- 2 days ago
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00:00:00And it was a Sunday morning. I was in bed, still asleep. It was early, early in the morning, maybe like 9 or 10 o'clock.
00:00:11And the phone rings. And it's my baby brother using my mom's phone. His name's Isaac. He's 9 years old.
00:00:17So I answer the phone. I'm like, hello?
00:00:19Hello, hello, Trevor?
00:00:21I say, hey, Isaac, what do you want?
00:00:24How are you?
00:00:27I'm fine, thanks.
00:00:28I'm also fine, thank you.
00:00:31I'm fine, thanks. And how are you, Isaac?
00:00:32I'm fine, thanks. And how are you?
00:00:35I'm fine, thank you.
00:00:36It's a pleasure.
00:00:39And Trevor? Are you busy?
00:00:42Yeah, sort of. Why?
00:00:45No, because mom's been shot.
00:00:48I'm sorry, what?
00:00:49Yeah, mom's been shot and we're at the hospital. Can you come?
00:00:52Mom's been shot? What do you mean?
00:00:54Okay, yeah, of course I can come.
00:00:55Okay, which hospital? Tell me that.
00:00:56And he tells me the hospital. I dropped it.
00:00:57Okay, can you come?
00:00:58Like, he's too polite for his own good.
00:01:00He's too, like, can you come?
00:01:03Like, what, I'm going to have to slot shot mom into my schedule?
00:01:05Just fine.
00:01:06Oh, coffee at two and then ish.
00:01:08PlayStation at one.
00:01:09Okay, mom, we'll try.
00:01:11Come on, can I come?
00:01:12Of course I can come.
00:01:12I'm panicking.
00:01:13I jump out of bed.
00:01:14I'm running around.
00:01:15I'm trying to put my clothes on.
00:01:16Some things are backwards.
00:01:17I don't even notice.
00:01:18I don't even care.
00:01:19Grab the car keys, but I'm looking for the car keys.
00:01:21I'm running around there, losing my mind.
00:01:23I jump into the car, into the streets.
00:01:25As soon as I get out the gate, the tears start coming out.
00:01:27You can't even control it.
00:01:28You're just there driving.
00:01:28All of a sudden, it's just...
00:01:30I'm driving.
00:01:37I'm trying to hold it back.
00:01:38I'm trying to hold it.
00:01:38But then I get to the traffic lights.
00:01:39The robot is red, and I just let it out.
00:01:41It just comes out.
00:01:42No, no, don't watch my window.
00:01:49No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:02:03And there I am driving to the hospital like a madman.
00:02:06I get there, jump out the car.
00:02:07My brother's standing there at the emergency section.
00:02:10I see him outside.
00:02:10He's just standing like nothing happened.
00:02:12Looking around.
00:02:12I go, Isaac, Isaac, what happened?
00:02:14He's like, mom, he's coming shut.
00:02:15She's inside.
00:02:16So I'm like, okay, are you okay?
00:02:17He's like, mama shut, not me.
00:02:18no that's not what i'm saying you idiot whatever i'm coming back so i run inside
00:02:23my mom's in the prep area all the doctors are standing around her there's blood everywhere
00:02:26i'm looking at the doctors and just by the way doctors are not as good looking as they are on
00:02:30those tv shows hey no like they set the bar really high because i was shocked i ran i was like what
00:02:34the hell sorry sorry that was inappropriate what's happening here guys they're like sorry you need
00:02:40to leave i said i was sorry come on what's this is what's happening like no sir you can't be here
00:02:43please leave please i'm like whatever okay okay okay so i go outside the nurse comes to me she's
00:02:47like um mr noah said yes yes okay um mr no we've got your wife stabilized right now and i said my wife
00:02:52yes that's mrs noah right yes yes that's my mom oh i'm sorry i thought why would you think she's
00:02:57come on hold hold on you think i would i mean she's cool but i mean like have you seen the girls i
00:03:02should show you the pic oh i'll show you the pictures afterwards what's going on she's like
00:03:05okay mr no um your mom's just been stabilized and we we're gonna have to start thinking about surgery
00:03:09she's been shot in the head and she's been shot in the lower buttocks region um so um this is a
00:03:14very serious thing i'm like yes it is okay so what's happening well we just found out that she
00:03:17doesn't have medical aid so what she's yeah she doesn't have medical aid now my mom always had
00:03:22medical aid always but now it turns out she canceled it a few years ago i didn't know this
00:03:26she canceled it because you never get sick you know those people i just never get sick i never
00:03:30get sick trevor i never ever ever get sick i don't know why i have this i never get sick yes
00:03:33but you didn't think of bullets now she's in the hospital no medical aid so i said to the nurse
00:03:43well what does this mean she says well um mr no it means we're gonna have to put her back in the
00:03:47ambulance and send her to a public hospital so but but she's bleeding now you can't say she says i'm
00:03:51sorry so that's all we can do she has to go to a public hospital now i'm panicking i mean public
00:03:55hospital normally a good place to go normally you know but now what's happening is there's there's
00:04:00just misadministration of funds like money's going missing you don't know what's happening
00:04:05they don't have the right equipment now i'm picturing guys trying to fix my mom there's the
00:04:08doctor give me a scalpel we got a spanner oh okay bring it oh at least it's a shifting okay let's try
00:04:15something i'm stressed so i said well what do we do without medical aid she says well there's nothing
00:04:21sir so what if i give you the money she says well you don't know how much it'll cost so you can't
00:04:24unless you give us your card and then we just work from there so we'll take my card here's my credit
00:04:28card she goes so it can get very expensive i said this is my mom this is my mom use the money go
00:04:33she goes you can tell me it's expensive this is my mother we're talking about you know
00:04:37i realized through all of this i've just neglected my brother he's been standing there the whole time
00:04:41with his big eyes so i'm like hey hey isaac hey hey isaac what's on your mind man are you okay big
00:04:48boy like trevor yes can i come to your house and play playstation later today
00:04:54how are you gonna ask me about playstation your mom has just been shot you can't be asking me
00:04:58about what the hell is wrong with you stupid child you know what you're never gonna play playstation
00:05:01ever again ever no play playstation for you ever in your life ever go away go sit down and think
00:05:05about what you just playstation you're gonna ask me how the hell's gonna ask me about playstation
00:05:07the nurse comes back she goes okay mr no uh we just used 900 rand um for some blood tests i'm
00:05:12like okay why are you telling me this yeah because it's 900 this is my mom use the money go
00:05:15she goes away i'm 900 rand how you gonna tell me about that she comes back again she's like
00:05:18mr no um we need 2000 rand for some x-rays this is my mom not a pair of jeans use the
00:05:22money go she goes away i'm like this my mom's gonna die asking me questions here busy asking
00:05:26me my mom's gonna die my mom's gonna die that's what i'm saying and i say it my brother hears
00:05:30me he starts crying
00:05:31i'm like isaac i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry are you okay are you okay i'm not okay
00:05:40you said i'm never gonna play playstation ever in my life
00:05:44and i play need for speed and now i can't play playstation i'm like you're still crying
00:05:49about play you you you have no right to cry you hear me you shut up stop crying you can't
00:05:52cry about this you shut up now some woman comes out she knows my mom's being shot now she thinks
00:05:56i'm telling my brother not to cry about my mom she just gets involved she's like hey you
00:05:59let him cry okay you let him cry some people express their pain in different ways you let him
00:06:03cry i'm like i will not let him cry lady i will not let him cry many kids grow up without
00:06:07one okay this is none of them that is fine like he should go play in the park or something
00:06:12it's not a time to cry right now what the hell you spoil your kids that's your problem
00:06:15you should take it away from them so that they can learn about life you and you you both shut
00:06:18up all of you shut up i'm telling them this the nurse comes back she goes mr no we're ready
00:06:22for surgery i'm like so do the surgery says yeah but sir um this could get very expensive
00:06:25i see you in surgery i'm like lady what is expensive this is my mother she said well anywhere
00:06:30from like 20 000 20 000 rand this is my mom all the way to like 500 000 rand
00:06:33yeah but she's lived eh i mean she's like what 56 57 i mean it's almost finished i mean you
00:06:57know even she says she's old i mean you know you said the bullets in the head and i mean
00:07:02it's finished yeah because now that might we need to pay for the funeral and we need to
00:07:09buy scones for everybody and this guy needs a playstation so i mean i don't know if she's
00:07:17like so we need to go ahead otherwise we can't do anything i said okay well you know use the
00:07:22card just use the card we'll handle the debts she goes away i'm stressed because i've seen
00:07:28this happen to people go into a hospital you don't have enough money use your credit card next
00:07:32thing you're in debt for years and the person could die yeah person dies and when they die
00:07:37the doctor doesn't give you your money back no no he doesn't yeah because he tried and that's
00:07:42all he has to do you'll get them be like doctor doctor did you win be like
00:07:45and your money's gone
00:07:50that's all i was stressed about but the most amazing thing happened
00:07:56turns out my mother wasn't that badly hurt it was a miracle really the ass bullets didn't do much
00:08:06damage because my family's gifted
00:08:09the head bullets didn't hit anything vital yeah other than the head obviously
00:08:17but it missed her spinal cord missed the nerves didn't touch the brain went right through
00:08:24missed the eye hit the eye socket and so deflected and all it did was it cut a piece of her nostril
00:08:31off just just one side and the bullet went out clean which means she didn't have to go in for
00:08:36intensive surgery and her recovery was only a week yeah a week which was fantastic because that means
00:08:43the bill was only 24 000 rand i mean and she's alive yes but the bill
00:08:49was only 24 000 rand this is great really great because 25 was my cutoff
00:08:55so you laugh but that's how much i've calculated i'm willing to pay my mom back
00:09:01for all the ultramel custard i've consumed in my life
00:09:03everything else none of my business here food clothes schooling all of that stuff i'm not paying
00:09:10i hate it when parents say that to the kids you know how hard i have to work for your bloody school
00:09:13and your clothes i didn't ask to be born that's your job please you handle that i asked for the
00:09:20ultramel we can keep a tab don't involve me in your things that's what i calculate 25 000
00:09:28yeah i would have been there 24 750 i would have been there at the doctor eta eta it's fine my man no
00:09:33stop no no no you try it you try it man it's cool no you try it no just switch off there switch off
00:09:38switch off how much 250 left that will put petrol or something it's fine just switch off there
00:09:42you try it
00:09:44it was fantastic i told my mom about the 25 she laughed she didn't know how serious
00:09:53and to show you what a crazy family we have my mom's in the recovery ward she's got those tubes in
00:10:01her and everything and the iv and you know my brother's in the corner bored out of his mind
00:10:06and my grandmother's in the other corner reading the bible and i'm holding my mom's hand and i'm
00:10:10crying still crying this is a week later i'm still crying i've been crying the whole week but i've
00:10:16also been using this time to cry for other things in my life um no because as a man you need to know
