Woke But Broke | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 14) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

Woke But Broke | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 14)   Featuring: Coaching Sessions Thursday, Mentorship Series   05.15.25 | 7:00 PM EST   Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES   https://leringaines.com  https://linktr.ee/leringaines  https://www.facebook.com/leringaines  http://instagram.com/leringaines  https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines  http://twitter.com/leringaines  https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines  https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines  https://dlive.tv/LerinGaines  https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines   Song of The Day: "Truth Is" by Fantasia  Released 2004 | Free Yourself   Burning Questions: What does emotional debt look like in your relationships - and how do you begin to pay it back or walk away?   I would love to hear from you! Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions:   Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com   DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLIVE, Twitch, DailyMotion)   Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!   Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com   #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #DLIVE #Twitch #DailyMotion #ParentalAdvisory #ExplicitContent #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC5 #Restoration   DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.   411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines  DISC 5: Restoration  Track 14: Woke But Broke  ©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network  LerinGaines.com

Transcript

00:03:30Welcome, welcome, welcome on in. Welcome to the 411 podcast. Tonight, we are speaking

00:03:54on woke, but broke this five restoration, the 411 podcast reading between the lines.

00:04:02This is episode 14 and it is May 15th. But before we go ahead and get started, I want

00:04:10to say a very special thank you to my executive producer. I thank God for giving me another

00:04:16opportunity to come out here and give you the 411 podcast. I thank each and every one

00:04:22of you out there. Thank you so much for liking, commenting, sharing, stopping by, whatever

00:04:29you do to support the 411 podcast, reading between the lines. I want to say thank you

00:04:33so much. And if you can please do me a favor, please like comment, share, subscribe, tag,

00:04:41do whatever you need to do to help support in any way that you feel necessary. I want

00:04:46to say thank you so much. Also, before we go ahead and move on, I want to say that this

00:04:54feels so much like home and that's because it is home.

00:04:58This is where it started in 2020. And I do a lot of speaking engagements. I have a lot

00:05:05of things going on outside of the 411 podcast, but it's nothing like coming back home to

00:05:11where it originally started. Coming back home without any restrictions, rules, and the other

00:05:18things that come with the territory. So I made a vow to make sure that we continue this

00:05:25process since we started it in 2020. And we're here, we're home. Let's relax. Let's do what

00:05:31we know how to do best. And I believe that I saw SOS out there. If you are listening,

00:05:37there is a special link. So there's a special link and I will make sure that I go ahead

00:05:44and text you that link now if I can. And I don't know if I can, but there is a special

00:05:52link out there. Probably can't because I'm in another screen now and we're rolling. But

00:05:58if you're getting this message and you're out there, there is a link. If you can check

00:06:03your email and you should be able to click on that link and come right in on a show here.

00:06:10For those of you, if you are interested in sitting in and want to be a reoccurring guest

00:06:16on a show, you can email me at info at laryngaines.com. And I can give you some

00:06:22more information that is info at laryngaines.com. I am accepting new students to come in. And as

00:06:30we dissect every night, I can use some support and I'd like to support you as well, especially

00:06:36on this debt-free journey on this debt-free learning. And phone number is 609-210-98.

00:06:44Again, that number is 609-210-98. However you reach out to me, whether it's a DM,

00:06:51text message, email, please feel free to reach out and I can get you some more information.

00:06:57So we're here. Track 14, Woke But Broke. But before we get into that, I want to speak

00:07:04about last night reading between the lines. I had another great session with

00:07:09special guests, author Birdman313. And I sampled Canyon Road Moscato with some good wine. I poured

00:07:18me about three glasses, not all the way to the brim, but you know, I definitely sampled enough.

00:07:26And I felt pretty good last night and we read from the book, The Secret.

00:07:33And I don't know this author. I know I should know her name properly. I pronounce it.

00:07:38I think it's Rhonda. Well, I know it's Rhonda. That's her first name, but the last name

00:07:43kind of stumbles sometimes, but I believe it's Rhonda Brine. Anyone out there, if I said it,

00:07:50you can let me know. But we all heard the famous book, The Secret, but it was very mystical.

00:07:56I asked Birdman13 to pick a specific number and he picked 55. And when he picked 55,

00:08:04we opened up to the page and it was about action. It was about taking action. And when we helped

00:08:11Ms. Crystal, I felt that that was something that she can get. She was a bartender.

00:08:19She was pouring herself drinks, numbing her pain to avoid the situations that she was dealing with

00:08:26on hand, which was debt, divorce. And we came to the conclusion that there needed to be some action.

00:08:33And Birdman spoke up about the first step is taking action. And I say taking responsibility

00:08:41for your life and removing yourself away from something that is going to tempt you.

00:08:45So if you have a drinking problem, if you have a shopping problem, whatever the case may be,

00:08:51you probably want to go ahead and limit those. So in Crystal's case,

00:08:56if you have a drinking problem, it's probably not wise that you work at a bar.

00:09:02If you have a shopping problem, it's probably not wise that you work at a clothing store,

00:09:08if you know that that's what you like to buy and you like to wear and you like to do.

00:09:11So taking responsibility, taking action and cleaning up your environment.

00:09:16So for my example, I had a little bit of an attitude back in the day. That's because I

00:09:21didn't love myself and I didn't know who I was. But the first thing that I did was got up and

00:09:26take responsibility for myself and remove myself around ignorant people that might trigger me to

00:09:31want to cuss people out and start going upside their head. So you know what? Since I can't

00:09:36control you, the first person I can control and the only person that I control is myself.

00:09:41So how about I remove myself from these negative situations and these comments

00:09:46and these things that might trigger the Tasmanian devil in me. So that's what I did. And I got up

00:09:53and I took responsibility. So we gave Crystal a few suggestions last night of her starting by

00:10:00cleaning up your environment.

00:10:04So now tonight we're going to do the same thing. We're here to help. We're here to grow. We're here

00:10:07to learn. So stick around and you'll figure out what our scenario tonight is. But the title of

00:10:15tonight's show is Woke But Broke. So let's get right on into the song of the day. And

00:10:22we have Miss Fantasia song of the day. Truth is released in 2004 off of her album,

00:10:29Free Yourself. So when we speak about truth is this song Fantasia is basically facing her truth.

