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00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:03I really don't want you to go.
00:00:04This will make us enough money to get Paul out of our house.
00:00:06Mike took a job in Alaska.
00:00:08I'm trying to treat you like a lady.
00:00:10Bree's new romance got serious.
00:00:13So you're saying you like me how I am?
00:00:15Very much.
00:00:16Paul's bride pushed him to the breaking point.
00:00:20I want you gone by the end of the week.
00:00:22But she was strongly encouraged...
00:00:24Bye, Mom.
00:00:25...to save her marriage.
00:00:30Humiliation.
00:00:34It's something we all try to avoid.
00:00:37Whenever possible.
00:00:40But unfortunately...
00:00:43There are some days when we can't help but fall...
00:00:47Flat on our face.
00:00:50You okay?
00:00:53I'm fine.
00:00:54I'm mortified.
00:00:55But...
00:00:56What happened?
00:00:57I don't know.
00:00:58I was thinking about how hot it was...
00:01:01And I didn't pay attention to where I was going.
00:01:03Yeah.
00:01:04For a second there I was wondering if you fell on purpose.
00:01:06On purpose?
00:01:07A broken leg.
00:01:09A great excuse to get out to dinner with my parents.
00:01:11Don't be silly.
00:01:12I'm looking forward to meeting your parents.
00:01:15Whew.
00:01:16Can we sit for a minute?
00:01:18The heat is really starting to get to me.
00:01:21Really?
00:01:22It's not that hot.
00:01:23Are you kidding?
00:01:24It feels like...
00:01:26Someone turned on a furnace.
00:01:29Are you okay?
00:01:30Have I been pushing you too hard?
00:01:32No, no.
00:01:33I'm having the time of my life.
00:01:36Whew.
00:01:37I just need to rest for a tiny little...
00:01:39So what happened?
00:01:48I'm not exactly sure.
00:01:50She probably just overexerted herself.
00:01:52This is beyond embarrassing.
00:01:54There's one night stand over there.
00:01:55Should I get her something to drink?
00:01:56Good idea.
00:01:57She might be dehydrated.
00:01:58This is ridiculous.
00:01:59I had a bottle of water an hour ago,
00:02:01and I did not overexert myself.
00:02:03I happened to be in very good shape.
00:02:05Your heart rate is a bit elevated.
00:02:07Well, probably from the stress of having all these strangers gawk at me.
00:02:14Oh, my Lord.
00:02:15It's happening again.
00:02:17Do you see this?
00:02:18It's like a wave of heat just coursing through my body.
00:02:21Oh.
00:02:24What is happening to me?
00:02:25Am I having a stroke?
00:02:26Honey, you're just having a hot flash.
00:02:28What?
00:02:29Yeah, it's no big deal.
00:02:30We all have to go through the change sometime.
00:02:33Wait.
00:02:34You sing?
00:02:35Yep.
00:02:36Give an applause.
00:02:38Humiliation.
00:02:39So did we figure out what was wrong?
00:02:40It's something we all try to avoid.
00:02:43It's no big deal.
00:02:44She just had...
00:02:45Indigestion.
00:02:46I never should have let you buy me that hot dog.
00:02:49Especially women who date.
00:02:51Younger men.
00:02:53It was morning in suburbia.
00:03:06A time for women to attend to their husbands' needs.
00:03:10And while Tom Scavo's wife was setting out the sports section.
00:03:16And Carlos Solis' wife was removing lint from his suit.
00:03:21And Roy Bender's wife was cleaning his dentures.
00:03:24Paul Young's wife was resting because she had already attended to her husband's needs all night long.
00:03:41For what?
00:03:43For the most amazing night.
00:03:45So I didn't disappoint you?
00:03:48Are you kidding?
00:03:49I'm so glad.
00:03:51I must say, for a virgin, you were certainly open-minded.
00:03:55My whole life I heard people talk about sex.
00:04:01They always made such a big deal about it.
00:04:04And don't get me wrong.
00:04:06It was very interesting.
00:04:09But lying here quietly...
00:04:12This is my favorite part.
00:04:15It's wonderful, isn't it?
00:04:16So, would you like to do it again?
00:04:25I hear that men like sex in the morning.
00:04:28I must say, so far your research is flawless.
00:04:41Beth, I'm gonna need a rain check.
00:04:43Why?
00:04:44I need a business to attend to.
00:04:49Who is that man?
00:04:51Derek Yeager.
00:04:52My cellmate from prison.
00:04:59So, have you thought about my offer?
00:05:02I have.
00:05:03I actually think starting an interior design business is interesting.
00:05:08Interesting?
00:05:09It's genius.
00:05:11You know what an artistic eye I have.
00:05:12Oh, my God.
00:05:14Are you doing what I think you're doing?
00:05:16If you think I'm trying to stuff my boob in my daughter's mouth, then yes.
00:05:21It's so unnatural.
00:05:23So...
00:05:26What do you say?
00:05:27Today, I will woo the clients, be the face of the company, while you do all the business-y stuff.
00:05:33It would be nice to be my own boss.
00:05:36Okay.
00:05:37I'm in.
00:05:38And if we work out of your place, I can bring the baby with me.
00:05:40Ooh, that won't work.
00:05:42Everything in my place is metal and sharp.
00:05:45No, it isn't.
00:05:46Well, then I'll have metal and sharp things brought in.
00:05:49The baby's at my house.
00:05:50Well, then we'll have to work here.
00:05:52Right.
00:05:53Potential clients will be so impressed when they walk into this tipped-over hamper.
00:05:57Get a nanny.
00:05:58I've been trying.
00:06:00It's not that easy.
00:06:01Well, then I'll find someone.
00:06:03There's gotta be some poor schlub out there who's trustworthy and desperate for money.
00:06:11I don't like this kind.
00:06:12Honey, it's cheaper.
00:06:14What if it doesn't have a prize?
00:06:18The prize that comes with this cereal is we can afford the milk.
00:06:23Okay, that's $61.48.
00:06:25Even with all the coupons?
00:06:29Well, nothing in there.
00:06:32Let me see if I can put something back.
00:06:36My fabric doesn't have to be that soft.
00:06:39Hey, meat is murder, right?
00:06:45Okay, you know, just put $20 on this and I'll pay the rest in cash.
00:06:49Care to donate a dollar to St. Matthew's Kids?
00:06:53What?
00:06:54It's for four people.
00:06:55You give a dollar, I ring the bell, everyone knows you donated.
00:06:57Has that piercing affected your sight?
00:07:01I'm counting pennies here.
00:07:03Lady, we're supposed to ask everyone.
00:07:05Calm down.
00:07:06Calm down.
00:07:08I can't afford to buy my kid the cereal he likes.
00:07:10He's gotta eat this cardboard crap.
00:07:13Ooh, nickel in the swear jar.
00:07:15And that used to be a quarter in the swear jar.
00:07:17We've even had to mark down our swears.
00:07:19So don't talk to me about the poor, because I am the poor.
00:07:23Where's my little jar at the checkout stand?
00:07:26There is none.
00:07:27Don't feel bad.
00:07:28She screamed at our dry cleaners, too.
00:07:29You burnt the meatloaf again?
00:07:30It's just a little crispy.
00:07:31It'll be fine.
00:07:32And what's with the candles and the good china?
00:07:33Is it our anniversary?
00:07:34Ow!
00:07:35Why are you hitting me?
00:07:36Because you don't listen to me.
00:07:37I told you last night Bob was coming for dinner.
00:07:38Oh, right.
00:07:39Boob.
00:07:41What was that for?
00:07:42Not knowing when our anniversary is.
00:07:43Okay.
00:07:44When is it?
00:07:45I don't have time for this.
00:07:46Bob is going to be here any second.
00:07:47Do I have to eat with you guys?
00:07:48Bob and I have nothing to do with you guys.
00:07:49The other thing is, is it?
00:07:50I don't know when our anniversary is.
00:07:51It's just a little crispy.
00:07:52I'll be fine.
00:07:53And what's with the candles and the good china?
00:07:54Is it our anniversary?
00:07:55Ow!
00:07:56Why are you hitting me?
00:07:57Because you don't listen to me.
00:07:58I told you last night Bob was coming for dinner.
00:07:59Oh, right.
00:08:00Boob.
