Skip to playerSkip to main contentSkip to footer
BSTVSHOWS
  • 6/21/2025
Follow us for more episodes!
Transcript
00:00:00I'm sorry for what I'm putting you through.
00:00:26If it were anyone but you, it wouldn't be worth it.
00:00:31And Lynette worried...
00:00:32It's Rick's place. Totally went up in flames.
00:00:35...that jealousy could drive Tom to an act of violence.
00:00:43The thing you have to know about Lynette Scavo is that she had always trusted her husband Tom.
00:00:50Mostly because she could always tell when he was lying.
00:00:54Sometimes he would ask her to repeat the question.
00:00:58Did I eat your ice cream? Is that what you're asking?
00:01:01Or he would use odd words he had never used before.
00:01:04Oh, I think it looks... spiffy.
00:01:08Or his voice would get higher.
00:01:10I guess she's pretty. I mean, I didn't really notice.
00:01:13Clearly, Tom Scavo was at a distinct disadvantage when lying to his wife.
00:01:20And on this particular morning, that's exactly what Lynette was counting on.
00:01:26What you doing?
00:01:31I am jonesing for a cup of coffee, but this stupid burner is acting up again.
00:01:36Need a little caffeine fix?
00:01:38Big time. Too much booze last night. I'm really dragging.
00:01:42The open bar is no longer your friend, huh?
00:01:45Guess not. But they were pouring top shelf stuff and I couldn't resist.
00:01:49Is that where you were during Bree's acceptance speech? Doing free shots at the bar?
00:01:54Nope. I think that's when I snuck out to the car to listen to the game.
00:01:58You go along?
00:02:00Well, I would have invited Carlos, except obviously he can't really sneak around anymore, so...
00:02:06Yeah.
00:02:11I was thinking, if anyone asks about that fire at Rick's, it'd be good if you had someone to account for where you were.
00:02:19Why would it matter? I didn't start the fire.
00:02:22Right, right. It's just, if anyone thinks you did, it'd be handy if you could prove them wrong, wouldn't it?
00:02:32You think I did it?
00:02:33No!
00:02:34One stupid brick and now I'm an arsonist?
00:02:37No, no. Of course not. It's just, if the police came here to ask us about the brick, they're probably going to ask us about the fire, so you might want to be ready.
00:02:48Listen to me, Lynette. As mad as I have been at Rick, I had absolutely nothing to do with this fire. We're fine.
00:02:56Okay.
00:02:57Good.
00:02:58Uh-huh.
00:02:59Lynette Scavo had always trusted her husband.
00:03:03She had no idea that trust was about to go up in flames.
00:03:10Everyone breaks the rules now and again. And when they do, they always have an excuse.
00:03:29Like the neighbor whose own trash was already full. Or the blonde who forgot to eat her breakfast. Or the employee who needed an advance on his salary.
00:03:44It's true. Everyone has a reason for not following the rules.
00:03:49Even the people who are meant to enforce them.
00:03:56License and registration, please.
00:03:59Well, what did I do? I wasn't speeding.
00:04:02There's a construction zone back there. You failed to slow down.
00:04:04Are you sure? I didn't see a sign or anything.
00:04:07You want to step out of the car, please?
00:04:09You're not going to give me a ticket, are you? My mom will kill me.
00:04:14Where do you go to school?
00:04:15Fairview High.
00:04:18Pretty necklace.
00:04:19Thanks.
00:04:24Listen, I'm really sorry about the construction zone. I would have slowed down if I had seen the sign, I swear.
00:04:29I'll tell you what. I'll let you go with a warning. Just pay more attention next time, okay?
00:04:36Thank you. That's very nice of you. Thank you.
00:04:59That's everything, I guess.
00:05:02Well, if you forgot something, you can just come back for it. Or you could just not leave.
00:05:08Oh, that's so sweet. But our house is livable again, the downstairs anyway, and we have imposed long enough.
00:05:16Besides, Mike is coming home tonight and you're going to need the house to yourselves.
00:05:20Well, before you go, I just want to say that having you here these last few weeks...
00:05:27Susan, I'm just going across the street. There's no need to act like a silent movie heroine.
00:05:31I know. It just... I can't stop now. I broke the seal.
00:05:36Well, um, as much as I appreciate this naked display of emotion, you know how this sort of thing makes me uncomfortable.
00:05:43I can't help it. My hormones are in overdrive. Didn't you get that way when you were pregnant?
00:05:48No. Never?
00:05:50Really? Not even when you heard an acoustic guitar?
00:05:53No. Never.
00:05:55Oh, I just can't control myself like that.
00:05:58Oh, sure you can.
00:06:00Whenever I feel my emotions getting the best of me, I simply picture an empty box.
00:06:05And I take whatever I'm feeling and put that in the box.
00:06:08And then I picture myself putting the box away in a big empty closet and closing the door.
00:06:14Then, if I have time, I go back and open the box and deal with the emotion.
00:06:21In private. Like a lady.
00:06:26Thanks.
00:06:28I'm gonna try that.
00:06:34So you don't think I act like a lady?
00:06:39Prove me wrong, sweetie. Prove me wrong.
00:06:42All right. Come on, girl.
00:06:47Okay, Carlos, here's the harness.
00:06:50There you are.
00:06:52Oh, you must be Roxy.
00:06:55I do the cutest thing.
00:06:57Okay, not too close, it's so.
00:06:59Gabby, this is Steve. He's the head trainer at the dog school.
00:07:02Nice to meet you.
00:07:03Carlos told me how much he enjoyed taking classes with Roxy.
00:07:07Well, they make a great team.
00:07:09Well, I've got a million questions about this little lifesaver here.
00:07:12Okay, shoot.
00:07:13Okay, hypothetical situation.
00:07:15Carlos and I are sitting on the couch.
00:07:17I'm doing my nails.
00:07:18He's whining for the remote.
00:07:19How do I get Roxy to fetch it for him?
00:07:21She's serious.
00:07:24Oh, Roxy doesn't do that.
00:07:29Her job is to get Carlos from point A to point B as safely as possible.
00:07:34I get that, but surely she's trained to do other stuff.
00:07:37You know, like find his keys or turn off the radio or lick up his pills.
00:07:41Yeah, and after that she can go solve crimes with Shaggy and the gang.
00:07:44Don't give me your blind sarcasm.
00:07:46I saw a collie on TV who could push a lawnmower.
00:07:49Do you have one of those?
00:07:50Gabby, Roxy's fantastic.
00:07:52Really?
00:07:53Well, for a dog who's supposed to help us, she sounds kind of limited.
00:07:57Sorry, but it's true.
00:07:59She's not here to help us, she's here to help me.
00:08:01Which you would know if you would bother to show up to the spouse's orientation.
00:08:04Well, I'm sorry.
00:08:05I was on my hands and knees that day scouring the bathroom floor because you refused to pee like a girl.
00:08:12So, any other questions?
00:08:15No, it's crystal clear.
00:08:17Carlos gets a new best friend and I get to check the sofa for ticks.
00:08:20Yay for Gabby!
00:08:22Did I exaggerate?
00:08:25Actually, you were kind.
00:08:29Oh, it feels good to take a shower at my own house.
00:08:32Whatcha doing?
00:08:33In honor of you coming home, we are making your favorite meal, steak and mashed potatoes.
00:08:38Oh, that sounds great.
00:08:39But for future reference, my favorite is potatoes au gratin.
00:08:42Since when?
00:08:43Since always.
00:08:44Since I was three.
00:08:45You could see how gratin when you were three?
00:08:49Oh, it's fine.
00:08:50It isn't mashed.
00:08:51It's great, too.
00:08:52It's not your favorite.
00:08:53What are you doing?
00:08:54Excuse me.
00:08:55I have to put something in a box and stick it in the closet.
00:08:59Hormones.
00:09:00Got it.
00:09:01Pretty much anything sets her off these days.
00:09:15Which is why I haven't told her.
00:09:17Told her what?
00:09:18Something wrong?
00:09:19Well, when Bree and Orson were staying with us, this weird thing happened.
00:09:26Oh, yeah.
00:09:27Naked Orson?
00:09:28I heard.
00:09:29Must have been quite a show.
00:09:30No, this was the next night.
00:09:35He was sleepwalking and he said something kind of strange.
00:09:40But like I said, he was asleep, so it's probably nothing.
00:09:43Julie, what'd he say?
00:09:48He said, I'm sorry I ran over Mike.
00:09:53What?
00:09:54It's crazy, right?
00:09:55Why would he say something like that?
00:09:56He didn't even know you when that happened.
00:09:58Yeah, you're right.
00:09:59It's crazy.
00:10:01Yeah.
00:10:02That's what I figured.
00:10:04Okay, well, I'm gonna go check on Mom and make sure she's okay.
