Single Mom Struggles | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 10)

Name: Single Mom Struggles | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 10)
Uploaded: 2025-05-09T00:42:45+00:00
Duration: 51 min 34 s
Channel: Lerin Gaines

Lerin Gaines

5/9/2025

Single Mom Struggles | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 10)

Featuring: Coaching Sessions Thursday, Mentorship Series

05.08.25 | 7:00 PM EST

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Song of The Day: "Superwoman" by Karyn White
Released 1989 | Karyn White

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411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines
DISC 5: Restoration
Track 10: Single Mom Struggles
©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com

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00:00Punta, C, C, C, C, C

03:30I was rocking in the minute in the beginning.

03:34Yeah, I wanted to keep that intro going.

03:36I was like, oh, yeah, this is on.

03:38I'm going to keep that thing going.

03:39I'm going to listen to the replay just to hear that intro.

03:43So, wow, some of the music that is selected, I'll be like jamming, jamming behind the scenes.

03:51But that one, I have to say that was my top one coming in.

03:55I was like, oh, yeah, they did it tonight with that one.

03:57So welcome on and welcome to the 4-in-1 podcast.

04:00It feels so great to be here.

04:02Let me tell you, let me tell you, it's been a journey.

04:05I'm at that point where I'm ready.

04:08I'm here.

04:10So we're getting ready to go to new heights.

04:11In the beginning, when we first start off, you know, we hit our little bumps and then we get into our groove.

04:18Now we passed that.

04:19Now we're just going to elevate and we're going to continue to get higher and higher and higher.

04:23So thank you so much.

04:24Please come on in.

04:25Please invite your friends.

04:27Subscribe, share, tag, like, do whatever you have to do to let people know exactly what we have going on here.

04:34This is a movement.

04:35And like I said, I'm in my zone right now.

04:38And I appreciate everybody who's been coming in and supporting.

04:42And listen, we're going to learn.

04:44We're going to elevate.

04:44We're going to grow together.

04:46I am fresh out of a class.

04:49So Thursdays is truly coaching Thursdays.

04:51Thursdays, it really truly is, because prior to this, I am teaching a group session from six and then boom, I'm right here at seven.

04:59So two hours straight of me doing this.

05:02So, yeah, Thursdays truly is a coaching session.

05:06So welcome on in to the 4-in-1.

05:10Before I get started, of course, I want to go ahead and give a very special thank you to my executive producer, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,

05:17because without you, none of this will be possible.

05:19And without each and every one of you out there, none of this will be possible as well.

05:24This truly is a good representation of how this thing is bigger than me.

05:31And this is not me.

05:33And I'm not going to take any type of credit.

05:35I am just a vessel.

05:36I am here to just spread the word.

05:40And that's all that I am at this moment.

05:43So, yeah, I give it all up.

05:46Yes, Laren did not do all of this stuff on his own.

05:49Absolutely not.

05:50I'm not taking credit for it.

05:52I would be foolish to even ever come out here acting like that.

05:56Thank you so much to my family, supporters out there.

06:01Birdman 313 came through last night and what a great, amazing reading between the wine session.

06:08And again, let me tell you, God pulled us through last night and what an amazing show.

06:14So please go ahead and watch that replay.

06:19Let's go and get right into last night.

06:21So Birdman 313 came through.

06:23I shared the book with you, Budgeting One-on-One.

06:26So I read an excerpt from that as well.

06:30And I sampled Dream Bird Pinot Grigio.

06:32And I have most of that bottle left.

06:35So I wasn't drinking like crazy last night, which we spoke about that as well.

06:41You can have a little bit of everything that you want in life.

06:43You just can't get too crazy over one.

06:45And I've learned that.

06:46And I had to learn that.

06:48I can like and enjoy and do many things.

06:51But I just can't get too crazy over one.

06:53The minute that you start getting too crazy over that one thing, it's going to pull you in the wrong direction.

06:57So we learn how to do things in moderation here these days.

07:00So you can have a little bit of everything that you want in life.

07:03You just can't get too crazy over one.

07:05So last night, it was a smart start or a setback.

07:10So I challenge everybody.

07:11In your life, is it going to be a smart start?

07:13Or is it going to be a setback?

07:14And we helped Miss Nia out last night when it comes to making some decisions as far as what she has going on in her world.

07:22And Birdman helped me dissect that and give some information to Nia.

07:27So watch that replay.

07:28So can overconsumption over one thing be too much and can it get you stuck and keep you off track?

07:38Now, think about what I said before.

07:39You can have a little bit of everything that you want in life.

07:41You just can't get too crazy over one.

