You look around.
00:15:30We all do it.
00:15:32Well, I don't.
00:15:36Well, next time you're over, I'll have to give you the tour.
00:15:39Great.
00:15:40Mr. Protector Man!
00:15:42Hey, hey, not now, Parker.
00:15:44I just wanted to see if I can play his pinball machine again.
00:15:54I guess there's no need for that tour.
00:16:00All right, girls.
00:16:08First things first.
00:16:09If you can't walk, you can't win.
00:16:11Hit it, Vern.
00:16:13Remember, eyes forward, shoulders back, hips square.
00:16:16Look left, look right.
00:16:19Whip and walk.
00:16:23Yes, I'm unbelievable.
00:16:24Push your mouse.
00:16:30Stop, stop.
00:16:43What?
00:16:44My eyes were forward, my hips were square.
00:16:47But where's your confidence?
00:16:48Where's your pride?
00:16:50Come on.
00:16:51What do I have to be proud of?
00:16:56Oh.
00:16:57Oh.
00:17:00Have you guys ever seen a runway model without the hot clothes and makeup?
00:17:08Well, trust me.
00:17:09They're not that special.
00:17:11But the one thing that they do have is attitude.
00:17:14You have to believe in yourself.
00:17:16And if not, pretend to believe in yourself, okay?
00:17:19All right.
00:17:22Now, I want you to pretend you're on the runway.
00:17:25Flash bulbs are popping.
00:17:27Everyone's looking at you and being you.
00:17:30And they're all thinking the same thing.
00:17:33Isabel Horowitz is smoking hot.
00:17:39Go, Isabel.
00:17:40Go.
00:17:40You're doing it.
00:17:46I know you're doing it.
00:17:47That's it.
00:17:48Keep going.
00:17:54I was walking.
00:17:55Oh, you were totally walking.
00:17:57Good job.
00:17:59All right, Donna.
00:17:59You're next.
00:18:00Get up there and make me hate your beauty.
00:18:02Now, this place is a real diamond in the rough.
00:18:08Cozy little two-bedroom plus den with a highly motivated seller.
00:18:13Oh, look.
00:18:13A highly motivated cockroach.
00:18:16Oh.
00:18:17Let's try to be positive people.
00:18:19It's a fabulous location.
00:18:21Just walking distance to all sorts of fun shops.
00:18:24Right.
00:18:25From here I can see a bail bondsman and an adult book shop.
00:18:28What do you expect in your price range, Tara?
00:18:34Let's go.
00:18:36Wait.
00:18:38I'm not an impractical woman.
00:18:40I know that my son's resources are, like his achievements, rather limited.
00:18:46I want to see the rest of it.
00:18:49Okay.
00:18:50Now, the lighting in the kitchen is a bit harsh.
00:18:52The previous owner, let's just say he ran some sort of home-based medical business.
00:18:58You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood.
00:19:01It's filled with junkies and whores.
00:19:03And we'll owe them all an apology.
00:19:04But who cares?
00:19:05She likes it.
00:19:05Of course she likes it.
00:19:06There's a 24-hour liquor store across the street.
00:19:09She wants a house.
00:19:10This is the best we can afford without bankrupting ourselves.
00:19:12Orson, what if something should happen to her?
00:19:14Stop worrying about her.
00:19:16Worry about us.
00:19:17Do you realize how much we've been fighting since she came?
00:19:19The woman's ruined every relationship that's mattered to me, and she's doing it again.
00:19:23Oh!
00:19:24Oh, my God!
00:19:25Are you all right?
00:19:29Just a little spill.
00:19:31Her cane had a loose tile.
00:19:32Is anything broken?
00:19:33Well, obviously the damn floor.
00:19:35We'll need that fixed before she moves in.
00:19:37Are you insane?
00:19:38She obviously can't be on her own.
00:19:40Why, it's a loose tile.
00:19:41I'm perfectly fine.
00:19:42And what if you weren't?
00:19:44What if she had broken something and she was lying here for hours?
00:19:46You are coming home with us.
00:19:48Breathe.
00:19:48And I will not hear another word on the subject.
00:19:53I can't believe you bought us pizza.
00:19:56Well, you guys earned it.
00:19:57But eat fast, because we only have one hour left, and I want to introduce you to your new
00:20:00best friend, Mr. Spreetan.
00:20:03You know so much cool stuff.
00:20:05Can't you come back another day?
00:20:07Oh, I don't know.
00:20:08You have to.
00:20:11Well, let me check my book.
00:20:12I might have to move some stuff around, but I think I can swing it.
00:20:15Your life must be so exciting, huh?
00:20:18Yeah.
00:20:19Every day's a parade.
00:20:21So, what was it like being a famous model?
00:20:24Honestly, it was like any other job, except pay was great, clothes were couture, and parties
00:20:30were just this side of Gamora.
00:20:33You don't know what Gamora means, do you?
00:20:35Good.
00:20:39Did you know Kate Moss?
00:20:41I invited her to a party once.
00:20:42Did you eat pizza with her?
00:20:44Because if you did, it's almost like we ate pizza with her.
00:20:46Well, honey, most models don't eat pizza.
00:20:48Well, at least not without having a finger for dessert.
00:20:51Ah!
00:20:52Oh, gross.
00:20:54I know, I never did that.
00:20:56You would not believe the horrible things these girls did to stay skinny.
00:20:59Like what?
00:21:00Well, some would smoke those unfiltered French cigarettes.
00:21:03But cigarettes can kill you.
00:21:05But before they do, they kill your appetite.
00:21:09One time, there was a girl who took too many laxatives, and, uh, well, if you're ever at
00:21:14the Chateau Milan in room 238, do not use the jacuzzi.
00:21:19Do you have to be skinny to be a model?
00:21:21Well, yeah.
00:21:22When's the last time you saw a fat person on a magazine cover?
00:21:24No, I'm going to go talk to Vern about our next session.
00:21:28You guys finish lunch so we can get back to work.
00:21:29Hi, Rupert.
00:21:43I went to the mall and bought a change of clothes for the weekend, and while I was there, I got
00:21:47something for you.
00:21:49Thought you could wear it on your day off.
00:21:52Do you like it?
00:21:54Very much.
00:21:56It'll come in handy, should my nationality ever slip my mind.
00:21:59That's good.
00:22:04You, I want to party with you.
00:22:08Hey, I was thinking this afternoon, maybe we could go look for that drawer.
00:22:12Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
00:22:13I'm afraid I have all this silver to polish.
00:22:15Well, let me help you, and we can talk.
00:22:17Look, there is so much I want to know about you.
00:22:21Who is Rupert Cavanaugh?
00:22:23What makes him tick?
00:22:28Tell you what, let's go find you that drawer.
00:22:34Oh, isn't the master bedroom down that way?
00:22:36I realize it's a bit of a jaunt,
00:22:38but I managed to find you an entire bureau.
00:22:41Oh, okay, well, you know,
00:22:43certainly didn't have to go to all that trouble.
00:22:47Is there a problem?
00:22:49Uh, no, I just, um,
00:22:52well, all I really needed was just a little, little drawer,
00:22:56and, uh, this is just so far away,
00:22:58and what is that smell?
00:23:00Oh, yes, about that.
00:23:02The cat passed away in this room.
