- 30/05/2025
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FunTranscript
00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best ones
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:14Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:25But here's the one which drives me berserk
00:29Why do only fours and horses work
00:33La-la-la-la
00:34La-la-la-la-la
00:36La-la-la-la-la
00:38Well, this is it.
00:57This is what?
00:58It's what I bought this morning.
00:59What?
01:01This?
01:03The land?
01:05No, you plonker
01:07It's a pile of bricks
01:10And it cost me hundred, Nicker
01:12Nice one, eh?
01:14Oh, shrewd move, Del, yeah
01:17I mean, people are panicked buying bricks nowadays, aren't they?
01:21Who the hell's gonna buy a pile of bricks off us?
01:25Oh, butcher or chemist?
01:29Who do you think's gonna buy bricks?
01:31Builders, aren't they, eh?
01:32Over 200%?
01:33Over 200% profit here and all in the readies
01:35Come here
01:37They've just demolished a factory here that used to make prefabricated structures, right?
01:45Chalets, bungalows, greenhouses, you know, garden sheds, that sort of a thing, so I thought using my noddle that we'd make enough out of the bricks alone, but you never know what's underneath, do you, eh?
01:58Decent lengths of timber, bits of metal, you know, a few grows for them roofing tiles
02:07Come and see what I've found
02:25Get your feelers on there
02:28Hey, that's lead, Del
02:31That's pure lead
02:33There's about another 30 boxes underneath
02:38I estimate three tonne altogether
02:41Three tonne?
02:42What's that at today's prices?
02:44That's about £1,000, isn't it?
02:47Am I brilliant or am I brilliant?
02:50Let's get some of it on the van
02:52We can do it in three shifts
02:54Come on
02:55Is it ours, Del?
02:58Of course it's ours
03:01Legally, Del
03:02Don't split hairs with me, Rodney
03:06Come on
03:08Oh, that's a lot, Del, boy
03:22No, no, no, no, not there, granddad, not there
03:25No, no, we've got three tonne of it here, you see, you've got to spread it out over a wide area
03:29Otherwise we'll be having tea with Mrs Oboco downstairs
03:32Right, just hope all this humping and sweating is not disturbing your royal highness
03:40No, no, don't you mind me, you carry on
03:42Oh, thanks a lot
03:43Oh, yeah, look at this granddad, you've been carrying this one upside down, this is the way
03:48You are a lazy little bark
03:55What's that you're reading, eh? It's another dirty book, I suppose, is it?
03:58Honestly, you've got a mind like a plain brown envelope
04:01I'll have a look at that when you're finished
04:03There's some paperwork I found in one of them boxes
04:06Do you know what we've got here?
04:08Yeah, I know what we've got here, we've got a free tonne of lovely lead, that's what we've got here
04:11No, no, it's more than that
04:13That factory was producing prefabricated structures, right?
04:17Uh, bungalows, garden sheds, that sort of stuff
04:19Well, this is one of their experimental lines
04:21It's a do-it-yourself nuclear fallout shelter
04:24Nuclear fallout shelter?
04:29You are a wally
04:30No, it is, honest
04:33Look, here's the brochure, here's the plan, shows you how to build it
04:37He's right and all
04:41This is a nuclear fallout shelter
04:44This is probably worth more than we thought
04:46You can't sell it
04:47Don't want to put money on it, do you?
04:49What do you suggest we do with it, build it?
04:51Yeah
04:51Leave it out, Rodney
04:53Do you realise how close we come to World War III
04:57over Cuba, Vietnam, Afghanistan and Poland?
05:01I mean, it only takes one little rumble in the Middle East
05:03Them missiles are going to start flying
05:04And what have we got, eh, in this country
05:06To combat the might of the Soviet Union?
05:09Three jump jets and a strongly worded letter to the Russian ambassador
05:12No, no, no, you don't know what we got up our sleeve, us Brits, Rodney
05:17Do you know that we got a device that can track the movements of any Russian nuclear submarine?
05:22They can't keep track on ours
05:23Yeah, we only got one
05:24Have we?
