Skip to playerSkip to main contentSkip to footer
BSTVSHOWS
  • 6/18/2025
Follow us for more episodes!
Transcript
00:00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:04George paid for what he did to your father.
00:00:07Bree confessed.
00:00:08Did you give Zach money to go to Utah?
00:00:10Susan betrayed Mike.
00:00:11What kind of friend is he?
00:00:12The real good kind.
00:00:14Andrew pushed the boundaries.
00:00:16Zach's come home.
00:00:17Is there anything I can do?
00:00:18Paul put his foot down.
00:00:19You can leave us alone.
00:00:21So when do I tell people you'll be back?
00:00:22A couple of maybe three days.
00:00:24And a stranger finally caught up with Caleb.
00:00:30Kisses are such simple things we hardly notice them.
00:00:35But if we paid more attention,
00:00:37we'd see that each kiss conveys a meaning all its own.
00:00:41For example, some can say,
00:00:43I'm so happy to see you.
00:00:46Or, I didn't realize you'd be here.
00:00:52Or, honey, it's time to stop drinking.
00:00:56The trick is in knowing how to tell the difference.
00:01:00So I finally said,
00:01:01if I'm head cheerleader,
00:01:03then nobody wears panties.
00:01:05Oh!
00:01:07I just want you to know,
00:01:08as a former member of my high school marching band,
00:01:10I would have appreciated that.
00:01:11Wait a second, you were a band geek?
00:01:13Oh, I don't believe it.
00:01:14How did you play?
00:01:15You played the tuba.
00:01:16I have pictures.
00:01:17The tuba?
00:01:18Yeah.
00:01:19Yeah.
00:01:19Go ahead.
00:01:20Come on, get your licks in.
00:01:21Go ahead.
00:01:21No, no, not at all.
00:01:22As a matter of fact,
00:01:23all of my secret crushes were on the band geeks.
00:01:25Come on, I know you cheerleader types.
00:01:27You wouldn't have said boo to guys like me.
00:01:29No, you were more interested in guys like this.
00:01:31Now, I take it you didn't play the tuba.
00:01:34No, I didn't.
00:01:36All I know is I was a lonely, insecure tuba player.
00:01:39Girls like Gabrielle would just rip my heart out.
00:01:42I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 18.
00:01:4518?
00:01:46Pathetic, I know.
00:01:47Poor baby.
00:01:48I would have kissed you.
00:01:49No, you wouldn't.
00:01:49Yes, I would have.
00:01:50No, you wouldn't have.
00:01:51And it's okay, Gabby.
00:01:53Those scars healed a long time ago.
00:01:54Oh, for God's sakes, come here.
00:01:57Now, on behalf of all the cheerleaders in the world,
00:02:00forgive us.
00:02:04Yes, kisses mean different things to different people.
00:02:08Ultimately, the meaning depends on the one who does the kissing.
00:02:15Wowie.
00:02:18Cheers.
00:02:19And the one who sees it happen.
00:02:33After every party comes the time for cleaning.
00:02:35We attend to the champagne that was spilled.
00:02:40The knick-knacks that got broken.
00:02:44The food that went uneaten.
00:02:49Oh, here.
00:02:50Let me take that.
00:02:51And whatever other messes need cleaning up.
00:02:54So, uh, Gabby, you know that thing you and Tom did tonight?
00:03:00The kiss?
00:03:01Was that hysterical to look on Tom's face?
00:03:04The kiss?
00:03:06Yeah.
00:03:13I know.
00:03:14This sounds silly.
00:03:16But it kind of bugged me.
00:03:20You're not serious.
00:03:22Well, I am.
00:03:24I don't want to make a big deal out of it.
00:03:26But, uh, could you maybe not do that again?
00:03:30Okay.
00:03:33Thanks.
00:03:35Okay.
00:03:36Okay, what happened to the Apple Whites?
00:03:38I thought you were going to invite them.
00:03:39I did.
00:03:40Betty never RSVP'd.
00:03:42What do you guys think about the Apple Whites?
00:03:44I like them.
00:03:45Very nice.
00:03:45Very...
00:03:46Interesting.
00:03:47Right.
00:03:48Interesting.
00:03:48They weird me out, too.
00:03:50Well, that's not what we're saying.
00:03:52Not exactly, anyway.
00:03:55You know, we were just having fun entertaining the crowd.
00:03:58Oh, sure.
00:03:59But maybe next time you could try juggling instead.
00:04:02What's going on?
00:04:04Nothing.
00:04:06Really?
00:04:07I sense a little tension.
00:04:09No?
00:04:10No tension?
00:04:15What?
00:04:16You make it sound like I was making a pass at your husband, and that's just a little bit
00:04:20insulting.
00:04:22I just said it bugged me.
00:04:25Why is that a problem?
00:04:26Is this about that kiss?
00:04:28What kiss?
00:04:29Oh, you were in the living room.
00:04:30Gabby planted a big, wet kiss on Tom as a joke.
00:04:33It was hilarious.
00:04:35You see?
00:04:35Yeah, but to be fair to Lynette, you are an ex-model, and surely it must have dawned
00:04:40on you that some women might prefer it if you didn't kiss their husbands.
00:04:43That's all I'm saying.
00:04:45Oh, you guys, we're all friends.
00:04:46This isn't something to get worked up over.
00:04:48I'm not worked up.
00:04:50Me neither.
00:04:54Hey, everyone.
00:04:55Did you see what Kathy Lewis was wearing tonight?
00:04:57And whoever told her that she could get away with those vertical stripes should be shot.
00:05:01Oh.
00:05:01Oh, my sweet.
00:05:05Zach, it's back.
00:05:30Yeah, yeah, I know.
00:05:31You do?
00:05:33Yeah, he's been back for a couple of days now.
00:05:35Well, that's great, isn't it?
00:05:37Yeah.
00:05:39I thought you'd be happy about it.
00:05:41I thought that's what you wanted.
00:05:42I was hoping that I'd slowly establish a relationship with Zach, and then when we were comfortable,
00:05:46I'd tell him I was his real dad.
00:05:47But now Paul's back.
00:05:49And he doesn't want you anywhere near him.
00:05:51Yeah, he's threatening to tell the police everything that happened in the desert.
00:05:54That I held a gun to his head.
00:05:56Well, it's your reward against his.
00:05:58But he doesn't have a record, and I do.
00:05:59You know, despite what I did, sending Zach away, I want you two to connect.
00:06:07I hope you know that.
00:06:09I do.
00:06:11And on the bright side, I don't have to wonder where he is anymore.
00:06:15It says that you can do a report on anything from the suggested reading list, which includes
00:06:26The Old Man of the Sea, The Pearl, Much Ado About Nothing.
00:06:29Hmm.
00:06:30That sounds good.
00:06:31What do you like?
00:06:33I don't care.
00:06:36Let's start with The Pearl.
00:06:37It's got a sad ending, but it's good.
00:06:39We'll start with that.
00:06:40You know, it's not going to be so bad.
00:06:47I think you're really going to like being homeschooled.
00:06:51Okay.
00:06:52I know this isn't what you want, but I need to keep you close to me.
00:06:57Just for a while, there are people in this neighborhood who aren't thrilled that we're
00:07:00back.
00:07:02People I don't trust.
00:07:03People like Mike Delfino?
00:07:08Why would you say that?
00:07:10When you disappeared, Mrs. Tillman said that Mike took you somewhere to kill you.
00:07:15That's ridiculous.
00:07:17Why would Mike want to kill me?
00:07:18Because you murdered Mrs. Huber.
00:07:21What did you say?
00:07:22Mrs. Tillman said that you murdered Mrs. Huber because she was blackmailing Mom.
00:07:27And you believed her?
00:07:28No, not exactly.
00:07:31Why, should I?
00:07:32Hey, Zach, you know me better than anyone.
00:07:38Do you honestly believe that I'm capable of murder?
00:07:43No.
00:07:44All right, then.
00:07:47Of course.
00:07:49I didn't think Mom was capable of suicide, either.
00:07:55On second thought, why don't we start with much ado about nothing?
00:07:59I think we could use a few laughs around here.
00:08:02Yeah, he sure is.
00:08:07Yeah, just, yeah, probably.
00:08:09Yeah, I'd love that.
00:08:22Hey.
00:08:22Get over here, now.
00:08:27Somebody's angry.
00:08:29Did one of your souffles fall?
00:08:31I saw what you did with your friend.
00:08:33Oh, and you didn't turn into a pillar of salt.
00:08:35Good for you.
00:08:36This is not a joke, Andrew.
00:08:38What if the neighbors had seen you?
00:08:40Well, I'd hope they'd think that I landed a hottie.
00:08:42I may not be able to control what you do outside of this home, but while you are under this roof, you will not mock my values.
00:08:48If you so much as smile at that boy, so help me, I will ship you off to Camp Hennessy, and I will not pick you up again until you are 18.
00:08:55Do I make myself clear?
00:08:56Aren't you forgetting something?
00:09:02I know you like to knock a few back before bedtime.
