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  • 6/18/2025
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Transcript
00:00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:04No adoption agency is going to touch us now
00:00:06There are ways to get babies, Carlos
00:00:08$20,000
00:00:09Wheels were put in motion
00:00:11I love you
00:00:11Thank you
00:00:13I love Mike
00:00:16True emotions were revealed
00:00:18Who the hell is Mike?
00:00:20Perception is reality, Andrew
00:00:21My name is Bree
00:00:22And I am an alcoholic
00:00:24And false pretenses became
00:00:26A way of life
00:00:28Gabrielle Solis had always been
00:00:34A demanding shopper
00:00:36And whatever the purchase
00:00:41She always expected the very best
00:00:43Whether it was exotic perfume
00:00:47Shipped over from Paris
00:00:48A high fashion gown
00:00:52Straight from a runway in Milan
00:00:54Or designer shoes flown in from Manhattan
00:00:59But on this day
00:01:01Her expectations were going to be put to the test
00:01:04You see, Gabrielle was now shopping for a baby
00:01:08And there was a problem
00:01:11With the manufacturer
00:01:13Mostly I just want to feel like I'm giving my baby to people who have what it takes to be really great parents
00:01:21Well, you won't find another couple with more love for a child
00:01:24Isn't that right, honey?
00:01:26Honey
00:01:28What?
00:01:29Right, uh, lots of love
00:01:31Honey, can I talk to you for a second?
00:01:34Okay
00:01:35Okay, okay
00:01:36Okay, look, we have to find another mother
00:01:39Why?
00:01:40Okay, this isn't easy to say
00:01:41So I'm just going to say it
00:01:42But have you taken a good look at her?
00:01:43Oh my god
00:01:44Are you trying to say that you don't want Deanna's baby because she's plain?
00:01:46No, plain I can handle, Carlos
00:01:47Since that woman has walked into our house, the clocks have stopped working
00:01:48No one can predict what a child is going to look like
00:01:50For all you know, her kid could end up winning beauty contests
00:01:52With her DNA, the only thing that kid's going to be winning is best in show
00:01:54Look, Carlos, I'm sorry, but I want a pretty baby
00:01:56So let's find another mother
00:01:57Mm-mm, I'm not going to let your shallow obsession with looks screw this up
00:02:10I want a child
00:02:11Any child
00:02:12Fine
00:02:14Just know that in a couple of days when that thing is born
00:02:17And you're going to have to cuddle and snuggle up with something with that face on it
00:02:20Don't come crying to me
00:02:27I'm sorry
00:02:29Now, where were we?
00:02:31We were just talking about the custody arrangement once Deanna gives birth
00:02:34It's usually best that the mother doesn't see the child at all
00:02:37So as soon as the doctor's finished giving their initial check
00:02:52The baby will be handed over to you
00:02:54Yes, Gabrielle had always been a demanding shopper
00:02:59Sorry
00:03:01Because she knew there are some purchases
00:03:06That can't be returned
00:03:24At 6.10 the next morning, Deanna Pruse went into premature labor
00:03:52premature labor and gave birth to what would eventually be an incredibly attractive baby boy
00:04:00at 11 43 dr hanson mills cup the umbilical cord forever separating mother and child
00:04:09at that exact same moment dr ron mccready entered the private room of susan meyer
00:04:14with every intention of severing their connection hey there how's it going great i'm about to be
00:04:22released oh that's terrific who's mike i why do you ask no reason that's just um just before the
00:04:35operation just before you went under i said i love you and you said i love mike i did oh is that why
00:04:45you haven't been in to see me since my surgery answer the question i don't even know a mike
00:04:52everyone knows a mike yes everyone does know a mike actually you're right i did know a mike in
00:04:59college we did this play together pippin it wasn't very good anyways i never thought of him so you
00:05:03shouldn't be accusing me i was probably just hallucinating fine fine so who's the guy you're
00:05:09married to damn that nurse heisel or should i say who's the guy you're cheating on okay yes i did
00:05:16remarry my ex but it was only because he has great health insurance did miss blabbermouth tell you that
00:05:20too you you committed insurance fraud only in the legal sense and i just didn't tell you because
00:05:26i wanted to protect you susan okay you know what you should come over to dinner and meet carl and you
00:05:32can see that there is absolutely nothing between us so wait once you're fully recovered you're gonna
00:05:37divorce him oh yeah that's the plan i swear and you swear that you're not in love with anyone named mike
00:05:42i believe you next morning i woke up in an alley my wallet had been stolen i was lying in a pool of my
00:06:02own vomit that's when i knew i'd hit rock bottom okay who's next brie oh um i couldn't possibly top
00:06:18that thank you though hi before coming to these meetings i never realized how messy substance abusers
00:06:34can be we usually leave the donut crumbs for the over eaters anonymous group that meets after us you
00:06:39know just to mess with them you're awful so tell me brie how long have you been sober gosh um i'm not
00:06:48exactly sure oh is somebody still drinking now why would you say that i've never met an alcoholic yet
00:06:56who didn't know exactly how long he'd been since his last drink
00:06:59okay you got me i'm not really an alcoholic you don't say it's true i'm coming here because of my
00:07:11son you see he's he's trying to take me to court to become an emancipated minor and he's planning on
00:07:15lying to the judge and telling him that i am some sort of dreadful lush so i'm coming to these meetings
00:07:20to give the impression that i've changed but you don't really need to change because you don't have
00:07:25a problem with alcohol exactly tell you what here's my card and if you ever do have a problem or you
00:07:35just feel like talking give me a call okay i know you think i'm kidding myself but i'm not
00:07:41i'm nothing like you people i just don't have a compulsive personality
00:07:45word is out all over town that you're unhappy at zim so why not jump ship and come to parcher
00:07:59murphy i swear veronica you would fit in so well here i do need to make a change on that but the
00:08:05money you're offering yeah it sucks but there are other perks the expense account the corner office
00:08:10i don't know you're just gonna have to give me some time to think about it fair enough
00:08:14sure enough okay what is your secret how can you eat like that and keep your figure it's the
00:08:19breastfeeding it burns so many calories it's like having a treadmill strapped to your chest
00:08:24i didn't know you had a child yes my son donovan is the love of my life really veronica well you
00:08:31know there's another perk that i just thought of oh my gosh this is fantastic they don't have daycare
00:08:42at zims how can they not for working parents like you and me it's a necessity so is the pot getting
00:08:48sweeter would people here be cool about my breastfeeding donovan the guys at zims are real jerks about that
00:08:53breacher and murphy is completely mother friendly no one would say a word oh what the heck i'm in
00:09:01yeah well that's fantastic oh my god whose kids are those
00:09:08i have absolutely no idea let's go hammer out the details okay
00:09:17these can't be our only choices mr beale i mean come on each girl is uglier than the next look
00:09:22finding a gorgeous pregnant woman who's willing to give her baby to a couple with a criminal
00:09:26record isn't exactly a walk in the park i don't care if it's a walk in the sewer we are hemorrhaging
00:09:30money into your bank account and i expect to see results you know mrs solis you can catch more
00:09:34flies with honey than with vinegar if i wanted to catch flies all i would have to do is call
00:09:38up one of these girls trust me the flies would follow excuse me sir there's a libby collins here for
00:09:45you i'll be right out there uh i took the liberty of inviting this girl down here to meet you
00:09:49now i wouldn't exactly say she's a quality human being but she is attractive if you don't respond
00:09:55to her i'm afraid i'm out of ideas he is going to dump us his clients if you don't stop being so
00:10:02damn picky we're gonna have to stare at this face for the next 18 years i don't think now is the time
00:10:07to skimp on quality gabrielle carlos i'd like you to meet libby
00:10:21well now this i can work with
00:10:26so getting pregnant was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me because i went into debt
00:10:31and i had to stop performing libby's a pole dancer in a strip club oh wow that that sounds
00:10:38like interesting work you'd think so but it gets old quickly my big dream is to become a choreographer
00:10:45really yeah i made up this one move it's called the serpent's tongue and all the girls at the club are
00:10:50doing it now it's so cool if i had a pole i could show you well we'll have to go down to the club and
00:10:54check that out we'll make a night of it yeah we'll do that so libby who's the father honestly i don't
00:11:02know i mean there's a lot of guys who come into the club and they all buy me drinks and sometimes
00:11:06i get a little bit more friendly than i intend to i hope you don't think i'm a slut no no actually all
00:11:15we think about when we look at you is how pretty you are well i've heard enough mr beale if libby here
00:11:21likes us as much as we like her we should just go ahead and move to adopt her baby girl first we
00:11:27should probably talk about how much money i want whoa whoa whoa nobody's buying a baby here that's
00:11:33illegal money can never exchange hands libby you'll make a list of your expenses and the
00:11:38so leases here will pay oh but can't they also buy me gifts i knew this one girl who gave up her
00:11:43baby and she got a harley well i don't know that we can afford a harley but i'm sure we'll find some
00:11:49way to express our gratitude okay whatever well my lunch break is over so i have to get back to the
