The Cost of People-Pleasing | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 26)

Name: The Cost of People-Pleasing | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 26)
Uploaded: 2025-06-10T00:36:24+00:00
Duration: 52 min 48 s
Channel: Lerin Gaines

Lerin Gaines

6/10/2025

The Cost of People-Pleasing | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 26)

Featuring: Mental Monday, Mentorship Series

Monday | June 9th, 2025

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Song of The Day: "Lost Ones" by Lauryn Hill
Released 1998 | The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

Burning Questions: Why do we keep paying the emotional toll for people who won't even cover their own ride?

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411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines
DISC 5: Restoration
Track 26: The Cost of People-Pleasing
©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com

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04:26What we're on is track 26, but I believe the description might be a little off, but neither here nor there.

04:36We're going to continue to rock.

04:39We're going to continue to roll and make this thing do what it do.

04:41But before we go ahead and move along with the show, I want to go ahead and give a very special thank you to my executive producer.

04:50I want to thank God for giving me the opportunity to be here.

05:00It's been interesting.

05:01It's been interesting.

05:02It's been very interesting the last couple days, and I'm very thankful that I'm here, thankful that I'm able to do what I love to do, and I'm here.

05:11I want to say thank you to thank you to each and every one of you out there who supports.

05:15Thank you for the comments.

05:18Thank you for the love.

05:18Thank you for the support.

05:20It definitely has been a journey and have so many great things that are coming down the pike, and I could not do any of this without each and every one of you out there who supports and likes.

05:31Now, thank you so much for joining.

05:34I appreciate you.

05:34Thank you so much.

05:36Please go ahead and share this video.

05:39Bring some more people into the atmosphere.

05:41I definitely would appreciate that.

05:43Now, as I go through, we have several different days.

05:47We have Spiritual Sunday.

05:49We have Mental Monday.

05:50We have Transformational Tuesday, Wind Down Wednesday, Coaching Session Thursdays, and Financial Fridays.

05:57We dissect real-life situations here.

06:01These are real-life situations.

06:03I don't know who I'm speaking to.

06:04I'm just speaking from experience.

06:06If there's anything that sparks something in you, if there's something that triggers something in you, if you just have some questions in general and you like to give some feedback, you most certainly can do so by texting me at 609-210-98.

06:20Again, that number is 609-210-98.

06:24You can also email me your scenarios, your situations, anything that you'd like me to discuss here on a 411 podcast or Reading Between the Wines.

06:34You can submit that at info at laryngaines.com.

06:37Again, that is info at laryngaines.com.

06:40So I'm going to recap of what we spoke about the previous episode.

06:48So during the previous episode, we helped Marcus.

06:54Marcus, 39.

06:57He was a full-time barber and a part-time rideshare driver.

07:04Straight out of Detroit, Michigan, dating Sasha, who's 35 years old for four years.

07:14And basically, they couldn't get their finances together.

07:17I calculated about maybe close to $100,000 in debt between back child support, two repossessions, and always wanting to have the flyest thing out there.

07:34I'm not quite sure what they had going on, but it sounded like Sasha wanted to get her life together.

07:42She wanted to open businesses and, you know, buy a home together.

07:49Marcus knew that he didn't have his situation together.

07:52Thank you so much for joining.

07:53I appreciate you.

07:54Marcus knew that he didn't have his situation together.

07:57So what Marcus decided to do was hide some of his financial issues from his girlfriend, fiancee, whoever.

08:07And he felt that if he exposed and told the truth, then she would break up with him and she would leave.

08:15So I think that that was a pretty bad situation when you're hiding financial issues from your significant other.

08:27So many people out there do it.

08:29Let me know what you think about that.

08:31Do you think that that is cause for a breakup if you discover that maybe your boyfriend or your girlfriend doesn't have the exact credit score that you probably thought they had based off of the conversations that you had?

08:45For example, maybe their credit score isn't, you know, the low 500, maybe 600.

08:53And you thought that maybe it was closer to based off of the conversations, based off of the situation.

09:01When you discover the truth, is that betrayal?

09:07Is that does that warrant a separation or breakup?