00:09:06Go on, take it.
00:09:07It's okay.
00:09:09We both know that of the two of us, I'm the one that doesn't judge.
00:09:12Please, I don't want to stay down here.
00:09:29I know.
00:09:31I'm sorry, okay?
00:09:33I'm sorry.
00:09:40Matthew, I think we might have termites.
00:09:42You need to take a look at those steps before one of us breaks our neck.
00:09:46What's the matter?
00:09:47Is your brother okay?
00:09:48No, he's not.
00:09:50He hates you down here.
00:09:50He wants to be with us.
00:09:52You're being cruel.
00:09:53If you are so concerned about him, you should spend less time on your computer and more time down here keeping him company.
00:10:00We're bringing him up, but not until I am sure that it's safe.
00:10:03There's been a load of compromising.
00:10:08On the road to my horizon.
00:10:12Yeah. What's the deal? You've been parked on our street for two hours. I'm doing a property
00:10:32appraisal. Some neighbors of yours are thinking about moving. The Applewhites? I'm not really
00:10:37allowed to say. I sold them that house. Now, this is my turf. Who do you work for? Geist Realty?
00:10:44Oh, Westside Properties. Yeah, well, whoever it is, you go back and you tell your bosses that nobody,
00:10:50and I mean nobody, buys or sells properties in this neighborhood without going through
00:10:53Edie Bridge. You got that? Look, lady, I just go around told. You look. You cross me,
00:10:59and I will be your worst nightmare. I'm a dangerous woman. You don't want to mess with me.
00:11:07You got it.
00:11:21Miss Meyer. Zach. May I talk to you? I have some things that I need to say.
00:11:27Okay. I know that I did a lot of bad stuff, stuff that I'm not going to be able to take back.
00:11:32Miss Meyer, I'm really sorry. But when I was living on the streets, you know, I had a lot of time to
00:11:38sit and think to myself and clear my head and... I've grown up, you know? I don't want you to worry.
00:11:44I'm not going to be bothering you anymore. Either of you.
00:11:50Well, thanks. We appreciate that.
00:11:54Please don't tell my dad that I talked to you.
00:11:56It's just, it's been really intense lately.
00:12:06Wow. What do you think?
00:12:09He seems different. I believe him.
00:12:12Yeah, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I feel sorry for him.
00:12:16It's like he's so fragile.
00:12:18I know. And he's locked up in that house with Mr. Creepy 24-7.
00:12:21Did you know that he's homeschooling Zach now?
00:12:22I think he should spend some time with a decent role model, don't you?
00:12:34Hi.
00:12:35Hey. You're out early.
00:12:37Oh, I just wanted to pick up some fresh croissants for breakfast.
00:12:39Oh, cool. Listen, I just wanted you to know I appreciated you backing me up last night,
00:12:44you know, with the kiss thing.
00:12:47To be honest, I don't think I would have liked it either.
00:12:49Yeah, but I probably should have just gone with it. Gabby was just being Gabby, having fun.
00:12:54Well, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, given her history.
00:12:58What do you mean?
00:12:59You know, the affair.
00:13:01Gabby had an affair?
00:13:02You didn't know?
00:13:03No.
00:13:04I thought everybody knew.
00:13:06Oh, I feel awful.
00:13:08Oh, Ida Greenberg's behind you.
00:13:11Ida, just a second.
00:13:13I am stunned.
00:13:15Who is it with?
00:13:16I shouldn't have said anything.
00:13:17Bree, come on. Just tell me.
00:13:19Her gardener.
00:13:26Oh, are you kidding?
00:13:27No, no, not him.
00:13:28Helen Rowland's son, John.
00:13:30The teenager?
00:13:32Ida, wait or go around.
00:13:36Does Gabby know that you know?
00:13:37Absolutely not.
00:13:39I think the best thing to do is just smile and pretend you don't know anything.
00:13:42Huh.
00:13:55Huh.
00:13:58Hi.
00:13:59Oh, sorry.
00:14:00Are you okay?
00:14:02Yeah, I'm all right.
00:14:07Yeah.
00:14:08What's up?
00:14:09We have an idea how to bring you and Zach together.
00:14:12Bowling.
00:14:14Bowling?
00:14:15Yeah, I emailed Zach and he said he's going to meet us there.
00:14:18You can come too.
00:14:19Does Paul know about this?
00:14:20No.
00:14:20And we're not planning on telling him.
00:14:25I don't think that's a good idea, Susan.
00:14:28Mike, I'm part of the reason things get so screwed up.
00:14:31I just want a chance to make things right.
00:14:33And you're okay with this?
00:14:34Being around Zach?
00:14:35We talked to him.
00:14:37He's changed.
00:14:40Well, I guess we're going bowling.
00:14:42Wake up, sleepyhead.
00:14:47I brought fresh croissants for breakfast.
00:14:56Ah, hi.
00:14:58Mrs. Vandekamp.
00:14:59I'm Justin.
00:15:01Andrew's lab partner.
00:15:03From school.
00:15:05Dude, wake up.
00:15:07Andrew.
00:15:09I want you downstairs.
00:15:10Now.
00:15:12Okay, first of all, I want you to march back upstairs and tell your friend he is no longer welcome in this house.
00:15:26We haven't even had breakfast.
00:15:27I am serious, Andrew.
00:15:28You tell him to get out of here this second or I will call the police and I will have him removed.
00:15:32Well, go ahead.
00:15:33Call him.
00:15:34Oh, you think I won't?
00:15:35I just wonder how they'll react when they find out that you killed George Williams.
00:15:39I didn't kill George?
00:15:44Well, no, but you sat there and let him die, which I'm the lawyer, but I'm pretty sure there's a crime in there somewhere.
00:15:50Andrew.
00:15:51Don't get me wrong.
00:15:52I mean, glad you did it.
00:15:53But when the cops get here, my official position will be, oh, my God, I'm being raised by a homicidal maniac.
00:16:01I think I might even throw in a few tears.
00:16:03You would actually let the police arrest your own mother?
00:16:07Hey, we all got to cut the apron strings at some point.
00:16:09Come on, Penny.
00:16:20Let's get those groceries in there.
00:16:22Come on.
00:16:23Here we go.
00:16:24Get this one.
00:16:25This one, Daddy.
00:16:26Uh-oh.
00:16:28Oh, Mom!
00:16:30Oh, I don't think you could use a hand.
00:16:32Bless you.
00:16:33Here.
00:16:34Gabby and Penny!
00:16:36Come here, you sweet little thing.
00:16:39Well, thank you so much, Gabby.
00:16:41Come on in.
00:16:42Oh, God.
00:16:42Um, Tom?
00:16:44Yeah?
00:16:45I think she got sick.
00:16:48Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:16:49Usually, she only throws up on immediate family.
00:16:53I'm honored.
00:16:54Oh, um, do you mind just putting her in the playpen there?
00:16:58Ah.
00:17:00Hello?
00:17:01Guess what, Ed?
00:17:02Love the pitch.
00:17:03I got off early.
00:17:03You're kidding.
00:17:04That's great.
00:17:05Hey, I'm right by the supermarket.
00:17:06You want me to pick up anything?
00:17:07Um, actually, I just came from there, except, you know what?
00:17:10I forgot bread.
00:17:11Would you mind?
00:17:11Not at all.
00:17:12Tom, I need a wipe-up.
00:17:13Do you have a towel?
00:17:14Sure.
00:17:15Hold on.
00:17:24You're never in a...
00:17:25Hey.
00:17:25Hey, honey.
00:17:27Hey, did you get the bread?
00:17:28Oh, yeah, they were out.
00:17:30The bread?
00:17:31Yeah.
00:17:32Hey, Gabby.
00:17:33Surprised seeing you here.
00:17:34Well, I saw that Tom was overwhelmed, so I thought I'd give him a hand.
00:17:37Really?
00:17:39Well, that was nice of you.
00:17:42Is there a problem?
00:17:44No.
00:17:49Really?
00:17:50Because I sense that you're annoyed you found me here when you weren't home.
00:17:53Am I wrong?
00:17:53Lynette?
00:17:59Okay.
00:18:01Yeah.
00:18:02So, exactly what are you doing here, helping out?
00:18:05Damn it, Lynette.
00:18:06If this has to do with that stupid kiss the other night, I'm going to lose it.
00:18:09What's going on?
00:18:11Lynette thinks I was hitting on you at Bree's party.
00:18:14That's ridiculous.
00:18:14I never said that.
00:18:16What I said was that it made me uncomfortable when you kissed him.
00:18:19It's obviously an issue for me, and yet here you are, alone, in my kitchen, with my husband.
00:18:24So, you tell me.
00:18:25Are you hitting on him?
00:18:26Lynette.
00:18:27I can't believe you.
00:18:28I have done nothing to deserve this kind of mistrust.
00:18:31Well, that's not entirely true.
00:18:33What does that mean?
00:18:34Come on, Gabby.
00:18:36It's a small town.
00:18:36People talk.
00:18:42Okay.
00:18:42What's going on here?
00:18:44I'll tell you.
