My Momma Is My Biggest Bill | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 29)

Name: My Momma Is My Biggest Bill | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 29)
Uploaded: 2025-06-13T23:47:55+00:00
Duration: 53 min 32 s
Channel: Lerin Gaines

Lerin Gaines

6/13/2025

My Momma Is My Biggest Bill | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 29)

Featuring: Financial Friday, Mentorship Series

Friday | June 13th, 2025

Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES

https://leringaines.com
https://linktr.ee/leringaines
https://www.facebook.com/leringaines
http://instagram.com/leringaines
https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines
http://twitter.com/leringaines
https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines
https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines
https://dlive.tv/LerinGaines
https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines

Song of The Day: "Your Mom's In My Business" by K-Solo
Released 1990 | Tell The World My Name

Burning Questions: At what point does helping family become enabling - and are you willing to lose your future trying to save theirs?

I would love to hear from you! Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions:

Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com

DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLIVE, Twitch, DailyMotion)

Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!

Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com

#Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #DLIVE #Twitch #DailyMotion #ParentalAdvisory #ExplicitContent #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC5 #Restoration

DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.

411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines
DISC 5: Restoration
Track 29: My Momma Is My Biggest Bill
©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com

Category

📚

Learning

Transcript

Display full video transcript

00:00Thank you for joining us.

03:00You got more music.

03:01I say that's an introduction.

03:03I almost wanted to let that thing rock out, but we are here.

03:06Thank you so much for joining Financial Fridays on the 411 Podcast.

03:10Before we go ahead and get started, I want to go ahead and give a very special thank you to my executive producer.

03:16Thank you, God, for giving me another opportunity to come out here and do the 411 Podcast, to come out here and give what I know how to give best.

03:26And I want to say thank you to each and every one of you out there for liking, subscribing, checking in, letting me know how you feel about this movement.

03:34I must say that y'all definitely did the thing when it came to reading Between the Wines.

03:40I had special guest author, Birdman313 come through, and we have been having some amazing sessions together.

03:48So, thank you so much for rocking with reading Between the Wines, and we're here again tonight, Financial Fridays.

03:58You know, we're getting ready to go in.

04:00Track 29, My Mama is My Biggest Bill.

04:03So, this is Dis 5 Restoration, the 411 Podcast.

04:07So, let's get right on into this.

04:10So, now, previous episode, we spoke about Ms. Kalia.

04:17Kalia, 32, from Charlotte, North Carolina.

04:21Again, shout out to everyone out there from the Carolinas, and I want to say thank you so much for joining.

04:27And if you could please like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend, invite them in.

04:31And just do whatever you can do to help support.

04:33I definitely do appreciate that.

04:35Ms. Kalia, 32, from Charlotte, North Carolina.

04:38She was in this on-and-off relationship with Brandon, and basically, he's been draining her pockets.

04:46Just keep it real.

04:47He's been draining her pockets, this on-and-off-again relationship.

04:50And it seems like whenever she has money, he comes around.

04:53Whenever she doesn't have any money, he disappears.

04:56And she even has gone so far as giving his mom some money and racking up $9,000 in credit card debt,

05:04draining two savings accounts, and a whole bunch of other different things,

05:08paying tickets and pass rent and helping with lawyer fees and all types of nonsense.

05:12This was a true example of someone who does not know who they are,

05:16someone who was seeking outside of themselves for validation in other people, places, and material things.

05:21And here we go, another scenario just like that.

05:24And I've said it before, and I continue to say it again.

05:28When you do not know who you are, other people can sense that.

05:33The narcissistic person type can sense that.

05:36And they will pick you up, and they will sell you a dream.

05:41They will make you feel like you are everything, like you're on cloud nine until they get you right where they want to get you.

05:46And they will shape you, and they will mold you, and they will put you into a position of you becoming somebody that they want you to be.

05:57Not who you want to be, who they want you to be.

06:00And then when reality hits, and all of a sudden you wake up and you realize what happened,

06:05that's when the resentment comes in.

06:09That's when the attitude comes in.

06:10That's when the guilt comes in.

06:12And that's when things go.

06:15So be careful, people.

06:16If you want to find out how this whole thing went down, and, you know, I'm not going to say advice,

06:25but opinions that we gave to Ms. Kalia, go ahead and watch that replay.

06:30It is available on YouTube.

06:32You can also get wherever you listen to most major podcasts.

06:37I know offhand it's on Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Deezer, PocketCast, and so many others out there.

