Headspace over Overdrafts | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 41) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

Headspace over Overdrafts | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 41)   Featuring: Mental Monday, Mentorship Series   Monday | August 04th, 2025   Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES   https://leringaines.com  https://linktr.ee/leringaines  https://www.facebook.com/leringaines  http://instagram.com/leringaines  https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines  http://twitter.com/leringaines  https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines  https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines  https://dlive.tv/LerinGaines  https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines   Song of The Day: "Baggage" by Mary J. Blige  Released 2005 | The Breakthrough   Burning Questions: What scripts do you have for telling friends "I can't spot you" without torching the relationship - or your peace of mind?   I would love to hear from you! Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions:   Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com   DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLIVE, Twitch, DailyMotion)   Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!   Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com   #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #DLIVE #Twitch #DailyMotion #ParentalAdvisory #ExplicitContent #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC5 #Restoration   DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.   411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines  DISC 5: Restoration  Track 41: Headspace over Overdrafts  ©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network  LerinGaines.com

Transcript

00:02:59Here, we explore what it means to live debt-free, not just financially, but spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

00:03:10Every episode is part of a journey across our weekly mentorship series, Spiritual Sundays, Mental Mondays, Transformational Tuesdays, Wind-Down Wednesdays, Coaching Sessions Thursdays, and Financial Fridays.

00:03:24Each day holds space for wisdom, clarity, and real conversation.

00:03:29So grab your journal, pour your glass, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

00:03:34Because here, we don't just talk, we transform.

00:03:37And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and founder of Black Diamond Consultations, Laren Gaines.

00:03:45What's going on, what's going on?

00:04:15You never know what breakthroughs are going on, and before we get this thing started, I just want to say thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to everyone out there who has ever done anything for the 4-in-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines, Black Diamond Consultations.

00:04:32I just want to say thank you so much.

00:05:02I am here checking for each and every one of you.

00:05:06This has been a journey since 2020, and it's 2025, five years later.

00:05:16I'm going to make sure that I don't get too emotional behind this tonight because, yeah, we've been through some things, and I'm still here, and I'm thankful for it.

00:05:34But I feel that every single time there is, I don't want to say an attack because I don't want to always blame the enemy.

00:05:45But every time that there is a test, I feel like when I get past it, I overcome, I come out the other side.

00:05:58And I realize why I'm here doing this.

00:06:01So I can never get mad and I can never get upset at what God has put his hands on and what work he has through me and through this podcast and through everybody that I connect with.

00:06:14I can never, I just say I can never get upset at the process.

00:06:18You know, every single time that I come out on the other end, I'm just a little bit more stronger.

00:06:26And this is about protecting the mental because we're here on Mental Mondays, so this just aligns so well.

00:06:35But let me tell you, last week, I definitely was put through the test.

00:06:41So after Mental Mondays of last week, I pretty much had like a system crash, a system breakdown here, and had to go through a complete reset.

00:06:51I apologize, but I missed the reading between the wines last week, but we definitely going to make up for it.

00:06:57I had to rebuild, make sure that the infrastructure of Black Diamond Consultations is solid so that I can continue to produce the excellent content that I promised to do since day one.

00:07:13So this was much needed.

00:07:14I knew that this day was coming, and there's a lesson behind it, that when you need to take care of business, when you have the means to take care of business, you know that something needs to be taken care of.

00:07:28Sometimes we need to just do it.

00:07:31I know I talk money here.

00:07:33I know I talk the financial aspect of it as being a financial coach.

00:07:37Sometimes when you are on your journey and, you know, what you're working for, you have goals.

00:07:45And I'm just speaking from experience, real life experience here.

00:07:48Sometimes we can get in the way of ourselves.

00:07:50And if we are supposed to take care of something, we're supposed to handle it.

00:07:54Thank you so much to everyone out there joining.

00:07:56If we're supposed to take care of something, we're supposed to handle something that's important in our lives.

00:08:04Sometimes we ought to just do it.

00:08:05And when we're saving, when we're investing, when we're building our business, when we're taking care of business, we got to make sure that we put the right things in the right place and take care of things when we need to take care of it so that it doesn't backfire.

00:08:23So long story short, I knew that Black Diamond Consultations needed an upgrade.

00:08:28I knew it.

00:08:30I wrote it down.

00:08:33I prayed on it.

00:08:35I put it in effect 2024 and I knew that the upgrade was supposed to happen this year, but I was like holding back, holding back.

00:08:46Now we don't need to spend the money on it.

00:08:47No, we don't need to do it then.

00:08:49We don't need to pull the trigger here.

00:08:50We don't need to pull the trigger there.

00:08:52But finally, God was like, okay, I see that you did what you were supposed to do.

00:08:58You stored up when I told you to store up and you placed where I told you to place, but I need you to move.

00:09:05And since you ain't moving, then here we go.

00:09:08So in any case, we're back.

00:09:11Black Diamond Consultations is back bigger than ever.

00:09:16And I'm coming here to give you all excellent content like I promised.

00:09:22And again, I could not do it with all the love and support without each and every one of you out there.

00:09:27And I want to say thank you.

00:09:29But most importantly, I could not do this without my executive producer.

00:09:32I want to thank God for giving me another opportunity to come out here and give you the 411 podcast.

00:09:41So tonight, here we are in another month.

00:09:44We're in August.

00:09:46Part of this mentorship series.

00:09:48This is Mental Mondays.

00:09:50So please, if you're out there listening, drop it in the comments.

00:09:53Let me know where you are listening from.

00:09:59Do me a favor and share this with somebody because you never know who can benefit from this.

00:10:06I appreciate all of the love and support and the comments and the feedback that I have received.

00:10:13Thank you so much to Dailymotion, everyone out there.

00:10:17I'm guessing that you are from overseas, over there somewhere in Europe.

00:10:25So I want to say thank you all so much.

00:10:28That is a dream come true.

00:10:31I have been focusing on Dailymotion for years.

00:10:35And now you all have arrived.

00:10:38And I just want to say thank you so much.

00:10:40It was like overnight, had no idea that you all were out there checking the 411 podcast and reading Between the Wines.

00:10:47So thank you so much to Dailymotion folks out there.

00:10:51I also want to say thank you to everyone out there on X, formerly known as Twitter.

00:10:57I love the traction and the movement and the support over there.

00:11:01Thank you so much.

00:11:03And of course, my Instagram family.

00:11:05That's where I started back in 2020 when I only had 20 followers.

00:11:12Amazing, man.

00:11:12I just want to say thank you.

00:11:14Just amazing.

00:11:15Let's get into tonight's episode.

00:11:17Headspace over overdrafts.

00:11:20This 5 Restoration 411 podcast reading Between the Wines.

00:11:23This is episode 41.

00:11:25Now, before I get into the song of the day, I want to talk about the last episode that we focused on.

00:11:38We helped out Mr. Dante, 37, from Columbia, South Carolina.

00:11:44And he considered himself as always being the dependable one.

00:11:48The one that people called and reached out to whenever they needed help, whenever they needed bills to be paid,

00:11:54which I thought was like out there, whenever somebody needed a ride, whenever somebody needed something,

00:12:01they just reach out to Dante and he got you.

00:12:04Anybody out there like that?

00:12:06That whenever somebody needs something, that they can just reach out to you and you're willing to bend over backwards

00:12:11and do whatever you need to do to make it work for them.

00:12:13But the question that I have for each and every one of you out there who signs up for this type of lifestyle is,

00:12:19how do you react when the feeling isn't mutual?

00:12:23How do you react when you need help and nobody is there to help you?

00:12:29So I was this person before a short period of time.

00:12:34And I was this person until exactly that.

00:12:37When I needed something, when people weren't there for me,

00:12:41then I started to second guess and ask myself,

00:12:49are you prepared?

00:12:51And my mentor had to help me with this.

00:12:52Are you prepared to do whatever you're going to do for this person?

00:12:58And now I'm going to keep it all the way real.

00:13:00So my response wasn't always crystal clear as it is today.

00:13:07I had to get, you know, to get with myself and my mentor had to help me out and say,

00:13:13Laren, when you do something for somebody, please make sure that you do it from the heart

00:13:17and that you don't do it with wanting something in return.

00:13:21Because if you do something for somebody and you want something in return,

00:13:25you might as well not do it at all.

00:13:27That's shallow.

00:13:28You're operating from a lower world when you do something for somebody and you want something

00:13:34in return.

00:13:36And if they don't do and they don't reciprocate the way that you want them to reciprocate,

00:13:41now all of a sudden you have an attitude or you have a reason to throw it back into someone

00:13:45else's face saying, look what I did for you and you didn't do X, Y, and Z for me.

00:13:50So I had to change that up.

00:13:54I had to change my inner dialogue and I had to switch that thing up.

00:13:57And now today, if I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it from the heart, expecting

00:14:04nothing in return.

00:14:08And the same thing goes that if somebody does something for me, I would appreciate it.

00:14:13And again, sometimes we don't know because we're not inside people.

00:14:16Our job is not to regulate somebody else's nervous system.

00:14:20God has given us enough on our own plate to regulate our own.