07:44So the answer is yes.

07:46The most important aspect is making sure that you do what works for you.

07:54Do what works for you.

07:56Don't try to outdo the next person.

07:58Don't be taking on too much to try to keep up with someone.

08:01I spoke about keeping up with the Joneses, keeping up with the Kardashians.

08:07Let me tell you, I don't know who the Joneses are.

08:11I don't know when they move next door, but I don't want them.

08:14I don't want to be around them.

08:15I don't even want to know them because for people who know the Joneses, that must mean that you're trying to keep up with them and you want to see what they have and be what they are.

08:25Absolutely not.

08:26I want no parts of that.

08:27So be very careful with that.

08:31Nine out of ten times when you take on too much, you want to do too much.

08:35You want to be like this person.

08:36You want to be like that person.

08:37Your arms are so filled.

08:38Your head is so filled.

08:39Your space is so filled with taking on extra things that you can't even take anything else.

08:45Another analogy that I spoke about previous podcasts is just think about when you go to the grocery store, you know that you were supposed to get the shopping cart, but you didn't get the shopping cart.

08:54Then you looked at the little basket and you were like, yeah, no, I'll just go ahead and get one or two, three things.

08:59And you're walking around the grocery store, whatever store it is, and you realize that I actually need more.

09:05So I have one or two things in my arms and then you're trying to juggle and carry a whole bunch of things.

09:10And there comes to a point where you can't carry anything else.

09:14That's the same thing with our mental space.

09:16It comes to a point where you can't carry and take on anything else.

09:19And then when you're in the store and you're trying to juggle around, if you're anything like me, you think that you can do it.

09:24You think you can.

09:25The extra bottle of ketchup or whatever.

09:27You think that you can carry the case of water on your shoulder while you have the other stuff going on.

09:31And you got the bananas hanging off your pinky finger and then you just all of a sudden drop things.

09:37And then one thing falls and then the next thing falls and the next thing falls.

09:40So, yes, overconsumption, doing too much could be a problem.

09:45Excuse me.

09:46I need to take a little sip here.

09:47Talking for like two or two is going to be two hours straight.

09:54Yes, that could be a problem.

09:56So, be very careful with that.

10:01And then we also spoke about being optimistic.

10:03The song of the day was Optimistic by The Sounds of Blackness.

10:07You want to be very optimistic over your situation.

10:12And the name of the game is to seek help when you need it.

10:15If you tried it, you took on some things, you tried to learn this, you tried to figure this out, but you keep hitting this roadblock and you get to this point where you realize, well, I just can't figure this out.

10:29Instead of trying to continuously fit in your wheels, picking up more things and taking up more things and loading up your basket.

10:36How about you just pump your brakes a little bit and say, okay, now's the time that maybe I might need to sit down with somebody who knows a little bit more than I do.

10:43Maybe I might need to sit down with somebody who has a little bit more experience in this area.

10:49Remember, like Mickey Howard, experience is a good teacher, but it takes someone like me to know.

10:57Look around.

10:58I'm sure that God has put somebody in your path.

11:02God has put somebody in your area to help teach and train and move you into the next part of your life.

11:08But what stops us from getting to the next part of our life?

11:12What stops us from moving the needle is one single word, and that is action.

11:20Now, if you know that you're in a state, you know that you're in a situation where you might need to change or cause for change, but you sit there and you do nothing and you don't take action, you're not going to get to the next level.

11:33So, that's what we spoke about last night.

11:37Go ahead and watch that replay.

11:39Read in between the wines with Birdman 313.

11:42Now, we're going to go ahead and get into the song of the day tonight.

11:47Superwoman by Karen White, released in 1989 off of her debut album, self-titled Karen White.

11:55Now, tonight's show, the title is Single Mom Struggles.

12:00So, of course, we have Mother's Day coming up this week, so it makes sense for us to, you know, give something for the mother.

12:06So, this is a show that we would say dedicated to the ladies.

12:10So, if you know of any single mothers, you might want to go ahead and share this and, you know, invite them in, especially on a replay with this.

12:19Episode 10, Single Mom Struggle, welcome to Coaching Session Thursdays, right here on the 411 Podcast, song of the day, Superwoman by Karen White.

12:30I got to get my flow here by Karen White, released in 1989 off of her self-titled debut album, Karen White.

12:41So, now, when we think of Superwoman, now, Karen, of course, was speaking about being in a relationship and someone taking advantage of her.

12:51But I want us to flip it.

12:52I want to remix it, especially for the ladies.

12:55So, single mother struggles.

12:58A lot of single mothers, a lot of single parents, so we're going to open it up for the parents as well, they deal with a lot.