00:10:07We don't need any more drama in this house.
00:10:14Yeah.
00:10:15I agree.
00:10:22How's the move going?
00:10:24Need an extra pair of hands?
00:10:25No, thanks.
00:10:26We're almost done.
00:10:27Okay.
00:10:28I won't get in your way then.
00:10:31Let me just run something by you.
00:10:34I got a call today from a couple who loved our work on the Founders Ball.
00:10:39Oh, how sweet.
00:10:40Yes.
00:10:41And they want to hire us to do their anniversary party.
00:10:44Hire us?
00:10:45But we're not a business.
00:10:46We could be.
00:10:47Think about it.
00:10:48We do the exact same thing we did at the Ball, only this time we walk away with a big fat check.
00:10:53Katherine, need I remind you we nearly came to blows over floral choices.
00:10:57I think it's our creative friction that makes us a great team.
00:11:01I think it's our creative friction that nearly caused me to poison you.
00:11:04Alright, look, Bri, I'm gonna be honest with you.
00:11:06With Adam out of the house, I really need the money.
00:11:09I sympathize.
00:11:10I do, but I have a new baby and it's really more work than I care to take on right now.
00:11:16I understand.
00:11:18Guess I'll just do it myself then.
00:11:20Excuse me?
00:11:21Now, did you take pictures of those table settings you designed?
00:11:24I'd love to get copies.
00:11:25The couple raved about them.
00:11:27Huh.
00:11:28Sure.
00:11:31You know, I don't really think it's fair that you should profit from something that I designed.
00:11:35You're right.
00:11:36It would only be fair if I asked you to do this with me, which I did, and you said no.
00:11:40So on we go.
00:11:42I hope you don't mind if I serve your cinnamon apple crumble.
00:11:45That is a cherished recipe from my grandmother.
00:11:48Well, now it's a cherished recipe from catering by Katherine.
00:11:52Oh, I see what's going on here.
00:11:54This is shameless emotional blackmail.
00:11:58And?
00:11:59And?
00:12:00You worked beautifully.
00:12:02I'm in.
00:12:11Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:12:12No more doggy treats.
00:12:13She's had enough.
00:12:14But she's been so good.
00:12:15Yeah?
00:12:16But when she learns how to make granite sparkle, she can have more.
00:12:19I'm giving her a treat.
00:12:21Carlos, I said no!
00:12:22Oh!
00:12:27Fine.
00:12:28One treat.
00:12:29That's it.
00:12:30Those things are expensive.
00:12:31And until your disability kicks in, we have to tighten our belts.
00:12:34So I guess that means you won't be getting your hair done anymore.
00:12:39Carlos, remember what my fingers look like?
00:12:41Just picture the middle one all by itself.
00:12:45Besides, you're the one who married me for my looks.
00:12:48Well, I'm blind now.
00:12:49So as long as you use deodorant, I'm good.
00:12:52Do you have any idea how selfish you sound right now?
00:12:54Just because you're blind, the world should suffer?
00:12:56I'm just saying, you know, $300 visits to Mr. Francois-
00:12:59Carlos, I'm getting my hair done.
00:13:00End of discussion.
00:13:02What are you barking at?
00:13:04You got your damn treat.
00:13:06You know, if we really want to save money, you could cut down on those Cuban cigars.
00:13:09Or, here's a thought, you could get a job.
00:13:12Why don't you get a job?
00:13:14Doing what?
00:13:15Put flags on pencils and sell them at the airport.
00:13:17What do I care?
00:13:18Just get out of my kitchen.
00:13:19Oh, what is this about?
00:13:23I don't know.
00:13:24I guess she doesn't like it when you smack me.
00:13:26Oh, so now I can't hit my husband in my own house?
00:13:28Look, we can cut corners all you want, but I'm not going to skimp when it comes to my dog.
00:13:33Roxy, come.
00:13:34Hey, neighbor.
00:13:47Oh, Mike.
00:13:48Hey.
00:13:49Welcome back.
00:13:50Looking well?
00:13:51Yeah, well, you know me.
00:13:53Indestructible.
00:13:55What are you looking for?
00:13:57Yeah, we're putting some of the pictures back up.
00:14:01This it?
00:14:05Thanks, buddy.
00:14:07You got a minute?
00:14:10Uh, actually, Bree's waiting.
00:14:13Waiting for me.
00:14:15You said something to Julie when you were sleepwalking.
00:14:20I did?
00:14:21Yeah.
00:14:22And I need you to clear it up.
00:14:27Are you the guy that ran me over?
00:14:31Mike.
00:14:38I'm so sorry.
00:14:42I'm sorry.
00:14:53No way.
00:14:56That mutt is not sleeping in our bed.
00:14:58She's clean.
00:14:59It's okay.
00:15:00No.
00:15:01No, it's not.
00:15:02I read the pamphlet Steve left.
00:15:03These dogs are not allowed on furniture.
00:15:05I know.
00:15:06I just think it's good for a dog to sleep with its master.
00:15:09It helps us bond.
00:15:11Well, if you ever want to bond with my boobs again, you'll get her off.
00:15:15You're being selfish.
00:15:17We can put her at the foot of the bed.
00:15:18Carlos, no!
00:15:19She doesn't like it when you yell at me.
00:15:23Remember?
00:15:24Remember?
00:15:29You're right, baby.
00:15:30I'm sorry.
00:15:32Let me try it this way.
00:15:34You listen to me, you blind son of a bitch.
00:15:37If you don't get this mangy, six-nippled Cujo wannabe off my satin sheets, you won't just need a dog to get around.
00:15:43You'll need a motorized wheelchair that you steer with your tongue.
00:15:50Really?
00:15:51Carlos, I mean it.
00:15:54Who's it gonna be?
00:15:55Me or the dog?
00:15:57Me or the dog.
00:16:16Maternity lingerie.
00:16:18Yeah, right.
00:16:20Why don't they just call it what it really is?
00:16:21A pup tent to hide your stretch marks.
00:16:23Actually, that's okay. I'm really not in the mood right now. I'm sorry.
00:16:30I understand.
00:16:32Thanks.
00:16:34I just don't want to be crushed under the weight of a repulsive cow.
00:16:38That is not it.
00:16:39No, I get it.
00:16:41Really, I knew this day was coming. I just didn't know it would be a day when I was so horny.
00:16:47Honey, I still find you incredibly sexy. It's me.
00:16:51I just got a lot on my mind right now.
00:16:55Well, what's going on?
00:17:00I found out something today.
00:17:03I didn't want to tell you, but...
00:17:06Well, you can tell me anything.
00:17:08That's what we talked about in all those sessions with the doctor.
00:17:10All right, but if I tell you, you have to promise to let me handle this my own way.
00:17:22Could it be a place somewhere?
00:17:27Susan?
00:17:33What on earth?
00:17:35You are never to come near my family ever again. Do you understand?
00:17:39What are you talking about?
00:17:40What are you talking about?
00:17:41Do you hear me, Orson?
00:17:42Damn it, Susan. I told you to let me handle this.
00:17:46Please tell me what's going on.
00:17:48So you don't know that your husband tried to kill Mike?
00:17:53What?
00:17:55Look, I explained this to Mike. I panicked. I was trying...
00:17:58Trying to protect your mother? I know. Who cares? You drove the car, you ran him over, and you left him for dead.
00:18:05Susan, let's go.
00:18:08And the worst part, all this time you pretended to be our friend.
00:18:12She pretended to be our friend.
00:18:33If there was one thing Gabrielle Solis would not tolerate, it was a rival.
00:18:39Whether she walked on two legs, or four.
00:18:44So when Gabrielle crept into her bedroom that morning, she'd made up her mind.
00:18:51The bitch had to go.
00:18:54Roxy, look what I've got.
00:18:59Come on. Come on.
00:19:01Roxy, let's go. Roxy, let's go. Roxy, let's go. Roxy, let's go. In.
00:19:16Hey there, Dylan.
00:19:22Don't you remember me? I'm the cop who didn't give you a ticket yesterday?
00:19:26Um, yeah, I remember.
00:19:30Would it be okay if I sat down? I just want to have a little chat with you.
00:19:36Why?
00:19:38Don't worry, you're not in trouble.
00:19:40Actually, I can't stay. I'm meeting my friend Julie at the mall, so...
00:19:45Look, I'm not trying to scare you. I just... I just want to talk.
00:19:49Talk about what?
00:19:51How's your mom doing?
00:19:56You know my mom?
00:19:58Oh, yeah.
00:20:06Look, a couple of days ago, I saw a picture of you and Kathy in the paper, and I did a background check, and I found out that you're living back at your aunt's place.
00:20:13When you left yesterday, I was parked down the street.
00:20:19You followed me?
