- 14/05/2025
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00:00I
00:26Oh, bloody chewing gum.
00:35What are you doing, Ma?
00:40Oh, I do this every year, son.
00:42You heard of the grain harvest?
00:43Aye.
00:44Well, this is the pocket harvest.
00:46I've got a dirty big electric bill, so I'm going through your dad's twos, her pockets.
00:49You go through them while he's still wearing them.
00:51You might get a better result, know what I mean, eh?
00:54Jane Mason, you watch it.
00:56It's illegal to hit your wains now.
00:58Oh, no, son.
00:59As in Europe, there it's illegal.
01:01And wine alley is compulsory.
01:03Aye-ya!
01:05Right, let's see.
01:07That's 23 pence, two doubts, and I used elastoplast.
01:12How much was the bill again?
01:14108 pounds 70.
01:16My name, my God.
01:18I just need to wait till they send me the red one.
01:20At least that'll buy some time.
01:22Here, a post.
01:23Wains for the electric.
01:24It's the red one.
01:25Cheer, son.
01:26Ah, well.
01:27Nae sign of any compound interest yet, is there?
01:32Nothing else for it.
01:37I do no more.
01:38I'm battering my head off the table.
01:40What's it look like?
01:41Aye, okay.
01:42As long as we know.
01:43Look!
01:44Shut it, you!
01:45God almighty.
01:46Here, Ma, look.
01:47What are you doing that, fam?
01:48That makes a change for bashing the hard brick moss.
01:51I'm sick of being barassic.
01:53No for much longer, my hand.
01:55Look!
01:56Have fun a pair of shoes.
01:58I pity what I'm calling.
02:00Guys, there's a solidity pence, I know.
02:05Excuse me, Rab.
02:06You're interrupting my rhythm.
02:08Oh, sorry, my hand.
02:10Oh-ho!
02:11Oh-ho!
02:12What's this, eh?
02:13What's that, you?
02:14That's my mod.
02:15Get out of that!
02:16I'm me, aren't I?
02:17I'm sorry, my hand.
02:18That ain't my hand.
02:19Aye.
02:20I'm about to have a brain haemorrhage.
02:21You can have your share of that as well, if you like.
02:24That's not good to hear me.
02:25He has not got a brain.
02:27Yeah!
02:28Shh, girl!
02:29Leave one finger me in your serious soapy bubble.
02:31Huh?
02:32Violence is a running sword, my human spirit.
02:34Look, it's all here.
02:35Just read your socially updated noddy.
02:37Aye, I'll bite.
02:39Aye!
02:40Aye!
02:41Right!
02:42You're for the Court of Human Rights!
02:43Aye!
02:44Aye!
02:45Come on, come on, come on!
02:46Come on!
02:47Help!
02:48Stop me!
02:49Children's rights, you bass!
02:50Don't let them out of the staff!
02:52Aye!
02:53Aye!
02:54I can't believe it!
02:55Rab!
02:56Stop!
02:57We might still have a happy ending.
02:59What do you mean?
03:00What do you think?
03:01Get the chance of a job.
03:03A job?
03:04What kind of job?
03:06It's a wee cleaning job.
03:08Oh, it needs a few quid to get an outfit for the interview.
03:11Oh, aye, oh, aye.
03:12And how the hell are we going to do that?
03:14We're going to have to pawn me on a pair of shoes to find that kind of dosh.
03:19Ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:20You see that?
03:21You see that?
03:22You see that?
03:23Come on, engagement ring.
03:24Doesn't it come in a box, comes in a tin of Vaseline.
03:26Ha, ha, ha!
03:27Come on, Mary.
03:28Ha, ha, ha, ha!
03:29Come on, Mary.
03:30Ha, ha, ha!
03:31There must be a lot of blokes on this street with three balls, eh?
03:36Judging with the men of Wayne scudding about the place.
03:41Yeah, eh.
03:42The classic look of the eternal British underclass.
