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Jo notices that Phil's chauvinist ways make him believe that his wife's chores are part of being a woman, yet it often brings her to tears.... Watch Supernanny change his ways!
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00:00Well, I'm back in Florida in sunny Deltona.
00:06Let's take a look at the family that needs my help this time.
00:09I'm Phil.
00:10And I'm Debbie.
00:11And we have five children.
00:12Morgan, who's 14.
00:14Phillip is nine.
00:15Madison, who's four.
00:16Tiffany is three.
00:18And Tori is two.
00:19I'm a water plant operator.
00:21I am a commercial insurance sales producer.
00:25I thought you cleaned the kitchen, Morgan.
00:27This ain't clean.
00:29Phil is my stepdad, but he's raised me since I was three,
00:32so I just call him dad.
00:33Let's pick this up.
00:34Let's go.
00:35Well, I'm not picking it up.
00:37They did it.
00:38Morgan was up here watching them, and look what she let them do.
00:40Well, why don't you pick it up?
00:42You're the father.
00:43Help me get them to pick it up.
00:44You get it.
00:45It's your job.
00:46First thing a wife should do, she should have the house
00:48cleaned before she leaves.
00:51She should have the kids ready in a decent time.
00:54She should, when she gets home from work, which, hey,
00:58you're sitting on your rear end all day.
01:00This man needs a good talking to.
01:04The mornings here are a nightmare.
01:07It takes an hour to get Morgan up.
01:08Yeah.
01:09The only way we can get her up is call her on her cell phone.
01:13See you later, Deb.
01:14Phil leaves for work early.
01:16I have to get my little sisters dressed,
01:18and I have to make sure Phillip's getting dressed.
01:20Oh, my God.
01:22Morgan does help me do that.
01:24She complains about it, whines about it,
01:25but it's what we have to do.
01:28I have to get to my job.
01:29Let's go.
01:30You've got to get you to school, Morgan.
01:32Mom's coming.
01:32Get in.
01:33It's so chaotic in the mornings that we can't
01:36get her to school on time.
01:37Come on.
01:39I'm a straight-A student, but I'm failing my first period
01:42because I'm always late.
01:43She's all messed up.
01:45My dad loses his temper so bad that he'll call me
01:48and my little sisters bitches.
01:50When I get mad at my girls, I will say the B word to them.
01:52Yes.
01:53And I'll be like, you little bitch, come here.
01:55And I shouldn't say that.
01:57If I catch you in it again, you're going to get a spanking.
01:59You understand?
02:00My dad, he'll spank the girls.
02:02Daddy, help me.
02:03Now knock it off.
02:04We've tried the time out thing.
02:06That time out thing's for the birds.
02:08That's all right.
02:08I'll go get my bell.
02:10Mommy, sister.
02:11You're going to sit in that chair?
02:13If I see you get up.
02:15That's disgusting.
02:16Absolutely appalling.
02:18Our family has gotten so bad that my parents have separated
02:22quite a few times in the past.
02:24Super Nanny, please come help my family.
02:27This is very disturbing, to say the least.
02:29So hold on, because I will be with you all very, very soon.
02:43Hello.
02:44Hi.
02:45I was so incredibly happy to see Joe.
02:46So happy that you came.
02:48I was really nervous about Joe coming in, wondering what she was thinking, of what kind
02:57of person I was, or my family.
03:00Mom and dad's first order of business was to sort out snack time, and I couldn't help
03:07but see mom was doing everything, and dad was just overwatching it.
03:11So are there duties that you both share together then?
03:15Anything to do with the kids is my responsibility.
03:18Anything to do with cleaning is my responsibility.
03:21Right.
03:22Then, sorry, yours is.
03:23I'm just trying to define here.
03:24Oh, my.
03:25We haven't figured that one out yet.
03:26No, mine's go to work, come home, play video games, play with Philip, relax, so he has
03:31quality time.
03:32Relax.
03:33He has, like, no responsibilities.
03:34Don't, you know, he comes home and he gets to relax.
03:37I don't get to do that.
03:38Seriously, are you kidding me?
03:40He's got no idea about the importance of couples coming together and sharing the responsibilities
03:46when they both work.