00:08:01What was that for?
00:08:02Not knowing when our anniversary is.
00:08:03Okay.
00:08:04When is it?
00:08:05I don't have time for this.
00:08:06Bob is going to be here any second.
00:08:07Bob is going to be here any second.
00:08:08Do I have to eat with you guys?
00:08:10Bob and I have nothing in common.
00:08:12I'm sorry he's not all.
00:08:14See the game last night?
00:08:15Check out the jugs on her.
00:08:16Hey!
00:08:17Pull my finger!
00:08:18I did that one time.
00:08:19At my cousin's funeral!
00:08:22You're right.
00:08:23I am unfit to socialize with your classy gay boyfriend.
00:08:27I should be forced to eat by myself.
00:08:29In front of the game.
00:08:30No!
00:08:31You are having dinner with Bob and that is all there is to it.
00:08:33For God's sakes, he helped us find our biological daughter.
00:08:36We owe him more than we can ever repay.
00:08:38Then shouldn't we take him out for a nice meal instead of forcing him to eat that briquette
00:08:41you call meatloaf?
00:08:59I hope the pot roast isn't too dry.
00:09:01It's good.
00:09:03He's an ex-con.
00:09:04He's just happy there's no ground glass in it.
00:09:11It must be nice for you two to see each other again.
00:09:13How long were you roommates?
00:09:15Cellmates.
00:09:16Jaeger and I spent two years together.
00:09:18We kind of looked out for each other.
00:09:20That's lovely.
00:09:22If I may ask Jaeger, what were you, uh, I believe the phrase is in for?
00:09:33Well, you know what?
00:09:35Sometimes when people steal stuff, they give it to another guy who sells it for them.
00:09:41Yes.
00:09:42Yes.
00:09:43A fence.
00:09:44Right.
00:09:46I'll kill the fence.
00:09:50Oh.
00:09:51Well, how about that?
00:09:53We may want to keep that story to ourselves.
00:09:56I'm sure the people in the lane will be unsettled to learn that their new neighbor was a convicted murderer.
00:10:00Neighbor?
00:10:01Yes.
00:10:02Jaeger's going to be staying at my old house for a while.
00:10:06He's doing a little work for me.
00:10:07What kind of work?
00:10:08There's nothing you need to worry about.
00:10:10I'm not worried about it.
00:10:11I just want to know.
00:10:13Darling.
00:10:15I'm not trying to exclude you.
00:10:16I'm trying to protect you.
00:10:18From what?
00:10:19Beth, let's enjoy our dinner.
00:10:21We have a guest.
00:10:22Oh, and this is Grace at Halloween.
00:10:29Oh, she's beautiful, Gabby.
00:10:31And so sweet.
00:10:32Getting to know her has been such a blessing.
00:10:35Carlos and I will never be able to thank you enough.
00:10:42Hey, I just made some calls.
00:10:43No, you did more than that.
00:10:45You changed our lives.
00:10:46Yeah.
00:10:47So, we wanted to give you these as a token of our appreciation.
00:10:51Orchestra seats to...
00:10:54Cats.
00:10:56What's wrong?
00:10:57I thought you loved musicals.
00:10:58That was Lee.
00:10:59He was the show queen.
00:11:00When I found out he saw Annie six times, even I wanted to gay bash him.
00:11:04Oh.
00:11:05Okay.
00:11:06Well, I want to get you tickets to something.
00:11:07Do you like the opera?
00:11:10Figure skating.
00:11:12Beauty pageants.
00:11:15Barbara?
00:11:16Sorry.
00:11:17Ever think the reason Lee broke up with you is you're not gay?
00:11:22Hey, what can I say?
00:11:23Give me a beer and a college basketball game?
00:11:24I'm happy.
00:11:26You're kidding.
00:11:27Who do you like this year?
00:11:28Well, Duke's got most of its starters coming back this year, so...
00:11:31Hey, hey, hey!
00:11:32You kissed boys with that mouth?
00:11:33Bob, I get basketball tickets all the time.
00:11:36You want to go to a game this week?
00:11:38Are you serious?
00:11:39Oh, I meant...
00:11:40You know there was a game on tonight.
00:11:41Maybe after dessert we could turn around...
00:11:42What's wrong?
00:11:45I thought I knew you.
00:11:46Now, all of a sudden, you're talking beer and basketball?
00:11:49It's like you're not even a...
00:11:51A tired gay stereotype?
00:11:53Exactly.
00:11:54It's very upsetting.
00:11:56Tell you what.
00:11:57Let us watch the game.
00:11:58During halftime, I'll come back in and tell you how great you look in your Dolce Gabbana.
00:12:02Versace.
00:12:06Just go. I can't even look at you right now.
00:12:07Menopause? You're not old enough to be going through menopause.
00:12:13And more importantly, I'm not old enough to have a friend going through menopause.
00:12:16This has completely blindsided me.
00:12:19These last few weeks being with Keith, I have felt so alive.
00:12:23Even when I was young, I didn't feel this young.
00:12:25But now...
00:12:26Oh, I hate to spoil the announcement of your death sentence, but life does go on.
00:12:30And there is an upside.
00:12:31I'd love to skip those three days a month when I'm cranky and irritable.
00:12:34Just three days, huh?
00:12:37Oh, this couldn't have come at a worse time.
00:12:40I'm sure it'll be the end of my relationship with Keith.
00:12:41Why do you say that?
00:12:42Oh, here's why.
00:12:43Check out my girlfriend.
00:12:44The one with the pit stains and the estrogen patch.
00:12:46Exactly.
00:12:47Now he'll be looking for some fresh young thing who doesn't retain water and can still bear him children.
00:12:52So why tell him?
00:12:53I have to. We're in a relationship.
00:12:55Where'd you get that?
00:12:56The big book of staying single?
00:12:57There is no reason you have to tell your boyfriend the absolute truth about yourself.
00:13:01Yeah, we let him in all the time.
00:13:03I don't.
00:13:04Oh, please.
00:13:05You're telling me you never pretended you liked football?
00:13:07Or laughed at a Three Stooges movie?
00:13:10Or faked an orgasm just to make him stop?
00:13:15Hey, just for the record, I love football.
00:13:18Stooges are damn funny.
00:13:20And I've never asked a man to stop.
00:13:25Interesting.
00:13:26Susan?
00:13:27Renee Perry here.
00:13:28Listen, Lynette and I are starting a fabulous interior design business.
00:13:37Anyway, I hear you've got some time on your hands and we could really use your help.
00:13:41The pay's good and the hours are flexible.
00:13:43We're at Lynette's if you're interested.
00:13:45Oh!
00:13:46What just happened?
00:13:48Oh!
00:13:49Your mommy just got a job as an interior designer!
00:13:52Susan!
00:13:53I came over as soon as I got Renee's message.
00:13:58Oh, I would love to help you guys out.
00:14:02I told her about the job.
00:14:03Renee!
00:14:04Oh, why not?
00:14:05She's obviously flat broke.
00:14:06No one lives downwind from a pet store by choice.
00:14:07It's true.
00:14:08I need to work.
00:14:09Well, obviously, you're more than qualified.
00:14:10But are you sure it won't be weird?
00:14:11I mean, we're friends.
00:14:12Oh, I think that's a plus.
00:14:13I just want to make sure that...
00:14:14Oh, for God's sake, the woman wants to be your nanny.
00:14:17Hire her.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:19I'm sorry.
00:14:20I'm sorry.
00:14:21I'm sorry.
00:14:22I'm sorry.
00:14:23I'm sorry.
00:14:24I'm sorry.
00:14:25I'm sorry.
00:14:26I'm sorry.
00:14:27I'm sorry.
00:14:28I'm sorry.
00:14:29I'm sorry.
00:14:30The woman wants to be your nanny.
00:14:31Hire her.
00:14:32Excuse me for not wanting to ruin one of my closest friendships.
00:14:35You didn't worry that working together would ruin our friendship.
00:14:38Go figure.
00:14:40Well, if you're cool with this, I would love you to start right away.
00:14:44What do you think?
00:14:47I think my dear friend just offered me a job.
00:14:51How could I say no?
00:14:57Mrs. Vandekamp.
00:14:59Hi.
00:15:00I'm Dr. Wagner.
00:15:01Oh, I usually see Dr. Shapiro.