00:20:22So when you pulled me over, that was...
00:20:23I lied to you.
00:20:25You weren't speeding.
00:20:27I'm sorry.
00:20:31Hey.
00:20:33I just had to meet you.
00:20:37Who are you?
00:20:38I'm Wayne Davis.
00:20:45I'm your father.
00:20:50Oh, excuse me for a second.
00:20:52Uh, Mrs. Elise. What are you doing here?
00:20:55Hi. Uh, I'm bringing Roxy back.
00:20:58Uh, what?
00:21:00Shame, isn't it? I mean, I personally adored the little angel, but she and Carlos just did not get along.
00:21:08Really?
00:21:09Well, sorry it didn't work out. I gotta run.
00:21:11Um, tell Carlos I'll call him about another dog.
00:21:14Oh, well, actually, we found one.
00:21:17From where? We're the only guide dog school in the area.
00:21:20Well, that's it. It's not a dog.
00:21:23We got him a seeing-eye monkey.
00:21:27He's amazing.
00:21:29Not only can he call 911, he can toast a bagel.
00:21:32Bye.
00:21:33Roxy?
00:21:37What the heck happened back there?
00:21:40Roxy! Roxy! Roxy, stop!
00:21:46Gabby! Where were you? Where's Roxy?
00:21:48Oh, Carlos, I'm afraid I have some bad news.
00:21:52What? What happened?
00:21:53Well, you know how you like it when I read you the box scores?
00:21:56When I went out to get the paper, only thinking of making you happy.
00:22:00Gabby, where's my dog?
00:22:02She ran away. When I opened the door, she saw a squirrel and she took off.
00:22:06She's gone? You gotta go find her.
00:22:08Where do you think I've been? There's no sign of her anywhere.
00:22:09Yeah, I'm sure you looked really, really hard.
00:22:12How dare you? I have looked from one end of town to the other.
00:22:15And I'm telling you, she's nowhere to be found.
00:22:17But since you love her so much, I'm gonna keep looking.
00:22:19Was that Roxy?
00:22:21I'm not sure. Why don't I go look?
00:22:23Oh, no. Oh, wow, it's the scabble dog.
00:22:25Way down in their yard.
00:22:27I'm not sure.
00:22:29I'm not sure. Why don't I go look?
00:22:31Oh, no. Oh, wow, it's the scabble dog.
00:22:33Way down in their yard.
00:22:35I guess it's true.
00:22:37Lose one sense, all the others get heightened.
00:22:40Okay, you get that. I'm gonna go find your dog.
00:22:43Come on, you stupid mutt.
00:22:45Gabby, you still here?
00:22:47Yeah, still no sign of Roxy.
00:22:48But don't worry, I'm on the case.
00:22:50Hey, that was Steve.
00:22:52What?
00:22:54Gabby, you still here?
00:22:56Yeah, still no sign of Roxy.
00:22:58But don't worry, I'm on the case.
00:23:00Hey, that was Steve.
00:23:03From the guide dog place?
00:23:08You want a piece of pie or something?
00:23:14Yeah, I'm not hungry either.
00:23:23I don't know what to say to you.
00:23:25You don't have to say anything.
00:23:29I'm having a good time just looking at you.
00:23:33You have my nose.
00:23:38Bet you didn't know that, right?
00:23:40My mom says we left because it used to beat her.
00:23:44Is that true?
00:23:46Yeah, I hit her a couple times.
00:23:49So you admit it?
00:23:50What?
00:23:51What?
00:23:52Did you think I was gonna lie and tell you that I was a great husband?
00:23:54Because I wasn't.
00:23:55But you gotta know.
00:23:56There's two sides to every story.
00:23:58And I swear to God, your mom gave as good as she got.
00:24:02I mean, you believe me, right?
00:24:07I don't know.
00:24:11You know what?
00:24:13This was a mistake.
00:24:14I should go.
00:24:15Go?
00:24:16You're not here.
00:24:17Look, I didn't track you down to cause any problems.
00:24:18I only wanted to make sure that your mom raised you properly.
00:24:21And now I see that she did.
00:24:23And you're...
00:24:26You're spectacular.
00:24:29That's what I needed.
00:24:31To know that you're okay and that little part of you looks just like me.
00:24:36How can you just walk away?
00:24:42Because I'm not the same jerk I used to be.
00:24:46Sure, I'd like to have a relationship with you.
00:24:48But if your mom is still scared of me after all these years, I...
00:24:53No.
00:24:55I don't wanna upset her again.
00:25:01I don't have to tell her.
00:25:07What?
00:25:11She doesn't have to know that I saw you.
00:25:14Oh, I...
00:25:16I don't know about that.
00:25:18It's just that I have so many questions and...
00:25:21I don't think we'd be hurting anybody if we just sat and talked for a while.
00:25:25And we'd keep this from your mom?
00:25:34Sure.
00:25:37You will.
00:25:39Okay.
00:25:44Darling, bring me back that dessert menu.
00:25:49I wanna have a slice of pie with my daughter.
00:25:57I-I think we might be out of candles.
00:26:00I'm gonna take some check under the bar.
00:26:07Rick.
00:26:09How's it going?
00:26:11How's it going?
00:26:13It's going pretty bad.
00:26:15I didn't mean to.
00:26:17I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry for your troubles.
00:26:18Oh, that's touching, man.
00:26:21Thanks.
00:26:23So, did you just come here to bust my hump, or is there something I can help you with?
00:26:26Actually, you can help me.
00:26:28You can help me figure out what the hell these were doing by the back door of my torched restaurant.
00:26:35How should I know?
00:26:36So that's how you're gonna play this?
00:26:50Uh, no candles here. I'm gonna go check in the back.
00:26:55Great.
00:26:59Look, I can see you're upset, pal.
00:27:01But I'm not the guy you're looking for.
00:27:02You know I don't sweat.
00:27:04Hey, Andrew, what do you need?
00:27:06Uh, I'm looking for candles, and-and that guy Rick's here.
00:27:11Oh, my God! Stop it! What are you doing?
00:27:17Evie! Evie, just stop it!
00:27:21You okay?
00:27:23Yeah.
00:27:25Ow!
00:27:30Andrew, do something!
00:27:32Do something!
00:27:37Stop, Andrew! Stop!
00:27:39What is the matter with you? What are you, 12 years old?
00:27:43Stop it!
00:27:45Jeez.
00:27:48Ah!
00:27:54So, when are you guys gonna finish grilling my husband?
00:28:06It won't be much longer, ma'am.
00:28:07In spite of everything that's happened, it's really good to see you again.
00:28:26Makes me realize how much I miss you.
00:28:29If you insist on questioning my husband about a crime he didn't commit, you should at least have all the facts.
00:28:40Okay. You've got my attention?
00:28:43Well, for starters, Mr. Coletti opened his restaurant to get back at me because I wouldn't have an affair with him.
00:28:50Honey.
00:28:52Oh, so you're saying your husband had two motives for setting the fire?
00:28:54No! I am saying that if anyone had an axe to grind, it's Rick!
00:28:59Maybe he set the fire himself so he could blame my husband.
00:29:03I was at the gym. You can call my trainer.
00:29:05And Tom was at the Founders Ball with me.
00:29:08We have witnesses that say he disappeared for a while.
00:29:11I told you I was in the car listening to the basketball game.
00:29:15That's true. I saw him.
00:29:16I was mad that he ditched me so I went to drag his ass back inside.
00:29:23But when I saw him shouting at the radio, I decided I'll just wait and make his life miserable when we get home.
00:29:29So, unless there's a law against choosing LeBron James over your wife, I think we're done here.
00:29:34So that's it? You're just gonna let him go?
00:29:44Look, we don't have enough evidence to hold him, sir.
00:29:47Because his wife provided him an alibi. Come on, man.
00:29:51Rick, look. You know me.
00:29:55If Tom had done something like this, do you really think I would protect him?
00:29:59You know, you didn't have to make up that story for me.
00:30:23Didn't I? Because it kind of seemed like the hedge against the ropes in there.
00:30:25Well, that would only be a problem if I were guilty, and clearly I'm not, right?
00:30:32God, you don't believe me, do you?
00:30:33Sure, I do. It must have been some other random maniac with a grudge against Rick who burned down his restaurant.
00:30:38So you're calling me a liar. That's what you're doing. You're saying I lie.
00:30:40Well, it wouldn't be the first time you lied about the brick, and you were pretty smooth, too.
00:30:43Hell, I bought it.
00:30:44Yeah, just like I bought your story about never sleeping with Rick.
00:30:48Excuse me?
00:30:49Oh, look at me, Rick. You know me, Rick.
00:30:50Okay.
00:30:51It felt like telling you guys to get a room.
00:30:52Okay, you are angry, so I'm gonna let that one pass, and I'm gonna say this for the very last time.
