- 4/26/2025
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FunTranscript
00:01Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
00:03Who's I, Is It Anyway?
00:05At tonight's show, I have a head for business
00:07and a broad for sin.
00:08Wayne Brady.
00:09I'll have what she's having.
00:10Kathy Greenwood.
00:11I am not an animal.
00:13Colin Mochrie.
00:15And you're gonna need a bigger boat.
00:16Ryan Stiles.
00:18And your host, Reguero.
00:19Come on, balance out some fun.
00:27Oh, thank you very much.
00:29Welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:34The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:36That's right, the points are like a dog leash in Tijuana.
00:42Doesn't matter.
00:43If you never saw the show before, what happens is
00:44these guys are gonna make up everything you see
00:45right off the top of their heads.
00:46Then we give them these fakey points to keep the show rolling along.
00:49At the end of the show, we pick a fake winner.
00:51The winner gets to relax at the desk,
00:52and I can't tell you what happens to the losers,
00:54but I can tell you it involves a brass hand pump
00:56and saddle chimes.
00:59So that'll be pretty exciting to watch.
01:03Let's start it off with a game called Film, TV, and Theater Styles.
01:06It's for Ryan, Colin, and Kathy.
01:08And what's gonna happen is they're gonna act out a scene.
01:10But first, for the audience, I want to get your favorite style of television,
01:14favorite style of film, or favorite style of theater.
01:16Let's go to the theater.
01:17Let's go to the theater.
01:18Let's go to the theater.
01:19Let's go to the theater.
01:20Horror.
01:21Sci-fi, Muppets.
01:22Muppets.
01:23Muppets.
01:24Sci-fi, Muppets.
01:25Murder mystery.
01:26Murder mystery.
01:27What's up?
01:28Brady Bunch.
01:29Brady Bunch.
01:30Brady Bunch.
01:31Brady Bunch.
01:32What?
01:33Oh, Gong Show.
01:34That's a good one.
01:35I haven't done one.
01:36Gong Show.
01:37Crock Hunter.
01:38Hunter.
01:39Charlie's Angels.
01:40Charlie's Angels.
01:41Okay.
01:42We've got lots of them.
01:43Okay, here those will be, if I can read my writing, those will be great.
01:48Agreed.
01:49So what's gonna happen is they're gonna start out a scene as normal,
01:52and then I'm gonna jump in with these different styles.
01:54I'm gonna have to jump in and put them in there.
01:56And the scene is, Ryan is a truck driver running late.
02:00He stops to give a ride to hitchhikers Colin and his pregnant wife Kathy,
02:04who's in labor.
02:05Remember those good old days?
02:07Yeah.
02:08Nothing like that.
02:09Okay, so go ahead and start, Norman.
02:11I'll buzz in with another styling.
02:12Oh.
02:13Breathe.
02:14Breathe.
02:15Watch the shirt.
02:20Hank, can we get a ride?
02:21My wife's in labor.
02:22Oh, yeah, sure.
02:23How far are you then?
02:24Well, hopping is really not an option.
02:27Oh, wait, wait, wait.
02:30Hop.
02:31Take her out.
02:32Hop.
02:33All right.
02:34Come on, Hank.
02:35Hop, hop, hop.
02:39Cy-5.
02:42Oh, my God.
02:43Cy-5.
02:44Oh, my God.
02:45Get in.
02:46Get in quickly.
02:47Get in quickly.
02:48Quickly.
02:49Fasten up your seat belts.
02:50Something's coming.
02:51Why, there's a great light coming from within.
02:56It's a cop.
02:59Okay, good.
03:00Hide behind that asteroid.
03:02Oh, no, it's coming.
03:03There are tentacles.
03:04There are tentacles.
03:05There are tentacles.
03:09Charlie's Angels.
03:10Quick.
03:11Get my sutures.
03:23Oh, are you in pain?
03:24Do you need to be...
03:25Freeze.
03:26Oh.
03:29Bring your body.
03:30Shh.
03:31She's a cute kid.
03:32Yeah.
03:33Kids want me to make you some lemonade before Sam gets here.
03:37Why do you always have to have the children?
03:40Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.
03:44Look, if we get out of the truck, it's too cramped in here for all of us.
03:46Oh, my nose.
03:47Oh, my nose.
03:48Oh.
03:57Murder mystery.
03:59I think you should hand the baby over to me.
04:01Not so fast, Rocco.
04:03I'm taking the baby.
04:05And the cord.
04:17Crocodile Hunter.
04:20Right.
04:21Now, let's wrap the little guy up so he don't get cold.
04:24Carefully.
04:25Don't spook him.