09:11I think it does.

09:18And I don't think it's wrong to ask somebody, what's your credit score?

09:22When you're dating somebody, I don't think that's an issue to say, what's your credit score?

09:27What does your financial health look like?

09:30We can talk about other types of, you know, health and vitality issues.

09:36So how about we speak about our financial well-being as well?

09:41First thing that most people do is they want to get into the physical aspect of it.

09:45And we want to ask, are we physically fit to be able to be in active sexual relationship?

09:51Well, how about we tie into finances as well?

09:53So what does your financial health look like?

09:59Anyway, let's get into song of the day tonight here.

10:04So we're going to take it to Lauryn Hill.

10:09Off of the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, released in 1998 it was.

10:15Yes, 1998.

10:17So mystical because I was thinking about this album as well.

10:20Song of the Day, Lauryn's by Lauryn Hill.

10:23Now, Lauryn Hill starts off with, it's funny how money changes the situation.

10:32And I say you get a lot of heat in the bank and you become the lender.

10:39But what happens when you become the borrower?

10:44Borrower.

10:45What happens?

10:46Proverbs 22.7 says,

10:48The rich rule of the poor and the borrower is a servant to the lender.

10:54In life, nothing stays the same.

10:57Everything changes.

10:59What goes up must come down.

11:00And that's why we must stay diligent and be good stewards over what God has put us in charge of.

11:14Anything can happen in an instant.

11:15And that's why it's important for us to save for a rainy day.

11:22Because we all know the saying that when it rains, it pours.

11:26And like Missy Elliott, and for those of you old school, you know, and peoples, I can't stand the rain.

11:35Because storms come.

11:37And storms typically come when we become overly concerned with other people's opinions and what they think and how they feel about us.

11:49I know what it's like to be a people pleaser.

11:51Most of my life was a people pleaser.

11:54But I am so thankful and I'm so overjoyed that today I can come and go as I please.

12:00And if you rocking with me, you come and go as you please to.

12:03No negativity, no jealousy, no envy.

12:09I don't want anything that you got because I'm too concerned worrying about what I got.

12:13I don't have time to be looking around worrying about what somebody else has and what they feel and what they think about me.

12:20Easier said than done.

12:22Majority of my life I was a people pleaser.

12:26Today I can wear what I want to wear.

12:27You can wear what you want to wear.

12:29You can go where you want to go.

12:30It ain't none of that drama like it used to be in the past.

12:33Because I know who I am today.

12:35So for people out there, if you might consider yourself a people pleaser or as we go through this assignment tonight.

12:44And you might find yourself in this same scenario.

12:49Maybe that's a reason to think.

12:52Do I really know who I am?

12:54Because people who know who they are, they're not concerned about what somebody else thinks.

12:59They're not doing things to get along to get along.

13:04They're not trying to get in where they could fit in.

13:07Because most people fit in with the crowd and they stand alone by themselves.

13:12I pay the costs for way too long in the name of wanting someone to like me and love me.

13:25And all they gave me was some false transactions.

13:28I was robbed.

13:30I was scammed.

13:31You know, we got all of these little get rich schemes out there on the internet.

13:36Click here.

13:37Sign up for this.

13:37Sign up for that.

13:38Well, when you are a people pleaser and you try to do things and you start digging in your pockets and you start coming out of who you really are to make somebody else happy, that's when you're going to get got.

13:52The rob, the robbing starts, the scamming starts, false transactions carry on on your behalf.

14:03But like Lauren said, you might win some, but you just lost one.

14:08Now, what you don't want to do is lose yourself in a process of trying to please another human being that basically at the end of the day, once you come on the other end and wake up and you realize what's been going on, that person that you were trying to please, they could care less about you today or tomorrow.

14:26And what's even more hurtful is that they could care less about your emotional, your mental health, and they damn sure don't care about your financial situation because that's what they were after in the first place.

14:41Song of the day, Lost Ones by Lauren Hill, released in 1998 off of The Miseducation of Lauren Hill.

14:53It is Mental Monday.

14:55Thank you so much for joining in tonight.