00:11:58club until i get rid of this kid they got me slinging drinks it's really nice to meet you mr and mrs solis
00:12:05oh it's actually pronounced solis sorry so what kind of name is that uh it's mexican both our families
00:12:12come from guadalajara i figured you're italian no latino proud of it good for you
00:12:28wow she's gorgeous yeah my little girl's gonna inherit some wonderful genes is this libby's real
00:12:35hair color yes it's all natural from her straight teeth to her c cup and i know she's athletic because
00:12:40she's a pole dancer so i really hope that my little girl in here is that as well
00:12:45no the athletic gene not the pole dancing gene
00:12:50suzy baby oh i got your call uh i thought i'd stop by i didn't realize you had company of the
00:12:56ladies um we'll just be a second just feel me just be safe
00:13:03did he just call her baby yeah when did they stop hating each other
00:13:07i need you to ditch edie tomorrow night and have dinner with dr ron and me now why would i do
00:13:12that well for starters because you banged your secretary and you owe me for the rest of your
00:13:16life i'll bring your wine well you know before mike came along i always just assumed they'd get back
00:13:22together why i thought they always annoyed the heck out of each other you didn't know them during the
00:13:26good times i mean there was such a spark between them so much passion they would always make each other
00:13:31laugh oh you actually told dr ron that you still love mike okay will you shut up it's not funny i
00:13:38was drugged right sorry sorry so how did you get out of that one i lied and i told him i didn't know
00:13:44a mike everyone knows a mike i am aware of that so why didn't you just because i panicked okay dr ron
00:13:50hadn't come in to see me since the operation and i was feeling insecure and i just didn't feel like the
00:13:55truth was a luxury i could afford yes go ahead you may resume laughing
00:14:05ladies always a pleasure and you i'll see you tomorrow
00:14:15what this is just a preliminary sketch but you see what i'm thinking of i love it i just love it
00:14:21let's get a copy to ed oh shoot i gotta take this i'm sorry it's tom that's okay my nanny is here
00:14:26with my son i need to go feed him anyway perfect take your time hey honey how's a big apple treating you
00:14:32good those uh snooty clients like your pitch well that's perfect excellent uh-huh
00:14:41uh-huh i'm i'm i'm i'm gonna i'm gonna call you back
00:15:01oh my god
00:15:21hello there i thought you and your friend might light some snacks
00:15:25he's my lawyer and this is privileged communication so get out
00:15:29andrew there's no need to be rude this is very kind of you this is van de camp
00:15:33well i'm still appalled that you're helping my son with this ridiculous emancipation scheme but
00:15:37you are a guest in my house and guests get sandwiches you know if you let me go to his
00:15:42office you wouldn't have to pretend to be nice to him andrew there may be a judge out there stupid
00:15:46enough to emancipate you but until you find him i retain all my parental rights one of which is to
00:15:52ground your sorry behind until kingdom come mr bromanis nice to see you again and um please don't get
00:15:58crumbs on my carpet you've got to get me out of here that is driving me crazy this case is not a
00:16:07slam dunk her drinking was supposed to be our silver bullet but since she joined aa we've got to do
00:16:12something because if she wins she's going to own me my advice convince her it's in her best interest
00:16:16to let you go you don't want to see the inside of a courtroom why in family court appearance means
00:16:23everything if she came off abusive or stoned or even uncaring we'd be in good shape but if there's
00:16:29one thing your mom understands it's a presentation
00:16:33can i borrow fifty dollars of course
00:16:49why do you want so much money i'm 19 sometimes i need money do i have to be interrogated you do
00:16:54if you want a dime out of me what's it for daniel's having a birthday next week i just want to be sure
00:17:00i can get her a decent present write her a poem it's free is there something else you want do you
00:17:11think i'd like to beg for money i do this because you won't let me get a job looking after your brother
00:17:17is a full-time job for both of us and you know that well screw him matthew no i'm serious mom
00:17:21because we have both put our entire lives on hold and for what it's been almost a year and he hasn't
00:17:25gotten any better i see him improving that's because you see what you want to see it's time
00:17:32to put him away mom just let some professionals take care of him we wouldn't have to move we could
00:17:37have our lives back what's wrong
00:17:43you fighting no sweetie matthew's friend danielle has a birthday coming up we were just talking about
00:17:50what gift to give her well i was thinking jewelry so 50 bucks you doing
00:17:59why not 20. you don't want to spoil her
00:18:10on page six is an example of the new print ad check it out i'm thirsty oh honey everyone's working
00:18:18i'm sorry this will just take a sec is it just me or is that bizarre it's bizarre totally bizarre
00:18:34we gotta make her stop this hey don't get me wrong i find that as bizarre as you guys do but right now
00:18:39this firm needs veronica more than she needs us telling a mother how to raise her kids is an act
00:18:44of war we will lose her the kid is five it's disgusting yeah well we'll just ask her to keep
00:18:49the blinds always drawn when she nurses we'll still know what's going on in there it's a distraction
00:18:55and god forbid a client sees her okay so who's gonna tell her
00:19:05you're a woman it's easier for you to talk to her about milk and boobs and stuff no
00:19:09no please don't make me do it why don't you have jerry tell her i made a pass at her yesterday it'd be
00:19:15weird you could do it without offending her come on lynette take one for the team
00:19:25okay but for the record the team is made up of wimps well the team's aware of that and accepts your
00:19:31loathing yeah hi no no no we were just uh out buying some stuff for the baby what's up
00:19:43seriously okay thanks for calling
00:19:50what is it that was our lawyer libby rejected us as parents why because we're mexican what
00:19:57why that's discrimination it's illegal we could have her arrested it's her baby she can do whatever
00:20:02the hell she wants to with it damn it no no you don't just toss people aside because of color of
00:20:07their skin we toss those birth mothers aside because of their appearance well that's different
00:20:13why because i've read the constitution and it does not protect ugly people it's not fine about it it's
00:20:17over let's just move on to the next one no no no i want that woman's baby and i'm gonna get it
00:20:23just how are you gonna go about doing that well first of all i'm gonna show her one of our tax
00:20:30returns once she sees how much money we have i have a hunch we're gonna look a whole lot whiter
00:20:38hey veronica hi donovan my he's getting big how old is he he just turned five oh wow he's such a big boy
00:20:48hey you know breastfeeding on the schedule must be a real hassle
00:20:51i remember i used to express my milk into a bottle made my life so much easier
00:20:58is there a problem lynette the people in this office feel a little concerned that you're nursing
00:21:08a boy of donovan's age do they know breast milk boosts the immune system it's loaded with vitamins
00:21:14and in the third world it's not unusual to nurse babies up to the age of six yeah well in the third
00:21:18world they don't have juice boxes this is donovan's decision he will tell me when he's ready to stop
00:21:24nursing come on baby birds don't jump out of the nest they need to be pushed did you also know that
00:21:29breast milk is thought to raise iq scores
00:21:32yeah maybe if you'd weaned your kids a bit later they'd be more civilized ouch i will not be judged by you
00:21:49or anyone else and if people don't like my breastfeeding they can talk to my lawyer
00:21:53and then she took the salad bowl put it on the floor and said if you want to act like a pig you
00:22:02can eat like a pig
00:22:08you know i never thought i'd have such a good time hanging out with my girlfriend
00:22:12and her husband yeah well believe me behind all the laughs there's still plenty of bitterness and
00:22:16resentment oh really yeah hey what do you say uh you and i clear the table bring on dessert no no i
00:22:20got it i got it you're not going to do anything you're in a wheelchair for a reason okay let carl
00:22:24and i do the dishes all right but if i catch you guys in there talking about me you're going to be
00:22:28the one in a wheelchair oh really yeah yeah well i think maybe the dishes can wait for a second
00:22:46so
00:23:16What the hell?
00:23:17What's the matter?
00:23:20Gee, we got a leak.
00:23:24I'll sop off the water.
00:23:25Why don't you go see the guy across the street?
00:23:27He's a plumber.
00:23:28In the Greyhouse.
00:23:29All right, I'll be right back.
00:23:31His name's Delfino.
00:23:36Where's he going?
00:23:37Oh, we've got a bit of a plumbing emergency.
00:23:40So you sent him over to Mike's?
00:23:42Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot.
00:23:44I wasn't even thinking of that.
00:23:45There's just so much water in here.
00:23:47What were you thinking?
00:23:53Hi, Mr. Delfino.
00:23:55My name's Ron.
00:23:56My girlfriend is Susan Meyer.
00:23:57You know, from across the street.
00:23:59Yeah, yeah, I know her.
00:24:01We've got kind of a burst pipe.
00:24:03Okay.
00:24:05Come on in while I get my tool.
00:24:08And you can call me Mike.
00:24:13Oh, God.
00:24:14Oh, okay.
00:24:16I mean...
00:24:16So, Mike.
00:24:19Have you known Susan Long?
00:24:21A year and a half.
00:24:24Didn't she mention we dated?
00:24:25No.
00:24:26No, she didn't.
00:24:27She didn't.
00:24:28No.
00:24:31No!
00:24:33Can you excuse me, please?
00:24:34That's smart.
00:24:43Liar.
00:24:44I take it you met Mike.