00:10:40She knows what the truth is in a relationship. She loves the person, says that she probably

00:10:48shouldn't have let him go. And she knows what the truth is.

00:10:54So now the question I have to ask you is what is your truth?

00:10:58What truths are you not facing in your life?

00:11:04How easy is it for you to just say that I'm okay? But in reality, you know that you're not 100%.

00:11:11We all aren't 100%. We can strive for it. But if you know that you're at like 50,

00:11:17maybe you wake up and you're at 40% and someone asks you how you're doing and you say that you're

00:11:21just okay. Is that really facing the truth? How easy is it for you to cover up? I've done this

00:11:31in the past, cover up any emotional baggage, any trauma, any situations that you are dealing with,

00:11:39with people, places and material things. How easy is it for you to cover things up,

00:11:46surrounding yourself by people? Sometimes those people could care less about you.

00:11:51Sometimes those people are plotting your downfall. Sometimes those people say one

00:11:55thing and then as soon as you're back, as soon as you turn your back, they say another.

00:11:59Sometimes these people, they're just waiting for the setup for them to do the 180 on you.

00:12:06What about going to places, putting yourself in environments that you know you have no business

00:12:11being in just to try to make yourself feel better. Just try to get along with the get along,

00:12:18get in where you can fit in. And of course, buying material things. We speak about that

00:12:26heavily on this show here tonight because that's how a lot of us get ourselves into situation.

00:12:32That's how a lot of us put ourselves into some of these toxic debt situations because we

00:12:39focus on the material. We focus on worldly possessions. So how easy is it for you to

00:12:44cover up with people, places and material things that are looking yourself in the mirror,

00:12:49facing the truth. Remember, everything starts with self. Maybe we might need to look in that mirror.

00:12:58Maybe we might need to tell ourselves the truth. So are you facing your truth? Do you know what

00:13:05the truth is when it comes to you? Because only you know what the truth is when it comes to you.

00:13:12You're going to know that more than anybody else does because everything starts with self and

00:13:16everything starts with you. So are you facing the truth or are you continuously covering things up

00:13:25with people, places, material things?

00:13:29Track 14, Woke But Broke. And I don't know if my special guest is out there tonight,

00:13:38but there is a link. If you're listening, check your email, follow that link. And I want to say

00:13:46thank you to everybody who is joining. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. If you can please

00:13:50like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend, invite more people in. I want to give a very

00:13:54special shout out to the DLive family. Y'all love the single mom struggle episode. Thank you so much

00:14:01for showing love on DLive. And again, before we get started here tonight, I am on Facebook,

00:14:08Instagram, TikTok, X, YouTube, DLive, Twitch, Daily Motion. The audio version is available

00:14:18on multiple different platforms. I can't even name them. I'm so thankful for them all.

00:14:24I can name a few, but I can't name them all. The ones that come to mind, I Heart Radio,

00:14:29Deezer, Spotify, Amazon Music, Audacity, Podcast. Thank you so much for all the love and support

00:14:43wherever you stream, wherever you view the show, listen to the show. Thank you so much.

00:14:49Please share it with friends, family. All right. So we're going to get into tonight's

00:14:56scenario. We're heading on over to St. Louis, Missouri.

00:15:03I believe my special guest has joined. Thank you so much. I see you out there. So happy to have you

00:15:08on. How are you doing? You look terrible. You can turn your camera off too. You don't

00:15:20have to put your camera on. There should be a button to turn it off. I'll let you get

00:15:29situated with that because I can see it behind the scenes.

00:15:37So my special guest, Ms. SOS, is getting her camera together. We're going to try her one more

00:15:44time and see. All right. All right. You should be set now. All right. Here we go. Here we go.

00:15:59Good. Hello.

00:16:02Thanks. You can hear me?

00:16:04I can. I can hear you so well.

00:16:06It's been crazy. I've been ready all day to do this. And then the moment that I feel like, okay,

00:16:16I got it. And it's like, I didn't have it. So I'm like, nevermind.

00:16:22But guess what? Most important.

00:16:24I'm here now.

00:16:25Exactly. Exactly. So we are here.

00:16:28Oh my goodness.

00:16:30Welcome to Coaching Sessions Thursday.

00:16:36So glad to have you in. And let's get right on into tonight's scenario.

00:16:42So we are helping Jaden, Mr. Jaden Phillips. Oops. I wasn't supposed to say the last name. I'm

00:16:50sorry. But it's all good. We're here to help Mr. Jaden, St. Louis, Missouri. I'm sorry. I meant

00:17:04Branson, Missouri. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's St. Louis, Missouri, Jaden. So Jaden is a

00:17:12life coach and a freelance speaker. And Jaden teaches about generational curses, legacy,

00:17:19and financial freedom. But he's three months behind on rent. He's more focused on his brand

00:17:26than his budget. And while his message is powerful, his personal finances are a mess.

00:17:33So I'll read that again. Jaden, who is a life coach and a freelance speaker,

00:17:42teaches about generational curses, legacy, and financial freedom. But he's three months behind

00:17:49on rent. He's more focused on his brand than his budget. And while his message is very powerful,

00:17:57his personal finances are a mess. So Miss SOS, what do you have to say about Jaden's situation?

00:18:09I thought about this long and hard, because it's a very real situation. But I don't want to come

00:18:18off as judgmental, but we're just having a conversation. So I see him as being a very

00:18:28brilliant person. He probably is passionate about what he does. He just has the gift of gab.

00:18:37Charming. And he just comes off as this star when he's teaching people or talking to people

00:18:48or coaching them. But the thing about it is that I feel like he's not really being honest

00:18:57with himself. And sometimes, okay, this is what I think. I don't want to get too off into it.

00:19:05But I think that sometimes people feel, if I can only do this and just stick with it,

00:19:14just focus on it, then somehow or another, maybe I can get out of this debt that I have.

