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BSTVSHOWS
  • 6/23/2025
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Transcript
00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:00:03Before we met, I was married to someone else.
00:00:05But she died.
00:00:06...Gady's quest began.
00:00:07What would you and Catherine think about going camping?
00:00:09It's gonna be fun!
00:00:10...and Dave's plan moved forward.
00:00:12This is gonna be fun.
00:00:13Were you serious about wanting to go back to work?
00:00:15Lynette took a new path.
00:00:17Now it's your turn.
00:00:18Tell Carlos he's fired.
00:00:20But it was Carlos' boss...
00:00:22He just kept telling me he loves her!
00:00:24...who was terminated.
00:00:25I just wanted him to stop talking.
00:00:30Come on, Gabby!
00:00:32We're gonna be late.
00:00:36Gabrielle Solis hated going to funerals...
00:00:40...for all sorts of reasons.
00:00:42Black was not her color.
00:00:45Crying depressed her.
00:00:49And lilies made her sneeze.
00:00:53Also, Gabrielle despised any event...
00:00:59...where she was not the center of attention.
00:01:04Luckily, at this funeral...
00:01:06...that would not be a problem.
00:01:08Gabby, I was hoping you'd be here.
00:01:11Everyone is saying that you and Carlos were there.
00:01:13You know.
00:01:14When are you killed Bradley?
00:01:17You know, Jodie, I really don't think this is a time...
00:01:21...or place to discuss gory details.
00:01:23You're absolutely right.
00:01:25Sit next to me at the wake.
00:01:33We gotta go home.
00:01:35We just got here.
00:01:36The funeral hasn't even started.
00:01:37Yeah, well, I have a feeling most of these vultures didn't come to pay their respects to Brad.
00:01:41They're just here to pump us for dirt about his murder.
00:01:43Even so, I can't be seen walking out of here early.
00:01:46These people are my co-workers.
00:01:48Were your co-workers?
00:01:49Bradley fired you, remember?
00:01:50Yeah, and Maria killed him eight hours later.
00:01:52He might not have told anyone, so pipe down.
00:01:54We don't need people thinking that we put the knife into Maria's hands.
00:01:57Carlos.
00:01:58Oh, hi.
00:01:59Gabby, this is Owen Johnson, our CEO.
00:02:02Oh, hi.
00:02:03How do you do?
00:02:04I know it's an awkward time, but I must catch a plane right after the service, and I need to talk to you.
00:02:09About what?
00:02:11Bradley called me before he died.
00:02:13He wanted to discuss your job performance.
00:02:16Well, what did he say?
00:02:18Well, sadly, by the time I returned the call, he was dead.
00:02:23Really.
00:02:25But I think I know what he wanted to tell me.
00:02:29Based upon the big bonus he fought for Carlos to have, it was fairly obvious he was going to recommend a promotion.
00:02:36That was my guess, too.
00:02:39The terrible irony is he didn't realize the job he was recommending would turn out to be his own.
00:02:46Wait.
00:02:47So you're offering me Bradley's job as president of the company?
00:02:51I can't think of anyone better suited.
00:02:54Now, of course, it would be the same compensation package.
00:02:57Please, tell me you'll accept?
00:03:00He sure will.
00:03:01But man has a plane to catch.
00:03:05I'd be honored to step in for Bradley.
00:03:07Good.
00:03:08I'm glad we got that handled.
00:03:10Now we can focus on the sorrow of this tragic day.
00:03:13The same compensation package! We're rich!
00:03:18We are at a funeral. Please, be quiet.
00:03:25Yes, Gabrielle Solis hated going to funerals.
00:03:30For God's sake, stop smiling.
00:03:33Mostly because she couldn't pretend to be sad when she wasn't.
00:03:39You can find them on any sidewalk in any city.
00:03:52People with agendas.
00:03:54The woman who calls up an old friend because she wants to borrow some cash.
00:04:00The man who takes his boss to lunch because he wants the corner office.
00:04:07The girl who looks after her uncle because she wants to be in the will.
00:04:12Yes, you can find these people almost anywhere.
00:04:17Doing what they can to keep their agendas hidden.
00:04:23Hello.
00:04:24Hello.
00:04:25I need to look someone up in your archives.
00:04:28It's a client and he's a bit of a smooth talker.
00:04:31Just want to make sure that he's not giving me the runaround.
00:04:33Sure.
00:04:34What's his name?
00:04:36David.
00:04:37Dash.
00:04:40All I've got here are the obituaries.
00:04:42Anything else, take me a couple of days.
00:04:45Fine.
00:04:46Let's start with the obits.
00:04:49No David.
00:04:50That's probably because he's not dead.
00:04:52Try Lila.
00:04:55Lila Dash.
00:04:56Killed three years ago.
00:04:58Car crash.
00:05:01That was his wife.
00:05:02Give me that one.
00:05:03Okay.
00:05:04You want Paige Dash too?
00:05:06Paige?
00:05:08Yeah.
00:05:09Their daughter.
00:05:10Paige Dash.
00:05:11Three years old.
00:05:12Daughter of Lila and David.
00:05:14Says here, she died in the same crash.
00:05:17Who are we dishing?
00:05:18I do hope it's not me.
00:05:19I know.
00:05:20We've already covered you.
00:05:21We've moved on to my daughter, the thief.
00:05:22Oh dear, what happened?
00:05:23I'm missing my small candy dish.
00:05:24I had it last night when you guys were over for dinner because I remember Orson admiring it.
00:05:29Yes, I remember that.
00:05:30Anyway, Juanita went over before breakfast to invite MJ to her birthday party and well, candy plus Juanita.
00:05:44You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to crack this case.
00:05:45No, we don't know that for sure.
00:05:46I could have misplaced it.
00:05:47I'm sure it'll turn up somewhere.
00:05:49Well, I'm off.
00:05:50Andrew.
00:05:51Andrew, cancel my lunch.
00:05:52No, everything's fine.
00:05:53Your stepfather's just misplaced a few things.
00:05:54Yes, I remember that.
00:05:55I guess.
00:05:56I remember that.
00:05:57Anyway, Juanita went over before breakfast to invite MJ to her birthday party and, well,
00:05:59candy plus Juanita.
00:06:00You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to crack this case.
00:06:01We don't know that for sure.
00:06:02I could have misplaced it.
00:06:03I'm sure it'll turn up somewhere.
00:06:04Well, I'm off.
00:06:07Andrew, cancel my lunch.
00:06:16No, everything's fine.
00:06:18has just misplaced a few things, and I need to find them.
00:06:23Hey, Tom.
00:06:24No, still waiting.
00:06:26Big surprise, they're running behind at an ad agency.
00:06:30So did any of those other places call back?
00:06:34Seriously?
00:06:35Six interviews and nothing.
00:06:39Well, I should probably try and keep my game face on here.
00:06:42I'll call you later. I love you. Bye.
00:06:46Mariana!
00:06:48I had a feeling that you'd be interviewing for this.
00:06:50Hey, Nikki.
00:06:53So I guess Anna should be showing up any minute, too.
00:06:55No. You didn't hear? She's pregnant.
00:06:57Oh, my God. A kid, and she just turned 30?
00:06:59Bye-bye career.
00:07:00Oh, don't start. I'm gonna be 30 in two years.
00:07:03I feel so old.
00:07:05Do you want to know what's even sadder?
00:07:07I just heard that Veronica's looking for work, and she's 39.
00:07:11In this business?
00:07:12After 35, they take you out back and they shoot you in the face.
00:07:14Oh, my God.
00:07:19Let's go, though.
00:07:20We're ready for you.
00:07:21Coming up.
00:07:25Do me a favor.
00:07:26If you hear a gunshot, tell my four kids I love them.
00:07:28Now, as you listen to the music, see what pops into your head.
00:07:41What shapes does it make you see?
00:07:44What colors are you thinking of?
00:07:47Why are the children drawing with crayons?
00:07:49They're supposed to be making clay vases.
00:07:51Well, I wanted to do something more free.
00:07:53It's an imagination-building exercise.
00:07:55Looks like a lot of scribbling to me.
00:07:58Susan, these parents pay $22,000 a year to send their kids here.
00:08:03As art teachers, it's our job to give them something adorable to put on their desks,
00:08:08to smile at while they write those tuition checks.
00:08:11No one's going to find this meaningless chicken scratch adorable.
00:08:18Not yours, Mia.
00:08:20Yours shows real promise.
00:08:23Jessie, you said that I could plan the lesson today,
00:08:26and I think this is valuable.
00:08:29I'm just trying to be creative.
00:08:31Fine.
00:08:32But you know where I stand.
00:08:34What's an evaluation, Miss Susan?
00:08:40An evaluation?
00:08:41Well, that is when someone judges your work and gives you a grade on it.
00:08:47But don't worry.
00:08:49I'm not doing that today.
00:08:50No, they're doing it to you.
00:08:53Who?
00:08:54Miss Jessie and Principal Hobson.
00:08:56I heard them talking.
00:08:57Oh, right.
00:08:58That's not until later this year.
00:09:00No, it's this week.
00:09:02I hope you don't get fired.
00:09:03The lady with the purple sweater argued with Miss Jessie like you did,
00:09:06and she's gone.
00:09:09The lady with the purple sweater?
00:09:11I never learned her name.
00:09:13She wasn't here that long.
00:09:15She was creative, too.
00:09:19All right, everyone.
00:09:20Grab some clay.
00:09:21We're making vases.
00:09:24Darling!
00:09:25I'm home.