03:48Faces like clenched fists, eyes like the ring holes and spanners.
03:53We breed them that way, you know.
03:56Nice and picturesque for the Sunday supplements.
03:59So as the middle class can have a pecan seasoning of armchair pity over the breakfast classer.
04:04You all right there, son?
04:06What are you looking at?
04:08Why aren't you hitting your horse to play with?
04:10Ha, ha, ha, ha!
04:11Oh, the lack is a little understanding, eh?
04:14Away you go before I stick my boot up, you bumper gun!
04:17I understood that, all right?
04:22Say what you like, but it is an ugly world and no mistake.
04:27Brad.
04:31Where are you?
04:34What do you think?
04:36Look, I got him to fling and I clutch you as well.
04:39I'm not nervous about this interview.
04:41Do I look all right?
04:43All right?
04:44Oh, OK.
04:45You look better than all right.
04:47You look...
04:49no bad.
04:52There's no need to gush.
04:57Offy weather we're having, eh?
05:13Are you happy in your work?
05:16Oh, well, we all have our off days, don't we?
05:26Are you here for the cleaning job?
05:28Aye.
05:29I got a letter for your boss, Mr Friel.
05:32This is an easy-going employer, informal atmosphere.
05:37Sounds really friendly.
05:39Oh, yes.
05:41He's friendly.
05:42All right.
05:43Is there something I should know?
05:48What?
05:49Oh, no!
05:50No!
05:51Hello?
05:52Hello?
06:01You'll see you now.
06:10All right, then.
06:27Come.
06:31Mr Friel.
06:32Mrs Nesbitt.
06:34Very pleased to meet you in the flesh.
06:37Aye.
06:38With sticky hands.
06:40Body heat.
06:41Goes all the way down.
06:43Let me pull you out a chair.
06:45Oh, thanks.
06:50So, I must say your letter of application was very enthusiastic, Mrs Nesbitt.
06:55With me, that's a plus.
06:57Well, I need the money.
06:59There's no point in pretending.
07:00I'm desperate.
07:01Really?
07:02Well, that is.
07:03We.
07:04My husband and me.
07:05Aye.
07:06I see from your application your husband's an unemployed person.
07:10Oh, no.
07:11Rab's not an unemployed person.
07:12He's the original unemployed person.
07:13Rab's been in the door that long.
07:14He's you before he was printed by Caxon.
07:15Ah.
07:16A sense of humour.
07:17I like that.
07:18Oh.
07:19Do you now?
07:20Oh, Mrs Nesbitt.
07:21You seem to have dropped your bag.
07:22Allow me.
07:23Oh.
07:24Oh.
07:25Oh.
07:26It's my electric bill.
07:27Final demand.
07:28Well.
07:29I must say, Mrs Nesbitt, I think you'll fit in just fine.
07:30The job's yours.
07:31Oh.
07:32Oh.
07:33Oh.
07:34It's my electric bill.
07:35Final demand.
07:36Well.
07:37I must say, Mrs Nesbitt, I think you'll fit in just fine.
07:43The job's yours.
07:45Geek.
07:46What do you say?
07:47Great.
07:48Good.
07:49Oh, no.
07:50Oh.
07:51Oh.
07:52Oh.
07:53Oh.
07:54Oh.
07:55Oh.
07:56Oh.
07:57Oh.
07:58Oh.
07:59Oh.
08:00It's my electric bill.
08:02Final demand.
08:03Well.
08:04I must say, Mrs Nesbitt, I think you'll fit in.
08:06Just fine.
08:07The job's yours.
08:09What do you say?
08:10Great.
08:11See you tomorrow, then.
08:19A minute.
08:23See you tomorrow.
08:24Bye.
08:27You got the job in?
08:29Aye.
08:30Pleased?
08:41Enjoy.
08:57Here you go.
08:59Here you go.
09:01Aye.
09:03Just wanted to see you look like a
09:06sulk and vision of shimmering loveliness when you can stop me with a clutch in your mitt.