00:14:23So how dare we think that we can step inside somebody else's realm and navigate and twist

00:14:30and turn and figure out what they got going on internally because it's impossible.

00:14:35I don't mean to go in deep tonight.

00:14:41I know I've been away for a minute, but I just can't help myself.

00:14:46This is just reality.

00:14:47And this is just what's come over my spirit at this moment.

00:14:49So it is what it is.

00:14:51We're here.

00:14:52So we might as well go in.

00:14:57I just felt for Dante.

00:15:00People pleasers.

00:15:01And then all of a sudden, when you realize, when the stuff hits the fan, when the dust

00:15:08starts to settle and you realize, what did I sign myself up for?

00:15:13What is this?

00:15:14Look in the mirror and say, who is this?

00:15:17Most importantly, who are you?

00:15:19How did you get here?

00:15:20And how do I get you out?

00:15:22And then depending on how much of a people pleaser you were, depending on what situation

00:15:31you signed yourself up for, depending on what issues you got yourself wrapped up and

00:15:35trapped up in, sometimes you can't exit just as quick as you entered.

00:15:41And I don't know who I'm talking to.

00:15:42I'm only speaking from experiences.

00:15:43But when I was in those situations and I realized just as quick that I stepped into it, now there

00:15:50might be a little quicksand, there might be a little silly putty, and now I can't back

00:15:55up and I can't backtrack as quick as I jumped into it.

00:15:58Oh, now we got an attitude now.

00:16:02Now we starting to feel a certain way about ourselves and the other people.

00:16:08You want to know how we helped out, Mr. Dante?

00:16:10Check out that replay.

00:16:12The replays are available on YouTube.

00:16:15You can also check out the audio version.

00:16:20Where most podcasts are.

00:16:22So I say where most podcasts are because I'm not everywhere and there's a reason for that.

00:16:28But if there is a specific platform that you watch or you listen to your podcast and you

00:16:35find out that Reading Between the Minds, the 411 podcast, is not available on those platforms,

00:16:42please go ahead and DM me.

00:16:43You can also text me at 609-210-98 and you can let me know that, hey, listen, the 411 podcast,

00:16:51Reading Between the Minds, is not on this platform.

00:16:54This is my favorite platform.

00:16:55Is it possible for you to make an appearance over here?

00:17:00And I will do whatever I can do to make it work.

00:17:04I'm playing a waiting game on one major podcast platform.

00:17:07I went back and forth with them at the beginning of the year and finally I said, absolutely not.

00:17:12I even went so much to going to Arizona earlier this year and meeting with a podcaster,

00:17:20going back and forth saying, hey, listen, I'm having an issue with this specific platform.

00:17:26We were on the phone with this specific platform going back and forth.

00:17:29I'm not going to mention any names.

00:17:30And I pretty much just said, absolutely not.

00:17:33Right now, this is not the moment.

00:17:35This might be the reason that God is saying that we don't need to go here.

00:17:39But, you know, things do change in the future.

00:17:42So in any case, let me know.

00:17:46And we could probably try to take a stab at this thing again.

00:17:53All right.

00:17:54So y'all know what it is right now.

00:17:56It's the song of the day moment.

00:17:58And I just had to do it.

00:18:01I had to call on a friend of mine, which y'all know who this artist is.

00:18:05And it just made sense because I used to rock to this joint when I was carrying a whole bunch of baggage.

00:18:12But I'm so thankful that the load is much lighter and I'm not carrying any baggage today because I released all of that stuff.

00:18:21But I understand who my audience is.

00:18:25I understand where I come from.

00:18:27And I know that we need to continuously make content and take it there because we all heal and we all arrive at different points in different moments in our lives.

00:18:39So let's do this song of the day baggage by Mary J.

00:18:46Blige, released in 2005 off of the Breakthrough album.

00:18:50So sometimes we carry baggage that was never designed for us to carry.

00:18:57Keyword design, you know, designer bags and all of the luxury things.

00:19:02Sometimes the baggage was never designed for us to carry.

00:19:09Some of us are stuck carrying the heavy load that our parents or even our grandparents or our great-grandparents have carried.

00:19:18And in some cases, these bags have been dropped off.

00:19:22And some of them have been moved on to glory.

00:19:25But somehow, someway, some of us have found a way to subconsciously pick up right where they left off.

00:19:37Now, I'm going to go ahead and rewind that thing and say that again because I felt that deep in my soul.

00:19:42In some cases, these bags have been dropped off.

00:19:48Some of them have been even moved on to glory.

00:19:50But somehow, someway, some of us have subconsciously found a way to pick up right where our ancestors have left off.

00:20:02Now, my girl Mary speaks about having so much baggage that she doesn't even know what to do to the tune that in some cases she appears to be confused on this record.

00:20:13And she says, I know I do some things that make you so confused.

00:20:18One minute I'm so in love and the next I can't stand you.

00:20:21But if you may ask, it's just the things that you do that remind me of all of the mess that I've been through.

00:20:28And then she goes on to say that she has all of this baggage.

00:20:34Now, I say, drop the bags.

00:20:38Drop the heavy load.

00:20:39You can't keep carrying around the same old baggage and think that you're going to get new results.

00:20:46Now, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting different results.

00:20:53I don't know who I'm speaking to.

00:20:55I'm only speaking from experience.

00:20:56But I know because I used to be insane in my past life.

00:21:01But I am in my right frame of mind today.

00:21:05Because when you know better, you do better.

00:21:10Now, in Luke chapter 5, verse 37 through 39.

00:21:17And no man putteth new wine into old bottles, else new wine will burst the bottles and be spilled and a bottle shall perish.

00:21:27But new wine must be put into new bottles and both are preserved.

00:21:33That is a reminder that we are in this moment of restoration as well as preservation.

00:21:47It's going to be either you or them at the end of the day.

00:21:51And I've had my fair share of moments of them versus me.

00:21:56And I had to learn the hard way that sometimes through the eyes of the enemy, it was never about me.

00:22:03But it was always about them.

00:22:06Some will make it seem or appear as that it's all about you in the beginning.

00:22:10But at the end of the day, sometimes it's really only about them.

00:22:17What they could get by gaining or attaching to your greatness.

00:22:24So to everyone out there, ladies and gentlemen, know your worth, know who you are, and know what role you play in this thing called life.

00:22:32And be careful, because some of the baggage that we pick up, it was never designed and it was never ours to carry in the first place.

00:22:44Song of the Day, Baggage, by Mary J. Blige, released in 2005 off the Breakthrough album.

00:22:53Now, thank you so much for joining.

00:22:56I appreciate you.

00:22:56Again, please like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend, do whatever you need to do to make this thing work.

00:23:03I appreciate you.

00:23:04So before we get into tonight's assignment, I'm going to let you know that you too can be a part of the mentorship series.

00:23:11So if you are interested in coming on live on a 4-1-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines, if you want a seat at the table, please DM me or text me at 609-210-98.

00:23:23Again, that number is 609-210-98.

00:23:27Let me know if you'd like some more information on how you can be a part of the 4-1-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines, mentorship series.

00:23:36Also, if you have something that you'd like us to dissect, if you'd like us to go through your specific scenario,

00:23:44again, you can email me at info at laryngaines.com, I-N-F-O at laryngaines.com, and you may also visit the website for more information.

00:23:56So let's get into tonight's assignment.

00:24:00We have Mr. Marcus here, and Marcus is, I don't know if we actually know where Mr. Marcus is from, and that's okay.

00:24:10That might be a mystery, and that's okay, too.

00:24:13So Marcus says,

00:24:14Yo, Laren, on paper, I look comfortable.

00:24:17$78,000 a year in IT support.

00:24:21Decent health insurance, no kids, but inside my skull, it's a 24-7 group chat of panic.

00:24:27My father drilled into me, never talked money.

00:24:31So every bill feels like I'm snitching on myself.

00:24:34I've got $14,000 on three credit cards, $9,000 left on a car I don't even own anymore, and I'm hiding it all behind a smile and a fresh fade.

00:24:45The twist?

00:24:46I'm the smart one in my crew.

00:24:48They hit me with cash app loans because they assume I'm paid.

00:24:51I never say no.

00:24:53Then I rage scroll on my bank app at 2 a.m. and watch my balance tap dance towards zero.

00:24:58My anxiety is so loud I can't think straight, sweaty palms and staff meetings, jaw clenched like I'm grinding teeth for Bitcoin.

00:25:09Therapy feels like a luxury I can't afford, but my brain keeps overdrafting on negativity.

00:25:15I know it's ironic, right?

00:25:18Here's my brutal question.

00:25:20How do I train my mind to stop equating debt with shame so I can actually focus on paying the damn thing off?

00:25:26And how do I set boundaries with friends who love me when they need me?

00:25:32Excuse me.

00:25:33How do I set boundaries with friends who love me when they need something but ghost me?

00:25:40Okay, I don't even know how that is set up.

00:25:43But they ghost me with I'm tapped out text when it's time for paybacks.

00:25:50To keep it unfiltered, I'm tired of motivational quotes.

00:25:53I need a mental reset plan that hits harder than my overdraft fees.

00:25:58Respect, Marcus.

