- 4/28/2025
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00:01Good evening, everybody,
00:03and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, he shoots, he scores,
00:07Greg Proops, a hole-in-one,
00:09Ray Brady,
00:10peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck,
00:12Colin Moffrey,
00:13and no!
00:16Ryan Stiles!
00:18Andrew Carrier, your host,
00:19come on now, let's have some fun.
00:21Welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:34The show where everything's made up
00:36and the points don't matter.
00:37That's right, the points are like 90% of your mail.
00:40It doesn't matter.
00:42It's a big show for you tonight,
00:43we've got a lot to get through.
00:44We're gonna start with a game called Weird Newscasters.
00:46This is for all four of you.
00:47Craig, you're the anchor of a local news program.
00:54No, I'm not.
00:55Oh, I see.
00:56Yeah.
00:57Colin, you're the co-anchor,
00:58you're a talking parrot.
01:03Wayne Brady's doing the sports,
01:04you're an aggressive old drunk who used to do the sports.
01:08Yeah, and?
01:09Yeah, I know.
01:11Weatherman is Ryan.
01:13Ryan, you are your favorite performers,
01:18Siegfried and Roy.
01:26And you're in the middle of your act,
01:27which is going dangerously wrong.
01:30So whenever you hear the music, Greg,
01:32take it away.
01:37Good evening, welcome to the Action News.
01:39I'm sick of Survivor.
01:48These are the headlines.
01:49Psychic convention canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.
01:56Now it can be revealed Shakespeare's plays
01:58were written by a neighbor named Skip.
01:59You don't know him.
02:01You don't know him.
02:02You don't know him.
02:03I'm a daddy.
02:04Would you like a cracker?
02:05There's a cracker.
02:06That's a good co-anchor.
02:07Now it's time to throw it over to our sports desk with Wayne.
02:22Wayne, what do we have in store for us this weekend?
02:26In today's sports...
02:47It appears that the bucket...
02:49The bucket...
02:50The bucket's a chicken!
02:51Chicken
02:53I'ma turn your little squawky ass into chicken
03:00I was going to use this. I just want to use a second to pontificate
03:06Sports are sports are not what they used to be. I was the one
03:11Oh
03:17So have respect that's all that's all I'm saying if if you have feet
03:36I'm okay. I'm a pop-time stuntman
03:41This just in the state of Texas officially changes its name to y'all ain't squat
04:01Well if there's one good turn it deserves another and it's time to turn to weather
04:07Let's find out if the skies are going to be cloudy or sunny. What's going on over there Ryan?
04:12Ryan who are you calling Ryan?
04:15I am the great Roy
04:18We have a spectacular weekend in store. Isn't that right six three? Yes
04:25We'll have rain, but in the summer we'll be back back
04:29Back back back back
04:36Oh my god, what's happened to you?
04:44Back! Back! Back! Back! Back! Back!
04:46The lions come after us! I know! What shall we do? Give them something else!
04:50Hey! Hey! Hey, hey!
05:00Ta-da!
05:01Back to you!
05:03Ta-da!
05:04Back to you.
05:12Thank you, and it didn't even cost $75.
05:16Well, that's all the time we have for the news tonight.
05:19Tonight on Nightline, Ted Koppel's special guest, Satan, the Lord of Darkness.
05:23That's all the time we have. Good night.
05:34All right, you guys, you guys' impressions are getting better and better.
05:39I know.
05:40And Wayne sounded like if Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor had a kid.
05:47It's me.
05:49Because you see.
05:51Because sometimes you put the little liquor inside the jello.
05:56You see.
05:58I've been doing jello shots.
06:00Oh, no.
06:01Oh, I'm sorry.
06:05Excuse me.
06:07Let's go on to a great game.
06:08I love this game.
06:09It's called Two-Line Vocabulary.
06:11It's for Greg, Ryan, and Colin.
06:13Come on, boys.
06:16Now, here's the story on this game.
06:18They're going to act out a scene.
06:19However, Ryan and Colin, I'm only going to give them two lines.
06:22They're only going to say one of their two lines through the whole game.
06:26Colin, your lines are,
06:27I didn't know you had one of those.
06:29And the other line is,
06:31that's completely disgusting.
06:34Ryan, your lines are,
06:36God, I love you.
06:37And the other line is,
06:38how does that feel?
06:40Now, that's all these guys are allowed to say through the whole scene.
06:42Greg can say whatever he wants.