00:19:23You know what I mean? But they're not really being intentional, like having a plan

00:19:34to get out of the debt. It's just a, let me do this because I'm sure if I can do this and get

00:19:41this, then it'll be a cinch for me to catch up on my rent. And to me, that's not, you know,

00:19:50you're really lying to yourself at this point. Yes. Almost like a sort of, I guess, gambling

00:19:58with debt, huh? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But what I do recognize is that there are so many people

00:20:09out in the world who really have the knack for something and they can generate, they can get

00:20:17all of these people, they can probably start generating money as well. But the thing about

00:20:22it is that if something were to happen to that person and the very people that they're coaching

00:20:29find out, oh my God, this guy is like in so much debt and he's wanted by, but yet

00:20:37we're all following this dude, you know, like he's really good at what he says.

00:20:43But his life is jacked up, you know? So I will tell you, I will tell you that there was a reason

00:20:53why I stepped away for a while. I listened in 2022. I'm sitting here saying, all right,

00:21:03you keep saying all of these things, but behind the scenes, it ain't matching up.

00:21:08And exactly what you said, like, I, I, I felt the doors closing in and I was like, well,

00:21:16do you know, uh, there will be no more welcome to the four in one podcast if we don't get these

00:21:23finances in line. So, um, I know exactly what you mean. I know.

00:21:29Exactly. Go ahead. I was going to say,

00:21:37but you recognized, you recognized it. You didn't want that feeling anymore.

00:21:44You want it to do something with your life for you to make yourself better,

00:21:50not to be a people please or anything. So you recognized it, you know?

00:21:55Yeah. And I, I love how you say that a lot of people, they can do certain things. They can

00:22:03generate, we, we all can, we all have the ability to, to generate and we all are creators. God is a

00:22:09creator and we're made in his image. So that's what we have in us. That's what we're put on this,

00:22:14uh, planet earth universe, whatever you want to call it to do. But, um, the biggest thing

00:22:22that is in between us and our purpose and what we're supposed to do is

00:22:29what we spoke about last night is action taking action. So if so many people that read books,

00:22:37they attend seminars, they learn all types of stuff. They, you know, have a mentor. They might

00:22:44even take coaching, life coaching, financial coaching, whatever the case may be. But then

00:22:50they just go back to being normal, go back to their old, old ways and they don't take that

00:22:57action. So what good is it for you to gain all of this information? If you don't take any action

00:23:04and apply it and make those mistakes and you know, it's life, there's going to be ups,

00:23:10downs, peaks, valleys, but we, we have to actually put action behind it.

00:23:14We have to have to actually test it out. We have to actually try it to see exactly,

00:23:19you know, what comes of it.

00:23:22Yeah. I feel like you're not going to do what you're going to do until you really just

00:23:29stop the shit and do it. And that's with anything. It's just not going to,

00:23:36you're not going to do anything until you just stop doing what you're doing.

00:23:41It, it sounds like Jaden is in stages of a awakening, a spiritual awakening. And while

00:23:53he's learning about the generational curses and legacies and a financial freedom and

00:23:58all of those things, he he's behind in his rent. You know, sometimes it takes for people to hit

00:24:04rock bottom. And I truly believe that there are so many people who I have coached and they didn't,

00:24:11but they didn't hit the rock bottom. So they will get halfway through the coaching program and then

00:24:17back out. They they make financial emotional decisions go on a shopping spree at the last

00:24:30minute after they've worked so hard to, or go swipe the credit card again, that's somebody.

00:24:36And those are examples of people who haven't hit the rock bottom. Someone who has hit their rock

00:24:41bottom. They know that they hit their lowest point and they can't get any lower. So the only way that

00:24:48they can get up is to climb out of their hole and climb out of their situation. And after you go

00:24:55through all of that, you don't want to go back. Exactly. And so that really is the key right there

00:25:04is like hitting rock bottom. And some might say, well, why would a person want to do it? I don't

00:25:10even ask questions like that about people anymore. Everybody's different. People are wherever they

00:25:16are, wherever they are supposed to be, maybe on their journey or whatever. I mean, uh, you, you

00:25:23may be 10 steps ahead of that person and that person behind, behind you, we don't, we don't have

00:25:30a rhyme or reason, you know, but, um, you can just only hope that if that's what they want to do,

00:25:37um, then, you know, uh, eventually they'll get it. But I really do agree with you when you say

00:25:45until you hit rock bottom that goes with anything, Jesus. I mean, anything, something that you really

00:25:52want to do, but you just, you just have it bad. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

00:26:01Well, I'll use myself for an example. One thing that I had to learn is that I don't know every

00:26:07damn thing I used to work. I used to work for a, uh, I'll just say I've worked in corporate

00:26:17and they had these teaching techniques and they had all of these things and

00:26:22it was easy for, and they called people experts and stuff. Oh, did you reach out to an expert?

00:26:28Did you reach out to the expert? So it's easy for you to think that you become a know-it-all

00:26:34just because you're good at one thing. So, but the man that knows everything knows nothing at all.

00:26:41Yeah. I've heard that one before. And even though you might be a coach,

00:26:48you might be a mental coach, a financial coach, every coach has a coach and every coach has a

00:26:54mentor. So it, I don't know if Jaden has one or not, but I'm not saying that this is a terrible

00:27:02situation. Um, he can probably get out of this, but maybe he should have a coach.

00:27:10Maybe he should have someone he can look up to. We only get like a snapshot, but I would suggest

00:27:17maybe seeking some coaching, seeking some sort of mentorship to help any, any other

00:27:27things that we can give Mr. Jaden here.