06:49And again, if it is not available where you get your local podcast at, please just shoot me a message.

06:56You can send me or you can text me and let me know, and we will try our best to get the 411 podcast,

07:02Ringing Between the Wines, put on that specific platform.

07:07We got a good one tonight.

07:09Track 29, My Mama Is My Biggest Bill.

07:13Let's get into this song of the day.

07:16Your Mom's In My Business by K Solo, released in 1990 off of his album, Tell the World My Name.

07:24So for the hip-hop fans out there, if you remember this song,

07:29I love it because it has a little sample from Frankie Beverly and Mays before I let go.

07:35But it starts off, your mom's in my business.

07:37She's in my business.

07:38Can't you see, girl, that your mom's trying to end this?

07:41So tell your mom to mind her business.

07:44And then, of course, the Frankie Beverly sample comes in before I let go.

07:48Now, how many relationships, how many business moves, how many friendships in general,

07:57just people's lives in general are affected by parents?

08:03But tonight, we're speaking about someone's mom just being all up in the business.

08:09But I know it could be grandparents, it could be aunts, it could be uncles, it could be anybody.

08:15But basically, where I'm coming from is how many people out there are affected by a parent or a guardian or whatever monitoring people who live vicariously through you.

08:32But you're not a teenager, you're not underage.

08:38I'm talking about people who are adults.

08:40Maybe you might still be living at home, maybe you're not.

08:44If you're still living at home and this is happening, I could kind of see why, maybe.

08:49Not that it's right, but I can understand why, because you're still in a household.

08:52And in some cases, some people feel that as long as you live underneath their house, you have to live by their rules.

08:58But what happens when you are a grown, full adult?

09:02I've experienced this, not on my end, but I was dating somebody where their mother would enter into the apartment, had keys to the apartment, snooping around checkout in the apartment, full grown adult.

09:19Late 20s, early 30s, how is this possible?

09:21So, how many relationships, how many friendships, how many business moves, how many lives in general are just affected by someone else living and controlling by living vicariously through someone else?

09:39The one thing that I have to say is that your parents have lived their lives.

09:45You have to live your life.

09:48Your parents have lived their lives and they're going to continue to live their life.

09:51And the question, if anybody is experiencing something like this, is when are you finally going to get up and start living your life?

09:59Because if you feel that you are being controlled by a parent or a guardian or someone who is overseeing you, and I'm not talking about people who are underage.

10:07I'm talking about people who are of age.

10:11You have a job.

10:12You have a career.

10:13You started your life.

10:14You're trying to start your life.

10:16But you just have this shadow hovering over you because someone's still pulling all of the strings, telling you what you can and cannot do.

10:25It's an issue.

10:26See, God has put us on this earth to focus on self.

10:35And has given us a task of something that is called self-control.

10:42And nowhere in the instructions, at least that I know, and again, I'm not claiming to be a genius.

10:48So if there's anybody out there that knows something that I don't know, please let me know what scripture it is and I can go back and I can do my research.

10:53But to my knowledge, nowhere in it does it say that we are to control another human being.

11:02He's given us power to control and have dominion over everything in this earth.

11:10But nowhere did it say another human being.

11:12Now, one thing that I do know is that it is a full-time job focusing on that thing that I call self-control.

11:24And one thing that I do know is that we are not responsible for managing someone else's nervous system.

11:32We are not responsible for making somebody else happy.

11:36Everything starts with self.

11:38So if you are in a situation, such as when we go back to this K-Solo joint, where your mom's just all up in the business, might be ruining a situation, might be getting into a situation, might be stirring up a situation.

12:01Just like this song here.

12:03Tell your mom to mind her business before I let go.

12:06So whatever you might be holding on to, whatever you might be striving to, whatever you might be focusing on, if someone else is hovering over, pulling all the strings, telling you you can't do this and you can't do that and you should do this and you should do that, and you're not able to think for yourself and you're not able to make moves for yourself, just remember that last part of that song before I let go.

12:26Because either you're going to let go or what's on the other end might let go.

12:32Song of the day.

12:34Your mom's in our business by K-Solo, released in 1990 of his album, Tell the World My Name.

12:42Now, y'all ready?

12:46Because we're getting ready to get into this Financial Fridays.

12:51We have a letter here.

12:53And this is from Cleveland, Ohio.

12:55And before I get into this letter, if you'd like me to just review, help you out, give you our opinion here on the 411 Podcast, you most certainly can text me at 609-210-98.