00:10:21when to cry you you loop it all together and you just cry at one time it's like like we cry in bulk
00:10:26you gotta understand you cry uh you don't just cry one one one one uh uh crying bulk
00:10:30so i'm crying for everything
00:10:33and my mom looks at me she goes shh trevor trevor shh don't cry baby i said no mom i'm gonna cry you
00:10:40shot in the head she says no no no no look on the bright side i said what bright side she says no
00:10:45at least now because of my nose you're officially the best looking person in the family
00:10:51i was like oh by default
00:10:54white people love being flabbergasted come on you know exactly what i'm talking about
00:11:01you ever seen when when a white person's having like a bad day something's gone wrong
00:11:06they always do that thing with their face they get flabbergasted he's like
00:11:09white people love being flabbergasted you'll see it in supermarkets all the time there's like a
00:11:25long line right like only one cashier's opened everyone's standing there patiently there'll always
00:11:32be one white person who pops out like
00:11:34why don't they open the other are you serious why don't they are you
00:11:44the only thing white people love more than being flabbergasted is finding another white person to
00:11:50flabbergast with have you seen that yo whenever that happens magic it is absolute magic a white
00:11:58person will be flabbergasting they'll look they'll make eye contact with another white person and then
00:12:02they'll flabbergast together it's like they voltron they're flabbergasting into a super flabbergast
00:12:07you see them look over and it's like oh you see
00:12:10and that's one of the keys to flabbergasting i've learned you have to exhale you have to let it all
00:12:22out life is so hard that the air has to leave your body you can no longer even breathe
00:12:27that's why there's so many tornadoes in the midwest it's just white people flabbergasting
00:12:34we don't celebrate our heroes enough in this country so many of our heroes we we chastise them
00:12:49we bring them down it's jealousy it's hatred
00:12:52heroes that we don't acknowledge greats after nelson mandela we always go nobody else can live up to
00:13:01that yeah but there's small levels of greatness you don't even have to look far for instance
00:13:04our great sign language interpreter
00:13:06tamsang
00:13:12yankees
00:13:14the man who made it all happen
00:13:18he was there
00:13:21at nelson mandela's memorial service
00:13:24a service that the whole world was watching
00:13:27and because of that the service was translated to everyone all over the world
00:13:30translated into all languages including sign language
00:13:33and so yankees was there translating for those who didn't understand
00:13:35unfortunately he also didn't understand sign language
00:13:39which is a small problem a problem that he didn't let stop him people
00:13:44where others see obstacles he saw an opportunity
00:13:48people go he's a con man he's a bloody how could he do something so deceitful
00:13:53yeah you gotta go how could he do something so deceitful
00:13:56that man yankees showed something so he's a role model to the children
00:14:00because he showed that you shouldn't listen to what people say you can
00:14:04or cannot do
00:14:06if you believe in yourself and you work hard enough anything is possible
00:14:13people told him his whole life they're like yankees you can't do sign language
00:14:16he was like we'll see about that
00:14:19bitches
00:14:22and he did it he did sign language for the most powerful people in the world
00:14:28every single one of them yankees was on that stage doing it and doing it well
00:14:33nobody even suspected it nobody
00:14:36people were just like he's doing his thing
00:14:38people ask questions where did he come from did he sneak he didn't sneak in
00:14:40he'd been the official sign language interpreter for the government for the last five years
00:14:43yeah official for the last five years
00:14:45and apparently before this people have complained but obviously the complaints fell on deaf ears so nothing was done about it
00:14:50and so he just carried on
00:14:52and now he was here
00:14:55the biggest event of his life
00:14:57signing for the world signing just making it up
00:15:00in the zone
00:15:01nobody suspected
00:15:02i suspected
00:15:03i suspected though
00:15:04i did no no i did i did
00:15:05let me tell you why let me tell you why
00:15:06no no no let me tell you why
00:15:07not because i know sign language
00:15:09but because i know my president
00:15:11and if there's one thing that's specific
00:15:13is when jacob zuma reads a speech right
00:15:15jacob zuma reads a speech
00:15:16he's a very deliberate man
00:15:18he's very calm
00:15:20very measured
00:15:21takes
00:15:22his
00:15:23time
00:15:27the rhythm is the most important thing
00:15:32and yankees didn't match his rhythm
00:15:34i knew there was something wrong
00:15:36you remember this
00:15:37zuma was there
00:15:38reading mandela's wikipedia page right
00:15:40and while he was reading
00:15:43yankees was doing totally different
00:15:45like the rhythm was wrong
00:15:46the rhythm was wrong
00:15:47zuma was there like
00:15:48and
00:15:49there after
00:15:52nelson mandela
00:15:56went
00:16:06went
00:16:07to
00:16:08robin
00:16:09island
00:16:17for his
00:16:18and
00:16:19the
00:16:20the
00:16:21the
00:16:25the
00:16:27the
00:16:31the
00:16:33the
00:16:35the
00:16:36the rhythm didn't match
00:16:50right
00:16:51Zuma was on page one
00:16:53that guy was on like
00:16:54page 17 or something
00:16:55it didn't match up at all
00:16:57it's almost like Zuma was translating
00:16:58sign language for us
00:16:59that's how slow it looked
00:17:00sorry I haven't practiced guys
00:17:04it didn't match up
00:17:05none of it
00:17:06but Yankees did it
00:17:07he stayed there
00:17:08in the face of adversity
00:17:09and he fought
00:17:09yeah
00:17:11he did sign language for everyone
00:17:13we've got to ask ourselves questions
00:17:14as well as South Africans
00:17:15we don't ask enough questions
00:17:16for instance
00:17:17did nobody think to ask him
00:17:19how he could speak
00:17:19every single language in the world
00:17:21every leader came
00:17:25from countries everywhere
00:17:28they spoke in their language
00:17:31Yankees translated for everyone
00:17:34did nobody stop to ask
00:17:41even for a second
00:17:43the president of Brazil
00:17:44is standing up there
00:17:45Nelson Mandela
00:17:46of us
00:17:47he had a
00:17:48pase of people
00:17:49of the country
00:17:50of us
00:17:50the family
00:17:50of us
00:17:52it was difficult
00:17:52the Chinese
00:17:53of us
00:17:54the Chinese
00:17:54who were there
00:17:54he was there
00:17:56Did no one say, hey Yankees, you can speak Portuguese, I'm in the zone, I'm in the zone, I'm in the zone, I'm in the zone, did nobody think to ask, he did sign language for everyone, the ambassador of China was up there,
00:18:12Yankees was there on the side.
00:18:35He just made it up.
00:18:37He made everything up.
00:18:39And he did a great job at it.
00:18:42He did a great job.
00:18:44But then, like a true South African, he just took it too far.
00:18:50He just, enough wasn't enough, he just, you know, that's our problem in South Africa, that's all it is.
00:18:56We just, we don't know when to stop, we take it too far.
00:18:58You know, the same thing happens with tenders, all of these things.
00:19:01Guys are stealing houses and everything.
00:19:03I go, guys, I understand you want to steal, I understand that, I understand.
00:19:06But if you get a tender to build ten houses, steal one, build nine.
00:19:09At least nine people have houses.
00:19:11Don't steal all the houses.
00:19:13Somebody's going to notice and then you can't steal more houses.
00:19:17But no, we want it all in South Africa.
00:19:19We're taking one step too far.
00:19:20That's what Yankees did.
00:19:21He had done it for everyone.
00:19:22He'd done a great job.
00:19:23The best fake sign language the world had ever seen.
00:19:25He had gotten away with it too.
00:19:26Until Barack Obama came up to speak.
00:19:30This was a speech that was going to be performed by the most powerful man in the free world.
00:19:36Ninety million people watching that speech.
00:19:40This, my friends, is the point where you pack up your little bag of tricks and you call it a day.
00:19:48Not Yankees.
00:19:53If I was Yankees, that's why I would have called it quits.
00:19:56They say, hey Yankees, next one, who is it?
00:19:59Barack Obama, the whole world is watching this one.
00:20:01I know, sorry guys, sorry.
00:20:03Sorry, hey, my fingers are crimping.
00:20:05I've lost my voice, sorry.
00:20:08Oh no, not Yankees.
00:20:13I'm not Yankees.
00:20:14They're like, Barack.
00:20:15He's like, I'm there.
00:20:18And he was.
00:20:20Doing sign language for Barack Obama.
00:20:24And they found out that while he was doing the sign language, he kept on using the same signs over and over again.
00:20:30Right?
00:20:31The few real signs that he actually knew.
00:20:33And apparently all he knew was four things, four things that he kept on doing repeatedly.
00:20:37And those things they asked afterwards, real sign language interpreters, they found that he was doing this.
00:20:42Right?
00:20:43Which means greetings.
00:20:44Yeah?
00:20:45Greetings.
00:20:46He kept on doing that.
00:20:47Another one he loved doing was, circle.
00:20:51Yeah?
00:20:52Yeah?
00:20:53Circle.
00:20:54One of his favorites was, smoking.
00:20:59Yeah?
00:21:00And every now and again, he'd go.
00:21:03That's all he did, over and over again.
00:21:07Can you imagine that?
00:21:09Nelson Mandela's memorial.
00:21:11Barack Obama pouring his heart out.
00:21:13There he is.
00:21:14Barack Hussein Obama.
00:21:16And Yankees.
00:21:18Uh, as Americans, uh, Nelson Mandela's a man on the show that, uh, through, uh, peace, you can free not only the prisoner, but also the guard.
00:21:37Uh, Nelson Mandela's a man.
00:21:40He's beyond a man.
00:21:41He's a legacy.
00:21:42A legacy I could never aspire to be, but we can all look towards.
00:21:46And, uh, for me, Nelson Mandela showed that sometimes in life you gotta go the hard way.
00:21:56You gotta say the things that matter.
00:22:00And always remember to do what counts.
00:22:05I could never be an Nelson Mandela.
00:22:10Can you imagine how horrible it must have been for every single deaf person watching that speech?
00:22:14Imagine what it must have been like, as a deaf person, watching that at home, sitting there.
00:22:17That must have been the craziest thing they've ever seen in their lives.
00:22:19Deaf people just watching, going...
00:22:23Hello?
00:22:24Hello?
00:22:27Hello?
00:22:30What?
00:22:32Why is he talking about smoking?
00:22:36Why is he talking about smoking?
00:22:38Why is he talking about smoking?
00:22:39Talk about Nelson Mandela.
00:22:41No, I'm talking about smoke.
00:22:42Talk about Nelson Mandela.
00:22:43What's wrong?
00:22:44Why is he talking about...
00:22:45What?
00:22:46Hello?
00:22:47Why did he...
00:22:48This is the worst speech.
00:22:49There's something wrong with this guy.
00:22:51Barack has a smoking problem.
00:22:52What the hell?
00:22:53Talk about Mandela.
00:22:54This guy, what's wrong with him?
00:22:56This is the worst speech.
00:22:57I can't listen anymore.
00:22:58This is horrible.
00:22:59This is horrible.
00:23:00Tell me where to finish.
00:23:02I can't do this, man.
00:23:13That speech must have been ridiculous.
00:23:17By the way, that's only the second time I've ever told a joke about deaf people.
00:23:20This is horrible.
00:23:21Ever.
00:23:22Only the second time.
00:23:23Told one joke when I was starting out in comedy and then I stopped.
00:23:25Because I believed you shouldn't make jokes about disabled people.
00:23:28It's the wrong thing to do.
00:23:29It's wrong.
00:23:30And I never did it again until one day my life changed.
00:23:33I got asked to do a show in Sun City.
00:23:38I was asked to do a show.
