- 6/19/2025
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00:00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:00:03I have another child, Lynette.
00:00:05You're the one that gave me permission, remember?
00:00:07Not to sleep with the woman who's carrying our child!
00:00:09For some, love will wither.
00:00:11Do I know you?
00:00:12Orson Hodge, Susan's dentist friend.
00:00:14While others will wait for love,
00:00:17for others, new love will bloom
00:00:24that may never arrive.
00:00:30Something awful happened on Lakeview Drive last year.
00:00:35To understand why, you need to know
00:00:38that when Alma Hodge awoke that morning,
00:00:40she had no idea this would be the day she'd leave her husband.
00:00:44Certainly, it began normally enough.
00:00:47She put away the groceries per his instructions.
00:00:51She hung his dry cleaning exactly as he had requested.
00:00:56She folded the towels just as he had taught her.
00:01:02It was just before noon.
00:01:05Mama loves your baby.
00:01:07Does the baby love Mama?
00:01:09Mama!
00:01:10When something inside Alma broke,
00:01:12and she decided it was time to fly away.
00:01:17Of course, she knew better than to say this to her husband.
00:01:21He thought Alma was happy.
00:01:24And Orson Hodge did not like to be contradicted.
00:01:29So she waited till he left for work.
00:01:32And then...
00:01:34Baby!
00:01:35You gotta come down now!
00:01:36Mama's in a hurry!
00:01:37Hurry!
00:01:38Hurry!
00:01:39Hurry!
00:01:40Get back in your cage right now!
00:01:41I'm gonna have to leave you behind!
00:01:42Please!
00:01:43I'm gonna have to leave you behind!
00:01:44Please!
00:01:45Come on!
00:01:46Get back in your cage right now!
00:01:47I'm gonna have to leave you behind!
00:01:48Please!
00:01:49No!
00:01:50No!
00:01:51No!
00:01:52No!
00:01:53No!
00:01:54No!
00:01:55No!
00:01:56No!
00:01:57No!
00:01:58No!
00:01:59No!
00:02:00No!
00:02:01No!
00:02:02No!
00:02:03No!
00:02:04No!
00:02:05No!
00:02:06No!
00:02:07No!
00:02:08No!
00:02:09No!
00:02:10No!
00:02:11No!
00:02:12No!
00:02:22No!
00:02:23The next day, Carolyn Bixby stopped by.
00:02:26And, like most nosy neighbors, she knew you learned more...
00:02:30...if you didn't knock.
00:02:31Alma?
00:02:33Are you home?
00:02:38Carolyn?
00:02:39Carolyn?
00:02:41I was just looking for Alma. We had a coffee date this morning. She never showed.
00:02:46Alma left yesterday.
00:02:49Left?
00:02:51We had a bit of a row.
00:02:53Harvey and I thought we heard some raised voices. So, where'd she go?
00:02:58I don't know. I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure she's fine.
00:03:02Orson, no!
00:03:06Orson, no!
00:03:09So, if I hear from Alma, I'll let her know that you dropped by.
00:03:27Yes, Orson Hodge was a man who did not like to be contradicted.
00:03:34By anyone.
00:03:35It doesn't rain very often in the town of Fairview, but when it does, it pours.
00:03:50It was on just such a day that Bree Vandekamp went on her first date with her new friend, Orson Hodge.
00:03:59A date that ended with a kiss in the rain.
00:04:02This occurred just as Gabrielle Solis was conferring with her new divorce lawyer and describing in vivid detail her husband's affair with their maid, who also happened to be their surrogate.
00:04:17Meanwhile, Lynette Scava was busy meeting her husband's illegitimate daughter, while resisting the urge to strangle the girl's mother.
00:04:30This happened just after Susan Meyer learned Mike Delfino had been badly injured in a hit-and-run accident and was now in a coma at Fairview Memorial Hospital.
00:04:44At that same moment, Edie Britt was putting up a for sale sign on the lawn of the house where I once lived.
00:04:53Edie had also planned to spruce up the property by washing down the driveway, but she was pleased to see the rain had already taken care of that.
00:05:02This is what rainy days are good for. They make everything clean again. Which is necessary on a street like Wisteria Lane. Where everything can get so messy.
00:05:32Welcome. Welcome.
00:05:38Oh, don't worry about the water, though. The floor's a laminated. Here's a flyer.
00:05:43And then the police found her severed fingers in the garage. Oh, no. And they never found Felicia's body.
00:05:49I wouldn't be surprised if some day you opened the cabinet. Hello.
00:05:53Karen, dear, have you seen the marble backsplash?
00:05:55Oh, I just must show it to you. Excuse us.
00:05:59What are you trying to do to the new backstabbing cow?
00:06:02They asked why the owner was selling. I told him that Paul Young was in jail. They asked why.
00:06:07The conversation has a flow.
00:06:09Well, knock it off. I've been trying to unload this house of horrors for months now, and you are not helping.
00:06:14Ah, ah, ah. Those are for potential flyers.
00:06:18Withered old Mooch. Good luck trying to find one of those.
00:06:20Maybe it'll have an easier time with the Apple White House or that rec room in the basement. Get out.
00:06:25Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out.
00:06:29Edie, do you have a moment, please?
00:06:31Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:06:37Settle down.
00:06:39Kayla ready yet?
00:06:42Just a sec.
00:06:43Honey, thank you for this. I know it's a little weird, I mean, to send out a family Christmas photo with your husband's love job, but it means a lot to her to feel included.
00:06:51No problem. She's a great little girl.
00:06:53All right, let's do this. I'm just going to, um, check the focus.
00:07:01Nora!
00:07:03Lynette.
00:07:04Uh-huh. What are you doing there?
00:07:07Well, it's a family photo, right?
00:07:12Tom, could I, could I, could I check your tie again?
00:07:15She sat down so quickly, didn't know what to say.
00:07:18How about you're in the frame, bitch? Move.
00:07:21Lynette.
00:07:22No, I am sorry. How much of her crap do I have to put up with?
00:07:25First, it's a little drop-bys. Then she's inviting herself to dinner three times a week. Now she wants to be in our Christmas photo. I'm sorry. No, that's not happening.
00:07:32Hey, guys. Don't fight. It's the holidays.
00:07:38Nora, this is just for our family. I would prefer if you weren't in it.
00:07:44Oh.
00:07:50Okay.
00:07:53Kayla, honey, we gotta go. They're kicking us out.
00:07:57Well, didn't it say that Kayla couldn't be in the photo?
00:07:59Yeah, well, you know what? If I'm not your family, then she's not your family.
00:08:07It's okay. I don't have to be in the picture.
00:08:09Fine. Fine. No, absolutely fine. Put crazy at the end and we can crap her out later.
00:08:18Fair enough. Fair enough. Hey, everything's okay. It's okay. Come on, guys. Come on back.
00:08:24Thank you, Lynette. That's the Christmas spirit that I was looking for.
00:08:29Ten seconds.
00:08:35I think this is a little stiff. I have a really fun idea.
00:08:39Ah!
00:08:49Where are my crackers?
00:08:51We're out, but I got you a pickle.
00:08:54Pickles and soup. Who eats that?
00:08:57You know, that's all I got.
00:08:59Ever heard of a store?
00:09:00You did not just do that. I hate pickles. Pick it up.
00:09:10Doctors say I only get out of bed to pee. Better for baby. Remember?
00:09:15Don't go. I need you to rub my feet. They're sore. And doctor said...
00:09:29Oh, cut it out, Xiao Mei. The doctor didn't say anything about rubbing your chubby stumps. Rub them yourself.
00:09:33You treat me like dirt.
00:09:37Would you rather go live with Mr. Solis? In a dingy one-bedroom apartment with no air conditioning and no cable? Huh?
00:09:45No. I didn't think so.
00:09:47You are meanest person I know. I am THE meanest person. You've been in this country a year. Modify your nouns, damn it.
00:09:57What a bitch.
00:10:04I can't wait for you to pop out that baby.
00:10:07Because when you do, I am putting you on the first plane back to Shanghai.
00:10:10And you're going to be on all fours in a rice patty before the epidural wears off.
00:10:16But you promised to get me apartment in Chinatown.
00:10:19So I can work for my friend in restaurants. Starts a new life.
00:10:23Tell it to my Chinese friend.
00:10:24Sue me!