00:24:45Yeah, I did.
00:24:46Please, please let me explain.
00:24:47No, just let go of me.
00:24:48Oh!
00:24:51I'm sorry.
00:24:52Okay.
00:24:53Come on, let me help you.
00:24:54Hey, get away from her.
00:24:56Are you okay?
00:24:57I'm fine.
00:24:58What the hell's the matter with you?
00:24:59Hey, there was an accident.
00:25:00It didn't look like an accident.
00:25:01No.
00:25:02Okay, Mike.
00:25:03Just, it's okay.
00:25:04Just go home.
00:25:05Yeah, go home, Mike.
00:25:06If you touch her like that again,
00:25:08you're going to be dealing with me.
00:25:09You might want to get out of my face.
00:25:11Or what?
00:25:13Oh, okay.
00:25:17Ron, what are you doing?
00:25:23Oh, my God.
00:25:25Guys, stop it.
00:25:25All right, all right.
00:25:26Stop it right now.
00:25:29I can't believe I wasted my time with you.
00:25:30You've just been leading me on.
00:25:31You're obviously still in love with this guy.
00:25:34All right, I'm done.
00:25:35No, Ron, don't go.
00:25:37Don't call me.
00:25:38Oh, Ron.
00:25:40What the hell is wrong with you?
00:25:48I thought he was hurting you.
00:25:50Well, he wasn't.
00:25:52And now my boyfriend is gone.
00:25:56Thank you very much.
00:25:57Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
00:26:07Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
00:26:10Okay.
00:26:11The pole's your friend, okay?
00:26:12Push your boobs up against it.
00:26:14Oh, I can't.
00:26:15They're new.
00:26:16Well, do something, Cecile.
00:26:18I'm losing my wood down here.
00:26:19Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
00:26:21That's a kicking outfit.
00:26:23Well, thank you, sweetie.
00:26:25I clean up well for a wetback, don't I?
00:26:31Look, I'm not some sort of racist.
00:26:32I just want what's best for my baby girl.
00:26:35I mean, why should I settle for middle-class Mexicans when I know I can find rich white folks to adopt her?
00:26:41Please.
00:26:41I look middle-class to you.
00:26:43Well, you didn't seem all that rich in Mr. Beal's office.
00:26:45I mean, when I brought up the idea of gifts to your husband, he acted like he couldn't even afford a Harley.
00:26:50So is that what it's going to take to change your mind?
00:26:52A gift?
00:26:53Fine.
00:26:53What do you want?
00:26:55I don't know.
00:27:01You like jewelry.
00:27:03Well, here.
00:27:06Are these real diamonds?
00:27:07Honey, the one in the center is three carats.
00:27:09I never touched a real diamond before.
00:27:11Well, my husband and I can expose you to a lot of nice new things.
00:27:14Well, only if I let you have my baby.
00:27:16Well, like they say, there's no such thing as a free lunch.
00:27:24Okay.
00:27:26Really?
00:27:27Just like that?
00:27:28Just like that.
00:27:30Of course, we probably shouldn't tell the lawyer about our understanding,
00:27:33because then we'll have to deal with percentages and all that.
00:27:35I always hated math.
00:27:39What's wrong?
00:27:46You never gave a crap that we were Mexican, did you?
00:27:49Not really.
00:27:51So why put me through this?
00:27:53Because I thought if it looked like you weren't going to get my baby,
00:27:56that you might be just a bit more generous.
00:27:59Wow.
00:28:00You're a lot smarter than I thought.
00:28:02I'm smarter than everybody thinks.
00:28:04Where's my mom?
00:28:11I'm thirsty.
00:28:12Oh, I'm sorry.
00:28:14Honey, your mom is in her office on a conference call,
00:28:18and she's busy, so you're just going to have to wait, okay?
00:28:21What's that?
00:28:22That's chocolate milk.
00:28:24Shouldn't be having it.
00:28:28Have you ever had any?
00:28:30Mm-mm.
00:28:30Follow me.
00:28:35Here.
00:28:36Go ahead.
00:28:37Try it.
00:28:38Come on.
00:28:38You'll really like it.
00:28:39I promise.
00:28:40Come on.
00:28:41Yeah.
00:28:41Come on.
00:28:42All the grown-ups are drinking it.
00:28:44Yeah, that's good.
00:28:45Just chug it on now.
00:28:48Good.
00:28:49You like that?
00:28:50Would you like dessert?
00:28:54Another glass of wine?
00:28:55Oh, no, thank you.
00:28:57I have to run just the check.
00:29:00We have a charity event this weekend,
00:29:02and I have to find a cocktail dress before the store closes.
00:29:05But everything was just yummy.
00:29:07Let's go in there.
00:29:11Let's go in there.
00:29:11Let's go in there.
00:29:11Let's go in there.
00:29:12Let's go in there.
00:29:12Let's go in there.
00:29:20Uh, hey, Mrs. Vandekamp.
00:29:22What do you think you're doing?
00:29:23You're supposed to be grounded.
00:29:25I'm, uh, buying a belt.
00:29:26With what?
00:29:27You don't have any money.
00:29:30You took that out of my purse?
00:29:32Give that back.
00:29:33We are going home.
00:29:34What did I tell the judge about you stealing my credit cards and sneaking off?
00:29:36It's going to do wonders for your little emancipation case.
00:29:39I don't think you're going to let this get to the court.
00:29:41Oh, and why is that?
00:29:43Because then I'd be forced to testify about my childhood.
00:29:46So you had one of the loveliest childhoods I've ever known.
00:29:48You sure about that?
00:29:49Because I'm starting to remember some abuse.
00:29:53Andrew, the judge is not seriously going to believe that I beat you.
00:29:57I'm not talking about that kind of abuse.
00:30:00You know, it's funny.
00:30:01The angrier I get, the more these repressed memories start to come up.
00:30:06You can't be serious.
00:30:10Like touching me in places you shouldn't have?
00:30:16No one is ever going to believe a word of that.
00:30:19Yeah, well, you know how people are.
00:30:22They might say that they believe you, but they'll always wonder.
00:30:25So if I were you, I'd back that off.
00:30:34Come on, Justin.
00:30:35I'm going to buy you something pretty.
00:30:41Justin!
00:30:42On second thought, I will have another glass of wine.
00:30:58You can leave the bottle.
00:30:59You can leave the bottle.
00:31:20You can leave the bottle.
00:31:22Oh, my God.
00:31:52Oh, my God.
00:32:22Yeah?
00:32:48Hi, it's Brie.
00:32:49Vandekamp.
00:32:50I didn't know who else to call, and...
00:32:52Well, I'm in a bit of a situation.
00:33:02How did you get stuck like that?
00:33:05I would rather not discuss it right now.
00:33:08Man, the other security guys are not gonna believe this.
00:33:11Do you mind?
00:33:11I'd prefer if you...
00:33:13didn't.
00:33:15Your son threatened you with repressed memories?
00:33:18Oh, my God.
00:33:20He is seriously twisted.
00:33:23I gotta meet this kid.
00:33:25You sound like you're impressed.
00:33:27I sure am.
00:33:28Sounds like you're definitely raising an alpha male.
00:33:31I'm raising a monster is what I'm raising.
00:33:33It's no wonder I drink.
00:33:36I don't know why I said that.
00:33:40Maybe it's true.
00:33:41No, it makes it sound like I think I have a problem, and I don't.
00:33:47Look, I don't want to get into a fight or anything,
00:33:50but you passed out in a department store,
00:33:53and in my way of thinking,
00:33:55that is a problem.
00:33:57Tonight was a very unusual situation.
00:34:00I wish you could have known me when...
00:34:18Rex was alive, and my kids were young,
00:34:20and everything was the way it was supposed to be.
00:34:24I think you really would have liked me so much.
00:34:32I don't like you just fine.
00:34:35Really?
00:34:41Because I don't.
00:34:42I don't.
00:34:42I don't.
00:34:54I don't.
00:35:01Mom?
00:35:04Andrew?
00:35:24Caleb?
00:35:31Hey, Danielle.
00:35:33What are you doing here?
00:35:37Happy birthday.
00:35:41You really have to go home.
00:35:42If my mom knew you were here, she'd freak.
00:35:44Don't you want to wear it?
00:35:45No, I don't.
00:35:46Now, please leave.
00:35:47I can't help you with it.
00:35:48No, didn't you hear me?
00:35:49You freak, leave!
00:35:54Hey, what's wrong?
00:36:20You can tell everyone in the office to relax.
00:36:25He won't take my milk anymore.
00:36:27Already?
00:36:29I mean, I'm sorry.
00:36:31Yeah, I bet.
00:36:33I mean, I'm not naive.
00:36:34I just didn't think it would be so soon.
00:36:37Oh, sweetie.
00:36:39I know that we want to keep them young as long as we can,
00:36:44but kids grow up.
00:36:46They just do.
00:36:46I know.
00:36:48If that's not bad enough, now I'm going to get fat again.
00:36:52Huh?
00:36:53Rest reading was the only thing that kept the weight off.
00:36:55Every mealtime was like doing 30 minutes of cardio.