09:14Thanks, Rab.
09:15That's a nice thing to see.
09:18When you and I walked in the street and I...
09:20I felt proud.
09:23Proud to be my sonny.
09:26Thanks, Rab.
09:28That's another nice thing to see, Rab.
09:31I'm glad I married you, Mary.
09:36Mary Doe.
09:39Mm-hmm.
09:40I see.
09:42That's three nice things in a row.
09:45I've had a chance I've been that king there.
09:47Oh, two in.
09:50Well, what's the matter?
09:53Nothing.
10:02Woman.
10:06I say it's a man.
10:17I say it was a caribee.
10:20Well, we'll find out.
10:21I want it to be a wee bit hue and cry about it all right.
10:25What's his name again?
10:26That be that.
10:27Yeah, we'll see about that.
10:32Mm.
10:33Oh, that was lovely.
10:34Most refreshing.
10:36Eh, time for another?
10:37Brother.
10:39Hey, Davey.
10:43Dave.
10:46Davina.
10:49Yes?
10:49What can I get you, boys?
10:51Eh, same again.
10:53Good result for a selling Saturday, eh?
10:55I wouldn't know.
10:56I'm sorry.
10:57Don't really interrupt me.
10:58I think she's got shooters on her like well, Carlin.
11:03Say what he's like.
11:05No man could ever make me feel the way she makes me feel when she smiles at me.
11:09I've got no stone quite so close to me.
11:16I've got a scotch bag to see you, James.
11:19Sorry, James.
11:21Here you go.
11:22Two fifty-five.
11:23Thanks very much.
11:25Eh, pint of heavy for yourself.
11:28Thank you, no.
11:29But I'll have a lime and soda, though.
11:31Forget it, lads.
11:32There's nothing between their legs but a vespre-y silhouette.
11:35Oh, yeah, maybe.
11:37James E. Cotter can sniff a bogus beaver at twenty pieces.
11:43Look, there's Rob.
11:44We'll let him have the casting vote.
11:46What's the cast?
11:47Tootsie.
11:48Take it to me, the big man'll take one swatch,
11:50and it'll be head, damn head, now.
11:51What side's it hanging?
11:55All right, boys?
11:56All right, Rob.
11:58Hey, you're looking a bit down in the gubb.
12:00What's the matter?
12:01Oh, don't ask.
12:02Don't ask, Sandra.
12:03I'm in trouble, you know.
12:04Well, this'll cure you.
12:06No, no, no.
12:08So, you gonna have a drink off the new barmaid?
12:13Eh, no, no, no, no.
12:14You're all right, James.
12:15I'm just in looking for that wee swine, Bernie.
12:17He's been dogging the school.
12:19I'm just wondering where the wee buggers hanging out,
12:20you know what I mean?
12:21Aye, well, there's quite a few hangouts in here, love.
12:26No, but seeing you're here,
12:27do you no fancy a wee swally?
12:29What's the matter with you at all?
12:33Eh, you got another wax ball in your ear or something?
12:35I said no, didn't I?
12:36Afternoon, what can I get you?
12:38Oh, eh, nothing at all.
12:40I'm just looking, you know.
12:41Me too.
12:43Chest hair.
12:44I like to see a hairy chest.
12:46Such an enhancement to masculinity, I always think.
12:49Oh, eh, cheerful.
12:52Eh, thanks very much.
12:54Eh, what's your name at all?
12:56Divina.
12:57Oh, Divina.
12:58Oh, cheers, Divina.
13:02You see that there?
13:03You see that?
13:05I'm very near complimenting him,
13:06and it's just there.
13:07He's all the way up to his Adam's apple.
13:09I don't need these bastards of satisfaction,
13:11you know what I mean?
13:13Hey, now.
13:14Hey.
13:14Been meeting my new temporary barmaid.
13:16Oh, aye, aye, aye, aye.
13:22Future of surprises, eh?
13:24Mark, well, live and let live.