00:18:46Your wife doesn't trust me around you because I had an affair with my teenage gardener.
00:18:56Oh.
00:19:00So, I know Susan Meyer would never tell.
00:19:02It must have been Helen Roland.
00:19:04She probably blabbed all the girls at the salon, and Ida Greenberg goes to that salon.
00:19:08So, if Ida knows, the whole town knows, and we're just going to have to move.
00:19:10That's all there is to it.
00:19:12Carlos, can you stop putting for two seconds and show me some support?
00:19:16What do you expect me to do?
00:19:18You brought this on yourself.
00:19:19It was a harmless little kiss.
00:19:21Why is everybody making a big deal about this?
00:19:23Because you had an affair with an underage gardener.
00:19:25People don't think you're harmless.
00:19:27They see you as a predator.
00:19:29You're enjoying this, aren't you?
00:19:31Punishing me, dangling the affair over my head.
00:19:34Well, I won't tolerate it.
00:19:36Really?
00:19:39So, just what are you going to do about it?
00:19:45I'm going to let you even the score.
00:19:48Carlos, go have an affair.
00:19:50What?
00:19:51I had my little indiscretion, so you go have yours.
00:19:53Get it out of your system.
00:19:54I know you want to.
00:19:55I do not.
00:19:56Sure you do.
00:19:57Knock yourself out.
00:19:58Call up an old college flame.
00:20:01Rent a call girl.
00:20:02Fly to Africa and nail that little nun you've been drooling over.
00:20:06I don't care.
00:20:08You're crazy.
00:20:08No, I'm pragmatic.
00:20:11Because once you finish your fling, we'll be equals again.
00:20:14And then you won't be able to judge me.
00:20:16And we can go back to being a boring, average married couple.
00:20:19Oh, just do me a favor.
00:20:21Don't bring back any diseases.
00:20:28Are you sure you're not overreacting to this whole Gabrielle thing?
00:20:32Maybe.
00:20:34Yes.
00:20:35But Gabby doesn't think she did anything wrong.
00:20:39That's not right either.
00:20:42I guess.
00:20:43You're an attractive man.
00:20:45There is a primal need for a woman to protect what is hers.
00:20:49My initial impulse was justified.
00:20:53So you really think she's into me?
00:20:56I don't know.
00:20:58Because you're right.
00:20:59I am an attractive man.
00:21:01You know what?
00:21:02I've never told you this.
00:21:03But sometimes when I bend down to pick up the morning paper,
00:21:05I catch Bree Vandy Camp checking me out.
00:21:08You're kidding.
00:21:09No, Scout's on her.
00:21:11I've always exuded a certain sexual magnetism.
00:21:14And as I get older, I think it's only becoming more intense.
00:21:18Are you drunk?
00:21:19Oh, I'm a hot guy.
00:21:20Living in a neighborhood filled with nothing but lonely ladies.
00:21:23They can't help themselves.
00:21:25I'm like catnip.
00:21:27Come here.
00:21:31What was that for?
00:21:32Thank you for reminding me that I am the only woman in the whole world who could love an idiot like you.
00:21:40I'll talk to Gabby.
00:21:42I'm telling you.
00:21:43These women want me.
00:21:44Oh yeah.
00:21:44They see the rippling muscles underneath this t-shirt.
00:21:47Good night, Tom.
00:21:48They cannot resist me.
00:21:50Shut up and go to sleep.
00:21:51Ah!
00:21:52Ah!
00:21:52Ah!
00:21:53Ah!
00:21:55Ah!
00:21:55Ah!
00:21:56Ah!
00:22:01Ah!
00:22:03Ah!
00:22:04everyone in realis...
00:22:06Now I can come.
00:22:10They woolen your hair.
00:22:14TheyITTLE ASKPORAHO.
00:22:15No!
00:22:17Not in my sake.
00:22:17They didn't steal my hair.
00:22:17They're well.
00:22:18There.
00:22:18They don't steal my hair.
00:22:19Son of a bitch.
00:22:49You gotta be kidding me.
00:23:01I'm here to help you, Caleb.
00:23:10Mamas gonna be mad.
00:23:12Don't you worry about that.
00:23:16Mamas love me.
00:23:18Alright, let's go.
00:23:23No!
00:23:28Okay, I'm sorry I shouldn't talk to you like that.
00:23:31Let's start over.
00:23:36Let's go.
00:23:49I'm warning you, pinhead, don't you make me come down there after you.
00:23:56Come on.
00:23:58Come on!
00:23:59You asked for it.
00:24:00I'm gonna get this stuff right out of you.
00:24:12I didn't do it.
00:24:13But...
00:24:20I'm not gonna-
00:24:22I'm not gonna get me.
00:24:23I'm not gonna do it.
00:24:24I'm not gonna do it.
00:24:29Calev?
00:24:39I didn't do it.
00:24:41Oh dear.
00:24:59Well, hey there.
00:25:05Hi, Carl.
00:25:06Oh.
00:25:07Oh, um, quick question.
00:25:10When someone discusses a sensitive situation with a lawyer, such as yourself,
00:25:15when does attorney-client confidentiality kick in?
00:25:18From the moment the lawyer's been hired, why?
00:25:20Here's a check for $100.
00:25:22That's enough for a retainer, right?
00:25:24I guess.
00:25:25What's going on, Bree?
00:25:26My son is trying to blackmail me, and I want you to stop the little SOB.
00:25:30Do you think you could do that?
00:25:35He has an Illinois license.
00:25:37It says here his name is Manuel.
00:25:40Does that name mean anything to you?
00:25:43No.
00:25:44But at least he wasn't a policeman.
00:25:47Poor man.
00:25:51I hope he didn't suffer too much.
00:25:54Mom, are we looking at the same body?
00:25:59What is it?
00:26:17As soon as it gets dark, we get rid of that body.
00:26:34Hey.
00:26:36Um, I hope it's okay.
00:26:38Carlos let me in.
00:26:40Actually, I'm right in the middle of something, and I don't know when I'll be done.
00:26:44I'm just here to say I am sorry, and I have been a complete idiot.
00:26:57All done.
00:27:03So cute.
00:27:04It's beautiful.
00:27:05Is the coast clear?
00:27:07Yes, it is. We worked it out.
00:27:09No kidding. How'd you manage that one?
00:27:11Simple.
00:27:12Lynette admitted she was wrong, and I agreed.
00:27:14Well, 99% wrong.
00:27:17Oh, whatever. Close enough.
00:27:19Anyway, Tom's probably got dinner ready by now, so I should get going.
00:27:23Okay.
00:27:24Good night.
00:27:25Mwah.
00:27:26You know what the 1% is, right?
00:27:32No, not really.
00:27:35Does it matter?
00:27:36It kind of does.
00:27:37I want to get it clear for our friendship.
00:27:41Okay.
00:27:43What's the 1%?
00:27:45Well, well, yes, I overreacted.
00:27:48I think you can see how, even though I was somewhat off base, you were a little wrong.
00:27:54Right?
00:27:55No.
00:27:57I kissed Tom, and it was a harmless joke.
00:27:59I think if I had kissed anybody else's husband, they would have laughed and then forgot about it ten seconds later.
00:28:05Okay.
00:28:06Let's test that theory.
00:28:07Z, I don't care.
00:28:16That's just a waste of time.
00:28:21And spit.
00:28:27Okay.
00:28:28Okay.
00:28:29Okay.
00:28:30Okay.
00:28:31Okay.
00:28:32Okay.
00:28:33I get your point.
00:28:34Alrighty then.
00:28:35My work here is done.
00:28:36Yes, Gabby?
00:28:45No!
00:28:46Good luck.
00:28:47Not bad.
00:28:50There he is.
00:28:52Zack!
00:28:53I'm glad you could make it.
00:28:54Hey, Zack.
00:28:56Sofino.
00:28:57I didn't know you were going to be here.
00:28:58Yeah, I was just bowling a few frames and ran into these guys.
00:29:01Thought I might join you.
00:29:02Is that okay?
00:29:03Yeah.
00:29:04I guess.
00:29:06Okay.
00:29:07Okay.
00:29:08Write that down.
00:29:09Nice.
00:29:10Nice guy.
00:29:11All right.
00:29:12Just roll it in there.
00:29:13Nice and easy.
00:29:14Sorry.
00:29:15It's okay.
00:29:16We're still close.
00:29:17Anyway, Julie's totally going to choke.
00:29:19Just for that, I am not bringing you back a hot dog.
00:29:21Zack, do you want one?
00:29:22Okay.
00:29:23Okay.
00:29:24You okay?
00:29:25Yeah, I'm fine.
00:29:26It's just...
00:29:27I don't understand what you're doing.
00:29:28What do you mean?
00:29:29Well, I don't understand why you're being so nice to me.
00:29:30Well, I don't understand why you're being so nice to me.
00:29:31I mean, I put a gun at you guys.
00:29:32I...
00:29:33I...
00:29:34You should hate me.
00:29:35We don't hate you, Zack.
00:29:36We don't hate you, Zack.