13:04And when they're able to handle it and when they're able to make things work and when they are able to make something out of nothing, yes, they are a Superwoman.

13:16I know Karen White was saying, I'm not a Superwoman, but the ladies, for the things that you put up with and when you make things work.

13:23And I know because I was raised by a single mother, you are a superhero.

13:30You are a Superwoman.

13:31So, shout out to all of the single mothers who make it work and make it do what it do.

13:37And this episode is for you.

13:39And we're going to go to Chicago, Illinois tonight.

13:44And we're going to help out Miss Denise.

13:47Denise is from Chicago, 38 years old.

13:50And she's a single mother and she's dealing with some issues.

13:53So, come on this journey with me and let's see what we can do for Miss Denise.

13:59So, Denise, as a single mother of two, Denise juggles work, childcare, and financial struggles.

14:07She knows she needs to budget, but every time she tries, she becomes mentally drained and overwhelmed.

14:12She often overspends out of guilt, buying small luxuries for her children because she feels bad about their financial situation.

14:20So, this is a tough one.

14:46And I know a lot of people deal with this situation.

14:50Guilt can get you into a bad situation, but overspending will get you into something even worse.

14:58And when you have debt and when you're looking at how much money you're in debt, and if you get jammed up to the point where it makes a little bit more difficult for you to pay back debt, you're going to have a different type of guilt.

15:12So, I would be very cautious with anybody who's trying to compensate when it comes to spending.

15:18And I'm sure some of us have heard the term, if you haven't heard it, but you can't buy love.

15:24That is absolutely true.

15:25I know so many people, when they go through divorces, they're separated and single parent.

15:34Don't get into the game of wanting to buy your children.

15:36Don't get into the game of wanting to outdo the other parent.

15:40Don't get into the game of wanting to buy your children's love and affection because it doesn't work.

15:47When they get older, it absolutely will not work.

15:50They might be mesmerized when they're younger and the bells and whistles are there, but that stuff's going to fade.

15:57So, be very cautious of that.

16:00The quality time that you spend with your children, the conversations, and the love that you spend with them one-on-one is far more valuable than any materialistic things.

16:13And then, more is cost than more is thought.

16:17So, your children are going to pick up on a lot of different things that you are doing, whether you're sitting down telling them, don't do this or don't do that.

16:27Do this, do that.

16:28More is caught than more is taught.

16:29So, them seeing you spend money and how you flow with your money, more is caught than more is taught.

16:37You're basically teaching the next generation.

16:40And they're going to subconsciously pick up things regardless of whether you sit down and have a conversation with them or not.

16:46So, spending, overspending, how you interact and just operate and move as an adult, period, you're shaping and molding your children's future.

16:57So, you have to be very careful with that.

16:59So, if you continue on this plan, what's going to happen is your children probably will fall into the same process that you are, go down the same path.

17:09They might end up becoming single parents as well, and it might end up creating the same exact cycle and trying to buy their children's love and affection as well.

17:20So, be very careful with that.

17:22I know it's hard when you're out there, single parents, single mothers, people needing to pay for child care, people needing to pay for child support.

17:34I get all that.

17:35And I know it's not easy.

17:40And it does come time where we might need to look at our finances.

17:44We might need to see what we might need.

17:46I had this conversation, you know, just about an hour ago during my coaching session.

17:52Listen, we need to figure out needs versus wants in our lives.

17:57And this is for everybody.

17:59Whether you're a single mother or whoever you are, it doesn't matter.

18:02We need to get to the point where it's down to needs versus wants.

18:06Because all of this extra spending of things that we want and it's not a necessity, that can put you into a situation.

18:14And you become so numb.

18:16What I get out of this is, you know, Denise has become very overwhelmed, mentally drained.

18:23And what happens when you become overwhelmed and mentally drained?

18:27Mind you, based off of some of the decisions that you've made, based off of some of the financial decisions that you made,

18:33based off of how many times you've swiped a credit card or how many times you've made some bad financial decisions,

18:41now you can become overwhelmed.

18:43Now you can become stressed out.

18:44Now you have this financial anxiety.

18:46And what typically happens is that there becomes some sort of financial avoidance.

18:51Financial avoidance.

18:52I'm just not going to take care of anything.

18:55I'm just going to give up.

18:56I'm just going to sit here and this old term of it is what it is.

19:01Now, remember, everything starts with self.

19:05So for those of you listening, whether you like your financial situation or you don't or you feel that it could be better,

19:12just remember that everything starts with self.

19:15So what we are experiencing here today is based off of our financial decisions and based off of our mindsets of yesterday.