00:09:27Oh, and I'm famished.
00:09:29What are we having for dinner?
00:09:33How about a confession?
00:09:40Sit down.
00:09:48Start talking.
00:09:49What do you want me to say?
00:09:52I want you to explain to me why this insanity is still going on.
00:09:57When you stole that tape recorder, you said it was a one-time thing.
00:09:59An impulsive act of revenge.
00:10:02It was.
00:10:03At first.
00:10:05But then...
00:10:06I know it sounds odd, but it started giving me a thrill.
00:10:15A thrill?
00:10:17Stealing a ceramic duck gives you a thrill?
00:10:22It's hard to explain.
00:10:23Well, maybe you'd feel more comfortable talking to a professional.
00:10:25A psychiatrist?
00:10:29Good heavens, Bree.
00:10:30I'm not crazy.
00:10:35Look, I'll stop.
00:10:37I'll tell everyone I'm sorry.
00:10:40And return everything.
00:10:41You will do no such thing.
00:10:43From this moment on, you are forbidden from entering any of our friends' homes.
00:10:46How are we going to get these things back?
00:10:48I'll take care of it.
00:10:49I'll take care of it.
00:11:19Shanghai Panda delivers.
00:11:21Well, that'll be fine.
00:11:23You know, Susan, I was a little surprised to get your invitation.
00:11:27Oh, well, you know, I just think that school is such a formal environment,
00:11:30and I thought it would be nice if we could let loose and drink a little wine,
00:11:35get to know each other.
00:11:38Oh, my gosh.
00:11:40What?
00:11:41Look at you.
00:11:41You're like that school mom in the movies who lets down her hair and...
00:11:46I've never gotten a va-va-va-boom before.
00:11:52Thanks.
00:11:53You look nice, too.
00:11:54Oh, please.
00:11:55I didn't even get a chance to change.
00:11:58My ex was late picking up MJ,
00:12:00which is insane, because he lives right across the street.
00:12:02Your ex lives across the street?
00:12:04He decided to shack up with my best friend,
00:12:07and people wonder why I'm through with men.
00:12:11So, what are we toasting to?
00:12:13Getting to know each other better.
00:12:16Oh, napkins.
00:12:16I'll drink to that.
00:12:25Oh, hey, Mike.
00:12:25Come on in.
00:12:27I went a little crazy at the camping supply store.
00:12:29Hey, check this out.
00:12:30I got Catherine her own lantern.
00:12:32I know she was a little worried about finding the latrine in the middle of the night.
00:12:35Actually, that's why I came by.
00:12:37Catherine sort of bailed.
00:12:40Bailed?
00:12:41You mean she's not going camping with us?
00:12:43She's really sorry, but she's got to get her taxes done.
00:12:45So, Catherine is blowing us off for taxes?
00:12:50Also, I think she's worried she'd just be a third wheel.
00:12:54What?
00:12:55Oh, come on.
00:12:56I mean, this trip is as much about her as it is about us.
00:12:59Tell her she's got to come.
00:13:00First of all, I don't tell Catherine to do anything.
00:13:02And it'll be better with just us guys.
00:13:04We can burp and scratch to our heart's content.
00:13:07Besides, Catherine was never part of the original plan anyway.
00:13:10No, she wasn't.
00:13:12All right, I'll see you Saturday.
00:13:14Yeah.
00:13:15You're not listening to me.
00:13:33I'm not saying I'm giving up on love.
00:13:36I'm saying I've already given up.
00:13:38No, I will not let you.
00:13:40You are too smart and funny and adorable.
00:13:43Am I?
00:13:45It's been a long time since I've been complimented like that.
00:13:48Well, I mean it.
00:13:48Anyone would be lucky to have you.
00:13:52You are a catch.
00:13:53Oh, jeez, how did it get so late?
00:14:01Is there a school policy on showing up to work drunk?
00:14:05It's frowned upon.
00:14:09I've had the best time tonight.
00:14:12Oh, me too.
00:14:13Do you know, I think we should probably keep this between us.
00:14:16We don't want people talking at work.
00:14:17It'll be our little secret.
00:14:24So, you think you might want to do this again sometime?
00:14:29It's a date.
00:14:29So, what kind of kiss are we talking about?
00:14:49A regular kiss on the mouth that lasted a little longer than I thought it would.
00:14:53So, was it a good old-fashioned American kiss or are we talking the infinitely superior French variety?
00:14:59Okay, I'm probably just blowing this out of proportion.
00:15:03I mean, she never even said anything about being gay.
00:15:06Well, that doesn't make any difference.
00:15:08Rightly?
00:15:09Why ask me?
00:15:10Aside from the occasional parade, gay men rarely interact with lesbians in the wild.
00:15:15Susan, if you're not sure what she meant by it, why don't you just have a talk with her?
00:15:17Oh, that would be way too awkward.
00:15:19She's my boss.
00:15:20She's your boss?
00:15:22Let her kiss you again, then sue her.
00:15:25Okay, we're going to figure this out for you.
00:15:27Were her eyes open or shut?
00:15:29I don't know.
00:15:31Well, how many seconds did the kiss last?
00:15:34I don't remember.
00:15:36Oh, for God's sakes.
00:15:37Was it this?
00:15:39No.
00:15:39Or was it this?
00:15:41Hmm.
00:15:47And the second one?
00:15:51Congratulations.
00:15:52You're now dating a lesbian.
00:15:53See you at the parade.
00:15:59Hey, Gabby.
00:16:01I'll see ya.
00:16:02I wanted to ask you something.
00:16:04Feel free to say no.
00:16:05Oh, honey, I'm flattered, but I only did that to help Susan out.
00:16:08Yeah, this isn't about that.
00:16:10Um, I wanted to say I heard about Carlos' big promotion.
00:16:14Congratulations.
00:16:16I mean, it's sad how it happened, but, you know, when opportunity knocks, you've got to answer the door, right?
00:16:20Absolutely.
00:16:21Now, you know I'm looking for work?
00:16:23Oh, yeah.
00:16:23How's that going?
00:16:24Oh, great.
00:16:24See, while I was working at Scavo's, I got seven years older, which is weird, seeing as how all the CEOs got seven years younger.
00:16:33The bottom line is no one wants to hire someone who could have made out with their dad on prom night.
00:16:40Anyway, I hear Carlos is looking for a new director of marketing.
00:16:44I think you could put in a good word for me.
00:16:47Oh.
00:16:48Yeah.
00:16:49I don't know.
00:16:52You don't know?
00:16:52Well, I thought you did advertising.
00:16:55Yes, I helped advertise what companies decided to market.
00:16:59It's the same thing.
00:17:00Come on.
00:17:01You know I'd be great.
00:17:03I guess.
00:17:04You guess?
00:17:05Gabby.
00:17:06Look, Lynette, you're my friend, and I love you, but as far as knowing if you're any good at your job...
00:17:12Enough with the shrugging.
00:17:14Come on.
00:17:15You're putting me in a tough spot.
00:17:17Carlos is under a lot of pressure now, and he's not really in a position to be taking big risks.
00:17:22You think I'm a big risk?
00:17:25Well, okay, that's it.
00:17:28Fourth shrug.
00:17:28I'm out.
00:17:30Thanks for your help.
00:17:37Yeah, just follow the road as it occurs with the second house on the left.
00:17:41Okay, bye.
00:17:42That place looks great, babe.
00:17:43Thanks for doing this.
00:17:44It's all part of being the president's wife.
00:17:46So, tell me about your new hire.
00:17:48She's going to be your number two?
00:17:49Yeah, and I'm lucky to get her.
00:17:51Smart as a whip.
00:17:52Harvard MBA.
00:17:54I've probably mentioned her before.
00:17:56Lucy Blackburn?
00:17:57Maybe I'll go put on some music.
00:17:59Lucy Blackburn?
00:18:01Please tell me it's a coincidence that your new VP has the same name as your ex-girlfriend.
00:18:05She wasn't my girlfriend.
00:18:06We were roommates.
00:18:07We shared an apartment.
00:18:08You told me you slept with her.
00:18:10Well, it was a small apartment.
00:18:12Come on.
00:18:13It was a casual thing, and it was a million years ago.
00:18:15I don't care.
00:18:16Why couldn't you have told me this before she's about to appear on my doorstep?
00:18:19I wanted to.
00:18:20But you're always next to something sharp.
00:18:22Gabby, I am in over my head with this new job, and I need Lucy's help.
00:18:26Please don't be jealous.
00:18:27I'm not jealous.
00:18:29It's just, you can't hire her.
00:18:32I'm Mrs. President, and I get a vote.
00:18:35There she is.
00:18:36Now, please, I'm begging you.
00:18:39Well, you can beg all you want.
00:18:40I am not on board with this.
00:18:43Hey, Lucy.
00:18:45Hey.
00:18:46Hi, I'm Lucy.
00:18:47You must be Gabrielle.
00:18:50You can call me Gabby.
00:18:51Come on in.
00:18:56I'm on board.
00:18:57I got a beat on Charlie Fields for CFO.
00:19:04Charlie Fields?
00:19:06There's no way you're going to get him.
00:19:07He's the number two guy at Brewster and Parent.
00:19:09Relax.
00:19:10It'll take some maneuvering, but I'll make it happen.
00:19:12How?
00:19:12Carlos, you're the president.
00:19:14It's best you to know where the bodies are buried.
00:19:16Oh.
00:19:19Well, speak of the devil.
00:19:20If you'll excuse me, I have some professional ethics that need compromising.