00:23:40Sasol was organizing a going away party for the South African Paralympic team when they were going out to London.
00:23:46And so they invited me.
00:23:47They said, Trevor, we'd like you to come and do a show to perform for Ama Kroko Kroko.
00:23:52We'd like...
00:23:53Oh, you forgot.
00:23:56You forgot that that's the name we gave our Paralympic team.
00:23:59Not a nickname.
00:24:00That was our official name.
00:24:02We had Ama Kroko Kroko, Bafana Bafana and Ama Kroko Kroko.
00:24:07We called our Paralympic athletes Ama Kroko Kroko.
00:24:11Which means the broken things.
00:24:14A bunch of Kroks.
00:24:17That is the worst thing you can call a disabled person ever.
00:24:22Ama Kroko Kroko.
00:24:24That is what we call...
00:24:26You can't...
00:24:27Ama Kroko...
00:24:28That's probably what Reeva said to Oscar that night.
00:24:29That's the only thing I can think of.
00:24:30Don't you call Ama Kroko Kroko...
00:24:36Ama Kroko Kroko...
00:24:38So anyway, I was doing a show for Ama Kroko Kroko, right?
00:24:42And because I'm there, I did no jokes about disabled people...
00:24:47Or anything that could be seen as offensive.
00:24:48I did nothing like that.
00:24:49And after the show, I was meeting some of the guys.
00:24:51Everything went well.
00:24:52And one of the athletes came up to me.
00:24:54I'll never forget this till the day I died.
00:24:55He came up to me.
00:24:56And he was partially deaf.
00:24:57And he introduced himself.
00:24:58And he was a fan.
00:24:59A great fan.
00:25:00And he was like, hey, Trevor.
00:25:01Trevor.
00:25:02Hey, man.
00:25:03How are you?
00:25:04I said, hey, how are you doing, buddy?
00:25:05How are you?
00:25:06Good to meet you.
00:25:07Good to meet you.
00:25:08I'm a big fan.
00:25:09I said, oh, thank you.
00:25:10Thank you very much.
00:25:11Yeah, dude.
00:25:12I love your snaps.
00:25:13You know what?
00:25:14You have subtitles.
00:25:15Because, you know, sometimes I don't get it.
00:25:16I'm actually, I'm partially deaf.
00:25:18I was like, oh, I didn't even notice.
00:25:20I didn't...
00:25:21Yeah, yeah.
00:25:22Cool, yeah.
00:25:23I didn't even notice.
00:25:24I just thought you had an accent.
00:25:25That's cool, man.
00:25:26Nice to meet you.
00:25:27He said, yeah, yeah.
00:25:28That's cool, man.
00:25:29I didn't have a question, if you don't mind.
00:25:30I said, yeah, go ahead.
00:25:31He said, how come you never tell jokes about deaf people?
00:25:34I said, I'm sorry, what?
00:25:36I don't tell jokes about deaf people.
00:25:38He said, yeah.
00:25:39How come you never tell jokes about deaf people?
00:25:42I said, what do you mean?
00:25:44He said, well, you tell jokes about everyone.
00:25:46Short people, short people, black, white, everyone.
00:25:48But I've never heard you telling jokes about deaf people.
00:25:51Why?
00:25:52Yeah.
00:25:53No, he.
00:25:54most seconds.
00:25:55No, it's late for everyone.
00:25:57And I said, what?
00:25:58What do you want to say?
00:25:59How come I can possibly tell position to deaf people actually?
00:26:00KK, and I tell people to them, you're the person in the room.
00:26:03And you come and ask them like watching their pictures.
00:26:04Their kids are like necessarily to look at cool, isn't there?
00:26:05They say, yes?
00:26:06How come we do it?
00:26:07You probably do things too little?
00:26:09They say, guys.
00:26:10You're the first 6 o'clock in the room, Prince's bill.
00:26:12Who does it?
00:26:13You know you're the same kind?
00:26:15You're the same.
00:26:17I said, I said, you're the three people.
00:26:19How come we?
00:26:20No, like that.
00:26:22I don't know. Like I don't make jokes about deaf people. He's like, yeah, why not?
00:26:26I was like, because I can't do it. I shouldn't make jokes about deaf people because if I did that, then deaf people would be hurt and they would be offended.
00:26:33Why would we be hurt? It's not like we don't know we're deaf.
00:26:41I thought I was protecting you. Protecting us from what? From loving.
00:26:44We also want jokes. We're deaf. Yeah, we know we're different, but we still want the same things.
00:26:49I was like, yeah, but you know what's funny is you say I must make jokes, right?
00:26:51But even if you're cool with it, you know who will complain? People who can hear.
00:26:55Yeah, they'll complain on your behalf because that's what people do. They get offended for other people.
00:26:58They'll be the ones going, oh, Trevor Noah's an asshole. He made jokes about deaf people.
00:27:02So? Why do you care?
00:27:06Because it hurts. It hurts. He's like, dude, you're a comedian, suck it up.
00:27:13It's easy for you. No, dude, just make the joke. If them jokes are funny, people will laugh and then we move on.
00:27:17I was like, yeah, you know what? You say that, but then what do I do if they complain?
00:27:20He's like, dude, if they complain, they complain, okay? You know what? Go do the jokes. Go do the jokes.
00:27:24And then, and then, if they complain, you must do what I do.
00:27:28I was like, what do you mean? He's like, just don't listen.
00:27:34You know, one of the biggest things we don't appreciate in South Africa,
00:27:36I've learned to appreciate it since I moved to the U.S.
00:27:38is what a civil relationship we have with our police.
00:27:45We can fight with our police when they stop us.
00:27:52With not one thought in your head of losing your life.
00:27:54That's a luxury in America. I didn't even think about that.
00:27:58I just moved to the U.S.
00:28:00Just start working on The Daily Show.
00:28:01And one day I was driving and I got pulled over by a policeman, right?
00:28:05And I get pulled over by this policeman.
00:28:08And being pulled over by the police in America is a stressful experience because
00:28:13they make it a game show where you've got to try and figure out what's going on.
00:28:19In South Africa, it's simple, straight to the point.
00:28:21You get pulled over, the metro police comes there, he tells you,
00:28:25my friend, you were speeding.
00:28:30License, letter, letter, letter, license, plus no seatbelt, license.
00:28:35Then immediately you're in the game.
00:28:36Oh, come on, man, come on.
00:28:37Yeah, don't come on, nothing here, seatbelt, wear now.
00:28:40Let it license, let it license.
00:28:42Busy driving here, shoemaker, yeah?
00:28:44Yeah, now you're in the game.
00:28:47You know, it's time to talk.
00:28:48It's time to work things out.
00:28:50In America, they don't play that game.
00:28:52Policeman walked up to my window.
00:28:53I was sitting in the car, got up there.
00:28:57Good afternoon, sir.
00:28:59Good afternoon.
00:29:01Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?
00:29:04Shouldn't you know why?
00:29:09Why are you asking me?
00:29:10No, I don't know.
00:29:12Sorry, what did you say?
00:29:13I said, I don't know why you pulled me over.
00:29:16I pulled you over, sir, because you were speeding.
00:29:18Oh, okay, I didn't know.
00:29:20Do you know how fast you were going, sir?
00:29:23Did you not check your notes before you came?
00:29:26I feel like this is part of your,
00:29:28now I'm doing your job and my job at the same time.
00:29:31Sir, are you giving me attitude?
00:29:33No, I'm not giving you attitude.
00:29:34I'm just saying you can't ask me why you stopped me
00:29:36and then ask me how fast I was going.
00:29:38Next thing you're going to ask me to write my own tickets.
00:29:40Sir, are you giving me attitude?
00:29:41You're going to get out of this car right now.
00:29:43Sir, are you giving me attitude?
00:29:44And I was just talking to the guy because I was like,
00:29:45look, man, you can't, you can't say,
00:29:46here's the craziest thing the cop said to me.
00:29:48He looked at me and he's like,
00:29:49sir, I'll tell you something.
00:29:49You were going a hundred miles an hour.
00:29:51And I was like, a hundred miles an hour.
00:29:52He's like, I was like, how did you know that?
00:29:53Where's your, can I see the thing?
00:29:57He's like, what are you, what are you talking about?
00:29:58I was like, show me your, show me your, your gun.
00:30:00And he's like, I got no, not that one.
00:30:02Whoa, I want to see the laser gun.
00:30:04Show me the speed.
00:30:05He's like, I don't, I don't, I don't need that, sir.
00:30:06I estimated that you were going a hundred miles.
00:30:08I was like, estimated.
00:30:11What does a hundred look like?
00:30:12You can't just estimate a hundred.
00:30:14So he's just going to look.
00:30:15He's like, I can do that.
00:30:16Okay.
00:30:16I can look and estimate.
00:30:17I'm like, dude, that's a dangerous thing to do.
00:30:19So you just look and then you go,
00:30:19that guy's going a hundred.
00:30:20You can't just estimate.
00:30:21Imagine if I just do that with you,
00:30:23where I'm like, estimate standard seven.
00:30:24Plano.
00:30:25Eh?
00:30:27Can't just do that.
00:30:29I'm sorry, sir.
00:30:29What did you just say to me?
00:30:30I didn't, I didn't say any.
00:30:31I'm, look, I'm just saying that it's not fair for you to ask.
00:30:34Like, it's a weird experience with police over there.
00:30:36And my friend was in the passenger seat.
00:30:38He was shitting himself the whole time.
00:30:40He was just like, yo dude, shut up.
00:30:41Yo dude, shut up.
00:30:43Shut up, Trevor.
00:30:43Shut up, Trevor.
00:30:44You're going to get us killed.
00:30:45Shut up, Trevor.
00:30:46I was like, what do you mean, get us killed for what?
00:30:47Oh, why are we getting killed now?
00:30:49He's like, shut up, Trevor.
00:30:50Shut up, Trevor.
00:30:51I take that for granted.
00:30:52Because in America, you could get shots.
00:30:55You know, and you read stories and you see stories of
00:30:57black Americans getting shots.
00:30:58And that is true.
00:30:59They get shot at a disproportional rate.
00:31:00But white Americans also get shot by the police all the time.
00:31:02White police in America, police in general in America,
00:31:06are trigger happy.
00:31:07They don't play games.
00:31:08All racism is just police as a whole.
00:31:10Shoot first, ask questions later.
00:31:12There they are.
00:31:13You, freeze.
00:31:18Did I get that order right?
00:31:23We take for granted the relationship we have here.
00:31:26In America, you read stories of people getting shot
00:31:29because they pulled out their wallets.
00:31:32In South Africa, you'll get shot because you didn't pull out your wallets.
00:31:40We're always talking.
00:31:42That's my favorite thing about South African police.
00:31:45Is that you feel like you're part of what's happening.
00:31:49Pull over.
00:31:49The cop comes there.
00:31:50How are you, sir?
00:31:52I'm fine.
00:31:53I'm fine.
00:31:53How are you?
00:31:53Yeah, I'm fine.
00:31:55I'm fine.
00:31:55I'm fine.
00:31:55I'm fine.
00:31:56I'm fine.
00:31:56I don't know if you saw here.
00:31:58Let me just show you.
00:31:59Let me just.
00:31:59Can you see here?