00:29:37You had an incredibly hard year.
00:29:38I mean, I put a gun at you guys.
00:29:39You should hate me.
00:29:40We don't hate you, Zack.
00:29:41You had an incredibly hard year, and you shouldn't have done what you did, but we just want
00:30:09to help you move on.
00:30:10When I was young, I got mixed up in some really bad stuff.
00:30:15I even did some time in prison.
00:30:16Really?
00:30:17Yeah, but when I got out, people were willing to forgive me.
00:30:20Everybody deserves a second chance.
00:30:25You know, I'm gonna go, uh, help Julie with the food, so you guys just keep talking
00:30:29and, uh, bowling.
00:30:30Talk and bowl.
00:30:31Bowl and talk.
00:30:33Here, let me show you something.
00:30:36See the arrows right in the middle?
00:30:38Just roll it straight over the one in the center, okay?
00:30:39You don't have to spin it or anything.
00:30:40Just right in the middle.
00:30:41Look at that!
00:30:45Good job.
00:30:46Hurry up.
00:30:47I am hurrying up, okay?
00:30:49Wait, no, no, no!
00:30:50What?
00:30:51I dropped the keys.
00:30:52I don't have them.
00:30:53They're in here.
00:30:54Sometimes you just have to laugh.
00:30:55Sometimes you just have to laugh.
00:30:56Sometimes you just have to laugh.
00:30:57Sometimes you just have to laugh.
00:30:58Good job.
00:30:59Good job.
00:31:00I am hurrying up.
00:31:01I am hurrying up, okay?
00:31:02Wait, no, no, no, no!
00:31:03What?
00:31:04I dropped the keys.
00:31:05I don't have them.
00:31:06They're in here.
00:31:07Sometimes you just have to laugh.
00:31:20Andrew, would you mind turning up your video game?
00:31:37My lawyer would like to have a little chat with you.
00:31:42So even though your mother did witness George Williams' suicide, there's no affirmative duty to intervene.
00:31:47Therefore, no crime was committed.
00:31:49Even if the police find out, your mom will never see the inside of a courtroom.
00:31:53Well, maybe I got the story wrong.
00:31:56What if she went over there to help him commit suicide?
00:32:00If you want to lie to the police, go right ahead.
00:32:03But please know that I will sue you.
00:32:05For what?
00:32:06Abusive process.
00:32:07It's when a person tries to exploit the legal system for an improper purpose.
00:32:11Like blackmail.
00:32:12You guys can't sue me.
00:32:14I'm just a kid.
00:32:15Oh, don't worry.
00:32:16I won't start garnishing your wages until you turn 18.
00:32:19Your mom.
00:32:20Is she a peach or what?
00:32:22Mm-hmm.
00:32:23The cops don't give a damn.
00:32:24I'm sure your friends will.
00:32:26How does a little public humiliation sound?
00:32:31Brie, can I get a refill on this?
00:32:37What are you doing?
00:32:41Your father was a friend of mine.
00:32:43And if he were around to see what a nasty little turd you've turned into,
00:32:46he'd knock the hell out of you.
00:32:48Yeah, well, he's not here now, is he?
00:32:51No, he isn't.
00:32:53But if you don't get your act together and start treating your mother with some respect,
00:32:57I'll take care of you myself.
00:32:59Do you understand what I'm saying?
00:33:02Yeah.
00:33:06Good.
00:33:15Hey, neighbor.
00:33:16Oh, hey, Carlos.
00:33:18Hi.
00:33:19I just wanted to thank you for patching things up with Gabby.
00:33:22Well, sure.
00:33:23No problem.
00:33:24It's been really tough on her.
00:33:26Everybody finding out about the affair or...
00:33:29Yeah, I can imagine.
00:33:31I don't mind telling you.
00:33:32It's, uh...
00:33:33It's been pretty tough on us the past couple months.
00:33:35Oh, well, I'm not surprised.
00:33:37And I really, really hope you can work it out.
00:33:39Yeah, we're trying.
00:33:41You know...
00:33:42Yeah?
00:33:44Gabby had an interesting suggestion.
00:33:46Oh.
00:33:49She told me that I should go out and have an affair on my own.
00:33:52She thinks it's the only way I'll be able to get over what she did to me and that it just might help our marriage.
00:33:58Why are you telling me this?
00:34:00I guess I just, uh, wanted to know if you had any thoughts on the subject.
00:34:09I don't. I really don't.
00:34:13Well, if you ever do, let me know.
00:34:20By the way...
00:34:21Mm-hmm?
00:34:23That was one hell of a kiss you gave me.
00:34:26You can't fake chemistry like that.
00:34:56What the hell is this?
00:35:14Delfina.
00:35:17Stay away from my son.
00:35:26Oh, my God!
00:35:39Delfina!
00:35:44You okay?
00:35:45Fine.
00:35:45Oh, my God!
00:36:07So I swerved to avoid eating this car, and I used this parkour instead, and that's when the trunk popped open.
00:36:12And then, when we got out, we found this dead body, and...
00:36:21Are you worried now?
00:36:23Because I am.
00:36:26Not yet.
00:36:27Just be patient and see what happens.
00:36:32How'd it go?
00:36:33Well, I told him everything I know, which wasn't much.
00:36:36So are we thinking this is Paul?
00:36:38Well, he was our friendly neighborhood murderer.
00:36:40Yeah, it seems obvious.
00:36:41I don't know.
00:36:42I saw his face when he looked in the trunk, and he looked just as shocked as I was.
00:36:46I'm thinking it's the Applewhites.
00:36:50I talked to the dead guy, and he said that he was doing an appraisal on their house.
00:36:54But I got a little cheese, so I called every realtor in town.
00:36:57Nobody had even heard of him.
00:36:59That doesn't mean Betty knew him.
00:37:01Please.
00:37:02Those two are fishy.
00:37:04They bought that house, sight unseen, and they did move in in the middle of the night.
00:37:09And there were the noises.
00:37:10Noises.
00:37:11What noises?
00:37:12Oh, a couple of weeks ago, I heard some noises coming from the basement like a clanging,
00:37:18and I asked Betty about it.
00:37:19She lied right to my face.
00:37:21What's that about?
00:37:22I don't know.
00:37:23Now I'm worried.
00:37:35Now I'm worried.
00:37:35Julie.
00:37:53Julie.
00:37:53hi
00:38:00hi
00:38:01well that's probably not about us bowling
00:38:03we're not going to be able to do that anytime soon
00:38:05oh
00:38:06sorry
00:38:08no no I'm glad that we did
00:38:10I haven't felt like part of a family in a long time
00:38:12thanks
00:38:14I uh
00:38:17better get back inside
00:38:19the act itself
00:38:23never varies
00:38:24but each kiss carries with it
00:38:27a meaning all its own
00:38:29it can convey
00:38:31a husband's eternal devotion
00:38:33or a wife's
00:38:37enormous regret
00:38:38it can symbolize
00:38:43a mother's growing concern
00:38:45or a lover's
00:38:50growing passion
00:38:52but whatever its meaning
00:38:56each kiss
00:38:58reflects a basic human need
00:39:02the need
00:39:08to connect to another
00:39:10human being
00:39:11this desire
00:39:15is so strong
00:39:16it's always amazing
00:39:19when some people
00:39:20don't understand it
00:39:24previously on
00:39:31Desperate Housewives
00:39:32I'm gonna die
00:39:33and I'd like to know
00:39:34what happened to my daughter
00:39:35before I do
00:39:35when it comes to
00:39:36Wisteria Lane
00:39:37there are old crimes
00:39:38new crimes
00:39:43as soon as it gets dark
00:39:44we get rid of that body
00:39:46and crimes that are happening
00:39:48right under everyone's nose
00:39:52I'm thinking it's the Apple Whites
00:39:54Jim Halverson was aware
00:39:59that he had little to offer a woman
00:40:01he was neither rich
00:40:03nor smart
00:40:04nor handsome
00:40:05are you Jim?
00:40:06I'm Susan Meyer
00:40:07so when his friends
00:40:09set him up on a blind date
00:40:10with a beautiful stranger
00:40:11wow
00:40:12you're so much hotter
00:40:13than Nikki said you'd be
00:40:14how old are you?
00:40:17how old do you think I am?
00:40:18Jim made the tragic decision
00:40:20to try to be funny
00:40:21nah
00:40:21not a day over 50
00:40:22why don't we get our table?
00:40:26that was funny
00:40:27because you're so obviously
00:40:28not 50
00:40:29that's why I said 50
00:40:30because it's absurd
00:40:31Jim did everything he could
00:40:33to get Susan Meyer to laugh
00:40:34he tried racial humor
00:40:36so guess what time Chinese people
00:40:38go to the dentist
00:40:392.30
00:40:40it's
00:40:41get it?
00:40:432.30
00:40:45cool funny
00:40:46I love that
00:40:48he tried to be engagingly risque
00:40:50rectum?
00:40:51damn near killed him
00:40:52you know what a rectum is right?