00:27:29Um, well, first off, I, this is my, my opinion, but if, uh, if this is what, you know, Jaden

00:27:42wants to do and he's, you know, kind of making a life of it or, um, whatever you want to call it,

00:27:50whatever you want to call it, yes, having a mentor, but I definitely feel like you should

00:27:58probably, um, surround yourself with like-minded people, same, you know, same thing, or just,

00:28:08you know, having the same intentions. Um, because that's the only way really to break that

00:28:15cycle. And if you want to call it a generational curse, um, you, you know, that's the one thing

00:28:23that will help you to, to see that, wow. Okay. So other people really are doing this and what I'm

00:28:30doing is just so, you know, so far back in time that it's like, doesn't even exist, but I'm still,

00:28:39I'm still in it. You know what I'm saying? And these people right here, they're like,

00:28:44you know, ahead of time, they broke, they broke the cycle. So basically I just think sometimes

00:28:50people have to be introduced, um, you know, to, to other like-minded people who can, you know,

00:28:58sort of guide them, you know, as long as Jaden still has his own mind and, you know, he's not

00:29:05totally being led by somebody else, but just guidance, you know,

00:29:11that makes sense. You know, um, I love that how you said surround yourself by like-minded people,

00:29:18you know, I had to clean up a lot of things and a lot of people that didn't serve me,

00:29:26you know, every relationship and every situation has its purpose and it has its timeline.

00:29:31And we end up putting ourselves into situations when we want to try to hold on to every single

00:29:36relationship, every single piece, you know, it's almost like hoarding and people are brought in

00:29:43our lives to teach us something. And they're here for, what do they say? Reasons and seasons.

00:29:50And sometimes, you know, it might be done. And I found myself in situations when I tried to hold

00:29:57on and I tried to reach back out and how come you ain't calling? How come you this? If you have to

00:30:02chase people down, then maybe those people are not the people that you need in your life. And

00:30:10this is, was a game changer for me when I realized that you are only an average,

00:30:15just an average of the five closest people that you surround yourself around. So just an average.

00:30:22Wow. So when I started to learn that, I said, you know, Laryn, number one, you thought you were

00:30:27know it all. Number two, you prided yourself, which once you have pride, pride comes first.

00:30:34And then after that is destruction. You pride yourself as being the smartest person in a room.

00:30:39And that's not cool because when you are the smartest person in a room, that means that

00:30:45where's, where's the rest of the learning coming from?

00:30:48Wow. So if you look at your circle, everyone, and you realize that you are the smartest person

00:30:56in a room and everyone's coming to you all the time, and you want to be very prideful

00:31:00about, oh yeah, I know everything. And people come to me for advice for everything.

00:31:05As you are releasing who's filling you back up with knowledge and information as you release

00:31:15knowledge, information, guidance, help, however you want to call it. Where does your refill come

00:31:21from? Wow. So that like-minded people thing is definitely on point. For example, if you are

00:31:32are surrounded by a bunch of people who have bad money habits and they like to shop, spend,

00:31:37find, dine when they don't have it. And that's what you surround yourself by. And remember you're

00:31:43going to be an average of the five people you surround yourself by. What do you think you're

00:31:46going to do? Wow. Now, you just opened up the door because listen, when I was in relationship,

00:31:56I know this ain't a topic about relationships because we've been there and done that before,

00:32:02but okay. So now you're married, you're dating, whatever. And do you want your spouse that you

00:32:10just said I do to be hanging around their single friends? Association brings on participation and

00:32:19you're an average of the five people that you surround yourself with. So why would somebody

00:32:24who is married or in a relationship be hanging around a bunch of single people?

00:32:29What do you think is going to happen? Something. I mean, don't get me started. You know,

00:32:37I can talk, but I'm going to be quiet right now. Yeah. Something.

00:32:43So that was a good point. I like that for the like-minded people.

00:32:48Yeah. Yeah. But he will definitely have to, I don't know, he may just have to sit with himself.

00:32:58You know, I don't personally know him, but just talking. And the thing for me is that

00:33:06I don't want to come off as judgmental because I think everybody's sometimes trying wherever they

00:33:12are. But if they're really going to do this and be, what's the word, dedicated to what they're

00:33:23doing, they're just things that you're going to have to change. And that's just the way it is,

00:33:30is with anything. If you want your life to be better and you want to not do what you were

00:33:35doing before, because what happens, you keep getting the same results. You know what I mean?

00:33:41And nothing's changed. And, you know, sometimes we want to blame other people, but honestly,

00:33:48we all know that it's never about the other people. It's more so about you.

00:33:54Everything starts with self. I love that. I love that.

00:33:59And that's with anything.

00:34:02Exactly. When I learned that, my life changed.

00:34:06Yes. That's with anything.

00:34:08Because I was always blaming people, but that is a good point. And, you know,

00:34:14change, you spoke about change, and it's just the pain of change. It's never easy.

00:34:20And there's some work that needs to be, and it's that key word again, action.

00:34:26Yeah. Can I just say something else too, with the shift that's going on? And I know some people,

00:34:34you know, I can't make people believe what I believe, but I know that this shift is no joke.

00:34:40I mean, this is something that has been trying to happen for years. It's like a snake coming

00:34:46out of his skin or a baby coming out of his mother's, you know, canal. It's painful. You're

00:34:54being born, you know, this earth is being reborn. I cannot believe the people who are going through

00:35:02stuff. I mean, painful stuff. It's like everybody. I don't think I've run into

00:35:09anybody that's not going through something right now. And I myself, I mean, I have been through

00:35:17some things, Laryn, but in 2025, in May of 2025, I'm just like, Lord, don't let me find a moving

00:35:31train. Okay. Which I'm not going to, but I'm just kind of using that as a metaphor. Like it's,

00:35:40I really, I feel like I'm trying to be reborn again or something. Cause something is,

00:35:45I'm just like out of sorts all the way around. Well, you know, it is a tough time right now. And

00:35:54I want to say that I'm being optimistic that things are going to look up, which,

00:36:02you know, we have to think that way, but this is some time of uncertainty, put it that way.

00:36:09But with that, there's always a positive. There's always a positive. Once we get through it,

00:36:16as my mentor says, winter always turns to spring. So what happens is when we can embrace it,

00:36:24when we know that spring is coming during the winter, we just think spring. Okay. I might be

00:36:30going through something right now, but trust and believe that winter always turns to spring. So

00:36:35at the end, keep your mind on the end game. Don't focus on the pain that you're in right now,

00:36:41focus on results because what you focus on will become reality. And go ahead.

00:36:52No, I was going to say, ain't that the truth?