00:32:00Check the numbers.
00:32:02Check the numbers.
00:32:03See that one there?
00:32:04Top score.
00:32:05Top score.
00:32:07Yeah?
00:32:07See there?
00:32:08Top score, eh?
00:32:10See that number there, eh?
00:32:11Yeah.
00:32:12What does that number say?
00:32:13Then you're like, it says 160.
00:32:14160.
00:32:18Yeah?
00:32:19If it was Pac-Man, you have an extra life now, eh?
00:32:22Yeah?
00:32:24160.
00:32:26So, what are we doing now?
00:32:31Malume.
00:32:32Yeah.
00:32:33Yeah.
00:32:33What are we doing now?
00:32:34Ah, Malume.
00:32:35Hey, yeah.
00:32:36I know, my man.
00:32:37I know.
00:32:38They feel your pain.
00:32:40We're in this together.
00:32:43I almost feel like we need to send South African police.
00:32:47We need to send South African police to America.
00:32:49Just so that Americans can learn what it's like to have a functional police force
00:32:54that's not always threatening to end your life.
00:32:56You know?
00:32:58A police force where you can communicate.
00:32:59Where you can air your differences without fear of mortal retribution.
00:33:07Wouldn't that be great to have Americans in sticky situations?
00:33:10There they are at a standoff.
00:33:13The police pull up.
00:33:15Whoo!
00:33:16Whoo!
00:33:16All right, we're going to hand you over.
00:33:20We've got a Sergeant Matabula here.
00:33:23He's a specialist from South Africa.
00:33:25We're going to hand you over.
00:33:26Hello?
00:33:31Hello, sir.
00:33:31How are you?
00:33:34Man, I ain't coming out.
00:33:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:33:37I'm greeting you.
00:33:39I said, how are you?
00:33:42Don't just shout here.
00:33:43We are talking.
00:33:44How are you?
00:33:45I'm fine, man.
00:33:48Thank you very much for asking.
00:33:50How are you?
00:33:51I'm doing good.
00:33:52Thank you very much.
00:33:54Okay, what's going on here, my brother?
00:33:57Look, man.
00:33:58That shit y'all trying to pin on me, it ain't true, man.
00:34:01I'm innocent.
00:34:01Okay?
00:34:03So just come out and we can talk.
00:34:06Nah, man.
00:34:06I know how this shit goes down.
00:34:08Y'all going to kill me or I'm going to spend the worst of my life in jail.
00:34:12That's not true.
00:34:13That's not true.
00:34:14Just come out, we can talk.
00:34:16I know what y'all going to do, man.
00:34:18I got two options.
00:34:19I'm going to die or I'm going to spend my life in jail.
00:34:22There's another option.
00:34:27It involves a good drink.
00:34:36It doesn't have to be this way.
00:34:43I just got back from Atlanta.
00:34:46It was 107 degrees Fahrenheit.
00:34:50Yeah, hot as well.
00:34:51The worst thing is everyone comes up to me and they go,
00:34:53well, you must be used to this being from Africa.
00:34:55And no, I'm not.
00:34:57I'm from Africa, but that shit is hot.
00:34:59That was just, no.
00:35:02I was scared to go jogging because I thought if I ran out in the street and fainted,
00:35:06wouldn't the local news love that?
00:35:08I'd be running and I'd fall down in the heat.
00:35:10They would have their vans reporting live.
00:35:12They'd be standing there going, so hot in Atlanta, even Africans are fainting.
00:35:20So I'm enjoying this.
00:35:23Really happy to be here, you know.
00:35:25This is going to be good for us, I hope.
00:35:27I say I hope because I never know with stand-up comedy.
00:35:29It's just, you know, it's an awkward experience, I find.
00:35:33I'm always nervous.
00:35:34I find comedy is very similar to sex for me.
00:35:39Well, it's exactly like sex when you think about it.
00:35:41With me, the comedian, playing the role of the man.
00:35:44And you, the audience, the role of the woman.
00:35:48Because it's my job to satisfy you.
00:35:52And you just have to sit there.
00:35:53And then, just like sex, my success or failure will somehow be determined by how much noise you make during my performance.
00:36:09Which makes it a one-sided affair, I feel, you know.
00:36:15Yeah, I mean, maybe you're the quiet type.
00:36:19I hope we have magic tonight.
00:36:21I hope we create something wonderful.
00:36:23I mean, for many of us, it's our first time together.
00:36:25And that means it might be awkward, I understand this.
00:36:27And if that's the case, I want you to know that I'll look into your eyes, I'll see that I'm freaking you out, and I'll stop.
00:36:33I'll stop, and I'll flip you back over, and we'll go back to the simple stuff.
00:36:38I've been in America for a few months now, and I'm really just thrown by the place.
00:36:50It's not what I expected at all.
00:36:52Different from the brochures and the pamphlets.
00:36:55There's many assumptions I had about America before I came here, and I've come to learn that those were wrong.
00:37:00For one, I just assumed people spoke English here.
00:37:05It's far from it.
00:37:07It's not, you know what?
00:37:08It's not so much the language, so much of the pronunciation of words that throws me off.
00:37:11It's just what Americans have done with the language.
00:37:13You guys have just, wow, you've just, you've done something.
00:37:16You've put 22s on the English language.
00:37:18You've got rims that just pimp my language.
00:37:20That's what you've gone with, you know?
00:37:22I don't understand.
00:37:23I was chatting to this woman downtown the other day.
00:37:25She came up to me, and she wanted me to see something.
00:37:27I don't know what, though.
00:37:28She was like, oh my God, look over there.
00:37:33I said, look over what?
00:37:34She's like, over there.
00:37:35Look at that, her.
00:37:37And I said, her?
00:37:38She's like, no, her, her.
00:37:41There's two of them?
00:37:43I understand nothing.
00:37:47Even the small words, just the pronunciation.
00:37:49You know, small things that get you by.
00:37:52For instance, I pronounce the opposite of uncle as aunt.
00:37:55I say my aunt.
00:37:57Out here, you say my aunt, which to me is an insect.
00:38:03Which made me look like an ass when my friend told me his aunt died.
00:38:08And I was like, so what?
00:38:13There's tons of those out there.
00:38:17What a great way to end a friendship.
00:38:20I couldn't get help the other day when searching for a battery for my remote control.
00:38:24Because that's what I say.
00:38:25Battery.
00:38:26A small form of power.
00:38:28So in America, you say battery.
00:38:31Which to me is a different form of power.
00:38:35Sponsored by Chris Brown.
00:38:37And you know what I understand.
00:38:47We live on different sides of the globe.
00:38:49So it's fine.
00:38:49The language will evolve.
00:38:50This is something I've come to understand.
00:38:51But I hope I change one thing in your hearts forever.
00:38:54Just one thing.
00:38:55And that is that animal in the wild that looks like a horse.
00:38:59It has black and white stripes.
00:39:01Yeah, do me a favor.
00:39:02From now on, please, it's not zebra.
00:39:04Okay, it's zebra.
00:39:10Just like it's not Debra, it's Deborah.
00:39:13Same structure of word.
00:39:15Plus, you cannot name them because you do not have them.
00:39:20Zebra.
00:39:23It's madness.
00:39:24Everything out here is different.
00:39:25Do you know how hard it is to learn when you come out here?
00:39:27You have to change everything.
00:39:28There's a measurement system, which is just, I mean, America, you guys have your own thing.
00:39:31The imperial system, you know.
00:39:33On my side of the world, we use the metric system.
00:39:35And by my side, I mean the rest of the world, you know.
00:39:39We have the metric system, which is, amongst other things, very efficient.
00:39:42It's a very simple process.
00:39:43You know, everything goes into each other.
00:39:45And out here, you have imperial, which is fine.
00:39:46I mean, I won't judge you.
00:39:47If you want to be imaginary, that's up to you.
00:39:49But I just feel like there's some consistency that's needed.
00:39:53Small things.
00:39:53Like, for instance, when we abbreviate our small measurement, milligrams, we use MG.
00:39:59Milligrams.
00:40:00MG.
00:40:01Milligrams.
00:40:02And you guys have ounces, ounces, which you then abbreviate OZ.
00:40:09There's no Z in the word.
00:40:12Ounces.
00:40:14I don't know.
00:40:16That's pale in comparison to what you've done with pounds.
00:40:19That, for me, please explain to me how the abbreviation for pounds became LBS.
00:40:25LB pounds.
00:40:29I look like the idiot walking into the store going, could I please have the two labs bag of sugar?
00:40:35Guy was like, you mean pounds?
00:40:36I said, I don't see the P.
00:40:37No, I don't.
00:40:40Well, it means pounds.
00:40:41It's not LBS.
00:40:42A lot of bullshit.
00:40:43That's what it stands for.
00:40:47This is horrible.
00:40:55In fact, it's crazy.
00:40:57You do realize the imperial system is so inefficient
00:41:00that even American drug dealers have switched over to metric.
00:41:03Even drug dealers got to the point where they said,
00:41:06we need some order.
00:41:07We're going with metric.
00:41:11And I thought, I honestly thought this was an anomaly.
00:41:13I thought, you know what?
00:41:14This is just one of those things.
00:41:15It's a coincidence.
00:41:16But it's not.
00:41:16Americans do not care about abbreviation nor the English language.
00:41:19They just, they don't give a damn.
00:41:21I learned this in the small things.
00:41:23Like, for instance, when I was in Tennessee,
00:41:25I stumbled on an organization known as the Ku Klux Klan.
00:41:30You heard of them?
00:41:32Worst magic show ever.
00:41:37Guy gave me a pamphlet.
00:41:38He's like, come and see the Grand Wizard.
00:41:39Grand Wizard!
00:41:40The Grand Wizard!
00:41:41Didn't do one trick!
00:41:43Not even one trick.
00:41:44I mean, I noticed a few black people disappear,
00:41:46but I mean, that's not magic.
00:41:49You know, that's just Reaganomics.
00:41:50I wasn't impressed by that.
00:41:53Like, where's the magic?
00:41:53I sat there forever.
00:41:54These guys running around in their sheets.
00:41:58The KKK, as they're affectionately known.
00:42:01Has nobody bothered to tell them ever that you do not spell Klan with a K?
00:42:05Nobody, nobody stopped.
00:42:06Even in America, Klan is spelt with a C.
00:42:10The Ku Klux Klan.
00:42:11They're the KKC, not the KKK.
00:42:14You realize that?
00:42:15Ku Klux Klan, the C.
00:42:17In fact, the name is wrong.
00:42:18The whole thing, the Ku Klux parts of it.
00:42:20That's just horrible, because they got that, as you know, from ancient Greece.
00:42:24It was Ku Klux Alpheon, meaning a circle of brothers.
00:42:27And that's how they got their name.
00:42:28They called themselves a Greek circle of brothers, which is wrong for two reasons.
00:42:33One, if your sole purpose as an organization is to hate black people, don't you find it strange
00:42:40that you've now named yourself the circle of brothers?
00:42:43And secondly, do they realize that in ancient Greece, circles of brothers were doing very different things
00:43:01with one another?
00:43:03Very loving, very, you know?
00:43:04Yeah.
00:43:06If they were really a Greek circle, the sheets would be a bit higher up, you know?