00:26:00Well, Marcus, I'm going to go through and read this to the top, but I think we got exactly what you need here on the phone one.

00:26:08So I'm going to take it to the top again.

00:26:10Again, thank you all so much for rocking with me.

00:26:12Yo, Laren, on paper, I look comfortable.

00:26:15$78,000 a year in IT support.

00:26:18Decent health insurance, no kids.

00:26:19But inside my skull, it's a 24-7 group chat of panic.

00:26:24My father drilled never talk money into me, so every bill feels like I'm snitching on myself.

00:26:29I've got $14,000 on three credit cards.

00:26:32$19,000 left on a car I don't even flex anymore, and I'm hiding it all behind a smile and a fresh fade.

00:26:37The twist, I'm the smart one in my crew.

00:26:40They hit me with cash app loans because they assume I'm paid, and I never say no.

00:26:45Then I rage scroll my bank app at 2 a.m. and watch my balance tap dance towards zero.

00:26:50My anxiety is so loud I can't think straight.

00:26:53Sweaty palms in staff meetings, jaw clenched like I'm grinding teeth for Bitcoin.

00:26:58Therapy feels like a luxury I can't afford, but my brain keeps overdrafting on negativity.

00:27:04I know it's ironic, right?

00:27:05Here's my brutal question.

00:27:07How do I train my mind to stop equating debt with shame so I can actually focus on paying the damn thing off?

00:27:14And how do I set boundaries with friends who love me when they need something but ghost me with I'm tapped out text when it's time for paybacks?

00:27:22Keep it unfiltered.

00:27:24I'm tired of motivational quotes, and I need a mental reset plan that hits harder than my overdraft fees.

00:27:31With respect, Marcus.

00:27:32And like I was saying, well, Marcus, I think you actually found a home here at the 411 Podcast and reading Between the Wines.

00:27:41Sometimes when I go back and I listen to the replays, I have to ask myself,

00:27:46Laren, did we go in too hard?

00:27:48Were we too harsh with the response?

00:27:51Does it really need to be that way?

00:27:54And one thing that I had to tell myself is that I'm not going to dumb down myself of who I actually am.

00:27:59I've always been the type of person where people, you know, say, oh, my God, you you come across so harsh or you come across so like.

00:28:11So Laren, I mean, that's just just what it is.

00:28:14And I just want to say I'm just a really nice person, everybody.

00:28:18I just don't know how to give it just the way I give it sometimes.

00:28:23So but what I wanted to not do is I didn't want to be fake during this podcast.

00:28:29I didn't want to come across.

00:28:31Is anything is scripted or I just didn't want to be fake.

00:28:35So this is just how I come across.

00:28:38And some people love it.

00:28:39Some people hate it.

00:28:40But the people who like it.

00:28:42Thank you so much for sticking with me.

00:28:44And the ones who don't.

00:28:45There's no other way that I can.

00:28:47I just have to be me.

00:28:48This is just it.

00:28:50And the reason why I might come across excited or I might be a little elevated in my speech is because I've been here before.

00:28:59And I have to back myself up and say, OK, I can't want this thing more than you.

00:29:07Even when I'm coaching people, I can't want this thing more than you.

00:29:10If I want it more than you, then this is not going to work.

00:29:15And I found myself getting very frustrated in the beginning stages of trying to coach people.

00:29:20Because people make mistakes.

00:29:22We're all human.

00:29:23And I also found myself making lots of mistakes when I first became a manager in retail because I wanted people to do things exactly the way I wanted them to do it.

00:29:33And I always bump heads with people.

00:29:35So in the beginning stages of coaching, I found myself falling into the same trap.

00:29:40But then I had to back up and tell myself, hold up, back up, back up, back up.

00:29:44Let's put this thing in reverse.

00:29:47What we're not going to do is continue to go down the paths that we went down before.

00:29:52And the old version of me was very not nice when it came to people not doing things the way I wanted them to do it.

00:29:58But as being a new person, we talked about wine, putting a new wine in the old skins, okay?

00:30:10So there's a reason that we need to change.

00:30:12And I realized that there has been a change.

00:30:14And I can't want this thing more than you.

00:30:17So I'm not going to get upset.

00:30:18This is your life.

00:30:20You do what you want to do.

00:30:21I'm not here to give you any advice.

00:30:23I'm only here to give you my opinion.

00:30:27You take it.

00:30:27You can leave it.

00:30:28Hate it.

00:30:28Love it.

00:30:29Do what you want to do with it.

00:30:30But in any case.

00:30:32So that's me.

00:30:35I'm going to get off my soapbox with that.

00:30:37But we here.

00:30:40So let's take it from the top here.

00:30:44On paper, I look comfortable.

00:30:46$78,000 a year in IT support.

00:30:50You have decent health insurance.

00:30:52You have no kids.

00:30:53And that's great.

00:30:55So many of us out there have great jobs.

00:30:57We make lots of money.

00:31:00But if you are not doing the right thing with your money, on paper, off paper, it don't mean a thing.

00:31:07And I'll repeat that again.

00:31:10If you are not doing the right thing with your money, on paper, off paper, it don't mean a thing.

00:31:16Because that job that you have today, it could be gone tomorrow.

00:31:19And if you didn't have a game plan set up, and if you weren't doing the right thing with your money from day one, and it's okay.

00:31:29Because if you're listening out there and you realize you haven't been doing the right thing with your money from day one, you can start today.

00:31:36If your eyes open tomorrow, you can have another opportunity to do it tomorrow.

00:31:41But I want to caution everybody out there to not be boastful about how much money you make.

00:31:47How great of a job you have.

00:31:51All of these materialistic things.

00:31:54Because it could be here today and gone tomorrow.

00:31:56At the drop of a dime.

00:32:01And I clearly can tell that there are some issues when it comes to doing the right thing with your money.

00:32:08Because you pretty much admitted it that at 2 a.m. you watch your balance tap dance towards zero.

00:32:13Now if you're doing the right thing with your money, that balance ain't going to tap dance to zero.

00:32:17Not unless it's some significant crisis going on in the country.

00:32:23That should not.

00:32:25And even in that case, it still shouldn't tap dance down to zero.

00:32:29Thank goodness that there's no kids.

00:32:31Because listen, if we can't even take care of ourselves, how can we take care of children?

00:32:36And a lot of times people make mistakes of having children before they're supposed to.

00:32:45And more is caught than more is taught.

00:32:47You don't have to tell your children how to be bad with money.

00:32:49They can just watch you.

00:32:50And I spoke about baggage, how we subconsciously pick up things from our ancestors.

00:32:56And we start doing the same things that they do or have done.

00:33:00And sometimes we don't even realize it.

00:33:03Start thinking the same poor habits about money.

00:33:06Start thinking the poor, bad mental habits about everything else.

00:33:13And we have no idea where we picked it up from.

00:33:17So you say that you make all of this money, decent health insurance.

00:33:22That was it back in the day.

00:33:24Make sure you get a good job.

00:33:25Make sure you get a good job with benefits.

00:33:28Become a slave to the system.

00:33:30Get a good job with benefits.

00:33:31You really doing something once you get those benefits.

00:33:33I'm sorry, everybody.

00:33:36I don't mean to take it there tonight.

00:33:39I have been off for a minute.

00:33:42And I'm passionate about this here tonight because I've been here.

00:33:48And again, when we start doing what some of our ancestors do,

00:33:53just because Uncle Johnny worked at X, Y, and Z factory plant for 40 years.

00:34:02And got four weeks vacation.

00:34:05Never went anywhere, but got four weeks vacation.

00:34:08And anyway, y'all know where I'm going.

00:34:14We got to make sure we're doing the right thing with our money.

00:34:16I'm going to stay on track.

00:34:17I'm going to stay on track here.

00:34:22Even though he's making all this money,

00:34:24he's admitting that he's in 24-7 panic mentally.

00:34:27His internal dialogue does not match up properly with what's going on.

00:34:31That's a problem.

00:34:33A lot of people that make a lot of money are mentally going through something.

00:34:43Just because they got that nice car outside,

00:34:45just because they make all of that money,

00:34:47does not mean that they're doing the right thing with their money.

00:34:50And it doesn't mean that they're happy.

00:34:55Now, he says,

00:34:55my father drilled never talk money into me.

00:34:58Now, that's a problem.

00:35:00Now, like I said before,

00:35:02more is caught than more is taught.

00:35:03Sometimes you don't have to tell your children how to be poor with money.

00:35:06They could just watch you make some terrible mistakes.

00:35:08But his father actually told him,

00:35:10don't talk money.

00:35:12Don't talk bills.

00:35:14If she wants to bring up money,

00:35:15she wants to talk about it.

00:35:16Don't talk about it.

00:35:17Put it on the back burner.

00:35:19Avoid it.

00:35:19So this is called financial avoidance.

00:35:22And so many of us walk around with financial avoidance.

00:35:26You know that there's an issue.

00:35:27You know that there's something that needs to be done.

00:35:30Some sort of bill that needs to be paid.

00:35:32Something that you're doing that is hurting you financially needs to stop.

00:35:36But because we don't want to put in our work,

00:35:39we take on something which is called financial avoidance.