00:19:24Wow.
00:19:27Now I know why you wanted to hire her.
00:19:29She's a force of nature.
00:19:30You should see her close a deal.
00:19:31I bet.
00:19:33So were you surprised when the door opened?
00:19:36What do you mean?
00:19:36Well, she's obviously stopped counting calories since the last time you saw her.
00:19:41No, she looks about the same.
00:19:43What?
00:19:45But you two used to have sex.
00:19:48Yeah, so?
00:19:50So don't get me wrong.
00:19:51She's attractive.
00:19:52It's just she's not really your type.
00:19:54Your type is skinny model.
00:19:55Okay, so you're not going to see her on a runway.
00:19:57Except maybe at an airport.
00:19:58Gabby!
00:20:00You think I'm that shallow that all I go by is looks?
00:20:02Yeah, I thought that was something we had in common.
00:20:05Look, Lucy is brilliant and witty and has more confidence than anybody I've ever met.
00:20:12That type of personality can be very seductive.
00:20:16Someone light me a cigar.
00:20:18You got it.
00:20:18I find poaching is easier when you lead with, we'll double your salary.
00:20:22Sizzle me.
00:20:26There it is.
00:20:27That thrill you get from taking something that's not yours.
00:20:35Hey, are you still looking for a marketing director?
00:20:38I have a friend that I would love to see working with you two.
00:20:51No problem, Bree.
00:20:52We buy aspirin by the pound in this house.
00:20:55I'll get you some.
00:20:56Oh, you're a lifesaver.
00:21:04Yes, we have lots of screwdrivers.
00:21:06What kind do you need?
00:21:07Billups head?
00:21:08Yes, that would be lovely.
00:21:12I don't have cumin, but I probably have cinnamon.
00:21:16Oh, close enough.
00:21:17No problem.
00:21:21Two eggs coming right up.
00:21:26Oh, wait.
00:21:30I made omelets this morning, so I'm all out.
00:21:32Oh, that's all right.
00:21:33I'll just go to the store.
00:21:36Where did that come from?
00:21:37Oh, I don't know, but it's awfully cute.
00:21:43Unbelievable.
00:21:46Juanita, get your butt down here.
00:21:49Why are you calling Juanita?
00:21:51To find out what McCluskey's sleeping Mexican is doing in my house.
00:21:55That's not yours?
00:21:56No, why would you think that?
00:21:58Oh, I don't know, but there it is.
00:22:01It's been sitting on McCluskey's porch for years.
00:22:03I keep telling her how racist it is.
00:22:05First the candy bowl, and now this.
00:22:07How many times have I told you not to steal?
00:22:09I didn't take that.
00:22:11Juanita, you play with it every time we go by Miss McCluskey's.
00:22:13Now either tell me the truth, or I'm going to cancel your birthday party.
00:22:16I am telling the truth.
00:22:19That's it.
00:22:20Party's over.
00:22:21Cappy, aren't you being a little harsh to me?
00:22:23Perhaps she didn't take it.
00:22:25Well, then how else did it get here?
00:22:29Maybe she did it.
00:22:33Juanita!
00:22:35Whenever my children stole, I sent them to bed without any supper.
00:22:39Just a thought.
00:22:46Orson!
00:22:49Orson!
00:22:51Orson!
00:22:55Orson!
00:22:58Hi, Brie.
00:22:59What were you doing at Bob and Lee's?
00:23:01They invited me over for coffee.
00:23:02After I told you to stay out at the neighbors' houses?
00:23:06You stole again, didn't you?
00:23:08No, no, I didn't.
00:23:10What are you hiding behind your back?
00:23:12Nothing.
00:23:15It's mine.
00:23:16You're telling me you own a mug with a picture of Bernadette Peters in Gypsy?
00:23:25That's quite a resume you got here.
00:23:28Northwestern, huh?
00:23:28Yep.
00:23:30So, Lynette.
00:23:33How old are you?
00:23:35Um, Mr. Vivinetto.
00:23:37I'm not obligated to answer.
00:23:39It's the law.
00:23:40Right, right.
00:23:40I was only asking because I also went to Northwestern.
00:23:43I thought maybe we crossed paths there.
00:23:44Oh.
00:23:44What year did you graduate?
00:23:47Well, if I was dumb enough to answer that, I never would have gotten into Northwestern.
00:23:52I understand, but, uh, I'm gonna be honest here.
00:23:55We have certain accounts that cater to specific demographics.
00:23:57Okay, I'm gonna stop you.
00:23:58What is this obsession with age?
00:24:00I am a vital woman with passion and a library of knowledge when it comes to this industry.
00:24:05Why doesn't that count for something?
00:24:07What I'm saying is we just landed the Cosgrove's revitalizing serum account.
00:24:10It's an anti-wrinkle cream.
00:24:11And I need someone more mature who can identify with the...
00:24:16I'm 54.
00:24:23He didn't even flinch.
00:24:25I said I was 54 and he bought it.
00:24:28There was not a, wow, you look great for your age.
00:24:30Not even a courtesy gasp.
00:24:31Look, you got the job.
00:24:33You're making $80,000 a year.
00:24:36What does it matter?
00:24:38It matters because I'm only 43 and I look like I'm 39.
00:24:42You're 43?
00:24:43But I'm two years younger than you.
00:24:44Nobody cares how old you are, Tom.
00:24:45Hey, great news.
00:24:51You got the job.
00:24:52Yeah.
00:24:53How'd you hear about it?
00:24:54Hear about it?
00:24:54Honey, I did it.
00:24:55I talked to Carlos.
00:24:56You're in.
00:24:57Oh, wow.
00:24:58That job.
00:25:00Um, I don't know what to say.
00:25:02Say, how do I think you're the greatest friend in the world?
00:25:04What's your birthstone?
00:25:05Well, thank you, greatest friend.
00:25:06But I just accepted another job.
00:25:08Well, and accept it.
00:25:09You have to take this job.
00:25:10It's essential that you be there.
00:25:12Why?
00:25:13Because it's a great opportunity.
00:25:17I'm confused.
00:25:18Before you didn't even want to talk to him, you weren't even sure I was good.
00:25:21Yeah, yes.
00:25:22And then I went home and thought, what a horrible thing to say to such a dear, dear friend who's
00:25:27probably really, really good at her job.
00:25:29So, I said, Carlos, you have to hire Lynette.
00:25:34I don't know.
00:25:40Well, he'd have to match my current offer.
00:25:42Yeah, okay.
00:25:43What are they paying?
00:25:45$100,000 a year.
00:25:48I don't think that'll be a problem.
00:25:49Yeah.
00:25:51By the way, you're going to be reporting to this woman, Lucy.
00:25:53She's a real star, so you're going to want to keep an eye on her.
00:26:00Decaf soy latte.
00:26:02Your favorite.
00:26:03Thanks.
00:26:04I was thinking about the other night.
00:26:07Me too.
00:26:08Maybe Friday you could come over to my place and we could hang out or...
00:26:12You know, I think you may have gotten the wrong impression.
00:26:17I'm not into women.
00:26:24Mm-hmm.
00:26:26Nice boots.
00:26:31I thought it was going to rain.
00:26:33Okay.
00:26:35I'm not gay.
00:26:36Mm-hmm.
00:26:37Then what was all that stuff about the other night?
00:26:40The touching my knee.
00:26:42Oh, you look so sexy.
00:26:43The good night kiss.
00:26:45Oh, well, that kiss was all you.
00:26:47Oh, it was?
00:26:48I seem to remember you being there and not pulling away.
00:26:51Well, that's because...
00:26:51Why didn't you say something there?
00:26:52Because I...
00:26:53Because you're tired of living a lie.
00:26:55What?
00:26:56I was you 20 years ago, Susan.
00:26:59You're obviously worried there's a lesbian inside of you trying to get out.
00:27:03Actually, I'm more worried about the lesbian that's outside of me trying to get in.
00:27:08Um, can we just teach the class and talk about this later?
00:27:14Fine.
00:27:15Shouldn't you be doing your taxes?
00:27:20Oh, God, Dave, you scared me.
00:27:22Oh, sorry about that.
00:27:24What's this I hear about you not going camping?
00:27:26Oh, well, it is that time of year, and I got all these receipts to go through.
00:27:30I gotta say, I'm mighty disappointed.
00:27:33Please.
00:27:34I'm sure you're relieved there won't be a girl tagging along to spoil all your macho fun.
00:27:39Well, see, now that's where you're wrong.
00:27:40I mostly saw this trip as a chance to get to know you better.
00:27:44Me?
00:27:45Why?
00:27:46Catherine, the truth is, I don't have a lot of friends.
00:27:48Maybe that's why Mike's become so important to me.
00:27:50And ever since you came into his life, well, I can see the change.
00:27:53He's so much happier, so much more relaxed.
00:27:56You've given him this sort of inner peace.
00:27:58I just thought it would be cool to become buddies with the woman who did that for my friend.
00:28:06Well, when you put it that way.
00:28:09So, you'll go camping with us?
00:28:13I'll go start packing my fleece.
00:28:15Fantastic.
00:28:18Dave?
00:28:21You really think I've made that much of a difference in Mike's life?
00:28:24Oh, absolutely.
00:28:27If he ever lost you, it would destroy him.
00:28:33Okay, class, let's see how our Animals of Africa drawings are going.
00:28:37Oh, Emma, this is beautiful.
00:28:40Emma drew a gazelle.
00:28:41Isn't she pretty?