13:11You can email me at info at laryngaines.com.

13:15You can DM me on any of my social media platforms.

13:18If you'd like it to remain anonymous, I got you.

13:24We have a great way of figuring all of that stuff out.

13:28Just let us know how you feel about it.

13:30Again, info at laryngaines.com, 609-200-1098.

13:37Let's get into tonight's assignment.

13:40Jordan is 33 years old from Cleveland, Ohio.

13:45And he works in IT security.

13:48He's always been a responsible one in his family, and that responsibility has turned into a financial exhaustion.

13:56His mom is 59 years old, unemployed, and refuses to work or downsize.

14:01She calls him for money weekly, not for emergencies, but for stuff like nails, hair, Uber rides, and her weed habit.

14:10And yes, she's very bold about it.

14:12He recently totaled up what he sent her over the past year, and it's more than $12,000.

14:20That's a used car.

14:21That's a trip that he never took, and that's therapy that he never started.

14:24He loves his mom, but he hates the feeling of being her ATM.

14:29He feels stuck between guilt and goals.

14:33And his question is, how do I cut the cord financially and still be a good son?

14:38Thank you so much for joining.

14:39I appreciate you.

14:40If you are out there, please go ahead and like, comment, share, subscribe.

14:44Tag a friend, text a friend, invite them in.

14:47Thank you all so much for joining.

14:50Take it to the top.

14:53My name is Jordan, 33 years old, from Cleveland, Ohio, and I work in IT security.

14:58I've always been the responsible one in my family, and that responsibility has turned into financial exhaustion.

15:05My mom is 59, unemployed, and refuses to work or downsize.

15:13She calls me for money weekly, not for emergencies, but for stuff like nails, hair, Uber rides, or her weed habit.

15:23And yes, she's bold about it.

15:25I've recently totaled up what I've sent her over the past year, and it's more than $12,000.

15:31That's a used car, that's a trip I never took, that's therapy I never started.

15:37I love my mom, but I hate this feeling of being her ATM, and I feel stuck between guilt and goals.

15:45How do I cut the cord financially and still be a good son?

15:50Let's take this to the top here.

15:53Mr. Jordan is 33 years old, from Cleveland, Ohio, and he works in IT security.

15:59He sounds like he has a decent job here.

16:03He's always been the responsible one.

16:06So when I hear something like that, I've always been the responsible one.

16:11In most families, there's always that one that will sort of take the lead, whether it comes from a spiritual aspect,

16:19where it comes from a financial aspect, to be able to help change the dynamic and shift the dynamic of that family.

16:25And he says that this responsibility has turned into financial exhaustion.

16:32I get this part.

16:35And when you are set apart from your family, it can feel a little exhausting.

16:43It can feel a little overwhelming, especially in the beginning, when you're trying to figure out who you are

16:49and figure out what your purpose is and what the plan is and what God has put you here to do.

16:53But I would say that that's just temporary.

17:00Because this here, even though it sounds the way it sounds right off the bat, this is a good letter.

17:07Now, this part is not his mom is 59 unemployed.

17:13Big question, why?

17:1659 years old, unemployed.

17:18I don't see anything about unable to work.

17:20But I do see this here, refuses to work or downsize.

17:24So refuses to work, that's a problem because that means that you can work, but you're not working.

17:29And then downsize.

17:30This is a problem with a lot of people living beyond any means.

17:33Maybe things were good before situations change, the economy changes, lifestyles changes, life can happen,

17:44which would, you know, cause us to reevaluate our lives and make some decisions.

17:49Typically, as we get older and the family, you know, the children leave the nest,

17:57you would want to downsize.

17:59As you get older, you would want to downsize and get something a little bit smaller.

18:04Maybe you don't need all those extra rooms because the kids are not there, the children aren't there.

18:10So I don't know what this situation looks like, but refuses to work and downsize is a problem.

18:16Now, right there, it states it right there, refuses to work and refuses to downsize.

18:24So this part I don't get, she calls me weekly for money.

18:29Why?

18:31Why would she call you weekly for money when she's capable of working?

18:36Now, if she refuses to work or she refuses to downsize or do anything to help save money

18:43or to move things in her financial favor, this next part where she calls and asks for money weekly,

18:49we would have to put a stop to that because it's not like you can't work, you refuse to work.

18:57And it's not for food, it's not for emergencies, but it's for stuff like hair, nails, Uber rides.

19:03And this part is a trip here, her weed habit.

19:06And she's very bold about it.