19:21Now, now that we understand that what we're experiencing here in our real world is based off of what we were thinking and what we were doing yesterday.

19:32Now is the day that we take a decision and we say, OK, so there's time for us to do something different.

19:38Today's the day where I'm going to do something a little bit different.

19:40So I would say for Miss Denise.

19:47And then again, we don't know the full story.

19:49This is the only only thing that we know.

19:52The overspending out of guilt.

19:55Maybe we might need to get some some coaching here to understand what this guilt is.

20:00Understand what these finances are.

20:04What are we guilty about not having enough money?

20:06Well, why don't we have enough money?

20:08Is it because of the overspending?

20:10Take a look at your assets versus liabilities.

20:13Take a look at your need versus wants.

20:15Is there anything that you can cut?

20:17Is there anything that you can cut so that you have more money towards the end of the month?

20:24Because overspending, living from paycheck to paycheck, a lot of people experience that there's more month than me.

20:31And again, I spoke earlier about lying out of guilt because of the breakup, because of the divorce, because of whatever situation it is, because maybe it's not as good as what it used to be.

20:46And the most valuable thing that you possibly can teach your children is how to handle money properly, how to not do the same exact things that you did in the future.

20:56So this situation is a little scary.

20:59We don't know how old the children are.

21:01You're paying for child care.

21:04So I would assume that they're small.

21:07I guess it could be anywhere between, you know, a toddler up to, you know, elementary.

21:14I think when you're probably in like middle school, of course, high school, you're not paying for child care.

21:18So these are little kids here.

21:22Sometimes the best thing that you can do is say, listen, we just don't have it like that.

21:26We don't have it like that.

21:29And this is, you know, the value of money.

21:31And that will teach them that when they get older, that they can think about money a little bit differently.

21:40Just buying things, swiping a credit card, giving them whatever they need.

21:45They don't know the difference.

21:46They just wake up and they see things.

21:49You know, they go to the refrigerator and they think that food is just supposed to appear there.

21:53But, you know, they're a kid and that's not their job to worry about that stuff.

21:56Where the adults were supposed to, you know, provide and, you know, take care of those things.

22:01But there's a point where we start to teach them some responsibility.

22:05And by you being more responsible with the way you handle your finances, remember more is caught than more is taught.

22:12They're going to pick up on that.

22:15So hopefully this was some good information for you.

22:19Again, you know, I can't give anybody any advice on this.

22:23I'm just speaking from experience.

22:26And yeah, so Denise, Chicago, hopefully that was able to help you.

22:33So for those of you out there, how do you think that Denise can reframe her mindset?

22:40Because using money to help cure any emotional relief is a disaster.

22:55When emotions are high, intelligence goes out the window.

22:58So think about that.

23:03A lot of people make some financial decisions when they're emotional.

23:11Things aren't right.

23:13We know that this bill is due.

23:16We might be feeling bad because we don't have enough money.

23:18Comparing ourselves to the next person.

23:24And this is another thing that I heard being influenced by family members.

23:30I'm telling you, when emotions are high, intelligence goes out the window.

23:34Don't make any financial decisions when your emotions are high.

23:39Don't make any financial decisions when your emotions are high.

23:57When emotions are high, intelligence goes out the window.

24:00Sounds like we might need to focus on a little mental work here.

24:08Get our mind together when it comes to money.

24:10Get our mind together when it comes to discipline.

24:13There's a lot of, I want to try to get this term properly.

24:18There we go.

24:18I got it.

24:19There's a lot of impulsiveness, it sounds like in here.

24:21We're just going to be impulsive and we're just going to buy.

24:24Yeah, I might be feeling a certain way, so we're just going to go ahead and do whatever and, you know, to make ourselves feel better, make the children feel better.

24:35A lot of people get themselves into financial situations.

24:39And I know, listen, I don't know who I'm talking to.

24:42I'm just speaking from experience.

24:43So experience is a good teacher and it takes someone like me to know.

24:47How many people shop impulsively in a emotional spend because there is a breakup or, you know, there's a situation where something's not going right and then they emotional eat.

25:06You know, it'll go to fast food.

25:07I know I used to do that.

25:08Anytime somebody pissed me off in a work environment, you know, it was sort of like a little joke.

25:14And they'd be like, hey, Laren, would you like me to go get you something from Burger King?

25:17Would you like me to go get you something?

25:19And, you know, everybody would laugh and be like, what are you hangry?

25:24That type of stuff.

25:24And we had this little joke going around with the manager.

25:27So here we are buying each other food and swiping the credit card and not thinking about it.