05:26Yeah, I think so
05:27Well, anyway, they don't know where it is
05:29Sometimes wonder whether we do
05:32Bet your life we don't
05:34You see, this country's just not prepared for war
05:37I mean, nobody knows what we're supposed to do in the event
05:40Yes, of course we do
05:42All right, then
05:43What would you do if you heard the four-minute warning?
05:47Well
05:47What's it sound like first?
05:50Well, that's it, innit?
05:51No-one knows
05:52Maybe they're going to ring church bells
05:54Or bang tom-toms
05:55Or send every ice cream van out in the country to play its jingle
05:58Your guess is as good as mine, innit?
06:01Do you realise the great powers have got underground salvos
06:04Prime with enough nuclear weapon to destroy this planet 30 times over?
06:11I'm talking about neutron bombs, Del
06:13Multi-warheads
06:14Chemicals that attack your central nervous system
06:16And leave you writhing in agony like a worm in bleach
06:19A bit like you after a curry, you mean?
06:23No, no, it's all right, Rodney
06:24Don't worry, forget about it
06:27Look, we've got a thousand pounds here
06:28Just think what we could do with a thousand pounds
06:31Eat, drink and be merry
06:32For tomorrow we die
06:34Oh, come on, Del
06:36This is a godsend
06:37Look, if we build this thing, we're going to be safe, aren't we?
06:40Everything's here
06:40The inner walls, the outer walls
06:42The air tube
06:42The filter system
06:43Everything
06:44Oh, come on, Del
06:46Oh, sorry
06:47All right, Soppy
06:49Now, just suppose
06:51Just suppose
06:52That we do build this thing, right?
06:54Where are we going to put it?
06:55Well, you always fancied a little weekend place
06:58Why don't we find a spot in the new forest?
07:01And now we're going to get from Peckham to the new forest in four minutes
07:05The old div
07:07Grandad's allotment
07:09That's only a couple of miles up the road
07:11We could do that in four minutes
07:12Yeah, on a Sunday
07:13With the following wind
07:14Maybe
07:15Well, let's give it a go, eh?
07:17We'll have a dummy run and time ourselves
07:18I'll get me stopwatch
07:19What is the point, eh?
07:23All right
07:23So, say you can do it in four minutes
07:25What is it going to prove?
07:27Knowing them Russian rats
07:28They'll probably declare war in the middle of the rush hour
07:30Where's Grandad?
07:41I don't know
07:42Grandad
07:44Come on, hurry up, you stupid old geese
07:48Three minutes and counting
08:01Yes, all right, Rodney
08:02Missiles are just going over Sweden
08:05Bloody fast, aren't they?
08:06Only left Siberia 20 seconds ago
08:08Two minutes, 15 seconds and counting, Del
08:25Missiles are over the sea and approaching Middlesbrough
08:28Yes, yes, all right, Rodney
08:29Put your foot down, dear boy
08:31I'm calm, Grandad
08:32Look, I'm coming to my main road, aren't I?
08:34Got it like your side, Rodney
08:39All right, after this red one
08:41No!
08:46Yeah, I want that red one
08:48You tick, Rodney
08:50Come on, Del
08:53We're just going over Luton
08:54It's odd, Luton
08:56One minute, 35 and counting
09:00Oh, God
09:01Switch the
09:19Switch the
09:31Hey! The siren! Quit it off!
09:42He's young. Enthusiastic.
09:45Well, how are you, then, dull boy?
09:47Not too bad, Eric. How's yourself?
09:48Can't complain. How are you, then, Grandad?
09:51All right, Eric, boy.
09:54Now, what's that all about?
09:5660 miles an hour in a built-up area.
09:59You just heard the four-minute warning or something?
10:02Where's your taxed it? Fell off, did it?
10:04In the post.
10:05Well, why have you got a little sign on your windscreen saying tax in post?
10:09We did have it fell off.
10:11You've been at those funny fags again, Rodney?
10:13No, I haven't.
10:14Good. Because Wayne there's looking for his first nick.
10:18Talking of that, dull boy, you might be able to help me.
10:21I'm on the lookout for some stolen summer wear.
10:24Short-sleeved shirts and blouses,
10:26men's and women's slacks, swimming trunks, bikinis.