06:44The scene is,
06:44Ryan, you're the president.
06:47You've just been caught with a woman,
06:49and you've called in Colin,
06:50your female press secretary,
06:51and Greg, his advisor,
06:53to resolve the crisis.
06:54So whenever you're ready,
06:55those are your two lines.
06:56Take it away.
06:57You called for us, Mr. President?
06:58God, I love you.
07:00Well, I'm awfully fond of you as well.
07:02That's completely disgusting.
07:04It's just a handshake, Anne.
07:06How does that feel?
07:07Well, it feels all right.
07:09God, I love you.
07:10See?
07:11You pay the man a compliment,
07:12and he loves you.
07:13I didn't know you had one of those.
07:15I didn't know you saw it.
07:19Anyway, Mr. President,
07:20you've brought us in to solve a problem,
07:21I understand.
07:22God, I love you.
07:23Well, I appreciate that, sir.
07:25I have very strong feelings for you as well.
07:27Of course...
07:28How does that feel?
07:29Well,
07:30hearty is how that feels.
07:34God, I love you.
07:34Well, I'm awfully fond of you as well.
07:37I've never noticed how well your pants fit.
07:39Listen,
07:40we need to brainstorm here.
07:42He's in big trouble.
07:43That's completely disgusting.
07:46No, not that kind of trouble.
07:49I didn't know you had one of those.
07:52Will you put that down?
07:53That's the presidential beer.
07:54How does that feel?
07:56That's completely disgusting.
07:58God, I love you.
08:00My God, you're right.
08:01That is completely disgusting.
08:05How does that feel?
08:06That's completely disgusting.
08:13Oh, sir, I don't think we have time for this nonsense.
08:17We...
08:17God, I love you.
08:20He's gone over the deep end.
08:22Do you have any ideas?
08:24I didn't know you had one of those.
08:26I told you before.
08:28Of course I have one of those.
08:30Everyone here has one of those, but you...
08:31How does that feel?
08:32That is completely disgusting.
08:36Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
08:48Or as they say in Spanish,
08:50¿Dónde están mis pantalones?
08:54Hey, you know, during the break,
08:55I installed a new safety feature on my SUV.
08:57Oh.
08:58Yeah, I took off the tires.
09:01We're going to play a game now called Party Quirks.
09:04This is for Greg.
09:05We're going to be hosting a party.
09:07Ryan, Kyle, and Wayne are going to be the guests.
09:09We do, and Ryan, Kyle, and Wayne,
09:11each have a strange, quicker identity,
09:13something to act out at the party.
09:14And Greg has to guess who they are
09:17at the end of the party.
09:18So whenever you're ready, start the party.
09:21I've got my Jell-O.
09:22I've got the cheese nips.
09:23Oh.
09:25Hello, Wayne.
09:25You're a lot older than I remember you.
09:37It seems like I'm...
09:38Hey!
09:38Would you keep doing that for a while?
09:55Hello.
09:56Hi, Colin.
09:56Welcome to the party.
09:57Yeah.
09:58How old are you?
10:05Uh, 40?
10:07Oh, right.
10:10Have you met Wayne?
10:11He's, uh, a guy who enjoys fondling people.
10:14Don't call me a man!
10:16There shouldn't be any dogs here!
10:19You're...
10:19He's Grandma Clump!
10:21Have you...
10:22He's...
10:23He's Grandma Clump.
10:24He's so close.
10:25All right.
10:26It's not Grandma...
10:26Oh, yes.
10:28You're going left.
10:29Hey.
10:30I'm with me to the door there.
10:32Hi.
10:32Hello.
10:33Hey, how are you?
10:34I'm good already.
10:34Hey, I think, uh...
10:36I've, uh...
10:40I think there's, uh...
10:42I've got a couple of friends here.
10:43Do you mind if I just come in and have a look around
10:45and see if I can find them?
10:46No, yeah.
10:46Come on in.
10:47Is that all right with you?
10:47Sure, sure.
10:48What the...
10:48Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
10:52Oh, you can bounce a quarter off that one.
10:54Heee!
10:55You dirty old lady.
10:57You old lady who's a pervert.
10:59You...
11:00What is he?
11:02Come on, Ryan.
11:03Just an old lady?
11:05No, the lights quite fast.
11:06Um...
11:07All right.
11:08Come on in.
11:09It's raining pretty bad out here.
11:10Come on in.
11:11Come on in.
11:13Listen.
11:15I, uh...