00:35:42And we just let the piles,

00:35:43the bills pile up.

00:35:44We ignore it thinking that all of a sudden,

00:35:47if we ignore it enough,

00:35:48it's going to go away.

00:35:51And it doesn't.

00:35:53And when we do things like that,

00:35:55unfortunately,

00:35:56we have things like $14,000 on three credit cards,

00:35:59$9,000 left on a car that you don't even drive anymore.

00:36:04Well,

00:36:05if you ain't driving it,

00:36:06then what's wrong with it?

00:36:06What's happening?

00:36:07Do you have it?

00:36:09Like we didn't put that in there because if you don't have it,

00:36:12then that's an issue.

00:36:13But if you do have any,

00:36:14you're just not driving it anymore.

00:36:17I don't know.

00:36:18That's an issue right there.

00:36:22And hiding in all behind fake smiles.

00:36:25Ariana Grande has a song called fake smiles.

00:36:27And I refuse to walk around with a fake smile.

00:36:31I used to,

00:36:32but I refuse to do that today.

00:36:34But she pretty much says F a fake smile.

00:36:36And that's where we need to get to.

00:36:38Like with all this going on here,

00:36:39all this money here,

00:36:40this is not cool.

00:36:45Over $20,000 worth of debt here.

00:36:48It was probably even more than that.

00:36:49At this moment,

00:36:50we need to say F a fake smile because I'm not doing it.

00:36:53First thing,

00:36:54I'm not going to be fake smiling to myself.

00:36:57I'm going to get myself.

00:36:58I'm going to get with myself and figure out some of these things and get this

00:37:02thing in order.

00:37:02And the last thing that I'm going to do is be smiling up in somebody's face,

00:37:07acting like I have it like that.

00:37:08And then going behind closed doors and falling apart.

00:37:12Now,

00:37:13this is an issue right here.

00:37:14The twist is,

00:37:15is that I'm the smart one in my crew.

00:37:17Now,

00:37:18I used to pride myself off of being the smartest person in a group.

00:37:21And if you're out there and you want to be the smartest person in a group,

00:37:27you feel that you were the smartest person in a group.

00:37:33I don't mean to say it this way,

00:37:34but if you stay in that group and if you stay in that scenario,

00:37:38that way you will be the dumbest person in your circle.

00:37:41We should not want to be the smartest person in our circle.

00:37:47And if we are,

00:37:48and we're looking around and we'll realize that the five closest people that

00:37:52we're around,

00:37:53if we are the smartest person in that five group circle,

00:37:56you need to start to do some real evaluation.

00:38:02Because we need to be around some folk that are going to teach us something a

00:38:06little bit more than what we know.

00:38:07We can't be the person that's always pouring into others and no one is able to

00:38:12pour back into us and refill us.

00:38:17You're an average of the five closest people that you hang around.

00:38:21Thank you so much for joining.

00:38:23I appreciate you.

00:38:25Let me repeat this one more time.

00:38:26We are like,

00:38:28no,

00:38:28let me back this thing up and say this thing the right way.

00:38:31We are an average of the five closest people that we surround ourselves with.

00:38:35So I want you to think about your circle of the five closest people that you

00:38:39surround yourselves with on a daily basis.

00:38:42If you were around somebody who was negative,

00:38:45who complains,

00:38:46who was always sick,

00:38:49who was always this,

00:38:51or who are always that.

00:38:53And you are picking up that energy and you're surrounding yourself by them and

00:38:57you're allowing them to download their negativity on you.

00:39:00trust and believe that you were going to output that same scenario somewhere along

00:39:07the path.

00:39:09Now,

00:39:10on the flip side about it,

00:39:11if you were with somebody who was super positive,

00:39:14somebody who always thinks of the best case scenario,

00:39:19someone who was optimistic,

00:39:21someone who is looking for better scenarios,

00:39:24someone who was always looking for an opportunity when challenge strikes,

00:39:31trust and believe that your mindset will begin to shift and you will start to

00:39:34think the same way as well.

00:39:36So I'll repeat that you were in only an average of the five closest people that

00:39:41you surround yourself with.

00:39:42So with that information being put out there,

00:39:46ladies and gentlemen,

00:39:47it might be time for you to evaluate your circle and ask yourself,

00:39:51does this serve me?

00:39:54Does this group that I have put myself in serve my purpose and serve my plan?

00:40:00I'm just saying.

00:40:04Now,

00:40:05he's the smartest one in the crew,

00:40:08but listen,

00:40:10Marcus,

00:40:10I know you,

00:40:11you said you wanted it hard.

00:40:13You wanted to hit hard in your overdraft fee.

00:40:15So that's what we go on in and we doing.

00:40:17I want to know if you really are the smartest one in your crew because these

00:40:21people hit you up for cash app loans and they,

00:40:24and they assume you,

00:40:25you pay cause you sit in here flex and you sit in here acting like you got it

00:40:28like that.

00:40:29And are you really smart when you never can say no to them?

00:40:33So you just giving money away.

00:40:36So I don't know with this here that you are the smart one in your crew.

00:40:40I don't know about that because if they're able to hit you up for loans and

00:40:44you just outright paying them.

00:40:46And then whenever you need something in return,

00:40:48they go ghosting you with I'm tapped out and you okay with it.

00:40:51But yet you keep on doing the same thing over and over and over again,

00:40:54expecting different results.

00:40:56We already talked about what that is.

00:40:58Are you really the smartest one in your crew here?

00:41:00Or are they smarter than you because they getting money from you for free?

00:41:07And then you scroll your bank apps at two o'clock in the morning,

00:41:11stressing watching your bank account,

00:41:14go down to zero because you want to look a certain way.

00:41:17You care about what somebody thinks about you.

00:41:21Now I'm gonna stop this right here.

00:41:23A lot of us go through a lot of things in life,

00:41:27a lot of hell.

00:41:28See people talk about,

00:41:29oh,

00:41:29I don't want to go to hell.

00:41:31But see,

00:41:31sometimes hell is right here on earth because heaven and hell is a state of

00:41:36mind.

00:41:37You ain't got to worry about going to hell because some of us are living in hell

00:41:40right here and day right here in real life situations.

00:41:44I know I used to live in hell,

00:41:46but a lot of us bring that on ourselves because of the things that we invite

00:41:52into our environment.

00:41:53And sometimes we can't tell people no.

00:41:57Simple thing is absolutely not.

00:41:59I'm not doing that.

00:42:00No.

00:42:03Now your anxiety is so loud.

00:42:05You can't think straight.

00:42:07Sweaty palms and staff meetings.

00:42:08Now let's back this thing up a bit.

00:42:12When you can't function at work,

00:42:14anybody out there,

00:42:15I don't know who I'm speaking to.

00:42:16I'm only speaking from experiences,

00:42:17but when you cannot function at work,

00:42:20you bringing outside stuff into work and you can't do your job properly,

00:42:25man,

00:42:26listen,

00:42:26see work for me is an escape.

00:42:32I have been through some terrible things in my life.

00:42:36I've been through some.

00:42:39Listen,

00:42:39we all have.

00:42:41I'm not here to say that mine is worse than anybody else's because on this

00:42:46four in one podcast right here on the same platform,

00:42:49the minute that I came out here thinking that,

00:42:51Oh,

00:42:51my situation was terrible.

00:42:53I had somebody on the other end tell me that they have been to jail for

00:42:58taking somebody's life.

00:43:02I had that.

00:43:03I had somebody tell me that they have been put away for taking somebody's

00:43:08life and they had to ask for forgiveness from the victim's family.

00:43:14That was enough right there that I don't need to ever get out here and act

00:43:18like my situation is the worst.

00:43:19We all go through things,

00:43:20but what I'm trying to say is that work has been my escape for a lot of

00:43:27years.

00:43:28I have been able to overcome a lot of things because I put my passion into

00:43:32work and I went in instead of sitting there dwelling about things,

00:43:36instead of feeling sorry for myself,

00:43:39I got up and I went to work and during the most difficult situations in my

00:43:45life,

00:43:45it pushed me to push harder at work and I shined and I excelled and I

00:43:54received a lot of accolades at during that timeframe.

00:43:58And it was always that,

00:43:59wow,

00:43:59whenever you went through some tragic situation,

00:44:02the enemy thought that they were going to keep you down.

00:44:05I know myself better than he does.

00:44:08So guess what?

00:44:09Listen,

00:44:11you ain't going to do me and I know who I am.

00:44:13I know who my father is.

00:44:14So let's go.

00:44:15And I've always come out better on the other end.

00:44:19But Mr.

00:44:20Marcus here says that he can't function at work.

00:44:23He has sweaty palms during staff meetings,

00:44:26jaw clenched like grinding teeth for Bitcoin.

00:44:29That's bad.

00:44:30When you can't function at work,

00:44:32when you have outside situations,

00:44:34when the mistakes,

00:44:35because that's what it is,

00:44:36when the mistakes and the attachments that we are attached to start to affect our

00:44:43relationships,

00:44:43start to affect our work life and our work relationships.

00:44:49When you can't find peace in your own home,

00:44:522 a.m.

00:44:53scrolling,

00:44:54watching your bank account,

00:44:55probably pacing the floor,

00:44:57going back and forth,

00:44:57tossing and turning.