10:29Are you after promotion, Eric?
10:30No.
10:31Me and the wife are off to Corfu next month.
10:33You've got to look at all, ain't you?
10:36Well, if I hear of anything, I'll let you know.
10:38Good luck.
10:39I'll see you around.
10:41Annoy.
10:42Take it easy, will you?
10:43Stop playing with that siren, will you, Wayne? You'll end up breaking.
10:50Hey, how are we doing for time?
10:57We died 45 seconds ago.
11:00Terrific.
11:01We're never going to do this run in four minutes.
11:03It don't matter.
11:03It's not the end of the world, is it?
11:05I thought that's exactly what it was.
11:07What have you got to think about as a place closer to home?
11:10I've been thinking.
11:11Oh, my God.
11:12You haven't got an aspirin you can give him, have you, Rodney?
11:15Listen, I may have found us just the spot.
11:17Is that door shut tight, Phil?
11:23Yes, don't worry, Rodders.
11:24No radiation can get in here.
11:28Here, what's this pipe?
11:31Hold it back, Phil.
11:32It's fragile.
11:33Phil, don't.
11:34Don't do it.
11:36Phil, this is our air filter, our lifeline.
11:38This is our umbilical cord.
11:40And one thing you must never do with an umbilical cord
11:43is bash it about with an hammer.
11:45I see.
11:46So this is our only source of oxygen, is it, eh?
11:48What happens if a pigeon decides to nest in the other end?
11:51We're all dead, I suppose, are we?
11:53Statistics prove that pigeons rarely nest in the middle of nuclear wars.
11:56We're not in the middle of a nuclear war.
11:58We're practising, for one.
11:59Yeah, well, do the bloody pigeons know that?
12:01Look, a pigeon will not nest in our air tube.
12:04Have faith in me, please.
12:05How can you have faith in him, dear boy?
12:08It brings me telly in here,
12:09then he finds out the signals can't get through the lead.
12:12I've said I'm sorry, and I, Grandad,
12:15there's some pages missing out of this brochure,
12:17and you can't expect me to know everything, can you?
12:19Anyway, that's why we're having this weekend's practice, isn't it?
12:22So we can iron out all the little wrinkles.
12:24Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing we've got to iron out,
12:26and that is this has got to be back on that building site
12:29first thing Monday morning.
12:30Otherwise, them paddies will go mad.
12:45You, you are a wally, you really are.
12:49You don't have to stay here, Del.
12:51I do have to stay here.
12:53I'll tell you why I have to stay here.
12:54I've got £1,000 worth of lead tied up in this shelter,
12:57and I'm not leaving it in your hands.
12:59Knowing you two, you'd probably lose it.
13:02Just think what I could do with £1,000, eh?
13:06Fly to America on Concorde.
13:08I could buy myself one of them Flash Rollox watches.
13:15Have me adenoids taken out privately.
13:18Yeah, but how many people can boast
13:20they've got their own private nuclear fallout shelter?
13:22Yeah, that's true.
13:24Knowing our luck, there won't even be a bloody war.
13:27Yeah, that's what we ought to do, you know.
13:30We ought to drop a bomb on all them Russian cities, you see,
13:33and then declare war on them.
13:34What we say is that the Declaration for War
13:36got held up in a post
13:37due to a communist-inspired strike at a sorting office.
13:42Yeah.
13:43That is typical of a ruthless little mercenary like you, isn't it?
13:46What do you mean, ruthless mercenary?
13:47I'm not a ruthless mercenary.
13:48Who is it goes round the estate at every Christmas time
13:51making sure all the old people have got enough to eat and drink?
13:53Yeah, and who was it during the Brixton riots
13:56drove down in the van selling paving stones to the rioters?
14:01I mean, what did you think they were going to do with them, eh?
14:04We'll run off home and start building patios?
14:08Mine is not to reason why.
14:10Mine is but to sell and buy.
14:12No, anyway.
14:16Anyway, I know a lot of them youngsters down here in Brixton
14:18and their trouble is frustration.
14:21Yes, you see, modern society has denied them the birthright of a war.