03:47That's another thing.
03:48I'll come home.
03:49We don't have time in the morning to clean the house, Phil.
03:51There's time to pick up your cereal balls and not leave.
03:53I've got five children and need to get ready.
03:54Right.
03:55Nobody eats in the morning.
03:56Nobody eats in the morning.
03:57There's one, two, three of you are here.
03:59Philip eats at school and the girls eat at daycare.
04:01They don't eat here.
04:02Can I ask a question?
04:03Yes.
04:04Is this how you talk to each other all the time?
04:07All the time.
04:08They talk over one another, they interrupt, and it causes a lot of confrontation.
04:13What's Debbie?
04:14Oh, she might have went out back.
04:16I did find Mum outside deeply upset with the argument that had just gone down.
04:23What's going on?
04:24I love Phil more than anything in this world, but he needs to step up to the plate.
04:30So when you separated and you got back together again, was that something he said he was willing
04:33to do?
04:34Yeah.
04:35To step up?
04:36If it doesn't get better, then what?
04:38I don't know.
04:39If Phil chooses not to fix that, it will end our marriage.
04:47Of course, duty called and Mum ran outside to pick up some food for lunch.
04:51But Morgan was still seething and decided to confront Dad about how he treats all the
04:56women in the house.
04:57You brought everyone the B word if they look at you the wrong way.
05:01What do you mean, B word?
05:02You don't tell me anything.
05:04You do what I tell you to do and you shut your damn mouth about it.
05:08That's the problem.
05:10You can sit there and throw your tears all you want.
05:13That's your problem.
05:14You're just like your mama.
05:15You run all the time.
05:17I was disgusted to see this man talking to his daughter like that.
05:24This man really swannies around his own home demanding so much respect and he has no respect
05:30for any of his family.
05:32So your language, does it extend to all of the kids?
05:36Sometimes I get mad at them and cuss at them.
05:38You swear at the younger ones as well.
05:40Yeah, and I'm not proud of that.
05:42I'm ashamed of that as a father.
05:43I just think it's so sad to see this young girl subjected to this behavior.
06:00It needs to stop.
06:02It really does.
06:07Quit.
06:08What are you doing?
06:09Daddy.
06:10Stop being a meanie.
06:11Madison, where's my belt?
06:12Have you ever used the belt as discipline?
06:15I have used it, yes.
06:16Right.
06:17On which children?
06:18All of them.
06:19On all of them.
06:20What I usually do is, like with the little baby here, I can use this because that'll help.
06:24I'll just kind of like pop it like that.
06:27No, you don't.
06:28Yes, I do.
06:29No, you do it harder.
06:30Don't even try that.
06:31No, you do it harder.
06:32You can ask mom.
06:33You put your legs around this.
06:34Right.
06:35Right, like that.
06:36Yeah.
06:37And then all you have is the rear end right here.
06:39Please don't use your child to show me.
06:40No, but I'm just saying.
06:41I'm trying to do them the way my mom raised all of us.
06:44I mean, I talk back, but I also got spankings for it and I understood that.
06:49A moment later, two of the girls were roughhousing on dad's lap.
06:54Hey, hey.
06:55You just, hey, you don't bite.
06:57You don't bite.
06:59Instead of dad explaining the importance of not to behave like that, he smacked his young
07:06child in the mouth.
07:07There are some serious issues that need to be addressed here and you're going to see if
07:14this isn't dealt with a repeat of history over and over again.
07:20Okay.
07:21Let's talk about the first thing I noticed.
07:24Phil, I don't know what century you're living in.
07:28Your behaviour is completely chauvinist.
07:32This isn't about you standing up on your soapbox and saying, a woman's place.
07:39What do you mean a woman's place?
07:41And the money that she earns contributes alongside your money to raise your family.
07:48It's not fair.
07:49No.
07:50Let's talk about Morgan.
07:52The man who raised her since she was three years old calls her a slut and called her a
07:58hoe yesterday.
07:59No, what I was saying was I don't want her to dress like one.
08:02That's what you called her.
08:03I'm not saying I called her a slut.
