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00:00Due to this announcement, the Makala program will commence at six seconds past eight.
00:30Ladies and gentlemen, the man who makes women go weak at the knees simply with the use of a small hammer, it's Shun the Dehabil.
01:00Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Very kind. Very kind indeed.
01:16One of the things that irks me about Australian television variety is the wheel segment at the end of the show.
01:21It is, in my view, unthinking and cliched and shows an unforgivable lack of invention as we approach the new millennium.
01:27That's why we've decided to have ours at the beginning. Come.
01:40OK, Sean. And now let's see which of these four contestants will be chosen to spin the lucky wheel tonight.
01:46And the squeaky lid has chosen Trudy.
02:02Well done, Trudy. Well done.
02:04No, no, it wasn't meant as a compliment, just a bit of padding.
02:08What do you do for a crust?
02:09Well, I just don't shower for a few weeks.
02:19And what number would you like to start on?
02:22Oh, um, oh, um, oh.
02:25Doesn't actually matter.
02:27Uh, seven.
02:29Seven.
02:29Seven.
02:31There you go. Good luck. Fingers crossed. And give the wheel a big spin.
02:36Very lucky, Trudy. It's 21.
03:06Tell her what she's won, Tao.
03:10Yes, Trudy, you've won a part expenses paid trip for three to the romantic Caribbean.
03:14Spend your days sailing, paragliding or just plain relaxing.
03:17And when the sun goes down and you're dancing the night away under a broomstick,
03:21people back here like Mark Stanislowski, 33-year-old law clerk, will be working in offices like this.
03:28John?
03:29Yep.
03:29Have you got a minute?
03:39Have a look at this.
03:40Sorry, I completely forgot where I was.
03:59Have a look at this.
04:14And I'll see you next time.
04:44Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
05:14Two days later, bombs rained down over Europe.
05:32Billy Campbell there, impersonating a lizard.
05:35Billy's not an act, he's actually one of the floor crew and been under a lot of pressure lately.
05:41Good luck, Billy, to you and your family.
05:44Worried about dry skin? Concerned about lines and wrinkles?
05:48Then visit a burns unit and get some perspective.
05:51Well, how many claustrophobics...
05:54How many claustrophobics can you fit into a phone booth?
05:58None. Even one would be screaming and trying to claw his way out if you forced him inside.
06:02But that didn't stop them attending today's annual claustrophobics picnic.
06:08A crowd of four claustrophobics packed themselves into beautiful Clarendon Park today.
06:11The President of the Organising Committee said the day was a great success.
06:15It's just been great to come together like this with a group of people who understand each other.
06:21Cheers!
06:22Cheers!
06:23Cheers!
06:24Cheers!
06:25Cheers!
06:56Yes, can I help you?
07:18Yes, I'm Ben Chisholm.
07:20I'm here for the time and motion study.
07:22Can you come back in a couple of minutes?
07:27Certainly, no problems.
07:37It was quite sad.
07:38If you've just joined us, I'm sitting here listening to Cynthia Dowdy, the toast of the River Murray.
07:44Please go on.
07:45There's not much more.
07:47My sister was very ill for many months and then she just slipped away.
07:53Died?
07:54Yes.
07:55That's terrible.
07:57Something terrible happened to me once.
07:59A couple of years ago, I was sharing a house with some of the cast from one of those English language learning programs.
08:05And, er...
08:35What are you doing?
08:36Reading.
08:39Reading?
08:41Yes.
08:44What are you reading?
08:47A book.
08:49You are reading a book?
08:52Yes.
08:53I'll read a book, too.
08:58Good.
09:02Hello.
09:03What are you doing?
09:05Sean and I are reading books.
09:08I have baked a cake.
09:11It is chocolate.
09:12It is for Tony's birthday.
09:14I have been fishing.
09:15It is for Tony's birthday.
09:15Yes.
09:16Hello.
09:16I have been fishing.