14:24Oh, I don't believe you.
14:26Are you saying war's our birthright?
14:28Oh, yes.
14:29Yes, it is.
14:30For century after century, you see,
14:33every generation of British youth
14:35has been guaranteed a decent war.
14:37But that sort of, you know,
14:39raw, over-the-top chaps,
14:41you know, try that one, four-size-fits.
14:44I mean, that sort of courage is obsolete
14:46because the next war is going to be fought by computer programmers.
14:50See, that's what's frustrating the modern youth.
14:52You can see them any day down there in amusement arcades.
14:54You know, they're doing their national service
14:57on the space invaders.
15:00Yeah, but that sort of,
15:02that sort of real war that I'm talking about,
15:04you know, Errol Flynn
15:05leading the gallant 600 into the valley of death.
15:09John Mills marooned in a thingy.
15:12It's Kenneth Moore
15:13refusing to let a little thing like no legs get him down.
15:17LAUGHTER
15:18It's a glorious, valiant war, that.
15:22Don't talk like a burp, Del.
15:24Do what?
15:25What do you know about it, anyway?
15:26The only war you ever fought is the Inch War.
15:29Eh?
15:30No, I've seen all the films, haven't I?
15:32Oh, tomato sauce and stump men,
15:34I'm talking about the real fiend.
15:36I remember when I was a little nipper
15:38and I saw the soldiers marching off to battle.
15:41Oh, yes.
15:43It was a glorious sight, all right.
15:45Yeah, I bet all them spears and chariots
15:47must have stirred the blood, mustn't they?
15:49LAUGHTER
15:49Just steer him out, will you?
15:51Yeah, all right, all right.
15:52My brother George was at Passchendaele.
15:55Now, half a million Allied troops died there,
15:59all for five miles of mud.
16:01I was at King's Cross Station
16:03when his regiment come home after the armistice.
16:07Most of them was carried off the train.
16:10I saw men with limbs missing, blind men,
16:15men who couldn't breathe properly
16:17cos their lungs had been shot to bits by mustard gas.
16:21While the nation celebrated,
16:24they was hidden away in big grey buildings,
16:27far from the public gaze.
16:29I mean, courage like that
16:32could put you right off your victory dinner, couldn't it?
16:37They promised us homes fit for heroes.
16:40They give us heroes
16:42fit for homes.
16:44I'd never wear a British uniform on principle.
16:53What principle?
16:54Well, on the principle
16:55that the Russians might shoot at it.
16:58LAUGHTER
16:58The politicians...
17:01The politicians and the military men
17:03used to con, you see.
17:05They had little lads, youngsters,
17:07believing that their country really did need them.
17:11Do you know,
17:11they used to have little lads of 14
17:13pretending they was 18,
17:15just so they could fight for their king and country.
17:18Well, they accepted the little sprogs.
17:20More often than not,
17:22my brother George lied about his age.
17:25Pretended he was 18?
17:26No, he was 18,
17:27he pretended he was 14.
17:28LAUGHTER
17:29They saw through it, though.
17:32I think it was the moustache.
17:35LAUGHTER
17:36Yeah, cos 14-year-olds, they don't.
17:39LAUGHTER
17:40Bloody hell.
17:41LAUGHTER
17:42Oi! Oi, what are you doing?
17:50I think there's a pigeon trying to nest in our air tube.
17:54I think I frightened it away now, don't worry.
17:57Oh!
17:58The battery's getting a bit low and all.
18:00LAUGHTER
18:02LAUGHTER
18:04Here, these batteries you've got here,
18:14how long do they last?
18:16Oh, about 12 hours each.
18:1712 hours?
18:18Cool, we've been here 12 hours.
18:20Only another 36 to go.
18:22Don't time fly when you're having fun.
18:25Oh, here.
18:28Here, Oppenheimer.
18:29Listen, if the bomb was to drop round here,
18:32how long would we have to stay inside this thing here?
18:35Well, it depends upon the degree of the contamination
18:37in the air outside,
18:39cos we're in a very vulnerable position here,
18:41being so close to the docks.
18:42But I would say, roughly,
18:44give or take a week or two,
18:47about...