00:15:04She's on maternity leave.
00:15:05Oh, well there's some salt in the wound.
00:15:08Yes, so I see you're here to talk about menopause.
00:15:12And frankly, you're in luck.
00:15:14In addition to being a gynecologist for 20 years, I am going through the change myself.
00:15:19Is it awful?
00:15:20The way I look at it, we've earned this.
00:15:24It's like getting a watch when you retire from a job well done.
00:15:27I suppose.
00:15:28But still, I was hoping you could give me something to mask the symptoms.
00:15:32See, I'm recently divorced and I'm dating someone who is significantly younger than me.
00:15:37I understand.
00:15:38And might I add, check you out.
00:15:40Oh.
00:15:41Well, I must say I highly recommend the younger man experience.
00:15:46The stamina can be quite invigorating.
00:15:48Heard tell.
00:15:49And in the interest of keeping this going as long as possible, I am prepared to lie.
00:15:55So do you think you can help me put menopause on pause?
00:15:59I think so.
00:16:01We have a duty as women of a certain age to keep this sizzling relationship going.
00:16:05So let's talk about some therapies.
00:16:07Hey, I was in the neighborhood and thought, you know who I haven't seen lately, Gabby?
00:16:19Oh.
00:16:20Okay.
00:16:21I'd love to catch up, but it's 11 o'clock.
00:16:23And I was about to go to...
00:16:25So how are things?
00:16:26Love the highlights.
00:16:27You totally make those shoes work.
00:16:29They're slippers.
00:16:30Uh-huh.
00:16:31Uh-huh.
00:16:32So that was fun.
00:16:33Hey, talk to Bob lately.
00:16:34Anything new going on with Bob?
00:16:35I don't think so.
00:16:36Don't cover for him.
00:16:38He's seeing someone.
00:16:39What makes you say that?
00:16:41Jason told Hunter, who told Sergio, who told me, that Bob has been seen out three times
00:16:45of some hunky Latino.
00:16:47No, no, no.
00:16:48Bob's not seeing anyone.
00:16:49Fine.
00:16:50Then I will go tell Hunter to tell Sergio to tell Jason that he's a liar.
00:16:53No, no, no, no.
00:16:54The hunky Latino is Carlos.
00:16:55He and Bob have been hanging out.
00:16:57What?
00:16:58Yes.
00:16:59You have nothing to worry about.
00:17:01No.
00:17:02No, no.
00:17:03That means we both have something to worry about.
00:17:05Huh?
00:17:06Look, I hate to break it to you, but Bob's always had a major crush on Carlos.
00:17:09What?
00:17:10I hate to break it to Bob, but Carlos is as straight as they come.
00:17:14So is Bob's college roommate.
00:17:15And his thesis advisor.
00:17:16And his basketball coach.
00:17:18Oh, that's why he likes basketball.
00:17:20Bob's college nickname was Flipper.
00:17:22And it wasn't because of his dolphin tattoo.
00:17:24Okay, this is crazy.
00:17:26Bob isn't going to flip Carlos.
00:17:28Wait, let me tell you his game.
00:17:29First he takes them out drinking.
00:17:30Then he gets them really hammered.
00:17:32Then, when their defenses are down, he flips them.
00:17:34Well, I mean, not literally.
00:17:36Yeah, actually, sometimes literally.
00:17:38Oh, Lee.
00:17:39I think I know my husband.
00:17:41He's not passing up these chimichangas for a plate of Franks and beans.
00:17:44Okay, I don't know what that means, but you just ruined Mexican food for me.
00:17:48Oh, my God.
00:17:49I can't let Bob see me like this.
00:17:50Well, use the back door.
00:17:51I always do.
00:17:52Hey!
00:17:53Where you guys been?
00:17:54The game ended hours ago.
00:17:55We went out to a bar.
00:17:56You can't buy me drinks.
00:17:57I'm so hammered.
00:17:58Psst.
00:17:59Psst.
00:18:00So, I've come up with a marketing plan and a billing structure.
00:18:01Oh, and I filed for a license with the city so we could get the back door.
00:18:02I do.
00:18:03I do.
00:18:04I do.
00:18:05I do.
00:18:06I do.
00:18:07I do.
00:18:08I do.
00:18:09I do.
00:18:10I do.
00:18:11I do.
00:18:12I do.
00:18:13I do.
00:18:14I do.
00:18:15I do.
00:18:16I do.
00:18:17I do.
00:18:18I do.
00:18:19I do.
00:18:20I do.
00:18:21I do.
00:18:22I do.
00:18:23I do.
00:18:24I do.
00:18:25I do.
00:18:26I do.
00:18:27And I filed for a license with the city so we could get a discount with our suppliers.
00:18:31Are you listening to me?
00:18:34I'm sorry.
00:18:35That was so dull.
00:18:36I actually started to dream.
00:18:40Hey!
00:18:41How's it going?
00:18:42Oh, fine.
00:18:43Paige is asleep.
00:18:44That quickly?
00:18:46What's your secret?
00:18:47Whiskey?
00:18:48I'm not judging.
00:18:49I just wanna know.
00:18:50No, just Roctor.
00:18:53Hey, have you heard from Mike?
00:18:55How's Alaska?
00:18:56she's fine thanks for asking did you guys know that the state of Rhode Island
00:19:05can fit into Alaska four hundred and twenty four times read that once on a
00:19:10cup never forgot it when we're wooing clients let me do the talking so since
00:19:18I'm not busy where do you keep your dirty laundry oh honey you don't have to
00:19:22do the laundry sit down I'll open some wine no thanks I'm on the clock I'd
00:19:27rather get work done well if you're looking for something to do I'd love some
00:19:31more iced tea Renee that is not her job that is her job
00:19:39Susan I didn't mean you needed you're right this is my job I don't know what to
00:19:49do mama he won't tell me why he's trying to buy all these houses and now he's got
00:19:52a murderer moving into one of them
00:19:56hold on
00:20:01I've got an idea
00:20:04well hello there
00:20:12Paul went to the store
00:20:14will he be gone for a while
00:20:18yeah sure is a mess in here can't help but wonder what you boys are up to you
00:20:29want to know what's going on talk to your husband you saw me I tried he's keeping me in the dark for
00:20:36some reason that's a teen you and him
00:20:43you want to keep his confidence
00:20:45I get that
00:20:47but please I'm just so worried
00:20:51lady I'm not comfortable with you getting this close
00:20:55why oh you're a parolee you can't afford to get in any trouble can you that's right
00:21:06you got accused of a crime they might lock you up for good huh
00:21:12what are you doing when I tell people you attack me I want it to look realistic
00:21:22what the hell I never heard a woman in my life
00:21:25you think the police are going to care about that
00:21:29you're a convicted felon
00:21:31can't be doing this
00:21:33I already got two strikes
00:21:35I don't like to be unpleasant Mr. Yeager
00:21:37really I don't
00:21:39but I am going to find out what my husband is up to
00:21:43one way or the other
00:21:46hey hon we have to take the girls shoe shopping this weekend
00:21:53what's better for you Saturday or Sunday
00:21:55neither I'm going to Rancho Pines for the weekend
00:21:57oh you're going to play golf? sounds like fun
00:21:59yeah Bob invited me
00:22:01Bob? you going with Bob?
00:22:04uh huh he got us a suite at the lodge
00:22:06oh so this is a sleepover?
00:22:09it's a 6 a.m. tea time
00:22:11Bob says it'll be a lot easier
00:22:13I bet he did
00:22:16but why not get your own room?
00:22:18Bob says he got the last one available
00:22:20ah you're just trusting Bob left and right aren't you?
00:22:23what do you mean?
00:22:25I'm just surprised that's all
00:22:27one week we hate the gays
00:22:28the next week we let them watch a shower
00:22:30it's kind of kooky don't you think?
00:22:32what the hell are you talking about?
00:22:33open your eyes
00:22:34this trip is not about golf for Bob
00:22:36it is about seduction
00:22:38really? that's great
00:22:40because I was actually planning on turning gay this weekend
00:22:42don't joke like that
00:22:43can you tell I'm upset?
00:22:44I can but I don't know why
00:22:46even if Bob wanted to seduce me which I doubt
00:22:48do you really think I'd go along with it?