00:36:55And what we're focusing and what we're dealing with now. So anybody who's dealing with anything,

00:37:00all it is, is the thoughts that we thought about yesterday. It's our mindset from yesterday.

00:37:05So focus on changing that mindset and everything starts with you. Everything starts with self.

00:37:12You already spoke about not blaming anybody, not pointing fingers, whatever circumstance we have

00:37:19here today. And I'll never forget in 2020, when my physician told me this,

00:37:25Laren, there are no coincidences. And I thought that this lady was crazy. I'm like, what in the

00:37:30hell is she talking? But she told me it is not a coincidence that you are sitting here, speaking

00:37:35to me, what you're speaking to right now, that you're going through a breakup. You're about to

00:37:39go through a divorce. The fact that you have two children, the fact that you left this job,

00:37:44that this is not a coincidence. Everything that we are facing here,

00:37:52remember God made us creators, right? We write our own stories.

00:38:03My mentor says, Laren, you can write pain or you can write medicine.

00:38:09Mm-hmm.

00:38:11So it's all on the thought process, just what you focus on.

00:38:16It really is true though.

00:38:20And it's easier said than done. I know it ain't that easy.

00:38:24But I mean, I do feel like if I have one bit of information or piece of something,

00:38:31not even advice, but just something hopeful to tell someone is,

00:38:39besides going out and spending money that you probably don't need to spend,

00:38:44try to find something else that really gives you peace, like music gives me peace.

00:38:53Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

00:38:55So I don't care how bad I'm feeling or whatever, I know that I can go to something. It's probably

00:39:02going to be Barry White or somebody like that. And I know his music is probably melancholy,

00:39:07but that bass, it's just something about that bass, you know what I'm saying?

00:39:13And I was just like, I hear you, Barry. Okay, I'm going to feel better.

00:39:19Yeah. Well, you know what my favorite one is.

00:39:23Oh Lord, yes I do. MJB.

00:39:28Yeah, the ecstasy. No, Barry White though.

00:39:32Oh, you're talking about Barry, oh, okay, Barry White. Oh, yeah.

00:39:35Because of Mary J. Blige, she remixed it, so.

00:39:38Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so that's my go-to. So that would be my message. It's really,

00:39:46really hard though, but you just got to want it. You just got to like, just put your hands up and

00:39:54just say, Jesus or whoever you praise, take the wheel, because I can't do this. I really can't do

00:40:02this. Find something that just makes you happy. That's all. If it's just looking through a

00:40:07magazine, if it just changes your mood or something. I know it all sounds corny, but I do.

00:40:14I do all of those things.

00:40:17It don't sound corny to me, because listen, before that I was doing everything but

00:40:22what you said, and I wouldn't even be here today. So it's either life or death. Now,

00:40:27which one is it going to be? That's what I had to tell myself.

00:40:30Yeah, exactly.

00:40:36But I love the vibe. I love all of them. We went to a mental aspect tonight. See,

00:40:42it's a wild card here on the coaching session Thursday. So you got a little mental here,

00:40:49working on that mental, which is good because this is a mental health awareness month.

00:40:59That it is.

00:41:01Which you know, I used to be a mess. I'll be honest. I was a mess. And people were telling

00:41:10me about my mental health and I wasn't paying attention or listening to it. So

00:41:18everything starts with self. Please, please focus on your mental health.

00:41:24Do you think you had an aha moment? I mean, sometimes like I had an aha moment.

00:41:30I had to laugh at myself because I actually felt stupid when I got there. And I was like,

00:41:34oh my God, that's what that is. That's exactly what this means. I had like the light bulb

00:41:42came on. So like for you, you know, when you're talking about something mental or whatever,

00:41:49have you had like the light bulb moment lately or something to just say,

00:41:54okay, I get this. I see why this is happening.

00:41:59I think you touched base when you said, and please don't misquote me if I missed it or

00:42:06went over my head. You said, Jesus, take the wheel. That's one of the best things that I

00:42:13had learned how to do. And that was it because it was a mental trip when I thought that I was

00:42:18in control. Ladies and gentlemen, we all might think that we're in control of our

00:42:24current circumstances, but when you realize that you're not, and when you realize that you can

00:42:30release and when you learn how to release, that's called faith and that's walking by faith and not

00:42:34by sight. When you feel that you need to step in and jump and turn and do and manipulate and make

00:42:40this and that happen, that's where all of the hell and all of the drama and all of the upset

00:42:44comes into place. And the aha moment for me, I love that term that you used too,

00:42:51came when I realized that I needed to get some self-control. And my mentor says,

00:42:58everything starts with self. And I continuously keep saying that over and over again. And that's

00:43:02the theme. I was trying to control other people. Our biggest, I want to say biggest job,

00:43:12if you want to look at it as a job that God has given us is self-control. And every day that we

00:43:19wake up, it's like the reset button has been set and we have to focus and learn this key thing,

00:43:26which is called self-control. Now, if we have to go through this reset button every single day and

00:43:32focus so hard on self-control, how do you think you can control somebody else if you can't even

00:43:38control yourself? So I had to learn how to stop controlling things and get out of the way and

00:43:44don't have nothing to do with me. Exactly.

00:43:51I think life got so much better when I realized that I can't control people. And

00:43:56my mentor always says, Laryn, you cannot beat people into submission.

00:44:04I just spoke to her today and she told me, you can't beat people into submission. Stop trying

00:44:09to make people, they're not your children. First of all, you shouldn't even be beating

00:44:14on your children anyway. I don't beat my children. But you can't beat people into submission.

00:44:20They're not going to do what you want them to do. And if they do, it's only going to be

00:44:23temporary. And as soon as you turn your back, they're going to turn around and do it again

00:44:26anyway. Exactly. Yeah. I'm just laughing to myself because I'm one of those people that

00:44:40can be having a conversation with a group of people and somebody will say something

00:44:44already. I've made a movie out of what they said.

00:44:53What are you picturing? Beating somebody into submission?

00:44:57Yes. Beating the shit out of them. Oh, see, you know what?

00:45:05That's why I say you can't have me on your show because I don't know how to act.

