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BSTVSHOWS
  • 6/24/2025
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00:00:00so I'm driving my car the other night and what do you think happens I crashed into a utility pole
00:00:11then to add insult to injury I was electrocuted what can I say it was one of those days
00:00:23all my neighbors heard it happen so they quickly left their microwaved burritos
00:00:28and their expensive jars of moisturizer and their racy pay-per-view movies and they hurried outside
00:00:39excited to see what all the ruckus was about but then when they saw it was me this weird thing
00:00:47happened for a moment no one moved or said anything they just stared and then all hell
00:00:58broke loose does anybody know CPR there's been an accident can you hear me yes everyone suddenly
00:01:08became very concerned which was touching but ultimately pointless moments before the ambulance
00:01:17finally arrived I heard someone whisper don't worry you're gonna get through this you're gonna be just
00:01:24fine Susan Meyer wrong again two seconds later it happened with all my neighbors surrounding me
00:01:35I took my last breath the good news I died just like I lived as the complete and utter center of attention
00:01:54two days after I kicked the proverbial bucket my husband asked my neighbors to do me a favor you
00:02:04could tell from the looks on their faces it wasn't something they wanted to do but they agreed to do it
00:02:12anyway so the next day they piled into a car with two thermoses filled with coffee a basket filled with
00:02:21baked goods and an urn that was filled with me
00:02:25I hate that we have to do this so you've said I mean it really is the kind of thing a relative should
00:02:36do maybe it is but we're in the car on our way there so stop your bitching well can you at least put
00:02:42the radio on won't feel like bitching if I can sing along to something if you start singing I'll start
00:02:47bitching and you don't want that it's a four-hour drive we have to do something to pass the time
00:02:51here's a thought why don't we talk about Edie and say what I don't know but she is the reason we're on
00:02:58this trip maybe we could share memories or tell stories hmm why don't you start with the time she
00:03:04tried to steal your comatose boyfriend that was fine okay I was thinking of stories that put Edie in a
00:03:10positive light and then after that five minutes is up then what do we do the woman is dead people let's
00:03:15honor her memory well I'm all for saying a few nice things but you were never really friends you
00:03:23and Edie clashed right from the start yeah that's what everybody thinks but the first time we met
00:03:34seem like we'd end up being the best of friends oh that's disgusting no it's okay it landed on the
00:03:52detergent box here you go buy yourself a fresh donut or booze crack whatever eases the pain just move it
00:03:58along don't you think I'm homeless oh no no no no I live here I can prove it I know exactly what's in
00:04:09this garbage bag um empty carton of eggs coffee grinds shampoo bottle wart removal cream you're right I'm
00:04:20homeless Susan Meyer oh it's all cleared up Edie Britt I just moved in down the street oh yeah I saw the
00:04:33moving van welcome thanks so is it just you or do you have a family I have a son he lives with his
00:04:39dad that's a long story I'll tell you one day over margarita you want to invite me in for margarita
00:04:47how about coffee I just put on a pot great you can fill me in on all of the neighborhood gossip
00:04:53starting with redhead across the street with a muffin basket that's a robot right funny and likes to
00:05:00gossip we're gonna get along just fine we are wait stop could we just rest for a second we've only gone
00:05:12four blocks okay I lied I hate running well why didn't you say something we've been doing this for
00:05:20a week because we were starting to become friends and you like to run and I like to sit and one of us
00:05:28had to give hi Susan oh hi Helen Ed I would have introduced you but once Helen starts talking
00:05:34she doesn't shut up right Ed told me that oh you met Ed oh yeah gotten to know him quite well
00:05:41yeah we're kind of doing it doing what it Ed is married yeah I'm not a girl
00:05:55no you're being immoral you're committing adultery actually Ed's committing adultery I'm just getting
00:06:03laid you know forget I ever mentioned it I can't forget something like this Helen is my very good
00:06:11friend I thought you just said that she was she is annoying and I hide when she knocks on my door
00:06:15but she does not deserve for you to be wrecking her marriage where are you going home oh so you're
00:06:23not gonna be my friend anymore I don't think so I thought you didn't like running well it depends
00:06:30on what I'm running away from hi I'm the whore that lives down the street could I borrow a cup of condoms
00:06:39a cup are you sure that'll be enough look I know that you don't like me but I am here to do you a
00:06:45favor anyway I was out to dinner last night and I saw your husband with another woman really I feel bad
00:06:55saying it but if I were in your shoes I would want to know you're welcome oh I get it so you feel I
00:07:05judged you and for revenge you're trying to make me insecure about my marriage if I wanted revenge
00:07:11I would have joined them and had a threesome you know Carl would never cheat and the woman he was
00:07:17with Brandy his secretary and he took her out for her birthday oh the old I'm taking my secretary
00:07:24out for her birthday routine nice tip of the hat to the classics okay well since you're on this moral
00:07:31role why don't we walk over to Helen's and I will introduce you we can have some tea and then you
00:07:36two could swap stories about Ed's favorite positions what I do and what Brandy's doing
00:07:41is completely different how I'm not looking to break up anyone's marriage I'm in it for a little
00:07:47fun some free meals and to help an unhappy man through his midlife crisis wow you're just a giver
00:07:55fine use all of your energy judging me and ignore the real problem but let me tell you something
00:08:03this is my area of expertise and I saw the look in that woman's eyes she's not in it for the free
00:08:10meal she's in it for keeps you should leave now you know Susan I'm trying to help my neighbor out
00:08:21I thought it was the moral thing to do three weeks later I found Brandy's bra in Carl's glove
00:08:32compartment and well you know the rest say what you want about Edie she really understood men
00:08:37I should hope so after all those years of research I can't help thinking about all the times Edie and I
00:08:44sniped at each other we could have been good friends well if she knew what you're about to do for her
00:08:52she'd forgive you for everything
00:08:53okay my hours up someone else hold Edie now I'll take her
00:09:05kind of looks like cat litter Lynette don't look at Edie or what I'll turn to stone she's all rough
00:09:19and gritty uh can't be before we learn what Edie tastes like I got it I think a little more reverence
00:09:25for the dead is in order oh please we're talking about Edie a little more irreverence is what we
00:09:29need give it you guys remember when you took turns driving me to chemo well none of you did it like Edie
00:09:45hey Lynette hey how you feeling yeah same here's the DVD you asked for thanks I'll watch it during
00:09:57chemo if I'm not too tired here we go oh hi Edie hi what is that it's a health shake of fermented
00:10:07brown rice and for her entree a salad of radish burdock root and bok choy hmm what's for dessert
00:10:13waterboarding thanks I can't get comfortable could you fluff my pillows of course well I've got errands
00:10:23to run and I'll be back to drive you to chemo before you go would you put my socks back on
00:10:27my feet are cold again oh of course Catherine you have got stuff to do why don't I take her to chemo
00:10:36it's fine okay see you tomorrow then bye
00:10:43okay where's your coat why chemo's not until five yeah I've got to make a little stop on the way