00:28:43Zachary, is that a rhinoceros?
00:28:45Wow, he looks so big and strong.
00:28:49I love rhinos.
00:28:50Do you, Susan?
00:28:51Do you, really?
00:28:52Excuse me?
00:28:55I'm just saying, if you were on safari and you saw a sleek gazelle next to a grunting, sweaty rhino,
00:29:04your eye wouldn't go straight to the gazelle?
00:29:08Though I would definitely appreciate the beauty of the gazelle.
00:29:20If I was going to take a trip to Africa, I would be more excited to see the rhinos.
00:29:28I like rhinos, too.
00:29:29Yes, we know, Jeffrey.
00:29:30We've all seen you playing hopscotch at recess.
00:29:32Are you going to tell me that you've never had any experience with gazelles, not even in college?
00:29:39No.
00:29:41And I was on the softball team.
00:29:45Look, Susan, why did you just say it?
00:29:48This particular gazelle isn't young enough for you, and you don't want to hurt my feelings.
00:29:54That is not true, and I think we are dangerously close to no longer speaking in metaphor.
00:30:00Well, then why were you so interested in me in the first place?
00:30:03Why did you ask me to your house?
00:30:06Because I wanted you to give me a good evaluation.
00:30:09I see.
00:30:19It was nice knowing you, Miss Susan.
00:30:26The problem.
00:30:28How to attract high net worth clients in a down economy.
00:30:31The solution?
00:30:32Be creative.
00:30:32Christie's is hosting its first ever sea auction on a yacht in St. Barts.
00:30:37I see a boat full of millionaires waiting to be wooed.
00:30:43This is not a bad idea.
00:30:45Besides, I haven't been to St. Barts since you took me there to celebrate my first promotion.
00:30:50That was a fun weekend.
00:30:51Yeah.
00:30:52Let's do it.
00:30:54Yeah.
00:30:54I gotta take this.
00:30:55I'll be right back.
00:30:56Okay.
00:30:59Okay.
00:30:59Okay.
00:31:03Not to pry, but when you said Carlos took you to St. Barts,
00:31:06Oh, yeah.
00:31:07We lived together for a while back in the day.
00:31:10Oh.
00:31:11Gabby didn't mention that.
00:31:13See, that is what I love about her.
00:31:15Most women would freak out if their husband hired an ex-girlfriend
00:31:17and they were working together unchaperoned,
00:31:20but she's got the confidence to just be cool with it.
00:31:23Yeah.
00:31:25Yeah.
00:31:26That Gabby's a real class act.
00:31:27Uh-huh.
00:31:28Jesse, I'm so sorry.
00:31:43Why?
00:31:44You're just being honest.
00:31:46Still, uh...
00:31:47I never meant to lead you on.
00:31:51Uh-huh.
00:31:51Well, I was planning on giving you a good evaluation anyway,
00:31:55so everything's fine.
00:31:58Look, I need this job,
00:32:01but even if I didn't,
00:32:02I would still like you as a person.
00:32:04Please, stop.
00:32:05I don't need your pity.
00:32:07Listen, I don't get why people say that.
00:32:09It's like, I love pity.
00:32:11Pity means someone is trying to understand
00:32:15what you're going through,
00:32:17that they sympathize,
00:32:18and I do.
00:32:20Susan,
00:32:21I'm someone who never went out
00:32:24and looked for love.
00:32:26I assumed it would find me,
00:32:28but it didn't.
00:32:29And now I'm making a fool of myself,
00:32:33throwing myself at straight women
00:32:34because I'm so afraid of being alone.
00:32:38How can you possibly understand that?
00:32:40Well, here's how.
00:32:42I spent my whole life putting myself out there
00:32:45and, um, I am still, today, alone.
00:32:50Just like you.
00:32:54It's not the same.
00:32:55Well, okay, it's not.
00:32:56Because I'm alone,
00:32:57but I'm not lonely because I have friends.
00:33:01Love doesn't happen for everyone.
00:33:06You know what?
00:33:07I don't even know if it's gonna happen for me anymore.
00:33:09But my friends are there for me no matter what,
00:33:14and that helps.
00:33:16So at the very least,
00:33:18you know, let me be there for you.
00:33:21As a friend.
00:33:24That'd be nice.
00:33:27Do your friends hug?
00:33:34What's that in the garbage can?
00:33:36My boots.
00:33:42Hey.
00:33:43What are you doing here?
00:33:45I just wanted to see how your first day went.
00:33:47Sit.
00:33:48Take a load off.
00:33:49Spill it.
00:33:50Oh, that is so thoughtful of you.
00:33:52You're such a good friend.
00:33:53Oh, well, you know me.
00:33:55Yeah, I do.
00:33:56So, did you get a good office?
00:33:58Were the people nice?
00:33:59Oh, what about Lucy?
00:34:00Do you like her?
00:34:03Actually, I am kind of tired.
00:34:05I think I'm going to head inside.
00:34:08Oh, what's going on?
00:34:09I mentioned Lucy and you get all weird.
00:34:10Something going on?
00:34:11Her?
00:34:12Carlos?
00:34:14What?
00:34:15No.
00:34:16I'm sure she's just affectionate.
00:34:18Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:34:19What do you mean by affectionate?
00:34:21Well, it's probably nothing,
00:34:23but when Carlos works on his computer at home,
00:34:25does he take his shirt off there too?
00:34:28That son of a...
00:34:29I'm gonna kill him!
00:34:30No, you won't get the chance
00:34:31because I'm gonna kill you first.
00:34:33Huh?
00:34:34The house lights are up, Gabby.
00:34:36You can drop the act.
00:34:37You only helped me get this job
00:34:38because you needed a spy.
00:34:41How dare you!
00:34:43And yes, I did!
00:34:45Gabby!
00:34:45You needed a job!
00:34:46I did you a favor!
00:34:47And then I brought you hot cocoa!
00:34:49Why don't you ever thank me?
00:34:50Because you used me!
00:34:51At least when I asked you for a favor,
00:34:53I was up front!
00:34:53Oh, were you, miss?
00:34:54They offered me $100,000 a year.
00:34:57Oh.
00:34:58You found out about that?
00:34:59Honey, I've played poker with you
00:35:00for the past nine years.
00:35:01I think I can tell when you're bluffing.
00:35:03Okay, it's true.
00:35:05I used you to get more money,
00:35:06but you used me first.
00:35:07Fine, we're a couple of users.
00:35:12Big question is,
00:35:15are we still friends?
00:35:20Do I still get my salary?
00:35:21We used to be my spy.
00:35:22Dave, I'm curious about something.
00:35:37What about?
00:35:39How do you feel about kids?
00:35:43Kids?
00:35:44Yeah.
00:35:45Haven't you ever wanted one?
00:35:47Is this your coy way of telling me
00:35:49that you want a child?
00:35:50Maybe.
00:35:51I hardly get to see Travers anymore
00:35:53now that he's off of prep school.
00:35:56And I always wanted a girl.
00:35:59Doesn't that sound like heaven?
00:36:00A beautiful little girl
00:36:02with blonde curls?
00:36:04I had this friend
00:36:13who had a little girl.
00:36:18From the moment she was born,
00:36:21she was his whole life.
00:36:27Unfortunately, she was in an accident
00:36:28and died.
00:36:34He told me that when that happened,
00:36:35a part of him died too.
00:36:37He spent the rest of his life
00:36:39in a kind of...
00:36:41days,
00:36:42always
00:36:42wondering exactly
00:36:44how old she would have been.
00:36:47What she would have looked like.
00:36:53No.
00:36:54I don't think I'd want a child.
00:36:59Just not worth it.
00:37:07You okay, babe?
00:37:08Yeah.
00:37:10I...
00:37:10I'm just sad for your friend.
00:37:16Yeah.
00:37:16I had hoped
00:37:18that this compulsion
00:37:19to steal
00:37:20was something
00:37:21we could solve privately,
00:37:22but Orson seems unable
00:37:23or unwilling
00:37:25to control himself.
00:37:28Is that true, Orson?
00:37:30Are you unable
00:37:30to control yourself?
00:37:31You'll see when he leaves
00:37:32and your lamp is missing.
00:37:36So, how do you want to proceed?
00:37:38Would you like to begin
00:37:39with some couples counseling?
00:37:42This isn't my problem,
00:37:43Dr. Bernstein.
00:37:44He's the sick one.
00:37:48Fix him.
00:37:56You know why she's so angry?
00:38:00Because this is something
00:38:01she can't control.
00:38:05And I love it.
00:38:06Now, there's no phone
00:38:11in the cabin,
00:38:12but if it's an emergency,
00:38:14you can reach me on my cell.
00:38:16You just be careful out there.
00:38:19I don't know
00:38:20what I'd do without you.
00:38:32Here's the article
00:38:33that lady was looking for.
00:38:34You want me to fax it?
00:38:35Ah, take your time.
00:38:37She's a pain in the ass.
00:38:39She's pretty hot, though.
00:38:41How does that help me?
00:38:43She can wait until tomorrow.
00:38:44All right.
00:38:50You can find them
00:38:52almost anywhere.
00:38:54Friendly people
00:38:55with hidden agendas.
00:38:57The woman who uses
00:38:59her neighbor
00:38:59to get herself a job.
00:39:01The wife who uses
00:39:04her influence
00:39:05to hire a friendly spy.
00:39:10The husband who uses
00:39:11his charm
00:39:12to steal from his friends.
00:39:16And you can be sure
00:39:18the friendliest people of all
00:39:20have agendas
00:39:22that won't ever be discovered.