00:40:59he even tried gentle teasing
00:41:02no no you see
00:41:03by comparing you to
00:41:05a Nazi
00:41:05I was making the point
00:41:07you're so
00:41:07not a Nazi
00:41:08and just when Jim
00:41:10thought the day
00:41:10couldn't get any worse
00:41:12ow
00:41:12ow
00:41:14oh
00:41:14it did
00:41:17okay Jim
00:41:19I need you to look up
00:41:20and down
00:41:22alright
00:41:23so
00:41:24how'd this happen?
00:41:25it was an accident
00:41:26oh I don't know about that
00:41:27some cultures
00:41:28headbutting is a mating ritual
00:41:29that's
00:41:30yeah
00:41:30Dr. McCready
00:41:32can I talk to you
00:41:33about my head
00:41:34away from
00:41:35the draft?
00:41:37yeah
00:41:38call me Dr. Ron
00:41:39everyone does
00:41:40uh Dr. Ron
00:41:41I need you to pretend
00:41:44there's something wrong with me
00:41:44and admit me for the night
00:41:45I'm sorry?
00:41:46this is the worst date
00:41:47I've ever been on in my life
00:41:48that man is the most
00:41:49obnoxious
00:41:50offensive
00:41:50annoying human being
00:41:51and you're looking at me
00:41:52like I'm crazy right now
00:41:53but I will be
00:41:53if I spend one more second
00:41:54with him
00:41:55so you gotta help me
00:41:55you gotta do something
00:41:56it's my mental health
00:41:57my mental health
00:41:58you took an oath
00:41:59could you let go
00:42:01of my lapel please?
00:42:04sorry
00:42:04um listen
00:42:06I'm sorry
00:42:07your date's not going well
00:42:08but I can't admit you
00:42:09Susan
00:42:09right
00:42:11right
00:42:12Jim
00:42:15let's uh
00:42:15let's take a look
00:42:16at those reflexes
00:42:17hey hey
00:42:17I got a joke for you
00:42:18doctor
00:42:19what's the correct
00:42:20medical term
00:42:20for the circumcision
00:42:21of a rabbit?
00:42:23hair cut
00:42:24I don't know
00:42:27I was
00:42:27Jim I'm gonna need
00:42:29to keep you here
00:42:30for a while
00:42:30run some tests
00:42:31really?
00:42:32I'm still worried
00:42:33about that bump
00:42:34oh my
00:42:34that's still
00:42:35Susan
00:42:37you're good to go
00:42:38and though it only
00:42:40lasted a moment
00:42:41Jim caught the look
00:42:42that passed between
00:42:43his date
00:42:44and his doctor
00:42:46thank you so much
00:42:47Dr. Ron
00:42:48and he suddenly
00:42:50got the feeling
00:42:51the joke
00:42:52was on him
00:42:53I'm still
00:42:55happy to see
00:43:08you
00:43:09all
00:43:10I mean
00:43:11have some
00:43:11book
00:43:12here
00:43:12before
00:43:13he
00:43:19Iöm
00:43:19I'm going to have a
00:43:20The annual blood drive was a tradition on Wisteria Lane.
00:43:39Most residents came to help promote health and well-being.
00:43:43But my friends turned up for a different reason.
00:43:46They were growing increasingly concerned that their street was infected with a dangerous kind of sickness.
00:43:54And they came to consult with one another about a possible cure.
00:43:58Oh, great. She caught me staring.
00:44:01Have you guys noticed how friendly Betty's been since that body was found in front of her house?
00:44:05I don't trust friendly women.
00:44:06That's okay. They don't trust you either.
00:44:09I just know those two have something to do with that dead body.
00:44:12Do we even know who he is?
00:44:13Well, the paper said the police are withholding the details.
00:44:16Brie, maybe you should call in a favor from your police detective pal. Have him poke around.
00:44:19That's a great idea. You could have him do a background check on the Apple Whites.
00:44:23I don't think I can do that.
00:44:25Why not? You said he was nice.
00:44:26Well, once he stopped suspecting me of murdering Rex, he was delightful.
00:44:29But, um, I don't really know him.
00:44:32Well, somebody has to do something because I'm losing sleep.
00:44:34Betty!
00:44:35Hi.
00:44:36Hello, everybody.
00:44:38Susan, little birdie told me you're having a birthday soon.
00:44:41We should all go out and celebrate.
00:44:44Super.
00:44:44It sounds like a plan.
00:44:46Count me in.
00:44:47Bye.
00:44:48Bye.
00:44:48See ya.
00:44:50So why are you everybody's best friend all of a sudden?
00:44:52If there was ever a time to be neighborly, this is it.
00:44:56Well, we're idiots for staying here.
00:44:57I mean, we should have hit the road as soon as they found the moon's body.
00:45:00I mean, how do we know he didn't tell Foster where we're hiding?
00:45:02Because if he had, Foster would have shown up by now.
00:45:05Besides, if we take off, what are we going to live on?
00:45:07I have all of our money tied up in this house.
00:45:09So why not just sell it?
00:45:10Patience, Matthew.
00:45:11If we take off right away, it'll look suspicious.
00:45:14And what we need is a story, a reason for us to move.
00:45:23Look at this, AB negative.
00:45:25Yeah, it's the rarest of all blood types.
00:45:27Well, there must be something in the water around these parts.
00:45:29You're my second AB negative today.
00:45:31Seriously?
00:45:31Uh, who was it?
00:45:35That guy.
00:45:48Hi, Bree.
00:45:49Oh, hi.
00:45:50I just wanted to thank you for your advice on my azaleas.
00:45:53They're just thriving.
00:45:55Oh, it was no trouble at all.
00:45:57Such a shame I may not be around to enjoy them.
00:45:59Well, my mother is taken ill, and Matthew and I will probably go and visit her.
00:46:05We may even be moving.
00:46:07We just don't know yet.
00:46:09How?
00:46:10Well, where does she live?
00:46:12Back in Chicago.
00:46:14Is it serious?
00:46:16I, I don't know yet.
00:46:19Well, obviously, I'll be speaking with her doctor.
00:46:22Oh, Betty.
00:46:23If there's anything I can do, anything at all.
00:46:26Well, you've already done so much.
00:46:30Bye.
00:46:38Oh.
00:46:40That Dr. Ron called.
00:46:41He needs to see you for a follow-up appointment.
00:46:43He needs to see me, or he wants to see me?
00:46:45Geez, Mom, how cute is this guy?
00:46:47Oh, he could be cuter.
00:46:49But I don't know how.
00:46:50So ask him out.
00:46:52Oh, no, I can't do that.
00:46:54Mom, he's a cute surgeon.
00:46:56What's the problem?
00:46:57He's young.
00:46:59Young?
00:46:59Younger than me.
00:47:01How much younger?
00:47:03Let's just say if I was a senior in high school, I'd be saying, wow, you're a hot fifth grader.
00:47:08Well, of course it's going to sound gross if you say it that way.
00:47:10But you're both adults, so why not just ask him out?
00:47:13Because the conversation could go something like this.
00:47:16Dr. Ron, I think you're hot.
00:47:18Oh, well, thank you, ma'am.
00:47:19Now I think it's time we talk about your hip replacement.
00:47:23Mom, you're hot and funny and nice and clearly desperate, and guys are into that.
00:47:31Play to your strengths.
00:47:38I thank God you're home.
00:47:44What's wrong?
00:47:44Pat said you told her it was an emergency.
00:47:46The boys were sent home from school.
00:47:48What?
00:47:48Why?
00:47:49I called.
00:47:49The machine kept picking up.
00:47:51I know, I know.
00:47:52Look, I...
00:47:53They've got chicken pox.
00:47:56Chicken pox?
00:47:57That's the emergency?
00:47:58They're totally contagious.
00:47:59Not to us.
00:48:01They are to me.
00:48:01I've never had it.
00:48:02Well, you never told me that.
00:48:04You know, the point is, I can't go in there.
00:48:06It's a hot zone.
00:48:07Well, Tom, somebody's got to take care of our kids.
00:48:11Exactly.
00:48:12And since you're immune...
00:48:13Oh, you've got to be kidding.
00:48:14I have to get back to work.
00:48:15Just for a couple of days, until they're not contagious.
00:48:17It is not the Ebola virus.
00:48:18It's chicken pox.
00:48:19You are being a baby.
00:48:21Yes, I am.
00:48:22Okay.
00:48:23And if you think I'm being a baby now, do I need to remind you of what I'm like when
00:48:26I'm sick?
00:48:29Remember that time I had strep throat?
00:48:32We wound up in marriage counseling.
00:48:35I'll call the office.
00:48:36Thanks, honey.
00:48:41Um, Mrs. Solis, I've got to talk to you.
00:48:43Ralph, if this is about Luis overwatering the hydrangeas again, I told you, no one likes
00:48:47a tattletale.
00:48:49My wife left me.
00:48:51Oh, I'm sorry.
00:48:52I didn't know you and Bonita were having problems.
00:48:55We weren't.
00:48:55Uh, it was all of a sudden she just packed her bags and left.
