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  • 6/27/2025
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Transcript
00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives, a friend was welcomed back.
00:00:05I told them how much better you were doing.
00:00:08A marriage was on the mend.
00:00:10I'd like to recapture what we once had.
00:00:14Gabby and Carlos discovered a secret.
00:00:17You are getting sloppy, and if people start poking around, we're done.
00:00:20And Susan made a request.
00:00:23You're asking if I'm okay with letting a stripper live with us.
00:00:30The first thing you need to know about Robin Gallagher
00:00:35was that everyone liked to look at her.
00:00:41They would stare at her legs
00:00:42and her breasts
00:00:45and her hair.
00:00:50And once they were done, people would begin to ask.
00:00:54Who is this?
00:00:55This is my friend Robin.
00:00:57Hello there.
00:00:58Mike had to work today, so I thought I'd bring her as my plus one.
00:01:01Hello there.
00:01:02You already said that.
00:01:03I wanted that you know I meant it.
00:01:05It's really good to have you back on the lane, Catherine.
00:01:08It's great to be back.
00:01:09I didn't know what to expect at first.
00:01:11I have wondered how everyone would feel about me
00:01:14if they were really ready to welcome me back.
00:01:17I guess there's always that fear that
00:01:19people are going to reject you.
00:01:22Do I smell appetizers?
00:01:23I know I do.
00:01:24Hello, Susan.
00:01:34Who's your new friend?
00:01:35Robin, this is Carlos, Tom, Roy, and Orson.
00:01:39Hope you got all that,
00:01:40because there's going to be a quiz later.
00:01:43Oh, God.
00:01:44So, Robin, welcome to my humble abode.
00:01:49It's so suburban.
00:01:51I've never been in a place where the ceilings are so tall.
00:01:53Fascinating.
00:01:54Just fascinating.
00:01:57You live in the city?
00:01:58I did, but I'll be living with Susan for a while.
00:02:02I just moved in today.
00:02:06Susan, let's get you a drink.
00:02:07Oh, no, that's okay.
00:02:08I'll wait till...
00:02:09Oh.
00:02:11So...
00:02:12So, how did you meet Susan?
00:02:16So?
00:02:17Want to tell us about your new friend, or, uh, should I say roommate?
00:02:20She was down on her luck, and she needed a place to stay.
00:02:23Plus, I feel responsible because I told her to give up her job.
00:02:26What was wrong with her job?
00:02:28Well, we probably don't need to let the guys in on this, but Robin was...
00:02:34That's wild.
00:02:35So, you used to be a stripper.
00:02:41Yes.
00:02:43Everyone liked to look at Robin Gallagher.
00:02:48But not everyone liked what they saw.
00:02:52Later, while the men of Wisteria Lane were trying the shrimp,
00:03:08their wives were trying to control themselves.
00:03:12You moved a stripper into the neighborhood?
00:03:14What were you thinking?
00:03:15You guys aren't even taking the time to get to know her.
00:03:17Our husbands are in there pulling together their dollar bills.
00:03:20What more do we need to know?
00:03:21I just met Robin.
00:03:22She seems great.
00:03:22Did she mention that she's a stripper?
00:03:25Did she have to?
00:03:27Look, I am just trying to help her get back on her feet.
00:03:30I bet that'd be a nice change for her.
00:03:32She is living in my house.
00:03:33If anybody should be worried, it'd be me,
00:03:35and I am not threatened by her at all.
00:03:37Really?
00:03:38Yes.
00:03:38She's a nice girl.
00:03:39Yeah.
00:03:40Nice, blonde, and you can bounce a quarter off her ass.
00:03:43I'm telling you, she's trouble.
00:03:44Here's a good thing.
00:03:45She can't bring any more crazy to the street than I did.
00:03:48Let's give her a chance.
00:03:49I agree.
00:03:49Robin's probably had a tough life,
00:03:51and she needs our help.
00:03:52Well, I'm all for being open-minded,
00:03:54but I have teenage boys at home.
00:03:55The last thing I need next door is a stripper.
00:04:04Hey, Mrs. Scavo, we're picking up Parker for school.
00:04:06Please come in.
00:04:10I'll get him for you.
00:04:15So, you ever going to get back to folding the laundry?
00:04:17Well, I thought I'd treat myself and wash the breakfast dishes first.
00:04:21Well, you started this.
00:04:22Don't you think you should finish?
00:04:25Well, since you're so passionate about it...
00:04:30Knock yourself out.
00:04:31Okay, you just went from jerk to adorable real quick.
00:04:41Happy anniversary.
00:04:43Oh.
00:04:47It's the ring!
00:04:48Oh, you went back to that antique shop?
00:04:51Yep.
00:04:51Oh, thank you.
00:04:53Mwah!
00:04:54Wait, I see your present.
00:04:56You can unwrap it tonight when the kids are asleep.
00:04:59Or how about after they leave for school?
00:05:02Okay.
00:05:03Hey, why are they still up there?
00:05:06And why can't I hear them?
00:05:07Hey, boys.
00:05:21What's going on?
00:05:23Oh, we're late for school.
00:05:24Okay.
00:05:37Hey, Lynette.
00:05:44Hi.
00:05:45The next time you take a shower, do you think you could close your blinds?
00:05:48I have a 16-year-old son, and he has friends.
00:05:52Oh, no.
00:05:53Oh, yes.
00:05:54You may have retired from the strip club, but you're still doing seven shows a week.
00:05:58I mean, they didn't have to pay a cover charge rate.
00:06:01This is a nice community.
00:06:03You have a responsibility to the neighbors, especially the ones with innocent children.
00:06:09But they're not all so innocent.
00:06:12Excuse me?
00:06:14Yesterday, that son of yours asked me if I would have sex with him.
00:06:20Parker?
00:06:21My Parker?
00:06:23Red hair, skinny, still sleeps in a bed shaped like a race car Parker?
00:06:28Of course, I said no.
00:06:29Then he offered me cash.
00:06:38Hey.
00:06:40Come in.
00:06:42Have a seat.
00:06:44What's up?
00:06:45Something wrong?
00:06:47We hoped it would be another year before we have the parent-son conversation where we tell you not to offer your neighbor money for sex.
00:06:55But...
00:06:56Oh, crap.
00:06:57She told?
00:06:58Yeah.
00:06:59You might want to pick a more discreet stripper next time.
00:07:02What were you thinking?
00:07:03We raised you better than that, didn't we?
00:07:05Yeah, we did.
00:07:06We did.
00:07:07So, what do you have to say for yourself?
00:07:13I just really, really, really needed to have sex.
00:07:19Three reallys.
00:07:20Well, in that case, here's a 20.
00:07:23Go back and try again.
00:07:24You are a 16-year-old boy.
00:07:28We understand.
00:07:29Your hormones are holding your brain hostage.
00:07:31But why would you think you would need to pay for sex?
00:07:33Because I'm the only one of my friends who hasn't lost his virginity.
00:07:36Oh.
00:07:38First of all, we've seen your friends.
00:07:39And trust me, pimples, braces, and beam me up, Scotty, are not getting any.
00:07:43Girls don't look at me that way.
00:07:45It's never going to happen.
00:07:46Hey.
00:07:55Knock it off!
00:07:57You are a great kid.
00:08:00You don't need to pay for it.
00:08:02In a few years, when you're emotionally ready, you'll meet the right girl.
00:08:07And you will have tons of sex.
00:08:10After you're married.
00:08:12Okay, Dad.
00:08:14Sorry.
00:08:16Nice job.
00:08:26You think you bought it?
00:08:28Bought what?
00:08:30You know.
00:08:32Uh-uh.
00:08:34Guys always pay for sex in some way.
00:08:36I mean, dinner, flowers.
00:08:40Antique rings.
00:08:42Whoa.
00:08:43Whoa.
00:08:44You think that's the only reason we're having sex tonight?
00:08:47Of course not.
00:08:48It's our anniversary.
00:08:49It's a given.
00:08:50Like turkey on Thanksgiving.
00:08:52Although I am hoping that the ring gets me an upgrade from missionary.
00:08:56Forget about upgrades.
00:08:57You just got bumped off the flight.
00:08:59Honey, what?
00:09:00Why are you getting so upset?
00:09:01Because I didn't know I was married to such a cynical lug nut.
00:09:06Wait.
00:09:06Are we really not going to have sex tonight?
00:09:08Don't worry, Tom.
00:09:10In a few years, when you're emotionally ready, you're going to have tons of sex.
00:09:17Come on!
00:09:18So you really like that ring?
00:09:26Yep.
00:09:27Mm-hmm.
00:09:30Did you read the inscription?
00:09:32Oh, my darling.
00:09:34We're not having sex, Tom.
00:09:35Oh, come on.
00:09:37Why not?
00:09:38Because I am still upset by what you said.
00:09:40Do you really think women only sleep with men if they buy them things?
00:09:45No.
00:09:46I think supermodels sleep with 80-year-old millionaires because they love to hear stories about when bread was five cents a loaf.
00:09:53Well, I'm not a model, and you're no millionaire, so I'm thinking you owe me an apology.
00:09:58Jill and I went to Marley's Tavern on our first two dates, and I could barely get past a goodnight kiss.
00:10:04But third time out, I dropped 200 bucks at LaRive Gauche, and bam, you finally put out.
00:10:11It finally made love.
00:10:12Listen, you idiot!
00:10:16I did not put out because you bought me an expensive dinner.
00:10:22I did it because you showed up for the date with a light bulb to replace the one that had burned out in the hallway to my apartment.
