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  • 5/9/2025

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Fun
Transcript
00:00Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:04Tonight, our performers are criminal mastermind, Greg Proops, representing all our homegirls
00:09up in County Jail, Bully, it's Denny Siegel, East Coast Gangsta, Colin Mochrie, and straight
00:15out of Compton, it's Ryan Stiles, and I'm your host, Drew Carey, come on down and say
00:20some fun.
00:28Thank you, thank you.
00:30And welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:32The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:35How the show works, if you've never seen it before, is we have suggestions right here
00:38that the performers have never seen.
00:39We also take suggestions from the audience, and these guys have to work out a little skid
00:43or sketch or anything, and they have to make it funny and make it up right on the spot
00:46off the top of their heads.
00:47It's really fun.
00:47I award them points, which don't make a hell of a lot of difference, because at the end
00:50of the show, the people I like best win, and they get to do something with me.
00:56I don't like it any more than they do.
00:57Now, we're going to start with a game called Weird Newscasters.
01:02This is for all four of you.
01:03In this game, Greg is going to be the anchorman of a news program, and Colin, Denny, and Ryan
01:07are co-presenters on the show, but each of them is going to be a really odd character.
01:11Greg's co-anchor is Colin.
01:13Colin, you're auditioning for roles in a horror movie.
01:16Denny, you're doing sports, and you're a Catskills comedian.
01:20Good luck.
01:21And Ryan, you're doing the weather, and you keep carelessly throwing away your lit cigarettes.
01:30So, Greg, whenever you hear the music, go ahead and start.
01:38Good evening.
01:38I'm shallow, but authoritative.
01:40These are the headlines.
01:44There's apricots all over the Washington Monument.
01:47And monkey children have swarmed the Capitol.
01:51Colin?
01:53Everywhere, chaos!
01:56Burning fire!
01:58No!
02:00No!
02:01No!
02:02No!
02:03No!
02:10Stop it!
02:22We...
02:23Thank you, Colin.
02:26Now we move over to Denny at the sports desk.
02:28Denny, we understand you just flew in from New York City.
02:32Yeah, that's right.
02:32It was cold as heck up there.
02:34Anyway, I'm here to talk about sports.
02:35My husband is a big Yankees fan.
02:37Things haven't been so good with my husband lately.
02:39The other night, he said to me, that was the worst sex we ever had.
02:41I said, honey, you just vacuumed the rug.
02:43Ha!
02:46Things are really hard for me at home.
02:47My kids hate me.
02:48The first two kids, I breastfeed.
02:49I have the only infant believing from the country.
02:51Ha!
02:53Still, it doesn't turn me off.
02:54I'd like to have more kids.
02:55My biological clock is ticking.
02:56Of course, my womb is so stretched out.
02:58It's Big Ben.
02:59Ha!
03:00Back to you.
03:04Ahem.
03:06Ahem.
03:09Thank you, Denny.
03:10Well, there's a whole lot of weather coming up this weekend.
03:13And let's throw it over to Ryan at the weather map and see what's happening there.
03:16Ryan.
03:17Well, thank you, Greg.
03:18We've got quite a bit of cold weather in store next week.
03:21As you can tell by looking at our map, Oregon is on fire.
03:26Oregon is on fire.
03:27And it's moving up to Washington State.
03:30Up to Washington.
03:30Into British Columbia.
03:32Oregon's on fire.
03:33Oh, my God.
03:34I'm on fire.
03:35Someone help me up on fire.
03:36Put me out.
03:37Put me out.
03:38Put me out.
03:38What am I going to do?
03:39Someone's on fire.
03:41Put me out.
03:41Put me out.
03:42Out.
03:43Somebody help me.
03:56Back to you, Greg.
03:57That's all the time we have for tonight.
04:02We'll see you tomorrow.
04:03Stay tuned for When Vegetables Attack.
04:15I'm going to give 500,000 points to Ryan for setting the whole western United States on fire.
04:19Now let's go on to a game called Multiple Personalities.
04:23This is for Ryan, Colin, and Greg.
04:25And what happens?
