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00:00Good evening and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, do you come here often?
00:07Greg Proops.
00:08Is it hot in here or is it just Wade Brady?
00:11You know what they say about ball guys?
00:12Colin Mochrie.
00:14And has anyone ever told you that you look like Brian Stiles?
00:18Hey, I'm your host, you're going to let's start the show.
00:32Thank you very much.
00:33Welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:34The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:37If you've never seen the show before, what happens is these guys are going to come up and make stuff up for you right off the top of their heads
00:41based on suggestions that are written on these cards that they've never seen before
00:44and suggestions from the audience.
00:46And then at the end of every round, I give them points.
00:49I don't know why.
00:51They really don't mean a thing because at the end of the show, I just pick who I like best
00:54and they get to do a little something with me for you.
00:56That's right.
00:56When I say they get to do a little something with me, I think you know what I'm talking about.
01:05We're going to start with a game called Weird Newscasters.
01:07This is for all four of you.
01:08In this game, Colin, you're going to be the anchorman of a news show.
01:11And Greg, Wayne, and Ryan are the co-presenters.
01:14Greg, you're the co-anchor.
01:16You're a crazed James Bond villain.
01:20Wayne, you're doing the sports.
01:22Wayne, you spot your girlfriend with another man in the audience.
01:26And Ryan, you're doing the weather and you're a psycho with a chainsaw.
01:30No, no.
01:31So just pretend it's the weekend.
01:34Whenever you hear the music, go ahead and start.
01:36Welcome to the 6 o'clock news.
01:42Our top story, wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.
01:53And please join me in welcoming our newest co-anchor.
01:57Welcome.
01:58Thank you so much.
01:59Well, Mr. Bond, I suppose you think this is it.
02:03Perhaps you'd like to make love to my mistress before I fondue the world.
02:11Minky doesn't like the anchor, do you, Minky?
02:16You make her very upset.
02:19Perhaps you'd like to drop into my pool of piranhas.
02:21Oh, that one never works.
02:25Well, I see by the clock on the wall, it is now time for sports with Crash Ripley.
02:34Crash.
02:35Hi, thank you very much.
02:37Well, it appears that in the second month of the lockdown, uh, that, uh, that, that the,
02:42that the NBA, nothing's...
02:48Is that...
02:50What the hell you do...
02:52Excuse me.
02:57Excuse me a second, right?
02:59I'm over here doing my job as a weatherman, right?
03:01And all of a sudden, now you want to go ahead and step up...
03:02What's...
03:03I got hair, girl!
03:06What the hell you do?
03:08I don't understand!
03:11I don't understand!
03:13I don't understand!
03:13All of a sudden, every day I come to work,
03:16and I pull down the screen,
03:17and I put the football team,
03:19and I come and I whip my fingers to the bone,
03:22and you're there with the ball, man!
03:25She with the ball, man!
03:28She with the ball!
03:30Oh, she with the ball, man!
03:33She with the ball!
03:35Yeah!
03:35This just in, cheating girlfriends live longer than their boyfriends.
03:47And now, over to the weather.
03:49What's happening this weekend?
03:56We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon,
03:59so let's just get rid of Oregon.
04:01Well, that's all the time we have.
04:18See you tomorrow, and the six of God, you!
04:20Hey, just a bit, man.
04:35Calm down.
04:36Just a bit.
04:43Usually, I give points to the performers,
04:44but this time,
04:45a thousand points to the ball guy.
04:47Good for you.
04:47Good for you.
04:50Well, I'm at a thousand points
04:53for the ball guy sitting next to you.
05:00Let's go on to a game called Song Style.
05:01This is for Wayne Brady with the help of Laura Hall.
05:03Laura Hall, look at you.
05:08How about you?
05:12What's your name?
05:14Carly.
05:14Carly, what do you do for a living?
05:15Carly?
05:16I'm a fashion designer.
05:17Okay, I believe you.
05:17Come on down.
05:20Step right up.
05:21Pete Wayne.
05:25Wayne, I'd like to meet Carly, the fashion designer.
05:28You're going to sing a song to her
05:29in the style of Cab Calloway.
05:33Wow.