09:18Oh.
09:18I have been sideways.
09:20What are you doing?
09:23Sean and Philip are reading books.
09:26I have baked a cake.
09:28It is chocolate.
09:30I have been fishing.
09:32I have caught a fish.
09:35Right.
09:36There is a thumb off.
09:38Sean.
09:39Where are you going now?
09:40Look, I...
09:41Why are you talking like that?
09:43It's freaking driving me insane.
09:46It's so you can understand us more easily.
09:51What?
09:52Yes.
09:53You are a foreigner.
09:55You have a foreign surname.
09:57Well, my dad's Maltese, but my mother was Australian.
10:00I was born here.
10:01You speak English well.
10:08For a wop.
10:12What did you say?
10:15I said nothing.
10:17He just called me a wop.
10:19If you don't like it here, go back to where you came from, sweet boy.
10:24Right.
10:25I don't have to put up with this.
10:25I'm off.
10:26Don't slip on your own grease on the way out, Mario.
10:29I'm off.
10:34That is today's lesson.
10:37Bye-bye.
10:38Bye-bye.
10:38OK, so it's freezing cold, and the seas are, I imagine, treacherous.
11:07You know what I mean, don't you?
11:09Oh, yes, I do.
11:09Well, how does the quiet, unassuming Wendy Bell we see in interviews turn into the fierce
11:15and determined Wendy Bell long-distance swimmer?
11:17Um, well, I don't really know, Sean.
11:21I think it's probably a question of balance of being Wendy Bell the mother and Wendy Bell
11:26the athlete.
11:26It's just a question of switching between the two, then.
11:28I think so.
11:29Has Wendy Bell the wife and mother ever tried to swim in the English Channel?
11:33Uh, no, I think that would be a disaster.
11:35Oh, I don't know about that.
11:36I think that whatever, it seems to me, that whatever Wendy Bell sets her mind to, she
11:41usually achieves.
11:42Oh, that's a very nice thing to say.
11:45Eileen Tootman, ladies and gentlemen, very good friend of Wendy Bell.
11:48Thank you, Francis.
11:58Fantastic.
12:00These are just some of the hundred or so dogs owned by Mrs Gail Abercrombie of Audrey Meadows.
12:04But sadly, Gail can't look after them anymore, and the already stretched RSPCA faces the unhappy
12:09task of having to put these animals down if homes cannot be found for them.
12:14When we heard about this, we contacted the RSPCA and gladly offered to take the dogs and put
12:18them down ourselves.
12:20So, that's one less problem for the RSPCA, and 107 dead dogs for the McCullough program.
12:26A bargain in anyone's language.
12:29Okay.
12:30Ah, well, we all know what that means, don't we, boys and girls?
12:33It's time for our celebrity visitor.
12:34I wonder whom it is.
12:35Who's that at the door today?
12:38It's a celebrity visitor.
12:41Who or she is a mystery.
12:44Open that door and find who it is.
12:50Sorry.
12:53It's the scared, weird little guys.
12:55Who's that at the door today?
12:59It's a celebrity visitor.
13:02And I thank the Honourable Member for his question.
13:05That is obviously something we will be addressing.
13:08We will be addressing that at the appropriate time.
13:11Not an inappropriate one, but an appropriate one.
13:15But the Honourable Member, Mr Speaker, the Honourable Member can rest assured that we will,
13:21at the appropriate time, be doing something that's good and sensible, not bad and insensible.
13:29I think the Australian public has had enough of bad, insensible things done by Labor.
13:34When they were in office for the 13 years, 13 years they were in office, they could have done something that wasn't idiotic and stupid.
13:46But, Mr Speaker, they chose instead to do them.
13:50And at an inappropriate time, Mr Speaker, the Honourable Member for Brand is looking at me, Mr Speaker.
13:58Mr Speaker, I'm not going to say exactly what those good things and those sensible things are that we'll be doing at the appropriate time.
