Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05Tonight on the show, my other car is Brad Sherwood.
00:08It's 11 o'clock, do you know where Wade Brady is?
00:11If you see him rocking, don't come a-knocking,
00:13Colin Mochrie! And honk if you're horny,
00:16Ryan Stiles! And I'm your host, Sue Garrett.
00:19Come on, now let's have some fun!
00:25Hello! Hello, hello!
00:28Hi, welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:31The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:36I never get tired of hearing it either.
00:38If you haven't seen the show before, what happens to these guys
00:40are going to come up and make stuff up for you right off the top of their heads
00:43based on suggestions from these cards here which I've never seen before
00:46and based on suggestions from the audience.
00:48And then at the end of every round I give points.
00:50Who knows why, because the points don't matter.
00:52At the end of the game, I just pick out whoever I like the best
00:54and they get to do a little something with me.
00:58Yeah.
01:01When I say do a little something with me, that's just what I mean.
01:07We're going to start with a game called Let's Make a Date.
01:10This is for all four of you.
01:11Ryan, Colin and Brad are going to be contestants on a dating type show
01:13all hoping to be picked by Wayne.
01:15And we've given you each a strange identity or quirk.
01:17It's written on these cards right here.
01:18They've never seen these cards right here.
01:19They've never seen these cards before.
01:20And Wayne's going to question them and then try to guess who they are
01:24by the end of the round.
01:25So Wayne, whenever you're ready, off you go.
01:33Bachelor number one.
01:34Hello.
01:35I love a man with an effervescent personality.
01:39I like a man who likes to party and get his groove on.
01:42What's your favorite dance and why?
01:44My favorite dance is the samba.
01:46And I can take you to do the samba in beautiful Puerto Vallarta.
01:50That's right.
01:51You and I will stay for two nights and two dazzling days in Puerto Vallarta.
01:54Courtesy of the Shipwood Inn.
01:56Shipwood Inn.
01:57The best place to stay in Puerto Vallarta.
01:59The retail value of this package, $2,562.
02:03Back to you, gorgeous.
02:05Oh.
02:06You make me want to pick door number two.
02:09One for me and one for you.
02:10That's the number two.
02:14Lately, I find myself quite lonely.
02:18I normally take walks in the park.
02:21Where do you like to go when you need some solitude?
02:24Well, I don't go anywhere.
02:26You can find yourself very well.
02:32So glad to know you, number two.
02:34So glad to know you.
02:35Number three.
02:37I love classical music.
02:44I love classical music because it helps me be me.
02:47What do you enjoy doing that lets you be you?
02:51Could you repeat the question?
02:57Could you back up?
02:58Back up?
02:59Back up!
03:00Back up!
03:01Back up!
03:02I'll come back to you, number three.
03:05I'll come back to you, number three.
03:08I'll come back to you, number three.
03:24Bachelor number one.
03:25Bachelor number one.
03:28If I had a superpower, it would be to fly so I could be caressed by the clouds.
03:34You know what I'm saying?
03:35But if you had a superpower, what would it be?
03:38It would be to wrap you in a beautiful fur coat from Monkey & Monkey Fur Coat.
03:42The finest in fur years since 1802.
03:45Beverly Hills, California.
03:47Retail value of this beautiful fluffy cloud fur coat, $16,472.
03:52Back to you, gorgeous.
03:57You made me want to pick a violin.
03:59It's oh.
04:04That's number two.
04:05What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:08What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:09What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:10What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:11What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:12What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:13What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:14What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:15What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:16What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:17What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:18What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:19What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:20What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:21What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:22What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:23What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:24What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:25What kind of restaurant would you take me to?
04:26Okay, Wayne, can you guess who they are?
04:42That's a lot to choose from.
04:43I'm ready to exhale right now.
04:46Bachelor number one is a game show host.
04:50Yes.
04:50Bachelor number two is a circus geek who eats everything.
04:59Well, it says here the, well, he's a circus geek, but on the show he's playing the world's biggest glutton.
05:09And bachelor number three, he's a bird.
05:14Yes, he's a talking chicken who's supposed to be having trouble laying an egg, so, yeah.
05:20A thousand points for Ryan, because I love the way you cluck.
05:36Nobody lays an egg like you do, buddy.
05:40Let's next go on to a game called Duet.
05:42This is for Brad and Wayne, with the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
05:45Laura Hall.