05:34How you doin' that, sister?
05:46I'm one slick dressin' mister.
05:48Tell me somethin'.
05:49Can you design pants to fit on my big behind?
05:57How do-de-de-de-de-de?
05:59Can you tell me this?
06:02Can you dress me, miss?
06:04Please, I do insist.
06:05Can you put some clothes on me?
06:08Because I've seen you, girl.
06:09I know that you're great.
06:11I'll watch you walk over here.
06:13You've got a great fashion plate.
06:15I like the way that you dress.
06:23Sing it.
06:24Say-to-say-to-say.
06:25Say-to-say-to-say.
06:27I'll see-to-say-to-say-to-say.
06:29Take off your clothes.
06:32Oh, 100,000 points to the estate of Cab Calloway.
06:58Now, let's go on to a game called Dating Service.
07:06This is for everybody.
07:06Ryan and Colin, come get a box of hats.
07:08Greg and Wayne, come get another box of hats.
07:10And what's gonna happen?
07:11They're gonna go back and forth, and using these hats,
07:13come up with as many examples as possible
07:15of the world's worst dating service video.
07:18Ryan and Colin, go ahead and start.
07:19When it comes to making love, I may not be the best,
07:28but I'm damn Gouda.
07:33Date me.
07:35Date me.
07:41Once you've had me, you'll never forget.
07:43Lie to me, girl.
07:51Lie to me.
07:56Want to find out why they call me a drill sergeant?
08:04One hopes you don't mind dating an old queen.
08:07Who wants some hot dog on a me?
08:33I've been with presidents, but I love the common man.
08:37I'm ready for your parry if you're ready for my thrust.
08:49Care to have a three-way?
08:55Miss Scarlett, Miss Scarlett, I don't know nothing
08:56about no French kissing.
09:03Hey, we're gonna go to the commercial.
09:04We'll be back with more Who's Line Is It Anyway?
09:06Don't go anywhere.
09:07Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
09:15The show where everything's made up
09:16and the points don't matter.
09:17Did you take time to pet your dog during the commercial?
09:19I did.
09:22Now, let's go on to a game called Sportscasters.
09:25This is for all four of you.
09:26Greg and Wayne, you're gonna be sportscasters
09:28commentating on an everyday event.
09:30And Ryan and Colin will act out the event
09:31in slow motion.
09:33Ryan and Colin, you are two plumbers making a house call.
09:39Two plumbers making a house call.
09:40Hello, everybody, I'm Nip Scully.
09:44Buenos dias.
09:45Mi nombre es Juan de Jesus de Jones.
09:49I'm here with Juan de Jesus de Jones, making,
09:52watching him fabulous event,
09:54where two plumbers make a house call.
09:56Let's cut right to the action, shall we, Juan de Jesus?
09:58It's incredible.
09:59What is happening right now is Morton is pulling out
10:02a big socket wrench and he's pumping the pipe.
10:05He is pumping the pipe.
10:06It's loosening the pipe.
10:07Pumping it is.
10:08But it looks like Ryan's got something on his sleeve there.
10:11I can't quite make it out from here.
10:12Can you see what that is?
10:12Oh, it's the plunger.
10:14It's the plunger.
10:16Look, look.
10:18I don't care who you are.
10:21That house got to hurt a lot, huh?
10:24I haven't seen that one.
10:25It's the old plunger face pull.
10:27I haven't seen it since Barcelona.
10:28No, I have not either.
10:30Oh, it looks like he's applying something else to his head there
10:32as the plumbers have cut.
10:33Morton's got something in his head.
10:34Oh, it is the old clamp nipple twist.
10:40This is horrible, horrible.
10:44You know what?
10:46That was so gruesome.
10:47Let's see it again in the miracle of super slow motion.
10:51As we reverse back, there comes Morton with the nipple clamp.
10:53What's going on there, Juan?
10:54And as you can see, he uses all of his toes to break the areola.
10:59He's twisting it.
11:01He's twisting it.
11:02And then, that is how you win.
11:04That is it.
11:04I don't want to be in his shirt.
11:06Well, the action continues here as they go for the final plunge.
11:09It continues that he gets...