13:27Between you and me,
13:28she's saving up for the operation, no?
13:31Sex change.
13:32Oh, we've got it.
13:34Imagine that, eh?
13:37May as well tell her about money I'm doing on the list,
13:39you know, for the good man.
13:40Tadger is not, eh?
13:43Eh?
13:44Andrew tells me you've been having a wee bit of bother
13:47between you and Marylin.
13:49I don't want to talk about it, James.
13:50I don't want to talk about it.
13:51No, I'm done.
13:52Suit yourself.
13:52Just if you change her mind.
13:53Eh, eh, eh.
13:55It's all right, bubba, isn't it?
13:56Eh?
13:56Me, she's got a career.
13:58She's got a job.
13:59I'm stuck here in this bloody bubba
14:01and enjoying myself, you know?
14:03I mean, I can see when you tell them that.
14:05They just laugh.
14:07Well, I'm no bloody laughing.
14:08In fact, James,
14:10you know what I'm beginning to think?
14:12What?
14:13God forgive me.
14:14I'm beginning to think she's got another block.
14:17No.
14:18Eh?
14:19Somebody sexier than me, like me?
14:21Sexier than you?
14:23No.
14:24Look, Kevin Costner doesn't live in Govan, right?
14:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
14:29I'll kill you.
14:30You better not start thinking a bloody movie either.
14:32Eh, on the other hand, Rab,
14:35it could be that you're not fulfilling Mary's needs.
14:39Hey, what kind of needs?
14:43Not here.
14:45In my study.
14:56These kind of needs, Rab.
14:58Sexual harmony monthly.
15:00Jeez, Rab.
15:01Please your partner.
15:05Improve your foreplay.
15:07Ah, yeah, yeah, it's the matter, Jamesy.
15:09Eh?
15:09Maybe Sam don't get enough foreplay.
15:12No, you hurt.
15:13Mary.
15:14Eh, come on, let's see your horns.
15:16Have lovely horns.
15:17It's not the matter with my horns.
15:18Eh, well, take the catcher's mitts up and let us see them, eh?
15:21I know wearing catcher's mitts.
15:23Not the matter with my foreplay, boy.
15:25Fair enough.
15:26Maybe it doesn't last very long.
15:28Maybe it's nearer two or three play than foreplay.
15:30I can tell you, there's quality that counts.
15:32No quantity.
15:33Oh, true enough, Rab.
15:35But one can always improve the quality of wine's quantity.
15:39What do you mean?
15:40What do you mean?
15:40Do you mean, Dr. Crotter's prescription applied twice a day between poachers?
16:01Does this really work, James?
16:02Take it from here, the man who please hands, steeze hands.
16:08Oh, who, who, who, who, Whoo, whoever, yup!
16:14Ha, ha, ha, ha, little fucking yard.
16:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:26So ain't a slice of pasta with a peanut?
16:29was that before I turned heavyweight
16:34I think it was a valid time
16:36we got back to the building scene
16:37what's wrong Mary?
16:50did I startle you?
16:52I know that you're my gaffer
16:55I don't mean to be disrespectful
16:57but I really wish you'd stop doing things
16:59like that
17:00what do you mean?
17:02well, if you're not letting your sticky fingers
17:06slinger in my waist
17:07affection?
17:08then you're creeping up behind me
17:10and tickling my arse with a feather
17:12joke
17:13look Mrs Nesbitt
17:15I run a happy ship
17:17my staff think the world of me
17:20and if you can't join in the fun
17:22because you've been sexually damaged
17:24in some way then
17:25sexually damaged?
17:27my sex life is fine
17:28oh really?
17:30well, I can only assume you're not happy here
17:33I don't want to sound heavy
17:35but if you don't like the job
17:36there are plenty of other unemployed people out there
17:38who'd be only too glad of it
17:40there are a lot of unpaid electricity bills in the world
17:43yours is but one of them
17:45look
17:46I don't want to leave
17:48I'm very happy here
17:50goooood
17:54hurry up
18:03dah, more than we want in
18:04please go
18:05I'm busy going
18:05what's that smell?