00:10:54been here before a couple of times you're gonna love it hey love it I have cancer I probably
00:11:09shouldn't even use the ladies room in this place oh there isn't a ladies room so that's not a problem
00:11:14um hi Edie I have chemo in half an hour fine then we better start drinking I'm not supposed to drink
00:11:22and they're not supposed to do tattoos in the kitchen but I have a bald eagle on my ass that
00:11:26says otherwise two tequila shooters hey Edie oh I thought you were in Florida no it was just a body
00:11:35they identified as you oh Reggie this is my friend Lynette I'm trying to cheer on them right on you
00:11:43want to shoot some stick uh no thanks oh come on you can totally take them no I can't uh see
00:11:50cancer no sweat I'll play one-handed
00:12:00can you excuse us for one second yeah I need to go to chemo I have cancer yeah I heard
00:12:11and what do you want from me I want you to fluff your own pillows you need to start fighting this
00:12:19thing doing the best I can oh not even close Helen that you you are the strongest person I know
00:12:26you're even stronger than me and that's saying something
00:12:30now I may be a little out of line but you need to remember who you are
00:12:40screw cancer you are Lynette Scabo
00:12:45two tequilas
00:12:52now where's that one armed friend of yours I'm want to shoot some stick
00:13:13wow it sounds like she gave you just what you needed good for Edie she never let me forget it
00:13:25either she always insisted it was the tequila shooters that killed the cancer
00:13:28oh what the hell is that oh not now we have a flat maybe it's a sign we're not supposed to do
00:13:36this today nice try we don't have time for this anybody know how to change a tire
00:13:45you want to hand me that cross wrench don't tell me what that is it's the t-shaped deal I'm gonna
00:14:02whack you with if you don't hand it over you know Edie used to live around here when she moved away from
00:14:08wisteria lane you mean when you gals gave her the boot less yakkin more jackin
00:14:13Brie how did you know where she lived um I ran into her once unexpectedly in a place I never thought I'd be
00:14:23Brie Hodge follow me I'll get you situating and I'll bring your husband in
00:14:29is that the visitors room yeah why you don't happen to have a private room do you
00:14:46you mean like an upgrade something with a couch and softer lighting that would be lovely
00:14:54oh you were being sarcastic yes ma'am are you ready to oh not uh just yet
00:15:03it's not a bad idea having an upgrade available I bet that's a perk people would be willing to pay
00:15:10for ma'am it's a prison the only perk we offer is a cavity search oh to be honest I'm not feeling
00:15:20up to this I'm gonna have to come back another day fine he's got another visitor scheduled anyway
00:15:25so I don't even have to tell him you were here another visitor who some lady she visits him every
00:15:30week every week what's her name I can't give you that if she's visiting my husband I think I have
00:15:37a right to know ma'am I'm sorry but I cannot give you her name really
00:15:42because I would consider that a perk worth paying for
00:15:48well well what are you doing here I wanted to see you
00:15:59and you didn't bring muffins it isn't that kind of visit
00:16:05no muffins no small talk should I be scared or grateful
00:16:15I stopped by the prison today the guard tells me you've been visiting Orson
00:16:21sometimes twice a week she said
00:16:23oh who knew lady prison guards could be so chatty
00:16:26what are you up to Edie I'm not up to anything you redheaded ice cube
00:16:31he's 15 minutes away and quite frankly I feel sorry for him after all I know what
00:16:37it's like to be exiled from suburbia so you're not trying to start up something
00:16:44he's in jail my boobs are impressive but they can't bend iron bars
00:16:50well thank you for checking in on him and for answering my question
00:17:01I have a question why aren't you visiting him
00:17:06oh well my schedule is just unreal what with the catering company and looking after Benjamin
00:17:12yeah well we're all busy come on why haven't you been to see him
00:17:19that jail is disgusting those men in cages like animals
00:17:32even to step foot in that place is humiliating
00:17:37that man went to jail for you do you have any idea how much he must love you
00:17:44I do then why can't you suck it up once a month and go and say hi
00:17:51try to help him get through this living nightmare
00:17:55why can't you do that
00:17:58as I think about it
00:18:04don't visit him
00:18:06he can do so much better than you
00:18:09I don't know
00:18:23I don't know
00:18:27I don't know
00:18:29I don't know
00:18:31so how are you doing
00:18:41how do you think
00:18:43you're right I shouldn't have asked
00:18:48I know it's a horrible year
00:18:52how would you know
00:18:54you've never been
00:18:56you have every right to hate me
00:19:00there's no need to be melodramatic
00:19:04I meant for asking you to come here for insisting you turn yourself in
00:19:09now that I see this place I don't know what I was thinking
00:19:14you were thinking I needed to take responsibility for what I did and you were right
00:19:19I'm still asking you to make this sacrifice and not ever
00:19:24coming to see you
00:19:28how can you ever forgive me
00:19:35just be there when I get out
00:19:40I never told you about that because
00:19:56I was embarrassed
00:19:58yeah
00:19:5880 brits shamed you into being a better human being
00:20:01that is embarrassing
00:20:02all right lady to a ready to ride
00:20:06good
00:20:06we got some ground to make up
00:20:08I was hoping we'd be able to get there before dark
00:20:10how do you think he'll react when we tell him
00:20:12how do you think
00:20:13I never thought Edie would be cremated
00:20:22I figured she'd want to be pumped full of chemicals and preserved
00:20:26isn't that what she did for the last 15 years
00:20:29my theory
00:20:30Edie knew if she was buried
00:20:31her true date of birth would be carved into a tombstone for all the world to see
00:20:35you really think she spent a lot of time thinking about her death
00:20:39yeah I do
00:20:42I spent a night with her right after Carlos and I got divorced
00:20:46is this too red?
00:20:48I think I need something pinker
00:20:49it's fine hurry up
00:20:51I want to get to the club while this bikini wax is still fresh
00:20:54this is gonna be fun
00:20:56I can't believe we've never gone out in the town together
00:20:58well we've never been single together before
00:21:01I feel so sorry for all those other girls in the bar
00:21:05so do I
00:21:06to be fair we should probably walk in backwards
00:21:11oh no that won't work
00:21:13we're an unstoppable team
00:21:16the hottest chicks on Mysteria lane
00:21:19oh be nice
00:21:21there are lots of attractive women on the street
00:21:23like who?
00:21:25how about Brie?
00:21:26with that hair color you could stick a red nose on her
00:21:30and she could join the circus
00:21:32that's beautiful
00:21:33for a baby factory
00:21:35and Susan?
00:21:36we're the hottest okay?
00:21:41wow
00:21:42too much?
00:21:45no it's great
00:21:47alright come on let's go
00:21:49wow
00:21:59wow you alright about this police?
00:22:01I told ya
00:22:02a lot of hotties
00:22:03very few naughties
00:22:07ladies this is from the gentleman at the end of the bar
00:22:10oh and I just sat down
00:22:12but that's a personal vest
00:22:14actually the drinks for her
00:22:16thanks for that
00:22:17oh
00:22:22well it's pretty dark in here
00:22:23you probably didn't get a good look at me
00:22:25oh Edie don't take it personally
00:22:27we're just different types
00:22:29you're right
00:22:30some like tall blonde and sexy
00:22:32and some men like
00:22:34that
00:22:35now now Edie don't be snarky
00:22:37we're both hot remember?
00:22:39although apparently I'm just a little bit hotter
00:22:43well one guy might think so
00:22:45one guy who's evidently intimidated by full sized womanly breasts
00:22:49hmmm
00:22:50yes I guess I am a little on the small side
00:22:52that's the drawback to having ones that are real
00:22:56what are you talking about? these are real?