08:05I said if you want to dress like one is what I said.
08:08I was there.
08:09That's what I said.
08:10Phil.
08:11That's what I'm saying.
08:12You can't.
08:13That's what I'm trying to.
08:14Phil.
08:15All right.
08:16Phil.
08:17I'm saying.
08:18I don't even think you know what you say when you're angry.
08:20You fly off the handle.
08:21You're like a ball to a red flag.
08:22Do you think she should show her cleavage at 14?
08:24She wasn't.
08:27Let's talk about discipline.
08:28You're not raising your children to think smart and make better choices.
08:33You get out the never belt or you smack them.
08:36And then you wonder why they smack each other.
08:39With these kids being raised in a dysfunctional environment that's hostile.
08:45They're living in constant earthquakes.
08:47It's beyond sad because it's breaking spirits.
08:51Phil, your language is despicable.
08:55Overpowering.
08:56Dominating.
08:57Fueled by anger.
08:58You are a bully.
08:59And all you're doing is breaking down your relationships, your marriage, and causing more and more destruction.
09:14Oh, you're ripping this house like a tornado like you have never seen.
09:23And you allow this to happen.
09:25You stand back.
09:26And the reason you gave me?
09:28Because I want my family to be together.
09:30And that's the price you're prepared to pay, is it?
09:33Just to keep your family all under one roof, you're prepared to destroy and break the spirits.
09:39If you're not prepared to be that parameter, to put that boundary in place, to say, hold on a minute, Phil.
09:47We need to talk about this.
09:49Hold on a minute here.
09:51This is what I expect from the pair of you before I even begin.
09:54Okay.
09:55I expect 100% commitment.
09:56I expect an open mind.
09:58Right.
09:59I expect you to accept the change.
10:00I expect you both to listen to me.
10:02Yeah.
10:03And hard work.
10:05Because trust me, this ain't going to be no walk in the park.
10:08Oh, yeah.
10:09But I expect that.
10:10If you cannot give that to me, then this doesn't go down.
10:14It's as simple as that.
10:15We're ready.
10:16We're ready.
10:17That's what I expect from the pair of you.
10:18Can you give that?
10:19Yes, ma'am.
10:20We can give that more.
10:21Let's start work.
10:25Dad's behavior was totally inappropriate and very extreme.
10:30And I do know that I'm going to have to really look at techniques that are going to teach Dad all about his dysfunction.
10:36Oh, wow.
10:38Cool, huh?
10:39Yeah, boy, look how beautiful they are.
10:41How sweet.
10:42It's a sweet picture.
10:43So the reason why I've brought you back here is to talk to you about your abusive verbal behavior.
10:52Every time you verbally abuse your young girls, it is like you're throwing a poisonous dart at them.
11:01Right.
11:02So that's why we are going to pick up the darts and we're going to throw one in their face.
11:08Do I have to?
11:09Do you want to?
11:10No, I don't want to.
11:11Why?
11:12Because those are my girls.
11:13I love my girls.
11:14I don't want to hurt my girls.
11:15Okay, I'm going to overrule you because I'm going to ask you to throw a dart right in their faces.
11:20Okay.
11:21It was really hard.
11:37I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to mess up my little girls' pictures or their souls.
11:41But I know what Jo was getting to.
11:43She was trying to show me that every time I was cutting them with those words, it was like throwing a dart at them.
11:48And that wasn't a good feeling.
11:50Okay.
11:51He didn't like doing it at all.
11:54He felt sick to do so.
11:56And it was disturbing to watch.
11:59To see these little faces being ripped from the darts.
12:03I didn't like to see myself.
12:05I find that quite disturbing to actually look at.
12:08I do too.
12:09Yeah, why?
12:10Because it shows all the pain that I've inflicted on them.
12:15I don't like looking at it.
12:17Every time you get angry, I want you to picture the image of the faces
12:25that we see now.
12:26Right.
12:27No father or parent wants to hurt their children.
12:32And I was hurting my children verbally.
12:34And for Jo to show me that was really great because it was an eye opener.
12:47The girls are not the only ones who have been let down by Dad.
12:51Even Mum has been let down with his broken promises to change time and time again.