18:07did you just shite a cough bottle or something?
18:10please go
18:11otherwise I'll last show you with your pyjama cord
18:14and hang you out the window
18:14to scare the cats
18:15what the hell
18:16I'll be done
18:16right
18:17right
18:17now long your sexual ecstasy
18:24transport your partner
18:26to the peaks
18:27of erotic excitement
18:29poor play is it
18:32I'll give her
18:33poor play
18:34I'm going to show you
18:38stay hard on it
18:40and go when we use this
18:42and we're after it
18:43poor man
18:46Rob
18:48what are you doing in there?
18:49you're going to come through
18:51there's something I need to speak to you about
18:54what?
18:56well
18:56it's that guy I work for
18:58you know
18:59frill
19:00well
19:02he's
19:03he's
19:04oh look I cannae speak to you when you're in there
19:08go on to come through
19:09how long does it take you to put on a pair of bloody pyjamas
19:12well
19:14you've lost a pair of your hand at Spindle
19:17what did you realise how important it was you know
19:21yeah
19:22is there something you need to speak to me about
19:25wait I've a
19:26I've a
19:27I've a
19:27I've a
19:27no did you
19:28and it took me a while and I'll have it to put on my PJs
19:30have you got a problem with that?
19:32you've put your pyjamas on back to your front
19:34oh well
19:35there's a reason for that
19:36mind if I just sit down there and do it
19:39time was when me could talk
19:41time was when I could walk
19:43no no no
19:46I've just got a wee touch of lum bagel
19:48lum bagel?
19:50in your arse?
19:51what were you saying with your bum hanging out the window?
19:54metaphorically speaking
19:55what you're saying with your mum
19:57sis
19:58oh give me that
19:59that's just a wee rub for my sort of chest
20:02oh that's it
20:03stay hard
20:05wait it's not what you're thinking to me doll
20:08I've missed but I really needed to speak to you the night
20:12I'm going through hell in that job of mine
20:14and just when I needed you the most
20:16all you can think about
20:18is your ain't selfish pleasure
20:20Mary darling where are you going?
20:23I'm no going anywhere
20:24you're the man that's gone
20:25he's sleeping in the bloody couch
20:27oh Mary Henny I've got to awe
20:28I think the world
20:30it was your pleasure I was considered
20:32no matter
20:33you're doing alright da
20:52a few more years you'll make first name terms
20:54I can't get that pushed
20:55we want a wee sister eh
20:56come on away
20:59I'll have to come on
21:00oh
21:02oh
21:06oh
21:07it's obvious to him
21:11it's obvious
21:12don't jump to conclusions
21:13just because your wife
21:15started to take her interest
21:16in her appearance
21:17keeps talking about
21:18some guy she's working with
21:19I've only let you anywhere near her
21:20it doesn't mean to say
21:21she's found another bloke
21:23what the hell does it mean to?
21:25no you're right enough
21:27I've jumped from the closet
21:28that's very good
21:30thanks very much
21:30thanks very much boys
21:32I've put my mind at rest there
21:34you know
21:34oh
21:36sorry Rab
21:37no bother girl
21:38no bother
21:39you've paid the first instalment
21:41of your operation eh
21:42we're not too late corns
21:43you know
21:44how about you?
21:45I don't ask
21:46don't ask
21:47so I
21:48if there's anything I can do
21:50there's nothing I can do
21:52she's got another guy
21:53fella called
21:54frill
21:55but anyway
21:56thanks very much for asking
21:58you know
21:58come on Norrie
22:07put us out where misery
22:08is that a woman or isn't it?