14:06That's a matter for Cabinet to decide.
14:09And I would be breaching confidence as if I were to trot out to you willy-nilly the detail of what we've discussed in the privacy of our in-camera conversations.
14:22I'm not going to betray the Prime Minister, as I'm sure the Honourable Member for Hotham did, during his 13 years...
14:28Oh, come on, the Honourable Member for Hotham...
14:32The Honourable Member for Hotham was set down...
14:36Mr Speaker, I'm not about to stab the Prime Minister in the back by doing that.
14:44Hack away at his skull with an axe, Mr Speaker, and eat him.
14:48And I don't think anybody here is seriously asking me to do that.
14:52I'm not going to stand here, Speaker.
14:54I'm not going to stand here dressed as a Viking
14:56and ride about this chamber on a unicycle
14:59as the Honourable Member for Kingston no doubt did
15:02during his time, Mr Speaker, during his time.
15:06I'm not going to remember the chamber.
15:07Why are you?
15:08Let's give you a policy.
15:09Sick and fed up to the gills with the sort of mismanagement,
15:13the sort of stupid, insane, ill-timed things
15:16that were decided under the Labor Government
15:17that drove unemployment to the highest rate since Federation
15:22and, Mr Speaker, rainfall to its highest recorded level since the Depression.
15:30Mr Speaker, we can promise...
15:34We can promise that the Australian people one thing
15:38that Labor could never provide in its 13 years in office,
15:42its 13 years of hard Labor.
15:46And that's the mess we're cleaning up now,
15:48the Beasley black hole, the Beasley quasar,
15:54Mr Beasley's own personal white giant.
15:57But we can promise, Mr Speaker,
16:00we can promise that the Australian people
16:02will get good, un-stupid decisions
16:04made punctually at reasonable, sane times
16:08which reflect the mandate we have been given.
16:11We have.
16:12And in answer to the second part of the Honourable Member's question,
16:16no.
16:17About two months ago,
16:28a very, very special, wonderful thing happened to me.
16:31I was presented with a beautiful baby girl.
16:34I would have preferred a gold watch, of course,
16:35but the Kiwanis prefer to trade in human life.
16:40But seriously, folks,
16:41it was the proudest moment of my life
16:42and I'd like you to meet her now.
16:44But sadly, my ex-wife has exclusive custody of her
16:47and has refused what I thought was a reasonable request
16:49to have her here tonight.
16:51I do have a photo of her, though.
16:52Can we bring that up, Dean?
16:54There we are. There she is.
16:55You can't really tell, but she's got my eyes.
16:58And her mother got almost everything else.
17:01Anyway, that's ancient history now.
17:02I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation.
17:04I'm seeing a very nice young lady at the moment.
17:06She's very beautiful.
17:07She's very fit.
17:09And it's a pleasure to know her.
17:11Anyway, her name's Gigi Rossetti.
17:12And, well, she defies definition in any conventional sense.
17:16But she's also a very good dancer in her own right.
17:19And here she is doing a piece of her own choreography.
17:21The delightful and talented in her own right,
17:24Miss Gigi Rossetti.
17:25APPLAUSE
18:26Well done.
18:27Well done.
18:28Fantastic.
18:29Fantastic.
18:30Everybody, everybody in the production office said she'd be shit, but I think she's proved
18:36herself to be a bit better than that.
18:38How are you going, punk?
18:39You well?
18:40That was such a buzz.
18:41Good.
18:42I'm so exhausted.
18:43Yes.
18:44I feel my heart.
18:45Yep.
18:46You'll be all right.
18:47You'll be all right.
18:48Look at you, though.
18:49How about this guy?
18:50He's a gentleman.
18:51He rocks!
18:52He rocks!
18:53He rocks!
18:54He rocks!
18:55Woo!
18:56He rocks!
18:57I don't know if I rock.