00:36:59Now I'm going to have to join a gym.
00:37:03Wow.
00:37:05That is really a bummer.
00:37:07It is.
00:37:09It really is.
00:37:10Hey, uh, Julie, let me in.
00:37:35I can see that.
00:37:36So, wait, you're running out of strangers to beat up on the street,
00:37:40and you're going house to house now?
00:37:41Look, I feel really awful about what happened.
00:37:44You don't want to be my boyfriend, fine.
00:37:46Don't beat up the only guy who wants to volunteer for the job.
00:37:49Look, I know I overreacted, but come on, the way he was yelling at you?
00:37:52I deserved it.
00:37:52Believe me, after what I did...
00:37:54God, this is such a mess, he won't even return my phone calls.
00:37:59What'd you do?
00:38:01I said something to Dr. Ron before the operation, and it just devastated him.
00:38:07What?
00:38:09I can't tell you.
00:38:11Yeah, you can.
00:38:11You can tell me anything.
00:38:12You know that.
00:38:14Mom, um, phone call.
00:38:15It's Dr. Ron.
00:38:17Oh.
00:38:18Um, I need to take this.
00:38:22You, um, you want to talk about this later?
00:38:30No.
00:38:31No, not really.
00:38:33Um, what's the point?
00:38:46Hi.
00:38:46At that precise moment, as Dr. Hanson Mills was cutting yet another umbilical cord, other
00:38:55ties were being severed all over town.
00:38:58Like the one between a child and the mother who didn't want him to grow up so quickly.
00:39:05Or the one between a case of fine wine and the housewife who hadn't wanted to admit she
00:39:11had a problem.
00:39:13Or the one between a woman and the boyfriend who couldn't forgive her betrayal.
00:39:18The choice to separate from what we love is painful.
00:39:25Hey.
00:39:26I'm a girl today.
00:39:27Mm-hmm.
00:39:28I love both of my girls.
00:39:29The only thing worse...
00:39:31We're doing good.
00:39:34We're doing real good.
00:39:35...is when someone we've trusted makes the choice for us.
00:39:39Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:39:45Look, Libby here likes us as much as we like her.
00:39:48We should just go ahead and move to adopt her baby girl.
00:39:50Who's the father?
00:39:50Honestly, I don't know.
00:39:51Carlos and Gabby made a deal.
00:39:54I did remarry my ex, but it was only because he has great health insurance.
00:39:57Susan made amends.
00:39:58You know, I never thought I'd have such a good time hanging out with my girlfriend and
00:40:01her husband.
00:40:02And Mike...
00:40:03Didn't she mention we dated?
00:40:04...made a confession.
00:40:05Liar!
00:40:06You've just been leading me on!
00:40:07You're obviously still in love with this guy!
00:40:08Of his own.
00:40:12On her first day of sobriety, Brie Vandekamp found an old cork, which reminded her just
00:40:18how much she craved Chablis.
00:40:20So she called her sponsor, who came over with a DVD which they watched till her craving had
00:40:26passed.
00:40:28Five days later, after she'd developed a thirst for Merlot, Peter arrived with a deck of cards.
00:40:33The next week, he brought over Chinese takeout because Brie had told him she was consumed
00:40:39by thoughts of vintage Chardonnay.
00:40:42By her 20th day of sobriety, Brie had stopped thinking about alcohol altogether because her
00:40:49thoughts were now centered elsewhere.
00:40:52I'm curious, Peter, what is the easiest way to overcome addiction?
00:40:59Well, some folks try shock therapy, others use hypnosis, but taking it one day at a time still makes
00:41:07the most sense to me.
00:41:08Come on.
00:41:09I don't know, I guess I'm just impatient to get on with my life.
00:41:17What are you doing?
00:41:18I'm just giving you a little kiss.
00:41:21Why?
00:41:22Well, it's just my way of saying thank you for everything you've done for me over the past
00:41:25few weeks.
00:41:26What's wrong?
00:41:30This is going to seem like it's coming out of left field, but in addition to being a recovering
00:41:34alcoholic, I'm also a member of SA.
00:41:39Sex Addict Synonymous.
00:41:44Oh, and that's a real thing?
00:41:47Yes, and sex is as much an addiction for me as booze.
00:41:51That's why when you turn me on like that, it's a bit of a problem.
00:41:53It's just a peck on the cheek.
00:41:55It doesn't matter, the slightest touch gets my juices flowing.
00:41:59So, how long has it been since you...
00:42:03A year.
00:42:05They have this rule, plant, pet, person.
00:42:07If I can keep a plant alive, you know, then I can move on to a pet.
00:42:11And if I can make that work, then I can start dating again.
00:42:15So, how are you doing?
00:42:16I'm on my fourth ficus.
00:42:17Oh.
00:42:25See?
00:42:26I think you can handle affection better than you give yourself credit for.
00:42:32I'm sorry, um, I think I should go.
00:42:48Really?
00:42:49Yeah.
00:42:50Here.
00:42:51What?
00:42:52What?
00:42:53You forgot your shirt!
00:42:54Keep it!
00:42:55Though she didn't know it, Brie had answered her own question.
00:43:00The easiest way to overcome one addiction is to replace it with another.
00:43:07Temptation.
00:43:08It's the name of a well-known establishment on the outskirts of Fairview.
00:43:22Its clientele is devoted.
00:43:25Everyone who goes there wants to get their hands on something.
00:43:30And when they cross a line...
00:43:32Hey!
00:43:33I warned you, pal.
00:43:34...they are punished.
00:43:37As a certain married couple was about to discover.
00:43:40Hi.
00:43:41You want a lap dance?
00:43:43Um...
00:43:44No, thanks, no.
00:43:48I sure hope Libby likes this camera.
00:43:54Well, why wouldn't she?
00:43:55It's exactly what she asked for.
00:43:57The most expensive one in the store.
00:43:59Yeah, I'm telling you, Carlos, I'm getting really tired of kissing her ass.
00:44:02The woman is giving us her baby.
00:44:04We'll kiss whatever needs kissing.
00:44:07What the hell are you guys doing here?
00:44:09Uh, we brought you this gift, and you said that you didn't want us coming by your house.
00:44:13Thanks, but I'm working, so you gotta go.
00:44:16Look, we spent a lot of money on that.
00:44:18The least you can do is open it so we can bask in your happy expression.
00:44:21Is there a problem here?
00:44:23No, we're just talking.
00:44:24Everything's fine.
00:44:25Carlos Solis, my wife Gabrielle, we're friends of Libby's.
00:44:29Hey, I'm Frank, Libby's boyfriend.
00:44:32Libby, you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend.
00:44:36Didn't I?
00:44:37I thought I had.
00:44:38What's that?
00:44:39A present for our baby?
00:44:41I'm sorry, did you just say our baby?
00:44:45Yeah, it's our first.
00:44:50Hey, what's for lunch?
00:44:53Omlets.
00:44:54You want me to make you one?
00:44:55No, thank you.
00:44:56I'll just pick of yours.
00:44:57I didn't know you still had a tea, Dad.
00:44:59Of course I do.
00:45:00I have to watch out for my two favorite ladies.
00:45:02Try the cheese, that's the best part.
00:45:04You mean two of your three favorite ladies.
00:45:07You know when you add in Edie.
00:45:10Right, of course.
00:45:12Speaking of Edie, I have some big news.
00:45:15I finally did it.
00:45:16I popped the question.
00:45:17Oh, congratulations, Dad.
00:45:19Yeah, congratulations.
00:45:21Um, what happened to waiting six months?
00:45:24Edie and I aren't getting married tomorrow.
00:45:26It takes months to plan a classy wedding.
00:45:29Remember ours?
00:45:31You had to have it outdoors.
00:45:33Ugh.
00:45:34It poured.
00:45:35I could have murdered that weatherman.
00:45:37We were all crammed under this little gazebo thingy.
00:45:41It was hysterical.
00:45:42I thought the whole wedding day was ruined.
00:45:43I loved it.
00:45:44I felt spontaneous.
00:45:46All our friends gathered close around us.
00:45:49Remember?
00:45:51You said it was the happiest day of your life.
00:46:00Just like you marrying Edie will be the happiest day of her life.
00:46:05Yeah, right.
00:46:06Her too.
00:46:07Toodles.
00:46:15Oh, hi.
00:46:16Hello.
00:46:17Andrew said it was alright for me to get a cream soda.
00:46:20Uh, sure.
00:46:22Help yourself.
00:46:23There's also frosted glasses in the freezer.
00:46:25Can is fine, but thank you.
00:46:27Oh, and, uh, I left a list for you of the witnesses we'll be deposing.
00:46:30It's, uh, there on the counter.
00:46:44Hi.
00:46:45Hey.
00:46:46I know that you're still angry with me, and, um, I wanted to tell you that I have, um, joined a recovery program.
00:46:58AA.
00:46:59I just wanted you to know that.
00:47:03And to tell you I'm sorry.
00:47:05You are a real friend, and I value your honesty.
00:47:10Oh, I don't want to be mad anymore.
00:47:15And I'm so happy to hear all that, and I am so proud of you.