00:39:24not until
00:39:26it's too late.
00:39:28The husband who uses
00:39:32the husband who uses
00:39:33the husband who uses
00:39:34the husband who uses
00:39:34the husband who uses
00:39:34the husband who uses
00:39:35the husband who uses
00:39:35the husband.
00:39:35Previously on Desperate Housewives,
00:39:37a thief was confronted.
00:39:39Maybe you'd feel comfortable
00:39:40talking to a professional.
00:39:41A psychiatrist?
00:39:42Someone light me a cigar.
00:39:44Carlos hired an old girlfriend
00:39:46and Gabby hired a spy.
00:39:48Dr. Carlos, you're in.
00:39:49Edie dug deeper
00:39:50into Dave's past.
00:39:52Killed three years ago.
00:39:53Car crash.
00:39:54That was his wife.
00:39:55Give me that one.
00:39:55My daughter died
00:39:56in the same crash.
00:39:57And Dave's master plan.
00:39:59You really think
00:40:00I'd make that much
00:40:01of a difference
00:40:01in Mike's life?
00:40:02If he ever lost you,
00:40:03they would destroy him.
00:40:05Entered its final phase.
00:40:11Hi, is this the Ranger Station?
00:40:13I didn't know whether
00:40:14to call you or Fish and Game,
00:40:15but I think I saw some guys
00:40:17up at Emerson Woods
00:40:18hunting illegally.
00:40:19And I got worried.
00:40:20I know people like
00:40:22to go camping up there
00:40:23and I sure wouldn't want
00:40:24anyone to get hurt.
00:40:26Oh, no, no need
00:40:28to thank me.
00:40:29I'm just doing my part
00:40:29as a concerned citizen.
00:40:31Bye now.
00:40:36Dave Williams had been
00:40:37planning the murder
00:40:38for years.
00:40:40And like all the best plans,
00:40:42it was a simple one.
00:40:46First, he would guide
00:40:47Mike Delfino
00:40:48and Catherine Mayfair
00:40:49to a remote cabin.
00:40:50The next morning,
00:40:54he'd pretend to be asleep
00:40:55as the two lovers
00:40:56left to go hiking.
00:41:00Dave would then grab the gun
00:41:02he'd carefully hidden
00:41:03and start to follow his quarry.
00:41:08He'd wait until the two
00:41:09had paused for a moment
00:41:11to catch their breaths.
00:41:12And then he'd pull the trigger.
00:41:14breaking the heart
00:41:19of the man
00:41:20who'd killed his wife.
00:41:22When the rangers arrived,
00:41:24they would mention
00:41:25the reports
00:41:26of illegal hunters
00:41:27in the area.
00:41:29And Dave would drive
00:41:30Mike back home,
00:41:32all the while
00:41:32enjoying his pain.
00:41:36Yes,
00:41:38Dave Williams
00:41:39had come up
00:41:40with a very simple plan.
00:41:44But as he was about
00:41:46to discover...
00:41:48Have you faxed
00:41:49this flipping
00:41:49to Edie Williams yet?
00:41:50I'm doing it right now.
00:41:52There is nothing simple
00:41:53about murder.
00:41:56Life is full
00:42:15of nasty shocks.
00:42:19Unpleasant surprises
00:42:20that jolt our systems
00:42:21and cause our hearts
00:42:24to skip a beat.
00:42:26And these shocks
00:42:28always occur...
00:42:30Susan?
00:42:30Hey, Carl.
00:42:31...when we least
00:42:32expect them.
00:42:34Carl,
00:42:35what are you doing here?
00:42:36Well, I just enrolled Evan.
00:42:38Wow.
00:42:40And I was worried
00:42:41that we'd be out
00:42:42of each other's lives forever.
00:42:44Lucky, lucky.
00:42:45What are you doing here?
00:42:47I am an art teacher.
00:42:48Really?
00:42:49Did they know that?
00:42:50And now I'm ignoring you
00:42:52and moving on to Evan.
00:42:54Hello, Evan.
00:42:56Evan, this is Susan.
00:42:57She's your sister Julie's mother.
00:42:59We used to be married.
00:43:00She was a lot younger then.
00:43:03Evan, why don't you
00:43:04head into the classroom?
00:43:05I need to talk to your daddy
00:43:06and I may need to use
00:43:07some grown-up words.
00:43:08Hmm.
00:43:09Okay, Susie Q, what's wrong?
00:43:14Get it off that chest
00:43:15you wouldn't let me enhance?
00:43:17Listen, it's bad enough
00:43:19that I've got one ex-husband
00:43:20running around the halls.
00:43:21I don't need the faculty
00:43:22and the parents
00:43:23knowing that I have two.
00:43:25So not a word
00:43:26about us having been married.
00:43:28No more wisecracks,
00:43:29no Susie Qs.
00:43:31I am Miss Susan,
00:43:33art teacher.
00:43:34Yes, Miss Susan.
00:43:37Can I bang your erasers
00:43:39after class?
00:43:40Carl, I'm serious.
00:43:42Don't mess with me.
00:43:43I have a yardstick
00:43:43and I'm not afraid to use it.
00:43:47We're going to be making
00:43:48a presentation
00:43:49for the Morrison contract
00:43:50sooner than we planned.
00:43:52There are a lot of firms
00:43:53gunning for this
00:43:54and damn it,
00:43:56Lynette,
00:43:56don't touch my figurines.
00:43:58These are worth more
00:43:59than the house you live in.
00:44:01Big deal.
00:44:02So is this coffee mug.
00:44:03All right,
00:44:04we should break for lunch.
00:44:05No, until this deal closes,
00:44:07we work through lunch.
00:44:08But as a consolation,
00:44:09we'll also be working nights.
00:44:11Nights?
00:44:12You really think
00:44:12that's necessary?
00:44:13This is a $10 million deal,
00:44:15Carlos.
00:44:16How bad do you want it?
00:44:17You heard the woman.
00:44:19We're working nights.
00:44:20Um, I have a tiny
00:44:22scheduling conflict.
00:44:24I coach my daughter's
00:44:25basketball team
00:44:25on Friday nights,
00:44:26so if I could...
00:44:27Friday nights
00:44:28are now work nights.
00:44:29If we're successful,
00:44:30those of you on commission
00:44:31stand to do very well,
00:44:32and those of you
00:44:34who aren't,
00:44:34well,
00:44:35you get to keep your jobs,
00:44:36which, in this economy,
00:44:38is a bonus all by itself.
00:44:41All right,
00:44:42let's run down to the deli,
00:44:43grab a sandwich,
00:44:43and meet back here in five.
00:44:46You.
00:44:48No touching.
00:44:50And yes,
00:44:51I'll know.
00:44:51Isn't she fun?
00:44:59Hey, Carlos,
00:45:00did I ever tell you
00:45:02that Tom and I
00:45:03seriously considered
00:45:04you and Gabby
00:45:04for Penny's godparents?
00:45:06You're not getting
00:45:07Friday nights off.
00:45:08Look, I'm not happy
00:45:09about the schedule either.
00:45:10I'm missing my kids too.
00:45:11Then do something about it.
00:45:12You're the president.
00:45:13Put the brakes on Lucy.
00:45:14Lynette,
00:45:15I hired her to crack the whip,
00:45:16and that's what she's doing.
00:45:18It's good for the company.
00:45:19But she makes people crazy.
00:45:21Can't you talk to her?
00:45:22Get her to dial it down a bit.
00:45:24I will think about it.
00:45:25But don't be asking me
00:45:26for favors like this
00:45:26when we're at the office.
00:45:28I'm not your neighbor.
00:45:29I'm not your friend.
00:45:30I'm your boss.
00:45:30Got it?
00:45:34By the way,
00:45:35you and Tom are coming over
00:45:36for cocktails on Saturday?
00:45:37Oh, yeah.
00:45:39I plan to get drunk
00:45:40and bitch about my boss.
00:45:43I'm sorry,
00:45:44but this is unacceptable.
00:45:46Do you at least know
00:45:47why he steals?
00:45:48If there were some
00:45:49sordid childhood trauma
00:45:51we could blame it on,
00:45:52it would really help me out
00:45:53with the neighbors.
00:45:53Oh, he knows.
00:45:55Dr. Bernstein uncovered that
00:45:57in my very first session.
00:45:58Really?
00:45:59And yet he keeps charging me.
00:46:01So, doctor,
00:46:02what's this revelation
00:46:03that you've been keeping from me
00:46:04for $200 an hour?
00:46:09I steal to hurt you.
00:46:12Why would you want to hurt me?
00:46:14Each day for the past year
00:46:16you have inch by inch,
00:46:20slice by slice
00:46:21brought me closer
00:46:22to being a eunuch.
00:46:26Would you excuse us
00:46:28for a moment?
00:46:29This just became
00:46:30a private conversation.
00:46:31If I stay,
00:46:32I might be able to help.
00:46:33You want to help?
00:46:34Why don't you go down
00:46:36to the pharmacy in the lobby
00:46:37and buy some aspirin.
00:46:39I'm going to need it.
00:46:40I don't deserve this.
00:46:52I have been nothing
00:46:53but supportive of you
00:46:54since you got out of jail.
00:46:55I even gave you a job.
00:46:58I wanted to be your partner.
00:47:00You made me an employee.
00:47:02So you decided to punish me
00:47:04by resorting to petty theft?
00:47:07For God's sakes, Orson,
00:47:08I'm your wife.
00:47:09Perhaps.