04:25They're going to act out a scene involving three items.
04:27Let's get the items right here.
04:28And each item has a different personality attached to it.
04:31Here you go.
04:32Whoever's holding the flashlight is Liberace.
04:41Whoever's holding the axe is Jimmy Stewart.
04:44And whoever's holding the rifle is Scooby-Doo.
04:49The scene is you're having a problem while out hunting.
05:04I'm telling you I heard a noise.
05:10A noise in the bush.
05:11Someone has to go in the bush
05:22My brother George told me this could be dangerous
05:28No, no, no, no, no, it's the easiest thing in the world
05:31One foot in front of the other and you move
05:36Well, if you're both gonna be sissies, I'll go first
05:43Oh, gosh, look over there
05:49No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that doesn't look normal
05:53Well, it's just two minks doing what minks do
06:00Maybe, maybe, maybe better give me the gun, in case I gotta shoot something
06:02What, what, what, what, what, what, like what?
06:04what is it what is it it's a rig rare it's a rig rare
06:13oh give me that
06:19no no no no look at that
06:25yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i've
06:30shot a little squirrel
06:31that was great colin you get all the points for that one because i'm starting to feel
06:48sorry for you
06:49and now let's play a game called fashion models uh this is for greg and denny and ryan and colin
06:57and the idea of this game is greg and denny are going to be uh commentating on a fashion show
07:01ryan and colin are the models however the fashions that they're wearing are not what you might
07:06expect now what i need from the audience is a type of profession
07:08i just heard a really good one professional wrestling
07:14and welcome to the professional wrestling fall fashion lineup i love wrestling because it's
07:21it's the only sport that proves that women aren't the only ones to fake it
07:29and no one cares if they do autumn is here autumn is here and it is time for tights let's look
07:39let's look at ryan in this first ensemble you know green green green is this year's orange and this
07:46battling bruiser is one who's going to frighten other ones when he enters the ring with these bun
07:50hugging crotch buffeting fabulous absolutely skin tight lycra shorts absolutely if you're going to be
07:58pinning a hunky man with a match
08:02it's the only thing to wear
08:06well here comes a sassy little number worn by our wrestler colin
08:15this is a retro fifties ensemble hearkening back to the days of gorgeous george yes of course
08:23this is his famous dive just i don't want to know what that is
08:26and here comes ryan to join him for the dramatic finale of our show
08:32look at the lycra ripple as they lock heads
08:35these body-hugging outfits are certainly the kind that will turn a young boy's fancy to mutilation and choking
08:42that was great
08:53i don't know about you guys but i like the idea of colin and ryan in tights so a thousand points to eat to them
09:00now let's go on to a game called world's worst why don't you step up to the solar step right here
09:04and uh... land up in a row and this is a real quick game and as fast as you can come up with as many examples as possible of the world's worst person to be president of the united states
09:12united states
09:14and you know who doesn't count
09:25hello
09:26remember me
09:32my multiple personalities erase the need for a two-party system
09:40bro
09:47from now on
09:49everyone in north dakota is named tim
09:55go ahead and see if i can
09:57who would have been sick
09:58the
10:02Well, it's a beautiful day in the White House.
10:13Sometimes I see my ex-husband's face on the button that leads to the bomb.
10:25This country doesn't need a president. It needs a makeover.
10:32Excuse me. While I drink the water, my vice-president will finish my speech.
10:48I'd like you to meet the new members of the Supreme Court.
10:50This is Tex and Squeaky.
10:56Uh-oh.
11:02It's Columbus Day, and we're selling off all the states.
11:05Starting with Alaska.
11:07What is your best bid?
11:08We've gone crazy!
11:10Okay, that's very much. Thank you very much.
11:18Hey, we're going to take a commercial break.
11:20We'll come back with more Who's Line Is It Anyway in a minute.
11:22Don't throw away!
11:23Hey, welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
11:34The show where everything's made up in the points of matter.
11:36I don't know about you, but I'm buying two of everything that was just advertised on the show.
11:40I don't care if it was made for a woman or a man or a wife.