00:30:59Nothing happened between me and Rick.
00:31:03Okay.
00:31:04I didn't set that fire.
00:31:09You see, I can talk slow, too.
00:31:11Carlos asked me to pick up some doggy treats for Roxy.
00:31:14He called you? Why didn't he ask me?
00:31:15Oh, I think you were busy at the time, kidnapping his guide dog. Classy, by the way.
00:31:21Don't judge me. You don't know this hound from hell. I raise my voice a teensy bit, and she barks. Or I give Carlos a little smack, and she growls.
00:31:28Well, I have an idea. Why don't you not do those things?
00:31:29Thanks for the biscuits, Edie.
00:31:30No, I'm serious.
00:31:31There was always a certain sick charm to the way you used to abuse Carlos, but now that he's blind, it's just sick.
00:31:32We're fine. This is a good thing.
00:31:33It's a good thing.
00:31:34It's a good thing.
00:31:35It's a good thing.
00:31:36It's a good thing.
00:31:37Oh, I think you were busy at the time, kidnapping his guide dog.
00:31:38Classy, by the way.
00:31:39Don't judge me.
00:31:40You don't know this hound from hell.
00:31:41I raise my voice a teensy bit, and she barks.
00:31:42Or I give Carlos a little smack, and she growls.
00:31:43Well, I have an idea.
00:31:44Why don't you not do those things?
00:31:45Thanks for the biscuits, Edie.
00:31:46No, I'm serious.
00:31:47There was always a certain sick charm to the way you used to abuse Carlos, but now that he's blind, it's just sick.
00:31:59We're fine.
00:32:00This is who we are.
00:32:01This is our relationship.
00:32:02Well, your relationship has to change, Gabby, because he's changed.
00:32:07Not that much.
00:32:08Just his eyes.
00:32:09No.
00:32:10I know Carlos.
00:32:11He's proud.
00:32:12He's gonna pretend that he can still go toe-to-toe with you as if he was the same man that he always was.
00:32:17But he's not.
00:32:19And he will never admit that.
00:32:23Are you done with your armchair analysis, three-divorce Annie?
00:32:27Sure.
00:32:28But if you're not gonna treat Carlos right, there are plenty of other women out there who will.
00:32:33I think I proved that.
00:32:42Why don't you come inside?
00:32:43I can't come out my front door every day and see that man.
00:32:54We have to move.
00:32:55Oh, Susan.
00:33:00I know this is difficult, but before you start putting up for sale signs, let's just take a step back.
00:33:08Take a step back from what?
00:33:09He tried to murder you.
00:33:10Okay, now what Orson did was horrible, but I've decided to forgive him.
00:33:16How can you do that?
00:33:17He put you in a coma.
00:33:19I sat there day after day wondering if you were gonna live.
00:33:22As far as I'm concerned, Orson can go to hell.
00:33:25I've talked to him.
00:33:26Trust me.
00:33:27He's already been there.
00:33:30Well, that's not enough.
00:33:31He should pay for what he did.
00:33:32He should go to prison.
00:33:34And what?
00:33:35Leave Bree without a husband?
00:33:36And Benjamin without a dad?
00:33:37You don't want that.
00:33:38Look.
00:33:39I've done some pretty horrible things in my life.
00:33:45But you forgave me.
00:33:47Because you knew how much I regretted him.
00:33:50I really believe he's sorry for what he did.
00:33:53So now I have to forgive him.
00:33:57I've just got to.
00:33:58But I also understand if you can't.
00:34:10You're welcome.
00:34:11There you go.
00:34:12No, I feel it's not.
00:34:13Hey.
00:34:14You guys know you're not supposed to be out of bed?
00:34:27How come Daddy's sleeping on the couch again?
00:34:29in. Come here. Come on. Okay. Mommy and Daddy are sort of fighting, but we're working through
00:34:42it. What are you fighting about? Oh, something he did that made Mommy really mad. Can we
00:34:53talk to you about something? Yes, of course. The other day at the pizza place, we heard Daddy
00:35:00say that man wanted to take you away from us. Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry. I bet that really
00:35:08scared you, didn't it? Yeah. So when you went to that party, we got on our bikes and rode
00:35:14down to his restaurant. You did what? We just wanted him to go away. That's why we set the
00:35:23fire. So please don't be mad at Daddy. Oh, my God. Mike says I need to forgive Orson, and
00:35:50too soon. And he's right. I have to find a way to make peace with all of this. But
00:35:57you need to understand it's going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. And
00:36:02like most things in my life, I probably won't do it with much elegance or grace. So if I
00:36:10don't come over to your house for coffee, if I don't smile when the two of you walk by,
00:36:18just please know that I still love you. And as for forgiving Orson, just be patient. I'll
00:36:29get there. I think it's admirable that you want to figure out Orson. Because I can't.
00:36:50What you doing? Working on the menu for the event that Brie and I are catering. I have to stop now to
00:37:12pick up the invitations at the printers before they close. I can do that for you. It's okay,
00:37:17sweetie. No, I want to. Maybe I could pick up some dinner for us on the way back.
00:37:23You know, Mrs. Hoskins' daughter became nice like this once, right before she brought home a boy
00:37:28named Slash. I'm being nice because there have been a pain lately. And with Adam gone,
00:37:35we need to be a team. It's just us now. What? It's just, it's like you turned into this lovely young
00:37:54woman. I wasn't looking. Hey. We have to stop at the printer on the way to dinner. Whatever you say, sweetheart.
00:38:24The truth is, everyone breaks the rules now and then. Never thinking for one second they might get
00:38:39caught. But if they do, they simply ask for forgiveness.
00:38:54And most of the time, they receive it.
00:39:04But some acts are so wicked, they demand only our condemnation.
00:39:12How do people avoid such a fate? Well, the trick is knowing which rules are made to be broken
00:39:21and which rules are not.
00:39:24Previously on Desperate Housewives, Orson's Secret came out.
00:39:34So you don't know that your husband tried to kill Mike?
00:39:37And Bree couldn't forgive him.
00:39:41Lynette's stepdaughter, Kayla, never adjusted to being part of their family.
00:39:46But I'm never gonna love her. And you can't make me.
00:39:49And Dylan reconnected with her real father.
00:39:52I'd like to have a relationship with you. But if your mom is still scared of me, I don't
00:39:56want to upset her again.
00:39:58I don't have to tell her.
00:40:05It happens in every marriage.
00:40:09Couples accumulate lovely things.
00:40:12Things that make a house a home.
00:40:15But when the home is broken, these things must be divided.
00:40:21The most dignified way to do this is for each spouse to keep what is most important to them.
00:40:28And Bree and Orson Hodge were nothing, if not dignified.
00:40:34I assume you'll want a pewter cat?
00:40:37That was my gift to you.
00:40:39You adored it, as I recall. That's why I'm giving you the choice.
00:40:42And what about that hummel from your aunt?
00:40:48It's ugly as sin, but she insists that it's valuable.
00:40:51You keep it. Keep everything.
00:40:53There's only one thing in this house that I want.
00:40:56I know, but I'm the one thing you can't have.
00:40:58Please, you have to forgive me.
00:41:00Of course, and every wife understands that her husband will make a few mistakes.
00:41:04Forgotten anniversary, the occasional harsh word, but we all have to draw the line somewhere.
00:41:08And I'm drawing mine at the attempted murder of my best friend's husband.
00:41:12Bree, if I could open up my heart and show you how sorry I am, I would, but I can't.
00:41:17There must be something else I could do.
00:41:24There is one thing.
00:41:26Name it.
00:41:28Turn yourself into the police.
00:41:29But the statute of limitations hasn't run out.
00:41:33They would arrest me.
00:41:34And you'd probably go to prison.
00:41:35Yes, I could go away for years.
00:41:37Exactly, and if you could muster that kind of moral courage, I think I could forgive you.
00:41:43Oh, come on.
00:41:45I promise I'll wait for you.
00:41:49Bree.
00:41:51I can't go to prison.
00:41:56Very well.
00:41:57So do you want the cat or not?
00:42:04In any separation, it's only fair that each spouse get to keep what is most important to them.
00:42:14That's how Bree Hodge got to keep her pewter cat.
00:42:19And Orson Hodge got to hold on to his freedom.
00:42:24The suburbs are flush with a certain kind of fool.
00:42:39You know the type.
00:42:41The man who opens his door to total strangers.
00:42:43The woman who never uses her latch.
00:42:49It never occurs to them that letting someone into their home means letting them into their lives.
00:42:58Hi, I'm Allie.
00:42:59I understand you've got a room to wrap.
00:43:00Yeah, come on in.
00:43:01So because of my husband's disability, our financial situation has changed, and we have this big house.