25:34I was in one work environment and this was terrible.

25:37I was like, God, you need to get me out of here.

25:39You really need to get me out of here because I don't know who these people think they are.

25:43But then get me trapped up into this.

25:46Now, I was in debt at that moment, but I know I wasn't going to get into even more debt dealing with these people.

25:52They had this thing going on where four desks were aligned and they were all facing each other.

26:00Monday, you would buy everybody food.

26:03Tuesday, you would buy the next desk would buy everybody food and they just circled it around.

26:07And by the time they got to my desk, I did that one time and I said, absolutely not.

26:11We ain't doing this again because now you start to feel obligated to buy food because everybody else are.

26:18And then you start to look like the outcast.

26:20Well, after the first time when I looked and I said, well, now if I had just went and got food on my own, I would have probably spent and I'm just making this up.

26:29I'd have probably spent fifteen dollars. I'm talking about today's prices, fifteen bucks to feed myself for some fast foods.

26:38OK, let's just say twenty bucks because we know how prices are nowadays.

26:43Can you imagine now when you got four plus people now you're almost paying one hundred dollars, but you're thinking, oh, well, that's not too bad because, you know, the other three or four days, somebody else is going to pick it up.

26:55But now do we really need to be spending that money on food like that?

27:00Fast food every day. Number one is unhealthy and you're falling into this vicious cycle of constantly consuming fast food and also.

27:11Digging into your bank, especially if you ain't got it like that and peer pressure when you're in a work environment and you're around people and you're around family and you want to try to get along with the get along.

27:21That's one of the main things. And here I've seen so many people swiping cards and doing things and putting themselves into financial situations and they'll just deal with it.

27:32They'll laugh. They'll go along with the plan, but they feel the pain afterwards when behind closed doors.

27:39So many people, I don't even know how I'm going down here and we're just going to stay on this and we're going to rock with this.

27:43So many people have themselves into terrible situations and they know how to dress it up.

27:50Yeah, you might look fly. The car is fly.

27:54You know, you got that house and everything, but you ain't coming in there because they ain't got no furniture.

28:00They ain't got no food in the refrigerator.

28:03They ain't got no, their car insurance ain't together, but they driving around illegally.

28:07A lot of people that you be looking up to and trying to be like, and you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

28:17And a lot of that is impulsive spending, guilt spending, trying to keep up with the next, wanting what somebody else has.

28:28And you got to be careful with wanting what somebody else has, because if you do it long enough of contemplating and wanting and lusting after what somebody else has.

28:43Trust and believe the universe will give you exactly what you want.

28:47And most of us, when we get it, we don't even want it.

28:51Ask ourselves, what did we get into? How did I get myself here?

28:54And then the first question is, well, how the hell do I get out?

28:58And then usually that's result in high consumer debt, credit card, payday loans.

29:07Hopefully I'm saying this right.

29:08Buy here, pay now or something like that.

29:11I don't know where they have this thing where you can pretty much get anything you want.

29:15And it's financed immediately through these websites.

29:19Klarna and all these other things.

29:22Got to be careful with that stuff.

29:28Thank you so much for everyone who has joined in.

29:32I appreciate you.

29:33Please like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend, text a friend.

29:37Do whatever you need to do to let them know what we have going on here tonight on the 411 Podcast.

29:44Thursday, May 8th.

29:47Single Mom Struggles.

29:48This is episode 10, Dis 5 Restoration.

29:52This is part of the mentorship series.

29:54So if you are interested in speaking with me here on a weekly basis, reach out to me.

30:02Because I'm looking for new students to come in and we can dissect and go over and learn all of this debt-free living stuff from a spiritual, mental, physical, and financial aspect.

30:18You can head on over to laryngaines.com.

30:22You can text me 609-210-98.

30:26You can also email me at info at laryngaines.com.

30:30I appreciate it.

30:31I appreciate all of the love and support.

30:33And we are definitely headed in all new direction.

30:37So now, this is a moment where we go ahead and flip it.

30:44Burning questions.

30:47Please feel free to reach out and let me know.

30:49Give me feedback on just the overall run of tonight's show, how you feel about tonight's show.

30:55Let me know how you feel about the burning questions.

30:57Also, if there is anything that you'd like me to discuss, let me know.

31:04I can also change the scenario so that nobody knows that it's you.

31:08I know I've done that a couple times so that you can get that answer that you need.

31:13You can get that information.

31:15Again, I'm not here to give anybody any advice.

31:18I'm only here to dissect this, let you know the information that I have.

31:27Check the facts.

31:28I always say that.

31:29Check the facts.

31:30Don't just go and run.