00:43:09Just more of a, yeah, maybe one more hole.
00:43:12They're not a...
00:43:14The newspapers say that.
00:43:15He's famous, so now people treat you like you're famous.
00:43:17They start saying weird things to you.
00:43:18Strangest things people would say to me, Trevor!
00:43:20Trevor!
00:43:21Well done on everything, eh?
00:43:22Congrats, congrats.
00:43:24But, uh, you know, even though you're going to America, don't forget us, all right?
00:43:28Don't you forget us?
00:43:30I don't even know who you are.
00:43:34People would say the weirdest things to me.
00:43:35You know, the number one thing people have said to me, number one thing?
00:43:38It's not good luck, it's, uh, hey, Trevor, uh, good luck over there.
00:43:41But whatever you do, don't forget your accent, all right?
00:43:45Yeah, please, eh?
00:43:46Don't pull a Charlize on us, okay?
00:43:48You keep your accent, man.
00:43:49Make us proud.
00:43:52Everyone said that.
00:43:53Trevor, brah!
00:43:53Eh, Trevor Noah!
00:43:55Eh, Massa Khan!
00:43:56Hey, man, you're making us proud, no?
00:43:58Yeah, man, you're doing big things, but I can ask you a favor, no?
00:44:01Don't lose your accent, no?
00:44:03Don't lose your accent.
00:44:04Yeah, when you come back from the States, you might not come back talking funny, okay?
00:44:08Please, brother.
00:44:08If you lose your accent, don't come back.
00:44:13Did you just threaten me?
00:44:16What does that mean, if you lose your accent?
00:44:18How do you lose your accent?
00:44:20People make it sound like you're going to be walking down the street,
00:44:22and then just out of the blue, you'll be like, huh?
00:44:27My accent!
00:44:30I lost my accent!
00:44:31Why the hell is my own?
00:44:35Well, hello.
00:44:36No, that's not my accent!
00:44:37That's my...
00:44:39How are you going to lose your accent?
00:44:44I was stressed now.
00:44:46Because I don't want South Africans to think I'm not South African.
00:44:49I don't want them to think I've forgotten something.
00:44:50This is my home.
00:44:51Now I'm stressed coming home.
00:44:53I'm in the plane flying back to Johannesburg, and the whole time I'm just thinking,
00:44:57don't lose your accent, Trevor.
00:44:58Don't lose your accent, don't lose your accent, accent, don't accent.
00:45:02Is that how I say accent?
00:45:03Accent, accent, accent, accent, accent, accent, accent, accent, accent, accent, accent.
00:45:11By the time I landed at OR Temple, I was losing my mind.
00:45:14I walked in arrivals, the woman was there at customs,
00:45:17welcome back to South Africa, sir.
00:45:18I was like, yes, I'm back.
00:45:22Same old Trevor.
00:45:24Nothing changed.
00:45:25You're crazy.
00:45:29Because I love accents.
00:45:30I really do.
00:45:31I love accents.
00:45:31I like learning languages, and so obviously accents are a byproduct of that.
00:45:35I've learned over time that even if you can't learn a language,
00:45:38an accent is a great way to communicate with somebody in your own language
00:45:41whilst trying to bridge the gap.
00:45:42You learn somebody's accent, you communicate more effectively.
00:45:45The thing is though, you have to learn the accent in the right way.
00:45:48If you're going to speak to someone in their accent and you do it in the wrong way,
00:45:51you might come across as racist.
00:45:53You've got to be very careful about this.
00:45:55White people in South Africa often fall into this trap.
00:45:58Yeah.
00:45:59It happens at petrol stations quite a bit.
00:46:03See people driving in with their friends, talking normally, sitting in the car.
00:46:07Oh, you know, so I mean, if we get all the numbers together,
00:46:09marketing should be behind this.
00:46:10It should be a breeze.
00:46:11You know, HR has stepped up and it's going to be,
00:46:13it's going to be a great year.
00:46:14And look, we, we try and make sure that it, oh, I'm sorry.
00:46:16Hold on.
00:46:18Hello, Baba.
00:46:21Hey, sharp, sharp man.
00:46:23Please put Lapo full tanky, eh?
00:46:2695, unleaded, yeah.
00:46:29Also check our tires, eh?
00:46:32Pressure, pumpy, pumpy, not too much, eh?
00:46:342.2, okay?
00:46:36Yeah, good jobby, yeah.
00:46:38Sharp, sharp, danki boss.
00:46:40Don't, don't do that.
00:46:48He's a grown man.
00:46:49He's being poured petrol his entire life.
00:46:52He knows what you need.
00:46:54Just talk to him like a normal human being.
00:46:57That's the thing people don't understand.
00:46:58Speak to him like a normal human being.
00:47:00I used to get so angry.
00:47:01Whenever I'd see white people changing their accent
00:47:03when they talk to black people, I get so angry.
00:47:05I was like, are all white people racist?
00:47:07Is that what it is?
00:47:08All racist though.
00:47:09And then I learned, I learned.
00:47:10Life taught me not to be so quick to judge.
00:47:13Yeah, I learned a valuable lesson.
00:47:14I was driving to Gold Reef City one day
00:47:16into the backstage area.
00:47:18The security guard came out to the boom
00:47:19and he was like, hey, how are you, says?
00:47:21Your name on the list?
00:47:22I said, yes, how are you, Baba?
00:47:23My name is Trevor.
00:47:24He's like, okay, Chabal, Chabal, Chabal, Chabal.
00:47:27I said, no, no, no, no, Trevor.
00:47:28He's like, oh, sorry.
00:47:29Chabal, Chabal, Chabal, Chabal, Chabal.
00:47:33I said, no, Trevor, Chabal, Trevor,
00:47:37Chabal, Chabal, Chabal, Chabal.
00:47:40Clever, Bunch of Chabal, Trevor,
00:47:52and now my friend who was irritated,
00:47:54Travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel.
00:47:59And now my friend who was irritated, he just leans over me and he's like,
00:48:01Hey, Papa, get Trevor.
00:48:04He's like, Oh, Trevor.
00:48:08Why you don't talk properly?
00:48:14And then I understood, I understood.
00:48:16I finally understood what white people have been trying to do.
00:48:19I see you're trying to communicate more effectively.
00:48:21You're trying to engage somebody.
00:48:22But understand this, understand this.
00:48:24When speaking to somebody in an accent, the number one rule to understand is an accent is not a measurement of intelligence.
00:48:30An accent is just somebody speaking your language with the rules of theirs.
00:48:34That's all an accent is.
00:48:35So don't speak down to them.
00:48:37Don't patronize them.
00:48:38Speak to them the way you would to yourself.
00:48:40Just try and learn their accent.
00:48:41That's all it is.
00:48:42It's just another accent.
00:48:43And I learn them.
00:48:44I learn them.
00:48:44I spend all my time learning accents.
00:48:46I try.
00:48:48I try.
00:48:49I love it.
00:48:51I learn in restaurants.
00:48:52That's a safe place to start.
00:48:53You know, you learn.
00:48:54You read off the menu.
00:48:54You try and pronounce the words correctly.
00:48:57I was inspired by French restaurants, funnily enough.
00:49:00Whenever I'd go to a French restaurant, I was always fascinated by the fact that people would order food in a French accent.
00:49:06I never understood why.
00:49:07Because they don't do it in any other restaurants.
00:49:09Only in French restaurants do people walk in and then change their accent when they order.
00:49:14And they come in talking normally.
00:49:15Yeah, you know, it's a wonderful place.
00:49:16You're really going to enjoy it.
00:49:17It's so beautiful.
00:49:18Yeah, stunning.
00:49:19You have to have other desserts.
00:49:20Oh, good evening.
00:49:20How are you, sir?
00:49:21Yes, we'll have a bottle of water for the table, please.
00:49:23And let's start off with, could we get the Sauvignon Blanc, please?
00:49:28Yes.
00:49:28And you know, we definitely from Maine is going to have the Filet Mignon.
00:49:31And for dessert, we're going to go with the Crème Brûlée.
00:49:36Thank you very much.
00:49:38Oh, you're going to love it.
00:49:39Why are you doing that?
00:49:40I never understood.
00:49:41I was like, why?
00:49:42Because it's not like the French are going to return the favor.
00:49:45There's no French people sitting in our restaurants in South Africa looking at the menu like,
00:49:48So for the table, we can order some starter portion.
00:49:55We share something.
00:49:56No?
00:49:57Okay.
00:49:57Could we please have one serving of the boule of horse?
00:50:09That's not going to happen.
00:50:12I'll never forget.
00:50:13I met an American in South Africa.
00:50:15And he said to me, he said, well, you know, Trevor, it's funny you say that because if you come out to America,
00:50:19they'll label you as black.
00:50:22I said, really?
00:50:23And he was like, hell yeah.
00:50:27Oh, yeah, everybody's black out there.
00:50:30I was like, wow.
00:50:32Well, I want to be black.
00:50:34And I found out it's true.
00:50:36Mixed race people are categorized as black in America.
00:50:40Yeah.
00:50:40The only catch is, and nobody tells you this, you have to be liked and successful first.
00:50:46Before then, they say you mixed.
00:50:48You achieve success and you get upgraded to black.
00:50:50All the famous mixed people do it.
00:50:53Singers like Alicia Keys and Mariah Carey.
00:50:55Yeah?
00:50:56Mixed.
00:50:56But then they say black singers.
00:50:59Sportsmen like Tiger Woods.
00:51:01Mixed.
00:51:02But then they say black golfer.
00:51:04Most famous mixed person on the planet by far, Barack Obama.
00:51:07Mixed.
00:51:07Half and half.
00:51:08Straight down the middle.
00:51:09But then they say America's first black president.
00:51:12Which is interesting because when he was running, they called him the mixed candidate.
00:51:18I see how it works.
00:51:19Everyone makes it obvious now.
00:51:20They're like, yeah, yeah, Barack.
00:51:20Of course he won.
00:51:21Of course.
00:51:21It wasn't that obvious when he started.
00:51:23It wasn't.
00:51:24I remember comedians coming out.
00:51:25They used to diss him.
00:51:26Guys would come out on stage and be like, man, how many of y'all seen that crazy ass mixed
00:51:29fool running for president?
00:51:31Y'all seen that mixed fool running for president?
00:51:33What you gonna see?
00:51:33Ain't no mixed fool gonna be president of the United States of America.
00:51:37Ain't no man.
00:51:37Man, which white people gonna be voting for a mixed fool?
00:51:39Even a black man can't win shit.
00:51:42Even a black man can't.
00:51:43How some mixed fool think he gonna do without?
00:51:45Man, that mixed fool, that crazy ass mixed fool.
00:51:47How some mixed fool, that mixed fool.
00:51:48And then he won.
00:51:49And all of a sudden they were like, my nigga.
00:51:52So.
00:52:02So I see how it works.
00:52:04You know?
00:52:04I understand.
00:52:05In order for me to become black, I have to work hard at it.
00:52:08And I'm willing to do the time.
00:52:10Yeah.
00:52:13I took the first opportunity I could.
00:52:17Bought myself a plane ticket from South Africa and I said, I'm going out to America.
00:52:20I'm going there and I'm going to be black.
00:52:24And I got on that plane.