00:48:58She said, I have an illness.
00:48:59I need to get help.
00:49:02Why?
00:49:02There's nothing wrong with me.
00:49:03I just like to look at pretty ladies on the internet.
00:49:06Uh-huh.
00:49:07Sure, they're not always dressed and sometimes there's more than one, but I only go to the
00:49:12classy websites.
00:49:14There's some really sick stuff out there, Mrs. Solis.
00:49:16Ralph, make your point.
00:49:18Um, last night, uh, I found this new website and there was a picture of a lady sitting in
00:49:23a bearskin rug with nothing on except her little pointy elf hat.
00:49:26It's very festive.
00:49:27Yeah.
00:49:27Uh, Ralph, why are you telling me this?
00:49:30I'm sorry.
00:49:31It's just, um, I think you really need to see this.
00:49:38Oh, my God!
00:49:40The lighting looks great on you, Mrs. Solis.
00:49:42I mean, most of the time you have to squint at the screen to see anything really good.
00:49:45And not here, no, sir.
00:49:46That's good.
00:49:48Well, um, thank you, Ralph, for bringing this to my attention.
00:49:52Um, Mrs. Solis, I was wondering, would you sign that for me?
00:49:55Where have you been?
00:50:18Why didn't you come to see me?
00:50:22I came every Sunday.
00:50:24You were just too out of it to know I was here.
00:50:26I think you're lying.
00:50:30Not then again, these days, I think everyone's been lying to me.
00:50:34The thing is, you're here now.
00:50:36So tell me what I want to know.
00:50:42Did you find the man who killed my daughter?
00:50:54It was a guy named Todd Forrest.
00:50:57He's a low-life drug dealer.
00:50:59He got her hooked again.
00:51:00She tried to steal from him, and he killed her.
00:51:05And I killed him.
00:51:13I thought hearing that would make you happy.
00:51:16I thought it would, too.
00:51:18But it doesn't.
00:51:23Oh!
00:51:24I'm sorry.
00:51:26I want to start your IV, but your veins are kind of bad.
00:51:28Well, here, let me help you.
00:51:31Ow!
00:51:32What the hell are you doing?
00:51:34You're crazy!
00:51:35You're fired.
00:51:37Get out.
00:51:45So, I guess we're done, then.
00:51:48Yeah.
00:51:53You, uh...
00:51:54You gonna come see me again?
00:51:57You're planning on having an open casket?
00:52:19Hey, guys.
00:52:20Hey.
00:52:21Hi, Lynette.
00:52:22Hi, Carlos.
00:52:22I hear you got some pretty sick kids in there.
00:52:23Oh, it's just chicken pox.
00:52:24But Braveheart here will only come in to sleep and shower.
00:52:25I can't say I blame him.
00:52:26I wouldn't want to be shooting blanks, either.
00:52:27Be well, my man.
00:52:28Okay.
00:52:29Bye, Lynette.
00:52:30See you later.
00:52:31I'm sorry.
00:52:32What did he mean, shooting blanks?
00:52:33Oh, it's nothing.
00:52:34There's just a small chance of sterility if a grown man gets chicken pox, so...
00:52:40We're not having any more kids.
00:52:41Why would it matter?
00:52:42I don't know.
00:52:43No survival instinct.
00:52:44So that if you're the last man to survive a nuclear holocaust, you can repopulate the
00:52:47planet?
00:52:48No, all I'm saying is that, God forbid something were to happen to either one of us, I want
00:52:50either one of us to have, you know, options.
00:52:53So you're saying that if I died, you would want a second wife and a family?
00:53:14Maybe.
00:53:15I can't believe you've actually thought about this.
00:53:18Haven't you?
00:53:19Thought about who I'd marry if you died?
00:53:22Hmm.
00:53:23No?
00:53:24Honey, it's a backup plan.
00:53:25I'm not going to use it.
00:53:26Then why have it?
00:53:27I don't know, because it's like there's this door, right?
00:53:32And I'm not planning on actually going through it because I'm so happy in the room that I'm
00:53:37in, but in case of fire or flood, it's comforting to know that the door is unlocked.
00:53:43I'm not through with that.
00:53:46Yeah?
00:53:47Well, why don't you have your second wife make you lunch, okay?
00:53:49Oops!
00:53:50No.
00:53:54Bree, I have to say I was very pleased to get your call.
00:53:58I mean, I'm surprised you wouldn't have anything to do with me given my recent history.
00:54:03Oh, you mean you're having suspected me of murdering my husband?
00:54:07Detective, that is all water under the bridge now.
00:54:09I'm very glad to hear you say that.
00:54:11I do have to confess that I have an ulterior motive.
00:54:14I need to ask you a favor.
00:54:16Oh, well, shoot.
00:54:17Whatever I can do.
00:54:18We have these new neighbors, the Apple Whites.
00:54:21It's a mother and her son.
00:54:22They just moved here from Chicago.
00:54:24And they seem very nice, but there's something about them that's off.
00:54:29They're odd.
00:54:31Odd?
00:54:32Yeah.
00:54:33They're secretive and watchful and there was a dead body found in front of their house.
00:54:37I can't run a background check on your neighbors for being odd.
00:54:40Oh.
00:54:41Is that why you wanted to see me?
00:54:45To ask me that?
00:54:47Yeah.
00:54:48Why?
00:54:49Well, during the investigation I just thought there was a kind of a spark between us.
00:54:58You know, I thought this might be a date.
00:55:03Uh, no.
00:55:05I just wanted to ask you a favor.
00:55:08Fine.
00:55:09No harm done.
00:55:10When do I ever get to have lunch with such a lovely lady anyway?
00:55:14Dater.
00:55:15No date.
00:55:17Are you sure that you can check on the Apple Whites?
00:55:21I mean, I just know that there's something there.
00:55:23And you know, I have a sixth sense about people.
00:55:26And yet, you got engaged with the man who murdered your husband.
00:55:33Well, blood pressure looks fine.
00:55:35You're free to go, Mrs. Mayor.
00:55:37You mean I'm not going to see Dr. Ron?
00:55:39Well, I do the follow-up exams.
00:55:40Dr. Ron only comes in if there's a problem.
00:55:42Oh, well, maybe I should go ahead and see him anyway, just to be safe.
00:55:46I'm sorry.
00:55:47Dr. Ron's schedule is very tight today.
00:55:49So unless you're having a serious problem...
00:55:54You're experiencing nausea, chills, and tingling, huh?
00:55:56Yeah.
00:55:57But now that I think about it, I bet it's just all the coffee I drink.
00:56:00I drink way too much coffee.
00:56:02Do you like to drink coffee?
00:56:03Uh, no.
00:56:05No.
00:56:06So the tingling is in your fingers and your toes?
00:56:08I should switch to juice.
00:56:09I know the best juice place.
00:56:10You would love it.
00:56:11Do you drink juice?
00:56:12Wow.
00:56:13Susan, how often have you been having these involuntary muscle spasms?
00:56:18Oh, oh, uh, not that often.
00:56:21I probably just need a good massage.
00:56:23Susan.
00:56:24Yeah?
00:56:25I want to get you in for an MRI.
00:56:26Oh, oh, oh, oh, no.
00:56:27I don't think that's necessary.
00:56:28You a doctor?
00:56:29I got high marks in math and science.
00:56:30I want to get you in for an MRI.
00:56:31Oh, oh, oh, oh, no.
00:56:32I don't think that's necessary.
00:56:33You a doctor?
00:56:34I got high marks in math and science.
00:56:36I want to get you in for an MRI.
00:56:38No, no, no.
00:56:39I think, given the misunderstanding, that I should get the bill.
00:56:40I won't hear of it.
00:56:41All right.
00:56:42We'll split it.
00:56:43Fair enough.
00:56:44You know what?
00:56:45Let me, uh, let me give you a ride home.
00:56:49Detective Barton, is this some sort of high school ploy to get me back to your place?
00:57:07I just don't think he should be driving a car you've been drinking.
00:57:11I just don't think you should be driving a car you've been drinking.
00:57:13I had two glasses of wine.
00:57:15Three, plus the tawny portwood dessert.
00:57:18It's all you're on the bill.
00:57:21You want to take a look?
00:57:22You know what?
00:57:23I politely rejected you, and now you're getting your revenge by embarrassing me.
00:57:27You've had too much to drink.
00:57:29Give me your keys.
00:57:29I am not giving you anything.
00:57:33Except the bill.
00:57:41What do you think you're doing?
00:58:10I followed you to make sure you were okay.
00:58:13You were weaving.
00:58:15Can you step out of the car?
00:58:17You can't be serious.
00:58:19Out.
00:58:22Deceptive, I am not drunk, and I am not stupid.
00:58:25I know exactly what this is all about.
00:58:27I'm going to need you to take a sobriety test.
00:58:30Sobriety test?
00:58:30I'm not taking any sobriety test.
00:58:35This behavior stems from the hurt feelings of a man with very low self-esteem.
00:58:40The world is a big place, and I'm sure there is a woman out there somewhere who will respond to your macho posturing.