00:45:10Oh my goodness. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have Miss SOS on here tonight and this is

00:45:21coaching session Thursdays. And now we're getting ready to get into our burning question segment.

00:45:27So if you'd like to chime in on tonight's session, let us know how you feel about the vibe.

00:45:32Chime in on Jaden's situation. Maybe we missed something. Listen, everybody has their different

00:45:38angles. We are not giving any advice. We're just giving our opinions. And yeah, you can give yours

00:45:46as well. 609-200-1098. Again, that number is 609-200-1098. And we're going to get into burning

00:45:55questions. So the burning question that I have for each and every one of you out there tonight is,

00:46:01what does emotional debt look like in your relationships? And how do you begin to pay it

00:46:07back or walk away? And I'll read that again. So what does emotional debt look like in your

00:46:15relationships and how do you begin to pay it back or walk away? That's a deep one.

00:46:32I'll say, I'll say this about emotional debt. I want you to think about your emotions.

00:46:38And I want you to think about when people play games with your emotions. I want you to think

00:46:43about when you're not in control of your emotions. Remember I said everything starts with self and

00:46:48self-control. And I used to be like Vivian Green, an emotional rollercoaster. And it was always up

00:46:56and down. And no matter what somebody said, I was up and down. You said this, I said that.

00:47:01And just think about up and down, depending on what somebody else is doing and manipulating

00:47:07so people can play off of your emotional state and your mental state. And they can do things and

00:47:15they can make a mockery and it can be fun when let's get this person all riled up because we

00:47:20know they're going to black out and act like a fool. I'm sure they said it about me plenty of

00:47:23times and it's okay because I'm in control today. But think about someone who's not in control

00:47:30and it doesn't always have to be outbursts. People can say things,

00:47:33you can internalize things and you can be having an emotional rollercoaster internally.

00:47:40So how do you begin to pay it back? What if someone's giving you love and they're giving

00:47:46you a lot of emotional support and they're in your corner? So how do you pay it back? Or

00:47:52if someone's playing that game and they're taking you on a ride and you want off,

00:47:58how do you walk away from it?

00:48:05I was probably one of those people. I walked away. It took a while, but I did.

00:48:12It was definitely emotional, very internal because

00:48:19you hear me talk a lot of smack, but really

00:48:23I'm an introvert when it comes to my deep, deep, deepest feelings. Sometimes you just won't know

00:48:36because I'm trying to deal with it. And I don't like telling a lot of people my business,

00:48:41even some of my best girlfriends, because I have to deal with this.

00:48:46And sometimes your girlfriends sometimes feel like they're in your corner or they're giving

00:48:52you advice, but it doesn't really come off because sometimes it actually backfires.

00:49:01You know what I mean? I don't know if I'm making any sense, but anyway, I'm just saying that

00:49:07mine is usually internal. So I'm just very quiet with my stuff because I'm trying to...

00:49:23I know exactly what you mean. I'm following you.

00:49:28That's a good point when you said when you listen to people and when it comes to emotional debt,

00:49:34because you said that you take advice or you listen and then it backfires. That's why I always

00:49:40say check the facts and check the sources. So for example, you spoke about, we were talking about

00:49:46Jaden, how he is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

00:49:56how he is a financial guru or whatever, but three months behind in his rent.

00:50:02So check the facts and make sure that you know exactly where you're getting

00:50:08your information from. So for example, I'm not taking relationship advice from a single person.

00:50:15You ain't in a relationship, so I'm not taking any advice. That's the same example for people

00:50:21who are married. Why are you taking advice from somebody who's single?

00:50:26I think it doesn't make any sense. So check the facts first,

00:50:32and that might be a case where you walk away and check this out.

00:50:38I spoke about unsolicited advice in the past.

00:50:42People can give you advice, but you don't have to go and follow through with it.

00:50:51Having that good level of discernment to say, okay,

00:50:55I know what this person is saying, but in reality, something just don't sit right.

00:51:03And if I can say one other thing, for me over the years, I mean, kind of started when I was young,

00:51:12but sometimes I understand a little bit more as I get older, but things come to me.

00:51:20It's just like, whoa, okay, where did that come from? Am I losing my mind? Things will come to me.

00:51:30I'm like, okay, wow. And boy, oh boy, I cannot tell you how accurate those things have been.

00:51:37So that's why I say sometimes just don't say anything. I mean, you don't have to beat yourself

00:51:44up while you're going through this emotional, whatever, turmoil that you're going through.

00:51:50But I know for me, I need to be still. I need to be quiet. I need to think. I need to go to sleep.

00:51:58A lot of times I just deal with mine by sleeping.

00:52:03I know what you mean. That's where a lot of breakthroughs come through.

00:52:08Like I'll say it again, everything starts with self.

00:52:12And sometimes it doesn't require us to say something, but an example of emotional debt.

00:52:26So I was in all types of debt, but also in emotional debt. But what happened is that my

00:52:33mentor, she continued to pay the bill for me. I was saying everything negative about myself,

00:52:41saying everything negative about my situation. And she kept correcting me. She kept mentoring me.

00:52:47She kept teaching me, telling me all of these things. Everything starts with self. Winter

00:52:52always turns to spring. Everything over and over and over again until finally one day it clicked

00:53:00and I got it. Now I met her in 2019. It didn't click until,

00:53:06and it was a couple of stages of clicking. It didn't really click until really click, click

00:53:13until I would say 2022. Now all of that time that she was building and paying that emotional debt,

00:53:24she never stopped. And she never stopped believing in me.

00:53:30And I remember one time I complained to her about somebody and she said, Laryn,

00:53:37what happened if I had given up on you? I said, oh wow. So at that moment I realized that

00:53:47I have to repay back. I give back to my community. I give back to whoever,

00:53:55when I see somebody who was in a situation that I was in,

00:53:59I have like a sort of soft spot for them in my heart. And I'm like, okay,

00:54:03this is my opportunity to repay that emotional debt.

00:54:08And that's what you were meaning by how do you repay or do you just walk away?