00:22:58oh Edie come on
00:23:00when you jump up and down
00:23:01the room moves more than your boobs
00:23:03oh
00:23:05well someone obviously has a chip on her shoulder
00:23:08I'd reach down and knock it off
00:23:09but I can't go down that low
00:23:13okay
00:23:14you really think you're hotter than me?
00:23:15let's just say that
00:23:17I have more of what men want
00:23:20yeah well I have a vodka soda here that says otherwise
00:23:23oh so he bought you one drink
00:23:26a well drink I might add
00:23:28well it's one more than you got
00:23:33are you saying that I can't get a man to buy me a cocktail?
00:23:37sure you can
00:23:38just not as many as me
00:23:42one hour
00:23:43whoever gets the most swizzle sticks by the end wins
00:23:51see you in an hour
00:23:52yes sir
00:23:56k
00:23:58i'll get a start
00:23:59to call
00:24:00I know what boys like, we know what guys want
00:24:04I know what boys like, boys like, boys like me
00:24:23Suck it up
00:24:25I know what boys like, we know what guys want
00:24:29Count them and weep, Solis
00:24:42Well, I guess I could do that
00:24:46Or I could do this
00:24:49I should make some kind of speech
00:24:58But I think it's enough, we both know I crushed you, right?
00:25:01Now if you'll excuse me, swivel stick number 17 has a yacht and giant feet
00:25:07What the hell were you thinking?
00:25:24Abandoning me at a singles bar
00:25:26I'm sorry, I just needed to be by myself for a while
00:25:35Why?
00:25:36Don't tell me you're depressed because you lost some stupid game
00:25:39I'm not depressed
00:25:41I'm surprised
00:25:43It's going by so quickly
00:25:46What is?
00:25:48My youth
00:25:50The harder I try to hold onto it, the more it just slips through my fingers
00:25:56And all the makeup and dim lighting in the world can't seem to stop it
00:26:02Oh please, you're gorgeous
00:26:05And you are going to stay that way forever
00:26:08That's the tricky part
00:26:11I'm not going to be old
00:26:13What?
00:26:15Ever since I was a child
00:26:17I've known that I was never going to see 50
00:26:20That's ridiculous
00:26:22No, it's true
00:26:23As far back as I can remember a voice in my head
00:26:27Said live it up today because you're not going to have a lot of tomorrows
00:26:32You do realize there's medication designed to get rid of those voices?
00:26:37It's not a bad thing Gabby
00:26:40It's actually a gift
00:26:43I appreciate my life in a way that most people don't
00:26:50I just didn't expect it to go by this fast
00:26:55That's all
00:27:00You know what?
00:27:01I have a voice inside my head that says you're wrong
00:27:05It tells me that 50 years from now
00:27:08You and I will still be wearing dresses too tight
00:27:11And walking in heels too high
00:27:13And going to bars
00:27:15Where we'll meet old geezers who'll buy us drinks
00:27:18With a blast of their social security checks
00:27:23If you say so
00:27:26Now come on, let's go to my house
00:27:28Let's pop open a bottle of wine and toast to our future
00:27:33Why not?
00:27:34Isn't that weird?
00:27:43She knew she was going to die young
00:27:49What do you mean you two were the hottest chicks on the lane?
00:27:52She called me a baby factory?
00:27:54Yeah Gabby, in hindsight maybe you shouldn't have told that part of the story
00:27:58I think we're here
00:28:01I think we're here
00:28:15So, are you ready for this?
00:28:18I don't know
00:28:20Can you ever be ready to tell a boy that his mother is dead?
00:28:23Dad?
00:28:32Hey Travers
00:28:37Remember us?
00:28:40Sure
00:28:42I brought the whole neighborhood with you
00:28:45Did my mom come with you?
00:28:46You brought you some muffins
00:28:53You can share them with your roommates
00:28:55Or maybe a favorite teacher
00:29:00What's going on?
00:29:02Is my mom in trouble or something?
00:29:04I'm afraid we have some bad news
00:29:16Your mom was in a very serious accident
00:29:20And I am so sorry
00:29:24But she passed away
00:29:30She died
00:29:34When?
00:29:37A couple of days ago
00:29:40We've been trying to get in touch with your dad
00:29:42But he's still out of the country
00:29:43And your mom's new husband's never met you
00:29:45So he thought it would be best if we told you
00:29:52Mom
00:29:54If you'd like we could give you a moment
00:29:57No
00:30:00I'm okay
00:30:04Well, I have a class
00:30:09I'm sure this school will understand if you need to miss a few days
00:30:13I don't need to do that
00:30:14I mean, I'm sorry she's dead, but we weren't very close
00:30:18Still, she was your mother
00:30:20Technically
00:30:22But not a very good one
00:30:24Look Travers, we're all moms here
00:30:26We've all made mistakes with our kids
00:30:28And what we count on is when they grow up, they'll forgive us
00:30:30My mom didn't even try to raise me
00:30:33I mean, she just handed me to my father and walked away
00:30:36How do you expect me to forgive that?
00:30:40Look, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm going to be late
00:30:44Hey, hey, hey, wait a second
00:30:46Travers, you need to know something about your mom
00:30:49And I'm going to tell you, now sit down
00:30:51I'd only known your mom about a year when she came over to my house this one day
00:30:57Hey, Karen, your porch light's on
00:31:01Whoa, sitting in your bathroom drinking and you didn't call me?
00:31:06Sitting in your bathroom drinking and you didn't call me?
00:31:10I kind of wanted to be alone
00:31:13Why?
00:31:17It's the anniversary of my son's death
00:31:19Oh
00:31:24I'm sorry
00:31:26Every year I think it'll get easier
00:31:28And it never does
00:31:31Nothing worse than losing a child
00:31:36In a way, you're kind of lucky you don't have any
00:31:39Actually, I do
00:31:42What?
00:31:44Hmm, I have a son
00:31:47You lived here a year, how do I not know this?
00:31:50Because he lives with his father
00:31:52When I got divorced, I gave him full custody
00:31:55So I kind of know how you feel
00:32:00And we both lost kids
00:32:03No
00:32:04I lost a kid
00:32:07You gave yours away
00:32:09And you have the nerve to tell me you know how I feel?
00:32:12I gave him up because I wanted to protect him
00:32:14From who?
00:32:16From me!
00:32:18I tried to be a good mom, I really did
00:32:21But I know myself
00:32:23And if he...
00:32:25If he was going to grow up normal
00:32:27He needed to get away from me
00:32:29What a cop-out
00:32:31I think you're just being selfish
00:32:32You know, trust me Karen
00:32:33There is nothing that you could say
00:32:34To make me think less about myself than I already do
00:32:37But if it gives him a chance
00:32:39It's worth it
00:32:41Aren't you afraid he's going to hate you?
00:32:45I love him enough to let him hate me
00:32:48I don't have to let him hate me
00:32:53Shh
00:33:02Well I hope you're not making a big mistake
00:33:04No
00:33:05I hope you're still in love
00:33:07I hope you're not making a big mistake
00:33:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
00:33:17So I'm not defending everything she did, Travers, but you have to know, she loved you more than you can imagine.
00:33:33I really need to get to class.
00:33:44But I believe I called the chat gun.
00:33:47God, she's so good at that.
00:33:48She should be. She's been doing it since she road shot down on an actual stagecoach.