31:31Do your own research.

31:32You have to do your own due diligence.

31:34Don't just go run and listen to what somebody says.

31:38And I don't care who it is, whether it's me or anybody else.

31:40Don't just go listen to what somebody has to say and not do your own research.

31:45Always be learning.

31:47You want to go ahead and learn and know for yourself as well.

31:50So we can just scratch the surface a little bit.

31:54Give you what you need and what you do afterwards.

31:57That is totally up to you.

32:00Burning questions.

32:01What is one piece of advice that you received that completely shifted the way you approach life?

32:10Again, what is one piece of advice you recently, excuse me, I don't even know what that was.

32:19What is one piece of advice you received that completely shifted the way you approach life?

32:25609-200-1098.

32:27That is the official 411 podcast hotline.

32:30So this is so mystical because, again, I was just speaking about this in my earlier class.

32:40The one piece of advice that I received that completely shifted the way I approach life is, and I've been saying this all week.

32:49It is just a part of my life, and it will always be when I learn from my mentor that everything starts with self.

33:04And I say that a lot, and I say that a lot because it's so true, and I didn't know it at the time.

33:09My mentor kept saying, Laren, everything starts with self, and I didn't get it.

33:14You know, I was emotionally, I was in an emotional wreck.

33:17My nervous system was unregulated.

33:20It was all over the place.

33:22Didn't know who I was.

33:23I constantly thought that I can change somebody else.

33:26And whenever I told her stories of what I was doing and what I was trying to accomplish, the first thing that she said was, Laren, everything starts with self.

33:38And that's just a small little piece of advice that she gave me, and then there's more that you can tack on to that.

33:42But the first piece was, everything starts with self.

33:47And I didn't understand it, but we have a hard enough time controlling ourselves.

33:53That's why it's called self-control.

33:54We have a hard enough time controlling ourself.

33:59That's why they say you need to get some self-control.

34:01You have no self-control.

34:03You lost control.

34:05Yeah, because that's a hard job, and it's not easy for everybody.

34:10And what you did today, when you wake up tomorrow, guess what?

34:14The button has been hit for the reset button, and now you have to focus and work probably even harder.

34:19And the more that you work hard on self-control, the more that you control yourself, the easier that it gets.

34:27But that doesn't mean the next day that you wake up, you have to go ahead, and that button has been reset, and that's why it's called self-control.

34:34Because every day in life, it's about having some self-control.

34:40It's about having control over your situation.

34:42Everything starts with self.

34:44Now, think about how many people have no self-control.

34:47Think about people who are out of control.

34:49And most people who are out of control like I used to be, a lunatic all over the place, cussing people out, screaming, yelling, thinking that I can control people, both in my personal life and my professional life, a mess all over the place.

35:10That's being out of control.

35:11That's having no self-control.

35:13But then you think that you can control somebody else.

35:15And that's that one piece of advice, learning everything starts with self.

35:24And then, as I started to learn that, and I had to tell someone this tonight, no matter what the outcome is, you want to learn about financial literacy.

35:37And this is most of the time when it happens in these relationships.

35:39You want to learn about financial literacy.

35:41You want to get your life together, but your partner is experiencing some financial avoidance.

35:47They don't want to pull their weight.

35:48They probably overspend.

35:52You're going back and forth.

35:53You're having arguments.

35:55Oh, and by the way, this is the number one reason relationships don't work out is, yeah, due to money.

36:01Besides people cheating and being, you know, ungrateful and disrespectful, money definitely pays a big part as far as why families break up and people don't get it together.

36:16You can't beat people into submission.

36:18I'm like, wow.

36:22Okay, so number one, everything starts with self.

36:24And no matter what the outcome is, whether you're attached to a lunatic that could care less about the situation, whether you're the lunatic, like, it doesn't matter.

36:35Because guess what?

36:36If someone doesn't do it your way, you don't do it their way.

36:40It is what it is, because you can't beat people into submission.

36:45You can't make them see things your way.

36:47See, God will let you see things that I can't see.

36:51And I see things that you can't see.

36:54And sometimes, no matter what it is, this party or that party may never see it.

36:59And it's supposed to be that way.

37:02And it's okay.

37:03So as you decide to get your life together, and this is, you know, I haven't given myself this advice.

37:14As you decide to get your life together, realize that everything starts with self.

37:21Understand and overstand and know that we will never be able to beat people into submission.

37:29And now that we know that, why would we even want to try?

37:31And if I know that it is such a hard time for me to keep myself in check on a day-to-day basis, to make sure I don't cuss anybody out, to make sure I don't revert back to the old person that I used to be, to make sure that I don't go upside this person's head.