00:10:29Remember?
00:10:30You said I didn't live in the best neighborhood.
00:10:33And I was worried about you.
00:10:35Bingo.
00:10:37I was ready to do you right then and there.
00:10:40Really?
00:10:42That's all it takes?
00:10:44Me showing you I care.
00:10:48Because that's easy.
00:10:50And now it's time for your anniversary present.
00:10:53Hey, Robin.
00:11:03Remember the other day when I told you this was a nice neighborhood?
00:11:06I forgot to warn you there's this one bitch that lives right nearby, and that would be me.
00:11:12Look, I understand.
00:11:14The next trip we're moving next door will freak some people out.
00:11:16No.
00:11:17Seriously, I'm sorry.
00:11:21Apology accepted.
00:11:26Oh, and by the way.
00:11:28Oh, yeah.
00:11:29The next time you're giving it to your husband with the lights on, could you draw the drapes?
00:11:32Here we go.
00:11:47Well, I've got the Steiner bar mitzvah tomorrow.
00:11:52Can you mean to run any errands for you before I go?
00:11:54Well, you should be good.
00:11:56Joyce will be here at three for my rehab, and Roy offered to take me to the park.
00:12:00Oh, well, isn't that lovely?
00:12:06Do you want to watch a movie?
00:12:06Well, I guess I'll read.
00:12:08I guess we could watch a movie.
00:12:11No, no, no.
00:12:12You want to read?
00:12:13Go ahead.
00:12:17Well, good night.
00:12:23If you need anything, just ring the bell.
00:12:25I'm right upstairs.
00:12:27I'm sure I'll be fine.
00:12:38Knock, knock.
00:12:39Robin, come on in.
00:12:41Can I ask you a favor?
00:12:43Sure.
00:12:44Susan and Mike have been so good to me.
00:12:46I want to do something nice for them, and I thought, hey, maybe I should bake them a cake.
00:12:49Oh, that's very thoughtful.
00:12:51Well, feel free to use whatever you need.
00:12:59So, what do I need?
00:13:01Robin, what exactly do you know about cakes?
00:13:06Well, I know that if you're going to hide in one for more than an hour, the air holes have got to be pretty big.
00:13:11All right, then.
00:13:13It looks like I will be teaching you how to make a cake.
00:13:16Yay!
00:13:17You rock free.
00:13:19I rock.
00:13:21Now, the key to success is following the recipe exactly.
00:13:26The secret to baking is precision.
00:13:28Got it.
00:13:29You're my hero.
00:13:31What are you doing?
00:13:32Making you my screensaver.
00:13:34That's sweet.
00:13:35You're replacing my cat.
00:13:37He's eating noodles.
00:13:39Let's just do this.
00:13:41Go get yourself an apron.
00:13:45That is like the coolest cake I've ever seen.
00:13:47Raspberry mocha.
00:13:49Orson's favorite.
00:13:52I talked to him at the party.
00:13:54He's nice.
00:13:55It must be tough having him in a wheelchair.
00:13:58It's been challenging.
00:14:00Well, they say you can get through anything if you have a solid marriage.
00:14:04Yes, well...
00:14:05Oh, I'm sorry.
00:14:08I didn't mean to pry.
00:14:09It's fine.
00:14:10Let's just say before his accident there were issues and now we're trying to put the pieces
00:14:14back together.
00:14:15Well, that's good for you.
00:14:18So, what's the piece you can't find?
00:14:19Ah, now you are prying.
00:14:22What?
00:14:23We did make a cake together.
00:14:25Look, my grandmother always said that if you want to save your marriage, there's only one
00:14:30room to do it in.
00:14:33The bedroom.
00:14:34Yeah, I got that.
00:14:37It's not about sex.
00:14:38It's about closeness.
00:14:40We've lost our intimacy.
00:14:43Oh, honey.
00:14:45Sex is how men get intimate.
00:14:47Well, I'm not even sure he's capable.
00:14:50Oh, it doesn't matter.
00:14:52His brain still works.
00:14:53I mean, he can see you.
00:14:54He can feel you touch him.
00:14:56He can hear what you say to him.
00:14:58You know, I had this regular customer, 92 years old, in a wheelchair.
00:15:02I used to have to push the oxygen tank out of the way to give him a lap dance.
00:15:04Oh, I don't know if he's even interested.
00:15:09Well, here's the thing.
00:15:11Neither of us knows for sure.
00:15:13Only one of us can find out.
00:15:23Hello, dear.
00:15:26How was the bar mitzvah?
00:15:28A boy became a man and a rabbi.
00:15:29Bless my crane puffs.
00:15:30Same old, same old.
00:15:32How was your day?
00:15:33Oh, I've been passing the time reading.
00:15:36Well, I suppose I should get out of these clothes.
00:15:40Oh, Peter Tchaikovsky.
00:15:43God bless you.
00:15:44Yes.
00:15:45I never tire of this piece.
00:15:47It's extraordinary.
00:15:48So moving.
00:15:48So sensual.
00:16:02Don't you want to do that upstairs?
00:16:23You know, near the hamper?
00:16:24Actually, I'd rather do it right here.
00:16:38Why are you walking like that?
00:16:42What do you think?
00:16:44I'm not sure.
00:16:45You're trying to make me feel better about being paralyzed?
00:16:54Guess again, big boy.
00:16:59Well, if you're having a stroke, we're going to make quite the team.
00:17:01Oh, I do believe it's getting hot in here.
00:17:22Are you all right?
00:17:23Yeah, just a second.
00:17:24My earring's cut.
00:17:26Enjoy the music.
00:17:31Now, let me help.
00:17:33No, no, no.
00:17:34I'm good.
00:17:34Stay there.
00:17:35I'm coming over.
00:17:35No, Orson.
00:17:36I've got it.
00:17:38Ow!
00:17:40Ow!
00:17:40I'm sorry.
00:17:42I'm sorry.
00:17:43I'm sorry.
00:17:44I didn't need any help.
00:17:45Well, in my defense, that wasn't entirely clear.
00:17:48Forget it.
00:17:48This was stupid.
00:17:51What was that?
00:17:52What do you think?
00:17:53It was a lap dance.
00:17:55That was a lap dance?
00:17:57I was trying to arouse you.
00:17:59You are aware I'm in a wheelchair.
00:18:01Well, I thought you still might be interested in that sort of thing.
00:18:04I am.
00:18:05But you certainly don't act like it.
00:18:06After the accident, I just never thought you would ever consider
00:18:10Orson, things will be awkward at first, but we can work on it.
00:18:21You're my husband.
00:18:23I want to be close to you.
00:18:25I want to share your bed again, even if it means just holding your hand before you fall asleep.
00:18:33Come here.
00:18:40Is this all right?
00:18:51Let's see.
00:18:53I've got Tchaikovsky on the stereo.
00:18:56My wife in my arms.
00:19:00Yes.
00:19:01Is this all right?
00:19:02She and Danny spent the whole day together.
00:19:23What's left to say?
00:19:24This is out of control.
00:19:26Let's forbid Anna to talk to her.
00:19:27Yeah, forbid two teenagers.
00:19:28That always works.
00:19:30Besides, what would we say?
00:19:31We overheard his parents talking and we think they're evil?
00:19:34What do you think the bones did?
00:19:35I don't know, but you don't go on the run for not paying your cable bill.
00:19:38They've been cagey ever since they moved in.
00:19:40And Nick doesn't work.
00:19:41How do they have money?
00:19:42Maybe they're drug dealers or gun runners.
00:19:44Whatever they are.
00:19:45I don't want Anna anywhere near that family.
00:19:47She won't break up with him.
00:19:49She will if we make her.
00:19:50I told you that won't work.
00:19:51We need to come up with a carrot, not a stick.
00:19:53Anna!
00:19:58Privacy, please.
00:19:59I've got big news.
00:20:00For me or for you?
00:20:01You!
00:20:02Oh.
00:20:03I just got a call from my good friend Luke Rayfield.
00:20:05I was a struggling model in New York when he was a struggling photographer.
00:20:09Well, mostly I was his beard for all his family functions.
00:20:12There was this one time...
00:20:12Is the part about me coming up?
00:20:14Oh, yeah.
00:20:14Anyway, Luke now has his own modeling agency.
00:20:18And he's always looking for new talent, so I sent him your picture.
00:20:22Wait for it.
00:20:23Wait for it.
00:20:24He wants to represent you.
00:20:27You may now begin screaming.
00:20:29Ah!
00:20:30I have to call Danny.
00:20:31Oh, well, you know what?
00:20:33Danny can wait.
00:20:34We need to go buy you some new luggage.
00:20:36They want you in New York immediately.
00:20:38Now?
00:20:39But don't I have to finish high school?
00:20:41World War II, Germany lost.
00:20:43Korean War, Korea lost.
00:20:44Vietnam War, we lost.
00:20:45Happy graduation.
00:20:48What's wrong?
00:20:50I don't think I can go just yet.
00:20:53Why not?
00:20:56Danny and I have a plan.
00:20:58We're going to New York together when I graduate.
00:21:03After everything I've done for her, Danny and I are moving to New York after I graduate.
00:21:07We're in love.
00:21:07Oh, pour away some more wine before I throw up.
00:21:12What's wrong?
00:21:13Oh, Gabby got her niece a foot in the door for a modeling career and she's tearing it down.
00:21:16Oh, bad call.
00:21:18Look, I used to take ballet.
00:21:19And I was pretty good at it, too.