00:23:05Did you consider removing the body?
00:23:08Well, if this isn't acceptable,
00:23:10I can look elsewhere for a drawer when I have the time.
00:23:14Why do you have to be this way?
00:23:17What way is that?
00:23:18Listen, I know how you feel about Jane,
00:23:20but if you could just give me a chance,
00:23:22come on.
00:23:23You can't possibly hate me this much, can you?
00:23:28I'm done.
00:23:29Oh, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
00:23:31I don't need you to like me,
00:23:33but I think you should give me just a little respect.
00:23:35I am Ian's girlfriend.
00:23:37He's still married.
00:23:40At best, you're his mistress.
00:23:43Okay.
00:23:44You're not allowed to call me that.
00:23:46Fine.
00:23:47What toad would you prefer?
00:23:49Concubine?
00:23:50Consort?
00:23:51Gold-digging whore?
00:23:53Oh!
00:23:54Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:23:56I shouldn't have done that.
00:23:58But, Rupert, you have to admit,
00:24:00it's just a drawer.
00:24:01Those drawers are filled with Jane's things.
00:24:04This is her house.
00:24:06You are a guest in her house.
00:24:08And a temporary one at best.
00:24:10Okay, you know, that is for Ian to decide.
00:24:13Oh, he has decided.
00:24:15Why do you think he never told me about you?
00:24:18Why did he wait so long to bring you here?
00:24:21He didn't want you in that room.
00:24:24Where he still keeps Jane's things exactly as she left them.
00:24:34But, I'll keep looking for that drawer.
00:24:36Hey, go over to Mike's.
00:24:47I thought you were going to muddle on.
00:24:49I know.
00:24:50It's just that I promised I'd help him install a shower bar.
00:24:52And, um, it could take a while.
00:24:59T-Rex!
00:25:00How they hanging, brother?
00:25:01Low and lazy.
00:25:03Yeah.
00:25:04Hey, if Lynette asks, I installed your shower bar today.
00:25:08You got it.
00:25:09Mmm.
00:25:13Fern, what are you doing here?
00:25:14We need to talk.
00:25:15Is it about the girls' makeup?
00:25:16Because I got them each their own makeup kit,
00:25:18custom tailored to match their skin tone.
00:25:20And I got Melina some wax.
00:25:21I know she's only 11, but those Greek jeans
00:25:23are going to kick in any day now.
00:25:26What?
00:25:27This morning, Mrs. Hayes caught Donna
00:25:28with her finger down her throat,
00:25:29trying to barf up her toaster waffle.
00:25:32Really?
00:25:33And Mrs. Horowitz found Isabelle
00:25:34behind their garage smoking.
00:25:36Apparently, she thought cigarettes
00:25:37would help her lose a few pounds.
00:25:39Where do you think she got that idea?
00:25:42Those damn tobacco companies.
00:25:44Gabby!
00:25:45Fine.
00:25:46I may have told a few stories about the old days,
00:25:47but as a warning,
00:25:49I didn't say anything inappropriate for kids.
00:25:51Cassie Warren asked her mother
00:25:52if she could throw a Gamora party.
00:25:54Okay, look.
00:25:55We have to do damage control.
00:25:56I get it.
00:25:57Next session, I'll apologize to all the moms.
00:25:59Uh-uh.
00:26:00There's not going to be a next session for you.
00:26:02The moms don't want you anywhere near their daughters.
00:26:05But I'm helping them.
00:26:07They love me.
00:26:08Wait, please, Bert.
00:26:09You have to give me a chance to fix this.
00:26:11It's too late, Gabby.
00:26:12You are now officially a bad influence.
00:26:14Well, see, it's been class.
00:26:24All right.
00:26:25Let's turn out the lights.
00:26:26Hey, me.
00:26:27Take all the breaks.
00:26:28I'm going to enjoy this.
00:26:30Mom said we couldn't leave.
00:26:32I'm just going up front.
00:26:38What the hell is that?
00:26:40Stop running the ball.
00:26:44Can I ask you guys something?
00:26:47What was I like before the accident?
00:26:50What do you mean?
00:26:52What kind of guy was I?
00:26:53Was I happy?
00:26:54Was I angry?
00:26:56Did I ever get violent?
00:27:01We're fine.
00:27:02We're fine.
00:27:08I'm serious.
00:27:10I really need to know.
00:27:12You can be honest.
00:27:13You're my best friend.
00:27:19Honestly?
00:27:21You were sort of mysterious.
00:27:22Kept to yourself.
00:27:24Nobody really knew you all that well.
00:27:27Yeah.
00:27:29And this is coming from your best friend.
00:27:30I'm sorry, guys.
00:27:31I just...
00:27:33I guess I was really tired.
00:27:35Uh...
00:27:36Where's your brother?
00:27:37He went outside.
00:27:38Yeah.
00:27:39What?
00:27:40Okay.
00:27:41Watch her.
00:27:43Watch her.
00:27:45Uh...
00:27:46Where's your brother?
00:27:47He went outside.
00:27:48Yeah.
00:27:50What?
00:27:51Okay.
00:27:52Watch her.
00:27:54I'm sorry.
00:27:55I'm sorry, guys.
00:27:56I just...
00:27:57I guess I was really tired.
00:27:58Okay.
00:27:59Watch her.
00:28:00Watch her.
00:28:01I'll be back.
00:28:02I'll be right back.
00:28:04Hello?
00:28:05Open up!
00:28:06Open the door!
00:28:07Lynette?
00:28:08What's the matter?
00:28:09I want my son.
00:28:10He's not here.
00:28:11He's not in our house.
00:28:12He's not in our yard.
00:28:13Do not jerk me around.
00:28:14Parker!
00:28:16You can't just barge into my house like this, Lynette.
00:28:18Don't play dumb with me.
00:28:19I know exactly what is down here.
00:28:24Where's the pinball?
00:28:25Where's all the games?
00:28:26That was a collection I was taking up at the Children's Hospital.
00:28:30I delivered everything yesterday.
00:28:35Did you donate the photos too?
00:28:40Parker!
00:28:44What exactly is it you're accusing me of?
00:28:46Don't pretend you don't know.
00:28:47I'm calling the police.
00:28:48Parker!
00:28:49Is there a problem?
00:28:50You're damn right there's a problem.
00:28:52I can't find my son.
00:28:56Isn't that your son?
00:29:07Hey, hey!
00:29:09Where have you been?
00:29:11We were at Mike's.
00:29:12He wandered over looking for you.
00:29:13What's going on?
00:29:14Well, that was the Children's Hospital.
00:29:17Art Story checks out.
00:29:19He donated all that stuff.
00:29:20That proves nothing.
00:29:21He knew I was on to him.
00:29:22He had to dump it.
00:29:23Honey, believe me.
00:29:24I am with you.
00:29:25There is something fishy about this guy.
00:29:26But you've got to get a grip.
00:29:27You can't go barging into people's homes.
00:29:28Parker had been in there.
00:29:29But he wasn't.
00:29:30And if you can't get a grip, you can't go barging into people's homes.
00:29:31Parker had been in there.
00:29:32But he wasn't.
00:29:33And if you can't get a grip, you can't go barging into people's homes.
00:29:34Parker had been in there.