05:50Just come up to the audience here and find a likely candidate.
05:55Hi, how are you?
05:56What's your name?
05:57What's your name?
05:58Dana.
05:58Dana, come on.
05:59What do you do for a living, Dana?
06:01I'm a dental hygienist.
06:05Come here, Dana.
06:07Thank you for coming up.
06:09This is Dana.
06:13She's a dental hygienist.
06:14Look at that smile.
06:15Look at that.
06:16You're going to sing a song to her in the style of a 60s R&B song.
06:21So whenever you're ready, take it away.
06:22Oh, Dana, you're the boss.
06:35I listen to you every day because of flogs.
06:39Listen, girl, love it I got to get.
06:42Why don't you take me to your love sink and let me spit?
06:45Ooh, Dana.
06:46Dana.
06:47Dana.
06:48Dana.
06:48Dana.
06:49Dana.
06:50Dana.
06:50I think that you got lots of glass.
06:56I'd like to take you out with a drink of laughing gas.
06:59Oh, Dana.
07:01Dana.
07:02Dana.
07:03Dana.
07:03Dana.
07:04I never get my fill.
07:06I said, Dana.
07:08Oh, Dana.
07:09Why don't you open your mouth?
07:11Here comes my big drill.
07:13Oh, Dana.
07:14Dana.
07:14Dana.
07:15Dana.
07:16Dana.
07:16Dana.
07:17Dana.
07:19Dana.
07:19Thank you, Dana.
07:28Thank you, Dana.
07:29Stand right here for Dana, everybody.
07:31Dana.
07:32Woo.
07:34Yeah.
07:39Man.
07:392,000 points to Dana.
07:48Saw the big drill, didn't even flinch.
07:53Now, let's go on to a game called News Flash for Ryan, Brad, and Colin.
07:57Ryan, Brad are going to be two news anchors in the studio, and Colin is going to be in the
08:01field as a reporter covering a breaking news story.
08:04The problem is, he's in front of this green screen over here.
08:06He can't see what's behind him, even if he looks right at it, because it's only going
08:09to be green to him.
08:10However, through the magic of television, we'll be able to see what's behind him on these monitors
08:13in our studio, and you'll be able to see what's behind him at home, and he has to guess
08:16what it is.
08:17Ryan and Brad, let's go over to you guys in the studio, see how it goes.
08:20I just colored it around the ears a little bit, a little gray.
08:23I think you look more dignified.
08:24While we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin, Colin, can you hear us?
08:28Colin?
08:29Yes.
08:36Can you believe this?
08:42Colin, for our viewers at home who might not be familiar with this goings-on, could you
08:48please be very descriptive about what you see out there?
08:50Well, apparently it all started over some new pictures of Dr. Ruth on the internet.
08:57And from there, this happened.
09:00And that, and some of this, too.
09:03Colin, do you have any favorites there?
09:06Well, kind of partial to this one.
09:13But I haven't actually been on the scene long enough to build up any kind of rapport.
09:17Now, now, I don't know much about your expertise, but what do you actually call those things?
09:24Well, I call that one Frank.
09:28And, uh, Terry and Jill.
09:31Now, pretend I'm a complete idiot, which isn't very hard.
09:35If you were going to call that by its official name, its technical name, what would you call
09:39that?
09:39Well, of course, the only technical name I know is the Latin one, which is Pucolacus
09:48Malacus.
09:51Looks like more fun than a barrel, eh, Carl?
09:53It's amazing.
09:54And you know what?
09:55They also do a show every Thursday night.
10:00It's amazing to watch, and the drinks are free.
10:03Is that the...
10:03I understand Michael Nesmith's making an appearance in that show.
10:07That's right.
10:07And the rest of the monkeys will be right behind.
10:10Right.
10:12All right, that was great.
10:14Hey, listen, we're going to go see a commercial right now.
10:16We come back.
10:16One more, whose line is it anyway?
10:18Don't go anywhere!
10:26Hey, welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
10:28The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
10:30During the commercial, I got spanked.
10:34I'm sorry you missed it.
10:37Now, let's go on to a game called Film, Theater, and Television Styles.
10:41This is for Ryan and Wayne.
10:42And what's going to happen is they're going to do a scene for you, and they're going to
10:44start out normally, and then I'm going to make them adapt different styles of theater,
10:48television, or movies.