00:45:00Yeah,

00:45:00do something about it.

00:45:01Now,

00:45:01now we need to pull up.

00:45:04This is a situation too.

00:45:08Therapy feels like a luxury I can't afford.

00:45:13Now,

00:45:13I'm going to back this thing up one more time.

00:45:16Therapy feels like a luxury I can't afford.

00:45:19Okay,

00:45:20so therapy,

00:45:21I don't know if we want to call it a luxury,

00:45:25but we need to find a way to make sure that we can afford it because clearly there's some issues going on.

00:45:32And now,

00:45:33you want to look at therapy as a luxury you can't afford,

00:45:37but yet you can't tell your friends no,

00:45:40and you keep giving them money.

00:45:42Well,

00:45:42first of all,

00:45:43we need to make sure that we are pouring into ourselves before we pour into others.

00:45:47So,

00:45:47getting the help,

00:45:49getting the therapy that you need,

00:45:51that becomes number one priority before we decide to go ahead and give to somebody else.

00:45:59So,

00:45:59I would say we got this thing backwards.

00:46:02How about we focus on the therapy and getting the help that we need,

00:46:06and spending the money in the right places that we need to spend it for the ultimate result that we need to get?

00:46:13And then,

00:46:14when someone asks for something,

00:46:16if you don't have it,

00:46:17the answer clearly is,

00:46:20no.

00:46:21See,

00:46:22this is backwards.

00:46:23Now,

00:46:23I really want to go back to this thing where you said that you were the smartest one in your group,

00:46:28because I beg to differ.

00:46:33And now you said,

00:46:34here's my brutal question.

00:46:35How do I train my mind to stop equating debt with shame so I can actually focus on paying the damn thing off?

00:46:43Well,

00:46:44let me take my,

00:46:47let me take a minute on this.

00:46:51We all need to train our brains to stop equating debt with shame.

00:46:58So,

00:46:59if anybody out there is in debt,

00:47:02yes,

00:47:04we do have to get to a point where we start to shift this thing,

00:47:09and you can shift it.

00:47:11It's all by your internal dialogue,

00:47:13what you speak,

00:47:13what you think about yourself,

00:47:15your environment,

00:47:18your people,

00:47:18your friends.

00:47:19your mind will begin to shift and change when you clean that up.

00:47:24But it's an intentional pivot.

00:47:28You have to want to do something different.

00:47:31So you have to look at your circle and you have to start to clean that up.

00:47:35You have to start to look at your daily habits and ask yourself the hard questions.

00:47:39Does this serve the direction that I'm trying to move in?

00:47:43And if it doesn't,

00:47:44you have to make the move to clean it up.

00:47:49Therapy is a big step.

00:47:51Asking somebody else,

00:47:52because listen,

00:47:53you can't see the picture when you're in a frame.

00:47:56That's a quote from Les Brown.

00:47:58You may not know what you're doing wrong.

00:48:00People don't know what they don't know.

00:48:03So maybe you might need somebody else to come in,

00:48:05such as a therapist,

00:48:06to look and see.

00:48:09Whether it's a financial therapist,

00:48:11whether it's a financial coach.

00:48:14You might need somebody else to look in on your situation and weigh in,

00:48:18because maybe you don't know what you don't know.

00:48:19And then once we realize and we have a little help.

00:48:27Yeah,

00:48:27we do need to look at our lives.

00:48:29We need to look at it and the shame,

00:48:31the guilt.

00:48:32We need to understand what that feels like.

00:48:34So that once we get up out of it,

00:48:36we don't go back.

00:48:38We know what it felt like.

00:48:39We know how shameful it was.

00:48:41We know how embarrassing it was.

00:48:42Sometimes we need to be embarrassed so that we don't continue down the same

00:48:47process.

00:48:47But let me tell you,

00:48:50life,

00:48:50when you hit rock bottom,

00:48:53life will give it to you.

00:48:56And it'll give it to you enough where you will sit there in shame.

00:49:00You'll sit there in guilt.

00:49:02You'll sit there long enough to where you'll start to climb out and you'll

00:49:07realize that I never want to go back there again.

00:49:10And when it comes to debt-free living,

00:49:12when it comes to people wanting to get off of the credit cards,

00:49:15when it comes to people wanting to get off of the personal loans,

00:49:18when it comes to getting off of the bank loans and the car loans,

00:49:21sometimes you have to get yourself so jammed up to the fact to where you can't,

00:49:28you feel like you can't get out.

00:49:30And you might need to seek some help.

00:49:33And then when you get that little relief of the pressure and it's enough because maybe you sat in it enough to where you felt like the walls are going to come crashing in,

00:49:43you don't want to do that thing again.

00:49:46I remember the first time I got my credit card.

00:49:51I must've been 17,

00:49:5618.

00:49:56I was still in high school.

00:49:57They probably shouldn't even giving it to me.

00:49:59I don't know how it happened.

00:50:01And in one case scenario,

00:50:04the credit card had my name spelled wrong.

00:50:06They called me Kevin,

00:50:07but I still opened it and used it.

00:50:10And I remember having all of my credit cards laid out on the ground on my,

00:50:16on my,

00:50:17excuse me,

00:50:18on my floor in my bedroom.

00:50:20And my mom was coming up the steps because my room was right at the top of the steps.

00:50:24And she saw the credit cards and she said,

00:50:26you know what?

00:50:27She said,

00:50:28don't get yourself into a situation where you get so jammed up with credit cards.

00:50:32You don't know what to do.

00:50:34And you know,

00:50:35young,

00:50:35I,

00:50:36you know,

00:50:36I was like,

00:50:37whatever.

00:50:37I got this.

00:50:38I got all this money.

00:50:39I got this.

00:50:41And I started to get jammed up and I started to feel the walls come crashing in.

00:50:45But guess who?

00:50:46I couldn't go and ask for help because she had already warned me from day one about it.

00:50:52So I knew that I couldn't do anything about that.

00:50:55But I think that that was the first time that I learned how to get myself out of a,

00:50:58a financial jam.

00:51:01What I,

00:51:01what I thought back then was working a system and getting my way out,

00:51:04robbing Peter to pay Paul.

00:51:06And even though I made it work then,

00:51:08and I found out how to be more clever with it.

00:51:11It just trickled in,

00:51:13in my twenties and thirties until finally something again,

00:51:18similar happened again in my forties.

00:51:20And I was like,

00:51:21Oh no,

00:51:21I never claimed to be a genius,

00:51:22but I live long enough to see this.

00:51:24Oh,

00:51:24we don't have to fix this right away.

00:51:25So I learned from my younger experiences of how to get out,

00:51:32but it becomes more difficult ladies and gentlemen,

00:51:36as you get older.

00:51:37So you're younger and your twenties,

00:51:39you can bounce back quicker thirties.

00:51:41You can bounce back quicker than forties and so forth and so on.

00:51:44And I realized that after getting out of debt three times,

00:51:50I had this little birdie that says,

00:51:54don't do it again because I don't think he going to save you a fourth time.

00:52:00I'm just saying,

00:52:06I don't know if that is going to help Mr.

00:52:10Marcus or if that's going to help anybody out there.

00:52:13But one thing that I've learned is that you have to want to get out.

00:52:18You have had to,

00:52:19you have to hit your own rock bottom.

00:52:22It has to get to the point where you're so disgusted at your own self that you want to cut up every single credit card.

00:52:28You want to tell them to come pick up the car because I don't want it anymore.

00:52:32You're ready to move back in with a roommate.

00:52:36You're ready to move back home.

00:52:38You're ready to do whatever you need to do to get out.

00:52:46And during that process,

00:52:48once you have to clean some things up and downgrade your life,

00:52:53get rid of this,

00:52:55get rid of that.

00:52:56Can't go where we used to go,

00:52:57I know what my game plan is.

00:52:59I know what my goal is.

00:53:00Sitting in it long enough is enough to make sure that you don't go back.

00:53:03And then you'll learn how to manage your situation a little bit better.

00:53:09Now,

00:53:10you asked the question of how do I set boundaries with friends who love me when they need something,

00:53:15but ghost me with,

00:53:17I'm tapped out texts when it's time for paybacks.

00:53:20Now,

00:53:21you would only have to do that to me once before I learn my lesson.

00:53:26And I've already had that situation,

00:53:28not with money,

00:53:28but I had it with me personally being stranded somewhere,

00:53:32me ripping and running and going in here and taking people here and there.

00:53:36And then when I needed help,

00:53:39when I was stranded in Philly back in 2020 and I needed somebody to come get me and they did the same thing.

00:53:48It wasn't with money,

00:53:49but it was with me being stranded in Philly.

00:53:52Oh,

00:53:52you only have to show me once because like Maya Angelou says,

00:53:56when people show you who they are,

00:53:57believe them the first time.

00:53:58And I say,

00:53:59when people show you who they are,

00:54:01believe them the first time,

00:54:02not the second,

00:54:03third,

00:54:03fourth,

00:54:03fifth,

00:54:03sixth,

00:54:04seventh,

00:54:04eighth.

00:54:05How many times do people have to show you before you get it?