00:58:48Well, here's hoping.
00:58:51Baby, what you're about to see will most likely shock and upset you.
00:59:05Okay.
00:59:07Remember Scott, the photographer I was dating when we met?
00:59:09The one I dumped for you, who never really got over it, and who I always said was going to get back at me?
00:59:14Mm-hmm.
00:59:14Oh, Carlos, I love you so much.
00:59:20Move.
00:59:24What is this?
00:59:25Scott's website, with pictures of me on it.
00:59:28Well, say something.
00:59:35Oh, my God.
00:59:36It was supposed to be funny.
00:59:38A naughty little Christmas gift from my boyfriend.
00:59:41Oh, my God.
00:59:43I know.
00:59:43I was freakishly flexible back then.
00:59:48I'm sorry.
00:59:49Look, what are we going to do about this?
00:59:51I guess I'll call my lawyers.
00:59:53I gave these pictures to him as a gift.
00:59:54He owns them.
00:59:55Then I guess we're screwed.
00:59:57Not necessarily.
00:59:58Here's what I'm thinking.
01:00:00Scott's a coward, so you could totally put the scare into him.
01:00:04All you got to do is go and rough him up, and he'll take my pictures off the website like that.
01:00:08I'm sorry, but this is your mistake.
01:00:11You're going to have to fix it yourself.
01:00:13And I would love to, but I have the upper body strength of a kitten.
01:00:15I need a brute.
01:00:17Gabby.
01:00:18I am just now starting to get my rage issues under control.
01:00:21This brute doesn't swing that way anymore, so go find another.
01:00:27Well, when you left prison, did they leave you a contact list?
01:00:39So is Dr. Ron going to be here for this?
01:00:41Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:00:43There's a hook on the wall there, so go ahead and get your stuff hung up, and just get comfy.
01:00:47Dr. Ron should be here pretty soon.
01:00:48Okay.
01:00:51Is she trying to put on the dust cover?
01:01:06Yep.
01:01:12How long are we going to let this go on?
01:01:14Just a few more minutes.
01:01:15Hi, Susan.
01:01:18Dr. Ron.
01:01:21You don't have to get on dress for this.
01:01:24Oh, uh, I, I, uh, then why did you put out a gown?
01:01:29No, no, it's not a gown.
01:01:31It's, uh, it's the dust cover for the MRI machine.
01:01:33This should take about 45 minutes.
01:01:39Now, I know it's, it's really cramped and uncomfortable in there, but try not to move.
01:01:43Susan, I realize that this whole process must be troubling for you.
01:01:47Yeah, it's pretty troubling.
01:01:49Well, we're going to get to the bottom of this.
01:01:52I'll be here for you, okay?
01:01:52Hey, Dr. Ron.
01:01:58I just have a feeling that everything's going to turn out fine, and when it does, I'd like
01:02:04to buy you dinner to celebrate my health.
01:02:07You know, I was thinking maybe Italian.
01:02:10Oh, what the heck.
01:02:11Maybe we can call it a date, if you like.
01:02:14Dr. Ron?
01:02:21He left a while ago.
01:02:22He got a phone call from his girlfriend.
01:02:27Oh.
01:02:29Okay.
01:02:34I'd like to get out now.
01:02:37Try not to move.
01:02:44Good morning, Louise.
01:02:55Ralph.
01:02:55Good morning, Mrs. Elise.
01:02:57Good morning, honey.
01:02:58Hey, you're talking to me again.
01:03:00Well, I thought about what you said.
01:03:01About the pictures, and you're right.
01:03:04It's my mistake, and I have to live with it.
01:03:14What the hell are you doing?
01:03:36I'm living with it!
01:03:39Hey!
01:03:40I'm going around.
01:03:41Keep guarding.
01:03:42Oh, you're so mean.
01:03:45I'm putting your clothes on right now.
01:03:47Why?
01:03:47You are the care of men, lear at me, or not.
01:03:49And you made it clear that you don't.
01:03:50So what's the point?
01:03:51Gabrielle, I am not beating this guy up for you.
01:03:53Then you better think of another way to get my pictures back.
01:03:56Because if you don't, people in Wisteria Lane
01:03:57are going to be seeing a lot more of me.
01:03:59Ralph, Louise, feast your eyes!
01:04:03Ah!
01:04:04Ah!
01:04:04My finger!
01:04:05Ah!
01:04:05Ah!
01:04:06Ah!
01:04:06I'm sorry.
01:04:06Ah!
01:04:07My finger!
01:04:08Ah!
01:04:09My finger!
01:04:09I'm sorry.
01:04:10Tell me, YouTube.
01:04:10I'll not be in the corner, man.
01:04:11Don't worry, I'm in.
01:04:12I'll find it.
01:04:13My finger!
01:04:14Hey, honey.
01:04:17Good news.
01:04:19I checked on Penny, and she didn't scream.
01:04:22I think she's getting used to the mask.
01:04:25I don't want you to have options, Tom.
01:04:28If I die, I want to hear your life would be over.
01:04:31I want you to spend the rest of your life screaming.
01:04:34It should have been me on that plane.
01:04:38Plane?
01:04:38I'm assuming there was a crash.
01:04:39It could have been something else.
01:04:40Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:04:41Do you have any idea how painful it is to hear about you, even think about your next
01:04:45wife and kids?
01:04:46I could never do that.
01:04:48I can't imagine my life without you.
01:04:50You are my everything.
01:04:52Honey, you're my everything.
01:04:53Okay, well, that's easy to say, but I need you to show me.
01:04:57How?
01:04:58With a vasectomy.
01:05:02Can I just get you some flowers?
01:05:04Look, it makes perfect sense.
01:05:05We're not going to have any more kids, and the pill just makes me bloat.
01:05:09It'll be great.
01:05:10Okay, Lynette, this is crazy.
01:05:11Oh, I know, I know.
01:05:13But it is what married people do.
01:05:15They go out of their way to calm each other's irrational fears.
01:05:20Oh, come on, Tom.
01:05:22I really need you to do this.
01:05:27Okay.
01:05:29Fine, you know.
01:05:30I'll make an appointment.
01:05:33Hi.
01:05:51Can I ask you something?
01:05:53I'd rather you didn't.
01:05:57How'd you get started?
01:06:00Started?
01:06:01No.
01:06:02In the escort business?
01:06:03I beg your pardon.
01:06:04I bet the guys go crazy with your whole classy, repressed thing you got going on, huh?
01:06:10I mean, your skin has, like, no pores.
01:06:13I am not sure, but I think there was a compliment in there somewhere, so thank you.
01:06:17But I am not an escort.
01:06:20How much do you charge a night?
01:06:21Look, I...
01:06:24Five thousand.
01:06:26Wow.
01:06:28What do you have to do exactly for five grand?
01:06:36All right.
01:06:38Bill clear?
01:06:38Free to go.
01:06:40The car's at the impound lot, and you can pick it up in the morning.
01:06:43Well, how am I supposed to get home?
01:06:44I don't have any money.
01:06:45Call a friend.
01:06:46I have been through enough humiliation for one day.
01:06:49I hope you have a better suggestion than that.
01:06:51Okay, well, let me think.
01:06:53Um...
01:06:54Walk.
01:07:06For goodness sakes.
01:07:07Free?
01:07:17Is everything okay?
01:07:19Oh, oh, I'm fine.
01:07:20I just, um, had a flat tire.
01:07:23It's your lucky day.
01:07:24I'm a wizard changing tires.
01:07:26Up in.
01:07:26You know, thank you, but I think it's actually something more mechanical.
01:07:30My car's been making just a terrible noise.
01:07:32Well, I have Auto Club.
01:07:35Come on.
01:07:36Actually, my car has been impounded by the police.
01:07:59Thanks, Betty, and, um, I'd appreciate it if you could keep this little incident to yourself.
01:08:04I won't say a word.
01:08:05I swear.
01:08:06Well, that's good to hear, because most people on the street couldn't keep a secret if their lives depended on it.
01:08:11Oh, free.
01:08:12Even if everyone does find out, there's no big deal.
01:08:15I mean, lots of people have DUIs.
01:08:17Yes, but the difference is most of those people were actually drunk when they were arrested.
01:08:21I was not.
01:08:22Of course.
01:08:25You know, you sound like you don't believe me.
01:08:27Well, it's just, I know you've gone through a lot lately, the death of your husband, the problems with your son.
01:08:37It would only be natural if you did self-medicate.
01:08:40I'm sorry, but since when do you know so much about my personal life?
01:08:45Free?
01:08:46Free?
01:08:47It's like you said.
01:08:49People on this street are not great at keeping secrets.
01:08:52Except for you.
01:08:54You're really good at it.
01:08:56I beg your pardon?
01:08:57Well, you moved into your house in the middle of the night.
01:08:59God knows what you moved in that you didn't want anybody to see.
01:09:03People hear sounds coming at all hours from there.
01:09:06And what was the last one?
01:09:07Oh, right.
01:09:08They found a dead body in front of your home.