37:47Now, if I know that I have to focus on self-control and I have to focus on me, what sense and what business do you think that I have of trying to control somebody else?

37:56The minute that I'm over there trying to control and tell you what to do, now my foot slipped and now I'm messing up.

38:06And now it's just a big old mess.

38:08And now we both have an issue.

38:12And here is another good piece of information that I got a hold of last week and it's just been replaying in my mind.

38:19And it happened in so many different aspects and so many different people.

38:29Someone came to me with a relationship that they no longer want to be a part of.

38:34And I'm thinking to myself, that's okay.

38:37Because we are human beings and everything is changing in life.

38:42Nothing ever stays the same.

38:45You want to get your life together, but your partner don't.

38:48You sat down and you had the perfect conversation with them.

38:51The best way you know how you were, you know, nice.

38:56Yes, I'm saying you weren't a raging lunatic about it.

39:01You spoke to them properly, just like an adult, just like we're sitting here having this conversation.

39:05I would always say that.

39:08You weren't listening, speaking to you like an adult, just like we are having this great conversation.

39:15But the minute that alarm went all over, oh, that's when all of the bells and whistles and alarms go off.

39:20And it's a problem and a problem because you should never go all the way up, have that conversation with people and let them know.

39:28And if they show up and they continue to be who they are, which is what they've been sent to do, there's nothing wrong with that.

39:34That's your warning sign.

39:36That's your your lesson right there.

39:39That's when gunshots are fired and those alarms and bells and whistles should go off on your mind and say up.

39:44Can't beat people into submission.

39:46And like Maya Angelou said, when people show you who they are, believe them.

39:53People know themselves far away better than you do.

39:56So when they tell you who they are, when they show you who they are, now you know exactly what to do.

40:04Get up and take responsibility for yourself.

40:07Everything starts with self.

40:10We going in tonight.

40:12I always tell my daughters this.

40:18The minute that you decide to go back and forth, because I had to learn this.

40:22The minute that you had to decide, the minute that you decide to go back and forth with somebody going round and round, arguing or debating about something that is outside of you.

40:33Remember, everything starts with self.

40:35So arguing or debating with somebody over something that is outside of you.

40:40You've already lost the game.

40:44The minute that you decide, because listen, you have to make that decision.

40:48Can't nobody else make you do anything or say anything or make you act any type of way.

40:53The minute that you decide to go back and forth round and round, arguing or debating with someone else over something that is outside of you, that don't got nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with them.

41:15You've already lost the game right there.

41:21That's enough for me, because that was my life story going round and round with people, debating, arguing with people about things that were outside of me.

41:31Because if I know what I'd like to do in my life, if I like to see and I like to know and I understand and I feel deep down inside, my internal dialogue lets me know where I want to be headed in my life, in my direction, what I want from me, because everything starts with self.

41:45That's me.

41:47What would I look like getting upset over somebody else because their internal dialogue, what they feel about themselves, how they view themselves, how they see themselves?

41:57That's them.

41:58That don't have nothing to do with me.

41:59That's the best advice that I received.

42:01And my life decided, I got up and I decided to take responsibility for myself and my life started to shift and change immediately.

42:12It was a scary situation because things started to happen out of nowhere, but my life shifted and changed when I decided to get up and take responsibility for myself and stop going back and forth, arguing, debating with people about things that had nothing to do with me.

42:29When I realized that I could not beat people into submission.

42:31Now I put this out here.

42:34When it comes to you getting your life together, when it comes to you getting on track, there's only one thing that is stopping you from getting to the next level.

42:43There's only one thing that's stopping you from getting to the next level, and that's you actually making that decision to say, okay, we're going to put some action behind it.

42:54We're going to press play.

42:55We're going to go.

42:56I know that it sucks, and I know it's terrible.

43:02Some people might feel a certain way because I did too.

43:04You can't beat people into submission.

43:06You can't pull people along.

43:08Not everybody's going to understand.

43:13People are going to look at you like you're crazy.

43:16People are going to call you all types of names.

43:18They're going to say you're off your rocker.

43:20You're nuts.

43:20You're this.

43:21You're that.

43:21And that's only temporarily.

43:24They don't see.

43:26Years later, once you're on track, once you decide to follow this plan for debt-free living, once you decide to get your life together, once you decide to no longer swipe credit cards, once you decide to no longer do what everybody else is doing, and you start to separate yourself.

43:42Those same people that looked at you like you were crazy and like you were nuts and like you were off your rocker, they're going to be the same ones that turn around asking you for help.

43:51Now, how did you do that?