14:57We get to get into tonight's assignment.

15:01I'm from New Jersey.

15:02This is one of the first times that I say we got somebody from my hometown.

15:08We're going to help out Mr. Devin, 29, originally from Trenton, New Jersey.

15:15Recently moved to Atlanta, Georgia to get a fresh start.

15:20Devin is a graphic designer and he works from home.

15:23His biggest mental struggle is saying no to friends, to family, even parents.

15:32He overcommits, undercharges, and overextends himself in ways that are silently bleeding him dry.

15:40Devin has loaned over $4,200 in the last 18 months to people who just need a little help.

15:49And he rarely sees any return.

15:53Devin said even when my rent was due, or I couldn't afford groceries, he still found ways to help.

16:03It's like I feel guilty having more even when it's just barely more.

16:10He grew up poor and he thinks that this is a form of having survivor's guilt.

16:16But now he's realizing that he's become a financial, emotional support human and it's wrecking his peace.

16:25I needed mental tools to rebuild my boundaries and change the internal script that says I have to buy love and respect.

16:36What's the next step in mental, excuse me, what's the next step in mentally disconnecting from being the dependable one when it's costing me everything?

16:49So I'm going to go through this again.

16:54Dear Laren, Devin, 29, originally from Trenton, New Jersey, but recently moved to Atlanta, Georgia to get a fresh start.

17:02I'm a graphic designer and I work from home.

17:06My biggest mental struggle is saying no to friends, to family, even the clients.

17:11I overcommit, undercharge and overextend myself in ways that are silently bleeding me dry.

17:17I've loaned over $4,200 in the last 18 months to people who just needed a little help and I rarely see it returned.

17:28Even when my rent was due or I couldn't afford groceries, I still found ways to help.

17:32It's like I feel guilty having more even if it's just barely more.

17:37I grew up poor and I guess I have survivor's guilt.

17:41But now I'm realizing I became a financial, emotional support human and it's wrecking my peace.

17:48I need mental tools to rebuild my boundaries and change the internal script that says I have to buy love and respect.

17:57What's the first step in mentally disconnecting from being the dependable one when it's costing me everything?

18:04And wow, this letter here is very interesting and we're going to go through this piece by piece.

18:16You know, as I said at the top of the show, you can understand that I can relate and I'm sure that there's people out there that can relate.

18:24It really is kind of disturbing.

18:28I'll put it that way.

18:30Because when you wake up from becoming a people pleaser and you know better, you do better.

18:35Sometimes it's kind of hard when you see other people.

18:38And the first thing that you would want to do is try to correct somebody.

18:42Try to, you know, show them the way.

18:45Try to, you know, guide them along or coach them along.

18:49But you can't do anything.

18:52Everybody, we all have our own journey.

18:55And one of the biggest issues that I had, you know, coming out of this is trying to help people not make the same mistakes that I made.

19:06But I can give people the information and the education that they need.

19:12And that's it to that extent.

19:14I can't get emotionally involved.

19:17I can't feel a certain way because what I've learned is that some people have just been put on this earth to be who they are.

19:27And you have to accept people for who they are.

19:29And, yes, there will be people pleasers in the world.

19:32And that's what their job is to do.

19:33There will be, just like there's thieves and there's scammers and there's evil and, you know, everything else in the world.

19:43Sometimes we can't convert those people over.

19:46Sometimes we can't change people.

19:47The only person that we can change is ourselves.

19:49So we start with self first and everything starts with self.

19:54As Devin asks, what is the first step in mentally disconnecting from being the dependable one?

20:03I'm going to say it starts with self.

20:04You need to focus on you first.

20:07Cut out all of the noise.

20:10Cut out all of the nonsense.

20:12Cut out all of the drama.

20:12So that you can think about what you have going on in your own world.

20:18A lot of times we get wrapped up and trapped up into these things because we are so overworked, overextended.

20:28And sometimes we don't even realize we're making some of these stupid mistakes.

20:34And I probably shouldn't have said it like that, stupid mistakes.

20:39But they're kind of like not smart mistakes.

20:43Okay, I'll put it that way.