00:10:35You know, we do have people here in the hospital who can do that.
00:10:38But I like doing it. And I think Mike would want me to.
00:10:40Oops. Oh.
00:10:48So have you got the results of his latest MRI yet?
00:10:51I'm afraid there was no change.
00:10:52Oh.
00:10:54Well, how long until you can do another one?
00:10:56I don't want to tell you not to be optimistic, but...
00:10:58Look, I know it's been six months, but he could still come out of it, right?
00:11:01I saw on the news there was this woman in Peru. She woke up after ten years.
00:11:05There's a reason that made the news.
00:11:07You might think I'm naive, but I know he's coming back to me.
00:11:10Susan...
00:11:11Don't say it. You just keep doing your job and I'll keep doing it.
00:11:14Oops.
00:11:28That risotto was perfect.
00:11:31Just like you.
00:11:32Listen, I hope you saved room for dessert.
00:11:36I got us something special from a wonderful little bakery downtown.
00:11:39Oh.
00:11:43That is so adorable.
00:11:45But I don't think I could eat another bite.
00:11:47Here. Let me take half.
00:11:48What do you say, Bri?
00:11:55Will you marry me?
00:11:59This is a little sudden, isn't it?
00:12:03We've only known each other six months, but I've loved you every minute of it.
00:12:06But if you don't share my feelings.
00:12:11No, no.
00:12:13I do.
00:12:15It's just that I can't help being cautious since, Rex, I haven't been exactly lucky enough.
00:12:21I used to feel the same way.
00:12:23When Alma left me, I was shattered, but I realize now it was the luckiest day of my life because it meant I was free when I met you.
00:12:29Luck can change, Bri.
00:12:35Let me change yours.
00:12:41Yes.
00:12:43Yes.
00:12:45Yes, I will marry you, Orson.
00:12:59Iain Hainsworth had been miserable ever since a tragic horseback riding accident had left his wife, Jane, in a coma.
00:13:23For the next three years, he shied away from all social contact because he wanted to be alone with his grief.
00:13:34Then one day he met Susan Meyer, who, because of her own tragedy, was just as miserable as he was.
00:13:43And a friendship slowly blossomed.
00:13:50Because as everyone knows, misery loves company.
00:13:54And Ian was loving this company more and more every day.
00:13:59One, two, three, oh, itch, itch, itch, itch, itch, itch, oh, itch, itch, itch.
00:14:13Did the nurses know you do this?
00:14:14Oh, hey, um, you weren't supposed to see that.
00:14:16Well, clearly.
00:14:17But you can buy my silence if you'll have coffee with me.
00:14:21Oh, I would love to, but I think I'm in a rush here.
00:14:23I'm supposed to meet my girlfriends for lunch at one? Is it one yet?
00:14:25Well, you tell me.
00:14:26I notice you're always rushing into the hall to check the time, so I, um, well, I bought you this.
00:14:32Oh.
00:14:34Wow.
00:14:36Um, I, I, I can't accept this. This is too extravagant.
00:14:39Oh, no, it's nothing.
00:14:40The guy in the sidewalk had a bunch of them laid out in a blanket.
00:14:42If you look closely, it says Folex.
00:14:46Still, I...
00:14:47Please. It would make me so happy if you took it.
00:14:52Well, in that case, thank you for my cheap knockoff.
00:14:54Oh, my God, I'm late.
00:14:55Oh, my God, I'm late.
00:14:58Hi. Hi, hi, hi. Hi.
00:14:59I'm so sorry I'm late.
00:15:00No, that's fine.
00:15:01Wow. White gloves. What, are we having a luncheon in the 1880s?
00:15:02Yeah.
00:15:03Well, it's a very elegant club.
00:15:04You know, Orson's been a member here for years.
00:15:05It'll be a nice place to go.
00:15:06Oh, my God.
00:15:07Oh, my God.
00:15:08Oh, my God.
00:15:09Oh, my God, I'm late.
00:15:10Oh, my God, I'm late.
00:15:11Oh, my God.
00:15:12Hi.
00:15:13Hi.
00:15:14Hi.
00:15:15Hi.
00:15:16I'm so sorry I'm late.
00:15:17No, that's fine.
00:15:18Wow, white gloves.
00:15:19What, are we having luncheon in the 1880s?
00:15:20It's a very elegant club.
00:15:21You know, Orson's been a member here for years.
00:15:23It'll be even nicer when they finish the construction.
00:15:26So you were very mysterious on the phone.
00:15:28Why did you want to have lunch?
00:15:29Well, I wanted to invite you to a dinner that Orson and I are having this Saturday.
00:15:33So you asked us to a meal to announce another meal?
00:15:36That's so free of you.
00:15:39What's the occasion?
00:15:40Oh, no occasion, just a little get-together.
00:15:43What are you being so coy about?
00:15:45I'm not being coy.
00:15:46She said coyly.
00:15:47If you don't tell us, we're not coming.
00:15:50Oh, all right.
00:15:53I wanted to wait and make a proper announcement, but...
00:15:58Orson and I are engaged.
00:16:00Oh, my gosh.
00:16:01Oh, let me see.
00:16:02Oh, wow.
00:16:03You move fast.
00:16:05I know it's quick, but it just feels so right.
00:16:08Orson is just the most warm, wonderful, generous man.
00:16:13Oh, generous.
00:16:14That means he's good in the sack.
00:16:16Actually, uh, no.
00:16:18We haven't had sex yet.
00:16:19We're waiting until we get married.
00:16:28Oh, my God.
00:16:29You're serious?
00:16:31No sex at all?
00:16:32Not even...
00:16:33Whatever you're alluding to, no.
00:16:35But you're gonna get married.
00:16:37You wouldn't buy a car without at least taking it for a little test drive?
00:16:42It's not like you've never slept with a guy you weren't married to.
00:16:45True.
00:16:46I have in the past given myself away too freely.
00:16:48How charming of you to bring that up while I'm announcing my engagement.
00:16:51But I like to think that I have learned from my mistakes.
00:16:54So, the dinner is at 8 o'clock.
00:16:56And when we make the announcement, please, everybody look surprised.
00:17:00Don't worry.
00:17:01I'm just gonna replay the look I had when I found out you hadn't banged him yet.
00:17:04Hey, sexy mama.
00:17:13That's cute.
00:17:15So, you invited Kayla to Parker's birthday party, right?
00:17:18Of course.
00:17:19And?
00:17:20And?
00:17:21What did you tell Nora?
00:17:22I told her that we were picking up Kayla for a quiet afternoon at home.
00:17:26You lied?
00:17:27Yeah, you're damn straight I lied.
00:17:29I will not have that lunatic ruining one more family gathering.
00:17:32But Kayla's gonna, you know, tell Nora that we had a party.
00:17:35And I'm just afraid that Nora's gonna blow a gasket.
00:17:41What?
00:17:42So, what are you saying?
00:17:43You're more afraid of Nora than you are of me?
00:17:45Is that what you think I meant?
00:17:47Because that's still not what I meant.
00:17:50You scared the hell out of me, baby.
00:17:56The coffee machine was broken, so I got us a couple of smoothies.
00:18:01They had strawberry and strawberry.
00:18:03Well, I hate strawberry, so give me the strawberry.
00:18:11Hi, Jane.
00:18:12Nothing against smoothies, but I wouldn't mind having some real food sometime.
00:18:16Maybe we could go to a restaurant.
00:18:18You mean, like, outside the hospital?
00:18:20Yeah, you know, like a date.
00:18:22A date?
00:18:23Oh!
00:18:24Um...
00:18:25Yeah, there's a lovely little bistro down the street.
00:18:27I'm sorry.
00:18:30Oh, well, that sounds, uh, just...
00:18:32That sounds great!
00:18:35I mean, I hope that's okay.
00:18:36Yeah!
00:18:37Um...
00:18:43So, I was, um...
00:18:44I was thinking about how that sounded just about the, uh, the date thing.
00:18:47I really sprang it on you out of nowhere.
00:18:49Yes, you did.
00:18:57Jane looked cold.
00:19:00Oh.
00:19:01Thanks.
00:19:03Look, we're, um...
00:19:04We're both in difficult situations.
00:19:06I've been in mine a lot longer than you have, so, uh, if you're not ready, I understand.
00:19:10If you ever should be, uh, let, let, let me know.