00:54:08So now if you're struggling with how do you set boundaries and stuff with people who constantly are tapping your pockets,

00:54:18and then when you need something in return,

00:54:21there are nowhere to be found.

00:54:23We need to go back to this thing called therapy.

00:54:27That's the first step.

00:54:28Reverse that thing.

00:54:29Stop giving your friends money.

00:54:31Give yourself money enough so that you can pay for therapy so that you can get the healing that you need,

00:54:36because apparently you don't know when people are using you.

00:54:44So there you have it,

00:54:46Mr.

00:54:46Marcus.

00:54:46I gave it to you real unfiltered the way you wanted it.

00:54:50You said you didn't want any motivational quotes.

00:54:52You needed a mental reset plan that hits harder than your overdraft fees.

00:54:57My goal is never to come across harsh.

00:55:00I said that in the beginning.

00:55:01I only know how to give it to you the way that I know how to give it to you.

00:55:05But we don't have to do something about this because this is like,

00:55:10clearly you're close to,

00:55:12and it could be more $20,000 worth of debt.

00:55:16Following behind friends.

00:55:18Priding yourself off of being the smartest person in your circle when in reality you might be the dumbest person in the circle.

00:55:26And I know that that sounds terrible and I probably shouldn't give it to you that way,

00:55:29but your friends can continuously keep coming to you over and over and over again asking you for money and you keep doing the same thing over and over and over again thinking that they're going to come and be there for you.

00:55:39Meanwhile,

00:55:39meanwhile,

00:55:40you're racking up debt left and right pacing the floor back and forth.

00:55:45Can't operate properly at work.

00:55:48Don't know what's going on.

00:55:49Hiding behind fake smiles.

00:55:51I don't know what to say,

00:55:54but yeah,

00:55:56we all need to evaluate this.

00:55:58This clearly is a mental situation right here,

00:56:00right here in time enough for mental Mondays,

00:56:04but

00:56:04I don't know when it comes to what's worse.

00:56:12Because when the mental is not on point and you're doing some things that are out of pocket,

00:56:17it could cost us.

00:56:22It could cost us on,

00:56:24like these things are all interconnected.

00:56:26So we don't have our mental state together.

00:56:28We could be out there doing some things recklessly that are,

00:56:31is going to affect our spiritual world.

00:56:35It'll affect our bodies physically.

00:56:37And of course,

00:56:38as we see here tonight,

00:56:40it's affecting Marcus financially.

00:56:45If you want to chime in on tonight's assignment,

00:56:50let me know how you feel.

00:56:52Maybe you have a different take on it.

00:56:53Again,

00:56:54I never claim to be a genius.

00:56:55I'm not that total expert here.

00:56:58I'm only speaking from real life experiences,

00:57:00but if you want to chime in and let me know how you feel,

00:57:05if there's something different,

00:57:05you got a different take,

00:57:07please feel free to text me at 609-210-98.

00:57:11You can also DM me on any of my social media platforms.

00:57:19Facebook,

00:57:19Instagram,

00:57:20X,

00:57:21YouTube,

00:57:23D live,

00:57:23Twitch,

00:57:24daily motion,

00:57:25again,

00:57:26let me know how you feel about tonight's assignment.

00:57:30And right now we're going to get into burning questions.

00:57:32So burning questions has evolved into something totally different.

00:57:38In the beginning,

00:57:39in the beginning,

00:57:39it was sort of like a,

00:57:40aha,

00:57:42I got you moment where I sort of wanted to throw my guest off,

00:57:50ask him some random,

00:57:51weird,

00:57:53crazy question that in most cases,

00:57:56it had nothing to do with the topic that we were talking about.

00:57:59but again,

00:58:02I had to evolve.

00:58:05The show had to evolve into something completely different.

00:58:08And now we're here.

00:58:09This is a financial podcast.

00:58:12This is a financial podcast now.

00:58:14In the beginning,

00:58:15I had no idea that that's what I was going to do.

00:58:19So now the burning questions are more for a rhetorical thought process.

00:58:25Something for you to journal,

00:58:28something for you to think about far long after the podcast has ended.

00:58:35Whatever Marcus is going through tonight,

00:58:37whatever the next person is going through the next night,

00:58:40take these burning questions and see how it matches up with your life and what

00:58:44you can get out of it.

00:58:45Or it could be a loved one or a friend or somebody that you know could benefit

00:58:50from this.

00:58:51So if you want to chime in on tonight's burning questions,

00:58:54again,

00:58:55please feel free to text me at 609-210-98.

00:58:59Again,

00:58:59that number is 609-210-98.

00:59:02That is the official four in one podcast reading between the wines hotline.

00:59:06And here we go with burning questions.

00:59:10What scripts do you have for telling friends,

00:59:15I can't spot you without torching the friendship or your peace of mind?

00:59:20I put friendship,

00:59:22but it's relationship.

00:59:25What scripts do you have for telling friends,

00:59:27I can't spot you without torching the relationship or your peace of mind?

00:59:33So again,

00:59:34I want you all to think about it,

00:59:37especially if you were somebody who was a people pleaser like Mark.

00:59:40Especially if you were somebody who it's hard to say,

00:59:45no,

00:59:45I used to be that type of person.

00:59:47Laren,

00:59:48you want to go to this party?

00:59:51Knowing damn well that I didn't want to go to that party,

00:59:53but because I like you,

00:59:55because I want you to like me,

00:59:58because I'm in a relationship with you,

01:00:01or because I want to be in a relationship with you,

01:00:03I'm going to go to the party.

01:00:06And then when I'm at the party,

01:00:07I realized,

01:00:08now what the,

01:00:08did you go here for?

01:00:09Because you know,

01:00:10you don't like this.

01:00:11You know,

01:00:12you don't like half the people here.

01:00:13Now you have yourself in this situation.

01:00:15And then now that's when the attitude used to come out.

01:00:18And then that's when a big bad wolf will come out and things will go backwards.

01:00:21And now what was a nice,

01:00:25beautiful situation.

01:00:27I ended up turning it into a disaster.

01:00:31All because I didn't know how to use the one powerful word of no.

01:00:36And now today I say,

01:00:39absolutely not.

01:00:41No,

01:00:41I'm not going there.

01:00:42I'm not doing that.

01:00:45So sometimes we need to get with ourselves.

01:00:50Maybe we might need to think of some scripts.

01:00:53Maybe we might,

01:00:54maybe we might need to rehearse things a little bit,

01:00:57especially if you are a people pleaser and you don't have experience with telling people no.

01:01:02In the beginning,

01:01:03it might be a little rough.

01:01:05It might be a little different.

01:01:06It might be a little challenging for you to tell somebody no,

01:01:10but there's nothing wrong with you telling somebody no,

01:01:13especially when it comes down to you protecting your peace.

01:01:17And that's the most important thing.

01:01:20So what scripts do you have for telling friends,

01:01:23I can't spot you now without torching the relationship or the peace of mind,

01:01:28because peace of mind is so important for me today.

01:01:31I protect my peace of mind so that I don't have to give you a peace of my mind

01:01:36because back in the day I didn't have a peace of mind.

01:01:40So I ran around giving everybody a peace of my mind thinking that I had to let people know how it is.

01:01:45So I had to rehearse the scripts.

01:01:50I had to go back and forth with myself so that I didn't have to go back and forth with other people.

01:01:56And now I learned how to say no.

01:01:58And if you care about what somebody thinks about you more than your peace,

01:02:07you're going to have a problem with this.

01:02:09Especially if you're not doing it maliciously,

01:02:14you're not doing anything to hurt anybody,

01:02:17and you're protecting yourself,

01:02:21you're protecting your vitality,

01:02:23you're protecting your finances,

01:02:25you're protecting your mental health,

01:02:27you're protecting your spiritual.

01:02:31And if you're doing all of those things,

01:02:34you should not be worried about what somebody else thinks about you

01:02:38after you tell them no.

01:02:39Now, if you're so overly concerned about what somebody else thinks or feels about you

01:02:45when all you're doing is protecting your peace

01:02:48and doing what you need to do to make sure that you can maintain

01:02:50and be the best version of yourself,

01:02:53we're going to need to work on that thing.

01:03:00Burning questions.

01:03:01What scripts do you have for telling friends?

01:03:04I can't spot you without torching the relationship

01:03:07or your peace of mind.

01:03:11I say no is a complete sentence.

01:03:14It's a complete sentence,

01:03:16and sometimes you just need to tell people no.

01:03:21When I was a kid,

01:03:23people always wanted to, like,

01:03:26borrow certain things of mine,

01:03:28whether it be a toy,

01:03:29whether it be this or that.

01:03:31And I had a hard time telling them no.

01:03:33And while I had them,

01:03:36I also had a problem with sharing, too.

01:03:38Let's just keep it real.

01:03:40I also had a problem with sharing some of my things

01:03:42because I didn't want things to be broken and stuff.

01:03:45And that's exactly what would happen.

01:03:47People would take stuff,

01:03:50do whatever they wanted to do with it,

01:03:52and on the inside,

01:03:53I'm, like,

01:03:55falling apart.

01:03:57Falling apart.