00:54:15That that's one exit. That's a positive example of how I pay back. Now I'll give you another

00:54:21example. Sometimes we have to be surrounded by family because we just have to. Sometimes we have

00:54:29to be surrounded by people in a workplace because what are we going to do? Not work.

00:54:32Like we can't pick and choose some of the circumstances that we're stuck in.

00:54:37But I had to mentally walk away from somebody who I was stuck with just because of those specific

00:54:46circumstances. So when I say walk away, mentally shut down, don't listen to anything negative.

00:54:52If I say that the sun is shining, this person will say it's cloudy. If I say that I'm feeling

00:54:58great and wonderful and beautiful, this one says, well, why did I get up this morning?

00:55:04It, I mean, I was in this situation with this individual and I was sort of stuck in it.

00:55:09And I was just praying the whole time, like, please, please get me out of this situation.

00:55:15But that's an example of walking away because this individual was much older than me,

00:55:20stuck in their ways to this day, continuously speaks curses over their lives. And there's

00:55:26nothing that I can do about it. So that's where I'm not going to be emotionally drained by it.

00:55:31I'm not responsible for anybody's nervous system. I don't want to be responsible for

00:55:36anybody else's emotions. And if you're going to continuously do things to the point where

00:55:41it starts to affect me and drain me emotionally, then I got to walk away.

00:55:48Hello? You still there?

00:55:51Yes. Yes.

00:55:53Did we lose you?

00:55:55I just wanted to make sure. I heard you talking, but something was funny with my phone.

00:56:02What was I going to say? When you start to give the example of everything that you were going

00:56:11through with your person at that time, do you want to tell me what came over my whole body

00:56:19when you said that? I felt so exhausted.

00:56:26While you were saying that, I just felt like, Jesus, I am so exhausted.

00:56:34Energy shifts.

00:56:40Were you feeling that way?

00:56:41Interesting.

00:56:42Were you feeling that way? I'm just saying that that's what my body felt like,

00:56:46just exhausted, just can't do anything.

00:56:50I was feeling that way every day when I was interacting with this individual, absolutely.

00:56:56Yeah, that's how I felt while you were explaining it. I was exhausted.

00:57:01Yes. It was very, very exhausting. And I don't have time for energy vampires.

00:57:08I don't. And I try to avoid them, and I can spot one a mile away.

00:57:13I think you're probably very empathetic.

00:57:18Absolutely.

00:57:20That's why I state myself, really. It's not because I don't like people. I love people,

00:57:25helping people. I love to talk and things like that, but it's like the moment I get out,

00:57:30and it's just like, oh God, I could just feel everybody's energy, and I just want to go back

00:57:36home again. And it's like, well, I don't want to live my life like that either. You know what I mean?

00:57:43Yeah. And you know, people feed off of empathy, so it's not good.

00:57:51Yes. Yeah. So this is really great. I love it.

00:57:58That is awesome. I'm so glad. I'm so glad.

00:58:00It's really great.

00:58:01So any last words, feedback, anything you'd like to give to whether it's Jaden,

00:58:11myself, the Burning Questions, the people out there listening. I will say that we do have some

00:58:19higher ratings tonight.

00:58:20Oh, wow.

00:58:21So look at that.

00:58:24Well, I can't see anything, but you can.

00:58:27You brought the crowd tonight.

00:58:29Oh, thank you. Thank you. I don't know what to say, because I just say none of us are perfect.

00:58:36You know, we are where we are in life. And I'm not the kind of person who says, well,

00:58:48again, I don't know why that person's doing that. I just stop and think about it.

00:58:53Again, I don't know why that person's doing that. I just stopped saying

00:58:57shit like that a long time ago, because people just do what they do. And they,

00:59:02wherever they are in life, I mean, they just got to get it. We're just not all on the same page.

00:59:10Right. Nor will we ever be.

00:59:12So they'll get it in their own time. And if they don't, then move along.

00:59:18Absolutely.

00:59:19It's just as simple as that. And I just wish everybody well, and take care of yourself. And

00:59:28if you want to cuss somebody out, just cuss them out in your head.

00:59:35I'm always cussing somebody out in my head.

00:59:42Yes. Well, listen, my days of doing that is over.

00:59:49I don't do that anymore.

00:59:51Oh, God. Well, it keeps me going.

00:59:54But remember, I spoke about this in my class earlier today,

01:00:02more is caught than more is taught. I don't know if it makes me feel good or what, but I'm sure

01:00:10you have the same thing. You didn't have to teach your kids how to cuss somebody out. I'm sure they

01:00:14learned. More is caught than more is taught. I didn't have to say, now, this is what you say to

01:00:22them. Nah, please. But you know what? I learned from the best. More is caught than more is taught.

01:00:30I did talk to my youngest son who's like in his late 30s, and we had a long, long talk,

01:00:36just catching up. And he said, you know, it's funny how I think back on things that you used to

01:00:45say to me when I was younger. He said, you know how we always say older people say things,

01:00:52but you're not really sure what the meaning is, but they just have this thing that they say.

01:00:59And he said, I always think about you because you always used to say, I must have been saying

01:01:06some old people stuff, but you know, anyway, he says he thinks about it. And he's like,

01:01:14it actually made sense, but I didn't really understand it until like a few years ago or

01:01:21something. I don't know if I'm making any sense, but you know, yeah.

01:01:25You know, you do, because I find myself thinking about all of the little sayings that my mom and

01:01:33my grandma, my granddad used to say. And then now today I'm like, I got it. I know exactly

01:01:39why you were saying those things. Cause I either say the same thing or I'm thinking it. So yeah,

01:01:43I get it. I was going to say one of my favorite sayings that I used to remember my

01:01:53grandmother saying all the time, grandma B is that,

01:01:58don't be worried about what people have to say because of the same people that have something

01:02:03to say, don't have a pot to piss on or a window to throw it out. So I don't be concerned what

01:02:09anybody thinks because of the same people that are saying stuff, the same people that got so

01:02:14much to say, they are the same ones that ain't got a pot to piss on or a window to throw it out.

01:02:19So we all good. And I find myself saying, Oh, well, a hard head makes a soft ass. Doesn't it?