00:19:15All right.
00:19:17Uh, I am really hungry.
00:19:19Well, then, let's, um, let's go to the blood bank and swipe some, some sugar cookies.
00:19:27Um, you might want to give Jane a sponge bath, cause she had a little accident.
00:19:31Hello?
00:19:32Hey, Lynette.
00:19:33It's me.
00:19:34Hey, Mom!
00:19:35Are you having a party?
00:19:36Shh!
00:19:37Shh!
00:19:38Quiet!
00:19:39Quiet!
00:19:40Quiet!
00:19:41Quiet!
00:19:42Quiet!
00:19:43No!
00:19:44Yeah, no, no, of course not.
00:19:45In fact...
00:19:46We're just having a...
00:19:47Quiet!
00:19:48Quiet!
00:19:49Quiet!
00:19:50Quiet!
00:19:51Quiet!
00:19:52Quiet!
00:19:53Quiet!
00:19:54Quiet!
00:19:55Quiet!
00:19:56Quiet!
00:19:57Quiet!
00:19:58Quiet!
00:19:59Quiet!
00:20:00Quiet!
00:20:01Quiet!
00:20:02We're just having a quiet afternoon at home.
00:20:03Um, the kids are so bored.
00:20:04Tom and I were thinking of taking them out for ice cream!
00:20:07Well, would you tell Kayla that Mommy called to check on her?
00:20:11Oh, I will, I will, and I'll see you tonight.
00:20:13Okay.
00:20:14Bye.
00:20:16You think she bought it?
00:20:18No, I think she'll be over here in ten minutes.
00:20:21Okay, let's move, let's move, I've got 10 bucks here for the kid who can carry the most
00:20:26stuff, okay?
00:20:27Hey, Gabby, it's Lynette. Got a little emergency here. Is that okay if we use your backyard?
00:20:34Great, great. And we take complete responsibility for whatever Tony does.
00:20:40Hope you got this message soon.
00:20:43Oh!
00:20:46My only concern would be the neighborhood. We really need a quiet place for our retirement.
00:20:51Oh, are you kidding? There's no place in Fairview that's more peaceful.
00:20:56Let me show you the video room.
00:21:04Go ahead. On the balloons.
00:21:08All right. Okay. All right. That's it. I'll be down.
00:21:13Where's the cake?
00:21:15Oh.
00:21:21Yoo-hoo. Anybody home?
00:21:25Hello?
00:21:31Hey, Nora. Wow. We weren't expecting you until seven.
00:21:35So where's Kayla?
00:21:36I thought I told you Tom took the kids to the movies.
00:21:39Uh-uh. You said ice cream.
00:21:43Uh-huh. After the movies. Movies, then ice cream, in American tradition.
00:21:48So is something wrong?
00:21:56To be honest, I thought that you were lying and having a party.
00:21:58Oh. I guess I was wrong.
00:22:00Oh. Apology accepted.
00:22:02Want me to walk you to your car?
00:22:10Where did everybody go?
00:22:14Nora, look. I am sorry I lied. You know, you gave me no choice.
00:22:18Lynette, I want my daughter. Where's the damn party?
00:22:24No. I'm not telling. Where's the party?
00:22:40No. No, no. You want in and you're gonna have to go through me.
00:22:42I want my kid, Lynette.
00:22:45Kayla! Kayla, come out here now!
00:22:48What is going on?
00:22:50Well, first you have a party and you don't invite me.
00:22:53And then you lie about it.
00:22:55So now, we're leaving.
00:22:57Wait a minute. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, Kayla.
00:23:00I'm sorry. We're sorry. We shouldn't have done that.
00:23:06But look, Kayla is having such a good time.
00:23:09Why don't we all just come on in and have some cake and we can just...
00:23:12Lynette, Lynette. We can just have fun.
00:23:14Could you excuse me for one second?
00:23:16Lynette.
00:23:19Okay, okay, I know. But what else could I do?
00:23:21I'm just thinking of Kayla.
00:23:23I know you are, Tom, and I know you love her.
00:23:26Why else do you think I'm willing to put up with all this for six months?
00:23:29Why do you think I'm willing to say to my college roommates,
00:23:31Yes, that's my husband's love child and her mother in our Christmas picture.
00:23:34Because I am your wife.
00:23:37You always come first with me.
00:23:41Do I still come first with you?
00:23:51I guess I'll see you later, Nora.
00:23:53Well, I'm taking Kayla.
00:23:55Well, that's a shame.
00:23:57I've got to go hoist a pinata.
00:24:01Mommy, they have a pinata.
00:24:12Fine!
00:24:14I'll be back at seven.
00:24:15But there had better be a corner piece of cake waiting for me.
00:24:19Come on, Kayla. Go have some fun.
00:24:21Come on, Kayla. Go have some fun.
00:24:23Come have some fun.
00:24:25Thank you for that.
00:24:29Sure.
00:24:30I'll be back in 20 minutes.
00:24:31Can I go buy a pinata?
00:24:32Sure am.
00:24:33I'll be back in 20 minutes.
00:24:34I'll be back in 20 minutes.
00:24:35I'll be back in 20 minutes.
00:24:36Can I go buy a pinata?
00:24:37Sure am.
00:24:39Xiaomi!
00:24:45Xiaomi!
00:24:46Come on out.
00:24:47I'll have you lunch.
00:24:51Xiaomi,
00:24:53your favorite soap is on.
00:24:54There's a doctor fondling a patient at the operating table.
00:24:57You're missing it!
00:24:58Xiaomi!
00:25:00Xiaomi!
00:25:04Xiaomi!
00:25:05Hey, quick question. Have you, by any chance, seen Xiaomei?
00:25:23I can't believe you lost our baby.
00:25:26We're not lose our baby. Stop saying that.
00:25:28We know exactly where it is.
00:25:30Inside some crazy Chinese woman who also stole half a chicken from my fridge.
00:25:35Hi. Hi. Lee Wang. Right? Remember me? Xiaomei lived with me. You came over. We had lunch.
00:25:48You got some nerve showing your face here. Get up.
00:25:51Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to that famous Chinese hospitality?
00:25:55Xiaomei called me. She said you threatened to send her back to China to work as a slave in a rice paddy.
00:26:00I... I may have mentioned deportation, but I didn't think she'd take it personally.
00:26:07Are you crazy?
00:26:08It was banter. I mean, has this country come to the point where you can't joke with the help?
00:26:13You treat Xiaomei like dirt. She's just the poor innocent girl trying to live the American dream just like your ancestors.
00:26:21Oh, don't give me that we are the world crap. That woman's uterus is harboring a stolen baby.
00:26:26So if you know where she is, you better start talking. Or else I'm going to get the health department down here and take a closer look at what you're serving as mooshu pork.
00:26:38Boy, those people just don't have a sense of humor, do they?
00:26:41I'm telling you, at this number, it's not going to last long.
00:26:45Well, we've liked the neighborhood, but we've heard that some odd things have gone on with this house.
00:26:49Complete fabrication. Malicious lies spread by jealous competitors.
00:26:53Now you've got to check out the storage. I'm not going to believe what you put in here.
00:27:02And now the media room.
00:27:05Wow, you certainly devoured that ice cream. Can I get you anything else?
00:27:09You tell me.
00:27:12Orson.
00:27:17I thought we... Orson.
00:27:20I just assumed, now that we're engaged.
00:27:22Does that change our core values?
00:27:24No.
00:27:26But when I saw you standing in front of the freezer in a clingy silk dress, let's just say, well, I chose.
00:27:32Well, I thought we agreed we wanted our wedding night to be perfect.
00:27:35Yes. Actors want opening night to be perfect. That's why they rehearse.
00:27:38Hmm.
00:27:40It would be better this way.
00:27:43Now, can I get you some more ice cream?
00:27:47Not in that dress.
00:28:02Hi.
00:28:03So, I need to ask you something.
00:28:13Ian, you know, from across the hall.
00:28:18You met him.
00:28:19You met him.
00:28:20Anyway.
00:28:22He sort of asked me out.
00:28:26On a date.
00:28:28I know you're thrown.
00:28:31I was thrown too.
00:28:33But he's really nice and...
00:28:35I could sort of use someone to talk to.
00:28:43Who also talks back.
00:28:44The thing is, I'm sort of lonely.