04:27Right.
04:28Throw him on his back.
04:29Wrap his snout with some duct tape.
04:30Careful.
04:32Right there.
04:33Isn't he a beauty?
04:36If you don't let him bite you, he could kill you in 30 seconds.
04:40Really?
04:44Just stay like that for a minute.
04:48Are you talking to her or me?
04:50Yeah.
04:51Both of you.
04:57Gong Show.
04:58Let's see what that works out.
05:00All right.
05:01We're going to have to rate that delivery.
05:02We'll hear from JP Morgan.
05:04Well, I thought it sucked.
05:09That's the best JP I do.
05:12All right.
05:14Gets the taste of Gong Show.
05:15That was good enough.
05:17Horror show.
05:18Horror movie.
05:20You two aren't married?
05:21No.
05:23You whore.
05:24No.
05:25You two are.
05:31No.
05:32No.
05:33No.
05:34No.
05:35No.
05:37No.
05:381,000 points to Ryan for using the word on national TV.
05:48Let's go on to a game called Song Styles for Wayne with Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
06:00Hi, what's your name?
06:01Michelle, what do you think of Michelle?
06:03You're a meter maid here in L.A.?
06:05Orange County.
06:06Orange County? Oh, good. Okay, good.
06:07Come over here.
06:09Okay, since you never get me, come on down here.
06:11Here's your name, I'll tell you, Michelle.
06:13Michelle, I've got to say hi to Wayne Gravy.
06:21Wayne, that's Michelle.
06:22She's a meter maid, but not here down in Behind the Orange Curtain.
06:26And you're going to sing a song to her.
06:27We forgot you probably don't have a big clock for you,
06:29but you're going to be singing as Public Enemy.
06:33Just me.
06:34Yeah, this is it.
06:35Yeah, boy.
06:38Yeah, boy.
06:39Chicken dog in 2000.
06:42Boy, can't park your car over there.
06:44Yo, head in, Chuck.
06:46Tell her what time it is.
06:48Understand, trying to get the black man.
06:50I can't park my car, can't park my van.
06:52Don't you understand, man?
06:54I'm showing, park in the white zone, I'll be towing.
06:56Understand this, man?
06:57I can't stand it.
06:58You can't park me, I'm there in traffic.
07:00How you gonna do that?
07:01Can't park fast.
07:02Try to give a brother ticket my ass.
07:04Brother, no one, no ticket.
07:06No!
07:07No!
07:07What?
07:08Brother, no one, no ticket.
07:10Oh, yeah!
07:11Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
07:12Brother, no one, no ticket.
07:14Understand this.
07:15You are the meter made, miss.
07:16Don't give me no ticket on that bellow.
07:18Rip it off of it.
07:19And I see it's yellow.
07:20Can't do that, man.
07:21How does it feel?
07:22Walk outside.
07:23Ticket on the window shield.
07:24I'm a black man, full of rage.
07:26Oh, take that.
07:27Rip out a page.
07:28Take those tickets.
07:29Stomp on it.
07:30Come to the meter made.
07:31Take your pilot.
07:32Yeah, boy.
07:33Hit it one time.
07:35Don't like it.
07:37Can't take it to power.
07:38What?
07:38Gotta fight the ticket power.
07:40Gotta fight the ticket power.
07:42Don't give no ticket, man.
07:45Yeah!
07:50Peace!
07:58Thank you, Michelle.
08:01Thank you, Michelle.
08:06Woo!
08:08Well, I thought it had a really good message, and you could dance to it, so I'll give it
08:1897 points.
08:18Scared the hell out of that little girl.
08:23Yeah.
08:24That's right.
08:24Give me a ticket.
08:25Yeah.
08:27That's scary to people in Orange County, that black power stuff.
08:30You can't...
08:31Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:33Take some luck, all right?
08:34Yeah, dude.
08:35Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:36Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:36Ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:37All right, that was great.
08:37We'll be right back with my Who's Line, and everyone else put my way.
08:48Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
08:50The Cops of Comedy Television.
08:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:55All right, let's move on to a game called The Millionaire Show.
08:58This is for Colin and everybody else.
09:01Colin, you're going to be host of a game called The Millionaire Show.
09:04Ryan, you're going to be a contestant on the show.
09:06Kathy, you're going to be the friend on the phone.
09:08And Wayne is going to be the guy in the studio audience, even though that's not the way they
09:12do it, really, on the show, but that's how we do it here.
09:14You're going to be the guy in the audience.
09:15The twist here is, this is the Jerry Springer version of The Millionaire Show.
09:23Take it away whenever you're ready, Colin.