00:47:10But I'm not your husband.
00:47:12We may share a bed
00:47:13but you save your passion
00:47:14for your company.
00:47:15That's not true.
00:47:16Isn't it?
00:47:17Every day for the past year
00:47:19I have been in the background.
00:47:21An afterthought.
00:47:22While you spend day and night
00:47:24nurturing your business.
00:47:26All the while thinking
00:47:27I had your support.
00:47:28I tried.
00:47:30I thought I wouldn't mind
00:47:31being Mr. Bree Vandycamp.
00:47:34But it's killing me.
00:47:35Every day I get smaller
00:47:38and smaller.
00:47:40And if something doesn't change
00:47:42Orson Hodge
00:47:44is just going to disappear
00:47:46altogether.
00:47:51Girls are out like a light.
00:47:53Thanks for dinner.
00:47:53Unless you have to go back to work.
00:47:55Gabby, I got a meeting.
00:47:56Can't Lucy cover it?
00:47:58You know those two extra zeros
00:47:59at the end of my paycheck
00:48:00you like so much?
00:48:01They're there because I'm president.
00:48:02Hours are part of the gig.
00:48:03Hey, how about a quickie?
00:48:07Babe, I don't have time.
00:48:09Right, that's why
00:48:09I didn't suggest a longie.
00:48:11Oh, come on.
00:48:12I'll have your eyes
00:48:13rolling back in your head
00:48:14in three minutes flat.
00:48:16You want to do it there
00:48:17in front of the kids' sippy cups?
00:48:22All gone.
00:48:23Now let's do this.
00:48:24It'll be like old times.
00:48:26We never did it on the table.
00:48:28Yeah, we did.
00:48:29Years ago, don't you remember?
00:48:30I don't think that was me.
00:48:36Oh, right.
00:48:37Well, we'll create
00:48:38new table memories.
00:48:39If you're trying to turn me on,
00:48:41you just failed miserably.
00:48:43Carlos, do you realize
00:48:44since Bradley died
00:48:45and you took over,
00:48:45we haven't had sex once?
00:48:46I miss you.
00:48:47I want to spend time with you.
00:48:48Now move the cream corn
00:48:49and do me.
00:48:50Okay, how about tomorrow night?
00:48:51Yeah, I heard that before
00:48:52and then tomorrow comes
00:48:53and you're too tired.
00:48:53Okay then, this weekend.
00:48:55I'll be all yours.
00:48:57We can defile
00:48:57any piece of furniture you want.
00:48:59Hey, Karen,
00:49:05you don't have any fax paper,
00:49:06do you?
00:49:08Fax paper!
00:49:09Turn down the Dean Martin!
00:49:12Don't worry about it.
00:49:13I'll go to the store tomorrow.
00:49:14Do you need anything?
00:49:17Eggs?
00:49:19Milk?
00:49:20Light bulbs?
00:49:22Okay, let's make this easier.
00:49:24Is there anything you don't need?
00:49:26I'll tell you what.
00:49:26I'll call you from the store
00:49:28in the morning, okay?
00:49:39What a lovely rainbow, June.
00:49:42There's a gold star for you.
00:49:45Oh, true.
00:49:46Wow.
00:49:47You know, elephants
00:49:48don't have wings.
00:49:50I like the way you're thinking.
00:49:52Hey, Evan.
00:49:54What did you draw?
00:49:59Oh, um,
00:50:00that's a lot of red.
00:50:02It's blood.
00:50:05Okay.
00:50:07So,
00:50:08that man must be a doctor
00:50:11making the bloody man
00:50:13all better?
00:50:15No, he's stabbing him
00:50:16in the guts
00:50:16with a sword.
00:50:19Evan,
00:50:20that's
00:50:20kind of a scary picture.
00:50:23Nuh-uh,
00:50:23it's funny.
00:50:24No, honey,
00:50:25it's inappropriate,
00:50:27especially
00:50:27when the assignment
00:50:28was to make a picture
00:50:29that makes you happy.
00:50:31It does make me happy.
00:50:33Where's my gold star?
00:50:34I just can't get used
00:50:39to everyone working.
00:50:40First Bree,
00:50:41then Susan,
00:50:42now Lynette.
00:50:43Thank God for you.
00:50:45I just had to get out
00:50:46of that boring house.
00:50:47So,
00:50:47what do you gals do
00:50:48when you get together?
00:50:49Mostly gossip.
00:50:51You got any good gossip?
00:50:53I heard Ed Simms
00:50:55going to Harley.
00:50:58You know I should get back.
00:50:59Come on,
00:51:00give me a break.
00:51:01I'm still new at this.
00:51:02Okay,
00:51:03we'll start with something
00:51:04a little easier.
00:51:05Bitching.
00:51:06I can handle that.
00:51:07Bitch away.
00:51:08Well,
00:51:08I am so pissed at Carlos.
00:51:10He is never home.
00:51:12And when he is,
00:51:12he's too tired
00:51:13to do anything.
00:51:14And by anything,
00:51:15I mean sex.
00:51:19Are you uncomfortable?
00:51:20A little.
00:51:21Go on.
00:51:22Well,
00:51:23we've never had a drought
00:51:23like this.
00:51:24It's been almost two weeks.
00:51:25Two weeks?
00:51:27And that's a drought for you?
00:51:28Yeah.
00:51:29Lately,
00:51:29Carlos just doesn't
00:51:30want to do it.
00:51:31Eh,
00:51:31wrong.
00:51:32Guys always want to do it.
00:51:34Really?
00:51:35Yeah.
00:51:36Even if you're tired
00:51:36and get home late?
00:51:37Even if we're exhausted
00:51:39and late
00:51:40and been shot in the leg.
00:51:42Twice.
00:51:42We still want to.
00:51:44So you just got to get past
00:51:45the tired adult
00:51:46to find the horny
00:51:47teenage boy inside.
00:51:50Huh.
00:51:50It's good to know.
00:51:52You're good at this
00:51:53girl talk thing.
00:51:54Well,
00:51:54thanks.
00:51:55So,
00:51:55um,
00:51:56does Lynette
00:51:57ever talk about
00:51:57man sex?
00:51:58Yeah,
00:52:01I should get back.
00:52:04You called me down here
00:52:06for this.
00:52:07It's a kid playing
00:52:08with a soccer ball.
00:52:09It's a head
00:52:10and he's stabbing
00:52:11someone with a sword.
00:52:13Well,
00:52:13maybe it was in self-defense.
00:52:15Mr. Meyer,
00:52:16generally when kids
00:52:17exhibit this type
00:52:18of behavior,
00:52:19there's a problem.
00:52:20I have to take this.
00:52:26Elle.
00:52:28Thanks for ratting out
00:52:29my kid on his first day.
00:52:31It's not my fault.
00:52:32I showed this
00:52:32to the school psychologist.
00:52:33She gave it to the principal.
00:52:34My hands were tied.
00:52:35So right away
00:52:36it's Evan's fault?
00:52:37Did you ever consider
00:52:37that he didn't understand
00:52:38the assignment?
00:52:39I told the class
00:52:40to draw something
00:52:41that made them happy.
00:52:42All the other kids
00:52:42drew kittens and rainbows.
00:52:44Your son drew
00:52:44small intestines
00:52:45on the end of a stick.
00:52:48Let's cut to what
00:52:48this is really about.
00:52:49You hate me
00:52:51and you don't want
00:52:52my son in your class.
00:52:53That is not true.
00:52:54It is too.
00:52:55You're still punishing me
00:52:56for what happened
00:52:56between us.
00:52:57You're stuck in the past
00:52:58blaming me
00:52:59for your screwed up life.
00:53:00Okay,
00:53:00well someone call Guinness
00:53:01because you just set
00:53:02the world record
00:53:03for the biggest load
00:53:04of crap in one sentence.
00:53:05Oh, bite me.
00:53:07How long was I gone?
00:53:10Uh,
00:53:11this is nothing,
00:53:13Mr. Hobson.
00:53:13We're just having
00:53:14a difference of opinion.
00:53:16Yeah.
00:53:17And my opinion
00:53:18is your teacher
00:53:19doesn't understand
00:53:20the difference
00:53:20between emotional problems
00:53:22and creativity.
00:53:23Shut up, Carl.
00:53:24Excuse me,
00:53:24did you just tell him
00:53:25to shut up?
00:53:26You know,
00:53:27this is typical
00:53:28Susan behavior.
00:53:30And you wonder why
00:53:30no man can stay with you.
00:53:39Would this seem
00:53:40any less shocking
00:53:41if I told you
00:53:41we were once married
00:53:42for 12 years?
00:53:47Yes,
00:53:48am I speaking to
00:53:48Mr. Dinsmore?
00:53:51Uh,
00:53:51this is Brie Van De Kemp.
00:53:54Yes,
00:53:54it's nice to talk
00:53:55to you too.
00:53:56As I'm sure
00:53:57you're aware,
00:53:58your company
00:53:58has made
00:53:59several offers
00:54:00to purchase mine.
00:54:02Yes,
00:54:03I know I said
00:54:03I wasn't interested,
00:54:04but some things
00:54:05have happened
00:54:06in my personal life
00:54:07and I think
00:54:08I'm ready
00:54:09to finally
00:54:10make a deal.
00:54:13Really?
00:54:14Well,
00:54:15that's wonderful.
00:54:16Why don't you,
00:54:17uh,
00:54:17come to my office
00:54:18tomorrow
00:54:19and we'll talk.