00:22:50well no
00:22:51then why does this bother you so much?
00:22:53I don't know it just does
00:22:55fine
00:22:59I won't go
00:23:01really?
00:23:03thank you
00:23:06I certainly wouldn't want to do anything that makes you think I'm gay
00:23:11in that case
00:23:12ditch the moisturizer
00:23:13oh I really hope your parents like me
00:23:18relax
00:23:19don't leave the groundwork
00:23:20I told them you were smart and beautiful and a terrific cook
00:23:22thank you
00:23:23and what did they say about the age difference?
00:23:24nothing
00:23:25I didn't tell them
00:23:26what? why?
00:23:27because you look so fantastic
00:23:28I don't even think they're gonna notice
00:23:30but I don't want them to think we're trying to put one over on you
00:23:32here we go
00:23:33dad
00:23:34mom
00:23:35I'd like you to meet Brie
00:23:36well hi
00:23:38I'm Richard
00:23:39this is my wife Mary
00:23:41wow
00:23:45check you out
00:23:54Brie
00:23:55Keith tells us you're a professional chef
00:23:57I was
00:23:58now I just cook for fun
00:23:59oh
00:24:00me?
00:24:01I'm retired from the army
00:24:02so as long as it doesn't come in a can
00:24:04it tastes good to me
00:24:06oh a military man
00:24:07you must have some fascinating stories
00:24:09oh no
00:24:10Mary's the one with the stories
00:24:12guess what she does for a living
00:24:14yes take a wild guess
00:24:18she's a doctor
00:24:20she's a doctor
00:24:22as a matter of fact
00:24:24I have a brand new incredible work story
00:24:27would you like to hear it?
00:24:28no
00:24:29no because I realize that as a doctor
00:24:31you're prevented ethically
00:24:33from talking about your patients
00:24:36depends how drunk I am
00:24:41so the army
00:24:42can I just thank you for keeping our country safe
00:24:46let's talk about you Brie
00:24:47I don't know if you realize this
00:24:49but you are the first girlfriend
00:24:51that Keith has introduced us to
00:24:53so you must be very special
00:24:55yes
00:24:56Keith it seems serious
00:24:57is Brie the one
00:24:59who's gonna be giving me my grandchildren?
00:25:02mom?
00:25:03no
00:25:04ignore Mary
00:25:05no no ignore Mary
00:25:06grandchildren her big thing
00:25:07I just think that
00:25:08when you reach this point in a relationship
00:25:10it's something you should talk about
00:25:11there's plenty of time for that
00:25:12no not as much as you may think
00:25:16waiter
00:25:17Mary stop it
00:25:18I think you're embarrassing Brie
00:25:20oh no no I'm fine
00:25:21it's just a little
00:25:22warm in here
00:25:24are you sure?
00:25:25because this is exactly what happened to you at the park the other day
00:25:29mom could you take a look at her?
00:25:31of course
00:25:32Brie why don't you tell me your symptoms?
00:25:35honestly it's nothing
00:25:38I just get a little warm sometimes
00:25:40would you say that
00:25:41would you say that
00:25:42the sensation comes on suddenly
00:25:44like a
00:25:45like a flash of hotness?
00:25:47no not at all
00:25:49let's just
00:25:50drop it
00:25:51well you seem so irritated
00:25:53before you were so pleasant
00:25:54would you say that your moods
00:25:56swing
00:25:57suddenly like this?
00:25:59what are you doing?
00:26:01stop badgering
00:26:02I'm not badgering
00:26:03I'm simply asking her to tell the truth
00:26:05is that something that's also difficult for you these days Brie?
00:26:09telling the truth?
00:26:11oh for God's sake
00:26:13I am going through menopause okay?
00:26:16that is what Dr. Wagner is so delicately trying to say
00:26:20now if you'll excuse me
00:26:21I am going to the kitchen to ask them if I can stand in their walk-in freezer
00:26:25guess what else?
00:26:34it's not her real hair color either
00:26:39okay
00:26:40sorry we should get going Barbara
00:26:42we have a 7 o'clock reservation
00:26:43and we have a whole presentation for you after dessert
00:26:46oh I don't know if I can wait that long
00:26:48can I have a sneak peek?
00:26:50um
00:26:51sure
00:26:52this is for your daughter's room
00:26:59we were thinking all the furniture in an antique white
00:27:03and a pale rose for the walls
00:27:05it's both elegant and feminine
00:27:08you don't feel it might be a little old for her?
00:27:10she's only 7
00:27:12oh no trust me
00:27:13this color works for all ages
00:27:15it's a classic look
00:27:17or
00:27:19just an idea
00:27:20but maybe you could do something more playful
00:27:23I painted the characters from the knights of the round table in my son's room
00:27:27and he loved it
00:27:29and maybe your daughter has a favorite character from a movie or a book
00:27:33I'm sorry we haven't been introduced I'm Barbara Fine
00:27:36this is Susan Delfino
00:27:38the nanny
00:27:40well Susan it's a great idea
00:27:42I'm gonna call my daughter
00:27:43I'm gonna call my daughter and see if there are any characters that she would love to see on her wall
00:27:47you should show her your other sketches
00:27:48she's good
00:27:53what the hell was that?
00:27:56it was just a thought
00:27:58I think she liked it
00:27:59I don't care
00:28:00it made us look like idiots
00:28:01that was not my intention
00:28:02regardless
00:28:03I do not appreciate being upstaged by the woman who does the dishes
00:28:08she had no right to talk to you like that
00:28:12no no
00:28:14I crossed the line
00:28:19okay done
00:28:21you ready to go?
00:28:22yeah
00:28:32hey Bob
00:28:33can I borrow a couple of eggs?
00:28:41hey what the hell was that about?
00:28:43your husband cancelled our golf trip
00:28:47did he?
00:28:48he said you think I'm planning to seduce him
00:28:52we should talk about that
00:28:54after I get the eggs
00:28:56why would you even go there?
00:28:58look
00:28:59I know about your history Bob
00:29:01or should I say flipper?
00:29:03ah
00:29:05well Lee's a fine one to talk to
00:29:06did he tell you about the summer he stalked Ryan Seacrest?
00:29:09okay look I don't want to fight about this
00:29:11how could you think that Gabby? you know me
00:29:13no I don't
00:29:14I thought I did
00:29:15I thought you were a fun gay guy who I had something in common with
00:29:18and then I find out you're into sports and spending time with my husband
00:29:21what the hell was that about?
00:29:22it's about me being lonely
00:29:24you ever see anybody coming around here to visit me?
00:29:28you ever see me going out on a Saturday night?
00:29:31ever since Lee left all they do is work and come home to an empty house
00:29:38you know I was so happy to get your invitation to dinner
00:29:41and when Carlos wanted to hang out I thought this is great
00:29:43I got a social life again
00:29:46now to find out you thought I had an agenda?
00:29:52oh Bob I'm sorry I didn't know
00:29:55well now you do
00:30:00I'll get those eggs for you
00:30:01Carlos can go on the weekend
00:30:09really?
00:30:11yeah
00:30:13thanks
00:30:18go!
00:30:19and if you ever do feel the need to flip a straight guy in the lane
00:30:22I'd start with Tom Scavo
00:30:24I always felt he was three beers away
00:30:26two
00:30:27how was your meeting?
00:30:40good
00:30:42Barbara's going to hire us
00:30:43we're officially a design firm
00:30:46that's great
00:30:48can I ask you something?
00:30:51are you upset?
00:30:53with this arrangement?
00:30:54because I'm getting a vibe
00:30:56I should go
00:31:04you are out of diapers
00:31:06pick some up tomorrow
00:31:08Susan
00:31:09please I need to know
00:31:10are you angry with me?
00:31:13yes
00:31:14yes I'm angry
00:31:15why?