12:57So I thought it would be really important to take these two to a gym,
13:00so Dad could see exactly why his wife doesn't trust him.
13:04Stand behind.
13:10And when you're ready, Debbie, you've got to free fall backwards.
13:14Okay.
13:23When you're ready, Debbie.
13:28I got you.
13:30What did you do there, Deb?
13:32Put my foot back.
13:33Yeah.
13:34Why?
13:35Why is it hard to free fall back on Phil?
13:37Because he hasn't always been there for me.
13:39I'll leave it up to you, Phil, to tell her when you're ready.
13:43When you're ready, I'm right here.
13:49Oh, I did it again.
13:50Interesting though, isn't it?
13:51Oh, yeah.
13:52Every time I went to fall, I thought this time I'm going to do it, this time I'm going to do it.
13:56And I'd get my feet just the way I think it should be, and I'd go back and damn it if I didn't put my foot back to stop the fall.
14:03I love you.
14:04I'm going to catch you.
14:06I'm right here.
14:12Told you.
14:13See?
14:14I told you, and you didn't break your fall.
14:16This time, is this going to be the time that he means everything he says?
14:20Or is this time, once again, going to mean a breakup of our family?
14:25All right, let's put it around Phil's face.
14:27Dad understands what Mommy's going through, but he's got no empathy.
14:31So the next exercise would really show him what it feels like when trust is broken.
14:38And so I asked the instructor to tell Phil that Deborah was behind him.
14:48It made me feel sick.
14:50I didn't know if I was going to hit the floor or what, so it was a very scary feeling not to have somebody there behind you.
14:57So what's that feel like?
14:58Scary.
15:00Yeah, it wasn't fun.
15:03I didn't realize I was causing that much damage to you.
15:07Not so hard game.
15:16I won't.
15:20Dad has begun to understand why he needs to change, so for discipline I'm going to give him a humane technique instead of that dastardly belt.
15:29We are going to do time out my way, but I'm going to explain to you the importance of each step so that you understand why you may still be doing it for 15, 20 minutes.
15:40Right.
15:42As soon as I taught Dad the steps, he needed to discipline Maddie.
15:46You guys need to get downstairs.
15:48Come on.
15:50Let's go.
15:52Here.
15:53Let's move it.
15:55No move.
15:57No move.
15:59You know what? You're going to time out.
16:00No move it.
16:01Let's go to time out.
16:02No move it.
16:03Let's go, guys.
16:04No move it.
16:05She did need a time out, and I was curious to see if he would just stay calm under the pressure.
16:10You're going to sit here because I asked you to move it.
16:13Sit.
16:14Calm down and explain why.
16:15Always in time out, your first step is to explain why you put the child there.
16:19You know what?
16:20I'm sitting you in the chair because I asked you to get off the computer and it was time to move.
16:25Don't put your feet in my face.
16:28Hey.
16:29Knock it off.
16:32Sit right there, and you're going to sit there until your three minutes are up.
16:36Before, I would stand over them and yell, figuring that that was the way to do it.
16:42And I used to threaten it all the time.
16:44They would get up.
16:45I'd get frustrated.
16:46They would break me down to the point where I was just like, forget about it.
16:51Oh, Lordy.
16:54Maddie got up a few times.
16:56He had to place her back again.
16:58Okay, let's go back to it.
16:59Oh.
17:01If they get back up, you just don't say a word to them.
17:04Sit them back down, and then you just do what you have to do.
17:07So you put her back and the four minutes start all over again.
17:09Now she's hiding behind the chair.
17:11Well, it's neither here or there, but communication is none.
17:14Don't even say it.
17:15And you just place her straight back into the chair.
17:19The importance of giving discipline without being angry leaves a parent in a place where they don't lose control.
17:26So each time she does that, four minutes start all over again?
17:29Start all over again.
17:30That was effective.
17:32Nobody yelled.
17:33Nobody screamed.
17:34I put you in the chair because when I asked you to get off the computer, you told me to get lost.
17:40So that's naughty.
17:42So tell me you're sorry.
17:44Give me a kiss.
17:45Come here.
17:46You did good.
17:47Let's go.