10:49What do you mean for the audience?
10:50This is a suggestion for different styles of television, styles of movies, styles of theater.
10:54Sci-fi.
10:57Western is good.
10:58Sumo wrestling.
11:01That would count as a kind of a theater, I think.
11:04And what?
11:05What?
11:06Porno.
11:06Okay.
11:13Porno, said the woman we'd all like to get to know.
11:17Anybody else?
11:18We need a couple more.
11:19Karate, Shakespeare.
11:22Okay, we've got plenty to start here.
11:24This is supposed to be fine.
11:25What I'm going to do is you're going to start out normally.
11:26I'll bring in the styles in a second.
11:27And the scene is, Wayne is the Birdman of Alcatraz.
11:32Birdman of Alcatraz.
11:34And Ryan is the prison warden who's come to a cell to tell him to get rid of his many
11:38birds.
11:39So go start at normal, and I'll bring in the styles in a second.
11:41Hoo!
11:42Hoo!
11:42Ah!
11:43Ah!
11:43Ah!
11:43Paulie want a cracker.
11:44Daddy loves you.
11:46Eee-hee-hee!
11:48Pfft!
11:50Pfft!
11:51Run!
11:52Run!
11:53Pfft!
11:54Pfft!
11:55Pfft!
11:56Pfft!
11:57Pfft!
11:58Western, you done shot my bird.
12:01Pfft!
12:02Pfft!
12:03Pfft!
12:03Pfft!
12:03Pfft!
12:04Pfft!
12:04Pfft!
12:04Run!
12:05Pfft!
12:05Run!
12:06Pfft!
12:06Pfft!
12:06Pfft!
12:07Pfft!
12:08Pfft!
12:08Pfft!
12:08Pfft!
12:09Pfft!
12:09Pfft!
12:09the one who ate my bird.
12:12Look, they were no good
12:13low-livered lion birds.
12:16I'm letting you out.
12:21Uh, Shakespeare.
12:22Oh, the sunlight
12:24tis that fall upon me, making me
12:25darker than I am now.
12:28If you were a man
12:30who was away from bars,
12:32you would be free.
12:36For I shall never be free,
12:38for to fly upon the wind as a bird
12:40does fly, but the bird cannot fly for the
12:42buckshot in its behind.
12:47Sumo wrestling.
12:48shit she's blackening
12:53I mean
13:10We do don't see video oh
13:23Porno.
13:35Have a seat.
13:37Oh, pizza.
13:45I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.
13:48I dumped oil all over my...
13:53Oh, I'd like to give a million points to our audience,
14:03because they're such a nice audience.
14:04A million points to the audience.
14:11Ryan, it's okay. The points don't matter.
14:15Let's go on to a game that I love to play.
14:17It's called Telethon. We don't see this very often.
14:19It's called Telethon.
14:20Colin and Ryan are going to be the hosts of a Telethon,
14:22and Brad and Wayne will come on
14:24as the entire chorus of celebrities
14:25doing the Telethon help us song
14:27with the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
14:29Laura Hall.
14:34What we need from the audience
14:35is a suggestion of a group of people
14:37you would not normally try to raise money for.
14:40NBA players.
14:41NBA players.
14:48Gosh, my heart bleeds for him.
14:50Okay.
14:51Telethon has raised money for professional basketball players,
14:53and whenever you're ready,
14:54go ahead and start the Telethon.
14:55Hello.
14:56Welcome back to our six
14:58of the professional basketball players Telethon.
15:01That's right.
15:02We've been up for six straight hours.
15:03Let's just go check the Telethon board.
15:13$386 million, ladies and gentlemen.
15:16How can they live on that?
15:17Come on!
15:25I see two phones that are not busy right now.
15:28Let's get those phones ringing.
15:30Let's let a man eat a decent meal.
15:33In a five-star restaurant,
15:36preferably a casino,
15:37with lots of showgirls.
15:39Because to entertain you,
15:41they need entertainment.
15:44People.
15:46Come on.
15:47Colin, a little fact here.
15:50I'm not sure.
15:51Do you know what it costs
15:52to make one size 18 shoe?
15:55No.
15:56No, Ryan.
15:56$350.
15:58And that's for one shoe,
15:59ladies and gentlemen.
16:00One shoe.
16:00One shoe.
16:01Most of these players wear two.
16:03Help them out.