00:21:21And one time this instructor from a big ballet company saw me perform and, oh, long story short, two days later they offered me a job.
00:21:29What happened?
00:21:31Bobby Butterfield happened.
00:21:33A boy.
00:21:33Not just a boy.
00:21:35The boy.
00:21:36Oh, I was crazy about him.
00:21:38Thought it was going to last forever.
00:21:40So I passed on the job.
00:21:42And two months later, he dumped me for Louise McMullen.
00:21:45And then a month after that, I got into a car accident, messed up my knee, and then it was goodbye tutu.
00:21:49Hello, tatas.
00:21:50Oh, that is fantastic.
00:21:55Did we just hear the same story?
00:21:56You've got to tell that story to Anna.
00:21:58Putting off your dreams and then having your life spiral down the crapper.
00:22:02It couldn't be more perfect.
00:22:05Well, I guess I could talk to Anna if you think it would help her.
00:22:09Great.
00:22:10And don't be afraid to turn on the waterworks.
00:22:12Nothing sells pathetic like stripper tears.
00:22:15Maybe it would help if I started taping you so you could hear what it is you say.
00:22:20Don't be discouraged if Luke starts you off with catalog work.
00:22:25Just try to get your face in the shot.
00:22:26It's a little tough to do with the lawnmower, but I did it.
00:22:28Yeah?
00:22:29Where you been?
00:22:30I was texting you.
00:22:32Oh, I was just coming over.
00:22:34Taking a trip?
00:22:37I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about, so I'll just take this inside for you.
00:22:41Bye, Danny.
00:22:44What do you need luggage for?
00:22:48I was just about to come over and tell you right now.
00:22:50When did this happen?
00:22:50I just found out, okay?
00:22:52I thought we were supposed to go together.
00:22:54Why can't you wait?
00:22:56This is a huge opportunity.
00:22:58You should be saying, great, Anna.
00:23:00Go for it.
00:23:01If you can't support me, then maybe we shouldn't even be together.
00:23:07Hey.
00:23:08Hey, Robin.
00:23:09Hi.
00:23:10What's up?
00:23:11I've been meaning to thank you.
00:23:12Your little speech to Anna worked like a charm.
00:23:14I just took her to the airport.
00:23:15Great.
00:23:15So, why was she fighting with Danny Bolan yesterday?
00:23:20They were breaking up.
00:23:22They were dating?
00:23:23Yeah.
00:23:24That's the whole reason I wanted you to talk to her.
00:23:26To convince her she was screwing up her life so I could ship her off to New York and get her away from Danny.
00:23:31You didn't tell me that.
00:23:34Okay, so?
00:23:35So, I don't like being used.
00:23:37Oh, don't get upset.
00:23:37You did good.
00:23:38Anna's gone.
00:23:39Danny's out of the picture.
00:23:40I owe you, big time.
00:23:51Danny.
00:23:52Hey, I think we need to talk.
00:23:54Sorry, it's really not a good time.
00:23:57Actually, this is exactly the time.
00:24:04I just talked to Luke.
00:24:06Anna has settled into her dorm.
00:24:07She's got all her classes lined up, and he's taking her new head shots tomorrow.
00:24:12And the best part is she is miles away from the nearest Bolan.
00:24:35Oh, perfect timing.
00:24:38Something smells good.
00:24:40Just putting on the finishing touches before we eat.
00:24:43Bon appetit.
00:24:44Oh, you spoil me.
00:24:47What's wrong?
00:24:48Is it your back again?
00:24:49Yeah, I spent all day working in a crawl space.
00:24:51Oh, I'll call the chiropractor first thing in the morning.
00:24:53No need for that.
00:24:54I can fix it.
00:24:56Come here.
00:24:57Ow.
00:24:58Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:24:58What are you doing?
00:24:59At Double D's, the girls were constantly throwing their backs out from sliding down that pole.
00:25:03They all came to see me.
00:25:05Now, just relax.
00:25:06And one, two, three.
00:25:10There.
00:25:11How did it feel?
00:25:12Oh, my God.
00:25:13It's gone.
00:25:14The pain's gone.
00:25:16Wow.
00:25:16Oh, thank you, Robin.
00:25:18I was just going to give him a scotch and make him sleep in the guest room.
00:25:22Seriously, you really fixed me up.
00:25:24Thanks.
00:25:24Oh, please.
00:25:25After all you guys have done for me, that's the least I can do.
00:25:27I'm home.
00:25:35In here.
00:25:37No fast food tonight.
00:25:39Fire up the microwave.
00:25:43Hey.
00:25:45My back went out again.
00:25:46Robin tried cracking it, but it just didn't go deep enough.
00:25:48This is the way the Buddhist monks do it.
00:25:50It's the only way to get through all that muscle.
00:25:55Is there a problem, babe?
00:25:56No.
00:25:58No problem.
00:26:01Looks like you're in good hands.
00:26:03Or feet.
00:26:04So I'll just go make dinner.
00:26:07Happy trails.
00:26:12How does that feel?
00:26:13Oh, yeah.
00:26:14Do that.
00:26:14Do that.
00:26:16Can you handle a little more?
00:26:17Oh, give me all you got.
00:26:19So I ran into Janice White today.
00:26:22Says her husband is sick.
00:26:24Oh, wow.
00:26:24You're really stiff.
00:26:25Let me try something else.
00:26:27Oh, you're the boss.
00:26:29Apparently it's bacterial and he's bloating like a pig.
00:26:33I'm going to grab it and pull.
00:26:35Go for it.
00:26:36And there's a lot of diarrhea.
00:26:39Oh, yes.
00:26:40Oh, yes.
00:26:41Oh, yes.
00:26:43This is incredible.
00:26:47Those monks really know what they're doing.
00:26:50Yeah.
00:26:51When do they find time to pray?
00:26:58Hey.
00:26:59I'm on my way to school.
00:27:00The faculty volunteered to make sandwiches for the homeless.
00:27:03Okay.
00:27:04Well, I'll see you later.
00:27:07What's the matter?
00:27:08I re-piped an entire house.
00:27:10Even my hair hurts.
00:27:11Oh, you poor thing.
00:27:12You want the heating pad?
00:27:13No.
00:27:13No, I'll be okay.
00:27:15Well, I won't be gone long.
00:27:16Feel better.
00:27:17I'll just have Robin crack my back when she gets home.
00:27:19Or I could stay here and do it.
00:27:22What about the homeless?
00:27:24Please.
00:27:25You've gone this long without food.
00:27:27What's another ten minutes?
00:27:29Susan, do you have a problem with Robin working on me?
00:27:32Of course not.
00:27:34But she's not here and you're in pain.
00:27:36So why don't you let me take a shot at it?
00:27:38A shot at it?
00:27:40We're talking about my spine.
00:27:41Mike, Robin didn't exactly go to medical school between lap dances.
00:27:45I saw what she did.
00:27:46I can do the same thing.
00:27:48Okay.
00:27:49Here we go.
00:27:50Ow!
00:27:51Ow?
00:27:52No, ow.
00:27:53That's exactly what Robin did.
00:27:54No, she didn't yank it.
00:27:55It's my arm, not an emergency brake.
00:27:57Shh.
00:27:57Just take a deep breath.
00:27:58The key is relaxation.
00:28:00Okay.
00:28:01One.
00:28:03Two.
00:28:06You know, if you hadn't moved when I said three...
00:28:10Just go.
00:28:15Oh, my God.
00:28:21Susan, is Mike going to be all right?
00:28:23Can I see him?
00:28:24Sure, sweetie.
00:28:26Just don't climb on the bed.
00:28:32Look, why didn't you wait for me?
00:28:33I would have taken care of Mike's back.
00:28:35No problem.
00:28:35Well, I wanted to do it myself.
00:28:37Oh, okay.
00:28:43I'm lying.
00:28:43I didn't want to do it.
00:28:44I just really wanted you not to do it.
00:28:48I don't understand.
00:28:51God, I've been trying really hard to be cool about all this.
00:28:55But when I walked in and I saw you all over Mike...
00:28:59When I was cracking his back, I was just trying to help.
00:29:04While you were wearing next to nothing and straddling my husband, how was he supposed to react?
00:29:10You used to be a stripper.
00:29:15Oh, don't cry.
00:29:18Why are you crying?
00:29:18Strippers are supposed to be tough.
00:29:20Stop calling me that.
00:29:23Yes, I was a stripper.
00:29:26But you know what?
00:29:26You were the only person who never treated me like one.
00:29:29Until now.
00:29:31Oh.
00:29:32And I'm really sorry if I cross the line with Mike.
00:29:35You know, I guess after working nine years in the club, I just don't know where the line is anymore.
00:29:40I overreacted.
00:29:46Maybe I should move out.
00:29:47No, Robin, you don't have to do that.
00:29:53I want us to be friends for a very long time.
00:29:56So, yes, I do.
00:30:03Daddy needs help making the bed go back down.
00:30:05Hello.
00:30:17Hi.
00:30:18Susan asked me to bring you some of your mail.
00:30:20Oh, thank you.
00:30:21I'm Robin.
00:30:23We met at your party.
00:30:25Yeah, I remember.
00:30:27How's it going?
00:30:29Oh, I think you heard about my little vacation at Fairview Behavioral.
00:30:33Yes, I heard.
00:30:34Well, to be honest, it's been hard, especially coming back to this big empty house, not to mention these subtle glances I get from people judging me.
00:30:43But you know what I say?
00:30:44To hell with them.
00:30:48I'll see you.
00:30:50Oh, hey.