17:48If you would have told me a week ago that timeouts were effective, I would have told you you were crazy because I would have used the belt.
17:53Well done, Phil.
17:54Trust me.
17:55It works.
17:56I'll remember that in the rest of my life.
18:05There's no doubt that Dad needs to change his behavior, but I've got lots of other issues to deal with as well.
18:10And what I want to concentrate on is giving this family a technique to help them with their mornings because they're crazy.
18:17I have to get to my job.
18:20Let's go.
18:21You've got to get you to school, Morg.
18:22Mom's coming.
18:23Get in.
18:24Come on.
18:25A chaotic morning can certainly lead to a troublesome day if you allow it.
18:29You'll see there are three shelves, Tiffany, Tori and Madison.
18:33And what I would like you guys to do is to take these shelves up into their rooms.
18:40OK.
18:41And pack their outfit for the morning.
18:44The actual key thing to do is to start doing things the night before.
18:48Let's follow through with it.
18:49OK.
18:50OK, let's get them choosing something for tomorrow.
18:52Let's get your clothes, come on.
18:53The girls were so excited to pick out their clothes and to put it in their shelves.
18:57Go put your socks on the drawer.
18:58Oh, you want your pajamas in there, too?
19:00Very good.
19:01And once the shelves were ready, it was time to establish a morning routine.
19:05At 5.30, Mom up and getting ready.
19:096 o'clock, Morgan.
19:11Up.
19:12Morgan being late is probably one of the biggest issues we have in the house.
19:16It has to be stopped.
19:18I have to find a better way to make things happen.
19:21So, for this to work, what does it take?
19:23Everybody's doing what they need to do.
19:25Yeah.
19:26We put good things in place, but I wasn't entirely convinced that this family were going to do the morning routine.
19:32So, the next morning, I had a little surprise for them.
19:35So, what the Davis family don't know is that they're about to get a morning drill from me.
19:49As you can see, it's half past five in the morning.
19:53That's when they should be up and ready.
19:56So, let's go.
20:02Morning.
20:03Good morning.
20:04It's your 5.30 morning school drill.
20:07Oh, okay.
20:08We're coming.
20:105.30 school morning drill.
20:13Let's rock and roll.
20:14Victoria.
20:15I hated being ambushed by Joe.
20:19It was like a total surprise when Joe showed up and then I was out and gone for work.
20:29When you have a situation like we're having this morning with Tori, make sure that you can just bring in something for her to play in the space.
20:40And just come down to a level and say, Tori, mommy has to get ready now.
20:43Don't take your baby into mommy.
20:49Hi.
20:50When I woke up to Joe, I was surprised because I wasn't expecting her there.
20:55And I was worried about my mom because I didn't know if she would have the girls dressed on time.
21:01Good morning.
21:02Good morning.
21:03Good morning.
21:04Good for real.
21:05Good morning.
21:06I followed the schedule.
21:08If I would have sat down and put that on a piece of paper, it would have just been some words on a piece of paper.
21:13Nice to see you got yourself up this morning.
21:16Nice to see you on time.
21:18Very good to see you on time.
21:20I love that I don't have to get the girls dressed in the morning and they're not my responsibility.
21:25Is everybody ready?
21:27Okay, great.
21:28So, you are 17 minutes early.
21:31I'm 17 minutes early.
21:33I'm never early to anything.
21:35Well done, Zeppi.
21:48It's important for Morgan to get to school on time, but it's equally important that Morgan has a good relationship with her father.
21:58And her dad needs to connect with her before more damage is done.
22:02We are going to allow Morgan to get off her chest exactly what she needs to.
22:10So, the rules are only to use your ears for talking.
22:14All right.
22:15When Joe told me that I was to talk to my dad, but he wasn't allowed to talk back, it was kind of weird.
22:23Well, I don't like how you, whenever mom and the girls and Phillip come around, you're always different around them.
22:32Like, if it's just me and you, you're cool, but then when they're around, you're like a big jerk to everybody.
22:38You make me angry.
22:40Whenever I say something, you're like, well, I'm an adult.
22:45And you can't use the excuse that you're an adult and I'm a child because I have to live here, just like you do.