00:28:55And the past six months have been really hard on me.
00:28:58So what I need is...
00:29:01I...
00:29:02I need to know if it's okay with you if I go out with him.
00:29:09Because if it's not, I won't.
00:29:12In fact, I'd like nothing better than for you to just wake up right now and tell me not to go out with him.
00:29:19Just wake up and tell me.
00:29:22Wake up!
00:29:24Please!
00:29:25I'll see you tomorrow.
00:29:27I love you.
00:29:31Alright.
00:29:36I'll see you tomorrow.
00:29:39I love you.
00:29:50It is really just dinner.
00:29:55Okay.
00:30:04I'm just dropping off Carlos and then I'll be by to pick her up.
00:30:07Okay. Thanks, Edie.
00:30:11Chummy's fine.
00:30:13Crisis averted. No harm, no foul.
00:30:15How can you say that? You endangered the life of our baby today.
00:30:18Don't you dare give me that attitude.
00:30:20You have no idea what I've been going through these past six months.
00:30:23Here we go.
00:30:24You've had to wait hand and foot on your mistress.
00:30:27I mean, imagine if the day after you found out about John Rowland you had to make his lunch and rub his feet.
00:30:32Yeah, well John Rowland wasn't carrying our kid.
00:30:34Forgive me for being concerned about our surrogate.
00:30:37Chummy is going to be fine.
00:30:40Once that baby comes, her slate is wiped clean.
00:30:42She's going to walk away.
00:30:44Go off and live her American dream.
00:30:45Me? I'm going to be stuck.
00:30:46A single mother raising a child alone.
00:30:48Haggling with lawyers on who gets the kid at Christmas.
00:30:52My American dream is officially dead.
00:30:56I'm sorry.
00:31:00Just so you know, my dream isn't that-
00:31:03Okay, so we will see you Saturday.
00:31:04And please pretend to be surprised.
00:31:05Bye.
00:31:06Told someone else?
00:31:07Breathe.
00:31:08I thought the whole point of the party was to announce our engagement.
00:31:09I just can't help it.
00:31:10I like telling people.
00:31:11Makes me feel...
00:31:12I don't know, it makes me feel like I'm starting over.
00:31:13Feels good.
00:31:15Feels good to me, too, though.
00:31:16Hm.
00:31:17And please pretend to be surprised.
00:31:20Bye.
00:31:21Told someone else?
00:31:23Breathe.
00:31:24I thought the whole point of the party was to announce our engagement.
00:31:27I just can't help it.
00:31:28I like telling people.
00:31:30It makes me feel...
00:31:32I don't know, it makes me feel like I'm starting over.
00:31:35It feels good.
00:31:36Feels good to me, too, though.
00:31:39Ah, no hand, see?
00:31:41Mm.
00:31:42Mm.
00:31:45Mm.
00:31:47You don't have to wash those, I already did them.
00:31:49Oh, I found some streaks.
00:31:52So I'm wiping them down with undiluted red wine vinegar.
00:31:56I've never heard of that.
00:31:58Oh, sure.
00:31:59But for tougher spots, I use a 50-50 mix of denatured alcohol and water.
00:32:06Remember those really intractable stains?
00:32:09I mean, we're talking shower doors.
00:32:12I wipe on lacquer thinner with a towel.
00:32:15Yeah.
00:32:17Okay.
00:32:20Free?
00:32:23Oh!
00:32:26Fuck!
00:32:31Oh!
00:32:32Grass!
00:32:40Oh!
00:32:46Oh!
00:32:46Excuse me?
00:32:48Hmm?
00:32:49Did you lose something?
00:32:51No, I just thought, for you.
00:32:56Oh, um, I don't do that.
00:32:59Why not?
00:33:00I'm a Republican.
00:33:02I'm a Libertarian.
00:33:03I believe in minimizing the role of the state and maximizing individual rights.
00:33:07But Orson...
00:33:09Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
00:33:16Oh, no.
00:33:30What?
00:33:31You didn't just crack that veneer again, did you?
00:33:33I have to go.
00:33:35Go?
00:33:37Go where?
00:33:39And then it was like something inside ruptured.
00:33:42Well, not so much a rupture as a spasm.
00:33:45Waves of this hot, clutching.
00:33:47I think I might have had a small stroke.
00:33:50How severe were the pains?
00:33:52Well, that's the odd thing.
00:33:53I mean, there was no pain, per se.
00:33:55In fact, it wasn't entirely unpleasant.
00:33:58What were you doing at the time?
00:34:01I was, uh, with my fiancée.
00:34:03We were lying down.
00:34:06Resting.
00:34:07I'm going to take a wild swing here.
00:34:09Were you having sex?
00:34:10Sort of.
00:34:13Miss Vandercamp, I think you may have had an orgasm.
00:34:18No, no, no.
00:34:18I've had orgasms before.
00:34:20How would you describe them?
00:34:21Oh, you know, that warm sensation, that tingling feeling of relief when it's over.
00:34:26No.
00:34:27No, this was much...
00:34:28Better?
00:34:29Yes.
00:34:30That's because it was an orgasm.
00:34:32Oh, my God.
00:34:38Oh, my God.
00:34:38Oh, my God.
00:34:57Oh, my God.
00:34:57Hi, can I help you?
00:35:16Are you Bree Vandercamp?
00:35:18Yes, and you are?
00:35:19Carolyn Bigstade.
00:35:21I was Orson's neighbor.
00:35:23Oh, well, come on in.
00:35:24Let's dry you off and get you a drink.
00:35:26I didn't come here to celebrate.
00:35:32Carolyn.
00:35:33Engaged again.
00:35:34That was quick work.
00:35:37Does she know you killed your wife?
00:35:42My wife left me.
00:35:45And no one ever heard from her again.
00:35:47Not me, not her family.
00:35:50Just dropped off the face of the earth.
00:35:51Morrison, what is she talking about?
00:35:58Didn't tell you that part, did he?
00:35:59All right, Carolyn, you've made your little sue.
00:36:01Keep your hands off me.
00:36:04Don't let him fool you.
00:36:06Get away from him now while you can.
00:36:12Please leave my house.
00:36:13What?
00:36:14Be a fool.
00:36:16Marry him.
00:36:18Just don't be surprised when you go missing, too.
00:36:20I'm sorry you had to endure that.
00:36:40Your wife disappeared?
00:36:49I tried to find her.
00:36:52Her family claimed not to have heard from her.
00:36:56Personally, I think she was just trying to punish me.
00:37:00So, are you still married?
00:37:03No.
00:37:04I was granted a divorce on grounds of abandonment.
00:37:10Brie.
00:37:12You can't possibly think that...
00:37:15No, of course not.
00:37:20I love you.
00:37:22And I love you.
00:37:27Of course.
00:37:30My hand.
00:37:31My hand.
00:37:33The buffet is open.
00:38:00Brie.
00:38:00Brie.
00:38:03Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning, everything will be made clean.
00:38:33And even the most troubling stains will have disappeared.
00:38:39Like the doubts over his innocence.
00:38:44Or the consequence of his mistake.
00:38:51Like the scars of his betrayal.
00:38:54Or the memory of his kiss.
00:39:07So we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best.
00:39:11Even though we know in our hearts, some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away.
00:39:27Previously on Desperate Housewives.
00:39:40It means a lot to her to feel included.
00:39:42Sometimes dark clouds have silver linings.
00:39:45He sort of asked me out.
00:39:46It's okay with you if I go out with him.
00:39:49Sometimes they don't.
00:39:50Once that baby comes, I'm going to be stuck, raising the child alone.
00:39:53When it comes to life on Wisteria Lane...
00:39:55Will you marry me?
00:39:56...things that seem too good to be true...
00:39:58Does she know you killed your wife?
00:39:59...usually turn out...
00:40:00Don't get away from him now while you can.
00:40:02...to be deadly.
00:40:04Brides are sensitive creatures.
00:40:08And no one knows this better than the bridesmaids who have to deal with them.
00:40:13Well, I think a ten-foot train is great.
00:40:17But a shorter one would be just as nice and you wouldn't have to worry about people tripping on it.
00:40:21Personally, I love smoked rabbit.
00:40:25But for a sure crowd pleaser, you can't beat chicken.
00:40:29Uh, sure, who doesn't love a string quartet?