00:29:35Parker had been in there.
00:29:36But he wasn't.
00:29:37And if you keep accusing this guy without proof, he can sue us.
00:29:42Listen.
00:29:43I've been thinking that after everything that you have been through.
00:29:46Please don't bring up the supermarket again.
00:29:47That was a traumatic experience.
00:29:48I can't.
00:29:49I can't.
00:29:50I can't.
00:29:51I can't.
00:29:52I can't.
00:29:53I can't.
00:29:54I can't.
00:29:55I can't.
00:29:56I can't.
00:29:57I can't.
00:29:58I can't.
00:29:59I can't.
00:30:00I can't.
00:30:01I can't.
00:30:02I can't.
00:30:03I can't.
00:30:04I can't.
00:30:05It's a traumatic experience.
00:30:06I think it's affected you more than you realize.
00:30:12And maybe you need to talk to somebody about it.
00:30:17Like a therapist.
00:30:22You're right.
00:30:23I need to talk to someone.
00:30:27He'd gotten rid of everything.
00:30:29The toys.
00:30:30The pictures.
00:30:31Everything was gone.
00:30:34You can't sit on this limit.
00:30:36I know.
00:30:37If something happened to someone's kid because I kept my mouth shut.
00:30:41The thing is, I promised Tom I'd back off.
00:30:45Well, I didn't.
00:30:47Jane has some beautiful things.
00:30:48Yes.
00:30:49She's always had impeccable taste.
00:30:50I'm not.
00:30:51I'm not.
00:30:52I'm not.
00:30:53I'm not.
00:30:54I'm not.
00:30:55Maybe I'm not.
00:30:56It's a great thing.
00:30:57It's a great thing.
00:30:58Okay.
00:30:59I'm not.
00:31:00I'm not.
00:31:01I'm not.
00:31:03It's a great thing.
00:31:04I'm not.
00:31:05I'm not.
00:31:06I'm not.
00:31:07Jane has some beautiful things.
00:31:08Yes.
00:31:09She's always had impeccable taste.
00:31:11I, um, I know how it must seem to you, my holding on to them, but I just couldn't bring myself to.
00:31:23I get it. As much as I have tried to pretend that it's just you and me,
00:31:30there's three of us in this relationship. Susan, you know I adore you. No, please listen.
00:31:37The last couple of months, I thought we've gotten really close, and I've been loving that.
00:31:44I just feel like lately there's this limit to how far you'll let me in.
00:31:52Well, I'm trying. It's just the more I let you into my heart, the more I feel I'm pushing Jane out, and...
00:32:00You don't have to push Jane out to let me in.
00:32:06Of course, you're right.
00:32:13Do you know what I think?
00:32:15No.
00:32:16That kind of compassionate wisdom deserves an obscenely expensive meal.
00:32:20Hmm.
00:32:21Okay, well give me a minute and I will change into something else.
00:32:25But Rupert still hasn't found you a draw?
00:32:28No, not just yet.
00:32:30Well, in that case...
00:32:37Ian, you don't have to do that.
00:32:40If I can make room in my heart for both of you, I can certainly make room in my bureau.
00:32:47It's just not right. Your mother skipped lunch, too.
00:32:54She said she wasn't hungry. Can't we just revel in her absence?
00:32:57I know she's a handful, but she deserves some compassion. The woman watched a dream die yesterday.
00:33:03We all did.
00:33:05I'm taking her dinner up.
00:33:08Oh, it's okay. I'll do it.
00:33:09No, no, I'd rather do it myself. I want to talk to her.
00:33:12Oh, well, I'll let them know you're coming.
00:33:18Mom's coming. Ditch the wine.
00:33:20Very well.
00:33:21You finished the whole bottle already?
00:33:24I was thirsty.
00:33:27Gloria, I've been thinking, and does no one in this house ever bother to knock?
00:33:31Is that alcohol? Where did you get that?
00:33:36Andrew!
00:33:38When my grandma asked me a favor with tears in her eyes, how...
00:33:42Oh, shut up, you little extortionist.
00:33:44He charged me 20 bucks, plus five with a corkscrew.
00:33:47I'll deal with you later.
00:33:49You can kiss that coating goodbye.
00:33:54Andrew brought her wine.
00:33:56Oh, for God's sake.
00:33:58This is our house.
00:33:59If you expect to stay here, you're going to learn to obey a few rules.
00:34:03I don't obey rules. I make them.
00:34:06Not anymore, mother.
00:34:07Just watch yourself, sonny boy.
00:34:11Okay, look, I know you're upset, but don't blame Orson.
00:34:14It's not his fault.
00:34:15It's all his fault.
00:34:17You think he's so wonderful.
00:34:19You don't know the half of what he's done.
00:34:21Let's go.
00:34:22I can't deal with her when she's like this.
00:34:25He doesn't want you to hear the truth, how he cheated on Alma.
00:34:29What?
00:34:31She's drunk.
00:34:32How he broke her heart, and mine, all for his precious Monique.
00:34:37You shut up, mother.
00:34:38Monique Polier?
00:34:40I thought that was Harvey Bixby's mistress.
00:34:42Oh, she got around, that girl.
00:34:45See, I told you, I told you she would do this.
00:34:47There he was, cheating on Alma, not knowing all the time his whore was cheating on him.
00:34:52Stop it!
00:34:53You shut your evil mouth!
00:34:55For what?
00:34:56What are you gonna do to me that hasn't already been done?
00:34:59What?
00:35:00What are you gonna do to me that hasn't already been done?
00:35:03Have you got hurt or left?
00:35:04How's it going?
00:35:10Rita. Rita. Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita, Rita ... wight.
00:35:15Wait.
00:35:16Rita!
00:35:21Rita.
00:35:23Rita.
00:35:26Rita.
00:35:27Rita!
00:35:29Miss Gabrielle!
00:35:52What is she doing here?
00:35:55I have no idea.
00:35:56I told her she was banned.
00:35:58Okay, just give me a minute.
00:36:00I'm sorry about what I said to the girls,
00:36:03and it won't happen again.
00:36:05Damn right.
00:36:06You're not going anywhere near our girls.
00:36:08Can't you give me a second chance?
00:36:10Why should we?
00:36:11Yeah.
00:36:12I mean, you walk in here all clickety-clack,
00:36:14perfect little miss, size zero,
00:36:16thinking you're all better than us.
00:36:18We all saw the look on your face when you showed up.
00:36:21I don't think I'm better than you.
00:36:23Hell, I envy you.
00:36:25Please.
00:36:26No, it's true.
00:36:27You have husbands and families and a reason to wake up in the morning.
00:36:32What do I have?
00:36:34Him.
00:36:36Teaching your kids about confidence and beauty is the most useful thing I've done since...
00:36:41I don't know when.
00:36:44And as much as I've helped them,
00:36:47they've helped me so much more.
00:36:53So please, I need this.
00:36:59And I promise, no more talk about dodgy weight loss methods.
00:37:03Like the highly effective, non-FDA approved diet pill I can get from my friends in Zurich.
00:37:13In bulk.
00:37:18Well, I suppose the Christian thing would be to forgive her.
00:37:20Well, why don't you ladies talk it over and I'm gonna work on posture with the girls.
00:37:29Yeah! Come on!