22:54That's what I've been trying to tell you.
22:57Just those little things for like the past forever and you never listen to me or anything.
23:03I could tell that he was like thinking about what I was saying and that he actually listened.
23:18You're crying.
23:19I'm all right.
23:20I'm all right.
23:22You made a lot of good points, but I think you left out the name calling.
23:29That's going to stop.
23:31Believe me.
23:32Even to the little girls, it'll stop?
23:34Oh, everybody.
23:35And mom?
23:36And mom.
23:37Everybody.
23:38Everybody.
23:39Because you don't deserve to be talked to like that.
23:43So I'm going to open my ears and listen to what you have to say.
23:49And I did.
23:50I do owe you an apology for embarrassing you about your clothes.
23:58For dad to actually admit his shortcomings and apologize to Morgan is a huge step forward in healing his relationship with his daughter.
24:06So this is what's happening.
24:10I'm leaving for several days.
24:12And when I come back, time will tell exactly what you guys have been sticking and making the effort to doing.
24:21I think we're going to make it.
24:22I think we're going to be able to do it.
24:24I really do.
24:25Mornings.
24:26Right.
24:27You have everything in place.
24:29Yep.
24:30Before I left, I wanted to remind dad of the promises that he's made during that family meeting.
24:35Very well.
24:36You said to me, I was arrogant.
24:38Right.
24:39Ignorant.
24:40Right.
24:41I knew no better.
24:42I know now I have effective techniques and I want to be the father that receives and can give.
24:50Right.
24:51I'm willing to do the change.
24:53I want to do the change.
24:55Truthfully, I'm very nervous about it.
24:58I'm going now.
24:59And in several days, I'm coming back to see exactly what you guys did.
25:03OK?
25:04OK.
25:05Thanks, Joe.
25:06You're welcome.
25:07I'll see you when I get back.
25:08All right.
25:09Bye-bye.
25:10I'm gone for several days.
25:11But the reality is, for this family to stay on the track that they've been placed on so they have a future together,
25:18it means that dad is going to have to remain the way he is right now.
25:22And that's open and willing to let go of that abusive behavior.
25:27I've been away for three days and I am seriously concerned about the welfare of this family because dad's temper escalates and his inability to change is worrisome.
25:44I'm petrified at the DVD meeting.
25:48I am very scared to watch us.
25:51I think she's going to say I've done pretty good.
25:56I think I've made a big difference.
25:58So any thoughts before we watch the footage?
26:01She's in harvest.
26:02I'm very nervous.
26:03What about yourself, Phil?
26:04I think I did all right.
26:05I hope I did.
26:06OK.
26:07Let's take a look anyway.
26:08OK.
26:09Do you want me to open it for you?
26:11Apple.
26:12Dad, I'm purple.
26:13Y'all can play beauty shop.
26:16I'll be the customer.
26:21Look how serious Madison is.
26:23Madison.
26:24Good lord, Madison.
26:25You did a good job, bud.
26:27Daddy looked silly.
26:29Good job.
26:30You would have never done that before.
26:34It was nice that you just chilled with the girls and let them play salon with you and just really get involved.
26:41Yeah, it was fun.
26:42Who knows?
26:43Maybe you'll have your toenails painted next week.
26:46Or the fingers.
26:47I was trying to get her to do my nails, but she said I was a boy.
26:50It is nice to see because now we are seeing you have fun with the girls and enjoy.
26:56And that's a really lovely improvement.
26:59So let's move on to the next clip.
27:01Hey, baby.
27:02What you doing?
27:04Oh, here's Morgan.
27:05That's Chris.
27:06Oh.
27:07Do you hear him?
27:08Well, he's just a friend.
27:09He's not your boyfriend.
27:10Yes, he is.
27:11You hear that, Dad?
27:12What?
27:13They're boyfriend and girlfriend now.
27:14Did you know that?
27:15Yeah, she did.
27:16Yeah, I did.
27:17I kind of figured that when he comes over every day, Phil.
27:18I do like the fact that you were just kissing around with her and joking.
27:19Yeah, I was.