19:08So she's letting you know that she's probably doing the most.

19:12And all of that right there, if that's not a good enough reason to say, no, I don't know what else is.

19:19You recently totaled up the past year expenses that you paid for her, and it was more than $12,000.

19:28Now, because of that, you've clearly listed that that's a used car that you could have purchased.

19:33That's a trip that you never took.

19:35You wanted to, but you couldn't because you put money into that situation there.

19:39And that's therapy I never started.

19:43And you said it right there.

19:45You said it loud and clear, therapy, that I never started.

19:47So clearly, there are some issues, which, listen, everybody has their own issues, and we've all been through stuff.

19:56But this is why the letter, because you are identifying it.

20:00You're hitting almost all of these nails right on the head.

20:04And if therapy is what you need to get away from some of this situation, these manipulative situations, I would go ahead on and do it.

20:14I would get that used car if that's what you want to do.

20:17I would take that trip if that's what you want to do.

20:20Enroll yourself into therapy if that's what you want to do.

20:23Do the things that you wanted because this is your life.

20:26Your mother is 59 years old and already lived her life, raised her kids, whatever the situation is.

20:31And she still needs to continue to live her life.

20:33But what you can't do is you can't do it for her.

20:36And by you giving her money and enabling her and continuing this repetitive cycle, she's not going to do anything different except do what she knows how to do best and ask you for money.

20:50So if you'd like this situation to stop, it's a simple, complete sentence of no.

20:59And what will make it easier for you is for you to actually go out and do and buy and purchase and make your money moves the way you want to do it.

21:07Because then when she comes to ask you for money, when you don't have it, you don't have it.

21:15It's not like it would be a lie.

21:18You're telling her the truth.

21:20And when it comes to family, I've told, had this, you know, conversation before on here because I've had people tell me, Laren, my family know that, you know, I have a little bit of money.

21:34My family knows what I have in my emergency fund.

21:37They know what I have and they ask me for money.

21:40Number one, stop telling people what you have.

21:43I don't care who it is, friends, family, this, that, the next, the other, whatever you have, whatever situations you have financially, the person who helped you get there, that's the person who you should be having the conversations with.

21:57The most high.

21:57You want to converse, you want to ask questions, you want to go back and forth, you want to share the joy, you want to, you know, get feedback, start there first.

22:09Don't tell people how much money you got, what money moves you got, what you're thinking about doing because of people who sometimes people don't mean as well.

22:19People don't, they, they're looking out for their own and best interests and they start, their ears will start to perk up.

22:25But once they know what you have and now they're digging in your pockets before you even know what the hell hit you.

22:33So be careful with that.

22:37When it comes to family, it's okay to tell them I don't have it.

22:42Because just like it's in your emergency, that's what it's for an emergency.

22:45That does not mean that I can go in there and dig out just because you asked me for, you know, money here and there.

22:52I might have it, but I don't have you.

22:54That's not a lie.

22:55I don't have it to give you.

22:56I don't have it.

22:58Absolutely not.

22:59This is for an emergency.

23:00And me fueling your weed habit, me fueling to get your hair done and nails done and big, that is not an emergency.

23:07So that is not a lie.

23:09When you specifically label money and categorize it and put it into a specific bucket, put it into a specific category and put that name on it, that's exactly what that means.

23:20So to tell a family member I don't have it, some people might be feeling guilty because they look at it and they see that they have money in there.

23:30But then they tell a family member that they don't have it.

23:35That's exactly what that means.

23:36You don't have it to give at that moment because if to give, you would give it.

23:40But the fact that your emergency fund or the fact that you're sinking fund or the fact that you're saving for a car, you're saving for a trip, you're doing this, you're doing that.

23:49This is for tuition.

23:50This is for this bill.

23:51That's for that bill.

23:52That's what that means.

23:54That's not for them.

23:54So I want to feel a certain way about that.

23:57Be very careful about letting family members guilt you and people saying, please don't forget where you came from.

24:05I'm not going to forget where I came from.

24:07I know where I came from and I'm hustling and I'm grinding.

24:11I'm doing whatever I need to do to make sure that I go back.

24:14Fooling around with you, fooling your weed habit, fooling, fueling every little thing that you want and asking and nickel and diming the situation.

24:22If I continue to fall into that trap, yeah, you're right.

24:25I won't forget where I come from because if I keep playing games, I'm going to be right back there.

24:30So don't let people trick you into that too.

24:32Oh, you know, you think you got so big that you forgot where you came from.