00:37:30Come on, you guys!
00:37:31Let's go!
00:37:32Let's go!
00:37:33Yes!
00:37:34Oh, thank God.
00:37:35I've been driving around all night looking for you.
00:37:46We saw that woman at the morgue on our wedding night.
00:37:51You pretended not to know her.
00:37:54Bri, I can explain.
00:37:56No.
00:37:58I'm done.
00:37:59You don't understand what happened.
00:38:01There were two women in your life before me.
00:38:04One vanished and the other was killed.
00:38:05That's all I need to understand.
00:38:10I've packed some of your things.
00:38:13I want you out of the house.
00:38:17Now.
00:38:18Brie.
00:38:22Please.
00:38:24I love you.
00:38:26I know.
00:38:28But it scares the hell out of me.
00:38:41Dangerous men walk among us.
00:38:43And we can't always be sure of who they are or what secrets they hide.
00:38:51But once our worst suspicions are confirmed,
00:38:55We can take action.
00:39:00Once their agendas are revealed,
00:39:02We can take steps to protect ourselves and those we love.
00:39:11Yes.
00:39:12Dangerous men can cause great harm.
00:39:24But sometimes the greatest danger they pose.
00:39:36I'll take those.
00:39:40Is to themselves.
00:39:42Previously on Desperate Housewives,
00:39:47Orson's wife Alma disappeared.
00:39:50Gabby found a new calling.
00:39:51Yes, I'm unbelievable.
00:39:53Close your house.
00:39:54Someone new moved in.
00:39:55He's a bachelor who lives with his invalid sister.
00:39:57But Lynette found a dark secret.
00:39:59Our neighbor is a pedophile.
00:40:01You can't sit on this, Lynette.
00:40:03Orson's mother revealed his past.
00:40:05He cheated on Alma.
00:40:06Broke her heart for his precious Monique.
00:40:08Monique Paulier?
00:40:10And the police couldn't find the evidence.
00:40:12Couldn't find a toolbox.
00:40:13The man's a bummer.
00:40:14Until Mike tried to hide it.
00:40:15I'll take those.
00:40:23The annual block party was a winter tradition on Wisteria Lane.
00:40:30It was a way for the residents to spread holiday cheer.
00:40:35Everyone was invited.
00:40:39Including Art Shepard, the newest resident of Wisteria Lane.
00:40:45But as the big night drew near, more than holiday cheer was being spread around.
00:40:51Hey, did you hear about the new guy that just moved in?
00:40:54Huh?
00:40:55Well, get a load of this.
00:40:57Apparently the perv's got all this weird stuff in his basement.
00:41:00No, seriously.
00:41:02It's like this big kitty trap full of police.
00:41:04Please.
00:41:07By Sunday evening, most of the gossiping had subsided.
00:41:11And the neighborhood was once again consumed by the spirit of the season.
00:41:16Friends laughed over eggnog.
00:41:19Lovers kissed under mistletoe.
00:41:22And the mood was jolly.
00:41:23That is, until a certain guest made his appearance.
00:41:29Ho, ho, ho!
00:41:30Look who's here!
00:41:31Merry Christmas everybody!
00:41:32Merry Christmas!
00:41:33Merry Christmas!
00:41:35Thank you...
00:41:37Ho, ho, ho!
00:41:39Look who's here!
00:41:42Merry Christmas everybody!
00:41:45Merry Christmas!
00:41:46Merry Christmas, everybody!
00:41:48Merry Christmas.
00:41:50Don't you do that.
00:41:51Don't you do that.
00:41:53No, kid, who's been good this year?
00:42:06Oh, come on.
00:42:07Everybody was naughty?
00:42:10What am I going to do with this fire truck?
00:42:12Joey, get back here.
00:42:16What's going on?
00:42:21I'm not sure.
00:42:23Let's go, girls.
00:42:28I'm here.
00:42:29We should go.
00:42:32Yes.
00:42:33For the residents of Wisteria Lane, it was the most wonderful time of the year.
00:42:43But for Arthur Shepherd and his sister, it had turned out to be a very silent night.
00:42:51For the residents of Wisteria Lane, the holiday season could only begin once the decorations
00:43:02came out.
00:43:03For some, that meant pulling out the colored lights.
00:43:08For others, it meant locating that holiday wreath.
00:43:13And then there were those eager to display their nativity scene.
00:43:19But for a romantic view, it was all about the mistletoe.
00:43:27You have to kiss me, it's the law.
00:43:29While you were in a good mood, I thought I'd spring something on you.
00:43:35My parents are coming to town.
00:43:37Your parents?
00:43:38Really?
00:43:39And I wondered if you might be free to join us for dinner Saturday.
00:43:41Absolutely.
00:43:42So, I assume this means they know about me?
00:43:45Well, of course.
00:43:46And they know about me as in, mum, dad, bloody good news, I've got myself a smashy new girlfriend.
00:43:51That's adorable.
00:43:52Please don't do it in front of them.
00:43:54Right.
00:43:55So, do you want me to make reservations at that little French place?
00:43:59We could do that, but it's a four-hour layover and they're going to be exhausted.
00:44:03And I thought we might have a more enjoyable time if they came here and you made dinner
00:44:06for them.
00:44:07Okay, I guess it's time we have the conversation.
00:44:14Ian, haven't you ever wondered why I've never cooked for you?
00:44:20I just assumed that you were lazy.
00:44:22I wish.
00:44:24My cooking is not good.
00:44:27Well, my parents won't be expecting a gourmet meal.
00:44:30They'd be expecting stomach cramps, acid reflux, night sweats.
00:44:34Come on, you can't be that bad.
00:44:36Not bad.
00:44:41Oh, is it really important that I make them a home cooked meal?
00:44:46It's just that they're very old-fashioned hearth and home types and they might wonder
00:44:50why you didn't make the effort.
00:44:53But it's okay.
00:44:54You win them over.
00:44:56Eventually.
00:44:59Okay.
00:45:00I'll give it a shot.
00:45:03No, nothing elaborate, just a simple roast and something appropriate to go with it.
00:45:09Right.
00:45:11Like an ambulance.
00:45:12Amy, small steps.
00:45:13Small.
00:45:14Let them just look like Clyde.
00:45:15She doesn't stomp.
00:45:16Is that better?
00:45:17Getting there, sweetie.
00:45:18If she was a horse, we'd have to shoot her.
00:45:19Poor thing.
00:45:20She tries so hard.
00:45:21Yeah, she's a trooper.
00:45:22Let's dump her.
00:45:23What?
00:45:24Why?
00:45:25Pageant consultants are judged on the strength of their roster.
00:45:27You know, we can't afford to bounce every nose picking no talent, but we can definitely
00:45:28lose the one who's dragging us down and that's Amy.
00:45:29We can't do that.
00:45:30Her mother died last year.
00:45:31Yes, I know.
00:45:32I know.
00:45:33And it's tragic, but we are running a business.
00:45:34Amy is sucking up all of our time and we should be focusing on Sherry.
00:45:35She actually has a shot at winning.
00:45:36How will they tell her family?
00:45:37We'll do it together.
00:45:38We'll be very diplomatic.
00:45:39Are you sure about this?
00:45:40The poor kid's been through the wringer.