09:25I can't believe you're just two questions away from a million.
09:29You...
09:29Head.
09:38You do that again, and you'll see what happens.
09:42Sorry.
09:43You ready to answer this?
09:44Yeah.
09:44And you'll be one step closer to a million dollars.
09:46A million bucks, I can get a double-wide trailer.
09:52Okay, here's your question.
09:53All right.
09:54If your mother divorces your father...
10:02...and marries your aunt's uncle's father's son, what relationship...
10:07Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
10:08You don't know about me.
10:10Shut up.
10:11You don't know about...
10:12Okay, sit down.
10:23They don't know nothing about me.
10:25Oh, they don't want to know nothing about you.
10:27Oh, it's okay, I see it.
10:29It's okay, it's all right.
10:31You don't know nothing about me.
10:35Sit down, relax.
10:37All right, so if your mother marries your aunt's uncle's father's son...
10:42Yeah?
10:42What relationship are you now to yourself?
10:46Are you A, your own grandfather?
10:49B, your own uncle?
10:50C, your own sister?
10:52D, your husband?
10:53I want to go up into the audience and talk to a man who I think is my daddy.
11:03Yes, you, sir.
11:09The guy who looks remarkably like our guest.
11:15Hey!
11:17What you want?
11:18You got the question, the answers are A, B, C, or D.
11:21Hey, don't talk to me like that.
11:23I'll come down there with your shiny ass.
11:24You want some of this?
11:27You want some, you want some of this?
11:31Huh?
11:40I played football in high school.
11:43I'll, it's D.
11:46You sure?
11:48No, but then again, I'm not sure if you're my son.
11:51How you doing, Don?
11:55All right, come on, what is it?
11:57He said D.
11:58I'll go with D.
11:59That's your final answer?
12:00No, I'll go with C.
12:03That's your second answer?
12:04Actually, I'll go with A, because I got a lot of Canadian friends.
12:07What's that about Canadians?
12:08You got nothing against Canadians?
12:09You want some of this?
12:10Oh, I wouldn't want that on a plate.
12:14A.
12:15That's your final answer?
12:16Yeah.
12:17You stupid.
12:18Whee!
12:21Oh, yeah, that's right.
12:23What?
12:24That's right.
12:26Whoo!
12:32Whoo!
12:35You were lucky.
12:36All right, you get this right?
12:38You get one million dollars, you can buy your double Y.
12:40All right.
12:41Or a woman, okay?
12:44Here is your question.
12:45Your transvestite lover and you are invited to a black-tie affair.
12:52Do you A, pass her off as your wife, B, pass her off as your brother, C, pass her off
12:59as your husband, D, tell her to lose the chaps?
13:04Wow.
13:05I don't know anything about vampires.
13:08Transvestites.
13:09Huh?
13:09Not Transylvanians, you moron.
13:13Transvestites.
13:14Transvestites.
13:18I'm going to have to use a lifeline.
13:21I'm going to have to make a call and use a lifeline.
13:23Okay, make a call.
13:24All right, I want to call the mother of my baby, my sister Alicia.
13:27You can get them, right?
13:33Yeah, you're at the phone, her.
13:34All right.
13:35You there?
13:36Yeah, hey, I was just about to call you.
13:38My frilly underwear is missing again.
13:42Well, I ain't wearing it.
13:44Yeah, right, you ain't wearing it.
13:46What do you want?
13:47Is it A, B, C, or D?
13:49I don't know where I got an accent from all of a sudden.
13:53You know, when I talk to her, I talk with an accent.
13:55I don't want her to know where I'm from.
13:56Don't ever touch me again.
14:00Hey, baby, is it A, C, or D, or D?
14:02I don't...
14:03A, B, C, or D?
14:05A, B, C, or D.
14:05I don't know which of them numbers it is.
14:07I'd say C.
14:09Is that your favorite number?
14:10Yeah, baby.
14:11You know what?
14:12She's right here.
14:14Come on.
14:14Come on.
14:26Honey, if I get this question right, I win myself $100.
14:31All right!
14:33And I'd be sleeping with her and she's two men.
14:35You know, maybe it's just me when Ryan was running around.
15:05I don't like that all happy.
15:06Did he look a little bit like Larry Bird?
15:10A thousand points for you.
15:12Let's go on to a game called The Millionaire Show.
15:14This is for...
15:14Oh!
15:15Let's not.
15:15Man, just a second.
15:25Let's go on to a game called Motown Group.
15:28This is for Wayne, Colin, and Ryan.
15:34With the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor!
15:37Laura Hall and Linda Taylor!
15:39What I need for the audience is a suggestion of an outdoor profession.