18:48two years.
18:49Two years?!
18:51LAUGHTER
18:51Yeah, give or take a week or two.
18:53If you think I'm staying in a lead-lined dizzernut
18:56with you and grandad
18:57and a chemical bloody carzy,
19:00you've got another thing coming.
19:01Yeah, but if we leave the shelter within two years,
19:04we'll die of radiation poisoning.
19:06And if we stay inside the shelter for two years,
19:08we'll die of bloody lead poisoning.
19:10Yeah, he's right, Rodney.
19:11The rescue team will move a straight round
19:13to the nearest scrap metal yard.
19:15Yeah.
19:16Yeah, that's another point.
19:17That's the point.
19:17Listen.
19:18Oi, these batteries that are supposed to purify the air,
19:20right,
19:21they last 12 hours, right?
19:23It's OK.
19:24How many of them are we going to need?
19:26Come on, Einstein.
19:27You're the one with the GCEs and the maths.
19:28Well, it's two a day,
19:32seven days a week,
19:33two sevens of fourteen.
19:34Oh, see that grandad?
19:36Two sevens of fourteen.
19:37Just like that.
19:37No hesitation.
19:39Shut up, will you?
19:40So, that's fourteen times fifty-two...
19:44Twice.
19:45I know.
19:47So, that works out at about one thousand four hundred and fifty-odd...
19:52Well, that's not too bad.
19:54I thought we were going to need a lot.
19:56So, what we're going to need is one thousand four hundred and fifty-odd heavy-duty batteries,
20:02about five tonne of canned food,
20:05thirty thousand gallons of fresh drinking water,
20:07and a three and a half acre warehouse to store it all in.
20:12Well, I did say we'd have to wind out a few little wrinkles, then, right?
20:15A few little wrinkles?
20:16A few little wrinkles?
20:17We've got more wrinkles than an elephant's got in his bleeding trunk.
20:23All in all, in taking everything into consideration, Rodney,
20:25I think I'd rather be outside and go instantly with the bomb, Rodney.
20:29Instantly, eh?
20:30And what makes you so sure it'll be instant, eh, Del?
20:32Them bombs contain strontium-90, not an escaf, eh?
20:36You see, the bomb explodes about a mile above the city, right,
20:39causing a radioactive rain to fall.
20:41Now, this radiation then penetrates the pores of the skin,
20:44causing violent sores and diseases.
20:46Hmm, best not to wear anything decent, then, eh?
20:49Will you be serious for one minute?
20:51Yeah.
20:52Look, it's here.
20:53Once the radiation is in the bloodstream,
20:55it begins to attack your metabolism.
20:58You become subject to drastic biological changes.
21:01That's metamorphosis.
21:02Oh, yeah.
21:04Yeah.
21:05Yeah.
21:06Anyway, your shape and form will alter radically
21:09as the mutation takes effect.
21:11Don't sound too promising, do it, Del boy?
21:14I mean, you have a job to get a suit off the peg now, don't you?
21:19All right, all right, you can laugh,
21:21but I'm telling you,
21:22this city would be inhabited by roaming mobs of mutants,
21:26vacant-eyed subhumans,
21:27dragging their knuckles through the litter and debris
21:30that was once civilisation.
21:31Sounds a bit like Stamford Bridge after a bad result.
21:35Look, if this is true, Rodney,
21:37what the hell are we doing trying to survive?
21:40Well, it's our duty, innit?
21:42I mean, when we step out of here,
21:43we're going to be intact.
21:45Perfect.
21:49Yeah, well, I mean, you know,
21:50the human race would be looking to people like us, anyway,
21:53to replenish the species.
21:54We'll be like two new atoms going forth to multiply.
21:57Yeah, and you, you dirty little ram,
22:02will be out there multiplying quicker than a pocket calculator.
22:06I see it all now.
22:07I see it all now.
22:09He's practically praying for the end of civilisation
22:11just so he can get out there and put it about a bit.
22:14What time do you make it, Rodney?
22:16Ten past twelve.
22:17Yeah, sorry, I'll make it that too.
22:19Come on, then, Grandad's bedtime, come on.