24:37Don't forget where you came from.

24:40Absolutely right.

24:41I most certainly won't because whatever I experienced from a childhood, whatever I experienced here, whatever I experienced there, I'm going to hustle, grind, shake things up and do whatever I have to do.

24:52I want you to make sure that I never go back.

24:55And remember, wherever you come from, those people might still be there and they might be stuck there and they might be content being there.

25:07So don't forget where you come from.

25:13Because you don't want to be that.

25:15You've moved past that.

25:16You've gotten up out of that.

25:17You pulled yourself out of it.

25:19So you have to be careful to make different types of moves to make sure that you don't get back.

25:23Jordan loves his mom, but he hates the feeling of being her ATM.

25:35He feels stuck between guilt and goals and he wants to know how does he cut the core financially and still be a good son.

25:41And the big issue here is that what you're doing here today, what Jordan is doing here today makes him.

25:55I don't want to say a bad son, but you're not being a good son.

25:58You're not being a good son by enabling.

26:02And anybody out there that's giving money to family members that refuse to get up and take responsibility for themselves, you are not being.

26:09A good son, a good brother, a good uncle, a good cousin, a good grandson, whatever the case may be, when you are fueling and enabling people and their situations and not empowering them to get up and do it for themselves.

26:29You're just covering a bandaid, trying to cover old wounds up with money.

26:36You are not doing them a favor.

26:38You are keeping them stuck.

26:42And it's going to come back to bite you and them in the future.

26:46And it's going to obviously cost you financially.

26:50It ain't going to cost them financially because they own for this free ride.

26:53But you will be drained.

26:56In ways that you can't even imagine.

27:00You need to be very careful.

27:05I think that this is a good letter.

27:08One of the better letters that have been written in.

27:11And the reason why, because this is signs of breaking generational curses.

27:18And I'm going to break it down.

27:20Because clearly Jordan realized that he was a responsible one in his family.

27:25Sounds like he's the only one who gets it when it comes to being able to handle money properly.

27:31That's a good thing.

27:32I don't know how many siblings, if there's any.

27:35But he is the one who has the gift.

27:38Which is great.

27:38The fact that he recognized that this is a problem and is trying to do something about it.

27:48Verbalizing that there needs to be a change here.

27:50That's a good thing.

27:51He knows how much money he's given her.

27:55He's already totaled everything up.

27:57It seems like he knows what is going where.

28:01That's a good thing.

28:01The only other issue is that we just need to learn how to say no.

28:09We need to learn how to say no.

28:11And we need to do specific things and get our mindset positioned to make sure that we don't come across this type of personality in the future.

28:24Because what I've seen and I've heard is that when people experience things from childhood, they turn around and they will get into a relationship.

28:38Or they will marry somebody who is just like one of their parents.

28:42Because it's basically familiarity.

28:45They cling to and they attract what's familiar.

28:51Because what's unfamiliar becomes awkward and they feel that it takes them out of their comfort zone.

29:00It's almost being comfortable being in a toxic situation, being comfortable to some dysfunctional types of relationships or dysfunctional behavior.

29:11So people who come from dysfunctional families, they typically will cling to and start up another dysfunctional situation unless they're bold enough and strong enough to be able to break a generational curse.

29:26Because the fact that you are writing in this situation lets me know that you're already working towards breaking this thing and shaking this thing up.

29:36Because you work.

29:38You want to go on trips.

29:40You want to go on vacations.

29:41You want to do something a little bit different.

29:43You know how much money has been wasted.

29:45You know that it doesn't sit right in your soul and you are speaking on it now.

29:50You just need the tools and you need the support to be able in their encouragement to be able to just tell people no.

29:59So I think that this is a good situation here.

30:03As far as being as far as looking towards the future, being able to turn this thing around and say, no, I'm not going to do this.

30:12I'm going to focus on me.

30:13And I think you'd be in a good situation in the future if you learn how to say no and start to have boundaries and set some standards for any future situations that come in.

30:24And getting that therapy that you spoke about earlier would definitely be key to help prevent you from getting wrapped up or trapped up with someone who has some of the same narcissistic personalities as what your mom has.

30:40So that's what I have for tonight.

30:44If anybody feels differently about this, please feel free to reach out to me.

30:49You can text me at 609-200-1098.

30:52Again, that number is 609-200-1098.

30:57That is the official 411 Podcast Reading Between the Wines hotline.

31:02And before I move on to the next segment, which I love, which is burning questions, I just want to pause for a moment and say thank you because there has been a shift in this show.