00:33:52Hey, hey.
00:33:56I realized I never thanked you for coming all the way out here just to tell me.
00:34:03I was really cool of you.
00:34:04We felt we owed it to your mom.
00:34:07Oh my God, I can't believe we forgot.
00:34:09We, uh, also came to give you your mom's ashes.
00:34:23We thought you might want to scatter them somewhere.
00:34:25Unless that's a little weird for you.
00:34:36Why don't you guys take him?
00:34:40You sure?
00:34:43Yeah.
00:34:46You were her best friends.
00:34:47I'm sure you could think of the perfect place to put her.
00:34:51Okay, we're here.
00:35:07Guys, wake up.
00:35:09Guys.
00:35:09We're home.
00:35:14Get out.
00:35:16Lord, Lynette, you nearly gave me a heart attack.
00:35:18Yeah, I'd like to see Edie again, but not tonight.
00:35:20Oh, I think my leg's asleep.
00:35:23Actually, that's my leg.
00:35:24Get your hand off.
00:35:26Lynette, thank you again for chiding.
00:35:29You bet.
00:35:30Hold it.
00:35:31We still gotta figure out where we're gonna spread the ashes.
00:35:35Now, it's gotta be someplace that was meaningful to Edie.
00:35:39Well, Edie once told me she'd lost her virginity in a cow pasture.
00:35:42If we can find that exact field.
00:35:44They'd find a lot of traumatized cows.
00:35:48Do we really need to do this tonight?
00:35:50They're ashes.
00:35:50It's not like they're gonna go bad.
00:35:52Fine.
00:35:53We'll talk tomorrow.
00:36:00Oh, Edie, what are we gonna do with you?
00:36:41Settled as always, I see.
00:37:00This was a wonderful idea, Karen.
00:37:03It wasn't exactly mine.
00:37:04Now, be careful, you're spilling Edie.
00:37:07Urn is empty.
00:37:09Let's do it.
00:37:10Shouldn't we say something first?
00:37:13Like what?
00:37:14I don't know.
00:37:16A few words describing how we felt about her?
00:37:18I don't think Edie would want us to get all sappy.
00:37:21I think if we're quick about it, she'd be fine.
00:37:23Here's a thought.
00:37:24We all say one word that sums up what we thought of her.
00:37:29Then we dump her.
00:37:31Then we dump her.
00:37:32Just one word.
00:37:34This is hard.
00:37:34Okay, I got one.
00:37:37I'll go first.
00:37:38Edie Britt was sexy.
00:37:42Perceptive.
00:37:44Strong.
00:37:46Beautiful.
00:37:47Mm-hmm.
00:37:47I need four words.
00:37:52All right.
00:37:52Ah.
00:37:53Okay, I want to do Edie justice, and for that to happen, I need four words, okay?
00:37:57Edie would so not be surprised you're ruining this moment.
00:38:00Go ahead, Susan.
00:38:01What are your four words for Edie?
00:38:02One of a kind.
00:38:12Now, it's time.
00:38:16And that is how Wisteria Lane came to be my final resting place.
00:38:20My ashes were spread over grass I had once walked on, beneath trees that had once given
00:38:32me shade, on top of roses I once admired, and beside fences I once gossiped over.
00:38:45And after my friends had finished saying goodbye, a wind came along and took what was left of
00:38:53me into the air.
00:38:57As I looked down on the world, I began to let go of it.
00:39:02I let go of white picket fences and cars and driveways, coffee cups and vacuum cleaners.
00:39:10I let go of all those things which seemed so ordinary, but when you put them together,
00:39:16they make up a life.
00:39:18A life that really was one of a kind.
00:39:22I'll tell you something.
00:39:24It's not hard to die when you know you have lived.
00:39:28And I did.
00:39:30Oh, how I lived.
00:39:32Previously on Desperate Housewives, Lynette went back to work, and Tom filled his days.
00:39:40Look at this girl talk thing.
00:39:41No, thanks.
00:39:42Do you at least know why he steals?
00:39:44I steal to hurt you.
00:39:45Bree struggled to understand her husband's problem.
00:39:48While down the street, Edie finally figured out her husband's plan.
00:39:52You married me so you could get close to the man who killed your family.
00:39:56He was never punished.
00:39:57Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:40:02Ah!
00:40:10Rose Kemper was a survivor.
00:40:17You could see that by looking into her eyes.
00:40:21She had buried one husband, given birth to five children, survived illness, bankruptcy, even the loss of her teeth.
00:40:29As a result, Rose Kemper was no longer afraid of anything.
00:40:38Sadly, the man who climbed into her window that night was unaware of this.
00:40:46But Rose was more than happy to explain it to him.
00:40:55Get out of here! Just get the hell out!
00:40:58Oh, let's get the lady!
00:41:00Are you handy?
00:41:17Mrs. Kemper?
00:41:22Catherine! What are you doing here?
00:41:25I heard you weren't feeling well, so I brought you some flowers.
00:41:27Oh...
00:41:28Doctors tell me you had a mild heart attack.
00:41:30They tell you why?
00:41:35It was death. He came for me.
00:41:40Death came for you?
00:41:41But I chased him out with my baseball bat.
00:41:44I gave him a good whack, too, right on the old noggin.
00:41:49How much morphine did they have you on?
00:41:51You know that shelf where I keep my knick-knacks? He tried to take one.
00:41:57Death collects knick-knacks.
00:41:59And when he couldn't get me, he went after that other lady. The one who crashed.
00:42:05Eating bread?
00:42:06Oh, yes. And I saw everything. Death just staggered out into the street. And he raised his hands. And he made her run into that light pole.
00:42:18Oh, Catherine, you believe me, don't you? Oh, I would never make anything like this up.
00:42:28I know you wouldn't, sweetheart.
00:42:31Listen, I'll stop by tomorrow. You just get your rest, okay?
00:42:36But, Catherine, if you see death lurking in the hall, you tell him he better not come around here, because I am not afraid of him.
00:42:51No, Rose Kemper was not afraid of anything.
00:42:56But the man who had broken into her home was now very afraid of Rose Kemper.
00:43:06The fact is, everyone does it.
00:43:17Sometimes with the help of an overturned cushion.
00:43:23Sometimes by means of a large potted plant.
00:43:29Other times, using the top button of a shirt.
00:43:33Yes, everyone has something they want to keep hidden from prying eyes.
00:43:39It's hard to believe you got this bump just by falling.
00:43:42But some people are better at cover-ups than others.
00:43:46I know, but that's what happened. I went for a walk, I tripped, and I hit my head on the curb.
00:43:50Okay, well, everything's looking much better.
00:43:53I see no reason why he shouldn't be released this weekend.
00:43:55Really? That soon?
00:43:58You can pick him up in the afternoon.
00:44:00Orson, I'll check in one more time before you go.
00:44:08Well, you don't seem all that thrilled about the prospect of me coming home.
00:44:12Honey, I don't mean to be negative. It's just...
00:44:17What's gonna happen?
00:44:19Will you keep stealing and lying to me?
00:44:24I love you, but I just can't put up with that anymore.
00:44:27Don't worry. Things are gonna be different.
00:44:29How?
00:44:31Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
00:44:32And I've decided, finally, to be happy.
00:44:38How can you just decide something like that?
00:44:41Look, there are things that I don't like about my life.
00:44:46But there is so much that is good.