01:02:28What my mom used to say to my grandson, you just did it. So, I mean, when you get tired of doing

01:02:35it, you'll, you'll not do it anymore, but you're two years old and I'm not really trying to like

01:02:42be all over you and hover, but you you'll get the message. So you you're being hard headed,

01:02:49even at two, because it's just really smart. You know what I mean? So

01:02:53some people might disagree with me, but I know my grandson.

01:03:00I don't know how we learn from them. We learn from our children.

01:03:04We don't learn from our grandchildren. So yeah, don't think that you can't learn now.

01:03:09Yes, indeed.

01:03:11Especially in reverse, like, just cause you're the adult, you're the grandparent don't mean

01:03:16that you always gone. What did I say to a person who thinks that they know everything knows nothing

01:03:20at all. Here's another thing too, that I'll leave. My grandmother told me this in 2020,

01:03:28when my life was in complete shambles. If you were out there worried about something,

01:03:34especially if you worried about somebody taking something from you, whether they

01:03:38taken something from you financially, whether they're taking something from you emotionally,

01:03:42whether they're trying to take away that man, that woman, whatever relationship, that friendship.

01:03:50What is meant for you is meant for you. What God has for you is for you. Can't nobody else

01:03:54take it away from you. If it was yours and it was meant for you, then can't nobody else take

01:03:58it away from you. Now, if they took it away from you, they're able to take it away from you.

01:04:03It was never yours to begin with.

01:04:06I like that.

01:04:08We get all through, we get all crazy and worked up over thinking and wanting to hold on to things.

01:04:15But if it was yours to begin with, they wouldn't be able to take it away from you. So that,

01:04:19you know, we, I hate to take it back to relationships, but I'm going to.

01:04:23So that little boo thing that you got, you sitting here cussing and fighting and

01:04:27going back and forth with the next, if he or she was yours to begin with. Number one,

01:04:34you wouldn't be cussing and fighting and going back and forth with somebody. And you'll be able

01:04:37to rest your head at night and sleep knowing that nobody would be able to take them away from you.

01:04:41And if they do, then just say, okay, you were never mine to begin with.

01:04:46And the minute that you can release that and let that go, the next best thing is around the corner.

01:04:52Right around the corner. I mean, like, as soon as you walk out your door.

01:04:57Can I tell you that the truth is we spoke about Fantasia and the truth is,

01:05:01is that, is that love is here, right? Love is here. It's a different kind of love, but it's here.

01:05:11Yeah. Wow.

01:05:19And on that note,

01:05:23I want to say thank you so much for coming on in. And are you coming back next week?

01:05:31Uh, if you'll have me, I will. Yes. Same place. Same time. 7 PM. Same link.

01:05:37Okay. And hopefully I have my stuff together.

01:05:41This is just a test sample, you know, we got

01:05:46same place, same time. Ms. SOS will be back for coaching Thursdays. We have no idea what we're

01:05:51going to be talking about. We might be talking about the spiritual. We spoke about pretty much

01:05:56all of them, spiritual, uh, mental, physical. We didn't talk about physical. We didn't talk

01:06:02about dieting and food and getting out into nature, but maybe next week, we never know what

01:06:08you're going to get here on coaching session Thursdays. And, um, yeah. So on that note,

01:06:13SOS, I will see you next week. Thank you so much. Have a good night. Anything you want to tell us

01:06:17before we get out of here? Yeah. Thanks everybody for listening. And, uh, thank you,

01:06:23Laryn. We go a long way back and, um, I'm glad that, uh, you know, I just, we're still here.

01:06:30You know what I mean? So thank you for that. And I'll, um, I'll see you the next time.

01:06:37Okay. Okay. Good night. Good night. Peace and blessings. Talk to you soon.

01:06:41Bye-bye. Good night.

01:06:45Well, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. That was

01:06:48miss SOS joining us tonight for coaching sessions Thursday. If you were interested in

01:06:54speaking with me, you can DM me, email me, text me, whatever you want to do,

01:07:01reach out to me any type of way. And, um, I'll give you information as far as what you need to

01:07:06do to show up here on for one podcast, bringing between the wines. All right. So I would love to

01:07:14hear from you. I want feedback. Let me know how you feel about tonight's show. Thank you. Thank

01:07:19you. Thank you again to everyone out there who was joining, please like comment, share, subscribe,

01:07:24tag a friend. Thank you so much to the D live family. Thank you so much to Facebook.

01:07:30I want to give a shout out to a few people, miss Sophie Davis. Thank you. Um, we have Alex

01:07:37Coquito all the way from Puerto Rico. Thank you for supporting me or for, you know, since like,

01:07:43what has it been like three or four years at this moment? Uh, Onyx blade. Thank you so much.

01:07:48Thank you to my niece, Okita. Thank you for supporting, uh, my friends and family out

01:07:56there. Thank you to my mentor. Shout out to the Bronx, New York. So many people. And listen,

01:08:03I don't try to, I try not to do it this way because I don't want to forget people. Um,

01:08:09blame my mind and not my heart. There's so many, uh, people out there who has helped over the years.

01:08:14And I want to say, thank you. You can DM me on any social media platform. I believe Facebook,

01:08:20Instagram X, Tik TOK. You're able to send me direct messages. I'm also on YouTube D live

01:08:27twill emotion. You can sign up for my free monthly newsletter, whispers of wisdom, awesome content

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01:08:41debt-free living from all of the four pillars, spiritual, mental, physical, financial.

01:08:47You'll find something in there. You go ahead and subscribe at Laryngaines.com. Again,

01:08:53that is Laryngaines.com. And on that note, I will see you when I see you. Thank you so much.

01:09:01Sunday, spiritual Sundays, Mondays, mental Mondays, Tuesdays,

01:09:10transformational Tuesdays, Wednesday, wind down Wednesday, Thursday, coaching sessions, Thursday,

01:09:19and Fridays, financial Fridays. You never know what you're going to get here on a

01:09:23four in one podcast reading between the wines. So I will see you when I see you.

01:09:27I see you. Thank you everybody. Have a good night.

Woke But Broke | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 14)

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