00:43:07Well, it's an amazing place, and I love the room.
00:43:10I can't believe it's still available.
00:43:11Well, you know.
00:43:12Anyhow, you have a great credit score.
00:43:16Oh, what was that?
00:43:19What was what?
00:43:20Ellie, did she just give me a dirty look?
00:43:23Uh.
00:43:23Yeah, I thought so.
00:43:27I'm sorry, Ellie.
00:43:29There's been some tension between my husband and me.
00:43:31See, the truth is, we could have had the room rented by now if my husband wasn't so paranoid.
00:43:36Why?
00:43:36Because I wouldn't let the Swedish bodybuilder move in?
00:43:38You're as blind as a fruit bat.
00:43:40How would you know if he's a bodybuilder?
00:43:41I brushed up against him.
00:43:43I felt his bicep.
00:43:44It was huge.
00:43:45That wasn't his bicep.
00:43:46Why do you think he rushed out of here?
00:43:48Okay, I normally dig this sort of interpersonal stuff, but I have a class in 20, so back to me.
00:43:56You're right, Ellie.
00:43:57My husband was totally inappropriate.
00:44:00So, a class.
00:44:01Are you a teacher?
00:44:01Actually, I'm an art student.
00:44:03My life was working pretty well, and so I decided to junk it and learn how to paint fruit.
00:44:08It's stupid, right?
00:44:10No.
00:44:11It's cutsy.
00:44:12Well, we like you, Ellie.
00:44:15And if you have first and last month's rent, we'd like you even more.
00:44:18Fantastic.
00:44:19I just hit the bank.
00:44:21So, do you mind Cash?
00:44:22Oh, no.
00:44:23I love Cash.
00:44:24Cash and I go way back.
00:44:27So, are you okay with this, or do you need to grow up her, too?
00:44:30So, that really wasn't the guy's arm?
00:44:33It had an elbow.
00:44:38Is this the clean pile?
00:44:40Because I'm not seeing it.
00:44:41You know what?
00:44:42Do them all again.
00:44:43This time, use a little elbow grease.
00:44:45How are they doing?
00:44:49They're not suffering enough for my taste.
00:44:51Are you sure that washing dishes is the right punishment?
00:44:54Well, gee, I'm kind of at a loss here, Tom.
00:44:55Dr. Spock didn't have a chapter on how to punish your kids for burning down a building.
00:44:59I just don't feel like we're handling this right.
00:45:03Maybe we should take them to therapy.
00:45:06Tom, they're not serial killers.
00:45:08There's their two little boys who were afraid their parents were breaking up.
00:45:11But still.
00:45:11No.
00:45:12We can handle this in-house.
00:45:14We can make sure they never do anything like this again.
00:45:18Fine.
00:45:19We'll try it your way.
00:45:21But this next month is going to be like boot camp for these guys.
00:45:24They are going to be cleaning out the gutters, taking out the trash, mowing the lawns.
00:45:29Wait a second.
00:45:29Those are your chores.
00:45:30No time to talk.
00:45:31Dinner shift's starting.
00:45:31Okay, this is the place.
00:45:37Oh, here, let me throw that away for you.
00:45:39No, I'm not finished with it.
00:45:42It's a Lamaze class.
00:45:43I guarantee you I will not be the only woman in there holding a chimichanga.
00:45:48Wow, it's all couples.
00:45:50I wish Mike didn't have that rehab thing tonight.
00:45:53Do you want me to stay?
00:45:54I can skip the movie.
00:45:55I don't know.
00:45:56No, it's okay.
00:45:56I'll be fine.
00:45:57Okay, have fun.
00:46:01Quit eyeing it, aren't you, Sharon?
00:46:17Okay, don't talk.
00:46:18Just listen.
00:46:19Remember last year when I brought up dad's new girlfriend and you said you never wanted to
00:46:21hear another word about one of his skanks again?
00:46:23Yeah.
00:46:24Okay, well, I just spotted them in the hallway.
00:46:26There's something you should know.
00:46:27Oh, my God.
00:46:34Okay, you're all caught up.
00:46:35He got a skank pregnant and you didn't tell me.
00:46:37I tried, remember?
00:46:38I said dad and Marissa are about to and then you stopped me and then you said talk to the
00:46:40hand and I said no one says that anymore.
00:46:41Okay, I get it.
00:46:42One more thing.
00:46:43They're married.
00:46:44See ya.
00:46:46Susie Q.
00:46:48What a small world.
00:46:49Look how fat you are.
00:46:51Hello, Carl.
00:46:53Marissa.
00:46:55This is Susan, my ex-wife.
00:46:57Hello.
00:46:57It's so nice to finally meet you.
00:47:01Honey, I'm gonna go sign us in and get us a couple mats.
00:47:04Okay.
00:47:07Could you believe this?
00:47:08What are the chances we'd end up having more kids, huh?
00:47:11Especially you.
00:47:13What does that mean?
00:47:13I'm just saying most eggs your age don't take.
00:47:16Power to you.
00:47:17Okay, clearly this is not going to work.
00:47:19So why don't you take your child bride and find another class?
00:47:22I know.
00:47:23She's young.
00:47:24Makes you want to have work done, huh?
00:47:26Or should I say more work done?
00:47:28The only work I've had done was getting 185 pounds of ugly fat sucked out of my house.
00:47:33You're jealous.
00:47:34I get it.
00:47:35She's gorgeous, funny, a law professor.
00:47:38No, no, no.
00:47:39Those are not the legs of a law professor.
00:47:41Not that she needs to work.
00:47:42I just made a partner at my firm, thanks.
00:47:44I keep telling her, slow down.
00:47:47If you need something to do, why not oversee the remodel of our new ski chalet?
00:47:53Well, I'd better get back to Marissa.
00:47:55And by the way, you're dripping.
00:47:57Bye, Mom.
00:48:06I'm leaving.
00:48:07Yeah, I'm by 10.
00:48:0810?
00:48:09But it's almost 8 now.
00:48:10Yes, and it's also a school night.
00:48:13Fine.
00:48:14Introduce me to this boy, and we'll talk about making a curfew later.
00:48:19Yeah, maybe some other night.
00:48:20Sweetie, I'm going to have to meet him eventually.
00:48:22It's just, I don't even know if I like him yet.
00:48:26When I do, you can meet him.
00:48:29I'll be home by 10.
00:48:35Hey, Dad.
00:48:36Hey, Princess.
00:48:37Let's go.
00:48:37I'm starving.
00:48:38Honey, I can't find my nail file.
00:48:44Have you seen it?
00:48:45Is that some kind of joke?
00:48:47All right.
00:48:49Keep forgetting you're useless.
00:48:51I'm going to see if Ellie has one.
00:48:56Hey, Ellie, you got a sec?
00:48:57Be right there.
00:48:58Hey, what's up?
00:49:02Hey, um, oh, I'm sorry.
00:49:04I didn't know you were entertaining.
00:49:08Hi, I'm Gabby Solis.
00:49:11Hey.
00:49:12Um, so what do you need?
00:49:14Oh, you know what?
00:49:15I can wait.
00:49:15I'll see you in the morning.
00:49:23Okay, that was weird.
00:49:25What?
00:49:27Earlier tonight?
00:49:28I saw a guy coming out of Ellie's room,
00:49:30so I assumed it was her boyfriend.
00:49:31But just now, I caught her in there with another guy.
00:49:34Okay.
00:49:35So we have two tramps living in our house.
00:49:38That was for the useless comment, wasn't it?
00:49:40Mm-hmm.
00:49:41And it felt good.
00:49:46Well, it sounds like he's leaving.
00:49:48I hope it's not because of me.
00:49:50Maybe I should go apologize.
00:49:52Okay.
00:49:58Okay, there may be two tramps in this house, but only one of them is getting paid.
00:50:10Hey, Lynette.
00:50:16I just can't get out again.
00:50:17You haven't seen him, have you?
00:50:18No.
00:50:19Sorry.
00:50:20I hope you find him.
00:50:21Well, if he's anything like I do, he'll wander into my house drunk the next time guiding when it is on.
00:50:27Wait, hold on.
00:50:28I'm going to have to fix this.
00:50:32This is so unfair.
00:50:35Yeah, I know.
00:50:35I hate her.
00:50:37How come she's not in trouble?
00:50:38Because we started the fire, you idiots, and now we have to be punished.
00:50:42I know, but it was her idea.
00:50:45Boys.
00:50:48Who are you talking about?
00:50:49Kayla, can I speak to you for a second?
00:50:58I guess.
00:51:00I need to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth, okay?
00:51:06Did you have anything to do with the fire at Rick's restaurant?
00:51:11Did someone say I did?
00:51:12I'm looking for a yes or no answer here.
00:51:17I didn't start the fire.
00:51:18No.