00:30:51And if this house gets too lonely, I'm looking for a room to rent.
00:30:55I mean, Mike and Susan are great, but it's getting a little crowded over there.
00:30:59Okay.
00:31:00I'll keep it in mind.
00:31:02For what it's worth, it might take the heat off of you.
00:31:05No one judges the woman from the loony bin when there's a stripper next door.
00:31:08This is great.
00:31:18I haven't had a female roommate since after college.
00:31:21That's here for girl power.
00:31:24Yeah, we should go out and have a drink to celebrate.
00:31:27Oh, I don't know.
00:31:28Well, my therapist says I should get out more, but even being over at Gabby's house the other day, it's just hard.
00:31:36Yeah, I get that.
00:31:37So what was it like being in a mental hospital?
00:31:46You know, not as much fun as one would expect.
00:31:50I only ask because of my mom.
00:31:52She used to use me as a punching bag, and I always dreamed about having her committed.
00:31:57I'm sorry.
00:32:00Oh, no, it was only when she was drunk.
00:32:03It was her way of coping with my dad cheating on her all the time.
00:32:05I remember wishing that he was ugly so other women wouldn't want him, but he looked like Clint Eastwood.
00:32:14Anyway, Mom had to take out her anger somewhere, and I was an easier target than a 6'4 trucker.
00:32:23Actually, I was pretty bad at the hospital.
00:32:27People always say it's the screaming that gets to you.
00:32:32But at least screaming means you're alive, you know?
00:32:35What I couldn't take were the people with the blank stares.
00:32:44There was this one woman who sat frozen in the garden all day,
00:32:49whispering the words to old McDonald had a farm over and over and over.
00:32:55The doctors ever take offense when she got to hear a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack quack?
00:33:00You know what?
00:33:12If there were ever two people who deserved a night out drinking, it's us.
00:33:17Okay, with pro quo, I told you what it was like to go to bed in restraints.
00:33:26So I think it's only fair that you tell me what it was like being a stripper.
00:33:29Oh, it was brutal.
00:33:31If I had a dollar for every guy that slapped me on my butt just because he felt like it,
00:33:36kind of think of it, I'd do.
00:33:38Excuse me.
00:33:41My friend and I were wondering if you'd like to join us at our table.
00:33:46No, thank you. It's girls' night out.
00:33:48Two beautiful women in a bar. Can't blame a guy for asking.
00:33:52We're over there. If you decide to go co-ed.
00:33:57Is it bad that I want to go sit with them?
00:34:00You do?
00:34:00Yeah. It's been a while since a guy that cutest flirted with me.
00:34:07You know what? Let's do it.
00:34:08Really?
00:34:09Yes. You look way too hot to waste on just me.
00:34:13Shall we?
00:34:17Come on, you've got to have a secret.
00:34:19No, it's shampoo and conditioner.
00:34:21Well, it looks amazing. You should be on the cover of hair magazines.
00:34:24What is it you said you'd do?
00:34:25I didn't. But my friend Catherine is starting her own catering company.
00:34:29Oh, well, thinking about it. Cooking is a passion of mine.
00:34:32But a lot has to happen before I start my own business.
00:34:36I know. You're a model.
00:34:40No.
00:34:41Oh, uh, dental hygienist.
00:34:43No.
00:34:45Oh, I know. You're a flight attendant.
00:34:47You may as well tell me, or I'm just going to keep guessing all night.
00:34:50She's a stripper, okay?
00:34:51Ex-stripper, I'm sorry.
00:34:56Hey, why are you apologizing?
00:34:58You love strippers.
00:35:00Yeah, they're like angels of mercy.
00:35:02That's so their boobs.
00:35:05You should probably get going.
00:35:08What are you talking about?
00:35:09We haven't even danced yet.
00:35:11Oh, I don't really feel like dancing, although I can't speak for Catherine here.
00:35:15Let's just don't want to dance with you.
00:35:16But you're not attracted to someone who's classy, witty, not to mention breathtakingly beautiful.
00:35:22No offense to your friend, but you're more my type.
00:35:25Oh.
00:35:26Well, in that case, I guess I'll just keep her all to myself.
00:35:36Night, guys.
00:35:37The look in their faces.
00:35:47I know.
00:35:48It was the perfect combo of I am so turned on and I am so going home alone.
00:35:55You should remember that the next time you want to get out of a bad date.
00:35:58Oh, no.
00:35:59I don't think so.
00:36:00Those two pigs confirmed what I've been thinking for a while now.
00:36:04I think it's time for me to give up on men.
00:36:07Amen, sister.
00:36:09It's official.
00:36:10My dating days are over.
00:36:12I mean, you don't have to take it that far.
00:36:14You can always just do what I did and explore other options.
00:36:19What do you mean?
00:36:21Cast a wider net.
00:36:23Expand the pool.
00:36:27Date chicks.
00:36:29Oh.
00:36:31So, you're...
00:36:33Yep.
00:36:34Card carrying.
00:36:37Ah.
00:36:40I thought that kiss felt awfully convincing.
00:36:44I mean, I dated guys for a long time and I just never really felt a connection.
00:36:50And then I started stripping and I was surrounded by all these confident, sexy women and I realized,
00:36:56Robin, sweetie, you have been barking up the wrong tree.
00:37:00Yeah, I think I got the right tree.
00:37:01I'm just sick of barking.
00:37:05Well, it's it yourself.
00:37:12You're okay with this, right?
00:37:14It's not going to affect anything with us.
00:37:16I don't see why it would.
00:37:19Okay.
00:37:21Hey, Robin.
00:37:22Hey, Robin.
00:37:40What are you up to?
00:37:41Just out for a walk.
00:37:42It's such a nice day.
00:37:44Yeah, it is.
00:37:45So, how do you like the neighborhood?
00:37:46Is everyone treating you okay?
00:37:47I guess so.
00:37:48No one's giving you any guff about being a stripper, are they?
00:37:51Oh, no.
00:37:52I just want to make sure.
00:37:53Because trust me, I've been there.
00:37:57Way back when I was sort of in the sex trade myself.
00:38:00Oh, yeah.
00:38:02I used to model women's foundation garments for Sears Roebuck.
00:38:06These breasts put me through college.
00:38:09They're real, by the way.
00:38:11They look real.
00:38:13Yeah.
00:38:15Anyway, I'm glad that people are treating you nice.
00:38:17You know what the best part is?
00:38:22They actually see me.
00:38:25See you?
00:38:26I spent a lot of years working at a place where people stared at me all night long,
00:38:30but no one ever really saw me.
00:38:34You know what I mean?
00:38:35I do.
00:38:37And when I first got here, I thought it was going to be the same thing,
00:38:40but I get the feeling your neighbors see past all the stuff that people usually look at.
00:38:50It makes me feel really good.
00:38:52Go ahead.
00:38:55Robbing Baliker was right.
00:38:58The people she had met on Wisteria Lane had really looked at her.
00:39:03And they had seen her sense of morality,
00:39:06her loyal heart,
00:39:10her surprising insight,
00:39:14her forgiving nature.
00:39:19Some people had even taken notice of her incredible beauty.
00:39:28And they were surprised to discover
00:39:30they liked what they saw.
00:39:38Previously on Desperate Housewives.
00:39:40All right, I love you.
00:39:41Yeah, I said it.
00:39:43Feelings were stated boldly.
00:39:45I think it's time for me to give up on men.
00:39:47You can always just do what I did.
00:39:49A romantic suggestion was made.
00:39:51Date chicks.
00:39:52Oh.
00:39:53And a plan was hatched.
00:39:55He wants to represent you.
00:39:56They want you in New York immediately.
00:39:58To break up a romance.
00:40:00It's a huge opportunity.
00:40:01The best part is she is miles away from the nearest bowling.
00:40:04But young love couldn't be stopped.
00:40:13Since she'd become a mother,
00:40:15Gabrielle Solis had learned many things.
00:40:18How to get gum off a remote control.
00:40:21How to rescue a doll from the disposal.
00:40:27And where to find disappointing report cards.
00:40:32Gabrielle had also learned that no matter how hard she tried...
00:40:35Cereal again?
00:40:37She couldn't please everyone.
00:40:39Yes, another free meal you didn't have to work for.
00:40:41Stop being seven.
00:40:43Celia, get down here!
00:40:45Anna used to make us bacon.
00:40:47I miss her.
00:40:48Yeah, well, she also used to do the laundry and the windows,
00:40:50so I miss her more.
00:40:52Celia, the milk is poured!
00:40:53Oh, I need cupcakes for school today.
00:40:57Today?
00:40:58How many?
00:40:59Mom!
00:41:00Three dozen.
00:41:01Why didn't you tell me this last night?
00:41:04I forgot.
00:41:05If you got any ham, I need meat.
00:41:07Babe, are you going to pick up my soup from the dry cleaner store?
00:41:09Yes.
00:41:10After I fold the laundry, fry up some ham,
00:41:12and pull three dozen cupcakes out of my ass.
00:41:15Mom!
00:41:16What?
00:41:17My face itches.
00:41:20What are those, mosquito bites?
00:41:22Whoa, that looks like chicken pox.
00:41:25No, no, no, no!
00:41:26I don't have time for sick kids!
00:41:28Forget the dry cleaning.
00:41:29You've got to take her to the doctor.
00:41:30Oh, God, what do you do for chicken pox?
00:41:32I've never had them.
00:41:33What?
00:41:34Stop!
00:41:35Why?
00:41:36You can't go anywhere near her.