00:45:41Amy!
00:45:42Oh, no.
00:45:43She's a trooper.
00:45:44She's a trooper.
00:45:45Let's dump her.
00:45:46What?
00:45:47Why?
00:45:48Pageant consultants are judged on the strength of their roster.
00:45:49You know, we can't afford to bounce every nose picking no talent, but we can definitely
00:45:52lose the one who's dragging us down and that's Amy.
00:45:54We can't do that.
00:45:55Her mother died last year.
00:45:56Yes, I know.
00:45:57I know.
00:45:58And it's tragic, but we are running a business.
00:45:59Amy is sucking up all of our time and we should be focusing on Sherry.
00:46:02She actually has a shot at winning.
00:46:03She's going through the wringer.
00:46:04Amy!
00:46:05For God's sakes!
00:46:06Little Miss Snowflake does not scratch down there!
00:46:08Well, then again, her mother died a year ago.
00:46:11How long is she going to milk it?
00:46:12Mother Hodge, I have your breakfast.
00:46:17Put it over there.
00:46:18I'll pick through it later.
00:46:20What are you watching?
00:46:25Home movies.
00:46:26It's fun looking back at the past, isn't it?
00:46:30Well, it's one way to kill time while you're waiting for death.
00:46:34We also have cable.
00:46:37Have you decided what you're going to do about Orson?
00:46:40Decided?
00:46:41Yes.
00:46:42Have you called a lawyer yet?
00:46:43I don't think that's any of your concern.
00:46:45I don't mean to pry, but I think you're a good Christian woman and you deserve better
00:46:50than my son.
00:46:51Well, I will take that under advisement.
00:46:53If you give him a chance, he'll draw you back in.
00:46:56It's what he does.
00:46:58Just walk away.
00:47:00It's not that easy.
00:47:02I love him.
00:47:04You'll get over it.
00:47:06I did.
00:47:08Well, believe me, Rita, he scares me too.
00:47:27You know what?
00:47:28We should have a meeting.
00:47:29Get all the moms together and figure out what to do about this guy.
00:47:33It's Saturday.
00:47:34Your house sounds good.
00:47:36Hey, Rita, I gotta go.
00:47:47Sorry, I can't talk now.
00:47:48I have somewhere to go.
00:47:49Well, my brother doesn't.
00:47:51The youth center just fired him.
00:47:53Are you happy?
00:47:55I'm not sad.
00:47:56He shouldn't be around kids.
00:47:57I saw those pictures.
00:47:58Those boys were on his swim team.
00:48:01He was proud of them.
00:48:03Turning that into something dirty says more about you than him.
00:48:06You can defend him all you want.
00:48:08I know what I know.
00:48:13Did you know my brother got spit on at the hardware store yesterday?
00:48:18That they refused to serve us at the diner?
00:48:21That our tire got slashed at the church parking lot?
00:48:25I am not a well woman.
00:48:30I don't need this stress.
00:48:32Well, I am sorry that happened.
00:48:37Have you considered even for a moment that you could be wrong?
00:48:41That you misinterpreted what you saw?
00:48:43That you are ruining my brother's life and mine over nothing?
00:48:48I have kids.
00:48:51Okay?
00:48:52Better safe than sorry.
00:48:54As long as you're safe, what do you care who's sorry?
00:48:57Sorry.
00:49:12So I'm cooking dinner for Ian's parents tomorrow night.
00:49:15And it's the first time I'm meeting them, so I sort of want to impress them.
00:49:18And yet you're cooking?
00:49:20Well, that's the thing.
00:49:22So I was hoping, you know, if you're not too busy.
00:49:25Oh, no, no.
00:49:26These things practically build themselves.
00:49:29You are a lifesaver.
00:49:30Actually, I could probably use the distraction.
00:49:36Oh?
00:49:38I asked Orson to move out last night.
00:49:43Oh, come on.
00:49:44Why would you bury your toolbox in the woods?
00:49:46I knew the cops were looking for it, and I panicked.
00:49:49Just trying to buy myself some time.
00:49:50Well, you may have bought yourself 20 to life.
00:49:52I'll let the guy enjoy his breakfast.
00:49:53Stay out of this, Carlos.
00:49:54Mike, I want you to look at me.
00:49:57You look me in the eye, and you swear to me that you didn't kill anybody.
00:50:01How many times do I have to tell you I can't remember?
00:50:03You can't remember, or you don't want to remember.
00:50:06Um, guys?
00:50:07Brie, you have got to go to the police with all of this.
00:50:22I can't. Not yet. I need some time to think.
00:50:24His wife goes missing, then his mistress turns up dead.
00:50:27What is there to think about?
00:50:31I know it sounds suspicious, but in my heart of hearts,
00:50:34I just can't believe that Orson could do such a thing.
00:50:36Sweetie, we all want to believe the best of the people we care about,
00:50:39but you cannot let your feelings for a man blind you to cold, hard facts.
00:50:46What in the world?
00:50:51Oh, my God.
00:50:52What's going on?
00:50:53They just arrested Mike for murder.
00:50:55What?
00:50:56They're saying he killed that woman in the news, that Monique person.
00:51:01Oh, thank God.
00:51:05I can't believe we're going to break that little girl's heart.
00:51:07Do not wimp out on me here.
00:51:08We're going to do what's best for the business.
00:51:09What if the father yells at me?
00:51:10Then I will jump in and defend you.
00:51:11Okay, but if you do, try and be diplomatic.
00:51:12I'm always diplomatic.
00:51:13No, just get in there, you spineless mo.
00:51:15Excuse me, Mr. Pierce.
00:51:17So glad you could come today.
00:51:18This is my partner, Gabrielle.
00:51:20Pleasure to meet you.
00:51:21Uh-huh.
00:51:23Shall we?
00:51:25Good morning.
00:51:27Good morning.
00:51:28Good morning.
00:51:29Good morning.
00:51:30Good morning.
00:51:31Good morning.
00:51:32Good morning.
00:51:33Good morning.
00:51:34Good morning.
00:51:35Good morning.
00:51:36Good morning.
00:51:38So, uh, what did you want to talk to me about?
00:51:40Is there a problem with Amy?
00:51:41Not a problem, per se.
00:51:43We're just a little concerned that she might not have the, uh, temperament for pageant competitions.
00:51:49And what does that mean?
00:51:50Well, when it comes to performing, she's not exactly...
00:51:57Well, she tends to be. Feel free to jump in.
00:51:59I have no idea where you're going with this.
00:52:01Well, as Gabby and I discussed, Amy has certain limitations. And her odds of winning are slim.
00:52:10Fern!
00:52:12He is so competitive. I constantly have to remind him they're just kids.
00:52:16When did you lose the joy?
00:52:18Oh, I think you know.
00:52:19I-I'm confused. Are you-are you dumping Amy?
00:52:23Of course not, Bill. Can I call you Bill?
00:52:27It's just we feel that Amy would benefit from some private coaching.
00:52:31Maybe I could come to your house, say, Friday five o'clock?
00:52:37Sure. I guess.
00:52:39Great. The date.
00:52:41Maybe I should come too.
00:52:43After the harsh things you said about Amy, I don't think so.
00:52:49I'm gonna need a good lawyer. And that may take a little research.