00:40:34But if you've got a band, maybe people could dance as opposed to sway.
00:40:39But the one area where a bridesmaid's tact is most required involves the dress.
00:40:45So what do you think?
00:40:46She's required to wear.
00:40:48Well, um, I'm not sure that I've ever seen this shade of green before.
00:40:54Yeah, don't you think it'll be gorgeous with my coloring?
00:40:56Yes, it would look perfect.
00:40:58For someone with your coloring.
00:41:00I mean, I was lucky to find these.
00:41:01It's not easy putting a wedding together in two weeks.
00:41:03Then why the rush?
00:41:05Yeah, Brie, I'd have thought of you as a person who wants time to plan.
00:41:08Well, Orson and I talked about it, and we just feel at our age it's silly to wait.
00:41:13And with your help, I'm sure we can get it all done.
00:41:15Well, we are happy to pitch in.
00:41:17Oh, uh, that reminds me.
00:41:18I have to get a copy of the seating chart for you, Gabby.
00:41:21You are in charge of the centerpieces.
00:41:22And don't worry, Susan.
00:41:23I will think of a job for you.
00:41:27Here's a job.
00:41:28How about talking you out of marrying a homicidal dentist?
00:41:30Susan, we don't know that.
00:41:32All we have is some crazy woman's accusation.
00:41:34His wife vanished, and he didn't even tell Brie.
00:41:37How much more proof do you need?
00:41:38He says he's innocent.
00:41:39She believes him.
00:41:40If we say we don't, she'll just end up hating us.
00:41:42Well, I'm sorry.
00:41:43I cannot sit here on my key lime ass and watch Brie make the worst mistake of her life.
00:41:49And what mistake would that be?
00:41:53Well, um, honestly...
00:42:00Yes, a bridesmaid can question many of the bride's choices.
00:42:04These dresses are hideous.
00:42:06But the groom isn't one of them.
00:42:36The perfect couple.
00:42:53We've all met them, haven't we?
00:42:55That man and woman so clearly made for each other,
00:42:59we feel certain they're on the road to happiness.
00:43:02But that road has many detours.
00:43:05And even perfect couples can find themselves at a dead end.
00:43:10You want what?
00:43:11You heard me.
00:43:12And I want the bedroom stereo.
00:43:14I want the marble console and that painting of St. Augustine.
00:43:17You don't even know who he is.
00:43:19I know he matches the drapes.
00:43:20People, can we focus here?
00:43:21And I want my pearl necklace back.
00:43:23Don't think I didn't notice that you swiped it.
00:43:24That was my mama's and hers before her.
00:43:26I think it belongs in my family.
00:43:27There was a time that you thought I belonged in your family.
00:43:29And you got over that.
00:43:31Stop eating my fries.
00:43:32I'm hungry.
00:43:33You know what the doctor said.
00:43:34You should see his cholesterol.
00:43:35This man bleeds bacon grease.
00:43:36Enough!
00:43:40You two are going to have to find a way to deal with each other.
00:43:42Because you are about to bring a child into this world.
00:43:44And divorced or not, once that child arrives,
00:43:47you will be bound together for as long as you live.
00:43:50Well, in that case, have some more fries.
00:44:02I'll pick Caleb on Sunday.
00:44:03Whenever.
00:44:04Just go.
00:44:05You and Turk have a great time.
00:44:07Oh, trust me, we will.
00:44:09The man is a jackhammer.
00:44:12Ah.
00:44:13Bye, Tom.
00:44:14Bye.
00:44:15See you Sunday.
00:44:16Where is she going?
00:44:18She and Turk are going down to the river for the weekend.
00:44:22That's Turk?
00:44:23That's the new boyfriend?
00:44:24Uh-uh.
00:44:25No.
00:44:26Hey, hey, hey, Tom, please.
00:44:27I don't want my daughter hanging around with a guy like that.
00:44:29You haven't even met him.
00:44:30He could be the sweetest man in the world.
00:44:36More importantly, ever since he entered the picture,
00:44:39squeaky foam is never around.
00:44:40It has been bliss.
00:44:42I haven't made this face in a week.
00:44:44If you ruin this, he'll help me out for you.
00:44:46Just look at him.
00:44:47Look at him, please.
00:44:48I swear, that is a child skull hanging from his rear view mirror.
00:44:51Doesn't that concern you?
00:44:52No, I'm good.
00:44:55Could be a monkey.
00:44:58Uh, I think I will have the mescaline salad.
00:45:03That's it?
00:45:04That's all you're having?
00:45:05Well, all the food is very expensive.
00:45:08You don't need to whisper.
00:45:09The waiter knows they're robbing us blind.
00:45:11You can have whatever you want.
00:45:14In that case, I'll have the lobster bisque
00:45:16and the veal with the black truffles.
00:45:18Is that okay?
00:45:19Yeah, it's fine.
00:45:20I'll just have Jane move to the VA hospital.
00:45:21Oh, my God.
00:45:22I'm kidding.
00:45:23It's fine.
00:45:24I'll have what she's having.
00:45:26Of course.
00:45:28God, I love seeing you laugh.
00:45:30Oh, well, it's been a long time since I've been in the mood to.
00:45:34Oh, dear God.
00:45:35Did I squeeze too hard?
00:45:37No, it's my wife's parents.
00:45:40Oh.
00:45:41Oh, wow.
00:45:42Oh, is this going to be awkward?
00:45:43No, no, no.
00:45:44Not unless, of course, they see us.
00:45:45Ian!
00:45:46Awkward.
00:45:48Jeff, Renee, what a delightful surprise.
00:45:52It's so good to see you, dear.
00:45:54Hello.
00:45:55I'm Renee.
00:45:56And this is my husband, Jeff.
00:45:57Susan Meyer.
00:45:58Doctor.
00:45:59Doctor Susan Meyer.
00:46:00She's new to Jane's neurology team.
00:46:01Oh.
00:46:02I just assumed you worked in Ian's publishing house.
00:46:04Well, yes.
00:46:05How nice that would have been, huh?
00:46:07Um, but no, no, I'm, uh...
00:46:09I just assumed you worked in Ian's publishing house.
00:46:11Well, yes.
00:46:12How nice that would have been, huh?
00:46:14Um, but no, no, I'm, uh...
00:46:16I'm not.
00:46:17I'm not.
00:46:18I'm not.
00:46:19I'm not.
00:46:20I'm not.
00:46:21I'm not.
00:46:22No, no.
00:46:23I'm, uh...
00:46:24a brain specialist.
00:46:25Well, Doctor Meyer, maybe I can ask you.
00:46:28Our daughter's most recent EEG showed brain spikes,
00:46:31but it didn't change the score on a Glasgow scale.
00:46:34Why is that?
00:46:36What an excellent question.
00:46:41And this is the, uh, spinal cord.
00:46:45Oh.
00:46:46Mm.
00:46:47And it, of course, attaches to the brain.
00:46:49You don't have to dumb it down for us, Doctor.
00:46:51We've been dealing with Jane's condition for years.
00:46:53Oh.
00:46:54Good.
00:46:55Um, I'm, um...
00:46:56Well, then let's, let's get technical.
00:46:58Uh, let's give Doctor Meyer the night off.
00:47:00She was in surgery for ten hours today, performing a craniotomy.
00:47:03That's exactly the procedure Jane had.
00:47:06How'd it go?
00:47:08Uh, well, I...
00:47:11It just...
00:47:12Wow.
00:47:13I hear my, my phone vibrating.
00:47:16Um, hello, uh, Doctor Meyer.
00:47:19Yeah, what?
00:47:21You, you, you say that his brain shut off?
00:47:24Oh.
00:47:25I'll be right there.
00:47:26Um, sat.
00:47:27Oh, I'm sorry.
00:47:28Duty calls.
00:47:35Orson!
00:47:36I moved the furniture back.
00:47:39Good Lord, Bree.
00:47:40Not again.
00:47:46Don't you want our first dance to be perfect?
00:47:49Mm.
00:47:50There'll be 200 people staring at us.
00:47:55You know, Bree.
00:47:57Since that incident at our engagement party,
00:47:59there's been a lot of dark talk about me.
00:48:01Well, I don't pay attention to gossip.
00:48:03I'm just saying I would understand if you had second thoughts
00:48:05about marrying a man who's under a cloud.