22:21Well, as the saying goes,
22:22if my species needs me,
22:24I will not be found wanting.
22:25Yeah, I bet.
22:26Anyway, it's one thing to look forward to,
22:29isn't it, Grandaddy?
22:30You know, come the end of the war,
22:33me and Rodney are going to make a foursome
22:34with a couple of mutants.
22:36I'll have the one with the three lug holes
22:38and the eye underneath her arm.
22:40Because I don't fancy yours much.
22:43Be like that.
22:44You bet your sweet Bippy hit one.
22:46Won't make much difference to you, anyway.
22:48You go out with mutants in peacetime.
22:51I mean, look at that thing that you took out on Thursday.
22:53God, stroll on.
22:54I was so embarrassed I had to tell my mates
22:56that you were taking it to market.
22:58I did try and warn you it was a bit ragged.
23:00A bit ragged.
23:01You liar.
23:03You said to me,
23:04it looked like the one out of the Abba.
23:06Yeah.
23:07I meant the one with the beard.
23:10Anyway,
23:10we won't be the only ones
23:11to survive the Holocaust intact, were we?
23:13I mean, I'm thinking of the various institutions.
23:16Public schools, that sort of thing.
23:17I mean, you bet your life Rodine's got a shelter.
23:22Hey, Del?
23:23A thousand new bar girls
23:25in a shelter
23:26in school uniform.
23:32You sicko.
23:33Oh, no, no.
23:35Don't misunderstand me.
23:36I mean, the school uniforms
23:37are of no importance whatsoever.
23:39I don't know why I mentioned them.
23:40No, no.
23:40It's probably because you're a
23:41twisted, perverted, corrupted,
23:43warped little pervo.
23:45Well, yeah,
23:46that might have something to do with it.
23:48It's in the line of duty, Del.
23:50They're perfect specimens.
23:51They're intelligent.
23:53Of course they're intelligent.
23:53They're still at bloody school, aren't they?
23:55Would it fit?
23:57All that hockey.
24:00You might fancy the headmistress.
24:02Oh, thank you very much.
24:06Well, I think it's definitely
24:08worth bearing in mind
24:09in an emergency.
24:15Yeah, all right.
24:16Well, good night, Rodney.
24:17Good night, Del.
24:19Night, Grandad.
24:21Good night, Del.
24:23Night, Grandad.
24:25Good night, Rodney.
24:28Night, John Boy.
24:29Shut up.
24:45War is hell.
24:52What?
24:53War is hell.
24:55Alan Ladd said that.
24:57Did he really go to sleep?
25:02Or was it Aldi Murphy?
25:05I don't know.
25:06I'm tired.
25:09It must have been one of them.
25:11Well, perhaps they both
25:12bloody said it.
25:14Go to sleep, will you?
25:15No, that was Rock Hudson.
25:20For crying out loud.
25:22Will you two go to sleep?
25:32Rodney?
25:33Rodney?
25:35Yeah, Rodney.
25:36Hmm?
25:37Don't keep your eyes closed.
25:39Don't keep your eyes closed.
25:39I'm talking to you.
25:40What?
25:41Well, I've just been thinking.
25:43Might not be a bad idea
25:44to survive the next war
25:45after all.
25:47Well, you got something
25:47up your sleeve, Del?
25:48No, no, no.
25:49Just a little idea
25:49that's been running
25:50around me old brain box,
25:51that's all.
25:51What's the point?
25:53All the animals will be dead.
25:55Won't be able to grow nothing
25:57because all the earth
25:58will be contaminated.
26:00Where are we going to get
26:02something to eat?
26:04Bound to be a little
26:04packy shop open somewhere.
26:09But we won't be the only
26:10ones to survive, will we?
26:12I was just thinking about
26:13all them girls down
26:14at that Rodine school.
26:16No, no, no, no.
26:17Nothing like that.
26:18Nothing like that.
26:19I was just thinking, you see,
26:19most of those girls down there,
26:21they are the daughters
26:22of the noblers.
26:25What?
26:26The noblers.
26:28The noblers.
26:31French for nobility,
26:32isn't it, eh?