00:31:16good job
00:31:17you have the wrong job
00:31:19when Renee called me
00:31:21I thought you were asking me to work with you in the design firm
00:31:24oh no
00:31:25I was so excited
00:31:26I knew I'd be good at that
00:31:27and then I find out you just want me to be your nanny
00:31:30I had no idea
00:31:32you know and don't get me wrong
00:31:34I love you for the gesture
00:31:36but I hate you for it too
00:31:37because I'm not in the position to say no
00:31:41I am beyond sorry
00:31:43it's okay
00:31:45it's okay
00:31:47it's just this awful reminder
00:31:49that all of my friends
00:31:50look at me differently now
00:31:52I'm the poor one
00:31:54Susan
00:31:56these money troubles
00:31:57they're temporary
00:31:59but how we feel about you
00:32:00our friendship
00:32:01that's never going to change
00:32:06thank you for that
00:32:07oh
00:32:08come here
00:32:10you know I've never said this to a nanny before
00:32:15how about we go downstairs and get a little drunk
00:32:19yeah
00:32:22but you're the boss
00:32:23we're coming to bed
00:32:28I want to make love again
00:32:33with an invitation like that
00:32:38no
00:32:40let me
00:32:42you've turned out to be the perfect wife
00:32:45that's sweet
00:32:47but not entirely true
00:32:49you don't think I'm trustworthy
00:32:51what?
00:32:54you won't tell me why you're moving your ex cellmate into your old house
00:32:58darling
00:33:00I'd prefer not to discuss that right now
00:33:02you don't need to
00:33:04Yake already told me what you're up to
00:33:06what?
00:33:08we had a nice long chat
00:33:10he told me what you've got planned for our neighbors
00:33:13I must say
00:33:15I was shocked
00:33:17to say the least
00:33:18to say the least
00:33:20I know what I'm doing
00:33:21might sound crazy to you
00:33:23but you don't understand
00:33:25how much I despise these people
00:33:27you don't understand how much I need
00:33:29these people to suffer for what they did to me
00:33:31that's where you're wrong Paul
00:33:33I understand vengeance
00:33:35completely
00:33:36completely
00:33:46well
00:33:48you really are the perfect wife
00:33:50I'm sorry I left the restaurant like that
00:34:08I just couldn't go back to that table and face your mother
00:34:11ugh
00:34:13phew
00:34:15so why
00:34:17didn't you tell me about the whole menopause thing?
00:34:20I was afraid of how you'd react
00:34:22you really think I would care about something like that?
00:34:25oh Keith
00:34:27I like you
00:34:29more than I ever intended to
00:34:32I always knew there was an expiration date on this relationship
00:34:38what?
00:34:40you are 17 years younger than me
00:34:43that's a big number, it means something
00:34:46not to me
00:34:48it might
00:34:50there are other considerations
00:34:52so you can't get pregnant?
00:34:55who cares?
00:34:57that doesn't bother you?
00:34:59no, no
00:35:00we could adopt
00:35:02so long as I get to teach someone how to throw a ball
00:35:04I don't care whose DNA they got
00:35:09oh, Keith
00:35:13not only can I not have children
00:35:19I don't want them
00:35:23I've already done that
00:35:25it was wonderful, but I've done it
00:35:30oh
00:35:34oh
00:35:37and you
00:35:39you are going to be such an amazing father
00:35:42and I would never ask you to give up that experience
00:35:45why are we even talking about this?
00:35:47we've been dating for two months
00:35:49what?
00:35:50it's too soon to talk about kids, right?
00:35:55I suppose
00:35:56let's
00:35:57let's take our time
00:35:58I just want to
00:35:59I
00:36:05I just want us to keep being happy, okay?
00:36:07hey, I was just about to head over to your place to pick up Carlos
00:36:15yeah, about that
00:36:17I've decided Carlos shouldn't go with you this weekend
00:36:19what?
00:36:21oh, for God's sake
00:36:22wait, let me finish
00:36:23wait, let me finish
00:36:25I've been thinking about what you told me
00:36:26and I realized there's somebody else you'd have more fun with
00:36:27you've got to be
00:36:40you've got to be kidding
00:36:42Gabby called to say that you were lonely and depressed
00:36:43and once I stopped laughing, I actually felt bad for you
00:36:45You've got to be kidding.
00:36:51Gabby called to say that you were lonely and depressed.
00:36:54And once I stopped laughing, I actually felt bad for you.
00:36:57We only broke up four months ago.
00:36:58How did you gain this much weight?
00:37:01Okay, okay, now that we're done saying hello,
00:37:03let's talk about this fabulous weekend.
00:37:06Did you seriously think I would take him?
00:37:08We broke up.
00:37:09And it's time to put the pieces back together.
00:37:11Let's be honest, you've been miserable without Lee.
00:37:13And you've been miserable without Bob.
00:37:16That's why you're getting so fat.
00:37:18You may not think I'm your friend, but I am.
00:37:21And I am smart enough to know that you need something more in your life
00:37:23than a straight guy to go play golf with.
00:37:27You need somebody to love.
00:37:32And you need somebody who will love you back.
00:37:37Gabby, I appreciate what you're doing.
00:37:39And I think Lee knows I still love him.
00:37:42But there are still huge issues between us.
00:37:46Maybe it's time to work those out.
00:37:49I'd hate to see that fabulous resort we can go to waste.
00:37:53Oh, come on, talk to each other.
00:37:55Do it for me.
00:37:56As your friend.
00:37:56Oh, I forgot.
00:38:10One more thing.
00:38:14Okay.
00:38:15Never mind.
00:38:15I'm good.
00:38:16Humiliation.
00:38:33It's not always something we can avoid.
00:38:37We may have wives who insult our masculinity.
00:38:41We may take jobs we feel are beneath us.
00:38:52We may have boyfriends who make us feel old.
00:38:57Yes, there are all sorts of ways to be humiliated in life.
00:39:04But the surest way to get your dignity back
00:39:07is to get what you've been waiting for.
00:39:11I found out what Paul is up to.
00:39:14He told me everything.
00:39:19Oh, baby.
00:39:22I'm so proud of you.
00:39:25Thank you, Mama.
00:39:28Previously on Desperate Housewives,
00:39:33with Mike working in Alaska,
00:39:35Susan took a job as a nanny.
00:39:38Bree's relationship with Keith's mother
00:39:39Is Bree the one who's going to be giving me my grandchildren?
00:39:42got off to a rocky start.
00:39:44That was a million years ago.
00:39:46Tom and Renee had a secret.
00:39:48She can never know what happened between us.
00:39:50Paul's wife had a change of heart.
00:39:52I want to make love again.
00:39:53And a very big secret of her own.
00:39:56Hey, Mama.
00:39:58Felicia Tillman knew many things.
00:40:08She knew Paul Young had killed her sister.
00:40:13She knew she had to find proof.
00:40:18And she knew she would need help.
00:40:23Felicia also knew she was lucky to have a daughter.
00:40:28who did what she was told.
00:40:33He said nothing to you?
00:40:34You've been living there for months now.
00:40:36I've tried to ask him questions,
00:40:37but he refuses to discuss Aunt Martha.
00:40:39Did you look through his things?
00:40:40Maybe he has some sort of journal.
00:40:42I've looked some.
00:40:44Look again.
00:40:45Is he still bothering you for sex?
00:40:51Not really.
00:40:52I'm surprised.
00:40:53He seems like the type who wouldn't take no for an answer.
00:40:55You slept with him, didn't you?
00:41:05He was going to kick me out.
00:41:07I had to do something.
00:41:09Oh, please don't be angry.
00:41:12We always knew getting justice for Aunt Martha would require sacrifices.
00:41:18But this.
00:41:22I allowed my own daughter to be defiled by that man.
00:41:29It wasn't that bad, Mama.
00:41:31Are you saying you enjoyed it?
00:41:34No.
00:41:35Of course not.
00:41:36It just wasn't as unpleasant as I thought it would be.
00:41:44You've got the stomach for it.
00:41:47This could work to our advantage.
00:41:50What do you mean?
00:41:51Sex makes men stupid.
00:41:54They say things in the dark they can barely remember come sunrise.
00:41:58You want me to ask about Aunt Martha's murder in the middle of...
00:42:01I'm not saying use it as foreplay, but afterwards, when you're both just lying there, when he's spent.
00:42:11Get him talking about the past.
00:42:13Maybe he'll let some details slip.
00:42:14Something we can use, okay?
00:42:17I'll try, Mama.
00:42:19I should go.
00:42:20Aunt Beth, sex makes women stupid, too.
00:42:25They start feeling things that they have no business feeling.
00:42:31Do you understand?
00:42:33I do, Mama.
00:42:41Yes.
00:42:42Felicia Tillman knew many things.