00:52:25It was an 18-hour flight.
00:52:2718 hours of non-stop flying.
00:52:29And I sat there in my chair and I spent every moment practicing being black.
00:52:34Just practicing.
00:52:35I was like, I'm not going to mess up this black-o-tunity.
00:52:39I just sat there, just working through everything.
00:52:42I was watching every black movie and TV show, just going through it.
00:52:45Yeah, yeah.
00:52:46Yeah.
00:52:47Yeah.
00:52:48You know what I mean?
00:52:49You know what I mean?
00:52:50Yeah.
00:52:52Yeah.
00:52:53King Kong ain't got shit on me.
00:52:54What you talking about, Willis?
00:52:59I was just grinding.
00:53:02You laugh.
00:53:03But 18 hours of flying and I landed in JFK and I was fluent in my black American.
00:53:08For shizzle my nizzle.
00:53:09I was just walking around.
00:53:12I was so black.
00:53:12I was even laughing.
00:53:13I was like, ha, ha, ha.
00:53:16Ha, ha.
00:53:17Yeah.
00:53:19My man.
00:53:20Ha, ha.
00:53:21Should have seen me.
00:53:22I was like, oh, this you?
00:53:23This you?
00:53:24That has to be the personification of cool, in my opinion.
00:53:27There's nothing cooler.
00:53:28Black Americans are so cool, they can make you feel good about yourself just by asking
00:53:33if you are you.
00:53:35You don't believe me.
00:53:36Get a black American man to come up to you and just be like, hey, yo, hey, yo.
00:53:39This you?
00:53:41Nah, nah.
00:53:41This you?
00:53:42This you?
00:53:43This you?
00:53:43And you'll be like, I think it is.
00:53:52It's magic.
00:53:55I was that black.
00:53:57Not just any black, but the coolest black in the world.
00:54:00And that's American black.
00:54:02I can say this with confidence, being from Africa.
00:54:04I know black.
00:54:05I'm well versed in the arts of black.
00:54:06I'm from the black factory.
00:54:09I mean it.
00:54:10I've seen every kind of black.
00:54:11From light black all the way to like navy blue black.
00:54:13I know.
00:54:14I know black.
00:54:16And there's no cooler black than American black.
00:54:18Nothing cooler, you know?
00:54:20Because American black people, I mean, you just look at how much they've done to influence
00:54:24modern day pop culture, you know?
00:54:26Small things and the big alike.
00:54:28You look at the music.
00:54:30You've got, you know, jazz, hip hop, R&B, all black Americans, style of clothing, you know?
00:54:35Just this general swag that they've brought to everything.
00:54:39Even small things like walking.
00:54:40I mean, walking is such a mundane activity, isn't it?
00:54:43It's just a very, it's just very.
00:54:45There's nothing cool about this thing.
00:54:46You just move from one place to the next and pretty much everybody can do it.
00:54:50This is it.
00:54:52There's nothing.
00:54:52And then black Americans came along and then they just added in that bounce.
00:54:56And then, and all of a sudden, you look really cool.
00:55:00You just, you know?
00:55:00You look like you have a purpose.
00:55:02You've just got that.
00:55:03Yeah, look at this.
00:55:04You're super cool.
00:55:05And it must be hard for an assassin to kill you.
00:55:07Just like.
00:55:10That's why if you look in American history, no black man was ever assassinated whilst walking.
00:55:14Ever.
00:55:15So it was when they stopped and said something.
00:55:17Bang!
00:55:18That's when they were, because they got to walk.
00:55:19That's why if you look, Obama, every time he comes out of the jets or makes a speech,
00:55:23he's always just got that little bounce just before.
00:55:24Because in his head, he's like, you never know.
00:55:27You never know.
00:55:28You never know.
00:55:30You never know.
00:55:31You never know.
00:55:33It's got to walk.
00:55:36It's a cool walk.
00:55:38And by far, the coolest thing of all, coolest thing of all is the talk.
00:55:43I've listened to black Americans and it's the most amazing use of the English language I've
00:55:47ever come across in my life.
00:55:49Because they pay no regard to punctuation whatsoever.
00:55:52But it's cruised through sentences.
00:55:55It's fantastic.
00:55:57First time I had a conversation with a black American man was in Baltimore, Maryland.
00:56:01This guy walked up to me after the show.
00:56:03He didn't even walk.
00:56:03He just floated in.
00:56:06Just came up to me.
00:56:07He's like, hey, yo, baby.
00:56:08Hey, yo.
00:56:09Hey, yo.
00:56:10Yo, let me holler at you for a minute, man.
00:56:11Let me holler at you.
00:56:13I said, okay.
00:56:15He's like, man, I ain't even gonna front, man.
00:56:17I ain't gonna front.
00:56:17I came out here, dude.
00:56:19I ain't even know who you was, man.
00:56:20I ain't even know.
00:56:21As I hear the show, I bought my girl.
00:56:23We was out there.
00:56:24You came out there.
00:56:25You were doing your thing.
00:56:26I was like, yo, man.
00:56:27I ain't even know they got them yellow bones out there in the motherland, man.
00:56:30I was like, yo, this kid better be funny, man.
00:56:32But I ain't gonna lie.
00:56:33You came out there.
00:56:34You was keeping it coming, keeping it moving.
00:56:35You was just beast.
00:56:36And I was like, all right, man.
00:56:37Maybe this kid is the truth, yeah?
00:56:39This kid was doing his thing.
00:56:40He was keeping it out there.
00:56:41I started laughing.
00:56:42My girl was killing herself.
00:56:43I was like, all right.
00:56:43This mofo got flow for show, you know what I mean?
00:56:54And I was like, no, I don't.
00:56:58But I love it.
00:57:00It's the most amazing use of English I've ever come across in my life.
00:57:03Just that one word alone.
00:57:04Just the strength of that.
00:57:06Nah, I mean.
00:57:07Do you know what I mean?
00:57:10You know what I mean?
00:57:11It just, it sums it all up, doesn't it?
00:57:15It's just, you know, neither question nor statement.
00:57:17It's just, like, why have we been wasting our time with syllables for so long?
00:57:20I don't understand.
00:57:22It was a crazy day today.
00:57:23You know what I mean?
00:57:24Yo, that shit will cry.
00:57:25Nah, I mean.
00:57:26It just, it just flows.
00:57:29It's magical.
00:57:30It says it all.
00:57:31I feel like I've wasted years of my life without nah, I mean.
00:57:36I wish I could go back in time and relive my favorite moments.
00:57:39Watch my favorite movies again.
00:57:41You see them bring to life.
00:57:43This is Sparta.
00:57:47Nah, I mean.
00:57:51Power.
00:57:54But the pilots, the pilots are calm.
00:57:56They cool.
00:57:56You know, you get into the air.
00:57:58They start making useless announcements that you don't even care about, you know.
00:58:01Just to give you that feeling that he knows what he's doing.
00:58:03You get up there as the seatbelt lights go.
00:58:05Boom.
00:58:06Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed, we've reached our cruising altitude.
00:58:10Currently sitting at 23,000 feet above sea level.
00:58:13Cruising at about 720 kilometers an hour in the Boeing 737.
00:58:17One of our favorite planes in the Starflight Alliance, Cree Fleet.
00:58:20It's a beautiful sunny day up here.
00:58:22We might encounter a few bumps, but nothing too hectic.
00:58:25The cabin crew will be taking care of you.
00:58:27In the front, we've got Esmeralda and Jonathan.
00:58:29In the rear, Simon, Dupitzeng, and Ferrer.
00:58:33I'll be taking care of you.
00:58:35And if you need anything, don't hesitate to call.
00:58:37I'll let you know once we've begun our descent.
00:58:39Until then, please enjoy your flight.
00:58:41Do you like, oh, yeah, pilot.
00:58:45My guy, my guy, pilot.
00:58:48It's cool.
00:58:49It's cool.
00:58:50I just don't like the fact that they never let you know when something's gone wrong.
00:58:53It freaks me out.
00:58:54Because they trained to keep you calm, no matter what's going on.
00:58:57And I noticed this because we hit turbulence coming into Jehovah.
00:59:00There were hectic storms.
00:59:01And the plane started shaking.
00:59:03And, you know, it wasn't like the calm turbulence.
00:59:04You know, it's that turbulence where people, you know, the knuckles get white when they're holding there.
00:59:08You know, because, you know, people try and act natural in the plane.
00:59:10They're like, mm-hmm.
00:59:11And then they get to a point where they're like.
00:59:18You know, when that point comes.
00:59:19And, like, everyone is panicking.
00:59:21Except the air hostesses.
00:59:22They're amazing.
00:59:22I love how they do it, you know.
00:59:24Like, you'll hit the turbulence.
00:59:25We're like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
00:59:26Things are falling.
00:59:27The bags are hitting the size of the compartments.
00:59:29Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
00:59:30People are panicking.
00:59:31Except they always, they just move through naturally.
00:59:33It's freaky.
00:59:34It's almost like the lower half is not connected to the upper body.
00:59:36Because they'll just carry on.
00:59:37They'll be like, yes, yes.
00:59:39And you guys.
00:59:40Mm-hmm.
00:59:41Would you guys like some coffee?
00:59:43Yeah.
00:59:43Okay.
00:59:44There you go.
00:59:45Be careful, it's hot.
00:59:46All right, then.
00:59:47Anything for you, sir?
00:59:48Mm-hmm.
00:59:49Yeah.
00:59:50Okay.
00:59:51Okay, then.
00:59:52Just pass me an apple juice.
00:59:53All right, thank you very much.
00:59:54There you go.
00:59:55Would you like some ass?
00:59:55No ass.
00:59:57You know how they do it.
01:00:02And then the pilot has the nerve to come on.
01:00:04In the middle of the biggest storm ever, the plane is shaking.
01:00:07The wings are tilting slightly upwards.
01:00:08You think you're going to die.
01:00:09Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
01:00:16Ladies and gentlemen, we've encountered some slight turbulence.
01:00:20We'll ask that everyone return to their seats at this point
01:00:23and refrain from using the lavatories.
01:00:26Please note we will be flying at a higher altitude to try and alleviate the problem.
01:00:30Also, keep your seatbelts fastened and no hot drinks will be served at this time for your safety.
01:00:35Thank you very much and I'll speak to you in a moment once we've gotten out of this bumpy patch.
01:00:39Speak to you in a moment.
01:00:41That moment might never come.
01:00:44He doesn't tell you this.
01:00:47When the nationwide flight lost an engine, the pilot said nothing.
01:00:51There, it just fell.
01:00:53Quiet.
01:00:56I don't want a pilot like that.
01:00:57I want someone who lets me know.
01:00:58I want to know before I'm going to die.
01:00:59I want to know.
01:01:00I want to say a prayer or two.
01:01:01I want to prepare myself, you know.
01:01:02I want to forgive everyone that I hate in the world.
01:01:04Give me a chance.
01:01:05Give me a chance.
01:01:06But they don't, pilots.
01:01:07No, they don't.
01:01:08I bet people who die in plane crashes don't even know they've died.
01:01:10Must be the worst feeling in the world.
01:01:12There's like a whole bunch of confused people popping into heaven like...
01:01:15I swear these airports change all the time.
01:01:18I never know where to go.
01:01:21I never...