11:44Now we come to a game called Props.
11:46We're going to divide the performers into two pairs and give them a set of props.
11:49They have to use them in as many ways as they can.
11:50And Ryan and Denny, this is your prop. Why don't you come and get this?
11:56And Greg and Colin, this is your prop.
12:05Stop teasing me, Mr. Carey.
12:07Oh, buy it a nickel for every time I heard that, huh?
12:13Ryan and Denny, you're going to start whenever you're ready.
12:15He didn't even see the car.
12:17I think he's happy.
12:23We're out of a cheese. Get to me more cheese.
12:26We're out of a cheese.
12:33Some people were embarrassed by an Audi.
12:35Well, that's one angry clam.
12:49You didn't tell me about the drawbacks to breastfeeding.
12:52Is Nanook comfortable in Papoos?
13:02Well, that plane's going to have trouble landing.
13:08These are the biggest condoms you have.
13:09Are these the biggest condoms you have?
13:20Why does it always rain over me?
13:24Yes, Senator, I think this will work out for you.
13:27Eh, yo quiero esta.
13:32Thousand points for each of you, because I love a big finish.
13:50Da-da-da-da-dee-dee.
13:52Okay, now we're going to a game called Party Quirks.
13:54This is for all of you.
13:56Greg, you're going to be hosting a party,
13:57and then Denny, Colin, and Ryan are going to come into the party.
13:59These envelopes here, we've given them each a strange quirk or identity.
14:02They haven't seen any of these suggestions before,
14:04and Greg is going to have to try to guess what they are by the end of the party.
14:08So, Greg, whenever you're ready, start the party, and I'll bring everybody in.
14:16This is going to be the best party ever.
14:21Hi, hi, Denny.
14:21You couldn't invite me yourself.
14:23I had to hear about it.
14:24Third person from your Uncle Morty.
14:25Excuse me.
14:27Well, I'm sorry.
14:28Can I get you?
14:28What is this?
14:29Pork rinds?
14:30I'm having a heart attack.
14:31No, please.
14:32Oh, my God.
14:33Listen, can I get you a chair or something?
14:35Oh, a chair?
14:35You couldn't put me on your lap after all the years that I suckled you with my own breasts?
14:39With your little teeth?
14:42I am so glad I invited you.
14:44Hang on a second.
14:45Hi, Carl.
14:46Hi, Greg.
14:47How are you?
14:47Good.
14:47How are you?
14:53Colin, I like you as a friend.
14:55Is there something you'd like to tell me?
14:57Yeah.
14:57Colin.
14:58Have you met my Jewish mother?
15:01I am.
15:02I gotta go.
15:06Colin, I'm going to lock the door and not let anyone else in.
15:09Is that okay?
15:12Hi, Ryan.
15:12Hey, Greg.
15:13How are you?
15:13I'm really well.
15:14Good.
15:14I can put on some music.
15:31Ryan?
15:32Ryan, have you met my friend?
15:33He's a kleptomaniac.
15:35He's pilfering.
15:37He wants at something very badly.
15:39He is the most fun at a party of anyone I've ever invited.
15:45He's trying to steal something.
15:46He wants my pocket.
15:48What does he like to do?
15:50Well, jeez.
15:55I know what he's making me want to do.
15:58He likes to...
16:00Put his hands...
16:02In my pocket.
16:03Yeah.
16:07What?
16:10And you...
16:10Ryan...
16:11Ryan, well, thank goodness that guy's got...
16:14Flipper!
16:14Flipper!
16:16You...
16:17I am so glad I invited you.
16:19You...
16:19You...
16:20Everglades disaster.
16:22You...
16:22You fish out of water.
16:24You...
16:24You...
16:25You see, horse?
16:27You're being sucked into a...
16:29You're being sucked into a ship's propeller.
16:45A thousand points to Colin for putting your hand in everybody's pocket.
16:50And I'm wet again.
16:55Now, let's go on to our favorite game in the whole wide world...
17:02Hoedown!
17:09This is, of course, for everybody with the help of Laura Hall on piano.