43:52How did you get that?

43:53Talk to me about longevity.

44:01609-200-1098.

44:03That is the official 4-1-1 podcast hotline.

44:06If there's anything that you heard tonight that sparked something in you, if you have any questions about what we have going on here tonight, reach out.

44:17You can also head on over to LarenGaines.com if you want to learn any more information about Black Diamond Consultations.

44:24And this thing that I speak about, which is debt-free living, I have the coaching sessions, which I offer a free 15-minute coaching consultation where we can sit down and discuss and see if you're a good fit and see if you qualify for any coaching services.

44:40Now, this is one thing that I've learned is that throughout this journey, I interact with a lot of people.

44:49There's a lot of people that come to me and they say, I want to change and I want to level up.

44:54I hear this a lot.

44:55I want to level up.

44:56And the question that I want to put out there, rhetorical question is, are you really done?

45:04Have you had enough?

45:08Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

45:12Because if the answer is no, oh, here's another one.

45:15Have you hit rock bottom?

45:17And rock bottom is when you can't get any lower.

45:20You hit the ground so hard.

45:23You hit the ground so low that the only way to get out of your situation is to pull yourself up.

45:29If you have not experienced any of those things, if you have an experience where it felt like everything was crashing and then it was the end of the world, you're probably not ready.

45:41Because those who have had enough, those who take their credit cards and they cut them up and they don't want to use them anymore.

45:55And they force themselves to not use them by cutting them up and getting rid of it because they know that if they keep it, they might be tempted to swipe.

46:04They might be tempted to do something that they will regret later.

46:11If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, had enough, you might be ready.

46:21I don't know.

46:22There are so many people that will play this seesaw game of in and out, in and out, in and out of debt, in and out of debt.

46:30Ask me how I know because that was me.

46:32But then as I started to get a little older, I'm like, hmm, if I don't get this thing right in my 40s, will he give me another opportunity?

46:46When am I going to be 50, 60, where I would still be having issues?

46:50So I realized that, okay, God, if you get me out of it this time, fool me once, okay, fool me twice.

47:00Now, if it happens again, now, you ain't going to help me.

47:03I don't know if you're going to help me.

47:05The chances are you're helping me a third time.

47:07I don't know about that.

47:08So I think I learned my lesson.

47:10609-210-98.

47:17That's the official 411 Podcast hotline.

47:20You can reach out to me at info at laryngaines.com.

47:23Head on over to laryngaines.com if you want to find out more about the coaching sessions and the coaching programs that I offer.

47:30Thank you so much for joining in.

47:32If you have any questions, please feel free to DM me as well.

47:35Please like, comment, share, subscribe.

47:38Tag a friend.

47:40Thank you for joining.

47:41We will be here tomorrow.

47:43Same time, same place.

47:467 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

47:48Tomorrow will be Financial Fridays.

47:50We are going to dig deep.

47:52I know we touched the surface.

47:53We spoke about mental aspects of debt-free living tonight.

47:57But tomorrow, we're really going to get into the financial aspect of it and start to really dig a little bit deeper when it comes to the financial aspect of debt-free living.

48:07And that will be every Friday.

48:08So every week, every day of the week, except for Saturdays, there's a different theme.

48:13We have Spiritual Sunday.

48:17We have Mental Monday.

48:19We have Transformational Tuesday.

48:22Wine Down Wednesday, where we come in, sample wine, read books, and sort of chill a little bit.

48:31Have a little fun in a little relaxed environment.

48:34Lots of laughs.

48:35Good conversation.

48:36Go ahead and watch that replay from last night.

48:38And then we have Coaching Session Thursdays, where today, Thursday, is a wild card.

48:44You might get spiritual talk.

48:46You might get talk on mental.

48:49You might get the physical, transformational talk.

48:53You might get financial talk.

48:55Everything's sort of wrapped up all in one, sort of a wild card on Thursdays.

48:59You never know what you might get.

49:01And then, of course, we're going to close out the week with Financial Friday, and we are off on Saturday for the Sabbath day and back at it again on Sunday.

49:12So that's how the week flows out with the Mentorship Series.

49:15Please come by, hang out, talk, chill, comment in the chat box, talk back and forth.

49:27Very special thank you to Facebook.

49:30I appreciate you all out there.

49:31Thank you for holding it down.

49:33I've seen some great views and some great comments out there.

49:37I appreciate that.

49:38And on that note, I want to say thank you so much, and I will see you tomorrow, Friday, for Financial Friday, 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

49:48Thank you so much.

49:49Have a good evening.

49:50See you when I see you.

50:08See you when I see you when I see you.