11:10That is it.
11:11And he's looking inside.
11:13One's in his head and...
11:13Oh!
11:16Slams the lid down on top.
11:18He's flushing.
11:19He's...
11:20Oh, that is a swirly.
11:21Oh, that is a swirly.
11:22I haven't seen that since Heffelmeckler in 1968.
11:26But the good thing...
11:27The good thing is his defense is he has no hair.
11:30Yeah, absolutely.
11:31There goes Morton.
11:32Oh!
11:32There goes.
11:34That's the trouser drop.
11:36Oh!
11:36I don't know where you came up with that Spankin' Ryan thing, but get out of my head, man.
11:54Wow.
11:55That was freaky.
11:57And it's slow motion, too, just like I dreamed...
11:59Oh, okay.
12:02House of points for all of you.
12:04Let's go out of a game called Film Dub, shall we?
12:06It's a game called Film Dub, okay?
12:11We're going to show a piece of film to Ryan, Greg, and Colin, and then they have to supply
12:14their own words to the film.
12:16So why don't you go over and see the screen here.
12:17Be able to see it in the studio.
12:18You'll be able to see it at home.
12:19They make up their own words.
12:21The scene I'd like you to improvise is two suitors asking the father for his daughter's
12:26hand in marriage.
12:27What's this game called?
12:28Film Dub.
12:32And that's how I got a terrier stuck to my chin.
12:36This is a lovely naked rendering of your daughter.
12:41Here, have a look.
12:43I think I'm drunk enough.
12:47Not drunk enough to think what I am thinking.
12:49Oh, I would take your daughter away to the highest.
12:53Oh, you're the highest one.
12:54Oh, I'm thinking mountain, maybe?
12:58Or maybe just on a picnic.
13:01Look!
13:01I can give her everything you can't.
13:04You do not have a feather in your hat.
13:08I can teach her how to smoke.
13:09Look, my hair is on fire even as I sleep.
13:11Oh, nice looking horse.
13:20Excuse me.
13:22Oh, no, no, no, no.
13:23Okay, that looks great.
13:33Usually I give 1,000 points, but since the points don't matter, I'm from Cleveland.
13:361,000 beers.
13:381,000 beers to everybody.
13:41Now, let's play a game called Greatest Hits.
13:43This is a game for Colin, Ryan, and Wayne.
13:45On top of Laura Hall on the piano.
13:46Laura Hall.
13:47What's going to happen here is Colin and Ryan, our voiceover guys, talk about the latest
13:56compilation album they're trying to sell you.
13:58Wayne's going to try to sing snippets of the songs that they talk about.
14:01What we need from the audience is the sort of profession you wouldn't normally sing songs
14:04about.
14:07What?
14:09Mechanic.
14:09Let us see.
14:10Okay.
14:11Certainly better than archaeologists.
14:12Whoever yelled that out.
14:13So, whatever you're ready, let's hear the album Songs of the Mechanic.
14:21We'll be back soon to the wildlife movie, Bertha the Dyslexic Effalent.
14:28But first, we have an offer for you you will not believe.
14:33That's right, Colin.
14:34Who could ever forget the sounds of the mechanic, the songs, the lyrics, the romantic ballads?
14:41I know I can't.
14:42I can't, and I've been taking therapy.
14:47I know as a small child growing up on the south side of Saskatchewan, we used to listen
14:52to the 70s funk hit, Check Under the Hood.
15:12I've heard something, and man, I know it's not that good.
15:17What you say?
15:18Check it out, blood.
15:20There's a big rattle clanking, ding, ding, dang, and boom under my hood.
15:24Say what?
15:26Uh-huh.
15:27I was driving.
15:29My car broke down last night.
15:30I'm going to charge you about $55.
15:32Say what?
15:33That ain't right.
15:34Check Under the Hood.
15:35The what?
15:36The hood.
15:37You heard me, H-O-O-O-D, the hood.
15:40Wow.
15:42Hey, I tell you, those songs are one bad.
15:53Shut your mouth.
15:53How much would you pay for a four-CD set like this color?
15:59Well, gosh, I'd pay upwards of my life savings.
16:05And that's all we expect of you.