00:52:53Uh-huh.
00:52:54And whoever takes my case will need a retainer, so if you don't mind, I promise I'll pay you back.
00:52:59Oh, okay.
00:53:01And make sure he knows about my wrench.
00:53:02Apparently they tested it and found traces of this Monique's blood.
00:53:05What's wrong?
00:53:11I don't know if you picked up on this, Mike, but...
00:53:15I haven't been happy.
00:53:18No, I didn't pick up on it.
00:53:20Well, I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, and I wish that I had, because now I know you're gonna think that I'm breaking up with you over this whole blood on the axe thing.
00:53:26Wrench.
00:53:28Whatever. But believe me, that's not it.
00:53:32It's just...
00:53:33We are moving too fast.
00:53:38What are you trying to say?
00:53:40Well, maybe we should just take a break, you know? To hit other people.
00:53:46You're telling me this on the day I put in a man's prison?
00:53:50Well, I said the timing was bad.
00:53:52I'm sorry. I... I really am... I just can't do this.
00:54:01Do this.
00:54:19They told me somebody was coming, but I did not expect it to be you.
00:54:22Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
00:54:25I doubt it. She dumped me today.
00:54:29What? Why?
00:54:31Oh, I was arrested for murder.
00:54:33Still...
00:54:35It's tacky.
00:54:36Okay, then, uh...
00:54:39I'll help get you out.
00:54:43Uh, what's your bail?
00:54:48A million dollars.
00:54:50Oh.
00:54:52You don't have to help me, Susan.
00:54:54I want to.
00:54:58Are you gonna ask?
00:55:00What?
00:55:02If I killed that woman.
00:55:04I don't have to. I know you didn't.
00:55:05I wish I was that sure.
00:55:06I...
00:55:08I have these flashes where I see her face, so I must have known her.
00:55:12And if I did, maybe something happened. Maybe I got angry. Maybe...
00:55:13There's an explanation for this.
00:55:15We're gonna figure it out.
00:55:17What?
00:55:18What?
00:55:20What?
00:55:21What?
00:55:22What?
00:55:23What?
00:55:24What?
00:55:25What?
00:55:26What?
00:55:27What?
00:55:28What?
00:55:29What?
00:55:30What?
00:55:31What?
00:55:32What?
00:55:33What?
00:55:35Don't worry about a thing.
00:55:46Miss Gabrielle!
00:55:47When are you gonna come outside and watch me?
00:55:49Oh, um...
00:55:50The grass, honey, and my allergies!
00:55:52Go ahead and practice!
00:55:53I'll watch you from here!
00:55:57Are you sure I can't help with anything?
00:55:59I've been a single dad for a while now.
00:56:01I've got the dinner thing down.
00:56:02I've got the restaurant thing down.
00:56:04I can't bring myself to cook for one.
00:56:07Not that I ever cooked for two.
00:56:10No restaurant tonight.
00:56:11You are having dinner with us.
00:56:13Oh, that's sweet.
00:56:14That's the least I can do to thank you for helping Amy.
00:56:17Oh, it's nothing.
00:56:18Yeah, she's a special girl.
00:56:25So, how was it for you?
00:56:31Being single again.
00:56:33Oh, honestly, um...
00:56:37I hate it.
00:56:38It's like I've forgotten how to date.
00:56:39Me too.
00:56:40You know, I even let a friend of mine talk me into one of those speed dating things.
00:56:43How was it?
00:56:45I didn't even go in.
00:56:46I just sat in this hotel lobby.
00:56:47I watched all these lonely, desperate, single people filing in.
00:56:50And then it hit me.
00:56:52I'm one of them.
00:56:54I know what you mean.
00:56:58Did you see that?
00:56:59It's been three times and then I caught it.
00:57:02You didn't see?
00:57:03Yeah.
00:57:04I'm sorry, sweetie.
00:57:05I was distracting Gabrielle.
00:57:06Oh, no, no.
00:57:07It's totally my fault.
00:57:08I'm sorry, sweetie.
00:57:09Go outside and do it again.
00:57:10I promise.
00:57:11This time we're gonna watch.
00:57:28Roman?
00:57:31Hey.
00:57:32Wow.
00:57:33Oh, those are gorgeous.
00:57:34Well, I figured you'd be too busy cooking to manage a centerpiece.
00:57:39Well, you may not be a good cook, but you're certainly a tidy one.
00:57:43Don't worry.
00:57:44Dinner's all taken care of.
00:57:45We're having Blanquette de Vaux and Grand Marnier souffle.
00:57:49Well, that's very ambitious of you.
00:57:51And when will Brie be done making it?
00:57:545.30.
00:57:55But I am re-warming it all by myself.
00:57:59Oh, what's all this?
00:58:01Mike was arrested for murder.
00:58:04My God.
00:58:05I mean, of course, he's totally innocent.
00:58:07I'm just trying to help him find a lawyer.
00:58:09Oh.
00:58:10Shouldn't his girlfriend be doing that?
00:58:12Yeah.
00:58:13You dumped him.
00:58:14Hmm.
00:58:18Okay.
00:58:19I know how this looks, but I just feel bad.
00:58:23He's just a friend now.
00:58:25Yes.
00:58:26He has a friend you sat by for six months hoping he'd wake up and ravish you again.
00:58:30You are the only one allowed to ravish me these days.
00:58:34So stop worrying.
00:58:41Orson, it's me again.
00:58:42Please call.
00:58:43Please call.
00:58:44I need to talk.
00:58:45You always do the chips.
00:58:46I think you should do it.
00:58:48Well, I'll do the chips.
00:58:49You got it.
00:58:53Guys, why has it been so long since we played poker?
00:58:55I really need this.
00:58:56Oh, me too.
00:58:57There's nothing more relaxing than an afternoon of finger food and girl talk.
00:59:02Hi, ladies.
00:59:03Hey, how are you doing?
00:59:05So did you tell the police that you think Orson killed Monique?
00:59:08What?
00:59:09No, I did not.
00:59:10And I don't plan to.
00:59:12But Mike is in jail.
00:59:13And you said yourself you thought Orson did it.
00:59:15I said I had concerns.
00:59:16Concerns that have disappeared now that Mike has been arrested.
00:59:20What are you saying? You think Mike is guilty?
00:59:22Hey, why don't we start that girl talk?
00:59:23I'll get the ball rolling.
00:59:25Anybody have a yeast infection?
00:59:27They found Monique's blood on the wrench that Mike was trying to dispose of.
00:59:30I mean, that hardly screams innocence.
00:59:33Her teeth were pulled.
00:59:34You don't think that's worth telling the cops she was messing around with a dentist?
00:59:38Orson was slipping it to the dead chick.
00:59:40Mike is innocent.
00:59:41I know that in my heart.
00:59:43We all have convictions, Susan.
00:59:44I believe Mike's last one was for manslaughter.
00:59:46Okay, okay.
00:59:47We've all made some excellent points and blown off a little steam.
00:59:51Whew. Let's play some cards.
00:59:54If you're so sure that Orson is innocent, why don't we go through his things?
00:59:57Where's his desk?
00:59:58At his office.
00:59:59And what did you think you'd find there anyway?
01:00:01I don't know.
01:00:02A blackmail letter?