00:47:19Oh, thanks, but I'm not really out of the woods yet.
00:47:21I still have this whole court case hanging over my head.
00:47:24I heard about that.
00:47:25Andrew's asking to be emancipated?
00:47:27Yes, and his lawyer is taking depositions now to see if I am a fit parent.
00:47:31Right.
00:47:32And considering that mishap that I had with your kids, I, uh, I imagine he'll be anxious to talk to you.
00:47:38That makes sense, I guess.
00:47:40Yeah.
00:47:41Do you have any idea what you might say?
00:47:44I, um, I'll focus on your good qualities.
00:47:54I could not ask for anything more.
00:47:59Thanks.
00:48:00See you around, I hope.
00:48:01All right.
00:48:02That's not why you came to apologize, is it?
00:48:06What do you mean?
00:48:08To soften me up for the deposition.
00:48:10Uh, of course not.
00:48:16Um, I just want you to understand something.
00:48:21Andrew is making accusations.
00:48:24False accusations saying that I abused him.
00:48:27All because I wouldn't let him have his trust fund early so he could buy a car.
00:48:32I mean, can you blame me for wanting to know if I have your support?
00:48:35And so what?
00:48:36You want me to lie?
00:48:37Make you look good?
00:48:38I actually don't want anything of the sort.
00:48:39Good.
00:48:40Because when I give my deposition, I'm going to tell the truth.
00:48:46To what do I owe this pleasure?
00:48:47I want you to look at something.
00:48:52Myra Holt is talking to Paul Young.
00:48:53Chatting away with him as though he were any other neighbor.
00:48:54Now, I told her he killed my sister.
00:48:55I mentioned it to her.
00:48:56I told her he killed my sister.
00:48:57I mentioned it to her.
00:48:58I told her he killed my sister.
00:48:59I mentioned it to her six months ago when we were standing at the Express Line at the
00:49:18Myra Holt is talking to Paul Young,
00:49:20chatting away with him as though he were any other neighbor.
00:49:22Now, I told her he killed my sister.
00:49:24I mentioned it to her six months ago
00:49:26when we were standing at the express line at the market,
00:49:28but still, there she is, yuckin' away.
00:49:31Oh, Mike.
00:49:33I'm afraid people's memories aren't what they used to be.
00:49:36What do you want, Felicia?
00:49:38I want to see how good your memory is.
00:49:40If you recall a certain promise you made to me.
00:49:43I am not gonna kill him.
00:49:45Why not? Give me one good reason.
00:49:46Because things have changed.
00:49:48How?
00:49:48My sister still lies rotting in the ground.
00:49:51So does Deirdre.
00:49:51Now, I don't see how anything's changed at all.
00:49:54You're just gonna have to let this go.
00:49:56Sounds to me as though someone's let go of his rage.
00:49:59Maybe I have.
00:50:01Well, I haven't.
00:50:07That bitch of a stripper lied to us.
00:50:09The father's totally in the dark.
00:50:10He clearly wants to keep the baby.
00:50:12Mr. Solis,
00:50:13if the father wants to assert his rights here,
00:50:16there's nothing we can do.
00:50:17I'll find you another baby.
00:50:18I promise.
00:50:19I don't want another baby.
00:50:20I want this one.
00:50:21Honey, he's right, okay?
00:50:22That trashy girl's been lying to us from the get-go.
00:50:24Let's just walk away while we can.
00:50:26It's not worth it.
00:50:27Don't get cold feet now, Gabby.
00:50:28Please.
00:50:29All right?
00:50:29Let's just pay Frank the way we paid Libby
00:50:31and then bring the baby home.
00:50:32Wait, wait, wait.
00:50:34You paid Libby?
00:50:35He said we could give her gifts.
00:50:36Everybody loves getting cash.
00:50:38I could probably be disbarred
00:50:42for even listening to this.
00:50:43I cannot condone baby buying,
00:50:45and I sure as hell can't be part of it.
00:50:47Oh, Mr. Beale, come on.
00:50:48No, no, hear me out.
00:50:50If you are determined
00:50:51to go down this dark road
00:50:53and unbeknownst to me
00:50:54steal this
00:50:55paternal rights waiver
00:50:56that's sitting on my desk
00:50:57and have this Frank I sign both sides
00:50:59and date the top,
00:51:00I can't be part of that either.
00:51:02Hmm.
00:51:10Okay, I'm going to go to Dad's.
00:51:12Oh, wait.
00:51:13Why don't you let me walk with you?
00:51:14Uh, shouldn't you be resting?
00:51:16No, I'm fine.
00:51:17The doctor said I should
00:51:18actually keep my blood flowing.
00:51:19Well, do you have to do it
00:51:20while we walk over to Edie's?
00:51:22I just, I don't want to risk
00:51:24you running into Dad.
00:51:26Okay.
00:51:27You guys have just been
00:51:28so chummy lately,
00:51:29and this whole flirting thing
00:51:31is kind of freaking me out.
00:51:31Wait a second.
00:51:33We're not flirting.
00:51:35Mom, you've had him
00:51:36eggs with your fork.
00:51:38Okay, yes.
00:51:39I am closer to your father
00:51:41than I have been in the past.
00:51:42The bitter hatred
00:51:43has now settled
00:51:44into a respectful disgust.
00:51:46That's the kind of thing
00:51:47most children of divorce
00:51:48dream about.
00:51:53Hey, Edie.
00:51:54What's all this stuff for?
00:51:55Oh, hi.
00:51:57Don't tell anyone,
00:51:58but I'm planning
00:51:59a huge surprise for Carl.
00:52:00A surprise?
00:52:01Yeah, I'm putting together
00:52:02an engagement party
00:52:03tomorrow afternoon.
00:52:04Oh, cool.
00:52:05But that's not the surprise.
00:52:07Actually,
00:52:09it's going to be
00:52:09a surprise wedding.
00:52:13I know,
00:52:13my Pilates teacher
00:52:14got ordained
00:52:15over the internet.
00:52:16The Church of the Divine
00:52:18something or other.
00:52:19Not sure.
00:52:20Anyway,
00:52:21it's all legal,
00:52:22and, well,
00:52:22just one more day
00:52:23before I make an honest man
00:52:24out of your daddy.
00:52:30Oh,
00:52:31you're so sweet.
00:52:32Thank you so much
00:52:33for your good wishes.
00:52:36Oh,
00:52:37no, Edie,
00:52:38wait.
00:52:38No,
00:52:39it's just that,
00:52:39you know,
00:52:40I was married to Carl,
00:52:41and I used to
00:52:41try to surprise him,
00:52:43and he would always,
00:52:44always,
00:52:45always say,
00:52:46no,
00:52:48Susan,
00:52:48don't surprise me.
00:52:49I don't like it.
00:52:51Whatever.
00:52:52I'm doing it,
00:52:53so keep your trap shut.
00:52:54And if you'll excuse me,
00:52:56I've got to go
00:52:56and buy a wedding dress.
00:52:58Oh,
00:52:59and by the way,
00:52:59I'll be wearing white,
00:53:00so that'll be a surprise
00:53:02for everybody.
00:53:05I don't know why
00:53:09I have to get dragged
00:53:10into this.
00:53:11What happened
00:53:12with my kids
00:53:13has nothing to do
00:53:14with Brie's situation
00:53:15with Andrew.
00:53:15What would have said?
00:53:17Well,
00:53:17it's my understanding
00:53:18that real harm
00:53:19could have come
00:53:20to your children
00:53:20as a direct result
00:53:21of your friend's behavior.
00:53:23I'm sorry,
00:53:23Mr. Bromanis,
00:53:24but I'm not going
00:53:24to testify.
00:53:25It just doesn't
00:53:26feel right to me.
00:53:27Well,
00:53:27this isn't the first time
00:53:28someone's felt
00:53:29the way you do.
00:53:31So,
00:53:32this isn't the first time
00:53:33I've had to say
00:53:34that if you refuse
00:53:35to give a deposition
00:53:36of your own accord,
00:53:37I'll compel you
00:53:38to give one.
00:53:43But I'm sure
00:53:43I won't have to.
00:53:45You're saying
00:53:53Brie did this?
00:53:55Well,
00:53:55under the influence.
00:53:58I understand
00:53:59your reluctance
00:54:00to turn on a friend,
00:54:01but this isn't
00:54:02about you.
00:54:03It's about Andrew.
00:54:06Don't you think
00:54:06he's suffered enough?
00:54:07How much are you
00:54:16going to give him?
00:54:17I figured we could
00:54:17start with 40.
00:54:19Thousand?
00:54:20He's a bouncer
00:54:21in a strip club.
00:54:22Offer him eight.
00:54:23He is not going to
00:54:24sell his baby
00:54:24for $8,000.
00:54:26Are we talking
00:54:26about the same idiot?
00:54:28I think for $8,000
00:54:29you throw in a kidney.
00:54:30I'm not going to blow
00:54:30this by bargain hunting.
00:54:32That's your problem,
00:54:33Carlos.
00:54:33Remember when you
00:54:34bought your car,
00:54:34you paid sticker.
00:54:35Nobody pays sticker.