00:42:45And if her daughter were stupid enough to fall in love with Paul Young,
00:42:51Felicia knew she would have to punish them both.
00:42:55Thanksgiving, it's a time for defrosting turkeys,
00:43:11for visiting families,
00:43:14for performing in pageants.
00:43:19Thanksgiving is also a time for shopping,
00:43:22Don't just sit there scratching yourself.
00:43:23Help me.
00:43:23And stress.
00:43:28Frijoles, tamales, baby, I think you got the wrong bags.
00:43:31Where are the yams and the cranberry sauce?
00:43:32Hector and Carmen have a big Mexican dinner every Thanksgiving.
00:43:35Since we invited them over, I told them I'd serve their favorite dishes,
00:43:39like chorizo stuffing, bolitos, jalapeno cornbread.
00:43:44I thought it'd be nice for Grace.
00:43:46That's our first holiday we're together as a family.
00:43:48That was very sweet of you.
00:43:49Yeah.
00:43:51So good luck.
00:43:52We eat it, too.
00:43:53Wait, wait.
00:43:54I'm cooking?
00:43:56Yeah.
00:43:56You're the one who knows about Mexican stuff.
00:43:58You roll your R's.
00:43:59You call soccer a football.
00:44:01You're mocking me because I'm proud of my culture?
00:44:03No, I'm celebrating it.
00:44:04There's two bags of your culture right there.
00:44:06Start the party.
00:44:07So, Lynette.
00:44:13Hi.
00:44:13What are your plans for Thanksgiving?
00:44:15Same as always.
00:44:16Cook by myself for four hours, clean by myself for three hours,
00:44:19eat with my family for eight minutes.
00:44:21Well, this year, how about coming to...
00:44:22We're in.
00:44:24I haven't even invited you yet.
00:44:25You can invite me over for turkey and a punch in the face.
00:44:28If it gets me out of cooking, I'm there.
00:44:30Wonderful.
00:44:31Oh, wait.
00:44:33Susan was already coming to our place.
00:44:34Is it okay if she comes, too?
00:44:35Well, I suppose she won overtime, but I could use the extra kitchen help.
00:44:40As a guest.
00:44:43Oh, come on.
00:44:44What have you got against Susan?
00:44:47She's always so perky and poor.
00:44:49It's an annoying combination.
00:44:51She's my friend, and it is Thanksgiving.
00:44:53I suppose it is a time to be thankful.
00:44:56And I'm thankful I'm not her.
00:44:58Oh, what the hell.
00:44:59She can come.
00:45:05Hi.
00:45:08There's been a change of plans.
00:45:10We're all having Thanksgiving over at Renee's.
00:45:12You too.
00:45:13She's okay with me and MJ coming?
00:45:14Of course.
00:45:15You know how she loves children.
00:45:16Yeah.
00:45:17Medium rare.
00:45:19What are we doing?
00:45:20I'm trying to get Paige to sleep, and if I stop...
00:45:22That happens.
00:45:27I figure 12 more laps, and she'll be asleep, and then I can put her down.
00:45:31You know what?
00:45:33I'm thinking it's about time we sleep trained her.
00:45:35Sleep trained?
00:45:36Yeah, yeah.
00:45:37Here.
00:45:37You put them in their crib, and essentially, you let them cry it out.
00:45:43Come on.
00:45:43Yeah, I know what it is.
00:45:45I just never really got the point of it.
00:45:47The point is, she learns to put herself to sleep.
00:45:50The first night she cries for 20 minutes, the second 10.
00:45:53Before long, everyone's happy.
00:45:55Except the lonely little person who was crying and now thinks she was abandoned.
00:46:00I know.
00:46:01It sounds harsh, but it's really a gift you're giving the child.
00:46:05The gift of a tear-stained pillow.
00:46:07What a lucky little girl.
00:46:18Something wrong?
00:46:21No.
00:46:24Are you sure?
00:46:26You seemed like you were a million miles away while we were making love.
00:46:30Well, it's just that...
00:46:35Talk to me.
00:46:37I met a woman today at the store, and when I told her who I was married to, she said you killed Martha Hooper.
00:46:47What if I told you about idle gossip?
00:46:51She said you had a motive.
00:46:53Martha was blackmailing your wife.
00:46:55This is ridiculous.
00:46:56You are a passionate man.
00:47:02I know that firsthand, but sometimes our emotions can make us do crazy things.
00:47:08If Martha was responsible for Mary Alice's suicide...
00:47:10Do you honestly believe that I am capable of killing another person?
00:47:17Martha's sister sure thinks you are.
00:47:19Well, her opinion doesn't matter.
00:47:20Why not?
00:47:21Everybody knows Felicia Tillman is crazy.
00:47:26Martha said to my wife that she couldn't trust a thing that her sister said due to her severe mental problems.
00:47:32Martha said to her, Martha.
00:47:34Really?
00:47:36You're surprised?
00:47:37The woman cut off her own fingers to frame me for murder.
00:47:41Who does that?
00:47:49That's a good point.
00:47:50Brie, I brought these so if you saw me coming, you wouldn't shoot me.
00:48:05Keith told me you have guns.
00:48:10Thank you for letting me off the hook.
00:48:13In my defense, I'm an ugly drunk.
00:48:15Well, you found out your son was dating a slightly older woman.
00:48:19And, of course, you were thrown off balance.
00:48:21It wasn't just that.
00:48:22I, uh, I've been going through some stuff lately.
00:48:25Oh.
00:48:26Is, uh, everything okay?
00:48:29Ever since Richard retired from the Army, things have been strained.
00:48:34Well, there's always a period of adjustment.
00:48:36It's more than that.
00:48:37He was always thousands of miles away.
00:48:38We got so good at being apart, we forgot how to be together.
00:48:42Well, have you discussed this with him?
00:48:44I want to.
00:48:45But every time we talk, it turns into a fight.
00:48:48Trying to pick a movie Friday night, that turned into a three-hour screaming match.
00:48:51Well, holding it inside isn't the solution.
00:48:53You need to tell him how you feel.
00:48:55Trust me, you'll be glad you did.
00:48:57It's just so much easier when Keith is around.
00:48:59He's the one thing we agree on.
00:49:01I mean, I'm glad you two are spending Thanksgiving together,
00:49:03but we're sure going to miss him at our table.
00:49:06Hmm.
00:49:07Hey, why don't you join us?
00:49:09Oh, oh, no.
00:49:10No, no, no, no.
00:49:10I wasn't fishing for an invitation.
00:49:12I know you weren't.
00:49:13We would love to have you.
00:49:16You are so sweet.
00:49:18And I promise to be on my best behavior.
00:49:21I know you will.
00:49:22Because as Keith told you, I have guns.
00:49:28Hey, sorry I'm late.
00:49:30I was trying to get Mike on the phone,
00:49:32but between the time change and his schedule,
00:49:34we weren't able to connect.
00:49:35Oh, that's too bad.
00:49:36I just put Paige down for a nap.
00:49:38Come, have some nice tea.
00:49:44Maybe you can try Mike tonight and have to work.
00:49:48Maybe.
00:49:50Wow, she sounds really unhappy.
00:49:54Shouldn't we do something about that?
00:49:57You're right.
00:49:59So, what's the weather like in Alaska this time of the year?
00:50:04Cold.
00:50:06Good tea.
00:50:11Really, really good tea.
00:50:14Although, it could use some lemon.
00:50:16I'll be right back.
00:50:27Susan.
00:50:29We stopped keeping lemons under the baby a while ago.
00:50:32I'm sorry.
00:50:33I couldn't take it.
00:50:34Look, it's not fun for me to hear Paige cry either,
00:50:37but in the long run, it's going to be better for her.
00:50:39It's not better for me.
00:50:41I tried letting her cry yesterday.
00:50:42It was too upsetting.
00:50:43Look at my nails.
00:50:44They're gone.
00:50:45I hate to say it because you're my friend,
00:50:47but this is your job.
00:50:48I need you to do it my way.
00:50:50I get it.
00:50:50You're the boss.
00:50:52The mean, cold...
00:50:53Susan.
00:50:53Susan.
00:50:53Sorry.
00:50:56I feel a boss.
00:51:04Oh, hey.
00:51:05Hi.
00:51:06I thought you were the cable guy.