00:51:19The twins did, but they say it was your idea.
00:51:23It was a joke.
00:51:24I didn't think they'd actually do it.
00:51:26Kayla, why would you even joke about something like that?
00:51:32We heard you and Daddy talking about how Rick wanted to take you away.
00:51:36Porter was so mad, he wanted to blow Rick up.
00:51:39Preston told him he could use dynamite.
00:51:41I told him that was stupid.
00:51:42No one has dynamite in their house.
00:51:46But everyone has matches.
00:51:47To have any idea what you've done, someone could have been killed.
00:51:52But they weren't.
00:51:53But it doesn't matter.
00:51:56Intentionally, setting a fire is a very serious crime.
00:52:00Don't you get that?
00:52:02I do.
00:52:03That's why I think it's good you're punishing the twins.
00:52:06They're really bad kids.
00:52:09And they need to learn.
00:52:10I told you we'd be overdressed.
00:52:25There's nothing wrong with that.
00:52:26Shows our respect for Lamaze.
00:52:28And, you know, the whole birthing process.
00:52:30Or is that your ex-husband's here.
00:52:35Carl?
00:52:36Is he here?
00:52:37Oh, what a freakish...
00:52:39Don't even bother.
00:52:40Why didn't you just tell me?
00:52:41Because I knew you'd make a switch to another class.
00:52:43Last time I was here, Carl kept throwing his perfect life in my face.
00:52:46And I just wanted to come back here and show him that we were doing well, too.
00:52:49Hence the sport coat.
00:52:51Hence.
00:52:52That's classy.
00:52:53Say a lot of hence when we see him.
00:52:55Susan, I'm not going to lie about who I am.
00:52:56I'm not asking you to lie.
00:52:57I'm just saying spin.
00:52:59Why won't you spin?
00:53:00I don't know.
00:53:01Hey, plumber.
00:53:02Somebody clog the toilet?
00:53:06I'm in.
00:53:08Hey, guys.
00:53:09Mike, you remember Carl.
00:53:10And this is Carl's wife, Marissa.
00:53:13Hello.
00:53:15So how's things going?
00:53:16You still spending most of your time with your head under a sink?
00:53:20Actually, I hired a couple of guys.
00:53:22And they do all the work.
00:53:23I just sit back and cash the checks.
00:53:25Hence the sport coat.
00:53:26Yeah, you guys look fantastic.
00:53:28I feel like such a slob.
00:53:29Kind of overdressed, aren't you?
00:53:31Well, after this, we have a big party to go to.
00:53:33Yeah, our social life is just crazy these days.
00:53:36Seems like every night we have some fancy party.
00:53:38It's just bananas.
00:53:40Why don't you ever take me out?
00:53:42Hey, at least I didn't ditch on the first day of the mods class.
00:53:45I didn't ditch Susan.
00:53:46I was getting my 30-day chip.
00:53:47What, you like an alky?
00:53:52Drugs, actually.
00:53:53Prescription drugs.
00:53:55But I went through rehab, and I'm clean now.
00:53:58Wow.
00:54:00Congratulations.
00:54:01Okay, people.
00:54:01Time to get started.
00:54:02Take your seats.
00:54:03So your hubby's been in rehab.
00:54:08It's just bananas.
00:54:14Wow.
00:54:15I know.
00:54:16Turns out the whole thing was Kayla's idea.
00:54:19Well, I guess Porter and Preston have a new dishwashing buddy, huh?
00:54:24No.
00:54:24I think it goes a little further than that.
00:54:27I think we have a seriously troubled young girl.
00:54:31She needs professional help.
00:54:36Like therapy?
00:54:37You brought it up before, and in this case, I really don't think we have a choice.
00:54:40Interesting.
00:54:41So the boys who actually physically set the fire, they don't need therapy.
00:54:45But Kayla, who only talked about it, she does.
00:54:47You didn't see her.
00:54:48She just sat there playing with her doll with this kind of eerie calm.
00:54:53Oh, she was calm.
00:54:54Yeah, better nip that in the bud.
00:54:56No, you're missing my point.
00:54:57No, I get your point.
00:54:59There are different rules for my kid than there are for yours.
00:55:03Well, yeah.
00:55:05Think of what that poor girl has been through.
00:55:08And on top of that, her mom was kind of a psycho.
00:55:14Okay, you are saying that Kayla is a psycho now.
00:55:18I am just saying apple tree.
00:55:23Maybe not so far.
00:55:24And I'm just saying, my daughter is fine.
00:55:27No therapy.
00:55:28Orson, what are you doing here?
00:55:43Marie, it's so good to see you.
00:55:45I have been doing some thinking.
00:55:47Yes, I can smell the thinking on your breath.
00:55:49Are you insane driving in this condition?
00:55:51No, I didn't.
00:55:52I arrived sober, and I drank while I waited.
00:55:54I am a law-abiding man.
00:55:55Except for the occasional hit and run.
00:55:58Ah, the incident.
00:55:59That's what I'm here to talk about.
00:56:02I am prepared to meet your condition and go to the police.
00:56:06You are?
00:56:07Yes, I have it all figured out.
00:56:09The key is the sleepwalking.
00:56:12Susan saw it.
00:56:13We'll find a psychiatrist to testify that I was sleepwalking when I drove a car.
00:56:17It's brilliant.
00:56:17No, it's a pathetic fantasy fueled by cowardice and amaretto sours.
00:56:21You committed a crime, Orson.
00:56:23Face it.
00:56:26I just want to come home.
00:56:30Hey!
00:56:31Glad you two are patching things up.
00:56:33But take the makeup sex inside.
00:56:36Edie, would you do me a favor and take Orson back to his apartment?
00:56:38I have to let my sitter go home.
00:56:39Uh, all right.
00:56:42Hop in.
00:56:43No, no, no.
00:56:43Please, don't make me go back there.
00:56:46The other divorced men are trying to start a book club.
00:56:49Oh, for God's sakes.
00:56:51You can sleep it off on my couch tonight.
00:56:54Now hitch up your skirt and get in.
00:56:56Yeah.
00:56:57Yeah.
00:56:57There have been men coming out of her room at all hours of the night, and I saw her counting
00:57:04a wad of cash.
00:57:06So long story short, I need your help to get that hooker out of my house.
00:57:10What do you want us to do?
00:57:12Well, I've got no solid evidence, and she's got a lease.
00:57:15So, Bob, I was hoping you could solicit her services.
00:57:19That way I'll have proof.
00:57:21You do know I'm gay, right?
00:57:23Exactly.
00:57:24You people are theatrical, and I need someone I can count on to give a decent performance.
00:57:29I don't know.
00:57:30I'll do it.
00:57:34What?
00:57:35Well, no offense.
00:57:36I just think Bob has a better shot at pulling it off.
00:57:39He's a little more...
00:57:41Butch.
00:57:42I know.
00:57:43You hear that, honey?
00:57:44Please.
00:57:44The only way you'd be convincing as a straight guy is if you died and came back as a straight
00:57:49guy.
00:57:49I'm sorry.
00:57:50Who went to their senior prom with a girl?
00:57:53Yeah, Susie Sellers, game maker.
00:57:55If you're looking for Butch, you should know that I played Tony in West Side Story to rave
00:58:00reviews.
00:58:01He also made out with Officer Krupke during intermission.
00:58:06Well, I really don't care who does it.
00:58:09Just get it done.
00:58:11And don't wear that.
00:58:13Never watch a C-section film if you had a calzone for lunch.
00:58:26Everything okay?
00:58:28Did you have to tell Carl about rehab?
00:58:31You said I didn't have to lie.
00:58:32Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to go blurting all our deepest, darkest secrets.
00:58:36It's not dark.
00:58:37It's part of who I am.
00:58:38Plus, one of the first things they teach you in the program is it's not healthy to keep
00:58:41secrets.
00:58:42Hence, the honesty.
00:58:43Oh, enough with the hints.
00:58:46I'm just saying that some things are private.
00:58:48And I think that you can be honest without being inappropriate.
00:58:52When I said it, his wife congratulated me.
00:58:55Did you notice that?
00:58:56And Carl made his happy monkey face.
00:58:58Did you notice that?
00:58:58You know what, Susan, this reminds me of the battle I have to fight every day for the rest
00:59:04of my life.
00:59:05That's what's important to me.
00:59:06I don't give a rat's ass what your ex-husband thinks.
00:59:16This isn't Dr. Kagan's office.
00:59:18Well, actually, this is a different kind of doctor.
00:59:20You know, the kind you can talk to.
00:59:22You brought me to a shrink?
00:59:24Well, I thought you might like to have a safe place where you could share your feelings.
00:59:28You know, with your mom's death, moving in with us, you've been through a lot.
00:59:35That was a long time ago.