01:01:22I'm like, are we...
01:01:23Are we in heaven?
01:01:25Oh, wow.
01:01:25I can't believe we made it, eh?
01:01:27I can't believe...
01:01:29Wow, this is amazing.
01:01:29And there's St. Peter at the gate and he's like, come forward, please.
01:01:32Come forward.
01:01:33Come forward.
01:01:34She's like, here you are.
01:01:35I'm St. Peter.
01:01:36St. Peter.
01:01:37How about you?
01:01:37Yeah, I know.
01:01:38Many, many people are shocked.
01:01:40Just come.
01:01:41I get that all the time.
01:01:42Just come.
01:01:43Just come.
01:01:43Just come.
01:01:44No, I just thought that...
01:01:45No, don't, don't worry.
01:01:46Just, just come, please.
01:01:47Just wait till you see Jesus.
01:01:48Come.
01:01:49Come.
01:01:50Come.
01:01:56I don't want that.
01:01:57I want someone to let me know when I'm going to die.
01:01:58Like taxi drivers.
01:02:00There's no person who dies in a taxi not knowing that they've died.
01:02:03Just before the crash, taxi driver will be like, yo!
01:02:07People walking into heaven like, yo, dead, dead, dead.
01:02:11Dead.
01:02:12Yeah, no.
01:02:12Sure need it.
01:02:13Like, we're dead.
01:02:14Gone, gone, gone.
01:02:15Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
01:02:16They know.
01:02:18Sometimes they survive the crash, but they still think they're dead.
01:02:20They're walking on the pavement.
01:02:21Dead, dead.
01:02:22Dead, dead.
01:02:24You're dead.
01:02:31Oh.
01:02:33But luckily, we did land safely in Johannesburg.
01:02:37We landed safely, and everyone clapped when the plane landed.
01:02:39Yay!
01:02:41Clapped and walked into the airport terminal building.
01:02:44And that's once, that's the point when you realize you're back in South Africa.
01:02:47When you're flying, it's international.
01:02:49And then when you land at any of our airports, and if you listen carefully, you realize that
01:02:54you're back.
01:02:54Like South Africa, once again, the world went there.
01:02:56Then we were like, no, no, go in.
01:02:58Yeah, we'll find just that side.
01:03:00Because all over the world, they conform to a norm, and that is in airports, women make
01:03:06announcements.
01:03:07It's always a woman, always.
01:03:09And she's always calm, always monotone.
01:03:11Always come up with that system.
01:03:13She sits in a room quietly.
01:03:14They bring her the pages one by one.
01:03:15You can be in Heathrow, for instance.
01:03:17You'll hear that woman come on the system.
01:03:18Doom, doom.
01:03:20Attention all passengers.
01:03:23Please note, this is an airport announcement.
01:03:26No passengers are permitted to leave any items unattended, as this may be seen as a security
01:03:32risk.
01:03:33Any unattended luggage will be removed by security and destroyed.
01:03:39Doom, doom.
01:03:39Everywhere in the world.
01:03:42Even if you go to, like, non-English speaking countries, they still conform to that norm.
01:03:45You know, you go to places like China, where you wouldn't expect it, you know?
01:03:48You think, yeah, I see some of you probably think they'll be like,
01:03:50don't even laugh.
01:03:52That's racist.
01:03:53Don't even laugh.
01:03:54Don't, hey, don't, no.
01:03:56That's racist.
01:03:56You don't even laugh.
01:03:59But they're not.
01:04:01They calm.
01:04:02It's a woman.
01:04:02It's still the same.
01:04:03She's just another language.
01:04:04She'll come on the PN and be like,
01:04:05And you know, you know, they've conformed.
01:04:23And then you land in South Africa.
01:04:27And you know you've landed.
01:04:29You know, you know that you're back home when you walk into the airport terminal building.
01:04:35You walk in.
01:04:37And I don't even know if they audition the people who do it.
01:04:40No, no, no.
01:04:41It's almost like whoever's closest to the mic gets to do it first, you know?
01:04:45It's the craziest thing.
01:04:48Luckily, 99% of the time it's a woman.
01:04:50But she'll come on.
01:04:51It's the craziest thing ever.
01:04:52As you walk in, she'll come and be like,
01:04:53Attention all presenters.
01:04:59Attention all presenters.
01:05:02Hello.
01:05:02Hello, I'm talking to you.
01:05:05Hello.
01:05:07Yeah, all the people in Slankkula.com, the plane is delayed.
01:05:10The plane is going on two.
01:05:11It's going on three.
01:05:13Yeah, all the people must just take a ticket for that one.
01:05:15They're going to have a problem, ne?
01:05:16Just check on that.
01:05:17If your ticket says two, then it's going to be three, ne?
01:05:19They mustn't complain when the plane is not there.
01:05:21Because I need that shoulder now.
01:05:22Then you must just phone the people that are coming to pick you up.
01:05:25I'm telling them, yo, I need my plane.
01:05:26It's changed.
01:05:27It's not...
01:05:27And then they start speaking to people in the background.
01:05:29They don't even turn off their mic.
01:05:30All the people there.
01:05:31All the people in Slankkula, one time, the gate is changed.
01:05:57It's not D2.
01:06:00It's C15.
01:06:01It's not D2.
01:06:03It's C15.
01:06:05If you can go to D2, oh, you can find nothing.
01:06:08Okay, bye-bye.
01:06:11But I don't know if you can go to D2.
01:06:12We've been traveling all around the country now.
01:06:18It's been so much fun, you know?
01:06:20Out in places like P.E.
01:06:21And Cape Town and East London and recently went to Durban, which was a bit of a schlep for us.
01:06:27It was really hard because it was raining so much.
01:06:29And then on top of the flight delays that you have to contest with, there's also like overbooking, which is a problem.
01:06:35You know, I don't know if you know what overbooking is.
01:06:36But basically, it's a legal process where, it's a practice rather, where airlines book more tickets than there are seats on the plane.
01:06:46So they book more.
01:06:47Sort of like a taxi.
01:06:50But then, they don't let you get on when you get there.
01:06:53So they just hope you don't pitch up.
01:06:54He's like, please, please.
01:06:58Ah, it's here.
01:07:00You know, that's what they do.
01:07:02And so we're flying down to Durban.
01:07:04And it was the funniest thing ever.
01:07:05We're standing in the queue.
01:07:05Everyone's all fidgety in the line, looking at their watches.
01:07:08And they call us forward.
01:07:09They're like, next, next, please, next, next, next.
01:07:10So we go to the counter.
01:07:11And there's one of those women there with her glasses and her relaxed hair.
01:07:14And she's like, and then she's like, can I have your ID, please?
01:07:18And they're like, IDs, everyone puts them down.
01:07:20She's like, where are you flying?
01:07:22And we're like, Durban, please.
01:07:24She's like, Durban.
01:07:30Durban.
01:07:33Yes.
01:07:39Are you flying now?
01:07:44No, tomorrow, we just, it's a practice room.
01:07:52Are you flying?
01:07:54And we're like, yes, we need to fly now.
01:07:56Okay.
01:07:58And then she starts typing frantically.
01:08:01Which I never understand.
01:08:02Because when I book my tickets, all I need to do is click.
01:08:04It's click, click, click, click, click.
01:08:06Click.
01:08:06Joe, Joe, hair.
01:08:07Ah, that one.
01:08:07Click.
01:08:08Ah, that one.
01:08:09Click.
01:08:10And then it does it all.
01:08:10And then she's there.
01:08:14I bet she wasn't even busy doing our tickets anymore.
01:08:16She's just like there.
01:08:17Click.
01:08:17She's probably on like Facebook or something.
01:08:18There.
01:08:19Updating her status.
01:08:20Yo, another one.
01:08:21Another one.
01:08:22Yeah.
01:08:23I'm dead.
01:08:24Dead.
01:08:25Dead.
01:08:25Dead.
01:08:26Another one.
01:08:27Yo, dead.
01:08:28Dead.
01:08:28You overbooking.
01:08:30Dead.
01:08:30Oh, book back.
01:08:31Dead.
01:08:31Dead.
01:08:32You dead.
01:08:33That's by overbooking.
01:08:34Dead.
01:08:34Dead.
01:08:34Dead.
01:08:34Dead.
01:08:35Dead.
01:08:35Dead.
01:08:35Dead.
01:08:35Dead.
01:08:36Dead.
01:08:36Dead.
01:08:37Dead.
01:08:37Dead.
01:08:38Dead.
01:08:39Dead.
01:08:40Dead.
01:08:44Because of their faux pas, the airline is as kind as to upgrade us on the next flight
01:08:48to business class.
01:08:49They say, are we sorry about what happened?
01:08:51You go, business class.
01:08:52Oh, very.
01:08:53I love business class, you know.
01:08:54You get to go to a special lounge where everyone's very businessy.
01:08:57Yes.
01:08:58No, it is.
01:08:59It is.
01:08:59Because when you're in business class, you overhear conversations and they sound totally different,
01:09:04you know.
01:09:04You overhear people saying things like, yes, well, the mergers are coming along.
01:09:07I mean, if you look at the companies that are, you know, people walking around, well,
01:09:09I mean, if the numbers are right, then we'll definitely get that stock portfolio going.
01:09:12And, you know, people walking there, you know, no, I'm in, I'm in the case of this situation
01:09:16to make sure that all the shareholders are happy and then we'll present to management
01:09:19and it's going to be a, I can't start mental, but okay, you know, you just, you hear like
01:09:23businessy kind of stuff.
01:09:25Whereas when you're in economy, it's just like a huge group of people.
01:09:27You generally overhear conversations like, I thought you put it in the bag.
01:09:30You said you put it in the bag.
01:09:31It was on the, I asked you, but why is it not in the bag?
01:09:43Oh, wow.
01:09:44And so we're going through the airports and then we go through security.
01:09:53And I love security in South Africa.
01:09:55It is the most chilled out security you will find anywhere in the world.
01:09:58It is like South African security is just like, you know, we work on an honesty system in
01:10:02this country, you know, the security guard, he's there to enforce, but it's more an honesty.
01:10:06It's like, look, this is, it's up to you.
01:10:08This is the honesty places where we all, we all, we all admit to our sins, come forward,
01:10:11come forward, do you have anything to declare, you know, that type of place.
01:10:15Overseas, when you, when you come through customs, it's the craziest thing ever.
01:10:17You, you got to take off everything.
01:10:18You got to take off your shoes and you take off your belt and you, you know, you, you can't
01:10:21wear a jacket or a hoodie or a cap or anything.
01:10:24You got to take off your rings and nothing, nothing, not even coins in your pocket.
01:10:27Even if you've got like a big filling, then you're in trouble.
01:10:28Then they, you know, you know, be like, then you're like, but, but it's, but it's my teeth.
01:10:32And they're like, well, you're going to have to do something.
01:10:33You're going to, you know, and then like colored people are like, excuse me.
01:10:35Yeah.
01:10:41Oh, that's great.
01:10:49Whereas in South Africa, I sometimes feel like these security guards don't actually know
01:10:52what their equipment does.
01:10:53You know, they're very chilled out about it because you walk through at airport security
01:10:56and you get there and the guy will be like, number four, number four.
01:11:00And then you go through and you stand there and the guy will be waiting.