11:15I wonder if you've met Ryan.
11:18He's all the animals getting onto Noah's Ark.
11:20He thinks he's...
11:21He thinks he's...
11:23He thinks he's...
11:23He thinks he's a series of animals.
11:26He says you're the third of each animal species, but it's close enough.
11:28You'll never get it.
11:29That's close enough.
11:29The third of each animal species?
11:31Ah!
11:34Well, Colin, it looks like it's just you and me.
11:36How about a beer?
11:37You're a...
11:38Big-time wrestler, you're...
11:40No, where is he working?
11:41Where is he working?
11:43He's checking-eyed views, though.
11:43Yeah.
11:44He throws people out of something.
11:47What is it?
11:48I know what you are now.
11:51But I'd like to draw the tension out.
11:54Do you bounce or you?
11:56Yes.
11:56Yes.
12:02Thousand points to everybody, but Wayne, who suddenly doesn't think my butt is tight enough.
12:07Now, baby, you know I'm playing, baby.
12:08You know I'm playing, girl.
12:11Too late.
12:11It's too late.
12:12Now, come on, you little pirate.
12:14I bet you had all that booty.
12:16See, you can't sweet-talk me now.
12:18Let's go on to a great game called Greatest Hits.
12:20This is for Colin, Ryan, and Wayne with Laura Hall, Linda Taylor, and Ann Kinne.
12:29And what I need for the audience is a suggestion of what you wanted to be when you grow up.
12:35Nurse!
12:35Teacher, of course!
12:36Nurse.
12:37That's a good one.
12:37Now we don't want to do that one.
12:38We'll do nurse.
12:39Astrologist!
12:42Hey, call me when you grow up.
12:44Colin and Ryan are going to be TV commercial pitchmen talking about the latest compilation album they're trying to sell.
12:55They're going to make up names of songs and give Wayne song styles, and Wayne's going to try to sing them.
13:00And then your album is Songs of the Nurse.
13:03Hi!
13:03We'll be right back to our documentary on impotence, shaken, not stirred, in just a second.
13:10Hey, call.
13:11What do the initials R-N mean to you?
13:14Why, they are the initials.
13:22Think about it a while.
13:23I was.
13:25They are registered nurse.
13:28Either that or really annoying.
13:30Without the A.
13:31Oh!
13:31I didn't know that.
13:33Yes.
13:34You know, Colin, nurses are misunderstood, yet they do such services for people throughout the world.
13:40And we've got 400 songs on one CD.
13:46They're packed right in there.
13:47Songs of the Nurse.
13:48Oh, yeah.
13:49You know, Colin.
13:51Yes, Ryan.
13:51As you know, I vacationed in Jamaica once a year for the last 20 years.
13:55Oh, yes.
13:56Why do I go?
13:57Is it because of the sun?
13:58No.
13:58It's because of the music.
14:00I love reggae.
14:01I get down and jiggy with it.
14:04Jiggly?
14:05I didn't know.
14:06I thought it was jiggly.
14:06No, it's jiggly.
14:07Jiggly?
14:07Yeah.
14:07And one of my favorite reggae tunes of all time is $400 Bill.
14:19Come again, now.
14:21Lord knows you come inside, see the doctor, talk to the nurse, now.
14:25Come again, now, listen.
14:26May come talk to you.
14:29Now, now, you said it was exquisite.
14:32You come inside, you see the doctor, nurse for a visit.
14:35Oh, man, now's the best part of the thrill.
14:38You know you are cured.
14:39Here is your bill.
14:40You don't have to be dumb.
14:42You don't have to be a scholar.
14:43What?
14:44I broke your leg.
14:45Now pay me $400.
14:46Don't you understand, man?
14:48Can you endure?
14:49$400 is the cost for your cure.
14:51Now, give me $400, not three, not two, not one.
14:54Because if you don't, you understand, the nurse will have a gun.
14:57Understand this now?
14:58Don't you understand this?
14:59Give me all that money.
15:00Oh, I'm talking to you, man.
15:01Oh, no, it's not funny.
15:02I am the nurse.
15:03I want my money.
15:04$400, I want the nurse.
15:06$400 might be there.
15:07Come on now.
15:08Give me all that money.
15:09Don't you understand?
15:10I might be a tiny nurse, but I'll kick you out, man.
15:13Give me the money.
15:15Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:16Give me the money.
15:18Give me the money.
15:21Give me the money.
15:22One more time.
15:24Give me the money.