00:54:36Okay, and what's
00:54:36the sticker price
00:54:36on a child, huh?
00:54:37Tell me that.
00:54:39I'm thinking $12,000.
00:54:43Frank, you have
00:54:44to sign the paper.
00:54:45I made a deal
00:54:46with these people.
00:54:46A deal?
00:54:47This isn't a used car
00:54:49we're talking about.
00:54:49It's our baby.
00:54:50Before you screw
00:54:51this up, just remember
00:54:52that I can go to the cops
00:54:53and tell them about
00:54:54the pot farm you have
00:54:55going on in our basement.
00:54:56Yeah, it's just
00:54:59a couple plants.
00:55:01You know, I don't do
00:55:01it for profits.
00:55:03A hobby, mostly.
00:55:04Oh, come on, Frank.
00:55:05You know you would
00:55:06be a lousy father.
00:55:07It's my kid,
00:55:08and I have a right
00:55:09to mess her up
00:55:09if I want.
00:55:10And if you go
00:55:10near the police,
00:55:11I'll tell them
00:55:12how you've been
00:55:12stealing all those
00:55:13tips from Sheila.
00:55:15Okay, we're done.
00:55:17Gabby, Gabby,
00:55:18now just hold on.
00:55:19Now, maybe there's
00:55:20a way that we
00:55:21can work this out
00:55:22together.
00:55:23There's nothing
00:55:23to work out.
00:55:24If Frank is not
00:55:25on board with this,
00:55:26it's over.
00:55:27Wait, uh,
00:55:28it doesn't matter
00:55:29what he wants.
00:55:31Why not?
00:55:32Because it's
00:55:33not your baby.
00:55:36That's a lie.
00:55:37What if I take
00:55:38a paternity test?
00:55:39Will that shut
00:55:39you up?
00:55:40Wait, if it's
00:55:40not Frank's,
00:55:41then whose is it?
00:55:43I'm not sure.
00:55:44All I know is
00:55:45I got pregnant
00:55:46right after I worked
00:55:47at the Calgary Rodeo,
00:55:48and I was very
00:55:49popular there.
00:55:51So what are you
00:55:52saying?
00:55:52You screwed
00:55:53a bunch of cowboys?
00:55:54You have your
00:55:56hobbies, and I
00:55:58have mine.
00:56:03You think this
00:56:03is funny?
00:56:05Oh, don't you
00:56:05get it?
00:56:07We just got
00:56:08our baby back.
00:56:14Oh.
00:56:19Well, you take
00:56:20care now.
00:56:27Hi.
00:56:28I got, uh,
00:56:30your message that
00:56:30you wanted to see
00:56:31me before the
00:56:32meeting started.
00:56:33Yeah, I did.
00:56:34Um, there's
00:56:35someone I'd like
00:56:36to introduce you
00:56:36to.
00:56:38Brie, this
00:56:39is Donna.
00:56:41Donna, this is
00:56:42Brie.
00:56:43What's up?
00:56:43Hi.
00:56:44Donna is going
00:56:45to be your new
00:56:46sponsor.
00:56:46I, um, I
00:56:48don't want a
00:56:49new sponsor.
00:56:49I'm very
00:56:51comfortable
00:56:51working with
00:56:52you.
00:56:55This was
00:56:56always just
00:56:57a temporary
00:56:57arrangement, and
00:56:58given what
00:56:59happened the
00:56:59other night, I
00:57:00think it's
00:57:00best if we
00:57:01just end
00:57:01this now.
00:57:02Peter, all
00:57:03we did was
00:57:03kiss.
00:57:08We'd be
00:57:08kidding
00:57:08ourselves if
00:57:10we didn't
00:57:10think that
00:57:10whatever's
00:57:12between us
00:57:12isn't going
00:57:13to affect
00:57:13our recovery.
00:57:14It's not a
00:57:15good time for
00:57:16change in
00:57:16my life,
00:57:17Peter.
00:57:17Terrible
00:57:18things are
00:57:18happening.
00:57:19I'm headed
00:57:19to court.
00:57:20I need your
00:57:21support now
00:57:22more than
00:57:22ever.
00:57:23You'll have
00:57:24support,
00:57:24Brie.
00:57:25It just
00:57:26won't be
00:57:26mine.
00:57:27But,
00:57:27Peter...
00:57:28Oh, Brie
00:57:32could never
00:57:33have done
00:57:33that.
00:57:34I'm just
00:57:34telling you
00:57:34what the
00:57:35lawyer said.
00:57:36So you
00:57:36think Brie
00:57:37punched Andrew
00:57:37in the face?
00:57:38Because I
00:57:38don't.
00:57:39I don't
00:57:40either, but
00:57:41on the other
00:57:42hand, she
00:57:43spanked my
00:57:43kids, she
00:57:44lied about her
00:57:45drinking, and
00:57:45I once
00:57:46saw her
00:57:46bitch slap
00:57:46her mother-in-law.
00:57:48So I'm
00:57:49torn.
00:57:50Why am
00:57:50siding with
00:57:51Brie?
00:57:52How can
00:57:52you be so
00:57:53sure?
00:57:55We have
00:57:55Andrew saying
00:57:56that it's
00:57:57systematic
00:57:57physical abuse,
00:57:59and then we
00:57:59have Brie saying
00:58:00it's Andrew
00:58:00wanting to be
00:58:01emancipated so
00:58:02he can get it
00:58:03as a trust fund,
00:58:03so he can
00:58:04buy a car.
00:58:04How are we
00:58:05supposed to
00:58:05know the real
00:58:05truth?
00:58:06Because I
00:58:07remember being
00:58:0817, and I
00:58:09would have done a
00:58:10hell of a lot
00:58:10more than punch
00:58:11myself in the
00:58:11eye to get a
00:58:11car.
00:58:18Carl?
00:58:20Carl, stop,
00:58:21stop.
00:58:23It's an
00:58:24emergency.
00:58:24Just calm
00:58:25down.
00:58:25What's going on?
00:58:26Edie is going
00:58:26to marry you
00:58:27tomorrow.
00:58:28What?
00:58:29She's planned
00:58:29this whole
00:58:30secret wedding.
00:58:31It's a surprise.
00:58:32God, I hate
00:58:33surprises.
00:58:34I know.
00:58:35I told her that.
00:58:35I said, he always,
00:58:37always hates surprises.
00:58:38All right, don't
00:58:39get yourself all
00:58:39worked up here.
00:58:41We're our heads
00:58:41together and we'll
00:58:42come up with
00:58:42something.
00:58:44So, the thing
00:58:45you've got to know
00:58:46about me is my
00:58:47style is proactive.
00:58:48I don't hold your
00:58:48hand if you go on
00:58:49a bender.
00:58:50I believe in
00:58:51behavior modification.
00:58:52Some muffins?
00:58:54That's okay.
00:58:55I'm not big on
00:58:56snacks.
00:58:57You should also
00:58:58know I'm not a
00:59:00lesbian.
00:59:02Oh.
00:59:04Well, good for
00:59:04you.
00:59:05Well, see, if I
00:59:07was, the program
00:59:08wouldn't let me
00:59:08be your sponsor.
00:59:09Not great for
00:59:10your recovery if
00:59:11we get tangled up
00:59:11in a little
00:59:12something.
00:59:13So, whatever
00:59:15vibe you might
00:59:16be getting,
00:59:16that's all on
00:59:17you.
00:59:20Um, Donna.
00:59:23I really
00:59:24appreciate everything
00:59:25that you've been
00:59:26doing for me,
00:59:27but I think I
00:59:28was really making
00:59:29some progress
00:59:29with Peter as
00:59:30my sponsor.
00:59:31And I was
00:59:32thinking...
00:59:32All right, stop
00:59:32right there.
00:59:34You're fixating
00:59:35on Peter.
00:59:35I just really
00:59:36feel like I'm
00:59:37jeopardizing my
00:59:37recovery by
00:59:38switching.
00:59:38You're making
00:59:39excuses.
00:59:40See, I have a
00:59:4299% success rate
00:59:44as a sponsor
00:59:44because I have
00:59:450% tolerance for
00:59:47people who lie
00:59:47to themselves.
00:59:48Now, come on.
00:59:50Come on?
00:59:51Where are we
00:59:51going?
00:59:52Hiking.
00:59:53There's nothing
00:59:53like it to take
00:59:54your mind off
00:59:55booze.
00:59:58I got it.
00:59:59I'll just be the
01:00:00woman.
01:00:00I'll say I want
01:00:01a big wedding,
01:00:02you know, the
01:00:02church, the big
01:00:03ballroom, smooshing
01:00:04cake in her face.
01:00:05It'll take months
01:00:06to plan.
01:00:06That's great.
01:00:07Of course, I'll
01:00:08have to tell her
01:00:08you're the one
01:00:09who ruined the
01:00:09surprise.
01:00:10You're going to
01:00:11make me take the
01:00:12hit?
01:00:12Yeah.
01:00:15Hey, guys.
01:00:16What you doing out
01:00:16here?
01:00:17Uh, just talking.
01:00:20Oh, well, come on
01:00:21in.