00:48:10Well, no one who knows you could seriously believe
00:48:11that you could hurt a woman.
00:48:13Strangers may talk, but I know the truth.
00:48:17Really?
00:48:19Men have lied to me before.
00:48:21Believe me, it'll never happen again.
00:48:25So you trust me completely?
00:48:27Clearly, I do.
00:48:34The body is unusually well preserved
00:48:36because it was buried in clay.
00:48:38Do we have a cause of death?
00:48:40Blunt force trauma to the head.
00:48:43We should pull all the missing persons reports,
00:48:45cross-check against her height, age, and weight.
00:48:47I'm also running a DNA panel
00:48:49since we won't be able to use her dental records.
00:48:52Why not?
00:48:53Whoever killed her pulled out all her teeth.
00:48:56Protection.
00:48:57The secret Hebrew
00:49:00The Light Now
00:49:03Crypto
00:49:06Poncho
00:49:08Nora.
00:49:09What are you doing back?
00:49:10Are you okay?
00:49:11Shut the door!
00:49:12Okay.
00:49:14I don't want Kayla to find me like this.
00:49:15What's wrong?
00:49:16Turk and I had a fight.
00:49:17What?
00:49:18Turk and I had a fight.
00:49:20What?
00:49:20No.
00:49:21No, no, no.
00:49:23What happened?
00:49:24What happened is Turk is an ass.
00:49:26On the way to the river, we stopped up at this bar
00:49:28and we were playing pool, and I got a little bitchy
00:49:29with one of the waitresses.
00:49:30Who cares, right?
00:49:31I mean, who cares?
00:49:32It's a bar, and we all do it, right?
00:49:34Right.
00:49:35So he tells me to watch my mouth, and I'm like, whoa,
00:49:40get a load of Mr. Two-Strike's trying
00:49:42to tell me how to act in public.
00:49:43And then he called me a whore.
00:49:46We're done.
00:49:47OK, whoa, whoa, take a deep breath.
00:49:49You don't break up with a guy because, in a weak moment,
00:49:52he calls you a whore.
00:49:54And then on the way out, he threatened to hit me.
00:49:58OK, but he didn't.
00:49:59He didn't, and you know, until he-
00:50:00Oh, gee, Juliette, whose side are you on?
00:50:02I'm on the side of love.
00:50:04You guys seem like such a perfect couple.
00:50:08I just, I, I, you know, you don't want to throw that all
00:50:10away because of a little fight with no hitting.
00:50:13No, it's over.
00:50:21I just got off the phone with Turk's parole officer,
00:50:23and I was like, yes, you ain't in Nevada no more.
00:50:26Quick.
00:50:27I think I might have a stay here tonight.
00:50:35I think I might have a stay here tonight.
00:51:02Breathe!
00:51:07Austin?
00:51:09Hey, Aunt Edie.
00:51:12Anyway, Mom just got back from a cruise to Jamaica with new boobs and a 24-year-old cabin boy.
00:51:18Needless to say, me and Mr. Can I get you some more hot towels?
00:51:22We didn't exactly hit it off.
00:51:23So after I broke his nose, I figured it was a great time to come visit my favorite aunt.
00:51:27Your mom always did have lousy taste in men.
00:51:29So, figured I'd crash here for the night, then hitch down to Mexico, hang out and party.
00:51:34Yeah, I'm thinking like new way in hell.
00:51:38You're gonna stay here with me until things blow over with your mom, okay?
00:51:41Cool, thanks.
00:51:45Oh wait, very teen, right?
00:51:47Well, that's what my ID says.
00:51:50Yeah, mine too.
00:51:59Hey!
00:52:01You are supposed to be on bed rest.
00:52:03I'm bog.
00:52:04Well, why don't you try putting on a pair of pants?
00:52:06That should kill a couple of hours.
00:52:14Hey babe.
00:52:16Hey, what is she doing on a bed?
00:52:17That can't be good for her.
00:52:19Or the stairs.
00:52:21What do you want?
00:52:22The mediator was right.
00:52:24A month from now, we're not just gonna be Carlos and Gabby.
00:52:26We're gonna be mom and dad.
00:52:28And I don't want to be at war with the mother of my child.
00:52:31So here.
00:52:34Your mama's pearls?
00:52:36Carlos.
00:52:41And?
00:52:42And what?
00:52:44Wouldn't you like to make some reciprocal gesture?
00:52:46Fine.
00:52:48You can come to Bree's wedding reception.
00:52:50As my guest.
00:52:51Thanks.
00:52:52Where is it?
00:52:53Here.
00:52:54Here.
00:52:55You're throwing the reception?
00:52:56Yeah.
00:52:57That's our wedding present to Bree.
00:52:58So I give you a priceless family heirloom,
00:53:00and in return you invite me to a party at my house that I'm paying for.
00:53:03Well, what kind of gesture did you have in mind?
00:53:12Things I'll do for jewelry.
00:53:16Susan, I am so sorry.
00:53:21Dr. Meyer?
00:53:23Panic.
00:53:24Pure panic.
00:53:26Here.
00:53:27These are for ruining our first date.
00:53:29Not in front of Mike.
00:53:31Oh, look.
00:53:32Mike.
00:53:33Ian brought you flowers.
00:53:34I'll just go put them in some water.
00:53:40Look.
00:53:41I was just trying to protect Jane's parents.
00:53:43Oh, please.
00:53:44They still haven't accepted the fact that Jane isn't going to wake up.
00:53:47If they knew that we were on a date, that I was trying to move on,
00:53:50well, it would devastate them.
00:53:52That's a really lovely excuse, but it isn't the whole story, is it?
00:53:55Excuse me?
00:53:56A part of you feels like you're cheating on her.
00:53:58No.
00:54:00Well, perhaps a small part, but that doesn't mean that...
00:54:02It's all right.
00:54:03Because I feel guilty too.
00:54:04That's why we should just stop this right now, because it's all way too complicated.
00:54:07And I think we'd both be happier if we just went back to being friends.
00:54:12Well, I don't think I can do that.
00:54:17The truth is, I haven't thought of you as just a friend for some time now.
00:54:21Maybe I shouldn't have let myself feel that way, but I have.
00:54:24And I can't go back.
00:54:26I'm sorry.
00:54:27Well, if we can't be friends, then I guess we'll be nothing.
00:54:57Hey, you got a loan.
00:55:07Sorry, I was just... turning it down.
00:55:13What, you're not a music fan?
00:55:16Sure, it's just, um, not anything where a pimp isn't beating his hoe.
00:55:20I'm Austin, Edie Britt's nephew.
00:55:24Oh, I'm Julie, Susan Meyer's daughter.
00:55:27Oh.
00:55:30Anyway, um, I was trying to do my homework, so...
00:55:33On a Saturday, we'll make sure and take regular breaks and stop for a sensible dinner.
00:55:39Just keep it down. You had it really loud.
00:55:43That's how I like it.
00:55:45How do you like it?
00:55:48You know what? You're not that hot.
00:55:53Hey, what you doing?
00:56:03Oh, I'm working on the seating chart. Mwah!
00:56:05For Bree's wedding.
00:56:06Nora? Who invited her?
00:56:08I did. We need to find her another boyfriend, and weddings are crawling with single men.
00:56:14Hey, I hope you're not seeing her next to any of my professors.
00:56:16Hey, sacrifices must be made, Tom.
00:56:18No, Jerry Rawlings. Not Jerry Rawlings.
00:56:20She gets her psycho hooks into Jerry Rawlings. He will never speak to me again.
00:56:23Oh, there are other urologists in the world. Go back to that other guy.
00:56:26The one with the cold hands?
00:56:27Oh, it's once a year. Suck it up.
00:56:29Get a grip, Lynette.
00:56:31Get a grip?
00:56:33I am hanging on for dear life here. You are the one that brought this little problem into our family.
00:56:40And the only thing I should be hearing from you is, how can I help?
00:56:45I am also putting Steve Hansen at her table, so you might want to start shopping around for a new golf buddy.
00:56:54Get a grip.
00:56:56Get a grip.
00:57:26Hi, my name's Susan Meyer.
00:57:32Your neighbor told me I could find you here.
00:57:34Yeah.
00:57:35Well, I was at my friend Bree's engagement party the other night.
00:57:38You know, when you came in and you did that whole Orson killed his wife thing.