00:41:37If you haven't had them, you're not immune.
00:41:38In fact, you've got to get out of here.
00:41:39Honey, Celia is sick.
00:41:40Chicken pox is dangerous for adults.
00:41:42Go!
00:41:42I have to do the laundry.
00:41:43I've got dishes.
00:41:44I will take care of the house.
00:41:47Yes, Gabrielle had learned many things as a mother.
00:41:51The most important...
00:41:54See ya!
00:41:55...was to get while the getting was good.
00:42:08Seduction.
00:42:10Any soap opera fan will tell you it's an art best practiced.
00:42:16Stop!
00:42:17...on those who are vulnerable.
00:42:19Hey there!
00:42:23You hungry?
00:42:24I am now.
00:42:26What's that amazing smell?
00:42:29Uh, cinnamon brioche French toast?
00:42:32Uh, but I probably shouldn't.
00:42:34I mean, you're such an amazing cook.
00:42:35I'm already having trouble fitting into my clothes.
00:42:39Oh, uh, I need some maple syrup.
00:42:43Seriously?
00:42:45You heated the syrup?
00:42:47Oh, you're unbelievable.
00:42:50Mmm.
00:42:53Mmm.
00:42:54You should eat it while it's still...
00:42:56...hot.
00:42:58Mmm.
00:43:07Mmm.
00:43:07Mmm.
00:43:09Oh, no.
00:43:11Look.
00:43:12It's got syrup all over me.
00:43:15I don't know what it is with me.
00:43:17I just...
00:43:18...have to get dirty.
00:43:20You...
00:43:21...got some on your bra, too.
00:43:25Mmm.
00:43:26I'll get it.
00:43:46Please.
00:43:47It's wrong.
00:43:49Then why does it feel so right?
00:43:50Catherine, you up yet?
00:43:55Oh, good.
00:43:56I was calling, but you didn't hear me.
00:43:58I think you fell asleep with the TV on.
00:44:03So, what would you like for breakfast?
00:44:06Anything but French toast.
00:44:09Oh, I don't think you'll be here that long.
00:44:15I got it.
00:44:17I got the perfect name for the baby.
00:44:21Patricia.
00:44:22Let me think about it.
00:44:24No.
00:44:27Why not?
00:44:28It's a great name.
00:44:29I told you I want to honor my aunt.
00:44:31We're naming her Polly.
00:44:33Polly.
00:44:34Okay, you get a peg leg, I'll get an eye patch, and we'll carry around on our shoulders.
00:44:42Morning, Penny.
00:44:43Oh, hey, baby.
00:44:46Where are my pancakes?
00:44:47Oh, sweetie, I've got a lot going on today.
00:44:49I'll make you pancakes this weekend.
00:44:50But I always get pancakes on my birthday.
00:44:55That's right.
00:44:57You do.
00:45:00But we have an even bigger treat planned for you this year.
00:45:06What?
00:45:08Oh, like I'm going to tell you, I've ruined the big surprise.
00:45:13How could you forget a birthday?
00:45:14Me, I'm pregnant.
00:45:15I forget pants sometimes.
00:45:16What's your excuse?
00:45:18What's my surprise?
00:45:18What the hell are we going to do?
00:45:22Cover me.
00:45:24I'm going in.
00:45:29Birthday breakfasts are for kids.
00:45:33Now that you're 11, I was planning to make you the best birthday dinner ever.
00:45:45With decorations.
00:45:46Men's.
00:45:48Nuns of presents.
00:45:52In the tale on the...
00:45:55You forgot my birthday.
00:45:57Wow.
00:46:02There was no cover in that, babe.
00:46:04You're twice the man he is.
00:46:11What's Raymundo going to say when he finds out Tiffany's sleeping with his brother?
00:46:16Alas, you'll never know.
00:46:18Oh, hey, Mom.
00:46:19We were just taking a break.
00:46:20So I gathered.
00:46:21If you don't mind, Tad, I'd like to speak to my son.
00:46:24Sure.
00:46:25Go ahead.
00:46:26In private, Tad.
00:46:28Oh, so you want me to...
00:46:30Be any place else but here.
00:46:32Right.
00:46:36So, what's up?
00:46:37There's a truck outside with the flower arrangements we ordered for the Addams party.
00:46:41All 100 of them.
00:46:43Wait, but we only ordered 10.
00:46:45That's what I said.
00:46:46And then the delivery man showed me this invoice.
00:46:49First, I wasn't sure if that was Tad's signature, but when I saw that his name was misspelled,
00:46:53I knew it was him.
00:46:55Would you like me to talk to him?
00:46:56No, I would like you to hold him down while I strike him with a large wooden spoon.
00:47:00Whatever.
00:47:01I'll take care of it.
00:47:02What are you going to say to him?
00:47:05When Orson had his accident, did you or did you not put me in charge?
00:47:08Yes, but I am starting to think that you are not ready.
00:47:11Look, I'm never going to figure this job out unless you let me make mistakes and learn from them.
00:47:16I realize that, Andrew, but you're making...
00:47:18I know you have your control issues, but when stuff happens, you're going to have to learn to just relax
00:47:22and let me clean up my own messes, okay?
00:47:24Hey, what do you want all these flower arrangements?
00:47:26Oops.
00:47:32No problem, Tad.
00:47:33As luck would have it, we've got extra.
00:47:40Roy, we've got guests.
00:47:43You can watch yourself later.
00:47:44Come on, Roy.
00:47:46Well, again, thank you for inviting us over to brunch.
00:47:49Everything looks delicious.
00:47:50Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
00:47:51Ha, right, Karen?
00:47:53You know what I want.
00:47:56When company comes over, I get to use salt.
00:47:59Roy's on a low-sodium diet.
00:48:01Low-sodium is code for tastes like socks.
00:48:04So sue me, because I don't want you dropping dead.
00:48:08Listen to you two.
00:48:10You sound like a sweet old married couple.
00:48:13Hey.
00:48:13So, have you ever thought of making an honest woman out of Karen?
00:48:22What are you doing?
00:48:24Well, I just want them to be as happy as we are.
00:48:26Uh, we're happy.
00:48:28Living in sin suits us just fine.
00:48:32Is that how Karen feels?
00:48:33Susan, why don't you, uh, try this batata?
00:48:37Karen doesn't care about marriage, do you, pumpkin?
00:48:42Here.
00:48:43Have some more salt.
00:48:45I almost figured you'd say no.
00:48:47So, why don't you grow a pair and find out?
00:48:51Are you serious?
00:48:54Of course she's serious.
00:48:59Fine.
00:49:01Mike, give me a hand.
00:49:02Will you?
00:49:04Oh, my God.
00:49:05This is so romantic.
00:49:08Karen, will you son of a bee there
00:49:11is the battery to my hearing aid?
00:49:16Okay, okay.
00:49:17Karen, do you want to marry me?
00:49:23Golly, I don't know what to say.
00:49:24This is all so sudden.
00:49:26Answer, my knee hurts.
00:49:29I would love to marry you, Roy.
00:49:42So, if Gabby's just staying a couple of days,
00:49:44why'd she bring three suitcases?
00:49:45She said most of her dresses haven't had chicken pox either.
00:49:49Oh, that was amazing.
00:49:52I just took a nap in the middle of the day.
00:49:55Hmm.
00:49:56I guess it's a little different without kids, huh?
00:49:57Oh, are you kidding me?
00:49:58I haven't taken a nap since Juanita Crowned.
00:50:01Okay, you just created a visual that is forbidden inside these walls.
00:50:04Try to watch that.
00:50:05Here, just in time for pre-dinner, Cosmos.
00:50:07In a crystal glass?
00:50:09Oh, Celia broke our last one six months ago.
00:50:13I've been drinking my cocktails out of a Scooby-Doo sippy cup.
00:50:17Mmm.
00:50:18I'm in heaven.
00:50:19Mmm.
00:50:20So it's movie night.
00:50:21Have you seen this?
00:50:22Does it have a talking penguin or a dog that plays basketball?
00:50:24No, just gratuitous sex and lots of violence.
00:50:26Yay, art!
00:50:27Uh-oh, somebody's glass is empty.
00:50:38That's also forbidden inside these walls.
00:50:40Oh.
00:50:42I know I don't know you guys that well, but I love you.
00:50:47Mmm.
00:50:51Oh, wow.
00:50:52Oh, God!
00:50:54Oh, my God!
00:50:54All right, it's time for cake.
00:50:58I got your favorite.
00:50:59Chocolate?
00:51:01I got your second favorite.
00:51:03Mom?
00:51:04Yes?
00:51:05Uh, I have a date in half an hour.
00:51:07Can I go now?
00:51:07Oh, you cannot go.
00:51:09Preston's in Europe.
00:51:10Parker's at band practice.
00:51:11You are representing all siblings.
00:51:13Mom?
00:51:13Don't you feel bad we forgot her birthday?
00:51:15I didn't forget.
00:51:16I gave her a present this morning,
00:51:17so don't take it out on me that you and Dad failed as parents.
00:51:20Oh, we used up all our good parenting on you.
00:51:23That's why you're so delightful.
00:51:24Okay, here we go.
00:51:29Hee-hee.
00:51:30One, two, three.
00:51:32Who's Polly?
00:51:39Oh, my God!
00:51:41Erase, erase, erase.
00:51:43Sweetie, I am so sorry.
00:51:47You know, I don't know if you know this,
00:51:49but pregnant women get a little scattered,
00:51:51and then your dad and I were talking about baby names,
00:51:54and they got on the phone with the bakery,
00:51:56and...