20:44I won't be so harsh.

20:46But that's for you to realize that.

20:50It's not for me to tell someone else that they're making a stupid mistake.

20:54When you look at your own life and you look back and say, yeah, that was kind of dumb.

20:59And that's okay because we just make sure that we won't do it again.

21:03Like when you know better, you do better.

21:04Graphic designer, you work from home, you make up your own schedule.

21:10It seems like that's on point.

21:11I can see why you have a little extra money to spread around.

21:16Or so you think you have to spread around.

21:20I mean, you're not working, you know, at an entry-level job here.

21:31There's more freelancing and you can charge and make your own prices and schedule.

21:39So this is some good entrepreneurship here.

21:44Now, the issue is when we get money, when we get in a good situation, you got to learn how to use the word no.

21:53That's the first thing.

21:54You clearly say you have a problem saying no to people, friends, family.

22:01Even the clients.

22:04I'm going to say right off the bat, maybe we might need to seek some professional help.

22:13Because you have a problem saying no all the way around.

22:16Your personal life.

22:19Your work life.

22:20So when do you have time to even figure things out if you're just saying yes to everything?

22:26And as we went through this letter here, deeper, it's real deep.

22:32So I would right off the bat, and again, I'm not giving anybody any advice.

22:39But if I was in this situation, it sounds like we need to get some professional help.

22:46Overcommit.

22:49Again, overextending yourself.

22:50You can't think straight when you got such going on.

22:52Phone ringing this, ringing that, ringing doing this, doing that.

22:55Got to go here.

22:56Got to go there.

22:56Ripping and running.

22:57When people who are all over the place like that, they barely have time to think, barely have time for themselves, you set yourself up for failure.

23:07From a spiritual aspect, your mental health gets taxed.

23:12Physical, you don't have time to focus on you because you're too busy ripping and running, doing stuff for everybody else.

23:18And then, of course, financial.

23:23Under charge.

23:24That's a problem.

23:26Any entrepreneur out there, if you're doing a good job and you're providing value to your clients and giving them top-notch quality, there is no reason that you should be undercharging.

23:43And don't, and this is just some advice that I had to take myself.

23:49Don't be upset when you out-price your current clients because, if that's even right terminology, because there's a lot of people out there that just want stuff for free or they want to try to get it for the lowest price.

24:11And when you are an entrepreneur, when you are working for yourself, your time is so important because sometimes you've got to put in a little more work than the average person because you're working for yourself.

24:28It's not like you're working for somebody else.

24:30So, when people try to get the lowest price or the best price or when you do it to yourself by undercharging, you're doing yourself a disservice.

24:42You're doing yourself a disservice and you're overextending yourself and you're setting yourself up for failure because you don't even know what your own value is and you don't value your own time.

24:50Time is so much more important than money because you can never get the time back.

24:57You can always make more money, but you cannot get that time back.

25:02So, when people don't want to pay for services, there's nothing wrong with that.

25:10That pretty much means that that particular person does not fit into your typical client category.

25:17And if you continue to do the right thing, providing value, making it, you know, you know how to do best, not going in the other direction, learning new skills, upgrading your business,

25:42you will eventually attract the clients that will be willing to pay for the services.

25:50Sometimes, it's okay to tell people, thank you very much, but this is the price.

25:58And then that will help with you cutting out some of that overextending.

26:03You're probably overextending because people are getting stuff way cheaper than what they probably should and are taking advantage of you.

26:12And if you have issues with being in debt, because it doesn't really say much here, it just shows that you're just mismanaging your money.

26:25But if you happen to have an issue with lack of funds, maybe you need to look at how money you're charging for your services, because a couple tweaks here or there, you could potentially fix some situations.

26:42But that's not the problem here.

26:45This is not debt.

26:46This is basically mismanaging money and overextending yourself, pretty much setting yourself up for a mental burnout or a burnout is what I can see here.

26:59You've loaned over $4,200 in the last 18 months to people who just needed a little help, and you rarely see it in return.

27:07Well, here's the situation here.

27:12If I don't have the money to give, that's exactly what that means.