01:11:02He'll give you that bucket and he'll be like, what's in the bag?
01:11:07Like, what do you mean?
01:11:08And he's like, it's their laptop.
01:11:11Yes.
01:11:12Out, out, take it out.
01:11:15Laptop out, out.
01:11:17Please, yeah, put it by itself.
01:11:18Yeah, put that.
01:11:19Yeah.
01:11:20Any other laptop?
01:11:21You're like, no, no, no, no.
01:11:22Laptop out.
01:11:23Okay, okay, okay, okay.
01:11:26What did you do?
01:11:29Okay.
01:11:31Okay.
01:11:31And, and, and my gun?
01:11:32No, it's fine.
01:11:33It's fine.
01:11:33Just, just the laptop.
01:11:36Yeah.
01:11:38Watching you.
01:11:39It's so much fun.
01:11:43And you walk through the metal detectors, which I swear either don't work or these people
01:11:49really don't understand them at all.
01:11:51So you walk through metal detectors.
01:11:52And it's not just at airports, no matter where they are in this country.
01:11:55You walk through a metal detector, a casino, a school, government institution, you'll walk
01:11:59in there and then it'll just, it'll make that sound.
01:12:02But then I don't know if they know what that means.
01:12:04Because you'll walk through and be like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
01:12:10And you see how security guards smile because they get ready because they're going to use
01:12:12the wand.
01:12:13They love the wand.
01:12:15You see, they wait the whole day.
01:12:16Yes.
01:12:17My time has arrived.
01:12:20Excalibur.
01:12:21I call upon you.
01:12:24It's like, what the hell is going on?
01:12:26Yeah, just stand there.
01:12:27Yeah.
01:12:27Pulls out his wand.
01:12:29You know those black ones, just pulls them out.
01:12:37Okay, it's not, I'm sorry, I'm just, it doesn't really do that.
01:12:41It would be cool if it did the, although it would be weird, it would be weird.
01:12:47You know, for like some guy from the township to have a lightsaber.
01:12:54Wouldn't work at all though, it wouldn't.
01:12:56It wouldn't, it wouldn't be like Darth Vader, it would be like, Braveda.
01:13:03Ah, Bravi.
01:13:05Eita.
01:13:07Pss, pss, pss.
01:13:11It would have been the worst Star Wars ever if it was in South Africa, wouldn't it?
01:13:15Pss, pss.
01:13:16Like the critical point, the moment that made the movie would never happen if it wasn't
01:13:20a township in South Africa.
01:13:21Because which guy from the township would claim a child after that many years?
01:13:24He would be like, pss, pss, pss.
01:13:29Look.
01:13:32Yes, what is it?
01:13:33No, look there, it's your father.
01:13:36But it wasn't, it wasn't.
01:13:43Okay, sorry, I digress.
01:13:45The wand, the wand, the wand.
01:13:48Comes, sorry.
01:13:50Comes out with the wand.
01:13:52And they always do that thing, you know, they go around.
01:13:54And we don't know what it's supposed to do or not, you know.
01:13:56Any weapons?
01:14:12What was that for?
01:14:15Even if I had something, I'm not going to tell you now.
01:14:18Obviously, you have been defeated.
01:14:20Any weapons?
01:14:21No.
01:14:21Oh, okay.
01:14:24And that's it.
01:14:26We're like working on the honesty system in this country.
01:14:29Everywhere you go.
01:14:30Like, I'd like to meet the genius who invented the honesty book.
01:14:32Ah, yes, the honesty book.
01:14:34Yes, the book of truth.
01:14:35No one can lie when they write in this book.
01:14:37Whenever you visit someone at a townhouse or office complex, we have the book of truth.
01:14:41Fill in the book before you enter.
01:14:44Name.
01:14:44Ah, yes.
01:14:46Surname.
01:14:46Phone number and address.
01:14:49Reason for visits.
01:14:51PVT.
01:14:52We'll just do that.
01:14:53Look at everyone else.
01:14:54PVT, PVT, PVT, PVT.
01:14:56PVT.
01:15:00And once I asked the security guard, I was like, what's the point of this?
01:15:03Why am I filling in this book?
01:15:04He's like, no.
01:15:05It's for security reasons.
01:15:08I figured that much.
01:15:09But what is it about?
01:15:11It's like, so that if you can do anything bad inside there,
01:15:14if maybe you can steal or kill someone,
01:15:17then we can find you.
01:15:21Ah, of course.
01:15:23Because I wrote my real name and surname.
01:15:26The honest killer strikes again.
01:15:29It's just ridiculous.
01:15:32I was like, okay, and then I kill someone,
01:15:34and then what are you going to do?
01:15:34It's like, then you sit there,
01:15:35we can just phone you and tell you must come back.
01:15:38Yeah.
01:15:40Same time.
01:15:41When you think about colonization,
01:15:45it is the strangest thing you can think about.
01:15:47Because conquering is one thing.
01:15:48You go to another country,
01:15:50you take what's theirs.
01:15:51You want more.
01:15:51You take the land, you know,
01:15:53you take the resources,
01:15:54you kill the people.
01:15:55That I understand.
01:15:57But colonization, I don't condone,
01:15:59I understand.
01:16:01But colonization is strange
01:16:03because you go there,
01:16:04and you don't just take over.
01:16:06You then force the people to become you.
01:16:10That is such a strange concept.
01:16:12When you think about where the British did it,
01:16:14I mean, they, you know,
01:16:14they did it in Africa,
01:16:16they, you know,
01:16:17they did it in Asia.
01:16:18Think about in India.
01:16:20Those cultures could not be more diametrically opposed.
01:16:23And out of nowhere,
01:16:24the British just decided to roll up.
01:16:26Imagine what the Indians must have felt like on that day.
01:16:30Minding your own business.
01:16:31Walking through a field.
01:16:34Next thing you know,
01:16:35the British showed up on horseback.
01:16:37Quack, quack, quack, quack.
01:16:38Quack, quack, quack, quack.
01:16:44Hear ye, hear ye.
01:16:46By order of Her Majesty the Queen,
01:16:48we have arrived.
01:16:54You over there,
01:16:56what is the name of this land?
01:16:58This land over here,
01:17:02this is called India.
01:17:06Well, my good man,
01:17:07I am here to tell you that India
01:17:09is now under the British Empire.
01:17:16And I am glad that I can tell you
01:17:18that India is exactly where it was yesterday.
01:17:20No, no, no,
01:17:26I feel you're not understanding
01:17:28what I'm saying.
01:17:29I'm letting you know
01:17:29that we're here to colonize you
01:17:31by order of the Queen.
01:17:34Who is the Queen?
01:17:37The Queen.
01:17:38The Queen of England,
01:17:39the ruler of Great Britain.
01:17:41She who was ordained by God.
01:17:45Which God?
01:17:46The one true God.
01:17:52There are many gods, my friend.
01:17:54What is the name of your God?
01:17:58There is only one God
01:18:00and his name is God
01:18:01and you too shall worship him.
01:18:03You want me to worship a God
01:18:05but you don't want to tell me his name?
01:18:08What are you talking about?
01:18:09There are many gods, okay?
01:18:10There is Shiva,
01:18:11there is Lakshmi,
01:18:12there is Hare Krishna,
01:18:12there are many gods.
01:18:14What is the name of your God?
01:18:16His name is God.
01:18:22You don't know the name of your God?
01:18:26It's just God.
01:18:29Is it like mummy or daddy?
01:18:33You want me to worship your God
01:18:34but you don't want me to tell me his name, huh?
01:18:36How am I going to pray to him?
01:18:38What do I do?
01:18:38Every morning I go to wake up
01:18:39and I pray like,
01:18:40oh dear God, dear God,
01:18:41I was hoping that maybe God
01:18:42you could help me.
01:18:43No, no, sorry, not you, other God.
01:18:44No, no, other God.
01:18:46No, no, not wrong God.
01:18:47No, God, I was trying to talk to others.
01:18:48No, no, no, you're right.
01:18:49I should have asked for your first name.
01:18:51No, no, God.
01:18:51No, other God, please.
01:18:52No, God behind that God.
01:18:53No, not you today, God.
01:18:54Other God, you're right.
01:18:55He told me,
01:18:56he would know who I was talking to
01:18:57and I don't know.
01:18:58No, no, other God, please.
01:18:59That God and that other...
01:19:00No, no, that God.
01:19:00Then I wonder why my prayers
01:19:02are not getting answered, huh?
01:19:03How dare you speak to me like that?
01:19:13Do you know who I am?
01:19:14No, because you never introduced yourself.
01:19:19I have come here representing Great Britain
01:19:22and I have never heard of Great Britain.
01:19:26Who gave you that name?
01:19:31Well, well, well, we did.
01:19:35You called yourselves great?
01:19:38Isn't that a little presumptuous?
01:19:39Shouldn't you wait for other people
01:19:43to tell you how great you are, huh?
01:19:46Shouldn't you just go around the world
01:19:47and just do good things, good things, good things?
01:19:49Then people go,
01:19:49Oh my God, Britain, look how great you are.
01:19:56And I beg to differ.
01:19:58I believe we could do it
01:19:59because we knew instinctively.
01:20:00We are Great Britain.
01:20:03Well, in that case,
01:20:04welcome to Great India.
01:20:07No, it doesn't work like that.
01:20:09It doesn't work like that.
01:20:10How dare you speak to me like this?
01:20:11Look, you're the one
01:20:12who dares to speak to me, okay?
01:20:14I was here minding my own business
01:20:15in my land.
01:20:16You came over here
01:20:17riding on your skinny cow
01:20:18telling me that things are going to change.
01:20:21I don't know who you are.
01:20:22All I know is you are really crazy, okay?
01:20:24You're not feeling too right
01:20:25and I didn't want to say anything
01:20:26but you look like you're going to faint.
01:20:28In fact, it looks like you have died last week, okay?
01:20:30Something is very wrong with your skin.
01:20:32You're not looking good, my friend.
01:20:33Maybe you should come down.
01:20:34We have a curry.
01:20:34We talk about this.
01:20:36What are you talking about?
01:20:37I look quite normal.
01:20:38You do not look normal, my friend.
01:20:39I've never seen anybody
01:20:40with that complexion in my life, okay?
01:20:43You look like you're playing
01:20:44I didn't seek with the sun
01:20:45your entire life.
01:20:46I don't know what is happening
01:20:47but that is not how a person should look, huh?
01:20:49I can see your veins pumping
01:20:50through your skin right now.
01:20:52Do you know how creepy
01:20:52that is pumping, pumping, pumping, pumping?
01:20:55If I was your doctor,
01:20:56I don't need X-ray machine.
01:20:57I just go, what is the problem?
01:20:59It is your kidney.
01:20:59How do I know?
01:21:00Because you're translucent.
01:21:01That is how I know.
01:21:03Damn you!
01:21:03We are going to run this country
01:21:05whether you like it or not.
01:21:06We are not going to do anything you tell us.
01:21:07You're a madman.
01:21:08We are going to take it.
01:21:09You are not taking.
01:21:10We are going...
01:21:11She's all yours.
01:21:16Take, take.
01:21:17Don't play nice.
01:21:18Take.
01:21:18We are not going to do anything you tell us.
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