00:54:21Goodbye,
00:54:22Mr. Dinsmore.
00:54:22Here you go.
00:54:32The rest is yours,
00:54:34thanks.
00:54:35I don't know
00:54:35what it is.
00:54:36Every time I go
00:54:36to the market
00:54:37there's stuff I forget.
00:54:38I know what it is.
00:54:39You're old.
00:54:43So,
00:54:43where's Dave?
00:54:44Camping.
00:54:46Camping?
00:54:46How fun.
00:54:48Enjoying the great outdoors,
00:54:49getting a bunch
00:54:49of teenage kids
00:54:50on prom weekend.
00:54:52Good for him.
00:54:53Look,
00:54:53I know
00:54:54that you think
00:54:54he's some creepy psycho,
00:54:56but you should know
00:54:57that he has had
00:54:58a very hard life
00:54:59and there are things
00:55:00about him
00:55:01that you don't understand.
00:55:02Like what?
00:55:03Like he was married
00:55:04before
00:55:05and his wife
00:55:05died in an accident
00:55:06along with
00:55:07their three-year-old daughter.
00:55:10Oh,
00:55:11Aidy,
00:55:11are you sure?
00:55:13Yes.
00:55:15So,
00:55:16if at times
00:55:16his behavior
00:55:17seems a little strange,
00:55:19try to remember
00:55:21the grief
00:55:21he's carrying.
00:55:22You know,
00:55:25I lost a kid.
00:55:27It does things to you.
00:55:30No wonder he...
00:55:32Oh, God,
00:55:33I wish I'd known.
00:55:34Well, you do now.
00:55:35So, next time,
00:55:36try to be a little more
00:55:37understanding.
00:55:39Of course.
00:55:41You know,
00:55:42I could use a drink.
00:55:43Come to my house
00:55:44and we'll crank up
00:55:45Dean Martin
00:55:45and toss a few back.
00:55:48Come on.
00:56:19Mom?
00:56:27Oh, Andrew, I didn't hear you come in.
00:56:30That Densmore guy is waiting for you downstairs.
00:56:34Thank you, dear.
00:56:39I must say, Bree, I was surprised to get your call.
00:56:41You've always said you'd never sell your company.
00:56:43Bree's decided she wants more family time.
00:56:46She's a very traditional woman, you know?
00:56:49That's one of the reasons I fell in love with her.
00:56:51Does that mean that you're going to stop working altogether?
00:56:53I know your fans have been hoping for a second book, my wife included.
00:56:57That's sweet, but I've decided to focus on other pursuits at the moment.
00:57:00Yes, her sole ambition now is to be Mrs. Orson Hodge.
00:57:03And at the risk of sounding selfish, I'm glad I'll be the only one she's cooking for.
00:57:09Were you able to look over the contracts I sent over?
00:57:11Oh, shoot.
00:57:13I left them upstairs.
00:57:15I'll show you the offices before we start the demolition.
00:57:19You're getting rid of your office?
00:57:20Yeah, we don't need it anymore.
00:57:22And Bree knows I've always wanted a game room.
00:57:26So it's your sole ambition to be Mrs. Orson Hodge?
00:57:30Andrew?
00:57:30No, I have to ask, why are you letting Orson sell your company?
00:57:35It was my idea.
00:57:37My work has been compromising my marriage.
00:57:40I didn't realize the toll it's been taking on Orson.
00:57:42Okay, so he's unhappy.
00:57:46Buy him some golf clubs, put him on lithium, but don't give up everything you've worked so hard for.
00:57:50Andrew, do you know why my book sold so well?
00:57:52Because it was authentic.
00:57:54I actually believe in the old-fashioned values I wrote about.
00:57:57I believe in men opening doors for ladies and children respecting their elders.
00:58:01I also believe that sometimes women need to make sacrifices for their husbands.
00:58:05I would be the worst kind of hypocrite if I preached these values and then didn't follow them myself.
00:58:14Okay, I get it.
00:58:14You love Orson and you're willing to sell your company to prove it.
00:58:18What I'm wondering is, if he loves you, why would he want you to stop doing what makes you happy?
00:58:34Hey, you busy?
00:58:35What is it?
00:58:38I brought you a little gift.
00:58:41Oh, cute.
00:58:43I thought it would be a nice addition to your collection.
00:58:47Uh-huh.
00:58:56I knew it was you.
00:58:58Pardon?
00:58:59You're the one who complained about me to Carlos.
00:59:01I'm not sure what you're talking about.
00:59:04Oh, jeez.
00:59:05You knifed me in the back and now you're going to play stupid?
00:59:09Carlos said some people are having problems with me and that I should watch my demeanor.
00:59:12And I thought to myself, who are some people?
00:59:15And then it hit me.
00:59:17It's the chummy neighbor.
00:59:18Okay.
00:59:19Yes, Carlos and I spoke briefly, but I thought he blew me off.
00:59:22So that's your defense?
00:59:24You thought your backstabbing was unsuccessful?
00:59:26Well, I'll admit it's kind of flimsy, but until I got something better.
00:59:33Next time you have an issue with me, you know where my office is.
00:59:37Oh, and as far as Friday nights are concerned, consider that a permanent work night.
00:59:42Don't worry.
00:59:45If you're as bad at coaching as you are at office politics, your daughter won't be missing much.
00:59:58Found the contract.
00:59:59Everything is in order.
01:00:01All we need now is your signature.
01:00:03Mr. Dinsmore, would you mind if I speak to my husband for a moment?
01:00:06Oh, yeah, please go ahead.
01:00:08I'll be right outside.
01:00:11What's wrong?
01:00:13This is happening so fast.
01:00:15Yes, a bit.
01:00:17When was your idea?
01:00:19Well, I have a new idea.
01:00:21I'd like to wait.
01:00:23Wait?
01:00:24I need this for my recovery.
01:00:27Just give me one year.
01:00:28That's not asking too much, is it?
01:00:30You made me a promise.
01:00:32You need to stick to it.
01:00:33Orson, think about how I built this company from nothing.
01:00:37How it brings me joy and pride and a sense of accomplishment.
01:00:42Is that really something you want me to give up?
01:00:46Yes.
01:00:54Mr. Dinsmore, would you come back in, please?
01:00:59So, are we ready?
01:01:00Ready?
01:01:03Actually, no.
01:01:06I'm not selling.
01:01:08Excuse me?
01:01:09Tell your wife.
01:01:10I will be doing that second book after all.
01:01:14Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
01:01:19Brie, what about my problem?
01:01:22I might start stealing again.
01:01:25Steal what you must, my love.
01:01:26But it won't be my company.
01:01:44Look at him.
01:01:45He's out like a light already.
01:01:48That's what a long day of fishing does to you.
01:01:50Yeah, well, he's going to need all of his energy for a big hike tomorrow, right?
01:01:54Actually, I don't think I'm going to go with you guys.
01:01:57My knees have been kind of bothering me.
01:01:59Okay.
01:01:59Well, then why don't we wait until the next day and see how you feel?
01:02:02No, no, no.
01:02:03It's fine.
01:02:03I'm just going to hang out here.
01:02:05Besides, it's such a romantic hike.
01:02:08You guys should do it alone.
01:02:08You always have such a good attitude.
01:02:13Do I?
01:02:14Uh-huh.
01:02:14It seems like you take everything in stride, you know?
01:02:18Like you just naturally find the silver lining.
01:02:22Yeah, I wish it were natural.
01:02:24I had to teach myself to be this way.
01:02:27Some of the stuff that's happened to me, I never would have survived if I hadn't.
01:02:31So what's your secret?
01:02:36Well, I realized that I was waiting for somebody to fix things.
01:02:43But no one was going to.
01:02:46It was all up to me.
01:02:51I had to decide what was important and go after it.
01:02:54I had to make myself happy.
01:03:00How are you?
01:03:02Happy.
01:03:05I'm getting there.
01:03:09Why don't you get some sleep?
01:03:11You get a big day tomorrow.
01:03:24Come on, Lucy.
01:03:27Why would you agree to this meeting?
01:03:29We're overextended as it is.
01:03:33Fine.
01:03:34I'll see you at the conference room at 7 a.m.
01:03:37Hi there.
01:03:40Hey, babe.
01:03:41What are you doing up?
01:03:43I couldn't sleep.
01:03:45It was a little hot.
01:03:50That's better.
01:03:52You look a little warm yourself.
01:03:54Okay, I know where you're going with this.
01:03:55If that were true, your pants would be around your ankles right now.
01:04:00Gabby, what are you doing?
01:04:01Releasing the horny teen inside of you.
01:04:03Come on.
01:04:04Two boobs.
01:04:05No waiting.
01:04:06Dammit, Gabby.
01:04:07I thought we were going to wait until the weekend.
01:04:08I'm tired.
01:04:09Not my problem.
01:04:12Actually, it is.
01:04:14If big Carlos is tired, that pretty much rules out little Carlos, too.
01:04:18Now listen up, the pair of you.
01:04:19I haven't been sitting around in butt floss all night for my health.
01:04:22You're putting out.
01:04:23That's more like it.
01:04:31Well, I'm awake now.
01:04:34In fact, mind if we spice it up a bit?
01:04:39I forgot these were in the nightstand.
01:04:43This is going to be fun.
01:04:45There.
01:04:45How's that?
01:04:46Tight.
01:04:47Just the way I like it.
01:04:48Me, too.
01:04:53Good night.
01:04:55Carlos, where are you going?
01:04:56Go grab a few hours sleep before I have to get back to work.