27:20And actually just being playful with her allowed her to realize that it was okay to actually tell you eventually that she has been dating Chris.
27:24Yeah.
27:25So right now I think it's important to have a mature conversation about responsibility with Morgan and really putting some firm boundaries in place.
27:37I know that I will need to get Dad the help that he will need.
27:54Phil, Joyce, nice to have that you've called.
28:05Meeting up with Joyce was incredibly good for Phil.
28:09Joyce was really nice.
28:11She was just real soft-spoken, somebody that, you know, you felt like you could talk to.
28:16We have a program designed to target these kinds of problems.
28:22I want you to be able to look yourself in the mirror and to be able to say, I want my daughters to be able to marry a man like me.
28:32I thought it would be very good for Phil to actually see and speak to a man who had completed the course.
28:39And so I had William meet up with us.
28:42Will is a man I've worked with on these issues who is brave enough to do this and take a look at himself.
28:48I would say things it's like I wouldn't think twice about saying it.
28:51Now I really watch what I say and just really try to treat people the way I want to be treated.
28:55Sometimes it's like we just like accumulate and create a habit that we sometimes we just can't get rid of that habit.
29:01And we just kind of like stay in that rut.
29:03It's kind of like driving a car on a dirt road after a while.
29:05It's like you just take your hands off the steering wheel.
29:07Well, sometimes it's like you've got to get yourself out of that rut.
29:09This does get to be dangerous.
29:11I have worked with men who have never thought they would do this but have killed their partners or killed even their children.
29:19They have come to me and they have said, I really didn't mean for this to happen.
29:25But they did mean and choose to cross that first line.
29:29Right.
29:30Meeting William did give me the hope that change is possible.
29:34All I got to do is put my mind to it and do it.
29:38I'd like you to make a promise that from this day forth you will stop calling names and that you will never raise your hand in a hurtful way.
29:46Oh yeah, you have it.
29:47You have my commitment.
29:48You have my work.
29:49Okay.
29:50Making these commitments was a very big step for Dad.
29:54But I need to make sure that he remembers why it's important to stick with these commitments.
30:01There is a lady here that I'd like you to meet.
30:09The last but not least of this journey for Phil was to introduce him to a young woman who had endured abuse from her own father.
30:17A young girl sees through her father's eyes herself.
30:22And for myself I saw the way that my father treated me and treated my mother.
30:27And on some level I believed that that was how I deserved to be treated.
30:31And even as I grew older and went to college and did very well in a career, when I chose relationships I chose very poorly.
30:39And I ended up being in a relationship with a man who was emotionally and verbally abusive.
30:45Your daughters are looking to you to see what kind of man they're going to choose for themselves someday.
30:54And you don't want them to be with somebody that's going to belittle them or make them feel badly about themselves.
31:00I was thinking of like, wow, I don't want this to be one of my daughters sitting across from me asking me why.
31:06You know, so it was an eye opener.
31:09Your job now is to apologize to them, not just through your words but through your actions that you can change.
31:15That's why I'm doing what I'm doing so I can get answers for me and so I can help my children and my family.
31:21And you have some challenges and some obstacles and you feel like you're going to turn back.
31:26I hope that you remember this moment.
31:28Oh.
31:29Because we're the people that are quietly in the background cheering you on.
31:33I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thanks.
31:37It made me feel good to know that, okay, I can remember her if I have that situation come up.
31:43That that'll help me say, stop.
31:53Hey. Hey. Hello.
31:56Even though I know there's a long road ahead of me, I'm looking forward to that journey.
31:59Because in the long run, it's going to benefit me, my wife and my children.
32:04Okay, guys. Yeah, yeah. Time for me to leave. And Jojo wants some hugs.
32:08If I could say anything to Phil, it would be that he can't change the past.
32:13Hey, it's the beginning for you.
32:15But he can change the future of five beautiful children.
32:20I have asked Joyce for reports with regards to Phil and I will be keeping in touch with the family.
32:27There's no two ways about that.
32:29Don't you want to?
32:30Hey, hey.
32:31I'm so excited about that.
32:32I'm so excited about that.
32:33I'm so excited about that.
32:34We'll see you next time.
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