15:46Carjacker!
15:47What?
15:48Carjacker!
15:49What?
15:50Carjacker.
15:51Carjacker?
15:52Yeah.
15:52That's a job now.
15:54Yeah.
15:55That's a J-O-B job.
15:57Carjacker.
15:58So you're going to do a song like a Motown group.
16:02And you're going to be singing...
16:04One guy's going to sing.
16:05The other two are going to do back up.
16:06They're going to take turns.
16:07A Motown group.
16:08And let's hear the song Do the Carjacker.
16:10Take it away.
16:11Hey, everybody.
16:17We're going to tell you about a brand new dance.
16:18It's called The Carjacker.
16:20Well, let me tell you something.
16:22Don't open your doors.
16:23I don't have a car, man.
16:25I want yours.
16:26Don't you see nothing can never stop that?
16:29I'm going to take your car and throw away the Lojack.
16:32Why?
16:34Why?
16:35I like to jack.
16:36Yeah!
16:38Do The Carjack.
16:39Get out.
16:39Every day I like to go carjack.
16:49Carjack.
16:51Going to take your car.
16:52You're never going to get it back.
16:55Get it back.
16:56The latest one they took made me perspire.
17:00Because I had fire stone tires.
17:02Kaboom.
17:05Kaboom.
17:06Oh, baby.
17:10I don't know why I steal.
17:15Don't you know, baby, that's sometimes how I feel.
17:18The last time I stole, I didn't get far.
17:24The vehicle I took was a police car.
17:27I was a fool.
17:28I took a copy car.
17:30He took a copy car.
17:30Yeah, that's what I'm really ready to get.
17:33First, you got to grab a mask.
17:35Put it on your face.
17:36If you want to do it and you do it right, you wait right here at the red light.
17:42Do, do, do.
17:42Excuse me.
17:44Get your arms up.
17:45And then you jump on in.
17:46That's what it's all about.
17:48Do The Carjack.
17:49Do The Carjack.
17:53Woo!
17:54Do The Carjack.
17:56Not gonna get it back to The Carjack.
17:59Yeah.
17:59Do, do, do.
18:02Hey!
18:03Welcome back to Who's Liners.
18:18And anyway, tonight's winner, Kathy Greenwood, is the winner.
18:21Kathy Greenwood, is the winner.
18:24Which means the rest of us get to do our favorite game in the whole wide world, Hoedown.
18:30Yeah.
18:31Hey, hey, piano.
18:33Happy to shout.
18:34Thank you, Laura Hall.
18:36Ordered in for the audience is a suggestion of a glamorous profession.
18:39Ryan Schiles!
18:42Oh, he said a glamorous profession.
18:46What?
18:46Playboy photographer.
18:50The Playboy photographer, Hoedown.
18:53Take it away, Laura Hall.
18:55I've got a job.
19:04Now, don't you all laugh.
19:06I work for Hugh Hefner.
19:08I take photographs.
19:10But I stop the day.
19:12I don't want to be rude.
19:13But you said, hey, Wayne, take pictures of Drew nude.
19:16When I was young, I took up photography.
19:28Then I worked for Playboy.
19:30Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
19:31What's the best thing about working over there?
19:35Well, I saw Wayne's mom in her underwear.
19:38How'd you know?
19:49How'd you know?
19:50Get a fine moment.
19:52I am a photographer, but I'm not the best.
19:57I have a hard time photographing chess.
20:00I called an expert who lived out west.
20:04Because when it comes to this, father knows breast.
20:07I'm taking pictures of Drew out by his pool.
20:19He wants to be in the nude.
20:21I think that's kind of cool.
20:22He's paying me lots of money.
20:25All of it intends.
20:26After looking at him, I think I'll need a telephoto lens.
20:30A telephoto lens.
20:33We'll be right back on Who's Lying after this.
20:37I'm trying to serve you a life.
20:46Hey, welcome back to Who's Lying is a New Wave.
20:48Tonight, you're going to have Kathy Greenwood read the credits for you.
20:51Kathy, I want you to read the credits as a woman in labor.
20:54And you're shouting abuse at all the men who might be the father.
20:57Thanks for watching, everybody.
20:58See you next time.
20:59Bye.
21:00Oh, you are!
21:01I think it's Stan Patterson.
21:04I'm going to kill you for getting me into this situation.
21:08Hopper.
21:09Hopper.
21:10Look what you did to me.
21:11Oh, no.
21:12It was Colin Marguerite.
21:15Oh, no.
21:16It was Colin Marguerite.
21:19It wasn't Kristen and the John Curtain.
21:23No.
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