31:17This is not the same show that I was broadcasting when I first started in 2020.

31:22Around 2022, I started to get very clear with my message as far as what I needed to do, what I've been put here to do.

31:32So I had to break away from certain relationships.

31:35I had to stop with certain collaborations and I had to get focused on the content that I was producing.

31:43Because what started off one way changed midway through.

31:52And again, this is the evolution process of it.

31:57Once again, we did another pivot and we evolved again into what we have here today.

32:04Back in 2020, when I first started, I had no idea that this would be the calling and this would be just so direct where we are here today.

32:14Now I see the future even more.

32:18But for the people who continuously come back and watch and support.

32:24And are on this journey, I say thank you.

32:27And for the people who say, Laren, this is just not for me.

32:30I've had people tell me that.

32:31I say thank you to those two because that just lets me know that this content is just not for you.

32:40And by you walking away from something and not feeling obligated just because you were here in the beginning or there's so many different other reasons why.

32:52Oh, because you were a friend or a family member.

32:56If it's not for you and you walk away from this, that's probably one of the best things that you can do for me.

33:02Because what I can do at that moment is get a real snapshot of the people who really are here.

33:11People who really are supportive.

33:12And when you walk away, you have an empty seat for someone who is willing and someone who needs this information to come and sit in your seat.

33:24If something is not for you and this has nothing to do with the 4-in-1 podcast, has nothing to do with me.

33:30In your life in general, if something is not for you, walk away from it.

33:36Because the minute that you walk away from it, the next best thing is right around the corner.

33:42So if this is not home for you, you walk away from it.

33:46The next best thing that you can call home is right around the corner.

33:51So I'm going to say no more.

33:54I'm going to say no more.

33:55I said what I had to say.

33:56But I'm just amazed and overjoyed at the progress that has been made so far in just the past year with starting up Black Diamond consultations and everything.

34:10So thank you again and amazing.

34:14We have so many new people who have come along to support.

34:19And yeah, any feedback that you have on the show, I'm always here.

34:24You can text me.

34:25You can DM me.

34:26You can let me know.

34:29Burning questions.

34:30At what point does helping family become enabling?

34:36And are you willing to lose your future trying to save theirs?

34:43At what point does helping family become enabling?

34:48And are you willing to lose your future to save theirs?

34:51Now, I would say the point where helping family becomes enabling is when they can get up and do it for themselves.

35:05If you are taking care of an elderly family member because they can't do it themselves, something can happen and someone lost a job or this is just a temporary situation.

35:17And there's some guidelines, there's some boundaries set.

35:22I don't necessarily think that that's enabling, especially if you're taking care of a parent, an elderly parent.

35:29But if you have a parent or a family member who is capable of getting up and doing for themselves, but yet they refuse to, or they might have a slothful personality or a lazy personality, I think that's a problem.

35:47And the minute that you continuously do stuff over and over again for someone who can get up and do it for themselves, yes, that's considered enabling.

35:55And when you do that, all you are doing is subtracting from your situation.

36:00You're subtracting from your future.

36:02And like I said before, your parents lived their lives.

36:05And some of them still are going to be living continuously, living their lives.

36:14But when are you going to get up and start living yours?

36:17Because if you're constantly digging and doing backflips and ripping and running here to there all over the place to take care of somebody else and do for somebody else, and yet they can do it for themselves, you're not living your life.

36:29You're basically living for them.

36:34And you are losing your future.

36:36And you will continue to lose your future trying to help save and get them where they need to be.

36:43I spoke about this analogy a couple weeks ago, and I'll keep bringing it up because once it came to me, it was so profound.

36:53Picture yourself being on a ladder.

36:55Remember, the person that you are trying to help is on, they have both feet planted on the ground.

37:02You got one arm on one ladder rung.

37:07You got one foot on another ladder rung.

37:11And now you're bending down with your arm and taking one leg off to try to pull that person up who has both feet planted on the ground.

37:22How do you think that that scenario is going to play out?

37:25Who's going to have more strength?

37:27Are you going to be able to pull that person who has both feet planted on the ground up?

37:34Or is it going to be easier for them to pull you off the ladder knowing that you have taken both your one arm, excuse me, one hand off and one foot off to try to help pull them up?

37:46Who do you think is going to win in that situation?

37:48It's far easier for someone who's planted on the ground, someone who's at rock bottom to pull you off and down from your goals rather than you being able to pull them up to your level.