00:51:56which is clearly a terrible excuse.
00:51:58And again, I am so sorry.
00:52:00Let me fix this.
00:52:01Hey, that just made it worse.
00:52:07Listen, how would you like our puppy?
00:52:10Forget it.
00:52:13But you haven't opened your presents yet.
00:52:16Come back!
00:52:17Penny, I know her name.
00:52:23Nick!
00:52:23Yeah, what?
00:52:26What's going on?
00:52:28Danny took off.
00:52:29Listen to this.
00:52:30Didn't want to wake you.
00:52:31Went camping with Eddie.
00:52:33Had to clear my head about the whole honor thing.
00:52:35P.S.
00:52:35Took my cell, but doubt we'll have reception.
00:52:39Good for him.
00:52:40Are you crazy?
00:52:41He's never been by himself.
00:52:43He knows how to drink out of a canteen
00:52:44and pee on a tree.
00:52:45I think I'll be fine.
00:52:46This isn't funny.
00:52:47Look, should he have asked us?
00:52:49Okay, yeah.
00:52:50But I think it's healthy.
00:52:53Hey, better hiking with Eddie
00:52:54than alone in his room with a bottle of pills.
00:52:59I don't know.
00:53:00He's 19.
00:53:01Eventually, we gotta let him live a normal life.
00:53:05He's never gonna have a normal life.
00:53:07None of us will.
00:53:13I realize the mistake was ours, Mr. Temple.
00:53:15What am I supposed to do
00:53:16with 90 extra floral arrangements?
00:53:18Well, it will be your problem
00:53:20if I stop doing business with you.
00:53:25Yes.
00:53:26What can I do for you?
00:53:27Actually, the question is,
00:53:28what can I do for you?
00:53:29I'm sorry.
00:53:29Did we have an appointment?
00:53:31No, but I've been wanting to meet you
00:53:32for such a long time,
00:53:33and when I woke up this morning,
00:53:34I told myself today's the day.
00:53:36May I say?
00:53:37No, no, not just yet.
00:53:38What is it you want, Mr.
00:53:39Allen.
00:53:40Sam Allen.
00:53:41I've been following your career
00:53:42for a while now, Mrs. Hodge.
00:53:43I've been to some parties you've catered.
00:53:44I've got your cookbook.
00:53:45I've read every interview you've ever done.
00:53:47And I think you're quite amazing.
00:53:49How nice.
00:53:50Now let's skip to the part
00:53:50where you assure me
00:53:51that you're not some deranged stalker.
00:53:54Hardly.
00:53:54I want to work for you.
00:53:56Doing what?
00:53:58Anything.
00:53:59Everything.
00:54:01I'm very busy, Mr. Allen.
00:54:03If you'd like,
00:54:03you could leave your resume
00:54:04with my assistant.
00:54:05I worked as a sous chef
00:54:06to put myself through business school
00:54:07where I graduated
00:54:08to the top of my class.
00:54:09I know my way around
00:54:10a kitchen and a calculator.
00:54:11And I'm not asking you
00:54:13to pay me a lot of money.
00:54:14Not yet, anyway.
00:54:14I want to learn your business
00:54:16from the ground up
00:54:17and then I want to help you expand it.
00:54:20Really?
00:54:22You're a woman
00:54:23who has something to say
00:54:24about traditional values.
00:54:25And I think our country's ready to listen.
00:54:28I am flattered.
00:54:30But I'm also fully staffed
00:54:32and I honestly wouldn't know how to use you.
00:54:34I'm sorry.
00:54:35So am I.
00:54:41In regard to the extra floral arrangements,
00:54:43you could donate them to a hospital
00:54:45and record the loss
00:54:46as a charitable contribution.
00:54:47And if you split the arrangements in half,
00:54:49you could double the amount you claim.
00:54:51Just a thought.
00:54:55Mr. Allen.
00:54:58Now you can sit.
00:54:59Hey, where's your blushing bride?
00:55:07Upstairs in the can.
00:55:08What do you want?
00:55:09Well, I thought I would drop this off.
00:55:11It's a bouquet I found.
00:55:13Don't you think it'll be perfect for Karen?
00:55:14Haven't you done enough already?
00:55:17Huh?
00:55:17We had a good thing going.
00:55:19Me and Karen.
00:55:20Now, because of you,
00:55:22we're going to get married and ruin it.
00:55:24Getting married isn't going to ruin it.
00:55:26It's going to make it better.
00:55:27No, it isn't.
00:55:28It's like salt.
00:55:30What?
00:55:35All my life,
00:55:36I never cared about salt.
00:55:38But when my doctor said
00:55:39I couldn't have it anymore,
00:55:41I started craving it.
00:55:44Wait, are, uh...
00:55:46You're telling me that
00:55:47you're going to cheat on Karen?
00:55:50I go to a stretching class
00:55:51at the center.
00:55:53There's a lady with blue hair
00:55:54who always sits in front of me.
00:55:55Six months she's been there.
00:55:56I never gave a crap about her.
00:55:58But this morning,
00:55:5948 hours after you told me
00:56:01I had to propose to Karen,
00:56:03I'm looking at old blue hair
00:56:05and I'm smacking my lips.
00:56:07Salt!
00:56:09You're 80 years old, Roy.
00:56:11Infidelity is dangerous.
00:56:14My body's 80.
00:56:16But inside,
00:56:17I'm still a randy teenage boy.
00:56:20Susan, I'm telling you,
00:56:21I have to kiss some other women
00:56:23before I die.
00:56:24Well, you can't,
00:56:25so forget it.
00:56:26Just think about Karen
00:56:28and how much she loves you.
00:56:29And if you do that,
00:56:30I'm sure you'll be able to resist
00:56:32any inappropriate urges, okay?
00:56:34Yeah, that's the stuff.
00:56:51How is your wife
00:56:52being molested funny?
00:56:54It was just a kiss
00:56:55from an 80-year-old man.
00:56:56Well, it's too bad
00:56:57he didn't grab my ass.
00:56:58You'd be rolling on the floor.
00:56:59What do you want me to do,
00:57:00beat him up?
00:57:01Take the tennis balls
00:57:01off his walker?
00:57:02Okay, forget about me.
00:57:03What about what he's doing
00:57:04to Karen?
00:57:05I mean, they're about
00:57:06to get married
00:57:06and he has no intention
00:57:08of being faithful.
00:57:09Because he feels trapped.
00:57:11And whose fault is that?
00:57:12Don't point the mustard at me.
00:57:15Susan, I was there.
00:57:16You practically forced him
00:57:17into this.
00:57:19Okay.
00:57:20I made a mistake.
00:57:21I didn't know
00:57:22that he was some sort
00:57:22of Jurassic gigolo.
00:57:24I have to tell Karen
00:57:25about this right now.
00:57:27No.
00:57:27You've meddled enough.
00:57:29Well, I can't let her marry him
00:57:31knowing what I know.
00:57:32Susan, he's having
00:57:33second thoughts.
00:57:34I mean, come on.
00:57:35There's not a married man
00:57:35on earth who didn't have
00:57:36second thoughts
00:57:37before he got married.
00:57:39Oh, really?
00:57:44Well, I didn't mean...
00:57:47Okay, I'm done.
00:57:51See you, boys.
00:57:52Thanks for driving.
00:57:54Bye, Gabby.
00:57:55Don't forget to friend us.
00:57:56Oh, I won't, Fernando.
00:57:57And good luck
00:57:58with your peck implants.
00:57:59All right.
00:58:07Time for a nightcap.
00:58:08Oh, nightcaps.
00:58:09I've forgotten all
00:58:10about nightcaps.
00:58:11Oh, I miss the gates
00:58:12and the lights.
00:58:13You know what?
00:58:14She deserves the full experience.
00:58:15We're going to throw you
00:58:15a party.
00:58:16Brilliant.
00:58:17I have mini quiches
00:58:18in the freezer
00:58:18and ten homos
00:58:19on speed dial.
00:58:20It's done.
00:58:20Oh, I'm so excited.
00:58:22Invite those guys
00:58:22from tonight.
00:58:24Except Fernando.
00:58:24He's prettier than me.
00:58:25Hi, it's Bob.
00:58:28And Lee.
00:58:29Leave a message.
00:58:30Hey, guys.
00:58:31It's Carlos.
00:58:32I'm looking for Gabby.
00:58:33The doctor says
00:58:34the girls aren't contagious
00:58:35anymore,
00:58:35so she can come home now.
00:58:36Thanks.
00:58:38Well, that's good news.
00:58:39What?
00:58:40That is horrible news.
00:58:42My children are healthy.
00:58:43Dang it.
00:58:44But you can go home now.
00:58:45No.
00:58:45I'm not ready.
00:58:47I'm just starting to remember
00:58:48what it's like
00:58:48to be human again.
00:58:50Sleeping in.
00:58:51Not stepping on toys.
00:58:52Eating at restaurants
00:58:53that don't have a slide.
00:58:54I have tasted freedom
00:58:55and I am not ready
00:58:56to give it up.
00:58:57What are you going
00:58:58to tell Carlos?
00:59:01Oh, no.
00:59:02A stomach virus.
00:59:03Yeah.
00:59:04You called earlier.
00:59:05I was throwing up.
00:59:06Well, we don't want
00:59:07the girls to catch it.
00:59:09What's that noise?
00:59:12My teeth are chattering.
00:59:15Anyhow, I'll be home
00:59:15as soon as I can.
00:59:17Doctor says it's
00:59:17a 24-hour thing.