16:08You know, when I was a young boy growing up in the hood,
16:13I used to love the music of the street,
16:17and that's why my favorite song in this entire collection
16:21is Snoop Doggy Dog's all-time favorite,
16:24I'm going to lube you whether you like it or not.
16:34Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, that's right.
16:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:38Now, whether you like it, man, whether you like it,
16:41because you see, I'm damn sure gonna try it.
16:43You diss a fact that you can't understand.
16:46Reach over there, man, and give me the can.
16:48That is right temperature, it begin boil,
16:50because I grab it and then I check oil.
16:52That is so right, because I get rude.
16:54Damn so skippy, man, I'm going to lube.
16:56I'ma lube you whether you like it or not, baby.
16:59Say what?
17:00I'ma lube you whether you like it or not, you like it, girl.
17:04I'ma lube it whether you like it, say what, baby.
17:09I'm going to check under your hood, little girl.
17:12Verse 2.
17:13Now, pardon me, miss, I don't mean to be rude,
17:15but you came into my shop, so I got to get the lube.
17:18Um, yes, excuse me, yes, it's the hood,
17:20because you understand, brother's up to no good.
17:22Check on the side, check in on top.
17:24Say what?
17:25Go oop, to get back to your stock.
17:26I might have to jack, and that it is that,
17:28because I can lube you in no time flat.
17:31Might have to lube you, girl.
17:33Word up, doll.
17:35Let's go.
17:36Let's go.
17:37Let's go.
17:38Now, let's go.
17:39Shut up.
17:44I am down with that.
17:46And they don't have to put a gun to our head
17:50to get us to say this.
17:51That's right.
17:52You know, one of my favorite artists was Pat Boone.
17:55Oh.
17:57But, unfortunately, none of his songs are on this CD.
18:01But, what we do have is that great Stevie Wonder hit,
18:06Super Transmission.
18:21You have to understand
18:23Oh, I'm in a weird position
18:26Yeah, yeah
18:28I'm gonna have to ask you over
18:32And let me check your transmission
18:34Oh, yeah, yeah
18:37Every time you come into my shop
18:40My heart gets a lift
18:42And I grab your stick shift
18:44And I begin to shift
18:46With your super, super, super, duper
18:48Transmission, baby
18:49Super, duper, duper, duper, duper, super, duper
18:53In the first, second, third, fourth
18:54To clutch
18:55Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
18:57Oh
18:58Thank you very much
19:07Oh, that was great
19:09Hey, listen, we're gonna go to the commercial
19:10When we come back and find out who the winner is
19:12They get to do a little something special with me
19:14She'll go away
19:15Hey, welcome back to Who's Lion
19:24So the rest of us are gonna be punished by doing a hoedown for you
19:35What we need from the audience is a suggestion of a major life event
19:40Surgery
19:42What are you doing with surgery?
19:45Here it comes
19:45That's what I heard first
19:46We're gonna do surgery
19:46Surgery
19:47So, Laura Hall
19:48Whenever you're ready
19:49Let's do the surgery hoedown
19:51When I went to med school
20:01I was very proud
20:03When I got my diploma
20:04I yelled right out loud
20:06I did an operation
20:08And I did my part
20:10His name was Newt Ginrick
20:12And I removed his heart
20:14I had an operation
20:24To take out my appendix
20:25The name of my doctor
20:27Was Dr. Bendix
20:29I hoped soon
20:31That I'd get out all my stitches
20:33Cause let me tell you, brother
20:35They hurt like sons of guns
20:37Throughout my life
20:46I used to laugh like this
20:47He, he, he
20:48Not so
20:50Since I've had some major surgery
20:52It really went horrible
20:54It realized all my fears
20:56Because of that surgery
20:58I now pee out my ears
21:00My brother needed surgery
21:10But we both were broke
21:11I took out to a veterinarian
21:14As a little joke
21:15He never complained
21:17I didn't hear a peep
21:19So I thought
21:21What the hell
21:21And had him put to sleep
21:23He put to sleep
21:27Well, that's so awesome
21:29He's lying to you anyway
21:30We'll see you later
21:30Bye-bye
21:44Bye-bye
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