27:18You're not getting it.

27:21And people should not be looking and commenting and clocking how much money you have or how much money they think you have.

27:29Oh, you got it.

27:30I know you got it because, you know, you drive this car, you do this or you do that.

27:34Oh, you got it.

27:34That's not their situation there.

27:37What they need to be doing is focusing on themselves.

27:39And sometimes when you don't have the money to give to them, that's exactly what that means.

27:43For example, I was having a conversation with someone who dug into their emergency fund to give money to their family members because the family members knew that they had money saved up for an emergency.

28:01An emergency fund is exactly what that is.

28:04It's for an emergency.

28:05It's for those rainy days.

28:06Just because we have money in an emergency fund saving for a rainy day and all of a sudden you need help with something, that does not necessarily mean that I should be digging in my emergency fund and giving it to you just because I have it.

28:20I don't have it to give to you.

28:22I have it, but I don't have it to give to you.

28:25So maybe these conversations need to change a little bit.

28:28Again, I don't know what this is, but people who just need a little help, are they paying you back?

28:34Because you only got to do that to me once and you'll never have to worry about asking me for anything again.

28:39I don't care who you are.

28:41Even when my rent was due or I couldn't afford groceries, I still found ways to help.

28:49Now, here's a problem when it comes to helping.

28:53Yes, we can give what we can give when we can, when we have it.

28:57But we have to learn how to help ourselves first before we can start helping other people.

29:04And again, we don't know the situations.

29:07Do these people have jobs?

29:09Like, are they capable of getting up and Ubering or door dashing or doing something to get money?

29:16Or are they just sitting back, you know, asking you for something, getting a free ride?

29:23Here's where I say we might need to get some counseling.

29:26We might need to get some coaching.

29:28We might need to speak to a financial therapist.

29:34This is a situation.

29:36I've heard of this before.

29:38It's like I feel guilty having more, even if it's just barely more.

29:45I've heard of some people who get themselves together.

29:48They dig themselves out of debt.

29:50They start to accumulate, you know, a little stash.

29:56They might even start to invest.

29:58They might even crack the code and make lots of money.

30:02But then they look back at where they came from, where they look back at their family, where they look back at their friends.

30:09And because those people haven't done what they needed to do to get to the same level, now all of a sudden there's a feeling of guilt.

30:17And then they start to give their money to people to try to help them out.

30:21So it sounds like it's a little bit of that going on there.

30:28You feel guilty for having more because of the people around you, the places that you came from.

30:33They didn't come up with you.

30:34You can't take everybody with you.

30:37And it's not your job to try to save people.

30:39And when you give people stuff like you're giving over $4,200, when you're just giving money to people when they ask for it, you are enabling them and doing them a disservice.

30:50Because all they're going to do is to continue the poor financial behaviors that they continue to have.

30:57And they're not going to elevate themselves or try to improve themselves.

31:02Because guess what?

31:04We could just reach out to Devin.

31:05Devin's going to hook us up.

31:07He got the money.

31:08He got the bag.

31:08So you got to be very careful of trying to help somebody out because you're helping, in reality, could be hurting them.

31:21And why I say there might need to be some financial therapy because you're admitting that you grew up poor and you have survivor's guilt.

31:33I'm thankful that I don't have that.

31:35I don't know what that feels like.

31:37But after reading this and hearing more about it, I have people who have survivor's guilt to where you bush but you did everything that you needed to do to get out from a poor situation.

31:49And now you feel guilty and you want to go ahead and give your hard-earned money to somebody else.

31:56I had a family member say, when you make it, because, you know, people think that when you make it, that's it.

32:03You just get to sit back and chill and do nothing and just watch the money come flowing in.

32:09When you make it, you know, you're going to hook me up?

32:12And my response was, absolutely not.

32:14Because you see the journey, you see what it's like, you see the studying that is involved in this, the reading of the books and this and that, the next to the other, attending seminars, and you can do it too.

32:30And I'm not going to just, and I'm not saying that I made it, because do we really make it or do we just get a little bit better at what we know how to do?

32:43So, I'm just saying, clearly, Devin, you know that you need some help here.