15:26I got the back of money.
15:27It just seems like songs of the nurses never stop.
15:37You know, nobody gets the plight of the nurse across more than a rapper and a wrestler.
15:42How right you are.
15:43And that's why this next duet is especially stirring.
15:48I'm talking, of course, about Whitecliffe Jean and The Rock and their rendition of I'm
15:55Tired of Wearing White.
15:57All right, come now.
16:02Whitecliffe's Jean.
16:04Sing a song for you.
16:05Are you ready, Rock?
16:07Can you smell it?
16:08Come again now.
16:16Come again now.
16:17Now listen to me, baby.
16:18Listen to me, Rock.
16:19Come come to the doctor wearing a smock.
16:21Do you want to stand that man all night?
16:22Because look at me, man.
16:23I'm dressed in white.
16:24I'm tired of that.
16:25I'm tired to do you.
16:26Understand?
16:26I want to be dressed in fuchsia.
16:28Maybe green.
16:28Can you explain?
16:29All this is white driving me insane.
16:31I don't care if you're dressed in white.
16:34I don't care if you're dressed in white.
16:38I don't care if you're dressed in white.
16:41I don't care if you're dressed.
16:43Now we end.
16:52If you flip the CD over, the rest of that song's on the other half.
16:58What comes to mind when I say the words Cubs and White Sox?
17:02Banana splits.
17:08They tried introducing them during double headers in the 80s.
17:12It just didn't work.
17:13Because when you threw it, the banana would slip out and you'd be hit with ice cream.
17:17At least in the park I was in.
17:20We'll get you some more medication after the commercial.
17:23But you know, on that CD set, Colin, is one of my favorites.
17:27Oh, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me.
17:29That rockabilly hit, I Wish I Were a Doctor.
17:32Hey folks, I don't mean to be rude.
17:44I want to see people in the news.
17:46That's right, man or sir, I'd love to check your temperature.
17:50I wish I was a doctor.
17:52I wish I could do that.
17:54I could dress up in a smock and talk to people.
17:58I'd love to stay here, near or far, brother, I could be in the ER.
18:03That's right, see for me, I can shock people with electricity.
18:07I'm a doctor, oh, I'm a doctor.
18:11Oh, listen to me, I'm a big DR.
18:14I'm a doctor, a doctor, doctor, I'm a doctor.
18:17I can be a doctor.
18:19All right, hey, we'll be right back.
18:31Tyler, who the winner is, don't go anywhere.
18:39Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
18:41Tonight's winner, Greg Coops.
18:42Thank you very much.
18:45He's going to sit at the desk and the rest of us are going to do a game called Props.
18:47Why don't you hand us our props, this is for myself and Ryan.
18:50There we go.
18:51Oh, no, that's the wrong one, there we go.
18:53Oh, that's the wrong one, yeah, and the other one's for Colin and...
18:57Colin and Wayne, get the other one.
18:59And we have to go back and forth, come up with as many ideas for these props as we can.
19:04Back and forth, starting with Colin and Wayne.
19:07Take it away, Colin and Wayne.
19:09Yeah, maybe you've seen some of my work.
19:10That was one of the mushrooms in Fantasia, see?
19:14Oh, yes!
19:15Oh, beautiful day, Mr. Carey, isn't it?
19:22Their baby has a tremendous head.
19:23This is the only bonnet I could find that would fit.
19:27I'm not sure if this is the ladies or the men's washroom.
19:33Click.
19:34On.
19:35Have you ever given blood before?
19:41No.
19:41Ow!
19:42Ow!
19:42Ow!
19:43Well, after different strokes failed, I became a little priest.
19:46Really?
19:50Is it slimming?
19:51I am not an animal!
20:01Wrong!
20:02It's loose!
20:02Wrong!
20:03Wrong!
20:04Wrong!
20:06Dong!
20:07Dong!
20:09Dong!
20:11Ah!
20:13That's the flimsiest f***ing I've ever seen.
20:38Oh, yeah?
20:38Oh!
20:39Oh, you need to look back at the Who's Ones and AnyWay.
20:43Oh, you need to look back at the Who's Ones and AnyWay.
20:45Don't go away.
20:49Oh!
20:51Welcome back to Who's Ones and AnyWay.
20:53Tonight, we're gonna have everybody read the credits for you.
20:55Guys, I want you to read the credits as aliens looking down from their spaceship.
20:59Thanks for watching, everybody. We'll see you next time. Good night.
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