00:51:08I'm trying to get free premium channels.
00:51:10No, no, just me.
00:51:12Lynette wanted me to bring this over for Thursday.
00:51:14She didn't think it would stand a chance at our place.
00:51:15Okay.
00:51:18Bye.
00:51:19Uh, Tom.
00:51:21Huh?
00:51:24Oh, right.
00:51:25Here.
00:51:26Do you mind putting that in the kitchen?
00:51:29My hands are kind of...
00:51:30Sure.
00:51:32Sure.
00:51:34So, here you go.
00:51:36Chocolate cream thigh.
00:51:37Pie.
00:51:38I said pie.
00:51:39Okay.
00:51:39Are you blushing?
00:51:43Tom, you've seen it before.
00:51:45I seem to remember you caught me in a towel then, too.
00:51:50Well, you probably don't even remember.
00:51:53Blue towel, white stripes, Coney Island Beach Club.
00:51:57It was a good towel.
00:52:00Uh, Tom.
00:52:02What do you think?
00:52:05What?
00:52:06Ah, relax.
00:52:08I'm not hitting on you.
00:52:09It was just...
00:52:10Well, come on.
00:52:12I'm divorced.
00:52:13I'm vulnerable.
00:52:14I'll take my compliments where I can.
00:52:17I know it's been over 20 years, but how do I look?
00:52:22You look incredible.
00:52:26I gotta go.
00:52:27I...
00:52:27Table.
00:52:36Oh!
00:52:37Oh!
00:52:37Oh, that reminds me.
00:52:44I invited your parents to Thanksgiving dinner.
00:52:48What about the last 10 minutes?
00:52:50Reminded you of my parents?
00:52:52I was working of the menu in my head.
00:52:56So, when you were moaning...
00:52:58I thought of a new recipe for chestnut stuffing with pancetta.
00:53:01I thought that sounded good.
00:53:03I wish it was just you and me for Thanksgiving.
00:53:08I had a whole night planned.
00:53:10Well, how about we do something special next weekend?
00:53:13Just you and me?
00:53:14Yes.
00:53:14We'll go someplace romantic, and I will plan the whole thing.
00:53:19Great.
00:53:20Just don't do it while we're making love.
00:53:22I am famished.
00:53:25How about I rummage around in your kitchen and find us something to eat?
00:53:28Mmm.
00:53:30hey look who's here happy thanksgiving hey happy thanksgiving
00:53:57it all smells so wonderful well carlos and i've been working our butts off all day
00:54:02she did her hair for two hours and told me where the can opener was who's at the table juanita under
00:54:06my supervision well we're happy to be here grace sweetie you want to go up and play with juanita
00:54:14and cilia before we eat yeah so who wants a drink i made margaritas she is very proud of her culture
00:54:24hey carlos what's spanish for no sex for a month i've got him in those so gabby what'd you do with
00:54:35what i kind of forgot to pick them up i cooked this entire meal and you forget dessert you had one
00:54:42thing to do it was your whole where's the can opener thing it just threw me well go throw yourself in the
00:54:48car and get the pies i can't drive i just had a glass of wine we'll just have something else for
00:54:53dessert i think i have some leftover halloween candy and pudding mix who doesn't love pudding gabby get
00:54:59the pies
00:55:03i can drive you thank you hector oh fine let's go get your precious pies and lose the attitude this is
00:55:11your screw-up not mine carlos what's spanish for you're sleeping on the couch tonight carmen's got that
00:55:19one poop hey renee happy happy thanksgiving okay you live in an apartment take it down a notch
00:55:32hello mj mj what do you say to mrs perry she needs medication
00:55:42that's what we say about her what do we say to her thank you for having us
00:55:46that's precious what's this chalk line no kids beyond this point your mommy can bring your food
00:55:56to you seriously the kids table's in the driveway i put in the street but the cops made me move it
00:56:04hi hey happy thanksgiving oh where's my little page oh we are trying to keep her on her sleep
00:56:09schedule so porter and preston are watching her but don't worry susan i told them if she cries they
00:56:13can pick her up after 20 minutes 20 minutes you're up to 20 minutes now they stay even here over the
00:56:19football game happy thanksgiving what told you she forgot let's go remember how awful you felt when
00:56:36you found out roy and i spent last thanksgiving at pancake castle and you invited us to your house for the
00:56:42next year next year next year is next year i'm sorry it slipped my mind oh that's okay we can go
00:56:48back to pancake castle no we can't the board of health shut them down those weren't blueberries
00:56:56wait wait wait of course you're welcome to eat with us well thank you brie hey we're here oh look
00:57:04invited guests we'll get out of the way keep happy thanksgiving richard mary they were honking at you
00:57:14because you were driving slow in the fast lane no i was driving the legal speed limit in the left
00:57:17lane otherwise known as the fast lane happy thanksgiving we'd have been here sooner
00:57:21drop it richard come on move i think it's an accident well they better be dead the bakery
00:57:37closes in 10 minutes maybe we should just forget the rice are you crazy if i show up empty-handed
00:57:44carlos would go all ricky ricardo on my ass take the shoulder what it's totally clear and we can
00:57:53pass by this whole mess gabby it's against the law hector i am sweating in a pickup and my buzz is
00:57:59wearing off you do not want to tangle with me punch it maybe you didn't see us
00:58:14so you do realize that the shoulder is used just for emergencies officer high are we glad to see
00:58:24you we could really use a police escort to the bakery it closes in 10 minutes that's not an emergency
00:58:29ma'am ma'am now talk about police brutality license and registration please i have the registration
00:58:37service do you have a driver's license
00:58:47sir are you a citizen of the united states hey racist much just because he's got dark skin and
00:58:54drives a clunker and has a coat hanger for an antenna doesn't make him illegal god please he has
00:58:59rights he pays taxes we're getting your name officer martinez damn just give him your license
00:59:06so we can get out of here
00:59:12hector is there a step out of the vehicle and put your hands on the car please
00:59:22hector
00:59:22isn't that your truck
00:59:37why is he moving like that
00:59:43where's my husband where's the pie gabby what happened please don't yell at me that was my first
00:59:50time driving stick shift and my nerves are shattered where's hector he got arrested arrested why well
00:59:56traffic was awful and the bakery was closing so hector again i begged him not to drove up on the
01:00:01shoulder and the police caught us the police grace get in the truck now but we haven't eaten yet i don't
01:00:09care let's go where's my purse what the hell is going on i think they're illegals are they going to
01:00:16deport hector i don't know they just took him and left me the car that i don't know how to drive
01:00:21okay carmen wait we can get your husband out of this we'll hire a lawyer we will have him on a bus
01:00:24back to mexico by tomorrow i have to move out of our house before they track down our address where
01:00:29are you going i have relatives indexes we'll stay with them until i can think of what to do next
01:00:34but what about grace when will i see her again i don't know say goodbye grace goodbye gabby
01:00:51hey kids i put some snacks on the table mrs perry slept the caterer so dinner's gonna be a little late
01:00:57do you hear crying maybe it's the caterer no i think it's page oh yeah she's been crying for a
01:01:05long time she has who wants to play some football okay go long go long oh that's my bad i'll get it
01:01:27oh
01:01:46let's go boys come on 36 you gotta throw it oh he's not gonna
01:01:50come on throw the ball oh they're trying to lose now third and 16 from the 16th the gift
01:02:01of blake on the draw and blake is hammered at the line for no game oh come on
01:02:09so uh richard tell us what are your plans for retirement
01:02:13or uh we're still discussing that
01:02:14uh he wants to sail down the coast of south america by himself
01:02:20brie this cranberry sauce is delicious what is your secret well might i remind you the plan
01:02:25was always for us to sail down the coast of south america
01:02:28please tell us that secret brie i'd love to hear it is it cinnamon
01:02:36if it isn't can we talk about cinnamon
01:02:37i knew a stripper in baltimore named cinnamon nice broad you changed the plan you're the one
01:02:45that said you wanted to keep working well i'm sorry if i built up a successful practice while
01:02:49you were traipsing around the world and traipsing yes like when i traipsed through iraq iraq my
01:02:54goodness what was that like when i think about it now it doesn't seem so bad
01:02:59so uh richard we know that you like sailing what about you mary do you have any hobbies
01:03:08ask him excuse me he has known me for 35 years i'd be curious if he could name even
01:03:14one thing i like to do um
01:03:19bitch
01:03:23no the stripper's name was ginger cinnamon was her sister killed by a cab
01:03:28you're not happy unless you have something to complain about dad mom come on your guests here
01:03:34why do i even bother it's like talking to a wall a wall that paid for your medical school after your