32:58You're calling yourself a financial, emotional support human, and it's wrecking your peace.

33:02So here you are just basically letting everybody run all over top of you, and you're paying the cost of trying to make all of these people happy.

33:10You need mental tools to rebuild your boundaries.

33:16Yeah, and I'm going to tell you that it starts with just one word.

33:20No.

33:21And you can't buy love.

33:22You can't buy, none of these people respect you, first of all.

33:26And you can't buy any of that.

33:29You're being scammed.

33:30You're being robbed.

33:34There's some false transactions going on behind your back.

33:40First step is taking responsibility for your situation, for yourself, for you, and learning how to love yourself.

33:51And you'll know when you start to love yourself is when you tell people, no, absolutely not.

33:57We're not doing this today.

33:59I got to focus on things for myself.

34:00I got to make sure that I'm good because as y'all continue to ride me down and dig me into a ditch, who the hell are going to come and help and pull me up?

34:09Because if y'all are already down and you're trying to drag me down, now we all going to be in the same pit together.

34:15And how are we going to get out of this?

34:16If I was in this situation, the first thing that I'd learn how to do is say no.

34:25And I know it's easier said than done.

34:27But we're going to need to start.

34:28I would say cut out the easiest thing that you can cut out first and then just start to write a list and find out what can I do to eliminate the things that are no longer serving me and start some of your time back because you're overextended.

34:50You can't even think straight.

34:51Get some of your time back.

34:54Get with self.

34:55Everything starts with self.

34:56Shut out some of the noise.

34:58Find ways to connect into nature.

35:02Sit in silence.

35:03Ask the questions that you need to ask and start to clean up that way.

35:08And I would say definitely some therapy.

35:14But you can't even think straight.

35:16First thing is to clean up so you can get some more time because you can't even think straight.

35:20You got so much going on here.

35:24If anybody thinks differently, you want to add or chime in on what you feel about what's going on with this scenario with Devin, please feel free to reach out.

35:35You can text me at 609-200-1098.

35:39That is the official 4-1-1 podcast reading between the wines hotline.

35:44And if you have anything that you'd like me to review on the show, please go ahead and text me.

35:53You can email me.

35:54You can DM me.

35:55I am on Facebook, Instagram, X, YouTube, TikTok, DLive, Twitch, and Dailymotion.

36:02We're going to get into one of my favorite segments, burning questions.

36:09Again, if you want to chime in for tonight's burning question, please feel free to text me, DM me, and let me know how you feel about tonight's burning question.

36:21Burning questions.

36:22Why do we keep paying the emotional toll for people who won't even cover their own ride?

36:31Why do we keep paying the emotional toll for people who won't even cover their own ride?

36:46Now, of course, this is a financial show here.

36:53We discuss becoming debt-free, living this debt-free life from a spiritual, mental, physical, and financial aspect.

37:05But I will tell you, on Mental Monday, it makes sense for us to speak about this topic here.

37:13Because we will not be able to become successful financially, break free from the matrix.

37:23If we continue to pay emotional toll for people, for other people.

37:33I don't know why this happens.

37:37But I think people who seek love, seek validation, want someone to like them, we end up paying the emotional toll for people.

37:48And they don't have the tools.

37:59They're not up to our speed, if that makes sense, to be able to take care of it and do it themselves.

38:07So if you find yourself constantly paying the toll for somebody else, and you realize that these people do not even want to pay their own ride, they don't even care, you're going to need the love.

38:22And sometimes we just have to say, I'm sorry, but this relationship no longer serves me.

38:27And I know it's hard because I recently had to go through this as well.

38:34We end up taking on other people's emotional baggage and drama and nonsense.

38:40And it starts to become a part of our life.

38:45And the more that you take on other people's stuff and other people's nonsense, the more you take away from yourself.

38:53Because we can only handle so much.

38:55We already found this out with Devin here.

38:57We can only handle so much.

38:58So if we know that we can only handle so much, there's only so many hours in a day.

39:09Are you willing to continue to try to regulate and control someone else's emotional, excuse me, someone else's nervous system?