01:04:58Carlos, get back here.
01:05:01Carlos!
01:05:04Could you at least scratch my nose?
01:05:06Amy, that is very sweet.
01:05:10I love the colors you used.
01:05:12Oh, Danielle, that is just beautiful.
01:05:17Hmm.
01:05:17Oh, Ellen, that is very pretty.
01:05:38You did the assignment just like I asked.
01:05:39Good job.
01:05:40That's not mine.
01:05:42Annie asked me to bring hers up for her.
01:05:45This one's mine.
01:05:46You did the assignment.
01:05:47Wait.
01:05:47What no?
01:05:49Oh, she got it.
01:05:51I got it.
01:05:52I got it.
01:05:53I got it.
01:05:55Oh, wow.
01:06:01Okay, we're gonna go.
01:06:07I got it.
01:06:09I got it.
01:06:11I got it.
01:06:13I got it.
01:06:15Okay.
01:06:17Oh, my God.
01:06:47I heard a gunshot.
01:07:16It sounded like a hunting rifle.
01:07:18I almost hit, Cap.
01:07:20You guys are all right?
01:07:21Yeah, I think so.
01:07:22This is a state park.
01:07:23People aren't supposed to be hunting here.
01:07:24I guess these guys don't care about that.
01:07:26I just want to get out of here, please.
01:07:27Yeah, of course.
01:07:28We'll go back and pack and we'll leave.
01:07:32Sorry, man.
01:07:32Yeah, me too.
01:07:54Juanita!
01:07:55Celia!
01:07:55Get your coats on!
01:07:56I'm going to see Daddy.
01:07:58Let me see it.
01:08:01Just so you know, I should be bringing this to the psychologist, but I didn't because this
01:08:06kind of self-expression usually gets a kid expelled.
01:08:08Just let me see it.
01:08:10Oh, hell.
01:08:15Yeah, oh, hell.
01:08:17You got a problem here, Carl.
01:08:18Your son's got some serious anger issues and you need to figure out what's going on.
01:08:22I know what's going on.
01:08:23This is his mom.
01:08:27Marissa?
01:08:28Well, why would he draw a picture of her like this?
01:08:30She left us six weeks ago.
01:08:40Well, Carl.
01:08:43I woke up one day to find her standing there with her bags packed.
01:08:47She said she was overwhelmed, that she loved Evan, but she wasn't cut out to be a mother.
01:08:55So she just left?
01:08:57So here I am, alone, raising this boy.
01:09:05It's obvious I'm not doing a very good job.
01:09:13You must be loving this.
01:09:16Why?
01:09:18Because I did the exact same thing to you.
01:09:22Oh.
01:09:23Yeah.
01:09:27You know, I can understand why you react the way you do and you bump into me.
01:09:31Why it bothers you.
01:09:35I never really got it until just now.
01:09:43I used to hope that one day you would know what this felt like, and now that you do.
01:09:48I'm so sorry.
01:10:01Hey, Lynette.
01:10:01Hi.
01:10:02Great office.
01:10:03I see you're busy.
01:10:04Don't let me disturb you.
01:10:05I just wanted to drop off the girl so I could talk to Carlos for a sec.
01:10:07All right, girls.
01:10:08Have fun with Aunt Lynette.
01:10:09Hey.
01:10:10Hey.
01:10:10Hey.
01:10:10Hey.
01:10:11Hey.
01:10:11Hey.
01:10:11Hey.
01:10:11Hey.
01:10:11Hey.
01:10:11Hey.
01:10:12Hey.
01:10:12Hey.
01:10:12Hey.
01:10:12Hey.
01:10:12Hey.
01:10:12Hey.
01:10:13Hey.
01:10:13Hey.
01:10:13Hey.
01:10:13Hey.
01:10:14Hey.
01:10:14Hey.
01:10:15Hey.
01:10:15Hey.
01:10:15Hey.
01:10:16Hey.
01:10:16Hey.
01:10:17Hey.
01:10:17Hey.
01:10:17Hey.
01:10:18Hey.
01:10:18Hey.
01:10:19Hey.
01:10:20Hey.
01:10:21Hey.
01:10:22Hey.
01:10:23Hey.
01:10:24Hey.
01:10:25Hey.
01:10:26Hey.
01:10:27Hey.
01:10:28Hey.
01:10:29Hey.
01:10:30Hey.
01:10:31Hey.
01:10:32Hey.
01:10:33Hey.
01:10:34Hey.
01:10:35Hey.
01:10:36Hey.
01:10:37Hey.
01:10:38Hey.
01:10:39Hey.
01:10:40Hey.
01:10:41Hey.
01:10:42Hey.
01:10:43Hey.
01:10:44Hey.
01:10:45Hey.
01:10:46Hey.
01:10:47I made a commitment here, Gabby. I don't think I can just bail.
01:10:52I know you can't. And that's the part that really scares me.
01:10:58We're bored. Hey, I got you sodas, didn't I? And I let you feed the paper shredder.
01:11:06Don't you have any toys? No. I've got a hole puncher. Sorry, that's the best I could do.
01:11:11Come on. What about those glass things?
01:11:16They're pretty. Can I hold one?
01:11:20Oh, sweetie, those aren't to play with, not unless you want to see someone go completely bonkers.
01:11:27Actually, they do look like a lot of fun. If only I had the power to stop you.
01:11:41What the hell are you doing?
01:11:43We're playing. What does it look like?
01:11:46Are these your kids? Because they were in my office playing with my figurines, which are imported.
01:11:55They're worth a lot of dinero. Do you even understand what I'm saying?
01:11:59What's with the yelling?
01:12:00I don't know. I'm just as worried as you are.
01:12:02Look, let me boil it down for you. Office, C. Daycare, no.
01:12:08Lucy, what's going on?
01:12:09Apparently, some people don't understand that this is a place of business and they need to keep their kids at home.
01:12:14Then I guess you should yell at me. These are my kids.
01:12:19Come here, sweetie.
01:12:20Excuse me.
01:12:23I, uh, I didn't know that. I thought they were hers because they...
01:12:27Did you just come?
01:12:30Um, I'm sorry.
01:12:32So what if they were?
01:12:35That's the way you talk to people?
01:12:38I said I'm sorry. Look, I'm trying so hard to make this deal happen. I guess the stress is just getting to me.
01:12:44It's getting to all of us. Maybe it's a sign we should change the way we do things around here.
01:12:48We're trying to play with the big boys, Carlos. Now is not the time to pull back. Don't you want this company to succeed?
01:12:54I want to build a company that treats its people well and lets them go home at night to see their families.
01:13:00Look, I know I don't have the greatest bedside manner, but you hired me to take this company to number one.
01:13:05Now, if you don't want to do that, I'm probably not your girl.
01:13:09I was just thinking the same thing.
01:13:12Wow. What happened to you? The old Carlos would do anything to be the best.
01:13:17I guess I'm not the old Carlos anymore.
01:13:24Fine.
01:13:30Don't forget your little animals.
01:13:33Morrison, please come upstairs. I know what that couch does to your back.
01:13:48Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
01:13:51I know you're disappointed right now, but you have to know I really do want to find some way for you to be happy.
01:13:57So do I.
01:13:59You know what to watch your stuff?
01:14:01Oh, can I get it tomorrow? I just really want to get home.
01:14:03You don't want to watch your stuff?
01:14:26Oh, can I get it tomorrow?
01:14:27I just really want to get home.
01:14:33Edie!
01:14:49I always wondered why you were so determined to live on Wisteria Lane.
01:14:55You said you thought we'd be happy here.
01:14:58I wanted to believe you.
01:14:59But it turned out that you just wanted to be close to Mike Delfino.
01:15:11Who gave you that?
01:15:12Nobody gave it to me.
01:15:14I did research.
01:15:16You think I'm too stupid to do research?
01:15:18Edie, listen.
01:15:19This doesn't mean anything.
01:15:21It's all there.
01:15:21The accident, Mike's acquittal, and even a little mention of how David Dash couldn't make it to the funeral because he had a nervous breakdown.
01:15:34Honey, look.
01:15:36Just give me a chance to explain.
01:15:39Oh, so now you want to explain.
01:15:43Okay.
01:15:44Why don't you start by explaining why you married me?
01:15:51I married you because I love you.
01:15:53No.
01:15:54You married me because you needed a cover story so you could get close to the man who killed your family.
01:16:00That's ridiculous.
01:16:01Yeah, it's insane.
01:16:03But that's why you did it.
01:16:05So what are you going to do now?
01:16:07Are you going to hurt him?
01:16:08I mean, and that's the only logical explanation.
01:16:18And my only question is, what the hell have you been waiting for?
01:16:24Honey, you're not feeling well.
01:16:27Let's get you upstairs into bed.
01:16:28Tell me the truth, you freak.
01:16:32Did you move us here to hurt Mike Delfino?
01:16:35No.
01:16:38He destroyed everything I ever loved, and he was never punished.
01:16:49I need to make things right.
01:16:52Why?
01:16:54Why did you have to do this?
01:16:58Honey, you'd have been so happy.
01:17:06What are you doing?
01:17:07I've got to tell him before you do something stupid.
01:17:12Maybe don't.
01:17:18Give me that.
01:17:19Give me that.
01:17:19No!
01:17:49Get out of here! Just get the hell out! I'm calling the police! Can you hear me?
01:18:19Yes. Life is full of nasty shocks. And they always seem to occur when we least expect them.
01:18:49And once our system has been jolted, the question becomes, will we survive?