18:58Oh, and girls, he is a great lover too.
19:02I think we need to go into details.
19:04Oh, I love it when you're inside me.
19:06Well, I don't know if I'm that good.
19:19You know I like passive men.
19:23Gigi Rossetti, ladies and gentlemen.
19:26Very talented dancer in her own right.
19:28Woo!
19:29Gigi Rossetti.
19:31Of course, there's a lot more to a lasting relationship than great sex.
19:38But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, won't we?
19:41Woo!
19:42Woo!
19:43Indeed.
19:44Why don't you have a Class 4 license, sir?
19:45It requires you to wear glasses.
19:46Count up noticing you're not wearing glasses.
19:47I've got contacts.
19:48I don't care who you know, sir.
19:49You're nicked.
19:50Come on.
19:51Into the bag.
19:52Hi.
19:53You know, last year, one of the most beautiful vegetables in the world.
19:54Actually, sorry, I should introduce young Clay.
19:55He's a young guy who's just joined the show, working on the show with us in the camera
20:09department.
20:10Can we see him there?
20:11Pick him up there, Dean.
20:12Clay Wellings.
20:13How are they treating you, Clay?
20:14Yeah, good, thanks, Sean.
20:15Yeah?
20:16That's good.
20:17You're learning lots, are you?
20:18Oh, yeah.
20:19Heaps, heaps.
20:20Oh, great.
20:21Great.
20:22You look like you've been in the war a bit.
20:23What's happened?
20:24A little bit, yeah.
20:25What's happened?
20:26Oh, well, you know, the guys, they played a bit of a prank on me.
20:30They just threw a bit of petrol around and set me on file for a while.
20:35But you feel a part of the team now?
20:37Oh.
20:38Oh, yeah.
20:39Yeah.
20:40Yeah, I've got third degree burns to 40% of my body.
20:43Yeah.
20:44And I'm going to have to get some skin grafts and stuff.
20:47But it's pretty good.
20:48Yeah.
20:49Yeah.
20:50Well, still.
20:51I mean, it's good to take that experience back to school with you, isn't it?
20:54Yeah, yeah.
20:55I've got to go back to school on Monday.
20:57Right.
20:58Because I'm only on work experience.
20:59But...
21:00That's great.
21:01Okay.
21:02And the guys, they're going to take you out for a few drinks, are they?
21:05Yeah, they said they were going to take me out for a drive.
21:07Ah, well.
21:08Goodbye, Clay.
21:09Only the good, eh?
21:10Ever since my critically tolerated first series, I've wanted to host a second TV program.
21:24Something that meant something to people rather than this.
21:26Which is fun, you know, that's fine, don't get me wrong.
21:29But it's not going to win a Walkley, is it?
21:31But what program?
21:32The success of a TV program like Beauty and the Beast on Foxtel and now on Channel 10 got
21:37me thinking.
21:38I thought, let's steal that idea and just turn another much-loved children's fable into a
21:42panel show.
21:43I chose Alibaba and his 40 Thieves.
21:46We made a pilot last Thursday.
21:48Welcome back.
21:58Feet number 27.
22:00How would you advise Man Trouble of Bolivar Heights?
22:03Remember, she's 25, loves him, but he doesn't know she exists.
22:06What should she do?
22:09Nicky's Wallet.
22:12We'll be back right after this break.
22:18Well, tell me that doesn't work.
22:34We might be willing to plead not guilty if you drop the charges.
22:37I'm not cutting a deal, Tom.
22:39I'm like your kind's going down.
22:41Jim!
22:42You'd better get back in here.
22:43Farooq's been hitting the sauce again and it ain't pretty.
22:46Jim, you're puffy.
22:47I haven't got time for that.
22:48A man's dignity is at stake.
22:54The booze gets you every time.
22:57The law is a freakin' ass.
22:58A freakin' ass, I tell ya!
23:02How many's doing court in two minutes?