00:59:36I'm fine.
00:59:37Well, good.
00:59:38But sometimes when you go through hard things, it changes the way you think.
00:59:45Maybe we have trouble telling the difference between what's right or what's wrong.
00:59:50I don't have any trouble with that.
00:59:51Actually, you do.
00:59:52That's why you're here.
00:59:53So let's just wait and talk to the doctor.
00:59:56Okay?
00:59:58You know what, Lynette?
01:00:06Maybe I should talk to the doctor about right and wrong.
01:00:10Good.
01:00:11Then maybe I should talk to the police.
01:00:13What?
01:00:14No.
01:00:14Sweetie, we don't need to do that.
01:00:17Really?
01:00:18Because what the twins did is a crime.
01:00:20I mean, like you said, someone could have been killed.
01:00:22So if we don't go to the police, wouldn't that be wrong?
01:00:27You don't understand.
01:00:28No, I do.
01:00:29If I have to talk to the shrink, I have to talk to the cops.
01:00:36Hi.
01:00:37You must be Kayla.
01:00:38I'm all ready for you.
01:00:40Actually, I think we're okay.
01:00:43We resolved our problems just sitting in your waiting room.
01:00:46Boy, you're good.
01:00:50Okay, so we're going to go.
01:00:59Target in place.
01:01:00We're a go.
01:01:01He's coming out.
01:01:02What is he wearing?
01:01:11He looks like the lost member of Wham.
01:01:13He thinks the outfit makes him look straight.
01:01:15Just be thankful I got the toothpick out of his mouth.
01:01:21Must he put his hand on his hip like that?
01:01:24Watch out, for God's sakes.
01:01:27What?
01:01:28What do you think I am?
01:01:28Uh-oh.
01:01:31Oh, crap.
01:01:32Abort.
01:01:33Abort.
01:01:34I'm sorry.
01:01:35You are a pig, and I'll be kicked your ass.
01:01:37Abby, what are you doing?
01:01:39Your creepy neighbor.
01:01:40He came over here and offered me money to sleep with him.
01:01:43Gabby, tell her.
01:01:44Tell me what?
01:01:47He did the same thing to me.
01:01:50Hey, that's enough, Gabby.
01:01:52Tell her, or I will.
01:01:54What's going on?
01:01:57Here's the thing.
01:01:59I thought you were a hooker.
01:02:01So I had Lee proposition you so I could catch you in the act.
01:02:06But guess what?
01:02:06You passed the test.
01:02:07Yay!
01:02:08Everybody inside for margaritas.
01:02:16Ellie, wait.
01:02:17I made a mistake.
01:02:19Can we please talk about this?
01:02:20Dude, you just told your neighbors that I'm a whore.
01:02:23Look at it from my point of view.
01:02:24You're an attractive woman.
01:02:26Guys are coming and going.
01:02:28I saw you take money from one of them.
01:02:29What am I supposed to think?
01:02:35All right.
01:02:36You might as well know.
01:02:39I do tattoos.
01:02:41You do what?
01:02:42See, I've been working downtown, and I have this jerk of a boss who takes 70% of my money.
01:02:49So I'm trying to earn enough cash to finally open my own shop.
01:02:55You've been renting a tattoo parlor out of my house?
01:02:57I know.
01:02:58I'm sorry I lied.
01:03:01I'll be gone in the morning.
01:03:02Ellie, wait.
01:03:04You don't have to go.
01:03:05Are you sure?
01:03:05Because I have to keep doing my work to pay for school.
01:03:09Well, I suppose I could look the other way for a few months.
01:03:12It's the least I could do for thinking you're a whore.
01:03:17Forgive me.
01:03:18Of course.
01:03:35Oh, hi.
01:03:43Hi, Edie.
01:03:43Thanks again for helping me out last night.
01:03:45Oh, no problem.
01:03:47Of course, his car is still parked at my house.
01:03:49Did he mention when he'd be coming back to pick it up?
01:03:51Well, why didn't you ask him yourself?
01:03:52He's in the shower.
01:03:56He spent the night here?
01:03:58Apparently, he's not a big fan of Fairview Towers, and he was so drunk and whiny.
01:04:01I just let him ride my couch.
01:04:02Well, um, just so you know, in the future, I'm not comfortable with that.
01:04:08This can't happen again.
01:04:11Marie, what are you getting at?
01:04:14Oh, I think you know.
01:04:16Tell me anyway.
01:04:17Just in case you're not saying I'm a big slut.
01:04:20Oh, come on, Edie.
01:04:21You know Carlos, Mike, Carl?
01:04:24You do have a way of picking at other women's leftovers.
01:04:26First of all, I am not attracted to Orson.
01:04:29And that would be like having sex with PBS.
01:04:31Yes. And second, just because I don't like your attitude, I'm going to let him stay as long as he wants.
01:04:36Edie!
01:04:37Days, weeks. Might even let him hang my Christmas lights.
01:04:40Come on, Edie. Think of our friendship.
01:04:48How'd you expect me to react, Lynette? You took her to therapy behind my back.
01:04:51And I wouldn't have done that unless I thought we had a serious problem, which we do.
01:04:54Why? Because she threatened you? Of course she did. You ambushed her.
01:04:58Mom, it is one thing not to want to admit something's wrong with your kid.
01:05:01It's another to just bury your head in the sand.
01:05:03Who's burying their head in the sand?
01:05:04You are.
01:05:04No, no, no, no. You're distorting reality.
01:05:07I'm not. What would be my agenda?
01:05:09You can't pull the crap like this.
01:05:10Whoa! What are you doing?
01:05:26I jumped off the roof. It was awesome.
01:05:29No way.
01:05:30Yeah, it was just like a parachute. You want to try it?
01:05:33Well, maybe it won't work.
01:05:36It will. I just did it.
01:05:37If you want, I can show you.
01:05:41Oh, wait. You're in trouble. You can't.
01:05:47Never mind.
01:05:56They're head in the sand.
01:05:56You're fair on your head in the sand.
01:05:57No, it is different.
01:05:58There's so many opportunities that you can look and see what's going on.
01:06:01I am not.
01:06:01No, you can't pull crap like this, Lynette.
01:06:03Either you treat Kayla like she's your own kid.
01:06:05Come on, I do.
01:06:06Mom!
01:06:07Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
01:06:11Oh, my God.
01:06:11Oh, my God.
01:06:12What happened?
01:06:13Is he okay?
01:06:15Porter, get down off that roof.
01:06:18Ow, ow, ow.
01:06:19It hurts.
01:06:19Oh, we got to take him to the hospital.
01:06:21Okay, you stay here.
01:06:22You take care of the kids.
01:06:23I will take him to the hospital.
01:06:24All right.
01:06:24No, you both go.
01:06:25I got the kids.
01:06:26Go, go, go, go.
01:06:27Thanks, Karen.
01:06:27Come here, buddy.
01:06:29It's okay, sweetie.
01:06:29You're going to be just fine.
01:06:31Here.
01:06:32Hey, Susie.
01:06:49Where's the plumber?
01:06:51Fishing a wedding ring out of some housewife's grease trap?
01:06:53He's not feeling well.
01:06:57I see Marissa isn't here either.
01:06:59Yeah.
01:06:59She got stuck at her book signing.
01:07:02She writes books like you.
01:07:04Only hers are for grownups.
01:07:05And they sell.
01:07:07Okay, Carl, you win.
01:07:09You happy?
01:07:09Whoa.
01:07:11What's this about?
01:07:12Just drop the act.
01:07:13You are so loving this.
01:07:15You ended up with the Miss America with a law degree,
01:07:19and I ended up with the pillhead plumber.
01:07:21Bravo.
01:07:23Oh, damn it.
01:07:24Why won't this unroll?
01:07:26You know, Marissa's not perfect.
01:07:29We have our problems like anyone else.
01:07:32Oh, really?
01:07:34You guys live one day at a time?
01:07:36Is your first thought when she's late
01:07:38that maybe she's out using again,
01:07:40or maybe she's dead?
01:07:43It just seems like everything is so fragile right now.
01:07:48Which is not the way you want it to be
01:07:50when you're about to have a beat.
01:07:59So you're worried you might be having a kid
01:08:01with an unreliable guy?
01:08:02I get it.
01:08:03You did that once before.
01:08:05Yeah.
01:08:06That guy was the worst.
01:08:08Wasn't I, though?
01:08:09I cheated.
01:08:11Drank too much.
01:08:12I made that play for your cousin.
01:08:14Oh, right.
01:08:15You didn't know about that.
01:08:16That never happened.
01:08:18Anyway,
01:08:18I lied about every bit of it.
01:08:21At least Mike's trying to be honest.
01:08:24I know.
01:08:25Just wish I could fast forward through my life
01:08:27and see that everything ends up okay.