00:57:43I was just wondering if you could elaborate.
00:57:46He killed her.
00:57:47What else do you need to know?
00:57:48Well, what makes you so sure?
00:57:50Do you have any proof?
00:57:54Look, I can't talk now.
00:57:55I get off at six.
00:57:56My friend is marrying that man in two hours, please.
00:58:01Okay, I need $10 in unrolled pennies and I need to see you count it.
00:58:07I guess last time you stiffed me.
00:58:14After Alma disappeared, the police came and searched the house.
00:58:17The police?
00:58:18What did they find?
00:58:20Nothing.
00:58:22And that's bad.
00:58:23Why?
00:58:23Don't you get it?
00:58:24When the police showed up, Orson had scrubbed every inch of the place clean with bleach.
00:58:29No fingerprints, no skin cells, no DNA.
00:58:33It was like Alma had never existed.
00:58:37Who cleans a house like that unless he has something to hide?
00:58:40So when I left the bank, I called the detective that worked the case, and he said that the
00:58:53only reason Orson was never charged was because they never found a body.
00:58:57So he was an actual suspect?
00:58:58He was the only suspect.
00:59:00Oh my God, what are we going to do?
00:59:02Well, you know what we have to do.
00:59:03That was close.
00:59:07The florist put three mums in my bridal bouquet, but not to worry.
00:59:11Crisis averted.
00:59:12Bree, we have to talk.
00:59:14Ah, Reverend, any word from the bridal party?
00:59:26They're still in the bride's room.
00:59:27You know women.
00:59:28They're probably in there fussing about mascara and blush.
00:59:31He did not hack her up and dissolve the pieces in acid.
00:59:34I said it was a theory.
00:59:35The point is, Alma disappeared under very suspicious circumstances.
00:59:38I don't have time for this.
00:59:39I'm getting married now.
00:59:40This is your day.
00:59:41You can push the ceremony back an hour.
00:59:42Now get that detective on the phone.
00:59:44Talk things out with Orson.
00:59:45I can't talk to Orson.
00:59:47It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.
00:59:50Do you know what's really bad luck?
00:59:51Marrying a wife killer.
00:59:53If the three of you don't drop this right now, I will never forgive you.
00:59:57Bree, we are just doing this because we love you.
01:00:02But if you can honestly tell us that you don't have the slightest doubt.
01:00:08None whatsoever.
01:00:10We won't go.
01:00:12Far?
01:00:14We won't go.
01:00:30We won't go.
01:00:38We won't go.
01:01:09Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together in the sight of God to join this man and woman in holy...
01:01:17Excuse me? Could you give us just a second?
01:01:21Is something wrong?
01:01:22I just need a moment.
01:01:29Before we do this, there's something I need to ask you.
01:01:32What?
01:01:34Did you kill your wife?
01:01:37Susan talked to that Carolyn woman.
01:01:38Why didn't you tell me that the police searched your house?
01:01:41Because it's embarrassing.
01:01:43And they didn't find anything.
01:01:45Is that because you scrubbed the house so thoroughly?
01:01:48When I'm upset, I clean.
01:01:54For God's sake, Bree, I swear to you, I did not kill my wife.
01:01:59Okay.
01:02:09Proceed.
01:02:12Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together in the sight of God to join this man and woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable...
01:02:22Hey, look at you, Miss Popular.
01:02:49So, are you having a good time over there?
01:02:51As if.
01:02:52And I don't know what idiot stuck me at that table,
01:02:55but every guy over there is just a boring stiff.
01:02:58All of them?
01:02:59What about Jerry?
01:03:00Jerry's fun.
01:03:03You mean Mr. Fatty Hair Plugs?
01:03:05Oh yeah, he's a blast.
01:03:08Um, how about Steve?
01:03:10You know what?
01:03:11I hear his family has money.
01:03:13Well, then maybe they could all chip in and buy him some deodorant.
01:03:16I'm through with those losers.
01:03:18I'm gonna stay right here with you.
01:03:20Are you gonna eat that?
01:03:25Hey, look at you.
01:03:27God, I hate wearing a tux.
01:03:29On my way in, Bree's Ann Fern asked me to park the car.
01:03:32She's got glaucoma.
01:03:33To her, you're nothing but a Hispanic blur.
01:03:35Let me fix your tie.
01:03:37Hey, you're wearing Mama Sparrow's.
01:03:40Yeah.
01:03:49Hey, Julie.
01:03:50Have you met my nephew?
01:03:51Austin?
01:03:52Yeah, we've met.
01:03:53I just didn't recognize him with his shirt on.
01:03:55She couldn't take her eyes off my abs.
01:04:00I felt violated.
01:04:06Hi, Edie.
01:04:07Nice party, huh?
01:04:08It was.
01:04:13Perfect.
01:04:14Well, it's nice to see you two getting along again.
01:04:17You've sort of turned a corner.
01:04:18Really?
01:04:19Does that mean you're gonna be getting back together?
01:04:21God, no.
01:04:25Wow, is that shrimp?
01:04:28What would make you think I would even consider taking you back?
01:04:31Well, you invited me to be your date.
01:04:33Guest, Carlos. I said guest.
01:04:34Come on, you've been flirting with me since I came in here, baby.
01:04:36Let me fix your tie.
01:04:37I mean, for a woman who's not interested,
01:04:38you sure are sending some mixed signals.
01:04:40Do you want a clear signal?
01:04:41How's this?
01:04:46Ian.
01:04:47Susan.
01:04:48What are you doing here?
01:04:49Well, my cousin is Dr. Hodge's dental hygienist,
01:04:52and her husband, he couldn't join her since he'd come down
01:04:55with the spot in Tygo, so she called me,
01:04:57knowing how much I love her.
01:04:58God, it's awesome, so...
01:04:59Ian.
01:05:00Yes, I'm such a terrible liar.
01:05:04I mean, Impa Tygo.
01:05:06Where did that come from?
01:05:07Hmm.
01:05:08So what are you really doing here?
01:05:12Look,
01:05:13I can't stop thinking about us,
01:05:16about how great we could be together,
01:05:18and I think you're making a mistake.
01:05:20Ian.
01:05:21Susan, please don't go.
01:05:22Can't we at least talk about this?
01:05:24I can't.
01:05:25Because I have bridesmaid stuff.
01:05:30Hi there.
01:05:32I just wanted to say you're doing a great job.
01:05:35Dad.
01:05:36That's, uh...
01:05:37That's such a masculine name.
01:05:39My boyfriend seems to like it.
01:05:42Okay, here's the drill.
01:05:43My ex is here, and I want to piss him off,
01:05:45so just act like you're all hot for me,
01:05:46and there's a hundred bucks ticking it for you.
01:05:48Right.
01:05:49Uh, so should I cup your boob?
01:05:51No, I'll drive.
01:05:52I'll drive.
01:06:03Tequila.
01:06:04Straight.
01:06:07Hey, are there any decent single women at this wedding?
01:06:10Not that I've seen.
01:06:12Ah, damn it.
01:06:13Not a one.
01:06:17Hey, Carlos.
01:06:18You should come over to our table.
01:06:20That's where all the hotties are.
01:06:21Hey, everyone.
01:06:22I'd say it is time that we get Brie and Orson up here
01:06:25for their first dance as a married couple.
01:06:27Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. and Mrs. Orson Hodge.
01:06:31Orson, you look so serious.
01:06:35I'm trying to remember my steps.
01:06:44Orson, you look so serious.
01:06:54I'm trying to remember my steps.
01:06:59You're upset, aren't you?
01:07:01You're still thinking about what I said at the church.
01:07:04Which part, darling?
01:07:05The I do part or the did you kill your wife part?
01:07:09I'm sorry, but I had to ask.
01:07:12That's my point.
01:07:14You had to ask.
01:07:23You are going to rot in hell for this.
01:07:26Hey, I just brought two lost souls together.
01:07:31Okay, how about this?
01:07:33He cheated on my friend.
01:07:34He deserves every bit of crazy she's going to rain down on him.
01:07:39Hell brought you.
01:07:53What are they doing?
01:07:58Rounded second and headed for third.
01:08:00Uh-oh.
01:08:06Carlos!
01:08:07Oh, hey, Gabby.
01:08:08Look, I made a new friend.
01:08:09Yes, I've been watching you make your new friend, and it's disgusting.