00:59:18Don't forget the hangover.
00:59:19Or a 36-hour thing.
00:59:20Gotta go.
00:59:21Start pouring.
00:59:24I thought I was
00:59:25throwing up.
00:59:25Don't want to be a liar.
00:59:32I can hire
00:59:33whomever I want.
00:59:34It's my company.
00:59:35And I run it for you.
00:59:36I should have been consulted.
00:59:38Why are you being
00:59:38so unpleasant about this?
00:59:39I hired Sam to help you.
00:59:41I don't need his help.
00:59:42I've got it under control.
00:59:43All I've seen lately
00:59:45is evidence to the contrary.
00:59:47And if you think
00:59:47I'm going to stand by
00:59:48while everything I've built
00:59:49falls apart...
00:59:51Sam, I thought
00:59:54you'd gone home.
00:59:55I stayed late
00:59:56to finish the inventory.
00:59:57Well, aren't you industrious?
01:00:00I also wanted
01:00:01to talk about Tad.
01:00:03What about him?
01:00:04Every task I've given him,
01:00:05he's either botched
01:00:06or failed to finish.
01:00:07I think it's time
01:00:08to cut our losses.
01:00:10We're not firing Tad.
01:00:11Why not?
01:00:12He's a moron.
01:00:13He's a good guy.
01:00:14And I don't want you
01:00:15talking that way
01:00:16about my employees.
01:00:17Andrew, you have to admit
01:00:18he's more than
01:00:19a little incompetent.
01:00:22Give him a chance.
01:00:23He's just a kid.
01:00:26You're having an affair
01:00:27with him, aren't you?
01:00:30Sam, how could you
01:00:31say such a thing?
01:00:32I think the more
01:00:33pertinent question is
01:00:35why isn't Andrew
01:00:37denying it?
01:00:41Andrew, have you
01:00:45had sex with Tad?
01:00:47Just once.
01:00:49Oh, my God.
01:00:51Well, he came on to me
01:00:52and it was late
01:00:53and I had been drinking.
01:00:54That's your excuse?
01:00:56Honestly, Andrew,
01:00:57I am so disappointed in you.
01:00:59Oh, really?
01:00:59You want to play that card?
01:01:01You're living with Alex.
01:01:02And you're married
01:01:03to Orson.
01:01:06Yeah, I know
01:01:07about Carl Meyer.
01:01:08Hello, Pot.
01:01:08I'm Kittle.
01:01:09It's nice to meet you.
01:01:10I cannot believe you
01:01:10would bring this up
01:01:11in front of a stranger.
01:01:12Yeah, you know me.
01:01:13Hypocrisy just makes me
01:01:14forget my manners.
01:01:16Perhaps I should go.
01:01:17Yes, but I want you
01:01:19back here bright and early
01:01:19tomorrow morning
01:01:20to help me fire Tad.
01:01:22No, no.
01:01:23You can't fire him.
01:01:25Yes, I can.
01:01:26In fact, I can fire
01:01:28anyone I want.
01:01:40And then right
01:01:42as I was taking
01:01:43off her bra
01:01:44I woke up.
01:01:48What do you think
01:01:48that means?
01:01:51Seems pretty
01:01:51straightforward.
01:01:53But I'm not
01:01:54a lesbian.
01:01:56You're getting
01:01:57ahead of yourself.
01:01:58Maybe this dream
01:01:59isn't even about Robin.
01:02:00Maybe it's about
01:02:01how I've been so hurt
01:02:02by men
01:02:03that women
01:02:04are the only
01:02:04safe option left.
01:02:06Why are you even
01:02:07thinking about relationships
01:02:08at all with men
01:02:09or women?
01:02:10You're still fragile.
01:02:12Now, when you're
01:02:13stronger, then we can
01:02:14talk about who you
01:02:15might be attracted to.
01:02:16But I'm not
01:02:17attracted to her.
01:02:18That's what I'm saying.
01:02:20Women my age
01:02:21don't just wake up
01:02:22one day with a
01:02:23whole sexual identity.
01:02:25This dream has got
01:02:26to mean something else.
01:02:28Well, what it tells me
01:02:29clearly is that you
01:02:30are being distracted
01:02:31from your recovery.
01:02:33So what am I
01:02:34supposed to do?
01:02:34Stop dreaming?
01:02:36No.
01:02:38But you might
01:02:38want to consider
01:02:39asking Robin
01:02:40to find another
01:02:40place to stay.
01:02:47This lettering
01:02:48is so small
01:02:48I can hardly
01:02:49read the label.
01:02:50While you're
01:02:50deciding which one
01:02:51is dolphin safe,
01:02:52I'm going to get
01:02:52some beer.
01:02:53All right.
01:02:53Hey, this is
01:03:07Bullen.
01:03:09Did you shop here?
01:03:10Where's Danny?
01:03:11He said you guys
01:03:12were going camping.
01:03:14Oh, yeah.
01:03:15No, but
01:03:16it turned out I can go.
01:03:18So he just went
01:03:19by himself.
01:03:20You want to get in line?
01:03:25You want to make me?
01:03:28Spill it.
01:03:29I'm sorry.
01:03:30He said he'd call you
01:03:31when he got there.
01:03:32Eddie.
01:03:33Hey, you guys back already?
01:03:34So where is he really?
01:03:37New York.
01:03:39Danny went to find Anna.
01:03:40Hey, hey,
01:03:48don't freak out.
01:03:49It's a big city.
01:03:50What if he goes
01:03:51to the old neighborhood?
01:03:52Patrick is not
01:03:54going to find him.
01:03:55He found us
01:03:55the last time.
01:03:57Come on,
01:03:58I've got to go pack.
01:03:59You're in early?
01:04:14Oh, I couldn't sleep
01:04:15so I thought I'd
01:04:16review our liability
01:04:17insurance,
01:04:18but I'm having
01:04:19a little trouble focusing.
01:04:21Maybe some coffee
01:04:22will perk you up.
01:04:25About what happened
01:04:26yesterday, Sam,
01:04:27that ugliness
01:04:29with Andrew.
01:04:30Driven, successful
01:04:32people like you
01:04:32have complicated lives,
01:04:34but the specifics
01:04:35are none of my business.
01:04:37My relationship
01:04:40with Andrew
01:04:41is, to say the least,
01:04:43complicated.
01:04:45I'm sure Andrew
01:04:47respects and loves
01:04:47you very much.
01:04:48I just worry that...
01:04:51What?
01:04:52Well, it's not unusual
01:04:55for children
01:04:55in a family business
01:04:56to have a sense
01:04:57of entitlement.
01:04:59I hope you don't
01:04:59mind me saying that.
01:05:01No, go ahead.
01:05:04This must be so hard.
01:05:05What do you do
01:05:06in this situation?
01:05:07Keep coddling him,
01:05:08hoping he'll change?
01:05:10Or do you cut
01:05:11the apron strings
01:05:12and trust that
01:05:12all the hard work
01:05:13you've done
01:05:13will allow him
01:05:14to thrive?
01:05:16That's a good question.
01:05:18You know what?
01:05:20I've got everything
01:05:20under control here.
01:05:22Why don't you go back
01:05:22to the house
01:05:23and catch up
01:05:23on your sleep?
01:05:24But there's
01:05:24so much work
01:05:25to be done.
01:05:26Sure, but that's
01:05:27why you hired me,
01:05:27isn't it?
01:05:28To help you out?
01:05:30Thank you, Sam.
01:05:33You're very kind.
01:05:37And Sam?
01:05:40I'm very glad
01:05:41you're here.
01:06:03Jane!
01:06:03I'm in my house.
01:06:04Okay.
01:06:05Come on, let's go.
01:06:06Hurry up.
01:06:07Wait, let's wait.
01:06:08Let's go.
01:06:08Oh, my gosh.
01:06:09Hey, that's a good job.
01:06:10Hey, Bert.
01:06:15I'm looking for Penny.
01:06:15She didn't get off the bus.
01:06:16That's because
01:06:17she didn't get on.
01:06:18I figured she went
01:06:18home sick or something.
01:06:19What?
01:06:20No.
01:06:21She didn't come home sick.
01:06:22Where is she?
01:06:23Penny?
01:06:24Mrs. Scavo,
01:06:25Penny said to give you this.
01:06:31She's running away.
01:06:32Any idea why she would run away?
01:06:41Problems at home?
01:06:42No.
01:06:43No, everything's fine.
01:06:47Well, we did kind of forget
01:06:49her birthday.
01:06:52And she put the wrong name
01:06:54on her birthday cake.
01:06:55Honey, could we please
01:06:56stick to the facts
01:06:57that pertain to the case?
01:06:58How could you get
01:06:59your daughter's name wrong?
01:07:02Are you people
01:07:03involved in narcotics?
01:07:04No.
01:07:05No, I'm pregnant
01:07:06and it makes me
01:07:07very forgetful.
01:07:09Surely you can understand that.
01:07:11I'm not pregnant.
01:07:16You're not going to look
01:07:16for our daughter, are you?
01:07:17Aguilar.
01:07:24Yeah, they're still here.
01:07:26Oh, okay.
01:07:28You know, it's fine.
01:07:29She tried to use your credit card
01:07:30to check into a hotel.
01:07:35Hey.
01:07:39You mind if I come in?
01:07:40Wow.
01:07:49Marble bath.
01:07:51Flat screen.
01:07:54Eight dollar can of peanuts.
01:07:55Nice.
01:07:59Sweetie, I am so sorry
01:08:01about the cake.