23:06Zebedee and Bromel.
23:07The most complex legal court case ever.
23:10That's worth over a billion dollars.
23:12Wait a minute.
23:14Urgently.
23:15Urgently.
23:16I've got me an idea.
23:17Get him out of those clothes.
23:18This is gonna work, I tell ya.
23:20Zelda.
23:21Go and get me a gook on corporate law.
23:25Tom.
23:26I need some cases and I need them fast.
23:27Malik, Cracky and Fearden.
23:291923.
23:30Besnack and Kakarnin.
23:32The estate of.
23:331933.
23:34And Godzilla versus Megalon.
23:361962.
23:38Go man!
23:39Tom, did you check the Biblio Bagans on that law?
23:42Yes, I quote.
23:43Section 32 says that corporations who kill people with pollution can go to gold for life.
23:48We've got something, Jim.
23:50Don't you see?
23:51If all the directors sign the forms then we do a double bluff redirect and ask the judge to strike the sidebar.
23:55Yeah.
23:56The jury can't convict according to Prog's principle.
23:58Yes.
23:59Fantastic Zelda.
24:00I could kiss you but it'd be sexual harassment.
24:03What the hell?
24:05Oh!
24:07Damn!
24:08All that law was overturned last week.
24:10We've got nothing.
24:11Unless.
24:12Wait a minute.
24:13I've got an idea so simple it scares even me.
24:15Or as they say in Latin.
24:17Gillimanen.
24:18Uzzurintensa.
24:20Zudan Elf der Kringle.
24:23Seeking adjournment, my honour.
24:24Granted.
24:28It might seem to go very well.
24:29God dammit, Jim.
24:30If you try a prank like that in my courtroom again.
24:33I'll hang your arse out and dry so much that you won't get it moist in this town ever again.
24:38I've got to admit.
24:39It worked you son of a bitch.
24:41Oh yeah.
24:42Jim.
24:43I've taken the pledge.
24:45No booze.
24:46And I owe it all to you.
24:47If there's anything you want.
24:49Anything at all.
24:50You just name it.
24:51Well.
24:52There is one thing.
24:55Now I can go to work.
24:57In complete luxury.
25:03Step!
25:09Yeah.
25:10All our girls are top quality entertainers.
25:12So come on down.
25:13And get an eye full of our lovely ladies.
25:16And who knows.
25:17You buy them a drink.
25:18They get quite friendly.
25:20We've got rooms upstairs.
25:21Very clean.
25:22And all the girls are very hygienic.
25:24And er.
25:25Very willing to please.
25:28Yes.
25:29And all the money raised goes to the Royal Prince Albert Children's Hospital.
25:33That's right.
25:34So er.
25:35Please.
25:36Come and indulge your wildest fantasies.
25:37For the kids.
25:38Corey Lester their philanthropist.
25:39Well.
25:40Like an untalented drummer.
25:41We're out of time.
25:42Ros, Wayne and Nicole Trubastic.
25:43Thank you very much for this week's work.
25:44Oh well.
25:45It's been a great week.
25:46It's been a great week, Sean.
25:47Thank you Sean.
25:49And to take us out tonight, 18 year old Anthony Smedley.
25:55So until next week, good night.
25:57So where are we going Anthony?
25:58The book is sitting in the lower part.
25:59Oh great.
26:00I like that.
26:01That's pretty good.
26:02Thank you Sean.
26:03Thank you Sean.
26:04And to take us out tonight, 18 year old Anthony Smedley.
26:06So until next week, goodnight.
26:09So where are we going Anthony?
26:11It's not $59.99, it's not $49.99, it's not $31.60, it's not $24.95, it's not $14.95,
26:33it's not $11.50, it's not $10.50, it's not even $9.50.
26:39What time is it, Adrian?
26:41I've got a class of eight.
26:43OK.
26:44Large Adrian there with tonight's Curious Time Check.