01:08:29Hey, don't tell the plumber this,
01:08:33but, uh, he's a good guy.
01:08:35I think he's gonna be there for you
01:08:37in a way that I never was.
01:08:43Which cousin?
01:08:46Oh, look.
01:08:47A model of the uterus.
01:08:48He's a big gray cat.
01:08:52See if you can just keep an eye out.
01:08:53Of course.
01:08:54Actually, Karen, when I'm done here,
01:08:55I could go try to find Toby for you.
01:08:57Thanks, Bree.
01:08:57I appreciate that.
01:08:58Oh, if you do find him,
01:08:59don't look him in the eye.
01:09:00It angries him up.
01:09:05It's very nice of you to help her.
01:09:07And it'll take your mind off of everything with Orson, too.
01:09:10I hope so.
01:09:11Truth is, I miss him.
01:09:13And I'll probably let him come home eventually.
01:09:15I just need to know he understands
01:09:17the gravity of what he did.
01:09:19Well, I don't know what he did,
01:09:20but be careful.
01:09:22Some men say they're going to change,
01:09:24and they can't.
01:09:27Oh, hello, Dylan.
01:09:28You look lovely.
01:09:29She has a date.
01:09:30With a boy I haven't met yet.
01:09:33It's just a movie.
01:09:34It's no big deal.
01:09:35Be that as it may,
01:09:36it's the, what, third time you've gone out?
01:09:39I don't even know his name.
01:09:40Mom, I told you I'm not ready for you to meet him.
01:09:43When I am, you'll know.
01:09:44Good night, Mrs. Hodge.
01:09:45All right.
01:09:48Okay, back to business.
01:09:50How do you feel about Parker House roles?
01:09:52I mean, personally, I think they're played out.
01:09:54Actually, Bree,
01:09:56can we pick this up again tomorrow?
01:09:59Of course.
01:09:59Is everything all right?
01:10:01Oh, yes.
01:10:02I just need to go spy on my daughter.
01:10:05Oh, the key is to keep one car
01:10:06between yours and hers at all times.
01:10:08Have fun.
01:10:13We should probably get the check.
01:10:15I have to be back by 10.
01:10:18We still have time for coffee?
01:10:20I don't want to push it.
01:10:21Mom was all over me tonight.
01:10:22I'm sorry about that.
01:10:26Whatever.
01:10:26It's fine.
01:10:27No, it's not.
01:10:29I can see how hard this whole thing is on you.
01:10:32Makes me wish we could just tell her the truth.
01:10:36I don't know.
01:10:39Well, it's your choice.
01:10:43And you're probably right.
01:10:45We got a good thing going here.
01:10:46I don't want to ruin it.
01:10:49But I'll tell you something.
01:10:51If it was only up to me,
01:10:53I'd come clean.
01:10:56You would?
01:10:58Absolutely.
01:11:00That way, I could tell your mom
01:11:01how sorry I am.
01:11:03I wouldn't expect her to forgive me.
01:11:06But I could hope
01:11:07she could at least
01:11:09see I've changed.
01:11:16But whatever you want to do
01:11:17is okay by me.
01:11:27Okay, thank you.
01:11:44Well, I've got a room
01:11:45at a hotel in Mount Pleasant.
01:11:47I guess I'll get going.
01:11:49Oh, it's late.
01:11:51Why not just go tomorrow?
01:11:53Well, I feel like I'm imposing.
01:11:55You are.
01:11:55Why don't you make
01:11:57a decent martini?
01:11:59So what the hell?
01:12:01So, you're like
01:12:02the Hodge formula, huh?
01:12:05You see the secret.
01:12:06I don't hear shaking.
01:12:10By the way, did you see Bree
01:12:12when you were coming home?
01:12:14Oh, no, I didn't.
01:12:18I keep thinking
01:12:18she's going to call me.
01:12:20Look, you don't have to talk about it
01:12:21if you don't want to,
01:12:22but what the heck happened
01:12:24over at Ken and Barbie's dream house.
01:12:26I made a mistake
01:12:27and Bree won't forgive me.
01:12:29See, that's the problem
01:12:31with the Bree's of this world.
01:12:32They're too damn perfect.
01:12:34I mean, they don't understand
01:12:36that people like you and me
01:12:37are that we screw up.
01:12:39Yeah, well, this was
01:12:40no ordinary mistake.
01:12:41This was...
01:12:42this was something terrible.
01:12:45Was it something gay?
01:12:46What?
01:12:48Of course it wasn't.
01:12:49Keep talking.
01:12:50Trust me.
01:12:51Bree will never forgive me.
01:12:53You know what?
01:12:54Maybe she shouldn't.
01:12:55Maybe I'm not worthy of forgiveness.
01:12:59Well,
01:13:00are you sorry for what you did?
01:13:05Yes.
01:13:06More than anyone will ever know.
01:13:09Well, then you're worthy.
01:13:16Thank you, lady.
01:13:17Don't start.
01:13:21I'm drunk.
01:13:22I'm going to start crying, too.
01:13:23Come on.
01:13:24You're a good person,
01:13:26lady Britt.
01:13:28But you're not so bad yourself.
01:13:39I don't think...
01:13:41You're right.
01:13:43Bad idea.
01:13:45I blame the hot formula.
01:13:49Yes.
01:13:52You're probably tired.
01:13:54Let me get your room ready for you.
01:13:57Mom?
01:14:11Can I talk to you?
01:14:14Of course.
01:14:20I guess I just have to say it.
01:14:22I've been lying to you.
01:14:27There is no boy.
01:14:29And?
01:14:31And...
01:14:33Oh, I've been meeting someone.
01:14:35That part is true.
01:14:38But it's Dad.
01:14:40I've been meeting Dad.
01:14:45Really?
01:14:45Let's see.
01:14:48You're not upset?
01:14:50You made it very clear
01:14:51that you wanted to meet your father.
01:14:54So I knew this day was coming.
01:14:56And I prepared myself.
01:15:00Well, can I go get him, then?
01:15:09Come in.
01:15:10She says it's okay.
01:15:11Okay.
01:15:15Hey, Kathy.
01:15:24Been a long time.
01:15:27Dylan, why don't you go up to your room
01:15:28so we can catch up?
01:15:33It's all right.
01:15:34Really.
01:15:35Go ahead.
01:15:43You did a great job with her.
01:15:44She's, uh, she's a wonderful girl.
01:15:51You look fantastic.
01:15:53Haven't aged a day.
01:16:00Look, I'm here for Dylan, okay?
01:16:03I'm sure that's what you told her.
01:16:05And I'm sure she believed it.
01:16:08Because she doesn't know you.
01:16:10But I do.
01:16:11No, you don't, Kathy.
01:16:14Not anymore.
01:16:15It's been a long time.
01:16:16Twelve years.
01:16:17I don't know exactly how long it's been.
01:16:19Okay.
01:16:20Good.
01:16:21Because I'm...
01:16:22I've changed.
01:16:25I'm a different man now.
01:16:28Well, you have to admit
01:16:29that that's possible, right?
01:16:31You've changed, huh?
01:16:34Well, maybe you have.
01:16:36I have.
01:16:38Like to know how?
01:16:39Sure.
01:16:41You want to tell me?
01:16:44I'm not scared of you anymore.
01:16:48Good.
01:16:49You don't have to be.
01:16:50I'm not the same woman
01:16:54you knocked around.
01:16:57The woman you punched.
01:16:59Choked.
01:17:01The one whose blood
01:17:02you licked off your knuckles.
01:17:05She's gone.
01:17:08So you'll just have to prove
01:17:10you're a man
01:17:11some other way.
01:17:15You trying to make me mad, Kathy?
01:17:16I didn't know I still could.
01:17:27Can I?
01:17:32This is a lot to deal with
01:17:33after so long, I guess.
01:17:36I shouldn't have sprung it
01:17:37on you all at once.
01:17:38Tell Dylan I'll call it tomorrow.
01:17:46And you're as beautiful
01:17:50as you ever were, Kathy.
01:17:56Good night.
01:17:56Good night.
01:17:57The word welcome
01:18:12always carries with it
01:18:13a certain amount of risk.
01:18:16After all,
01:18:17to let someone into your home
01:18:19is to let them
01:18:20into your life.
01:18:21And we never know
01:18:24what sorts of horrible secrets
01:18:26they carry with them.
01:18:30We can't foresee
01:18:32the painful effect
01:18:33they might have
01:18:35on our loved ones.
01:18:39We don't anticipate
01:18:41the gossip
01:18:42that could result
01:18:44from their presence.
01:18:45yes,
01:18:48we must be very careful
01:18:50with those
01:18:51we invite into our lives
01:18:52because some
01:18:55will refuse
01:18:57to leave.