01:00:03A necklace made of teeth?
01:00:04We're not gonna play cards, are we?
01:00:06Nope.
01:00:07Well, I am certainly not playing with a woman that is willing to let Mike take the fall for her psycho husband.
01:00:11Well, needless to say, I won't be cooking dinner for Ian's parents.
01:00:14Fine.
01:00:15I'll cook myself.
01:00:16Good.
01:00:17Let me know if there are any survivors.
01:00:18And if you take Orson back, you do the same.
01:00:20Well, that was incredibly awkward.
01:00:21I'm sorry you both had to sit through it.
01:00:22Was it me?
01:00:23Was I out of line?
01:00:24Mm-hmm.
01:00:25I am.
01:00:26This will blow over the rain.
01:00:27I hope so.
01:00:28But you can't bat and take it out of there.
01:00:29I'm sorry.
01:00:30I'm sorry you both had to sit through it.
01:00:32Was it me?
01:00:33Was I out of line?
01:00:34Mm-mm.
01:00:35I'm sorry.
01:00:36This will blow over the rain.
01:00:38I hope so.
01:00:39But you can't bat and take it out of there.
01:00:41I'm sorry.
01:00:42I'm sorry.
01:00:43I'm sorry.
01:00:44I'm sorry.
01:00:45I'm sorry.
01:00:46I'm sorry.
01:00:47I'm sorry.
01:00:48I'm sorry.
01:00:49I'm sorry.
01:00:50I'm sorry.
01:00:51I'm sorry.
01:00:52I'm sorry.
01:00:53Hey, come on in.
01:00:54You're just in time.
01:00:55Thanks so much, Rita.
01:00:56I think it's such a good idea that we all get together and talk.
01:00:59No, if you look at hers, though.
01:01:00Wow.
01:01:01That's great.
01:01:02Wow.
01:01:03What is all this?
01:01:04Oh, we decided to stage a protest in front of Art's house.
01:01:07A protest?
01:01:08Mm-hmm.
01:01:09Rita, I want the word pedophile to really stand out.
01:01:12Do we have any glitter?
01:01:14Say molester.
01:01:15It sounds scarier.
01:01:16I'm sorry.
01:01:18I thought we were all gonna talk about how to keep an eye on this guy.
01:01:22We're past talking.
01:01:23The guy's a menace.
01:01:24Well, that's what we think, but we don't exactly have proof.
01:01:27The youth center just fired him.
01:01:29How much proof do you need?
01:01:30But, see, the only reason they fired him is because people were gossiping,
01:01:34and the only reason they're gossiping is because of what I told Mrs. McCluskey.
01:01:38Yeah, and you told me to spread the word.
01:01:40So that people could watch their kids and be vigilant.
01:01:43So you want to wait until he actually molests one of our kids.
01:01:46Whose side are you on, Lynette?
01:01:47Knock it off, Gert.
01:01:48Remember, if it weren't for Lynette, we never would have found out about this creep.
01:01:53She's our hero.
01:02:00I love you.
01:02:01I don't think so.
01:02:02I would just do that further.
01:02:03I just am interested in it.
01:02:04I love reading a book.
01:02:10Well, I don't know if a boy is too late.
01:02:12I was talking with you.
01:02:13I thought it was funny.
01:02:14I had to read that book.
01:02:16You're rich by a little girl.
01:02:17I've got to read that book.
01:02:18I'm a book that I have to read.
01:02:20I'm the first book.
01:02:21You're rich.
01:02:22You're rich.
01:02:23You're rich.
01:02:24And you're rich.
01:02:25You're rich.
01:02:26Oh, it's going to be anyway, drop her off the floor and it's all back.
01:02:53Bye-bye, Daddy.
01:02:58So, I was thinking, you want to grab a cup of coffee or something after class?
01:03:04I'd love to grab a cup of coffee or something.
01:03:11Amy, you are so lucky to have such a nice dad.
01:03:16Yeah, I know.
01:03:19Leave him alone.
01:03:21Excuse me?
01:03:22You heard me.
01:03:23I don't want you dating him.
01:03:27Oh, sweetheart.
01:03:30I have a feeling I know what this is about.
01:03:33No, you don't.
01:03:34I think I do.
01:03:35You miss your mommy and it feels funny seeing your daddy be nice to somebody else.
01:03:40But believe me, I'm not trying to replace your mom.
01:03:44Well, I am.
01:03:45And I have someone all picked out.
01:03:47What?
01:03:48I want my dad to marry Sherry's mom.
01:03:53Sherry from class?
01:03:55We're best friends and we have it all planned out.
01:03:57Our parents are going to get married and then we'll be real sisters.
01:04:00What about your dad?
01:04:01Don't you care what he wants?
01:04:03My mom died.
01:04:04All my dad wants is for me to be happy.
01:04:08Now, get in there and teach me how to work the runway.
01:04:12That's what we're paying you for, right?
01:04:13That's what we're paying you for, right?
01:04:14Thank you so much.
01:04:44Corson?
01:04:56Marie?
01:04:57Corson.
01:04:59Why haven't you returned any of my calls?
01:05:02I was afraid you were calling to ask me for a divorce.
01:05:06No, I wasn't.
01:05:08They arrested Mike for the murder of Monique Paulyer.
01:05:12They did?
01:05:12The other night you wanted a chance to explain everything.
01:05:15Well, here it is.
01:05:16And I want it all.
01:05:18If I find out you've left anything out, then I will ask for that divorce.
01:05:23Okay.
01:05:23You're working so hard, Sherry. You must really want to win this pageant.
01:05:34More than anything.
01:05:35Oh. Well, I think dedication should be rewarded. So I have a little surprise for you.
01:05:39What is it?
01:05:40Well, you know how the pageant starts with a big opening number? This year all the contestants
01:05:44are going to dance in pairs, and I've arranged for you to dance with your best friend, Amy.
01:05:49What's wrong, sweetie?
01:05:50Well, Amy sucks.
01:05:51Well, I thought you two were practically sisters.
01:05:52We are. But she still sucks. The first impressions are really good. And I thought you two were practically
01:05:53sisters.
01:05:54We are. But she still sucks. And first impressions are everything. You said so yourself.
01:05:57Well, that's true.
01:05:58And this is the opening number. All the contestants are going to dance in pairs, and I've arranged
01:06:00for you to dance with your best friend, Amy. What's wrong, sweetie?
01:06:04Well, Amy sucks. Well, I thought you two were practically sisters.
01:06:18We are. But she still sucks. And first impressions are everything. You said so yourself.
01:06:24Well, that's true.
01:06:25And this is the opening number. If the judges see me tripping all over that club, there's
01:06:29no way I'm going to win.
01:06:30That's a good point. Now I wish I hadn't told Amy.
01:06:34You already told her?
01:06:36She was so excited. Well, she's your best friend. Why don't you just tell her the truth?
01:06:44She'll understand.
01:06:45What if she doesn't?
01:06:47Well, friends come and go. But a crown is forever.
01:06:54I never loved Alma. My mother pushed us together, and I was stupid enough to get her pregnant.
01:07:05You had a child?
01:07:07Alma miscarried a month after the wedding. I was trapped.
01:07:12Well, you could have left her.