38:01So while you're ripping and running and doing, thank you so much for joining.

38:07I appreciate you.

38:08So while you're ripping and running and doing backflips and trying to piece everything together and glue everything together and hold everything together, you are stripping yourself and depriving yourself of the future that you could potentially have to help what?

38:25Try to save somebody else who already had a shot at theirs, but they refuse to do the right thing.

38:31I have a problem with that.

38:32And I might be considered what some people might say, the black sheep of the family.

38:38I do things a little bit differently.

38:40I never went along with the plan.

38:44And that's OK.

38:45And I'm all right with that.

38:47But one thing that I've never done is try to.

38:53Not in my family dynamic aspect relationships, that might be a whole nother story, but I learned my lesson there.

38:58But when it comes to family, you can't take everybody with you.

39:05And when it comes to relationships, too, you can't take everybody with you.

39:10And one thing that I have truly learned and God has taught me my lesson.

39:15When people don't want to do things the way you want them to do it or might think that it might be best for them to do it, you can't get upset.

39:24You can't get upset.

39:26You can't step out of your character.

39:27You can't do anything except sit in that moment and allow people to show up and be who they are.

39:37You can't control anybody else's situation.

39:39That's when I spoke earlier at the top of the show.

39:42It's called self-control.

39:43The only person that you can control is self.

39:46And if you have family members, if you have friends, if you have spouses, you have significant others, people who do not want to move in the direction that you're moving in.

39:58The only thing that I have to say about that is that is absolutely okay.

40:03As harsh and crazy and weird as it might sound, that is absolutely okay.

40:09The minute that you get up and continue to take responsibility for yourself and focus on self, everything starts with self.

40:17Things will start to click in.

40:19Either you're going to get the wisdom, the strength, the courage, the energy to back up off of that situation.

40:26Or the person is going to see that you're no longer enabling, you're no longer fixing, you're no longer picking up, you're no longer cleaning up, you're no longer being that clean up woman, that clean up man.

40:40That was a Betty Wright situation.

40:45You're no longer being that clean up person.

40:49Then they will start to make a decision.

40:52And their decision is either they're going to continue to try to push their little agenda.

40:58So that you can continue to try to do for them.

41:01And then you could be a little bit more wiser and be like, okay, now at least I know what I'm dealing with.

41:05Now, what decisions are we going to make here?

41:06What conversations do we need to have with God in order to pull us up or pull us up out of these trenches here?

41:12Which one is it going to be?

41:14Because at the end of the day, as sad as it may seem, but as real as it might be, it's going to be either you or them.

41:24It's going to be either them or you.

41:26So which one is it going to be?

41:29Burning question.

41:29At what point does helping family become enabling?

41:32And are you willing to lose your future by trying to save theirs?

41:40What I have to say about that is absolutely not.

41:46If you'd like to chime in on tonight's burning question, please text me at 609-210-98.

41:53Again, that number is 609-210-98.

41:58That is the official 411 Podcast Burning Questions Hotline.

42:05I want to say thank you all so much.

42:07I'm just in a very grateful mood today.

42:11This has been a very powerful week.

42:15I can put it that way.

42:16A very powerful week.

42:18A very eye-opening week.

42:19I am very thankful and grateful that I am still here despite what could have happened.

42:26It didn't happen.

42:27God blocked all types of negativity, all types of drama, all types of situations.

42:32I can let you know what my playlist has been like this week.

42:35I listened to songs like Love Yourself because I needed a reminder.

42:44My girl Mary.

42:47I've been rocking with my girl since I was 11 years old.

42:54And it's songs that I can just go back like Love Yourself that reminds me you got to stay open and don't be foolish.

43:02Because not everybody means you will.

43:06Songs like that.

43:08Songs like No More Drama to remind me that the drama is over.

43:14But as you get to meet new people and you have new situations because this is life, this is going to be happen.

43:20This is life and this is going to happen.

43:23You better know your friends or else you will get burned.

43:26And I got to count on me because I can guarantee that I'll be fine because I can't put my trust and I can't put my energy and I can't put my time into man because we've already played that game before and we've seen how that worked out.

43:40I had to take it back.

43:47I had to take it back and just have some gratitude and be thankful that I made it here and realize how far I've come.

43:58What I want to do in the future.

43:59And for those of you out there, anybody who has been through the trenches and you've been pulled up out and you can actually breathe now.

44:16Don't get too comfortable.

44:20Because the minute that you get comfortable.