01:09:11Everybody talks about the Appleweights, but nobody can figure out exactly what you people are hiding.
01:09:15So congratulations.
01:09:17Your secrets are safe.
01:09:19For now.
01:09:32Edie.
01:09:37Hi, it's Betty Applewhite.
01:09:40Yeah, I'm sorry to call you so late, but I really need to meet with you first thing in the morning.
01:09:47Yes.
01:09:48Well, I've decided to sell my house.
01:09:56Dr. Ron, what are you doing here?
01:09:59We need to talk.
01:10:00It's not the kind of talk we can have over the phone.
01:10:04Oh, are you sure?
01:10:06Because I would look a lot better over the phone right now.
01:10:10Susan, your test results came back.
01:10:15And for the life of me, I can't figure it out.
01:10:18Based on the symptoms you were describing.
01:10:20Symptoms?
01:10:21Yeah, the dizziness, the tingling, the muscle spasms, the chills.
01:10:24It could be neurological.
01:10:25It also could be based on an autoimmune disorder.
01:10:27I just, frankly, I'm stumped.
01:10:30Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:10:31Hey, listen.
01:10:32We're going to get through this, okay?
01:10:35I'm so sorry, but I'm not sick.
01:10:39What are you talking about?
01:10:42Your nurse wouldn't let me see you, and I really wanted to see you, so I sort of faked all my symptoms.
01:10:49The dizziness, the chills, you know, all of it.
01:10:52Why would you do something like that?
01:10:54What the hell is wrong with you?
01:10:55I know, I know.
01:10:56I feel really awful.
01:10:57I am just not the best at meeting men, and I thought you were cute, and I sort of thought that maybe you thought I was cute, and you're a doctor, and that's so sexy.
01:11:04So, so, I was up all night, worried sick, digging through medical books, trying to figure out some mysterious disease that doesn't really exist.
01:11:11Really?
01:11:12You were up all night?
01:11:13Yes.
01:11:14I don't enjoy telling people I think they're going to die, especially not people I like.
01:11:18You like me?
01:11:20Yes.
01:11:20What about your girlfriend?
01:11:22What girlfriend?
01:11:22The one who called, in the MRI room?
01:11:24We had one date.
01:11:25She wanted a referral to a dermatologist.
01:11:27She's got eczema.
01:11:29Oh!
01:11:33Maybe we could go out sometime.
01:11:41Do you like sushi?
01:11:43I love sushi.
01:11:45I'm available tomorrow night.
01:11:47No, no, no.
01:11:48Tomorrow's no good.
01:11:48I'll still be angry.
01:11:49I should be cooled down by Friday.
01:11:51Oh.
01:11:51Friday's good.
01:11:54Oh, there's one thing.
01:11:55Your MRI showed that you have a wandering spleen.
01:11:59A what?
01:12:00It's a wandering spleen.
01:12:01It's no big deal.
01:12:02Sometimes the thing just moves around in there.
01:12:04But we'll keep an eye on it.
01:12:10Wandering what?
01:12:16Okay.
01:12:17Go get him, Tiger.
01:12:20I can't do it, Gabby.
01:12:22What?
01:12:23I can't go in there.
01:12:24I thought I could, but I can't.
01:12:26You promised.
01:12:27Ever since I got out of prison, I've been trying to lead a better life.
01:12:31And for the first time, I can honestly say that I'm a good Catholic, and I don't want to ruin that.
01:12:34So do this today and go to an extra-long mass tomorrow.
01:12:39It doesn't work that way.
01:12:41Okay.
01:12:42Look, I'm really trying to understand your moral dilemma here.
01:12:45I am.
01:12:46But if you don't get my pictures back, I'm going to be humiliated.
01:12:49Hey, you think our gardener is the only local perv surfing the web?
01:12:52I'm sorry, Gabrielle.
01:12:54You used to go crazy when men would so much as look at me the wrong way.
01:12:58I mean, that's when I had clothes on.
01:13:00I'm trying to be better than that now.
01:13:02Or maybe you just don't love me as much as you used to.
01:13:04Why can't you just let me be a good person?
01:13:05If you really loved me, you wouldn't even ask me to go in there.
01:13:10If you really loved me, I wouldn't have to ask.
01:13:17Fine.
01:13:18Forget it.
01:13:20Really?
01:13:22Be a good person.
01:13:23Knock yourself out.
01:13:26It's not that I don't love you.
01:13:28Yeah, okay.
01:13:29Look, let's just go home.
01:13:35What are you doing?
01:13:40I'm getting your pictures back.
01:13:43I'm not going to hurt him.
01:13:46I'll talk to him.
01:13:47Appeal to his better nature.
01:14:01Can I help you?
01:14:02I'm Carlos Solis.
01:14:05You have naked pictures of my wife on your website.
01:14:09Oh.
01:14:11You're, uh...
01:14:13Gabrielle's husband?
01:14:15Uh-huh.
01:14:17Well, you know what?
01:14:18I'll just about take those off anyway.
01:14:20Oh.
01:14:22That's great.
01:14:28I really appreciate this, Scott.
01:14:29Hey, no problem.
01:14:31Tell you the truth, Gabrielle's pages weren't exactly breaking in a big bust for me.
01:14:34I find that hard to believe.
01:14:36I'm not saying Gabrielle's not a pretty girl.
01:14:38Of course she is.
01:14:39But, uh...
01:14:40She ain't exactly internet pretty, you know?
01:14:45What does that mean?
01:14:46Well, the web's about fantasy, not fashion.
01:14:48I mean, guys serving for porn, they don't care how the clothes are hanging off the body.
01:14:51They just want to see the good.
01:14:52So, uh...
01:14:53If little Miss Nasty ain't rocking some curves...
01:14:55My wife has a perfect figure.
01:14:57Don't get me wrong, yeah.
01:14:58Our little Gabby knows how to, uh, work a runway.
01:15:01But, uh, when it comes to cyber-loving, no real man's gonna waste tissue on that.
01:15:05There you go.
01:15:06That's all of them.
01:15:07Nope.
01:15:08We cool now?
01:15:09No, that's my guy.
01:15:33Hey!
01:15:34Hey!
01:15:36You're not limping.
01:15:39Did everything go okay?
01:15:43I couldn't do it.
01:15:45What happened?
01:15:48I don't know.
01:15:49I got there.
01:15:49I...
01:15:50I put on the paper gown and I, uh...
01:15:53I just couldn't do it.
01:15:57Why not?
01:15:59It felt like I was being emasculated.
01:16:01Oh, please.
01:16:02I'm serious, Lynette.
01:16:03I don't make the money around here anymore.
01:16:04I don't provide for you and the kids.
01:16:06And I wasn't gonna let them snip out the last thing that makes me a man.
01:16:11Staying home and taking care of the kids doesn't make you less of a man.
01:16:15That's crazy.
01:16:16You expect me to calm your irrational fears.
01:16:19I expect you to calm mine.
01:16:20Are you saying you're unhappy?
01:16:35A little bit, yeah.
01:16:42Well, what are we gonna do about that?
01:16:44I don't know.
01:16:45Well, can't we just...
01:16:47No, Lynette.
01:16:50I don't know.
01:16:51Hi, it's Detective Barton.
01:17:12Look, I feel awful about what happened the other day.
01:17:15I was a jerk.
01:17:16So, to make it up to you, I did some sniffing around about the dead man they found in front
01:17:20of your neighbor's house.
01:17:21I've got some information.
01:17:22His name was Curtis Monroe, a private detective who lost his license a couple of years ago.
01:17:26He's apparently from Chicago.
01:17:28Now, I don't know if any of this is helpful, but...
01:17:31A couple of years ago, he's apparently from Chicago.
01:17:35Now, I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I just feel terrible about what happened.
01:17:40I don't know if any of this is a problem.
01:17:41Illnesses can take on many forms.
01:17:44Those of the body are easy to treat.
01:17:47Much more difficult are the hidden maladies that fester in our hearts.
01:17:54The secret addictions that consume our souls.
01:17:57and the diseases we deny, which affect our judgment.
01:18:07To survive, we need to find that special someone who can heal us.
01:18:13I worked so hard on my life.
01:18:16So hard.
01:18:19Now it's all nothing.
01:18:23I got one daughter I hate, one who hates me.
01:18:28And one dead before a time.
01:18:32No one left for me now.
01:18:35Oh, what did I do it for?
01:18:41It was good.
01:18:44I didn't feel a thing.
01:18:47I have enough pain.
01:18:49I don't need any more.
01:18:52But we can never predict who will have the cure for what ails us.
01:18:57The other nurses all warned me you were difficult, Mr. Taylor.
01:19:01Or when they'll show up.
01:19:05But I think we're going to get along.
01:19:07Just about it.
01:19:08I don't know.
01:19:09I don't know.
01:19:09I don't know.
01:19:10I don't know.
01:19:10I don't know.
01:19:10I don't know.
01:19:11I don't know.
01:19:11I don't know.
01:19:11I don't know.
01:19:12I don't know.
01:19:13I don't know.
01:19:13I don't know.