00:44:49Do I really want to risk losing everything?
00:44:53I mean, if I can decide to be resentful and jealous, I can damn well decide to be happy.
00:45:00And be the kind of husband that you deserve.
00:45:05Do you really mean that?
00:45:08I do.
00:45:10I hope so, because I just cannot take any more lying.
00:45:14You won't have to.
00:45:20I can promise you that.
00:45:25Dave?
00:45:27Hello?
00:45:30Dave!
00:45:36He didn't answer.
00:45:37Okay, now I'm starting to get worried.
00:45:39Yeah, I left that casserole three days ago and it's still there.
00:45:41I'm surprised the squirrels haven't gotten to it.
00:45:43Maybe they did.
00:45:44Anybody seen any dead squirrels around here?
00:45:46Even if Dave wants to be alone, we have to make sure he's taken care of.
00:45:49We owe it to Edie.
00:45:50I say we keep showing up here until he lets us help him.
00:45:52We need to be annoying and persistent. We're good at that.
00:45:55So, who can come by later and check on him? I'd do it, but I'm working late.
00:45:58I'm in the classroom all day and I have meetings after.
00:46:01I have rehearsal dinner to cater.
00:46:02Oh, and I have a garden club meeting.
00:46:06You're in a garden club?
00:46:07Yeah, I just joined.
00:46:09Wait, there wouldn't happen to be actual gardeners in this club, would there?
00:46:13Hot shirtless gardeners with great abs and learner's permits?
00:46:17Gee, this bit just gets funnier and funnier.
00:46:20Oh, we tease because we love.
00:46:22Now back to Dave.
00:46:23I'll ask Mike to check in on him. That'd be great.
00:46:25Remember to tell him annoying and persistent.
00:46:27And I can make him another casserole.
00:46:29Yeah, because he hasn't suffered enough.
00:46:32That's a bit that I never get tired of.
00:46:37Dave? Hello? It's Mike.
00:46:44Dave? Dave?
00:46:46Hey, I'm sorry to barge in. I just want to make sure you're okay.
00:47:04Catherine made you lasagna.
00:47:06Thought it'd be a good idea to eat something.
00:47:08Want me to get you a plate?
00:47:14I'm good.
00:47:20You'll get through this, buddy.
00:47:22You will?
00:47:24Look, I have gone through some really-
00:47:25You've gone through nothing.
00:47:28And if you stand there and try to tell me you understand how I feel,
00:47:31I swear to God I'm going to lose my mind.
00:47:35I'm just trying to help-
00:47:36You can't!
00:47:37Okay?
00:47:38So why don't you go back to Catherine in your happy little life and leave me the hell alone?
00:47:43You're right.
00:47:45I don't have any idea what you're going through.
00:48:01Sweetie, I'm home!
00:48:07Hey.
00:48:08Hey.
00:48:09Hey.
00:48:10Don't make plans on Tuesday.
00:48:11We're having dinner at the Solises and...
00:48:16What's that look on your face?
00:48:17You didn't eat dairy again, did you?
00:48:19No.
00:48:20I've been working out.
00:48:21Oh.
00:48:23If you're good, I'll let you kind of feel.
00:48:26That's okay.
00:48:27I can see it from here.
00:48:29It's thrilling.
00:48:34You're smelling good.
00:48:35I just took a shower.
00:48:36And I know where you're going with this, but I am exhausted.
00:48:39Come on, Lynette.
00:48:40Please.
00:48:42Ooh.
00:48:43Whining.
00:48:44That's hot.
00:48:48Fine.
00:48:49Let's have sex.
00:48:50But I warn you, I'm just going to lie here resenting you the whole time waiting for this hell to be over.
00:48:57Okay.
00:48:58If you're sure.
00:49:00Tom!
00:49:01Come on!
00:49:02Fine.
00:49:03All right.
00:49:04Okay.
00:49:05Forget it.
00:49:07Wait.
00:49:08You just took a shower where?
00:49:10At work.
00:49:11Didn't know you had a shower there.
00:49:14I don't.
00:49:15Carlos does.
00:49:18So you went into Carlos' office stripped naked and took a shower?
00:49:22No.
00:49:23I went into Carlos' bathroom, closed the door, then stripped naked and took a shower.
00:49:27I'm not comfortable with this.
00:49:28But what if he walked in?
00:49:30Then maybe I'd get that raise I've been asking for.
00:49:32This isn't funny.
00:49:33You already spent 16 hours a day with the guy, and now I find out that some of those hours you were naked and wet.
00:49:38Hours?
00:49:39It was two minutes.
00:49:40It's not like I'm lighting candles and putting on Barry White.
00:49:43I don't care.
00:49:44I want it to stop.
00:49:47Fine.
00:49:54I should have just had sex.
00:49:55I'd be asleep by now.
00:50:04Oh!
00:50:05And ladies, we have been asked by the city council to beautiful people.
00:50:08by the center divider on Main Street.
00:50:10So make sure your calendars are clear next Tuesday.
00:50:13I know I'm new here at the garden club, but what's with all the gardening?
00:50:17I thought this was just an excuse to get together for bitching and boozing.
00:50:20Blame Edna the flower fascist.
00:50:22Yeah.
00:50:23When we first joined, we used to sit around in wicker chairs drinking margaritas and just looked at the flowers.
00:50:27Oh, I'd kill for a margarita.
00:50:29Don't cost your ladies.
00:50:30Bury the colors.
00:50:31And she's the one I'd kill.
00:50:33I mean, really, who died and left her in charge?
00:50:36Alice Kuntz.
00:50:37Grandma seizure while driving.
00:50:39Oh.
00:50:40Well, this Edna has got to be stopped.
00:50:45How?
00:50:46How?
00:50:47Oh my God, you're planning a coup, aren't you?
00:50:50I'm in.
00:50:51Me too.
00:50:52What's three?
00:50:53What less can we get?
00:50:55Definitely Judy.
00:50:57And Terry's allergic to everything.
00:51:00One bee sting and she blows up.
00:51:02Like, I don't like Judy.
00:51:03How about the woman in the overall?
00:51:05Bill, she just got her second DUI.
00:51:07There's cocktails, she's in.
00:51:09Okay, so the Lush gives us six.
00:51:12What about them?
00:51:13No way, they're all friends of Edna's.
00:51:15Alright, so they have six and we have six.
00:51:18We're gonna need a tiebreaker.
00:51:26Hey, uh, are men allowed to join the group?
00:51:29I don't know why they wouldn't be.
00:51:32Ladies, start your blenders.
00:51:36Orson, I heard you wanted to see me.
00:51:38Yes, Dr. Kagan.
00:51:40I heard you're treating the lady across the hall.
00:51:43You mean Rose Kemper?
00:51:44Yeah, she's actually my neighbor.
00:51:45I want her to know how she's doing.
00:51:47Sorry, I can't discuss her condition with anyone she's not related to.
00:51:51Oh, that's a problem.
00:51:53See, she has no family.
00:51:55Or friends, for that matter.
00:51:57And, uh, because of her dementia...
00:51:59Who said she has dementia?
00:52:01Certainly you've heard some of her bizarre ramblings.
00:52:04If she doesn't have dementia, it's something just as troubling.
00:52:07She has been saying some very disturbing things.
00:52:10But I wasn't aware it was an ongoing situation.