44:23The enemy is right there waiting to try to trick you up and sweep you off your feet and can send you right back to hell.

44:31Just be careful.

44:32If you like what you heard tonight, you can head on over to laryngaines.com and you can sign up for my free monthly newsletter, which is called Whispers of Wisdom.

44:47I have awesome, inspirational, motivational content delivered to your inbox once a month and it is going to be centered around my company, Black Diamond Consultations.

44:57And I focus on helping people get out of debt, helping people live the path of debt-free living from spiritual, mental, physical, and financial wellness.

45:10Head on over to laryngaines.com, sign up for Whispers of Wisdom, the free monthly newsletter.

45:15And if you are interested, I do offer a coaching session program for anyone out there who would like to learn more about what this debt-free living is like.

45:30I offer a free 15-minute consultation.

45:34You can text me, 609-200-1098.

45:38Again, that number is 609-200-1098.

45:42You may also visit the website, laryngaines.com, and sign up for the free 15-minute consultation.

45:50At that moment, we will figure out if this is a great fit.

45:55You let me know what your situation is.

45:58We'll have a discussion.

46:01We'll have a little discovery call.

46:04And if it works out well, we'll set something up and get you enrolled into the coaching sessions.

46:09It's designed, following biblical principles.

46:17Come up with a specific plan for you to help you become debt-free, help you break away from the system, and move towards financial freedom.

46:28Easier said than done.

46:33So if you're in debt, I don't know who I'm talking to.

46:38I've been there before.

46:39I get it.

46:41This is not something that you just snap your finger and poof, all of a sudden you're out of debt.

46:46But this is for the people who are willing, and they've been waiting.

46:52They just needed the tools.

46:54They needed the encouragement.

46:56For the people who are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

47:00For the people who are ready to cut their credit cards up.

47:03I must say, as I continue to coach people, as I continue to interact with people, as I continue to meet people, I am absolutely baffled by the people who are just okay with charging up on their credit cards.

47:19Just charging, charging, charging, robbing Peter to pay Paul.

47:23And as long as they can pay one situation and pay the minimum, rack up again, pay the minimum, rack up again, they're okay with that.

47:36But I will caution you, if you're living like that, the walls are closing in, especially in the world that we're in.

47:44We are in some difficult times, challenging times.

47:48And if you think that it's rough now, and you think that it's going to get better, it's going to get worse before it gets better.

47:53And I know that that might sound harsh, but that's reality.

47:58And if this week, and this week isn't done yet, hasn't been an eye-opener from the situations that have been going on around this world to let you know that it's time to clean up some things.

48:11Because the warning shots have been fired previously they've been, but they have been fired again to let you know that this is a time where we need to tighten up.

48:26And don't let these distractions in the world pull you up off of getting your life together.

48:32Because it's going to be a situation where these walls really start closing in.

48:38I could go off on a tangent, but we already got the robots and everything else coming in.

48:44And listen, this conversation can go on and on and on.

48:48But if you think that things aren't crazy and weird now, it's coming.

48:54And in any case, I'm going to get off of that because I don't want to take us down that road.

49:00But for those of you who understand and know where I'm coming from, it takes a special type of individual.

49:07This debt-free life is not for everybody.

49:10So when I spoke at the top of the show about it's okay for people, if this doesn't work with you, if this sounds strange, if this sounds odd.

49:19And I've been that strange, odd person for most of my life, and I get why I'm here doing what I'm doing here today.

49:26Today, I get it.

49:28Previously, I didn't, but today I get it.

49:31I'm talking to those people.

49:36I have something for you at laryngaines.com.

49:39On that note, I want to say happy Father's Day to the fathers that are out there.

49:44It's Father's Day weekend.

49:45And like I said, the mothers, we roll out the red carpets for Mother's Day.

49:52Father's Day, it's like, okay, it's here.

49:55But so for the fathers, though, on a serious note, the real ones that definitely show up and continue to show up for their children, happy Father's Day.

50:07Enjoy your weekend.

50:08I know I'm going to enjoy mine.

50:10And I will see y'all the next time I see you.

50:14I want to give you a good reminder of what we have going on here.

50:17We have tonight, Financial Friday.

50:21We have Spiritual Sunday.

50:22We have Mental Monday.

50:24We have Transformational Tuesday.

50:26We have Wind Down Wednesday.

50:28And we have Coaching Sessions Thursday.

50:30I have daily content dropping on all of my social media platforms.

50:36Check them all out because there's different content on different pages.