16:07Give them a chance.
16:08Give them a chance at life.
16:10Rodman needs more tattoos.
16:13You were a professional basketball player,
16:15weren't you?
16:15I was for about a week.
16:17I could not make a living on what they paid.
16:23I had to get out.
16:24But a lot of men are stuck in that job.
16:26That's right.
16:26They have families to feed.
16:28Some of these guys have three or four wives.
16:30But they have to keep.
16:33That's right.
16:35People, we're not the only ones worried.
16:37We're not.
16:37We have assembled a great group of talented individuals.
16:42I don't know why we got them all in one place.
16:44It's amazing.
16:45And they're here to sing a song that speaks out to each and every one of you.
16:50Let's get those phones ringing.
16:51Let's keep those phones ringing.
16:53Let's bring out this talent right now.
16:54Please, a big hand.
17:06Well, I don't think that my life will ever be the same.
17:11Because I can no longer watch an NBA game.
17:18My life, son, can't watch them slam dunk.
17:22And it just won't get me the same.
17:28I wish those boys could take it to the hoop.
17:33But every time they get there, there's a legal loop.
17:40All that gear, whoo, I'd be sportin'.
17:44No longer can I watch a, mmm, Michael Jordan.
17:49Oh, come on and give these hoops a chance.
17:57Give these hoops a chance.
17:58Come on, reach into your pockets right in your pants.
18:02Oh, oh, you've got to put your hands together.
18:06I want to thank you all.
18:09And for all of these 60 NBA teams, they play basketball.
18:13And if you want to see the Lock Shack baby play, here in LA, you better hurry on down and give your money away.
18:29Hey, listen.
18:31We're going to go see a commercial when we come back.
18:32We'll find out who the winner is.
18:33I think it's a little something special with me.
18:35Don't go away, more Hoobine right after this.
18:44Welcome back to Hoobine.
18:45Isn't it anyway?
18:46Tonight's winner, Wayne Brady.
18:47Wayne Brady's the winner tonight.
18:53Fabulous.
18:54Come from behind victory.
18:55And because he's the winner, he gets to sit there.
18:57The rest of us are going to be punished by doing a hoedown.
19:00Put the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
19:01Laura Hall, everybody.
19:02What we need from the audience, we need a suggestion of a major life event.
19:12Menopause.
19:15Menopause.
19:16How about a major life event that men can relate to?
19:19Going bald.
19:20Going bald.
19:23Sounds great.
19:25Going bald.
19:27So, Laura Hall, whenever you're ready, let's hear the Going Bald hoedown.
19:32I am losing my hair and it really is a pain.
19:43I find out every morning when I see the shower drain.
19:47But as you can see, it isn't quite for me.
19:51But at least I'm not quite as bald as calling mockery.
19:54I have all my hair and I really am quite happy.
20:17I like putting stuff on my hair.
20:20It makes me look real snappy.
20:21I love to comb my hair.
20:23I never need a breather.
20:25I'm real happy.
20:27I'm not calling mockery either.
20:29People always kid me cause I'm losing all my hair.
20:44I can't really help it that I'm follically impaired.
20:48It really is quite horrible, but my life is not through.
20:51I still get way more sex than either Brad or Drew.
20:55Losing all your hair isn't really that bad of a deal.
21:11A lot of women love just the way it feels.
21:15Just think of it as just a little more face.
21:18And you can rent it out as advertising space.
21:22As advertising space.
21:27Good night, everybody.
21:28Thanks so much.
21:29We'll see you next time.
21:30Bye-bye.
21:31Bye-bye.
22:01Bye-bye.
22:02Bye-bye.
22:03Bye-bye.
22:04Bye-bye.
22:05Bye-bye.
22:06Bye-bye.
22:07Bye-bye.
22:08Bye-bye.
22:09Bye-bye.
22:10Bye-bye.
22:11Bye-bye.
22:12Bye-bye.
22:13Bye-bye.
22:14Bye-bye.
22:15Bye-bye.
22:16Bye-bye.
22:17Bye-bye.
22:18Bye-bye.
22:19Bye-bye.
22:20Bye-bye.
22:21Bye-bye.
22:22Bye-bye.
22:23Bye-bye.
22:24Bye-bye.
22:25Bye-bye.
22:26Bye-bye.
22:27Bye-bye.
22:28Bye-bye.
22:29Bye-bye.