00:52:13Oh, yes it is.
00:52:15And I'm so worried about her going back to that big house with no one to look after her.
00:52:20Hmm.
00:52:21I hate to get social services involved.
00:52:23They'd probably just stick her in some state-run facility.
00:52:25Oh, that would be a shame.
00:52:27But what if she ends up hurting herself or someone else?
00:52:32I mean, I'm no lawyer, but wouldn't the hospital be liable?
00:52:35Hey, Penny. Aren't you gonna be late for school?
00:52:54My stupid brother's doing my homework. Real mature.
00:52:57Is your mom ready?
00:52:59She's in the shower.
00:53:01What?
00:53:05Lynette!
00:53:09Carlos, you're early!
00:53:11Didn't you get my text? The meeting got moved up!
00:53:13Oh, crap! I'll be right there!
00:53:18Lynette, you okay?
00:53:20Lynette?
00:53:21Are you all right?
00:53:25If you don't answer me, I'm coming in there.
00:53:34Oh, my God.
00:53:37All right, Doctor. Thank you. Bye.
00:53:40He says that since you weren't out very long, you should be fine.
00:53:42And don't worry about the meeting. I pushed it to lunch, and I can handle it alone.
00:53:46No, I'm fine. I want to go.
00:53:48You sure? Mm-hmm.
00:53:49Okay. I'll let you get dressed.
00:53:51Hey, Carlos. Quick question for you.
00:53:55Last thing I remember, I was in the shower, naked, reaching for the soap.
00:53:58Then I was here, on the bed, under a blanket.
00:54:04Still naked.
00:54:06And my question is, how did I get from there to here?
00:54:11Well, I carried you.
00:54:14Uh-huh. Which means you saw me...
00:54:16Lynette, the only thing I was thinking about was, were you gonna be all right?
00:54:23Oh, well, I appreciate that.
00:54:26And here's something else I'd appreciate.
00:54:28Could we not tell anyone else about this?
00:54:31Not tell anyone? I'm a first-time hero.
00:54:33This was gonna be my lead item in this year's Christmas letter.
00:54:36If Tom finds out, he'll freak.
00:54:38He has this weird thing about being the only guy who gets to see me naked.
00:54:41You got it. Now, get dressed. We gotta go.
00:54:47Could you maybe step outside? I only do one show a day.
00:54:51Sorry.
00:54:56There you go.
00:54:58Edna, here's your diet soda. Try to keep your pants on.
00:55:00You know, I don't mean to be a killjoy, but are we gonna do any planting today?
00:55:09There's some seeds in this. Knock yourself out.
00:55:12Patty, do you mind if I still tom for a sec?
00:55:29But only a sec.
00:55:33What's up?
00:55:35First of all, you're a real prince for coming today.
00:55:37Thanks to you, our coup is complete.
00:55:40No problem.
00:55:42Anyway, I know you must be bored silly, so go ahead and make your escape.
00:55:46Actually, I'm thinking of Stan. I'm having a great time.
00:55:49I'm meeting some nice people.
00:55:51Yeah, about that.
00:55:53I gotta warn you. Patty's kinda got a thing for married men.
00:55:56But Patty? No, no, no, no. She should be nice.
00:55:59Yes, she's like that. She'll give you the bra off her back.
00:56:02I know. We're just talking.
00:56:04Oh, Tom, what big arms you have.
00:56:08That kind of talking?
00:56:09Oh, that. Okay, fine. Fine. Point taken.
00:56:13Okay, great. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my gardening.
00:56:16So Orson's decided to be happy. Isn't that great?
00:56:26He sounded very sincere.
00:56:28I'll bet.
00:56:29So just how happy is he going to be? Will he whistle while he works or will he just skip around the house occasionally?
00:56:37I did not raise you to be bitchy.
00:56:39Now you raised me to be passive aggressive. My bitchiness? That was self-talk.
00:56:43Well, save it for those karaoke parties at Bob and Lee's. I am not amused.
00:56:49Mom, your BS meter might be broken, but mine works just fine. Orson's up to something.
00:56:55Well, I can understand why you're a bit cynical, but I'm giving him another chance. He's my husband and I still love him.
00:57:01He's been stealing stuff from your friends. He tried to get you to sell your business.
00:57:09I know.
00:57:11Fine. Go ahead. Take him back.
00:57:16While you're watching Orson skip and sing, I'll be looking up divorce lawyers. Just in case.
00:57:20Susan, you here? In the kitchen.
00:57:34Why are you mopping the ceiling?
00:57:37I was cooking, alright?
00:57:39Lids. Susan, you really gotta start using lids.
00:57:43Sometimes it's the stove's fault.
00:57:46So I saw Dave last night.
00:57:48How'd that go?
00:57:50Not good. He's in a really dark place.
00:57:53He kinda lashed out at me.
00:57:55At you? Why?
00:57:58I don't know. It's like all of a sudden he resents my happiness with Catherine.
00:58:01That's weird.
00:58:03Maybe not. When your wife dies, it must be depressing to see other people in a loving relationship.
00:58:08Hey, maybe you could look in on him.
00:58:12Yeah, yeah, that didn't come out right.
00:58:15I know what you meant.
00:58:16I'll stop by tomorrow and see him.
00:58:19Thanks.
00:58:23You know this whole thing with Edie?
00:58:25I mean seeing her lying in the street that night?
00:58:30I just brought up all those awful memories from our accident.
00:58:33Susan, we did what we had to do.
00:58:42Yeah.
00:58:46Look what it did to us.
00:58:47Daddy.
00:58:53Hey, buddy.
00:58:55Hey, you hungry?
00:58:57No. Mommy made spaghetti.
00:59:02Alright, I'll have him back before school.
00:59:04Take care.
00:59:10You too.
00:59:11Hey, I'm on my way to work, but I just wanted to bring you these.
00:59:13Uh, chicken salad sandwiches, which I did not make. I had bought. I learned my lesson from the casserole.
00:59:33Uh, thanks.
00:59:36Uh, wait.
00:59:38Could you maybe have one right now, so that I know that you actually ate something?
00:59:44I'm not hungry. But again, thanks.
00:59:46Dave, I know that you were going through hell, but Edie was my friend, so please let me help you. Just a little.
01:00:09You sure you want one? It's really good.
01:00:12Still not hungry.
01:00:19So, have you thought about what you're going to do now?
01:00:23I'm going to sell the house.
01:00:25You're kidding. So soon?
01:00:27I'll get a realtor coming by today. I'm going to put the money in a trust for Travers. It's, uh, it's what Edie would have wanted.
01:00:33Okay, well, at least you're making plans for the future.
01:00:43Everything that ever mattered to me is gone. The future's the last thing I'm thinking about.
01:00:48Oh, well, I should probably put these away before I finish them off.
01:01:03Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help you? A load of laundry?
01:01:07No thanks.
01:01:10How about a pot of coffee? Or I could just...
01:01:14Straighten up in here.
01:01:16Susan, please. I need to be alone.
01:01:19Oh, uh, okay. Sure.
01:01:33Sure.
01:01:43Do you know what is a great cure for the blues?
01:01:48Cribbage.
01:01:50Do you have a cribbage set?
01:01:52I thought you had to go to work.
01:01:54I'll call in sick. Take the day off.
01:01:57Susan.
01:01:59I really don't want to be rude, but you need to leave.