01:03:58Because I didn't know how to say no.

01:04:00And that trickled into my teenage situation

01:04:04and, of course,

01:04:06my adult situation.

01:04:09And

01:04:09I escaped some pretty

01:04:11tough situations.

01:04:13And it could have ended up

01:04:15completely terrible.

01:04:18And I'll tell you all about a story

01:04:20of how I couldn't say no

01:04:21some other time.

01:04:23But

01:04:23yeah,

01:04:27I learned my lesson about

01:04:29not being able to say no.

01:04:32And I should have said no.

01:04:34Long story short,

01:04:35a couple people got arrested,

01:04:36but I was able to

01:04:38escape that scenario

01:04:39all

01:04:40because

01:04:41I couldn't say no.

01:04:42I didn't belong there

01:04:43in the first place,

01:04:44but

01:04:44I just went along with the plan.

01:04:47Next to, you know,

01:04:48the police arrived

01:04:49and

01:04:49my friends are getting arrested.

01:04:53And I found a way to escape

01:04:55and get out of it.

01:04:56God

01:04:56had his hand on that situation.

01:04:58But my lesson going home was,

01:05:01see,

01:05:02this is exactly why

01:05:03you need to tell people,

01:05:05no,

01:05:05you're not going to X, Y, and Z

01:05:07because you know

01:05:08you didn't belong there

01:05:09in the first place.

01:05:10Same thing when it comes to

01:05:12lending money

01:05:14and doing things for people.

01:05:16Sometimes you just need to tell people

01:05:17absolutely not.

01:05:19And you know that it's wrong

01:05:21because you have that internal

01:05:22dialogue going on with you

01:05:24while you're doing the thing

01:05:25that you know full well

01:05:26you shouldn't be doing.

01:05:27That's that intuition.

01:05:29That's that

01:05:29inner voice speaking to you

01:05:32saying,

01:05:32bro,

01:05:33what are we doing here?

01:05:34We know we shouldn't be doing this.

01:05:36You know it.

01:05:37So now whatever comes out of it,

01:05:39sometimes I feel God be talking

01:05:42to me like that.

01:05:43Now whatever comes out of it,

01:05:44you know,

01:05:45don't be sitting there crying about it

01:05:47because you already know better than this.

01:05:48You're either going to go left

01:05:49or you're going to go right.

01:05:50Now which one are you going to do?

01:05:51Because you already know better.

01:05:54Like I said at the beginning,

01:05:55when you know better,

01:05:56you do better.

01:05:56609-200-1098.

01:06:02That is the official

01:06:034-in-1 podcast

01:06:05Reading Between the Wines hotline.

01:06:06If you want to chime in

01:06:07on tonight's burning question,

01:06:08let me know how you feel.

01:06:09Tell me about some of these scripts

01:06:10that you have for telling your friends.

01:06:13Nah,

01:06:13I can't spot you today.

01:06:15I can't spot you.

01:06:16I don't have it.

01:06:17609-200-1098.

01:06:19Go ahead and text me

01:06:20and let me know how you feel.

01:06:21we are at the moment

01:06:23where we are getting out of here

01:06:25and I want to say

01:06:27thank you so much

01:06:27to everybody out there

01:06:28for rocking with me

01:06:29and rolling with me.

01:06:30It feels so great to be back.

01:06:33It feels so great

01:06:34to be on this

01:06:36new setup,

01:06:40this new setup.

01:06:41I'm really enjoying it.

01:06:43This is like day two on it

01:06:44and I feel

01:06:45that so much

01:06:47good vibes

01:06:48and great energy

01:06:49is going to come from

01:06:50this upgrade here

01:06:51and I just want to say

01:06:52thank you all for

01:06:53bearing with me

01:06:54but we are here.

01:06:55We're live.

01:06:56We're rocking.

01:06:57We're rolling

01:06:57and so many great things

01:06:58are coming.

01:07:01We have

01:07:02Disc 5 Restoration Part 2

01:07:06coming up next month.

01:07:08We have some great lineups

01:07:10coming

01:07:11so that will be

01:07:12posted very soon

01:07:14so stay attached to

01:07:16all of my social media platforms.

01:07:18You never know when

01:07:19I'm going to

01:07:20start to release

01:07:21some of the special guests

01:07:22that will be

01:07:23right here

01:07:24the 4-in-1 podcast

01:07:25live

01:07:26lights, camera, action.

01:07:28You'll be able to see

01:07:29myself and the guests

01:07:30right here

01:07:31on the platform.

01:07:34So that's going to be

01:07:35coming up in

01:07:36September

01:07:37which is next month.

01:07:38Can't believe that

01:07:39it's going to be here

01:07:40right away.