01:08:12Do you mind?
01:08:13We're trying to dance here.
01:08:14Who the hell are you anyway, and why the hell are you at this wedding?
01:08:17This is not going to end well.
01:08:21They're just two random people who met at a wedding.
01:08:24Can't pin it on me.
01:08:26It was her.
01:08:28Lynette, Scavo, I want to talk to you.
01:08:32We'll see you at home.
01:08:35What are you thinking?
01:08:36I didn't invite you here to embarrass me in front of my friends.
01:08:38Oh, no, you just wanted me to watch while you suck the zits off some teenage waiter.
01:08:43That's it.
01:08:44I take my invitation back.
01:08:45You are no longer welcome in my house.
01:08:47Fine, I'll go.
01:08:48Just give me back the parole.
01:08:50No!
01:08:51Gabby?
01:08:51Carlos, no!
01:08:52They were my mamas.
01:08:53No!
01:08:56Now look what you've done.
01:08:59Mr. Solis!
01:09:00No, Carlos.
01:09:02Give me that.
01:09:02Give me those.
01:09:03I love it, please.
01:09:04Get away.
01:09:05Those are mine.
01:09:05No, the hell they are.
01:09:06Mr. Solis.
01:09:07Now, now, Chame.
01:09:08Mr. Solis!
01:09:10Oh, for God's sakes, what?
01:09:20I think maybe it's time.
01:09:28And I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.
01:09:34Wow.
01:09:35That was beautiful, Amber.
01:09:39Hey, they mopped up all the amniotic fluids, so we should feel safe to start the conga line.
01:09:44Actually, I'd like to say a few words.
01:09:46Brie.
01:09:51Brie, awesome.
01:09:53Your love is an inspiration to us all.
01:09:57That's very sweet.
01:09:58Hmm.
01:09:59How do you know him?
01:09:59I thought he was on your side.
01:10:00I thought he was on your side.
01:10:01I thought he was on your side.
01:10:02Well, I know this is a second wedding for both of you, and I think you're jolly brave.
01:10:07So often, people find excuses not to fall in love again.
01:10:10They're afraid.
01:10:12But it's rare to find somebody that you connect with.
01:10:14So when you do, you have to follow your heart.
01:10:17Brie, Orson, I salute you.
01:10:20All right, let's get the music cranking and the blue...
01:10:24Actually, Tom, could you just hang on a second?
01:10:26I also would like to say a few words.
01:10:30To Brie and Orson, yes, what could be better than a second love?
01:10:33And this time, you enter into it a little older, a little wiser, but also, and this is key, uh, with a bit of caution.
01:10:43Because while love can be spontaneous and wonderful, it can also be selfish.
01:10:51And sometimes, the best thing you can do is just to walk away.
01:10:55Uh, not you two.
01:11:02I mean, you two crazy kids are great.
01:11:04Congrats.
01:11:05Yeah.
01:11:06Well then, Leif, hang on, I'd like to respond to that toast.
01:11:10Brie, Orson, sometimes walking away can seem the best choice.
01:11:15It's certainly the safest, but...
01:11:18But what do you do when you find someone who makes you feel joy when you thought you never would again?
01:11:22Do you, do you just let them go?
01:11:28No.
01:11:31No, I can't do that.
01:11:44You, you, you wanna...
01:11:45No.
01:11:49I'm good.
01:11:50All right then, let's dance!
01:12:06Well, I thought you might need a change of clothes.
01:12:10Yeah, you're still mad at me, huh?
01:12:13What were you thinking, setting Carlos up with that snake?
01:12:15I'm sorry, I was desperate, had a little too much to drink, and you are divorcing Carlos.
01:12:21No, Lynette, Carlos will never be fair game, you know the rules.
01:12:24You're right, you are right, you're right.
01:12:27I'm so sorry.
01:12:30It's just...
01:12:33What?
01:12:34I'm so unhappy.
01:12:37I'm so unhappy.
01:12:38Ever since that woman pushed her way into our lives, I, I, I can't even work up a smile.
01:12:43And the more she pushes, the more I resent Tom.
01:12:46Tom, for something he did 12 years ago.
01:12:48And I'm afraid if I can't fix this, that the anger is just gonna fester until...
01:12:55Lynette, listen to me.
01:12:58You and Tom will survive this.
01:13:00No, seriously, Gabby.
01:13:01I am so tired of pretending to smile.
01:13:05You and Tom will survive this.
01:13:08Yeah?
01:13:09How can you be so sure?
01:13:11Because some marriages were built to last.
01:13:16Some aren't.
01:13:21Trust me, I know the difference.
01:13:23I'm looking for Brie Vandicap.
01:13:35Could you excuse me for just a minute?
01:13:40Of course.
01:13:41Congratulations.
01:13:43Excuse me.
01:13:44Are you Mrs. Vandicap?
01:13:46It's Hodge now.
01:13:48Yes, I'm terribly sorry to barge in like this, but we need your husband to come down to the morgue.
01:13:53We may have found his wife's body.
01:14:06Push on me, push.
01:14:10Okay, deep breaths now.
01:14:11We're getting close.
01:14:13It's time.
01:14:14I can't believe this is happening.
01:14:16I think I'm gonna cry.
01:14:17Carlos, I am so sorry about this.
01:14:21Me too.
01:14:21Me too.
01:14:22I was way out of line.
01:14:23I forgive you.
01:14:25It's worth it when you experience a moment as beautiful as this.
01:14:29Okay.
01:14:30I can see the head now.
01:14:31Get the camera!
01:14:32Get the camera!
01:14:39Oh, my head.
01:14:40What?
01:14:41Man, I gotta get the color fixed on this thing.
01:14:54How could this have happened?
01:15:06What kind of half-assed fertility clinic are you running?
01:15:08Prior to implantation, your embryo was accidentally switched with another client's.
01:15:13So if we got theirs and they got ours, then it's possible.
01:15:16Now, I'm afraid your embryo didn't take.
01:15:18Again, on behalf of the clinic, I am so sorry.
01:15:21It's rare, but these things do happen.
01:15:23Excuse me.
01:15:24You screw up our lives, and the best you can do is that's the way the cookie crumbles?
01:15:28And who is this guy?
01:15:29Why is he writing down everything I say?
01:15:30This is Mr. Darby, our attorney.
01:15:32We thought it wise to have him present.
01:15:34Do you know what else would have been wise?
01:15:35Sticking the right baby in the right belly!
01:15:38Mrs. Solis, please.
01:15:39Order.
01:15:40Order.
01:15:42Order.
01:15:51That's not Alma.
01:16:08Are you sure?
01:16:10Absolutely.
01:16:12Thank God.
01:16:18Paralyn, what is she doing here?
01:16:20You didn't honestly think they'd take your word for it, did you?
01:16:30It's not her.
01:16:33Well, that's it then.
01:16:35Sorry for wasting your time.
01:16:36This means nothing.
01:16:38I'm telling you that man is as guilty as sin.
01:16:40We know what you think.
01:16:42Now would you please leave us alone?
01:16:44He's a cold-blooded killer.
01:16:46He's kind and decent, and nothing you could say will ever make me doubt him again.
01:16:50Now please go.
01:16:58You deserve him.
01:17:00I hope to.
01:17:06Arlen, I am so sorry you had to end with that.
01:17:09Are you all right?
01:17:09I'm fine.
01:17:10Let's just go back to our guests and forget any of this ever happened.
01:17:13You're a monk, Monique.
01:17:24Will?
01:17:37Will?
01:17:39Yeah.
01:17:41I feel so...
01:17:44Well, you know what the good news is.
01:17:52What's that?
01:17:54Now that there's no baby, it'll make the divorce a lot simpler.
01:18:01Yeah, that's something.
01:18:02See you at the Mediators.
01:18:11See you then.
01:18:12Have you met the perfect couple?
01:18:29The two soulmates whose love never dies?
01:18:35The two lovers whose relationship is never threatened.
01:18:44The husband and wife who trust each other completely.
01:18:49If you haven't met the perfect couple, let me introduce you.
01:18:54They stand atop a layer of buttercream frosting.
01:19:00The secret of their success?
01:19:03Well, for starters, they don't have to look at each other.
01:19:07You know what?
01:19:08Well, let me just pause.
01:19:35Bye.
1:19:10
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