39:19And try to make sure that they're okay.

39:22And meanwhile, they can't even make sure that they're that they are okay on their own.

39:26So what makes you think that they can't even check for you or help for you?

39:32But now you need to make sure that you're okay.

39:34And now you're trying to go ahead and help somebody else.

39:38And they ain't even thinking of helping themselves.

39:47And I believe that when we continuously put ourselves in a situation.

39:52When we are trying to be responsible for somebody else's emotions and feelings.

40:01We haven't learned our lesson yet.

40:03So people who continuously plays game.

40:09And they want to go ahead and be the savior.

40:12Remember, there's only one savior.

40:14And the last time I checked, you are him.

40:18So you can't save somebody else.

40:20What was that, J. Cole?

40:24She don't want to be saved.

40:27Like, you can't save people.

40:29Especially if they don't want to be saved.

40:30The first person you need to be worried about saving is yourself.

40:33Why do we keep paying the emotional toll for people who won't even cover their own ride?

40:44You know full well that this person is not capable of doing it.

40:48Because they're showing you that they're not capable of it.

40:52Hey, easier said than done.

40:53And I had to have a whole conversation with my mentor.

40:57Like, for the past couple weeks.

41:04Something similar to this.

41:08Emotional stuff.

41:13See, there's a difference when I said to my mentor earlier.

41:16See, people will tell you everything about them within the first 30 days if you pay attention and listen.

41:21See, before, I didn't pay attention.

41:25I wasn't listening.

41:27Even though they told me I wasn't listening.

41:29This time around, I've been paying very close attention.

41:33I can list all of the red flags.

41:37I can list all of the situations.

41:41Stop me from falling into a trap.

41:44But then now I have to ask myself,

41:47How many more red flags do you need to hear about?

41:50How many more red flags do you need to uncover?

41:54Because I'm doing a very good job of uncovering them and revealing them to make sure that I don't get tripped up.

41:59The question is,

42:01Do you really want to continue to see them and list them and write them down and expose them?

42:09Like, how many times are you going to continue to do this?

42:11Like, how many times does it take for someone to show you who they are?

42:15Like, Maya Angelou said,

42:20When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

42:24Because people know themselves far away better than you do.

42:27I'm listening today.

42:31I've been through too much to not listen, to not learn.

42:35Like my girl Mary says,

42:37I never claimed to be a genius, but I lived long enough to see this.

42:41Oh, I can see it.

42:43Because I've been there before.

42:44But like I say, everything starts with self.

42:48Sometimes I have to get with myself and say,

42:50Okay, so I've seen this before.

42:54There's some familiarity going on here.

42:58We understand.

42:58We know this.

43:00Now, how long are we going to continue to sit here and watch this show?

43:04Or do we just go ahead and switch this channel and say,

43:06You know what?

43:06This person is just not for me.

43:08This situation is just not for me.

43:10The minute that we get up and we take responsibility for our own situation

43:18and our own lives by disconnecting, unsubscribing, unfollowing, unliking,

43:27uninviting things that no longer serve us, we'll be able to get to the next level.

43:32The key is not to get emotionally involved and wrapped up into somebody

43:41who doesn't even want to take care of their own situation.

43:45Trying to give someone a benefit of the doubt.

43:48Trying to see if they'll wake up one day and figure it out.

43:52Maybe they will.

43:53But is that really your job to be the one to orchestrate that?

43:58Like I said, there's only one savior.

43:59And last time I checked, you ain't him.

44:03I tell myself that.

44:05Last time I checked, Laren, you ain't him.

44:07So don't even think.

44:09Remember last time, right?

44:11Let's go back.

44:13Go back through your history.

44:14Remember before.

44:15And then the one before.

44:16And then the one before.

44:17You are trying to help somebody.

44:24And then it weighs on your emotional.

44:27It weighs on your mental.

44:29And then now you can't sleep at night.

44:31Now you're over it.

44:33Now you have all of this stuff going on.

44:35Chaos going on.

44:36And whatever nonsense and BS that they brought up into your world.

44:39Guess what?

44:40You're going to start to mimic that.