26:33Oh, sorry,
26:34I was miles off.
26:37Well, you see,
26:38down there you don't know
26:38who's who, do you?
26:39I mean, you could meet
26:40a scruffy 17-year-old
26:42in a sweaty hockey shirt
26:43and muddy plimsolls.
26:45And you could be talking
26:46to the 459th
26:48in line for the throne.
26:49But after the old Russians
26:51had dropped 20,000
26:52nuclear bombs on us,
26:54that scruffy 17-year-old
26:56could turn out
26:57to be first in line
26:58for the throne.
27:00So, you see,
27:00if I got on me bike,
27:03went down there
27:04a bit sharpish like,
27:05did me Adam's axe,
27:06splash her brute,
27:07you know,
27:07took her out
27:07for a steak meal,
27:09loads of charm,
27:12I could end up
27:13being the king.
27:16On the other hand,
27:17if I had a bit of mutation,
27:18a touch of strontium 90,
27:19I could end up
27:20being the queen.
27:24But either way,
27:25either ways,
27:26it wouldn't matter
27:26because the tax man
27:28wouldn't be able
27:28to get at me,
27:29would he, eh?
27:29Because I would be
27:30the head of state.
27:31and what with you
27:34out there
27:34multiplying all over
27:35the place.
27:36I shouldn't be short
27:37of a few subjects,
27:38should I, eh?
27:41Yeah.
27:43We could go for our
27:44holidays in Mustique.
27:47Hey, hey,
27:48what, what?
27:49Grandad could be
27:49Queen Mother.
27:50Yeah.
27:54We'll dye his hat pink.
27:59Yeah.
27:59Anyway,
28:00no, I mean,
28:01even if that didn't happen,
28:03and I can't honestly
28:03see how I could fail,
28:06you see,
28:07if the entire
28:08civilisation
28:09was wiped out,
28:11we'd all be equal,
28:12wouldn't we?
28:13Because none of us
28:14would have nothing,
28:15right?
28:16Right.
28:17Except us,
28:18Rodders.
28:20Well,
28:21what'd we have,
28:22though?
28:23A grand's worth
28:24of lead.
28:26Eh?
28:27Pretty shrewd,
28:28eh, Rodney?
28:29Yeah.
28:30It's a real
28:30mind-bender deal,
28:31eh?
28:31Yeah.
28:33No, no,
28:34we'll be all right.
28:35We'll survive,
28:36Rodney.
28:38You know why?
28:39Because we're survivors,
28:40that's why.
28:41Yeah.
28:43When the old alarm bells
28:44start ringing
28:45and the old missiles
28:46start firing
28:47and all the people
28:48are rushing about
28:49like mad mice
28:50trying to find
28:50somewhere to hide,
28:52we'll be tucked up
28:53in our own little
28:54nuclear shelter.
28:56Yeah.
28:58The end of the world
28:59could be just
29:00the break we're
29:01looking for.
29:03Oh,
29:03we're pretty shrewd,
29:04Rodney,
29:05because they started
29:07dropping a bomb
29:07on us right now.
29:09We'd be as safe
29:10as ours is,
29:10brother.
29:12Safe as ours is.
29:13We've got some
29:23half-brows,
29:24black times,
29:24some arms and arms
29:25of carpet tiles,
29:26TVs,
29:27deep freeze,
29:27and David Bowie
29:28OPs,
29:29pool games,
29:30gold chains,
29:31wuss names,
29:31and header push,
29:32and Trevor Francis
29:33track suits
29:33from a mush,
29:34and Shepard's Bush,
29:35Bush, Bush,
29:36Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush.
29:38No income tax,
29:39no VAT,
29:41no money back,
29:42no guarantee.
29:44Black or white,
29:46rich or broke,
29:47a wheel cut prices
29:49and a straw.
29:53God bless
29:53Hooky Street,
29:55Viva Hooky Street,
29:58Long live
30:00Hooky Street,
30:01St. Magnifique
30:02Hooky Street,
30:04Magnifique
30:05Hooky Street.
30:09Hooky Street.
30:10Hooky Street Street,
30:29Hooky Street.
Recommended
27:09
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