01:00:21I've got something to
01:00:22show you.
01:00:22Oh, no, that's
01:00:23okay.
01:00:23Come on.
01:00:24You'll love this.
01:00:25Wait until I leave
01:00:32to tell her, because
01:00:32she's going to
01:00:33kill me.
01:00:38Well, I should
01:00:39go.
01:00:41I'm not going to
01:00:42scream or cry or
01:00:44pound your faces
01:00:45in with a mallet,
01:00:45which Lord knows
01:00:47is my right.
01:00:48But what I will
01:00:48say is that you
01:00:49two are the most
01:00:50reprehensible excuses
01:00:52for human beings
01:00:52that I have ever
01:00:53met.
01:00:55Do you have
01:00:55anything to add?
01:01:02Right.
01:01:04What the hell?
01:01:05Oh!
01:01:08Yeah, oh, yeah!
01:01:25It's a sweet ride.
01:01:34Yeah?
01:01:35You think so?
01:01:37Why don't you come
01:01:38over here for a second?
01:01:39I'd like to pick your
01:01:40brain.
01:01:44You're the demographic
01:01:45that my client is
01:01:46interested in, so you'd
01:01:47actually be doing me a
01:01:48favor if you'd drop it
01:01:49around for a couple
01:01:49hours and told me what
01:01:51you thought.
01:01:52Do you mind?
01:01:54Are you kidding me?
01:01:56I can't believe you
01:01:57are old enough to drive.
01:01:58I still remember when
01:01:59you were ten years old.
01:02:00I paid you a dollar to
01:02:01rake our leaves.
01:02:02Yeah.
01:02:03Yeah, you were pretty
01:02:04cheap.
01:02:06Yeah.
01:02:08Is this set up for
01:02:09MP3?
01:02:10All the bells and
01:02:11whistles.
01:02:12Listen, I really
01:02:14wanted to tell you
01:02:15how sorry I am.
01:02:17Hmm?
01:02:19Your lawyer came
01:02:20to see me.
01:02:22I'm going to be
01:02:23deposed.
01:02:25It's going to be
01:02:26hard for me.
01:02:28Yeah.
01:02:29Yeah, I know.
01:02:32You just have to
01:02:33remember she's a
01:02:34different person when
01:02:36she drinks.
01:02:37She must be.
01:02:38It's hard for me to
01:02:39imagine the brie I
01:02:40know capable of
01:02:41hurting you.
01:02:43Yeah.
01:02:45Do you have the
01:02:46keys?
01:02:46Oh, sure.
01:02:49Anyway, I just
01:02:49feel so guilty that
01:02:51this all went on in
01:02:52your house, right
01:02:54under our nose.
01:02:55So if there is
01:02:56anything I can do
01:02:57to help you.
01:02:59Well, can you get
01:03:00a discount on these?
01:03:04Um, actually, yeah.
01:03:07One of the perks.
01:03:09Even so, it's a little
01:03:09out of the price range
01:03:10of a high school
01:03:10student.
01:03:12Well, if you tell my
01:03:13lawyer the truth, I don't
01:03:14think money's going to be
01:03:15a problem.
01:03:22Hi.
01:03:22What's going on?
01:03:28Edie wants to discuss
01:03:29our little deception.
01:03:31Exactly how ugly is this
01:03:34going to get?
01:03:34How long does it take to
01:03:36shut a door?
01:03:38I can forgive your trickery.
01:03:41I can forgive the
01:03:42humiliation.
01:03:44But what I can't forgive is
01:03:45the complete and utter lack
01:03:46of faith in me.
01:03:48I mean, having Susan get
01:03:49married for insurance was my
01:03:50idea.
01:03:52Okay, so if I'd known that
01:03:53everything had gotten all
01:03:53screwed up, of course I
01:03:55would have agreed.
01:03:55Look, Edie, in retrospect,
01:03:58yes, we didn't think.
01:04:00We didn't handle this the
01:04:02way mature adults should
01:04:03have.
01:04:04He's right.
01:04:05We behave like children.
01:04:07Naughty, stupid children.
01:04:09Well, that makes me feel
01:04:10better.
01:04:11You could admit that.
01:04:14Because when naughty children
01:04:16misbehave, they know that
01:04:18they're going to get punished.
01:04:20Don't they?
01:04:20Punished.
01:04:25At this point, I'd like to
01:04:26point out that it was Carl
01:04:28who proposed.
01:04:29Carl, you are going to throw
01:04:32me an elaborate wedding.
01:04:35Yes, of course.
01:04:37Anything, baby.
01:04:40How elaborate?
01:04:42Well, figure out exactly what
01:04:44it is that you could afford
01:04:44and triple it.
01:04:46As for you...
01:04:49Okay, now remember, I'm broke.
01:04:52I'm well aware of your
01:04:53church malstatus.
01:04:54I don't intend to lift a
01:04:57finger during the planning
01:04:58and execution of this
01:05:00crushingly expensive
01:05:02wedding.
01:05:03No, no, of course not.
01:05:05And anything I can do to
01:05:07help.
01:05:08You know, I could help with
01:05:09the engagement party.
01:05:10How's that?
01:05:11Well, I wasn't planning on
01:05:12inviting you.
01:05:13But, I will need a bartender.
01:05:19Oh, oh, and, um, make sure
01:05:22you come in through the back
01:05:23door.
01:05:33You're just in time.
01:05:35Mrs. Scavo has been sworn in,
01:05:36so we're all ready to start.
01:05:39All right.
01:05:40Bye.
01:05:41All right.
01:05:49We are now on the record.
01:05:51Okay.
01:05:52Isn't it true that while
01:05:53your children were in Bree's
01:05:55care that she passed out
01:05:56drunk and allowed them to
01:05:57wander off to a downtown
01:05:59business district?
01:06:05My kids don't wander.
01:06:06They scurry like rats.
01:06:08Excuse me?
01:06:10Do you know a rat can fit
01:06:12through a hole the size
01:06:12of a quarter?
01:06:14Anyway, my children have
01:06:15that trick down, too.
01:06:16Mrs. Scavo, are you saying
01:06:17that you don't hold Mrs.
01:06:18Vandekamp responsible for
01:06:20endangering your children?
01:06:22No, I don't hold her
01:06:23responsible.
01:06:24Bree Vandekamp and I have
01:06:25known each other a long
01:06:26time.
01:06:28I trust her completely.
01:06:29She's a wonderful friend
01:06:30and a fantastic mother.
01:06:32She puts the rest of us to
01:06:33shame.
01:06:33She's lying.
01:06:34Are you going to let her get
01:06:35away with this crap?
01:06:36Please.
01:06:36Do you consider Mrs.
01:06:40Vandekamp to have a
01:06:41drinking problem?
01:06:43No.
01:06:45Then why did you line
01:06:46empty wine bottles up
01:06:47on her front stoop?
01:06:49I was helping Bree with
01:06:51the recycling.
01:06:53Do I need to remind you
01:06:54of the potential consequences
01:06:56of perjury?
01:06:57No, you don't.
01:06:58In fact, I hate liars.
01:07:00Hello?
01:07:04Peter.
01:07:21Hi.
01:07:22It's Bree.
01:07:24Hey, Bree.
01:07:25You know, if you feel like
01:07:27you're going to need a drink,
01:07:27you should call Donna.
01:07:29No.
01:07:29No, I don't feel like I'm
01:07:31going to drink.
01:07:32And if I did, I certainly
01:07:33would call Donna.
01:07:34I mean, she and I are just
01:07:35really clicking.
01:07:36Oh, that's good.
01:07:38So why are you calling?
01:07:40I know it's really late
01:07:41notice, but a friend of mine
01:07:42got engaged and she's
01:07:43throwing a party and I
01:07:44thought maybe you'd like
01:07:45to come.
01:07:46Bree.
01:07:46Well, you're not my
01:07:48sponsor anymore, so I
01:07:49assume this is allowable.
01:07:50I mean, it's just a casual
01:07:51get-together.
01:07:53And they're having sushi.
01:07:53You do like sushi, don't you?
01:07:56Bree.
01:07:56Okay, Peter, I just
01:08:03really need us to be
01:08:05friends.
01:08:06When I'm with you, I'm
01:08:07not myself, which is a
01:08:09good thing.
01:08:10I can relax when I'm with
01:08:12you in a way that I can't
01:08:13when I'm with other
01:08:14people.
01:08:16With them, I have to
01:08:17pretend that I have it
01:08:18all together, but you
01:08:22know that I don't, so it's
01:08:23just so much easier.
01:08:24Come on, it's just a dumb
01:08:27old party.
01:08:29Bree, do not call me
01:08:31again.
01:08:39Oh, I'm so glad you made
01:08:41it.
01:08:42Well, I appreciate the
01:08:43invitation, Edie, although
01:08:44frankly, I'm a little surprised
01:08:45to get it, considering how
01:08:46people in this neighborhood
01:08:47feel about me.
01:08:48Oh, you know me.
01:08:49I like to be inclusive.
01:08:52Oh, it's heavy.
01:08:55Ah, ah, ah.