17:11How about a hand for Laura Hall?
17:16It's time for the hoedown.
17:17Time for the hoedown.
17:19Ta-da-da-da-da-da.
17:21Let's, uh...
17:22Need for the audience to something about modern life that annoys you.
17:24What was that?
17:28Uh, IRS.
17:28That's okay.
17:29The Internal Revenue Service.
17:31Who I love.
17:34Uh, they might be annoyed at it, but it's not me.
17:36I love the IRS.
17:37Let's hear the IRS hoedown, Greg.
17:39Got to pay your taxes to the government
17:50Because you know each dollar is so very well spent
17:54You have got to pay them, but here's a little switch
17:58I never pay my taxes because I am so rich
18:02You know, I hate the IRS
18:08They think that they're so tough
18:10They said when I paid my taxes
18:12I didn't pay enough
18:13To check me out
18:15They audited my mother and my sis
18:17So I showed up naked at their door
18:20And said, hey, audit this!
18:21I live in Canada
18:31There is no IRS
18:33I still have to pay taxes
18:35But I'm not that distressed
18:37I owe $18,000
18:39But please understand
18:41I'm not that worried
18:42Cause that's my box American
18:44Singing about the IRS
18:55A bell doesn't ring
18:56You know I'm not very good
18:59When I have to sing
19:00Singing these hoedowns
19:02On whose line you know
19:04But I don't really care
19:06Cause I'm on another show
19:08That was great
19:15Hey, when we come back
19:17We're going to find out who the winner is
19:18So don't go away
19:18We'll be right back with more
19:19Whose Line Is It Anyway?
19:27Hey, welcome back to
19:28Whose Line Is It Anyway?
19:29Tonight's winners are
19:30Greg and Ryan
19:31Greg and Ryan are the winners
19:32All right, Greg, please
19:32Thanks, guys
19:33And with that means
19:36They're going to play a little game with me
19:37It's called 90 Second Alphabet
19:38And what happens is
19:39It's 90 seconds
19:40We have to do a scene
19:41And everything we say
19:42Has to start with the very next letter
19:43Of the alphabet
19:44Starting with what letter, audience?
19:45B
19:46B, I heard
19:47Thank you very much
19:47B, that's easy
19:48And Colin, what's our scene?
19:50You are three roommates
19:52Ryan has annoyed Greg and Drew so much
19:54They want to throw them out
19:55Okay, and he's going to time it
19:57To make sure we go in 90 seconds
19:58Okay, and your time starts
20:00You've annoyed us
20:00Now
20:01Boy, oh boy, are you annoying
20:03Creep
20:04Donnie
20:06Jerry
20:07I'll leave if you want me to
20:08Every day we go through this
20:11Fine, I'll start packing for you
20:13Good
20:14And I'll pack this bag over here
20:15Hello
20:16That's mine
20:17I told you he tried to steal that bag
20:21Just because I set the kitchen on fire
20:24Is no reason to kick me out
20:25Kitchen?
20:26You set the whole house on fire
20:28Like you forgot
20:30Many men will come and go through here
20:33But none will ever do for you the things I did
20:35Name one thing
20:37Name one thing
20:38Oliver, I took you to see the movie Oliver
20:43Who else ever did that to you?
20:45Please
20:45You read it and it was broken
20:47Quit looking at me like that
20:50Because it's not going to change my mind
20:51Really?
20:52You're just being childish
20:53So childish
20:54Terribly childish
20:56Unbelievably childish
20:58Very well, I'll go
21:00Very well, I'll go
21:04Well, fine
21:05Go
21:05Xavier Hollander once told me
21:09That a man who can't leave with his head up
21:12Is not a man at all
21:13Fifteen seconds
21:14Yank me
21:14Yank me
21:15Zippity-doo-dah
21:19Aren't you just Mr. King?
21:21Uh
21:22Adios
21:22Adios, bad roommate
21:23Bye
21:25Thank you all
21:30Thank youni
21:30Thank you
21:30Thank you
21:35You, you, you, you, you, you!
22:05You, you, you, you, you!