01:07:14Mother wouldn't hear of it. Divorce is a sin. So I stayed in the marriage, hoping I would come to feel what I was supposed to. But I never did. So I resigned myself to a life without love. And then I met Monique. It went wrong. I didn't care. I loved her more than I loved anyone.
01:07:41Until you.
01:07:44So why couldn't you tell me this?
01:07:47Because you told me about Rex. How he cheated on you. How hurt you were. I needed you to feel safe with me.
01:07:54So you stayed in a loveless marriage because of your mother? I know how it sounds. But after my father died, she was all I had.
01:08:16I would have done anything for her. She saw that weakness and she ran with it.
01:08:38You've got no idea how manipulative she can be. She closed her eyes. I told you everything. What happens now?
01:08:56What happens now? Well, first you pack up your things and come home. And then we toss your mother out on her evil ass. God, I love you.
01:09:26I'm sorry I'm late. Where are your folks? They're not coming. The plane was snowed in at O'Hare.
01:09:36Oh. Well, that's too bad. Well, no harm done then, huh?
01:09:41You're 40 minutes late. But they're not here. You didn't know that. And where's dinner?
01:09:46Uh, Bree and I sort of had a fight. Um, look, I'm awfully sorry that I'm late. I had an emergency.
01:09:54Did this emergency have anything to do with Mike?
01:09:59I'm pretty sure that Bree's husband murdered the woman the cops think Mike killed. I went to his office.
01:10:10Oh, for God's sake, Susan. No, I found evidence. Look. Orson was committed to a mental institution for over a year. I mean, doesn't that suggest he's some sort of...
01:10:20I don't care. Tonight meant a great deal to me and you blew it off.
01:10:25I said I was sorry, Ian. I have to help Mike. I'm all he's got.
01:10:37Actually, you're wrong. He's got me.
01:10:41What? Tomorrow I'll hire the best lawyer in town to defend him and I'll pay every cent of his bill.
01:10:47You would do that for Mike? Yes. On one condition.
01:10:54You can't see him anymore. Why?
01:11:00If you start visiting him, being a friend to him, he'll fall in love with you again. Then you'll have to decide whose heart to break. His or mine.
01:11:06As jealous ultimatums go, it's very flattering. I don't think that's necessary. Mike and I are done.
01:11:16Then you should have no problem accepting my generous offer.
01:11:19You would really get him the best lawyer in town. An absolute piranha. Do we have a deal?
01:11:26Well, okay then.
01:11:31You know, Mike barely remembers me. What makes you so sure he would fall in love with me again?
01:11:45What a perfectly asinine question. How could he not?
01:11:51God, I was only in the house fifteen minutes. Are there more of them now?
01:12:09Yep. Go ahead, say it. I know you want to.
01:12:15This is all your fault? You should have listened to me.
01:12:18I know. But be fair, there is no way I could have anticipated this.
01:12:23You tell people Frankenstein's on the loose, then you're surprised to see the torch-wielding villagers.
01:12:28I'm putting the kids to bed early. I don't want them to see this.
01:12:35Is that an ambulance?
01:12:40I can't believe you're doing this.
01:12:42Amy, don't you want me to have a chance?
01:12:44God, I hate you. I hate you.
01:12:46Don't ever talk to me again.
01:12:54Hi, Bill? I was wondering, do you plan Saturday night?
01:13:05Excuse me, can you tell me what happened?
01:13:07Ma'am, I need you to step back.
01:13:08Okay.
01:13:09We're bringing in a female, late thirties. Get a crash cart ready. She's in cardiac arrest.
01:13:13Yeah.
01:13:30No!
01:13:32Stay out of here!
01:13:33Stay out!
01:13:34Stop it!
01:13:35Stop it! You can't do this to people!
01:13:37If you want, you're fine!
01:13:39Excuse us for wanting to feel safe in our own pool.
01:13:41Well, that is my home, and I don't feel very safe right now.
01:13:43Please! Please!
01:13:44All of you, just leave this street!
01:13:46Please! I beg of you, go!
01:13:50Get off my street! Please!
01:13:51Wait! Wait!
01:13:52Wait! Wait!
01:13:53Wait!
01:13:58I'm sorry!
01:13:59You're an idiot to take him back.
01:14:08I am no longer interested in your opinion.
01:14:10I thought I made that clear. Where are you sending me?
01:14:13Oh, we've rented you a condo in a lovely retirement community. It's our Christmas gift to you.
01:14:30So you're exiling me? Cutting me off for my new grandchildren? That's our gift to them.
01:14:36You don't think you can be rid of me that easily?
01:14:45It's over, Mother. I told her everything.
01:14:47Oh, I doubt that very much. You still have secrets, my boy.
01:14:52So do you, Mother. And if you want them kept, you'll keep mine.
01:14:57You'll keep mine.
01:15:10It's me. I have some bad news.
01:15:12She's taking him back.
01:15:14Meet me on the corner in an hour.
01:15:16We need to deal with this.
01:15:27I heard about Rebecca on the news.
01:15:31If there's anything I can do to help with funeral arrangements or help you call relatives.
01:15:41Wow.
01:15:44You must be feeling really guilty.
01:15:46Oh, of course.
01:15:50I feel just terrible.
01:15:53I mean, if you knew, if you could just know how sorry I am.
01:16:07Hey.
01:16:10You know, in a weird way, I should thank you.
01:16:14My sister was a really wonderful person.
01:16:24She always saw the best in me.
01:16:29But there are things she couldn't see.
01:16:33Or chose not to.
01:16:35God love her.
01:16:41What do you mean?
01:16:42I think you know.
01:16:45See, I always knew that I had to take care of Rebecca, so I could never let myself slip.
01:16:52And do something that would hurt her.
01:16:55But now...
01:16:59I'm free.
01:17:03And all because of you.
01:17:12You...
01:17:13You can't stay here.
01:17:14Well, don't worry.
01:17:15I'm already packed.
01:17:18Where are you going?
01:17:20Why, you gonna write?
01:17:26Well...
01:17:29Goodbye, Lynette.
01:17:33You take care of that beautiful family of yours.
01:17:36I'm sorry.
01:17:37You took care of her.
01:17:39You took care of her.
01:17:44You took care of her in the years.
01:17:46You took care of that beautiful family.
01:17:47You took care of me.
01:17:49You took care of me and I took care of her.
01:17:50You took care of me and I was like, we're looking at real.
01:17:52I was able to do it.
01:17:56One day.
01:17:58Considering the situation you said no one was out of my hands.
01:18:00There's a reason people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions,
01:18:19or curling up with a cup of eggnog,
01:18:29or that unexpected kiss beneath the mistletoe,
01:18:36or receiving a present from that special someone.
01:18:48No. People look forward to Christmas because they know it's a time for miracles.
01:19:00Hello, Alma.
01:19:02Don't just stand there. Tell me everything.
01:19:05I'll see you next time.
Recommended
1:19:26
|
Up next
1:17:57
1:18:37
1:18:34
1:19:15
1:20:57
1:19:28
1:19:03
1:19:12
1:19:21
39:53
39:41
1:19:05
1:19:10
1:18:48
1:18:22
39:36
1:19:19
1:19:28
1:19:01
1:18:49
39:44
1:19:10
1:19:15
1:19:36