01:08:56This is flat.
01:08:57I think I'd like, um,
01:09:00a rusty nail.
01:09:01A what now?
01:09:02It's a cocktail.
01:09:03Well, I'm not really sure
01:09:04what's in it, but it sounds
01:09:06obscure and complicated.
01:09:08So, chop, chop.
01:09:09Hey, you're right there.
01:09:11Hey, hey, put that down.
01:09:12We gotta go.
01:09:13Our birth mother just went
01:09:14into labor.
01:09:15What?
01:09:16That's fantastic!
01:09:17Yeah, can you believe it?
01:09:18We're gonna be parents.
01:09:19I'll go get the car.
01:09:19Come on.
01:09:21We're supposed to have
01:09:22four weeks.
01:09:23She promised me the baby
01:09:24wasn't due for four more
01:09:25weeks.
01:09:26We don't have anything.
01:09:27We don't have diapers, and
01:09:28we don't have the stuffed
01:09:29babies drink.
01:09:31Formula.
01:09:31Exactly.
01:09:32We're not ready.
01:09:33You know, this is a total
01:09:34inconvenience.
01:09:36Welcome to parenthood.
01:09:36Come on.
01:09:39This is your father's
01:09:40bartender Bible.
01:09:41See if you can find the
01:09:41recipe for a rusty nail.
01:09:48Um, Mom?
01:09:52Where'd you find that?
01:09:53It was stuck in here
01:09:54between a pink squirrel
01:09:55and a pisco sour.
01:09:58Oh.
01:10:00Well, why is your father
01:10:02keeping this?
01:10:04Why do you think?
01:10:06Hey, Susie.
01:10:15Carl, this marriage, our
01:10:16marriage, this fake marriage,
01:10:18that's what it is, right?
01:10:19Fake.
01:10:20What are you talking about?
01:10:21What's this?
01:10:24Nothing.
01:10:25Yeah.
01:10:28Okay, then.
01:10:30Repeat after me.
01:10:31Our marriage is fake,
01:10:33and I'm going to marry the
01:10:34woman I really love,
01:10:36Edie Britt.
01:10:37If that's what you want me
01:10:38to say.
01:10:39No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:10:40It's not about what I want
01:10:41you to say.
01:10:42You have to want to say
01:10:43that you want to marry
01:10:44Edie.
01:10:47Don't worry about this,
01:10:48Susie.
01:10:49Why are you hanging on to
01:10:50that?
01:10:50I need to look at it from
01:10:51time to time.
01:10:53Why?
01:10:53Consider it my punishment
01:10:59for screwing up the best
01:11:01thing that ever happened
01:11:03to me.
01:11:06Oh.
01:11:08Oh, no, no, no.
01:11:09This is not happening.
01:11:13Oh, Carl.
01:11:15Are you crazy?
01:11:17I don't know what to do, Susie.
01:11:18You want me to marry Edie?
01:11:19I will.
01:11:19You want me to call
01:11:20off the wedding?
01:11:20I'll do it.
01:11:21I'll do whatever you want.
01:11:22I'm putty.
01:11:24Carl!
01:11:25What?
01:11:29What are you doing?
01:11:30Just putting away some
01:11:31coats.
01:11:33Oh.
01:11:34Well, it's time to open
01:11:35my presents.
01:11:37Let's go.
01:11:46Oh.
01:11:49Oh, hello.
01:11:55Hi.
01:11:55Hi.
01:11:56Um, I need some advice
01:11:57from a professional.
01:11:59I'd like to get stinking drunk.
01:12:00Do you have anything that can
01:12:01accomplish that in a hurry?
01:12:08I forgot the Lamaze book
01:12:09in my purse.
01:12:10Come on, let's go.
01:12:11We'll wing it.
01:12:15Oh, we missed it.
01:12:17The kid just slipped right out.
01:12:19Um, are you family?
01:12:25They're the parents.
01:12:34Would you like to help?
01:12:37No, thanks.
01:12:38You guys look like you got it covered.
01:12:41Oh, are you sure, honey?
01:12:42Come on, Gabby.
01:12:45I just, um, I don't want to do anything
01:12:48to screw it up.
01:12:49She won't break.
01:12:51Here.
01:12:53Okay.
01:12:57Hi.
01:12:59Hi.
01:12:59Honey, you were right.
01:13:08No, but what?
01:13:13It was all worth it.
01:13:25Serving bowls.
01:13:26Just what I needed, Lynette.
01:13:28There's a gift receipt taped
01:13:30to the bottom of the box.
01:13:31Oh, thank God.
01:13:34Okay, the next one
01:13:35is from Felicia.
01:13:37I do hope you like it.
01:13:38Oh, you know what they say.
01:13:41Good things come in small packages.
01:13:43What is it?
01:13:53Teeth?
01:13:54Dentures.
01:13:56They were my dear sister Martha's.
01:13:59I'm sure none of you knew,
01:14:01but she had orthodontic issues
01:14:02from the time she was a child.
01:14:04Oh.
01:14:05Oh.
01:14:10I know it's an unconventional gift
01:14:12for an engagement party,
01:14:13but you and Martha were such close friends, Edie.
01:14:15I wanted you to have something truly personal
01:14:17to remember her by
01:14:18since she left us so abruptly.
01:14:22You know, when Paul Young strangled her,
01:14:25crushed her windpipe,
01:14:26and buried her alive
01:14:27next to a garbage-strewn hiking trail.
01:14:29Felicia, I think that enough.
01:14:32I do apologize if I've offended anyone,
01:14:36but while you all are chit-chatting
01:14:39and eating these gummy hors d'oeuvres,
01:14:42just remember,
01:14:43you're in the company of a murderer.
01:14:45It was a great crime.
01:14:46Oh.
01:14:46Oh.
01:14:47Oh.
01:14:47Oh.
01:14:48Oh.
01:14:52Oh.
01:14:53Oh.
01:14:56Oh.
01:15:00Oh.
01:15:01Oh.
01:15:06Oh.
01:15:07Oh.
01:15:08Brie. Brie.
01:15:26Why didn't you call Donna?
01:15:31I don't need Donna.
01:15:33I need you.
01:15:38You know, I don't even like redheads.
01:15:58Okay, it's my turn.
01:15:59Shh, in a minute.
01:16:02Come on, you're hogging her.
01:16:04Tell me.
01:16:05You tell me who it is, Libby.
01:16:07Aren't you drunk?
01:16:09Who is he?
01:16:11I got to know him.
01:16:13I already told you.
01:16:14He's just some rodeo guy.
01:16:15I don't even remember his name.
01:16:16Fire!
01:16:18What are you doing?
01:16:19I'm gonna light myself on fire.
01:16:22He's gonna light himself on fire with coffee liqueur?
01:16:25Would not have been my choice.
01:16:27Tell me his name or I'm gonna do it!
01:16:30Frank, don't be an idiot.
01:16:32It was Dale, okay?
01:16:34It was Dale.
01:16:37My brother, Dale?
01:16:39He's a kid.
01:16:40He's 19, Frank.
01:16:41He knows which end is up.
01:16:43What is she seeing?
01:16:47There's a father.
01:16:48Hey, hey!
01:16:49Hey, what are you doing?
01:16:50You don't know!
01:16:52No.
01:16:53I'm not giving up the baby.
01:16:55I'm just getting out of here!
01:16:56No!
01:17:01What the hell are you doing?
01:17:02Taking our baby home.
01:17:03She's not ours.
01:17:04The papers aren't valid anymore.
01:17:06She has a father.
01:17:07Do you really want to leave this beautiful little girl with that white trash freak show?
01:17:11Huh?
01:17:12Oh, come on, then.
01:17:21How's it going?
01:17:22Where?
01:17:23Maternity.
01:17:24Maternity.
01:17:25All right.
01:17:30Come on, hurry up!
01:17:34Man, there's a lot of straps on this thing.
01:17:36How does this thing go in?
01:17:38Meet the instructions.
01:17:39Pass strap A through strap B, making sure that the harness clip is at chest level.
01:17:44Which same one is the harness clip?
01:17:45That is after the baby is in.
01:17:47You have to connect it to the car first.
01:17:49I told you we should have got an SUV.
01:17:50Okay, stop yelling.
01:17:51This is very complicated.
01:17:52Oh, for God's sakes.
01:17:53Just take the baby.
01:18:00Wow.
01:18:01We're good to go.
01:18:02Give me the baby.
01:18:07You know this isn't going to end well.
01:18:08You know?
01:18:09They're just going to try and take her back.
01:18:11Maybe.
01:18:13But we don't have to make it easy for them.
01:18:15Gabby.
01:18:16Just buckle up.
01:18:17Just buckle up.
01:18:28Temptation comes to all of us.
01:18:31Whether or not we succumb depends on our ability to recognize its disguise.
01:18:36Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame flickering back to life.
01:18:43Or a new friend who could end up being so much more.
01:18:49Or a young child who awakens feelings we didn't know we had.
01:18:55And so, we give in to temptation.
01:18:56All the while knowing, come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences.
01:19:13liberté
01:19:22Nonada
01:19:23But the consequences.