44:41And start to display that.

44:44And put that out into the universe as well.

44:47Because whoever you hang around.

44:48You're going to start to pick up their traits.

44:50And you're going to become them.

44:51That's why you need to surround yourself by like-minded people.

44:57You are the average of the five closest people that you hang around.

45:07Burning question.

45:08Let me know how you feel about tonight's burning question.

45:12Phone number is 609-200-1098.

45:16Thank you so much for staying.

45:18I appreciate you all out there.

45:19And I appreciate you hanging out with me here on Mental Monday here on the 4-in-1 Podcast.

45:25If there's anything that you like tonight.

45:28Something that sparks something.

45:30Something that woke something up in you.

45:33You might want to learn more about what I've been speaking about when I speak about living debt-free.

45:38If that's the case, you can go ahead and head on over to laryngaines.com.

45:45You also may sign up for my free monthly newsletter, Whispers of Wisdom.

45:52Again, you can sign up for that at laryngaines.com.

45:57Interventional.

45:58Motivational.

46:00Exclusive content.

46:02Delivered to your inbox once a month.

46:04Centered around debt-free living from Four Pillars of Black Diamond Consultations.

46:10We focus on spiritual, mental, physical, and financial wellness.

46:19You may also sign up for the free 50-minute consultation.

46:26Apply to see if you qualify.

46:28And I say that apply to see if you qualify.

46:34Because this journey is not for everyone.

46:37This is a journey.

46:39This is a lifestyle.

46:40This is a process.

46:41When you say, I want to commit to living debt-free.

46:44I do not want to live off of someone else's money.

46:47I want to live off of my own money.

46:50And I want to break away from living paycheck to paycheck.

46:56I want to break away from being dependent on credit cards, loans.

47:01I want to do this thing on my own.

47:05It takes a special person.

47:09Not everybody can go on this journey.

47:12Not everybody understands.

47:13It takes a unique person.

47:15And one thing that I've learned going through coaching people is that if you're not ready, it's not even worth your time.

47:28I've seen people dig themselves out of debt, get almost close to the point where they're out of debt, and then they do something like what Devin does.

47:37They do something like dig in their emergency fund to go help somebody else.

47:46They do something like book a vacation just because their friends wanted to go on a vacation.

47:55They do something like blackout and all of a sudden a shopping spree.

48:00That's somebody who's not ready yet.

48:05And I get it.

48:06I've been in and out of debt probably about three times in my lifetime.

48:09And by the third time, I said, you know what?

48:11I'm getting a little older here.

48:14And I don't believe.

48:17I could be wrong, but I'm not going to play with God.

48:20I'm not going to go ahead and chance it a fourth time and a fifth time and a sixth time.

48:24I'm not going to do it.

48:25You got me out once.

48:28I played games, got back in it again about the third time.

48:31I'm like, how many more times are you going to save me?

48:36And I don't want to keep playing games, so I'm going to get this thing together.

48:41But during that process, if you're ready, you know you're ready because you hit rock bottom.

48:50You're so far down that you feel that you can't get any lower.

48:53The only way that you can do, only thing that you can do is climb up out of the ditch, whatever you got going on, hole.

49:02Only thing you can do is climb up.

49:04And by the time you get up and you can breathe any nonsense, credit cards, BS, somebody coming your way,

49:11trying to get you to spend money that you don't have and the games and the partying and the clubbing and the this and that and the buying the jewelry,

49:19the clothes and the cars, when you know you can't afford it, you want no parts of that, you cut all of that stuff off,

49:29you stop all the nonsense and that BS, you might be somebody that might be ready.

49:33Head on over to Laren Gain.

49:41Sign up for that free 15-minute consultation.

49:44Sign up for the Whispers of Wisdom newsletter.

49:48And on that note, I want to say thank you so much to everyone out there for joining.

49:52And I will see you tomorrow, Transformational Tuesday.

49:55Today, same place, same time.

49:59Check me out on my social media platforms as I post different content.

50:04We have daily content coming your way.

50:08And on that note, I will see you when I see you.

50:10Thank you so much.