01:02:04Okay.
01:02:06You have a realtor coming, right?
01:02:08You cannot let him see the house in this condition.
01:02:11So just let me clean up a little.
01:02:15You won't even know I'm here.
01:02:28All right. I will be back after work to check on you.
01:02:49But until then, here's the phone, in case you want to order Chinese or call a hotline or something.
01:03:00Hey, Katherine, can you call me back as soon as you can? I just left Dave and he's in bad shape. I actually think that he might be...
01:03:19Oh, crap. I gotta go.
01:03:21Yes, officer?
01:03:23License and registration, please.
01:03:25Oh, okay. What did I do?
01:03:27It's against the law to talk on a cell phone without using a hands-free device while driving. As of January 1st.
01:03:32Right. I know that. I just was worried about a friend, so I forgot. I'm sorry.
01:03:38Step out of the car. Slowly.
01:03:40Oh, what? You don't want the license?
01:03:42Out of the car.
01:03:43Oh, you think that I'm dangerous. No, I totally have an explanation for those.
01:03:54Stop talking.
01:03:55But you're gonna feel really silly when you hear what it is.
01:03:57Get out of the car now!
01:03:59Okay.
01:04:00On the ground!
01:04:01Oh, yes, sir.
01:04:04Hey, Susan, I just got your message about Dave. I'm on my way to the hospital, but if you want me to...
01:04:09You know, why don't we talk later?
01:04:29Hey, Tom.
01:04:30Hey.
01:04:32Is that Patti Rizzo?
01:04:34Yeah. I had some car trouble, so she followed me over to the garage and gave me a look back.
01:04:37Patti lives six blocks away. I live down the street. Why didn't you ask me to take you?
01:04:44Are you going somewhere with this?
01:04:46All right, look, Tom. I'm sorry, but I got a responsibility here. I brought you into the club. I introduced you to the horny homemaker.
01:04:55I just don't want you to...
01:04:56What? Gabby? Cheat on my wife?
01:04:59I was gonna say die of gonorrhea, but that's close enough.
01:05:02Okay. Um, I really appreciate your concern, but how can I put this?
01:05:08Butt out.
01:05:10All right, Tom. You leave me no choice. You are no longer allowed to see Patti.
01:05:14Allowed? Who are you, my mother?
01:05:16I trumped your mother. I am garden club president.
01:05:19This is ridiculous. I thought you were my friend.
01:05:23Look, I love you, Tom, but you're my friend with a small F.
01:05:26My friend with the big F is Lynette.
01:05:29So if I see something that could hurt her, you bet your ass I'm gonna do something about it.
01:05:33A neighbor offered me a ride.
01:05:35If you want to hurt Lynette and twist it into something that it isn't, screw you.
01:05:40And that's with a big F.
01:05:46Hello, my love.
01:05:49Oh, hello, darling. Please tell me you're here to spring me.
01:05:52Not that I haven't enjoyed every moment of your poking and prodding.
01:05:55I'm just taking one last look at your husband.
01:05:57Are you sure he wasn't in some sort of bar fight?
01:05:59Looks like he got smacked over the head with a pool cue or something.
01:06:02Orson's not exactly the bar fight type.
01:06:04He's more of a raised voices at a cheese tasting type.
01:06:07While I'm finishing up here, do you want to go sign the discharge papers?
01:06:10Great.
01:06:11I'll be back in a minute.
01:06:17Brie?
01:06:19Katherine.
01:06:20Hi, what are you doing here?
01:06:21Oh, I came to see Rose Kemper.
01:06:23Oh, right. I heard she was here.
01:06:25Yeah, it's so sad. I'm here to help her pack.
01:06:27Social services is coming this afternoon to take her to some nursing home.
01:06:30I'm surprised. I knew she was a bit dotty, but I didn't think it was that serious.
01:06:33Oh, yes. She's been telling people this story about how death broke into her house.
01:06:38Death? Oh, dear.
01:06:40Apparently, he climbed in through a window and then tried to steal one of her knick-knacks.
01:06:47Well, that's odd.
01:06:49Yeah. Then she whacked him across the head with a baseball bat.
01:06:53A bat?
01:06:54Which is what I would do if death weren't ever steal one of my knick-knacks.
01:06:57So did she get a good look at death?
01:07:00No, she said he was wearing some sort of mask.
01:07:04She tells the story so convincingly, you almost believe her.
01:07:09Oh, there's a social worker. I want to be there when she talks to Rose.
01:07:12He's all yours, Brie.
01:07:21Wonderful.
01:07:31This dinner is delicious. You really didn't have to do this.
01:07:33With the long hours that you've been putting in, I just wanted to do something special to say thank you.
01:07:36And by do something, he means having me slave over a wreck of lamb all day.
01:07:40I would like to propose a toast.
01:07:42Who says that friendship and business don't mix? To friendship.
01:07:46Hear, hear to friendship.
01:07:52So I want to hear more about the Garden Club.
01:07:54Tom says he's meeting all kinds of nice people.
01:07:56Really?
01:07:58Any favorites, Tom?
01:08:00They're all great gals.
01:08:02One's sort of a pain in the ass other than her having a great time.
01:08:07Although I keep telling Tom how dangerous gardens can be.
01:08:10Everywhere you step, there are shovels and rakes and hoes.
01:08:20You know, Lynette and I should really be toasting you two.
01:08:23Us?
01:08:24Yeah.
01:08:25If we're putting up with all the long hours we've been keeping.
01:08:27I didn't mind the long hours.
01:08:29I wasn't so crazy about the whole shower thing, but...
01:08:32Oh, so Lynette told you about that?
01:08:33Yeah!
01:08:34She thought I was nuts for getting weird about it.
01:08:37I get it.
01:08:38A guy carries your unconscious, naked wife to your bed.
01:08:42What are you talking about?
01:08:47Hey!
01:08:48Is this Gorgonzola?
01:08:50The other day when she fell in your shower, what are you talking about?
01:08:53When she took a shower in your office.
01:08:55You took a shower in my office?
01:08:56What's going on here?
01:08:57Lynette was taking a shower and Carlos came by to drive her to work.
01:09:00She slipped and fell and he helped her.
01:09:01You told her I asked you not to.
01:09:03She's my wife.
01:09:04I tell her everything.
01:09:05Well, you hear that, Lynette?
01:09:06They tell each other everything.
01:09:07That way they know that they're not hiding anything.
01:09:09I was just afraid you'd overreact like you're doing right now.
01:09:12Full disclosure, Lynette.
01:09:13That's what a marriage is about.
01:09:14So I assume you've fully disclosed your little friendship with Patty Rizzo?
01:09:19What little friendship?
01:09:24You know what?
01:09:25I think this is Gorgonzola.
01:09:27Tom?
01:09:29What?
01:09:30Patty gave me a ride home and for some reason Gabby's making a big deal about it.
01:09:33Because it's Patty Rizzo.
01:09:34She's a total slut.
01:09:35You should be on antibiotics just for sitting in her car.
01:09:38Exactly.
01:09:39Stay out of this, Gabby.
01:09:41You've done enough damage.
01:09:42Hey, don't snap at me.
01:09:43Lynette's my friend.
01:09:44I was just watching her back.
01:09:45Well, your husband was watching her front.
01:09:47Drop it, Tom.
01:09:49We'll continue this at home.