01:08:03And about forgetting
01:08:05your birthday.
01:08:05Okay.
01:08:10I know you hate me
01:08:12right now
01:08:12and I don't blame you.
01:08:14I don't hate you.
01:08:15I hate that.
01:08:21Oh.
01:08:25Because you're not
01:08:26going to be the baby anymore.
01:08:30Oh, Penny.
01:08:35Sweetie.
01:08:36You're missing
01:08:40the big picture here.
01:08:42Preston's gone.
01:08:43Porter's next.
01:08:45When this girl
01:08:45comes along,
01:08:46we are poised
01:08:47to take control
01:08:48of the house
01:08:48with a 3-2 majority.
01:08:51Do you know
01:08:51what that means?
01:08:53Women
01:08:53get veto power
01:08:55over what TV shows
01:08:56to watch,
01:08:57what takeout
01:08:58to get.
01:08:59Just think.
01:09:00Think of a world
01:09:01where the toilet seat
01:09:02is never up.
01:09:03This is our time
01:09:06to take them
01:09:07down.
01:09:08Rawr!
01:09:13I'm sorry I ran away.
01:09:23I can go home now.
01:09:25I have a better idea.
01:09:27Since you already
01:09:28paid for the room,
01:09:29how about we order
01:09:30hot fudge sundaes
01:09:32and spend the night
01:09:33just us girls?
01:09:38Yeah.
01:09:40Okay.
01:09:41Well,
01:09:42you know, Mom,
01:09:43if you have two more girls,
01:09:45we'll take the lead.
01:09:48Let's just
01:09:48order our sundaes.
01:09:52So,
01:09:53there I was
01:09:53at this huge party
01:09:54flirting with this
01:09:55Middle Eastern chic
01:09:56and out of nowhere
01:09:57he offers me
01:09:58a million dollars
01:09:58to sleep with him.
01:10:00So,
01:10:00what did you do?
01:10:01I slapped him.
01:10:02Apparently in the right place
01:10:05because I walked
01:10:05out of there
01:10:06with 20 grand.
01:10:06Gabby,
01:10:09it's Juanita.
01:10:10Oh,
01:10:10excuse me,
01:10:11guys,
01:10:11got to do the
01:10:11mommy dearest thing.
01:10:14Hi, sweetie,
01:10:14how was school?
01:10:16What?
01:10:18Oh,
01:10:18you scored a goal
01:10:19in soccer?
01:10:21What?
01:10:23Hang on,
01:10:23sweetie,
01:10:24while I find a quiet place
01:10:25so mommy can hear you.
01:10:31Hang on,
01:10:32sweetie.
01:10:35Okay,
01:10:35honey,
01:10:36mommy can...
01:10:36Hold on,
01:10:46sweetie.
01:10:46Do the words
01:10:52wet paint
01:10:52mean nothing to you?
01:10:54Uh,
01:10:54Juanita,
01:10:55honey,
01:10:55I have to call you back.
01:10:55I love you.
01:10:57Sorry,
01:10:58I didn't mean to.
01:10:59I...
01:10:59Is this a...
01:11:01A nursery?
01:11:02Yes.
01:11:06We haven't
01:11:06told very many people yet,
01:11:08but
01:11:08Lee and I
01:11:10are trying to adopt a baby.
01:11:12Oh,
01:11:13I had no idea.
01:11:14Yeah.
01:11:16Something we've wanted
01:11:16for years.
01:11:18Oh,
01:11:18okay.
01:11:19Why?
01:11:21I mean,
01:11:22you guys have this
01:11:23amazing life.
01:11:24Parties every night,
01:11:26Cosmos at five.
01:11:27You know all that goes away
01:11:28when the baby comes.
01:11:30And we can't wait.
01:11:32Last month,
01:11:33there was this baby
01:11:33in Ohio.
01:11:35We got the call
01:11:35in the middle of the night.
01:11:36We were on a plane
01:11:36in the morning.
01:11:38We got to the hospital
01:11:39and there she was.
01:11:41Little girl.
01:11:50We held that baby
01:11:51in our arms
01:11:52for two days.
01:11:58And then we went out
01:11:59to buy a car seat
01:12:00to bring her home
01:12:00and when we got back
01:12:01to the hospital,
01:12:02the social worker
01:12:03was waiting for us
01:12:04outside the nursery.
01:12:08The mother had changed
01:12:09your mind.
01:12:14I know how that feels.
01:12:20I am so sorry, Bob.
01:12:22Yeah.
01:12:25You may envy our life,
01:12:26Gabby,
01:12:26but it's nothing
01:12:28compared to how
01:12:29we envy yours.
01:12:30Hey, what are you doing?
01:12:42The party's just
01:12:43getting started.
01:12:44I know.
01:12:45It's just...
01:12:46Juanita scored
01:12:47her first goal
01:12:48in soccer
01:12:48and she wants
01:12:49to tell me all about it,
01:12:50so...
01:12:51Go.
01:12:53Give me a kiss for me.
01:12:54I will.
01:12:55Knock, knock.
01:13:13Karen, are you home?
01:13:15I'm in here.
01:13:16Uh, listen.
01:13:22I've been thinking
01:13:23about your wedding
01:13:24and...
01:13:24Well, I just want
01:13:25to talk to you about...
01:13:27What's wrong?
01:13:30Nothing.
01:13:35The doctor found
01:13:36a spot on my lung.
01:13:39A spot?
01:13:43He thinks
01:13:43it might be cancer.
01:13:46She told you, huh?
01:14:00Yeah.
01:14:01It's gonna be okay.
01:14:03She's getting
01:14:03a biopsy next week.
01:14:05She's gonna lick
01:14:06this thing.
01:14:07Cancer picked
01:14:08a fight
01:14:08with the wrong broad.
01:14:09Yeah.
01:14:12Uh, so given
01:14:12the diagnosis,
01:14:14maybe it's not
01:14:15a good time
01:14:16to get married.
01:14:18Oh.
01:14:23We're getting married
01:14:24as soon as we can.
01:14:27But you said...
01:14:28I know what I said.
01:14:30All I could think
01:14:31about was losing
01:14:32my independence,
01:14:33losing my freedom,
01:14:34but after this happened,
01:14:37now I realize
01:14:39the worst thing
01:14:39I could lose
01:14:40is her.
01:14:40So, you're willing
01:14:45to give up salt?
01:14:48I'm willing
01:14:49to give up anything.
01:14:51Oh, boy.
01:14:52Ah, ah.
01:14:53Watch it, doll.
01:14:54I told you
01:14:55I'm giving it up.
01:14:56One kiss
01:14:56is all you get.
01:14:57Oh, hey.
01:15:11You're still up.
01:15:12Yeah, I
01:15:13sort of needed
01:15:14to talk to you
01:15:15about something.
01:15:16Well, if it's me
01:15:17helping with the bills,
01:15:19I've got great news.
01:15:20You got the job?
01:15:21You're looking
01:15:22at the downtown
01:15:23girl's new hostess.
01:15:24Ah!
01:15:25I start tomorrow.
01:15:27Oh, thank you
01:15:28for loaning me
01:15:29your top.
01:15:30The manager said
01:15:31I look very classy.
01:15:32Oh.
01:15:33I can't tell you
01:15:34how happy
01:15:35this makes me.
01:15:37So,
01:15:38you want to tell
01:15:39me your thing?
01:15:40No, it's...
01:15:41It can wait.
01:15:43You sure?
01:15:45Yeah, absolutely.
01:15:47I'll get you a glass.
01:15:50Ah!
01:15:52Oh, my God.
01:15:53Oh, my God.
01:15:56Oh, your blouse.
01:15:57I am so sorry.
01:15:58It's okay.
01:16:02Wait, what are you doing?
01:16:03I'm just gonna rinse it out.
01:16:04No, no, no.
01:16:05Stop.
01:16:05It's okay.
01:16:06No, but it's gonna stain.
01:16:07I'll send it
01:16:08to the dry cleaners.
01:16:09Oh, but that's
01:16:09so expensive.
01:16:10Here we go.
01:16:11You have to leave.
01:16:14What?
01:16:16I need you
01:16:16to move out
01:16:17of my house.
01:16:22Why?
01:16:22It's...
01:16:26It's...
01:16:27It's complicated.
01:16:33Is this...
01:16:34Is this what you
01:16:36wanted to talk to me about?
01:16:37Yeah.
01:16:42I'm sorry
01:16:43if I did something wrong.
01:16:46I have a friend
01:16:46I can go stay with,
01:16:47so I'm just gonna go back.
01:16:48Robin.
01:16:51Robin.
01:16:53You haven't
01:16:54done anything wrong.
01:16:58I like you very much.
01:17:01In fact,
01:17:02too much.
01:17:04lately I've
01:17:08started to have
01:17:09feelings for you
01:17:10that I don't
01:17:13understand
01:17:13and it's confusing
01:17:15me.
01:17:23You know what I'm saying?
01:17:27I do.
01:17:28I'm having those
01:17:31feelings for you,
01:17:32too.
01:17:35You're right.
01:17:37I should go.
01:17:38I should go.
01:17:38I'm having those
01:17:39in here.
01:18:02I
01:18:03Seduction is an art.
01:18:33Subtle methods of coercion are used to sway the susceptible.
01:18:44And those who are determined will take their time to get what they want.
01:18:51And when the seduction is successful, those who succumbed ask themselves, was I seduced
01:19:01or was this what I wanted all along?
01:19:06.
01:19:09.
01:19:11.