01:03:38homemade wooden puzzle business went belly up and everything you ever did was a success iraq nice job
01:03:47i caught some shrapnel in korea came this close to being a lady see brie this is just what we talked
01:03:55about you you talked to my mother we said i should tell you how i feel well here is how i feel i want
01:04:02a divorce what thank you brie i do feel better you told my mom to get a divorce i never said divorce
01:04:10want out of this fine i'm happy to oblige dad mom wait
01:04:15and you didn't want to come
01:04:29i love the stuffing are you sure not too dry no it's yummy did you use pecans yes it's my mother's
01:04:39recipe it's probably a lot different from the stuffing you had as a kid
01:04:44actually mama and i didn't really celebrate thanksgiving what daddy left and i was very young
01:04:52after that mama said we didn't have anything to be thankful for
01:04:57so you never had people over no it was always just mama and me that's too bad
01:05:04when i was 12 i did ask mama if i could have a friend from school to eat with us
01:05:13danny sullivan i didn't tell her i'd invited a boy until thanksgiving morning
01:05:20what happened she started screaming at me saying boys were only after one thing
01:05:27when he showed up and knocked on the door she wouldn't let me answer it we just sat there and
01:05:37ate while he knocked and knocked finally it stopped
01:05:47your mother sounds like a very unhappy woman i didn't notice that so much when i was a child
01:05:53but now i'm starting to realize just how damaged she is is that why you never introduced us
01:06:05i just never thought you two would have much in common
01:06:09i can think of one thing we both love you
01:06:13you know i think it's good i waited this long to have a real thanksgiving
01:06:24why is that because now i actually have something to be thankful for
01:06:34hey guys i brought you some turkey can i have some well sure but where's your mom i thought you
01:06:41guys were throwing the football around i haven't seen her since she kicked it down to your house
01:06:47and how long ago was that a while ago before the baby stopped crying
01:07:03hey guys how's it going uh dallas is losing where's the baby they have no passing game guys
01:07:15uh
01:07:33ah well now i'm not suspicious at all come on susan
01:07:45oh god you scared me you stay right there guys hey
01:07:54will you watch the game upstairs i need to talk to susan
01:07:58when did susan get here it's me
01:08:03what the hell i could hear her crying four houses away yes and last night she cried just as loud but
01:08:09two minutes later she put herself to sleep she was self-soothing the system was working i don't
01:08:14care i think it's a crappy system for lazy moms
01:08:18lazy moms who are you to talk you have one kid every 18 years me i've got five in the house at the
01:08:26same time it's a war so if i need to put my baby on a schedule to stop my life from spiraling out of
01:08:32control that's what i'm gonna do well you're gonna have to do it alone because i quit
01:08:38whoa hold on isn't that a little extreme
01:08:43annette i'm sorry i cannot stand by and listen to that baby cry
01:08:48even for five minutes even for one minute it's more than i can handle
01:08:52i listen to mj crying himself to sleep every night because he misses his dad i cry myself to sleep
01:09:01because my kid is crying there's just too much crying in my life i can't take it
01:09:06oh sweet i'm so sorry i had no idea i'm sorry to dump all this on you i've been emotional all day
01:09:23it's thanksgiving and i i haven't even got to speak to mike
01:09:26you want to call him you can use my phone talk as long as you like are you sure it's expensive
01:09:37well it's either talking to your husband or self-soothing and i know how much you love that
01:09:43oh thank god you haven't left what are you doing here you don't have to leave carlos and i hired our
01:09:57friend bob he's a lawyer he'll find a way to help you how we're breaking the law well at least talk to
01:10:03him you can't just pack up and go we always knew this day might come this was the plan i'm sticking to
01:10:09it carmen we should talk about this hi gabby mama am i supposed to pack all my clothes and books
01:10:21uh just your favorite things meha for a nice long visit i'm going to meet my cousins i heard
01:10:30look carmen i know you're a proud woman but you have to let us help you we're family i'm afraid if
01:10:41i let you go i may never see grace again and you might not see juanita
01:10:50stay with us until we can figure things out i'll never look for you there
01:10:53at the very least we can have a few more days with the girls
01:11:03please i'm not ready to say goodbye yet
01:11:05stop you off thanks i'm good
01:11:21where the heck did lanette go she can't be that far
01:11:37so the house looks great thanks you like living here uh yeah sure
01:11:54that didn't sound very convincing well it's nothing against fairview it's just
01:11:59i'm surrounded by couples and married people and i'm alone would you believe for the first time
01:12:09well if i know you that's not gonna last i don't know you know people used to say i was
01:12:16a beautiful woman now they say i'm a beautiful woman for my age please i just saw you in a towel
01:12:25well did you get your premium channel i did and high-speed internet there you go
01:12:42ah you know there was a time where i could have had any man i wanted and i did
01:12:47but i did not choose wisely i went for the rich guys the famous guys the ones who bought me pretty
01:12:57things i should have been looking for a man who was kind and gentle kind of man you'd actually want
01:13:06to raise a family with
01:13:12i i gotta hand it to lynette she sure knows how to pick them
01:13:17what are you guys talking about well you actually i hope it was complimentary ah very
01:13:35hey come on in my dad's here he's in the other room oh how's he doing weirdly okay
01:13:52and how about you freaked out
01:13:59i guess it doesn't matter if you're four or 34 when your mom and dad aren't together anymore
01:14:03it's horrible i know you know what's ironic thanksgiving big family holiday that's the day
01:14:09i start thinking there's no point in being married you can't think like that why not
01:14:16they were married for 35 years if it could fall apart that quickly it didn't
01:14:23it's been a long time coming keith you just haven't been around to see it
01:14:25um like that would have made it easier so all i'm saying is try not to be cynical about marriage
01:14:33really because i see a lot of divorced people in this room
01:14:40sorry no you're right i'm divorced but i will never give up on marriage because when it works
01:14:46it's great and i still believe it could happen again for me
01:14:50and i cannot believe i just said that to my boyfriend in front of his father
01:15:00you want to take a walk maybe i can salvage one nice thanksgiving memory out of this day
01:15:06i'd love to all right get my coat
01:15:16i hope he's gonna be okay well it'll take some time but i promise i'll help him through it
01:15:23he's a lucky guy to have you thank you
01:15:29i knew you were special from the moment i met you
01:15:31ready to go all set
01:15:48how's it going what have you found out
01:15:50nothing he still insists he didn't do it clearly it's too soon he haven't gained his trust yet
01:16:01you know what you should do join some wine of the month club start getting him drunk on a regular
01:16:08basis maybe he'll let something slip
01:16:12what's wrong
01:16:16mama
01:16:18have you ever considered the possibility that that what that paul didn't kill aunt martha
01:16:25no
01:16:30have you
01:16:30have you well no one actually saw him do it oh my god he swears he didn't kill her and you believe him
01:16:45i want you out of that house mama you will leave here get your things and get out of that house
01:16:51today i can't why not he's my husband what he's nice to me who cares he's a cold-blooded killer
01:17:04mama the guards i didn't raise it to be this stupid sit down or your visit's over don't touch me
01:17:12mama i will not allow you to fall in love with a monster don't you hear me
01:17:19mom we want breakfast okay i'll be there in a second
01:17:32bob there has got to be some way we can get hector's papers isn't there somebody that we can
01:17:35throw money at guys it's too late for hector and as long as carmen is here she runs the risk of
01:17:41being deported too she either turns herself in or i have to disappear
01:17:49you said carmen's at risk what about grace and she was born here she's an american citizen oh
01:18:01i should go
01:18:01wow this is great waffles are my favorite good you can have them anytime you want really wow i wish
01:18:15i could live here all the time well you never know might be a way we can make that happen
01:18:22once a year we remember to stop and count our blessings we give thanks for the friends who
01:18:36understand us the lovers who make us happy
01:18:45the children who do our bidding
01:18:48yes we must always be thankful for what we've been given even if it's just an opportunity