01:09:50If you have a shower at the office, how come you come home smelling so bad?
01:10:01I don't know.
01:10:03Why does the lamb taste like sawdust?
01:10:09Thank you, darling.
01:10:12I can't tell you how nice it is to be at home again.
01:10:15Well, it's wonderful to have you home.
01:10:18How's your head?
01:10:19No.
01:10:20Still hurts.
01:10:21Well, that'll teach you to go out walking in the middle of the night.
01:10:24You know, I still don't know why you were out so late.
01:10:29Well, I told you.
01:10:31We had a little spat and I wanted to clear my head.
01:10:34Oh, and then you bumped it on that nasty curb.
01:10:39Well, that'll teach me to fight with my lovely wife.
01:10:42And that's all you were doing?
01:10:45Just going out for a walk?
01:10:48That's all.
01:10:49You know, I just remembered some business I had to discuss with Andrew.
01:11:01Enjoy your tea.
01:11:03Hey, Mom.
01:11:04What's wrong?
01:11:05Orson's lying to me again.
01:11:06So I think I have to divorce him.
01:11:19Just, uh, tell me all I can help.
01:11:28You okay?
01:11:30I just keep thinking about Dave.
01:11:33His life was so great.
01:11:35He had everything.
01:11:36Then one day, boom.
01:11:39All gone.
01:11:40Yeah.
01:11:41Yeah.
01:11:42I know.
01:11:43Life can turn on a dime.
01:11:47Dave, Edie, Rose Kemper.
01:11:53The one thing it's made me realize is, I don't want to live with regrets.
01:11:59Me neither.
01:12:00I've been wanting to tell you this for some time.
01:12:06I remember when I suggested moving in together, it wasn't just about saving rent.
01:12:12I was trying to pull you closer, manipulate some kind of commitment out of you.
01:12:21And that's not who I am, so I want you to know that I'm sorry and it won't happen again.
01:12:25From now on, no hidden agendas.
01:12:32I don't like that policy.
01:12:35I'm always going to be honest with you.
01:12:40After all, you're the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.
01:12:43Ah, more sandwiches.
01:12:55Or is my gun in there?
01:12:57It's just your belts and ties.
01:12:59The police kept the rest.
01:13:01I know.
01:13:02They called.
01:13:04You told them I was suicidal.
01:13:06I'm sorry.
01:13:07It's just the things you said.
01:13:10I'm worried about you.
01:13:12Don't be.
01:13:13I told you, I'm fine.
01:13:19You are not fine.
01:13:21How could you be?
01:13:22You have suffered a horrible loss.
01:13:25And you are allowed to feel any way you want.
01:13:28But I know that you are not fine.
01:13:37Okay, well, I'm sorry for ransacking your house.
01:13:40I'll stop bugging you.
01:13:46Edie and I had a fight.
01:13:49That night.
01:13:52A bad one.
01:13:53I came home.
01:14:03We argued.
01:14:04She stormed out, got in her car and died.
01:14:07Oh, Dave.
01:14:08Dave.
01:14:14That does not make it your fault.
01:14:16Doesn't it?
01:14:18If things had been different, if I had been different, she'd still be alive.
01:14:23You can't think that way.
01:14:24I mean, what happened is bad enough.
01:14:27You can't blame yourself for it, too.
01:14:29If you do that, you will destroy everything you have left that's good.
01:14:34Trust me.
01:14:35I know.
01:14:37Trust me.
01:14:38You don't.
01:14:43A few years ago, Mike and I got in a car accident.
01:14:47A woman and her daughter died.
01:14:53Yeah, I heard about that.
01:14:58Mike was driving, right?
01:14:59That's what we said.
01:15:07But it wasn't true.
01:15:12After the crash, I couldn't find my license.
01:15:18I had switched purses that night and I had left it at home.
01:15:21So, Mike told him that he was driving.
01:15:26He took the blame for me.
01:15:29So, I understand guilt.
01:15:34And I want you to understand that Edie's death was an awful tragedy.
01:15:40It was not your fault.
01:15:46Maybe you're right.
01:15:48Thank you for telling me.
01:16:02Heck of a dinner party, huh?
01:16:04It's amazing how fast you can eat in total silence.
01:16:08It's my fault.
01:16:09I should have just told Tom the truth.
01:16:11Although, it turned out to be kind of a wash with the whole Patty Rizzo thing.
01:16:14You know what I think is cool?
01:16:17You guys have been married a long time and you still get jealous.
01:16:20Yeah.
01:16:22But just to be on the safe side, if I fall in my tub again, let me die there.
01:16:27Okay.
01:16:29Back to work.
01:16:30Yes.
01:16:31And we shall never speak of this again.
01:16:33I'm embarrassed enough.
01:16:35Lynette.
01:16:37I saw you without your towel.
01:16:40You got nothing to be embarrassed about.
01:16:42Hey.
01:16:44Hey.
01:16:46How's the garden club today?
01:16:48Yeah, fellas got tanked on Cosmos and threw up on Edna.
01:16:51So, now we're back to planting crap.
01:16:52Look, I'm really sorry for sticking my nose into that whole Patty Rizzo thing.
01:16:53It's okay.
01:16:54I...
01:16:55The truth is, I knew she was coming on to me.
01:16:57Then why did you keep hanging out with her?
01:16:59I'm sorry.
01:17:00I'm sorry.
01:17:01I'm sorry.
01:17:02It's okay.
01:17:03I'm sorry.
01:17:04I'm sorry.
01:17:05I'm sorry.
01:17:06I'm sorry.
01:17:07I'm sorry.
01:17:08I'm sorry.
01:17:09I'm sorry.
01:17:10I'm sorry.
01:17:11I'm sorry.
01:17:12I'm sorry.
01:17:13I'm sorry.
01:17:14I'm sorry.
01:17:15I'm sorry.
01:17:16I knew she was coming on to me.
01:17:19Then why did you keep hanging out with her?
01:17:23Lynette has been so swamped with work lately that she doesn't...
01:17:29It's just nice having a woman notice me again.
01:17:32Is that terrible?
01:17:33No.
01:17:34I get it.
01:17:35When we first moved here, Carlos was working around the clock and he'd come home and barely
01:17:40say hello to me.
01:17:41It was like I was invisible.
01:17:43Invisible.
01:17:44That's the word.
01:17:47So when he didn't see me, I found someone who did.
01:17:53You know I'd never do that till Lynette.
01:17:56I never thought I'd do it to Carlos.
01:17:58Well, then it's a good thing I've got a friend around to keep an eye on me.
01:18:05Even if it's one with a small F.
01:18:08Well, for the record, you're growing on me.
01:18:11You know what?
01:18:12I'm thirsty.
01:18:13Let's start a book club.
01:18:20The fact is, everyone does it.
01:18:23Everyone tries to cover up what they don't want others to see.
01:18:27Women hide their need for commitment.
01:18:36Men disguise their growing insecurity.
01:18:42Wives mask their intense disdain.
01:18:46How can ordinary people hide the truth of their feelings so successfully?
01:18:50All it takes is a friendly gesture.
01:18:55You can't play in the street, MJ.
01:18:57You could get hurt.
01:18:58And that would really tear your mum apart.
01:19:00And a plan.
01:19:04And a plan.
01:19:05And a plan.
01:19:07And a plan.
01:19:11And a plan.