01:07:41I'm going to be doing

01:07:42some winery tours

01:07:43so you will be able

01:07:45to hang out

01:07:47with me

01:07:47sip some wine

01:07:51of course

01:07:53you know we talk

01:07:53some financial stuff

01:07:54take some pictures

01:07:56explore

01:07:58the winery

01:07:59and the vineyards

01:08:00with me

01:08:01you want some more

01:08:03information on that

01:08:03text me at

01:08:04609-210-98

01:08:06hope to see

01:08:07some of you out there

01:08:08I'm looking forward

01:08:10to being with

01:08:10my family

01:08:11and my friends

01:08:12as we get ready

01:08:15to

01:08:16believe it or not

01:08:17we get ready

01:08:18to close this year up

01:08:19I'm always thinking

01:08:20ahead but

01:08:21we only have

01:08:23a few months left

01:08:24before it really starts

01:08:25we really start

01:08:26to get in the thick

01:08:27of it

01:08:27and

01:08:29excuse me

01:08:30had to

01:08:32take me a sip

01:08:33of water here

01:08:34and

01:08:36as we

01:08:37speak about

01:08:39the thick of it

01:08:39the holiday season

01:08:41is going to be here

01:08:42right before you know it

01:08:43and

01:08:44last time I checked

01:08:45these holidays

01:08:47are the same day

01:08:48every year

01:08:50we already know

01:08:53they're coming

01:08:53but most of us

01:08:55don't save for it

01:08:56most of us

01:08:56don't prepare for it

01:08:57so I have a master class

01:08:59coming up soon

01:09:00that I'm going to be

01:09:01announcing

01:09:01that will help you

01:09:03navigate through

01:09:05this holiday season

01:09:06while also

01:09:08protecting

01:09:09your emergency

01:09:12fund

01:09:12building an emergency

01:09:14fund

01:09:15while navigating

01:09:16through this holiday

01:09:18season

01:09:18how can you

01:09:20still buy gifts

01:09:21for people

01:09:21and still protect

01:09:22your assets as well

01:09:24during the same time

01:09:25so

01:09:26be on the lookout

01:09:29for that as well

01:09:29if there is anything

01:09:32that you heard

01:09:34tonight

01:09:35that sparked

01:09:36some interest

01:09:36in you

01:09:37I know I talk

01:09:38a lot about

01:09:39debt-free living

01:09:40I focus on

01:09:42debt-free living

01:09:43from the spiritual

01:09:44realm

01:09:44from the mental

01:09:46physical

01:09:47and financial

01:09:48I feel that

01:09:50they are all

01:09:50interconnected

01:09:51I feel that

01:09:52there is a

01:09:53journey

01:09:54to getting to

01:09:56debt-free living

01:09:57it doesn't happen

01:09:58overnight

01:09:58and at

01:10:02Black Diamond

01:10:02Consultations

01:10:03I have

01:10:05created the

01:10:06roadmap

01:10:06starting with

01:10:09the spiritual

01:10:09knowing who

01:10:11you are

01:10:11understanding

01:10:12who you are

01:10:12what your

01:10:13role is

01:10:13what your

01:10:14purpose is

01:10:15from there

01:10:17getting into

01:10:19the mental

01:10:20realm

01:10:20helping people

01:10:22like Marcus

01:10:22getting through

01:10:25some of the

01:10:26old beliefs

01:10:28old things

01:10:30that we have

01:10:31subconsciously

01:10:31downloaded

01:10:32from our

01:10:33parents

01:10:33our grandparents

01:10:34great-grandparents

01:10:35some of us

01:10:36are doing things

01:10:37we don't even

01:10:38know why

01:10:38because that's

01:10:39just what the

01:10:40family

01:10:40tradition has

01:10:42been

01:10:43so

01:10:44we focus

01:10:45on reprogramming

01:10:46your mental

01:10:47because you

01:10:49can unlearn

01:10:50you can

01:10:51unsubscribe

01:10:52you can

01:10:52unlike

01:10:53you don't

01:10:53have to

01:10:54follow the

01:10:54same path

01:10:55and the

01:10:55same trap

01:10:56that has

01:10:57been laid

01:10:57out

01:10:57before you

01:10:59once you

01:11:01get those

01:11:02two

01:11:02in sync

01:11:03then we

01:11:04add on

01:11:05the physical

01:11:05how you

01:11:07show up

01:11:07in a world

01:11:08after you

01:11:09gain some

01:11:09clarity

01:11:10after you

01:11:10gain some

01:11:11insight

01:11:11from both

01:11:11the spiritual

01:11:12and the

01:11:12mental

01:11:13realm

01:11:13now how

01:11:14do we

01:11:14show up

01:11:15in this

01:11:15world

01:11:15in this

01:11:16physical

01:11:17realm

01:11:17how do

01:11:20we

01:11:20act

01:11:21differently

01:11:22as a

01:11:22human

01:11:22being

01:11:23how do

01:11:23we spend

01:11:23our money

01:11:24differently

01:11:24now that

01:11:26we know

01:11:26better

01:11:26and then

01:11:28from there

01:11:28the financial

01:11:29aspect

01:11:29kicks in

01:11:30and that's

01:11:30where we

01:11:30get into

01:11:31the wealth

01:11:31building

01:11:32that's where

01:11:32we get

01:11:33into building

01:11:33emergency

01:11:34funds

01:11:34that's where

01:11:34we get

01:11:35into protecting

01:11:36ourselves

01:11:37from disasters

01:11:37from when

01:11:39it rains

01:11:39it pours

01:11:40type scenarios

01:11:41if you want

01:11:44to find out

01:11:44any more

01:11:45information

01:11:45about what

01:11:47we do

01:11:47here at

01:11:47Black Diamond

01:11:48Consultations

01:11:48please feel

01:11:49free to head

01:11:49on over

01:11:50to Laryngaines

01:11:50dot com

01:11:51if anybody

01:11:52wants help

01:11:53on becoming

01:11:54debt free

01:11:55you can sign

01:11:56up for my

01:11:57free 15

01:11:57minute consultation

01:11:58again all

01:12:00of that is

01:12:00at Laryngaines

01:12:01dot com

01:12:02I also

01:12:04want to let

01:12:05you know

01:12:05that you can

01:12:05sign up

01:12:06for my

01:12:06free monthly

01:12:08newsletter

01:12:08whispers of

01:12:09wisdom

01:12:09awesome

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01:12:13delivered to

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01:12:14once a month

01:12:15we had a

01:12:17little bit

01:12:17of a setback

01:12:18but I'm

01:12:19not going

01:12:19to call

01:12:19it a

01:12:20setback

01:12:20it's just

01:12:20a setup

01:12:21so since

01:12:22we went

01:12:22through an

01:12:23upgrade

01:12:23the whispers

01:12:25of wisdom

01:12:25newsletter

01:12:26is probably

01:12:27going to be

01:12:27delayed

01:12:28about a

01:12:28week

01:12:28so if

01:12:30you want

01:12:31to get

01:12:31August

01:12:32versions

01:12:33of whispers

01:12:33of wisdom

01:12:34newsletter

01:12:34you still

01:12:35have time

01:12:36to sign

01:12:36up

01:12:36if you

01:12:38don't

01:12:38sign up

01:12:39today

01:12:40you may

01:12:42miss your

01:12:42opportunity

01:12:43and the

01:12:44next

01:12:44opportunity

01:12:44may be

01:12:45September

01:12:46so if

01:12:48you want

01:12:48to get

01:12:48debt-free

01:12:50living

01:12:50content

01:12:51delivered

01:12:52to your

01:12:52inbox

01:12:53awesome

01:12:55inspirational

01:12:56motivational

01:12:58sign up

01:13:01at

01:13:01laryngaines.com

01:13:02you can

01:13:03sign up

01:13:03today

01:13:03you'll

01:13:07get on

01:13:07the list

01:13:08for the

01:13:10August

01:13:11delivery

01:13:11that way

01:13:12you don't

01:13:12have to

01:13:13wait until

01:13:13September

01:13:14because if

01:13:14you're

01:13:15watching

01:13:15this

01:13:15replay

01:13:16and it's

01:13:16a week

01:13:17after

01:13:18you may

01:13:19have missed

01:13:19your

01:13:20opportunity

01:13:20which is

01:13:21okay

01:13:21that just

01:13:22means that

01:13:22you'll get

01:13:22the newsletter

01:13:23released

01:13:24in September

01:13:25and on that

01:13:30note I want

01:13:30to say

01:13:31thank you

01:13:32thank you

01:13:32so much

01:13:32to everybody

01:13:33out there

01:13:33who's been

01:13:34listening

01:13:34thank you

01:13:35so much

01:13:36I even

01:13:37thank

01:13:37Twitch

01:13:38whoever

01:13:40is out

01:13:40there

01:13:40on

01:13:40Twitch

01:13:41even

01:13:42though

01:13:42I know

01:13:42that

01:13:43the

01:13:43haters

01:13:44come

01:13:44to

01:13:44show

01:13:44up

01:13:45sometimes

01:13:45and

01:13:46yeah

01:13:47we get

01:13:48that

01:13:48but

01:13:49again

01:13:50if the

01:13:51haters

01:13:51ain't out

01:13:52there

01:13:52checking

01:13:52for you

01:13:53I've

01:13:56always been

01:13:56told that

01:13:57if you

01:13:59don't have

01:13:59anybody

01:14:00hating

01:14:00you

01:14:00then that

01:14:02means you

01:14:02ain't doing

01:14:03it right

01:14:03so even

01:14:05some of

01:14:06the weird

01:14:06type of

01:14:08messages

01:14:08that we

01:14:08get from

01:14:09different

01:14:11platforms

01:14:11it is

01:14:13what it

01:14:14is

01:14:14I used

01:14:14to get

01:14:14upset

01:14:15at some

01:14:15of these

01:14:15things

01:14:15but now

01:14:16when things

01:14:17like that

01:14:18happen

01:14:18when we

01:14:18get the

01:14:19trolls

01:14:19when we

01:14:19get the

01:14:20spam

01:14:20when we

01:14:20get the

01:14:21nonsense

01:14:21when we

01:14:21get the

01:14:22weirdos

01:14:22I just

01:14:23say well

01:14:24that must

01:14:24mean that

01:14:25we doing

01:14:25something

01:14:25because

01:14:26you're

01:14:27taking

01:14:27your time

01:14:27out

01:14:28of your

01:14:29busy

01:14:29day

01:14:29when you

01:14:29could have

01:14:30been doing

01:14:30something

01:14:30else

01:14:31to throw

01:14:32some shade

01:14:33over here

01:14:33but you

01:14:34know what

01:14:35it is

01:14:35it can

01:14:35get kind

01:14:36of hot

01:14:36over here

01:14:36sometimes

01:14:37so when

01:14:38you throw

01:14:38the shade

01:14:39you know

01:14:40it's good

01:14:41so on

01:14:45that note

01:14:45thank you

01:14:46thank you

01:14:46so much

01:14:47I appreciate

01:14:49you all out

01:14:49there for

01:14:50listening

01:14:51and yeah

01:14:54I will see

01:14:54you next

01:14:55time

01:14:55check out

01:14:56all of

01:14:56my

01:14:57social media

01:14:58platforms

01:14:59Facebook

01:15:00Instagram

01:15:01X

01:15:02YouTube

01:15:02D

01:15:03live

01:15:03Twitch

01:15:03daily

01:15:04motion

01:15:04you never

01:15:04know

01:15:05what

01:15:05we're

01:15:06going

01:15:06to

01:15:06drop

01:15:06when

01:15:07I'm

01:15:07going

01:15:07to

01:15:07drop

01:15:07and

01:15:08got

01:15:09some

01:15:09nice

01:15:09surprises

01:15:10out

01:15:10there

01:15:10thank you

01:15:12all so

01:15:12much for

01:15:13checking in

01:15:13and I

01:15:14will see

01:15:15you when

01:15:15I see

01:15:15three

01:15:16three

01:15:16two

01:15:17one

01:15:18and that's

01:15:20a wrap

01:15:20on today's

01:15:21episode of

01:15:21the 411

01:15:22podcast and

01:15:23reading between

01:15:24the wines

01:15:24where growth

01:15:25is always on

01:15:26the menu

01:15:26and every

01:15:27poor reveals

01:15:28a little

01:15:28more truth

01:15:29the conversation

01:15:30doesn't end

01:15:31here

01:15:32have something

01:15:33to say

01:15:33want to weigh

01:15:35in on tonight's

01:15:35burning

01:15:36questions

01:15:36text us

01:15:37anytime at

01:15:38the official

01:15:39411

01:15:39podcast and

01:15:40reading between

01:15:41the wines

01:15:42hotline at

01:15:42609-200-1098

01:15:46stay plugged in

01:15:47across all social

01:15:48media platforms

01:15:49at Laring Gains

01:15:50we're live and in

01:15:52the conversation on

01:15:53Facebook

01:15:53Instagram

01:15:54X

01:15:55TikTok

01:15:55YouTube

01:15:56D live

01:15:57Twitch

01:15:57and daily

01:15:58motion

01:15:58prefer to listen

01:16:00on the go

01:16:01the audio version

01:16:02is streaming on

01:16:03most major

01:16:04podcast outlets

01:16:05until we meet

01:16:06again

01:16:07take what you've

01:16:08learned

01:16:08sip slow

01:16:09speak truth

01:16:10and remember

01:16:10transformation

01:16:11starts within

01:16:12powered by the

01:16:14Black Diamond

01:16:15Consultations Network

01:16:31I'll see you next

Headspace over Overdrafts | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 41)

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