22:10aye
22:10we're getting strange sterns
22:12on the loins here
22:13we're not to know
22:14if we're entitled to these sterns
22:16exactly
22:17we need to know
22:18if we're perverts
22:19or just decent
22:20honest to goodness
22:21sexist bastards
22:21bastards
22:22no
22:23no
22:23no
22:24alright alright
22:26you's asked for it
22:27Davina has the feelings of a woman
22:30but the thing is
22:31they're trapped inside the body
22:33of a man
22:34I met her when I was working as a psychiatric nurse
22:41the confusion was causing her great emotional distress
22:44she's not doing me much good either
22:47doesn't have to do your confidence in when your woman dumps you does it eh
23:02that's when you
23:03that's when you catch yourself having wee sly looks in the mirror
23:06trying to kid yourself alone you're still a good looking bastard you know
23:09you know how you're actually
23:13I often think there's a wee touch of the old Mickey Rourke about me you know
23:17maybe a wee touch of the daffy duck as well you know
23:25I used to be quite good at the old witty flirtatious banter you know what I mean
23:33all right doll
23:36want to shoot the froth off my can
23:39go away and get fumigated you're midden
23:41nothing sadder than an old swinger is there
23:48you know
23:50Mary
23:52Mary
23:54Mary
23:56What?
23:58Here
24:00you're supposed to be at work
24:02what the hell you doing in there?
24:04I've got to get tanked up before I go in my work haven't I
24:06excuse me
24:08here here here here
24:10I'm not going to beat about the bush here
24:12is there another man beating about your bush
24:14but if there was another man I suppose meeting him in a gay bar would be as good a cover as any
24:22come on
24:26what is that?
24:28tell me
24:30I cannae bottle it up any longer
24:32come on I'll never swallow it and I'll pour my heart out to you
24:36what?
24:38shhhh
24:54hot work eh Mrs Nesbitt
24:58I'll see
25:00you're not Mrs Nesbitt
25:04are you
25:06new?
25:08yes
25:09completely fresh
25:10just filling in for maybe women's trouble you know
25:13hope you don't mind
25:14no no no
25:15I'm fresh too
25:17or maybe you've heard
25:19what's your name?
25:21Davina
25:23you've got lovely hips Davina
25:28oh
25:30a wee
25:31I've got bigger handles than the Scottish cup
25:36had the FA cup
25:38and you've got yourself a brassiere
25:40really Mr Friel
25:42you're very up front
25:44give me half a chance and I will be
25:46you know what I'm saying to you now
25:48forthright is my middle name
25:52really?
25:54what?
25:55no offence Mr Friel
25:57it's just that so many men nowadays can only talk a good fight
26:01well
26:02step inside my cupboard there
26:04it'll be my body
26:06that does the talking
26:08really?
26:09and what'll mine be saying?
26:12I
26:13surrender
26:16dear
26:17well I wouldn't want to displease my new boss
26:20and maybe risk losing my job
26:22no no no
26:24don't say it like that
26:25you're under no pressure
26:27I mean
26:28as if
26:29oh dear
26:31my ring gets awfully tight
26:33when I get hot
26:36what mean about it?
26:38maybe I could just
26:40pop it into your cupboard here
26:42for safekeeping
26:44you can pop it anywhere you like darling
26:46oh my
26:58it's awfully dark in here
27:02don't worry
27:03I know my way around
27:04oh
27:18Davina
27:20oh
27:21Mr Friel
27:23Davina you've got lovely calves
27:26oh
27:27oh Davina
27:29you've got lovely thighs
27:31she's got lovely
27:35oh
27:36bollocks
27:48I like to see a clean living man
28:00ain't it?
28:02come here
28:04ha
28:06you see that?
28:07you see that?
28:08what a woman
28:09what a woman
28:10it's well seen who wears a bulls
28:11in her family eh?
28:13come on y'all who they are
28:14who they are
28:15illudemeika for us
28:17hey
28:18no
28:20no
28:21no
28:22no
28:23no
28:24no
28:25no
28:26no
28:27no
28:28no
28:29no
28:30no
28:32no
28:34no
28:36no
28:38no
28:40no
28:41no
28:42no
28:43Who is that?
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